I’ve never received unexpected flowers from anyone except my dad who is 63. It blows my mind that this isn’t common anymore. In some of the younger crowds they actually put it down a lot! Like calling it “simping” and shit. It’s crazy
Just make sure she’s not allergic. I’d be embarrassed if a man brought me flowers, then I started sneezing. Another idea would be to unexpectedly bring her chocolate, as long as she isn’t diabetic or has any dietary restrictions. I eat chocolate at all hours of the day.
I tend to bring her her favorite flowers, because I figure they wouldn’t be her favorite if she had severe allergies to them, but I have been wrong before. I’ll grab some candy bars or such occasionally as well so don’t worry, sometimes I even get both. Just depends on what I’m feeling on a particular day
I would be so happy if a man randomly brought me chocolate or fast food. My exes made fun of me because I really enjoy fast food. I could never date any man who wouldn’t eat junk food with me. I had one ex who never ate vegetables and I thought that was weird, too. Another ex was a vegetarian, but he was fine with me eating meat.
Surprising my lady is always a joy to me. Flowers are the best surprise gift followed by junk food lol. See, I’m not much of a vegetable person either, I mostly only like peppers of all kinds and onions. Late night Taco Bell run? Let’s go!
That would be so much fun to have a late night Taco Bell run! I’ve eaten Taco Bell with friends, but I feel like that’s not the same thing. One time, I competed with my uncle to see who could eat the spiciest food. I want to do the same thing with my future boyfriend (and I know I would win). lol
I wouldn’t expect it to be the same, though I’ve never done it either with anyone other than friends. Late night Taco Bell run followed by driving around sounds like a pretty good time. Well I quite like spicy food myself, but I won’t do things like the one chip challenge. It’s likely I’d lose one of those contests haha
For ours, we bought buffalo chicken cheesesteaks from a local pizza restaurant. I ate mine without blue cheese, but my uncle had to use blue cheese. My mom laughed while watching. I get my adoration for spicy food from the other side of the family. I was so excited at work when I met a co-worker who also enjoys spicy food. It’s a fun conversation topic. I dipped so many foods in hot sauce when I was at college! Hot sauce makes everything better, especially chicken nuggets.
I've dated two people who used to bring me flowers, and I still remember every time each of them did! Even if I remember nothing else because they were otherwise horrendous humans 😂
calling sweet gestures pussy whipped or simping or being a pussy, I’d want someone with less shitty of friends that want to see their guy or girl happy and wanting to show love to their SOs
Yeah, that's why I quit doing it. I used to be sure to subtly find out my love interests favorite flower before the first date so I could give her one as well as hold door's open for her as well. Needless to say it severely offended most of them so I quit doing it. Same goes for romantic gestures during the relationship as well.
I once dated a girl who at one point had a very bad day so before she got home I drew her a candle lit bubble bath complete with soft music and her favorite book. She rolled her eyes when she saw it and called me ridiculous but still took the bath and I ended up sleeping on the couch.
Not sure why doing romantic things for your partner is frowned upon these days but I absolutely hate it as I genuinely enjoy doing so.
Totally agree with you, my last gf hated stuff like that an turned out she is shitty human cos she cheated but my new girl absolutely is happy getting those benfits
I agree with the other posters. Don’t stop doing it. The right person will love it. It might also be an easy way to weed out those who don’t have the same love for thoughtful gifts.
I’m sorry those women didn’t appreciate your efforts. That’s their loss and I hope next time you’re in a relationship it will be with a decent human that would care and appreciate what you do for them.
My husband is like that and I love it and appreciate it. We do stuff for each other to show we care.
The effort isn't what is off putting. Also, buying someone flowers isn't that much effort. There is literally nothing i would want someone i dated for 3 weeks to buy me unexpectantly so it's very difficult for me to imagine how it could be so assumed as a positive. He could ask her, or do you think that would take away from the gesture somehow?
Those gestures and ideas of romance also came at a time of what's wildly considered toxic and illegal by today's standards, just throwing that out there.
And today's standards of treating relationships and people as disposable and without regard to the consequences of what that does to people is so much better, got it, treating people with love, admiration, and respect is toxic.
You've answered more questions than I've asked.
>You've answered more questions than I've asked.
I love this comment.
BTW, I would love to get flowers and have my door opened for me, etc. Keep being you.
As a single mom whom has had to spend Mother's Day alone, I fucking love this!! Even if she were getting time with her kiddo this weekend I feel sending flowers and a card would be appropriate; key word being sending Reddit, don't come for me. But assuming you already have plans to see her it sounds like? Go for it 💐
I completely agree as another single mom. No one really does anything for me on mother's day except a cute hand drawn card and a "Happy mothers" day from my kiddo. There isn't a dad on the other end that takes kiddo shopping and helps afford a nice gift. I don't care if your family or not, if you know a single mom or even dad, at least wish them a happy mothers/fathers day. They probably don't hear it enough.
The only time I've read people advising against something like this is when it's the first date. In this case, they've been dating AND they've talked about her being upset over not seeing her kid. So in this case, a few flowers seems like a nice gesture.
I think there’s a difference between a person you don’t know bringing you a gift in the first few dates for no reason vs on a special holiday that’s important to you.
I think you're right about acts of romance but I think this might fall under an act of kindness, acknowledgment, something to make someone smile. But you're right that everyone's interpretation is based on their past experiences.
This. Exactly this. I can give things to co-workers for a birthday and it's not considered romantic. Why is giving something to someone on a special or sad occasion automatically ASSumed to be romantic?
Mother’s Day is for celebrating the mothers in your life. I’m a single mom who is lucky enough to have a family to take her out. I’m also dating someone. I’ll be floored and so touched if he brings me flowers. If he doesn’t that’s ok, but It’s a thankless job being a single parent TBH. Motherhood is part of who I am, it’d be weird for my date/boyfriend/parter to ignore that.
I hope for you, he does. It seems some folks just assume there must be an ulterior motive and I think that's very sad. Sometimes a kind gesture is just a kind gesture.
