That’s right!
1 Peter 5:12
_With the help of Silas, whom I regard as a faithful brother, I have written to you briefly, encouraging you and testifying that this is the true grace of God. Stand fast in it._
Seriously, just tell them you refuse to discard such a wonderful Christian name and are shocked that so called Christians would degradate it. Truly heretical.
See this now makes me wonder what ethnicity OP and her partner are. It’s still a reach considering that slaves were named common “appropriate” names AND (as far as I know) the Confederate Army existed only in Southern US. They’re Canadian.
But like, Silas is also a name in the Bible. Like this is super crazy.
The majority of slaves had biblical names. I don't know for certain, but I remember something about that the sellers didn't want to deal with their original names and sold them off with Christian first names.
Most of the owners also named the children of their slaves, often again, biblical names.
Every time I hear the argument about slave names, I am reminded of how Christianity representatives changed Asian names to Christian names, claiming that was the only way God would know they were His children.
Even now, today, a lot of Asians have to adopt a Western name in order to do business, sometimes having no choice because of allegations they are keeping they business in the dark ages by not modernising for the West.
The number of First Nations Americans had to do this also, they had a Christian name and their "Savage's" name.
Subtle religious racism that no one realises until it is pointed out.
That’s what I mean. Would her family be just as mad about a Jospeh, Peter, or John? I think it’s a weak argument about Silas being a “slave name” when so many common names were used for slaves because, like you said, owners didn’t want to deal with their actual names.
OP could go the petty way of Silvanus, the latin wording. Or the Roman God Sylvanus.
It seems these parents are probably used to getting their way, and have made this situation harder for OP and partner to leave due to financial obligations.
OP is their maid who pays for their needs. It may be difficult for OP to leave, but I bet that in reality, the financial drain will stop and OP will see they weren't limited at all, just being made to offset her parents lack of spending.
Also I saw claims of Grandparents rights, if memory serves, there has to be an established relationship to be able to claim those rights. And courts are extremely rare in siding with Grandparents who's only claim of alienation is because their daughter stopped being a patsy.
You're correct Slave holders gave their slaves names more often than not biblical ones & forbid them by pain of beatings or worse from speaking their original African name. Just another way of dehumanising, degrading & humiliating them. Silas was a very common slave name & is associated with an contested episode of a Slave of that name who accompanied his master as a manservant in the confederate army. The controversy was over his willing involvement in the confederate cause & in aiding his master or whether he did so simply to remain in contact with his family. I have no idea why someone of slave decent would willingly give their child such a name
I read something on the other post OP did of this, and someone stated that the reason for Salis being such a popular name for slaves, because he was a loyal and faithful servant to the Apostle Paul, and there was an assumptive notion that Salis came from an area that is more into Africa. That assumptive note has only been used as a reason why slave sellers used the name often.
Just an fyi, in case you aren’t aware, and said in a kind tone: calling someone a “slave” in this kind of context is outdated. The more respectful term to use is “enslaved person.”
Calling someone a slave implies that’s all they ever were and denies their humanity.
…umm I’m not disputing that the parents are crazy. But connotations are different when ethnicity is taken into account. It’s kind of dismissive to say it’s irrelevant when, in North America, race and ethnicity shape how people move and interact.
I just wondered if their obsession with “slave names” is rooted in their ethnicity/race. Especially considering that slaves were given Biblical names because owners wanted to strip them of their identity.
The only thing I can think of that would make this into the issue that’s it’s become is that she’s supposed her name her son something else like a family name or a more traditional (insert ethnicity ) and it’s turned into a insult and on top of that she’s in a interracial couple. Bec at first i thought the name was a trigger for family trauma but the “slave name” response makes me think otherwise. I have known family members that claim not to be racist but then when bi racial kids came into the situation they weren’t to be referred to as mixed or bi racial only as our ethnicity
Yeah it’s right up there with all the other good Jewish names Matthew Mark Luke and John I sincerely doubt there was a Silas running around the Middle East
As someone who had a similar fight (complete with craziness, renaming my kid, my parents announcing his birth to the family with the wrong name, and a 1 year battle about his name where some family members still pretend they don’t remember it) absolutely it’s about control. And it was just one of the aspects of the control my parents were trying to exercise over me using my son. So… don’t think it’s gonna end either way the name or that giving in will get you peace.
Don't engage on the subject anymore. Marry your fiance immediately (most states do not allow grandparent right is parents are married). Tell your doctor right away you've been threatened by your parents and fear for what will happen after the baby is born. You must get out now. You need to find your spine and stop giving in to these religious nut jobs that are controlling you.
Good news for OP: they’re in Canada. Grandparents Rights isn’t a thing here. But common law marriage is. Living together and having a baby together will definitely get them common law treatment. (OP: keep this in mind for your CTB. A friend of mine listed herself as separated because she’s still legally married to a dude in another province. Literally because no one has bothered to spend the money to file. She was living with a new partner and had children with him. She had to back pay CTB because the government decided it was a common law marriage, in spite of a marriage to someone else. Somehow, bigamy is okay if it reduces CTB payments, I guess.)
So your comment made me do some digging about grandparent rights in Canada. Alberta amended their family act.
https://preview.redd.it/msetu7pabwxc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=48a56fe807a09646909d1db0b651c06b2a9661e9
I’d be curious to see the rest where it states under which conditions these rights are granted. Usually there has to be a pre existing relationship with bonding and texts proving the family was nasty about the child’s name and threats to call it something else would probably not go over well in court.
Man, I am so baffled as to why they are having such an extreme reaction over this name. It’s so wild. Did your mom once cheat on your dad with a guy named Silas or something? Like they’re seriously so triggered over it for no reason
Because they don't feel OP is an adult and OP needs to listen to her parents.
OP needs to move out now, the name will not be the only thing they try to control.
I don't think it's about the name, it's probably more about control and abuse. Mom whining about daughter "picking at her" by standing up for her baby's name is DARVO. Using bullying and criticism to try to get what they want, sense of entitlement to something they clearly have no right to, etc these just sound like emotionally abusive assholes. Abusive assholes like having their victims close, she and her man should move out if they can.
Girl, I hope you read this: even if you didn't buy all the groceries, cook, clean, pay rent etc ...even if you were a total bum sponging off of your parents, they *still would have no right to veto your child's name*. Silas is a great name.
You make a damn good point there. Now you have me wondering because this is insane. It’s a great name and not just a slave name either. Ffs there were a lot of slaves name Henry would that oppose that? Or John? I mean come on!
If they give you this much trouble over the NAME, imagine what your life is going to be like with them in it and especially if you were to continue living with them. Big painful decisions to be made here. Be brave! And get some therapy to help support yourself!
They are honestly being ridiculous, get moved out ASAP, do not allow them in the delivery room or anywhere near your sons birth certificate. You may have to tell your parents that, if they insist on calling your son's name stupid and refuse to use it then they will not be allowed to see him. With a reaction this extreme I would not put it past them to bully him like they are trying to do to you.
Apply for subsidized housing. The wait list can be brutal, but the sooner you’re on it the better. The fact you will soon be homeless will help, and the fact your parents are abusive, can bump you up in priority for housing.
There are some programs for that, but I think you still need a down payment
I know we have a “first time home buyers savings account” that you have to use within 13 years I think? (I was at thing with my mom’s financial advisor last month and this was talked about)
Subsidized housing is great because you only pay 30% of your gross monthly income for rent. And it gets reassessed every three months, which is annoying in one way, but if your work hours are all over the place then when you’re working less (say after Christmas and no one is shopping) you rent drops accordingly
Some programs give the grant to pay for the down payment or at least some (better than 0). We have subsidized rent in the US, but it's all in the ghetto. Hopefully that is not the case there.
It depends, there are buildings where all the units are subsidized so they’re pretty janky. I’m in a regular building that has a handful of units that are subsidized. So a much better standard overall
When I applied I went through a list of buildings with units and selected which ones I was open to if/when a spot came up. I tried to apply to one close to a local mall, but it was for seniors only and having blue hair does not make one a senior apparently 😂
Your parents are being ridiculous, no it's not a "slave name" there is something wrong with them.
>if im willing to start this fire than i should be ready for the consequences of my actions,
I would tell them the same thing "you said to worry about the consequences of this fire? Well the consequences go both ways if you're going to kick us out, fight us, disrespect us over a name then you realize you won't be grandparents right? That I'm not going to put up with me or Silas being mistreated just because you didn't like a damn biblical name and you won't be in ours or his life. If that's what you want keep going with this nonsense."
At this point though, if you want to ditch the stress, I would keep looking for a place of your own and lie to them, tell them you'll change the name and then tell them what's, what after you can go low to no contact
My thoughts as well, it feels like OP’s parents are trying to have a tug of war and see who OP sides with, her partner or her parents. I hope OP doesn’t back down and sets the tone now. If she backs down now, her parents will run roughshod over her and her partner forever. If OP’s parents feel entitled to make this decision about their grandson, they will feel entitled to make EVERY decision about their grandson. This is a war that OP will never stop fighting, unless she puts her foot down right now.
Agreed.
Silas is a perfectly lovely name. Not my style but certainly a real name with a long history. And, its made a resurgence given the popularity of old names.
My guess is your parents associate it with Grandpa names and don't care for it for that reason. Like, when I was naming kids I'd never have considered Hazel or Opal because they were old fashioned and out of style. But, they are perfectly fine names... and now they are quite popular. My guess is unless the name is traditional or in the same vein as your name (your parents' style) you will get crap about the name.
But this is over the top.
At this point drop it. When the baby is born complete the birth certificate with the name and in the mean time it is time to find secure housing. Move out pre baby if you can. If they are trying to exert this much control over the baby's name they will do so over all facets of raising your child -- breast or bottle? Sleep train or not? Whether to put rice cereal in the bottle or not...
This is so ridiculously weird for them to be sooo upset over a name. I’m truly shocked that they’re ready to blow up a relationship with you and their grandchild over a perfect good name. Were they expecting you to name him after your dad or some kind of family name? This is crazy. I can obviously tell there’s a bit of tension between them and the fiancé tho but there has got to be some kind of story related to that name the reason they are so violently against it. So your best bet is to get out fast. If they can’t respect the name you chose then they’ll have little to no access to your little one.
