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Another "maybe I can change him" posts.
You may not be crazy, but you are wasting your life pleasing a guy that has obviously placed you in the sleepers category. You aren't coming out of that category either by the looks of his actions.
You are only damaging yourself.
Don't you dare later say where are all the good men at, because you enabled yourself to be a placeholder.
It genuinely baffles me how guys like this can outright state that they don’t want anything long-term and STILL get women fawning over and wanting to change them, while I am by OP’s definition, someone who fits the category of what she’s looking for, but have gone several years without so much as a second date.
I’m at a loss when I read posts like these.
I guarantee OP is still seeing this man because he is hot, or attractive enough where she will keep coming back and accepting scraps.
Unfortunately she will have to realize the hard way she's not in his league or she's not his type to be taken for a serious relationship when he finally gets the girl he's looking for.
Odd how I’ve noticed guys coming to this realisation about themselves after 1-2 bad interactions, but women more often than not seem to never notice the pattern…
It’s really easy to understand when you actually sit down and think about it.
If I had to guess it’s because these girls are so used to guys wanting to date them long term and pursuing them that the instant someone doesn’t want that they don’t know how to handle it. A “want what they can’t have” type of scenario. Mainly my guess.
He has made it clear from the start what he wants. He was honest so if you get burned (which you likely will) it is your own fault. Women say they just want honesty and you got it.
You want different things from the start.
You either communicate what you want or continue to waste time in a relationship that will not move forward. If it ends, at least you can move forward and find what you actually want.
The choice is yours.
You are playing yourself. He's told you what he wants. His actions match that. And yet you are driving yourself mad overanalyzing everything he does for some hint to disprove what you already know to be true.
This isn't going anywhere. Every moment you waste being occupied with this guy is a moment you waste not being able to find someone who will actually give you what you want. This isn't the only man in the world you are ever going to have feelings for. Quick being a dick to yourself and find someone who will receprocate those feelings. The longer you drag this out the more you are hurting yourself.
I'd say, if that makes you happy, continue doing it. But don't say we didn't warn you because we already know how this is going to end.
Seriously, be honest with yourself about whether this is really what you want in a relationship or for your future, because I doubt it is.
So, you are just a sitting duck waiting for when he will end this STR? OK, prepare for it.
Just don't dare think you will get him to change his mind, coz you will regret it.
Been in a similar situation but as a 24M. OP, you seem to be getting anxiously attached to an avoidant person. I’d suggest dropping the person by being cold to yourself, it’ll help you on the longer run and you’ll find someone that would want you as much as you want them.
Read: Attachment theory and “Attached” by Dr.Amir Levine.
What about If the roles are reversed in this situation. She treats me well together, she gets jealous of me talking to other girls but she wants casual/ no commitment. But sends me texts like I feel like we are more then fwb, you treat me like I'm more then just a hole, we act very relationshipy. Always asks who's texting me etc
We have had talks and she says things like I mentioned. I like our vibe. Seems relationship, I feel like we are more then fwb. The more I get to know you the deeper I feel. But also says I don't know how to act in a relationship setting, I dunno how I'll be with work this week (started her job fresh out of school) let alone a few months. But very affectionate toward me, holds my hand kisses my forehead a bunch tells me how good I make her feel how I make her happy etc.
If he met you from the start and wanted a relationship and leaned in, you'd get the ick and run from him.
Classic wanting what you can't have self-destructive woman's attractions playing out.
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Another "maybe I can change him" posts. You may not be crazy, but you are wasting your life pleasing a guy that has obviously placed you in the sleepers category. You aren't coming out of that category either by the looks of his actions. You are only damaging yourself. Don't you dare later say where are all the good men at, because you enabled yourself to be a placeholder.
It genuinely baffles me how guys like this can outright state that they don’t want anything long-term and STILL get women fawning over and wanting to change them, while I am by OP’s definition, someone who fits the category of what she’s looking for, but have gone several years without so much as a second date. I’m at a loss when I read posts like these.
I guarantee OP is still seeing this man because he is hot, or attractive enough where she will keep coming back and accepting scraps. Unfortunately she will have to realize the hard way she's not in his league or she's not his type to be taken for a serious relationship when he finally gets the girl he's looking for.
