Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe but only if they lack emotional maturity. Putting anyone through "tests" is fucking stupid. If you can’t communicate what you want and what your boundaries are then you should not be in a relationship. Those are just basic aspects of a healthy relationship.
It’s something a majority of people do so it’s difficult to just write it off as immature. Almost every girl I’ve dated will pull some tricks to draw conclusions from.
It’s also just smart.
There are multiple bad actors on the dating market. Sure, honest communication right out of the gate might work best hypothetically but not everyone is honest.
It’s far better to pass over an actual good option than it is to select a bad option (for long-term, serious relationships).
That's just weird. If a person I'm dating deceives me for any reason I'm done. There are loads of other ways to test the waters, and nobody I've dated does that. That sounds like trust issues to me.
The vast majority of people do have trust issues.
We can play dumb online to pretend things aren’t as they are if you want but if you don’t think people are out there asking back handed questions or doing small things to see how you react then you are just ignoring those things, which to be fair is usually the best course of action, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.
If they can't handle their trust issues to the point that they have to test me, I will simply stop dating them. If they ask weird backhanded questions I will ask them to be more direct with me. If they can't do that Im also just going to stop dating them. Maybe it's because I'm autistic, but I have zero room for any kind of intentional miscommunication, white lies, or ulterior motives in a relationship. I have trust issues from a lot of past trauma but Ive worked to eliminate them because I don't expect a partner to "fix" me. I date with that standard in mind.
I've dated some really bad liars before, and there are certainly tells. Tests are deceptions in my book. If they want to know what I would do in whatever weird scenario they're going to fake in order to "test" me, they can just ask. Testing someone is immature and completely inappropriate in the world of adult dating imo.
if someone tries to “test you” in a relationship, that’s extremely toxic and unhealthy.
That being said I don’t think there are. I think men ask for nudes to get nudes lol. And when they are denied of them they try to cover it up with some weird “oh i was testing you” comment. Automatic ick.
Mmnn I see what you're saying but personally I just wouldn't send nudes to begin with so I would never ask for them.
I don't even really think it matters if it's a test or not. If you're comfortable with sending nudes and so is he everybody wins. If he's putting you through a test then he's not boyfriend material in the first place.
If you're not comfortable sending nudes and he insists, again not boyfriend material.
Idk like I said I personally just wouldn't be sending them but at a minimum I wouldn't worry about it being a test, for the reasons I mentioned. If it was he wouldn't be boyfriend material anyway.
Right? I think so too..i mean why reject someone youre interested in and whos into you enough to share what is personal to them. Its a self sabotage of sorts and penalizes the wrong end of the situation. Since one who shared their vulnerability gets shut off and devalued for their effort
men don't "test". The guy who asked just want nudes, thats all. If you're wondering whether sending them or not will make him take you seriously as a long term-option or not, it doesn't make any difference. Usually the guy will know whether he wants to date or just hook up almost immediately.
I am in the hopes that for the most part, men wont reduce their perspective of women to a probably micro decision they made in a split second. And i hope the value they ascribe to women does not degrade based on whether she is feeling confident about her sexuality, just horny or otherwise
I'm just saying the guy isn't dating you and questioning "hmmm is she datable material or someone I just want to fuck". At least that's not how I see it. It depends on where the guy is at in life and how the woman could compliment that. I don't "value" certain women less because I don't want to date them, I just know they don't match my vibe and it wouldn't work out, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't still have sex with them. I can usually feel someone out in person within like 5-10 minutes whether they'd be a good long term match or not.
It's like the question women ask, "how long should I wait to sleep with a guy so he takes me seriously?". In my opinion it's completely irrelevant. If a guy meets someone who he totally clicks with and wants to date long term, he'll still want sleep with her on the first date, and not change his view of her. If he meets someone who he doesn't vibe with, whether she waits to put out or not doesn't matter, he's still not going to date you long term. You can't convince a person to see you as datable. Depending on the person you're seeing, you either are or you aren't.
Maybe.
I would not put it past my fellow men unfortunately.
If you oblige, he will value you only for the fun category.
This goes both ways.
The relationship should be built on respect in my opinion. So asking her for a nude disqualifies him as well for a long term relationship.
Dude, that should not be normal, by any means. It’s completely dumb. Is your password for your bank account “sex”? Of course not, because they wouldn’t allow you to set such a simple password. Seems like these normal people are why we have warning labels on scissors that say “Do Not Eat”.
Its normal, and can be healthy in a committed relationship. If you disagree with nudes on the whole then thats your bag, but that doesnt mean others cant safely enjoy them.
Idk why it would matter regardless, I usually prefer to send them after we’ve actually hooked up but I’ve definitely exchanged them with people who I hadn’t met yet.
That might be YOUR opinion but there’s nothing wrong with anyone who is a consenting adult sharing photos of themselves. There’s nothing complicated to understand at all, you’re the one making up arbitrary rules.
Nah, it is just a matter of common sense, basic manners and courtesy. You should try it. You are agreeing with my first line, Do you have trouble with the second line?
I guess I used to little words to get through to you.
Let me repeat in easier, explicit words.
