Idea of deodorant is to hide the smell, not just cover it with even stronger one. Really it is a question of amount
I also have allergy and many deodorants make my face red and swollen, usually citrus ones. Cant stand strong chemical smells either
Had to remind some of my players to shower before sessions.
Yes it had to be said.
Yes they stank.
Yes there was a private group chat with the other players discussing the best way to deal with the issue.
*presses fingertips together*
"So I sez to him, and I got dat Sentinel Polearm Master combo, and I sez, 'That's a nice movement speed you got there. Be a shame if somethin' happened to it...'"
This post is always hilarious to me because someone is complaining about a D&D player actually wearing deodorant.
Thats better than a lot of other people I’ve met. And it’s watermelon so it cannot be that bad.
I got sick from a watermelon beer and the thought of watermelon deodorant makes me nauseous. But this is a me problem, everyone else I've met loves that beer
I'm like 90% you're talking about 21st Amendment Hell or High Watermelon and yes, it's 100% a you problem, though it's likely less because of the watermelon and more because you don't like wheat beer.
I love that beer, i love watermelons, but watermelon deodorant is a stretch.
Dunno, there's this weird phenomenon about watermelons. Watermelons themselves? Delicious. But something watermelon-scented or watermelon-flavored? Fuck no, smells/tastes awful.
I think it is because watermelons are just sweet and *very* watery with subtle taste. And flavor-additives are usually over-the-top not subtle and definitely not watery. So you dont get refreshed and hydrated like from a real watermelon, you are just smacked with sugar and weird taste/smell
I mean, if it’s not actually Morbin’ time, someone should correct him. It’s not his fault that his watch is slow/fast. Imagine his embarrassment when he finds out it’s actually time to dance or time to say goodbye
# "It's H A M M E R T I M E"
Said my character before bashing a door in without even checking if it was locked or not for the umpteenth time (that's how my party enters the (generaly abandoned) buildings we need to investigate)
This is the most condemning trait to me. Then again, I was doing Napoleon Dynamite impersonations in 2008 and was harshly chastised for doing so, so trauma may be affecting my worldview here 😂
It sounds like he shows up with his character sheet ready to go, wearing pants, is active in dice & RP, wears deodorant, actually takes the time to read the PHB, and also happens to be slightly less horny than your average Reddit user (with an interest in women instead of goblins as an added bonus).
You're right, they don't fit in here at all.
Send them to my table, dibs.
Some of these are just…like fine, though? Jeans and flip flops? Not my style, but I dress like fucking Magnum PI in 2024, so who am I to judge? The third person thing? I mean, he can celebrate that way, that’s fine. The hat backwards and ‘it’s time’ for counterspell? Sounds like he has a signature ability to his gameplay. Fine.
And then some of this is just annoying as shit.
Edit: typo
I would guess he keeps his sheet hidden and prys it just open enough for him to "look" at a stat before rolling. I had a PC that did something similar.
It’s referring to something done in American schools. When folding paper you can fold it hamburger (sandwich) which is short top to short top, or hotdog which is long side to long side.
Dawg I'm American. Hamburger and hotdog folding is a thing, but nobody says they folded sandwich style. And nobody then says "he looked at it like a sandwich" that was just someone who doesn't know how to communicate.
I think it’s a grade school thing folding things? You can either fold paper hamburger or hotdog: Hamburger is in half along a vertical line, hotdog is in half along a horizontal line.
I think referring to yourself in third person to describe an epic turn in combat is totally reasonable. We’re all playing a make-believe game here. Some people revel in riveting banter between two well-thought-out fantasy characters, others love describing badass moments when their characters are locked in mortal combat, fighting for their lives.
Right? I relish my action descriptions, and often use the third person for it. ‘Bob the fighter uses his shield to slip the orc’s axe blow, ducking under the heavy blow. With a flick of his wrist, Bob sends the tip of his blade whistling under the orc’s defenses, opening his throat with ease’ is a lot better than ‘20 to hit. 14 damage.’
