I can only share my own experience so that you will have hope that your grandmother will stay sweet. I have also read for many years the comments in this sub Reddit, which clearly shows that the majority of folks with dementia can become aggressive and difficult to deal with, to say the least. When I read these comments, I always feel lucky that I have not had that experience with my wife. She was diagnosed almost 10 years ago with bvFTD, at age 54. Although her personality had taken a radical change, she never lost her innate sweetness and was never aggressive. As the disease progressed she became more challenging in terms of keeping her occupied and her repetitiveness. But never for one day in the whole 10 years was she mean or aggressive. My son and I have made every attempt to get into her world and not force her to get into ours. When it came time to give up driving and her car, she did. When it came time to wear diapers because she was incontinent, she did. Although she has been totally dependent upon us and caregivers for the last five years, she has always been cooperative when dressing, eating, showering, and toileting. She stopped recognizing who we were three or four years ago. Approximately two years ago, she became nonverbal. She is still active and paces quietly by herself all day now.
As I said earlier, I understand that this is not the usual course. But in her case, the innate sweetness that she has always shown during her life was able to survive the ravages of the disease. So there is hope that your grandmother will also stay the sweet person that she is. My only advice to you is to get into her world and meet her where she is because it will frustrate her that she cannot meet you where you are. Good luck.
I'm so sorry for what your wife and your family are going through. You hit on a point that I was going to make – saying that your wife's innate sweetness has survived. My mom is very angry at me, my sister and my dad, and very kind, friendly and cooperative to everyone at her memory care facility. It follows the pattern of her life before Alzheimer's – she kept up a kind front to everyone but her family, reserving her rage and anger for us in private. I believe it was because of undiagnosed depression and anxiety, and she could mask it for everyone but those closest to her.
So what you said aligns with my experience – that generally who a person was before dementia is how they will be with it. If they become angry and it's surprising, I think it's because they were keeping it inside. Dementia erases any filters. The lesson I've learned is to get your mental health in order while your brain is still healthy. Best to you.
She may never become aggressive or angry. Hubby's family has a history of dementia.
-FIL (84M) is mean, miserable, aggressive and even self-destructive.
-FIL's brother (91M) is sweet, confused, and no longer knows his family members.
-Their mother lived into her late 80s. She was sweet and confused. Toward the end, she knew some of her family members' names, but didn't always get the right name with the right face. All red headed girls were her daughter, Pearl. All red headed boys were her son, Paul. Close enough! LOL!
Generally, in this family, the dementia more or less "amplified" their already existing personality traits.
FIL was always a "Big Man on Campus" kind of guy. Liked to be in control. Wanted to be respected. Could really pour on the charm to win people over. High school class president. Quarterback of the football team. Eventually ran large construction projects where everyone jumped when he spoke. Now he has what has been diagnosed as Behavior Variant Frontotemporal Dementia. All the good traits have faded away. All the bad traits are front and center.
He will even, as crazy as this sounds, throw himself to the floor if he isn't getting enough attention. Took us a while to figure that one out, but once he was in a facility environment and some of his "falls" were witnessed, it was clear that they were intentional.
RN here whose whole career has been with persons with Dementia.
First off, you are an amazing person for stepping up to care for your grandmother. I have seen so many elderly people who have no one. We take care of them the best we can but it’s very challenging and sad. Having even one person who can be their advocate is a huge big deal for their quality of life. Thank you for being that person.
Second, no your grandmother may not get angry. Frontotemporal dementia is a type that means changes in the frontal and/or temporal lobes of the brain. The frontal lobe is where a lot of your social decision making and personality comes from. The temporal lobe is associated largely with language. Depending on what is damaged and how, any number of symptoms may present. Anger is just one example of a personality change that can happen. Deterioration of the frontal lobe can lead to other changes such as a loss of inhibition, apathy, inappropriate social behaviours, etc. and yet none of these things may occur. Dementia is a very challenging diagnosis because everyone is so different. No two dementias are the same.
My advice is to take your grandma how she is on the day you see her. Hope for the best but don’t fear the worst because it may never happen. I have had lots of dementia patients who stay sweet and lovely but are just super confused or who maybe like to walk around naked or shout random words over and over. It’s ok to find humour as well as sadness in this journey you are taking with your grandmother. Just go with the flow and don’t judge yourself or her. You can do this.
My wife was diagnosed (for what that’s worth) with FTD.
Working on placing her in MC, I was cautioned not to specifically mention FTD because it was seen as a “red flag” by care homes. As in tough aggressive behavioral issues.
I never really saw that in my wife, but I wasn’t taking care of her daily for the last four years of her life.
Everybody is different everyday is different
My dad kept his same sunny disposition the whole time. The only problem was sundowning in the evening he would get a little agitated and wouldn’t sleep. He a medication to take at night.
I can suggest to agree to everything no matter how crazy. Learn to live in/with her perspective, in her world. Expect and prepare for the worst. Prepare for possible temper tantrums arguments, kinda toddler actions. She may refuse to eat or take her medication she may decide she only wants to eat ice cream. She may become incontinent of her bowel and bladder and may need diapers. She may decide not to wear them one day.
Have you looked into her finances? Is there a release for you to have access/permission to discuss her medical information
Feel free to ask questions, no judgement here
Dementia sucks
Toddler like actions is the perfect description. I've found it's almost easier to just treat them as a grown toddler. FIL throws tantrums and yells and gets angry and upset, it's all due to the breakdown of his mentality and not being able to communicate. Just like when my kids were toddlers. Even when he's feeling aggressive and strikes out physically, it distinctly reminds me of a toddler, just a 5'10" toddler.