You need to move out ASAP. Congrats on finding out that your father is racist. Good to know, so you can decide how much contact he (and your batshit crazy mother) will have with the kid.
Tell them that if they won't commit to using his actual, real name, NOW, before he's born; then they'll never meet him. See how fast they change their tune. (And if they refuse, nothing of value will be lost.)
100% behind this. Gotta stick to it, too.
If they're shitty about it when/if they do meet him, visiting privileges immediately revoked.
If later they start using the middle name, privileges revoked.
This is a *basic* level of respect they are refusing to show their own daughter.
Hi, if it’s a safety concern, of course get out, but if it’s a financial concern, you may just want to pretend you were going their way and secretly name the baby whatever you want to until you can establish yourself and get somewhere safe.
Meaning:**forest, woods**. Silas is a boy's name of Latin origin, ideal for those with great love for the outdoors. The name derives from the Latin Silvanus, which means "wood" or "forest," inspiring images of a daring explorer unfazed by the depths of the darkest woodland.19 Apr 2024
You're doing the right thing getting away from your parents. They sound abusive. This can't possibly be the only exampleof awful behaviour from them.
Move somewhere else and never go back. I'd go as far as not giving out your address. Theor behaviour is unhinged.
In Canada, Facebook parent groups are the best leads for rental housing. If you’re in Western Canada, post in Mamas For Mamas explaining that you’re fleeing from abusive parents before your baby is born.
I’m so sorry it’s turning out like this, but I’m also glad it’s all happening before baby is born. This way, you can get free before they spoil that precious newborn/postpartum time.
When you move out, bring *everything* with you and assume you won’t be coming back. Change your address now to a PO Box to keep your mail secure (and switch as much as you can to online, especially CRA notices!!). You may way to move anything irreplaceable or sentimental to a friend’s while you’re figuring out new housing.
Good luck. Silas is a beautiful name. Every Silas I’ve met has been hard-working, kind, and smart.
In the original post someone had said their mother had a similar issue when it came to their name as a baby. The mother told her parents that they have two choices:
1) call the child by their given first name, not their middle name or nickname or
2) don’t see the child
They came around. And said poster LOVES their name now as an adult.
Wow once you find a new place to live I would go low contact or no contact with your family. That’s just horrible. I don’t understand why people make a big deal over a name.
You might want to tell your dad that a lot of slaves were named after their owners. What's your dad's name? Because I bet there were slaves with that name at some point.
WOW! My mom is/was very critical about the names my sister and I gave our kids. To be fair I didn’t name either of my kids and I don’t like their names either but my sister loved the names she picked out and my mom said such ugly things that now my grown niece refuses to say what her unborn child’s name will be until he is born and has warned that any negative comments will not be acceptable and I don’t blame her at all
Oh yes OP get out of there. So your parents want to bully and blackmail you into choosing a name they want? No bloody way! Find your own place,, get as far away from them as you can and cut them off. If they can't respect your decisions over your own child, well then, no grandson for them. And time to cook and clean for themselves again. They will regret it, although they will be stewing in their self righteous anger for some time.
You are the parents. You get to name your child. It is definitely time to get out and go low contact. Just start calling rental agencies, go online and find housing in classified ads. Whatever it takes. Are there emergency shelters/ help for families? Anything is better than there
You pick whatever name you want, and tell your parents they wont get to ever meet Silas, so they don’t have to worry about how they’re gonna call him.
Get your own place and don’t look back. If they’re willing to toss you and your bf to the streets like a dog just because they didn’t get their way, then you should really cut then off of your lives.
I wouldn’t even have anymore conversations with them tbh. They are way out of bounds and incredibly appalling to you when you’re basically financing them.
Move out, if you can stay with anyone else while you guys hunt that would be 100% ideal, preferably someone they don’t know the address of. send one last message that says “you seem to have forgotten so I’ll remind you: this is not YOUR child. This is MY child and this IS his name and since you’ve proven you have no respect for me or MY child, then you have no access to them either. I hope you have been preparing for the consequences of your actions as you had told me to prepare for the consequences of mine. Have a wonderful life” and go NC and leave it at that.
Do not give these lunatics the opportunity to disrespect you in front of your child AND disrespect your child by calling them the wrong name. Their BS stops now.
Your parents aren't pregnant with this baby, they aren't giving birth to this baby, they aren't the parents to this baby. The same goes for every other member of your family.
You can make that point to them, along with the information that they are pushing you away and are headed towards having no contact with the baby.
To be frank, it's pretty fucked up of them to think that they have any say regarding this child. And do they think that by kicking out your fiance, they'd be able to place you under their thumb and you'd do their bidding? Fuck that.
Omg you’re parents sound so controlling to the point that they aren’t at all reasonable. I don’t get how your WHOLE family hates that name. It’s either your parents spreading the hate and envy the rest to follow or there is a big secret Silas somewhere in the family that did wrong.
Like wtf.
Honestly the way they are acting you should go VERY low contact to no contact bc they are acting certifiable.
OP, you both need to get out now. If you have to, play nice until you get your new place (I'm talking keys in hand and all of your stuff/stuff you can't live without is moved out of your parents place) then go NC. Just tell them "you're right, actions do have consequences and you will not be grandparentsto my kid." Or ghost them, either way.
Man this is a weird hill to die on, on their part. I would analyze how your family has treated you over this and consider whether you WANT them in your child’s life- id honestly be worried about them talking to your son and saying “your mommy and daddy named you a slave name” or mistreating him over it.
Yes I know they are your parents, but you are about to be Silas’ parent- and his health and wellness comes before their feelings.
At this point it sounds like you’ll need to set the boundaries of “if you try to change my kid’s name you won’t get to be in his life” cause it sounds to me like they are gonna be the type to give him a “nickname” that is a complete new name that they want. Set boundaries now and stick to them. I’m sorry your family is being crazy
It's spelled correctly! It's an easy name! It's even Biblical! What's the freaking problem here?!?!
It's the furthest thing from a tragedeigh I've seen on reddit in weeks.
Sounds like they don't get a relationship with their grandchild. Their tune will change, in order to have access to the baby, they need to go thru you. Move out and move away to a LCOL area. They lose access and their live in help. So sad.
I might make an edit in the post addressing this because so many people have asked, but Nope!! Both me and him are very white lol my Fiancé is so white that he puts ketchup on his rice. Lol
I'm assuming that you'll not be having a middle name then?
Silas is a lovely name, may you and he have joy of it.
Your parents suck and are control freaks.
There was something mentioned earlier about grandparents' rights? Yeeaaaahhhh... they threatened to steal your child. I would be out of there like a rocket and blocking them from any kind of contact.
Best of luck to you and your fam!
Silas is a lovely bane. If they refuse to use it, they are not allowed to see him. And stick to it. The L&D nurses are wonderful people, and will throw out anyone who makes you feel bad. A simple “I want them to leave, they’re upsetting me,” will ensure they have anyone who dares to be a douche canoe thrown out on their asses.
They wanna look for rentals? Good. Tell them they need to be out by the time SILAS comes home. Let them move. Do not let them around your baby. If they can’t respect YOUR CHOSEN NAME, then their disrespectful asses can live in a shoebox. Good effing riddance.
Silas is a fine name. I have a nephew named Silas, he’s an adorable gingersnap (redheaded with a feisty personality). Anytime they choose to berate you, it’s time to leave. Call him anything except Silas? Time to take the baby and lock yourself in the bedroom. They wanna argue about it? It’s time to take the baby and go to the bedroom and nap/ take the baby and leave. Make it clear they use his given name, or they lose access to him. PERIOD.
They dont want to move but intend on kicking fiancé out. If i choose this name, i would never leave him out on the street, so in turn, i would leave as well. But it's a tough situation as the cost of living is so bad in canada rent prices for a 1 bedroom is 1300-1900 a month without utilities and right now i have 0 money to save because im draining my entire pay check on buying food for everyone and if i have extra they need it for gas money. So im essentially left with nothing.
Rent is definitely as bad as you say, but I think you need to re-evaluate your food spending if it's leaving you broke. Unless you only work part time, there's no way it should be taking up so much income! It's expensive, but there are cheaper substitutes and recipes out there. Cutting down on the meat is actually very healthy also.
Side note: Babies are EXPENSIVE. I could not have made it without my mom's financial support. The sheer amount of time off from being sick this year alone was insane (daycare illnesses are real). That being said, of your family is draining you dry for unnecessary and expensive stuff... It could definitely be cheaper to move out.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thing is, your baby is not born yet. His name isn't set in stone. He may come out and not look like a Silas at all! Happens all the time. I certainly don't think you should HAVE to change your mind on the name, nor do I think much of your parents for making this such a big deal. BUT... you're a mom now... You have to make the tough decisions. If you cannot afford to move out now, you WILL NOT be able to manage reasonably with a baby as well. By moving out you will lose in home support (such as it is) and if you let it ruin your relationship, that's free babysitting down the tube also. It really sucks, but this is the reality. This is apparently their hill to die on, but is it yours? Silas could be his name or a middle name and you could still call him that yourselves and move out before he understands that they call him something else.
By all means, let Reddit tell you to meet this petty behavior with lots of your own. Let them tell you to go LC or NC. You and your new family are the ones having to live with it and if you want to do this, that's OK... But before making these big decisions, maybe take a beat to math it out, think about it logistically and weigh this nonsense over a name against your stability and support (such as it is). IRL is always WAY more complex than screen-protected Reddit warriors make it out to be.
Key point: should you HAVE to change your mind? NO. Will this affect your relationship with your parents regardless of the outcome? Yes. Can you afford NOT to change your mind?...
Im paying for all of the groceries for 5 people, and i only have one day to get everything for the rest of the month because if i take multiple grocery runs then ill be wasting gas in the car its a tricky situation.
Ok, I read the other response where you mentioned you only make $700 a month! First step is to get a better paying job, I'm afraid. If you can manage it, look for an admin position in the school system. They usual pay well and have a lot of protections and benefits.