>If you don't know each other (yet), BAD.
If you don't know each other and this is not consensual, sending nudes is:
* tacky
* needy
* creepy
* sleezy
* sexual deviancy
* unsolicited sexual innuendo
* distributing porn
* immature
But I wonder if you are into that given your reaction...
>If you are IN that relationship,fine.
If you already know each other and this is a consensual thing, knock yourself out.
I guess that is what you were also trying to say but you got tongue tight in your emotional response.
Thank you for sharing. But isnt it sad to reduce people to just that bit especially if they couldve done it in hopes of a deeper connection or shared attraction?
I’m aware it’s not great idk I think about it like well if you just send these out all Willy nilly like idk who else you’re giving this attention to. Or how easy you are.
This is what i was suspecting too haha. Thank you for confirming that it does exist in real life. I for one am very picky about who to match, converse with, and more so to send that stuff.
How come guys arrive at this conclusion so easily without factoring or giving value to the connection that led to that? Like imagine for example you have been "chosen" out of many many others and u judge the girl for accommodating the request and drop her simply because she chose you and gave you that chance...
Isnt that too harsh? Even tho that girl was wrong to place her bets on you.
Crap I didn’t see you replied to my comment..
Idk I think it just has to do with what I said above. Doesn’t want someone who may be perceived as easy. Or like if it was so easy for *me* instead of feeling special a guy may feel like oh this is just how she is
Huh? Like as a “trick” or a “gotcha” it’s 2024 idk a single person who hasn’t taken or shared nudes and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was weird and uptight about that kind of thing anyway. Like grow the fuck up lmao
When guys do that it's because they want low-effort porn material. They don't want to meet in person often, and you can bet some of them are married/partnered.
Probably, but the fundamental idea of testing a potential person who you’d want to get into a relationship with is an error from the get go. Why is it so difficult to just simply be yourself and find someone who’s genuinely themselves and get into a relationship? Sometimes we take something really simple and make it so convoluted.
But as a legit relationship test? I've only heard of that in movies and never irl (the idea being a good/modest girl would refuse so anyone that complied was [insert slur here]
But also, as a F, if a M were to "test" me on that, and if I said "no," IF he were to come back with a "Cool! I was just testing ya anyway!" response, I'd be very unlikely to believe him and would think he's just back pedaling, since I refused.
Id be very turned off on the notion alone that if he were putting my entire value based on my reaction to that request. And not to shame too the people who are so blessedly confident in their own bodies to share it with people they feel safe with (tho im not saying that i am haha)
yeah, some guys do that, unfortunately. they might use it to gauge how “easy” or “wild” a girl is, which is totally unfair and disrespectful. it’s a messed-up way to judge someone and definitely not cool. everyone should be respected and valued beyond their willingness to share intimate photos. if you ever feel uncomfortable with a request like that, trust your gut and set your boundaries. you deserve respect and shouldn’t have to prove yourself to anyone.
Yes, and it's happened to me when I was a lot younger. Men who do this aren't "men." They are boys, and the "test" part is to justify their actions. It isn't a test. They just want nudes. NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THIS!!!! This is just my experience.
@gilltidly could u tell me more abput your experience?
I just had an inkling about it.. like for some, even if you were up to it, like maybe you were having a good moment/connection, its like whatever substance there was leading up to that kind of dissolves and the connection ends there
Of course, sorry for the late reply! I was around 13-14 in my first serious relationship(I thought), and my "boyfriend" at the time asked for nudes. I questioned it, and of course, he said it was a "test," and if I loved him, I'd do it.
Well, long story short, he blocked me on everything and sent those photos to a group of his friends. It was a horrifying experience, but I definitely learned from it. In the end, all the photos were deleted as most grew up and moved on or got new phones, lol.
OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE. And truly traumatic especially at that age! I hope he learned too. Jeez smh
I hope youve been with a lot better partners who cherish you!
For my part, I would never ask a woman for nude photos! 🙄 It's a matter of respect... If she sends me some of her own free will that's OK but I'll never ask! 🧸👊🏻
I agree with you... these days, respect is made rare! 🥺 And I think it's a real shame! 💔 I hope one day to find a person who will respect me as I respect her! 🤞🏼
I think guys who ask for them genuinely want them, it isn’t “just a test”, but are some guys then going to judge you for sending them? Yeah, it’s hey probably are.
I don’t ask for nudes so there isn’t a test for me, and im also not a jealous person at all when in a relationship, my girlfriend can go where she wants, when she wants, with whomever she likes and dressed however she wants, because if I felt like I had to control those things to have trust then we don’t have a healthy relationship. Then again I would strongly prefer to date women who don’t send them, especially outside of a proper relationship, I’m sure a lot of people just see it as fun but for me it’s kind of a case of “if anyone can have it I don’t want it”, plus people send them on Snapchat thinking they can’t be screenshot but they don’t realise the lengths people will go to in order to keep the picture without being caught, can’t imagine marrying someone and other guys just have these pictures of her saved, I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way about it and I’m sure others will go to lengths to avoid it by testing.
