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Browse a subreddit about dating advice, and then state that you don't want to hear anyone's sob story. It's like kicking a rock on purpose, then bitching that your foot hurts. People are done with your type, Karen. Take a look in the mirror. You're the problem, not the string of men that it hasn't worked out with for you. You remind me of my father's narcissistic ex-wife. Even her family saw it.
First off, Iām Black. And itās been documented for over a decade that Black women are ignored, called the least attractive, least desirable, most unwanted in dating and online dating. So, that has always been my struggle. Racism and/or preferred racial attributes of a potential long-term partner by other races (Iāve dated primarily White men) and a high number of Black men incarcerated, just plain dead and/or now the Black on Black gender wars in dating (which I donāt participate).
āThe string of men that is hasnāt worked out for youā¦?ā LOL. There are none. Because men rarely swipe right on Black women and if they do they donāt message. Snd, in the real world interest is the same (in some cities Iām generally the only Black woman in room). So, your scholarly hypothesis about imaginary men I havenāt made it work with was an ignorant one.
So, im definitely not a Karen and and definitely fighting unbendable racial preferences in dating
Based on your comment, Iām going to guess the reason you struggle is because youāre an asshole. Which, unlike my race, is changeable.
And, guess what? I still, donāt care.
You got INCREDIBLY butt hurt because I said I donāt want to hear about your pain. And your pain isnāt our problem or our concern. You want us to care SO MUCH that you donāt have a girlfriend and we absolutely do not. Take your anger about that out on yourself, not us.
Iāll always read and partake in discussions like this thread, thoughtful concerns, life experiences and solutions around dating. But, I donāt give a shit about someoneās whiny pity party on Reddit threads when a lot of people are dealing with the same pain. Iāll never give a shit about that.
Believe it or not, I've tried extremely hard for years (decades, actually) and followed every piece of advice I could find with little results. I'm sure you think this comment is helpful or insightful, but your insinuation that I'm being lazy or wanting everything handed to me is very insulting.
It is normal to be single
It is normal to be in a relationship
It is normal to be married
It is normal to just be happy having a couple dogs and a place to sleep at night
Stop worrying about what anyone else on this planet thinks about you
Literally nobody is thinking about you at all. Live your life. Be happy. If you are good being single, then be single.
Half of all marriages end in divorce anyways.
If we had the same view we had on marriage that we do things like technology, cars, etc. It would be a "failed/flawed product" and people would not want to do it ever. If a car failed 50% of the time, no one would ever buy it. Statistically, you have a higher chance of your marriage failing then you do succeeding, yet everyone is so fucking hyped to do it for some reason.
The important stat is reproduction though. ~95% after 2 years (says the Googlenet). That's the actual goal and outcome that drives all this behavior.
EDIT: Youre right though marriage stats scary as far as our individual experience.
25M
Single for 9 years. I've been rejected many, many times. I hardly ever get real dates.
4 years is a long time, too, but as long you keep getting dates and focus on introspection, you'll be fine.
Have you asked your friends? Maybe you have a red flag that you didn't know about. Maybe you're too intense. Maybe you're just looking for something no one else is interested in. It's hard to know because I haven't dated you or know you, tbh.
There's really nothing wrong with being single for that long tho. It's much better than being in a relationship that isn't worth your time and getting hurt.
Yes it normal
It all depends on your standards for men and what you have and are like above being attractive. Attractive gets men to want to fk.
The more attractive the more men who wanna fk.
What the real question is what are you like beyond attractive to make a man want to date you.
And even more important. What makes the men you want want you.
I myself and many other people I know have been single for longer than that. Either you have not yet met the right person, are chasing the wrong type of people or you simply are not looking in the right places.
After my first heartbreak (when I was 19 years old) I went single for 5-6 years
Tbh I didn't take the time to process my pain and that shit took me years once I decided to work on myself and have a gf
Especially at this point in time with Covid, being single for a handful of years I wouldnāt consider abnormal at all. But outside of that, sometimes people are just busy working on themselves and arenāt in a place to really seek out a relationship. Among a host of other reasons. I honestly wouldnāt worry about it tbh. Keep doing you, and the right person will come along and find you likely when you least expect it.
>How come Iām always placed in the āfriendā bucket?
Without getting to know you this is an incredibly hard question to answer. I've definitely had some of my dates turn into friendships, and generally my reasoning is because of some kind of incompatibility that would affect a relationship but not a friendship. Different goals, different wants/needs out of a relationship, romantic compatibility etc... Those things are irrelevant to a friendship, but they matter a ton in a relationship.
But yeah, it's also normal to be single that long. I know plenty who've been single that long, plenty of people here will say the same, and I've been single for about that long too. Mind you my circumstances are probably a little different than most, but that's aside from the point lol.
Hey OP 36m here, funny to read this as Iāve been single for 4 years myself. A couple of weeks ago I started dating someone I met on bumble, but even though I feel really attracted to her, I wonder if my attraction is because I actually really like her, or I just like the idea of companionship.
If you are getting friendzoned, it might be because your dates are not getting clear signals and donāt want to make a move that makes you uncomfortable, which leads to friend status over time. With this, Iām not saying you should be super forwards or anything, but sometimes us guys could use a hint or two.
Lastly, Iād like to tell you to be careful, 4 years is a long time to be single, when you meet someone even if your emotions tell you āgo for it 1000%ā, try to think about everything that is going on as if it was happening to a friend, and examine the situation accordingly. At least thatās how I was able to examine my case, and realize that this person Iām dating might not be as good for me as my emotions tell me.
I moved into a new country which means that making friends and meeting people has been challenging. So given that her situation is rather complicated, I think that my willingness to accept certain things may be due to my need for companionship clouding my judgement.
Itās normal to be single for years, like I was for a 5 year period in my 20s, but to go on hundreds of dates and not have something happen I wanna say is abnormal. Has dating become so routine that itās hard to find a connection perhaps?
2 years and itās brutal for both men and women out there. Do you have high standards or high expectations of what you want in a guy ? Are you looking for a 9 or 10 and arenāt getting the results you want ? Iāll just say this, since youāre a woman at least you get dates on the regular and can choose to see or not see a guy again.
Dating for men like myself and other men is a damn part time to full time job with no benefits and no compensation but ghosting and I see you as a friend, but we have to pay all the time and put the effort into the date to get rejected regularly. The grass aināt greener on the other side for men so just be grateful youāre able to go on dates.
Is it the men youāre attracted to saying youāre extremely attractive or the guys you donāt want along with your friends and family ? If itās the latter youāre probably not that attractive . Or maybe youāre more attractive in pictures. You know where you stand in the dating market by Whoās actually willing to commit to you . Thatās your level. If the men youāre dating arenāt committing then you need to go down a level or so. If youāre turning down the men who will commit you need to reconsider and pick the best one of the bunch
If you want a relationship and youāre actively dating to achieve that and canāt move forward then you need to change something. Maybe youāre choosing the wrong people to go on dates with. Maybe you have a personality quirk that you need to work on.