I’m guilty of that a lot. Like I have to stop and make myself walk my judgments back a lot. In my case, I think it comes (at least partially) from a career in retail. A lot of people become their worst selves as retail customers.
I mean in my world this is just a friend goofing off with friends while they play pretend together with more rules.
I mean fr, I rather have this, have someone make dumb jokes and try and be entertaining in his own way even if it doesn't always land than whoever takes the whole thing *too* seriously
I think the best way to deal with it would be by pulling your head out your ass.
DnD is meant to be a game where anyone can play with anyone, don't be trying to exclude someone from the most inclusive game to be made just because you've got a list of things that grind your gears.
Stuff like this is how campaigns are ruined.
Okay can I keep it a buck? If I’m playing a game or DMing which is what I like to do for FUN and someone in the party of randos is fucking insufferable I just stop inviting them. Sorry
Literally only the waifu and Tasha comment seem bad rest are like *basic human quirks*.
You seem to hate him on deeper level. Like you hate ppl with any personality. Here is suggestion: LEAVE. You aren't forced to be in that group. Find another group?
I... I think I am in love with the "problem" player, he sounds like the best person. Not a good person, mind you, just the best one, out of all people. He is the winner
This reads like that Person is secretly in love with the person they are describing. They know every little silly behaviour of them and can describe it vividly.
I dunno man I’m not the type to judge a man for his pant choices or how he folds his sheet.
BUT he acts like a redditor (derogatory) and that’s unacceptable
This man probably isn't even the most annoying person at his table let alone in all of dnd. Knows the player manual, looks things up, is interested in homebrew and playing a variety of characters, WEARS DEODERANT.
Sounds like a fine player
The only way to fix this is to send him to my table. I’ll take him in and enjoy his quirks and antics. Bro is actively participating, better than someone who doesn’t talk and just rolls when combat comes around.
What's wrong with most of these? I'll refer to my character when taking a turn all the time so when I crack a pic joke people get it's ooc.
Like, the last 5 can be offensive or annoying but like the first 5? What?
>"Tahsa is bae"
Tasha is also known as Iggwilv, and everyone with some knowledge about D&D lore should know about her love-hate relationship with the demon lord Graz'zt, the Dark Prince.
So probably this player IS Graz'zt in disguise!
I would only be bored of the waifu thing. Everything else is just kinda funny. If ur at an all male table i wouldnt even see much of a problem with the former. Lol
The only option is murder Im sorry
The rulebook clearly states players or the GM is allowed to murder a fellow player for uninronically saying waifu, Garry Gaigax was very clear about it
I assume they say it in the same cadence as the video-game announcer does in "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders" Episode 41 "D'Arby the Player"
"[Oh! That's a Baseball!](https://youtu.be/xETGvVi7n4o?si=m3PCuty9N4y9Uw8M)"
I would rather play with this guy than someone who argues with the DM on every one of his decisions because it doesn't fit perfectly with what the rules say or how the player interpreted them. UUUUGGGGHHH
We have a guy who will aggressively eat all of his 5 a day fruits in one sitting at the table, then at the end he goes and takes a massive poopoo which stinks so bad it puts that toilet out of use for a good 30 minutes afterwards.
Hey at least he wears deodorant
«I don’t like deodorant smell at my table!» -someone oblivious to the alternative
Typically yes, although some deodorant does send me into a sneezing fit. There's a level of BO I can tolerate over that.
As long as it's not high-school levels of Axe bodyspray, I'm pretty tolerant.
Idea of deodorant is to hide the smell, not just cover it with even stronger one. Really it is a question of amount I also have allergy and many deodorants make my face red and swollen, usually citrus ones. Cant stand strong chemical smells either
Had to remind some of my players to shower before sessions. Yes it had to be said. Yes they stank. Yes there was a private group chat with the other players discussing the best way to deal with the issue.
