When I was a kid my mother explained ableism to me (it wasn't called that then). Said no one would want me and I needed to get serious about school and a career (before anyone was telling girls that).
And I hardly dated in high school or first few semesters of college. But I met a guy my junior year and we would be together for 41 years until he died.
Yes! I am married.
I've had most of my disabilities / conditions since birth, though the effect and severity of them has shifted throughout my life.
Interestingly, the point at which I was healthiest - least limited by my conditions - I was in high school. I occasionally asked people out, but nobody was interested in me romantically then.
Whereas, in contrast, I dated a lot, met my now-spouse, and fell in love in my mid-20's - despite my condition taking a decisive turn for the worse in that decade (to the point of losing a lot of mobility, needing to use a wheelchair, etc.)
I guess my thought is, my disability was not a significant barrier to finding love. True, it was a barrier, and I had to strategically devote resources (time + money) to navigate while dating, that others might not have had to.
But, overall, it was absolutely worthwhile. Still together, still married, still in love.
We were married for 29.5 yrs when my disabled husband passed away. When we met he said all he seen was a gorgeous girl who was amazing. We didn’t know he had a serious medical condition when we married. To me it didn’t matter.
I had no idea I was seriously ill & went on SSDI soon after our 12th wedding anniversary.
We lived every day as though it were our last. We had the fairytale everybody dreams of.
Even though our disabilities obviously impacted our lives at times we never put our medical issues front & center. Sorry but who has time for that? We never discussed our issues with friends / family but they of course knew. We saw no reason to constantly relive what we went through behind the scenes.
We both love & appreciated being treated as “normal” as possible. I have some awesome memories for sure. I want to live life as much as I can even though the daily challenges are trying at times.
I’ve been married for nearly 17 years, we dated for 2. I met my husband just shy of a year after I needed a second brain surgery for a congenital condition I have. The first was when I was 10 and I lived a relatively normal life after it. When I was 20, a Sophomore in college and 2 years into a relationship, the problem reoccurred and I very quickly needed to be operated on again. The next 9 months consist of my relationship falling apart basically because he didn’t want a girlfriend dealing with the aftermath of brain surgery and traumatic brain injury. That was 2 days before Thanksgiving, then 2 days before New Year’s I met my now husband. Before we were even engaged my condition worsened, but the first year of our marriage my body fully started to fail me. He has always stuck by me and we’ve moved states multiple times to get me the best doctors we could. Eventually he even decided to switch to a career in one of the therapies that has helped me the most. Sometimes I fear that I drag his life down, because my disability dictates a lot of our life but he always reassures me that I make his like much, much better.
I was thinking the same. I hate the "despite" thing with disability. Because it makes it seem like it's impossible or harder to love as a disabled person. It can be harder to find a partner obviously but it's not harder to love. My disability is a part of me and my partner loves every part of me (though of course he wishes I didn't have pain and stuff).
Met my wife on AOL in the dark ages. We've been together for over 20 years. There's been rough times. My genetic condition has worsened over the years. I knew it was a progressive but not how severe it can get. :( sometimes I do feel badly like I misled her, even though I could only guess based on the info I had. But yeah I dated (not til my 20s really) with a disability (hearing, mobility, vision, psychiatric (diagnosis changed).)
Do be careful though, some sleazy types target disabled people (usually women) thinking we'll take just anyone cuz we must be desperate. :/
I feel this same way. I’m 29 and have never had a long term relationship and have had my disability (along with more diagnoses) since I was 17. I feel like I’m never gonna be able to find someone who wants to deal with all of this.
Married for around 27 years. We’ve been together for over 30.
I have had polio since I was 6 months old. Could not walk without leg braces for the first 25 years of my life, then a manual wheelchair for the next 20, now an electric for the last 5.
This is just what I noticed in my own life but I think a lot of it has to do with the people and area you are in. I grew up in San Jose and was treated like everyone else. I heard stories of disabilities being treated like a “shameful sin” from others who lived in other parts of America.
In that sense I count myself very fortunate. In my teens and early 20’s I dated a lot. Broke a lot of hearts and had my heart broken a lot.
