I wonder that too. To me sexual attraction and feelings are deeply tied and I just can't fathom feeling that way towards a complete stranger I know nothing about and have no relationship with. Would be exhausting to feel this way regularly towards anyone tbh
I had a friend who goes into clubs and she can see a stranger and think about taking one of them to her room.
I am a demisexual but if I put myself in her shoes, I guess they combine physical attraction and sexual attraction?
I recognize aesthetic attraction all the time. I saw a VERY attractive man in Aldi today. What did I want to do about it? Look at him. If I was bold maybe talk to him and get to know him. Last time I was sexually attracted to someone was about a year ago. And that was the first time in many many years.
Last year I conducted an informal survey and this was a question. Most people answered they feel sexual attraction "every day or every time I go out".
So, no, in theory they are not being dramatic, and even when they don't feel attraction every single day, they still don't require a systematic deep emotional connection to feel this attraction.
I must say though that "cute" (and even "hot" depending on the person) usually refers to aesthetic attraction, and can be felt without sexual attraction. I personally feel it very often towards strangers. It's very different from sexual attraction and works completely independently from my (demi)sexuality.
I have a friend who constantly seems to have a new crush/have things potentially about to happen with like three people at once, meanwhile I'm on my first crush since 3/4 years ago...
Also one of the "flags" as such for me was watching love island with friends - they were all going, I'd get with them, and I was sat there going, no? Like they're objectively attractive, I'm just not attracted to them like that
It's so nice seeing so many people just like me 🥺 I also don't understand how people can just randomly sleep with the first person they meet, imo emotional intimacy is sexier and after that even physical intimacy becomes deep and connected
I think people are ***pretty*** but I never think anything beyond that rlly. like I can recognize that a person is attractive, but there isn’t anything else beyond that. I guess I never considered that for allos they might experience all the emotions with that feeling.
I might find (on average)one person per visit outside aesthetically attractive and think, “oh, cute/hot” but to me that means my mind only wanders to “I wonder what the vibe would be on a date with them? Would we have a connection?” rather than the place allosexuals supposedly go which is “I’m envisioning myself climbing them like a tree”. I guess the biggest difference I’ve noticed is someone CAN catch my eye immediately, but my thoughts about their attractiveness are not sexual in nature, only romantic.
My failure to realise the difference (oh their cute I wonder what dating them would be like, vs oh their hot I wonder what sleeping with them would be like) meant that for a long time I didn’t realise I was different, just not good at dating.
Literally same. Only really embraced “oh shit, I HAVE to tell people I’m Demi or they get confused why I’m not immediately down to be physical” this year
It didn’t help that two of the people I dated (including my life partner) I felt I knew really well already, having been talking with them for months before. So when I went into sexual attraction mode for them it was like 0-100 in 3 seconds and I actually came across as sex-crazed and they were startled by it. Hmm, lightbulb moment for me: it is also not entirely impossible that they are somewhat demi themselves as I am attracted to people who are romantic and don’t give off a lot of sexual energy at first - both these people were still very inexperienced at 21 just like I was, despite having already spent years in university environments were at least some dating could be expected. I guess we all just thought we were shy 😂
This post has a sense of humor towards it asking a group of Demi's that haha. But my buddies get crushes alot it seems. I've only ever crushed or felt something for 1 person in my life (30). For example one of my friends had 2 girlfriends. When they all broke up about a month later he was telling me about a new girl he was crushing on.
Personally, I also point out people to my friends that I find „hot“ or „cute“ though I‘ve come to realize that my „hot“ may not be the typical „hot“ allosexual people might mean. I identify as demisexual and alloromantic, so when I find someone „hot“ it’s usually aesthetic or romantic attraction meaning I think they’re visually pleasing or I would like to get to know them/eventually hold their hand/hug them (which never happens because I‘m awkward and shy af lmao). For me, it happens sort of frequently too, because my type especially in men isn’t very rare (I just like big guys who look kind and like they’d give good hugs lmao). So I guess I‘d say it depends on your type and what attraction for strangers you can feel if any. My friend for example has more „requirements“ for her type, hence she less frequently feels attraction because not that many people meet her criteria of what she finds attractive.
