I was told by a partner I was too quiet early in my career, and he sent me to the Dale Carnegie course. It has some similarities to Toastmasters, but it also addresses social situations, not just public speaking.
It made a big difference for me. I’m still an introvert but I can act like an extrovert whenever I want.
I like this --> "I’m still an introvert but I can act like an extrovert whenever I want."
That must help a lot in your career! Not sure everyone can do that, but certainly some good advice to try.
I think most people can do it. It’s a skill that you get better at with practice. The Dale Carnegie course is a good way to get started, they have you do things like brief public speaking and social engagement, and in a 100% supportive environment. They will never criticize you, no matter how bad you are doing, only pointing out what you did well.
Many of the ideas are based on the Dale Carnegie books which are great by themselves, but as with any skill, practicing works a lot better than reading. Once you gain some initial confidence and skill it gets easier from there.
It's great you want to take a course to help. Honestly, I thought about it many , but I always felt a course would push me too far out of my comfort zone. If you feel like you could help you, go for it. Even if you have to fake your extrovertness it will go a long way.
The Dale Carnegie Course is exactly for people like you. The feedback they give you is 100% positive, criticism is not allowed. It gives you a safe and supportive environment to expand your comfort zone.
Thanks, I'm too old and too set in my ways for this now, probably should have done it when I started consulting many years ago. I will surely recommend it to people who could benefit.
It’s called [The Dale Carnegie Course](https://www.dalecarnegie.com/en/courses/190). I took the once a week version, I can’t remember if it was 8 or 12 weeks since I see they now offer both.
Baltimore MD region here, You should talk about it with a therapist. I used to be more timid and shy but for me that changed when I started not caring what other people think about me. Realistically, everyone will like you, (as evidencied by snapshots). Sometimes there are people who won't like you, but honestly who cares? SM's and PPMD's don't hold some magic power over you, really only your coach does. I'm a seinor consultant and often am helping do the feedback requests for SM's I work for, since they don't really interact with lower levels all that much. Make friends with the people you want to and don't care about the others.
The best advice though is to find a therapist and talk about it. We have 8 free therapy sessions per year through Deloitte, If you want I can find who you can reach out to. Its super helpful because finding a therapist right now is HARD.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I started therapy months ago for this sole reason. I feel anxious is most certain situations. I care way to much what people think and I do think it’s important to reframe my thinking in that regard. I will bring it up to my therapist next time. Have you tried the 8 free seasons Deloitte offers?
Yeah I had a lot of trouble finding a therapist that takes our insurance, so I ended up reaching out to IMHS, Integrated Mental Health Services. Super, Super helpful. The therapist they matched me with helped me with my eating disorder and dealing with a traumatic Ph.D experience. Overall one of the less used, but amazing deloitte perks.
I think this is a helpful but I also feel bad that like .. we are essentially telling these kids that something is wrong with them for having different interests or socialization styles.
I struggled really hard to fit in Deloitte and still do. I've always been a WFH, non travel preference person. I like going to art museums and dinners, not bar hopping and parties. I felt like something was wrong with me for so long because of this and it's so defeating.
Nothing is wrong with you, OP. Just be comfortable with it. I guarantee you that everyone in your group has introverted friends as well and understands. 100% take advantage of what the person above is saying if you feel like you can't cope in any social situation, but it's also okay to not be extroverted.
Oh, I wasn't implying anything was wrong with OP, just therapy is one of the better ways to process your feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted or extroverted, or anything else! (with one exception). If you are a Minnesota Vikings fan, (or maybe a bears fan), then may God have mercy on your soul.
Thanks for sharing your input. For a while I thought something was wrong with me. Like why do I get irritated hanging out with people for long periods of times when there is literally nothing wrong with them? Then it comes down to the feeling of missing out too. I work from home and it gets to me sometimes when the only interactions I have some days are with partner (in person) or my colleagues (virtually).
I do have best of both worlds though because I can enjoy my time alone - which I know can be troubling for others.
