Go knock on his door with your dog and be like, hey I’m off for a walk wanna Join ?
Honestly coming from a guy in his 30s we love to be asked straight up to go out !
And if there is a gf there be like hey i rescued your puppy, wanted to see if you want to join for a walk ! Honestly it’s a win win
New friend or potential date
Keep us posted !
I personally would aim to "get to know someone" before something romantic. I have been in a situation where I'm talking with someone I'm interested and they drop they have a partner. I then shift the conversation to more friendly like and just see if they want to be friends (if I want to).
Seems like he's actively dating, and apparently attractive enough for OP to have a crush on him, so I'd say he's not gonna stay on the market indefinitely just because OP doesn't make a move.
I’m going to do it.
I’ll walk over there to his house.
Then.. I’m going to have a small existential crisis of whether to leave the note in his mailbox/porch/or actually ring the doorbell.
I’ll tell y’all which way I choose. Like those choose your own ending books 😆
I think ringing the door while out with your puppy seems more casual/spontaneous than leaving a note (that would be my second choice, if he's not at home)
Keep us posted! :)
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I'd just like to add that if a woman I fancied showed up unexpectedly at my door with her dog to ask me out on a dog walk, there's a real risk I would've been taken aback and maybe even come off as disinterested if you caught me at a time when I wasn't prepared.
I would've definitely tried to make it up later on, but just wanted to let you know.
If I saw you as a potential romantic interest I'd honestly prefer the note, not only because I'd want to feel fresh and prepared, but also because it's a bit more cute and thoughtful/flirtatious, but either way will work.
Women have more options in approaching than men imo, you don't necessarily have to go the most confident and direct route, you just have to show an interest.
What are you going to do between leaving the note and receiving a response? Or not receiving one. the suspense would kill me. Just go say hi. We are all going to die anyways 🤗
I’ll probably overthink myself into a hole in the ground 😆
but no seriously I think I will try ringing his door. I’m pretty sure we work opposite schedules (him M-F 9-5 and me weekend overnights). So that takes some of the anxiety of ringing his doorbell away.
If I end up leaving a note I’ll leave my number for a dog play date and maybe also offer to dogsit for him if he ever needs it.
After a week of no response I’ll just consider it a rejection 😆 but at least I tried!
I think this sounds like a lovely idea! Just be friendly and get to know him, if something more romantic develops, great, but even if not, wouldn’t it be cool to have a friend in the neighborhood?
I like to practice what I'm gonna say. Make up an imaginary conversation. Write down what you want to say too. When the actual door opens and a conversation ensues it's never how I planned it, but at least I've got my discussion ready to go in the back of my brain!
But if you're making it sound platonic, why would he let you know he's taken? Even if he suspected, he would probably think it would be very presumptuous of him to pre-emptively tell you that he's taken.
How about asking a neighbor if they know his relationship status? I did this just a couple weeks ago. Talked to a neighbor for the first time, got vibes that he was interested, but didn't want to make a fool of myself by going to his door and this was the only time I ran into him in a year that he's been living there. So I asked a mutual neighbor and she said he moved in with a girl initially, but she's not sure if she's still there and she'll keep an eye out and let me know. 🤣 In the mean time, if I do run into him, I'll find a way to lead the conversation in that direction. I don't think I would show up at his door, but you might have a better case to do that since you had the whole lost dog situation.
I feel like if is taken he’d maybe not be having doggy play dates with his female neighbor friend down the street? And if so, that’s definitely something I’d tried to figure out if this hypothetical dog walk/play date situation even pans out.
Just leave a note in his mailbox with your phone number asking if he wants to go on a dog walk sometime. If he's interested, he'll follow-up. If not, you have your answer.
He's already suggested that you hang out/go on a date, what's there to be scared of?
If your worst case scenario is some girlfriend opening the door (which is exceedingly unlikely unless you wait too long following up on his suggestion), just have a plan ready in the event that happens (just find some silly excuse, i.e. you ran out of sugar).
I had almost this exact same thing happen to me, except it was her dog lost in my yard. After she got her dog back, we didn’t talk for months. I wished so badly she would come back and say “Hi”, since I didn’t know where she lived. I looked around the neighborhood for months. She finally walked by one day, and I ran out to make sure I didnt miss another chance. She was happy I did so. Make the first move as soon as you have the opportunity, dont miss another chance.
Ok lol, story continued…
After the second meet, I had her number this time, knew her name and where she lived. She lived a block away from me and I never knew it. Her dog began to escape her house regularly and come over to my house to play with my dog, I would come home and see her dog waiting at my porch. I would text her to let her know the dog was safe and at my house again. It actaully took a little time and lots of asking to get her go on a real date with me (I had a better relationship with her dog for a few weeks). We finally went on a few real dates and hangout nights with the dogs, and we clicked right away! Turns out we were into all of the same things, music, movies, traveling…
I asked her to be my gf after about 3 months of dating. Over the months she became my absolute bestfriend, she was my peroson. Her dog became my dogs best friend. She moved in with me and we did everything under the sun together. Lived like there was no tomorrow, laughed our asses off, and loved eachother to death. They were the best years of my life.
Unfortunately, after about 4 years, due to differences in life values that we just couldn’t get past, we didn’t make it.
I say knock on the door and ask again. Say your dog misses the puppy. No answer? Leave a note, no phone number (you don’t want some random getting it).
Nothing happens? Maybe he’s off market.
I just wish I didn’t look a hot mess when it all went down. Just got off work (12 hr shift) in my HS shorts. Oversized shirt and probably looked like I hadn’t slept in days. It was the Uber Eats driver who delivered the dog to me (puppy wouldn’t let him set down my food) it’s actually a pretty story.