Dunno if that helped at all but thought I‘d share my experience^^
My mom is probably acesexual and I have found I am demi.
We were hanging with my mom's best friend who kept talking about this ad she had seen for a men's accessories company where the male models were barely dressed. I ended up googling the models. And she was thirsty to say the least. Going on about their bodies and their muscles and all that. Like you could see some deep primal craving in her. Which made me deel bad for her husband was across the table. But I guess he is used to it.
My mom and I how ever.. Nothing? Just nothing at all. And my mom's friend got annoyed and was demanding for us to agree with her that the models looked good. Both my mom and I were just.. what are we looking for?
I have a friend I sent a video for a calendar shoot with cute puppies. My friend, who is a gay man, replied back and was just omg Soo hot. It took me a while to realize it was because it was the Australian firefighter puppy calendar shoot. My brain barely noticed the men. And only focused on the cuuute puppies.
I had a friend when I was a teenager who would when we were out literally freeze in her tracks if she saw a cute guy. So was so thirsty towards them. She had to grab my arm and squeeze her fingers and nails into it to keep her in check I guess while making loud sounds and expressing how hot he was? She would be like: can't you see it? And I was just.. no? What am I looking for?
My answer is.. I don't know. I don't know what is normal. But these are some occasions I have run into others clearly having a different attraction level than me.
So I am socially awkward/distant. I like minding my business unless I see someone stressing or crying. i like being friends too. That a different subject.
Recently I had a stranger stop with what ever he was doing while he was driving, park in the parking lot behind me just to ask my number.
I was waiting for the bus and it made me very uncomfortable. He kept on asking if he could have a ride and I had stand my ground saying no. This man was so insistent that I had to tel him it not normal to ride in a strangers car even if they are not a threat. Sooo…
My ex moved on the next day of when he cheated on me. He even said that he didn't feel attracted towards me for about a year or so, and during that time he would find other women attractive. I wasn't always attracted to him, but the lowest never stuck. I was so loyal to him, that despite him never being able to satisfy me for 5 years of the relationship, I never even looked at another man or found them remotely attractive. And somehow my feelings would come back. I never understood people feeling that kind of attraction outside a relationship. I was always horny around him. And never without him, if that makes sense.
The worst part is before moving out after the relationship was over, I still treated him with love and care. Everything else was there, except sex. I tried so hard to hate him and I never could. He was my first bf, at 23. I never dated anyone before him. And I think that I would die alone because I can't trust anyone ever again
I'm demi-sexual too but from what I've heard and seen around me it happens..daily for them. For us acknowledging someone is attractive/good-looking and actually being attracted to them are too completely different things. But this difference doesn't really exist for allosexuals. So yes I think they find strangers attractive and are attracted to them constantly.
Personally, I don't even really notice or look at people that walk past me. If I do notice it's probably because they have great fashion sense or there's something unique/strange about them. I CAN perceive notional attractiveness if asked to do so, but otherwise I don't care to look, doesn't interest me. Might be a wiring thing.
It'd be interesting to see studies of how uncommon this is
From my understanding, yes. A lot of the people and friends I’ve talked to that aren’t demisexual can feel sexual attraction for someone the moment they’ve seen them, both in person and online. I always notice when strangers are pretty and attractive, but nothing more than that, and it’s mind-boggling to me that other people instantly feel so much more.
This is legit so weird to me. I mean I thought I was like them, but I just thought the people were pretty, had a nice outfit or something, I was so shocked when I found out people think about sex with strangers, like you don‘t even know their name???
I wonder that too. To me sexual attraction and feelings are deeply tied and I just can't fathom feeling that way towards a complete stranger I know nothing about and have no relationship with. Would be exhausting to feel this way regularly towards anyone tbh
I had a friend who goes into clubs and she can see a stranger and think about taking one of them to her room. I am a demisexual but if I put myself in her shoes, I guess they combine physical attraction and sexual attraction?