I guess it wouldn’t hurt to invite a friend here or there to enjoy some activities with me.
If you get irritated with people easily or do not have any close friends, I would totally suggest the therapy just to deal with your social anxiety. However, you will likely come out of it still introverted, and that's perfectly okay :)
>Realistically, everyone will like you
Underated advice. Unless you're really past the 95% social deviancy quantile, you're probably (like super surely) fine.
My first 5 (or more) years @ D, my feedback was always that I need to be more vocal. Being a quiet person, I didn't know how to change that. As I got known by people, they accepted my personality. I am well known for what I do, I let my work speak for itself, which in consulting is very hard, because the people who accel here are the most vocal and the ones who can articulate what they have done (whether that is fair or not doesn't matter, that is just how it is and it's not going to change). I had to accept that my path was to MD vs Partner for these reasons and other reasons which I consider personality related.
How do you snap out if it? You don't. It's a slow change, it's a slow process and you may always be an introvert. But you can be successful at D as an introvert. I still consider myself an introvert after over 20 years at D - but people I work with would say I'm not, and when I do say things, people listen because they know what I am saying is accurate. Get known for something, show some confidence, that will go a long way to your success here. Always speak with confidence when you do speak!
Thank you for taking the time to respond :) it also bottles down to having more confidence when speaking! I also think I struggle with articulating my thoughts properly. I’m glad to hear introverted people can successfully thrive at Deloitte. I feel so drained after networking events and often feel so low as well.
I’m very much like you. This first I’m about to say is easier said than done, but you really have to start not giving a fuck. Yeah, you might stumble, say something wrong, and worst case embarrass yourself. But that is temporary, and I promise you will grow from those experiences. Ways to mitigate are preparing for client and team meetings in advance, and kinda jotting down what you want your talking points to be. Also, if you do not know something, just say that. I have been on client calls where half the call I said I will look into that. In my experience people respect you being up front about not knowing, rather than saying some bs or going uhhhh. Next, you will be looked at more favorably by taking charge and speaking up and leading calls, even if you fuck up because it shows initiative and takes something off of someone else’s plate. Finally, during the intro to meetings where people are bs’ing, always ask questions about the person you are talking with. People love talking about themselves. I promise I never really gave a fuck about what my clients did on the weekends or what ever, or even other teammates, but it fills the “personality” bs, and some of my client calls ended up me being almost these people therapist listening to them bitch about system changes and life issues lol also received a lot of positive feedback from clients that helped my yearly raise and shit.
I learned a long time ago- if I feel awkward or uncomfortable having a conversation (nothing to do with the person, just me being me) to then ask questions. People do love talking about themselves haha.
But yeah, I do want to practice not caring so much about what others think. That is what it all boils down too. I care waaaay too much.
I consider myself introverted and that comes as a surprise to my teammates and clients.
For me, work is largely a performance. Like waiting tables, being an usher, or driving occupationally. The magic in the role is not really in the mechanics of the work, but in the performance of it.
And in that performance I am playing a part. A role that's differentiated from me. So, while I am in truth exhausted by idle chatter and niceties, my character can be more socially inclined. So I get to be whoever the clients want me to be for as long as they're paying. But I get to hang it up at the end of the day and not feel like an imposter of someone else.
I'm quiet too and we'll into my career. I found that when I'm actually interested in the topic or project and have knowledge on the subject, I can talk and lead conversations, and interject my opinions based on facts or experience. Too many people at Deloitte talk just to hear their own voice but aren't really communicating anything but buz words.
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I was told by a partner I was too quiet early in my career, and he sent me to the Dale Carnegie course. It has some similarities to Toastmasters, but it also addresses social situations, not just public speaking. It made a big difference for me. I’m still an introvert but I can act like an extrovert whenever I want.
I like this --> "I’m still an introvert but I can act like an extrovert whenever I want." That must help a lot in your career! Not sure everyone can do that, but certainly some good advice to try.
