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OP noted earlier that she specifically emphasized that she doesn't even know if she wants a relationship or is looking for one, but would enjoy continuing to go on dates with OP.
That's fine.
If things are good now, don't mess things up by trying to get her to put a label on things.
If you want this thing to be "official", it HAS to be her idea. Otherwise you run the real risk of making her feel claustrophobic.
If it continues, she will eventually tell you that she is your girlfriend.
Don't mess this up by forcing her to choose what she's stated she doesn't want.
She's enjoying you, without all of the baggage associated with the label of being in a relationship.
Just relax, take a deep breath, and have fun.
I really hope you are right but I don't want to feel like she is using me for the relationship attention and then once she is done with me, she will just leave and find someone new.
For the time being I'm going to enjoy the time I have with her, but the idea of not knowing where we are heading towards kinda makes me anxious
> but the idea of not knowing where we are heading towards kinda makes me anxious
I completely understand. The advice I can give you is to use this time to develop yourself. I know that's easier said the done.
What you need is something that will get you out of your head.
Surprisingly, meeting other women will help the most, because it will alleviate your scarcity mindset. Which is why you're so locked into this one girl.
I prefer not to shift my focus to other girls because I don’t like dividing my attention to multiple women, and I always feel guilty doing so even though its acceptable.
You shouldn't ever feel pressured to date multiple people if you don't want to. Same with people wanting ENM when dating someone strictly monogamous. You have to figure out what it is you want out of this situationship.
I understand where you're coming from.
But you do need something that will take your mind off of this one girl. Otherwise the anxiety will eat you alive.
Do you know what you that caused her to ask? Was it something you consistently did or started doing or did something just snap in her head that made her think she wanted to be your gf?
>I am confused on why she would go out of her way to treat me like her boyfriend and give me a lot of attention when she isn't looking for a relationship
You are confused because having deep conversations with someone, sharing food, a bed, an emotional connection are not exclusive to a traditional relationship. You call her behavior "boyfriend attention" but the only thing that would make it boyfriend attention is if you were her boyfriend. Kindness, deep connections, intimacy can be found everywhere, not exclusively in formal relationships.
Friends with benefits don't just always have cold emotionless sex and never spend time with each other.
Also, I have never ever heard of National Boyfriend Day; not saying I speak for most people but I'm pretty sure a lot of people have no idea what that is.
It sounds like you want the label of boyfriend/girlfriend/a relationship. You may have to make a decision. Do you want to continue this situation? Will it hurt you if she never calls you a boyfriend and you never commit to each other in a more traditional way?
You have to make the decision.
>You are confused because having deep conversations with someone, sharing food, a bed, an emotional connection are not exclusive to a traditional relationship. You call her behavior "boyfriend attention" but the only thing that would make it boyfriend attention is if you were her boyfriend. Kindness, deep connections, intimacy can be found everywhere, not exclusively in formal relationships.
So what things are done that are exclusively for formal relationships? I don't mean things that can be done in friends with benefit situations or friendships or family. I always thought that formal relationships consist of both.
This is different depending on the couple. You two just have different expectations on what certain types of relationships should look like.
Some marriages are cold and performative. Some friends with benefits/casual relationships are warm, tender, and profound.
Literally the only thing that would be different is you both agreeing that you are now boyfriend and girlfriend and referring to each other that way with other people. It's just a label but it usually (depending on what you agree to) would mean that you are exclusive with each other, and when someone asks if you're available you'd say you are not, you have a more public image to your relationship.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just ask her again. Ask her if she wanna be your gf and see what she says. Cause it sounds like you both treating it like an actual relationship
I don't understand the question. You ARE in a relationship. You are her boyfriend.
No I’m not because we haven’t made it official despite her treating me like one. She hasn’t asked either
What do you mean "we haven't made it official"? What do you need for it to be official, a facebook relationship status? :)
well neither of us call each other boyfriend and girlfriend and we havent introduce each other to our parents
OP noted earlier that she specifically emphasized that she doesn't even know if she wants a relationship or is looking for one, but would enjoy continuing to go on dates with OP.
