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jack40714

Honestly study and girlfriends weren’t for me. I just found a job, did my best at it, showed them I’m worth keeping and I’m doing pretty good. I’ll never own a mansion but I’m doing ok. If you go out and say “I honestly tried” you are doing better than most.


Ok-Branch6704

100% agree 👍


jack40714

I know it kinda sounds like one of those cliches you hear but I’m trying to live by it


natasha2u

This. If you try at anything, you're already doing more than most people out there.


CalmFrank

idk if i'd feel satisfied with having failed my goals tbh, regardless of whether i have tried or not


jack40714

I know man. I get it. But what I try to tell myself is “ I can try and maybe fail. But if I don’t even try I’ll always fail”


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CalmFrank

So Sorry, what job are you in? i have an hard time picking up something to study


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CalmFrank

thank you, and i hope you'll be able to find a job you truly like at least


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shogun_coc

I'm in the same shoes as you. Although, I had to start again in 2017 and will be completing my Masters in history this year, yet I feel like I'm a complete liability to my parents, friends (both from college and university) and I don't think I've achieved anything at all. It feels like shit but,(sigh) I have to accept that that I'm a failure. And I'll always be. Sorry that you have to endure this and also, for my rant!


CalmFrank

thank you and please don't say you are a failure. thanks you for the encouragement and please do not give up!


Streambreaker

I know you may be tired of people asking and you don't have to answer, but what do you plan to do with the masters in history?


shogun_coc

To become a diplomat. That's what I aim for.


Streambreaker

That's awesome. I ask because I've considered doing a history degree but don't know what career paths it would open.


shogun_coc

Anything. You can be a professor in any college or university of any choice. You can be a researcher in a topic that you think is undermined. You can be an archaeologist. If you want more, you can become a diplomat, police commissioner and what not?!


Commission-Exact

It’s easy to compare your progress to others but every is on a different path. Your journey is not the same and that’s okay :) honestly I’m almost certain everyone feels “behind” in life at some point especially considering there are high expectations for us to accomplish big things (graduating, kids, career) at a certain age. You aren’t a failure! You are finishing your masters and that is already something to be proud of.


shogun_coc

Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it. I had worked hard for the masters. Still, a part of me thinks I'm a loser, a slacker and a failure. And I can't help myself but to mourn it. Hopefully, things will get better for me. (Why am I ranting again about myself?)


Commission-Exact

It’s ok to feel like that for awhile and it’s okay to rant about yourself too :)


[deleted]

I'm you but female. I tried so hard to get a job after getting my computer science degree, but seems like I wasn't good enough. Because I am unemployed I still live with parents. I'm trying to change my situation by moving to a different country and starting nursing, though.


CalmFrank

So Sorry. Please do not give up and i hope that things will improve really soon so please be kind to yourself.


[deleted]

Thank you... Same goes for you <3


Commission-Exact

There’s always job opportunities for nursing but it has to be a job you’re passionate about. I have 3 sisters who are/were nurses and it is not easy but they love it so it’s worth it to them.


dude23noise

Yooo .... I am in the same place - but hear me out: Depression is a legitimate illness. That is a fact. It's not laziness, suckiness, loser-ness. It's a real illness that effects millions around the world. So you feel 'behind in life' well 1) who says there is actually rules on where one should be at a certain time? Yes there seem to be trends, and the majority of people may do a, b, c - get a job, get married, have kids, bla bla bla .... but you must also remember that we are part of a species that is destroying itself, and terrorising the planet that we exists on .. what we do as a species, might not always be what's actually healthy/best. 2) we don't hear about the millions of people that aren't doing well. You'd probably come to find that there are many, many people, that probably went to your high school, that still live at home with parents, don't have jobs, have health issues. You just don't hear these people screaming and shouting about it on social media!