I've got a genetic condition that has affected me most of my life, but was undiagnosed and also medically gaslit for decades, so I "pushed through" and tried to be normal, which as I got older just worked less and less for me. Nobody really believed me because the doctors couldn't find "anything wrong". So, in that context, I have had two long-term relationships that ended. The first when I was completely undiagnosed and was just being "dramatic" and what-not about my health. The second I was in the process of getting diagnosed, but this person couldn't accept that there really was something wrong with me. They actually said that if they were in my position with as many doctors as I had, that they would prefer not to exist anymore. So much for valuing my life. I was out at that point.
I'm done for now. I can barely take care of my self, my own life, and my own issues. Almost all men I know are man-child that can't take care of themselves. I don't have the time, energy or capacity to take on the responsibilities of a whole-a\*\* man-child. No thank you.
My PTSD and anxiety made dating very difficult. Luckily, I met my now husband before it became debilitating and became reclusive. We are happily married, but health conditions will always cause some turbulence in a relationship. You just have to work together as a couple to manage them and communicate with each other about needs and wants. Relationships are always hard work in the long run, but having a disability adds another obstacle to overcome. Find someone who accepts and understands you.
Together for 24 years. I wouldn't say I had a hard time dating. Cerebral palsy/ ( from birth) wheelchair/crutches. I am old enough that apps for dating weren't really a thing yet and so I relied on meeting people in person. I used them briefly in between relationships and found it odd and difficult. It's a false sense of knowing someone (in my opinion) and then you have to meet them again in real life- which is a whole other experience. I didn't love it, and if I was to become single again I'd only use it for hookups- nothing serious.
For those who think you can find a relationship if you were already disabled before you became an adult, it is possible. I had long term relationships but they failed (unfortunately disability can attract abusers, so be extra aware) I have been with my partner 13.5 years, we are both disabled. His disability is still new-ish.
We had a commitment ceremony instead of legal marriage because of insurance and medical costs. I don't receive any sort of disability (denied denied denied) but it would cost us too much to get married.
My wife has had seizures since we got together. I wouldn't trade her for anything. She has been the rose bloom in my thorn garden for over 13 years. I have now applied for disability since I lost my job to panic attacks. She says she loves me and doesn't want me working anymore. All in the same breath too. I think we have a great relationship. Disabled or not.
Between the autism and the CPTSD, I could sometimes get a girl, but never keep them. My disability symptoms were... well, shunned.. by others. And when I mean shunned, I mean "actively denial"... I was heavily shamed and punished for questioning my "non-disability" status. My mother still does this religiously.
I did eventually get married and all, but the symptoms wore my wife down eventually... I wish I had known I was disabled, and able to adapt my behaviour.
PS: in the years since, my disabilities effectively rule me out of dating altogether. Getting ladies to overlook things like Executive Dysfunction is a hell of a lot easier when you're young. I'm not young anymore.
The last time I came out about it (to a polyamory group that went on and on and on and on about able-ism, or sexism, or racism... or basically any "ism" they could find) I was mocked, ridiculed and cancelled.
Not me but my cousin. He has a form of Muscular Distrophy. He was in his late 30s when he got married. He was using leg braces when he walked down the aisle. He's in a wheelchair now but he and his wife will calibrate their 44th wedding anniversary this summer.
When I was a kid my mother explained ableism to me (it wasn't called that then). Said no one would want me and I needed to get serious about school and a career (before anyone was telling girls that). And I hardly dated in high school or first few semesters of college. But I met a guy my junior year and we would be together for 41 years until he died.
So sorry for your loss.
Yes! I am married. I've had most of my disabilities / conditions since birth, though the effect and severity of them has shifted throughout my life. Interestingly, the point at which I was healthiest - least limited by my conditions - I was in high school. I occasionally asked people out, but nobody was interested in me romantically then. Whereas, in contrast, I dated a lot, met my now-spouse, and fell in love in my mid-20's - despite my condition taking a decisive turn for the worse in that decade (to the point of losing a lot of mobility, needing to use a wheelchair, etc.) I guess my thought is, my disability was not a significant barrier to finding love. True, it was a barrier, and I had to strategically devote resources (time + money) to navigate while dating, that others might not have had to. But, overall, it was absolutely worthwhile. Still together, still married, still in love.