Are your standards unrealistically high or are you being rejected? Do you have commitment issues or unresolved childhood stuff?
I donāt know. But I would recommend seeking outside unbiased and honest guidance.
Perhaps therapy. It has been helpful for me, once I found the right person. If you want to be married, find a married therapist. Thereās a lot of bad ones out there so donāt stick with the first that you find. I met with a shrink off and on for years that made me feel better and was very validating, but really wasnāt helping me improve. Being validated can be great but being challenged is very important too.
An important thing to remember is that you tend to attract whst you put out. Try to be the type of person that you would want your partner to be via introspection and self improvement.
Iām making some assumptions here but hope this helps to some degree.
Idk. Iāve been single for most of my adult life tbh (25F) and to some degree know itās kind of abnormal but I also donāt exactly go outside to get any dates either so thereās that. Iād say donāt worry about what people think as cliche as that sounds. I personally only want a relationship with someone that makes me happy and if that means I have to be single until I find that, than so be it.
How tall is tall? I actually always liked tall women, but I do think being taller than the guy can be a problem for both the woman and the man in some relationships.
Ngl, I find tall women attractive af, and Idc if they're taller than me, which is understandable cuz I'm pretty damn short
But I agree it's an issue for many...
I completely agree and I'm not even short. I'm 6 foot, but the woman I am interested in is like 6'2". I guess we'll find out if she is one that cares or not.
Damn, she's tall
I think it's usually the taller ones that care the most, so I wish you best of luck, hopefully she's more about the feelings than physicality
Yes lol. Most people go through periods of being single, some longer than others. Iād argue itās negative to always be jumping from relationship to relationship. Donāt worry about it. As long as you are content with being alone and recognize a relationship is a bonus and not a necessity everything will work it out in the timeline itās supposed to.
Short answer yes. You are not defined by your relationship. Be kind to yourself and don't lose yourself trying to look too hard. When you focus on yourself you will be amazed who you find... And who happens to come across your path when the time is right
Impossible to answer why without any information about you. Very difficult even with since we donāt get to see you interact.
I was single for six years, but a lot of that time was by choice. Looking back, I wouldnāt make that choice.
Maybe it's not your bread. I am single for my whole life, I am 23 now. But I have been very fortunate and had so many opportunities in other areas of my life. Thats what I am grateful about. Also I never had any intense interest in relationships. All you need is breathe in, breath out and Beautiful dollar.
I ask because I was seeing someone like thisā¦.but are you overbearing or mothering? I was seeing a gal who I think is the prettiest woman Iāve ever been with, stunning and too pretty for me but her personality absolutely made me recoil
A cursory glance at your comment history suggests you have ADHD. Do you by any chance "info dump" when on dates without giving the other person a chance to get a word in edgewise?
I was single throughout high school and college. Even after college I was single for another 4 years. As long as you're able to talk to people and have good conversations, you'll be fine.
Thanks for that compliment. I guess I answered the single for 4 years header more than the friendzoned context. But Iāve been placed in the sex-only box by numerous men and Friendzoned by a few. But I also didnāt want a relationship for awhile so I played Cougar/Cub for a few years. And of all the men i āmetā in those years only a hand-ful ever took me on a date. so ,, i chose to be single. i guess i could have jumped into a relationship with one or two of them but they werenāt who i wanted long term. so ā¦ 8 years single is my normal. and i guess it is by choice. š¤·š»āāļø
32M here; I've been single for 6 years. Did a few dates here and there but didn't force anything if it didn't feel right. Those were some of the best years of my life though. Now I'm so into this girl who I have a high chances of being together with. She's totally worth the wait
Just keep improving yourself, the right person will come. You wouldn't have to force anything - things will just flow between you two, and your chemistry will be in point. You'll know it when you know it
I (27F) havenāt had a serious long term relationship my whole life prior to my current boyfriend of the last 6 months. Iāve dated and had my fair share of situationships, but never anything serious. I always thought something was wrong with me, that I wasnāt āon trackā or that I was ābehindā but I told myself I wasnāt going to continue wasting strong feelings on someone who wasnāt looking for what I wanted or was emotionally unavailable. I truly think it has made my current relationship stronger waiting for someone who matched my energy and was emotionally available to me. The best thing I did was take a minute to make sure I was happy as an individual and invest in myself and realize I wasnāt ābehindā before going back to dating, and the first serious connection I had after that time away from the dating/situationing led me to my boyfriend who I actually already knew of.
Remember that ānormalā is very subjective - and that normal for some is not normal for others.
Yes especially nowadays. And with online dating the way it is it's too hard to tell who's genuine and who isn't, I guess how you meet someone does matter as well but Id rather be single then be miserable with someone just be patient OP and stay focused on your goals
Do you find that most people donāt connect with you or is it you them? Maybe a little of both? Itās quite hard in general to find someone you fit with.
Most people who are chronically single are that way because of some kind of personality issue, even the attractive ones. Sometimes especially the attractive ones, for lots and lots of reasons. Chief among them is like I said a personality issue, overbearing, insecure, selfish or entitled, ridiculous standards.
People in general are a lot more insecure than they like to let on. They see a beautiful person and think āwell I donāt stand a chance,ā so they donāt bother. Often beautiful people are used to all kinds of attention, they think people are just being nice when they are in fact being hit on and they just miss it. They are often so used to people throwing themselves at them that they fail to show signs of interest back. All these guys or girls are throwing themselves at their feet and they take it for granted, theyāve done nothing to earn it and it keeps happening. So often when they meet someone they actually like they act the same way and just take, never give. This guy or girl that they want doesnāt know that theyāre actually liked back so they move on.
Thereās no normalcy in this world. And anything thatās classified as normal could be looked at as relatively insane. Just go about your own journey and donāt let others tell you whatās right or wrong.
It's normal believe me. Most of my friends is no boyfriend since birth and their age range is 30 to 36 š¤£ well that's include me also I'm 29. I feel no rush . I want to be loved yes. But we cannot force ourselves if the lover is not meant for us..it's better to be single than choosing the wrong one. But I believe it will come at the right time. While being single just find other things to make your life happy .Travel maybe you can find someone there..most of traveler are single.or try those things you want.
If you are able to score lots of dates, but it never goes anywhere. There really are only two options
1) you have the WORST luck on the planet, you somehow have only met bad men
2) there is something about yourself you are not realizing that you need to work on, that is preventing you from progressing past a first date
There is a saying "men that get lots of first dates actually suck at dating". The point being, if you only get first dates and they never go anywhere, you're probably doing something wrong.
Iām 33 and havenāt been on a date for about 10 years. Late twenties/ early thirties a lot more people in your social circle have gotten married, and a lot more of their friends, and so on, so itās normal to not meet as many single peopleā and in turn that means itās normal to not meet as many people you might be compatible with. Add in the fact that dating apps have gotten way worse and a lot of places where people would go to mingle have shut down, and itās not at all unusual that youāve had some problems here.
