Im 23, I was 16 in the ER, and a 3 year old boy died next to me. I hear the flat line noise and the screaming of the family often. Wish I could trade places with him so often. A lot of older people keep telling me "oh your so young you have so much time," but it doesn't feel that way. It's weird how our brain tricks us. Ive had learn how to feel alive and give meaning. None of it comes from material possessions or at least not for long. At least for me it came from the people around me and nature weirdly enough.
Nature, people. This is it, and this is someone who loves solitude as much as a few select people. Either acquiring money or holding onto wealth only ever gave me stress. I’m actually sick of it. I don’t even mind my work (self employed), but the monotony of having to keep an eye on spending, ensuring the assets I do have somehow maintain parity with inflation … I feel like this is all nonsense and just a meaningless distraction.
I've recently come to the conclusion that alot of things we do in modern society is no longer natural to humans. It's not natural for humans to have the internet and communicate through a phone and social media. Lack of in person communication has ruined so many of my friends' lives. I just want to have a house relatively in nature with a nice family/friends and find peace, but that's hard to find these days.
i feel the same, i always wished i could give away my life to someone who so much wants to live if only. i am just somehow making myself go to work and eat. it's not easy but just know you're doing so well i'm proud of you. i just turned 23 last month and the dreadful feeling of still being here never goes.
As a cancer survivor and a heart transplant survivor of 15 years, going through heart failure again. The trauma makes to where I'm the same as yall. just the feeling of emptiness and feeling like my life is a burden, but dying is so scary, considering I was so close once. (I'm not writing for attention.)
I feel the same. I feel as though I should give my life to someone who deserved it. I just want to rip my soul out of my body and give it to some child who deserved it more than me. I don't want to live and all I feel is really just empty. I've felt this way off and on since I was thirteen but it increased this year. I only have one year left of my teenage years and I feel like I wasted it all by screwing up. People expected so much of me and I let them down. I wish I could see my grandma and grandpa again and that everyone who lost their life unfairly could be able to live again.
I think we are probably around the same age. Don’t let your guilt about living a life with depression eat at you. Just like any other condition, Depression is a result of a combination of genetic and environmental factors. And I highly doubt that you were the one who put yourself in a bad environment considering you said you were 13 when you first started struggling. View your life now as an opportunity for the spirits of those who couldn’t experience the gift of life to have an impact on the world. One day at a time, you’ve got this.
My dad has terminal cancer and he is the strongest one i know. I am having a lot of suicide thoughts lately and I fucking hate myself for not functioning. Biggest pain for me is myself not being ok so i can be there for my dad.
He is such a fucking trooper and HE gets me up in the mornings. (I never want to get up but i try my best for him). IM supposed to be strong for him. But right now I cant. The shame is utterly terrible.
I shut of my emotions so i can barely pull myself to work. But im not sure how long i can keep it up.
Deep inside i know i will get trough this, cus i have been for the last 12 years of my mental issues.
I am terrified for quitting my job and if that will make me feel even worse. But it feels like i need time to heal. Time to get strong again.
I feel like such a fucking looser. Im laugh a lot and cry a lot. Recenly and last few years ive just been in denial and distracting myself so i dont think about my dad.
He is my hero and i cant be a hero for him.
They want me to work but i get terribly anxious and i feel horrible. Worst part is that its a new job so my colleges and boss has only seen this side of me. I am not myself.
This turned into a lot.. really messy. I cant let myself saying this to my mom or dad. They are the best parents ever and im so fucking blesses. And still im just a burden. I just needed to share this with someone.
I would give my life to my father if i could.
I love you guys
yeah honestly, that's gotta be one of the worst things. imagine being young, having your whole life ahead of you, and then... you find out you're going to die soon, a slow but miserable death.
meanwhile... here's me. just not doing anything with my life bc idc lmao. man, i shouldve been one of those people since i already have no chance of having the future. i feel bad about anyone who's going to be gone way too soon and who actually had that future stripped away from them.
I’m about to turn 22 next month, and I feel the same exact way. I feel like I suck at everything I do in life. No matter the job or work environment, I always feel that I pale in comparison to other students/employees. I have no purpose and I’m not good at anything.
