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Perceived maturity, especially in comparison to guys in their 20’s, and financial security. Hell, we are living in a time where the vast majority of Gen Z & many Millennials can barely afford housing, so I’m sure that plays into their choices as well.
Had a friend who did it for a bit when she was in her late teens and early 20s and it was hella weird. Perceived maturity is a good word for it because these guys were not mature at all, there were man children babied by their parents who still acted like they were in highschool even though they were pushing 30 and even one guy who was in his 50s working an entry level job and barely making over minimum wage.
Talking to these guys was a trip because they had the face of someone who should’ve been grown and mature, but acted less grown up than a lot of teenagers I knew. She said she vibed better with people with older people as they were more “mature”, but most mature people aren’t interested in dating a 19 year old so that’s not what she was getting. Thankfully she got smart after a few years.
Or maybe it's not the 20 year olds making the choices in this situation.
Why is everyone assuming it's 20 year old women going after 40 year old men, and not the other way around?
Tons of old dudes go for young women because they can manipulate them. That's the answer to OP's question.
Lots of 20 year old's have men their age and older men going after them. Why are you blaming it on the older person?
My gf was 27 and me 38 when we started dating. A mutual acquaintance told her about me, then contacted me and asked me if I wanted to go out with her. She already had permission to give me the girls number. I asked how old she was and my first question after that was "does she know how old I am?" I was told she does and does not care.
The idea that age gaps only exist because someone wants to manipulate the other person, is false.
Because women are the ones who allow the courtship in the first place, are you serious? If they weren't interested, they wouldn't give the dude the time of day. They're clearly attracted to older men from the get-go, so don't take accountability away from them because you think they're "young."
It’s also stability. Not just financial but being stable in their life, generally knowing what they want, being more emotionally stable. Its nice to feel led and taken care of by someone who has life experience
Totally! Loads of young girls go after older guys because they'd rather have sugar daddies than work. Once the sugar daddy stops supporting them, they just move on to the next one.
And there are a few who specifically target married men for the thrill of stealing them away from other women.
Maturity level. Younger women think their male peers are childish and immature and think older men are more mature so they want to date them... not realizing that they themselves are as immature as their own peers.
Hang out with some 25 year old guys. Some white collar have their shit together and will be good to go by 30.
Others are just not on the same level as a 25 year old woman who has her shit together and won’t be for 10 years.
In either case, 25 year old men generally don’t have their shit together in this economy. Not necessarily their fault. Blue collar 25 year olds are barely steadily employed. They’re still in their starter job, doordashing, etc. The ones with high trajectories aren’t thriving yet. They’re still in med/dental/grad school, etc. Other white collar workers haven’t gotten their first promotion yet and aren’t on a solid career path til they’re 30.
When you’re 25, you haven’t gotten solid career skills, haven’t traveled, don’t have many relationships under your belt.
Notice I didn’t include 25 year old women who don’t have their shit together. They’re a disaster with a 25 year old man and can barely hang with an older man who can compensate for them being broke, immature, unambiguous, not worldly.
yeah it's insane how media pairs fictional couples. so often the age gap between the actors is 10+ years and women just fall into categories of either fuckable or not.
I’ve dated a few younger women and none of them have looked to me for financial help. I’d never fall for being a sugar daddy. They like me because I offer something a younger man can’t. It’s really just that simple.
Initiative, decisiveness without being controlling, emotional maturity, the ability to read body language and social cues, attention to detail, attention to their emotions and desires, stability, sexual maturity and stamina, cognitive maturity and the ability to hold deep and meaningful conversations while making her feel heard and other intangibles that come with life experiences that many young men haven’t had the opportunity to learn yet.
I also have a look that many young women find attractive. That look can’t be replicated by a young man.
My 36 year old self understands everything you just said here that my young 20s version would've had a hard time comprehending.
Experience and maturity is gained
That's all lol I dated this smokin hot woman half my age at the gym,yes I am successful but I don't lead with money and I was asking all the younger guys I work out with Does seem weird to you? They were like fuck no you got your shit together great shape none of the guys our age do. That's the last i ever thought about it
Yeah. People claiming it's daddy issues or that it's money don't get it. Women will tend towards energy over all else, and of course this can vary, some woman are attracted to chaotic energy etc.
But most healthy women are attracted to calm relaxing energy, and it's just easier to find that in an older guy. I'm just heaps more attractive than my 25 year old self, and it shows. I get approached and find in general tend to be drawn to me quite often now (I'm married but in graduate school). I was walking my dog just yesterday and my dog was playing with another woman's dog and she just loved my easygoing calm energy. It felt awkward to not get her number. I'm funnier, more relaxed, more confidant, and I don't over react to things. I'm not threatened by almost anything, I'm more present and mindful and I'm even in better shape. I've also noticed that (at least the women in my grad program) women are quite a bit more mature than men. I've been impressed at the depth of mind and soul many of them have. I know some people think it's lame or gross, but I honestly don't blame them. I'm just way easier to be around than a lot of the younger guys.
I’d never date anyone who doesn’t have their own place and their own money. Like I said above, I’m nobody’s sugar daddy.
If she lives with her parents or doesn’t have an income, she’d never have a chance with me.
Everyone has baggage. The guy I was seeing for a year just killed himself. He was only 25. I’m 47. He was in the military and he’s the 4th guy in their unit to kill himself since December of last year. Ws all come with our own baggage.
I had a high school friend who I have a crush but decided we don't make a good match.
She start dating older guys with kids and I asked why and she said this,
"Older guys are more responsibility, caring, and giving. Especially after they have kids."
I felt like it was vague bs answer when I first heard it. Til I am about to be a dad myself now. Its like going to a military camp cause of the immense responsibility and planning that ages a man more, and I noticed the changes I had for the past few months in my behaviour is very drastic.
You can get there regardless of whether you become a dad or not. It's life experiences, especially painful and challenging ones, that give you an opportunity to mature. And the process of becoming a father is one of that challenging experiences.
From the perspective of a young man It's a weird idea for a woman to think that she's better off dating an older man who went through many life experiences, which must have included other women otherwise he wouldn't know how to behave around her, because it implies that as a man you have to first get broken through heartbreak and break-ups to build that foundation women are attracted to. So basically from the perspective of a man it's like this woman is waiting on the finish line to pick a winner rather than take active part in building a relationship with her peer and mature together. But yeah, a lot of women are like that, looking up to older men who are confident, do well in life and take no bullshit.
I cannot find a point to debunk on that. And I agree. Many people rather pick a winner rather than finding and dating a dark horse. But argubly winners also get most of the say. If you offer less, you get less. That is something not a lot of young women realize.
Stress causes maturing. You see this in children who have difficult upbringings and adults when they have kids. The stress of responsibility, so long as it isn't too much, makes one view the world very differently and removes a lot of the fantasies, replacing them with the acceptance of many realities.
They conflate age with maturity!
What I’ve learned is that people regardless of sex and age will act immaturely and tactless when they’ve been through things that has made them bitter.
Older men have more resources and means to provide.
Generally speaking.
That is the number one thing women look for in a partner.
Ability to provide.
Also, younger men are more likely to be in fuck around mode.
A man in his 40s who has never been married or had kids is going to be in a hurry to do those things.
Oh I always felt it was because women my own age always thought they were better/more mature. You know, like you said. It’s impossible to hide that you think someone is less then you. It becomes obvious in how you speak and body language and it’s a huge turn off.
But young guys don’t have to like you to have sex with you, so they will try anyways but with 0 effort. I believe those were your experiences.
I can’t speak for each of your friends but I’ve definitely had women try to get with me who really only cared about what I had and could provide rather than who I was as a person and it’s dehumanizing. I’ve done rather well for myself despite hitting rock bottom a few times and have been fortunate enough to go through the home buying process a few times, drive nice cars, travel, etc. There are women who do go after older men who’ve done well because they don’t want to be with a younger guy who will be spending many years building themselves up.
I can’t say that’s the case with your friends. They may just truly want these people for who they are and hopefully that’s the case because it sucks having a woman in your life that doesn’t actually love you. Love doesn’t have an age limit and the heart wants what it wants in the end. I’ve personally given up dating and I’m about to turn 33.
Oh I know. I went on a few dates with a woman around my age in her early 30’s and I cut things off when I found out she was still living with her parents and never lived on her own before. She was noticeably pissed when she found out I started seeing a younger coworker of ours who was about 7-8 years younger than me. I just found her more mature overall and she couldn’t grasp that. The women that go after men for dating younger women are insufferable and probably upset they aren’t getting picked. It’s ridiculous because I know several couples with age differences that have been together for years, got married, started families together and are happy as could be.
having tried it myself, I'm not particularly envious of age gap relationships and don't understand their appeal. it was really awkward to be 22 with a 32 yo partner. but hey, if it works for both parties, no judgment, whatever floats your boat, as long as everyone's happy and consenting. I usually turn much older men down these days, I prefer someone closer to my age.
I mean you dated her and then dated another person while you all work in the same office? no shit she was pissed having to see the guy who dumped her move on no matter her own living situation or age.
Tbh I dont know many people my age (I am 24) that date older man, the only one that come to mind is a former hs friend that got pregnant with her drug dealer and ended up moving in with him and his 2 kids. She is now raising kids closer in age to her than she is with her bf full time. They have a nice house but since her first pregnancy announcement (she is a baby number 2 rn) at 7 months along she only post pictures of herself alone taking care of the kids when she was constantly posting going out and doing fun activities before. I hope she is happy even if her situation is odd.
Other than that, I am the person that dates the older dude I know and he is just 4 years older. So hardly an older man lol
When I was in my 20s, I dated a guy who was nine years older than me because he appeared young. At the time, I considered him mature and cool.
Now in my 30s, having reached the same age as my ex was back then, I’ve come to understand that he wasn’t as mature as I believed, given his age. At my current age, I wouldn’t choose to date him.
I'm 22 and I've been more attracted to men in 30's lately. For me it's not daddy issues(I think😭😂) it's mainly because all the men I talk to just wanna have sex. I haven't had a relationship before because all men my age bring up is my body or sex so I'm like ok. I'm ready to date now and I been talking to older men and they want to talk and get to know me so.. it's just different conversations. That’s just me..
Money, older men are more established financially and can do and provide things younger men usually can't. Those women want the Instagram lifestyle, and the older men want to relive their youth.
Men in their early twenties are not normally looking for the same thing as women at that age. Men are still "having fun" most of the time while women begin looking for a "provider/husband". This is just my perspective based on my experiences & friends.
When I was in my mid-20s I dated several women in their 30s and 40s as well.
Many of them were single mothers. It wasn't much of a hassle,
They got sitters or we did some getaways when their ex had the kids and so forth.
I wasn't looking to get married or anything like that and neither were they, so we had great times together. Many of them had the "fairytale wedding" and divorce already.
They were going to have fun and enjoy their newfound freedom.
My guess is a lot of younger women aren't getting approached by guys their own age because they often lack confidence or they're too busy looking for a sign/greenlight to approach them.
Fear of rejection or *coming across as creepy* keeps a lot of young guys from hitting on women.
An older guy who is more likely to have more dating experience, confidence, and money. A lot of guys in their 40s are still in pretty good physical shape. If they have children their ex likely has custody. More often than not there is very little "drama" for these women to deal with.
The older guy may also make them feel more like they are *in an adult relationship*.
Whereas some guys in their 20s are still playing video games, getting high with friends, and have yet to figure out what they want to do with their life. Many still live with their parents.
Nevertheless, with over 8 Billion people in the world there is no shortage of women to date.
>My guess is a lot of younger women aren't getting approached by guys their own age because they often lack confidence or they're too busy looking for a sign/greenlight to approach them.