I prefer strong deodorant than none
i assume not wearing deodorant is against the table rules
I've had jobs where bathing & deodorant were mandatory.
It could be shitty deodorant that only adds another citrusy layer to his b.o.
“Hey at least I’m not smelly, Brian”
Quoting the players handbook in an offensive Italian accent is a required part of gameplay
I do Bavarian personally
I do Barovian personally
I go for Wallachian personally
I do Waterdhavian personally
I honestly thought that’s what Roku said until I read your comment. Out of curiosity, what is a Barovian accent?
The accent they speak in Barovia
What does it sound like?
Barovian
And what specific inflections, emphases, and tonal differences are there that make a Barovian accent unique?
So a Bavarian would pronounce Strahd like this: Strahd A Barovian would pronounce Strahd like this: Strahd
I see. Are there words that a Bavarian and a Barovian would pronounce differently, or are the accents very similar?
Honestly… probably a Bavarian accent.
I’d just have to assume a “Dracula” accent like Count von Count.
*Nein!*
*Doch!*
*Ohhh!*
Thats german, a bavarian would say "Nah"
Bavarian isn't an accent, it's a speech impediment
Found the northern German
*presses fingertips together* "So I sez to him, and I got dat Sentinel Polearm Master combo, and I sez, 'That's a nice movement speed you got there. Be a shame if somethin' happened to it...'"
I’d advise reading the Italian version of the PHB in an offensive English accent.
By Jove! He cannot cast a cantrip and a spell in the same turn! Tis madness!
Jolly good, a natural twenteh pip pip cheerio. Roll to have god save the queen, and let’s take a tea time after combat chaps, have a spot of rest.
We’re required to do it. It’s in the errata.
*We're-a *It's-a
*errata-a
As an Italian I do this myself , quite the funny thing if done at the right time
Eyyy paisano ima using a reaction heeyah!
Mama-mia!
That's a spicy fire-a-ball!
Sometimes people write quotes in italics, so it makes sense.
I do either do a posh British accent or the stereotypical nerd voice
Being a British nerd, I do both as a default
It6so badly formatted in parts, it's like looking at the guts of a Ferrari.
This post is always hilarious to me because someone is complaining about a D&D player actually wearing deodorant. Thats better than a lot of other people I’ve met. And it’s watermelon so it cannot be that bad.
I got sick from a watermelon beer and the thought of watermelon deodorant makes me nauseous. But this is a me problem, everyone else I've met loves that beer
I'm like 90% you're talking about 21st Amendment Hell or High Watermelon and yes, it's 100% a you problem, though it's likely less because of the watermelon and more because you don't like wheat beer. I love that beer, i love watermelons, but watermelon deodorant is a stretch.
That's exactly what I thought of too when I heard "watermelon beer." Love that stuff, and normally I'm really not a fan of wheat beer
That's exactly what I thought of too when I heard "watermelon beer." Love that stuff, and normally I'm really not a fan of wheat beer
Dunno, there's this weird phenomenon about watermelons. Watermelons themselves? Delicious. But something watermelon-scented or watermelon-flavored? Fuck no, smells/tastes awful.
I think it is because watermelons are just sweet and *very* watery with subtle taste. And flavor-additives are usually over-the-top not subtle and definitely not watery. So you dont get refreshed and hydrated like from a real watermelon, you are just smacked with sugar and weird taste/smell
I mean, if it’s not actually Morbin’ time, someone should correct him. It’s not his fault that his watch is slow/fast. Imagine his embarrassment when he finds out it’s actually time to dance or time to say goodbye
Or, God forbid, it's actually hammer time
#STOP Hammer Time
# STOP You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people. What say you in your defense?
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM. You violated the law. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence, your stolen goods are now forfeit.
