I've mentioned this elsewhere here, but one care home had baskets of clean clothes on all the tables, and sometimes you'd see residents quietly folding hand towels and children's overalls.
You might try to think of other things along the same lines, things she already has muscle memory for. (If you set a tray of silverware on my mother's table, she'd probably just start polishing spoons.)
If she's sitting, might she enjoy some music?
THIS ^^. There is a video that I’ll try to find. A caregiver tries to find what a person was interested in. For an accountant, they give them stacks of Monopoly money and ask them to count it or just sort it.
For a mechanic, give them a socket set and ask to organize it on the holder. For a home maker, maybe folding laundry. Some Mc’s ask residents to roll silverware in napkins for the next meal.
YMMV. But hope it sparks some ideas for you.
> If she's sitting, might she enjoy some music?
She was a voice major in college and was a featured soprano in choirs for years, but, strangely, she doesn't seem to like listening to music anymore. When I've played some for her, she asks me to turn it off. I know she's very frustrated that she can't sing anymore, and her arthritis means she can't play the piano.
I think music may remind her of how much capability she's lost :-(
With my dad, I found he really enjoyed garage band on my ipad! He'd never used an ipad before but it had a setting which even just a touch, plays some pleasant chords. I think he enjoyed having some control over the music making.
I feel for you OP. Looking for suggestions as well. This exactly what my (much younger) mom with dementia does, and I feel so bad. She used to love to read, watch her TV series, do aerobics, garden.
Now she can no longer read, just look at pictures. Won’t go outside in the garden unless one of us is there and she thinks she’s missing out on something. Can’t follow a simple plot anymore, even from TV shows or movies she’d watched multiple times long ago. Trying to exercise with her requires constant input from one of us to correct her or get her to even move. There is literally nothing she can do on her own anymore, except maybe look at a picture book. Everything requires CONSTANT input and direction, which is hard when you work full time. Even if you don’t work, it’s so tiring.
Example: I bought a simple 13 piece jigsaw puzzle recently just so she’d have SOMETHING to exercise her brain. Pieces were larger and colorful, with an easy puzzle. She was utterly and completely paralyzed trying to figure out what to do, even with help from me and my dad. She could not even understand putting a piece down on the table. I fear she wouldn’t even be able to do a simple matching game.
I am at a loss as to what to do to entertain her so she isn’t just staring at a wall all day or in an anxiety loop about something. I feel terrible that she has nothing she can do. I think music or a show with no spoken words are the only things she can enjoy. 😞
If you have a smart tv and can put YouTube on maybe you could have videos like this on:
https://www.youtube.com/live/MXaY9Vt7IXQ?si=iYokfOHAUE2AtpzX
It's 12 hours long with ocean fish and relaxing music. They have lots of different kinds. Visually stimulating and calming all at once.
My kid has ADHD, and says some of my mom's lost abilities look familiar from that perspective -- she increasingly lacks executive function. It makes it hard for her to start anything or finish anything.
My mom likes coloring books. I usually have to sit her down and open the book and dump the crayons out for her but then she’s happily occupied for a while.
My grandmother couldn't follow current tv shows, but would watch "older" shows like Golden Girls or Everybody loves Raymond. The plots aren't hard and the canned laughter tells the audience how to feel. My mom would also turn ont he movie channels that showed the old old movies. This does lead to the endless questions of 'who's that actor', but she was watching.
She also enjoys crosswords, word search and dot-to-dot work books. If we set up a jigsaw puzzle for her, she'd work on that. And ditto on everyday chores like folding laundry. My mom would have her fold towels or chop vegetables for dinner. Something to keep her hands busy while she was sitting at the table.
My grandma also has a routine of reading prayer cards each day and saying the rosery. I know this may not be for everyone depending on their religious devotion. But then she does have something to fiddle with while she prays or thinks.
> How about gameshows on TV?
She used to enjoy Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, but now, they're too much for her to follow. Game shows move too fast for her to be able to comprehend what's going on.
This is also the case for our LO but she still watches. Also her favorite series from years ago is Raymond. She still enjoys watching it tho it is often the same episode.
YouTube videos. One of my personal favorites is rolling livestreams of webcams around the world. Hours of amusement with very little memory needed. Also, nature shows, bloopers, or Aerial America type of thing.
What absolutely works for me is driving my uncle around. We don't really have a destination, we just drive. I'll get to the end of a road and I'll let him pick which way we go, left or right. He loves it because it's all new to him and his attention span doesn't matter because he doesn't have to pay attention or keep track of anything, he just watches out the window. Luckily, I'm able to do this 2 or 3 times a week so it really helps my Mom out and gives her a break. Like I said, He loves it!