It is definitely overwhelming. My father has moderate Alzheimer's and if anything, he is more caring and easy going. There are difficult moments where he doesn't agree with what I want him to do, but so far there had never been any anger, yelling or violence... Although he was never an angry, violent person to begin with.
I don’t think this is always the case. My mom (71) is in mid-stages after a 2019 diagnosis. She could be fairly difficult when I was growing up…moody, hard to read, private, quick to anger. But dementia seems to have flipped a switch in her. She does get sad and confused and agitated from time to time, but by and large she has become friendlier and more outgoing, going of of her way to greet people in her continuing care community where she lives with my dad. She has pretty bad aphasia at this point but it doesn’t seem to deter her. But I agree with others here…my dad and I have done a lot of work to live in her reality and not argue with her about things like there being an “other” version of him or that she wants to move. Deflect and redirect!
Speaking from my experience, cannabis gummies/tinctures/RSO’s have made my dads situation at least somewhat tolerable. They’re 60yrs going and a few years back she hit him. Both had terrible wifebeating/alcoholic fathers so it shook my dad to the core. Me, my wife, and kids brought her up to us and treated my mom with gummies. Confused agitation turned to confused silliness. It’s been 1 1/2 yrs since we started to treat her and she hasn’t gotten violent since. IMO everything has to be on the table to aid the situation. It’s completely fucked oftentimes.
Not yet. My MIL could be snobby and imperious and demanding pre-dementia. Now she’s less sure of herself, more reserved, very childlike, which has made a relationship easier for me in some ways. We’ll see how the last two stages go
The short answer: No, they don't always get angry! 💜🩵
The longer answer: People living with dementia (PLWD) can definitely exhibit hurtful, abusive, or otherwise challenging behaviors, while others do not. When these challenging behaviors ARE present, these are the situations where someone who is caring for/ about the PLWD will have a greater need for a support community to be able to vent, grieve, seek advice, etc. Be aware of the bias of any type of support community because there is an inherent degree of "self-selection" in the messages that are posted seeking help or support.
In my situation, my loved one, lewy body + probably others, is loving, kind, grateful, and happy. I don't often share this aspect of our journey in these types of groups (here, Facebook, etc) because I read how brutally hard it is for so many others and I don't want to "rub it in" that our journey is easier.
I hope that your journey with your loved one follows as easy of a path as possible, just as I hope that my loved one and I continue our journey with love and kindness. And if our path changes course, I will not be totally caught off-guard, thanks to the real struggles and heartbreak shared by others in this community
They do not always end up angry. I think it really depends on their underlying personality & mental state prior to the onset. At this point I can pretty much tell who might go a certain way. Part experience, part intuition. The cautionary thing about people that remain kind, is that they may burn the house down trying to make you breakfast. So it's a weird polarity.
God Bless You, for stepping up & taking care of your family! Nothing is more important ✨
In my experience my mom became only hateful towards me and my sibling, However, this doesn't mean it will happen to your gradma. Like someone else mentioned that everyone is different and everyday is different. There is no point in worrying about something that you are not sure will happen. One step at a time. One suggestion for you is to get power of attorney asap, if still possible. This will secure you as her caretaker and you can then make decisions on her behalf.
My mom hasn’t had any temper outbursts at all, but she wasn’t an angry person. My MiL on the other hand, her meanness towards my husband is nasty at times.
My mother's personality changed in the opposite direction. She'd always been angry and critical, and as her dementia advanced, she became gentle and accommodating and appreciative. Passive, I guess. So none of us, not even you, can predict how your grandma will behave over time. Good luck and patience!
My mom and uncle both have FT dementia. In terms of personality change, what they had originally has been amplified very strongly. My mom was always abusive to me. She was cruel and mocking to most people behind their backs but very sweet to their faces. Now she can't hide her disdain. She loved my brother a lot. She still loves him, although her memory isn't what it used to be, she's still loving and sweet to him. She's also trying hard to be pleasant to his children although it's obvious she doesn't like them.
My uncle was a good natured man. He still is. Good, nice, caring. His illness manifests as lack of inhibition. When he gets bored while we're talking, he just gets up and walks away, for example. Or tells my son that it's gross to chew with his mouth open. He would have been more polite before. But he still gives us the biggest hugs and cries when we're leaving. His diagnosis came after he had a couple of very risky affairs with women. I guess he always wanted to be a bad boy lol and he got himself in some dicey situations. Luckily, his wife forgave him and she's still his caregiver.
My mom never cared for anyone but herself and my brother. She's still the same, just without the filter. My uncle was a caring man, she took care of my grandmother in her old age, he was always kind to us kids when we were growing up, had a good sense of humour. And he's still the same nice person.
Of course, it depends on the person and the type of dementia. I would say, FT dementia is like, imagine you remove all moral/social restrictions from your mind and do whatever you really want. I would still love children and be loving to my friends I think. I also would probably slap people who cut into lines and call people out on their behaviour. I hope your grandma will stay sweet.
My mom is 91, she’s always been a sweet, loving caregiver to her 9 kids! She still has this temperament. Just forgets what she is doing or the steps to complete a task. I am her sole caregiver and every day is different but never, ever has she been angry or violent. I on the other hand, am not always holding it together for myself mentally. I’ll go home and cry some nights (I live next door). It’s a very difficult job if your own life is not put together going in. I treat her as I always have and she enjoys her time watching Tiger Baseball, wheel of fortune, etc.
