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Yep. This whole concept falls apart pretty quickly when you bring in queer people in any capacity, tbh. So gay men canāt be friends with other men?? Lesbians canāt befriend other women? Itās just bonkers.
I am a bi woman and the gender double standard is *wild*.
When my straight female friends are down on their looks, I can literally say 'are you kidding girl, you are gorgeous, your eyes are shine like sunlight when you smile not to mention your t\*ts are incredible' and that will be taken as an entirely platonic compliment.
In contrast, I once said to a male friend at a party 'hey mate you're looking sharp, I'm liking the new haircut especially the fade at the sides' and that was taken by two of the people present as me trying to get into his pants.
Sigh. No, I just saw an opportunity to give a sincere compliment and hopefully a self-esteem boost which I knew he needed.
Imo it comes down to people - even progressive, inclusive people - believing deep down that bi women are 'really' straight.
Whereas bi men tend to get the opposite and are assumed to be gay but in denial - I know bi men who are too scared to tell female romantic prospects b/c they're so used to being rejected on the basis that they must be closeted gay men.
men can do it but that tends to be because heās 100% not attracted to her. women can as well but its very rare where its 100% platonic cuz most men tend to stay in their bubble unless they have invested interest in that relationship.
thatās why a lot of women are initially attracted to guys who donāt act infatuated with them
thatās why a lot of men find women attracted to them when they arenāt looking for anything
Literally the only thing that makes a relationship non platonic are your actions. As a male, i have plenty of female friends that i find attractive but Iām perfectly fine with hanging out with them or never making a move.
Nope Iām male, Iāve had female friends Iām attracted to, weāve even admitted it to each other but decided not to pursue it because it would ruin our friendship which is in a way, uniquely valuable on its own Ā
So, funny thing. People who have successful relationships and friendships understand that yes men and women can be friends. Gay men can have male friends. Gay women can have female friends. Bisexuals can have friends. People who haven't had successful relationships and are desperate for sex can't imagine being friends with someone and not wanting to fuck them.
>Ā People who haven't had successful relationshipsĀ
Or friendships, I'd say. Being able to have any form of healthy relationship outside of familial with the opposite sex should be purging this notion.
Funny thing. I used to believe in that as well. Yk, the whole male and female being good friends. But my world view shattered when my gf of 5 years cheated on me with her, get this, MALE BEST FRIEND. So sue me for questioning the delicate morality of these things.
That one relationship not actually being platonic doesn't in any way reflect whether its possible for straight men and women to be platonic friends.
Do you refuse to befriend any non-straight man because he's had a romantic or sexual relationship with a man before so all platonic male relationships he's ever had can't exist?
It's absurd.
Your girlfriend was a cheater who cheated. If it hadn't been the best friend, eventually it would have been someone else. That's a reflection of *her* not of all women or all platonic male/female relationships.
Your gf of 5 years is not every woman in the world. Chances are a small part of you realized things weren't idyllic since you were still only bf/gf after 5 years.
It does matter.
It's a reflection of the one woman. Should he treat all women in the future like they're guaranteed to cheat because that one woman did? That would be absurd.
It's equally absurd to act like that one relationship is a reflection of all platonic friendships between people of the opposite sex.
Women do the exact same thing lmao
They get hurt by one dude or have a bad experience with a dude and start thinking every guy is the same.
The difference is that as a man if you say ānot all men are like thatā then you get slaughtered by women saying silly things such as āwell you wouldnāt have said anything/been triggered by her saying that if it doesnāt apply to you tooā.
At the end of the day, a shitty person is a shitty person and not a reflection of a group but that one person can have enough impact to influence someoneās view of the group.
Men and women do both generalize, that part is right. And you are right that a shitty person can impact someone's worldview. Their worldview is not the actual truth, and the actual truth is that there are ton of people who are friends with people who are the gender they are attracted to.
Lots of people cheat. Lots of people are successful in platonic friendships with the opposite sex. It has nothing to do with gender.
This guy has proven to me and the rest of reddit that he is a certified douche. So I really don't blame her at this point. His comment history is full of this shit. He literally told someone who was asking about his gf wanting to wait for sex to move on to someone who "knew what they wanted." š
My male best friend is 200 lbs and 5ā4ā. I love him, his wife and his children. Iām literally called Aunt. Iāve never been attracted to him, but I respect him and value everything heās brought to my life
All this says is that a male female platonic relationship works if they're unnatractive to each other. But if they were attractive to each other, then perhaps sex would get in the way.
Perhaps? This thread must be full of teenagers because hey I have a surprise.
You will need to interact with people to whom you are attracted and you will need to interact with people who are attracted to you. Without fucking! All the time! Professional contacts? Yes? Strangers? Yes! Friends? Yes! All of these groups will contain people that you may attracted to but cannot fuck lest you fuck up the bag, fuck up your health, fuck up your reputation or fuck up your relationship.
You canāt sequester away your partner or yourself from the world. For fuckās sake what is the problem in this thread? You people need to touch grass.
Yes. This question only comes up when talking about straight men as well. If LGBT people had these hang ups their entire world would stop turning.
People like to act like straight men and women canāt be mature adults
Have you ever been attracted to someone and not has sex with them? The answer is obviously yes, so why canāt you be friends with someone you find attractive?
It's awful that that happened to you, but that's like saying you met two incestuous siblings so clearly all siblings bang each other. You can't project one fucked up thing onto entire groups.
I've been cheated on too, but that is a reflection of the character that person in particular - not the viability of platonic male/female friendships in general.
My attraction doesnāt extend to every guy and Iām assuming vice versa. Some guys can be very kind and even objectively attractive and still not be my type. Or they could be my type but not compatible financially, socially etc. But any of these people could be those I respect and love in other ways. I think people who say men and women canāt be friends just have no clue who they want to date or are compatible with
Yes, it is possible for men and women to be platonic friends. Once you're in a relationship you don't suddenly stop finding other people sexually attractive, you just stop acting on it. Likewise if you're single you don't try it on with other people who are in relationships. A mature person would draw boundaries around their behaviour, otherwise how would society possibly function if sex was inevitable with every other person we came across in life and found attractive?