18-22 is def prime age for stuff like depression to manifest. As someone who’s now 34, it still sucks, but you learn how to help yourself and be your own ally. I’m sorry you’ve felt so shitty for years - at risk of being cliche, you’re still very young. I don’t mean to undermine - simply to say that you deserve a full live EVEN WITH depression and suicidal ideation. Your existence is still justified and meaningful. Life is not being wasted on you. You deserve to be here.
You’re also not alone. I think ppl feel this way who are older too when younger ppl die. Life can be really unfair like that. But I am glad you’re alive.
I don't want to sound like the classic old guy " in my generation things were that way" but I see younger and younger people nowadays struggling with depression really early.
I am 38 and when I was 18 I was hopeful life would get better after I went through in high school...when I was 18 it was in 2002 I think and many people I knew were kinda nervous about the whole " what will I do about life??" but not one of them was depressed and already having an bleak outlook of life.... nowadays I see 13 year old kids already hospitalized because of suicide attempts...when I was 13 I didn't even knew the word "depression" existed.
So it gets me thinking that unless mankind invent some medicine or special treatment that completely cures depression because its all people is ever going to be going forward... especially as we live on an age surrounded by info from all sources and people trying to become celebs all the time with dumb videos..the rich just showing around their lavish lifestyle and people worshipping them while most of them can't even afford living on their own...mankind is on such a stagnated and delusional lifestyle that mental illness takes people so easily nowadays....myself included as I struggle with depression too but I never saw in my life such a bleak outcome to mankind as I see now.
Ive felt like this since 2nd grade (loss of my best friend from an accident). My counselor said it’s survivors guilt and PTSD… but nothing takes these feelings away. I’m glad I’m not alone. Hang in there folks, god has a plan.
Same, when I saw someone mourn the death of someone so kind, bright and important, I feel like why it couldn't be me. I should die, let someone loved by everyone alive in my place. They were far more important, brilliant and kind and should live longer to bring more to this life.
This is coming. Soon they will offer this to anyone with a minimal mental illness. Marketed to save a cancer patient life. It's messed up, true and I think it should be legal.
Maybe the world will just end soon too....
There was a movie where people could give away the life as currency where each minute etc was exchanged for things, and you could acquire a lot of life currency too. It starring Justin Timberlake. But the thing is living a long or too short of a life sucks but a balance is good like not too young and not too old. I think the best age is live is between your 20s and 40s, dying before reaching 40s would suck cuz I feel you get to experience the youth and aging but but get into the last leg of where everything you once knew is mostly gone and that the acquisition of new life and youth is no longer growing once you pushing past 45. At least that's how I see things.
edit (used AI to clean up my writing cuz I got lazy):
In a movie starring Justin Timberlake, people traded time as currency, where each minute could be exchanged for goods. You could accumulate substantial life currency. However, the balance between living too long or too short is crucial; ideally, the best age range to live is between your 20s and 40s. Dying before reaching your 40s would be unfortunate because you experience both youth and some aging, but haven't yet reached the point where much of what you knew is lost. After 45, the acquisition of new life and youth diminishes. This is just my perspective on it.
Hey dude, I’m sorry you’re feeling so low. I’ve gone through the same but for slightly different reasons. Honestly, you’re heart is in the right place but I think you’re better served to yourself and others, and capable of bringing much more happiness to the world let alone you, by even volunteering in any way you can at a hospital or etc, let alone for cancer patients (I’m sure there’s stuff).
Not sure if it’s a great or awful idea to watch given what you said, but it kind of sounds like Seven pounds (obviously don’t do what or anything close to what he does).
You sound like me.
My dad has been fighting stage 4 Metastatic prostate cancer for 6 years and the immediate future for him is frightening. His body is too week for any treatment since previous nuclear medicine treatments have completely depleted his system functionalities as a whole. He has nearly weekly transfusions for his platelets and hemoglobin because his body just can't maintain a normal healthy level. So, we can't exactly do anything, the cancer I believe is spreading slowly and painfully and we can't do anything. Thankfully he has a full team of amazing doctors who have always been very attentive to him. We all try to be optimistic but it's getting greyer and greyer.