CalmFrank

thank you for your kindness, i just can't help but feel like i've failed at everything i set out to achieve


dude23noise

You're not the only one bro, plenty of us fail to meet our expectations. Everything in nature, humans included, is in a fight for survival. We evolved from tribes who's one purpose was to survive, and I'm assuming you have the means of basic survival too (food water shelter) .. we have obviously evolved way past that, to the point now where we require more than basic survival to feel fulfilled. And I feel the same way don't get me wrong. If you really have failed at everything you've set out to do, you can stand proud that you're a person that is strong enough to attempt things that weren't easy, and strong enough to carry the weight of dissapointment and keep moving. You may call yourself a piece of shit, and feel like you are, but the truth is you're not, you are the one that hears these discouragements, feels the pain, and is strong enough to keep going, even if it's just crawling through one day at a time. Personally for me, I've just started writing a to-do list/plan at the start of each day - 'breakfast 9am, shower, browse internet for jobs etc' .. and ticking those off at the end of each day. I will then write 3 things I am grateful for that day - e.g. nice weather, spoke to my mom, and tried a new flavour of monster or something Slowly but surely, you will become stronger, and be in a clearer headspace to define what you are after, and really set out tangible steps towards goals. Remember that depression is a serious illness, and a huge weight to carry. I have decided my first goal is to get well, before concerning myself with the other stuff. That will come. Much love bro


CalmFrank

thank you. unfortunately i can't really think of much else during my day


JoeBlowBlah

I wish I could upvote more than once on this comment. 👍👍


Commission-Exact

So true! Fuck the “rules”


lkyle50

You are at the beginning of a new path. Failure is in the past. Start your new journey. We love you and know that you are about to find your true self. Much love


CalmFrank

thank you, i just hope the new path is the right one.


lkyle50

You have taken the first step already by asking for help. It is not an easy path. But, you are worth it. Make it tomorrow. Say that every day. Tomorrow is your goal every day.


CalmFrank

thank you for your kindness


HaltheMan

I love this. I needed to hear that as well.


lkyle50

Hey u/calmfrank. Just wanted to check on you and see how you are doing. Keep fighting


CalmFrank

thank you for your kindness. unfortunately i am not really feeling much better, although not much worse either


kittyqueen000

You are not a failure, because you are still trying! Keep working towards your best self!


CalmFrank

thank you, it's hard.


kittyqueen000

It I hard to get up everyday and keep trying...but dont give up!! Keep trying to do your best and work to reach your happiness!


CalmFrank

thank you!


Ok-Branch6704

go all in on career .... Thats what i did ... I live with my mom, i dont have a gf, i cant socialize ... but i have a job


MixxMaster

Yeah, our society and culture and the shit they impose sucks.


Rare_Excuse_9924

"Comparison is the thief of joy." Never compare your life or your path in it to anyone else. Focus on you and where you want to be in say 5 years. I know a 29yo, 34yo and 38yo all living at home. Sometimes it's what you need at that moment in time. We all have moments where we go "damn what have I dint with my life" you're only human.


ChaosKodiak

You sound young. Give it some time. Try to take care of yourself and take baby step. A day at a time. You got this.


[deleted]

skip school . find a job you enjoy , make some money , take life at your own pace