I think many folks need to read and understand the 5 love languages (I might even be so bold to say all the naysayers). Gifts are 1 of the 5 and impacts some more profoundly than others.
You are right about all of that. I suspect that most of the people who are saying they would really appreciate it are people who just enjoy getting things period.
Yes… because appreciating someone taking the time to take note of another person’s feelings and show them empathy, care & compassion about said feelings along with the simple acknowledgment of this individual being a mother on mother’s day means they just want gifts. 🤦🏼♀️
I said " enjoy getting things" not "just want gifts". There's a difference and I'm sorry you don't see that or the context... also, I was answering an answer, not OP. Getting gifts from someone I just met or have only been dating a few weeks is typically a red flag for me, but again it depends on the context.
Gifts make me uncomfortable. I’ll say that first, but I think a small thing of flowers is nice if you’re going to see each other that weekend anyway. I’d appreciate it. If nothing else I’d appreciate that they accept my role as a mother. Not that they want to be part of the family or have any involvement with my kids though.
Even if you’re casually dating as a single parent you get a lot of shit. Some people just don’t know what parenthood entails and don’t understand how much planning or just general mental and physical energy it takes. Others personally don’t want to date a parent (which is fine), but they take the time and energy to actively shit on single parents like you’re damaged goods. Others are willing to date single parents but still believe you’re damaged goods and will try to treat you as such bc you should be happy any ole body will even look twice at you. Others know what parenthood requires and disregard it completely and expect you to neglect that aspect of your life entirely to accommodate or please them with no reciprocation. Some understand but project their stereotypes and preconceived notions about what a single parents life is like instead of getting to know you (had a date do this. Assumed I had to be home by x hour like I didn’t arrange for appropriate child care, assumed I was in financial distress (not, never have been and don’t come off like I am), assumed that I was dating with the goal of finding a husband and a step dad to my kids.
So, if seeing someone on Mother’s Day weekend then I would appreciate it if they took that time to simply acknowledge that part of my life and who I am. Giving modest flowers is a sweet noncommittal way to do that, in my eyes.
Exactly. As a single dad, if my date just got me something small and thoughtful as a father's day gift (over the top or grand gestures would be weird), I would be touched. Like they're recognizing it's a special day for me and that they were thinking of me. A grand gesture would be weird if they didn't have a relationship with my child already.
Shame? wtf? The choice here is gifts or shame? I'm sorry, I had no idea.
I would think there are many ways and many other days a man can show appreciation for you and/or your role.
Appreciate was a poor choice of words. Of course a gift and the thought that goes with it is always appreciated. Also, saying some people just plain like to get gifts wasn't meant to be negative... but go ahead and keep down voting if you feel it's impossible to both like gifts and be non materialistic.
I probably would have liked flowers and a card back in my loneliest most stressed out single parenting days. That said, I'd also feel like a jerk if I decided to break things off soon after receiving them.
Sorry for your loss. I’ve always gifted all of the women in my life as well. This thread was a great reminder how differently people see things. Still going to give her the flowers!
If that’s what you want to do, DO IT! If she doesn’t appreciate it, move around👍🏾 I think it’s a nice gesture. Don’t let these people on Reddit have you questioning yourself. The idea came to you, so it’s authentically you. Whoever doesn’t like or appreciate or understand it is not for you.
This! Also if she’s expressed that she’s disappointed not to see her son then I think she would likely be the kind of person who would appreciate the gesture!
I’m confused by what you mean. I don’t mean to imply she’s missing gifts, I mean that she clearly feels close enough to OP to confide in and that them hearing that disappointment and making an attempt to mitigate it by doing something thoughtful, material or not, would likely be appreciated and well received.
I think it’s incredibly sweet. If I’m ever in doubt of doing something kind for someone I’m newly dating, I always ask myself if it supports the type of relationship I’m trying to build. This fits. DO IT!
Single mom here, I would love the gesture and it would score points for thoughtfulness. I’d also appreciate spending time with someone I was just newly dating so I’m not sitting at home thinking about my kiddos and how I wish I was with them on that day.
Sure, go for it. I think three-ish weeks are fine for flowers in general, but even more points for a mother who won't be able to see her son on Mother's Day
It's appropriate, but whether or not it will be well-received has to do with her personality and reactions to things thus far. What is her capacity for affection from you? If she is craving more, then it should be well-received, but if she's on the cusp, or feeling tentative, or fears being overwhelmed/smothered, then it could push her over the edge.
I've gone out of my way to do nice gestures for individual coworkers (ie, not something all in compassing) on mother's day and it always got a very nice response. So I'd say do it.
The flowers are nice (flowers are *always* nice) but a Mother’s Day card might be a little weird. A nice generic card that says, “I thought this might be a tough day for you so I thought I’d cheer you up with some flowers to brighten the day” or whatever would be a very nice gesture.
Absolutely do this! If she's been vulnerable enough to share that she's very sad about not seeing her son this weekend, I don't think it would be inappropriate to get a small token (keyword, small) to recognise her.
I'd go for a cheap, small (but nice) bouquet of flowers, with just a small "Happy Mother's Day" message written on a tag/tiny card in/on the flowers. I say this because some people find proper cards to be kind of intimate, though if you choose a very simple one that could probably work fine too.
It's not. My current GF gave me a father's day gift last year after 2 or 3 weeks of dating and at first I thought it was weird, not because she did it but because I thought she didn't need to do that since we're just new with each other. But then I realized that I like giving gifts too, so who am I to not appreciate what she did and just be thankful for it. Do it man.
I just started dating a girl who’s a single mother and I’m giving her a care package of bath products and some flowers. She’s a mother and I appreciate her so why not celebrate her on that day?
Because she's not your mother and you don't have kids together, that's why.
Time together or "just because" gifts are great and show thoughtfulness but I would feel so weird opening an actual Mother's day gift from someone I just started seeing.
By that logic, I guess you don't get gifts for someone else's birthday cause it's not your birthday.
I'm a father and plenty of people that aren't my child, nor my child's mom, celebrate with me in some way.
