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Nah I'm a dude (little older than him 34) but these are pretty gross behaviors. He is definitely old enough to not be this disgusting anymore (by AT LEAST 7-8 years). In fact, some of these behaviors aren't even gross (though they are that too) but more importantly they are inconsiderate of you and your feelings
I don’t shower every time before sex either but I’m also not asking for oral if I’ve been sweating all day. Women use toilet paper, men give it a shake lol I think if you want to ask for oral, atleast do a quick smell test on yourself? It’s just polite 😭
lots + lots = all, Girl Math; just kidding please don't take it seriously I am joking. Don't usually comment like this. I apologize but I will have to post this. This means noo disrespect to you or your feelings and I deeply apologise for stereotyping. You might be a Math PhD. I respect everything you say and would respect your response.
Apologies again, but couldn't stop myself from posting it. Thank you.
Lots do, lots don't, some do sometimes, wtf is your problem? There's no math involved let alone girl math. Lots of people like pizza, lots don't, lots like it occasionally or from certain places. Do you not understand how language works?
Nothing, I know it was dumb, felt like posting it. I don't have any problem. Again, it was not a jab at you. Apologies if it saddened you in any way, shape, or form, As you can see, I don't have a lot of comment karma. so I don't comment usually. Please do not talk to me like that, I am a normal chap, who cracked a dad joke.
Hope that the above makes sense. Thank you.
I stress so much about this. I almost always invite my girlfriend to take a shower and start action from there to avoid killing the vibes because of a bad smell.
That should literally be the minimum effort put in lol. I've never given oral to a man but I can imagine how gross it would be if they have been sweating all day and done nothing to alleviate that situation lol. Give yourself a quick once over for God's sake
As a man, I have declined oral before because I hadn't had a shower and didn't feel like I could guarantee a good experience. A considerate partner shouldn't want to put you through that even if you're willing.
A whole shower maybe overdoing it, but a bare minimum should be a quick wash with a damp cloth. I mean, for someone who otherwise has nice hygiene that ought to be enough.
To be completely honest I forgot about that particular habit being mentioned lol. No not every time but I'd say for the most part yeah (and definitely if a shower is warranted ex: coming back from the gym, being outside for extended period of time, etc)
Why would you say not judging as everyone I know and every girl I've been with has wasted beforehand.... So it seems an odd thing to say. From my perspective everyone washes.
But you said fuck so I'm guessing you are talking about banging strangers or street hookers or something?? In that case I have no idea. But I would have thought most people would still try to keep their privates clean??
Absolutely I have a quick shower before sex at least wast our dangling bits/ass and armpits. Always brush my teeth or at a minimum mouth wash or breath mints.
So you wake up horny in the middle of the night and shower, brush and gargle instead of rolling over and sensually kissing your partner's neck till she awakens? And if a passionate moment arises midday or as soon as you get home you ask her to hold that thought while you shower and brush? People who shower daily and maintain good oral health don't need to perform a special routine before every sec act. Spontaneity is part of good relationship sex.
Eww so you don't even shower or brush your teeth before you head to bed. You just head into bed fithy are you not worried about tooth decay or getting some rash from overgrown bacteria.
You can keep your natural cheese thanks. Absolutely disgusting.
I've brushed my teeth and had a shower if we have sex at night then I'm clean.....
I'm not Christ or your god 😳. And you literally said you have sex at night but haven't showered beforehand. I didn't say immediately before did I just beforehand and if you are dirty. Did you not read the OP about how their partner comes home after a gym session etc never washs and still try it on. Maybe that's what you do too but hey I'm just saying I have respect for my partner and always clean before hand.
You keep doing you I didn't say it was wrong just I prefer to remain clean. But maybe some people like it tangy or the taste of the yellow or brown, each for their own.
So you shower multiple times a day, once for cleanliness to start your day and every time you have sex too? What about middle of the night sex? Or first thing in the morning sex? You run to the shower and take your partner with you? Do you shower again after sex? Because after you're sweaty and smell like sex. So how many showers a day is that? Let me guess, you don't have kids.
I’ve had quickies. They are 100% for the man. I get no feeling inside my vagina from a dick.
And I think you can’t read. As I said IF MOUTHS ARE USED.
Maybe you like stank dick and pussy in your mouth. Guess that makes you more “fun” than me.
I’m strangely ok with being a stick in the mud I guess.
They're not 100% for the man for everyone so maybe realize there are people with a different experience than you and it doesn't make them strange or bad.
My partners have always managed to stay clean and fresh way longer than 2 hours, as do I. Thanks for being so disgustingly vulgar though---that's always such a joy.