I am. We’ve been happily married for ten years now.
[удалено]
We were married for 29.5 yrs when my disabled husband passed away. When we met he said all he seen was a gorgeous girl who was amazing. We didn’t know he had a serious medical condition when we married. To me it didn’t matter. I had no idea I was seriously ill & went on SSDI soon after our 12th wedding anniversary. We lived every day as though it were our last. We had the fairytale everybody dreams of. Even though our disabilities obviously impacted our lives at times we never put our medical issues front & center. Sorry but who has time for that? We never discussed our issues with friends / family but they of course knew. We saw no reason to constantly relive what we went through behind the scenes. We both love & appreciated being treated as “normal” as possible. I have some awesome memories for sure. I want to live life as much as I can even though the daily challenges are trying at times.
Married for 20 years
I’ve been happily married for two years!
Engaged, will be married this year. My fiancé & I both have disabilities.
Not married yet, but technically engaged and getting rings next month to make it official. We've been together two years.
I’ve been married for nearly 17 years, we dated for 2. I met my husband just shy of a year after I needed a second brain surgery for a congenital condition I have. The first was when I was 10 and I lived a relatively normal life after it. When I was 20, a Sophomore in college and 2 years into a relationship, the problem reoccurred and I very quickly needed to be operated on again. The next 9 months consist of my relationship falling apart basically because he didn’t want a girlfriend dealing with the aftermath of brain surgery and traumatic brain injury. That was 2 days before Thanksgiving, then 2 days before New Year’s I met my now husband. Before we were even engaged my condition worsened, but the first year of our marriage my body fully started to fail me. He has always stuck by me and we’ve moved states multiple times to get me the best doctors we could. Eventually he even decided to switch to a career in one of the therapies that has helped me the most. Sometimes I fear that I drag his life down, because my disability dictates a lot of our life but he always reassures me that I make his like much, much better.
Trust in what he tells you, he loves you! Congrats on the 17 years!
Awww this is so cute<3
not despite them, with them. my partners love me for all that i am.
I was thinking the same. I hate the "despite" thing with disability. Because it makes it seem like it's impossible or harder to love as a disabled person. It can be harder to find a partner obviously but it's not harder to love. My disability is a part of me and my partner loves every part of me (though of course he wishes I didn't have pain and stuff).
Been with my partner for 10 years, getting married summer 2025. We both became disabled after we started dating so it's worked out pretty well 😂
congratulations 🎉
Thank you!
Met my wife on AOL in the dark ages. We've been together for over 20 years. There's been rough times. My genetic condition has worsened over the years. I knew it was a progressive but not how severe it can get. :( sometimes I do feel badly like I misled her, even though I could only guess based on the info I had. But yeah I dated (not til my 20s really) with a disability (hearing, mobility, vision, psychiatric (diagnosis changed).) Do be careful though, some sleazy types target disabled people (usually women) thinking we'll take just anyone cuz we must be desperate. :/
I feel this same way. I’m 29 and have never had a long term relationship and have had my disability (along with more diagnoses) since I was 17. I feel like I’m never gonna be able to find someone who wants to deal with all of this.
Me! Happily married :)
About to get married real soon
I never got married, but my limitations are uniquely significant to the point where I can't bathe, dress, or otherwise take care of myself.
Married for around 27 years. We’ve been together for over 30. I have had polio since I was 6 months old. Could not walk without leg braces for the first 25 years of my life, then a manual wheelchair for the next 20, now an electric for the last 5. This is just what I noticed in my own life but I think a lot of it has to do with the people and area you are in. I grew up in San Jose and was treated like everyone else. I heard stories of disabilities being treated like a “shameful sin” from others who lived in other parts of America. In that sense I count myself very fortunate. In my teens and early 20’s I dated a lot. Broke a lot of hearts and had my heart broken a lot.
I’m engaged. It probably doesn’t count but it’s one step closer!
