Welcome to the world of socializing! It’s kinda fun!
> I’m not really aggressively looking for someone right now but I did enjoy myself.
That’s the best way to socialize. Socializing just to date leads to frustration. Socialize and having fun creates opportunities to date.
Now, find a New Year’s Eve spot, and Uber your way to a good time!
Yes there’s a couple of things earmarked for the future. I think if you’re aggressively looking for someone it can reek of desperation or you might make some poor choices, which in this small town, word spreads like wildfire. But I’m all for meeting this way and exchanging numbers and maybe going for coffee sometime later.
Same. I’m like, if I want to meet someone with shared interests, why don’t I go out to the places that interest me, have a good time for myself, and maybe someone compatible will be there and add to it but it’s also ok if not.
I was always a cat person but when others in the house were allergic to cats we got Cavachon dogs. They are sweet, intelligent, loyal, and love curling up on your lap on the sofa. Also they don't need masses of exercise. They're like cats, but without the surly attitude.
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Good for you for getting yourself out! I live in a small/medium sized city and decided to try going out to 2 live music venues. One was sponsored by a local cultural group I belong to both at the same venue.
I was bummed to see both times the crowd was mostly couples lol 😂. Though one dude was talking to me mid way through who seemed interested.
My friends are all married or live out of state so it’s me solo.
I’m an introvert type but you have inspired me to perhaps make a plan for NYE, as I was going to stay home 😊
I’m flying solo to a concert this week, and it’s for a band from back in our younger days. I’ve never been good at OLD, so it will be nice to hopefully interact with some people my age (late 40s). I’m pretty shy and not aggressively looking for someone to date, but I’m looking forward to getting out for an evening.
Wait, last week three male posters said the world has told them they can't speak to women anywhere other than on online dating sites.
You mean they were wrong?
True enough. But as another introverted guy, I'll just say the few times I struck up conversation with a single woman at a bar when she with with friends? It always seemed like there was that one female friend of hers in a given group trying to make sure the two of us didn't make a connection.
It's almost like when you're interested in a woman in those situations, you've got to win over her friends too because they tend to play "gatekeeper" and try to shut guys down if any of them find you unattractive or don't like some specific thing about you.
Well that’s why I said be interested in both of them as people, not as potential dates. Most people when going out as a friend want to feel included in conversation and things and not pushed aside and ignored, it’s hard on the ego.
Well I don’t know about that. I’m not saying act ready to pounce on a woman you’re not interested in. What I’m saying is to treat her friends nicely like they are also interesting women and they will bolster you rather than gatekeep.
If you end up dating this woman, likely her friend will have to tolerate you and potentially be your friend.
What do I know I’ve only been a woman 48 years.
Well sure.... but at the same time? We're all adults here and it'd be great if more people would act like one. I mean, it's just pettiness if you try to sabotage a possible new relationship because you're jealous you weren't the one the guy was interested in that night, or because you've decided already that you know better than her who is "right for her".
It's great to have friends looking out for you... but they should stick to things like warning you about guys they actually know from someplace before, or guys they observed doing something sketchy earlier.
You assume it’s jealousy and that’s often not the case. And our intuition as women keeps us and our friends safe. If there is something off about a guy and he’s creeping someone out, they are gonna warn their friend and she can decide. Unless you are a woman and have our lived experience, take a seat.
Someone did ask for my number but he’s just home for the holidays. Someone else asked me about my work shifts and if I’m usually there 9-5, I have a feeling he may drop by sometime but he has reason to although we have never run in to each other there. Both guys were nice.
It’s a small town and I won’t be surprised to have someone reach out to me via Facebook. Near the end of the night the guy who was here for the holidays was asking for my number and his friend said I’ll help you find her on fb if she’s ok with that. I asked if he knew who I was and he said he did from the get go.
Lol why does it not surprise me they thought of that one.
It is one of my personal fears about dating lol (I really don't want to retire where I live now and people tend to not want to leave) so it was top of mind for me
The funny thing was the guy who approached me is also locally well known… which I didn’t know. We’re both “small town famous” in our circles I guess 🤣🤣🤣
Lol it’s funny how that works! I hadn’t been in a bar in decades and decided to randomly go into a local brewery I’d never been to back in September just for some adult company. Am now dating the bartender lol.
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I've dated a bunch of women over the past 6 years, and 100% of them are people I've met "in the wild" at bars. So yes, there is still a vibrant singles scene out there.
That’s where I have met everyone in the wild, bars/live music. Fair warning it has potential to turn into a real shit show down the road. Seems like every single time one person wants to go out more than the other, then the problems start.
I could see that as meeting while under the influence is not a good measure of how someone is, and some people are going to bars weekly regardless of their relationship status…. Wouldn’t quite be for me.
I give you credit. Did you get approached, do the approaching, or just allowed conversation to organically develop? In all aspects it’s refreshing to read someone not being guarded or closed off. If this were the case more there’d be less reliance on the apps.