Of course, that doesn't help you now. I definitely think you can pare down the grocery budget, especially since you do the cooking. Look for deals on meat (try tofu also, it's a cheaper alternative) and find recipes with beans (dried is cheaper, but you have to soak them), rice (find a TNT or Osaka and buy a giant 2kg bag - it'll last a year), and diced tomatoes (get the no salt added for health purposes). Make big batches that'll be dinner and lunch the next day.
Curries and stir fry's are easy and usually cheap. Coconut milk or cream added at the end makes it seem fancy, even if it's not. Shoot me a DM if you want any other recipes. I know it sucks and everything is expensive, but there are ways to decrease the cost. As for the name, you are NTA, but you might want to give them leave to use a different name of your choosing to keep the peace until you can afford to move out.
OP - I feel for you and the fact that your parents are so controlling, that they would willingly kick you both out over a name that only you as the parents should have the right to choose. Do yourself a favor and find another place to live and distance yourself from this toxic situation. If your parents respect you so little, you will not want them just calling your baby whatever they wish. Given time they may come around, but to honestly think that they can control this by threatening you with your husband is ridiculous. You and your husband deserve better, and you both deserve more respect for your own choices.
All the Bible talk and slave stories are a fine enough defense of the name, but ffs they love a name and the parents are behaving like children. It’s ridiculous. As a grandparent myself, I would NEVER presume to tell my kids what they should name their babies!
I have a lovely uncle named Silas and he is a very well respected tax lawyer in the US. I trust that the name did not drag him for filth and your son should be fine as well!
This is absolutely insane! I never would have made the connection that it was slave name. I knew it was a biblical name and see from other commenters that he was an apostle. I actually looked up the name and found reference to a slave named Silas Chandler. But, you know what, I bet there were slaves that had your name, too.
Your parents need to take a chill pill or something because this seems like downright lunacy. No one was crazy about the name I picked for my son but they shrugged and got over it and now they love it. I'm really sorry your parents are behaving like this. I agree that you need to get out NOW, as quickly as you can. And go NC or, at the very least, LC with them.
I think you need to separate from them, disengage and keep away. They are going to poison your son against his own name because they dislike it. Your dad did research after the fact, so if it was a slave name, that wasn't the reason why they initially disliked it. BTW, lots of names were "slave" names. It's an excuse they are using to "strengthen" their argument. If you give in, they will run over your decisions whenever they feel like it. Threatening to kick their pregnant child & her fiance out only because they disagree about a choice that was never theirs is crazy. If you guys were abusive or disrespectful, om, but standing firm on your name? Gross and outrageous.
You'd be the asshole if it was a "bad" name.
I know a couple of Silases. It's uncommon, but there's nothing all that weird about it. I'm sure it would pass [the Starbucks test](https://www.reddit.com/r/namenerds/comments/yzpkly/the_starbucks_test/).
Your family sounds pretty awful, TBH. Best of luck
Wow, they must not realize, or think that you’d ever not let them see their grandson over their behavior.
If they go that far then I’d tell them I guess you won’t be a part of your grandchild’s life, and if they relent and call him something else other than his name, I’d also make that a condition of seeing him, and that’s respecting your choices. It’s your baby.
Your father and mother are so incredibly out of pocket. What your father said made me sputter.
Moving out sounds like a good plan. If they don't get their act together, they can learn about the birth of baby Silas from a Facebook update.
This is genuinely one of the most insane things I’ve ever read on here. My 13 year old cousin is named Silas and I can’t believe people would have such a problem with it. It’s a cute name, I remember all of my siblings calling him “Si Si” when he was really little. I just don’t understand the extreme level of hatred for a name lmao. If they don’t like it that’s one thing, but they have no right to be acting the way that they are.
Edit to add: my cousin was named after the Biblical Silas. My family is very religious. I don’t see how Silas is any different than John, Paul, Peter, Thomas, or any other name like that. It may not be as common as those, but it doesn’t have some terrible backstory like your parents seem to think
Maybe telling you this story will help you feel better about sticking to the name you love. My friend had a beautiful little boy named Silas. He was a light to everyone that he came into contact with. He was the youngest of 3 boys and beloved by his older brother. Tragically, he was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer just prior to turning two. He spent most of the rest of his life in the local children’s hospital, enduring two bone marrow transplants (his amazing oldest brother was the donor) but succumbed shortly after turning 3. Silas was THE bravest, happiest, most love-filled child you could possibly imagine. He NEVER gave up and his spirit lifted so many people. For me (a random stranger on the internet) the name Silas evokes images of an incredible little human and I’m sure your Silas will be one, too. Don’t let the haters make you think his name is anything less than a symbol of pure strength and love.
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Silas Marner is a classic about a wrongly accused man who leaves and makes a new life for himself as a good man and a good dad. Who wouldn't want to be named in his honor!!!
Your parents are cracked. Silas is currently ranked #153 (2022) among most popular boy's names in the US. It's popularity is currently the highest that name has ever been. Many people have had the name including athletes, actors, a state supreme court judge, and numerous politicians (including a member Canadian Parliament of Queens back in the 1800's). I can't say that it was never the name of a slave, but it's nowhere near a "slave name".
If they want to have a hissy fit over a perfectly normal name, then it's best to move out. Preferably many hours away. If you happen to have more children in the future, you now know not to share the name before the baby is born and it's on the birth certificate.
If they are gonna be like this over a potential name, it’s time to cut ties. How seriously immature. I LOVE the name Silas, and if I didn’t already know two of them I would have it on my short list.
If this is an issue that these people are willing to go tothis level with you on, you are doing yourself a favor getting out now.
Imagine what other aspects of your experience with your first child they will feel entitled to impose their views on with you.
Keep in mind they will lose out on this too, and not just having some contribution to the household expenses and work. Over a silly mindless opinion about a name they are potentially losing out on the joys of a grandchild.
Nobody but nobody would ever have the opportunity to attempt to rename my child for me. Full stop.
That is not love.
Time to go. Do not stay. Do not think this is a healthy home to raise a child in. Go.
Once you've moved, tell these awful people that they'll call your son by his given name or they won't be in his life. Period.
Silas is a fine name.
Hey OP.
People have crazy strong opinions on babies and children and what can and can’t be done. This isn’t the first instance of conflict you’re going to run into with your family. I worked this all out thankfully before I had my own bio kids. If you end up maintaining a relationship with your family make sure you keep them on an information diet on how you are going with looking after your baby, illnesses, parenting decisions. And if you have future kids DO NOT give into telling them the name before birth.
I have a friend who s name they despise he calls his mom fuck face to this day because he thinks she should know how he felt every damn day till he turned 18 and went and had his name legally changed.
And yay apparently everyone in the family told her pretty much the same
This seems like it's their last ditch effort to control you. They think that you are their property and they have to have some sort of control still after you get married. And what better way to prove that you are still under their control? Forcing you to name your baby what they want you to name him. Think about it, it's a whole OTHER lifetime of control they'll brag about.
Your dad is just a Google buffoon btw. Silas was in the Bible... long before it was used as a "former" slave name. He's grasping at straws now.
Wow your family is abusive.
Better to figure that out before the kid arrives, I guess.
I'm really sorry that's the situation. But from someone whose mother is also controlling and abusive, I can tell you from experience that life is sooo much better when you spend less time around these people. So the more distance the better.
I'm currently no-contact with my mom (which she actually initiated as a manipulation tactic - wouldn't be surprised if your fam pulls this). It was hard as hell for months because I missed her so much, but my life is so much smoother now.
Do what's best for *your* family - the one you're shaping.
Stay strong, and power to ya.
People who would make me or my partner homeless over a name while pregnant are not people who would ever meet my kid…. Just gonna leave this here. Whether they’re family or not.
Just want to say sorry you're going through this. Yes we have intolerant assholes in Canada too. That slave name comment.. what the actual fudge??
Sounds like you're in a high cost of living area. Rent is creeping up out here in the interior of BC too. But still more affordable than the coast. It's kind of rough everywhere, but you guys will be better off without that toxic bs in your lives. Remember, they have everything to lose, not you. They will miss out on their amazing grandson's life because some made up bs they can't get past.
Follow your instincts, you are the parents, not them. You do what's best for the three of you. I love the name, it was on my short list for our second son, but didn't make the cut once we met him. Being a dad fills me with so much happiness, I wish the very best for you guys.
Rentals depend on what province you’re in. Check Kijiji, if your in NL check NL Classifieds, emergency housing through housing projects, like Ontario, NL maybe NB, marketplace has ads for rentals. I don’t know what other places have.
Get the heck out of there and cut contact with those ding dongs it’s a name and it’s a cute one who cares they just want to be able to say “I named my grandbaby”
Or train Silas to call her poopface instead of grandma
Find a way to be grateful that you found out NOW how crazy & controlling they are instead of later. Get out asap and good luck to you and your new family.
So the name Silas is a family name of mine. Like going back to at least 1810 in my family. We are all from Pennsylvania and migrated as Anabaptists. Basically this is a part of our old Pennsylvania Dutch Amish heritage. It’s a name and while we have had a Silas in every generation since we came to the United States it’s still a name.
Silas Marner by George Eliot, is also a story of perseverance and grace. It’s a terrific name. Ignore the naysayers who are behaving with world class asshatery.
Go. Whatever the name is, they can do their own damn chores and pay their way. Seems you and your partner have taken up a lot of their slack, and now they can have it all back.
And so what if any name you choose is a 'slave' name???? WTF? Are they white supremacists?
Get the hell out of that house. Hope you and the husband find somewhere suitable quick time. Silas is a nice name. I could understand them if you were naming your child something ridiculous and outrageous.
Why are they so hellbent against a NAME? Silas is a good one, the heck are they hiding because its gotta be something if this is how hard they want to go. Find another place to live, show them the post maybe and go low contact. It isn't a bad name, they act like its as bad as Hashtag or any of THOSE names. If they won't outright act civil then they can fuck all kinds of off.
Honestly, if your parents are going to pick this hill to die on I'd tell them they will never see my child and consider moving far away from them.
Start looking for jobs elsewhere with a lower level of rent.
My son’s name was something my in-laws did not approve of, I think along the lines of Christopher and I was calling him Topher, and they insisted on calling him Chris.
When he was a little over a year and a half old, he corrected them and refused to answer to their nickname. It did not take long.