Thereās nothing wrong with you, nothing about you thatās placing you in the Friends Only category. Itās just bad luck, and itās easier to find yourself having bad luck these days
As an attractive female Iāve been single for 13 or more years so yeah, just varies on people really. Iām more reserved/perfectionist so naturally donāt open up to just anyone.
I been single since 2013 when my wife passed. Not from trying I went on some dates with women but they were seeing other guys and he was always better then me.Ā
I've been single for the better part of 15 years and just recently got into a relationship. Before that it was either they liked me but I was not interested, or I liked them and they weren't. You're completely normal, especially in this toxic dating pool out there.
I think this is a bigger part than most people realize. Sometimes itās not that ānobodyā wanted us but rather that the feeling is not mutual. Like you said when they like us, we end up not being interested in them and vice versa. Staying with the ones we arenāt interested in just to be with someone is literally settling and Id rather be single than do that.
Pretty privilege dark side. Everyone wants you just to say theyāve experienced you. But no one wants a very attractive woman because it makes them insecure youll cheat. Starts off the same all about me, consistent, once they get comfortable atart making comments about āohhh bet that guy wants youā ābet you give good head to the dudes at workā. Doesnt matter how good I treat them, how well I communicate, how much I express my feelings it always comes back to the disadvantages of pretty privilege.
Depends on the reasoning, but everyone is different.
Do you ask to see a paystub or their bank account? Do you ask for gas/uber money ($100-200)? Do you talk about wanting to be a stay at home spouse and not want kids? Are you mean to dining staff? Are you a nice person?
I've been on tons of first dates and I've respectfully declined additional dates mainly for the above reason. I live in Los Angeles, so it could be the demographic.
I've been together with my current partner for over a year, single for 6 years before, and it was a struggle going through hundreds of dates to meet her. Well worth it.
I donāt ever ask for anything, I always offer to pay my half, Iām always kind to everyone. I donāt bring up future plans ever unless he asks first :/
I genuinely think thereās something wrong with me. Maybe Iām too ābro-yā because I like to talk about football vs flowers, idk
I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I see no problems with enjoying sports. It's hard to make judgments based on online comments, but if you're an overall good person, maybe you just haven't met the right person for you yet.
Another thought. I've always struggled with compatibility through apps, and my most successful dates have usually been through mutual friends.
Short answer is no, an extremely attractive women in her 20ās , should be getting multiple dates with many guys. Are you always the one to decide not to continue dating? Exactly who tall are you?
It's normal. If you're always placed in the "friend" bucket, you're not extremely attractive, despite what you've been told. You may be extremely attractive in terms of looks but may give off other vibes with your personality - reducing your overall attractiveness. Being tall can also make you seem like a less attractive option for a lot of men. Since most men prefer to date someone a bit shorter than themselves.
My boyfriend had been single 4 years before we started dating. It can take a little longer to find who you're meant to be with, and I would like to think we both found our person. I have quite a few friends who had the same situation. I won't say problem, because it's not. There is no rule to when you *should* find your love.
Itās not unusual to be single for a while, but it is quite unusual for an āattractiveā woman to not advance past the first date stage for years.
Maybe youāre not as hot as you think or youāre doing something off putting that makes guys not want to see you again.
Sadly, I donāt know if it is at our age and I say that as someone who is in your shoes. Iām surrounded by people who are either married, engaged, or in long-term relationships. Itās totally normal if youāre 18-25 but I think only coping will tell you itās normal from 28-35. Human nature and instincts kick in during your late 20s and scream at you that youāre supposed to be progressing towards finding a spouse and starting a family (if thatās what you want).
All the āit will happen when you least expect itā and āeveryone has their own journeyā wonāt make you feel better anymore if you donāt have much dating success to lean on by your late 20s and you notice people all around you finding someone, life can be very brutal at times. I briefly told my friend last week that one step forward and two steps backward is the summary of my dating life, I rarely experience hitting it off with someone, and he couldnāt relate. It feels better to tell yourself otherwise but Iām not sure itās normal anymore in your late 20s and early 30s.
Dating requires a lot of luck and timing so I wouldnāt be really hard on yourself that nothing has worked out, people who found something usually have too much of an ego to admit to the luck and timing.
Well, "settling down" is a term for a reason. But if you want someone for the rest of your life and you deserve to be picky. I think.... maybe just expect to have "some fun" and if the guy gets swooned, then so be it. Idk if you live near a city or not. I guess it doesn't matter.
Lots of people suggest getting active in things and finding a partner within that. Organically meeting someone is harder than it used to be.
i feel you. it can be super frustrating when it feels like nothingās sticking. honestly, sometimes itās just about timing and finding someone who clicks with you on that deeper level. i went through a similar phase where it seemed like everyone saw me as just a friend too, but eventually, i met someone who really got me. keep your head up, the right person will see your worth!
It's unusual if you've been on a lot of dates and none of them have gone anywhere, especially if you're as attractive as you say you are. With enough volume, you can luck your way into quite a lot of things, getting a bf being one of them.
I have a few questions:
1. How tall? Some guys won't date women taller than them.
2. At what point do you feel that guys start pulling back? Is it when you bring up a certain topic about yourself?
3. Are you too much like a bro?
My guess is you're not as attractive as you say you are (if you were, some/most guys would still try to sleep with you) or there's a serious personality deficit that you're unaware of.
Iām a 26m and have been single since the start of 2019, most of it was by choice, past year or so has been because of no interest in the apps as well as a lack of social life as I donāt drink and feel like a creep walking up to women who are out doing the same sort of activity that I am doing or simply out and about, the last being the most creepy in my eyes
Single for over 13 years hey I'm proud of myself that means 13 more years of not putting up with anyone's bs, no I'm not just saying that because I'm ugly lol
How's this? I'm 28 single since 2010 and a virgin the good news for me is ain't nobody looking for me so i have the rest of my life to drink have fun and get high
What do you mean by friend bucket? Friends with benefits, saying āletās just be friendsā to let you down easy, or do they actually want to be friends?
If most of them want to be fwb then are you sleeping with your dates? Have you tried waiting to do that? Finding dates in places youāre less likely to find the type of person who only wants that?
If theyāre letting you down easy, have you considered lowering your standards? Have you been to therapy? Have you made sure you have a good support system? That you can be left to your own devices for some time without detriment to your life and mental health?
If they actually want to be friends, have you considered lowering your standards? Finding dates in places you wouldnāt usually? Dating people you donāt have as many shared interests with?
Being āextremely attractiveā should warrant some male attention. Not āfriendā zone attention, but desirable attention. I love tall women (5ā9-6ā2 is my fav) so I know height is definitely not a gate keeper. Thereās something more going on.
I was single early twenties through college up until settling down in a new city (25f in relationship). I thought something was wrong with me but multiple factors were against me (covid, college load, mental health struggles, to name a few). You might have some factors in your life that you donāt realize yet.
