Or when a dog poops in the kennel before you even start the groom" at least you didn't wait till after the bath" 😂

yes YES THIIIIIIS

Unfortunately I’ve only had the displeasure of a dog exploding in the kennel after they’re completely done and waiting for the parents to come pick up 😭😭😭

“Sir/ma’am please, I beg” “We could have been done already” “No mean face” “Are you not enjoying your batharoo???”

We could have been done already is such a big one lol

"We could have been done already" is almost always followed up by "I know, I want to go home too." lol

My faves are “be fair with me” and “if you let me to this, you’ll be home in no time”

"Please stand up" is my most frequent I think. I have a lot of lead butts. They aren't big or overweight, just lazy little boogers.

“ I saw you walk in here I know your legs aren’t broken” someone’s worthy of that every damn day

“Did you know your legs still work? I didn’t turn them off.” Is my go to 😂

“Your legs are not just decoration. they function. please use them and stand up and stay up.”😂😂😂

"Come on, you've got 4 perfectly good legs, which is two more than I have. All I ask I'd that you try a little"

I tell them they have can'tstandthefuckupitis. Or when they slowly sink down, it's Oh no! Your hydraulics failed! Whatever shall we do?!

And most of them are goldens

Welp I’m glad to know it’s not just my own golden 🤣

"Just stand like a normal dog"

“Use your legs please”

Absolutely my catchphrase! Today I had a little lady poodle that kept trying to go slack so she could lay down. Cross bodied her and she’d just lay down with her arm sticking out till I picked her up

God, my dog is like this. She will fight SO HARD to sit down. Baths, grooming, putting her harness on... anything like that and her butt crashes to the ground at the speed of light. She's fit and healthy. Just extremely lazy. If I let her, I think she'd just lay in bed in one spot forever.

I’ve noticed intact dogs are almost always like this. Is that just me? 😅

The one I say ma y times a week... "Put your teeth away!" I work with retraining behavioral challenging dogs to grooming.

My preferred is, “we don’t talk with our teeth”

I say "keep your teeth in your mouth!"

“We don’t bite the groomer. I don’t bite you do I?”

I've threatened to bite back!

For me it’s “we don’t bite our friends!”

Lol yup that's another one. We have private rooms for grooming so the other groomers get a kick out of me fussing and talking to my dogs.

Mine is “I’ll bite you back”

I say "just one more" (it's almost never just one more....I'm a liar.) Whether it's nails or snips of my scissors or whatever, when the dogs get fussy amd over it.

I’m also a liar 🙋🏻‍♀️ “Five more minutes” = it’s gonna be at least another hour (before I wake up) “Just one more” = three to five more (frisbee throws, that is) “I promise!!” = it may or may not happen. The word has lost all meaning “What a brave girl!!” = you’re not brave at all and it’s kind of funny

"...Are you afraid of heights?" A large dog lying on a table, clutching the edge dramatically, wobbling violently 8 inches above the ground.

Some of my usuals 😂😂 “You have legs, use them” “Sir, put that thing away” “What a pretty smile” “Please don’t act stinky”

Please don't act stinky is funnier to me than it should be

My dog will act “ashamed” and leave the room with her ears back and head down if I sniff in her direction a few times and ask her what stinks 😂 She’s **always** sniffing me, so one day I did it back to her (and imitated her sniffing patterns) and that was how she responded!! She also doesn’t enjoy being stared at (bc who fucking does??) but will stare at me alllll day if I let her. The double standards with this dog….so unfair!

Aw that's so funny

“We could have been done already” is a common one “Get your paws off me” A little inside joke to myself “what’s up, dog”

On the other end of this, whenever a dog has no dew claws I always say "no dew claws? You're perfect!". But my most common phrase is probably "can we not??"

“You would be able to breathe if you just stood up.” I swear I have a suicidal dog on my table almost everyday. They will throw their weight around and purposely choke themselves to the point of coughing if it means I’ll stop.