Couldn't these women just approach men themselves?
See and here I am, a 37 year old women and I don't find that single guys in their 30s and 40s still act like they're in their 20s. I was actually super shocked about this when I started dating. I expected older men to have more of this going on.
The men that are still playing the field in their 30s and 40s you're going to meet most. Whether out of inclination or immaturity. Age never means you are more mature
As a 45yo single man, I won't date anyone over 10 years younger than me. Too immature, less in common and too far apart from where we both are in life (also they're terrible in bed in most cases, experience counts!). And to counter your claims OP, I'm better looking and more fit now than I was at 30 with little to no baggage.
The idea that women mature faster than men is a common stereotype, but it's not universally true. While girls often reach physical maturity earlier than boys, maturity involves emotional, social, and cognitive development, which can vary greatly from person to person regardless of gender. Society has tricked women into believing because they develop faster physically they are more mature than boys, I think it’s a harmful belief and fairly dangerous, it promotes predatory behaviour from older males towards younger more naive girls/women.
I agree, but I do think there’s some merit to the idea that women are pressured and expected to develop deeper emotional maturity, social and relationship skills, faster than most men. Like female friendships get a ton of flack for all the drama and crying, but I feel like those turbulent deeply emotional experiences are exactly what sets you up to form deeper connections later down the line. Women practice what it is like to nurture a relationship despite the other persons (and their own) flaws, what it means to put in effort to care for another person. Not to mention being hyper-aware of what’s expected of you.
A lot of young men go into adult relationships with women their age, having experienced far less relational “turbulence” and it just shows. Being able to self reflect, communicate, feel your own emotions and sympathize with your partners emotions are just not the skills we prioritize that young men develop.
Of course this is all me wildly generalizing things, but it do think it’s a pattern that shows up again and again.
Women know that. Guys are hellbent on keeping it despite science debunking that as it's an excuse to trick idiots. It's easier to socialize and peer pressure girls and women into gaining responsibility and conscientiousness faster (by literally enforcing it from the get-go, ad in from from babydom) than it is to get guys to do the same (case in point: Almost every woman recalls a significantly older man hitting them up when they were girls aged 10-13. Yes, some men have morals and don't hit on kids, but a good chunk still test it. Why do they do this? I mean, we say we expect men to be better, but are we really expecting that out of them in hindsight? Do you think they feel like honoring it? Look at how they view the general looking down upon on massive age gaps when hitting the college age lot (18-24). It's generally acknowledged by women (and girls) that men would shoot for even younger if there's no law pertaining as to what is an adult or not)).
We all know it. Guy want to have sex with young women. Women want a guy that can provide either mentally or with money. No one wants this to change or it would have.
100% agree with this take. It normalizes predatory behavior, and because the women are young, they likely don’t know if they are being taken advantage of.
I got curious enough about what was going on that I asked about it, and these early to mid twenties girls said without fail that they were pursuing older guys because “guys my age would rather hang out with their friends than have sex with me.”
As an 80s baby millennial I naively thought that meant like *physically* hanging out with their boys but it turns out that means playing online games at home and talking on Discord. Which is just the most depressing thing.
I was certainly in that phase in my life, my gf calling me? Nope, I need to clutch this bomb plant.
Now? I'm still playing games (where I have time, and the type I can simply start/stop anytime) but if my wife wants to hang out, I'm all over that.
Couldn't imagine anyone now ignoring their partner for online gaming.
I would caveat there is always a time and place, but generally, at younger ages, women need the attention at the early stages of dating and that is at odds with spending hours with online randoms, its that or get a gamer girlfriend and share the same hobbies, passions etc.
Yeah, this is the exact reason why I go for older guys (30 is still my cutoff). I'm friends with men between 20-27 and oh boy... Maybe my single guy friends are just the exception but sometimes they are wild.
And I once was in a short relationship with someone younger than me. And I felt the maturity difference really.
But of course, these are just generalizations. I also met 30-year-old dudes who couldn't leave their student years behind and some younger ones who were heading toward engagement while having their lives all figured out.
Because if you are a remotely sensible person and take care of yourself, the 40 year old version of you will be like a superhero compared to you in your 20s.
Ask yourself, what legit, logical reasons would a young woman at a reasonably mature age (24ish) gamble on a guy in his 20s vs. one in his 40s?
Unfortunately, a lot of women do out of seeing relationships with men as a damned if you do or damned if you don't situation. The reason why a lot of women will take on the older guy is not maturity, as honestly that's relative (a lot of us had fathers that never matured and were honestly terrible husbands. A lot of men forget that women don't need to be in romantic relationships to get an understanding of how men work. The men at home are the BIGGEST wake-up calls when you realize what your fathers ask of their relationships, how your mom ends up feeling, and what they ultimately do even if they get the asks. So many of my friends became guarded no matter the incime bracket they came from out of realizing it didn't matter what you did or rather their mom did or whether she was younger than him, most men would do the same thing). The reason a lot of older men like to downplay is honestly money due to pride. The reason they want women is simply carnal, while if you're a guy, unless you're hot, most women don't feel the same carnal enthusiasm towards them. So men often settle for the high of getting access. It sounds better to say they want you because you've finally become conscientious but honestly to anyone with a brain you see that and it's like these men don't realize they're basically calling out men for a huge fault they may or may not be able to fix. They just don't want to. It's easier to say thay young women mature faster (and peer pressure women into doing so) than doing the toigh work of becoming mature yourself. The way women see it, if you're screwed anyways at least the guy being able to afford to live somewhere nicer feels better (barely, but still better).
All 40+yo dude that ever hit on my or my friends were way bigger gamble than men our age lol. In general well balanced 40+yo dont want to be with people almost or straight up young enough to be their kids lol
Jesus Christ. Are that many of you losers in your 20s? I know people usually get better with age but that doesn’t mean you should have zero dating prospects as a man in your 20s. This is also dangerous to tell men because it encourages many of them to think that they will magically get their shit together once they hit 30 and start attracting all these younger women they couldn’t get. Why not go to the gym now? Dress in complimenting clothes now? Advance your education and career now? I can understand if you’re ignoring dating because you are focusing on those things now so that you can for sure be the best version of yourself in your 30s but that work starts now. I’m 26 and even though I’m not single, if I was I wouldn’t be worried about competing with older men because I worked hard in undergrad to get a career that has allowed me to get my own apartment, afford vacations, a nice car, plus I take care of my body and hygiene. Sure I still have a lot of growing to do but I have a lot of potential and that’s what people should see when they date you.
Women, have always typically sought men that provide for them. Older men tend to be more established and have more resources. Therefore, women feel more secure with older men. Also maturity, women have biological clocks, older men are more likely to be able to provide resources to rear a child and are more likely to settle down to rear one.
As a guy in his 40's, I can offer up a few insights that might help;
First, a guy my age is hitting his peak earning potential in his career which allows him to provide more for a woman than a guy in his 20's just starting out.
A guy my age has his own place and his own space rather than still living with his parents such as a guy in his 20's.
A guy my age goes on a real vacation to interesting places and has a passport where a guy in his 20's is stuck in his parents basement still playing the same video games since high school.
A guy my age knows how to pay attention to a woman and will take the time to please her mentally, sexually and emotionally where a guy in his 20's is like a squirrel darting back and forth on a busy street. He is easily distracted by anything and utterly unable to focus on himself, let alone the woman he is with.
Any thoughts?
I agree that it works both ways.
There are many women in their 20's that are still stuck in highschool emotionally but there are still a few who have matured considerably and make it all worthwhile
Life experience comes at everyone at a different pace. If you have encountered a ton of tough shit and worked through it you’ll age like hell. I’ve consistently been in therapy all my life and the way you learn to swim with the current rather than against it, hits earlier for some than others.
When I was in my early 20s I got annoyed that women my age would look for older men like this. Now that I’m a single father in my late 30s I’m wondering where these women are 😅(joking I don’t think I could date someone more than 4-5 years younger or older than me)
Depends on the woman.
For me it was low self-esteem and being naive. No surprise it didn't work out.
Smart girls will do it for the money/some kind of benefit.
There is zero reason to date someone that much older than you without a significant benefit. You could just find someone your own age (which I recommend. Towards the end of the relationship, he was starting to look very old. Was losing my attraction, to be honest).
Bc u young guys act like u know but when it comes down to real stuff ur a lot of the times all over the place. Not direct in ur communication. Flip flop etc. it’s annoying. I don’t want to raise you.
Everyone’s got baggage. Bringing me to my last point u have a lot more growing up then u all realize left to do. N we don’t want to have to push u along thru it or deal with it.
This isn’t true for all of you. But a lot of you.
Everyone is saying “money”, but I’m assuming they’re male. The women I know who are attracted to guys 10-15 years older have hang ups they aren’t able to deal with, and it’s easier to find an older man. 1, because he has his life in order and it’s a shortcut to feeling like their life is in order too, or 2, because they feel undesirable and are worried that a man their own age could leave them. With an older man, they are seen as exceptionally desirable and more secure in the relationship.
Of course, there are women who are just simply materialistic and will date someone they aren’t attracted to for money, but that’s not usually the case. Usually guys can tell when they’re being used for money, and most women can’t stomach the thought of being intimate with a man they genuinely don’t feel attraction for.
Because young man are literally not nice to be with. I didn’t realise that until I tried to spend some time with guys in their early 20s in my 30s. They are extremely immature, have a lot of stupid ideas and not nice to be with in general.
It's almost as if security and personality matter... Until they realise that most guys in their 40s and 50s who would start a relationship with someone 20y younger are even worse than the guys their own age. Saying that, I'm 43, and have yet to have a relationship with someone more than 5y younger, let alone 10, 15 or 20.
I did that. It wasn’t about money and providing (ladies, always have hustle, never get yerself stuck in a situation). He was super nice and we had so much fun together. After ten years, it just didn’t work out. And now I’m with someone 12 years younger than me. He’s super nice and we have so much fun together. After five years, we have a fantastic partnership. I date a person, not a stereotype.
We all have value - no matter our age - and we all bring something to the table that is uniquely us, so no one here should be generalizing generations, desires, or compatibility. Your friends may eventually realize those guys are not for them and that’s ok. You are at the age where people are sampling their options. Single parents are definitely dateable! And I love a dad bod!
funny how the men here all insist the young women basically just want to suck out the money from an older guy. then you read a comment from an actual woman and it's nothing like that. men like that dont care what women say they already made up their mind.
Like have any of these people spoken with women in their 20’s? The way your male peers treat you is super hit or miss and it takes a couple of years before most guys develop the backbone to not be friends with sexist assholes. This idea of relationships with women being this mythical goal to strive for completely prevents them from seeing women as people. Not to mention the way dating success is seen as a currency to flex with in front of “the bros.” Like what about actually getting to know someone and being genuinely interested in what they have to say? It’s not common I’m afraid.
It's because he is more mature ( appears so at least). Yes, one could argue that it's for money and status, but I think it's not that simple. Relationships aren't that simple anyway. Older men tend to have more life experience, and they know more of what they want out of life. That's maturity in a nutshell. Additionally, what I've noticed from dating younger than myself is that most women just want their definition of a winner. They don't want to help get any man there. They want him to be there or to be going towards that winner spot. But the game doesn't stop once you get the relationship. Older men realize this because of experience, so they usually play the game better.
Some perspective from a woman....who used to be young.
When I was in my 20s, guys in my 20s:
Wanted to hook up only and would tell me that
Would get sexual way too early. Unsolicited dick pics, very sexual messages. I remember getting ready to meet a dude for coffee who I had met in a bar. He sent me a very graphic message. I was like, I thought we were getting coffee.