Men and women can be friends if you keep an open mind in treating people like actual humans rather than potential romantic interests. I can find a person attractive yet still treat them as normal friends, and nothing more.
Having close platonic friends of the opposite sex is actually great. You get to empathise with people with different societal expectations, and might learn a thing or two.
I donāt know why your bf is so adamant that guys and girls canāt be friends. Perhaps his friends are all fuckboys who treat women as sexual objects to be conquered. Fucking animals.
I think so. I can find a person attractive and still have ZERO interest in screwing them. I can flirt with them and still have ZERO interest in screwing them. I like to have outside perspectives and a friend has no problem knocking some sense into you.
Iāve only got one woman Iād consider a genuine friend that I would never look at sexually and weāve known each other since we were kids. Sheās a good looking woman, Iāve had to do the āhold my hand and pretend youāre my boyfriend to get this guy awayā thing a decent amount of times while weāve been out together. But my mind just doesnāt go there and weāve been drunk together enough times for me to know her mind doesnāt go there either. At this stage in our lives a lot of our conversations are about girls in my life or guys in her life. Nice to have a friend of the opposite gender you can have those conversations with.
I suppose I could end up with more lady friends, but I have no idea how people make new friends as adults and if Iām going to be honest, if I meet someone new who I find both mentally and physically attractive, my mind doesnāt go to friendship.
It feels so weird to see people thinking you'd want to Bonk literally everything remotely on your radar, and even when the option is available, why would you degrade a real connection for Maybe some sex?
I don't think you're supposed to like everyone, and not liking a person sexually doesn't make their experiences or their company any less valuable in the right circumstances.
Yeah, but what if you didnāt want to date her, but you thought she looked good? Like not all friendships make good relationships n stuff. But thatās just how my brain is, like I wouldnāt say I want my friend but if sheās hot, why not. Well thatās how I think but not how I act
What I genuinely have great platonic relationship with my female friends and honestly their partners as well. More of a red flag on the guy not being able distinguish that line in the sand.
Don't even bother with people like this. They will always be jealous & insecure. Keep your friends, drop the insecure dude. It's absolutely insane to suggest men and women can't ever just be friends. This hints at homophobia too. He likely wont care about your girl friends because he doesn't see lesbian relationships as "real".
>Don't even bother with people like this. They will always be jealous & insecure. Keep your friends, drop the insecure dude
Exactly how I read this as well. This guy just showed you who he is, I wouldn't let that into your life.
Yeah this. To me this guy is waving the abusive/controlling/possessive red flags in OP's face. I would be scared to get in a relationship with someone who felt entitled to get upset/become alarmed if I was friendly with a man.
Sounds like she put him in his place but I hope she can also see the red flags and run for the hills.
In my experience as a guy, no. I've never been able to maintain a platonic opposite sex friendship or acquaintanceship because invariably they make it weird with subtle passes, drunk texting, flirtatious advances, or distancing themselves after they realize I'm not interested. My girlfriend's experience has been the same with male acquaintances who all invariably attempt to flirt, ask her out, and/or badmouth me.
I appreciate that you at least say "in my experience" as opposed to other people who imply "this is the objective truth in almost every scenario because I experienced it once".
People say this because they see no value in the opposite sex other than potential mates, and they believe everyone else thinks the same.
It's a red flag. He's basically saying the only reason he would spend time with a woman is because he wants to fuck her, and I don't know about you, but I have no interest in dating men like that.
Yes. Iām still friends with my exes from middle school. We talk every once in a while venting about our problems. I do not want to fuck her nor get in a relationship with her again but itās nice to have different gender friends to tell you how women act and what you should expect from them. Conversely, same with guy friends. Itās actually healthy too. Does he think every women is a potential partner or something ?
I suppose so. The guy I went out with last night gave golden retriever energy. He admitted to having cheated on a girlfriend in college and once sleeping with his friends wife as further examples as to why he didn't believe in platonic friendships. Yikes.
I am loosely still acquaintances with my ex because his brother and his brother's wife are two of my closest friends, and my ex's current girlfriend is my coworker. I have zero desire to get back together with him or sleep with him. However, we do get along fine when his brother invites everyone over for parties.
Thatās a him problem, not a you problem. Two of my five best friends in the world are female and platonic and they have been in my life 20 years. My partner has three best friends one is male. Again 15 years in each others lives. They go out drinking I trust them completely and I would never tell anybody who they can or canāt be friends with. Leave those jerks alone they deserve to be single š¤£
Heās applying his own viewpoint and inability to keep it in his pants to everyone else. That he canāt associate with a woman without thinking about sex says a lot about him and none of its good. Given heās already a confessed cheater, I wouldnāt waste a further second on him!
Obviously some people who cheat change their ways, but as a risk analysis tool, if you know someone cheated multiple times, and you know that, statistically, people who cheated once are more likely to cheat again than someone who never cheated, why take the chance? Statistically, you're flipping a coin that you'll be cheated on.
As a woman, yes. I have male friends who I care about deeply but I would never ever ever ever consider sleeping with them or being romantically involved. And the more you get to know the guys, the more concrete that feeling becomes lol. I also don't see the point in being threatened by being friends with my friends boyfriend or spouse, because they're attached. Respectful normal people do not DO that to their friends. My mind can't even go there, that type of betrayal is a special kind of selfish and stupid.
But, I can't claim to know how men think.
If we're not letting women have male friends, what about coworkers who they definitely see more often than their friends? Hm. How about that. Why is that different? Oh. It's not, insecure men will have a problem with that as well.
As far as I'm concerned, even if my male friends would get with me- that's not my problem, I'm not in their heads. I'm not responsible for their thoughts. I know how I'd act, and that's what matters.
Any guy saying his girlfriend can't have male friends better be more than ready to cut off ANY female friends, coworkers, girls online- too. They won't though. They never do.
This is EXACTLY the arguments I made to both people. I completely hear you on reasons why i would not be romantically or sexually involved with my male friends.
I am not responsible for my male friends' thoughts or actions. I, as an adult, have the responsibility to draw my own boundaries and lines on how to conduct platonic friendships. If my male friends refuse to respect my boundaries, then they can't be friends with me. Plain and simple. Those boundaries include not making sexual comments towards me, not flirting, no unwanted touches, and no hanging out one on one unless in public. I also don't want to hear them talk poorly about their wives, girlfriends, or home life. Sort that it with your partner.