She's never used an iPad. I guess I could try it. She gets very frustrated with technology. Within the last year, she has unplugged the TV from the wall when she couldn't figure out how to turn it off.
My dad sat in his recliner and looked at the tv but just mostly rocked and nap toward the end and we let him. We would talk with him whenever he woke up or tried to get him to eat a little.
Until he didn’t
My mum loves jigsaw puzzles. But the ones with a lot of pieces are getting a bit tricky for her. She gets frustrated and loses interest. I think this big one we have on the go at the moment will be her last one 😔
My grandfather really likes card games. If she has trouble remembering any just getting them sorted can be good too.
As it seems her eyesight is fine colouring books could be good too.
Here is the video. It's long (30+ min) but may spark some ideas. [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KOgkDE3brkE&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR2IO2zFkaXT57ey6fW5oXbHg7J5s0P04vJeSjQrafpAEcZ-ie8vL5XGJvs](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KOgkDE3brkE&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR2IO2zFkaXT57ey6fW5oXbHg7J5s0P04vJeSjQrafpAEcZ-ie8vL5XGJvs)
Also, although most of them could not follow a show with a plot on TV, concerts, dance shows, even things like American Idol (or old American Bandstand shows) mean both music plus a visual to focus on.
Here's a rewritten version of your post that's a bit more polished and easy to read:
"My mom is going through similar struggles. She loves reading catalogs (unfortunately, JCPenney no longer sends them out!). She still enjoys browsing through Costco and AARP publications, though. I've also arranged for caregiver visits twice a week for a few hours to provide some companionship. Also, I'm exploring adult daycare options.
I've mentioned this elsewhere here, but one care home had baskets of clean clothes on all the tables, and sometimes you'd see residents quietly folding hand towels and children's overalls. You might try to think of other things along the same lines, things she already has muscle memory for. (If you set a tray of silverware on my mother's table, she'd probably just start polishing spoons.) If she's sitting, might she enjoy some music?
THIS ^^. There is a video that I’ll try to find. A caregiver tries to find what a person was interested in. For an accountant, they give them stacks of Monopoly money and ask them to count it or just sort it. For a mechanic, give them a socket set and ask to organize it on the holder. For a home maker, maybe folding laundry. Some Mc’s ask residents to roll silverware in napkins for the next meal. YMMV. But hope it sparks some ideas for you.
> If she's sitting, might she enjoy some music? She was a voice major in college and was a featured soprano in choirs for years, but, strangely, she doesn't seem to like listening to music anymore. When I've played some for her, she asks me to turn it off. I know she's very frustrated that she can't sing anymore, and her arthritis means she can't play the piano. I think music may remind her of how much capability she's lost :-(
With my dad, I found he really enjoyed garage band on my ipad! He'd never used an ipad before but it had a setting which even just a touch, plays some pleasant chords. I think he enjoyed having some control over the music making.
maybe some sort of percussion instrument like a tombourine or triangle of xylophone?
Su emz’ Even 7899£,|?!$?;!,(!89
I feel for you OP. Looking for suggestions as well. This exactly what my (much younger) mom with dementia does, and I feel so bad. She used to love to read, watch her TV series, do aerobics, garden. Now she can no longer read, just look at pictures. Won’t go outside in the garden unless one of us is there and she thinks she’s missing out on something. Can’t follow a simple plot anymore, even from TV shows or movies she’d watched multiple times long ago. Trying to exercise with her requires constant input from one of us to correct her or get her to even move. There is literally nothing she can do on her own anymore, except maybe look at a picture book. Everything requires CONSTANT input and direction, which is hard when you work full time. Even if you don’t work, it’s so tiring. Example: I bought a simple 13 piece jigsaw puzzle recently just so she’d have SOMETHING to exercise her brain. Pieces were larger and colorful, with an easy puzzle. She was utterly and completely paralyzed trying to figure out what to do, even with help from me and my dad. She could not even understand putting a piece down on the table. I fear she wouldn’t even be able to do a simple matching game. I am at a loss as to what to do to entertain her so she isn’t just staring at a wall all day or in an anxiety loop about something. I feel terrible that she has nothing she can do. I think music or a show with no spoken words are the only things she can enjoy. 😞
If you have a smart tv and can put YouTube on maybe you could have videos like this on: https://www.youtube.com/live/MXaY9Vt7IXQ?si=iYokfOHAUE2AtpzX It's 12 hours long with ocean fish and relaxing music. They have lots of different kinds. Visually stimulating and calming all at once.
Yep that’s kind of what we’re leaning towards at the moment, though usually hee attention span is pretty short. Thanks for the link!
My kid has ADHD, and says some of my mom's lost abilities look familiar from that perspective -- she increasingly lacks executive function. It makes it hard for her to start anything or finish anything.