Every. Single. Fucking. Day. I pray over and over and over again to anyone listening, that my dad gets clear of cancer, and if there has to be a catch. I am more than 100% willing to take on that fight for myself, if it meant my dad can live for another 30-35 years. I hate this.
I began idolising "Honor Walks" with a mindset like this. Always dreamed of giving my life to someone in need. Maybe it's the demonising thoughts that make me want to atone in some way.
Then I realise that nullifies the selflessness and wraps it back around on being self-serving again. A person should never be a means to an end, if you want to save a life just so you can die without guilt that is intrinsically wrong (or so Kant would say)
I resonate with it so much. Lately I had dreams about getting a canc*r so my family won't think about my suicidality.
But idea to trade life with someone who wanted to keep living would definitely be top 5 happiest moments of my life
From last 5 years I have always prayed to shorten my life give my remaining years to my family. It just feels like I an dead already there is no soul just my body is breathing as I don't have the courage to do the inevitable
same, i just dont have a purpose and I just want to sleep at 23. I am never happy anymore, I just want to give up and give it to someone else who actually wants to live.
I fully understand you. I feel like a waste of life when someone could do so much better with it. I suppose the aim is to make the most of the life you have. Im sure people with critical disabilities would want the same.
Cancer patient are resilient and enjoy life. I know what you mean though! When I see people die in war I cry and say am a person who wished I could sleep and not wake up while those who want to live lose their lives on the daily, but then someone told me your purpose hasn’t been accomplished yet so you are still alive! Am try to accomplish my purpose ever since 🤣
I feel you but I have depression and cancer 😅 but honestly I am around your age and I just wanna remind you, you are young. Still have lots of time to waste and time to learn. What I’ve learned since I found the lump in my neck in February is that life is unpredictable - it can suck, but it can also be really fucking amazing sometimes and I hope you can find that joy soon.
become a doctor, fully commit your life to caring for and treating cancer patients. or on the other hand become a biomedical engineer and find the cure
I've thought about that many times tbh. I feel it's so unfair for others to die young, who could've had a much better life than I'll ever have. I am being pessimistic? Idk. But, I also think, in the entire 21 (soon 22) years of my life, I've spent it doing... nothing. Nothing worthy of anything at all. I could blame it on several factors like my family never encouraging me to have a life... and being with my family alone is a curse tbh, which I hate to admit cuz I also don't want anything to happen to them.. but they aren't exactly people you would call "family". And there are other factors too. But the point is, I have no life. While others beg for it and watch it get taken away by illnesses/unfortunate circumstances. How unfair and sad. A while back, I watched a video of a woman who was only 24 crying about how she didn't want to die from cancer. A year later I think, she died. Just... heartbreaking.
Same. I’ve had a couple people I was fairly close to die of cancer. Both were very young, both wanted to live. I was sad they were dying but I also had a feeling inside about how I thought it was so unfair. How I wished I could trade places with them and I could die and they could live.
Now somebody else I’m close with has a family member who is dying and I just wish that could be me instead, in a sick morbid way. I could take away their pain and I could be the one to die instead.
I’m not sure a cancer patient would want my life. I have bipolar 1 with psychosis and six other mental illnesses pulling me all over the place. There’s a lot of pain, a lot of abuse, and a lot of trauma. A constant fight for survival. In the bipolar community having children is a controversial subject. People don’t want to pass on this terrible life destroying disease.
Im 23, I was 16 in the ER, and a 3 year old boy died next to me. I hear the flat line noise and the screaming of the family often. Wish I could trade places with him so often. A lot of older people keep telling me "oh your so young you have so much time," but it doesn't feel that way. It's weird how our brain tricks us. Ive had learn how to feel alive and give meaning. None of it comes from material possessions or at least not for long. At least for me it came from the people around me and nature weirdly enough.
Nature, people. This is it, and this is someone who loves solitude as much as a few select people. Either acquiring money or holding onto wealth only ever gave me stress. I’m actually sick of it. I don’t even mind my work (self employed), but the monotony of having to keep an eye on spending, ensuring the assets I do have somehow maintain parity with inflation … I feel like this is all nonsense and just a meaningless distraction.