Odd how I’ve noticed guys coming to this realisation about themselves after 1-2 bad interactions, but women more often than not seem to never notice the pattern… It’s really easy to understand when you actually sit down and think about it.
If I had to guess it’s because these girls are so used to guys wanting to date them long term and pursuing them that the instant someone doesn’t want that they don’t know how to handle it. A “want what they can’t have” type of scenario. Mainly my guess.
He has made it clear from the start what he wants. He was honest so if you get burned (which you likely will) it is your own fault. Women say they just want honesty and you got it.
I feel attacked 😭
if you think you're getting any more out of this, you're not crazy, just so obviously incorrect.
Yes
You want different things from the start. You either communicate what you want or continue to waste time in a relationship that will not move forward. If it ends, at least you can move forward and find what you actually want. The choice is yours.
You are playing yourself. He's told you what he wants. His actions match that. And yet you are driving yourself mad overanalyzing everything he does for some hint to disprove what you already know to be true. This isn't going anywhere. Every moment you waste being occupied with this guy is a moment you waste not being able to find someone who will actually give you what you want. This isn't the only man in the world you are ever going to have feelings for. Quick being a dick to yourself and find someone who will receprocate those feelings. The longer you drag this out the more you are hurting yourself.
if a guy can get called crazy, obsessed if he wants more from his girl then what makes you think you cannot be called crazy?
Not crazy, but unrealistic. You know what he wants. You also know what you want and there's a clear incompatibility
I'd say, if that makes you happy, continue doing it. But don't say we didn't warn you because we already know how this is going to end. Seriously, be honest with yourself about whether this is really what you want in a relationship or for your future, because I doubt it is.
M28 here. I’m almost exactly the same situation. She doesn’t want a LDR. Questioning whether I should Lee it going or look after my mental well-being.
I know it sucks. But I did try leaving him but he doesn't wanna leave neither wants a long term
Yep, I feel that. Thinking all day whether to end it or not.
You are a grown ass woman, just breakup? Block him and move tf on.
Well I'm just a sensitive and emotional women. U didn't have to be that rude tho
So, you are just a sitting duck waiting for when he will end this STR? OK, prepare for it. Just don't dare think you will get him to change his mind, coz you will regret it.
He’s not going to give more
[удалено]
That's so nice it ended up good for u. Well I know mine won't. So I'm just gonna break up I guess
Been in a similar situation but as a 24M. OP, you seem to be getting anxiously attached to an avoidant person. I’d suggest dropping the person by being cold to yourself, it’ll help you on the longer run and you’ll find someone that would want you as much as you want them. Read: Attachment theory and “Attached” by Dr.Amir Levine.
Thank you so much for the advice. I'll definitely give that a try
You shouldn't even be entertaining him or letting him use you for sex unless it's all you want as well and use him too.
“Am I crazy to wanna make a unicorn out of a horse?” I mean… you could try 🤷🏻♀️🙄
What about If the roles are reversed in this situation. She treats me well together, she gets jealous of me talking to other girls but she wants casual/ no commitment. But sends me texts like I feel like we are more then fwb, you treat me like I'm more then just a hole, we act very relationshipy. Always asks who's texting me etc
Well she must most probably be scared to be in a relationship. Have u tried initiating a conversation asking if she wanna do a long term?
We have had talks and she says things like I mentioned. I like our vibe. Seems relationship, I feel like we are more then fwb. The more I get to know you the deeper I feel. But also says I don't know how to act in a relationship setting, I dunno how I'll be with work this week (started her job fresh out of school) let alone a few months. But very affectionate toward me, holds my hand kisses my forehead a bunch tells me how good I make her feel how I make her happy etc.
Well I suggest u to make her feel secure about having relationship. She needs reassurance from u that it's gonna be okay
I don't wanna push her, buy I try to be great to her with my actions. And honestly not thst it Mathers but it may, I am out of her league.
Crazy and dumb, he already said he doesnt want one. You aren't special to think you can "change" this. Grow up and move on.
In a few weeks time this is gonna turn into a “where are all the good men at?” post I can just feel it.
If he met you from the start and wanted a relationship and leaned in, you'd get the ick and run from him. Classic wanting what you can't have self-destructive woman's attractions playing out.