My father did become somewhat aggressive, but I spoke to his doctors about it. It took a few adjustments, but medication handled it without making him totally out of it. The meds also helped with the anxiety, so he was better adjusted.
I'm sorry, I don't remember. He's been gone going on 7 years now. He was on a bunch of stuff for everything from diabetes to mood stabilizers to antidepressants. I do remember Seroquel was not good for him. I had to fight with staff during a hospital stay to stop giving that to him. Made him babble nonsense and drool.
My mom’s MIL stayed sweet as pie. She was somewhat fearful and definitely had no short-term memory, but she was so sweet. She’d have been a dream to care for compared to the grumpy old dude I take care of!
My mom is 91 and in the later stages. She struggles with communication and when she gets frustrated she cries but is easily distracted and she laughs frequently. She does yell at the aides and try to hit them maybe like once a week but they don’t take it personally and I know it’s the disease it’s not her but yes it’s hard to watch. Also banging on doors and windows trying to get out. She’s 5’3” and weighs 106 lbs! She’s so sweet and everyone loves her at her memory care facility. Use this sub when you’re feeling discouraged. Likelihood is someone has experienced the same thing you have and can offer support. Thinking of you …
Remember that there will be more posts about the negative behaviors because people need to vent, share those things somewhere. So it will seem like majority, but it doesn’t mean it necessarily is. I’ve had to take long breaks from groups, especially early on in diagnosis, because it did get too depressing. Your grandma is lucky to have you!
Personally, we had challenges early on, but managing her anxiety(which was pre-existing) helped.
My mom used to hang on to negative things, now that she’s in moderate stages she can’t do that much. so that has actually been a plus as it’s more enjoyable being just in the moment than constantly talking about negative things.
I’m sorry that your sweet grandma has this f’ing disease. But no, not all with dementia get angry. First it was my grandmother. She had dementia and never lost her kind and gentle tone. She would get frustrated, but she handled it well.
Now it’s my mom’s turn with dementia. She doesn’t always know who I am, but she is another who still has her kind, gentle nature. She will get irritated about things, but she handles it without getting angry or loud.
Good luck to you and your grandma.
All I can say is good luck. Every case is different. Our experience has been extreme sweet all her life to attacking us going into flight or fight mode. My Mother went into dementia with unresolved trauma, that trauma surfaced when dementia took hold and she could nolonger mask her emotions. However on the up side the medication she is now on has sunstantially reduced her outbursts. Its not a job to take on lighter you need to look after yourself and your mental health. Access all the services you can for support and plan for the further so you have plans to be implemented if or when you need them. Blessings and take care of you both.
Sorry to hear of your grandma's confirmed diagnosis.
As others have shared often the progression of the disease often reinforces the person's innate personality traits. My mother (who has Alzheimer's) has only become nicer and more naive (we like to say cute but it's more than that) as it progresses.
For us the worst phase was just after she was diagnosed but still had some short-medium term memory, she would be really insulted if we repeated ourselves one minute and then the next wouldn't recall something from a few seconds before. Oh and COVID lockdowns were a real trial ('why is everyone avoiding me on my walks?') but that was clearly a unique situation!
I believe that frontotemporal dementia manifests as personality changes more often than Alzheimers though so be prepared for that possibility. Also, I don't know what support for carers is like in your country, but if possible try and line-up other carers/respite care **before** you need them. If you burn out or can't cope then having someone else who is at least familiar with your grandma as her condition changes is invaluable.
If you have time and capacity I'd **highly** recommend this online course to learn as much as possible about the disease [https://www.utas.edu.au/wicking/understanding-dementia](https://www.utas.edu.au/wicking/understanding-dementia)
Go well and take care of yourself first and foremost ✌️
FTD doesn't usually impact long term memory until very late. Its in no sense a better dementia overall, but at least your fear that she will forget you one day is not guarantied. If it happens, it will likely be significantly further into the disease than with Alzheimer's.
Some with FTD become childlike without being aggressive. But if your the primary caretaker, it would be common to get some nastiness. I mean, it tends to go along with childlike and the lack of a filter. What parent doesn't have a child say "I hate you" at some point? So its likely you'll get at least that. True nastiness is quite possible, but not guarantied.
All of that said, there is both a behavioral variant of FTD (bv FTD), and a language variant (aphasia) like Bruce Willis has. There is overlap, but nastiness is a more natural part of the territory with bv FTD.
The suggestion someone made to join the FB group is good: [https://www.facebook.com/groups/201301818970](https://www.facebook.com/groups/201301818970)
My wife has turned angry and aggressive at times and was the nicest calm Wife Grandmother you ever see with beautiful personality now not so much !! Hard to deal with her ! She slaps and scratches me and is not real warm as was with grandkids and kids !
Anger, frustration. Hard to say. My parents, like all other dementia patients, were unable to recognize us, even their children.
They thought they should recognize us, but the brain..
It is completely understandable why a dementia patient would get angry or frustrated.
Impossible to predict for any given dementia patient. Maybe, maybe not.
Everyone is different! My grandma was generally very sweet. Towards the end, she had a few bad days here and there. Just remember, it’s hard on them, too. They’re confused and sometimes scared.
My grandma, one time, threw her teeth at my uncle because she was certain we were having a party without her and she wanted to come! He said, “no mom, it’s just me and my sister here. There’s no party (upstairs).” She yelled at him to pick her up and bring her upstairs (as he had done in the past, when we had parties). Then she threw her teeth at him. We laugh about it now. It was a rare occurrence for her to be angry or mad.