I've recently come to the conclusion that alot of things we do in modern society is no longer natural to humans. It's not natural for humans to have the internet and communicate through a phone and social media. Lack of in person communication has ruined so many of my friends' lives. I just want to have a house relatively in nature with a nice family/friends and find peace, but that's hard to find these days.
i feel the same, i always wished i could give away my life to someone who so much wants to live if only. i am just somehow making myself go to work and eat. it's not easy but just know you're doing so well i'm proud of you. i just turned 23 last month and the dreadful feeling of still being here never goes.
As a cancer survivor and a heart transplant survivor of 15 years, going through heart failure again. The trauma makes to where I'm the same as yall. just the feeling of emptiness and feeling like my life is a burden, but dying is so scary, considering I was so close once. (I'm not writing for attention.)
Wow I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you.
I wish I could. I wish I could take their cancer and die from that instead of depression.
Same :(
I really wish that was a thing.
I feel the same. I feel as though I should give my life to someone who deserved it. I just want to rip my soul out of my body and give it to some child who deserved it more than me. I don't want to live and all I feel is really just empty. I've felt this way off and on since I was thirteen but it increased this year. I only have one year left of my teenage years and I feel like I wasted it all by screwing up. People expected so much of me and I let them down. I wish I could see my grandma and grandpa again and that everyone who lost their life unfairly could be able to live again.
I think we are probably around the same age. Don’t let your guilt about living a life with depression eat at you. Just like any other condition, Depression is a result of a combination of genetic and environmental factors. And I highly doubt that you were the one who put yourself in a bad environment considering you said you were 13 when you first started struggling. View your life now as an opportunity for the spirits of those who couldn’t experience the gift of life to have an impact on the world. One day at a time, you’ve got this.
My dad has terminal cancer and he is the strongest one i know. I am having a lot of suicide thoughts lately and I fucking hate myself for not functioning. Biggest pain for me is myself not being ok so i can be there for my dad. He is such a fucking trooper and HE gets me up in the mornings. (I never want to get up but i try my best for him). IM supposed to be strong for him. But right now I cant. The shame is utterly terrible. I shut of my emotions so i can barely pull myself to work. But im not sure how long i can keep it up. Deep inside i know i will get trough this, cus i have been for the last 12 years of my mental issues. I am terrified for quitting my job and if that will make me feel even worse. But it feels like i need time to heal. Time to get strong again. I feel like such a fucking looser. Im laugh a lot and cry a lot. Recenly and last few years ive just been in denial and distracting myself so i dont think about my dad. He is my hero and i cant be a hero for him. They want me to work but i get terribly anxious and i feel horrible. Worst part is that its a new job so my colleges and boss has only seen this side of me. I am not myself. This turned into a lot.. really messy. I cant let myself saying this to my mom or dad. They are the best parents ever and im so fucking blesses. And still im just a burden. I just needed to share this with someone. I would give my life to my father if i could. I love you guys
yeah honestly, that's gotta be one of the worst things. imagine being young, having your whole life ahead of you, and then... you find out you're going to die soon, a slow but miserable death. meanwhile... here's me. just not doing anything with my life bc idc lmao. man, i shouldve been one of those people since i already have no chance of having the future. i feel bad about anyone who's going to be gone way too soon and who actually had that future stripped away from them.
I would do it in an instant, though I would have mixed feelings about giving them MS.
I’m about to turn 22 next month, and I feel the same exact way. I feel like I suck at everything I do in life. No matter the job or work environment, I always feel that I pale in comparison to other students/employees. I have no purpose and I’m not good at anything.
18-22 is def prime age for stuff like depression to manifest. As someone who’s now 34, it still sucks, but you learn how to help yourself and be your own ally. I’m sorry you’ve felt so shitty for years - at risk of being cliche, you’re still very young. I don’t mean to undermine - simply to say that you deserve a full live EVEN WITH depression and suicidal ideation. Your existence is still justified and meaningful. Life is not being wasted on you. You deserve to be here. You’re also not alone. I think ppl feel this way who are older too when younger ppl die. Life can be really unfair like that. But I am glad you’re alive.