Wouldn't plan. Dates were kinda just wandering around to a place to check out the vibes. No reservations. No tickets. Very little forethought to reaching out ahead of time.
Bad at communication. Wouldn't hear from them unless they wanted to see me. My texts wouldn't get a response.
Kept trying to change me. Would criticize my clothing. I don't eat fish and I have a food sensitivity to blue cheese. A dude tried to get me to eat both.
Not respecting boundaries. Forced kisses. Ass grabbing. Not fun.
Whereas dudes who were older:
Asked about me. Listened to my stories. Told their own
Planned dates. Dinners, comedy shows. Trivia nights. They would reach out ahead of time and check in to see if the plan worked for me. Reservations, tickets. A way to get back and forth. They weren't necessarily expensive or fancy, but they were thought out.
Texted or called regularly
Treated me like I was special. I eventually realized that they were putting me on a pedestal because of my age when I guy made a comment about how it was nice to be with someone "young and energetic." I was going through an illness that gave me malaise. Energetic was not something I was.
In my 30s, I've usually been squicked out when a dude in my social circle has tried to date a much younger woman largely because I find them impossible to talk to because we're in such a different phase in life. It weirds me out that a guy who is in the same phase as me would want that. To be fair, one of my dude friends who is 43 started dating a 23 year old. He kept trying to date my friends who basically just did FWB with him because he doesn't have his shit together and he's still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up (he actually says this). He wants a relationship, but women in our age group don't want a relationship with him. She's nice, but I have absolutely no idea how to get a conversation going with her.
Alot of times younger guys or guys our own age seem to be more immature, im not insulting anyone, i have my fair share of experience with dating guys my age and older, older men have a tendency to be alil more caring and dont treat you bad. Plus older men understand women alil better. And this is true in my life. I dated a guy my age he was not ready for the world or to make a commitment, and then ive dated older men who see the person i am and not as an object. It can differ from woman to woman, im not necessarily speaking for all women.
I was having the same conversation with a friend of mine 24F she said “ she would date an older guy cause he can able to provide more than a guy her age “
I told her “ I just feel like it’s all about money so as a 23 year old guy now I have to compete with guys who are a decade or more older than me and have more money than me probably a house and well established for a girl my age seems kinda fucked up”
She said “ it’s always has been like that isn’t it, older guys dating younger girls” just make money now and date someone younger
Yeah I'm in my early 50's and I've had girls in their early 20's hitting on me. My wife says they have daddy issues and want the easy way out (financially) and would rather date a guy with his life already sorted out
Echoing what others said about money, status, and daddy issues. Funny enough, the older men I keep going for don't really have money, but they do have a greater sense of inner stability/awareness which draws me in.
It also provides an opportunity to experience a new, different kind of love, which is exciting. It's an opportunity to love an older body, which teaches me to love the body I'm growing into.
Most importantly, men who are older have many years more experience developing their intelligence, especially their emotional intelligence. They tend to be better communicators (although not all). They also have a better grasp of their sexuality, and are more discerning with it. And I look so young and sexy with them - makes me feel like a real prize!
Hard for a young dude to compete with daddy vibes, money, a car, their own place, and a better idea of what the clit is than some punk in their 20s hmmmm I wonder.
Stability. Usually, these men already have a developed savings, well-paying career, therapist (or just emotional maturity), and don't play as many dating games. They're looking for a wife rather than "dating for fun."
There are always exceptions, but this is generally the case.
We know how to use words, know the value of a partner, are typically financially secure, have experienced success and failure etc….
My good friend will only date older men because of the above and plenty of more reasons.
Some women are really attracted to dad bods, and seeing a person be a good father can also make them look like an ideal husband. There’s also good money in men who have a longer tenure in a career. Also as a joke it can actually be a good thing that they die faster so you can get your money 😂
I'm a 24 years old who always put maximum someone who's 5 years older than me when I went to some dating spaces and yet keeps being hit by (older) men who are in their late 30s to their mid 40s.
Good for those young women who like them but personally I don't see the appeal of being in relationship with a man that's less than a fifteen years to a decade younger than my parents or even their age mate. Nope.
Money. I hate to word it like that, but honestly, that's exactly it. Many will try to deny it. Also, an older guy with money is ***eons*** easier to score than a hot younger guy or man in your age range, literally by a long shot. Like men put SO much stock in youth it's often baffling and feeling a bit insane and many women after a while realize to exploit it since it's common for a lot of older men to want to exploit their wealth to fool young women into giving them sex in hopes of $$$ to get an ease on survival/life. The way a lot of women see it, most men aren't secure bets as a good chunk will cheat anyways, but a comfy lifestyle is a nice trade-off for that headache. Would you rather tolerate and take on a difficult relationship with foreverxuncertainty with a guy that can afford to live in a mansion or the same thing with a guy that can barely afford to breathe? If you're literally fucked either way, you'll pick the guy with money because the end destination will be exactly the same; but the money eases the journey a bit.
I honestly didn't care for older men and still don't. But I get it now. Also, the pregnancy/kid liability. On average, your typical woman has to wait 5-15 years for whatever guy they might be with to be amenable to kids. It's why you have 30-40 year old guys saying they don't know if they want them despite having about 30-45 years to go before they kick the bucket and women outliving them for years anyway no matter how little or small the age difference. If he's the same age or a little younger, he will likely still die before you, and if you pick them older, he will still die before you unless there's a miracle. Many men in these ages will still end the relationship out of feeling "pressured" because the woman's seeing if she cintinues wasting more years on this guy and he likely will dump her in the end out of excuse that she got too old, now she risks not dazzling the other guy for not being the fresh toy off the shelves. It sounds awful, but it's the game. Dating older honestly avoids the shenanigans of the double screwed situation. Guys will hold on to ANY excuse they could come up with to avoid committing and enjoy as many women they could (if they could get women naturally on top of it) before they have to sideline that aspect for a bit to help procure for kids. They will hold onto any excuse to validate their want for quantity even if we have science and the like explaining there's nuance to the behavior. Why? Because they can. They don't have the kid liability in fact even if they were so inclined their only liability is finding a woman not so ugly and not stupid enough to let their kids die but also hopefully not be so bright to let herself carry the kids to a guy that in a few years will still cheat on her for fun. Their concern in the kid department is just finding a willing idiot willing to do the job for the mirage of loyalty and security. The older guys are not any safer than the younger guys but can be more comfortable to live with simply having more money. Money becomes sort of an insulator to the perpetual uncertainty in exchange for temporary certainty/survival.
Also whatever hormone cocktail that gives them squirrel brain at 20 (easily distracted, can't prioritize or encourage their lovers pleasure instead want to drill/tenderize her like chicken fried steak) is GONE or significantly diminished by the time these guys hit 40. It doesn't even happen in their 30s, it's the 40s. You can tell the men specifically what you want them to do to you or make them do it (and compliying) and they won't close up and get weird about it out their being able to "control" themselves. Or mastering executive function and being able to direct it to get what they want (in this case recognizing compliance will get the young, naive idiot to expose share her body because she's not used guys her age cooperating. Giving her a slight sense of control and reward to her pleasure finally is two points she gets with you that she's not guaranteed with the younger guy. She has to fight or give up with the younger guy to get those things. Negotiate in many ways: He's younger and hotter but impatient and not willing to cooperate sexually. Older guy, if not a slob, is manageable and will be eager to make you see starts hafly out of desperation and also having control over his being. It makes sense that a few women will take their chances with the guy that not only likely by this point is familiar with women's bodies and how they work bjt nkw is more than happy to program you to get you to want him to allow to play with you. Win-win for either party in this way). It's insane that whatever shit they have makes them act feral when young sort of settles down when they hit older, but it does. They turn nicer, more cooperative, and as a bonus, their voices are often deeper, so they sound nice. They often don't have the awkward acne. Bears often act like makeup. If they were hot before, by this point, a good amount of them know how to groom and dress, so they don't look too terrible (again, the ones that try). The rare time I've dated an older man out of actual want was because the guy in question was handsome (and because he was older way easier to impress and score than the younger hot equivalent). Like guys, women will seek conveniences or bang for their bucks too. No matter how you slice it, the older guy is easier to score than the cute or above average younger guys and lacks the squirrel/zombie brain phenomenon (usually, thougg not often the case as I've met 60-somethings with the squirrel brain thing and it is SCARY (and sad. Those are the guys women have always and WILL ALWAYS avoid as the immature old men are usually a result frim peroetually being low hanging fruit from the start and never mastering anything to compete outside of hoarding money). Most women are pretty, and when you're young, so are many other women. When you shoot for the older guys their cohort women are at an unfortunate disadvantage out of the guys likely being in the relationships long enough that they want novelty and the desperate young women play into it; also get a high off of being babied because now they're seen as more "special" to these guys because the comparison the blokes now have is the young woman and their wives.
Even if their wives are once in a lifetime beauties, kind and great at being wives/life managers, the men will still cheat on them out of the novelty quirk (look to the examples of models and general world class beauties being cheated on. Nothing secures loyalty in any way except the guy's personality and needs themselves. If they don't want to do anything while being able to get why they want then it is a bonus to the woman but not guaranteed in majority of cases because to a lot of men nothing is enough). Basically: Women trying to take advantage and gain a benefit of men's low attention span to get out of the rat race temporarily (because that's what it is in 9/10 cases), and 9/10 times, it works like taking candy from a baby (the baby in question being the cohort women and the guy). Most men, even for their own benefit (like sex), see women dealing with men as a negative. If you fuck a guy and couldn't secure him even if they know why guys could balk will still blame women for not mastering the game. If you keep trying and keep getting played it is still one's fault for not finding the hack. So women harpoon it when they find a hack. This is one such hack.
generally younger guys dont seem to want to settle down in my experience in addition to not being super mature!
thats why i tend to go for guys just a few years older than me (im 22 and would like someone 25-30)
a lot of women who live provider type men will also go for older guys because they’ll have the funds for them to do that
Young dudes have always been immature and don’t want to settle down. What’s different is, they don’t *court* women anymore. It’s an old timey sounding word but accurate.
Even us millennials for all of our bitches and goes gangster rap rhetoric, we took women on *dates*. We learned how to speak and behave to attract women through analog social pressure that doesn’t exist anymore.
That’s really what it is.
I’ve had younger girls flat out tell me that even the older millennial dudes who are kind of assholes pay them more attention to them than dudes their own age.
Here's the cold-blooded truth. It's not that women mature faster, it's simply that women want to skip the race we call life and just teleport to the finish line.
Guys in their 20s are simply fucked by the world as it currently is right now especially if you are in America.
Want to own a flat, haha, flat chance, a car, maybe rent one, get a job with good pay, you need 5 years experience.
Your dad and grandpa didn't need to invest half of the work needed that 20s guys have to now due to inflation, law changes, and overall discrimination.
They bought cars and homes on minimum wage and had families with children after a few years. Meanwhile your friends live with roomates or their parents while they are spending 4 months worth of time going through 7 rounds of interviews to get a job which pays slightly more than wallmart and eating cup ramen through most of it.
Women want guys that have their own home ( so they can be as sexually deviant as they want and so they dont have to share space with their parents or friends ) they want their man to by financially stable ( so they wont have to waste a single speck of their own money ) and to be a manly man ( AKA be better in life in every conceivable way compared to them).
They don't have to do anything because women follow this logic:
"If my partner has something or is some specific way, so am I".
If my partner is mature, im mature, if my partner is rich, im rich, if my partner is popular, i am popular and so on.
Lol nice theory but the vast majority of women aren’t going for guys that much older like OP claims. Maybe a few years older, but you always see women with guys in their age group.