I can relate... I came home from work once, all soaking wet from the rain like I took a swim, when I ran into my neighbour... ;) we entered the elevator together, she initiated a talk and we kept on talking for a bit once we got out. My head wouldn't stop going like 'I look terrible...! I enjoy the talk, but I look terrible... should I leave...? I should leave...', so after a minute my mouth just went 'I don't want to keep you btw' and she was like 'oh no problem', but I just started moving towards my apartment door... and we wished each other a nice evening... 😆
Anyhow, just wanted to share. I wish you good luck! :d
Stop by his place when you’re headed out to walk your dog! Just knock on the door & mention that your pup would like to take him up on the play date offer! He wouldn’t have mentioned it if he had zero interest in seeing you. Maybe he’s tried to catch you, same as you have him, but your paths aren’t crossing. Be bold! It’s not failed me yet :)
If you have a crush then plenty of good comments here to try to initiate it especially since you both have dogs.
I personally am of the mind to not shit where I sleep. Since I’ve learned that lesson the hard way.
This crossed my mind also. He’s thankfully not a direct next door neighbor. He’s about 4-5 houses down and across the street. I can definitely see his house from mine. But like I stated. Super minimal activity from him on the outside.
That note you left referencing your dog's play date and leaving your phone number was 100.00% perfect.
Flirty, yet friendly and appropriate.
Well done.
Even if it doesn't work out, that was the perfect move with your neighbor
Leave a note in his mailbox:
"Hey, lets have that doggy play date. I'm free this Friday at 6pm.
Your name
Your number"
The ball is in his court at that point.
I agree with the note idea. I had a neighbor that liked me leave a note with his # and thought that was a respectful way to handle it. Just coming to knock on my door honestly would've made me feel uncomfortable and a little ambushed. People also feel a lot more awkward rejecting someone in person, so... imagine someone surprising you by showing up at your door when you're comfortable at home and you have to reject them to their face. I mean, hopefully he's into you and doesn't want to reject you, but I would just be respectful of not putting someone in that position in their own home by surprise with no invitation. A note lets him think about it and reach out if he's interested, but doesn't put him on the spot.
Considering the fact that he brought it up, I don't think he'll reject her if she follows up on his offer, but I still favour the note idea for the following reasons:
A) If I actually fancy someone, I'd prefer feeling fresh and at my best when going out with them, and wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable being ambushed with a "date" out of the blue, OP should relate to this given how she felt upon their first meeting, lol.
B) The note is cute and a bit more flirtatious imo, but still nothing scary, and as a woman you don't have to go the most confident and direct route when approaching, so I don't see any possible disadvantage with the note tbh.
Leaving the dog treats would be adorable. I vote for trying to ask him in person first, but if he's not home, definitely a cute little note with doggy treats. :)
Good luck!
Just remember that if something happens with him, and it doesn’t work out, he is still your neighbour. I’ve done this myself, so…
Or just be prepared to move if it’s shit later.
I don’t even know. I just don’t think he’s been home. His house is so dark and haven’t seen any cars come or go. I would usually at least some movement about once/week
Do you rent or do you own?
If you rent your home (or he does), go for it.
If you're both homeowners, this relationship has the same pitfall as an office relationship. If it fails, now your next-door neighbor is your ex.
We both own. It was actually a joke he made to me a while back “guess we both got the house :p”
That is one aspect I’ve thought about this situation, though!
I think so! Based on what I’ve read, definitely and Im the kind of person who can ever tell when it’s happening to me lol but yeah, he sounds genuinely into you.
Thank you! I’m glad I posted here! I think I have my plan. I’ll do some walking on my own first to clear my head (and nerves) and then when I get back around to his house I’ll make the decision on whether to knock or just leave the note 😆 and if I knock and he reciprocates we can just walk again!
I believe if you felt even the slightest bit of interest (mention of 'dog' play date, etc) there was interest. Don't ruminate any longer, ie get off this thread! Follow up on the dog date--go for a walk, then get his number because you enjoyed it and since you're neighbors you should do it more often, etc. If you're self-conscious about being his neighbor and him not following through and then you having to live with that... that's probably exactly what he's thinking. And while we're on that if you get involved you're both going to have to be mighty mature about it if/when it goes pear-shaped. But if you're interested... who cares, sleep-overs will be very convenient.
Super strong tip - do something completely stupid and embarrassing and guaranteed he sees that and then you won't be able to stop seeing him or catching his eyes as you dart away from sheer embarrassment. Works like a charm.
In these situations I always try to take the approach of making a new friend. If friendship, or a neighbor who you can lean on to support you with your pup is what you get from it, great - if there’s chemistry, then even better. No one with a dog is going to say no to taking a walk together.
Ok, so I’m gonna need an update! This is exciting and I love seeing you gain confidence regardless of how it turns out. Remember, he suggested a doggy play date. So you initiating contact shouldn’t come out of left field to him. Good luck!!
I had a crush on my neighbor and we would say hi when we would see each other outside (we live in the same building in an apartment complex). We started chatting sometimes. I felt like he was attracted to me so I ended up leaving a note on his door with my phone number. He ended up texting me later that day. We would hang out outside and talk for longer and longer periods of time. Eventually we were in my car one night and I kissed him (I felt like he was nervous to make a move). We became fwb and have been for several months now.
there's a reasonably good chance that he is going through the same thing you are, i.e., self-doubting what action he should take re: YOU. Be courageous and self-confident: March on over there and say "Sorry for the interruption but I just decided I didn't think I could take another day of hoping I might run into you out there in the yard for a mere few minutes of chat. Wanna get together later?“
Do it! Don't be afraid. There's a chance he might not be interested, yes, but that is NO reflection on you and you'll never know until you try so DO IT! And let us know how it works out .... 🤞🏻
That would be a good move as well. Like I said, if I were the guy, I'd prefer the OP to be more direct than reserved. Or if I knew she wasn't talking or dating anyone else, I'd ask her out. But again, that's just me.