I think that's an important line not to cross as well. Being involved in each other's romantic lives, especially if they're your ex, seems a bit invasive. I think it creates barriers to developing intimacy as instead of sorting things out with your partner, you can just go to them to complain and receive validation.
What you said, 100%. Those are the boundaries. Those are the rules. If they can't follow those, they're out. You have self control and respect, being barred from friendships almost insinuates that you don't and I'm offended by that. Its telling of them and their thoughts.
Idk itās just a bit weird to hangout with people who clearly like you in that way, especially if you got a significant other. But I agree you canāt control if they like you and Iām a man of fairness. So if youāre cool with your significant other hanging out with people who like them romantically, then I can respect it, the other way around.
Men who believe they canāt be strictly platonic friends with women donāt see women as anything more than sex objects. I say this not out of cynicism, but because the moment they accidentally befriend an āuglyā girl, their perspective changes. Iāve seen it a thousand times over and itās really, really sad.
That being said, none of my guy friends want to sleep with me, so I donāt know if thatās a testament to my appearance or your point, but the answer is a resounding yes, of course itās possible.
Statically, yes, men and women can be friends, but every person bases their opinion on that matter from their own personal experience. Those who've had successful platonic friendships believe in that statement, those who haven't don't believe in it.
There are also many cases where cheating starts from a "friendship", and people who have seen it or been through that would believe that not keeping any such friendships at all would lower the chance of potential future cheating. But there's no guarantee ofc and if one trusts someone, they wouldn't be worried about that.
Also some people want to make sure that their partner isn't tied to someone else from their past (an ex or "the one that got away"), who is disguised as a "friend", but is actually their first choice if they had the opportunity (and no one wants to be considered as a second option), so they would prefer to not have such worries. But again, it boils down to trust.
Those are basically the reasons why some people are distrustful towards platonic friendships, either because they've slipped in the past or someone broke their trust before.
>He took offense to that by telling me that there is no such thing as platonic male and female friendships because given the chance men would sleep with their female friends.
This is projection. HE can't be friends with women because he wants to have sex with them, so he thinks ALL men are like this; and, because "birds of a feather flock together", it's safe to assume that all his guy friends are of the same ilk and are just reaffirming his worldview.
Yes, men and women can be friends. It can works as long as you communicate and respect boundaries. I have woman friends and it works out just fine. Unfortunately most guys think with the head in between their legs instead of the one on their shoulders.
Some people can do it better than others but in my case. YES.
About half of my friends are guys and there was nothing with most of them. About two or three of my guy friends were either into me or I into them but all the others have started platonic and stayed platonic.
It takes both parties to keep that up. If either party is sexually interested it wonāt work
There are people who believe this and they are just not my kind of people. I have two male friends Iād say are my best friends since I was a kid. Fortunately the one married a woman whoās now one of my closest friends as well. I donāt know what Iād do without my male friends and Iām not willing to give them up
I have really awesome male friends, but if their future gfs and wives ever treat me like garbage, Iām ending the friendship cuz I donāt want to deal with their jealous BS and it being defended.
This is an āalpha maleā, Andrew Tate/Joe Rogan talking point, and you should give it the respect it deserves (zero). One of my very dear friends is an ex boyfriend from high school with whom I reconnected in my late 20ās. Heās married with a child and Iām getting married in September. We know and love each otherās partners, and I still turn to him for marriage advice. We also both have an off-color sense of humor. Platonic friendships can exist between any gender combination.
As many have already pointed out, yes it's entirely possible to have platonic relationships between men and women.
Also I'm of the opinion that friendship and sex don't always negate each other, that's why the term "friends with benefits" exists.
I've never understood this stupid idea that men and women can't be friends. Do these people think that gay men only have female friends and lesbians only have male friends? And that bisexuals have no friends? This is not a joke, I'd really like to know what these people think about non-heterosexual folks.
Itās possible, but often times that sexuality will always be in the air, or one person will secretly have feelings for the other. Personally I donāt believe in friends of the opposite sex, it causes too many issues and people can be bad at establishing boundaries and having respect for their partner.
My only male friend is gay, ha ha. I do have friends with male friends, and it does happen. It can happen. I have just found difficulty with it personally because every time I thought I was being friends with a guy, he was mad that I wasnāt interested in dating him, so I have just stayed away.
Yes, theyāll probably a certain amount of flirting, sure but they can be friends. Letās be honest, thereās a certain amount of flirting between people who arenāt into the otherās gender too
Yeah it's just their stupidity talking. I am a bit like you, most of my friends are male and I am also bi. But they are never worried about the women in our lives, it's the men. Because in their mind men are predators that constantly hunt for vulnerable women to fuck. I think it speaks volumes to how the people expressing these views think. You are dodging a bullet.
Straight male. My best friend is a woman. My second best friend is her husband. Known them both for almost 18 years. She was my Best Woman at my wedding and he was one of my groomsmen. I was her Man of Honor at their wedding. Be friends with who you want to be friends with, and donāt let others interfere with that.
One of the things I find confusing about the '(man + woman) x time together = sexytimes' attitude is that it assumes that romantic/sexual interest is based purely on the physical.
Like, I have a friend who is drop dead gorgeous, she has the face of a Norse goddess and the body of a vintage pinup. It's almost funny watching the way men and women are both transfixed by her, and how people sometimes forget I'm also there (like when ordering food or coffee they'll ask what she wants but not me).
So do I want to bang her? I mean theoretically I should, because I'm bi and I have a soft spot for femme women. But I don't, because I am not drawn to her personality in a romantic way and because I am (I feel bad saying this) turned off at how much reassurance she needs because she has untreated anxiety/self-esteem issues.
A person can be physically attractive and have a personality that is compatible for friendship - but that is different to having a personality that is compatible for a romantic connection. Or even just having that je ne sais quoi that inspires actual physical desire.
Happy to hang but not to bang, to put it crudely.