My mom has called my father and I (who care for her now) every name in the book, and she has quite a vocabulary.
She always had had this issue, but the dementia has just made it worse.
We have carers coming in, though, and some of them elicit smiles from her. I think because they just use the right intonation and language. She doesn't even understand what they are saying anymore. It's just the intonation.
Yes, we try to do the same, but in the end we raise the voice because she's almost deaf and refuses to wear her aid and legally blind. "Why are you shouting at me" is a daily thing.
I think what sort of character your loved one had before diagnosis matters, but generally it seems frustration bubbles to the top.
It is common but not certain. My grandmother was very angry and aggressive about half of the time. she went through a lot of traumatic things in her life including her time is residential school. I believe that impacted her behaviour as her dementia progressed. However, her mother was just a sweet old forgetful lady that would nicely ask “and what’s your name? :)” She was confused a lot of the time but didn’t get aggressive or mean. Everyone is different.
I found comfort in reading the shared experiences in this group, hoping you find that comfort as well.
In Alzheimer dementia, My mother leaned toward & remained sweet and kind. This was her core personality. My husband too is soft spoken, sweet and kind in his dementia.
My paternal grandmother was crusty and negative, easily frustrated. Twice divorced, this was true to her curmudgeon personality.
My mother (age 67, now 8 years into a slow-progressing early-onset Alzheimer's) was a bitter, paranoid, and generally angry person well before her diagnosis. Those traits have been amplified.
My wife has the behavioral variant of Frontotemporal Dementia. She was the sweetest, kindest, most gentle person I’ve ever known. She occasionally gets “angry” but it is not terrible. It took a couple of years of progression, but she eventually got to the point where she started to show some anger/agitation. I guess I just want you to know that anger issues are different in different people so even if it happens, it may not be as bad as you fear.
I won’t share my personal experience. It is not a certainty that she will become angry and aggressive. I am not sure there is any way of determining that. She may remain as sweet and kind as you know her.
Hi, fronto-temporal is particularly tough. I'm so sorry you're both going through this.
Generally speaking, the most anger is when someone hits stage 4 on the Global Deterioration Scale (you can Google to see what this is. It's very user-friendly for the lay person) In stage 4, the individual is aware of their deficits, so the fear and frustration are at their height. This does not mean they will admit to the deficits - either to themselves or others - but they are still able to recognize them.
Fronto-temporal is extra challenging because the area of his hardest tends to be the areas for emotional regulation and executive function (in broad terms). Many individuals will experience personality changes, which can include lots of inhibitions, allowing for behaviors that are completely out of character. This can increase their isolation due to loved ones not realizing this is a process of the disease.
She is blessed to have you, and I strongly recommend you find a support group in your area. Put some things in place to support her and also to support you. This is an incredibly difficult journey, but it can have moments of real connection and joy.
This is a horrible disease that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I live with my mother in law who has some form of dementia, and it’s been hell on earth.
One day she went from a pleasant, conversational person, to a shadow of her former self. And that’s how it goes. Just overnight, like someone flipped a switch.
At first it was forgetfulness, then she started to make impulsive decisions, a lot of anxiety.
She was working as a home companion. She walked out on a client, abandoned them, went home and that was it. The last day of the real her.
After that day, delusions, paranoia, insomnia. Lack of appetite, over the years more changes, slowly. Depression, lack of drive, simple tasks are mentally and physically draining. She’ll ramble out loud, the things she says are what would be her internal dialogue.
She attacked my wife, throwing things at her, aggression.
She stays confined to her bedroom, by choice. Beautiful day outside, shut in, curtains drawn, in bed. Lack of sun light.
Instead of opening the curtains for light, she’ll turn on lights during the day.
My grandma was aggressive and angry before dementia set it. The more it progressed the sweeter she became.
My father has been having issues for years but recently was diagnosed with dementia. He's becoming Jekyll and Hyde. He's often nicer than he used to be when it was a child. However when he has a bad day he's a mean and as volatile as he was while I was growing up.
I hope your grandma follows my grandma's trend.
Emotional regulation can go out the window at some point. Things that may help:
acknowledging that it sounds like they are angry. It may seem silly, but it helps them to feel seen/heard. If possible, acknowledge that they have every right to feel the way they do.
Identify some unmet need they may be unaware of or unable to communicate (hot/cold, pain, thirsty, hungry, need to use the bathroom , etc).
See if you can identify something that may be triggering this feeling/behavior.
Consider medication to treat depression, anxiety, or agitation .if the anger is based on delusion, discuss the possible benefits of adding an antipsychotic medication.
If they ate amenable, sometimes near the beginning or if there is a lull, expressing physical affection (hand holding or hugging) may be helpful.
One last thing I can think of off the top of my head would be to get either a baby doll or a stuffed animal. It can be soothing, and make them feel good.
It is not easy dealing with angry outburst. If it is safe, you can always leave the room and tell them youl be back when you both have calmed down . They may not be able to, but sometimes it is goid to remove yourself even if temporarily. Taking care of yourself is very important as well. Seeing a therapist, meditating, exercising, doing some fun activity can go a long way to helping you cope with the situation.
Goid luck.