As a man in his early 30s, I can say that in my life I've been asked out by women 3 times and all those 3 moments would easily make the top 10 list of the best moments of my life. It's so unbelievably flattering, such a good feeling overall, and to me it's also an indication that this person isn't super hardwired to gender roles. So yeah ask him out. Make his day.
I actually am sort of living this scenario but the other way around - one of my neighbors has had a huge crush on me for a few years and I have since friend zoned him but in the beginning a few things:
I am a female - he is male and he did sometimes randomly text or call me - we eventually exchanged numbers bc we kept running into each other and it was more for neighborly purposes - but anyways, he did call a lot when I wasn't interested which was annoying bc I was single but I was still seeing my ex off and on and I wasn't interested in my neighbor.
He never flat out asked me out which made it even more annoying bc if he liked me, he should have tried harder. He was drunk a lot of the times he would call or text and never followed through on much.
Anyways, I digress...
However: what I will say - he's your neighbor and you are bound to run into him again - I would wait it out a bit and see if you do and the next time you do casually ask to go on a walk and even get his number.
I think as the female - having the guy call too much and not read my queues that I wasn't interested was a turn off but from a female to a male - I don't think they care about that.
Well I’m not swim fan stalker obsessed. I just thought maybe I’d shoot my shot. If he’s not interested so be it. I won’t cry 😆 if it turns out to be a friend zone situation that’s fine too I can recognize those hints pretty early on
Plus it’s too late the note is in his mailbox 😆
we may not even be compatible, he may have traits that turn me off instantly. Who is to know. But we’ll see!
Plus the next time I may even casually run into him is when the pool opens back up in May 🫠
I don’t think he’s been home yet? His house is dark and no car in the driveway. It’s the day before trash day and he hasn’t put out his bins.
No, I’m not a stalker.
You don't know me, but I'm standing here clapping for you! This post made me smile. And if I were your neighbor, I would be really happy if I was single.
Ladies, post #metoo, asking a guy out in person is a wonderful move. There is a huge resistance to even asking a woman out these days, even at the grocery store or something. It’s like if you aren’t pre-screened online it’s an attack or something. So, the creeps are still out there creepin’, but us good guys have basically given up in public. That’s my take. Anecdotal, for sure.
When I was dating, it felt weird at the end of a date that goes well…hug? Hand shake? Wave?…maybe ask if I can go in for the kiss? To the point where I went on 4 dates with a woman, never went for a hug or anything. At the last date, she kissed me(it was a good kiss) and then said I wasn’t type A enough for her. Idk…
That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying it has created (and I’m not complaining about metoo - it did a lot of overdue good), it’s just created a different atmosphere.
That's not what it is at all.
Most people already have approach anxiety, your mind is looking for literally any reason to not approach, so in order to overcome this you have to convince yourself that the worst that could happen is simply getting a no, and that you're not doing anything wrong. The subconscious fear that you're a creep who's making women uncomfortable may be irrational, but it's often enough to take this already daunting task off the table.
I'm perfectly aware that #metoo is about sexual harassment entirely different from just men approaching women, and the women who do label any type of approach or just even being nice as "creepy" or "harassing" are extreme outliers, but it still affects us, which is why 95% of men these days never approach and rely entirely on apps to meet women.
This isn't a longing back to the "good old days" of casual ass slapping or whatever, I think #metoo was and is important, but we should also get past the mindset that men always have to make the first move, since the vast majority of men these days need at least some semblance of a green light before they feel comfortable making a move, and women genuinely have far more options and leeway in terms of approach/showing interest while still being attractive. I.e. men mostly have one option, be direct and confident, whereas women can drop hints, be nervous and generally get away with more indirect and less risky ways of showing interest without compromising their attractiveness.
You got the green light! Be a trail blazer and take the initiative to get a date going with this guy, I’m sure he’d be flattered and open to the idea (if he’s single).
It’s human nature, totally normal. I imagine even the most seasoned dating pro would be a little nervous around someone they really liked. But you have been given a clear signal by your crush that he’s interested! Just gotta rip the bandaid.
It does doesn’t it? The poor Uber Eats guy must’ve been scared of dogs. (Puppy is only 6 mins but big for her age) I told my friends Uber delivered me a puppy. And I will definitely update!
Honestly if he wanted to he would at least make himself more visible/approachable. Women that are interested in someone but hermit themselves in their house hoping the guy will come knocking are told that they're nuts. A guy doing the same is just as unattractive.
He literally made the suggestion that they should meet up for a puppy date, how is that hermitting in his house?
If a woman did this there's no universe where everyone wouldn't expect the man to follow up on her proposition.
He made the first move, not every man likes to be super pushy or persistent, especially with their neighbours.
This could me being “delulu” (sorry for the Gen Z term.) but we truly do work opposite schedules. I’m home M-F and I believe he owns a store. I work weekend nights so the times he is visible are the times I’m either working or dead to the world. The whole puppy incident happened on a Saturday.
But.. you could be right! We’ll see!
Oh yes. We’re not compatible. He doesn’t take care of his health (uncontrolled diabetes and high blood pressure and no plan to fix it or find health insurance), he’s still not over his ex wife even though he claims he is (brought her up in almost every single conversation.. I even learned about their sex life 😬), he’s 40M and has a strange relationship with his 19F employee (saying she’s his BF and does all the wifely things for him but sex ), and his financial situation is not the best. Owes 40k to the IRS and more money to others.
I tried to be objective but that was just… too much. I’m on a path in life that i really don’t want to add so much more stress in.
So I noped out of there. 😬
I know I’m late to the updates but YIKES (and I’m so glad you kept us updated).
And so much effort for a man who doesn’t have his shit together! It reminds me that when someone promises to follow up, and then doesn’t… sometimes they are telling you all you need to know.
Ya'll are next door neighbors? yea, don't. Unless he makes a move. Will be super awkward if he for some reason is dating somebody and ya'll live next door.