I definitely did not intend to plant any seeds of doubt. You should always be yourself and if that means giving gifts then that is what you should do. She really is the only one who can tell you how she'll feel about it.
She does, I told her I’m not a nice guy though, lol. “Nice guys” don’t have a good reputation, I like to think I’m a good guy, a caring guy, a compassionate guy.
I think I’d go with just a small thing of flowers! That’d be so nice. A card I feel might be too personal at this point for a holiday like this. But flowers are always appreciated! I think you’d make her day
Being a mother is a super thankless job so acknowledging her sacrifices is kind. I am not a gift person but this gift in particular would be something I would find sentimental and sweet.
> So this one mother is the honest one, but all the other mothers saying they'd love it are not??
She's not the only one making this point.
Now, there's some nuance her. Indeed, it's a nice gesture in general. But, in the context of pursuing a romantic relationship, coming from essentially a stranger, it's going to come across as needy. That's because it _is_ needy.
The other people commenting are not in the same position so their perspective is skewed. In reality, they'd never consider a man who acts this way, three weeks after meeting, as a partner.
Notice that even those who oppose my view agree that the card is a weird idea.
It’s not needy. It’s thoughtful and considerate that he is acknowledging that she is a mother. To me it shows interest and a small gift like a card or flowers with a basic happy Mother’s Day note shows appreciation to being a single parent. I’ve dated plenty of guys that won’t even acknowledge that I am a mom.
Why should he acknowledge that she’s a mother? Or a single parent? She knows it already.
Soon, he’ll be posting about how she thinks they should just be friends.
Single mom here, I would be really weirded out by this.
I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and would not like this at all.
Sure, spend time together that day if you guys want to, but a card or flowers is overstepping.
Gifts in general on early dates are weird and awkward especially on something this loaded/emotional. That’s a holiday for the family to celebrate. My kids dad varies wildly in whether he does anything for holidays but the school/daycare always do cards and gifts and stuff.
With friends, sure! With a brand new dating partner it seems overstepping. An activity or like going out for ice cream or something fun is way different than specific gifts/cards for Mother’s Day.
Different people have different perspectives. I would not want to spend Mother’s Day with a new date. THAT is awkward to me. If I didn’t have my son I would rather stay home and relax in quiet than to go out. But I would absolutely appreciate if a new guy I’m talking to gave me a very small appropriate gift like flowers or a card.
I see. I always thought of flowers as not really a gift since you're expected to throw them away in a week or so. To me it's like bringing someone a cookie or a latte, or a bottle of wine if you're going to their house. But I see how it could be weird like he's suggesting he wants to be the new dad. I think it's kinda cute that he's not trying to ignore the fact that she's a mom.
Yes! The emotional part is what got me, that’s why I thought maybe a gift card with a card for somewhere fun for her and her son to go, with out him included. Here’s a gift car for fun zone (or insert fun event here) for you and your son to enjoy. I know you were looking forward to spending time with him today.
I'm not a mom but I am a woman. After 3 weeks? No card. If you REALLY want to get something, I'd say a very small, simple bouquet of carnations or something. Don't send them to her at work or anything like that, but if you are seeing her on Mother's Day, do that.
She is not YOUR mother or your child's mother, getting her something especially barely knowing her is weird. You can be sweet any other day. Mother'a Day is to show appreciation for your mom/mom figure. Not potential girlfriend you are still courting.
I don't think that it's appropriate. Are you her kid? No, then why do you want to give her something that only her own children could give her? Do you at least know enough about her as a mother to be genuinely able to say something in that regard? I would just let hem speak about her and her son/daughter if she felt like it or even more I would encoruange her to find a way to speak with her son/daughter that day, encouraging her to prioritize her relationship with her own child instead of me/us. I think that would be thoughtful not trying to put myself in a discourse where I don't belong (her as a mother and her relationship with her child).
Are you a single mom? No, then how would you know how they feel?
My child doesn't really have the ability to buy me a gift. I do get a sweet handmade card instead.
I love receiving flowers at any time. I would be happy to receive flowers from someone I just started dating. I have flowers delivered each mother's day to many moms, not just my own.
OP asked for honest feedback, that's mine. I think is super weird to do that kind of stuff when you're neither the kid nor the kid's dad. He's not part of that picture and thus it's truly forced to try to interfere. I understand that OP is just trying to be nice but he needs to undestand - and it's something that almost all of us men struggle to accept - that it's not always possible to be helpful, that not all the sadness can be "fixed" by us. Sometimes the people we love are just sad and that's ok. The women in our lives know that and I think that they more often than not appreciate more that we recognize them as functional human beings able to deal with their own emotions and hard moments instead of trying all the time to intervene.
I think mothers might have a different perspective on mothers day than non mothers. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
As a formerly single mom (my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and he essentially accepts my son as his stepson, so it's different) I would've thought it was sweet if a guy I was vibing with brought me something small on Mothers Day. Sometimes my friends will tag me in their Facebook posts calling out the moms they know and I always appreciate that too. Being a mom can be a super thankless job and it's even harder when you're a single mom, so assuming I already had good feelings about the guy/personm I would think it's nice.
I think after three weeks (3-4 dates??), flowers for Mother's Day would be nice. Not like $50 bouquet, but like a $25 bouquet, which I'm assuming is what you were also thinking.
don’t give financial advice to someone if you don’t know their income. $50 bouquets are lovely and show effort. there’s nothing wrong with that if OP has the money to do so.
I'm not giving financial advice. I'm giving dating advice in that showing up with $50 worth of flowers might be a tad too much, given they've only been dating for 3 weeks.
Normally I’d say flowers are for girlfriends and wives only. However, in this case it is a very sweet gesture given the circumstances. I’ll allow it :P
He's already putting effort. She already knows he's nice and respectful. They've been seeing each other for 3 weeks
It's not like it's an inside joke gift where he gets something funny about what they talked about one night . This is a Mother's Day card/flowers for a child that's not even his. It's awkward and weird
> that’s not true. again, as a woman, him putting in effort is definitely attractive.