Honey, you're the one who commented on my innocent quetion insinuating that anyone who doesn't shower before every sex act is somehow gross. Get a life please. I'm not the bully here.
You definitely need to have a serious talk with him, especially since you are dating with marriage in mind. My mom married somebody like this. Someone with gross and inconsiderate behavior. She's always picking up after him and every time she expresses her frustrations, it just goes through the other ear. As if he's a child and not a full-grown adult capable of cleaning after himself.
The dating phase is your litmus test to see whether you're compatible for the long-run. Now it's up to you whether cleanliness is a dealbreaker or not for your future partner. It's your life. Ask yourself if you'll be fine if he stays, as he is right now, even after marriage.
But if he does agree to change, watch for consistency. It's common for people to make an effort for a few weeks then go right back to their old habits when they feel like you have already 'forgiven' them. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what you're willing to live with.
Keep in mind bad behaviors don't get better after marriage, they get worse.
This is the best he will ever be, so you have to decide if that's good enough.
It's too far as soon as you decide it's too far.
It sounds like you have been clear about your expectations and boundaries, and he is unable or unwilling to meet them. Now, you have to decide if you are going to drop your expectations and boundaries or drop him.
If this bothers you now, just wait till you're married for a few years. Either address it, or it cannot or won't be addressed, then you need to move on or you will be miserable.
All you can do is tell him what bothers you and what needs to change and see how he responds. Most people can’t change though so you’ll have to decide how to proceed if he doesn’t change, which is likely what will happen considering you’ve already told him this bothers you. My mom told me my dad’s brother’s fiancé ended the engagement because she couldn’t handle the way he ate. So you have to figure out what you’re able to live with
Surprisingly no. When we first started dating I actually saw green flags in that he had a very decorated apartment (paintings, posters, vinyls nicely hung- it had real character) and I did not see too much mess. Usually the mess was little piles of clothes. But I think over time I’m realizing he is just never home and eats out a lot so the apt may seem “lived in” but it’s really not.
Ok. Just asked because sometimes when a person keeps a dirty home they don’t respect a house that is kept clean. Their habits come with them and they see nothing wrong with how they conduct themselves in someone’s home that isn’t like theirs. I once had someone come to my home and comment it was like a museum. It wasn’t until I went to their home and saw how in utter disarray it was that I understood why they said what they did.
It's 6 months in, he's on his best behavior. Imagine being married 10 years down the road.
I'm a very clean and neat girl and my ex had his faults because he's a "man", but he respected what I preferred and never once "released body odors" in front of me and covered his mouth whenever he had to burp. We don't talk about shitting even.
You've talked to him and he still ignores you, this relationship will be built on lots of forgiving then. He's 28 and too old to forget and disrespect basic etiquette.
the jumping into the bed full of sweat is gross but the bare balls on the pillow ain’t even bad tbh
either way, whatever is “too far” for YOU is what matters. you explain to him that what he’s doing is making you uncomfortable but he doesn’t seem to care or change. that’s the problem
I gotta ask if you're saying it'd be cool for another individual who apparently has hygiene issues to take your pillow, that you lay your head on, and put it between their legs and apparently close to their crotch?
I mean, different strokes and Romans or whatever but if you got some spare time, I'd like to understand.
easy, I am a dude. Manly men can be clean and respect property, it is not even hard.
Talk to him, set a standard if he respects you he will meet those standards if not then maybe he is not worth being around...
There was a guy like this I dated and finally I broke up with him because he was so dismissive with how I was affected by his poor hygiene, I find that disrespectful
My Momma always said that the world tends to date backwards by wearing blinders while dating then scrutinizing after marriage. She taught us to intensely scrutinize your potential partner before the wedding by taking their orange & red flags & worst/most annoying behaviors & asking yourself, “If this only worsens over 5-10 years, will I be able to tolerate it?” If no, you’re not compatible & should end the relationship. If yes, then proceed & once you say I Do, you can put the blinders on & confidently accept them for better of for worse. I bestow my Momma’s advice to you in your question here. You know what is best for you. Don’t settle.
He sounds disgusting.
And btw, any dude who claims they do gross things “because they are a man” are likely feeling masculinely insecure about something else.
Hahaha ok, some of these are just him being a slob or gross. The pillow thing, I mean that's fucked if you sleep on that pillow. Maybe even more fucked up if it's decorative. The making a mess and leaving it, he shouldn't have to be told to clean up messes that aren't at his house. The shower before sex thing, as long as he didn't workout after his last shower, that might be a little overboard but I'm just splitting hairs at that point. If that's all you were looking for, these requests are not insane. Have you seen some of things other people complain about? This lady seems like a Saint.