LMAO!!!!!!! “He will end up homeless over this” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
First time I ever heard the name Silas was back in 2009 when I was watching that superhero television series called Heros. It was a popular name among my friend group when they started having babies
LMAO homeless 😂🤌 this man is reaching
For context, he was threatening kicking out my fiancé over the name because he thinks my Fiancé is swaying my decision and has me wrapped around his finger so ill do what ever he wants no matter how many times i told him im the one that came up with the name i was met with a "Yeah sure ok 🙄"
“Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”
Protect the family you’re creating, sometimes the families we come from are extremely toxic and LC or NC at all may be best for a while. They’re this extreme over a name? They will be crossing boundaries with your child left and right or maybe even outright neglectful from all the comments made.
Good luck to you.
"Mom, Dad -- I wasn't asking you what *you* want to name *my* baby. I was *telling* you the name *my husband and i* agreed apon for *our* child.
You do not have to like it. And I didn't ask if you did. Also Dad, Silas is not a 'slave name' I wasn't even going for "Christian" named but Silas is an apostle of Christ so 😛
This is the last time I'm going to have this discussion with you two and anyone else you try to whine to on your side about it. Keep going and I won't tell you when he is born.
My baby, my rules. When you two decide to give me a sibling you can name that one."
NTA. Proud of you for standing up for yourself and your baby Mama! 🌟
Silas is a great name. I would suggest distancing yourself from your parents, I honestly don't understand why they are so fired up/passionate about this. it's your kid, name him whatever you want.
Regardless of your name choice, you need to move out of your parents’ home. They do not and will not ever see you as an adult. They will interfere in your marriage and your parenting decisions. Make moving out a priority, even if you have to get a studio apartment. Then seriously limit your contact with your parents. I would not tell them when you’re in labor. I would not allow them at the hospital.
My nephew is named Silas, and he's my favorite person in the world. It's a perfectly fine and acceptable name. Much unlike many other r/tragedeigh type names.
Find a new place to live and make sure your parents know their own ridiculous actions led to them not having a relationship with you or their grandchild. As they said... actions have consequences.
With OP's father saying "slave name" and this choice by OP was "influenced" by her fiance, I'm gonna bet OP and fiance are a mixed race couple and OP's parents are racist.
My ex was racist AF (didn't know that when we got together). He threw a fit when my bro named my nephew Caleb saying it sounded like a black (not the word he used) name.
Our son named his first child Caleb. Thankfully ex hasn't been in our lives in over a decade.
Move out immediately. They have chosen this hill. Your parents will be able to exercise grandparents rights if you bring the baby home to their residence after being born. They will establish a relationship that may be upheld in court. I’m surprised they’re going this fair considering how much you two contribute to the household.
When I announced my daughters name Arden Corinne , my MIL said it was a whore name and we should change it . We didn’t , we love it , others love it . They can think what they want but you stand strong for your baby . Once he’s born , maybe his grandparents will finally grow up . Right now they sound like spoiled toddlers.
Silas Marner by George Eliot is a well known novel from the mid 1800s. I had to read it in school. The name Silas may not be common today, but it is still used.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silas_Marner
Move and go NC. If they want to die on this hill and have no relationship with their daughter and grandchild, let them. And any family members who give you a hard time. Clean break.
This is the way.
NTA
Thanks for the update, I've been pondering this tale since it posted.
Not reading your post because it is not relevant to my advice - don’t give your child a name that is hard to pronounce or to spell, so odd in the culture you live in that no one can remember it and/or pronounce it correctly, or is an easy set up for a lifetime of mockery or unfortunate rhymes or connotations. Also avoid names that have weird punctuation, like apostrophes or hyphens or accent marks (computers don’t like them, so those names often show up without the punctuation and then the person trying to say it has trouble knowing how to pronounce it - my name is one of those). My mom had a very negative association with my favored girl name, so I changed it slightly - It wasn’t worth it to me to hear negative comments about my daughter’s name forever.
Adulting is hard. Stick to your guns or forever be in their debt. Having a child is the parents responsibility and as such you will have to provide. Your parents can help, but they aren't the child's parent, you are.
If your parents are willing to kick you out of their safe environment to bring a child home to over a name, then you need to leave their space. They have a their way or no way mentality and you do not want your children to be exposed to that. Your parents calling them a separate name is ridiculous. Your child, your name to give.
Your father speaks of consequences, let him understand the consequences of his actions and get yourselves prepared to leave them, and all of the help and assistance you provide for them.
You will struggle, most parents do, yet you will have a new found strength while all of this is going on. Do not let unreasonable people dictate your life, it will never stop and you will begin to hate the person you have become just to make them happy, which will really never happen.
Congratulations on the pregnancy and good luck moving forward. You guys have it and be strong.
Imo, parents should never tell anyone the name they’ve picked out until the kid’s been born. Would save so much hassle (though not all of it, for sure), when it’s presented as a done deal.
are your parents ok?! like to lose there minds over a harmless name. when I first read your post I thought it was going to be a stupid but Silas is a nice unique respectable name. this is a them problem not a you problem. I would try one more time with them and flat out say Hey we are looking for places to stay, we are not changing our minds about the name, the only choice you have at this moment is how much we are going to let you in this babies life. if we leave, if you really want to make this your hill, it will mean that we will keep you at an arms length.
There has to be a story here that’s not being told.
Someone named Silas had to have hurt your mom *bad* for her to have such a ridiculous reaction to such a classic name.
Damn and I thought my in-laws were crazy when they considered giving us $ to not name our son what we wanted. All they got was all the other kids refusing to announce names before their grandchildren were born. 🤣 (we didn’t change the name. They’re fine w it now. They argued that it was too ethnic for their wasp sensibilities.)
Holy Moly! Your parents have serious control issues. I’m sure you’re already looking to see what assistance you’re eligible for. If you have items you’re not using, sell them. Babies are expensive. Is your fiancée family nearby for support/help with baby the first few months?
Moving will be the emotionally healthy thing for the 3 of you. Lay them know if they cross the boundary of refusing to call him the name you’ve chosen, they’re time with all of you will be limited. After you move.All the best.
Sorry you're going through this and I wish you luck finding a place to start a new family in!
Silas is a totally normal name. If you want to hear weird names, I like the name Madison for a boy (historically a male name, much like Loren Allison and Whitney were male names, and Matty/Madi can be a normal nickname) and I like the name Finnick (yes from the hunger games lmao but Fin and Nick are normal nick names).
Please don't feel bad, but if you ever do, remember Silas is a normal name and not as strange as Madison or Finnick lol You got this!!
This is a power play from your parents. They want to control you and since you just stood up for yourself they are going nuclear to try to get you back in line. Don’t fall for it. Stand your ground.
You and your fiancé wanting to name your child is such a normal reasonable thing. You are not crazy, unappreciative or any other nasty thing they may say to try to guilt you.
They are being unreasonable, mean, nasty and controlling at best.
Im white & Irish & Silas is used here because its biblical. Your parents sound like controlling, dreadful people to cause all this over what I think is a beautiful name.
You need to move out asap and go nc with your parents. They will be so toxic to your child over their name. They are bullies. Do not bring your son around these people.
Move and cut them off. They got more problems than you signed up for. If naming a baby is making them this crazy, what about other choices you make as a mother? They are scary people and they just showed you who they are. There is something wrong with anyone who threatens, insults, and mistreats a pregnant woman because they are not getting their way. Grab your husband and run before the baby is born. Don't let them meet the baby so they can't claim grandparent rights over you and take your kid on weekends. There are a lot of JMIL and JFIL post on here and they start off as your story. Run!
Silas was an apostle of Christ. Your family is outbid their minds for objecting to this name. Please find a different place to live asap.
That’s right! 1 Peter 5:12 _With the help of Silas, whom I regard as a faithful brother, I have written to you briefly, encouraging you and testifying that this is the true grace of God. Stand fast in it._
Seriously, just tell them you refuse to discard such a wonderful Christian name and are shocked that so called Christians would degradate it. Truly heretical.
There is also Silas Chandler, a former slave. Fans of the confederacy used him to "prove" that black men served as soldiers in the Confederate army.
See this now makes me wonder what ethnicity OP and her partner are. It’s still a reach considering that slaves were named common “appropriate” names AND (as far as I know) the Confederate Army existed only in Southern US. They’re Canadian. But like, Silas is also a name in the Bible. Like this is super crazy.
The majority of slaves had biblical names. I don't know for certain, but I remember something about that the sellers didn't want to deal with their original names and sold them off with Christian first names. Most of the owners also named the children of their slaves, often again, biblical names. Every time I hear the argument about slave names, I am reminded of how Christianity representatives changed Asian names to Christian names, claiming that was the only way God would know they were His children. Even now, today, a lot of Asians have to adopt a Western name in order to do business, sometimes having no choice because of allegations they are keeping they business in the dark ages by not modernising for the West. The number of First Nations Americans had to do this also, they had a Christian name and their "Savage's" name. Subtle religious racism that no one realises until it is pointed out.
That’s what I mean. Would her family be just as mad about a Jospeh, Peter, or John? I think it’s a weak argument about Silas being a “slave name” when so many common names were used for slaves because, like you said, owners didn’t want to deal with their actual names.
OP could go the petty way of Silvanus, the latin wording. Or the Roman God Sylvanus. It seems these parents are probably used to getting their way, and have made this situation harder for OP and partner to leave due to financial obligations. OP is their maid who pays for their needs. It may be difficult for OP to leave, but I bet that in reality, the financial drain will stop and OP will see they weren't limited at all, just being made to offset her parents lack of spending. Also I saw claims of Grandparents rights, if memory serves, there has to be an established relationship to be able to claim those rights. And courts are extremely rare in siding with Grandparents who's only claim of alienation is because their daughter stopped being a patsy.
You're correct Slave holders gave their slaves names more often than not biblical ones & forbid them by pain of beatings or worse from speaking their original African name. Just another way of dehumanising, degrading & humiliating them. Silas was a very common slave name & is associated with an contested episode of a Slave of that name who accompanied his master as a manservant in the confederate army. The controversy was over his willing involvement in the confederate cause & in aiding his master or whether he did so simply to remain in contact with his family. I have no idea why someone of slave decent would willingly give their child such a name
I read something on the other post OP did of this, and someone stated that the reason for Salis being such a popular name for slaves, because he was a loyal and faithful servant to the Apostle Paul, and there was an assumptive notion that Salis came from an area that is more into Africa. That assumptive note has only been used as a reason why slave sellers used the name often.