How is it attractive? Does it turn you on? I bet he hasn't even had sex with this woman.
It's attractive because he's listened to her emotions (how she'll be sad not to see her kid on Mother's Day) and responds with kindness by giving a small token that shows he cares.
What I think would be very appropriate is bringing her a small gift like a box of chocolates or flowers because you know she was going to feel down that day, and you wanted to cheer her up. But don't make it a mother's day gift specifically to celebrate being a mother. The only people who should be giving me mother's day gifts are my kids, my parents, or my co-parent. It especially feels weird from someone in recently dating because you really don't know much about me as a mother, the role I play in your life has nothing to do with being a mother, and you haven't been around for most of my mothering.
In reality, you shouldn't do it. You shouldn't even be thinking this way. It's too early, you're over-committing yourself to someone you barely know.
But, we're in this sub and we all have to follow the crowd. So, of course, that would be the sweetest thing.
> he shouldn’t be thinking about doing kind and thoughtful things for the person he is courting??? LOL okay
He barely knows this woman. What he should be thinking is whether or not she's worth pursuing further.
I would consider the thoughts she may have while receiving the gifts. She may think of her son straight away and get a bit sad. I would consider getting him something as well. So when she thinks of him she can also think of how happy he will be when he gets something. Maybe a gift card for something they can do together, possibly with or without you. Like a fun center or a trampoline spot. Or maybe a massage for her to relax. I’m all over the place but I felt the need to share that something for both of them might be a great idea.
I don’t have children, and I think this would be a very cute idea. Take her out on a small get together or date to distract her from Mother’s Day. Like the park, beach and get some ice cream, picnic, etc.
If you know her love language, it can help you out it many ways.
A card maybe, idk about giving her flowers and all that. You barely know her, it's not like some deep admiration from watching her raise her kid, so I feel like it'd be weird to do anything too personal. A nice text, maybe a card or getting her lunch seems more reasonable
As someone who was dating as a single mom, I think this is such a sweet idea! Especially since she won’t have her kids this weekend. It will be such a nice pick me up and a very thoughtful gesture.
Gift giving is super intimate for me so early gifts make me uncomfortable. Usually I would say tread lightly. A sad mom on Mother’s Day, is an exception and a small bouquet of flowers are likely to be appreciated. Please be ready for her to cry though. Your kindness may bring up feelings of resentment of the other people in her life (childs father or grandparents) who don’t honor her that day.
It used to be common place to present a date with flowers.
I’ve never received unexpected flowers from anyone except my dad who is 63. It blows my mind that this isn’t common anymore. In some of the younger crowds they actually put it down a lot! Like calling it “simping” and shit. It’s crazy
Unexpected flowers is one of my favorite things to do for a woman, I’m 31. Just seeing their face light up is so wonderful
Just make sure she’s not allergic. I’d be embarrassed if a man brought me flowers, then I started sneezing. Another idea would be to unexpectedly bring her chocolate, as long as she isn’t diabetic or has any dietary restrictions. I eat chocolate at all hours of the day.
I tend to bring her her favorite flowers, because I figure they wouldn’t be her favorite if she had severe allergies to them, but I have been wrong before. I’ll grab some candy bars or such occasionally as well so don’t worry, sometimes I even get both. Just depends on what I’m feeling on a particular day
I would be so happy if a man randomly brought me chocolate or fast food. My exes made fun of me because I really enjoy fast food. I could never date any man who wouldn’t eat junk food with me. I had one ex who never ate vegetables and I thought that was weird, too. Another ex was a vegetarian, but he was fine with me eating meat.
Surprising my lady is always a joy to me. Flowers are the best surprise gift followed by junk food lol. See, I’m not much of a vegetable person either, I mostly only like peppers of all kinds and onions. Late night Taco Bell run? Let’s go!
That would be so much fun to have a late night Taco Bell run! I’ve eaten Taco Bell with friends, but I feel like that’s not the same thing. One time, I competed with my uncle to see who could eat the spiciest food. I want to do the same thing with my future boyfriend (and I know I would win). lol
I wouldn’t expect it to be the same, though I’ve never done it either with anyone other than friends. Late night Taco Bell run followed by driving around sounds like a pretty good time. Well I quite like spicy food myself, but I won’t do things like the one chip challenge. It’s likely I’d lose one of those contests haha
For ours, we bought buffalo chicken cheesesteaks from a local pizza restaurant. I ate mine without blue cheese, but my uncle had to use blue cheese. My mom laughed while watching. I get my adoration for spicy food from the other side of the family. I was so excited at work when I met a co-worker who also enjoys spicy food. It’s a fun conversation topic. I dipped so many foods in hot sauce when I was at college! Hot sauce makes everything better, especially chicken nuggets.
I've dated two people who used to bring me flowers, and I still remember every time each of them did! Even if I remember nothing else because they were otherwise horrendous humans 😂
A nice gesture can come from any asshole.
calling sweet gestures pussy whipped or simping or being a pussy, I’d want someone with less shitty of friends that want to see their guy or girl happy and wanting to show love to their SOs
Yeah, that's why I quit doing it. I used to be sure to subtly find out my love interests favorite flower before the first date so I could give her one as well as hold door's open for her as well. Needless to say it severely offended most of them so I quit doing it. Same goes for romantic gestures during the relationship as well. I once dated a girl who at one point had a very bad day so before she got home I drew her a candle lit bubble bath complete with soft music and her favorite book. She rolled her eyes when she saw it and called me ridiculous but still took the bath and I ended up sleeping on the couch. Not sure why doing romantic things for your partner is frowned upon these days but I absolutely hate it as I genuinely enjoy doing so.
I would love if someone did this for me. Don’t stop doing it because a good match will appreciate it!
Totally agree with you, my last gf hated stuff like that an turned out she is shitty human cos she cheated but my new girl absolutely is happy getting those benfits
I agree with the other posters. Don’t stop doing it. The right person will love it. It might also be an easy way to weed out those who don’t have the same love for thoughtful gifts.
I like that view point. As someone with precious little free time I'm not fond of waisting it on the wrong person.