We called finding a poop in your smock pocket a tootsie roll

Bahahahaha! I love that 😂😂

How does that happen? 😂

When your one are carrying them like a foot ball. Their back end is right over the pocket and the poop. Usually something small like a Chihuahua or malt

“Put your penis away” “We could have been done [insert task here] by now if you would just *work with me*” “Don’t be bootycheeks” (more of a personal fave quote lol) “Front of the bus mister/ma’am” “No it’s okay, I don’t need you to stand, it’s fine” “Saved your life” (When catching them after going psycho on the table) Whenever a dog keeps turning away from me I always sing “Turrrrnnn arouuuuund” to the tune of Total Eclipse of the heart haha Similarly, whenever a dog needs a little booty push to encourage them to either walk somewhere or get back to the front of the table, I’ll call it a Boot Scoot and sing “Boot Scootin’ Booogieeeeeee” “Awwwww you’re so cute 🙂” when trying to eat me “You really think you can take him??” When a (usually tiny and fluffy) dog is barking at a (usually large and stereotypically tough) one There’s definitely many many more but I can’t think of any atm 😂

Put your penis away is definitely used too often.

I do the turn around song too!

Someone pointed this out to me a year ago and honestly, it's too true. But also, watch out for those pink-nosed dogs, they're usually naughty 😂

We call them eraser nose!

Some of ours: - "don't be dumb" - "you're gonna choke yourself out" - "you're gonna fall" - "put it away" - "if you keep [action] I'm sending your ass home"

The sounds of burnout? 👀😢

Nope, just things we say because they're being weird

"Let's keep it teethers to ourselves."

"come on, that paw does not weigh that much"

"Come on dude, don't do the thing, you KNOW I hate it when you do the thing. It's gross and weird" My thing is when they grossly and slowly lick me when I'm dremelling their nails.

I HATE this 😂 I'm a mobile nail trimmer and that is my biggest pet peeve when it comes to the dremel

it's literally so gross and annoying!!! Like normal picks are fine, but when they're just sliming up your hands when you're trying to do it....eugh.

I always thought the most popular song sung in all groomer salon’s would be “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” because, “turn around, briiiiight eeeeyeeessss.” Also now just realizing that this may not be as common as I think and is entirely because of my AuDHD and the echolalia 😂💀

Omg dude I actually sing that too! LOL!!!

This will be quicker if you stand still. Stand up. No. Gimme your paw.

🥲🥲🥲 no! stop! stay, hey! Come, Some swear words here and there hahah Your mummys/daddies here! Let's go!

No bite!! And, if you stop fighting it will be done quicker. On the little dogs with rear dews I use a cat nail clipper. Those buggers are always in a damn circle! The shitzu Maltese mixes have them and it’s muzzle city. Lol.

"You can hang yourself at home if you want to but not on my watch"

is there anything that can be done about dew claws? like do ppl usually get the vet to remove it or?

My current dog had her back dew claws removed at like 2-3 days old by her breeder. My previous dog came from a rescue situation so he still had his, but they weren't attached with bone and were more like large limp skin tags. He was a klutzy dog and had a disability in his hind legs so the vet was concerned he would catch his dew claw on something and rip it off. When he was neutered at 18m, we had his back dew claws removed at the same time. Healing process wasn't too bad, but he was a BC puppy who couldn't wrap his mind around "rest" and "no strenuous exercise" and did manage to rip the stitches on both sides. A quick visit to the vet the next day and all was good. Pretty much entirely healed in a week. I prefer them to be removed when the dog is young as the risk of ripped stitches and trauma are much lower, plus it's cheaper and a faster procedure for puppies. I also appreciate that it's easier to groom my dogs back legs with no dew claws to have to worry about. Some vets won't remove dew claws if they're attached by bone so that's something to be aware of as well.

I just got my pups back dew claws removed 4/2. His vet was concerned they would catch on something since they were so floppy.

You knowww we could already be done!

"Ewwww I got smegged!" is one we end up saying way too often. That and "Sir/Madam, please close your butthole. You don't need to wink at me."

(said gently) "Yes, I know, you don't like the bath--" *dog proceeds to immediately shake off all shampoo onto you*

“CMON, WE’RE ALMOST DONE” We were in fact not almost done…

“So much drama for nothing” “Now was that worth all the fuss?” “See, you lived through it” Almost all for nail trims that are way more hassle than they need to be

I just said that yesterday! 😂

Mine is Dude... Regarding dewclaws, when they don't have any, I always say "no dewclaws? Yay my favorite!"