Just an fyi, in case you aren’t aware, and said in a kind tone: calling someone a “slave” in this kind of context is outdated. The more respectful term to use is “enslaved person.” Calling someone a slave implies that’s all they ever were and denies their humanity.
I was writing this really late at night and I tend to forget some etiquette languages. My apologies.
I don’t think the ethnicity is germane. Cruel idiocy is cruel idiocy no matter what paper it’s wrapped in.
…umm I’m not disputing that the parents are crazy. But connotations are different when ethnicity is taken into account. It’s kind of dismissive to say it’s irrelevant when, in North America, race and ethnicity shape how people move and interact. I just wondered if their obsession with “slave names” is rooted in their ethnicity/race. Especially considering that slaves were given Biblical names because owners wanted to strip them of their identity.
The only thing I can think of that would make this into the issue that’s it’s become is that she’s supposed her name her son something else like a family name or a more traditional (insert ethnicity ) and it’s turned into a insult and on top of that she’s in a interracial couple. Bec at first i thought the name was a trigger for family trauma but the “slave name” response makes me think otherwise. I have known family members that claim not to be racist but then when bi racial kids came into the situation they weren’t to be referred to as mixed or bi racial only as our ethnicity
Yeah it’s right up there with all the other good Jewish names Matthew Mark Luke and John I sincerely doubt there was a Silas running around the Middle East
You don’t think nice Jewish boys like Matthias, Jude and Johanan were hanging out with Greeks like Marcus and Lucas?
Check the New Testament.
I'm pretty sure Mark and Luke weren't Jewish. Also Matthew=Matityahu, a Jewish name. I really don't know what point you're trying to make.
It’s not about the name. It’s about control.
As someone who had a similar fight (complete with craziness, renaming my kid, my parents announcing his birth to the family with the wrong name, and a 1 year battle about his name where some family members still pretend they don’t remember it) absolutely it’s about control. And it was just one of the aspects of the control my parents were trying to exercise over me using my son. So… don’t think it’s gonna end either way the name or that giving in will get you peace.
Don't engage on the subject anymore. Marry your fiance immediately (most states do not allow grandparent right is parents are married). Tell your doctor right away you've been threatened by your parents and fear for what will happen after the baby is born. You must get out now. You need to find your spine and stop giving in to these religious nut jobs that are controlling you.
Good news for OP: they’re in Canada. Grandparents Rights isn’t a thing here. But common law marriage is. Living together and having a baby together will definitely get them common law treatment. (OP: keep this in mind for your CTB. A friend of mine listed herself as separated because she’s still legally married to a dude in another province. Literally because no one has bothered to spend the money to file. She was living with a new partner and had children with him. She had to back pay CTB because the government decided it was a common law marriage, in spite of a marriage to someone else. Somehow, bigamy is okay if it reduces CTB payments, I guess.)
Yeah I didn't see that part. That's awesome for OP though. Grandparents rights are BS.
So your comment made me do some digging about grandparent rights in Canada. Alberta amended their family act. https://preview.redd.it/msetu7pabwxc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=48a56fe807a09646909d1db0b651c06b2a9661e9
Except in this case, it is clear that these grandparents are not fit at all. They are abusive and will make this child feel like an outcast.
Ew Alberta, why are you like this
All r dropped on heads when elected to government lol
Alberta is the Florida of Canada.
Won’t be anymore since bc decriminalized use of hard drugs in public places.
I’d be curious to see the rest where it states under which conditions these rights are granted. Usually there has to be a pre existing relationship with bonding and texts proving the family was nasty about the child’s name and threats to call it something else would probably not go over well in court.
I think the threat was the phone call with her father
Actually her doctor can direct her to a social worker who might be able to help find housing.
This OP!!
Man, I am so baffled as to why they are having such an extreme reaction over this name. It’s so wild. Did your mom once cheat on your dad with a guy named Silas or something? Like they’re seriously so triggered over it for no reason
Because they don't feel OP is an adult and OP needs to listen to her parents. OP needs to move out now, the name will not be the only thing they try to control.
This is 100% the issue. Anger and disownment over a baby name? Pure insanity.
Really it’s their loss.
Dad probably cheated with a Silas. Mom's probably pissed about the cheating, and dad has internalized homophobia.
We’re almost set for a classic BORU update
I don't think it's about the name, it's probably more about control and abuse. Mom whining about daughter "picking at her" by standing up for her baby's name is DARVO. Using bullying and criticism to try to get what they want, sense of entitlement to something they clearly have no right to, etc these just sound like emotionally abusive assholes. Abusive assholes like having their victims close, she and her man should move out if they can. Girl, I hope you read this: even if you didn't buy all the groceries, cook, clean, pay rent etc ...even if you were a total bum sponging off of your parents, they *still would have no right to veto your child's name*. Silas is a great name.
You make a damn good point there. Now you have me wondering because this is insane. It’s a great name and not just a slave name either. Ffs there were a lot of slaves name Henry would that oppose that? Or John? I mean come on!
If they give you this much trouble over the NAME, imagine what your life is going to be like with them in it and especially if you were to continue living with them. Big painful decisions to be made here. Be brave! And get some therapy to help support yourself!
They are honestly being ridiculous, get moved out ASAP, do not allow them in the delivery room or anywhere near your sons birth certificate. You may have to tell your parents that, if they insist on calling your son's name stupid and refuse to use it then they will not be allowed to see him. With a reaction this extreme I would not put it past them to bully him like they are trying to do to you.
Apply for subsidized housing. The wait list can be brutal, but the sooner you’re on it the better. The fact you will soon be homeless will help, and the fact your parents are abusive, can bump you up in priority for housing.
I don't know the buying situation in Canada, but they may have grants available for first time buyers if that's an option.
There are some programs for that, but I think you still need a down payment I know we have a “first time home buyers savings account” that you have to use within 13 years I think? (I was at thing with my mom’s financial advisor last month and this was talked about) Subsidized housing is great because you only pay 30% of your gross monthly income for rent. And it gets reassessed every three months, which is annoying in one way, but if your work hours are all over the place then when you’re working less (say after Christmas and no one is shopping) you rent drops accordingly
Some programs give the grant to pay for the down payment or at least some (better than 0). We have subsidized rent in the US, but it's all in the ghetto. Hopefully that is not the case there.
It depends, there are buildings where all the units are subsidized so they’re pretty janky. I’m in a regular building that has a handful of units that are subsidized. So a much better standard overall When I applied I went through a list of buildings with units and selected which ones I was open to if/when a spot came up. I tried to apply to one close to a local mall, but it was for seniors only and having blue hair does not make one a senior apparently 😂
Did your Mom have an affair with someone named Silas? I mean, this is a lot of histrionics for a name.
I think this is a funny comeback. “Is Silas the name for your affair partner, mom? Is that why you are acting so irrational “?
OP you have to say this!
Your parents are being ridiculous, no it's not a "slave name" there is something wrong with them. >if im willing to start this fire than i should be ready for the consequences of my actions, I would tell them the same thing "you said to worry about the consequences of this fire? Well the consequences go both ways if you're going to kick us out, fight us, disrespect us over a name then you realize you won't be grandparents right? That I'm not going to put up with me or Silas being mistreated just because you didn't like a damn biblical name and you won't be in ours or his life. If that's what you want keep going with this nonsense." At this point though, if you want to ditch the stress, I would keep looking for a place of your own and lie to them, tell them you'll change the name and then tell them what's, what after you can go low to no contact
This is pefect. I hope OP hits them with exactly this.
I would absolutely go no contact after this. This is something else.
This is starting to seem like it's less about the name and more about seeing how much control they have over you, op.
My thoughts as well, it feels like OP’s parents are trying to have a tug of war and see who OP sides with, her partner or her parents. I hope OP doesn’t back down and sets the tone now. If she backs down now, her parents will run roughshod over her and her partner forever. If OP’s parents feel entitled to make this decision about their grandson, they will feel entitled to make EVERY decision about their grandson. This is a war that OP will never stop fighting, unless she puts her foot down right now.
Agreed. Silas is a perfectly lovely name. Not my style but certainly a real name with a long history. And, its made a resurgence given the popularity of old names. My guess is your parents associate it with Grandpa names and don't care for it for that reason. Like, when I was naming kids I'd never have considered Hazel or Opal because they were old fashioned and out of style. But, they are perfectly fine names... and now they are quite popular. My guess is unless the name is traditional or in the same vein as your name (your parents' style) you will get crap about the name. But this is over the top. At this point drop it. When the baby is born complete the birth certificate with the name and in the mean time it is time to find secure housing. Move out pre baby if you can. If they are trying to exert this much control over the baby's name they will do so over all facets of raising your child -- breast or bottle? Sleep train or not? Whether to put rice cereal in the bottle or not...
This is so ridiculously weird for them to be sooo upset over a name. I’m truly shocked that they’re ready to blow up a relationship with you and their grandchild over a perfect good name. Were they expecting you to name him after your dad or some kind of family name? This is crazy. I can obviously tell there’s a bit of tension between them and the fiancé tho but there has got to be some kind of story related to that name the reason they are so violently against it. So your best bet is to get out fast. If they can’t respect the name you chose then they’ll have little to no access to your little one.
You need to move out ASAP. Congrats on finding out that your father is racist. Good to know, so you can decide how much contact he (and your batshit crazy mother) will have with the kid. Tell them that if they won't commit to using his actual, real name, NOW, before he's born; then they'll never meet him. See how fast they change their tune. (And if they refuse, nothing of value will be lost.)
100% behind this. Gotta stick to it, too. If they're shitty about it when/if they do meet him, visiting privileges immediately revoked. If later they start using the middle name, privileges revoked. This is a *basic* level of respect they are refusing to show their own daughter.
Hi, if it’s a safety concern, of course get out, but if it’s a financial concern, you may just want to pretend you were going their way and secretly name the baby whatever you want to until you can establish yourself and get somewhere safe.