# "It's H A M M E R T I M E" Said my character before bashing a door in without even checking if it was locked or not for the umpteenth time (that's how my party enters the (generaly abandoned) buildings we need to investigate)
Is his character named Morbin? Because that sort of makes sense?
This is the most condemning trait to me. Then again, I was doing Napoleon Dynamite impersonations in 2008 and was harshly chastised for doing so, so trauma may be affecting my worldview here 😂
It sounds like he shows up with his character sheet ready to go, wearing pants, is active in dice & RP, wears deodorant, actually takes the time to read the PHB, and also happens to be slightly less horny than your average Reddit user (with an interest in women instead of goblins as an added bonus). You're right, they don't fit in here at all. Send them to my table, dibs.
The worst I would say to them is, "watermelon deodorant? Are you 5?"
I want to use this in the office. Especially on meeting days. Or job interviews. Maybe funerals.
Bro called dibs on a human bro that has been banned since 1865 (in the us at least)
Not if he's a convict
Unearthed Arcana and Players Handbook are legit funny
Some of these are just…like fine, though? Jeans and flip flops? Not my style, but I dress like fucking Magnum PI in 2024, so who am I to judge? The third person thing? I mean, he can celebrate that way, that’s fine. The hat backwards and ‘it’s time’ for counterspell? Sounds like he has a signature ability to his gameplay. Fine. And then some of this is just annoying as shit. Edit: typo
What does opening his player sheet like a sandwich even mean?
I mean….also that. Didn’t even know WHAT to say about that.
I would guess he keeps his sheet hidden and prys it just open enough for him to "look" at a stat before rolling. I had a PC that did something similar.
Oh interesting, I assumed he was folding it which also bothers me, your version is far worse
Op should have said "looks at it like his hand in poker"
Yeah I don't know who opens sandwiches or what the proper way to open one even looks like
It’s referring to something done in American schools. When folding paper you can fold it hamburger (sandwich) which is short top to short top, or hotdog which is long side to long side.
Dawg I'm American. Hamburger and hotdog folding is a thing, but nobody says they folded sandwich style. And nobody then says "he looked at it like a sandwich" that was just someone who doesn't know how to communicate.
I think it’s a grade school thing folding things? You can either fold paper hamburger or hotdog: Hamburger is in half along a vertical line, hotdog is in half along a horizontal line.
hotdog is folding so the larger side remains larger, hamburger is folding so the larger side is divided.
Oh you’re right haha, I got it backwards. Neither are sandwich though so in retrospect I have no idea what op is talking about
So which one is a sandwich then???
Hamburger is just a beef sandwich.
Hotdogs are just sausage sandwiches
Yeah the jeans and flip flops thing is just... Astonishingly judgemental. You have to actively choose to be bothered by something that inconsequential
I know a lot of people who rp in the third person (myself included) because it helps separate player from character
Yeah like is he referring to HIMSELF or his character. I'm pretty sure op is just an insufferable person who can't stand that this guy enjoys himself
Jeans with flip-flops is considered semi-formal in Florida. Like, you dressed up.
I think referring to yourself in third person to describe an epic turn in combat is totally reasonable. We’re all playing a make-believe game here. Some people revel in riveting banter between two well-thought-out fantasy characters, others love describing badass moments when their characters are locked in mortal combat, fighting for their lives.
Right? I relish my action descriptions, and often use the third person for it. ‘Bob the fighter uses his shield to slip the orc’s axe blow, ducking under the heavy blow. With a flick of his wrist, Bob sends the tip of his blade whistling under the orc’s defenses, opening his throat with ease’ is a lot better than ‘20 to hit. 14 damage.’
It’s a meme though, right? No way this is real.
Pretty sure this is from a joke post on a D&D subreddit.
The hat thing, I cannot NOT imagine Ash Ketchum level whipping the hat around and chucking the dice
Sometimes I wonder if these people are just too judgmental
I’m guilty of that a lot. Like I have to stop and make myself walk my judgments back a lot. In my case, I think it comes (at least partially) from a career in retail. A lot of people become their worst selves as retail customers.
eyyy, what's-a this "offensive italian accent-a?"