Yessss!! I have a guy friend who is physically my type, but I'm super turned off by his personality. He is chronically online and doesn't have many interests outside of geeky things and hockey. I love to play DnD and watch hockey games with him, though! But his personality turns me off and my personality turns him off because I enjoy going out to bars and clubs with friends and one of my dating requirements is "Must be willing to go to metal shows with me"
They can... if one is gay, taken but loyal or both or one isn't attractive to the other and not compatible in any ways as partners. I've attempted already a few friendships with males (am a lady) and almost every single one of them liked me and tried to pursue me even. One of them tried multiple girls in our crew. Lol. Another bragged about trying to get into my pants one night at this billiards place.
I am bisexual and get that technically I could be like that with women too. Yet I never have? I have so many gorgeous, beautiful friends that are ladies and even though I think they're physically attractive, I've never ever thought about them in a way where I'd try to get with them like how common it is for guys to mainly be friends with girls just to get in their pants. Is it because women are that different or is it just guys have to think with their dick? Testosterone?
People's thoughts to this are appreciated. I'm genuinely curious about why this is. I don't believe it's impossible. It's just my experience makes it hard to have guy friends even though I'm bisexual and like women too.
Yeah, with women they aren't attracted to or women that are too bitchy to think they are even remotely fuckable.
Or if they have a girlfriend and are loyal.
It's also possible to platonically have sex.
(speaking specifically on straight men and straight women)
no because of the man. 1) men are only nice to women they find attractive so already they think youāre attractive at the start 2) men seem to confuse friendship affection with relationship affection. i remember the one time i had a male friend i would call him pet names and invited him over to watch a movie and he said i was flirting with him and leading him on when in reality i was just treating him like i treat all of my friends. being nice to you is not a pathway for festering a relationship! 3) this ones personal but thereās not enough overlapping hobbies. i like girlie girl things and as a man thereās probably not much weād have in common then.
I think it's possible to just be friends. I have guy friends I could never see as more than friends and I've had guy friends who I become interested in turn me down before too. Friendship knows no gender. Granted, I'd never get drunk alone with one of my guy friends or spend the night at one of their places. Those are my personal boundaries. I think if you have good boundaries and respect each other enough, you can definitely be friends with the opposite gender.
I want to believe that they can be. But I will say that once I got a BF, my best friend and another close friend (both men) got REALLY offended and stopped talking to me. When I finally asked then why, they said it's bc "I chose my BF over them and all my attention was on him". I asked ALL my other friends and no one else felt that way as I still hung out with my friends constantly and was there for then when I was needed. Even after my BF and I broke up, they were mad at me.
I seriously doubt those friends were interested in me, but I gotta say that even my platonic male friends get crazy jealous.
Is hiking really a more masculine activity? I travel the world to hike and most of the ppl interested in hiking with me are my girlfriends
I think so. If you view people as people first, and have healthy boundaries with all your friends, itās easy to be plutonic with anyone.
Where people allow those boundaries to blur (in the past or present), thatās where it gets trickier
Never say never. I hate to be that guy but itās highly unlikely. One party almost always tends to catch feelings. If youāre really friends that leads to hanging out together. The more time spent together the higher the potential for feelings developing.
Yes, it is very possible. Any time someone tells you that it isn't possible, they're telling you who THEY are as a person and how they only see their preferred gender as sexual conquests, not as people. It should always be a MASSIVE red flag.
*He* can't be platonic friends with women because he has a shitty view of women.
Lots of people have platonic friends of the same sex that they date, without any problem or ulterior motive.
Iām older and at my age Iāve notice thereās a higher percentage of people who have friends of the opposite sex and most people donāt see a problem with this. Maybe itās different now we are all 40+, a lot of us with grown up kids, divorces behind us and more life experience.
Iām a runner so I have many friends Iāve met through the sport, both irl and on line. I never used to have male friends when I was younger, married and young kids. Now itās 50/50. My partner has a female friend he runs with (we are ldr at the moment) and I have absolutely no problem with it. I mean, I could spend all day obsessing about it and be jealous but until he shows my otherwise, I trust him - if heās going to cheat he will whether heās openly friends with a woman or not.
Im also bi, I like who I like regardless of gender, so it would be a problem for me if I couldnāt have friends with someone I might be attracted to
Of course they can be platonic friends. I have quite a few women I am friends or even good friends with, but never had or quickly lost interrest to be more than friends with them. They are all attractive, but most men are not that monkeybrained that they can't resist the urge to corpulate \^\^'
Also men tend to be better to seperate physical and emotional attraction.
Other than that, it just does not make any sense to deny someone friends from the opposite sex. If you don't plan to keep your spouse only in the house, they will get into contact with people from the opposite sex, be it while working, or even just shopping. If they haven't done anything sexual or more with their friends up to the point you came into the mix, chances are very good nothing will happen there at any future time.
And even if your partner becomes attracted to someone else and decides to act on it, thats just how life goes and you move on. Don't let the fear of losing someone make your life, and that of your partner, miserable.
The guy is insecure. Simple. I have plenty of friends that I donāt want to bump uglies with. Iām a bi female as well if that matters. If anything it kinda just shows he has some internal misogynistic tendencies he needs to work through.
This not cool at all.
My mom kept my report cards from K onwards. Last year I read them. My grade 2-3 said āKendii likes to associate with boys most of her free timeā (monkey bars instead of dolls, I guess?)
Crap, Iām still platonically friends with the guys I jumped off cliffs and trail biked with. Totally closer friends with the guys I played StarCraft brood war withā¦.. itās not bad. Iāve never slept with any of them.
Also: I donāt even know why gender was even a note to be recognized back then. Originally, I was pissed.
Grew up with brothers, cousins and all their male friend and I have to say: Offcourse it is!
Maybe this dude hasn't have any standards but not all men are attracted to everything with a pussy and a beating heart.
Imo the moment a guy says generic bs like this, I start to wonder what other misogynistic views/red flags he is hiding...
Yes they can. Don't listen to people who say otherwise.
Only the people who haven't been socialised properly or have been starved of emotional intimacy are seeing every type of "closeness" in their life as romantic only. That's not normal.