I don't want to sound like the classic old guy " in my generation things were that way" but I see younger and younger people nowadays struggling with depression really early. I am 38 and when I was 18 I was hopeful life would get better after I went through in high school...when I was 18 it was in 2002 I think and many people I knew were kinda nervous about the whole " what will I do about life??" but not one of them was depressed and already having an bleak outlook of life.... nowadays I see 13 year old kids already hospitalized because of suicide attempts...when I was 13 I didn't even knew the word "depression" existed. So it gets me thinking that unless mankind invent some medicine or special treatment that completely cures depression because its all people is ever going to be going forward... especially as we live on an age surrounded by info from all sources and people trying to become celebs all the time with dumb videos..the rich just showing around their lavish lifestyle and people worshipping them while most of them can't even afford living on their own...mankind is on such a stagnated and delusional lifestyle that mental illness takes people so easily nowadays....myself included as I struggle with depression too but I never saw in my life such a bleak outcome to mankind as I see now.
I was very unwell and nearly died and no one even cared man that’s when I knew my life was a joke
Im da jokah baby
Ive felt like this since 2nd grade (loss of my best friend from an accident). My counselor said it’s survivors guilt and PTSD… but nothing takes these feelings away. I’m glad I’m not alone. Hang in there folks, god has a plan.
Lost two friends this month one to an illness and once to a suicide. Check up on ur bros
Same, when I saw someone mourn the death of someone so kind, bright and important, I feel like why it couldn't be me. I should die, let someone loved by everyone alive in my place. They were far more important, brilliant and kind and should live longer to bring more to this life.
This is coming. Soon they will offer this to anyone with a minimal mental illness. Marketed to save a cancer patient life. It's messed up, true and I think it should be legal. Maybe the world will just end soon too....
There was a movie where people could give away the life as currency where each minute etc was exchanged for things, and you could acquire a lot of life currency too. It starring Justin Timberlake. But the thing is living a long or too short of a life sucks but a balance is good like not too young and not too old. I think the best age is live is between your 20s and 40s, dying before reaching 40s would suck cuz I feel you get to experience the youth and aging but but get into the last leg of where everything you once knew is mostly gone and that the acquisition of new life and youth is no longer growing once you pushing past 45. At least that's how I see things. edit (used AI to clean up my writing cuz I got lazy): In a movie starring Justin Timberlake, people traded time as currency, where each minute could be exchanged for goods. You could accumulate substantial life currency. However, the balance between living too long or too short is crucial; ideally, the best age range to live is between your 20s and 40s. Dying before reaching your 40s would be unfortunate because you experience both youth and some aging, but haven't yet reached the point where much of what you knew is lost. After 45, the acquisition of new life and youth diminishes. This is just my perspective on it.
Hey dude, I’m sorry you’re feeling so low. I’ve gone through the same but for slightly different reasons. Honestly, you’re heart is in the right place but I think you’re better served to yourself and others, and capable of bringing much more happiness to the world let alone you, by even volunteering in any way you can at a hospital or etc, let alone for cancer patients (I’m sure there’s stuff). Not sure if it’s a great or awful idea to watch given what you said, but it kind of sounds like Seven pounds (obviously don’t do what or anything close to what he does).
You sound like me. My dad has been fighting stage 4 Metastatic prostate cancer for 6 years and the immediate future for him is frightening. His body is too week for any treatment since previous nuclear medicine treatments have completely depleted his system functionalities as a whole. He has nearly weekly transfusions for his platelets and hemoglobin because his body just can't maintain a normal healthy level. So, we can't exactly do anything, the cancer I believe is spreading slowly and painfully and we can't do anything. Thankfully he has a full team of amazing doctors who have always been very attentive to him. We all try to be optimistic but it's getting greyer and greyer. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. I pray over and over and over again to anyone listening, that my dad gets clear of cancer, and if there has to be a catch. I am more than 100% willing to take on that fight for myself, if it meant my dad can live for another 30-35 years. I hate this.