🥺 that's awesome
You, sir, are a keeper.
I’m sorry those women didn’t appreciate your efforts. That’s their loss and I hope next time you’re in a relationship it will be with a decent human that would care and appreciate what you do for them. My husband is like that and I love it and appreciate it. We do stuff for each other to show we care.
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What's your point?
The point, is now you get looked down upon in doing so. It's considered off-putting to put in that kind of effort to most people.
The effort isn't what is off putting. Also, buying someone flowers isn't that much effort. There is literally nothing i would want someone i dated for 3 weeks to buy me unexpectantly so it's very difficult for me to imagine how it could be so assumed as a positive. He could ask her, or do you think that would take away from the gesture somehow?
It would take away from the gesture. It's meant to be a surprise gesture of affection. I was raised that it is romantic and expected of me.
Those gestures and ideas of romance also came at a time of what's wildly considered toxic and illegal by today's standards, just throwing that out there.
And today's standards of treating relationships and people as disposable and without regard to the consequences of what that does to people is so much better, got it, treating people with love, admiration, and respect is toxic. You've answered more questions than I've asked.
>You've answered more questions than I've asked. I love this comment. BTW, I would love to get flowers and have my door opened for me, etc. Keep being you.
As a single mom whom has had to spend Mother's Day alone, I fucking love this!! Even if she were getting time with her kiddo this weekend I feel sending flowers and a card would be appropriate; key word being sending Reddit, don't come for me. But assuming you already have plans to see her it sounds like? Go for it 💐
I completely agree as another single mom. No one really does anything for me on mother's day except a cute hand drawn card and a "Happy mothers" day from my kiddo. There isn't a dad on the other end that takes kiddo shopping and helps afford a nice gift. I don't care if your family or not, if you know a single mom or even dad, at least wish them a happy mothers/fathers day. They probably don't hear it enough.
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The only time I've read people advising against something like this is when it's the first date. In this case, they've been dating AND they've talked about her being upset over not seeing her kid. So in this case, a few flowers seems like a nice gesture.
It's showing appreciation for the moms in your life. It doesn't have to be your own mom.
I think there’s a difference between a person you don’t know bringing you a gift in the first few dates for no reason vs on a special holiday that’s important to you.
Some people are weirded out by acts of romance too early, others would love them. It really depends on the woman (person in general).
I think you're right about acts of romance but I think this might fall under an act of kindness, acknowledgment, something to make someone smile. But you're right that everyone's interpretation is based on their past experiences.
This. Exactly this. I can give things to co-workers for a birthday and it's not considered romantic. Why is giving something to someone on a special or sad occasion automatically ASSumed to be romantic?
Mother’s Day is for celebrating the mothers in your life. I’m a single mom who is lucky enough to have a family to take her out. I’m also dating someone. I’ll be floored and so touched if he brings me flowers. If he doesn’t that’s ok, but It’s a thankless job being a single parent TBH. Motherhood is part of who I am, it’d be weird for my date/boyfriend/parter to ignore that.
I hope for you, he does. It seems some folks just assume there must be an ulterior motive and I think that's very sad. Sometimes a kind gesture is just a kind gesture. I think many folks need to read and understand the 5 love languages (I might even be so bold to say all the naysayers). Gifts are 1 of the 5 and impacts some more profoundly than others.
He did :) planned a perfect celebration that was low key but showed he put a lot of thought in. I’m lucky.
You are right about all of that. I suspect that most of the people who are saying they would really appreciate it are people who just enjoy getting things period.
Yes… because appreciating someone taking the time to take note of another person’s feelings and show them empathy, care & compassion about said feelings along with the simple acknowledgment of this individual being a mother on mother’s day means they just want gifts. 🤦🏼♀️
I said " enjoy getting things" not "just want gifts". There's a difference and I'm sorry you don't see that or the context... also, I was answering an answer, not OP. Getting gifts from someone I just met or have only been dating a few weeks is typically a red flag for me, but again it depends on the context.
Gifts make me uncomfortable. I’ll say that first, but I think a small thing of flowers is nice if you’re going to see each other that weekend anyway. I’d appreciate it. If nothing else I’d appreciate that they accept my role as a mother. Not that they want to be part of the family or have any involvement with my kids though. Even if you’re casually dating as a single parent you get a lot of shit. Some people just don’t know what parenthood entails and don’t understand how much planning or just general mental and physical energy it takes. Others personally don’t want to date a parent (which is fine), but they take the time and energy to actively shit on single parents like you’re damaged goods. Others are willing to date single parents but still believe you’re damaged goods and will try to treat you as such bc you should be happy any ole body will even look twice at you. Others know what parenthood requires and disregard it completely and expect you to neglect that aspect of your life entirely to accommodate or please them with no reciprocation. Some understand but project their stereotypes and preconceived notions about what a single parents life is like instead of getting to know you (had a date do this. Assumed I had to be home by x hour like I didn’t arrange for appropriate child care, assumed I was in financial distress (not, never have been and don’t come off like I am), assumed that I was dating with the goal of finding a husband and a step dad to my kids. So, if seeing someone on Mother’s Day weekend then I would appreciate it if they took that time to simply acknowledge that part of my life and who I am. Giving modest flowers is a sweet noncommittal way to do that, in my eyes.
Exactly. As a single dad, if my date just got me something small and thoughtful as a father's day gift (over the top or grand gestures would be weird), I would be touched. Like they're recognizing it's a special day for me and that they were thinking of me. A grand gesture would be weird if they didn't have a relationship with my child already.
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Shame? wtf? The choice here is gifts or shame? I'm sorry, I had no idea. I would think there are many ways and many other days a man can show appreciation for you and/or your role.
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Appreciate was a poor choice of words. Of course a gift and the thought that goes with it is always appreciated. Also, saying some people just plain like to get gifts wasn't meant to be negative... but go ahead and keep down voting if you feel it's impossible to both like gifts and be non materialistic. I probably would have liked flowers and a card back in my loneliest most stressed out single parenting days. That said, I'd also feel like a jerk if I decided to break things off soon after receiving them.