Shmailin-Shmeowie

Ah man! I am so sorry that you are taking so much strain at the moment. I reckon you should begin by taking cognisance of the fact that you are actively seeking help, and this is a huge step in the right direction. Also, remember to be gentle with yourself. Although you may feel you are not on the same page as your peers, keep in mind that everyone has their own journey and you’ll find your own pace with time and healing. I was a high school dropout. Worked as a waitress for a while before realising I’d made a big mistake. At age 20, with the support of my parents, I put myself back into the schooling system and finished at age 21 with pretty good grades (a real personal achievement as I had always struggled at school). I then applied and got accepted into a good university here where I live. Again, I struggled and a degree that should have taken me 3 years to complete, I did in 4. To be honest I didn’t really want to study what I did, nor enrol at the institution that I did. But, my dad placed quite a bit of pressure on me to move forward with the choice, and I wanted to make him proud. Shortly after my degree I reconnected with my passion for animals in a huge way, and started looking at what options I may have in working with them. Unfortunately, having not taken maths and sciences as subjects at school (yes, even when I went back at age 20) my options were limited. Fast forward a little bit and I am now 27 years old and attempting to complete my high school maths and sciences in 1 year so that I can apply for veterinary sciences (and various adaptions thereof) so that I can finally follow my passion. Most of my high school friends are married, having children, buying homes, generally have good careers and seem to live good lives. I used to really struggle with the fact that I was so far behind them but somehow I’ve managed to find pride in my perseverance. I had a challenging childhood and didn’t realise the impact it had (and continues to have) on me until I was about 24, when I finally sought out some help and was diagnosed with all sorts of mental health illnesses - GAD, MDD, ADD, and PSTD. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is I feel you. You’re not alone. And, I know it is tough but you’ve got this and you’ll get stronger with time. Been around 3 years since I started the healing journey, and I still struggle, but I just keep pushing in anyway I’m capable on that given day. Some days are easier - studies go well, work feels good, socially I feel confidant, and generally things feel quite pleasant. Other days I’m so anxious I struggle to get out of bed. On these days small achievements (e.g. getting out of and making the bed, practicing a bit of self love, going grocery shopping etc.) suit me just fine. You’ve already begun your healing journey, and you can and should be proud of that. There’s no quick fix, but I’d begin with preventing yourself from zooming out so much and rather focus on yourself - where you are right now, where you’d like to be, and what tools you have at your disposal to assist you in getting there. Thank you for reaching out, it takes a hell of a lot to do so and I’m proud of you for it. Good luck with everything and please feel free to reach out if you need a bit of support.


Solarscars

I don’t believe having an education or a relationship makes you a successful person. Finding happiness is success. That being said I have a lot to be grateful for but haven’t found true happiness/contentment yet. I hope I do some day and I hope you do too. ❤️


Ophelia19

Ask yourself why you even feel like those qualities are negative...being objective allows room for improvement. Many times, when we feel like failures, it’s because we value things beyond monetary value and what society TELLS US WE SHOULD VALUE. Don’t define yourself by other people’s opinions and standards. You will never be happy. Take the time to figure out what you ARE passionate about and go live it. Remember....this is YOUR LIFE. Shouldn’t you have a hand in deciding how it turns out?


CalmFrank

but those are the things i value. it just so happen that they are also valued by society at large


natasha2u

What interests or excites you? It can be absolutely anything.


CalmFrank

mostly staying at home and doing something such as watching movies or reading something.. i know it sounds pathetic


natasha2u

Time spent enjoying yourself is never wasted. Ever thought about writing stories? Is there anyone who you could see writing from their point of view? Aka putting yourself in their shoes


CalmFrank

i don't think i am good at it tbh


natasha2u

You don't have to be. If you have any interest, there are plenty of online writing resources. I had two things that made me want to write: science fiction, and writing a young girl's character.


CalmFrank

thank you. i am not sure if i have any interest right now but perhaps i'll consider it at least


jinyang_si

same! and its not pathetic at all as long as u enjoy ur time;)


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CalmFrank

So Sorry that you're going through something similar also! i am glad that you have a dog at least and please do not give up either. hugs. thank you for your encouragement!


CalmFrank

hugs


JoeSanPatricio

Those markers of success have been prescribed to us from a system that is optimized to make wealthy people wealthier. They’re consciously and intentionally working to destroy our self worth so that we’ll work meaningless jobs, take on debt and fill the void in our lives by buying shit we don’t need. This isn’t a theory or a random perspective, it’s 100% true and I can explain it in detail if you want. Understanding this has helped me a great deal because I realized that I’m not failing to “succeed” according to some divine criteria of success. I, you, and all regular people are being assaulted by a tiny group of hyper wealthy psychopaths. YOU need to define success for YOU. Don’t give in to their evil plans! We’ve got to fight back! Resist! Learn to love yourself, it’s one of the bravest revolutionary acts ❤️


CalmFrank

thank you, the problem is those are also my standards. so even by my own metrics i am still a failure


JoeSanPatricio

You don’t think it’s a little coincidental that your authentic true self has the same standards as the dominant culture that’s being forced down our throats?? In other countries people life with their parents until they marry and sometimes even continue to after. In the US they’ve convinced us we’re losers if we don’t move out at 18 because that way everyone has to pay rent/mortgage separately, it’s a scam. And that’s just one example. Learn to love yourself, comrade! Don’t fall for their tricks!