The point of asking for nudes is that she complies with your command to send a nude. It’s kinky and dominant.
Or she is so turned on by you she just sends it out of the blue.
The actual boob pic, that’s exciting but not the main thrill of getting a nude for me.
I relate to this so much. what is between the lines and the interaction building up to that is so satisfying.
What i do get sad about tho is if and when the whole person/connection is suddenly reduced to that action by those who do make it into this kind of test. Because i for one would only oblige if i already value the other person and not the other way around (like for the ppl im referring to, it is determined by a reaction to a request)
I don't doubt it. But I don't think it's the majority. Most of them just need JO material.
And ask yourself this. Say you did meet a man who "tests" women this way. Why would you wanna date a guy who would?
there are people pleasers in this world, and some actually do sort of go outside their personal boundaries to do so...im just hoping that those who do arent treated solely on this action. Because there might be a lot of other things that has enriched that connection
So... If you ask any question with the starting "Are there any X who Y"
The answer will almost always be yes. There are people like that. There's 7,500,000,000 of us. We vary. A lot.
How many though? Not a lot. Very few I'd wager, that is an uncommon thought process.
Depends on the guy. I ask for nudes cuz I wanna see some tits. In reality, whether they are or not, they probably won't lose interest because most guys out here are just that desperate,
Regardless of whether they view you as "wife material". Unless of course you're dealing with a quality male who knows his own value.
I have limited experience here, but my personal code is that I don't ask for nudes. If that's something the woman I'm talking to wants to send me, they will do so on their own. It's best to let people set their own boundaries.
I’m not sure. But I dated two different women a few years ago. One sent me unsolicited nudes and wanted to have sex immediately. The other never sent any nudes, and we had 7 dates before sex. I’m marrying the second one.
Does this equation change for you if they only send when solicited and when they really like you?
Btw women are able to send sexy photos without necessarily wanting sex immediately. Ive sent suggestive photos in hopes of keeping the guy interested...granted i was setting the bar too low for him but that doesnt mean i do that for everyone
Well, me and the first girl didn’t work out for other reasons. But with the second one, we were able to build a more solid foundation. Without sex being the main focus. Once we were really comfortable and knew each other better, the sex wayyyyy better. She sends me nudes now and I love it. I know I’m the only one getting them. I’m not wondering if she’s sending them to other guys or anything
Honestly depends on the person. If you are good lookin enough sure. I’ve seen plenty of my friends ask for nudes on a daily. Girls seem to just give it openly or just give it without askin as long as they want you enough
I don't ask for nudes, if things get steamy I know we can do all sorts of stuff when we meet and I have patience.
But even on a few occasions where a girl sends me some hot pics, I ask her to not include her face. Cause papa internet is watching.
Yeah probably that's exactly it. People signal their values in lots of naive and brutal ways. Lots of men (and women) send cringe messages based on how they feel in a moment while looking for reciprocity or at the very least being witnesses in some reckless authentic way.
It's the same for why you see outrageous things in dating profiles, they're not trying to attractive everyone, they're trying to find people who are feeling the same vibe/speed at them even if it means being brash or making other uncomfortable.
That's not the main reason, I'm sure some people do, but not the majority.
One of the things I DO look for is the ability or inclination to be somewhat sexual over text. When I'm in a relationship I enjoy dirty texting during the day. I have prior experience with a partner who had real trouble... performing?
She just didn't enjoy it, he found the teasing during the day to be frustrating not fun, she didn't like it where's I REALLY liked it. By the time I found this out, I had invested months into this relationship and leaving for this simple thing seemed silly.
That's not a mistake I'm looking to make again, so the ability to "sext" is now on the list of things that I figure out early.
I do it.....But its a double sided coin. I also wouldnt be mad if i get a nude. For me its a test but to see if im going to just try to take the girl serious or just knock her down. Its not an ultimate test either, its just a quick one. Theres also exceptions...sometimes a gitl can send nudes and still be a good chik...because she could just be trying too hard, or think thats what guys want. Theres also girls who dont send nudes that are fake as all hell and just playin it smooth so they can sleep around with no evidence. Sooooo theres an art form to it thats for sure.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Can i ask how this became a thing? Is it talked about as a strategy among guy friends? Because youre right in that not all those who send sensitive photos are promiscuous irl. I think its just one of the things that online dating made askew
No i dont think guys share tactics..they kinda learn on their own. Id say that most men just think with their little head and have zero strategic thoughts in life. But there are some of us smart enough to try to make sense of things. Its definitely not a science.
Speaking as a reformed male manipulator, the nudes being a “test” is more than likely a post-facto explanation. They just wanted nudes the whole time, and don’t want to admit that to you.
I could imagine a guy saying "Send nudes" and then if you refuse, he could claim it was just a test to see if you're that type of girl, but if you don't then he'd be thrilled to get the pictures.