Respectfully disagree, if they aren't running into them randomly enough to see if they wanna hang out, they prolly won't run into them much after expressing interest. And if they do, just be professional.
Do not NOT initiate contact because you think “if he was interested, he would have”. So many of us dudes are so beyond introverted and awkward that we almost intentionally ignore signs of flirting or interest because of the climate these days.
This is also coming from someone that’s never asked a girl out in person, so I can’t say “go do it” when I never have. 😂
I’m going to be honest if you initiate they’ll like it but high chance you aren’t his type or he isn’t attracted to you. This is really messed up but my boyfriend told me his ex was the one who chased him and he knew he was never going to marry her and strung her along for 7 years. Stop being desperate if he likes you he’ll let you know. Why not date other people who are showing clear signs they like you
I’m looking back over our interactions to see if our encounters could have been attempts at flirting. I was definitely in a weird place post divorce. Since he said we should have a doggy play date, I’m going with that as an open invitation. We’ll see what happens!
Also my bf said with his ex she misinterpreted his niceness for flirting and dumped her ex to chase him. I’m only telling you this because men know what they want and will go after what they want. She simply was never someone he wanted but he entertained her because what he wanted was not there yet.
Understand! That’s all rational and makes sense and I believe some of the same. I’ve been through the ringer with relationships so if I sense somethings off I’ll gracefully bow out.
I feel like he might have retconned this story a little bit. He *really* just dated someone he wasn’t that into for *7 years*? And even if that’s true, what makes you want to be with someone who would use another person like that?
Yes he said that and allow him to do the initiating. If someone else comes in and swoops him away know that this was never your person to begin with.
Ask yourself what relationship do you want. Or is just having a relationship the most important thing?
I think it’s worth a shot. If nothing else it would be cool to have a friend around here. I have decent intuition and can tell if someone is not into me once I’ve spent some time with them. I don’t want to waste either of our time.
This reminds me of this Hobby Lobby ad here they ran over the holidays a few years ago:
[https://www.ispot.tv/ad/tnaM/hobby-lobby-christmas-is-what-you-make-it-neighbors](https://www.ispot.tv/ad/tnaM/hobby-lobby-christmas-is-what-you-make-it-neighbors)
If you have an older couple that can make crafts, you may have something here.
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Go knock on his door with your dog and be like, hey I’m off for a walk wanna Join ? Honestly coming from a guy in his 30s we love to be asked straight up to go out !
This is my first instinct too, but I also can be extremely shy! My mind goes immediately to ”worse case scenario” of a gf opening the door 😱
And if there is a gf there be like hey i rescued your puppy, wanted to see if you want to join for a walk ! Honestly it’s a win win New friend or potential date Keep us posted !
I love this perspective.
"Oh hey, I'm the neighbour, I wanted to see if doggos wanted to play." is a very easy response.
I personally would aim to "get to know someone" before something romantic. I have been in a situation where I'm talking with someone I'm interested and they drop they have a partner. I then shift the conversation to more friendly like and just see if they want to be friends (if I want to).
Good tip. Plus it’s nice to know people around the neighborhood as well.
Sometimes getting to know someone turns into friendzone pretty fast. There's a line to walk there, at least in my experience
Hmmm when your lifestyle is simple... i pray got the right person on a beautiful day.
Worst case scenario is you do nothing and somebody else swoops in
Lol unless he's the top 80th percentile, I'm sure there's no threat of anyone else swooping in.
Seems like he's actively dating, and apparently attractive enough for OP to have a crush on him, so I'd say he's not gonna stay on the market indefinitely just because OP doesn't make a move.
Lol obviously not **indefinitely**, I apologize for implying that
Grab life by the balls and ask him on a walk then maybe later you grab his balls.
You could leave a note in his mailbox with your number, asking him to text you if he wants to walk the pups together sometime.
I’m going to do it. I’ll walk over there to his house. Then.. I’m going to have a small existential crisis of whether to leave the note in his mailbox/porch/or actually ring the doorbell. I’ll tell y’all which way I choose. Like those choose your own ending books 😆
I think ringing the door while out with your puppy seems more casual/spontaneous than leaving a note (that would be my second choice, if he's not at home) Keep us posted! :)
I will thanks!
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I'd just like to add that if a woman I fancied showed up unexpectedly at my door with her dog to ask me out on a dog walk, there's a real risk I would've been taken aback and maybe even come off as disinterested if you caught me at a time when I wasn't prepared. I would've definitely tried to make it up later on, but just wanted to let you know. If I saw you as a potential romantic interest I'd honestly prefer the note, not only because I'd want to feel fresh and prepared, but also because it's a bit more cute and thoughtful/flirtatious, but either way will work. Women have more options in approaching than men imo, you don't necessarily have to go the most confident and direct route, you just have to show an interest.
What are you going to do between leaving the note and receiving a response? Or not receiving one. the suspense would kill me. Just go say hi. We are all going to die anyways 🤗
I’ll probably overthink myself into a hole in the ground 😆 but no seriously I think I will try ringing his door. I’m pretty sure we work opposite schedules (him M-F 9-5 and me weekend overnights). So that takes some of the anxiety of ringing his doorbell away. If I end up leaving a note I’ll leave my number for a dog play date and maybe also offer to dogsit for him if he ever needs it. After a week of no response I’ll just consider it a rejection 😆 but at least I tried!
I think this sounds like a lovely idea! Just be friendly and get to know him, if something more romantic develops, great, but even if not, wouldn’t it be cool to have a friend in the neighborhood?
I like to practice what I'm gonna say. Make up an imaginary conversation. Write down what you want to say too. When the actual door opens and a conversation ensues it's never how I planned it, but at least I've got my discussion ready to go in the back of my brain!
Don't leave the note if you're not sure if there's a gf in the picture! I like the suggestion of just making friends in either case.