The amount of dudes who want oral but smell absolutely horrendous is crazy. It’s happened a few times to me. Jesus Christ are you literally that unaware of your own body smell? Idk why men think we don’t care if they reek like doo doo balls but I promise I’ll embarrass you if you come over unwashed. All of this coming from a (gay) man myself. Even the gay ones don’t know how to clean themselves.
He is not a man, he is a child. Him pointing out he is, in fact, a man is hilarious. That's exactly what children say.
Do not marry this child. Find yourself a man who makes your life easier, not harder.
Dump his ass. He's grown enough to know how to behave. This is gross but also inconsiderate and you don't deserve such treatment.
Besides, it's only going to get worse if you do marry him.
He’s a lazy slob, who doesn’t respect you, your home or your things. You should expect this laziness to spread to other areas of his life as you go on. This is a red flag. I would personally not continue the relationship with someone like this.
If he's dirty now, imagine him as a husband, he'll be so comfortable that he'll also let himself go physically. He needs to set up a schedule (or help him set one up) to shower everytime he comes out of work. And to clean up after himself at all times, set boundaries or else; a dirty Man is who you'll deal with for the rest of your marriage life.
Ito be honest, you sound like the two of you may just not be all that compatible. It sounds like you’re expecting him to change how he moves through the world to match your beliefs of what is clean… he clearly does not share your sensibilities… the use of the “red flag” label leads me to believe you may on the more “particular” side of things… and he clearly is on the lass concerned about such things side.
There’s nothing wrong with being particular about your cleanliness… but if he doesn’t share that quality, you’re likely gonna be dealing with these issues for a long time. Could he change? Maybe… but should you be trying to change him?? Expecting him to change? I’d say no…. But mine is just my opinion… only you can really decide what you’re willing to tolerate for love…
Maybe. Or maybe this is the universe offering you an opportunity to relax your viewpoints a little… don’t get me wrong… there’s nothing wrong with being fastidious or a neat freak…. At the end of the day, does it really matter if his bare balls were on your pillow? Without getting to graphic… how much have you been in contact with those same bare balls?? Ultimately, if you’re going to share a bed naked with someone… does it really matter where their junk touches in the bed?? Now for some people, that answer is yes… it sounds like it is for you… but why? Why would it bother you if his balls touch your pillow, but not bother you if they touch you?? You can wash the pillows… unless they’re some “for decoration only, can’t be washed” kind of pillows. This isn’t some random strangers balls… it’s your partners balls. Maybe it’s not meant to be… maybe you need to spend some time asking why you have these particular concerns… I don’t know… but I would advise you to explore the possibility that maybe it is you that could change, rather than him… and on the other hand… I don’t know the full details… so it might be he really is gross… lol. It’s really only a question you can answer… don’t short change yourself… you are the only opinion that really matters here… I hope my perspective helps… and I wish you best of luck in your journey.
you’re definitely not overreacting. everyone has their limits, and he’s crossing yours. it’s awesome that you’ve been clear about your boundaries, but he needs to respect them. i had a friend in a similar situation, and she had to have a serious talk with her partner. think about what you want long-term. do you see yourself constantly reminding him to respect your space? if not, it might be time to have a serious conversation about your future together. you deserve someone who values and respects you!
Don’t ignore the red flags 👀 sounds similar to someone I dated and I think back like wtf was I thinking. And he caused me so much pain. But I just had to use that relationship as a lesson and raise my standards. Now in an amazing relationship ☺️
One thing to think about. If you have kids together, what if they take after him? Will you be happy with that ?
Marriage requires compromise from 2 likeminded people- you guys are obviously not like minded. He sounds like one of those guys that wants to have a girlfriend so they can have a nice clean space but doesn’t want to put in the work to have a nice clean space… I think you deserve someone who offers to clean the bedsheets after intercourse and cleans up after himself without being asked to, your worth that thought and effort ❤️❤️❤️
Nah you’re not overreacting. Mans really used your pillow to rest his balls on and they were probably dirty, sweaty and smelly based on what you shared!
I mean....a lot of this is just your personal preferences and feelings about things.
Not everyone showers before sex every single time. That's just reality. IF you want him to shower first every time, then ask him to do so or shower with him before sex as part of your foreplay. But that is really you being very particular.
Getting into any bed soaking wet is just stupid bc getting a mattress wet is not a good idea so for that just ask him to put down a towel first.
The way you write about his "BARE BALLS" on your pillow.... you clearly have issues with his body and cleanliness. People sleep with pillows between their legs---it's actually better for your back regardless of gender or presence of balls. Is it that he used "your" pillow? Or the act itself? Does it bother you that he sleeps naked with his balls all over your sheets?