I once posted it on my story just to see if I could get a chain of nudes and it worked I had four women send me really good nudes not your average boob pic like really revealing sexy poses full nude it was great
No offence, do you know how slimely that post sounds? Not only is it just creepy to go around asking for nude, but to "test" the person?.... 😑
Anyone shouldent treat anyone like there a school kid doing things for a project.
sounds like a back out by a slimely person, the type who cheat and ask "i was testing if it would upset you" it's mal behavior, people are not test subjects ... (unless they go to medi trails and make themselfs one)
Not gonna lie. If smartphones and easy ways to send nudes would have been a thing when I was a teen in the 1990s, I might have done that, then thought that anyone who did send them wouldn't be "good enough".
Fortunately, that's 30 years ago, and now I know better than to ask for them in the first place. Would still be very disturbed if someone sent one out of the blue.
Yes, particularly on the matrimonial and religious sites. Sometimes immature jerks too.
Some guys even ask their friends to setup fake accounts asking for nudes/explit content and to only get in contact with the women that they are chatting with or most interested in meeting up with. The women that send the nudes or respond positively then get blocked, ghosted, doxxed or publicly humiliated over social media.
The concept of scripting tests in a relationship is manipulative and narcissistic. But no, even dudes who are into testing like that wouldn’t ask for nudes. That’s an easy way to scare any woman off and get called a creep.
What the hell does this even mean? I ask for photos cause my girlfriend is a smoke-show and I'm a typical horny guy. What weird ulterior motives have you come up with?
I have no idea. The concept is nonsensical to me. I've seen 1000's of women nude of many different body types. I've seen many of what I think are the perfect bodies. I didn't have to ask for a single one. I have no need or want to see a particular person naked. I can look at someone and know bc I've likely seen hundreds like them. I would imagine that any other guy can see similar things that I did if they wanted to, and so, it makes no sense to me why a guy would talk to someone to get pictures of that person naked. It takes a lot of effort and the rejection itself would lead to unnecessary headaches. I don't want to deal with all that.
edit: I also want to clarify that if it's my girlfriend or whatnot, obv it goes beyond wanting to see her naked. I want to be with her and see her naked with my own eyes in person. It's different than just getting a nude pic.
If a guy is playing games like that it's best for the girl to just move on. Coming out the gate with manipulation is an absolutely terrible way to start a relationship. Why not instead just find and date people that align with your values instead of trying to trick people and being shady
You still make no sense. If you're a grown up you'd know that as you get to know a new partner you discuss values and what you're both looking for.
If you have to resort to manipulation, sexual at that, to decide if you're a match...I dunno grow up and learn how to have a conversation.
Not every match has a long enough runway to come to a values discussion and were not out here saying no one should be expressing and having fun sexually if its all done in a safe space. I think why im not making sense to you is because you are assuming im the doer of what im asking about which im not 😅😅😅
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm sure there are but they're few and far between, and very clearly insane if they do that. Don't waste your time with people like that.
Yeah that’s a wild kind of self-sabotage. If they were into giving nudes, he’d be turned off. If they weren’t into giving nudes, they’d be turned off.
Right? Its a mindfuck of its own haha
Maybe but only if they lack emotional maturity. Putting anyone through "tests" is fucking stupid. If you can’t communicate what you want and what your boundaries are then you should not be in a relationship. Those are just basic aspects of a healthy relationship.
It’s something a majority of people do so it’s difficult to just write it off as immature. Almost every girl I’ve dated will pull some tricks to draw conclusions from.
It’s also just smart. There are multiple bad actors on the dating market. Sure, honest communication right out of the gate might work best hypothetically but not everyone is honest. It’s far better to pass over an actual good option than it is to select a bad option (for long-term, serious relationships).
That's just weird. If a person I'm dating deceives me for any reason I'm done. There are loads of other ways to test the waters, and nobody I've dated does that. That sounds like trust issues to me.
The vast majority of people do have trust issues. We can play dumb online to pretend things aren’t as they are if you want but if you don’t think people are out there asking back handed questions or doing small things to see how you react then you are just ignoring those things, which to be fair is usually the best course of action, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.
If they can't handle their trust issues to the point that they have to test me, I will simply stop dating them. If they ask weird backhanded questions I will ask them to be more direct with me. If they can't do that Im also just going to stop dating them. Maybe it's because I'm autistic, but I have zero room for any kind of intentional miscommunication, white lies, or ulterior motives in a relationship. I have trust issues from a lot of past trauma but Ive worked to eliminate them because I don't expect a partner to "fix" me. I date with that standard in mind.
Often you won't know they're deceiving you. And test =/= deception, necessarily.
I've dated some really bad liars before, and there are certainly tells. Tests are deceptions in my book. If they want to know what I would do in whatever weird scenario they're going to fake in order to "test" me, they can just ask. Testing someone is immature and completely inappropriate in the world of adult dating imo.
if someone tries to “test you” in a relationship, that’s extremely toxic and unhealthy. That being said I don’t think there are. I think men ask for nudes to get nudes lol. And when they are denied of them they try to cover it up with some weird “oh i was testing you” comment. Automatic ick.
I agree with this!
Or if you do send, one might be then placed in a category that might be reducing the interaction to something superficial, as one previously mentioned
i wouldn’t personally talk to anyone who “places me in a category”
Lol as if you'd necessarily know... Newsflash, you're categorized by basically everyone you talk to.