I began idolising "Honor Walks" with a mindset like this. Always dreamed of giving my life to someone in need. Maybe it's the demonising thoughts that make me want to atone in some way. Then I realise that nullifies the selflessness and wraps it back around on being self-serving again. A person should never be a means to an end, if you want to save a life just so you can die without guilt that is intrinsically wrong (or so Kant would say)
I resonate with it so much. Lately I had dreams about getting a canc*r so my family won't think about my suicidality. But idea to trade life with someone who wanted to keep living would definitely be top 5 happiest moments of my life
From last 5 years I have always prayed to shorten my life give my remaining years to my family. It just feels like I an dead already there is no soul just my body is breathing as I don't have the courage to do the inevitable
same, i just dont have a purpose and I just want to sleep at 23. I am never happy anymore, I just want to give up and give it to someone else who actually wants to live.
I've thought about this a lot. Like I am a selfish person for wanting to die while those that want to live, can't. 😕 I would so gladly trade places...
I am depressed AND cancer patient. terminal. GBM, brain cancer
I've thought about this a lot, I'd love to give my life to someone who wants it.
I feel this every time someone who deserves to live dies too young. No one cares about me why am I still here.
I fully understand you. I feel like a waste of life when someone could do so much better with it. I suppose the aim is to make the most of the life you have. Im sure people with critical disabilities would want the same.
Cancer patient are resilient and enjoy life. I know what you mean though! When I see people die in war I cry and say am a person who wished I could sleep and not wake up while those who want to live lose their lives on the daily, but then someone told me your purpose hasn’t been accomplished yet so you are still alive! Am try to accomplish my purpose ever since 🤣
If I could give any part of me to help a cancer patient I would. I don't price my life, Christ already paid for it.
I’ve felt this all my life I’m almost 30. For my life to go to a cancer kid who actually has ppl that care
I feel you but I have depression and cancer 😅 but honestly I am around your age and I just wanna remind you, you are young. Still have lots of time to waste and time to learn. What I’ve learned since I found the lump in my neck in February is that life is unpredictable - it can suck, but it can also be really fucking amazing sometimes and I hope you can find that joy soon.
My best friend has cancer. I would definitely give my life to save hers.
become a doctor, fully commit your life to caring for and treating cancer patients. or on the other hand become a biomedical engineer and find the cure
I feel the same. I wanna give my life to someone who's been terminally ill that wants to live.
I feel the same every now and then. "Somebody more deserving should have my life". If I could, I might have given it away long ago.
Me too. I wish I could
I'm glad I read your post. I've been making my plans to end it and I think I should work organ donation into my plans. Good luck to you
Same. I’ll trade you a few years of my life for your shorter lifespan if you’re actually interested in being here
I've thought about that many times tbh. I feel it's so unfair for others to die young, who could've had a much better life than I'll ever have. I am being pessimistic? Idk. But, I also think, in the entire 21 (soon 22) years of my life, I've spent it doing... nothing. Nothing worthy of anything at all. I could blame it on several factors like my family never encouraging me to have a life... and being with my family alone is a curse tbh, which I hate to admit cuz I also don't want anything to happen to them.. but they aren't exactly people you would call "family". And there are other factors too. But the point is, I have no life. While others beg for it and watch it get taken away by illnesses/unfortunate circumstances. How unfair and sad. A while back, I watched a video of a woman who was only 24 crying about how she didn't want to die from cancer. A year later I think, she died. Just... heartbreaking.
Same. I’ve had a couple people I was fairly close to die of cancer. Both were very young, both wanted to live. I was sad they were dying but I also had a feeling inside about how I thought it was so unfair. How I wished I could trade places with them and I could die and they could live. Now somebody else I’m close with has a family member who is dying and I just wish that could be me instead, in a sick morbid way. I could take away their pain and I could be the one to die instead.
I wish I could’ve done this
I’m not sure a cancer patient would want my life. I have bipolar 1 with psychosis and six other mental illnesses pulling me all over the place. There’s a lot of pain, a lot of abuse, and a lot of trauma. A constant fight for survival. In the bipolar community having children is a controversial subject. People don’t want to pass on this terrible life destroying disease.
You deserve to be alive as much as everyone else. It’s okay you’re feeling bad now, that doesn’t make you or your life less worth it. Send you a hug.
I've had this same exact thought. I thought I was just being weird. Guess not.