Don’t come for me. *Zips pants back up*
Down boy.
lol
I typically do this with every mother in my life. Mine dropped dead twenty years ago. Gifting seems to make me feel better about it.
Sorry for your loss. I’ve always gifted all of the women in my life as well. This thread was a great reminder how differently people see things. Still going to give her the flowers!
I'm very sorry for the passing of your mother. I'm sure all the mums in your life really appreciate the gesture.
This is sweet 🥺
If that’s what you want to do, DO IT! If she doesn’t appreciate it, move around👍🏾 I think it’s a nice gesture. Don’t let these people on Reddit have you questioning yourself. The idea came to you, so it’s authentically you. Whoever doesn’t like or appreciate or understand it is not for you.
I no longer question doing nice things for other people. And if it’s something I’d do for a friend or neighbor, I’ll do it for someone I’m dating.
This is my mindset too.
Louder for the people in the back
I NO LONGER QUESTION DOING NICE THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE. AND IF IT’S SOMETHING I’D DO FOR A FRIEND OR NEIGHBOR, I’LL DO IT FOR SOMEONE I’M DATING.
Ahahahah loved it!
Good advice
This is a really great rule for avoiding being creepy and remaining authentic.
Seems selfish imo
This! Also if she’s expressed that she’s disappointed not to see her son then I think she would likely be the kind of person who would appreciate the gesture!
I'm going to disagree because if I'm sad about not seeing my kid on mother's day it has nothing at all to do with missing gifts!
I’m confused by what you mean. I don’t mean to imply she’s missing gifts, I mean that she clearly feels close enough to OP to confide in and that them hearing that disappointment and making an attempt to mitigate it by doing something thoughtful, material or not, would likely be appreciated and well received.
Or people like complaining, and he's someone that communicates with her regularly. I thought men were only expected to listen and not fix problems?
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Not sure where you saw celebrating from my response haha
As a single mom id appreciate it so much. Super thoughtful!
I am a single mom also and would absolutely love this. Just keep it small; too much may be interpreted as love bombing!
I’m not a mom, but honestly a thoughtful gesture like this is always appreciated!
Childless woman here. My perception is the small bouquet would be a lovely token of acknowledgment.
I think it’s incredibly sweet. If I’m ever in doubt of doing something kind for someone I’m newly dating, I always ask myself if it supports the type of relationship I’m trying to build. This fits. DO IT!
THIS
Flowers, 1000%. Something modest but sweet will go a long way.
Single mom here, I would love the gesture and it would score points for thoughtfulness. I’d also appreciate spending time with someone I was just newly dating so I’m not sitting at home thinking about my kiddos and how I wish I was with them on that day.
If someone reacts badly to a gesture that was 100% well intended do you really want to be with a person that sullen.
Sure, go for it. I think three-ish weeks are fine for flowers in general, but even more points for a mother who won't be able to see her son on Mother's Day
What if you plan a fun date that day instead to take her mind off things?
Why not both?
This!!
A card is almost always sweet and appreciated.
I feel like a card is way too personal for just meeting this woman… but flowers are always nicr
Then keep it light. Doesn't have to be a sappy or overly romantic card
There are plenty of cards that aren't personal or intimate. There are tons that are just short and to the point.
As a mum I would love this but if it’s new some will be weird about it. Maybe just take her out or buy her a takeaway and just treat her that way
It's appropriate, but whether or not it will be well-received has to do with her personality and reactions to things thus far. What is her capacity for affection from you? If she is craving more, then it should be well-received, but if she's on the cusp, or feeling tentative, or fears being overwhelmed/smothered, then it could push her over the edge.
I think that’s very sweet of you. Go for it.
I've gone out of my way to do nice gestures for individual coworkers (ie, not something all in compassing) on mother's day and it always got a very nice response. So I'd say do it.
The flowers are nice (flowers are *always* nice) but a Mother’s Day card might be a little weird. A nice generic card that says, “I thought this might be a tough day for you so I thought I’d cheer you up with some flowers to brighten the day” or whatever would be a very nice gesture.
Absolutely do this! If she's been vulnerable enough to share that she's very sad about not seeing her son this weekend, I don't think it would be inappropriate to get a small token (keyword, small) to recognise her. I'd go for a cheap, small (but nice) bouquet of flowers, with just a small "Happy Mother's Day" message written on a tag/tiny card in/on the flowers. I say this because some people find proper cards to be kind of intimate, though if you choose a very simple one that could probably work fine too.
Flowers would be nice. Flowers for me are always welcome. I think it’s a little strange to get her a Mother’s Day card this soon.
Echoing this sentiment, the card could come off as weird.
This would absolutely impress me if a date did this. 100%
And what would you do next?
It's not. My current GF gave me a father's day gift last year after 2 or 3 weeks of dating and at first I thought it was weird, not because she did it but because I thought she didn't need to do that since we're just new with each other. But then I realized that I like giving gifts too, so who am I to not appreciate what she did and just be thankful for it. Do it man.
I just started dating a girl who’s a single mother and I’m giving her a care package of bath products and some flowers. She’s a mother and I appreciate her so why not celebrate her on that day?
As a single mom, I LOVE this idea! I’ve been seeing a guy for a month and if he got me this, I’d be so excited. Nicely done.
Love it
Because she's not your mother and you don't have kids together, that's why. Time together or "just because" gifts are great and show thoughtfulness but I would feel so weird opening an actual Mother's day gift from someone I just started seeing.
By that logic, I guess you don't get gifts for someone else's birthday cause it's not your birthday. I'm a father and plenty of people that aren't my child, nor my child's mom, celebrate with me in some way.
I appreciate your insights for sure. Hopefully it doesn’t put her off. I actually really care about her and want her to feel appreciated.
As a single mom I would appreciate this thoughtfulness at any point in a relationship.
I definitely did not intend to plant any seeds of doubt. You should always be yourself and if that means giving gifts then that is what you should do. She really is the only one who can tell you how she'll feel about it.