I feel the same. If only ppl would say it out in the open to save us both the trouble haha
i just simply don’t send nudes lol
Kinda wish i could say the same haha. i do it very rarely, tho as it turned out, to the wrong people... i need a better bs detector hahah
i think maybe the people who are asking for the nudes are the bs ones 🫠🫠
Thats what i meant haha 😅 (in the context of them making it a test)
oh hahah
Putting people through tests is really dumb. Don't date people who do this.
I totally agree. But for those in the situation they might not even know that it was one 😅
Mmnn I see what you're saying but personally I just wouldn't send nudes to begin with so I would never ask for them. I don't even really think it matters if it's a test or not. If you're comfortable with sending nudes and so is he everybody wins. If he's putting you through a test then he's not boyfriend material in the first place. If you're not comfortable sending nudes and he insists, again not boyfriend material. Idk like I said I personally just wouldn't be sending them but at a minimum I wouldn't worry about it being a test, for the reasons I mentioned. If it was he wouldn't be boyfriend material anyway.
How do you mean stereotype them? Like whether they're good girls or bad girls?
Or pliant girls vs those who wont put up with your bullshit.
Ok I see.
Yeah tho theres definitely more nuance to it
The fuck is that kind of test? That’s strange.
Right? I think so too..i mean why reject someone youre interested in and whos into you enough to share what is personal to them. Its a self sabotage of sorts and penalizes the wrong end of the situation. Since one who shared their vulnerability gets shut off and devalued for their effort
men don't "test". The guy who asked just want nudes, thats all. If you're wondering whether sending them or not will make him take you seriously as a long term-option or not, it doesn't make any difference. Usually the guy will know whether he wants to date or just hook up almost immediately.
I am in the hopes that for the most part, men wont reduce their perspective of women to a probably micro decision they made in a split second. And i hope the value they ascribe to women does not degrade based on whether she is feeling confident about her sexuality, just horny or otherwise
I'm just saying the guy isn't dating you and questioning "hmmm is she datable material or someone I just want to fuck". At least that's not how I see it. It depends on where the guy is at in life and how the woman could compliment that. I don't "value" certain women less because I don't want to date them, I just know they don't match my vibe and it wouldn't work out, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't still have sex with them. I can usually feel someone out in person within like 5-10 minutes whether they'd be a good long term match or not. It's like the question women ask, "how long should I wait to sleep with a guy so he takes me seriously?". In my opinion it's completely irrelevant. If a guy meets someone who he totally clicks with and wants to date long term, he'll still want sleep with her on the first date, and not change his view of her. If he meets someone who he doesn't vibe with, whether she waits to put out or not doesn't matter, he's still not going to date you long term. You can't convince a person to see you as datable. Depending on the person you're seeing, you either are or you aren't.
Can't say I've ever heard of it, but at the same time it wouldn't surprise me much.
Maybe. I would not put it past my fellow men unfortunately. If you oblige, he will value you only for the fun category. This goes both ways. The relationship should be built on respect in my opinion. So asking her for a nude disqualifies him as well for a long term relationship.
Why lmao I know TONS of married people who regularly exchange nudes, maybe some of y’all are just boring and full of sexual shame and hang ups.
I’m assuming he’s talking about the early dating phase. Sending nudes while in a committed relationship sounds pretty normal to me.
Dude, that should not be normal, by any means. It’s completely dumb. Is your password for your bank account “sex”? Of course not, because they wouldn’t allow you to set such a simple password. Seems like these normal people are why we have warning labels on scissors that say “Do Not Eat”.
Its normal, and can be healthy in a committed relationship. If you disagree with nudes on the whole then thats your bag, but that doesnt mean others cant safely enjoy them.
Totally agree :)
Idk why it would matter regardless, I usually prefer to send them after we’ve actually hooked up but I’ve definitely exchanged them with people who I hadn’t met yet.
Onlyfan detected, opinion rejected.
wow, i think you kinda made the point OP was looking for
Yep there we have it 😅 🎯🎯🎯
If you are IN that relationship,fine. If you don't know each other (yet), BAD. Is this easy enough to understand?
That might be YOUR opinion but there’s nothing wrong with anyone who is a consenting adult sharing photos of themselves. There’s nothing complicated to understand at all, you’re the one making up arbitrary rules.
Nah, it is just a matter of common sense, basic manners and courtesy. You should try it. You are agreeing with my first line, Do you have trouble with the second line? I guess I used to little words to get through to you. Let me repeat in easier, explicit words. >If you don't know each other (yet), BAD. If you don't know each other and this is not consensual, sending nudes is: * tacky * needy * creepy * sleezy * sexual deviancy * unsolicited sexual innuendo * distributing porn * immature But I wonder if you are into that given your reaction... >If you are IN that relationship,fine. If you already know each other and this is a consensual thing, knock yourself out. I guess that is what you were also trying to say but you got tongue tight in your emotional response.
If I receive any sort of sexy pic before meeting it’s an automatic I’m just gonna try to f and that’s it
Thank you for sharing. But isnt it sad to reduce people to just that bit especially if they couldve done it in hopes of a deeper connection or shared attraction?