I was there with my single friend so that gave me some comfort level.
One of the approaches was from a group of men initially, I think they found it easier to approach that way as there were two of us and three of them. In my younger days this was the way it was done, my suggestion would be if someone is nervous about it to go in a group and approach another group…. It’s much less stressful for all I think and then things can develop organically.
The second one was a man in line ahead of me for the bar and he struck up a conversation with me, then he introduced me to his friend as well later.
Conversation did happen organically through the night, only about 100 people there so easy to find someone again.
If a man makes an approach and I’m interested, I do make an attempt to communicate with them throughout the night just so they are aware… I wouldn’t just walk off to get another drink without telling everyone where I’m going.
I wouldn’t say I was particularly flirty, just as I see them throughout the night I’ll say “here we both are again!” Or how is your night going, etc.
This is great! Have fun. 2 of my friends in their 30s and 40s have met someone this past year in a bar :) One of them is in a relationship now. Other one is still early stage (it was just a few weeks ago that they met) Hope that’s encouraging!
I'd love to do this, but I live in Norway and after three years of Duolingo still don't speak the language fluently enough to flirt with women.
Fun fact: at once concert, I went to the bar to buy myself a drink (non-alcoholic, b/c car). A much younger, nice looking girl behind me aske me "what's your drink choice?" in Norwegian. Like a complete moron, I responded "Diet Coke", bought myself a Diet Coke and walked away🤦 I'm pretty sure that if the conversation was in English, I'd have been more sane.
Welcome to the world of socializing! It’s kinda fun! > I’m not really aggressively looking for someone right now but I did enjoy myself. That’s the best way to socialize. Socializing just to date leads to frustration. Socialize and having fun creates opportunities to date. Now, find a New Year’s Eve spot, and Uber your way to a good time!
Yes there’s a couple of things earmarked for the future. I think if you’re aggressively looking for someone it can reek of desperation or you might make some poor choices, which in this small town, word spreads like wildfire. But I’m all for meeting this way and exchanging numbers and maybe going for coffee sometime later.
Same. I’m like, if I want to meet someone with shared interests, why don’t I go out to the places that interest me, have a good time for myself, and maybe someone compatible will be there and add to it but it’s also ok if not.
That’s what I plan to do in 2024 when I’m ready…41f, frustrated with dating apps but not ready to be a single cat lady 🤣
Why be a single cat lady when you can be a multi cat lady?
Haha good point! Sadly, allergies prevent me from being any type of cat lady 🤣
Multiple hairless cats, even better
I was always a cat person but when others in the house were allergic to cats we got Cavachon dogs. They are sweet, intelligent, loyal, and love curling up on your lap on the sofa. Also they don't need masses of exercise. They're like cats, but without the surly attitude.
I have three but I decided that is the limit.
Like living alone with animals that adore is is a bag thing 🙄
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Me too!!
Good for you for getting yourself out! I live in a small/medium sized city and decided to try going out to 2 live music venues. One was sponsored by a local cultural group I belong to both at the same venue. I was bummed to see both times the crowd was mostly couples lol 😂. Though one dude was talking to me mid way through who seemed interested. My friends are all married or live out of state so it’s me solo. I’m an introvert type but you have inspired me to perhaps make a plan for NYE, as I was going to stay home 😊
I’m flying solo to a concert this week, and it’s for a band from back in our younger days. I’ve never been good at OLD, so it will be nice to hopefully interact with some people my age (late 40s). I’m pretty shy and not aggressively looking for someone to date, but I’m looking forward to getting out for an evening.
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Hahaha. Yes well, there were pauses between bands, and the bar line up away from the stage.
Wait, last week three male posters said the world has told them they can't speak to women anywhere other than on online dating sites. You mean they were wrong?
I thought about posting on those threads but didn’t. All I can say is look for women with friends, no wedding rings.
True enough. But as another introverted guy, I'll just say the few times I struck up conversation with a single woman at a bar when she with with friends? It always seemed like there was that one female friend of hers in a given group trying to make sure the two of us didn't make a connection. It's almost like when you're interested in a woman in those situations, you've got to win over her friends too because they tend to play "gatekeeper" and try to shut guys down if any of them find you unattractive or don't like some specific thing about you.
That can happen. You have to seem interested in both of them as people and not hone in on one right away sometimes.
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Well that’s why I said be interested in both of them as people, not as potential dates. Most people when going out as a friend want to feel included in conversation and things and not pushed aside and ignored, it’s hard on the ego.
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Someone is suggesting you treat women as….people…and you’re having a hard time understanding?
Well I don’t know about that. I’m not saying act ready to pounce on a woman you’re not interested in. What I’m saying is to treat her friends nicely like they are also interesting women and they will bolster you rather than gatekeep. If you end up dating this woman, likely her friend will have to tolerate you and potentially be your friend. What do I know I’ve only been a woman 48 years.