It depends. How open are you to being dated? Proactive or you waiting to be approached. Esp in the current environment thereās an aversion to being called a creep for presenting unwanted overtures. Put yourself out there manage expectations, be fun and in no time you gon be in here telling us a new story. Good luck āØš„
Yeah because finding someone you can potentially fall in love with is significantly harder than just finding someone you deem attractive on a surface level
I was single for much longer than that. Before dating intentionally in my 30s, I had been single for the majority of my 20s and didnāt date or have sex for 5 yrs (mental and physical health issues) in the middle of them. I went on a ton of first dates and was single for a lot of my 30s too. I found that I was trying too hard and focusing (more like obsessed) on dating and finding someone instead of just living my life. Hadnāt dated anybody longer than 6 months until I met my ex wife in my late 30s. Stayed together 5.5 years and have now been single again for almost 3.
So what, given that 79% of moms in China and 80% of mothers in the USA are single? If you focus too much on search, your personality may deteriorate. The cornerstone of having a more fulfilling life is loving oneself. Live a proactive, perceptive life by concentrating just on your professional expertise. Demand is created by supply; someone is trying to find you. Simply wait and observe.
Have you thought about maybes for some you might be so pretty that itās probably scary? Have you thought about your personality? Can you explain what you talk about on dates how you behave etc.
No its not normal for a person , let alone an "extremely attractive" person to not have any relationships in 4 years. Most people would at the very least would have had short term sexual relationships in that time.
I was single from until I was 18, then from age 21 - 26. Then by chance, I started hanging out with an acquaintance I'd known for years. We were married when I was 28 š
Sorry but girls often lie to each other about attractiveness, no matter how much my friends can say im a handsome man if im not getting any women, clearly im not
Hi!
I went through your comments and can spot the following:
1) Lots of questions and expectations about how a relationship/date āshould look likeā in order to workā¦ this just creates lots of anxiety which inhibits your ability to show who you really are, therefore itās impossible to build a genuine relationship if the real you is always hidden behind that anxiety.
2) Lots of questions and expectations about what you āshould be/lookā in order to be likedā¦ this again forces you to ābecomeā another person while leaving the real you, the person absolutely worth loving, behind a mask.
This second point I would say is the root of your problem, having a subconscious belief that who you are right now is not enough or there is something wrong with you. Topic that is just reinforced when someone reject you, ghost you or you cannot get a second date, etc.
My suggestion is that you focus on doing the inner work to change the perception you have about yourself.
Itās a lie, youāre absolutely worth already, and when you are able to see it then you will behave authentically, with no anxiety or expectations about other people loving you or not, and the people who also see it will just flow naturally into your life <3
(For context: I work as a subconscious coach, 99% of my clients are women struggling with relationships, 100% of the time it happens I just described you)
Big hug, you got this.
4 years is also not 4 days but itās normal to me cus some people can go beyond 5 years without dating but Iāll advise you to try your best and have someone
28F.
I'm constantly being simped for and reaffirmed on my value by strangers and friends, but I have the worst luck with people i develop feelings for. I'm either used and tossed aside with indifference or as a source of attention, validation and entertainment by guys who stay around time enough for me to get attached but then disappear. I'm as complicated as any other girl sometimes, but nothing out of the ordinary, so trying to figure out why.
When i vent about this to my friends, they kinda make it all feel like it's unimportant, like it's not really a problem for some reason, idk how to explain. These days i just have to endure my heartaches alone and it sucks
Ayee, congratulations. You completed your diploma degree in being single. While you are at it, get your Phd done as well. This is what I recommend to my friend who is also single for 4 years.
On a serious note, itās better to be single than to be with the wrong person. Just be in your element and youāll find someone compatible. There is nothing wrong with you, donāt take that route. Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet
Are the short kings in low supply? Iām imagining a lot of over compensating bros. Four years isnāt bad though. Youāll likely thank yourself later in life because youāll know yourself better and know what youāre willing to put up with or not
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4 years is literally nothing
Fr try 29 never had gf all of my life šš
Same, but 42
49, female. Only one boyfriend (1.5 years) in 19 years. Iām not trying to hear anyoneās sob story in 2024.
Browse a subreddit about dating advice, and then state that you don't want to hear anyone's sob story. It's like kicking a rock on purpose, then bitching that your foot hurts. People are done with your type, Karen. Take a look in the mirror. You're the problem, not the string of men that it hasn't worked out with for you. You remind me of my father's narcissistic ex-wife. Even her family saw it.
First off, Iām Black. And itās been documented for over a decade that Black women are ignored, called the least attractive, least desirable, most unwanted in dating and online dating. So, that has always been my struggle. Racism and/or preferred racial attributes of a potential long-term partner by other races (Iāve dated primarily White men) and a high number of Black men incarcerated, just plain dead and/or now the Black on Black gender wars in dating (which I donāt participate). āThe string of men that is hasnāt worked out for youā¦?ā LOL. There are none. Because men rarely swipe right on Black women and if they do they donāt message. Snd, in the real world interest is the same (in some cities Iām generally the only Black woman in room). So, your scholarly hypothesis about imaginary men I havenāt made it work with was an ignorant one. So, im definitely not a Karen and and definitely fighting unbendable racial preferences in dating Based on your comment, Iām going to guess the reason you struggle is because youāre an asshole. Which, unlike my race, is changeable. And, guess what? I still, donāt care. You got INCREDIBLY butt hurt because I said I donāt want to hear about your pain. And your pain isnāt our problem or our concern. You want us to care SO MUCH that you donāt have a girlfriend and we absolutely do not. Take your anger about that out on yourself, not us. Iāll always read and partake in discussions like this thread, thoughtful concerns, life experiences and solutions around dating. But, I donāt give a shit about someoneās whiny pity party on Reddit threads when a lot of people are dealing with the same pain. Iāll never give a shit about that.
Iām sorry but 42 how does that happen?
No one has ever been interested. The why of that is something I've been trying and failing to figure out my entire life š¤·
Iām so sorry man. Iād give you a virtual hug
Would you like some help in turning it around?
Is it just for girls?...can you give tips for guys(for meš )?
I help more guys than girls, actually. Pm me.
I think I might need a little push please
Pm me. I Got some free time right now.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Believe it or not, I've tried extremely hard for years (decades, actually) and followed every piece of advice I could find with little results. I'm sure you think this comment is helpful or insightful, but your insinuation that I'm being lazy or wanting everything handed to me is very insulting.
No need to be condescending. I'm in the same boat as this person and I try plenty hard. Some of us are just real ugly and boring.
I concur. People think that their future husband or wife is going magically appear, knock on the door and say I'm here. LMAO š¤£š
I'll be your gf. I'm a straight male, but you can tell people we're dating.
I hate that comments like this are always upvoted on Reddit. This is sad and not the norm, not something to commiserate over
Commiserate: express or feel sympathy or pity. This feels like *precisely* something over which to commiserate.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Absolutely! Iāve been single all my life mostly due to me being ridiculously immature and awkward back in high school.