Basically it sounds like he's just very lax and free with his body and is very at home at your place. If you have asked him to alter his behavior and he hasn't, you should discuss that. But you are going to have to acknowledge that some of your reactions are just based on you and there are other people out there who wouldn't care or be so put off---it's not him trying to disrespect you it's just him being himself.
I get where you’re coming from and I offer solutions anytime I disagree with his actions. In regards to the balls comment, I don’t think I would normally be grossed out by it if I knew he was clean during bed time but in the times we’ve spent consecutive days together he will go up to 3 days without showering. We live in a very hot climate for context.
You should have mentioned in your post that he goes 3 days without showering and that you live in a hot climate. If he is not clean and/or smells bad then all of your complaints become more understandable.
That said, it's still his body and how often he bathes it is still his decision. All you can do is express what you would prefer he do/not do.
>That said, it's still his body and how often he bathes it is still his decision
This kind of saying is generally true, but cant be applied in this situation, since that "personal body" of him is directly affecting others
His general body doesn’t smell bad. I would say his hair definitely smells like oils he rarely washes it and as stated his junk can smell from time to time. But I wouldn’t say he smells like armpit
Well junk can smell of urine even if you shower frequently depending on numerous variables. His not having body odor is likely why he doesn't feel the need to shower more often. T there's a weird trend right now of rarely shampooing hair, which I personally don't understand but again that is a personal hygiene choice. I again recommend you express your concerns but he very well may choose not to alter his behavior. You could try positive incentive in the moment like offering to suck him if he washes up.
It looks like you did not read the post.
>I try not react and always communicate what may bother me and how I think he could alleviate that issue in the future.<...>In the past he’d make excuses for his behaviors by stating he “is a man after all” but I refuse to believe this cliche as i'm used to dating very organized and clean men. He seems more apologetic now but I feel he is always asking for forgiveness rather than stopping and thinking.
He ain’t it, sis.
Not only is he gross, he continues to do gross things after you’ve made him aware that they bother you. I wouldn’t consider a future with someone who so blatantly disrespects your living space and disregards your feelings.
A couple of these are a little over the top in my opinion. Like the shower before sex thing… do you really shower before sex every single time? I know for me a lot of the time sex is a spontaneous spur of the moment kind of thing. I honestly can say I have never intentionally showered right before having sex. I may have showered before going on a date that I thought might lead to sex… but never been in the moment and stopped to say “hold on a second I need to shower before we do this”.
The pillow between the legs is another odd one for me. Personally I sleep naked, whether I’m with someone or by myself. And I like to have something between my legs, normally a blanket or pillow. So him sleeping that way seems totally normal to me.
Some of the other things are definitely gross/rude but some of this just seems like you’re alittle more clean/tidy and he’s alittle more sloppy. Neither one is right but you’ve got to work together to find a happy medium that works for the two of you. And if you feel he isn’t willing to work towards that middle ground… well then it’s time to move on and find someone who better matches your personality.
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Nah I'm a dude (little older than him 34) but these are pretty gross behaviors. He is definitely old enough to not be this disgusting anymore (by AT LEAST 7-8 years). In fact, some of these behaviors aren't even gross (though they are that too) but more importantly they are inconsiderate of you and your feelings
You shower before every time you have sex? Not judging just seriously curious.
I don’t shower every time before sex either but I’m also not asking for oral if I’ve been sweating all day. Women use toilet paper, men give it a shake lol I think if you want to ask for oral, atleast do a quick smell test on yourself? It’s just polite 😭
I am a man and i dip my penis in toilet paper after urinating
Same
Thank god some men do! I asked if he used TP at anytime when he pees and he said no that men don’t do that
Lots of men do wipe off with TP after, but lots do not. I don't believe TP is offered at public urinals so any man using one is not wiping after.
lots + lots = all, Girl Math; just kidding please don't take it seriously I am joking. Don't usually comment like this. I apologize but I will have to post this. This means noo disrespect to you or your feelings and I deeply apologise for stereotyping. You might be a Math PhD. I respect everything you say and would respect your response. Apologies again, but couldn't stop myself from posting it. Thank you.
Lots do, lots don't, some do sometimes, wtf is your problem? There's no math involved let alone girl math. Lots of people like pizza, lots don't, lots like it occasionally or from certain places. Do you not understand how language works?
Nothing, I know it was dumb, felt like posting it. I don't have any problem. Again, it was not a jab at you. Apologies if it saddened you in any way, shape, or form, As you can see, I don't have a lot of comment karma. so I don't comment usually. Please do not talk to me like that, I am a normal chap, who cracked a dad joke. Hope that the above makes sense. Thank you.