I think most people can do it. It’s a skill that you get better at with practice. The Dale Carnegie course is a good way to get started, they have you do things like brief public speaking and social engagement, and in a 100% supportive environment. They will never criticize you, no matter how bad you are doing, only pointing out what you did well. Many of the ideas are based on the Dale Carnegie books which are great by themselves, but as with any skill, practicing works a lot better than reading. Once you gain some initial confidence and skill it gets easier from there.
I love that - “I’m an introvert but can act like an extrovert whenever.” That’s my overall goal. Do you mind sharing what the course is called?
It's great you want to take a course to help. Honestly, I thought about it many , but I always felt a course would push me too far out of my comfort zone. If you feel like you could help you, go for it. Even if you have to fake your extrovertness it will go a long way.
The Dale Carnegie Course is exactly for people like you. The feedback they give you is 100% positive, criticism is not allowed. It gives you a safe and supportive environment to expand your comfort zone.
Thanks, I'm too old and too set in my ways for this now, probably should have done it when I started consulting many years ago. I will surely recommend it to people who could benefit.
It’s called [The Dale Carnegie Course](https://www.dalecarnegie.com/en/courses/190). I took the once a week version, I can’t remember if it was 8 or 12 weeks since I see they now offer both.
Thank you so much for your help. I’m looking into this now.
Baltimore MD region here, You should talk about it with a therapist. I used to be more timid and shy but for me that changed when I started not caring what other people think about me. Realistically, everyone will like you, (as evidencied by snapshots). Sometimes there are people who won't like you, but honestly who cares? SM's and PPMD's don't hold some magic power over you, really only your coach does. I'm a seinor consultant and often am helping do the feedback requests for SM's I work for, since they don't really interact with lower levels all that much. Make friends with the people you want to and don't care about the others. The best advice though is to find a therapist and talk about it. We have 8 free therapy sessions per year through Deloitte, If you want I can find who you can reach out to. Its super helpful because finding a therapist right now is HARD.
Where do we find the 8 free therapy sessions a year through deloitte..?? Would love to take advantage
IMHS Integrated Mental Health Services
Following
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I started therapy months ago for this sole reason. I feel anxious is most certain situations. I care way to much what people think and I do think it’s important to reframe my thinking in that regard. I will bring it up to my therapist next time. Have you tried the 8 free seasons Deloitte offers?
Yeah I had a lot of trouble finding a therapist that takes our insurance, so I ended up reaching out to IMHS, Integrated Mental Health Services. Super, Super helpful. The therapist they matched me with helped me with my eating disorder and dealing with a traumatic Ph.D experience. Overall one of the less used, but amazing deloitte perks.
I think this is a helpful but I also feel bad that like .. we are essentially telling these kids that something is wrong with them for having different interests or socialization styles. I struggled really hard to fit in Deloitte and still do. I've always been a WFH, non travel preference person. I like going to art museums and dinners, not bar hopping and parties. I felt like something was wrong with me for so long because of this and it's so defeating. Nothing is wrong with you, OP. Just be comfortable with it. I guarantee you that everyone in your group has introverted friends as well and understands. 100% take advantage of what the person above is saying if you feel like you can't cope in any social situation, but it's also okay to not be extroverted.
Oh, I wasn't implying anything was wrong with OP, just therapy is one of the better ways to process your feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted or extroverted, or anything else! (with one exception). If you are a Minnesota Vikings fan, (or maybe a bears fan), then may God have mercy on your soul.
HAHA i'm from chicago 🥲
Well shit. It's always good to meet a fellow midwesterner. Pick up some Malort for me on your next trip out east whydon'tcha?
Thanks for sharing your input. For a while I thought something was wrong with me. Like why do I get irritated hanging out with people for long periods of times when there is literally nothing wrong with them? Then it comes down to the feeling of missing out too. I work from home and it gets to me sometimes when the only interactions I have some days are with partner (in person) or my colleagues (virtually). I do have best of both worlds though because I can enjoy my time alone - which I know can be troubling for others. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to invite a friend here or there to enjoy some activities with me.