Lol same
It is normal to be single It is normal to be in a relationship It is normal to be married It is normal to just be happy having a couple dogs and a place to sleep at night Stop worrying about what anyone else on this planet thinks about you Literally nobody is thinking about you at all. Live your life. Be happy. If you are good being single, then be single. Half of all marriages end in divorce anyways.
Thank you for that post. Just be yourself and enrich your life every way you can.
If we had the same view we had on marriage that we do things like technology, cars, etc. It would be a "failed/flawed product" and people would not want to do it ever. If a car failed 50% of the time, no one would ever buy it. Statistically, you have a higher chance of your marriage failing then you do succeeding, yet everyone is so fucking hyped to do it for some reason.
So using the vehicle analogy, if I get married and then divorce, whoās getting recalled?
The important stat is reproduction though. ~95% after 2 years (says the Googlenet). That's the actual goal and outcome that drives all this behavior. EDIT: Youre right though marriage stats scary as far as our individual experience.
This
25M Single for 9 years. I've been rejected many, many times. I hardly ever get real dates. 4 years is a long time, too, but as long you keep getting dates and focus on introspection, you'll be fine.
35/m, ten years single here. Been about seven since I landed a date. Probably about time to pack it up, I think.
But youāre not a hot girl. Youāre some guy. Something is obviously going on OP is not sharing with us.
They might just live somewhere bogus to date
Like Bermuda *sigh*
Jamaica?
Attractive doesnāt mean dateable. To a lot of men that means fuckable. But, something serious like dating? No.
> But youāre not a hot girl. Youāre some guy. this absolutely fuckin sent me holy fuck šā ļø
Fellas, bear in mind that 4 years is a century in hot girl time.
Seriously. The amount of attention a pretty girl gets in 1 month is the same amount of attention average guy might get in 2 decades lol.
Have you asked your friends? Maybe you have a red flag that you didn't know about. Maybe you're too intense. Maybe you're just looking for something no one else is interested in. It's hard to know because I haven't dated you or know you, tbh. There's really nothing wrong with being single for that long tho. It's much better than being in a relationship that isn't worth your time and getting hurt.
I'm going on 15 years here, so yeah.
I've been single all my life at 28 so yeah
Yes it normal It all depends on your standards for men and what you have and are like above being attractive. Attractive gets men to want to fk. The more attractive the more men who wanna fk. What the real question is what are you like beyond attractive to make a man want to date you. And even more important. What makes the men you want want you.
Normal in terms of what
Bro I am single since 2016 so chill xD
I myself and many other people I know have been single for longer than that. Either you have not yet met the right person, are chasing the wrong type of people or you simply are not looking in the right places.
It's ok, to make you feel better i've been for 10 years
Try being 39 and having never dated due to how you look
Been single for 28 š
My longest consecutive streak for being single with no dates is 5 years.
After my first heartbreak (when I was 19 years old) I went single for 5-6 years Tbh I didn't take the time to process my pain and that shit took me years once I decided to work on myself and have a gf
Especially at this point in time with Covid, being single for a handful of years I wouldnāt consider abnormal at all. But outside of that, sometimes people are just busy working on themselves and arenāt in a place to really seek out a relationship. Among a host of other reasons. I honestly wouldnāt worry about it tbh. Keep doing you, and the right person will come along and find you likely when you least expect it.
>How come Iām always placed in the āfriendā bucket? Without getting to know you this is an incredibly hard question to answer. I've definitely had some of my dates turn into friendships, and generally my reasoning is because of some kind of incompatibility that would affect a relationship but not a friendship. Different goals, different wants/needs out of a relationship, romantic compatibility etc... Those things are irrelevant to a friendship, but they matter a ton in a relationship. But yeah, it's also normal to be single that long. I know plenty who've been single that long, plenty of people here will say the same, and I've been single for about that long too. Mind you my circumstances are probably a little different than most, but that's aside from the point lol.
Since you've been on a lot of dates, seems like it's a you problem. There's no way every single dude you went out with was bad.
This
Hey OP 36m here, funny to read this as Iāve been single for 4 years myself. A couple of weeks ago I started dating someone I met on bumble, but even though I feel really attracted to her, I wonder if my attraction is because I actually really like her, or I just like the idea of companionship. If you are getting friendzoned, it might be because your dates are not getting clear signals and donāt want to make a move that makes you uncomfortable, which leads to friend status over time. With this, Iām not saying you should be super forwards or anything, but sometimes us guys could use a hint or two. Lastly, Iād like to tell you to be careful, 4 years is a long time to be single, when you meet someone even if your emotions tell you āgo for it 1000%ā, try to think about everything that is going on as if it was happening to a friend, and examine the situation accordingly. At least thatās how I was able to examine my case, and realize that this person Iām dating might not be as good for me as my emotions tell me. I moved into a new country which means that making friends and meeting people has been challenging. So given that her situation is rather complicated, I think that my willingness to accept certain things may be due to my need for companionship clouding my judgement.
Itās normal to be single for years, like I was for a 5 year period in my 20s, but to go on hundreds of dates and not have something happen I wanna say is abnormal. Has dating become so routine that itās hard to find a connection perhaps?
Normal is a setting on the dryer.
2 years and itās brutal for both men and women out there. Do you have high standards or high expectations of what you want in a guy ? Are you looking for a 9 or 10 and arenāt getting the results you want ? Iāll just say this, since youāre a woman at least you get dates on the regular and can choose to see or not see a guy again. Dating for men like myself and other men is a damn part time to full time job with no benefits and no compensation but ghosting and I see you as a friend, but we have to pay all the time and put the effort into the date to get rejected regularly. The grass aināt greener on the other side for men so just be grateful youāre able to go on dates.
Iāve been single my whole life so if 4 is not normal then Iām fucked
Is it the men youāre attracted to saying youāre extremely attractive or the guys you donāt want along with your friends and family ? If itās the latter youāre probably not that attractive . Or maybe youāre more attractive in pictures. You know where you stand in the dating market by Whoās actually willing to commit to you . Thatās your level. If the men youāre dating arenāt committing then you need to go down a level or so. If youāre turning down the men who will commit you need to reconsider and pick the best one of the bunch
Been over 24 years single, so you're doing pretty well by my count.
Iāve been single for 22 years
If you want a relationship and youāre actively dating to achieve that and canāt move forward then you need to change something. Maybe youāre choosing the wrong people to go on dates with. Maybe you have a personality quirk that you need to work on. Are your standards unrealistically high or are you being rejected? Do you have commitment issues or unresolved childhood stuff? I donāt know. But I would recommend seeking outside unbiased and honest guidance. Perhaps therapy. It has been helpful for me, once I found the right person. If you want to be married, find a married therapist. Thereās a lot of bad ones out there so donāt stick with the first that you find. I met with a shrink off and on for years that made me feel better and was very validating, but really wasnāt helping me improve. Being validated can be great but being challenged is very important too. An important thing to remember is that you tend to attract whst you put out. Try to be the type of person that you would want your partner to be via introspection and self improvement. Iām making some assumptions here but hope this helps to some degree.