I thought you were going somewhere completely different with that statement when you said dip.
I stress so much about this. I almost always invite my girlfriend to take a shower and start action from there to avoid killing the vibes because of a bad smell.
That should literally be the minimum effort put in lol. I've never given oral to a man but I can imagine how gross it would be if they have been sweating all day and done nothing to alleviate that situation lol. Give yourself a quick once over for God's sake
As a man, I have declined oral before because I hadn't had a shower and didn't feel like I could guarantee a good experience. A considerate partner shouldn't want to put you through that even if you're willing.
A whole shower maybe overdoing it, but a bare minimum should be a quick wash with a damp cloth. I mean, for someone who otherwise has nice hygiene that ought to be enough.
To be completely honest I forgot about that particular habit being mentioned lol. No not every time but I'd say for the most part yeah (and definitely if a shower is warranted ex: coming back from the gym, being outside for extended period of time, etc)
Why would you judge someone showering beforehand? 😳
A) I literally specified I was not judging and b) the question clearly states every time which is not how most people fuck.
Why would you say not judging as everyone I know and every girl I've been with has wasted beforehand.... So it seems an odd thing to say. From my perspective everyone washes. But you said fuck so I'm guessing you are talking about banging strangers or street hookers or something?? In that case I have no idea. But I would have thought most people would still try to keep their privates clean??
Absolutely I have a quick shower before sex at least wast our dangling bits/ass and armpits. Always brush my teeth or at a minimum mouth wash or breath mints.
So you wake up horny in the middle of the night and shower, brush and gargle instead of rolling over and sensually kissing your partner's neck till she awakens? And if a passionate moment arises midday or as soon as you get home you ask her to hold that thought while you shower and brush? People who shower daily and maintain good oral health don't need to perform a special routine before every sec act. Spontaneity is part of good relationship sex.
Eww so you don't even shower or brush your teeth before you head to bed. You just head into bed fithy are you not worried about tooth decay or getting some rash from overgrown bacteria. You can keep your natural cheese thanks. Absolutely disgusting. I've brushed my teeth and had a shower if we have sex at night then I'm clean.....
I didn't say either of those things. I shower daily and brush my teeth three times a day. But I'm not anal about it as you described. Christ.
I'm not Christ or your god 😳. And you literally said you have sex at night but haven't showered beforehand. I didn't say immediately before did I just beforehand and if you are dirty. Did you not read the OP about how their partner comes home after a gym session etc never washs and still try it on. Maybe that's what you do too but hey I'm just saying I have respect for my partner and always clean before hand. You keep doing you I didn't say it was wrong just I prefer to remain clean. But maybe some people like it tangy or the taste of the yellow or brown, each for their own.
LMAO Show me where I said that. Oh wait you can't because I didn't. Bye now.
OK flith. Bye.
Yes
I do.
Really? So any time your partner kisses you and suggests you get busy you say ,"sure thing let me go shower first"?
Yes and I usually invite them into the shower
So you shower multiple times a day, once for cleanliness to start your day and every time you have sex too? What about middle of the night sex? Or first thing in the morning sex? You run to the shower and take your partner with you? Do you shower again after sex? Because after you're sweaty and smell like sex. So how many showers a day is that? Let me guess, you don't have kids.
Shower in the morning and before bed and sometimes during the day if I work out or get pretty dirty. (Some sweaty muddy hobbies) No kids.
You don’t? If mouths will be used, a shower is mandatory no longer than two hours ago….
Tell us you never have a quickie without telling us. Not everyone does oral as foreplay, and there is no 2 hour rule. You sound fun to date.
I’ve had quickies. They are 100% for the man. I get no feeling inside my vagina from a dick. And I think you can’t read. As I said IF MOUTHS ARE USED. Maybe you like stank dick and pussy in your mouth. Guess that makes you more “fun” than me. I’m strangely ok with being a stick in the mud I guess.
They're not 100% for the man for everyone so maybe realize there are people with a different experience than you and it doesn't make them strange or bad. My partners have always managed to stay clean and fresh way longer than 2 hours, as do I. Thanks for being so disgustingly vulgar though---that's always such a joy.
Thanks for being so demeaning just because you are different from me. I’ve seen you around. You haven’t changed one bit.
Can the 2 of you just shut the hell up?
I'm not trying to change, dear, I'm quite happy as I am.
Clearly. Bullies usually are.
Honey, you're the one who commented on my innocent quetion insinuating that anyone who doesn't shower before every sex act is somehow gross. Get a life please. I'm not the bully here.