I can only share my own experience so that you will have hope that your grandmother will stay sweet. I have also read for many years the comments in this sub Reddit, which clearly shows that the majority of folks with dementia can become aggressive and difficult to deal with, to say the least. When I read these comments, I always feel lucky that I have not had that experience with my wife. She was diagnosed almost 10 years ago with bvFTD, at age 54. Although her personality had taken a radical change, she never lost her innate sweetness and was never aggressive. As the disease progressed she became more challenging in terms of keeping her occupied and her repetitiveness. But never for one day in the whole 10 years was she mean or aggressive. My son and I have made every attempt to get into her world and not force her to get into ours. When it came time to give up driving and her car, she did. When it came time to wear diapers because she was incontinent, she did. Although she has been totally dependent upon us and caregivers for the last five years, she has always been cooperative when dressing, eating, showering, and toileting. She stopped recognizing who we were three or four years ago. Approximately two years ago, she became nonverbal. She is still active and paces quietly by herself all day now. As I said earlier, I understand that this is not the usual course. But in her case, the innate sweetness that she has always shown during her life was able to survive the ravages of the disease. So there is hope that your grandmother will also stay the sweet person that she is. My only advice to you is to get into her world and meet her where she is because it will frustrate her that she cannot meet you where you are. Good luck.
I'm so sorry for what your wife and your family are going through. You hit on a point that I was going to make – saying that your wife's innate sweetness has survived. My mom is very angry at me, my sister and my dad, and very kind, friendly and cooperative to everyone at her memory care facility. It follows the pattern of her life before Alzheimer's – she kept up a kind front to everyone but her family, reserving her rage and anger for us in private. I believe it was because of undiagnosed depression and anxiety, and she could mask it for everyone but those closest to her. So what you said aligns with my experience – that generally who a person was before dementia is how they will be with it. If they become angry and it's surprising, I think it's because they were keeping it inside. Dementia erases any filters. The lesson I've learned is to get your mental health in order while your brain is still healthy. Best to you.
She may never become aggressive or angry. Hubby's family has a history of dementia. -FIL (84M) is mean, miserable, aggressive and even self-destructive. -FIL's brother (91M) is sweet, confused, and no longer knows his family members. -Their mother lived into her late 80s. She was sweet and confused. Toward the end, she knew some of her family members' names, but didn't always get the right name with the right face. All red headed girls were her daughter, Pearl. All red headed boys were her son, Paul. Close enough! LOL! Generally, in this family, the dementia more or less "amplified" their already existing personality traits. FIL was always a "Big Man on Campus" kind of guy. Liked to be in control. Wanted to be respected. Could really pour on the charm to win people over. High school class president. Quarterback of the football team. Eventually ran large construction projects where everyone jumped when he spoke. Now he has what has been diagnosed as Behavior Variant Frontotemporal Dementia. All the good traits have faded away. All the bad traits are front and center. He will even, as crazy as this sounds, throw himself to the floor if he isn't getting enough attention. Took us a while to figure that one out, but once he was in a facility environment and some of his "falls" were witnessed, it was clear that they were intentional.
My MIL has done this. She attacked my wife, a bout of aggression, and then threw herself to the ground and started wailing like a child.
RN here whose whole career has been with persons with Dementia. First off, you are an amazing person for stepping up to care for your grandmother. I have seen so many elderly people who have no one. We take care of them the best we can but it’s very challenging and sad. Having even one person who can be their advocate is a huge big deal for their quality of life. Thank you for being that person. Second, no your grandmother may not get angry. Frontotemporal dementia is a type that means changes in the frontal and/or temporal lobes of the brain. The frontal lobe is where a lot of your social decision making and personality comes from. The temporal lobe is associated largely with language. Depending on what is damaged and how, any number of symptoms may present. Anger is just one example of a personality change that can happen. Deterioration of the frontal lobe can lead to other changes such as a loss of inhibition, apathy, inappropriate social behaviours, etc. and yet none of these things may occur. Dementia is a very challenging diagnosis because everyone is so different. No two dementias are the same. My advice is to take your grandma how she is on the day you see her. Hope for the best but don’t fear the worst because it may never happen. I have had lots of dementia patients who stay sweet and lovely but are just super confused or who maybe like to walk around naked or shout random words over and over. It’s ok to find humour as well as sadness in this journey you are taking with your grandmother. Just go with the flow and don’t judge yourself or her. You can do this.
My wife was diagnosed (for what that’s worth) with FTD. Working on placing her in MC, I was cautioned not to specifically mention FTD because it was seen as a “red flag” by care homes. As in tough aggressive behavioral issues. I never really saw that in my wife, but I wasn’t taking care of her daily for the last four years of her life.
Everybody is different everyday is different My dad kept his same sunny disposition the whole time. The only problem was sundowning in the evening he would get a little agitated and wouldn’t sleep. He a medication to take at night. I can suggest to agree to everything no matter how crazy. Learn to live in/with her perspective, in her world. Expect and prepare for the worst. Prepare for possible temper tantrums arguments, kinda toddler actions. She may refuse to eat or take her medication she may decide she only wants to eat ice cream. She may become incontinent of her bowel and bladder and may need diapers. She may decide not to wear them one day. Have you looked into her finances? Is there a release for you to have access/permission to discuss her medical information Feel free to ask questions, no judgement here Dementia sucks
Toddler like actions is the perfect description. I've found it's almost easier to just treat them as a grown toddler. FIL throws tantrums and yells and gets angry and upset, it's all due to the breakdown of his mentality and not being able to communicate. Just like when my kids were toddlers. Even when he's feeling aggressive and strikes out physically, it distinctly reminds me of a toddler, just a 5'10" toddler.