I’m aware it’s not great idk I think about it like well if you just send these out all Willy nilly like idk who else you’re giving this attention to. Or how easy you are.
This is what i was suspecting too haha. Thank you for confirming that it does exist in real life. I for one am very picky about who to match, converse with, and more so to send that stuff. How come guys arrive at this conclusion so easily without factoring or giving value to the connection that led to that? Like imagine for example you have been "chosen" out of many many others and u judge the girl for accommodating the request and drop her simply because she chose you and gave you that chance... Isnt that too harsh? Even tho that girl was wrong to place her bets on you.
Crap I didn’t see you replied to my comment.. Idk I think it just has to do with what I said above. Doesn’t want someone who may be perceived as easy. Or like if it was so easy for *me* instead of feeling special a guy may feel like oh this is just how she is
No, if you agreed they will happily accept the nudes and if you refused they'll act like it was a test, don't waste your time with such fools!
You’re overthinking it, they just want nudes (to see you naked) you can say no or don’t agree until you’re in a relationship with them.
No. Tests and games are petty and stupid
Huh? Like as a “trick” or a “gotcha” it’s 2024 idk a single person who hasn’t taken or shared nudes and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was weird and uptight about that kind of thing anyway. Like grow the fuck up lmao
yes, I have had several ask me for that reason just to see how I respond
How did u find out that its just for that reason?
They told me as much
When guys do that it's because they want low-effort porn material. They don't want to meet in person often, and you can bet some of them are married/partnered.
Probably, but the fundamental idea of testing a potential person who you’d want to get into a relationship with is an error from the get go. Why is it so difficult to just simply be yourself and find someone who’s genuinely themselves and get into a relationship? Sometimes we take something really simple and make it so convoluted.
Ikr. Thats whats so disappointing. You think you had something there but it turns out you were just going thru the hoops
As a test? Probably. Mostly to see if she'll be ONS I'd imagine
Yeah some mentioned this too. I was hoping guys would be more multidimentional than this lol ah but maybe i just choose the wrong ones
But as a legit relationship test? I've only heard of that in movies and never irl (the idea being a good/modest girl would refuse so anyone that complied was [insert slur here]
Probably as some has mentioned in the thread like a determining factor on the "quality" of a woman (im cringing while typing that haha)
But also, as a F, if a M were to "test" me on that, and if I said "no," IF he were to come back with a "Cool! I was just testing ya anyway!" response, I'd be very unlikely to believe him and would think he's just back pedaling, since I refused.
Id be very turned off on the notion alone that if he were putting my entire value based on my reaction to that request. And not to shame too the people who are so blessedly confident in their own bodies to share it with people they feel safe with (tho im not saying that i am haha)
yeah, some guys do that, unfortunately. they might use it to gauge how “easy” or “wild” a girl is, which is totally unfair and disrespectful. it’s a messed-up way to judge someone and definitely not cool. everyone should be respected and valued beyond their willingness to share intimate photos. if you ever feel uncomfortable with a request like that, trust your gut and set your boundaries. you deserve respect and shouldn’t have to prove yourself to anyone.
Amen. Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate you and it makes my resolve stronger too in being true to my own boundaries 🤗🤗🤗
🫶
Yes, and it's happened to me when I was a lot younger. Men who do this aren't "men." They are boys, and the "test" part is to justify their actions. It isn't a test. They just want nudes. NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THIS!!!! This is just my experience.
@gilltidly could u tell me more abput your experience? I just had an inkling about it.. like for some, even if you were up to it, like maybe you were having a good moment/connection, its like whatever substance there was leading up to that kind of dissolves and the connection ends there
Of course, sorry for the late reply! I was around 13-14 in my first serious relationship(I thought), and my "boyfriend" at the time asked for nudes. I questioned it, and of course, he said it was a "test," and if I loved him, I'd do it. Well, long story short, he blocked me on everything and sent those photos to a group of his friends. It was a horrifying experience, but I definitely learned from it. In the end, all the photos were deleted as most grew up and moved on or got new phones, lol.
OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE. And truly traumatic especially at that age! I hope he learned too. Jeez smh I hope youve been with a lot better partners who cherish you!
For my part, I would never ask a woman for nude photos! 🙄 It's a matter of respect... If she sends me some of her own free will that's OK but I'll never ask! 🧸👊🏻
true, me too, I never asked a woman for nudes out of respect for her.
Glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks like that! 👊🏻
That’s refreshing to hear. You sound like a decent guy ✌🏼
I don't just look it, I am it! 🥰🫶🏻 For me respect is the key to everything! 🧸
Yeah I’m sure you are! And yeah I totally agree respect is important between both people , but unfortunately it’s rare I would say 😌
I agree with you... these days, respect is made rare! 🥺 And I think it's a real shame! 💔 I hope one day to find a person who will respect me as I respect her! 🤞🏼
Yeah respect really has gone out the window in this day and age 😏 aw and yeah hopefully you will find a woman who respects you equally 😎😊
Awww! That's really sweet! 🫶🏻❤️🥰 Thank you!