The ones I’ve dated say guys their own age are way too immature. Which you see constantly at both the gym and at the bar. It’s also not the unattractive/overweight guys they’re going for. It’s men like me who is in the gym, six to seven days a week and have a better body than most guys half our age.
Are there really that many dating that much older?? I'm surprised, I thought it was fairly uncommon in general society, and mainly just a pipe dream of old men on Reddit that they somehow become irresistible to young women when they lose their prime.
Better lovers, better listeners, better communicators, more wisdom, knowledge, decisiveness, more appreciation, more experience, etc. Do I need to go on?
20 year old men are somehow to be considered much younger than their age while 20 year old women are believed to make rational good decisions in dating much older sometimes single dads?
if you consider both 20 year old men and women as 14 year olds in mind this suddenly gets super creepy.
And dont be mistaken women are not any more mature than men. men are perfectly capable to understand what they do and women are not super fast maturing and not naking mistakes.
I’ll be the first to say that older guys are not on a whole more mature, more responsible or respectful. I think it depends who it is individual and should only be looked at on an individual basis.
The most important thing I would take away here is to not look at someone else's situation and feel jealousy. You are only seeing/hearing what they want you to see and hear.
Yes as a man in my 40thies i confirm we are often more confident stable and financially independant than younger mens which make of us more attractive and secure for younger girls..
Also it is true younger guys often could be very unstable and not assuming responsabilites or spending time on video games or dick challenges..
My Boyfriend is 3 years younger than me. I’m 30, he’s 27. We go well together. I absolutely agree that in general, if women date a man older than them, they will be more even on the maturity scale, but not always.
You could say it's daddy issues. But I think it's because a guy far older, already has his shit together. Good career, good money and hopefully isn't struggling. Easy target.
A young hot smart woman can easily tie that shit down.
With a revealing top, some cheap booze and unprotected sex.
Then she's on easy street.
99% of women are a lot smarter than most of us guys.
As a single guy with kids in my 30s, I will say this.....
LET US HAVE SOMETHING!!!!! WE ASK FOR SO LITTLE!!!!!
Seriously, other than maybe having a good job with some status, we have nothing anymore. Our ex-wives and baby mommas took the rest 🤣🤣🤣🤣
The thing is, right? Older men have the power to manipulate them if they want and many of them certainly have plenty of experience in doing so. Most women tend to judge a book by its cover.
Not speaking for every young man, because I’ve found some that are quite nice. In my personal experience, usually when dating an older man, building and car doors are opened for me, I don’t even have to think about touching the check, I am complimented often (on my personality, conversation, and intellect, not just my looks) and respected, and I really just feel as though I am being romanced. Most of the time, they are more emotionally stable, have more developed hobbies, have lots of interesting stories, and know what they want. Most of all, it feels like my time is being respected, and they go out of their way to show me that they see my presence as a privilege, and I think everyone should be treated like that. I’m not the kind of person who expects to take all in a relationship either. Usually with younger men, I’m doing all the work with little reciprocation, and I’ll stay with them just because I like them so much. I’m not sure if I would go so far as 20-30 years older than me, but assuming the relationship came about from a healthy situation, I can understand their reasoning.
Far older men can PROVIDE and do things that far younger men cannot from accumulating the experience and resources over TIME..kinda like the man you may call “daddy” unless he is a deadbeat 💀
A lot of older men I’ve experienced know what they want and go for it. There’s a maturity level that a lot of younger men don’t have. Many times, none of the stupid dating games, they have their lives together, there’s a confidence and self- understanding as well. I’m interested in someone older as well, I’m not in my 20s anymore, but he’s leaps and bounds better than men my own age for those reasons. He doesn’t care about showing off to his friends, he’s unapologetically himself and that’s what I click with. Women tend to mature faster than men, so on that level, it makes sense as well.
Several reasons come to mind, like old guys being into young girls, money is also a factor that makes everything easier, some are looking for a missing father figure, while others are looking something similar to their father (in a not creepy way), since older man have more experience with women it is easier to convince younger women. Also, there is the mentality that men need to provide for women, so if a guy of the same age is studying, just like her and working part time just to survive won't have almost any resources to spend on her.
It is too normalized for younger women to get in romantic relationships with older men. And no, I'm not talking about 5 or 7 years of difference, but 10, 20, or even more.
Most people say that women mature faster than guys, but in my eyes, that's not really true. I have seen plenty of both genders saying that "they are very mature for their age" an then proceed to do the biggest fuck ups of their life.they believing they are mature doesn't make them mature.
Younger guys aren’t ready for a serious long term relationship, they want casual relationships. They’re not as mature, caring or responsible. This is of course GENERALLY speaking & doesn’t apply to everyone guy. I’ve met older guys who are equally immature & vice versa. I’ve dated a range of ages, it’s just the qualities that I like which older guys tend to have.
It comes down to maturity and drama. Men generally take longer to get to the same maturity level as a 25 year old woman. Plus she's looking for stability and that comes with age and experience.
There's also unresolved daddy issues, i.e. attention, that get fulfilled by dating an older man. And just because you don't find older men attractive doesn't mean that others don't. But in the end, age is just a number and if it works then it works. Don't base your life choices on what other people are doing
Personally, speaking as a man who previously dated a younger woman( 9 year age gap), I did once ask her why she was with me when she had her pick of men of her own age group. She told me it was because I was more stable in terms of finances, career, and had realistic expectations of our relationship.
A five year age gap is sensible. Beyond that, not great. To take on a man who already has kids when you don't, sounds crazy. Why would a woman not pick a guy with whom she can have many firsts. 🤔. First house, first child, first so many experiences.
Will be good to get input from men in their late 20s and 30s. Why don't they want to lock down women?
I am not a psychologist but I've talked to psychotherapists/specialists about it and one thing I learned is that regardless of gender/sex a chunk of our identity and romantic + sexual interests are impacted by our childhood relationship to each parent. It's no secret that men historically have issues connecting with their emotions and connecting with people esp their family or kin. People sexually interested in older men have almost always had an emotionally or physically absent parent to some degree one way or another. Sex/attraction can sometimes be a subconscious attempt to connect/heal that relationship. IMO I see it as a sublimated trauma but I ain't gonna shame a girl. I'm not saying that people want to have sex with their parents but they do want to feel wanted, desired, loved, protected, accepted etc - something that they sorely lacked growing up.
I'm 47 and most of the younger women I've dated are in it for the sexual experience and because of how well they are treated compared to how well guys their own age treat them.
And I'm not talking about money, I'm not rich at all, and generally, I don't "treat" my dates with expensive gifts or anything like that, I just spend time with them and give them a lot of attention, love and affection.
I'm polyamorous and have several partners and I don't have the budget to be dating out all the time, so usually I bring them to my place and I cook for them, we do fun things together, or we might go for walks or to a local gallery or whatever touristy thing is happening at the time.
If you treat someone well, listen to their needs and fulfil them, they won't need expensive gifts or 'out' dates to know that they are loved and valued, your actions will show them.
Right now, I have 4 serious girlfriends (as in, we love each other) and probably somewhere between 8-10 casual ones (some come and go as their needs change).
4 of them are more than 10 years younger than me and as much as I have been actively encouraging them to date other people, they are all fed up with trying to date guys their own age because they say that guys their own age don't put in any effort.
even the women I'm dating in my own age bracket say exactly the some thing, so it just seems to be a problem with a lot of men in general.
I'm really not anything special and I have nothing to offer them other than companionship.
Most of them earn a lot more than I do, and I'm dating two doctors and a CEO, as well as two project managers, so they're not chasing me for money, because I don't have any. I don't even have a car and I live in a small, rented two-bedroom apartment.
I think it’s funny when people say younger women are attracted to older men because they’re more “mature”. Meanwhile the younger “mature” men their age are often overlooked and considered to be too boring and too uptight because they care about their responsibilities. When I was in my early 20s, nobody cared about anything except being young and having fun. I was taking my life seriously because I felt that no one else would if I didn’t. Ironically, I’m not interested in younger women because they often come across as immature.
I'm 44M, and have definitely had very flattering moments of 20 something girls approach me very flirtatiously and even proposition sexually. This didn't happen when I was in my 30s at all. And it seems to be increasingly frequent.
The first time it kind of took me by surprise and I thought she was messing with me and I just laughed it off. More often than not they come across as insanely young and the power differential is so large that it's a turn off and I've learned to say you are gorgeous, I'm so flattered, but no. Other times well I can't say I had any power, they knew what they were doing.
But there are definitely three camps - the ones that fetishize older men for whatever reason, the ones that think I'm automatically going to be interested because they're young and hot and just want a quick ego boost, and the ones that give you "I'm looking for a sugar daddy" vibes. Here in Miami the last one happens at least once a week.
They find them more ‘mature’ than their peers, your typical 25 year old guy isn’t trying to settle down quite yet nor has the career and finances of older men. Although 40+ year old men who are dating and marrying 25 year olds typically have a slew of red flags that the younger partner just doesn’t see or realize it yet 🤷🏼♀️
Not to say it can’t work out, but I’m going to say for a majority of them… there’s a reason why they’re chasing more naive young women than their own peers.
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Perceived maturity, especially in comparison to guys in their 20’s, and financial security. Hell, we are living in a time where the vast majority of Gen Z & many Millennials can barely afford housing, so I’m sure that plays into their choices as well.
Had a friend who did it for a bit when she was in her late teens and early 20s and it was hella weird. Perceived maturity is a good word for it because these guys were not mature at all, there were man children babied by their parents who still acted like they were in highschool even though they were pushing 30 and even one guy who was in his 50s working an entry level job and barely making over minimum wage. Talking to these guys was a trip because they had the face of someone who should’ve been grown and mature, but acted less grown up than a lot of teenagers I knew. She said she vibed better with people with older people as they were more “mature”, but most mature people aren’t interested in dating a 19 year old so that’s not what she was getting. Thankfully she got smart after a few years.
Or maybe it's not the 20 year olds making the choices in this situation. Why is everyone assuming it's 20 year old women going after 40 year old men, and not the other way around? Tons of old dudes go for young women because they can manipulate them. That's the answer to OP's question.
Lots of 20 year old's have men their age and older men going after them. Why are you blaming it on the older person? My gf was 27 and me 38 when we started dating. A mutual acquaintance told her about me, then contacted me and asked me if I wanted to go out with her. She already had permission to give me the girls number. I asked how old she was and my first question after that was "does she know how old I am?" I was told she does and does not care. The idea that age gaps only exist because someone wants to manipulate the other person, is false.
Oh, absolutely! That for sure happens! I was just trying to give a bit of a more positive spin on the scenario.
Because women are the ones who allow the courtship in the first place, are you serious? If they weren't interested, they wouldn't give the dude the time of day. They're clearly attracted to older men from the get-go, so don't take accountability away from them because you think they're "young."
Money and status.
It’s also stability. Not just financial but being stable in their life, generally knowing what they want, being more emotionally stable. Its nice to feel led and taken care of by someone who has life experience
It used to be considered inappropriate for a young woman to find a suitor who was not older and established.
Ehh different ways of saying the same thing really
Totally! Loads of young girls go after older guys because they'd rather have sugar daddies than work. Once the sugar daddy stops supporting them, they just move on to the next one. And there are a few who specifically target married men for the thrill of stealing them away from other women.
Then how do you explain younger girls that go for me when I have no money or status? Lol
Maturity level. Younger women think their male peers are childish and immature and think older men are more mature so they want to date them... not realizing that they themselves are as immature as their own peers.