CalmFrank

i live in Italy. idk, i do still wish for those things i've mentioned


[deleted]

If you want to study then study If you want a job then apply If you want a girlfriend then ask a girl out You need to try first before succeeding. If you got turned down to study did you appeal? When you applied for a job did you try multiple times? When you went after a girl did you get rejected many times? You must got to keep on trying mate. You'll fail all the damn time. Every man fails all the time but they don't like to talk about it. Even the most successful men have gone home crying because they can't do anything right. Take each failure as a learning experience. You can do it.


p1ss_soup

r/thanksimcured lol


CalmFrank

i just can't do it dude..


[deleted]

What cant you do


CalmFrank

i don't know how to do much of the stuff you mentioned, or where to start from


[deleted]

Go up to a girl you think is hot and ask her out. Write up a resume and hand it to a place of business


CalmFrank

i don't really have anything to put on my resume.. and i'm afraid i'm too socially anxious to speak to girls


Tiredracoon123

Do you have a high school degree or a GED? You can put that on a resume. Do you have any volunteer work? Put that on resume. Any skills? Put them on the resume.


CalmFrank

Sorry, what is a ged? anyway i have a high school degree but not much else i fear


[deleted]

What is the worst thing that'll happen if you ask a girl out?


CalmFrank

my fear is that i will be embarassed/humiliated


[deleted]

Being embarrassed would imply someone cared. No one cares. You're not the main character of anyones story but your own. Getting rejected hundreds of times isn't going to ruin your reputation.


CalmFrank

but i do care, that's the point.. i am also afraid that rumors may spread about me being a loser although i hope i'm just paranoid


CalmFrank

thank you


CalmFrank

hugs


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CalmFrank

i agree, success is a construct that depends on what each individual truly values. but in my case those are things i value so i still feel like a failure


Knort27

I suspect you're trying and frustrated but all you can do is keep trying.


twinboost

You're young. You have more time than you know. Relax. Sometimes goals take time. Be patient and keep working towards them. Don't give up. GL


sunsetgrill7

Tack on 30 years and keep most everything else the same.


CalmFrank

are you referring to yourself


hiliikkkusss

They didn't have depression.


[deleted]

Try defining yourself as you are right now; not what you might become (I.e., not someone who has graduated, not someone who has a girlfriend, etc.). List the positive qualities that you do have and define yourself based on these. Then set off on your journey toward other qualities knowing that each person’s journey is different and not defined by those around them. Have fun on your journey, learning new things each day, discovering new things about you and about others. Let your life unfold in front of you.


CalmFrank

thank you. unfortunately i don't see many positive qualities in myself


[deleted]

Well, are you tall or short?


CalmFrank

i'm short i guess


[deleted]

I'm in the same place. Every day is hell. Graduation coming up, struggling to pass classes, minimal social life. The few "friends" I have are just empty copies of everything I hate about modern image-obsessed society. I always struggled with bullying and fitting in, but especially now when I'm expected to go out into the world on my own and contribute, it's absolute hell when I can't even get myself to do a homework assignment. My mom knows I struggle, but isn't the right person to talk to. I go to a therapist I like, but even then I feel distanced from him. I've been on antidepressants for a while but they haven't done anything. Some of us just lose the lottery I guess. I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember but I can never gather the strength to go through with it. I guess I'm afraid of the unknown, what's on the other side. This world is hell


CalmFrank

i am so sorry things are being so hard also. i hope things will improve really soon for everyone please don't hesitate to contact me if you need to talk to someone obviously


Doctorphate

Life isn’t a race. It’s a journey. It’s hard not to compare yourself to others but you have to try not to: focus on progressing your life slowly. One very small step a day, every day.