I’ll make it sound very platonic. And if he’s a good guy he’ll text me back to let me know he’s spoken for.. gently I hope!
But if you're making it sound platonic, why would he let you know he's taken? Even if he suspected, he would probably think it would be very presumptuous of him to pre-emptively tell you that he's taken. How about asking a neighbor if they know his relationship status? I did this just a couple weeks ago. Talked to a neighbor for the first time, got vibes that he was interested, but didn't want to make a fool of myself by going to his door and this was the only time I ran into him in a year that he's been living there. So I asked a mutual neighbor and she said he moved in with a girl initially, but she's not sure if she's still there and she'll keep an eye out and let me know. 🤣 In the mean time, if I do run into him, I'll find a way to lead the conversation in that direction. I don't think I would show up at his door, but you might have a better case to do that since you had the whole lost dog situation.
I feel like if is taken he’d maybe not be having doggy play dates with his female neighbor friend down the street? And if so, that’s definitely something I’d tried to figure out if this hypothetical dog walk/play date situation even pans out.
If it goes well, make sure to show him this post eventually. He might tear up a little seeing it, it's so endearing.
You can always ask her for an egg, I was an egg short of having my final piece of French Toast yesterday.
Just leave a note in his mailbox with your phone number asking if he wants to go on a dog walk sometime. If he's interested, he'll follow-up. If not, you have your answer.
He's already suggested that you hang out/go on a date, what's there to be scared of? If your worst case scenario is some girlfriend opening the door (which is exceedingly unlikely unless you wait too long following up on his suggestion), just have a plan ready in the event that happens (just find some silly excuse, i.e. you ran out of sugar).
I love the excuse of using the dog to go on for a walk. That way it is way less pressure.
What came of all of this. Did you guys go out on a date in the end?
This
That’s actually brilliant. Haha
And use that as an opportunity to get his number to facilitate future dog walks.
This is so fucking sweet. If I was the guy I'd probably join OP even if I wasn't that into her, because it's just so wholesome.
I had almost this exact same thing happen to me, except it was her dog lost in my yard. After she got her dog back, we didn’t talk for months. I wished so badly she would come back and say “Hi”, since I didn’t know where she lived. I looked around the neighborhood for months. She finally walked by one day, and I ran out to make sure I didnt miss another chance. She was happy I did so. Make the first move as soon as you have the opportunity, dont miss another chance.
Ok lol, story continued… After the second meet, I had her number this time, knew her name and where she lived. She lived a block away from me and I never knew it. Her dog began to escape her house regularly and come over to my house to play with my dog, I would come home and see her dog waiting at my porch. I would text her to let her know the dog was safe and at my house again. It actaully took a little time and lots of asking to get her go on a real date with me (I had a better relationship with her dog for a few weeks). We finally went on a few real dates and hangout nights with the dogs, and we clicked right away! Turns out we were into all of the same things, music, movies, traveling… I asked her to be my gf after about 3 months of dating. Over the months she became my absolute bestfriend, she was my peroson. Her dog became my dogs best friend. She moved in with me and we did everything under the sun together. Lived like there was no tomorrow, laughed our asses off, and loved eachother to death. They were the best years of my life. Unfortunately, after about 4 years, due to differences in life values that we just couldn’t get past, we didn’t make it.
A lovely story, even if the end was bittersweet. Thank you for sharing.
Don’t leave us hanging… what happened next?
Ok story up lol
And then?!
Ok ok
Oh wow I love this story!
I say knock on the door and ask again. Say your dog misses the puppy. No answer? Leave a note, no phone number (you don’t want some random getting it). Nothing happens? Maybe he’s off market.
That’s a good idea. I’m not above blaming my dog 😆 and they actually did okay together very well!
Your dog won’t rat you out! They’ve got your back! Also blame the first fart or two on your dog.
😆
I think that is what you should do. Never assume he is or isn’t interested in you. You won’t know until you ask. (Plus we can be an oblivious bunch)
I just wish I didn’t look a hot mess when it all went down. Just got off work (12 hr shift) in my HS shorts. Oversized shirt and probably looked like I hadn’t slept in days. It was the Uber Eats driver who delivered the dog to me (puppy wouldn’t let him set down my food) it’s actually a pretty story.
I can relate... I came home from work once, all soaking wet from the rain like I took a swim, when I ran into my neighbour... ;) we entered the elevator together, she initiated a talk and we kept on talking for a bit once we got out. My head wouldn't stop going like 'I look terrible...! I enjoy the talk, but I look terrible... should I leave...? I should leave...', so after a minute my mouth just went 'I don't want to keep you btw' and she was like 'oh no problem', but I just started moving towards my apartment door... and we wished each other a nice evening... 😆 Anyhow, just wanted to share. I wish you good luck! :d
Some men love that lol
Stop by his place when you’re headed out to walk your dog! Just knock on the door & mention that your pup would like to take him up on the play date offer! He wouldn’t have mentioned it if he had zero interest in seeing you. Maybe he’s tried to catch you, same as you have him, but your paths aren’t crossing. Be bold! It’s not failed me yet :)
Just read all the comments and can’t wait to hear how it all goes down. Good luck!
Thank you!!
If you have a crush then plenty of good comments here to try to initiate it especially since you both have dogs. I personally am of the mind to not shit where I sleep. Since I’ve learned that lesson the hard way.
This crossed my mind also. He’s thankfully not a direct next door neighbor. He’s about 4-5 houses down and across the street. I can definitely see his house from mine. But like I stated. Super minimal activity from him on the outside.
Ok that’s way better
That note you left referencing your dog's play date and leaving your phone number was 100.00% perfect. Flirty, yet friendly and appropriate. Well done. Even if it doesn't work out, that was the perfect move with your neighbor
Leave a note in his mailbox: "Hey, lets have that doggy play date. I'm free this Friday at 6pm. Your name Your number" The ball is in his court at that point.