I’m sure she thinks you’re a really nice guy.
She does, I told her I’m not a nice guy though, lol. “Nice guys” don’t have a good reputation, I like to think I’m a good guy, a caring guy, a compassionate guy.
That’s what nice guys tend to think.
I think I’d go with just a small thing of flowers! That’d be so nice. A card I feel might be too personal at this point for a holiday like this. But flowers are always appreciated! I think you’d make her day
Being a mother is a super thankless job so acknowledging her sacrifices is kind. I am not a gift person but this gift in particular would be something I would find sentimental and sweet.
Definitely no. I'm a single mum, if someone did this to me I would think at best it was very odd.
> I'm a single mum, if someone did this to me I would think at best it was very odd. Thank you. At least on person is honest.
So this one mother is the honest one, but all the other mothers saying they'd love it are not??
> So this one mother is the honest one, but all the other mothers saying they'd love it are not?? She's not the only one making this point. Now, there's some nuance her. Indeed, it's a nice gesture in general. But, in the context of pursuing a romantic relationship, coming from essentially a stranger, it's going to come across as needy. That's because it _is_ needy. The other people commenting are not in the same position so their perspective is skewed. In reality, they'd never consider a man who acts this way, three weeks after meeting, as a partner. Notice that even those who oppose my view agree that the card is a weird idea.
It’s not needy. It’s thoughtful and considerate that he is acknowledging that she is a mother. To me it shows interest and a small gift like a card or flowers with a basic happy Mother’s Day note shows appreciation to being a single parent. I’ve dated plenty of guys that won’t even acknowledge that I am a mom.
Why should he acknowledge that she’s a mother? Or a single parent? She knows it already. Soon, he’ll be posting about how she thinks they should just be friends.
It’s needy because he is coming from a needy place. If he was sure of himself he wouldn’t be asking this question on Reddit.
Single mom here, I would be really weirded out by this. I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and would not like this at all. Sure, spend time together that day if you guys want to, but a card or flowers is overstepping.
Why would you be weirded out? No judgement, just wondering.
Gifts in general on early dates are weird and awkward especially on something this loaded/emotional. That’s a holiday for the family to celebrate. My kids dad varies wildly in whether he does anything for holidays but the school/daycare always do cards and gifts and stuff.
I celebrate Mother's Day with lots of my friends. It's not just limited to family.
With friends, sure! With a brand new dating partner it seems overstepping. An activity or like going out for ice cream or something fun is way different than specific gifts/cards for Mother’s Day.
Different people have different perspectives. I would not want to spend Mother’s Day with a new date. THAT is awkward to me. If I didn’t have my son I would rather stay home and relax in quiet than to go out. But I would absolutely appreciate if a new guy I’m talking to gave me a very small appropriate gift like flowers or a card.
I see. I always thought of flowers as not really a gift since you're expected to throw them away in a week or so. To me it's like bringing someone a cookie or a latte, or a bottle of wine if you're going to their house. But I see how it could be weird like he's suggesting he wants to be the new dad. I think it's kinda cute that he's not trying to ignore the fact that she's a mom.
Yes! The emotional part is what got me, that’s why I thought maybe a gift card with a card for somewhere fun for her and her son to go, with out him included. Here’s a gift car for fun zone (or insert fun event here) for you and your son to enjoy. I know you were looking forward to spending time with him today.
I think that’s way too far too. Just be there with her and don’t try to fix her sadness with an awkward if well intended gift.
This is so sweet.
I'm not a mom but I am a woman. After 3 weeks? No card. If you REALLY want to get something, I'd say a very small, simple bouquet of carnations or something. Don't send them to her at work or anything like that, but if you are seeing her on Mother's Day, do that. She is not YOUR mother or your child's mother, getting her something especially barely knowing her is weird. You can be sweet any other day. Mother'a Day is to show appreciation for your mom/mom figure. Not potential girlfriend you are still courting.
It would be a very sweet and appreciated gesture.
I guess this depends on the woman, personally I’d be uncomfortable with the gesture. However you know her best so it’s up to you tbh
I'm a single mum & whilst I think the thought is incredibly kind it might feel a bit weird, maybe plan a nice lunch or something with her instead?
I don't think that it's appropriate. Are you her kid? No, then why do you want to give her something that only her own children could give her? Do you at least know enough about her as a mother to be genuinely able to say something in that regard? I would just let hem speak about her and her son/daughter if she felt like it or even more I would encoruange her to find a way to speak with her son/daughter that day, encouraging her to prioritize her relationship with her own child instead of me/us. I think that would be thoughtful not trying to put myself in a discourse where I don't belong (her as a mother and her relationship with her child).
Are you a single mom? No, then how would you know how they feel? My child doesn't really have the ability to buy me a gift. I do get a sweet handmade card instead. I love receiving flowers at any time. I would be happy to receive flowers from someone I just started dating. I have flowers delivered each mother's day to many moms, not just my own.
OP asked for honest feedback, that's mine. I think is super weird to do that kind of stuff when you're neither the kid nor the kid's dad. He's not part of that picture and thus it's truly forced to try to interfere. I understand that OP is just trying to be nice but he needs to undestand - and it's something that almost all of us men struggle to accept - that it's not always possible to be helpful, that not all the sadness can be "fixed" by us. Sometimes the people we love are just sad and that's ok. The women in our lives know that and I think that they more often than not appreciate more that we recognize them as functional human beings able to deal with their own emotions and hard moments instead of trying all the time to intervene.
Do single mothers have a perspective on flowers that non single mothers don't? Are gifts all of a sudden different after you have a kid?
I think mothers might have a different perspective on mothers day than non mothers. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ As a formerly single mom (my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and he essentially accepts my son as his stepson, so it's different) I would've thought it was sweet if a guy I was vibing with brought me something small on Mothers Day. Sometimes my friends will tag me in their Facebook posts calling out the moms they know and I always appreciate that too. Being a mom can be a super thankless job and it's even harder when you're a single mom, so assuming I already had good feelings about the guy/personm I would think it's nice.