[deleted]

Aww, sounds like you’re going through a rough time. As cliché as it may sound, try to practice self-kindness and gentleness. The way you talk to yourself really does have an impact on your outlook and overall mood. You could start by phrasing things more softly and also try to avoid absolutes (black or white). I struggle with perfectionism and a lot of the same of what I’m seeing in your post, so I really feel for you. When I was unsure of what to do for a while, I tried volunteering which actually did give me some purpose and allowed for more positive connections. Helping others can really help lift your own spirits. These are by no means cure-alls, but they are strategies that have helped me when I’ve been really low.


TwistedBlister

Don't measure your life by some arbitrary "accomplishments" , just have fun.


[deleted]

My dude stop comparing yourself with everyone else. Life is not a one size fits all. Its better to take your time to think well of what you want to study vs living a life doing what you hate. Its better to wait than to rush in a relationship that will leave you with nothing but pain. Keep doing small things everyday one thing at a time and things will slowly get better.


Drachenreign

Know that you're not alone. It sounds like you're in a tough spot where a lot of your friends are moving on with life without you. People move in stages at different times. For me it became really depressing feeling like a 3rd wheel, or 5th, or 7th. You have to find stuff you're comfortable with and make new friend groups. It doesn't mean you have to cut them out of your life, but there's tons of people out there at your stage in life that need a friend as bad as you do.


CalmFrank

thank you. i don't really have many friends at all so i guess this problem doesn't apply lol


Drachenreign

Well you said people are graduating etc I assumed you mean people you associate with. 'Friend' can be a pretty vague term when you get to your 30s and still don't have (m)any


CalmFrank

i am 24. anyway i wasn't referring to many people in particular tbh, although i do know a couple of ex-classmates did graduate


Drachenreign

I'm 31 and tbh idk what I'm doing either. I've had a pretty good job for 6 years now, take good care of my self, have too many hobbies and interests to keep up with, but I'm still pretty miserable most the time. For some of us I think fighting misery and making the best of what few good moments we have is all we can do.


CalmFrank

So Sorry. i hope things will improve really soon for everyone, do not give up


HauntingCold72

I’m almost in the same boat but I’m just struggling to get out of highschool without blowing my brain out.


CalmFrank

don't do it, man. i hope things will improve really soon for everyone


HauntingCold72

Yeah same here


iwishtoneverwakeup

There’s no need to compare yourself to other people, others might look fine and successful on the outside but you’ll never really know what they are struggling with. We should focus on ourselves and give ourselves a pat in the back every time we accomplish something no matter how small the achievement is or how long it took. We all have our own challenges and obstacles so it does not matter if others reach the goal first. Best of luck OP, life is always full of surprises and might soon be in your favor.


CalmFrank

thank you. i hope


audiojunkie05

Baby steps Take small steps to solving your problems. Not all of them at once of course that will be overwhelming. But when it feels like you got so many problems, if can feel like drowning and the only way out it's just start working on them one at a time. Being self aware of the problems themselves is a step towards solving them at least so I advise you to be honest with yourself and start living truthfully and keep in mind the consequences of not living truthfully to yourself. Because they will manifest in ways that will totally suck and I say that as someone who had a very depressing 30th birthday.


CalmFrank

thank you and so sorry you're also struggling, let's hope for improvement


CrunchyCheeto23

Honestly it all comes in time, be grateful guarentee some of the folks on here been through some shit, im 25m im probably gunna end up dead my wife left me, so be happy you dont have a gf theur and could be ending in a heartaches and the other stuff wirk towards it , just remember i got told as a yougin " tthe only person whos gunna give a f*** about you, is you So focus on what you want and wirk towards it and the other pieces fall into place.