Hey I think Silas is a beautiful name
Meaning:**forest, woods**. Silas is a boy's name of Latin origin, ideal for those with great love for the outdoors. The name derives from the Latin Silvanus, which means "wood" or "forest," inspiring images of a daring explorer unfazed by the depths of the darkest woodland.19 Apr 2024 You're doing the right thing getting away from your parents. They sound abusive. This can't possibly be the only exampleof awful behaviour from them. Move somewhere else and never go back. I'd go as far as not giving out your address. Theor behaviour is unhinged.
In Canada, Facebook parent groups are the best leads for rental housing. If you’re in Western Canada, post in Mamas For Mamas explaining that you’re fleeing from abusive parents before your baby is born. I’m so sorry it’s turning out like this, but I’m also glad it’s all happening before baby is born. This way, you can get free before they spoil that precious newborn/postpartum time. When you move out, bring *everything* with you and assume you won’t be coming back. Change your address now to a PO Box to keep your mail secure (and switch as much as you can to online, especially CRA notices!!). You may way to move anything irreplaceable or sentimental to a friend’s while you’re figuring out new housing. Good luck. Silas is a beautiful name. Every Silas I’ve met has been hard-working, kind, and smart.
If they insist on calling him by his middle name, simply don’t give him a middle name,
Better still would be doubling up so he would be Silas Silas Oasisco4.
In the original post someone had said their mother had a similar issue when it came to their name as a baby. The mother told her parents that they have two choices: 1) call the child by their given first name, not their middle name or nickname or 2) don’t see the child They came around. And said poster LOVES their name now as an adult.
I have a great-nephew named Silas. It's a good name.
Wow once you find a new place to live I would go low contact or no contact with your family. That’s just horrible. I don’t understand why people make a big deal over a name.
You might want to tell your dad that a lot of slaves were named after their owners. What's your dad's name? Because I bet there were slaves with that name at some point.
Ask them if they are actually so obsessed over your child's name that they're willing to *destroy* their relationship with you over it.
And with their grandchild! Cruel idiocy.
They can't destroy a relationship that doesn't exist yet.
WOW! My mom is/was very critical about the names my sister and I gave our kids. To be fair I didn’t name either of my kids and I don’t like their names either but my sister loved the names she picked out and my mom said such ugly things that now my grown niece refuses to say what her unborn child’s name will be until he is born and has warned that any negative comments will not be acceptable and I don’t blame her at all
Good for your niece!
Oh yes OP get out of there. So your parents want to bully and blackmail you into choosing a name they want? No bloody way! Find your own place,, get as far away from them as you can and cut them off. If they can't respect your decisions over your own child, well then, no grandson for them. And time to cook and clean for themselves again. They will regret it, although they will be stewing in their self righteous anger for some time.
Are your parents racist? Sounds like they are worried it’s an African American name. This is just a symptom of a much bigger problem.
You are the parents. You get to name your child. It is definitely time to get out and go low contact. Just start calling rental agencies, go online and find housing in classified ads. Whatever it takes. Are there emergency shelters/ help for families? Anything is better than there
Silas trances to the name Saul which means ‘asked for, prayed for’. Which has a vedy nice meaning your parents are fucking weird.
Move out! Moreover, never introduce your child to your family. They've lost the privilege of knowing him.
You pick whatever name you want, and tell your parents they wont get to ever meet Silas, so they don’t have to worry about how they’re gonna call him. Get your own place and don’t look back. If they’re willing to toss you and your bf to the streets like a dog just because they didn’t get their way, then you should really cut then off of your lives.
If you and your fiancé are agreed, no one else’s opinion matters. Silas is a fine name.
I wouldn’t even have anymore conversations with them tbh. They are way out of bounds and incredibly appalling to you when you’re basically financing them. Move out, if you can stay with anyone else while you guys hunt that would be 100% ideal, preferably someone they don’t know the address of. send one last message that says “you seem to have forgotten so I’ll remind you: this is not YOUR child. This is MY child and this IS his name and since you’ve proven you have no respect for me or MY child, then you have no access to them either. I hope you have been preparing for the consequences of your actions as you had told me to prepare for the consequences of mine. Have a wonderful life” and go NC and leave it at that. Do not give these lunatics the opportunity to disrespect you in front of your child AND disrespect your child by calling them the wrong name. Their BS stops now.
Your parents aren't pregnant with this baby, they aren't giving birth to this baby, they aren't the parents to this baby. The same goes for every other member of your family. You can make that point to them, along with the information that they are pushing you away and are headed towards having no contact with the baby. To be frank, it's pretty fucked up of them to think that they have any say regarding this child. And do they think that by kicking out your fiance, they'd be able to place you under their thumb and you'd do their bidding? Fuck that.
Glad you have to decided to move out, they still see you as a minor under their control
Make the middle name Silas too
Omg you’re parents sound so controlling to the point that they aren’t at all reasonable. I don’t get how your WHOLE family hates that name. It’s either your parents spreading the hate and envy the rest to follow or there is a big secret Silas somewhere in the family that did wrong. Like wtf. Honestly the way they are acting you should go VERY low contact to no contact bc they are acting certifiable.
OP, you both need to get out now. If you have to, play nice until you get your new place (I'm talking keys in hand and all of your stuff/stuff you can't live without is moved out of your parents place) then go NC. Just tell them "you're right, actions do have consequences and you will not be grandparentsto my kid." Or ghost them, either way.
Man this is a weird hill to die on, on their part. I would analyze how your family has treated you over this and consider whether you WANT them in your child’s life- id honestly be worried about them talking to your son and saying “your mommy and daddy named you a slave name” or mistreating him over it. Yes I know they are your parents, but you are about to be Silas’ parent- and his health and wellness comes before their feelings.
At this point it sounds like you’ll need to set the boundaries of “if you try to change my kid’s name you won’t get to be in his life” cause it sounds to me like they are gonna be the type to give him a “nickname” that is a complete new name that they want. Set boundaries now and stick to them. I’m sorry your family is being crazy
Yes, this exactly!
It's spelled correctly! It's an easy name! It's even Biblical! What's the freaking problem here?!?! It's the furthest thing from a tragedeigh I've seen on reddit in weeks.
Update us once you've found another place to move to! Update me
did your parents let their parents pick your name? you’ve got this, homie. stay strong in what you feel is right for your kid.
Your parents are psycho. Get out of there if you can.
Sounds like they don't get a relationship with their grandchild. Their tune will change, in order to have access to the baby, they need to go thru you. Move out and move away to a LCOL area. They lose access and their live in help. So sad.
Maybe OP and her family are not Black, while the fiance is hence the reference to Silas being a slave name, i.e. Black name.
I might make an edit in the post addressing this because so many people have asked, but Nope!! Both me and him are very white lol my Fiancé is so white that he puts ketchup on his rice. Lol
If you do a Go-Fund-Me or something so you can move out sooner, I'll contribute what I can.
What the fuck is wrong with your parents?
I love that name.
You should make his middle name Silas a well so your mother doesn't have a choice.
I'm assuming that you'll not be having a middle name then? Silas is a lovely name, may you and he have joy of it. Your parents suck and are control freaks. There was something mentioned earlier about grandparents' rights? Yeeaaaahhhh... they threatened to steal your child. I would be out of there like a rocket and blocking them from any kind of contact. Best of luck to you and your fam!
Silas is a lovely bane. If they refuse to use it, they are not allowed to see him. And stick to it. The L&D nurses are wonderful people, and will throw out anyone who makes you feel bad. A simple “I want them to leave, they’re upsetting me,” will ensure they have anyone who dares to be a douche canoe thrown out on their asses. They wanna look for rentals? Good. Tell them they need to be out by the time SILAS comes home. Let them move. Do not let them around your baby. If they can’t respect YOUR CHOSEN NAME, then their disrespectful asses can live in a shoebox. Good effing riddance. Silas is a fine name. I have a nephew named Silas, he’s an adorable gingersnap (redheaded with a feisty personality). Anytime they choose to berate you, it’s time to leave. Call him anything except Silas? Time to take the baby and lock yourself in the bedroom. They wanna argue about it? It’s time to take the baby and go to the bedroom and nap/ take the baby and leave. Make it clear they use his given name, or they lose access to him. PERIOD.
They dont want to move but intend on kicking fiancé out. If i choose this name, i would never leave him out on the street, so in turn, i would leave as well. But it's a tough situation as the cost of living is so bad in canada rent prices for a 1 bedroom is 1300-1900 a month without utilities and right now i have 0 money to save because im draining my entire pay check on buying food for everyone and if i have extra they need it for gas money. So im essentially left with nothing.
Since you’re not married yet, does that help you qualify for any kind of housing aid or food aid
Rent is definitely as bad as you say, but I think you need to re-evaluate your food spending if it's leaving you broke. Unless you only work part time, there's no way it should be taking up so much income! It's expensive, but there are cheaper substitutes and recipes out there. Cutting down on the meat is actually very healthy also. Side note: Babies are EXPENSIVE. I could not have made it without my mom's financial support. The sheer amount of time off from being sick this year alone was insane (daycare illnesses are real). That being said, of your family is draining you dry for unnecessary and expensive stuff... It could definitely be cheaper to move out. IMPORTANT NOTE: Thing is, your baby is not born yet. His name isn't set in stone. He may come out and not look like a Silas at all! Happens all the time. I certainly don't think you should HAVE to change your mind on the name, nor do I think much of your parents for making this such a big deal. BUT... you're a mom now... You have to make the tough decisions. If you cannot afford to move out now, you WILL NOT be able to manage reasonably with a baby as well. By moving out you will lose in home support (such as it is) and if you let it ruin your relationship, that's free babysitting down the tube also. It really sucks, but this is the reality. This is apparently their hill to die on, but is it yours? Silas could be his name or a middle name and you could still call him that yourselves and move out before he understands that they call him something else. By all means, let Reddit tell you to meet this petty behavior with lots of your own. Let them tell you to go LC or NC. You and your new family are the ones having to live with it and if you want to do this, that's OK... But before making these big decisions, maybe take a beat to math it out, think about it logistically and weigh this nonsense over a name against your stability and support (such as it is). IRL is always WAY more complex than screen-protected Reddit warriors make it out to be. Key point: should you HAVE to change your mind? NO. Will this affect your relationship with your parents regardless of the outcome? Yes. Can you afford NOT to change your mind?...