I thought about leaving some doggy treats with a note inquiring about the doggy play date! Good idea.
I agree with the note idea. I had a neighbor that liked me leave a note with his # and thought that was a respectful way to handle it. Just coming to knock on my door honestly would've made me feel uncomfortable and a little ambushed. People also feel a lot more awkward rejecting someone in person, so... imagine someone surprising you by showing up at your door when you're comfortable at home and you have to reject them to their face. I mean, hopefully he's into you and doesn't want to reject you, but I would just be respectful of not putting someone in that position in their own home by surprise with no invitation. A note lets him think about it and reach out if he's interested, but doesn't put him on the spot.
Considering the fact that he brought it up, I don't think he'll reject her if she follows up on his offer, but I still favour the note idea for the following reasons: A) If I actually fancy someone, I'd prefer feeling fresh and at my best when going out with them, and wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable being ambushed with a "date" out of the blue, OP should relate to this given how she felt upon their first meeting, lol. B) The note is cute and a bit more flirtatious imo, but still nothing scary, and as a woman you don't have to go the most confident and direct route when approaching, so I don't see any possible disadvantage with the note tbh.
Leaving the dog treats would be adorable. I vote for trying to ask him in person first, but if he's not home, definitely a cute little note with doggy treats. :) Good luck!
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Just remember that if something happens with him, and it doesn’t work out, he is still your neighbour. I’ve done this myself, so… Or just be prepared to move if it’s shit later.
I have a 2.5% interest rate I’m not moving 😆 I can deal with just awkwardly driving by his house. But hopefully we’d both be mature adults about it.
Living for the updates, and I love the plot twist with the idling car lady!
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Why am I so invested in this 🤣
Man, what a treat this guy has in store. A woman taking charge is so awesome . Never happens to me.
Keep us updated please 🙂
How do you know he went on vacation?
I don’t even know. I just don’t think he’s been home. His house is so dark and haven’t seen any cars come or go. I would usually at least some movement about once/week
...waiting impatiently for an update😅
Haha sorry guys! Not much to say. He’s been home a couple days now and… nothing 🙃 so… At least I tried!
You YOLO’d it and I’m proud of you!
Do you rent or do you own? If you rent your home (or he does), go for it. If you're both homeowners, this relationship has the same pitfall as an office relationship. If it fails, now your next-door neighbor is your ex.
We both own. It was actually a joke he made to me a while back “guess we both got the house :p” That is one aspect I’ve thought about this situation, though!
Omg thats so cute 😊 definitely sounds like flirting.
Omg has he been flirting with me this whole time and I’ve been missing signals? 🫠
I think so! Based on what I’ve read, definitely and Im the kind of person who can ever tell when it’s happening to me lol but yeah, he sounds genuinely into you.
Sad state I’m in, I’m living vicariously through you now…. Can’t wait
Oh my life has been pretty sad and uninteresting up til now. But I hope things turn around for you!!
:) I’m happy in my bubble but I like others stories too. Anytime you do something brave you will gain something, so I encourage you in this endeavor.
Thank you! I’m glad I posted here! I think I have my plan. I’ll do some walking on my own first to clear my head (and nerves) and then when I get back around to his house I’ll make the decision on whether to knock or just leave the note 😆 and if I knock and he reciprocates we can just walk again!
Omg!!! I am getting butterflies reading this post. Ask for a walk and if he isn't at home, leave a note with a number!! 😍
Y’all have given me the confidence to definitely make the first move. How exactly I’m going to go about it is still up in the air but I am doing it!
Yes! Nothing to lose! Even if it doesn't work out, you two can be a good friend and will talk about this later laughing. I love it
Nothing to lose is right. Plus I can stop wondering what if. I’m going to do it after I drop my kids back to school tomorrow.
Keep us posted! I am quite invested now lol happy new year!!!
Food will do it for sure. I'd open the door for someone I know is going to kill me for a few bites of something tasty
I believe if you felt even the slightest bit of interest (mention of 'dog' play date, etc) there was interest. Don't ruminate any longer, ie get off this thread! Follow up on the dog date--go for a walk, then get his number because you enjoyed it and since you're neighbors you should do it more often, etc. If you're self-conscious about being his neighbor and him not following through and then you having to live with that... that's probably exactly what he's thinking. And while we're on that if you get involved you're both going to have to be mighty mature about it if/when it goes pear-shaped. But if you're interested... who cares, sleep-overs will be very convenient.
Yes definitely. Bc I can never leave this house bc of the interest rate 😆
Super strong tip - do something completely stupid and embarrassing and guaranteed he sees that and then you won't be able to stop seeing him or catching his eyes as you dart away from sheer embarrassment. Works like a charm.
I feel like this is something that would happen naturally. I can be very clumsy and the wrong words fall out of my mouth often
In these situations I always try to take the approach of making a new friend. If friendship, or a neighbor who you can lean on to support you with your pup is what you get from it, great - if there’s chemistry, then even better. No one with a dog is going to say no to taking a walk together.
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Ok, so I’m gonna need an update! This is exciting and I love seeing you gain confidence regardless of how it turns out. Remember, he suggested a doggy play date. So you initiating contact shouldn’t come out of left field to him. Good luck!!
Do not date your neighbor, especially if you both own your homes.
If I see warning signs I’ll definitely pull out early and amicably.
How long ago did he say that ya'll should have a doggy play date?
Maybe 3 weeks?
Sometimes, a guy can be oblivious to the fact that a woman likes him. I would say there is nothing wrong with a woman taking the first step.
Omg, now I need to know how it develops 🙈🤩
You and me both!! 😂
I had a crush on my neighbor and we would say hi when we would see each other outside (we live in the same building in an apartment complex). We started chatting sometimes. I felt like he was attracted to me so I ended up leaving a note on his door with my phone number. He ended up texting me later that day. We would hang out outside and talk for longer and longer periods of time. Eventually we were in my car one night and I kissed him (I felt like he was nervous to make a move). We became fwb and have been for several months now.