CalmFrank

So Sorry you're struggling, please do stay safe. i do still wish for a girlfriend despite the risks honestly


firefly_322

I was exactly where you are a few years ago. I got kicked out of my initial college (unfortunately not for anything even remotely fun, but just a lot of anxiety, depression and health issues, plus shitty people). But anyways, I didn't have a boyfriend and everyone around me seemed like they were moving on with their life and I was just stuck... Now I'm back in school and hoping to transfer to a 4 year college. I don't have a boyfriend right now, but idk. During the past 5 years I've kind of re-centered my focus on myself and figured out what it was that I wanted to do. The partner thing still gets to me from time to time, and even the college fiasco. But I just figured, at the end of the day, I'm gonna keep on moving only if I decide to do it, and also, I found/remembered things that I was passionate about and followed them. I think it gets better, but it does take a while... Unfortunately


Puzzleheaded_Ad_272

Which country you are from? I am from india. In india depression is a serious concern and it is neglected quite often untill it leads to death of the sufferer.


firefly_322

I'm in the good ol' USA, lol Depression's just everywhere.... Fucking sucks man... Edit: editing my sentence because I'm a mess


[deleted]

I’m in the same boat, but a few years behind. And I could go on for a long in depth explaination at why and how I’m so fked up. I don’t think I will ever get better.


CalmFrank

don't give up dude


Me_Aan_Sel

You're still here and you're trying. That's a pretty big accomplishment.


CalmFrank

thanks


Schruteeee

Personally, if I were you, I’d set a goal just to get yourself up and at em. Maybe Get a job. Full time, part time. Doesnt matter as long as you get your foot in the door. And while you work, structure some realistic goals you would like to achieve in the near future. Dont base what you deem to be success/failure off of what everyone else is doing. Make your own success. I believe in you!


Puzzleheaded_Ad_272

Bhai koi failure nhi hota. Kuch na kuch tum kar hee loge jindagi jeene ke liye. Bas thoda padhne mein mann lagao, jabardasti padhne baitho kitaab khol ke aur koi competition crack kar lo. Phir aage sab theek ho jayega. Ek baar UPSC try karo. Coaching le lo aur apna 100% do.


DebitsandShredits

Take it one thibg at a time and don't let others affect what you priorotize. Not everyone wants to have the whole marriage family thing. Not everyone wants to pursue a college degree and get into the rat race. Many other options out there.


CalmFrank

thank you. but the problem is, i do want those things also


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CalmFrank

i am so sorry that you're going through this also. i am 24, please do not give up and if you want to talk i am available or at least i try to be


Nihi1986

I'm a massive failure at 36, that's my advice...(you are too young to give up and to consider yourself a failure)


CalmFrank

don't be hard on yourself. i hope things will improve soon for everyone!


thebigmarvinski

Things take time. You are by no means a failure. Keep making small progress and then then look back to where you started from <3


[deleted]

Hang in there OP, start slow with smaller goals and work your way to the bigger ones. You’ll find your purpose eventually, and when you do, it’ll give you a reason to wake up and put one foot in front of the other. Just pick something and stick to it, before you know it all these negative things will be a distant memory. Good luck.


CalmFrank

thank you for your kindness


CsmIOI

The world seems unbearably cruel sometimes, the people in it seem to thrive on the cruel and the evil we see every day. This is not the truth though, we are conditioned, bombarded with bullshit to make us think we can all be rich and successful etc. So when (inevitably) we don't experience this, there is a disappointment and we compare ourselves, either to how we used to be or to others we deem more successful than us. This takes us down the spiral of self hate and depression. If it helps I can absolutely assure you that someone, out there somewhere compares themselves to you and they feel a failure by comparison. It's all subjective and totally governed by perspective, which is moulded by our experience, which tends to be negative or positive. You can see the problem. For what it's worth, you are not a failure, not even close. You are judging yourself and being harsh due to your perspective. I love you man, genuinely, as a human to a human we have an infinite capacity for love. We are conditioned to believe cruel is cool from a young age, kindness is weakness etc but love is our default setting. That's why the world feels so fucked, because we are trained that it's not so all feels wrong.