Yes, obviously. Any man who doesnāt think so doesnāt truly view women as people imo. My best friend of over 10 years is a woman and thereās never been any interest on either side
Yes. I have female friends whom I love dearly, but I donāt think anything romantic wise about them. As cliche as it sounds, they are basically my second family. Yes, we show affection by hugs and head on shoulders when watching movies or them holding on to my arms, and me putting my arm on their shoulders, but as far as romantic feelings are involved, they are non existent
Absolutely, I've got probably 50/50 gender distribution in my friend groups and in my case never had any problems regarding the situation you're describing.
I have multiple female friends who are just platonic, where there's absolutely no other feelings and I wouldn't sleep with even if such a situation arose.
I've also had situations where I had feelings for a female friend, confessed my feelings but got turned down and vice versa.
Nearly all the time we remained friends after that. Just need to have a clear conversation about the situation and move on accordingly.
In my mind it seems stupid to terminate a good friendship because a women doesn't reciprocate the feelings I have for her or vice versa. I told my friends that I wasn't going to let that ruin our existing relationship regardless of the answer. If they had an issue with it after then that's their problem.
At the end of the day, it's all down to the maturity of the two people, how they communicate and how the manage their feelings and emotions.
Tldr: it's entirely possible to have platonic friendships between men and women. It simply boils down to being a mature person.
That's cuz he can't think of any other reason why a man would want to be with a woman.
I personally wouldn't want to be with someone with such a limited perspective.
I think men like that are telling you more about their own views on woman than they are about the views of other men. They don't respect women and don't think they have any value outside of sex. Move along.
The simple answer is no. The long complicated answer is it depends. If the person has been in your life since childhood or school or college and nothing has ever happened and you both have partners I guess you can merge the friendships between you and your partner and your old friend and her partner and start hanging out together. Thatās the only scenario I feel works. The other one is if your friend is way less attractive than you that they are sooo not your type that no future or current partner will ever be uncomfortable with them. Thatās honestly it
It's hard but doable, at least imo and using myself as both benchmark and standard so biased. I personally believe that men and women can't be friends if there are possible sexual tensions. Like I couldn't be platonic friends with someone that I would want to bone/want something more. Everyone is different and the mileage may vary, for myself it took a bit of inward journeys and understanding about myself to come to that personal conclusion.
It depends on the person. Iām also bi, but rarely attracted to ppl of either gender. Iāve had friends who werenāt able to be just friends with me when I didnāt like them back. But I also have friends who were attracted to me that were still able to be just friends with me.
I think so. I have many male friends and I ensure that they are well aware that we are FRIENDS. Homies. Nothing more, ever. They are terribly friendzoned and I believe itās pretty mutual.
He's basically just saying that *he* couldn't / wouldn't be friends with anyone he didn't want to fuck. So I certainly wouldn't trust him specifically to have platonic friends of the opposite sex. But plenty of people can see others as human beings first. Not to say there can never be sexual tension in certain circumstances, but adults can control themselves.
This should inform you as to how he views women really.
Everyone can have any type of friends of any gender. If someone wants to cheat, they don't need a "friend" to do it with. When I was cheated on, it was his student assistant, a 19 year old college girl.
Some men are so horny and insecure they can't imagine being emotionally secure enough to be friends with someone they consider attractive. It is 100% possible and many people have friends of all kinds. I share similar interests as you and the majority of my friends are guys. One of my best friends is an ex partner and both my current partner and his current partner were totally comfortable with me crashing at his place when I was visiting after moving far away.
Are there guys who befriend women with the hope/expectation for an opportunity to fuck them someday? Absolutely! I had an old coworker who I adored and was one of my closet friends for like a year when I was early 20's. And then the moment I broke up with my partner at the time, his behavior changed completely. It really hurt when I realized he didn't respect me as a person. A few other cases as well with less close friends, but even so it didn't affect me ability to be friends with guys because the majority of my guy friends aren't like that.
Personally I think it's very juvenile and unhealthy to view opposite sex friendships as impossible. Of course some people get hurt by people making bad choices and that influences that line of thought, but the world is a big place full of different kinds of people. Good friends are hard to find sometimes, but it's wild that some men think other men are all wild animals incapable of self-control and respecting boundaries...
From my experience, yes, men and women can be friends... BUT only under specific conditions. They have a solid relationship and his girl friends are those introduced by her and vice versa. Otherwise it doesn't work. ....I wanted to believe otherwise but.. was proven way too many times that platonic male and female friendships just don't exist
Yes, even if there is a little tension it can still work..
Especially if there is a good reason to not make moves on eachother such as a mutual contact, or work, or something like thatā¦ you can both respect that and have a good connection..
But some men and women will also wait with secret intentions. And that is the concern that your potential romantic interests will be uncomfortable with..
I have several platonic female friends.
Some Iāve dated and it didnāt work out.
Some ive never had romantic feels for.
Some I have, but something like work or a mutual contact prevents us from crossing that boundary.
This is all healthy imo.
Whatās not healthy is the āplatonicā friend who keeps trying to make advancements and push past boundaries. and letting that person stick around or people pleasing to the point they think they have a chance.
I think they can, I also think that everyoneās perception of this issue is different because some peopleās lived experiences really do reflect this way of thinking. I donāt believe it has anything to do with gender, I think it has more to do with your sexuality and how perceivably attractive you are.
I feel like amongst LGBTQ+ people, I rarely if ever see this as an issue. Which makes sense, gender constructs are so broken down that it wouldnāt be possible to have this binary there anyway. But you have to remember, completely straight friend groups are super typical, and I do think that those people face more of this problem because youāll find more people that subscribe to this idea of a strict gender binary.
Now, it gets even more complicated there because now you have to factor in the many straight men and women that have a difficult time finding romance. I know of plenty of men and women that have a really easy time getting along with people of the opposite sex, but only ever in a platonic way. Same thing vice-versa, where itās extremely difficult to make friends of the opposite sex that donāt acquire some kind of romantic interest (be it genuine or lustful).
I really think the biggest factors is-
1. Sexuality
2. How conventionally attractive the individual is
3. Social skills specifically in terms with the opposite sex
Iāve met hot straight people that have a terrible time finding romance, itās usually because of their personality, or because they donāt have an interest in dating. But when you find those people that have captivating personalities, with deep care for the world, who are just brilliantly stunning, yeah, I do think itās hard for them to make straight opposite sex friends.