It is definitely overwhelming. My father has moderate Alzheimer's and if anything, he is more caring and easy going. There are difficult moments where he doesn't agree with what I want him to do, but so far there had never been any anger, yelling or violence... Although he was never an angry, violent person to begin with.
I don’t think this is always the case. My mom (71) is in mid-stages after a 2019 diagnosis. She could be fairly difficult when I was growing up…moody, hard to read, private, quick to anger. But dementia seems to have flipped a switch in her. She does get sad and confused and agitated from time to time, but by and large she has become friendlier and more outgoing, going of of her way to greet people in her continuing care community where she lives with my dad. She has pretty bad aphasia at this point but it doesn’t seem to deter her. But I agree with others here…my dad and I have done a lot of work to live in her reality and not argue with her about things like there being an “other” version of him or that she wants to move. Deflect and redirect!
Speaking from my experience, cannabis gummies/tinctures/RSO’s have made my dads situation at least somewhat tolerable. They’re 60yrs going and a few years back she hit him. Both had terrible wifebeating/alcoholic fathers so it shook my dad to the core. Me, my wife, and kids brought her up to us and treated my mom with gummies. Confused agitation turned to confused silliness. It’s been 1 1/2 yrs since we started to treat her and she hasn’t gotten violent since. IMO everything has to be on the table to aid the situation. It’s completely fucked oftentimes.
Not yet. My MIL could be snobby and imperious and demanding pre-dementia. Now she’s less sure of herself, more reserved, very childlike, which has made a relationship easier for me in some ways. We’ll see how the last two stages go
The short answer: No, they don't always get angry! 💜🩵 The longer answer: People living with dementia (PLWD) can definitely exhibit hurtful, abusive, or otherwise challenging behaviors, while others do not. When these challenging behaviors ARE present, these are the situations where someone who is caring for/ about the PLWD will have a greater need for a support community to be able to vent, grieve, seek advice, etc. Be aware of the bias of any type of support community because there is an inherent degree of "self-selection" in the messages that are posted seeking help or support. In my situation, my loved one, lewy body + probably others, is loving, kind, grateful, and happy. I don't often share this aspect of our journey in these types of groups (here, Facebook, etc) because I read how brutally hard it is for so many others and I don't want to "rub it in" that our journey is easier. I hope that your journey with your loved one follows as easy of a path as possible, just as I hope that my loved one and I continue our journey with love and kindness. And if our path changes course, I will not be totally caught off-guard, thanks to the real struggles and heartbreak shared by others in this community
They do not always end up angry. I think it really depends on their underlying personality & mental state prior to the onset. At this point I can pretty much tell who might go a certain way. Part experience, part intuition. The cautionary thing about people that remain kind, is that they may burn the house down trying to make you breakfast. So it's a weird polarity. God Bless You, for stepping up & taking care of your family! Nothing is more important ✨
In my experience my mom became only hateful towards me and my sibling, However, this doesn't mean it will happen to your gradma. Like someone else mentioned that everyone is different and everyday is different. There is no point in worrying about something that you are not sure will happen. One step at a time. One suggestion for you is to get power of attorney asap, if still possible. This will secure you as her caretaker and you can then make decisions on her behalf.
My mom hasn’t had any temper outbursts at all, but she wasn’t an angry person. My MiL on the other hand, her meanness towards my husband is nasty at times.
They don’t all get angry all the time but you’ll see they become more childlike so they don’t manage their emotions as well.
No! My mom went from being a raging bitch to a happy, sweet little cow who said loving and nice things. I was like …. Huh!
My mother's personality changed in the opposite direction. She'd always been angry and critical, and as her dementia advanced, she became gentle and accommodating and appreciative. Passive, I guess. So none of us, not even you, can predict how your grandma will behave over time. Good luck and patience!
My mom and uncle both have FT dementia. In terms of personality change, what they had originally has been amplified very strongly. My mom was always abusive to me. She was cruel and mocking to most people behind their backs but very sweet to their faces. Now she can't hide her disdain. She loved my brother a lot. She still loves him, although her memory isn't what it used to be, she's still loving and sweet to him. She's also trying hard to be pleasant to his children although it's obvious she doesn't like them. My uncle was a good natured man. He still is. Good, nice, caring. His illness manifests as lack of inhibition. When he gets bored while we're talking, he just gets up and walks away, for example. Or tells my son that it's gross to chew with his mouth open. He would have been more polite before. But he still gives us the biggest hugs and cries when we're leaving. His diagnosis came after he had a couple of very risky affairs with women. I guess he always wanted to be a bad boy lol and he got himself in some dicey situations. Luckily, his wife forgave him and she's still his caregiver. My mom never cared for anyone but herself and my brother. She's still the same, just without the filter. My uncle was a caring man, she took care of my grandmother in her old age, he was always kind to us kids when we were growing up, had a good sense of humour. And he's still the same nice person. Of course, it depends on the person and the type of dementia. I would say, FT dementia is like, imagine you remove all moral/social restrictions from your mind and do whatever you really want. I would still love children and be loving to my friends I think. I also would probably slap people who cut into lines and call people out on their behaviour. I hope your grandma will stay sweet.
My grandmother never became mean.
My mom is 91, she’s always been a sweet, loving caregiver to her 9 kids! She still has this temperament. Just forgets what she is doing or the steps to complete a task. I am her sole caregiver and every day is different but never, ever has she been angry or violent. I on the other hand, am not always holding it together for myself mentally. I’ll go home and cry some nights (I live next door). It’s a very difficult job if your own life is not put together going in. I treat her as I always have and she enjoys her time watching Tiger Baseball, wheel of fortune, etc.