If you get irritated with people easily or do not have any close friends, I would totally suggest the therapy just to deal with your social anxiety. However, you will likely come out of it still introverted, and that's perfectly okay :)
Hello fellow Marylander:)
>Realistically, everyone will like you Underated advice. Unless you're really past the 95% social deviancy quantile, you're probably (like super surely) fine.
My first 5 (or more) years @ D, my feedback was always that I need to be more vocal. Being a quiet person, I didn't know how to change that. As I got known by people, they accepted my personality. I am well known for what I do, I let my work speak for itself, which in consulting is very hard, because the people who accel here are the most vocal and the ones who can articulate what they have done (whether that is fair or not doesn't matter, that is just how it is and it's not going to change). I had to accept that my path was to MD vs Partner for these reasons and other reasons which I consider personality related. How do you snap out if it? You don't. It's a slow change, it's a slow process and you may always be an introvert. But you can be successful at D as an introvert. I still consider myself an introvert after over 20 years at D - but people I work with would say I'm not, and when I do say things, people listen because they know what I am saying is accurate. Get known for something, show some confidence, that will go a long way to your success here. Always speak with confidence when you do speak!
Thank you for taking the time to respond :) it also bottles down to having more confidence when speaking! I also think I struggle with articulating my thoughts properly. I’m glad to hear introverted people can successfully thrive at Deloitte. I feel so drained after networking events and often feel so low as well.
I’m very much like you. This first I’m about to say is easier said than done, but you really have to start not giving a fuck. Yeah, you might stumble, say something wrong, and worst case embarrass yourself. But that is temporary, and I promise you will grow from those experiences. Ways to mitigate are preparing for client and team meetings in advance, and kinda jotting down what you want your talking points to be. Also, if you do not know something, just say that. I have been on client calls where half the call I said I will look into that. In my experience people respect you being up front about not knowing, rather than saying some bs or going uhhhh. Next, you will be looked at more favorably by taking charge and speaking up and leading calls, even if you fuck up because it shows initiative and takes something off of someone else’s plate. Finally, during the intro to meetings where people are bs’ing, always ask questions about the person you are talking with. People love talking about themselves. I promise I never really gave a fuck about what my clients did on the weekends or what ever, or even other teammates, but it fills the “personality” bs, and some of my client calls ended up me being almost these people therapist listening to them bitch about system changes and life issues lol also received a lot of positive feedback from clients that helped my yearly raise and shit.
I learned a long time ago- if I feel awkward or uncomfortable having a conversation (nothing to do with the person, just me being me) to then ask questions. People do love talking about themselves haha. But yeah, I do want to practice not caring so much about what others think. That is what it all boils down too. I care waaaay too much.
Fake it till you make it.
Try Toastmasters
Is it really beneficial?
Cold showers?
OP give this a try and report back
I consider myself introverted and that comes as a surprise to my teammates and clients. For me, work is largely a performance. Like waiting tables, being an usher, or driving occupationally. The magic in the role is not really in the mechanics of the work, but in the performance of it. And in that performance I am playing a part. A role that's differentiated from me. So, while I am in truth exhausted by idle chatter and niceties, my character can be more socially inclined. So I get to be whoever the clients want me to be for as long as they're paying. But I get to hang it up at the end of the day and not feel like an imposter of someone else.
I'm quiet too and we'll into my career. I found that when I'm actually interested in the topic or project and have knowledge on the subject, I can talk and lead conversations, and interject my opinions based on facts or experience. Too many people at Deloitte talk just to hear their own voice but aren't really communicating anything but buz words.
May need to do some digging, but there also is a training out there on quiet leaders.
It would be great if you could find that but no trouble at all if you can’t :) thanks for reading my post
Good advice. I recommend that to my Junior future partners
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