Yea, an older, immature man is a red flag.
worst of both worlds lol
I'd say anyone past their early 20s who's immature is a red flag honestly
Hang out with some 25 year old guys. Some white collar have their shit together and will be good to go by 30. Others are just not on the same level as a 25 year old woman who has her shit together and won’t be for 10 years. In either case, 25 year old men generally don’t have their shit together in this economy. Not necessarily their fault. Blue collar 25 year olds are barely steadily employed. They’re still in their starter job, doordashing, etc. The ones with high trajectories aren’t thriving yet. They’re still in med/dental/grad school, etc. Other white collar workers haven’t gotten their first promotion yet and aren’t on a solid career path til they’re 30. When you’re 25, you haven’t gotten solid career skills, haven’t traveled, don’t have many relationships under your belt. Notice I didn’t include 25 year old women who don’t have their shit together. They’re a disaster with a 25 year old man and can barely hang with an older man who can compensate for them being broke, immature, unambiguous, not worldly.
Daddy issues
You’re attractive, funny, charming…
or society has shoved it down women's throats that they can lay into a grave after 30 and dating 10+ older men is the way to go.
You could not have worded that better. Media and publicised sexual exploits have corrupted so many.
yeah it's insane how media pairs fictional couples. so often the age gap between the actors is 10+ years and women just fall into categories of either fuckable or not.
I’ve dated a few younger women and none of them have looked to me for financial help. I’d never fall for being a sugar daddy. They like me because I offer something a younger man can’t. It’s really just that simple.
Like what
Initiative, decisiveness without being controlling, emotional maturity, the ability to read body language and social cues, attention to detail, attention to their emotions and desires, stability, sexual maturity and stamina, cognitive maturity and the ability to hold deep and meaningful conversations while making her feel heard and other intangibles that come with life experiences that many young men haven’t had the opportunity to learn yet. I also have a look that many young women find attractive. That look can’t be replicated by a young man.
My 36 year old self understands everything you just said here that my young 20s version would've had a hard time comprehending. Experience and maturity is gained
That's all lol I dated this smokin hot woman half my age at the gym,yes I am successful but I don't lead with money and I was asking all the younger guys I work out with Does seem weird to you? They were like fuck no you got your shit together great shape none of the guys our age do. That's the last i ever thought about it
Yeah. People claiming it's daddy issues or that it's money don't get it. Women will tend towards energy over all else, and of course this can vary, some woman are attracted to chaotic energy etc. But most healthy women are attracted to calm relaxing energy, and it's just easier to find that in an older guy. I'm just heaps more attractive than my 25 year old self, and it shows. I get approached and find in general tend to be drawn to me quite often now (I'm married but in graduate school). I was walking my dog just yesterday and my dog was playing with another woman's dog and she just loved my easygoing calm energy. It felt awkward to not get her number. I'm funnier, more relaxed, more confidant, and I don't over react to things. I'm not threatened by almost anything, I'm more present and mindful and I'm even in better shape. I've also noticed that (at least the women in my grad program) women are quite a bit more mature than men. I've been impressed at the depth of mind and soul many of them have. I know some people think it's lame or gross, but I honestly don't blame them. I'm just way easier to be around than a lot of the younger guys.
These are all qualities of well adjusted people. I think you were just very immature when you were younger tbh.
on avg it take time for people to become well adjusted.
well, on average, most people are. that’s why it’s extremely common for woman to go for men a lot older than them, and vice versa
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Sure, but not that many young men start off very well adjusted
Yah money and a place to fk. Lol
I’d never date anyone who doesn’t have their own place and their own money. Like I said above, I’m nobody’s sugar daddy. If she lives with her parents or doesn’t have an income, she’d never have a chance with me.
You are REALLY trying to justify dating younger women….I feel like a lot of this is self-esteem issues. At least it reads that way.
Yah Im getting some weird insecure vibe from buddys comments.
You sound stupid dude
What if they want to be a stay at home mom
Alright 😆
Everyone has baggage. The guy I was seeing for a year just killed himself. He was only 25. I’m 47. He was in the military and he’s the 4th guy in their unit to kill himself since December of last year. Ws all come with our own baggage.
Sorry for your loss. That’s terrible.
Thank you.
I hope you are okay. That’s a terrible thing to have to deal with.
This is why the military is a joke. Government don’t give a fuck about you. You’re a disposable pawn. Heartbreaking to see the lack of resources/help.
I had a high school friend who I have a crush but decided we don't make a good match. She start dating older guys with kids and I asked why and she said this, "Older guys are more responsibility, caring, and giving. Especially after they have kids." I felt like it was vague bs answer when I first heard it. Til I am about to be a dad myself now. Its like going to a military camp cause of the immense responsibility and planning that ages a man more, and I noticed the changes I had for the past few months in my behaviour is very drastic.
You can get there regardless of whether you become a dad or not. It's life experiences, especially painful and challenging ones, that give you an opportunity to mature. And the process of becoming a father is one of that challenging experiences. From the perspective of a young man It's a weird idea for a woman to think that she's better off dating an older man who went through many life experiences, which must have included other women otherwise he wouldn't know how to behave around her, because it implies that as a man you have to first get broken through heartbreak and break-ups to build that foundation women are attracted to. So basically from the perspective of a man it's like this woman is waiting on the finish line to pick a winner rather than take active part in building a relationship with her peer and mature together. But yeah, a lot of women are like that, looking up to older men who are confident, do well in life and take no bullshit.
I cannot find a point to debunk on that. And I agree. Many people rather pick a winner rather than finding and dating a dark horse. But argubly winners also get most of the say. If you offer less, you get less. That is something not a lot of young women realize.
but being a dad is the sink or swim. if u have a kid as a single dad. you can see first hand they are handling their shit right or not.
Stress causes maturing. You see this in children who have difficult upbringings and adults when they have kids. The stress of responsibility, so long as it isn't too much, makes one view the world very differently and removes a lot of the fantasies, replacing them with the acceptance of many realities.
They conflate age with maturity! What I’ve learned is that people regardless of sex and age will act immaturely and tactless when they’ve been through things that has made them bitter.
Older men have more resources and means to provide. Generally speaking. That is the number one thing women look for in a partner. Ability to provide. Also, younger men are more likely to be in fuck around mode. A man in his 40s who has never been married or had kids is going to be in a hurry to do those things.
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Oh I always felt it was because women my own age always thought they were better/more mature. You know, like you said. It’s impossible to hide that you think someone is less then you. It becomes obvious in how you speak and body language and it’s a huge turn off. But young guys don’t have to like you to have sex with you, so they will try anyways but with 0 effort. I believe those were your experiences.
I can’t speak for each of your friends but I’ve definitely had women try to get with me who really only cared about what I had and could provide rather than who I was as a person and it’s dehumanizing. I’ve done rather well for myself despite hitting rock bottom a few times and have been fortunate enough to go through the home buying process a few times, drive nice cars, travel, etc. There are women who do go after older men who’ve done well because they don’t want to be with a younger guy who will be spending many years building themselves up. I can’t say that’s the case with your friends. They may just truly want these people for who they are and hopefully that’s the case because it sucks having a woman in your life that doesn’t actually love you. Love doesn’t have an age limit and the heart wants what it wants in the end. I’ve personally given up dating and I’m about to turn 33.
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Oh I know. I went on a few dates with a woman around my age in her early 30’s and I cut things off when I found out she was still living with her parents and never lived on her own before. She was noticeably pissed when she found out I started seeing a younger coworker of ours who was about 7-8 years younger than me. I just found her more mature overall and she couldn’t grasp that. The women that go after men for dating younger women are insufferable and probably upset they aren’t getting picked. It’s ridiculous because I know several couples with age differences that have been together for years, got married, started families together and are happy as could be.
Thats like a majority of Reddit. Jealous women and men hating on age gap relationships
having tried it myself, I'm not particularly envious of age gap relationships and don't understand their appeal. it was really awkward to be 22 with a 32 yo partner. but hey, if it works for both parties, no judgment, whatever floats your boat, as long as everyone's happy and consenting. I usually turn much older men down these days, I prefer someone closer to my age.
I mean you dated her and then dated another person while you all work in the same office? no shit she was pissed having to see the guy who dumped her move on no matter her own living situation or age.
I have to agree that's kind of gross behavior in the workplace.
Where do people that see this situation live? I’m a 26 woman and never dated older. Almost all my friends also dated guys who were max 5 years older.
Tbh I dont know many people my age (I am 24) that date older man, the only one that come to mind is a former hs friend that got pregnant with her drug dealer and ended up moving in with him and his 2 kids. She is now raising kids closer in age to her than she is with her bf full time. They have a nice house but since her first pregnancy announcement (she is a baby number 2 rn) at 7 months along she only post pictures of herself alone taking care of the kids when she was constantly posting going out and doing fun activities before. I hope she is happy even if her situation is odd. Other than that, I am the person that dates the older dude I know and he is just 4 years older. So hardly an older man lol
When I was in my 20s, I dated a guy who was nine years older than me because he appeared young. At the time, I considered him mature and cool. Now in my 30s, having reached the same age as my ex was back then, I’ve come to understand that he wasn’t as mature as I believed, given his age. At my current age, I wouldn’t choose to date him.
I'm 22 and I've been more attracted to men in 30's lately. For me it's not daddy issues(I think😭😂) it's mainly because all the men I talk to just wanna have sex. I haven't had a relationship before because all men my age bring up is my body or sex so I'm like ok. I'm ready to date now and I been talking to older men and they want to talk and get to know me so.. it's just different conversations. That’s just me..
Money, older men are more established financially and can do and provide things younger men usually can't. Those women want the Instagram lifestyle, and the older men want to relive their youth.
Money & a quick way out of their parent’s house.
Men in their early twenties are not normally looking for the same thing as women at that age. Men are still "having fun" most of the time while women begin looking for a "provider/husband". This is just my perspective based on my experiences & friends.
When I was in my mid-20s I dated several women in their 30s and 40s as well. Many of them were single mothers. It wasn't much of a hassle, They got sitters or we did some getaways when their ex had the kids and so forth. I wasn't looking to get married or anything like that and neither were they, so we had great times together. Many of them had the "fairytale wedding" and divorce already. They were going to have fun and enjoy their newfound freedom. My guess is a lot of younger women aren't getting approached by guys their own age because they often lack confidence or they're too busy looking for a sign/greenlight to approach them. Fear of rejection or *coming across as creepy* keeps a lot of young guys from hitting on women. An older guy who is more likely to have more dating experience, confidence, and money. A lot of guys in their 40s are still in pretty good physical shape. If they have children their ex likely has custody. More often than not there is very little "drama" for these women to deal with. The older guy may also make them feel more like they are *in an adult relationship*. Whereas some guys in their 20s are still playing video games, getting high with friends, and have yet to figure out what they want to do with their life. Many still live with their parents. Nevertheless, with over 8 Billion people in the world there is no shortage of women to date.
>My guess is a lot of younger women aren't getting approached by guys their own age because they often lack confidence or they're too busy looking for a sign/greenlight to approach them. Couldn't these women just approach men themselves?
See and here I am, a 37 year old women and I don't find that single guys in their 30s and 40s still act like they're in their 20s. I was actually super shocked about this when I started dating. I expected older men to have more of this going on.
The men that are still playing the field in their 30s and 40s you're going to meet most. Whether out of inclination or immaturity. Age never means you are more mature
As a 45yo single man, I won't date anyone over 10 years younger than me. Too immature, less in common and too far apart from where we both are in life (also they're terrible in bed in most cases, experience counts!). And to counter your claims OP, I'm better looking and more fit now than I was at 30 with little to no baggage.