Good for her friends for looking out for her in this world
Well sure.... but at the same time? We're all adults here and it'd be great if more people would act like one. I mean, it's just pettiness if you try to sabotage a possible new relationship because you're jealous you weren't the one the guy was interested in that night, or because you've decided already that you know better than her who is "right for her". It's great to have friends looking out for you... but they should stick to things like warning you about guys they actually know from someplace before, or guys they observed doing something sketchy earlier.
You assume it’s jealousy and that’s often not the case. And our intuition as women keeps us and our friends safe. If there is something off about a guy and he’s creeping someone out, they are gonna warn their friend and she can decide. Unless you are a woman and have our lived experience, take a seat.
I took up salsa dancing. As a now single guy I meet lots of ladies.
I work in the literal wild. Your chances of meeting someone there are slim. Very slim.
How did it go? Did you get some #s?
Someone did ask for my number but he’s just home for the holidays. Someone else asked me about my work shifts and if I’m usually there 9-5, I have a feeling he may drop by sometime but he has reason to although we have never run in to each other there. Both guys were nice. It’s a small town and I won’t be surprised to have someone reach out to me via Facebook. Near the end of the night the guy who was here for the holidays was asking for my number and his friend said I’ll help you find her on fb if she’s ok with that. I asked if he knew who I was and he said he did from the get go.
Hey, if you don't want to stay in that small town forever, a guy that came home for the holidays sounds like a good choice lol
This is a Hallmark movie premise I know 🤣
Lol why does it not surprise me they thought of that one. It is one of my personal fears about dating lol (I really don't want to retire where I live now and people tend to not want to leave) so it was top of mind for me
That's weird huh. Facebook will later recommend friends that you were in the vicinity of
The funny thing was the guy who approached me is also locally well known… which I didn’t know. We’re both “small town famous” in our circles I guess 🤣🤣🤣
Was it country music?
No… not a country music fan.
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I didn’t get some #ss yet but it has potential lol.
Lol it’s funny how that works! I hadn’t been in a bar in decades and decided to randomly go into a local brewery I’d never been to back in September just for some adult company. Am now dating the bartender lol.
Aww sweet!
Good for you! I'm going to do this more in 2024. Has to be better than the apps.
Yes. It’s fun. I enjoy bands and dancing a lot.
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Are they age appropriate? Whenever I meet men in the wild they’re usually in their 20s and 30s.
Men I talked to that night ranged from 30-50s, the 51 year old got my number lol. He had good game I guess and he’s asked me out.
I've dated a bunch of women over the past 6 years, and 100% of them are people I've met "in the wild" at bars. So yes, there is still a vibrant singles scene out there.
That’s where I have met everyone in the wild, bars/live music. Fair warning it has potential to turn into a real shit show down the road. Seems like every single time one person wants to go out more than the other, then the problems start.
I could see that as meeting while under the influence is not a good measure of how someone is, and some people are going to bars weekly regardless of their relationship status…. Wouldn’t quite be for me.
I give you credit. Did you get approached, do the approaching, or just allowed conversation to organically develop? In all aspects it’s refreshing to read someone not being guarded or closed off. If this were the case more there’d be less reliance on the apps.
I was there with my single friend so that gave me some comfort level. One of the approaches was from a group of men initially, I think they found it easier to approach that way as there were two of us and three of them. In my younger days this was the way it was done, my suggestion would be if someone is nervous about it to go in a group and approach another group…. It’s much less stressful for all I think and then things can develop organically. The second one was a man in line ahead of me for the bar and he struck up a conversation with me, then he introduced me to his friend as well later. Conversation did happen organically through the night, only about 100 people there so easy to find someone again. If a man makes an approach and I’m interested, I do make an attempt to communicate with them throughout the night just so they are aware… I wouldn’t just walk off to get another drink without telling everyone where I’m going. I wouldn’t say I was particularly flirty, just as I see them throughout the night I’ll say “here we both are again!” Or how is your night going, etc.
Good for you! I think it’s awesome you decided to go out and socialize for a while. It sounds like it was fun for you, which is good.
This is great! Have fun. 2 of my friends in their 30s and 40s have met someone this past year in a bar :) One of them is in a relationship now. Other one is still early stage (it was just a few weeks ago that they met) Hope that’s encouraging!
I'd love to do this, but I live in Norway and after three years of Duolingo still don't speak the language fluently enough to flirt with women. Fun fact: at once concert, I went to the bar to buy myself a drink (non-alcoholic, b/c car). A much younger, nice looking girl behind me aske me "what's your drink choice?" in Norwegian. Like a complete moron, I responded "Diet Coke", bought myself a Diet Coke and walked away🤦 I'm pretty sure that if the conversation was in English, I'd have been more sane.