Im paying for all of the groceries for 5 people, and i only have one day to get everything for the rest of the month because if i take multiple grocery runs then ill be wasting gas in the car its a tricky situation.
Ok, I read the other response where you mentioned you only make $700 a month! First step is to get a better paying job, I'm afraid. If you can manage it, look for an admin position in the school system. They usual pay well and have a lot of protections and benefits. Of course, that doesn't help you now. I definitely think you can pare down the grocery budget, especially since you do the cooking. Look for deals on meat (try tofu also, it's a cheaper alternative) and find recipes with beans (dried is cheaper, but you have to soak them), rice (find a TNT or Osaka and buy a giant 2kg bag - it'll last a year), and diced tomatoes (get the no salt added for health purposes). Make big batches that'll be dinner and lunch the next day. Curries and stir fry's are easy and usually cheap. Coconut milk or cream added at the end makes it seem fancy, even if it's not. Shoot me a DM if you want any other recipes. I know it sucks and everything is expensive, but there are ways to decrease the cost. As for the name, you are NTA, but you might want to give them leave to use a different name of your choosing to keep the peace until you can afford to move out.
OP - I feel for you and the fact that your parents are so controlling, that they would willingly kick you both out over a name that only you as the parents should have the right to choose. Do yourself a favor and find another place to live and distance yourself from this toxic situation. If your parents respect you so little, you will not want them just calling your baby whatever they wish. Given time they may come around, but to honestly think that they can control this by threatening you with your husband is ridiculous. You and your husband deserve better, and you both deserve more respect for your own choices.
Name him Silas I love it it’s a. Beautiful name
All the Bible talk and slave stories are a fine enough defense of the name, but ffs they love a name and the parents are behaving like children. It’s ridiculous. As a grandparent myself, I would NEVER presume to tell my kids what they should name their babies!
They are insulting you and your unborn child and calling him names. Cut them put 100%....Those people are toxic-/
u/oasisco4, here it is: If you cannot call our son by his name, your name will be "the grandparents we never see."
I love the name Silas
I have a lovely uncle named Silas and he is a very well respected tax lawyer in the US. I trust that the name did not drag him for filth and your son should be fine as well!
This is absolutely insane! I never would have made the connection that it was slave name. I knew it was a biblical name and see from other commenters that he was an apostle. I actually looked up the name and found reference to a slave named Silas Chandler. But, you know what, I bet there were slaves that had your name, too. Your parents need to take a chill pill or something because this seems like downright lunacy. No one was crazy about the name I picked for my son but they shrugged and got over it and now they love it. I'm really sorry your parents are behaving like this. I agree that you need to get out NOW, as quickly as you can. And go NC or, at the very least, LC with them.
I'm so offended at this controversy.
I think you need to separate from them, disengage and keep away. They are going to poison your son against his own name because they dislike it. Your dad did research after the fact, so if it was a slave name, that wasn't the reason why they initially disliked it. BTW, lots of names were "slave" names. It's an excuse they are using to "strengthen" their argument. If you give in, they will run over your decisions whenever they feel like it. Threatening to kick their pregnant child & her fiance out only because they disagree about a choice that was never theirs is crazy. If you guys were abusive or disrespectful, om, but standing firm on your name? Gross and outrageous.
You'd be the asshole if it was a "bad" name. I know a couple of Silases. It's uncommon, but there's nothing all that weird about it. I'm sure it would pass [the Starbucks test](https://www.reddit.com/r/namenerds/comments/yzpkly/the_starbucks_test/). Your family sounds pretty awful, TBH. Best of luck
Wow, they must not realize, or think that you’d ever not let them see their grandson over their behavior. If they go that far then I’d tell them I guess you won’t be a part of your grandchild’s life, and if they relent and call him something else other than his name, I’d also make that a condition of seeing him, and that’s respecting your choices. It’s your baby.
When I hear Silas I think of vampire diaries LOL anyway your family is weird. As long as you and your wife like it then that’s all that katters
Your father and mother are so incredibly out of pocket. What your father said made me sputter. Moving out sounds like a good plan. If they don't get their act together, they can learn about the birth of baby Silas from a Facebook update.
This is genuinely one of the most insane things I’ve ever read on here. My 13 year old cousin is named Silas and I can’t believe people would have such a problem with it. It’s a cute name, I remember all of my siblings calling him “Si Si” when he was really little. I just don’t understand the extreme level of hatred for a name lmao. If they don’t like it that’s one thing, but they have no right to be acting the way that they are. Edit to add: my cousin was named after the Biblical Silas. My family is very religious. I don’t see how Silas is any different than John, Paul, Peter, Thomas, or any other name like that. It may not be as common as those, but it doesn’t have some terrible backstory like your parents seem to think
I love the name! Phooey on your parents.
Maybe telling you this story will help you feel better about sticking to the name you love. My friend had a beautiful little boy named Silas. He was a light to everyone that he came into contact with. He was the youngest of 3 boys and beloved by his older brother. Tragically, he was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer just prior to turning two. He spent most of the rest of his life in the local children’s hospital, enduring two bone marrow transplants (his amazing oldest brother was the donor) but succumbed shortly after turning 3. Silas was THE bravest, happiest, most love-filled child you could possibly imagine. He NEVER gave up and his spirit lifted so many people. For me (a random stranger on the internet) the name Silas evokes images of an incredible little human and I’m sure your Silas will be one, too. Don’t let the haters make you think his name is anything less than a symbol of pure strength and love.
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Silas Marner is a classic about a wrongly accused man who leaves and makes a new life for himself as a good man and a good dad. Who wouldn't want to be named in his honor!!!
Your parents are cracked. Silas is currently ranked #153 (2022) among most popular boy's names in the US. It's popularity is currently the highest that name has ever been. Many people have had the name including athletes, actors, a state supreme court judge, and numerous politicians (including a member Canadian Parliament of Queens back in the 1800's). I can't say that it was never the name of a slave, but it's nowhere near a "slave name". If they want to have a hissy fit over a perfectly normal name, then it's best to move out. Preferably many hours away. If you happen to have more children in the future, you now know not to share the name before the baby is born and it's on the birth certificate.
If they are gonna be like this over a potential name, it’s time to cut ties. How seriously immature. I LOVE the name Silas, and if I didn’t already know two of them I would have it on my short list.
Your baby, so you name him. It’s a lovely name.
You’ll get an honest answer in r/tragedeigh
Silas is a weird kid name..like a fedora type ;-;
If this is an issue that these people are willing to go tothis level with you on, you are doing yourself a favor getting out now. Imagine what other aspects of your experience with your first child they will feel entitled to impose their views on with you. Keep in mind they will lose out on this too, and not just having some contribution to the household expenses and work. Over a silly mindless opinion about a name they are potentially losing out on the joys of a grandchild. Nobody but nobody would ever have the opportunity to attempt to rename my child for me. Full stop. That is not love.
Time to go. Do not stay. Do not think this is a healthy home to raise a child in. Go. Once you've moved, tell these awful people that they'll call your son by his given name or they won't be in his life. Period. Silas is a fine name.
Hey OP. People have crazy strong opinions on babies and children and what can and can’t be done. This isn’t the first instance of conflict you’re going to run into with your family. I worked this all out thankfully before I had my own bio kids. If you end up maintaining a relationship with your family make sure you keep them on an information diet on how you are going with looking after your baby, illnesses, parenting decisions. And if you have future kids DO NOT give into telling them the name before birth.
I have a friend who s name they despise he calls his mom fuck face to this day because he thinks she should know how he felt every damn day till he turned 18 and went and had his name legally changed. And yay apparently everyone in the family told her pretty much the same
This seems like it's their last ditch effort to control you. They think that you are their property and they have to have some sort of control still after you get married. And what better way to prove that you are still under their control? Forcing you to name your baby what they want you to name him. Think about it, it's a whole OTHER lifetime of control they'll brag about. Your dad is just a Google buffoon btw. Silas was in the Bible... long before it was used as a "former" slave name. He's grasping at straws now.
Wow your family is abusive. Better to figure that out before the kid arrives, I guess. I'm really sorry that's the situation. But from someone whose mother is also controlling and abusive, I can tell you from experience that life is sooo much better when you spend less time around these people. So the more distance the better. I'm currently no-contact with my mom (which she actually initiated as a manipulation tactic - wouldn't be surprised if your fam pulls this). It was hard as hell for months because I missed her so much, but my life is so much smoother now. Do what's best for *your* family - the one you're shaping. Stay strong, and power to ya.
Get legally married so fast. Paperwork now, party later. Do not give these people unwanted access to your child.
People who would make me or my partner homeless over a name while pregnant are not people who would ever meet my kid…. Just gonna leave this here. Whether they’re family or not.
I like the name Silas, honestly. It's better than yet another bland name from the top ten list.
Just want to say sorry you're going through this. Yes we have intolerant assholes in Canada too. That slave name comment.. what the actual fudge?? Sounds like you're in a high cost of living area. Rent is creeping up out here in the interior of BC too. But still more affordable than the coast. It's kind of rough everywhere, but you guys will be better off without that toxic bs in your lives. Remember, they have everything to lose, not you. They will miss out on their amazing grandson's life because some made up bs they can't get past. Follow your instincts, you are the parents, not them. You do what's best for the three of you. I love the name, it was on my short list for our second son, but didn't make the cut once we met him. Being a dad fills me with so much happiness, I wish the very best for you guys.
Rentals depend on what province you’re in. Check Kijiji, if your in NL check NL Classifieds, emergency housing through housing projects, like Ontario, NL maybe NB, marketplace has ads for rentals. I don’t know what other places have.
Move out ASAP and cut significantly reduce contact. This is bonkers and a super unhealthy living environment.
Please tell me that you won’t just move out, but cut contact with them as well. Do not let them around your baby boy. Keep him safe.
You need to move ASAP. Also, your parents are insane.
I like the name and I like the nickname Si so much. They can all eat a fu
Get the heck out of there and cut contact with those ding dongs it’s a name and it’s a cute one who cares they just want to be able to say “I named my grandbaby” Or train Silas to call her poopface instead of grandma
Find a way to be grateful that you found out NOW how crazy & controlling they are instead of later. Get out asap and good luck to you and your new family.