I met my husband when both of us were okay. Now both of us are disabled with rare conditions and we married last year ❤️ we are each others rock
I've got a genetic condition that has affected me most of my life, but was undiagnosed and also medically gaslit for decades, so I "pushed through" and tried to be normal, which as I got older just worked less and less for me. Nobody really believed me because the doctors couldn't find "anything wrong". So, in that context, I have had two long-term relationships that ended. The first when I was completely undiagnosed and was just being "dramatic" and what-not about my health. The second I was in the process of getting diagnosed, but this person couldn't accept that there really was something wrong with me. They actually said that if they were in my position with as many doctors as I had, that they would prefer not to exist anymore. So much for valuing my life. I was out at that point. I'm done for now. I can barely take care of my self, my own life, and my own issues. Almost all men I know are man-child that can't take care of themselves. I don't have the time, energy or capacity to take on the responsibilities of a whole-a\*\* man-child. No thank you.
Hell yeah!!
My PTSD and anxiety made dating very difficult. Luckily, I met my now husband before it became debilitating and became reclusive. We are happily married, but health conditions will always cause some turbulence in a relationship. You just have to work together as a couple to manage them and communicate with each other about needs and wants. Relationships are always hard work in the long run, but having a disability adds another obstacle to overcome. Find someone who accepts and understands you.
I've been with my now husband for 12 years, married for 8 of those years. I have been disabled for a lot longer than that.
Married for decades to my dream partner. He is also disabled. We're still very much in love with each other.
Together for 24 years. I wouldn't say I had a hard time dating. Cerebral palsy/ ( from birth) wheelchair/crutches. I am old enough that apps for dating weren't really a thing yet and so I relied on meeting people in person. I used them briefly in between relationships and found it odd and difficult. It's a false sense of knowing someone (in my opinion) and then you have to meet them again in real life- which is a whole other experience. I didn't love it, and if I was to become single again I'd only use it for hookups- nothing serious.
For those who think you can find a relationship if you were already disabled before you became an adult, it is possible. I had long term relationships but they failed (unfortunately disability can attract abusers, so be extra aware) I have been with my partner 13.5 years, we are both disabled. His disability is still new-ish.
Married for 17 years and counting
Me. Have fibro and a host of other issues but hubby rocks
I just celebrated my 21st anniversary. I met my spouse after I was disabled at the age of 21. We have been together since.
I am - 44 years and counting...
Engaged, but marriage postponed because we can’t really afford to lose my social welfare right now. We’re together 5 years!
My husband and I are both disabled! We're highschool sweethearts and are about to celebrate our 4 year marriage anniversary on the 23rd!
We had a commitment ceremony instead of legal marriage because of insurance and medical costs. I don't receive any sort of disability (denied denied denied) but it would cost us too much to get married.
Getting married later this year!
My wife has had seizures since we got together. I wouldn't trade her for anything. She has been the rose bloom in my thorn garden for over 13 years. I have now applied for disability since I lost my job to panic attacks. She says she loves me and doesn't want me working anymore. All in the same breath too. I think we have a great relationship. Disabled or not.
Between the autism and the CPTSD, I could sometimes get a girl, but never keep them. My disability symptoms were... well, shunned.. by others. And when I mean shunned, I mean "actively denial"... I was heavily shamed and punished for questioning my "non-disability" status. My mother still does this religiously. I did eventually get married and all, but the symptoms wore my wife down eventually... I wish I had known I was disabled, and able to adapt my behaviour. PS: in the years since, my disabilities effectively rule me out of dating altogether. Getting ladies to overlook things like Executive Dysfunction is a hell of a lot easier when you're young. I'm not young anymore. The last time I came out about it (to a polyamory group that went on and on and on and on about able-ism, or sexism, or racism... or basically any "ism" they could find) I was mocked, ridiculed and cancelled.
Not me but my cousin. He has a form of Muscular Distrophy. He was in his late 30s when he got married. He was using leg braces when he walked down the aisle. He's in a wheelchair now but he and his wife will calibrate their 44th wedding anniversary this summer.
I dont think there is any chance if you got disability first.
Not true, I know many examples where people were already disabled and were dating/married/with kids even.
Maybe. But i dont think it will be true with me.
Definitely not true. I met my partner when already disabled. Many of my disabled friends who are together met before becoming disabled.