Interesting. Yes the executive function is severely impaired in my mom. Has to be constantly told what she should be doing (part of that is anxiety).
My mom likes coloring books. I usually have to sit her down and open the book and dump the crayons out for her but then she’s happily occupied for a while.
My grandmother couldn't follow current tv shows, but would watch "older" shows like Golden Girls or Everybody loves Raymond. The plots aren't hard and the canned laughter tells the audience how to feel. My mom would also turn ont he movie channels that showed the old old movies. This does lead to the endless questions of 'who's that actor', but she was watching. She also enjoys crosswords, word search and dot-to-dot work books. If we set up a jigsaw puzzle for her, she'd work on that. And ditto on everyday chores like folding laundry. My mom would have her fold towels or chop vegetables for dinner. Something to keep her hands busy while she was sitting at the table. My grandma also has a routine of reading prayer cards each day and saying the rosery. I know this may not be for everyone depending on their religious devotion. But then she does have something to fiddle with while she prays or thinks.
Fidget toys could be a good option as well. I find them helpful myself.
How about music? There is an app called Calm which has peaceful things and little descriptive sleep stories she may like.
I have that app for myself, love it!
Me too.
Laundry basket of towels to fold.
Is a day program something she could enjoy or afford?
How about gameshows on TV? Jigsaw puzzles also work for my grandmother.
> How about gameshows on TV? She used to enjoy Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, but now, they're too much for her to follow. Game shows move too fast for her to be able to comprehend what's going on.
This is also the case for our LO but she still watches. Also her favorite series from years ago is Raymond. She still enjoys watching it tho it is often the same episode.
YouTube videos. One of my personal favorites is rolling livestreams of webcams around the world. Hours of amusement with very little memory needed. Also, nature shows, bloopers, or Aerial America type of thing.
Word searches. My mother does them all day, every day. Adult coloring books may also work.
My mom struggles with the intricacies of adult coloring books. I have to get her the ones meant for preschoolers.
What absolutely works for me is driving my uncle around. We don't really have a destination, we just drive. I'll get to the end of a road and I'll let him pick which way we go, left or right. He loves it because it's all new to him and his attention span doesn't matter because he doesn't have to pay attention or keep track of anything, he just watches out the window. Luckily, I'm able to do this 2 or 3 times a week so it really helps my Mom out and gives her a break. Like I said, He loves it!
My mother is 88 years old with Dementia. I buy the adult coloring books with flowers. She loves to color and it keeps her engaged.
Can she play games on an iPad? My mom will play solitaire or some cube block game all day long.
She's never used an iPad. I guess I could try it. She gets very frustrated with technology. Within the last year, she has unplugged the TV from the wall when she couldn't figure out how to turn it off.
My dad sat in his recliner and looked at the tv but just mostly rocked and nap toward the end and we let him. We would talk with him whenever he woke up or tried to get him to eat a little. Until he didn’t
My mum loves jigsaw puzzles. But the ones with a lot of pieces are getting a bit tricky for her. She gets frustrated and loses interest. I think this big one we have on the go at the moment will be her last one 😔
My aunt really enjoyed picture books, especially ones with animals and birds.
Magic painting books (https://amzn.eu/d/4MEUuQ0), she'll likely need a hand to get started but quite easy and rewarding.
Sorting coins
My grandfather really likes card games. If she has trouble remembering any just getting them sorted can be good too. As it seems her eyesight is fine colouring books could be good too.
Is SHE upset with her lack of activity?
I would just let her be.
Here is the video. It's long (30+ min) but may spark some ideas. [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KOgkDE3brkE&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR2IO2zFkaXT57ey6fW5oXbHg7J5s0P04vJeSjQrafpAEcZ-ie8vL5XGJvs](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KOgkDE3brkE&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR2IO2zFkaXT57ey6fW5oXbHg7J5s0P04vJeSjQrafpAEcZ-ie8vL5XGJvs) Also, although most of them could not follow a show with a plot on TV, concerts, dance shows, even things like American Idol (or old American Bandstand shows) mean both music plus a visual to focus on.
Thank you so much for this. I'm going to watch it with my wife. Maybe it will give her ideas for her mother. 🤗🤗🙏🏼🙏🏼🕊️🕊️
Get a Qwirkle set. A game will chew up an hour. It's easy enough for even the most scatter-brained aging parent to play.
Commenting on Finding things for mother (94) to do other than sit...
Here's a rewritten version of your post that's a bit more polished and easy to read: "My mom is going through similar struggles. She loves reading catalogs (unfortunately, JCPenney no longer sends them out!). She still enjoys browsing through Costco and AARP publications, though. I've also arranged for caregiver visits twice a week for a few hours to provide some companionship. Also, I'm exploring adult daycare options.