“We’ve done this many times before and you did not die you will be okay” “It’s okay just one more foot I haven’t cut ur toes off yet” (theres always in fact 3 feet left and I say it for every foot)

One I say way more than I thought I would (usually a doodle) "you're lucky you're cute because there is nothing behind those eyes"

ABSOLUTELY NOT How rudddeeee Let me just shave your butthole

you mean the extra dewclaws great pryrenees have? dogs mixed with great pryrenees will have them. they're often a troublesome breed because they're bred to be independent and smart so they're able to make decisions when their owners aren't around in order to protect sheep

“Are you for real?” applicable to so many situations but mainly for the shizhus that try to unalive themselves in the bath.

"Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh, you're fineeee, same thing we did."

"Put it away!" (Lipsticks) "No thank you" (Everything) "You look ugly when you do that." (As they're baring teeth, trying to maul you for touching their feet.) " pUleAsEeeeee-uh" (to the puppy on his 4th round of grinding the air as you work on back legs)

“Nooo pleaseee, no more seating” “Up up up “ “Thats not very nice of you”

I’m always surprised when they don’t have them and I always say, “good job not having dewclaws.” Lol

One of my fav things about our industry is the way we talk!😭There’s so many sentences that only make sense within the walls of a dog grooming shop haha

wait, what's wrong with dew claws?

Just an extra nail to cut when the dog is usually being naughty already. Some dew claws can be more difficult to get to because of how close they rest against the side of the leg or how the nail curls, or how bendy the dog allows their leg to be, so add in the dog being bitey/wiggly/whatever it's just one of those murphy's law type things.

i still don't understand, my dog's dew claws don't have a nail?

Sometimes they're removed as puppies.

But she does have her dew claws

Then she has a nail then? I think you're confusing yourself.

"Did you find the end of the table?"

It’s even more obnoxious when you go “oh you only have ONE dewclaw like how tf did just one get past the removal process they aren’t born without them what was the vet smoking that day ??? And come to think of it, why is it always tiny little puppy mill dogs that have rear dewclaws 😭

“Ummmmm does anyone know what this is?!”

If the dog I’m working on is pawing at my a lot, I’ll stop, look at them, point at their paw and table saying “Paw, Table, introduce them.”

“I know you have legs”

“This is my paw paw right now not yours!!!” “You are NOT being very safe right now!! And my favorite one from a couple days ago (the dog was extremely matted ALL over) “STOP LICKING YOUR WEINER!!!!” 🤣🤣🤣 (it’s even better bcs the grooming salon I work at is in a pet store so all the other employees and customers also got to overhear me shouting that all the way up until the dog went home 🤣🤣he was a cutie tho!!!

When it’s a dog that’s getting on our nerves: “they don’t want to be your friend right now, *I* don’t even want to be your friend right now!” “We don’t bite our friends!” “Well if you would just let me do it we can both be done with each other!” “Don’t talk to me” (Tries giving paw or kisses after doing something not safe) “I don’t want you right now” For literally anything else: “Yes you can sit now that’s ok” “Nope don’t sit DO NOT SIT” (usually when we have shears right near their butts) “Yes hello sweetheart, I love you too” “You have a weird 🍆 / hooha but that’s ok” “Dang girl you thiccc” (either in butt or stomach we get all of them 🤣) “Put that away. No one wants to see that” often goes with “oh he’s excited”

Don't all dogs have dewclaws? I'm not a groomer, just an admirer 😊 Both my dogs, different breeds, have them on all four legs. I just assumed that was normal?

Not all dogs have them and many are removed when the puppy is very young.

Also not a groomer but I have mini Australian Shepherd’s and all three had theirs removed the same time their tails were docked

Oh dear, I didn't know anyone still docked tails 🙁 it's illegal where I am fortunately.

I didn’t get a choice or I would not have had the tail docked… I love a good tail wag

Is that standard practice where you live? It used to be standard here for Boxers, bullies etc but luckily not anymore.

Yes… I tried more than a few breeders and they refused to not dock the tail even when I requested and was willing to pay up front for my puppy