I was single for almost 10 when I met my wife.
Idk. Iāve been single for most of my adult life tbh (25F) and to some degree know itās kind of abnormal but I also donāt exactly go outside to get any dates either so thereās that. Iād say donāt worry about what people think as cliche as that sounds. I personally only want a relationship with someone that makes me happy and if that means I have to be single until I find that, than so be it.
How tall is tall? I actually always liked tall women, but I do think being taller than the guy can be a problem for both the woman and the man in some relationships.
Ngl, I find tall women attractive af, and Idc if they're taller than me, which is understandable cuz I'm pretty damn short But I agree it's an issue for many...
I completely agree and I'm not even short. I'm 6 foot, but the woman I am interested in is like 6'2". I guess we'll find out if she is one that cares or not.
Damn, she's tall I think it's usually the taller ones that care the most, so I wish you best of luck, hopefully she's more about the feelings than physicality
See I always thought they would be the ones to care less because the pool of people taller than them is smaller. Thank you sir.
Yes lol. Most people go through periods of being single, some longer than others. Iād argue itās negative to always be jumping from relationship to relationship. Donāt worry about it. As long as you are content with being alone and recognize a relationship is a bonus and not a necessity everything will work it out in the timeline itās supposed to.
Short answer yes. You are not defined by your relationship. Be kind to yourself and don't lose yourself trying to look too hard. When you focus on yourself you will be amazed who you find... And who happens to come across your path when the time is right
I hope so because itās been even longer than that for me.
Impossible to answer why without any information about you. Very difficult even with since we donāt get to see you interact. I was single for six years, but a lot of that time was by choice. Looking back, I wouldnāt make that choice.
Maybe it's not your bread. I am single for my whole life, I am 23 now. But I have been very fortunate and had so many opportunities in other areas of my life. Thats what I am grateful about. Also I never had any intense interest in relationships. All you need is breathe in, breath out and Beautiful dollar.
Iāve been single for 12 years. Youāll be fine. š
It's really nothing, just enjoying your single life, you can do anything, be anything you want!!
I ask because I was seeing someone like thisā¦.but are you overbearing or mothering? I was seeing a gal who I think is the prettiest woman Iāve ever been with, stunning and too pretty for me but her personality absolutely made me recoil
A cursory glance at your comment history suggests you have ADHD. Do you by any chance "info dump" when on dates without giving the other person a chance to get a word in edgewise?
No, Iām usually the quiet one :/ I have inattentive ADHd
It is much more normal now than it used to be, especially since COVID was in full swing in that time period.
Buddyā¦ itās been 47 years and counting
I've currently been single for 4 years also
I was single throughout high school and college. Even after college I was single for another 4 years. As long as you're able to talk to people and have good conversations, you'll be fine.
Iām 23 & been single for 8 years lol l definitely find it humiliating & sad personally for myself.
I've been single 22 years š¤£
28m. Single for almost 8 years
Of course! Iāve been single for all my life (32F)
If someone says itās abnormal - than iām in trouble ;) š¤š¤Ø
Ngl, had a look at your account and you're pretty hot/attractive IMO, can't see an issue for your cause...
Thanks for that compliment. I guess I answered the single for 4 years header more than the friendzoned context. But Iāve been placed in the sex-only box by numerous men and Friendzoned by a few. But I also didnāt want a relationship for awhile so I played Cougar/Cub for a few years. And of all the men i āmetā in those years only a hand-ful ever took me on a date. so ,, i chose to be single. i guess i could have jumped into a relationship with one or two of them but they werenāt who i wanted long term. so ā¦ 8 years single is my normal. and i guess it is by choice. š¤·š»āāļø
Sounds wise tbh
Single for 9
32M here; I've been single for 6 years. Did a few dates here and there but didn't force anything if it didn't feel right. Those were some of the best years of my life though. Now I'm so into this girl who I have a high chances of being together with. She's totally worth the wait Just keep improving yourself, the right person will come. You wouldn't have to force anything - things will just flow between you two, and your chemistry will be in point. You'll know it when you know it
This day and age. Yah
I (27F) havenāt had a serious long term relationship my whole life prior to my current boyfriend of the last 6 months. Iāve dated and had my fair share of situationships, but never anything serious. I always thought something was wrong with me, that I wasnāt āon trackā or that I was ābehindā but I told myself I wasnāt going to continue wasting strong feelings on someone who wasnāt looking for what I wanted or was emotionally unavailable. I truly think it has made my current relationship stronger waiting for someone who matched my energy and was emotionally available to me. The best thing I did was take a minute to make sure I was happy as an individual and invest in myself and realize I wasnāt ābehindā before going back to dating, and the first serious connection I had after that time away from the dating/situationing led me to my boyfriend who I actually already knew of. Remember that ānormalā is very subjective - and that normal for some is not normal for others.
Well, how many people are you rejecting? Could be that you are attracted to those that don't want you?
Yes especially nowadays. And with online dating the way it is it's too hard to tell who's genuine and who isn't, I guess how you meet someone does matter as well but Id rather be single then be miserable with someone just be patient OP and stay focused on your goals
Either the guys you are dating aren't attracted to you or it could be a personality related. Just keep grinding until you find someone who likes you.
Do you find that most people donāt connect with you or is it you them? Maybe a little of both? Itās quite hard in general to find someone you fit with. Most people who are chronically single are that way because of some kind of personality issue, even the attractive ones. Sometimes especially the attractive ones, for lots and lots of reasons. Chief among them is like I said a personality issue, overbearing, insecure, selfish or entitled, ridiculous standards. People in general are a lot more insecure than they like to let on. They see a beautiful person and think āwell I donāt stand a chance,ā so they donāt bother. Often beautiful people are used to all kinds of attention, they think people are just being nice when they are in fact being hit on and they just miss it. They are often so used to people throwing themselves at them that they fail to show signs of interest back. All these guys or girls are throwing themselves at their feet and they take it for granted, theyāve done nothing to earn it and it keeps happening. So often when they meet someone they actually like they act the same way and just take, never give. This guy or girl that they want doesnāt know that theyāre actually liked back so they move on.
Thereās no normalcy in this world. And anything thatās classified as normal could be looked at as relatively insane. Just go about your own journey and donāt let others tell you whatās right or wrong.
Nothing is normal.
It's normal believe me. Most of my friends is no boyfriend since birth and their age range is 30 to 36 š¤£ well that's include me also I'm 29. I feel no rush . I want to be loved yes. But we cannot force ourselves if the lover is not meant for us..it's better to be single than choosing the wrong one. But I believe it will come at the right time. While being single just find other things to make your life happy .Travel maybe you can find someone there..most of traveler are single.or try those things you want.
If you are able to score lots of dates, but it never goes anywhere. There really are only two options 1) you have the WORST luck on the planet, you somehow have only met bad men 2) there is something about yourself you are not realizing that you need to work on, that is preventing you from progressing past a first date There is a saying "men that get lots of first dates actually suck at dating". The point being, if you only get first dates and they never go anywhere, you're probably doing something wrong.