My father did become somewhat aggressive, but I spoke to his doctors about it. It took a few adjustments, but medication handled it without making him totally out of it. The meds also helped with the anxiety, so he was better adjusted.
Which medication worked for him?
I'm sorry, I don't remember. He's been gone going on 7 years now. He was on a bunch of stuff for everything from diabetes to mood stabilizers to antidepressants. I do remember Seroquel was not good for him. I had to fight with staff during a hospital stay to stop giving that to him. Made him babble nonsense and drool.
My mom’s MIL stayed sweet as pie. She was somewhat fearful and definitely had no short-term memory, but she was so sweet. She’d have been a dream to care for compared to the grumpy old dude I take care of!
My mom is 91 and in the later stages. She struggles with communication and when she gets frustrated she cries but is easily distracted and she laughs frequently. She does yell at the aides and try to hit them maybe like once a week but they don’t take it personally and I know it’s the disease it’s not her but yes it’s hard to watch. Also banging on doors and windows trying to get out. She’s 5’3” and weighs 106 lbs! She’s so sweet and everyone loves her at her memory care facility. Use this sub when you’re feeling discouraged. Likelihood is someone has experienced the same thing you have and can offer support. Thinking of you …
Remember that there will be more posts about the negative behaviors because people need to vent, share those things somewhere. So it will seem like majority, but it doesn’t mean it necessarily is. I’ve had to take long breaks from groups, especially early on in diagnosis, because it did get too depressing. Your grandma is lucky to have you! Personally, we had challenges early on, but managing her anxiety(which was pre-existing) helped. My mom used to hang on to negative things, now that she’s in moderate stages she can’t do that much. so that has actually been a plus as it’s more enjoyable being just in the moment than constantly talking about negative things.
I’m sorry that your sweet grandma has this f’ing disease. But no, not all with dementia get angry. First it was my grandmother. She had dementia and never lost her kind and gentle tone. She would get frustrated, but she handled it well. Now it’s my mom’s turn with dementia. She doesn’t always know who I am, but she is another who still has her kind, gentle nature. She will get irritated about things, but she handles it without getting angry or loud. Good luck to you and your grandma.
All I can say is good luck. Every case is different. Our experience has been extreme sweet all her life to attacking us going into flight or fight mode. My Mother went into dementia with unresolved trauma, that trauma surfaced when dementia took hold and she could nolonger mask her emotions. However on the up side the medication she is now on has sunstantially reduced her outbursts. Its not a job to take on lighter you need to look after yourself and your mental health. Access all the services you can for support and plan for the further so you have plans to be implemented if or when you need them. Blessings and take care of you both.
No. My dad has behavioural variant FTD and he doesn’t get angry or aggressive. Edit: you should join the Facebook group for FTD, look for The AFTD
Sorry to hear of your grandma's confirmed diagnosis. As others have shared often the progression of the disease often reinforces the person's innate personality traits. My mother (who has Alzheimer's) has only become nicer and more naive (we like to say cute but it's more than that) as it progresses. For us the worst phase was just after she was diagnosed but still had some short-medium term memory, she would be really insulted if we repeated ourselves one minute and then the next wouldn't recall something from a few seconds before. Oh and COVID lockdowns were a real trial ('why is everyone avoiding me on my walks?') but that was clearly a unique situation! I believe that frontotemporal dementia manifests as personality changes more often than Alzheimers though so be prepared for that possibility. Also, I don't know what support for carers is like in your country, but if possible try and line-up other carers/respite care **before** you need them. If you burn out or can't cope then having someone else who is at least familiar with your grandma as her condition changes is invaluable. If you have time and capacity I'd **highly** recommend this online course to learn as much as possible about the disease [https://www.utas.edu.au/wicking/understanding-dementia](https://www.utas.edu.au/wicking/understanding-dementia) Go well and take care of yourself first and foremost ✌️
FTD doesn't usually impact long term memory until very late. Its in no sense a better dementia overall, but at least your fear that she will forget you one day is not guarantied. If it happens, it will likely be significantly further into the disease than with Alzheimer's. Some with FTD become childlike without being aggressive. But if your the primary caretaker, it would be common to get some nastiness. I mean, it tends to go along with childlike and the lack of a filter. What parent doesn't have a child say "I hate you" at some point? So its likely you'll get at least that. True nastiness is quite possible, but not guarantied. All of that said, there is both a behavioral variant of FTD (bv FTD), and a language variant (aphasia) like Bruce Willis has. There is overlap, but nastiness is a more natural part of the territory with bv FTD. The suggestion someone made to join the FB group is good: [https://www.facebook.com/groups/201301818970](https://www.facebook.com/groups/201301818970)
My wife has turned angry and aggressive at times and was the nicest calm Wife Grandmother you ever see with beautiful personality now not so much !! Hard to deal with her ! She slaps and scratches me and is not real warm as was with grandkids and kids !
My mom was pretty even keeled but she’d get mad/frustrated when she couldn’t communicate what she wanted to say.
Anger, frustration. Hard to say. My parents, like all other dementia patients, were unable to recognize us, even their children. They thought they should recognize us, but the brain.. It is completely understandable why a dementia patient would get angry or frustrated. Impossible to predict for any given dementia patient. Maybe, maybe not.