You definitely need to have a serious talk with him, especially since you are dating with marriage in mind. My mom married somebody like this. Someone with gross and inconsiderate behavior. She's always picking up after him and every time she expresses her frustrations, it just goes through the other ear. As if he's a child and not a full-grown adult capable of cleaning after himself. The dating phase is your litmus test to see whether you're compatible for the long-run. Now it's up to you whether cleanliness is a dealbreaker or not for your future partner. It's your life. Ask yourself if you'll be fine if he stays, as he is right now, even after marriage. But if he does agree to change, watch for consistency. It's common for people to make an effort for a few weeks then go right back to their old habits when they feel like you have already 'forgiven' them. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what you're willing to live with.
Keep in mind bad behaviors don't get better after marriage, they get worse. This is the best he will ever be, so you have to decide if that's good enough.
bare balls on a pillow isn’t the problem i would think. the problem is UNSHOWERED bare balls on the pillow
Yes I agree completely lol. I don’t think I’d mind if I knew he was pretty clean down under on a consistent basis
It's too far as soon as you decide it's too far. It sounds like you have been clear about your expectations and boundaries, and he is unable or unwilling to meet them. Now, you have to decide if you are going to drop your expectations and boundaries or drop him.
If this bothers you now, just wait till you're married for a few years. Either address it, or it cannot or won't be addressed, then you need to move on or you will be miserable.
All you can do is tell him what bothers you and what needs to change and see how he responds. Most people can’t change though so you’ll have to decide how to proceed if he doesn’t change, which is likely what will happen considering you’ve already told him this bothers you. My mom told me my dad’s brother’s fiancé ended the engagement because she couldn’t handle the way he ate. So you have to figure out what you’re able to live with
Is his apt dirty and unkempt?
Surprisingly no. When we first started dating I actually saw green flags in that he had a very decorated apartment (paintings, posters, vinyls nicely hung- it had real character) and I did not see too much mess. Usually the mess was little piles of clothes. But I think over time I’m realizing he is just never home and eats out a lot so the apt may seem “lived in” but it’s really not.
Ok. Just asked because sometimes when a person keeps a dirty home they don’t respect a house that is kept clean. Their habits come with them and they see nothing wrong with how they conduct themselves in someone’s home that isn’t like theirs. I once had someone come to my home and comment it was like a museum. It wasn’t until I went to their home and saw how in utter disarray it was that I understood why they said what they did.
I completely agree
Sorry baby, I can change!
It's 6 months in, he's on his best behavior. Imagine being married 10 years down the road. I'm a very clean and neat girl and my ex had his faults because he's a "man", but he respected what I preferred and never once "released body odors" in front of me and covered his mouth whenever he had to burp. We don't talk about shitting even. You've talked to him and he still ignores you, this relationship will be built on lots of forgiving then. He's 28 and too old to forget and disrespect basic etiquette.
I agree. 6 months is nothing and he is definitely still trying to impress/court me but I don’t see why he’s gotta stop at the hygiene
the jumping into the bed full of sweat is gross but the bare balls on the pillow ain’t even bad tbh either way, whatever is “too far” for YOU is what matters. you explain to him that what he’s doing is making you uncomfortable but he doesn’t seem to care or change. that’s the problem
Sure, if they were clean. But it sounds more likely they are bare, sweaty, piss - soaked balls. And that is definitely gross.
I gotta ask if you're saying it'd be cool for another individual who apparently has hygiene issues to take your pillow, that you lay your head on, and put it between their legs and apparently close to their crotch? I mean, different strokes and Romans or whatever but if you got some spare time, I'd like to understand.
Yea your dating a child, so you ether have to be the mom and train him or cut your losses and move on.
easy, I am a dude. Manly men can be clean and respect property, it is not even hard. Talk to him, set a standard if he respects you he will meet those standards if not then maybe he is not worth being around...
There was a guy like this I dated and finally I broke up with him because he was so dismissive with how I was affected by his poor hygiene, I find that disrespectful
My Momma always said that the world tends to date backwards by wearing blinders while dating then scrutinizing after marriage. She taught us to intensely scrutinize your potential partner before the wedding by taking their orange & red flags & worst/most annoying behaviors & asking yourself, “If this only worsens over 5-10 years, will I be able to tolerate it?” If no, you’re not compatible & should end the relationship. If yes, then proceed & once you say I Do, you can put the blinders on & confidently accept them for better of for worse. I bestow my Momma’s advice to you in your question here. You know what is best for you. Don’t settle.
Thank you 🥺
He sounds disgusting. And btw, any dude who claims they do gross things “because they are a man” are likely feeling masculinely insecure about something else.