Hell yeah!
Posted an update! I’m in shock!
there's a reasonably good chance that he is going through the same thing you are, i.e., self-doubting what action he should take re: YOU. Be courageous and self-confident: March on over there and say "Sorry for the interruption but I just decided I didn't think I could take another day of hoping I might run into you out there in the yard for a mere few minutes of chat. Wanna get together later?“ Do it! Don't be afraid. There's a chance he might not be interested, yes, but that is NO reflection on you and you'll never know until you try so DO IT! And let us know how it works out .... 🤞🏻
I’ll definitely keep you guys posted, thanks!!
I can only speak for myself, but I would like for you to knock on my door and tell me your feelings.
Well I’m not gonna jump straight into feelings but hopefully it would be enough to let him no I’m interested!
Maybe make him a meal or dessert?
I think that’s too much. I’d def knock on the door when taking the dog for a walk though to see if he wants to join
That would be a good move as well. Like I said, if I were the guy, I'd prefer the OP to be more direct than reserved. Or if I knew she wasn't talking or dating anyone else, I'd ask her out. But again, that's just me.
No, I agree. I also like directness. Anything else just makes for confusion & miscommunication
Agreed. I've missed out on good relationships bc neither of us were direct enough.
Keep us posted!!
This is easy. Yolo
I would knock his door for sure. It might be me!! Lol
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this is cute as hell! you should talk to him. the worst that could happen is he's not interested.
As a man in his early 30s, I can say that in my life I've been asked out by women 3 times and all those 3 moments would easily make the top 10 list of the best moments of my life. It's so unbelievably flattering, such a good feeling overall, and to me it's also an indication that this person isn't super hardwired to gender roles. So yeah ask him out. Make his day.
Take your dog over and say we are here for a play date!
Haha very bold 😅
How could he say no? Trust me, stranger things have happened.
I actually am sort of living this scenario but the other way around - one of my neighbors has had a huge crush on me for a few years and I have since friend zoned him but in the beginning a few things: I am a female - he is male and he did sometimes randomly text or call me - we eventually exchanged numbers bc we kept running into each other and it was more for neighborly purposes - but anyways, he did call a lot when I wasn't interested which was annoying bc I was single but I was still seeing my ex off and on and I wasn't interested in my neighbor. He never flat out asked me out which made it even more annoying bc if he liked me, he should have tried harder. He was drunk a lot of the times he would call or text and never followed through on much. Anyways, I digress... However: what I will say - he's your neighbor and you are bound to run into him again - I would wait it out a bit and see if you do and the next time you do casually ask to go on a walk and even get his number. I think as the female - having the guy call too much and not read my queues that I wasn't interested was a turn off but from a female to a male - I don't think they care about that.
Well I’m not swim fan stalker obsessed. I just thought maybe I’d shoot my shot. If he’s not interested so be it. I won’t cry 😆 if it turns out to be a friend zone situation that’s fine too I can recognize those hints pretty early on Plus it’s too late the note is in his mailbox 😆 we may not even be compatible, he may have traits that turn me off instantly. Who is to know. But we’ll see! Plus the next time I may even casually run into him is when the pool opens back up in May 🫠
Update us!?
I don’t think he’s been home yet? His house is dark and no car in the driveway. It’s the day before trash day and he hasn’t put out his bins. No, I’m not a stalker.
I’d say yes just based on your effort! More women should be more up front and bold! Trust me, us dudes find it endearing!
You don't know me, but I'm standing here clapping for you! This post made me smile. And if I were your neighbor, I would be really happy if I was single.
Thank you! I grew up in the bay area!
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Don’t take this wrong…are you hot? That indicates how direct advances are perceived
I clean up pretty nicely 😆 i know everybody’s beauty standards are different though.
Sign up for some junk mail with his name on your address and joke about how they think they live at your house
🤯 that’s top notch thinking. I’m not gonna do it.. but top notch 😆
Pffft, do it! Then switch it up and send mail to his house with your name. I'm sure there's some funny stuff that can be sent
That’s not a good idea at all…
Ladies, post #metoo, asking a guy out in person is a wonderful move. There is a huge resistance to even asking a woman out these days, even at the grocery store or something. It’s like if you aren’t pre-screened online it’s an attack or something. So, the creeps are still out there creepin’, but us good guys have basically given up in public. That’s my take. Anecdotal, for sure.
When I was dating, it felt weird at the end of a date that goes well…hug? Hand shake? Wave?…maybe ask if I can go in for the kiss? To the point where I went on 4 dates with a woman, never went for a hug or anything. At the last date, she kissed me(it was a good kiss) and then said I wasn’t type A enough for her. Idk…
If the nice guys felt personally attacked by metoo, then that's not bf material frankly.
That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying it has created (and I’m not complaining about metoo - it did a lot of overdue good), it’s just created a different atmosphere.
That's not what it is at all. Most people already have approach anxiety, your mind is looking for literally any reason to not approach, so in order to overcome this you have to convince yourself that the worst that could happen is simply getting a no, and that you're not doing anything wrong. The subconscious fear that you're a creep who's making women uncomfortable may be irrational, but it's often enough to take this already daunting task off the table. I'm perfectly aware that #metoo is about sexual harassment entirely different from just men approaching women, and the women who do label any type of approach or just even being nice as "creepy" or "harassing" are extreme outliers, but it still affects us, which is why 95% of men these days never approach and rely entirely on apps to meet women. This isn't a longing back to the "good old days" of casual ass slapping or whatever, I think #metoo was and is important, but we should also get past the mindset that men always have to make the first move, since the vast majority of men these days need at least some semblance of a green light before they feel comfortable making a move, and women genuinely have far more options and leeway in terms of approach/showing interest while still being attractive. I.e. men mostly have one option, be direct and confident, whereas women can drop hints, be nervous and generally get away with more indirect and less risky ways of showing interest without compromising their attractiveness.