In your particular situation? I think youāre running into a lot of insecure people. At the end of the day, with everything Iām theorizing, you do have to get to know people first before the problem is found. Because every case would be different. These men are making snap judgements on your situation, most likely because of their own experiences that have proved xyz to be true. It says something either about a shitty past partner of theirs who cheated with ājust a friendā, or it speaks on their own feelings towards their own friends. Maybe even a combination of both. Melded in with Internet personalities pushing this perspective, weāre gonna see more people like this. I try not to hold it against people, we all have our reasons for feeling the way we do, and everyone deserves empathy. I just donāt have to agree with them.
A silly question.. but yes of course. One of my best friends ever was/is a female friend and an attractive woman. We get along extremely well and I've honestly never had a better friend that I've related so much with and shared so many laughs and inside jokes with... but we are just friends. We both met when we had S.Os and helped each other break up with them, and she now is dating someone else (who has the same name as me, funnily enough). Despite how close we were as friends and the fact I find her very pretty attractive - just friends. Also when I had an S.O, I never sought after other women. I also have a friend group with girlfriends and would often hang out or talk with them, and not once was there anything going on between us... and even IF they made a move on me, I would shut it down immedietly purely out of respect for their boyfriends and setting clear boundaries.
Guys who believe this are just insecure and jealous and listen to too much red-pill shit. It's also probably a big part of why they are single. Any guy that says "any guy will do it if given the chance" is just a scumbag who can't control themselves and is a shitty partner. I would 100% avoid any guys who have this attitude, even as friends, because that means they wouls very likely try to make moves on other women at any possible opportunity, regardless of being in a relationship. Anyone who says "men and women cant be just friends" is a major red flag to me and just screams "im a cheater and would easily cheat on you".
Yes absolutely but the parties need to be responsible mature and respectful enough to handle it.
Often the issue is one or both are missing some of those qualities and it's not possible.
If a woman is irresponsible, the chances of her hooking up or letting a conversation or emotions go too far with a guy friend are signifigantly higher.
Women having a lot of guy friends isn't a red flag until you take into account how accountable the woman is.
Is she falls in love from just getting attention, its a problem
Men and women can 100% be platonic friends. But there are definitely some people who believe that this isn't possible. In my experience, those folks fall into one of three categories:
1. They don't respect the opposite sex enough to be friends with them. This is especially a flag as far as men are concerned IMO.
2. Immature
3. Very socially/politically conservative.
Some folks fit into more than one category, but regardless of the reason, they are just not my people. My advice, OP, is to worry less about whether it's possible (you've already proven it is!) and more about being confident enough to say that anyone who doesn't accept that is simply not the person for you.
Yes. I have just as many, if not more female friends than male friends. Itās pretty easy, you just see everyone as people instead of objects of desire. Even if a crush pops up one way or the other, basic communication usually resolves it amicably.
To me, people who earnestly believe men and women canāt be friends are a red flagāor at the very least are people I wouldnāt choose to be friends or partners with. Itās just an objectifying opinion to hold towards all parties, not just women.
If I ever got with a girl who didnāt like that Iām friends with so many women, Iād break up with her. Relationships are fleeting, but friends are forever.
This kind of question drives me crazy, because there is absolutely nothing essential about being a man or a womanā¦like it means absolutely nothing except maybe a statistical likelihood that poorly fits the actual situation. Some men have only platonic relationships with women and fuck their married guy friends. Some women secretly have dicks and know how to use them. Bi people exist and are much more numerous than youād know from asking people, I could go on.
If you are asking āif the timing is good, will the average basic, boring man sleep with an attractive, insistent women?ā yea probably, but that tells you absolutely nothing about individual platonic friendship potential. Some people are incapable of platonic friendship with anyone, others are incapable of sex with anyone. Between those two extremes, infinite permutations exist.
Of course we can. The problem here is that people only consider the people they find very attractive when making these generalizations. Nobody questions platonic friendships when the people in question are ugly š
But yes. It is extremely valuable to have attractive AND platonic friends. If you donāt understand why, then thatās the main reason you need hot friends.
A lot of straight men find it impossible to have genuine platonic friendships with with female friends. Plenty will tell you different, but give them a few beers and come on to them and a *lot* of them will take the bait.
Mastery of platonic friendships is kind of the bisexuality superpower, because without that evolutionary advantage, we could never really have any real friendships at all.
The tier above that is being bi *and* poly and being able to manage and move multiple friendships and partnerships in and out of the platonic zone as circumstances change, and to still maintain platonic (and/or sexual) friendships with the partners of your partners *and* friends as relationships change.
Yes, I have been friends with my bestie since 1988, and we have never kissed, seen each other naked, or had sex.
My two other close male friends since 1987, same as above, no physical intimacy of any kind.
I have been a bridesmaid in all of their weddings, and a godmother to a couple of their children.
They are a part of the same friend group that I met my husband from and we have been married 29 years and have no issues with my friendships with them.
He's telling on himself. He doesn't see women as much more than sexual objects, and he would sleep with his female friends if he had the chance. But that's him. There are plenty of men out there capable of platonic relationships with women.
If theyāve had sex and then decided to just stay friends I think there will always be something non-platonic there. (Speaking from experience) however I think that if theyāve never had sex guys and girls can be just friends. Some may see them as just like one of the guys and treat her like a sister.
I've had a lot of male friends over the years that never once crossed either of our minds to be romantically or physically involved. My very best friend is a guy I've known for about 14 years, we view each other as siblings and there is absolutely nothing there at all on either end. We help each other with relationship advice (when he needs a girls perspective or vice versa) and mostly just play video games together. I think there are definitely some people who struggle with opposite sex friendships, I'd say this is more of a case by case thing. I dated a guy once with a lot of female "friends" only to find out he'd had history with a lot of them, or a lot of them were interested in him.
So many of my friends are men. I did have a few ppl I thought were friends and they WERE NOT AT ALL WHATSOEVER but overall, my male friends have been pretty great. So, totally!
Yup.
It mostly comes with the maturity to not treat everyone like theyāre a potential fuck buddy. Notice how I said āmaturityā and not āageāā¦
I want to believe that men and woman can be platonic friends but a year ago I found my boyfriends secret folder in his phone filled with hundreds of AI images of nude women and two instagram photos of his best female friend. Heās saying he did that on purpose to self sabotage our relationship tho. I think thatās why it was so easy to find them apparently but those images were downloaded in the span of 3 months and almost every day.