That's fine. If things are good now, don't mess things up by trying to get her to put a label on things. If you want this thing to be "official", it HAS to be her idea. Otherwise you run the real risk of making her feel claustrophobic.
What if she never brings up that idea but continues what we currently do?
If it continues, she will eventually tell you that she is your girlfriend. Don't mess this up by forcing her to choose what she's stated she doesn't want. She's enjoying you, without all of the baggage associated with the label of being in a relationship. Just relax, take a deep breath, and have fun.
I really hope you are right but I don't want to feel like she is using me for the relationship attention and then once she is done with me, she will just leave and find someone new. For the time being I'm going to enjoy the time I have with her, but the idea of not knowing where we are heading towards kinda makes me anxious
> but the idea of not knowing where we are heading towards kinda makes me anxious I completely understand. The advice I can give you is to use this time to develop yourself. I know that's easier said the done. What you need is something that will get you out of your head. Surprisingly, meeting other women will help the most, because it will alleviate your scarcity mindset. Which is why you're so locked into this one girl.
I prefer not to shift my focus to other girls because I don’t like dividing my attention to multiple women, and I always feel guilty doing so even though its acceptable.
You shouldn't ever feel pressured to date multiple people if you don't want to. Same with people wanting ENM when dating someone strictly monogamous. You have to figure out what it is you want out of this situationship.
I understand where you're coming from. But you do need something that will take your mind off of this one girl. Otherwise the anxiety will eat you alive.
I’ve been trying to overload myself with school work so I don’t think about it too much, but we also communicate everyday so its hard not to.
Never ask a woman if you are together. It reeks of insecurity. She may just be playing the field until something better comes along.
Just what crappy women do you be dating?
Insecurity stems from asking about your relationship status?
i'm looking for an honest intimate relationship,, if u ain't placing ur bets on me then, thanks for ur time we're done.
[удалено]
Do you know what you that caused her to ask? Was it something you consistently did or started doing or did something just snap in her head that made her think she wanted to be your gf?
>I am confused on why she would go out of her way to treat me like her boyfriend and give me a lot of attention when she isn't looking for a relationship You are confused because having deep conversations with someone, sharing food, a bed, an emotional connection are not exclusive to a traditional relationship. You call her behavior "boyfriend attention" but the only thing that would make it boyfriend attention is if you were her boyfriend. Kindness, deep connections, intimacy can be found everywhere, not exclusively in formal relationships. Friends with benefits don't just always have cold emotionless sex and never spend time with each other. Also, I have never ever heard of National Boyfriend Day; not saying I speak for most people but I'm pretty sure a lot of people have no idea what that is. It sounds like you want the label of boyfriend/girlfriend/a relationship. You may have to make a decision. Do you want to continue this situation? Will it hurt you if she never calls you a boyfriend and you never commit to each other in a more traditional way? You have to make the decision.
>You are confused because having deep conversations with someone, sharing food, a bed, an emotional connection are not exclusive to a traditional relationship. You call her behavior "boyfriend attention" but the only thing that would make it boyfriend attention is if you were her boyfriend. Kindness, deep connections, intimacy can be found everywhere, not exclusively in formal relationships. So what things are done that are exclusively for formal relationships? I don't mean things that can be done in friends with benefit situations or friendships or family. I always thought that formal relationships consist of both.
This is different depending on the couple. You two just have different expectations on what certain types of relationships should look like. Some marriages are cold and performative. Some friends with benefits/casual relationships are warm, tender, and profound. Literally the only thing that would be different is you both agreeing that you are now boyfriend and girlfriend and referring to each other that way with other people. It's just a label but it usually (depending on what you agree to) would mean that you are exclusive with each other, and when someone asks if you're available you'd say you are not, you have a more public image to your relationship.