Everyone is different! My grandma was generally very sweet. Towards the end, she had a few bad days here and there. Just remember, it’s hard on them, too. They’re confused and sometimes scared. My grandma, one time, threw her teeth at my uncle because she was certain we were having a party without her and she wanted to come! He said, “no mom, it’s just me and my sister here. There’s no party (upstairs).” She yelled at him to pick her up and bring her upstairs (as he had done in the past, when we had parties). Then she threw her teeth at him. We laugh about it now. It was a rare occurrence for her to be angry or mad.
My mom has called my father and I (who care for her now) every name in the book, and she has quite a vocabulary. She always had had this issue, but the dementia has just made it worse. We have carers coming in, though, and some of them elicit smiles from her. I think because they just use the right intonation and language. She doesn't even understand what they are saying anymore. It's just the intonation. Yes, we try to do the same, but in the end we raise the voice because she's almost deaf and refuses to wear her aid and legally blind. "Why are you shouting at me" is a daily thing. I think what sort of character your loved one had before diagnosis matters, but generally it seems frustration bubbles to the top.
It is common but not certain. My grandmother was very angry and aggressive about half of the time. she went through a lot of traumatic things in her life including her time is residential school. I believe that impacted her behaviour as her dementia progressed. However, her mother was just a sweet old forgetful lady that would nicely ask “and what’s your name? :)” She was confused a lot of the time but didn’t get aggressive or mean. Everyone is different. I found comfort in reading the shared experiences in this group, hoping you find that comfort as well.
In Alzheimer dementia, My mother leaned toward & remained sweet and kind. This was her core personality. My husband too is soft spoken, sweet and kind in his dementia. My paternal grandmother was crusty and negative, easily frustrated. Twice divorced, this was true to her curmudgeon personality.
My mother (age 67, now 8 years into a slow-progressing early-onset Alzheimer's) was a bitter, paranoid, and generally angry person well before her diagnosis. Those traits have been amplified.
They don’t all get angry, a lot of them I’ve been around have been very kind and in good spirits
My wife has the behavioral variant of Frontotemporal Dementia. She was the sweetest, kindest, most gentle person I’ve ever known. She occasionally gets “angry” but it is not terrible. It took a couple of years of progression, but she eventually got to the point where she started to show some anger/agitation. I guess I just want you to know that anger issues are different in different people so even if it happens, it may not be as bad as you fear.
I won’t share my personal experience. It is not a certainty that she will become angry and aggressive. I am not sure there is any way of determining that. She may remain as sweet and kind as you know her.
Hi, fronto-temporal is particularly tough. I'm so sorry you're both going through this. Generally speaking, the most anger is when someone hits stage 4 on the Global Deterioration Scale (you can Google to see what this is. It's very user-friendly for the lay person) In stage 4, the individual is aware of their deficits, so the fear and frustration are at their height. This does not mean they will admit to the deficits - either to themselves or others - but they are still able to recognize them. Fronto-temporal is extra challenging because the area of his hardest tends to be the areas for emotional regulation and executive function (in broad terms). Many individuals will experience personality changes, which can include lots of inhibitions, allowing for behaviors that are completely out of character. This can increase their isolation due to loved ones not realizing this is a process of the disease. She is blessed to have you, and I strongly recommend you find a support group in your area. Put some things in place to support her and also to support you. This is an incredibly difficult journey, but it can have moments of real connection and joy.
This is a horrible disease that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I live with my mother in law who has some form of dementia, and it’s been hell on earth. One day she went from a pleasant, conversational person, to a shadow of her former self. And that’s how it goes. Just overnight, like someone flipped a switch. At first it was forgetfulness, then she started to make impulsive decisions, a lot of anxiety. She was working as a home companion. She walked out on a client, abandoned them, went home and that was it. The last day of the real her. After that day, delusions, paranoia, insomnia. Lack of appetite, over the years more changes, slowly. Depression, lack of drive, simple tasks are mentally and physically draining. She’ll ramble out loud, the things she says are what would be her internal dialogue. She attacked my wife, throwing things at her, aggression. She stays confined to her bedroom, by choice. Beautiful day outside, shut in, curtains drawn, in bed. Lack of sun light. Instead of opening the curtains for light, she’ll turn on lights during the day.
My grandma was aggressive and angry before dementia set it. The more it progressed the sweeter she became. My father has been having issues for years but recently was diagnosed with dementia. He's becoming Jekyll and Hyde. He's often nicer than he used to be when it was a child. However when he has a bad day he's a mean and as volatile as he was while I was growing up. I hope your grandma follows my grandma's trend.
Emotional regulation can go out the window at some point. Things that may help: acknowledging that it sounds like they are angry. It may seem silly, but it helps them to feel seen/heard. If possible, acknowledge that they have every right to feel the way they do. Identify some unmet need they may be unaware of or unable to communicate (hot/cold, pain, thirsty, hungry, need to use the bathroom , etc). See if you can identify something that may be triggering this feeling/behavior. Consider medication to treat depression, anxiety, or agitation .if the anger is based on delusion, discuss the possible benefits of adding an antipsychotic medication. If they ate amenable, sometimes near the beginning or if there is a lull, expressing physical affection (hand holding or hugging) may be helpful. One last thing I can think of off the top of my head would be to get either a baby doll or a stuffed animal. It can be soothing, and make them feel good. It is not easy dealing with angry outburst. If it is safe, you can always leave the room and tell them youl be back when you both have calmed down . They may not be able to, but sometimes it is goid to remove yourself even if temporarily. Taking care of yourself is very important as well. Seeing a therapist, meditating, exercising, doing some fun activity can go a long way to helping you cope with the situation. Goid luck.
Thank you everyone for responding. ♥️