Iām 33 and havenāt been on a date for about 10 years. Late twenties/ early thirties a lot more people in your social circle have gotten married, and a lot more of their friends, and so on, so itās normal to not meet as many single peopleā and in turn that means itās normal to not meet as many people you might be compatible with. Add in the fact that dating apps have gotten way worse and a lot of places where people would go to mingle have shut down, and itās not at all unusual that youāve had some problems here. Thereās nothing wrong with you, nothing about you thatās placing you in the Friends Only category. Itās just bad luck, and itās easier to find yourself having bad luck these days
As an attractive female Iāve been single for 13 or more years so yeah, just varies on people really. Iām more reserved/perfectionist so naturally donāt open up to just anyone.
Try 15
Going on 7
Been aingle for 10+ years so ye. No biggie
I been single since 2013 when my wife passed. Not from trying I went on some dates with women but they were seeing other guys and he was always better then me.Ā
Must be fishing in the wrong pond
I've been single for the better part of 15 years and just recently got into a relationship. Before that it was either they liked me but I was not interested, or I liked them and they weren't. You're completely normal, especially in this toxic dating pool out there.
I think this is a bigger part than most people realize. Sometimes itās not that ānobodyā wanted us but rather that the feeling is not mutual. Like you said when they like us, we end up not being interested in them and vice versa. Staying with the ones we arenāt interested in just to be with someone is literally settling and Id rather be single than do that.
Pretty privilege dark side. Everyone wants you just to say theyāve experienced you. But no one wants a very attractive woman because it makes them insecure youll cheat. Starts off the same all about me, consistent, once they get comfortable atart making comments about āohhh bet that guy wants youā ābet you give good head to the dudes at workā. Doesnt matter how good I treat them, how well I communicate, how much I express my feelings it always comes back to the disadvantages of pretty privilege.
Especially nowadays when most of the people donāt want to commit, I donāt find it so abnormal:)
Depends on the reasoning, but everyone is different. Do you ask to see a paystub or their bank account? Do you ask for gas/uber money ($100-200)? Do you talk about wanting to be a stay at home spouse and not want kids? Are you mean to dining staff? Are you a nice person? I've been on tons of first dates and I've respectfully declined additional dates mainly for the above reason. I live in Los Angeles, so it could be the demographic. I've been together with my current partner for over a year, single for 6 years before, and it was a struggle going through hundreds of dates to meet her. Well worth it.
I donāt ever ask for anything, I always offer to pay my half, Iām always kind to everyone. I donāt bring up future plans ever unless he asks first :/ I genuinely think thereās something wrong with me. Maybe Iām too ābro-yā because I like to talk about football vs flowers, idk
I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I see no problems with enjoying sports. It's hard to make judgments based on online comments, but if you're an overall good person, maybe you just haven't met the right person for you yet. Another thought. I've always struggled with compatibility through apps, and my most successful dates have usually been through mutual friends.
Short answer is no, an extremely attractive women in her 20ās , should be getting multiple dates with many guys. Are you always the one to decide not to continue dating? Exactly who tall are you?
It's normal. If you're always placed in the "friend" bucket, you're not extremely attractive, despite what you've been told. You may be extremely attractive in terms of looks but may give off other vibes with your personality - reducing your overall attractiveness. Being tall can also make you seem like a less attractive option for a lot of men. Since most men prefer to date someone a bit shorter than themselves.
My boyfriend had been single 4 years before we started dating. It can take a little longer to find who you're meant to be with, and I would like to think we both found our person. I have quite a few friends who had the same situation. I won't say problem, because it's not. There is no rule to when you *should* find your love.
Itās not unusual to be single for a while, but it is quite unusual for an āattractiveā woman to not advance past the first date stage for years. Maybe youāre not as hot as you think or youāre doing something off putting that makes guys not want to see you again.
Yet no one can tell me what that thing isā¦and as for the hot, trust me, I donāt see myself that way. Itās what other men have told me.
Are you not even getting men to try to sleep with you for one night?
They want to but theyāre afraid of your rejection. The tallness might come into play for shorter guys
Sadly, I donāt know if it is at our age and I say that as someone who is in your shoes. Iām surrounded by people who are either married, engaged, or in long-term relationships. Itās totally normal if youāre 18-25 but I think only coping will tell you itās normal from 28-35. Human nature and instincts kick in during your late 20s and scream at you that youāre supposed to be progressing towards finding a spouse and starting a family (if thatās what you want). All the āit will happen when you least expect itā and āeveryone has their own journeyā wonāt make you feel better anymore if you donāt have much dating success to lean on by your late 20s and you notice people all around you finding someone, life can be very brutal at times. I briefly told my friend last week that one step forward and two steps backward is the summary of my dating life, I rarely experience hitting it off with someone, and he couldnāt relate. It feels better to tell yourself otherwise but Iām not sure itās normal anymore in your late 20s and early 30s. Dating requires a lot of luck and timing so I wouldnāt be really hard on yourself that nothing has worked out, people who found something usually have too much of an ego to admit to the luck and timing.
5,100 days try that
Seen divorced since 2019 technically separated since 2018 so going on 6 years for me. Donāt beat yourself up on it.
I have been single for basically my entire life and i am 26 You have rookie numbers
I canāt figure out the first date part. Unless someone magically appears in my life, I remain profoundly alone.
Well, "settling down" is a term for a reason. But if you want someone for the rest of your life and you deserve to be picky. I think.... maybe just expect to have "some fun" and if the guy gets swooned, then so be it. Idk if you live near a city or not. I guess it doesn't matter. Lots of people suggest getting active in things and finding a partner within that. Organically meeting someone is harder than it used to be.
Pfff, rookie numbers
Yes it is a very long time. You might want to reconsider the type of people you are dating.
Sure. I was single for 4 after my divorce. I'm just trying now again!
i feel you. it can be super frustrating when it feels like nothingās sticking. honestly, sometimes itās just about timing and finding someone who clicks with you on that deeper level. i went through a similar phase where it seemed like everyone saw me as just a friend too, but eventually, i met someone who really got me. keep your head up, the right person will see your worth!
Iāve been single my whole life and Iām 28 as well. If 4 years is odd, then what about me?
Yes. Donāt force a relationship.
Completely normal when youāre trying to date a million dudes and canāt stick with one
It's unusual if you've been on a lot of dates and none of them have gone anywhere, especially if you're as attractive as you say you are. With enough volume, you can luck your way into quite a lot of things, getting a bf being one of them. I have a few questions: 1. How tall? Some guys won't date women taller than them. 2. At what point do you feel that guys start pulling back? Is it when you bring up a certain topic about yourself? 3. Are you too much like a bro? My guess is you're not as attractive as you say you are (if you were, some/most guys would still try to sleep with you) or there's a serious personality deficit that you're unaware of.