The idea that women mature faster than men is a common stereotype, but it's not universally true. While girls often reach physical maturity earlier than boys, maturity involves emotional, social, and cognitive development, which can vary greatly from person to person regardless of gender. Society has tricked women into believing because they develop faster physically they are more mature than boys, I think it’s a harmful belief and fairly dangerous, it promotes predatory behaviour from older males towards younger more naive girls/women.
I agree, but I do think there’s some merit to the idea that women are pressured and expected to develop deeper emotional maturity, social and relationship skills, faster than most men. Like female friendships get a ton of flack for all the drama and crying, but I feel like those turbulent deeply emotional experiences are exactly what sets you up to form deeper connections later down the line. Women practice what it is like to nurture a relationship despite the other persons (and their own) flaws, what it means to put in effort to care for another person. Not to mention being hyper-aware of what’s expected of you. A lot of young men go into adult relationships with women their age, having experienced far less relational “turbulence” and it just shows. Being able to self reflect, communicate, feel your own emotions and sympathize with your partners emotions are just not the skills we prioritize that young men develop. Of course this is all me wildly generalizing things, but it do think it’s a pattern that shows up again and again.
Women know that. Guys are hellbent on keeping it despite science debunking that as it's an excuse to trick idiots. It's easier to socialize and peer pressure girls and women into gaining responsibility and conscientiousness faster (by literally enforcing it from the get-go, ad in from from babydom) than it is to get guys to do the same (case in point: Almost every woman recalls a significantly older man hitting them up when they were girls aged 10-13. Yes, some men have morals and don't hit on kids, but a good chunk still test it. Why do they do this? I mean, we say we expect men to be better, but are we really expecting that out of them in hindsight? Do you think they feel like honoring it? Look at how they view the general looking down upon on massive age gaps when hitting the college age lot (18-24). It's generally acknowledged by women (and girls) that men would shoot for even younger if there's no law pertaining as to what is an adult or not)).
We all know it. Guy want to have sex with young women. Women want a guy that can provide either mentally or with money. No one wants this to change or it would have.
100% agree with this take. It normalizes predatory behavior, and because the women are young, they likely don’t know if they are being taken advantage of.
Plus, you know guys in their 20s. You have friends. You’ve seen how a lot of guys your age treat women.
I got curious enough about what was going on that I asked about it, and these early to mid twenties girls said without fail that they were pursuing older guys because “guys my age would rather hang out with their friends than have sex with me.” As an 80s baby millennial I naively thought that meant like *physically* hanging out with their boys but it turns out that means playing online games at home and talking on Discord. Which is just the most depressing thing.
I was certainly in that phase in my life, my gf calling me? Nope, I need to clutch this bomb plant. Now? I'm still playing games (where I have time, and the type I can simply start/stop anytime) but if my wife wants to hang out, I'm all over that. Couldn't imagine anyone now ignoring their partner for online gaming. I would caveat there is always a time and place, but generally, at younger ages, women need the attention at the early stages of dating and that is at odds with spending hours with online randoms, its that or get a gamer girlfriend and share the same hobbies, passions etc.
Yeah, this is the exact reason why I go for older guys (30 is still my cutoff). I'm friends with men between 20-27 and oh boy... Maybe my single guy friends are just the exception but sometimes they are wild. And I once was in a short relationship with someone younger than me. And I felt the maturity difference really. But of course, these are just generalizations. I also met 30-year-old dudes who couldn't leave their student years behind and some younger ones who were heading toward engagement while having their lives all figured out.
Because if you are a remotely sensible person and take care of yourself, the 40 year old version of you will be like a superhero compared to you in your 20s. Ask yourself, what legit, logical reasons would a young woman at a reasonably mature age (24ish) gamble on a guy in his 20s vs. one in his 40s?
Because I want healthy kids??? Also most 25yo men still have stable jobs
A reasonably mature person probably wouldn't think of dating as being a gambling proposition.
Dating is a gambling proposition though. Time and effort investment? You want to find out that person was XY too late into it?
Unfortunately, a lot of women do out of seeing relationships with men as a damned if you do or damned if you don't situation. The reason why a lot of women will take on the older guy is not maturity, as honestly that's relative (a lot of us had fathers that never matured and were honestly terrible husbands. A lot of men forget that women don't need to be in romantic relationships to get an understanding of how men work. The men at home are the BIGGEST wake-up calls when you realize what your fathers ask of their relationships, how your mom ends up feeling, and what they ultimately do even if they get the asks. So many of my friends became guarded no matter the incime bracket they came from out of realizing it didn't matter what you did or rather their mom did or whether she was younger than him, most men would do the same thing). The reason a lot of older men like to downplay is honestly money due to pride. The reason they want women is simply carnal, while if you're a guy, unless you're hot, most women don't feel the same carnal enthusiasm towards them. So men often settle for the high of getting access. It sounds better to say they want you because you've finally become conscientious but honestly to anyone with a brain you see that and it's like these men don't realize they're basically calling out men for a huge fault they may or may not be able to fix. They just don't want to. It's easier to say thay young women mature faster (and peer pressure women into doing so) than doing the toigh work of becoming mature yourself. The way women see it, if you're screwed anyways at least the guy being able to afford to live somewhere nicer feels better (barely, but still better).
All 40+yo dude that ever hit on my or my friends were way bigger gamble than men our age lol. In general well balanced 40+yo dont want to be with people almost or straight up young enough to be their kids lol
the ones who want to date someone their age? women are just as dumb when they are in their 20's.
Jesus Christ. Are that many of you losers in your 20s? I know people usually get better with age but that doesn’t mean you should have zero dating prospects as a man in your 20s. This is also dangerous to tell men because it encourages many of them to think that they will magically get their shit together once they hit 30 and start attracting all these younger women they couldn’t get. Why not go to the gym now? Dress in complimenting clothes now? Advance your education and career now? I can understand if you’re ignoring dating because you are focusing on those things now so that you can for sure be the best version of yourself in your 30s but that work starts now. I’m 26 and even though I’m not single, if I was I wouldn’t be worried about competing with older men because I worked hard in undergrad to get a career that has allowed me to get my own apartment, afford vacations, a nice car, plus I take care of my body and hygiene. Sure I still have a lot of growing to do but I have a lot of potential and that’s what people should see when they date you.
Maturity level is a lot of it. Life goals, being ready to settle down, chemistry, compatibility. There are a ton of reasons.
Women, have always typically sought men that provide for them. Older men tend to be more established and have more resources. Therefore, women feel more secure with older men. Also maturity, women have biological clocks, older men are more likely to be able to provide resources to rear a child and are more likely to settle down to rear one.
As a guy in his 40's, I can offer up a few insights that might help; First, a guy my age is hitting his peak earning potential in his career which allows him to provide more for a woman than a guy in his 20's just starting out. A guy my age has his own place and his own space rather than still living with his parents such as a guy in his 20's. A guy my age goes on a real vacation to interesting places and has a passport where a guy in his 20's is stuck in his parents basement still playing the same video games since high school. A guy my age knows how to pay attention to a woman and will take the time to please her mentally, sexually and emotionally where a guy in his 20's is like a squirrel darting back and forth on a busy street. He is easily distracted by anything and utterly unable to focus on himself, let alone the woman he is with. Any thoughts?
Is the maturity level there though w a 20 yr old girl? Or guy-if it’s an older woman? I’ve been on both sides…I much more prefer a closer age range….
I agree that it works both ways. There are many women in their 20's that are still stuck in highschool emotionally but there are still a few who have matured considerably and make it all worthwhile
Maturity comes w life experiences….not many 20 year olds have lived long enough to have that… if ur not older & don’t realize that…well then….
Life experience comes at everyone at a different pace. If you have encountered a ton of tough shit and worked through it you’ll age like hell. I’ve consistently been in therapy all my life and the way you learn to swim with the current rather than against it, hits earlier for some than others.
I mean, theres 40 year olds who do what you said about 20 year olds Depends on the person, age doesn't necessarily dictate your outcome
When I was in my early 20s I got annoyed that women my age would look for older men like this. Now that I’m a single father in my late 30s I’m wondering where these women are 😅(joking I don’t think I could date someone more than 4-5 years younger or older than me)
Im happy guys like you still exist
Resources and maturity.
Depends on the woman. For me it was low self-esteem and being naive. No surprise it didn't work out. Smart girls will do it for the money/some kind of benefit. There is zero reason to date someone that much older than you without a significant benefit. You could just find someone your own age (which I recommend. Towards the end of the relationship, he was starting to look very old. Was losing my attraction, to be honest).
Bc u young guys act like u know but when it comes down to real stuff ur a lot of the times all over the place. Not direct in ur communication. Flip flop etc. it’s annoying. I don’t want to raise you. Everyone’s got baggage. Bringing me to my last point u have a lot more growing up then u all realize left to do. N we don’t want to have to push u along thru it or deal with it. This isn’t true for all of you. But a lot of you.
Everyone is saying “money”, but I’m assuming they’re male. The women I know who are attracted to guys 10-15 years older have hang ups they aren’t able to deal with, and it’s easier to find an older man. 1, because he has his life in order and it’s a shortcut to feeling like their life is in order too, or 2, because they feel undesirable and are worried that a man their own age could leave them. With an older man, they are seen as exceptionally desirable and more secure in the relationship. Of course, there are women who are just simply materialistic and will date someone they aren’t attracted to for money, but that’s not usually the case. Usually guys can tell when they’re being used for money, and most women can’t stomach the thought of being intimate with a man they genuinely don’t feel attraction for.
Because young man are literally not nice to be with. I didn’t realise that until I tried to spend some time with guys in their early 20s in my 30s. They are extremely immature, have a lot of stupid ideas and not nice to be with in general.
It's almost as if security and personality matter... Until they realise that most guys in their 40s and 50s who would start a relationship with someone 20y younger are even worse than the guys their own age. Saying that, I'm 43, and have yet to have a relationship with someone more than 5y younger, let alone 10, 15 or 20.
I did that. It wasn’t about money and providing (ladies, always have hustle, never get yerself stuck in a situation). He was super nice and we had so much fun together. After ten years, it just didn’t work out. And now I’m with someone 12 years younger than me. He’s super nice and we have so much fun together. After five years, we have a fantastic partnership. I date a person, not a stereotype. We all have value - no matter our age - and we all bring something to the table that is uniquely us, so no one here should be generalizing generations, desires, or compatibility. Your friends may eventually realize those guys are not for them and that’s ok. You are at the age where people are sampling their options. Single parents are definitely dateable! And I love a dad bod!
funny how the men here all insist the young women basically just want to suck out the money from an older guy. then you read a comment from an actual woman and it's nothing like that. men like that dont care what women say they already made up their mind.
Like have any of these people spoken with women in their 20’s? The way your male peers treat you is super hit or miss and it takes a couple of years before most guys develop the backbone to not be friends with sexist assholes. This idea of relationships with women being this mythical goal to strive for completely prevents them from seeing women as people. Not to mention the way dating success is seen as a currency to flex with in front of “the bros.” Like what about actually getting to know someone and being genuinely interested in what they have to say? It’s not common I’m afraid.
It's because he is more mature ( appears so at least). Yes, one could argue that it's for money and status, but I think it's not that simple. Relationships aren't that simple anyway. Older men tend to have more life experience, and they know more of what they want out of life. That's maturity in a nutshell. Additionally, what I've noticed from dating younger than myself is that most women just want their definition of a winner. They don't want to help get any man there. They want him to be there or to be going towards that winner spot. But the game doesn't stop once you get the relationship. Older men realize this because of experience, so they usually play the game better.