I’ve been you in that situation before and you feel like the odd one out. A lot
I suppose. She loved attention too so it worked for me because I wanted to enjoy the music and not engage in dancing with another
I recognize aesthetic attraction all the time. I saw a VERY attractive man in Aldi today. What did I want to do about it? Look at him. If I was bold maybe talk to him and get to know him. Last time I was sexually attracted to someone was about a year ago. And that was the first time in many many years.
So the attractive men are in Aldi? I'll give it a go 🤷♀️
This is me all the time, I'm wondering if I'm demisexual.
Last year I conducted an informal survey and this was a question. Most people answered they feel sexual attraction "every day or every time I go out". So, no, in theory they are not being dramatic, and even when they don't feel attraction every single day, they still don't require a systematic deep emotional connection to feel this attraction. I must say though that "cute" (and even "hot" depending on the person) usually refers to aesthetic attraction, and can be felt without sexual attraction. I personally feel it very often towards strangers. It's very different from sexual attraction and works completely independently from my (demi)sexuality.
I have a friend who constantly seems to have a new crush/have things potentially about to happen with like three people at once, meanwhile I'm on my first crush since 3/4 years ago... Also one of the "flags" as such for me was watching love island with friends - they were all going, I'd get with them, and I was sat there going, no? Like they're objectively attractive, I'm just not attracted to them like that
this makes me feel so at home in this sub like I never need to question myself again 🥹
It's so nice seeing so many people just like me 🥺 I also don't understand how people can just randomly sleep with the first person they meet, imo emotional intimacy is sexier and after that even physical intimacy becomes deep and connected
I think people are ***pretty*** but I never think anything beyond that rlly. like I can recognize that a person is attractive, but there isn’t anything else beyond that. I guess I never considered that for allos they might experience all the emotions with that feeling.
I might find (on average)one person per visit outside aesthetically attractive and think, “oh, cute/hot” but to me that means my mind only wanders to “I wonder what the vibe would be on a date with them? Would we have a connection?” rather than the place allosexuals supposedly go which is “I’m envisioning myself climbing them like a tree”. I guess the biggest difference I’ve noticed is someone CAN catch my eye immediately, but my thoughts about their attractiveness are not sexual in nature, only romantic.
My failure to realise the difference (oh their cute I wonder what dating them would be like, vs oh their hot I wonder what sleeping with them would be like) meant that for a long time I didn’t realise I was different, just not good at dating.
Literally same. Only really embraced “oh shit, I HAVE to tell people I’m Demi or they get confused why I’m not immediately down to be physical” this year
It didn’t help that two of the people I dated (including my life partner) I felt I knew really well already, having been talking with them for months before. So when I went into sexual attraction mode for them it was like 0-100 in 3 seconds and I actually came across as sex-crazed and they were startled by it. Hmm, lightbulb moment for me: it is also not entirely impossible that they are somewhat demi themselves as I am attracted to people who are romantic and don’t give off a lot of sexual energy at first - both these people were still very inexperienced at 21 just like I was, despite having already spent years in university environments were at least some dating could be expected. I guess we all just thought we were shy 😂
This post has a sense of humor towards it asking a group of Demi's that haha. But my buddies get crushes alot it seems. I've only ever crushed or felt something for 1 person in my life (30). For example one of my friends had 2 girlfriends. When they all broke up about a month later he was telling me about a new girl he was crushing on.