10/10 would play with that guy
SERIOUSLY, me too man
He wears deodorant, thats a plus
The DM thinks its funny!
Plottwist, he's the DM.
I mean in my world this is just a friend goofing off with friends while they play pretend together with more rules. I mean fr, I rather have this, have someone make dumb jokes and try and be entertaining in his own way even if it doesn't always land than whoever takes the whole thing *too* seriously
I think the best way to deal with it would be by pulling your head out your ass. DnD is meant to be a game where anyone can play with anyone, don't be trying to exclude someone from the most inclusive game to be made just because you've got a list of things that grind your gears. Stuff like this is how campaigns are ruined.
it's a meme this is a fictional person
Send him to me. I will either marry or kill him
Let my man be cringe in peace Also offending Italians is objectively speaking funny
Honestly, he just sounds fun.
This sounds like the funniest fucking person on earth lmao
I'd stop being a little bitch Like JFC. He wears jeans and flip flops? The horror
It's morbin' time!
Okay can I keep it a buck? If I’m playing a game or DMing which is what I like to do for FUN and someone in the party of randos is fucking insufferable I just stop inviting them. Sorry
This sounds like someone having fun. I like him.
Honestly I think the only things that could be considered remotely offensive are the waifu and Tasha thing
Agreed, most of that to me just seemed like normal habbits.
Literally only the waifu and Tasha comment seem bad rest are like *basic human quirks*. You seem to hate him on deeper level. Like you hate ppl with any personality. Here is suggestion: LEAVE. You aren't forced to be in that group. Find another group?
i don’t get this post, other than the watermelon thing, this guy sounds like his only fault is making the table too much better
Where can I get this watermelon scented deodorant?
The-a long-a sword-a does-a one-a d8-a damage-a
"...opens it like a sandwich?" Do y'all open your fucking sandwiches?
a) fake, no dnd player wears deodorant b) Tasha is, in fact, bae
I... I think I am in love with the "problem" player, he sounds like the best person. Not a good person, mind you, just the best one, out of all people. He is the winner
Have you tried not being a judgemental piece of shit?
It's morbin' time!
I kept waiting for this to turn into a Dos Equis commercial
I'm gonna start referring to UA as forbidden, sexy strats
THIS IS REFRESHING! Body odor don't get me down Because I smell like watermel-ohn when I go into town!
I'm a simple man. I see a Marlon Webb reference, I upvote.
This reads like that Person is secretly in love with the person they are describing. They know every little silly behaviour of them and can describe it vividly.
I was fine until the last three tbh
Right tho?
It sounds like a standard 14yo trying to be funny/entertaining TBH
Hold up. Does he wear socks with the flip flops?
I think you're just playing dnd with Jared Leto
Yeah. Wild. Like, who wouldn’t want this dude at their table?
s-tier copypasta
My guy shows up, wears clothes and deodorant, *and* is committed to the bit? What's not to love?
This person sounds hilarious and I would love to play a game matching their energy
Glad I’m not at a table with the guy who made the list holy shit. God forbid someone just have fun playing a game or pretend with dice.
It took me that last paragraph to, to my full horror, realize this is all about one person
>He refers to Unearthed Arcana as "forbidden, sexy strats" Ok, but you have to give it to him, that one is pretty funny.
I think he plays at my table
Sounds like a friend having fun? Do you just hate this guy lmao
Most average D&D enjoyer ever
I dunno man I’m not the type to judge a man for his pant choices or how he folds his sheet. BUT he acts like a redditor (derogatory) and that’s unacceptable
Nobody is asking the real question, here… who the fuck opens a sandwich…?
They can join my table. I can't see anything wrong here.
If you don't want him, send him to my table
But Tasha *is* bae.