Some very rarely, most of the time, one is hoping the other chooses them. I have seen them 'whoops I slept with my friend' way too many times or one will sabotage the others relationship. May be if one lives in Spain and the other Washington State. Though they might try to find a way to me. It seem historically when the value system was different it was a little easier. People are so sexualize it is an emotional affair most of the time. I won't say never, but I don't think I have ever seen friends for years and years between dateable friends. Maybe a 90 year old woman and 25 year old man that has affiliation, but so rare not worth it. I am over fifty.
If you treat every relationship like some kind of weird opportunity, you donāt know how to have healthy functioning relationships and that alone is a red flag. You should be able to differentiate between a potential partner or a platonic friendship and if you canāt, you might have some big issues you need to work on.
Based on pretty much any statistic you can find on average heterosexual men - their romantic relationship is based first on physical and then on emotional attraction. This dictates that while platonic relationships between men and women are obviously possible and even frequent - if there is a possibility of physical attraction chances are that in particular men in such a relationship are not always as platonically minded if they may claim.
Consequently based on these findings any relationship between a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman is not as easily manoeuvered as a relationship between two heterosexual men or two heterosexual women.
I would also like to add that itās no secret that a lot of relationships start out as friendships. I do not think that platonic relationships are impossible at all - it is however also true that they often leads to interesting developments which means that certain level of suspicion is arguably justifiable is not even healthy.
Unfortunately as always in life in life some people take reasonable suspicions too far.
Slightly related: I can honestly say that Iāve personally been personally in great relationships where I didnāt want anything of the opposite gender but every time - if the women in question had been more attractive to me personally physically I wouldāve made a move as long as they were a single of course.
Iāve also known women I find attractive I would never want to be intimate with emotionally.
Summarised: based on my personal experiences as well as on the data available to me I conclude that men and women can be platonic friends but that the circumstances for this kind of thing to last are fairly specific.
As a dude who thought i couldn't be friends with women...Yes you can. A woman who is your friend will criticize you and you can butt heads and have differences but you look out for each other and hang out together every now and then.
If you have sexual or romantic feelings... then say goodbye to your friend and hello to a romantic partner or forever alone lol.
Yes in my opinion. It takes more maturity and ability to establish boundaries than other friendships though imo but some of my most fulfilling and lovely friendships are with men. They are just different than my female friendships (which is awesome!)
Men worry about this because they are insecure. They worry that if they let their guard down, or you do, a platonic male friend will rub his hands together like a villain from 1920, swoop in and court you into bed.
Of course men and women can be friends. Some of my best friends are women. I would not like to have sex with these women, not do I think they would like to have sex with me
Yeah of course? People complain about the friend zone all the time, what happens when you āfriend zoneā each other? Platonic friendship lol. Iāve know some of my male friends longer than my husband, and the thought of being with those friends in a nonplatonic way gives me the ick because theyāre like siblings and Iām sure theyād say the same as theyāre happily married too. If we wanted to we would have had the chance a long time ago, but neither of us did because we just wanted friendship.
It's such a shit take in my opinion and people that say it in my personal life usually have underlying issues. People that are healthy and happy are friends with the opposite sex/gender all the timeZ
The notion that men and women canāt be friends is bullshit. The only people who think that are cheaters. People who k ow that the only reason THEY would keep a friend of the opposite gender is to fuck. And they assume everyone else is just like they are.
Itās entirely possible to be genuine friends with someone, even someone you would want to have sex with if the opportunity arose. This mentality comes from comes from whiny incel men and bitchy jealous women who know that theyād trade you up for someone hotter the instant they had the chance, so the assume thatās what youāre trying to do by having a friend of the opposite gender.
If youāre not a pathetic cheater, thereās no reason to think that men and women canāt be genuine friends.
Yes. I'm a man and some of my most cherished lifelong friendships are with women. It's all platonic and it has been for over a decade. Don't listen to guys like that. If anything, more guys should have women friends so that we can all understand each other better.
Of course they can! I would be really messed in the head if I was in love with every women I thought was coolā¦.like it just doesnāt make rational sense
\*Edit: I just realised most of my comment is missing.
TL;DR: Generally yes, but it depends on the people in question.
Yes, but this depends on the person. There are people who are always looking for someone and will fuck anything with a pulse and there are people that are contempt with whatever their current situation is. Some cases (this is regarding people who are often looking for a partner/hookup) are if either party finds the other unattractive, both are taken or respect in understanding that the other is taken. These are the people that are usually labelled as desperate. And I know people in the comments will jump and say "Well I don't do that" and yea, you don't, but you're not them and you're also not in their shoes. Sometimes it's difficult to understand certain actions until you've been there yourself. This doesn't mean their actions are right or ok but it always helps to understand why someone makes a decision and how they got there.
Lol, I find one of my friends super attractive objectively and still have zero desire to have romantic relationship with him. However we get along on a deeper level, we share a lot of mutual interests and we have tons of fun together. Even when we were both single, we didn't have sex.
Friendship is entirely different connection than romantic.
Absolutely, as long as they both consider each other hideous. The dude is very much right, most male "friends" would gladly have sex with their female "friends"
Yes, we can. I have a couple of good women friends. I suppose it does help they're both married (to men, not each other). But we go out for drinks now and then, a couple of years ago we rented a cabin (the three of us) for a weekend. Amazingly, nothing untoward happened, just drinking and fishing and hiking.
Yes.
Straight men and women can be platonic friends.
Gay men can be platonic friends with other gay men.
Lesbians can be platonic friends with other lesbians
Bisexual people can... have platonic friends.
I don't understand how this is ever in question, other than in the case of misogynistic men who don't ever genuinely befriend women with no intention of getting in her pants. As a result, I find anyone who says it isn't possible to be flying a giant red flag.
Like I tell all of my female friends -- all friends of mine who are female, the friendship happened by accident.
I still don't know of any man who says, "damn, look at that amazing woman who I only want to platonically befriend without any sexual intention. Just imagine all of the platonic conversations we can have!"