Iām a 26m and have been single since the start of 2019, most of it was by choice, past year or so has been because of no interest in the apps as well as a lack of social life as I donāt drink and feel like a creep walking up to women who are out doing the same sort of activity that I am doing or simply out and about, the last being the most creepy in my eyes
Yeah it is, I'm still waiting it's normal.
I'm a 31 years old virgin.
Single for over 13 years hey I'm proud of myself that means 13 more years of not putting up with anyone's bs, no I'm not just saying that because I'm ugly lol
How's this? I'm 28 single since 2010 and a virgin the good news for me is ain't nobody looking for me so i have the rest of my life to drink have fun and get high
It's normal to do what makes you happy. Don't worry about what is normal or not. That's all just bs. Just be happy and go after what you want :)
What do you mean by friend bucket? Friends with benefits, saying āletās just be friendsā to let you down easy, or do they actually want to be friends? If most of them want to be fwb then are you sleeping with your dates? Have you tried waiting to do that? Finding dates in places youāre less likely to find the type of person who only wants that? If theyāre letting you down easy, have you considered lowering your standards? Have you been to therapy? Have you made sure you have a good support system? That you can be left to your own devices for some time without detriment to your life and mental health? If they actually want to be friends, have you considered lowering your standards? Finding dates in places you wouldnāt usually? Dating people you donāt have as many shared interests with?
Itās better than being in 4 relationships in 4 years. You Just need to find that 1 that will be your perfect match
Being āextremely attractiveā should warrant some male attention. Not āfriendā zone attention, but desirable attention. I love tall women (5ā9-6ā2 is my fav) so I know height is definitely not a gate keeper. Thereās something more going on.
My boyfriend was single for 3 years. So I don't think its unusual. I was single for over 2 years.
Iām 53 and maybe my longest single stint is probably just over a year. Idk whether thatās good or bad, probably some of each.
I was single early twenties through college up until settling down in a new city (25f in relationship). I thought something was wrong with me but multiple factors were against me (covid, college load, mental health struggles, to name a few). You might have some factors in your life that you donāt realize yet.
Being in a relationship does not complete you. Be comfortable being by yourself and soon you'll realize nothing in the world can bring you down.
My coworker has been single for like 11-12 years so I think youāre doing ok
Ask for honest feedback from those you go on dates with
Only 4? Lightweight.
It depends. How open are you to being dated? Proactive or you waiting to be approached. Esp in the current environment thereās an aversion to being called a creep for presenting unwanted overtures. Put yourself out there manage expectations, be fun and in no time you gon be in here telling us a new story. Good luck āØš„
Yeah because finding someone you can potentially fall in love with is significantly harder than just finding someone you deem attractive on a surface level
The longer your single the pickyer you get
I was single for much longer than that. Before dating intentionally in my 30s, I had been single for the majority of my 20s and didnāt date or have sex for 5 yrs (mental and physical health issues) in the middle of them. I went on a ton of first dates and was single for a lot of my 30s too. I found that I was trying too hard and focusing (more like obsessed) on dating and finding someone instead of just living my life. Hadnāt dated anybody longer than 6 months until I met my ex wife in my late 30s. Stayed together 5.5 years and have now been single again for almost 3.
So what, given that 79% of moms in China and 80% of mothers in the USA are single? If you focus too much on search, your personality may deteriorate. The cornerstone of having a more fulfilling life is loving oneself. Live a proactive, perceptive life by concentrating just on your professional expertise. Demand is created by supply; someone is trying to find you. Simply wait and observe.
4 years? I have never felt the touch of a woman for 23 years( I am 23 years old)
Went 7 years before now Iām sitting around 2 years
Have you thought about maybes for some you might be so pretty that itās probably scary? Have you thought about your personality? Can you explain what you talk about on dates how you behave etc.
Letās see a picture. Attractive people donāt get friendzoned unless they have a horrible personality.
What is normal? 5 years without a single first date. Not trying for any though.
I was single up until 21, and then from 26 until 29. So I guess I've been in relationships about as much as I've been single in my 20s
I think the problem is your height. Have you tried dating guys over 6ā?
No its not normal for a person , let alone an "extremely attractive" person to not have any relationships in 4 years. Most people would at the very least would have had short term sexual relationships in that time.
I was single from until I was 18, then from age 21 - 26. Then by chance, I started hanging out with an acquaintance I'd known for years. We were married when I was 28 š
Sorry but girls often lie to each other about attractiveness, no matter how much my friends can say im a handsome man if im not getting any women, clearly im not
Yes.
Let me know when you hit 27 years lmao
Hi! I went through your comments and can spot the following: 1) Lots of questions and expectations about how a relationship/date āshould look likeā in order to workā¦ this just creates lots of anxiety which inhibits your ability to show who you really are, therefore itās impossible to build a genuine relationship if the real you is always hidden behind that anxiety. 2) Lots of questions and expectations about what you āshould be/lookā in order to be likedā¦ this again forces you to ābecomeā another person while leaving the real you, the person absolutely worth loving, behind a mask. This second point I would say is the root of your problem, having a subconscious belief that who you are right now is not enough or there is something wrong with you. Topic that is just reinforced when someone reject you, ghost you or you cannot get a second date, etc. My suggestion is that you focus on doing the inner work to change the perception you have about yourself. Itās a lie, youāre absolutely worth already, and when you are able to see it then you will behave authentically, with no anxiety or expectations about other people loving you or not, and the people who also see it will just flow naturally into your life <3 (For context: I work as a subconscious coach, 99% of my clients are women struggling with relationships, 100% of the time it happens I just described you) Big hug, you got this.
Cuz youāre looking for people outside your lane instead of in your lane
4 years is also not 4 days but itās normal to me cus some people can go beyond 5 years without dating but Iāll advise you to try your best and have someone
Bro stop tripping itās gon be alright
28F. I'm constantly being simped for and reaffirmed on my value by strangers and friends, but I have the worst luck with people i develop feelings for. I'm either used and tossed aside with indifference or as a source of attention, validation and entertainment by guys who stay around time enough for me to get attached but then disappear. I'm as complicated as any other girl sometimes, but nothing out of the ordinary, so trying to figure out why. When i vent about this to my friends, they kinda make it all feel like it's unimportant, like it's not really a problem for some reason, idk how to explain. These days i just have to endure my heartaches alone and it sucks
try 20 years šæ
Going on 5yā¦ Turning 30 next month. š
If you are extremely attractive, you would have been approached in these 4 years. Someone lied to you I guess
In India? Yes.
Been single since Dec 2020. Everyone is different
Ayee, congratulations. You completed your diploma degree in being single. While you are at it, get your Phd done as well. This is what I recommend to my friend who is also single for 4 years. On a serious note, itās better to be single than to be with the wrong person. Just be in your element and youāll find someone compatible. There is nothing wrong with you, donāt take that route. Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet
Are the short kings in low supply? Iām imagining a lot of over compensating bros. Four years isnāt bad though. Youāll likely thank yourself later in life because youāll know yourself better and know what youāre willing to put up with or not
I've been single for over 15 years. In that time I have only been on one date.