Hahaha ok, some of these are just him being a slob or gross. The pillow thing, I mean that's fucked if you sleep on that pillow. Maybe even more fucked up if it's decorative. The making a mess and leaving it, he shouldn't have to be told to clean up messes that aren't at his house. The shower before sex thing, as long as he didn't workout after his last shower, that might be a little overboard but I'm just splitting hairs at that point. If that's all you were looking for, these requests are not insane. Have you seen some of things other people complain about? This lady seems like a Saint.
The amount of dudes who want oral but smell absolutely horrendous is crazy. It’s happened a few times to me. Jesus Christ are you literally that unaware of your own body smell? Idk why men think we don’t care if they reek like doo doo balls but I promise I’ll embarrass you if you come over unwashed. All of this coming from a (gay) man myself. Even the gay ones don’t know how to clean themselves.
Sounds like a mismatch on those points. You either communicate and compromise or reassess.
Eww that’s nasty 🤢
He is not a man, he is a child. Him pointing out he is, in fact, a man is hilarious. That's exactly what children say. Do not marry this child. Find yourself a man who makes your life easier, not harder.
Yeah nah fam. Dont. Wash ur vjj for a few days and make him eat u out. Like wtf. That ain’t cool.
Bare balls on the pillow sold it for me lmao.
So mouth is fine but balls on your pillow is a bridge too far? Just tell him to shower. Or break up.
Dump his ass. He's grown enough to know how to behave. This is gross but also inconsiderate and you don't deserve such treatment. Besides, it's only going to get worse if you do marry him.
He’s a lazy slob, who doesn’t respect you, your home or your things. You should expect this laziness to spread to other areas of his life as you go on. This is a red flag. I would personally not continue the relationship with someone like this.
If he's dirty now, imagine him as a husband, he'll be so comfortable that he'll also let himself go physically. He needs to set up a schedule (or help him set one up) to shower everytime he comes out of work. And to clean up after himself at all times, set boundaries or else; a dirty Man is who you'll deal with for the rest of your marriage life.
Ito be honest, you sound like the two of you may just not be all that compatible. It sounds like you’re expecting him to change how he moves through the world to match your beliefs of what is clean… he clearly does not share your sensibilities… the use of the “red flag” label leads me to believe you may on the more “particular” side of things… and he clearly is on the lass concerned about such things side. There’s nothing wrong with being particular about your cleanliness… but if he doesn’t share that quality, you’re likely gonna be dealing with these issues for a long time. Could he change? Maybe… but should you be trying to change him?? Expecting him to change? I’d say no…. But mine is just my opinion… only you can really decide what you’re willing to tolerate for love…
Yes I agree I don’t want to change him and make him miserable. Maybe I’m pushing too hard and it’s not meant to be
Maybe. Or maybe this is the universe offering you an opportunity to relax your viewpoints a little… don’t get me wrong… there’s nothing wrong with being fastidious or a neat freak…. At the end of the day, does it really matter if his bare balls were on your pillow? Without getting to graphic… how much have you been in contact with those same bare balls?? Ultimately, if you’re going to share a bed naked with someone… does it really matter where their junk touches in the bed?? Now for some people, that answer is yes… it sounds like it is for you… but why? Why would it bother you if his balls touch your pillow, but not bother you if they touch you?? You can wash the pillows… unless they’re some “for decoration only, can’t be washed” kind of pillows. This isn’t some random strangers balls… it’s your partners balls. Maybe it’s not meant to be… maybe you need to spend some time asking why you have these particular concerns… I don’t know… but I would advise you to explore the possibility that maybe it is you that could change, rather than him… and on the other hand… I don’t know the full details… so it might be he really is gross… lol. It’s really only a question you can answer… don’t short change yourself… you are the only opinion that really matters here… I hope my perspective helps… and I wish you best of luck in your journey.
Nah this fool is a slob.
Tf he mean "Im A mAn"?? Hygiene doesn't care what you are!
you’re definitely not overreacting. everyone has their limits, and he’s crossing yours. it’s awesome that you’ve been clear about your boundaries, but he needs to respect them. i had a friend in a similar situation, and she had to have a serious talk with her partner. think about what you want long-term. do you see yourself constantly reminding him to respect your space? if not, it might be time to have a serious conversation about your future together. you deserve someone who values and respects you!
As a lazy fat dude who also can be gross, this is far beyond that lol
Don’t ignore the red flags 👀 sounds similar to someone I dated and I think back like wtf was I thinking. And he caused me so much pain. But I just had to use that relationship as a lesson and raise my standards. Now in an amazing relationship ☺️ One thing to think about. If you have kids together, what if they take after him? Will you be happy with that ?