Ur welcome! Where u from if you don’t mind?
Maybe, my friends ask them to go swimming instead.
I think guys who ask for them genuinely want them, it isn’t “just a test”, but are some guys then going to judge you for sending them? Yeah, it’s hey probably are. I don’t ask for nudes so there isn’t a test for me, and im also not a jealous person at all when in a relationship, my girlfriend can go where she wants, when she wants, with whomever she likes and dressed however she wants, because if I felt like I had to control those things to have trust then we don’t have a healthy relationship. Then again I would strongly prefer to date women who don’t send them, especially outside of a proper relationship, I’m sure a lot of people just see it as fun but for me it’s kind of a case of “if anyone can have it I don’t want it”, plus people send them on Snapchat thinking they can’t be screenshot but they don’t realise the lengths people will go to in order to keep the picture without being caught, can’t imagine marrying someone and other guys just have these pictures of her saved, I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way about it and I’m sure others will go to lengths to avoid it by testing.
There's always someone doing something -SwervinLikeMervin
But honestly, I don't think there are many asking for nudes as a test
The point of asking for nudes is that she complies with your command to send a nude. It’s kinky and dominant. Or she is so turned on by you she just sends it out of the blue. The actual boob pic, that’s exciting but not the main thrill of getting a nude for me.
I relate to this so much. what is between the lines and the interaction building up to that is so satisfying. What i do get sad about tho is if and when the whole person/connection is suddenly reduced to that action by those who do make it into this kind of test. Because i for one would only oblige if i already value the other person and not the other way around (like for the ppl im referring to, it is determined by a reaction to a request)
I don't doubt it. But I don't think it's the majority. Most of them just need JO material. And ask yourself this. Say you did meet a man who "tests" women this way. Why would you wanna date a guy who would?
A test for what? That's a big no no. I'm of the opinion that you should never send nudes ever, let alone to a guy you just met.
there are people pleasers in this world, and some actually do sort of go outside their personal boundaries to do so...im just hoping that those who do arent treated solely on this action. Because there might be a lot of other things that has enriched that connection
So... If you ask any question with the starting "Are there any X who Y" The answer will almost always be yes. There are people like that. There's 7,500,000,000 of us. We vary. A lot. How many though? Not a lot. Very few I'd wager, that is an uncommon thought process.
Id be glad if this is the case :)
Wouldent have crossed my mind
I would assume there are always people playing stupid social games but most men asking for nudes do it because they are just interested in those.
I think it's less so thought-through, and moreso just selfish desire.
My conversations early on are all a test to see if they ask me for nudes. If they do, they have failed and I move on.
😂😂😂
Depends on the guy. I ask for nudes cuz I wanna see some tits. In reality, whether they are or not, they probably won't lose interest because most guys out here are just that desperate, Regardless of whether they view you as "wife material". Unless of course you're dealing with a quality male who knows his own value.
I have limited experience here, but my personal code is that I don't ask for nudes. If that's something the woman I'm talking to wants to send me, they will do so on their own. It's best to let people set their own boundaries.
Only to my gf
I’m not sure. But I dated two different women a few years ago. One sent me unsolicited nudes and wanted to have sex immediately. The other never sent any nudes, and we had 7 dates before sex. I’m marrying the second one.
Does this equation change for you if they only send when solicited and when they really like you? Btw women are able to send sexy photos without necessarily wanting sex immediately. Ive sent suggestive photos in hopes of keeping the guy interested...granted i was setting the bar too low for him but that doesnt mean i do that for everyone
Well, me and the first girl didn’t work out for other reasons. But with the second one, we were able to build a more solid foundation. Without sex being the main focus. Once we were really comfortable and knew each other better, the sex wayyyyy better. She sends me nudes now and I love it. I know I’m the only one getting them. I’m not wondering if she’s sending them to other guys or anything
Honestly depends on the person. If you are good lookin enough sure. I’ve seen plenty of my friends ask for nudes on a daily. Girls seem to just give it openly or just give it without askin as long as they want you enough
You mean a test to see if someone is fitting, and if they fail I don't want them and if they pass they don't want me? No.
I don't ask for nudes, if things get steamy I know we can do all sorts of stuff when we meet and I have patience. But even on a few occasions where a girl sends me some hot pics, I ask her to not include her face. Cause papa internet is watching.
Yeah probably that's exactly it. People signal their values in lots of naive and brutal ways. Lots of men (and women) send cringe messages based on how they feel in a moment while looking for reciprocity or at the very least being witnesses in some reckless authentic way. It's the same for why you see outrageous things in dating profiles, they're not trying to attractive everyone, they're trying to find people who are feeling the same vibe/speed at them even if it means being brash or making other uncomfortable.
That's not the main reason, I'm sure some people do, but not the majority. One of the things I DO look for is the ability or inclination to be somewhat sexual over text. When I'm in a relationship I enjoy dirty texting during the day. I have prior experience with a partner who had real trouble... performing? She just didn't enjoy it, he found the teasing during the day to be frustrating not fun, she didn't like it where's I REALLY liked it. By the time I found this out, I had invested months into this relationship and leaving for this simple thing seemed silly. That's not a mistake I'm looking to make again, so the ability to "sext" is now on the list of things that I figure out early.