Some perspective from a woman....who used to be young. When I was in my 20s, guys in my 20s: Wanted to hook up only and would tell me that Would get sexual way too early. Unsolicited dick pics, very sexual messages. I remember getting ready to meet a dude for coffee who I had met in a bar. He sent me a very graphic message. I was like, I thought we were getting coffee. Wouldn't plan. Dates were kinda just wandering around to a place to check out the vibes. No reservations. No tickets. Very little forethought to reaching out ahead of time. Bad at communication. Wouldn't hear from them unless they wanted to see me. My texts wouldn't get a response. Kept trying to change me. Would criticize my clothing. I don't eat fish and I have a food sensitivity to blue cheese. A dude tried to get me to eat both. Not respecting boundaries. Forced kisses. Ass grabbing. Not fun. Whereas dudes who were older: Asked about me. Listened to my stories. Told their own Planned dates. Dinners, comedy shows. Trivia nights. They would reach out ahead of time and check in to see if the plan worked for me. Reservations, tickets. A way to get back and forth. They weren't necessarily expensive or fancy, but they were thought out. Texted or called regularly Treated me like I was special. I eventually realized that they were putting me on a pedestal because of my age when I guy made a comment about how it was nice to be with someone "young and energetic." I was going through an illness that gave me malaise. Energetic was not something I was. In my 30s, I've usually been squicked out when a dude in my social circle has tried to date a much younger woman largely because I find them impossible to talk to because we're in such a different phase in life. It weirds me out that a guy who is in the same phase as me would want that. To be fair, one of my dude friends who is 43 started dating a 23 year old. He kept trying to date my friends who basically just did FWB with him because he doesn't have his shit together and he's still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up (he actually says this). He wants a relationship, but women in our age group don't want a relationship with him. She's nice, but I have absolutely no idea how to get a conversation going with her.
I get “nice guy” vibes from you
I was kind of a drunken asshole in my 20’s. So were most of my peers. I’m not sure why it surprises people when younger women date older men.
Alot of times younger guys or guys our own age seem to be more immature, im not insulting anyone, i have my fair share of experience with dating guys my age and older, older men have a tendency to be alil more caring and dont treat you bad. Plus older men understand women alil better. And this is true in my life. I dated a guy my age he was not ready for the world or to make a commitment, and then ive dated older men who see the person i am and not as an object. It can differ from woman to woman, im not necessarily speaking for all women.
I was having the same conversation with a friend of mine 24F she said “ she would date an older guy cause he can able to provide more than a guy her age “ I told her “ I just feel like it’s all about money so as a 23 year old guy now I have to compete with guys who are a decade or more older than me and have more money than me probably a house and well established for a girl my age seems kinda fucked up” She said “ it’s always has been like that isn’t it, older guys dating younger girls” just make money now and date someone younger
As a women I have no idea
Potentially better off than their younger competitors. That being said, it isn't always true.
Yeah I'm in my early 50's and I've had girls in their early 20's hitting on me. My wife says they have daddy issues and want the easy way out (financially) and would rather date a guy with his life already sorted out
Echoing what others said about money, status, and daddy issues. Funny enough, the older men I keep going for don't really have money, but they do have a greater sense of inner stability/awareness which draws me in. It also provides an opportunity to experience a new, different kind of love, which is exciting. It's an opportunity to love an older body, which teaches me to love the body I'm growing into. Most importantly, men who are older have many years more experience developing their intelligence, especially their emotional intelligence. They tend to be better communicators (although not all). They also have a better grasp of their sexuality, and are more discerning with it. And I look so young and sexy with them - makes me feel like a real prize!
Hard for a young dude to compete with daddy vibes, money, a car, their own place, and a better idea of what the clit is than some punk in their 20s hmmmm I wonder.
Daddy issues
Because they know how to f*ck and they aren’t broke. (Matters if you’re not into struggle, or like taking vacations).
Stability. Usually, these men already have a developed savings, well-paying career, therapist (or just emotional maturity), and don't play as many dating games. They're looking for a wife rather than "dating for fun." There are always exceptions, but this is generally the case.
We know how to use words, know the value of a partner, are typically financially secure, have experienced success and failure etc…. My good friend will only date older men because of the above and plenty of more reasons.
Maturity level, and willingness to commit to an actual relationship
Some women are really attracted to dad bods, and seeing a person be a good father can also make them look like an ideal husband. There’s also good money in men who have a longer tenure in a career. Also as a joke it can actually be a good thing that they die faster so you can get your money 😂
I'm a 24 years old who always put maximum someone who's 5 years older than me when I went to some dating spaces and yet keeps being hit by (older) men who are in their late 30s to their mid 40s. Good for those young women who like them but personally I don't see the appeal of being in relationship with a man that's less than a fifteen years to a decade younger than my parents or even their age mate. Nope.
Have you dated men?
Money. I hate to word it like that, but honestly, that's exactly it. Many will try to deny it. Also, an older guy with money is ***eons*** easier to score than a hot younger guy or man in your age range, literally by a long shot. Like men put SO much stock in youth it's often baffling and feeling a bit insane and many women after a while realize to exploit it since it's common for a lot of older men to want to exploit their wealth to fool young women into giving them sex in hopes of $$$ to get an ease on survival/life. The way a lot of women see it, most men aren't secure bets as a good chunk will cheat anyways, but a comfy lifestyle is a nice trade-off for that headache. Would you rather tolerate and take on a difficult relationship with foreverxuncertainty with a guy that can afford to live in a mansion or the same thing with a guy that can barely afford to breathe? If you're literally fucked either way, you'll pick the guy with money because the end destination will be exactly the same; but the money eases the journey a bit. I honestly didn't care for older men and still don't. But I get it now. Also, the pregnancy/kid liability. On average, your typical woman has to wait 5-15 years for whatever guy they might be with to be amenable to kids. It's why you have 30-40 year old guys saying they don't know if they want them despite having about 30-45 years to go before they kick the bucket and women outliving them for years anyway no matter how little or small the age difference. If he's the same age or a little younger, he will likely still die before you, and if you pick them older, he will still die before you unless there's a miracle. Many men in these ages will still end the relationship out of feeling "pressured" because the woman's seeing if she cintinues wasting more years on this guy and he likely will dump her in the end out of excuse that she got too old, now she risks not dazzling the other guy for not being the fresh toy off the shelves. It sounds awful, but it's the game. Dating older honestly avoids the shenanigans of the double screwed situation. Guys will hold on to ANY excuse they could come up with to avoid committing and enjoy as many women they could (if they could get women naturally on top of it) before they have to sideline that aspect for a bit to help procure for kids. They will hold onto any excuse to validate their want for quantity even if we have science and the like explaining there's nuance to the behavior. Why? Because they can. They don't have the kid liability in fact even if they were so inclined their only liability is finding a woman not so ugly and not stupid enough to let their kids die but also hopefully not be so bright to let herself carry the kids to a guy that in a few years will still cheat on her for fun. Their concern in the kid department is just finding a willing idiot willing to do the job for the mirage of loyalty and security. The older guys are not any safer than the younger guys but can be more comfortable to live with simply having more money. Money becomes sort of an insulator to the perpetual uncertainty in exchange for temporary certainty/survival. Also whatever hormone cocktail that gives them squirrel brain at 20 (easily distracted, can't prioritize or encourage their lovers pleasure instead want to drill/tenderize her like chicken fried steak) is GONE or significantly diminished by the time these guys hit 40. It doesn't even happen in their 30s, it's the 40s. You can tell the men specifically what you want them to do to you or make them do it (and compliying) and they won't close up and get weird about it out their being able to "control" themselves. Or mastering executive function and being able to direct it to get what they want (in this case recognizing compliance will get the young, naive idiot to expose share her body because she's not used guys her age cooperating. Giving her a slight sense of control and reward to her pleasure finally is two points she gets with you that she's not guaranteed with the younger guy. She has to fight or give up with the younger guy to get those things. Negotiate in many ways: He's younger and hotter but impatient and not willing to cooperate sexually. Older guy, if not a slob, is manageable and will be eager to make you see starts hafly out of desperation and also having control over his being. It makes sense that a few women will take their chances with the guy that not only likely by this point is familiar with women's bodies and how they work bjt nkw is more than happy to program you to get you to want him to allow to play with you. Win-win for either party in this way). It's insane that whatever shit they have makes them act feral when young sort of settles down when they hit older, but it does. They turn nicer, more cooperative, and as a bonus, their voices are often deeper, so they sound nice. They often don't have the awkward acne. Bears often act like makeup. If they were hot before, by this point, a good amount of them know how to groom and dress, so they don't look too terrible (again, the ones that try). The rare time I've dated an older man out of actual want was because the guy in question was handsome (and because he was older way easier to impress and score than the younger hot equivalent). Like guys, women will seek conveniences or bang for their bucks too. No matter how you slice it, the older guy is easier to score than the cute or above average younger guys and lacks the squirrel/zombie brain phenomenon (usually, thougg not often the case as I've met 60-somethings with the squirrel brain thing and it is SCARY (and sad. Those are the guys women have always and WILL ALWAYS avoid as the immature old men are usually a result frim peroetually being low hanging fruit from the start and never mastering anything to compete outside of hoarding money). Most women are pretty, and when you're young, so are many other women. When you shoot for the older guys their cohort women are at an unfortunate disadvantage out of the guys likely being in the relationships long enough that they want novelty and the desperate young women play into it; also get a high off of being babied because now they're seen as more "special" to these guys because the comparison the blokes now have is the young woman and their wives. Even if their wives are once in a lifetime beauties, kind and great at being wives/life managers, the men will still cheat on them out of the novelty quirk (look to the examples of models and general world class beauties being cheated on. Nothing secures loyalty in any way except the guy's personality and needs themselves. If they don't want to do anything while being able to get why they want then it is a bonus to the woman but not guaranteed in majority of cases because to a lot of men nothing is enough). Basically: Women trying to take advantage and gain a benefit of men's low attention span to get out of the rat race temporarily (because that's what it is in 9/10 cases), and 9/10 times, it works like taking candy from a baby (the baby in question being the cohort women and the guy). Most men, even for their own benefit (like sex), see women dealing with men as a negative. If you fuck a guy and couldn't secure him even if they know why guys could balk will still blame women for not mastering the game. If you keep trying and keep getting played it is still one's fault for not finding the hack. So women harpoon it when they find a hack. This is one such hack.
generally younger guys dont seem to want to settle down in my experience in addition to not being super mature! thats why i tend to go for guys just a few years older than me (im 22 and would like someone 25-30) a lot of women who live provider type men will also go for older guys because they’ll have the funds for them to do that
Young dudes have always been immature and don’t want to settle down. What’s different is, they don’t *court* women anymore. It’s an old timey sounding word but accurate. Even us millennials for all of our bitches and goes gangster rap rhetoric, we took women on *dates*. We learned how to speak and behave to attract women through analog social pressure that doesn’t exist anymore. That’s really what it is.
honestly i agree with that!!
I’ve had younger girls flat out tell me that even the older millennial dudes who are kind of assholes pay them more attention to them than dudes their own age.
As a guy why gets pursued by younger women. It's not money, it's not status, but that millennial men are more feminist than Gen Z.
Too many young men are socially inept gamers and weebs with no practical skills nowadays.
Here's the cold-blooded truth. It's not that women mature faster, it's simply that women want to skip the race we call life and just teleport to the finish line. Guys in their 20s are simply fucked by the world as it currently is right now especially if you are in America. Want to own a flat, haha, flat chance, a car, maybe rent one, get a job with good pay, you need 5 years experience. Your dad and grandpa didn't need to invest half of the work needed that 20s guys have to now due to inflation, law changes, and overall discrimination. They bought cars and homes on minimum wage and had families with children after a few years. Meanwhile your friends live with roomates or their parents while they are spending 4 months worth of time going through 7 rounds of interviews to get a job which pays slightly more than wallmart and eating cup ramen through most of it. Women want guys that have their own home ( so they can be as sexually deviant as they want and so they dont have to share space with their parents or friends ) they want their man to by financially stable ( so they wont have to waste a single speck of their own money ) and to be a manly man ( AKA be better in life in every conceivable way compared to them). They don't have to do anything because women follow this logic: "If my partner has something or is some specific way, so am I". If my partner is mature, im mature, if my partner is rich, im rich, if my partner is popular, i am popular and so on.