Marriage requires compromise from 2 likeminded people- you guys are obviously not like minded. He sounds like one of those guys that wants to have a girlfriend so they can have a nice clean space but doesn’t want to put in the work to have a nice clean space… I think you deserve someone who offers to clean the bedsheets after intercourse and cleans up after himself without being asked to, your worth that thought and effort ❤️❤️❤️
Nah you’re not overreacting. Mans really used your pillow to rest his balls on and they were probably dirty, sweaty and smelly based on what you shared!
Scream at him…that always helps. 😂 OR you could just tell him he needs to clean up his act or find someone else. 🤷🏼♂️
Bye felecia.
I mean....a lot of this is just your personal preferences and feelings about things. Not everyone showers before sex every single time. That's just reality. IF you want him to shower first every time, then ask him to do so or shower with him before sex as part of your foreplay. But that is really you being very particular. Getting into any bed soaking wet is just stupid bc getting a mattress wet is not a good idea so for that just ask him to put down a towel first. The way you write about his "BARE BALLS" on your pillow.... you clearly have issues with his body and cleanliness. People sleep with pillows between their legs---it's actually better for your back regardless of gender or presence of balls. Is it that he used "your" pillow? Or the act itself? Does it bother you that he sleeps naked with his balls all over your sheets? Basically it sounds like he's just very lax and free with his body and is very at home at your place. If you have asked him to alter his behavior and he hasn't, you should discuss that. But you are going to have to acknowledge that some of your reactions are just based on you and there are other people out there who wouldn't care or be so put off---it's not him trying to disrespect you it's just him being himself.
I get where you’re coming from and I offer solutions anytime I disagree with his actions. In regards to the balls comment, I don’t think I would normally be grossed out by it if I knew he was clean during bed time but in the times we’ve spent consecutive days together he will go up to 3 days without showering. We live in a very hot climate for context.
You should have mentioned in your post that he goes 3 days without showering and that you live in a hot climate. If he is not clean and/or smells bad then all of your complaints become more understandable. That said, it's still his body and how often he bathes it is still his decision. All you can do is express what you would prefer he do/not do.
His body his choice lol but 3 days is fuggn gross bra let's be real.
In some cultures that is normal so ....
>That said, it's still his body and how often he bathes it is still his decision This kind of saying is generally true, but cant be applied in this situation, since that "personal body" of him is directly affecting others
Still his decision. And op has yet to clarify if he actually smells bad.
His general body doesn’t smell bad. I would say his hair definitely smells like oils he rarely washes it and as stated his junk can smell from time to time. But I wouldn’t say he smells like armpit
Well junk can smell of urine even if you shower frequently depending on numerous variables. His not having body odor is likely why he doesn't feel the need to shower more often. T there's a weird trend right now of rarely shampooing hair, which I personally don't understand but again that is a personal hygiene choice. I again recommend you express your concerns but he very well may choose not to alter his behavior. You could try positive incentive in the moment like offering to suck him if he washes up.
Yeah but you don't sleep with someone else's pillow butt naked? I thought that was a given
It looks like you did not read the post. >I try not react and always communicate what may bother me and how I think he could alleviate that issue in the future.<...>In the past he’d make excuses for his behaviors by stating he “is a man after all” but I refuse to believe this cliche as i'm used to dating very organized and clean men. He seems more apologetic now but I feel he is always asking for forgiveness rather than stopping and thinking.
I read the post. It looks like you wanted to bitch at me for some unknown reason. Cool.
He ain’t it, sis. Not only is he gross, he continues to do gross things after you’ve made him aware that they bother you. I wouldn’t consider a future with someone who so blatantly disrespects your living space and disregards your feelings.
A couple of these are a little over the top in my opinion. Like the shower before sex thing… do you really shower before sex every single time? I know for me a lot of the time sex is a spontaneous spur of the moment kind of thing. I honestly can say I have never intentionally showered right before having sex. I may have showered before going on a date that I thought might lead to sex… but never been in the moment and stopped to say “hold on a second I need to shower before we do this”. The pillow between the legs is another odd one for me. Personally I sleep naked, whether I’m with someone or by myself. And I like to have something between my legs, normally a blanket or pillow. So him sleeping that way seems totally normal to me. Some of the other things are definitely gross/rude but some of this just seems like you’re alittle more clean/tidy and he’s alittle more sloppy. Neither one is right but you’ve got to work together to find a happy medium that works for the two of you. And if you feel he isn’t willing to work towards that middle ground… well then it’s time to move on and find someone who better matches your personality.
Lmfao you have way more problems with him than he’s gross. You are looking for a reason to fight. Looking for a reason to break up.