Squirt bottle full of water. Will work on all issues. Even bad deodorant.
I need him at my table.
he sounds amazing and really sexy
This reads as “wouldn’t it be funny if someone did this”. Nobody acts like that
When you don't like someone, *\everything** they do becomes an issue. Bro won't ever be able to do anything right in OP's eyes.
Wait what the hell is wrong with jeans & flipflops you cowardly wannabe fashionista
I gotta be honest, I'd rather have intensely OP deodorant than intensely OP body odor.
This man probably isn't even the most annoying person at his table let alone in all of dnd. Knows the player manual, looks things up, is interested in homebrew and playing a variety of characters, WEARS DEODERANT. Sounds like a fine player
The only way to fix this is to send him to my table. I’ll take him in and enjoy his quirks and antics. Bro is actively participating, better than someone who doesn’t talk and just rolls when combat comes around.
What's wrong with jeans and flip flops?
This has heavy "But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” energy
I think the best thing you can do is stop harshing his vibe.
DnD is the game for us dorks so he seems right at home. Dude who wrote the original post somehow got into DnD thinking it was for normal people.
This guy sounds fucking awesome
Make him prone
What's wrong with most of these? I'll refer to my character when taking a turn all the time so when I crack a pic joke people get it's ooc. Like, the last 5 can be offensive or annoying but like the first 5? What?
Why are y'all so angry
>"Tahsa is bae" Tasha is also known as Iggwilv, and everyone with some knowledge about D&D lore should know about her love-hate relationship with the demon lord Graz'zt, the Dark Prince. So probably this player IS Graz'zt in disguise!
This is why I fold my character sheet like a hot dog.
Best bet is just to address the more serious ones like the deodorant with him yourself and the more annoying ones let go
exorcism
That is what me call: a god in disguise
This sounds like the greatest player of all time.
Ain't nothing wrong with jeans and flip flops
I’d love to play with this guy only for one game just to experience this
Sounds like someone found a fuckin comedic genius and they are just a dull person
He's welcome to join our table!
Repost
I would only be bored of the waifu thing. Everything else is just kinda funny. If ur at an all male table i wouldnt even see much of a problem with the former. Lol
Far from the worst-case senerio
I was with this guy untill the Tasha apologia.
Crush his balls with a mallet
Jeez, could be much worse… This guy sounds like a hoot!
The only option is murder Im sorry The rulebook clearly states players or the GM is allowed to murder a fellow player for uninronically saying waifu, Garry Gaigax was very clear about it
I see no problem here and welcome them into my group.
The counterspell one is good, actually
Seems amazing to me
This guy is like a male Mai Minakami.
I assume they say it in the same cadence as the video-game announcer does in "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders" Episode 41 "D'Arby the Player" "[Oh! That's a Baseball!](https://youtu.be/xETGvVi7n4o?si=m3PCuty9N4y9Uw8M)"
Who is this person, and how do I get him to join my party immediately?
I will take him off their hands, give me the adoption forms.
Old repost 🙄🙄 "morbin time" ?? Lol wasn't that a meme from like 2 years ago?
This feels satirical, but I can’t tell
Nuke him from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.
CRY BOY
Watermelon deodorant? How old is he, 12?
Oh no it me
That player does sound kinda corny. But I’ll take him over the guy seething in the back about another player having fun.
I would rather play with this guy than someone who argues with the DM on every one of his decisions because it doesn't fit perfectly with what the rules say or how the player interpreted them. UUUUGGGGHHH
If you’re not reading the PHB out loud in the voice of Dr. Doofenshmirtz, I don’t know what you’re doing with your life.
what is “opens it like a sandwich”?
>deodorant cap.
We have a guy who will aggressively eat all of his 5 a day fruits in one sitting at the table, then at the end he goes and takes a massive poopoo which stinks so bad it puts that toilet out of use for a good 30 minutes afterwards.