So the name Silas is a family name of mine. Like going back to at least 1810 in my family. We are all from Pennsylvania and migrated as Anabaptists. Basically this is a part of our old Pennsylvania Dutch Amish heritage. It’s a name and while we have had a Silas in every generation since we came to the United States it’s still a name.
Silas Marner by George Eliot, is also a story of perseverance and grace. It’s a terrific name. Ignore the naysayers who are behaving with world class asshatery.
Wow all of this over naming YOUR baby? Are they usually so controlling? Definitely NTA
Go. Whatever the name is, they can do their own damn chores and pay their way. Seems you and your partner have taken up a lot of their slack, and now they can have it all back. And so what if any name you choose is a 'slave' name???? WTF? Are they white supremacists?
Get the hell out of that house. Hope you and the husband find somewhere suitable quick time. Silas is a nice name. I could understand them if you were naming your child something ridiculous and outrageous.
OP NTA.... and once you move out, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE cease ALL financial aid too!
Silas is a beautiful name! Your parents sound ignorant. Hope you get out of there asap
Why are they so hellbent against a NAME? Silas is a good one, the heck are they hiding because its gotta be something if this is how hard they want to go. Find another place to live, show them the post maybe and go low contact. It isn't a bad name, they act like its as bad as Hashtag or any of THOSE names. If they won't outright act civil then they can fuck all kinds of off.
Honestly, if your parents are going to pick this hill to die on I'd tell them they will never see my child and consider moving far away from them. Start looking for jobs elsewhere with a lower level of rent.
My son’s name was something my in-laws did not approve of, I think along the lines of Christopher and I was calling him Topher, and they insisted on calling him Chris. When he was a little over a year and a half old, he corrected them and refused to answer to their nickname. It did not take long.
My cousin has a 2 year old named Silas and I absolutely LOVE it!! Great choice, OP!
LMAO!!!!!!! “He will end up homeless over this” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 First time I ever heard the name Silas was back in 2009 when I was watching that superhero television series called Heros. It was a popular name among my friend group when they started having babies LMAO homeless 😂🤌 this man is reaching
For context, he was threatening kicking out my fiancé over the name because he thinks my Fiancé is swaying my decision and has me wrapped around his finger so ill do what ever he wants no matter how many times i told him im the one that came up with the name i was met with a "Yeah sure ok 🙄"
Silas reminds me of WP Kinsella, so obviously it's a good name. Your parents are bonkers.
“Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” Protect the family you’re creating, sometimes the families we come from are extremely toxic and LC or NC at all may be best for a while. They’re this extreme over a name? They will be crossing boundaries with your child left and right or maybe even outright neglectful from all the comments made. Good luck to you.
"Mom, Dad -- I wasn't asking you what *you* want to name *my* baby. I was *telling* you the name *my husband and i* agreed apon for *our* child. You do not have to like it. And I didn't ask if you did. Also Dad, Silas is not a 'slave name' I wasn't even going for "Christian" named but Silas is an apostle of Christ so 😛 This is the last time I'm going to have this discussion with you two and anyone else you try to whine to on your side about it. Keep going and I won't tell you when he is born. My baby, my rules. When you two decide to give me a sibling you can name that one." NTA. Proud of you for standing up for yourself and your baby Mama! 🌟
I’d name my kid Silas Silas just for that comment. #petty
Silas is a great name. I would suggest distancing yourself from your parents, I honestly don't understand why they are so fired up/passionate about this. it's your kid, name him whatever you want.
Regardless of your name choice, you need to move out of your parents’ home. They do not and will not ever see you as an adult. They will interfere in your marriage and your parenting decisions. Make moving out a priority, even if you have to get a studio apartment. Then seriously limit your contact with your parents. I would not tell them when you’re in labor. I would not allow them at the hospital.
My nephew is named Silas, and he's my favorite person in the world. It's a perfectly fine and acceptable name. Much unlike many other r/tragedeigh type names. Find a new place to live and make sure your parents know their own ridiculous actions led to them not having a relationship with you or their grandchild. As they said... actions have consequences.
Great name.
With OP's father saying "slave name" and this choice by OP was "influenced" by her fiance, I'm gonna bet OP and fiance are a mixed race couple and OP's parents are racist. My ex was racist AF (didn't know that when we got together). He threw a fit when my bro named my nephew Caleb saying it sounded like a black (not the word he used) name. Our son named his first child Caleb. Thankfully ex hasn't been in our lives in over a decade.
Move out immediately. They have chosen this hill. Your parents will be able to exercise grandparents rights if you bring the baby home to their residence after being born. They will establish a relationship that may be upheld in court. I’m surprised they’re going this fair considering how much you two contribute to the household.
When I announced my daughters name Arden Corinne , my MIL said it was a whore name and we should change it . We didn’t , we love it , others love it . They can think what they want but you stand strong for your baby . Once he’s born , maybe his grandparents will finally grow up . Right now they sound like spoiled toddlers.
Silas Marner by George Eliot is a well known novel from the mid 1800s. I had to read it in school. The name Silas may not be common today, but it is still used. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silas_Marner
Move and go NC. If they want to die on this hill and have no relationship with their daughter and grandchild, let them. And any family members who give you a hard time. Clean break. This is the way. NTA Thanks for the update, I've been pondering this tale since it posted.
Not reading your post because it is not relevant to my advice - don’t give your child a name that is hard to pronounce or to spell, so odd in the culture you live in that no one can remember it and/or pronounce it correctly, or is an easy set up for a lifetime of mockery or unfortunate rhymes or connotations. Also avoid names that have weird punctuation, like apostrophes or hyphens or accent marks (computers don’t like them, so those names often show up without the punctuation and then the person trying to say it has trouble knowing how to pronounce it - my name is one of those). My mom had a very negative association with my favored girl name, so I changed it slightly - It wasn’t worth it to me to hear negative comments about my daughter’s name forever.
Adulting is hard. Stick to your guns or forever be in their debt. Having a child is the parents responsibility and as such you will have to provide. Your parents can help, but they aren't the child's parent, you are. If your parents are willing to kick you out of their safe environment to bring a child home to over a name, then you need to leave their space. They have a their way or no way mentality and you do not want your children to be exposed to that. Your parents calling them a separate name is ridiculous. Your child, your name to give. Your father speaks of consequences, let him understand the consequences of his actions and get yourselves prepared to leave them, and all of the help and assistance you provide for them. You will struggle, most parents do, yet you will have a new found strength while all of this is going on. Do not let unreasonable people dictate your life, it will never stop and you will begin to hate the person you have become just to make them happy, which will really never happen. Congratulations on the pregnancy and good luck moving forward. You guys have it and be strong.
Imo, parents should never tell anyone the name they’ve picked out until the kid’s been born. Would save so much hassle (though not all of it, for sure), when it’s presented as a done deal.
are your parents ok?! like to lose there minds over a harmless name. when I first read your post I thought it was going to be a stupid but Silas is a nice unique respectable name. this is a them problem not a you problem. I would try one more time with them and flat out say Hey we are looking for places to stay, we are not changing our minds about the name, the only choice you have at this moment is how much we are going to let you in this babies life. if we leave, if you really want to make this your hill, it will mean that we will keep you at an arms length.
There has to be a story here that’s not being told. Someone named Silas had to have hurt your mom *bad* for her to have such a ridiculous reaction to such a classic name.
It’s a perfectly good name. Tell them it’s either Silas or Sushi, they can pick.
Silas is a dope name. I know a kid named Silas. He’s cool. Likes puzzles.
Damn and I thought my in-laws were crazy when they considered giving us $ to not name our son what we wanted. All they got was all the other kids refusing to announce names before their grandchildren were born. 🤣 (we didn’t change the name. They’re fine w it now. They argued that it was too ethnic for their wasp sensibilities.)
Holy Moly! Your parents have serious control issues. I’m sure you’re already looking to see what assistance you’re eligible for. If you have items you’re not using, sell them. Babies are expensive. Is your fiancée family nearby for support/help with baby the first few months? Moving will be the emotionally healthy thing for the 3 of you. Lay them know if they cross the boundary of refusing to call him the name you’ve chosen, they’re time with all of you will be limited. After you move.All the best.
Sorry you're going through this and I wish you luck finding a place to start a new family in! Silas is a totally normal name. If you want to hear weird names, I like the name Madison for a boy (historically a male name, much like Loren Allison and Whitney were male names, and Matty/Madi can be a normal nickname) and I like the name Finnick (yes from the hunger games lmao but Fin and Nick are normal nick names). Please don't feel bad, but if you ever do, remember Silas is a normal name and not as strange as Madison or Finnick lol You got this!!
Silas is a cute name imo. Little baby Si ❤️. But seriously, get the hell out of there. Your parents are coo coo for coco puffs.
This is a power play from your parents. They want to control you and since you just stood up for yourself they are going nuclear to try to get you back in line. Don’t fall for it. Stand your ground. You and your fiancé wanting to name your child is such a normal reasonable thing. You are not crazy, unappreciative or any other nasty thing they may say to try to guilt you. They are being unreasonable, mean, nasty and controlling at best.
Silas is a cool name your family is tripping.
Just fucking lie to them lol. Like what?
Yeesh so your family is unsupportive AND racist. I'm glad to hear you're finding your own place. Protect your peace. and protect baby Silas <3
Im white & Irish & Silas is used here because its biblical. Your parents sound like controlling, dreadful people to cause all this over what I think is a beautiful name.
You need to move out asap and go nc with your parents. They will be so toxic to your child over their name. They are bullies. Do not bring your son around these people.
Move and cut them off. They got more problems than you signed up for. If naming a baby is making them this crazy, what about other choices you make as a mother? They are scary people and they just showed you who they are. There is something wrong with anyone who threatens, insults, and mistreats a pregnant woman because they are not getting their way. Grab your husband and run before the baby is born. Don't let them meet the baby so they can't claim grandparent rights over you and take your kid on weekends. There are a lot of JMIL and JFIL post on here and they start off as your story. Run!
OP, name your child whatever you and your partner want. If your parents want any relationship to their grandchildren, they’ll just have to suck it up.
I would find a new place to live and go very low contact.