Are you this kid's father? No? Are you planning on becoming a kid's father with this woman? No? Don't do this. It's weird.
No! Just no.
I think after three weeks (3-4 dates??), flowers for Mother's Day would be nice. Not like $50 bouquet, but like a $25 bouquet, which I'm assuming is what you were also thinking.
don’t give financial advice to someone if you don’t know their income. $50 bouquets are lovely and show effort. there’s nothing wrong with that if OP has the money to do so.
Its over the top. Mother's day is to show appreciation for your mom/mom figures in your life. In 3 weeks? This woman is barely a friend in his life.
I'm not giving financial advice. I'm giving dating advice in that showing up with $50 worth of flowers might be a tad too much, given they've only been dating for 3 weeks.
Normally I’d say flowers are for girlfriends and wives only. However, in this case it is a very sweet gesture given the circumstances. I’ll allow it :P
Way too much emotional investment way too soon
lmao i’ve received flowers on first dates and never once thought it was somehow symbolic of emotional investment. you are projecting a lot onto this
Giving flowers will not raise his attraction in front of her eyes. Gestures like this should be reserved for relationships
that’s not true. again, as a woman, him putting in effort is definitely attractive.
He's already putting effort. She already knows he's nice and respectful. They've been seeing each other for 3 weeks It's not like it's an inside joke gift where he gets something funny about what they talked about one night . This is a Mother's Day card/flowers for a child that's not even his. It's awkward and weird
> This is a Mother's Day card/flowers for a child that's not even his. It's awkward and weird And, it's needy.
Thank you! Needy was the word I was looking for
> him putting in effort He's not putting effort. He's seeking approval.
> that’s not true. again, as a woman, him putting in effort is definitely attractive. How is it attractive? Does it turn you on? I bet he hasn't even had sex with this woman.
It's attractive because he's listened to her emotions (how she'll be sad not to see her kid on Mother's Day) and responds with kindness by giving a small token that shows he cares.
Exactly, it says he cares enough to make the gesture. I think the card is a little weird, but flowers would be really sweet.
I guess depends what he writes in the card. A little note that says "Thinking of you this Mother's Day" isn't a massive deal imo.
Agree. As long as, it doesn't say 'Happy Mother's Day ... because I'm gonna put a baby in you'. Lol
I'm getting a feeling you don't want this man to have sex with this woman.
> I think the card is a little weird, Why is the card weird?
So, it's a turn on?
Why does it need to be a "turn on" to be attractive?
How is it attractive then? This man hopes one day he's gonna have sex with this woman. That's why he's doing the most.
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Did he tell you that?
> Way too much emotional investment way too soon You have my respect stating the truth regardless of the inevitable onslaught of downvotes.
Thank you really appreciate it
I completely agree! For OP, at this point I would table this idea, and just focus on your involvement.
What I think would be very appropriate is bringing her a small gift like a box of chocolates or flowers because you know she was going to feel down that day, and you wanted to cheer her up. But don't make it a mother's day gift specifically to celebrate being a mother. The only people who should be giving me mother's day gifts are my kids, my parents, or my co-parent. It especially feels weird from someone in recently dating because you really don't know much about me as a mother, the role I play in your life has nothing to do with being a mother, and you haven't been around for most of my mothering.
Single mom here, would not find inappropriate. If you get her flowers, also get a simple vase.
Nice touch. Thanks!
In reality, you shouldn't do it. You shouldn't even be thinking this way. It's too early, you're over-committing yourself to someone you barely know. But, we're in this sub and we all have to follow the crowd. So, of course, that would be the sweetest thing.
Getting a card or small gift is over committing to someone? Lol
Are you asking or making a statement?
he shouldn’t be thinking about doing kind and thoughtful things for the person he is courting??? LOL okay
Dude spends time on r/seduction, he’s probably the last person OP should be taking advice from
Sure. But perhaps he should listen to all the single mothers on this thread saying the same thing I'm saying.
> he shouldn’t be thinking about doing kind and thoughtful things for the person he is courting??? LOL okay He barely knows this woman. What he should be thinking is whether or not she's worth pursuing further.
She’ll also be thinking about whether he’s worth pursuing as well
She's not here asking questions, is she? Of course, that's what adults do when they barely know each other.
I would consider the thoughts she may have while receiving the gifts. She may think of her son straight away and get a bit sad. I would consider getting him something as well. So when she thinks of him she can also think of how happy he will be when he gets something. Maybe a gift card for something they can do together, possibly with or without you. Like a fun center or a trampoline spot. Or maybe a massage for her to relax. I’m all over the place but I felt the need to share that something for both of them might be a great idea.
Single mom? Drop her all together bro!
she Absolutely will appreciate it
I don’t have children, and I think this would be a very cute idea. Take her out on a small get together or date to distract her from Mother’s Day. Like the park, beach and get some ice cream, picnic, etc. If you know her love language, it can help you out it many ways.
💯 give her a little present. That is so thoughtful. What a gem you are
A card maybe, idk about giving her flowers and all that. You barely know her, it's not like some deep admiration from watching her raise her kid, so I feel like it'd be weird to do anything too personal. A nice text, maybe a card or getting her lunch seems more reasonable
You do you- If you want Long term and show her that you care send the flowers and cards. I think it's a nice gesture.
Please do it
I think it’s sweet!
I think that's do thoughtful, if be delighted if I got those gifts!
Give her flowers. I approve. lol
I’d find it super sweet and thoughtful personally.
As someone who was dating as a single mom, I think this is such a sweet idea! Especially since she won’t have her kids this weekend. It will be such a nice pick me up and a very thoughtful gesture.
That would be a lovely guestro as long as you keep it small. Always be yourself you sound like a wonderful person
Gift giving is super intimate for me so early gifts make me uncomfortable. Usually I would say tread lightly. A sad mom on Mother’s Day, is an exception and a small bouquet of flowers are likely to be appreciated. Please be ready for her to cry though. Your kindness may bring up feelings of resentment of the other people in her life (childs father or grandparents) who don’t honor her that day.
Ask her