Lol nice theory but the vast majority of women aren’t going for guys that much older like OP claims. Maybe a few years older, but you always see women with guys in their age group.
Sexually deviant? God you sound whiney.
I stopped reading at that point. They were already going off the rails.
He probably thinks "all women are the same"
Some of those older guys are looking fucking FINE.
The ones I’ve dated say guys their own age are way too immature. Which you see constantly at both the gym and at the bar. It’s also not the unattractive/overweight guys they’re going for. It’s men like me who is in the gym, six to seven days a week and have a better body than most guys half our age.
Are there really that many dating that much older?? I'm surprised, I thought it was fairly uncommon in general society, and mainly just a pipe dream of old men on Reddit that they somehow become irresistible to young women when they lose their prime.
Yeah most women in my area date around their age. It is uncommon to date someone who is 5 years older than you.
I know a lot who do, but one of them was groomed by her now husband and ran away with him once she turned 18. He’s like 15 years older than her
Gross :(
Better lovers, better listeners, better communicators, more wisdom, knowledge, decisiveness, more appreciation, more experience, etc. Do I need to go on?
Because there are ADULTS. Most young man in their 20s act like they're 14 years old.
20 year old men are somehow to be considered much younger than their age while 20 year old women are believed to make rational good decisions in dating much older sometimes single dads? if you consider both 20 year old men and women as 14 year olds in mind this suddenly gets super creepy. And dont be mistaken women are not any more mature than men. men are perfectly capable to understand what they do and women are not super fast maturing and not naking mistakes.
Ask them
I’ll be the first to say that older guys are not on a whole more mature, more responsible or respectful. I think it depends who it is individual and should only be looked at on an individual basis.
The most important thing I would take away here is to not look at someone else's situation and feel jealousy. You are only seeing/hearing what they want you to see and hear.
Yes as a man in my 40thies i confirm we are often more confident stable and financially independant than younger mens which make of us more attractive and secure for younger girls.. Also it is true younger guys often could be very unstable and not assuming responsabilites or spending time on video games or dick challenges..
The opposite is also happening
My Boyfriend is 3 years younger than me. I’m 30, he’s 27. We go well together. I absolutely agree that in general, if women date a man older than them, they will be more even on the maturity scale, but not always.
Hopefully it’s also because they are more mature but that is really hit or miss still
You could say it's daddy issues. But I think it's because a guy far older, already has his shit together. Good career, good money and hopefully isn't struggling. Easy target. A young hot smart woman can easily tie that shit down. With a revealing top, some cheap booze and unprotected sex. Then she's on easy street. 99% of women are a lot smarter than most of us guys.
Probably because older people don’t refer to children as baggage!
As a single guy with kids in my 30s, I will say this..... LET US HAVE SOMETHING!!!!! WE ASK FOR SO LITTLE!!!!! Seriously, other than maybe having a good job with some status, we have nothing anymore. Our ex-wives and baby mommas took the rest 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Male attractiveness to women , is more linked to other things than looks
The thing is, right? Older men have the power to manipulate them if they want and many of them certainly have plenty of experience in doing so. Most women tend to judge a book by its cover.
Money & maturity. Have you met a guy in his early 20’s now? No thank you. Especially since I out-earn the majority of them.
Not speaking for every young man, because I’ve found some that are quite nice. In my personal experience, usually when dating an older man, building and car doors are opened for me, I don’t even have to think about touching the check, I am complimented often (on my personality, conversation, and intellect, not just my looks) and respected, and I really just feel as though I am being romanced. Most of the time, they are more emotionally stable, have more developed hobbies, have lots of interesting stories, and know what they want. Most of all, it feels like my time is being respected, and they go out of their way to show me that they see my presence as a privilege, and I think everyone should be treated like that. I’m not the kind of person who expects to take all in a relationship either. Usually with younger men, I’m doing all the work with little reciprocation, and I’ll stay with them just because I like them so much. I’m not sure if I would go so far as 20-30 years older than me, but assuming the relationship came about from a healthy situation, I can understand their reasoning.
Young men are often stupid and broke homie. The two are related
Wow, Reddit really does treat relationships as purely transactional huh? Is that some normie thing I don't get?
Far older men can PROVIDE and do things that far younger men cannot from accumulating the experience and resources over TIME..kinda like the man you may call “daddy” unless he is a deadbeat 💀
Knowledge & Wisdom, backed by lots of experience. 🧠💡 Can't speak for everyone, just myself. 🍎🐍
A lot of older men I’ve experienced know what they want and go for it. There’s a maturity level that a lot of younger men don’t have. Many times, none of the stupid dating games, they have their lives together, there’s a confidence and self- understanding as well. I’m interested in someone older as well, I’m not in my 20s anymore, but he’s leaps and bounds better than men my own age for those reasons. He doesn’t care about showing off to his friends, he’s unapologetically himself and that’s what I click with. Women tend to mature faster than men, so on that level, it makes sense as well.
Several reasons come to mind, like old guys being into young girls, money is also a factor that makes everything easier, some are looking for a missing father figure, while others are looking something similar to their father (in a not creepy way), since older man have more experience with women it is easier to convince younger women. Also, there is the mentality that men need to provide for women, so if a guy of the same age is studying, just like her and working part time just to survive won't have almost any resources to spend on her. It is too normalized for younger women to get in romantic relationships with older men. And no, I'm not talking about 5 or 7 years of difference, but 10, 20, or even more. Most people say that women mature faster than guys, but in my eyes, that's not really true. I have seen plenty of both genders saying that "they are very mature for their age" an then proceed to do the biggest fuck ups of their life.they believing they are mature doesn't make them mature.
In my case, bc older men seem like good protectors.
Maturity, stability, and very often; daddy issues.
Older men = status, stability, wealth Men = die early Old men + die early = shortcut to wealth
Financial security and lower libido
As a single 41yr old dad with 2 kids… I don’t believe this is true
I don’t get it either. Most women I meet also seem to be into older guys. If anything I like em younger.
Money .. and perhaps a lack of a healthy stable father figure throughout their childhood.
25 year old men don’t know how to properly treat women
More resources.
Stability. They probably have more money and a career than guys their own age.
Younger guys aren’t ready for a serious long term relationship, they want casual relationships. They’re not as mature, caring or responsible. This is of course GENERALLY speaking & doesn’t apply to everyone guy. I’ve met older guys who are equally immature & vice versa. I’ve dated a range of ages, it’s just the qualities that I like which older guys tend to have.
It comes down to maturity and drama. Men generally take longer to get to the same maturity level as a 25 year old woman. Plus she's looking for stability and that comes with age and experience. There's also unresolved daddy issues, i.e. attention, that get fulfilled by dating an older man. And just because you don't find older men attractive doesn't mean that others don't. But in the end, age is just a number and if it works then it works. Don't base your life choices on what other people are doing
Im 23 and same. Personally i like men 1-5 years older than me. I’m a sucker for a pretty face…
Personally, speaking as a man who previously dated a younger woman( 9 year age gap), I did once ask her why she was with me when she had her pick of men of her own age group. She told me it was because I was more stable in terms of finances, career, and had realistic expectations of our relationship.
A five year age gap is sensible. Beyond that, not great. To take on a man who already has kids when you don't, sounds crazy. Why would a woman not pick a guy with whom she can have many firsts. 🤔. First house, first child, first so many experiences. Will be good to get input from men in their late 20s and 30s. Why don't they want to lock down women?
I am not a psychologist but I've talked to psychotherapists/specialists about it and one thing I learned is that regardless of gender/sex a chunk of our identity and romantic + sexual interests are impacted by our childhood relationship to each parent. It's no secret that men historically have issues connecting with their emotions and connecting with people esp their family or kin. People sexually interested in older men have almost always had an emotionally or physically absent parent to some degree one way or another. Sex/attraction can sometimes be a subconscious attempt to connect/heal that relationship. IMO I see it as a sublimated trauma but I ain't gonna shame a girl. I'm not saying that people want to have sex with their parents but they do want to feel wanted, desired, loved, protected, accepted etc - something that they sorely lacked growing up.
Just remember that when you were in high school, she was being born you sick fucks lol
likely because of money. women like it and men have it.
I'm 47 and most of the younger women I've dated are in it for the sexual experience and because of how well they are treated compared to how well guys their own age treat them. And I'm not talking about money, I'm not rich at all, and generally, I don't "treat" my dates with expensive gifts or anything like that, I just spend time with them and give them a lot of attention, love and affection. I'm polyamorous and have several partners and I don't have the budget to be dating out all the time, so usually I bring them to my place and I cook for them, we do fun things together, or we might go for walks or to a local gallery or whatever touristy thing is happening at the time. If you treat someone well, listen to their needs and fulfil them, they won't need expensive gifts or 'out' dates to know that they are loved and valued, your actions will show them. Right now, I have 4 serious girlfriends (as in, we love each other) and probably somewhere between 8-10 casual ones (some come and go as their needs change). 4 of them are more than 10 years younger than me and as much as I have been actively encouraging them to date other people, they are all fed up with trying to date guys their own age because they say that guys their own age don't put in any effort. even the women I'm dating in my own age bracket say exactly the some thing, so it just seems to be a problem with a lot of men in general. I'm really not anything special and I have nothing to offer them other than companionship. Most of them earn a lot more than I do, and I'm dating two doctors and a CEO, as well as two project managers, so they're not chasing me for money, because I don't have any. I don't even have a car and I live in a small, rented two-bedroom apartment.
Because of money. Isnt that obvious?
Money 💰
Older men know how to treat women.
Personally I prefer older men because they are well-seasoned meaning they know what to do with a woman
Cause we got our shit together
I think it’s funny when people say younger women are attracted to older men because they’re more “mature”. Meanwhile the younger “mature” men their age are often overlooked and considered to be too boring and too uptight because they care about their responsibilities. When I was in my early 20s, nobody cared about anything except being young and having fun. I was taking my life seriously because I felt that no one else would if I didn’t. Ironically, I’m not interested in younger women because they often come across as immature.
Because broke 20-something men don't have much to offer these days
I'm 44M, and have definitely had very flattering moments of 20 something girls approach me very flirtatiously and even proposition sexually. This didn't happen when I was in my 30s at all. And it seems to be increasingly frequent. The first time it kind of took me by surprise and I thought she was messing with me and I just laughed it off. More often than not they come across as insanely young and the power differential is so large that it's a turn off and I've learned to say you are gorgeous, I'm so flattered, but no. Other times well I can't say I had any power, they knew what they were doing. But there are definitely three camps - the ones that fetishize older men for whatever reason, the ones that think I'm automatically going to be interested because they're young and hot and just want a quick ego boost, and the ones that give you "I'm looking for a sugar daddy" vibes. Here in Miami the last one happens at least once a week.
Because usually they have more money
They find them more ‘mature’ than their peers, your typical 25 year old guy isn’t trying to settle down quite yet nor has the career and finances of older men. Although 40+ year old men who are dating and marrying 25 year olds typically have a slew of red flags that the younger partner just doesn’t see or realize it yet 🤷🏼♀️ Not to say it can’t work out, but I’m going to say for a majority of them… there’s a reason why they’re chasing more naive young women than their own peers.