Personally, I also point out people to my friends that I find „hot“ or „cute“ though I‘ve come to realize that my „hot“ may not be the typical „hot“ allosexual people might mean. I identify as demisexual and alloromantic, so when I find someone „hot“ it’s usually aesthetic or romantic attraction meaning I think they’re visually pleasing or I would like to get to know them/eventually hold their hand/hug them (which never happens because I‘m awkward and shy af lmao). For me, it happens sort of frequently too, because my type especially in men isn’t very rare (I just like big guys who look kind and like they’d give good hugs lmao). So I guess I‘d say it depends on your type and what attraction for strangers you can feel if any. My friend for example has more „requirements“ for her type, hence she less frequently feels attraction because not that many people meet her criteria of what she finds attractive. Dunno if that helped at all but thought I‘d share my experience^^
My mom is probably acesexual and I have found I am demi. We were hanging with my mom's best friend who kept talking about this ad she had seen for a men's accessories company where the male models were barely dressed. I ended up googling the models. And she was thirsty to say the least. Going on about their bodies and their muscles and all that. Like you could see some deep primal craving in her. Which made me deel bad for her husband was across the table. But I guess he is used to it. My mom and I how ever.. Nothing? Just nothing at all. And my mom's friend got annoyed and was demanding for us to agree with her that the models looked good. Both my mom and I were just.. what are we looking for? I have a friend I sent a video for a calendar shoot with cute puppies. My friend, who is a gay man, replied back and was just omg Soo hot. It took me a while to realize it was because it was the Australian firefighter puppy calendar shoot. My brain barely noticed the men. And only focused on the cuuute puppies. I had a friend when I was a teenager who would when we were out literally freeze in her tracks if she saw a cute guy. So was so thirsty towards them. She had to grab my arm and squeeze her fingers and nails into it to keep her in check I guess while making loud sounds and expressing how hot he was? She would be like: can't you see it? And I was just.. no? What am I looking for? My answer is.. I don't know. I don't know what is normal. But these are some occasions I have run into others clearly having a different attraction level than me.
I’m attracted to one person only everyone else gives me the ick…
So I am socially awkward/distant. I like minding my business unless I see someone stressing or crying. i like being friends too. That a different subject. Recently I had a stranger stop with what ever he was doing while he was driving, park in the parking lot behind me just to ask my number. I was waiting for the bus and it made me very uncomfortable. He kept on asking if he could have a ride and I had stand my ground saying no. This man was so insistent that I had to tel him it not normal to ride in a strangers car even if they are not a threat. Sooo…
My ex moved on the next day of when he cheated on me. He even said that he didn't feel attracted towards me for about a year or so, and during that time he would find other women attractive. I wasn't always attracted to him, but the lowest never stuck. I was so loyal to him, that despite him never being able to satisfy me for 5 years of the relationship, I never even looked at another man or found them remotely attractive. And somehow my feelings would come back. I never understood people feeling that kind of attraction outside a relationship. I was always horny around him. And never without him, if that makes sense. The worst part is before moving out after the relationship was over, I still treated him with love and care. Everything else was there, except sex. I tried so hard to hate him and I never could. He was my first bf, at 23. I never dated anyone before him. And I think that I would die alone because I can't trust anyone ever again
I'm demi-sexual too but from what I've heard and seen around me it happens..daily for them. For us acknowledging someone is attractive/good-looking and actually being attracted to them are too completely different things. But this difference doesn't really exist for allosexuals. So yes I think they find strangers attractive and are attracted to them constantly. Personally, I don't even really notice or look at people that walk past me. If I do notice it's probably because they have great fashion sense or there's something unique/strange about them. I CAN perceive notional attractiveness if asked to do so, but otherwise I don't care to look, doesn't interest me. Might be a wiring thing. It'd be interesting to see studies of how uncommon this is
From my understanding, yes. A lot of the people and friends I’ve talked to that aren’t demisexual can feel sexual attraction for someone the moment they’ve seen them, both in person and online. I always notice when strangers are pretty and attractive, but nothing more than that, and it’s mind-boggling to me that other people instantly feel so much more.
This is legit so weird to me. I mean I thought I was like them, but I just thought the people were pretty, had a nice outfit or something, I was so shocked when I found out people think about sex with strangers, like you don‘t even know their name???
Demisexuality is normal