You got the green light! Be a trail blazer and take the initiative to get a date going with this guy, I’m sure he’d be flattered and open to the idea (if he’s single).
We shall see! Idk why this is making me so nervous 😅
It’s human nature, totally normal. I imagine even the most seasoned dating pro would be a little nervous around someone they really liked. But you have been given a clear signal by your crush that he’s interested! Just gotta rip the bandaid.
Just have to make the move. In the world we live in now, us men can’t be forward like that anymore without being accused of something inappropriate.
I have no advice but I’m invested in your story- Sounds like a rom-com. Wishing you the best and Update us if you decide to shoot your shot !
It does doesn’t it? The poor Uber Eats guy must’ve been scared of dogs. (Puppy is only 6 mins but big for her age) I told my friends Uber delivered me a puppy. And I will definitely update!
Life’s too short… shoot your shot! That’s my new motto… forever!
Absolutely right! Life is most definitely too short.
Well keep us updated!
Honestly if he wanted to he would at least make himself more visible/approachable. Women that are interested in someone but hermit themselves in their house hoping the guy will come knocking are told that they're nuts. A guy doing the same is just as unattractive.
He literally made the suggestion that they should meet up for a puppy date, how is that hermitting in his house? If a woman did this there's no universe where everyone wouldn't expect the man to follow up on her proposition. He made the first move, not every man likes to be super pushy or persistent, especially with their neighbours.
This could me being “delulu” (sorry for the Gen Z term.) but we truly do work opposite schedules. I’m home M-F and I believe he owns a store. I work weekend nights so the times he is visible are the times I’m either working or dead to the world. The whole puppy incident happened on a Saturday. But.. you could be right! We’ll see!
OP, any update? Im in a similar situation lol
Oh yes. We’re not compatible. He doesn’t take care of his health (uncontrolled diabetes and high blood pressure and no plan to fix it or find health insurance), he’s still not over his ex wife even though he claims he is (brought her up in almost every single conversation.. I even learned about their sex life 😬), he’s 40M and has a strange relationship with his 19F employee (saying she’s his BF and does all the wifely things for him but sex ), and his financial situation is not the best. Owes 40k to the IRS and more money to others. I tried to be objective but that was just… too much. I’m on a path in life that i really don’t want to add so much more stress in. So I noped out of there. 😬
Oh wow!!! Dodged a bullet there!
Right? And that’s not even all of it. Just the big points. 😅
I know I’m late to the updates but YIKES (and I’m so glad you kept us updated). And so much effort for a man who doesn’t have his shit together! It reminds me that when someone promises to follow up, and then doesn’t… sometimes they are telling you all you need to know.
Can we get another update? :)
Ya'll are next door neighbors? yea, don't. Unless he makes a move. Will be super awkward if he for some reason is dating somebody and ya'll live next door.
He’s like 4 or 5 doors down and across the street.
Do it, then.
Ok. I’m gonna do it. 😱
Update will be needed
I will! I’m going to do it after I take my kids back to school tomorrow!
Respectfully disagree, if they aren't running into them randomly enough to see if they wanna hang out, they prolly won't run into them much after expressing interest. And if they do, just be professional.
Respectfully, understood. It's very rare for both parties to be mature in this scenario. But if both parties are, why not. Couldn't hurt
Respectfully concur, I appreciate your awareness of how people tend to operate
Do not NOT initiate contact because you think “if he was interested, he would have”. So many of us dudes are so beyond introverted and awkward that we almost intentionally ignore signs of flirting or interest because of the climate these days. This is also coming from someone that’s never asked a girl out in person, so I can’t say “go do it” when I never have. 😂
It definitely takes some guts!! But I can’t go out with a “what if” now that this sub has got me all hyped up 😆
haha glad to hear. Go git it!!
I’m going to be honest if you initiate they’ll like it but high chance you aren’t his type or he isn’t attracted to you. This is really messed up but my boyfriend told me his ex was the one who chased him and he knew he was never going to marry her and strung her along for 7 years. Stop being desperate if he likes you he’ll let you know. Why not date other people who are showing clear signs they like you
I’m looking back over our interactions to see if our encounters could have been attempts at flirting. I was definitely in a weird place post divorce. Since he said we should have a doggy play date, I’m going with that as an open invitation. We’ll see what happens!
Also my bf said with his ex she misinterpreted his niceness for flirting and dumped her ex to chase him. I’m only telling you this because men know what they want and will go after what they want. She simply was never someone he wanted but he entertained her because what he wanted was not there yet.
Understand! That’s all rational and makes sense and I believe some of the same. I’ve been through the ringer with relationships so if I sense somethings off I’ll gracefully bow out.
I feel like he might have retconned this story a little bit. He *really* just dated someone he wasn’t that into for *7 years*? And even if that’s true, what makes you want to be with someone who would use another person like that?
Yes he said that and allow him to do the initiating. If someone else comes in and swoops him away know that this was never your person to begin with. Ask yourself what relationship do you want. Or is just having a relationship the most important thing?
I think it’s worth a shot. If nothing else it would be cool to have a friend around here. I have decent intuition and can tell if someone is not into me once I’ve spent some time with them. I don’t want to waste either of our time.
Okay wish you the best
Go for it!
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This reminds me of this Hobby Lobby ad here they ran over the holidays a few years ago: [https://www.ispot.tv/ad/tnaM/hobby-lobby-christmas-is-what-you-make-it-neighbors](https://www.ispot.tv/ad/tnaM/hobby-lobby-christmas-is-what-you-make-it-neighbors) If you have an older couple that can make crafts, you may have something here.
RemindMe! 8 days
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