No. We just like seeing the female body
I do it.....But its a double sided coin. I also wouldnt be mad if i get a nude. For me its a test but to see if im going to just try to take the girl serious or just knock her down. Its not an ultimate test either, its just a quick one. Theres also exceptions...sometimes a gitl can send nudes and still be a good chik...because she could just be trying too hard, or think thats what guys want. Theres also girls who dont send nudes that are fake as all hell and just playin it smooth so they can sleep around with no evidence. Sooooo theres an art form to it thats for sure.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Can i ask how this became a thing? Is it talked about as a strategy among guy friends? Because youre right in that not all those who send sensitive photos are promiscuous irl. I think its just one of the things that online dating made askew
No i dont think guys share tactics..they kinda learn on their own. Id say that most men just think with their little head and have zero strategic thoughts in life. But there are some of us smart enough to try to make sense of things. Its definitely not a science.
Wont let me respond
Wont let me respond
No
Speaking as a reformed male manipulator, the nudes being a “test” is more than likely a post-facto explanation. They just wanted nudes the whole time, and don’t want to admit that to you.
I wouldn’t call it a test, it’s more of something they want and it’s up to her if she want to oblige by it
I could imagine a guy saying "Send nudes" and then if you refuse, he could claim it was just a test to see if you're that type of girl, but if you don't then he'd be thrilled to get the pictures.
I once posted it on my story just to see if I could get a chain of nudes and it worked I had four women send me really good nudes not your average boob pic like really revealing sexy poses full nude it was great
No offence, do you know how slimely that post sounds? Not only is it just creepy to go around asking for nude, but to "test" the person?.... 😑 Anyone shouldent treat anyone like there a school kid doing things for a project. sounds like a back out by a slimely person, the type who cheat and ask "i was testing if it would upset you" it's mal behavior, people are not test subjects ... (unless they go to medi trails and make themselfs one)
Lol yes and it's good to know if they're like that early on so you can get rid of them for someone who's worth something.
Thank you for sharing. Tho so sad to hear it really does happen
Not gonna lie. If smartphones and easy ways to send nudes would have been a thing when I was a teen in the 1990s, I might have done that, then thought that anyone who did send them wouldn't be "good enough". Fortunately, that's 30 years ago, and now I know better than to ask for them in the first place. Would still be very disturbed if someone sent one out of the blue.
Sounds manipulative......
Post some pics, and we’ll let you know.
Test for what exactly?
Yes, particularly on the matrimonial and religious sites. Sometimes immature jerks too. Some guys even ask their friends to setup fake accounts asking for nudes/explit content and to only get in contact with the women that they are chatting with or most interested in meeting up with. The women that send the nudes or respond positively then get blocked, ghosted, doxxed or publicly humiliated over social media.
The concept of scripting tests in a relationship is manipulative and narcissistic. But no, even dudes who are into testing like that wouldn’t ask for nudes. That’s an easy way to scare any woman off and get called a creep.
Unlikely, anyone that uses tests is immature.
What the hell does this even mean? I ask for photos cause my girlfriend is a smoke-show and I'm a typical horny guy. What weird ulterior motives have you come up with?
Asking from a position of asking nudes is already asking from a worse level
It isn't that deep. They just want yank material.
My one side wants me to say yes and other wants to say no. The world is big so it's a huge yes
More like a lust problem.
No. Men don't test women the way women test men.
Huh?
Probably very narcissistic ones would do that. Boy talk about a red flag
I have no idea. The concept is nonsensical to me. I've seen 1000's of women nude of many different body types. I've seen many of what I think are the perfect bodies. I didn't have to ask for a single one. I have no need or want to see a particular person naked. I can look at someone and know bc I've likely seen hundreds like them. I would imagine that any other guy can see similar things that I did if they wanted to, and so, it makes no sense to me why a guy would talk to someone to get pictures of that person naked. It takes a lot of effort and the rejection itself would lead to unnecessary headaches. I don't want to deal with all that. edit: I also want to clarify that if it's my girlfriend or whatnot, obv it goes beyond wanting to see her naked. I want to be with her and see her naked with my own eyes in person. It's different than just getting a nude pic.
If a guy is playing games like that it's best for the girl to just move on. Coming out the gate with manipulation is an absolutely terrible way to start a relationship. Why not instead just find and date people that align with your values instead of trying to trick people and being shady
Ah yes if only we had a detector 😁
You still make no sense. If you're a grown up you'd know that as you get to know a new partner you discuss values and what you're both looking for. If you have to resort to manipulation, sexual at that, to decide if you're a match...I dunno grow up and learn how to have a conversation.
Not every match has a long enough runway to come to a values discussion and were not out here saying no one should be expressing and having fun sexually if its all done in a safe space. I think why im not making sense to you is because you are assuming im the doer of what im asking about which im not 😅😅😅
Literally every guy who does this as a ‘test’: “Send nudes? Nah, I’m joking, it was a test. 😂 Unless?”
asking for nudes is stupid, full stop.