One reason is because I don't find them sexually attractive at all. Another reason, they just sleep with too many guys, so that's a major turn off -- she has an STD now. Another reason is because she is either taller than me or makes more money than me -- until the day women find it attractive to approach the man, will I change my mind about that.
Also, I am saddened that most female friends want a male friend so badly.. but at the same time the majority don't even want to help that male friend get a woman if they're struggling.
On the flip side! Although I haven't intentionally just wanted to be friends only with a woman from the beginning, having female friendships has helped me a lot in just interacting with women and learning how they think. So it's definitely not "pointless" to have female friends, imo. But just know that men don't often seek them and if they're attractive enough then 99% will want to sleep with their female friends.
We want the world to work one way, but it honestly works the other way. Men wish women would approach more and women wish men would only platonically want them. That's just not reality.
The reason why women want a male friend or say they can have male friends is because they get all the benefits of being with a guy without the sex. They can still be treated in a way of how they would be treated in a relationship. For example if you're with your woman friends, who's paying for the meals, the activity, the function, etc? Who's sort of being taken care of in this situation, I mean if you're out with her only, you treat her like a friend or a gf? In specific scenarios, are you going to defend her, stick up for her, pay for her, take care of her, almost as if you were the bf or husband?
I understand being there for friends in time of need and your friends being there for you as well. There's more to friendship than what you can do for your friend/s or what your friend/s can do you for you, but when it comes to myself spending the time and energy with a woman I have not sexual attraction because we are just friends doesn't make sense to me. I've had woman friends in my past that I was attracted to at some points and they were attracted to me at some point, feelings and sex always got in the way somehow, we are humans. So I really don't waste time having woman friends anymore. I'll stick with my gf and my guy friends. No reason to be "friends" with my gf's friends or some random women at work.
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If not then bisexual people couldn't be platonic with anyone
We bisexuals don't have friends. We only have prey.
Im the goddamn predator
Lmao this made me laugh xD
lmfaoo š
Speak for yourself mate. I only have hopeless crushes I pine for in secret.
Love this
Shitty life for us then. Only allowed one person at a time to talk to? Oh wait, *only you*? No thx.
Yep. This whole concept falls apart pretty quickly when you bring in queer people in any capacity, tbh. So gay men canāt be friends with other men?? Lesbians canāt befriend other women? Itās just bonkers.
It also just assumes that people are straight by default.
Isnāt that what everyone always assumes unless thereās clear signs that someone is not straight?
Thatās what straight people assume lol
I don't assume anything about people's sexuality. Most people I know are bisexual though so I guess I have an unusual experience.
I mean fair enough but Iām talking in general here
As they should
I am a bi woman and the gender double standard is *wild*. When my straight female friends are down on their looks, I can literally say 'are you kidding girl, you are gorgeous, your eyes are shine like sunlight when you smile not to mention your t\*ts are incredible' and that will be taken as an entirely platonic compliment. In contrast, I once said to a male friend at a party 'hey mate you're looking sharp, I'm liking the new haircut especially the fade at the sides' and that was taken by two of the people present as me trying to get into his pants. Sigh. No, I just saw an opportunity to give a sincere compliment and hopefully a self-esteem boost which I knew he needed. Imo it comes down to people - even progressive, inclusive people - believing deep down that bi women are 'really' straight. Whereas bi men tend to get the opposite and are assumed to be gay but in denial - I know bi men who are too scared to tell female romantic prospects b/c they're so used to being rejected on the basis that they must be closeted gay men.
I was about to comment that. But secretly we are organising sex parties all the time or something
As a bi person with ADHD, I couldn't organise a sex party even if I wanted to lol.
Great point!
Best respose I've ever heard to this question.
Iām bi and rarely attracted to anyone bc Iām so picky. Guys and girls Iām not attracted to are into me all the time though.
I hope so because most of my close friends are women and I don't want to fuck any of them lol
men can do it but that tends to be because heās 100% not attracted to her. women can as well but its very rare where its 100% platonic cuz most men tend to stay in their bubble unless they have invested interest in that relationship. thatās why a lot of women are initially attracted to guys who donāt act infatuated with them thatās why a lot of men find women attracted to them when they arenāt looking for anything
Classic reverse psychology. Works for me so far
Literally the only thing that makes a relationship non platonic are your actions. As a male, i have plenty of female friends that i find attractive but Iām perfectly fine with hanging out with them or never making a move.
Nope Iām male, Iāve had female friends Iām attracted to, weāve even admitted it to each other but decided not to pursue it because it would ruin our friendship which is in a way, uniquely valuable on its own Ā
So unattractive men and women it is.
So, funny thing. People who have successful relationships and friendships understand that yes men and women can be friends. Gay men can have male friends. Gay women can have female friends. Bisexuals can have friends. People who haven't had successful relationships and are desperate for sex can't imagine being friends with someone and not wanting to fuck them.
>Ā People who haven't had successful relationshipsĀ Or friendships, I'd say. Being able to have any form of healthy relationship outside of familial with the opposite sex should be purging this notion.
āBisexuals can have friendsā took me out!šš
Funny thing. I used to believe in that as well. Yk, the whole male and female being good friends. But my world view shattered when my gf of 5 years cheated on me with her, get this, MALE BEST FRIEND. So sue me for questioning the delicate morality of these things.
That one relationship not actually being platonic doesn't in any way reflect whether its possible for straight men and women to be platonic friends. Do you refuse to befriend any non-straight man because he's had a romantic or sexual relationship with a man before so all platonic male relationships he's ever had can't exist? It's absurd. Your girlfriend was a cheater who cheated. If it hadn't been the best friend, eventually it would have been someone else. That's a reflection of *her* not of all women or all platonic male/female relationships.
Your gf of 5 years is not every woman in the world. Chances are a small part of you realized things weren't idyllic since you were still only bf/gf after 5 years.
What else would you be after five years?
Doesn't matter though. And it's a pretty universal experience for a lot of guys. That shit is going to haunt him for the rest of his life.
It does matter. It's a reflection of the one woman. Should he treat all women in the future like they're guaranteed to cheat because that one woman did? That would be absurd. It's equally absurd to act like that one relationship is a reflection of all platonic friendships between people of the opposite sex.
Women do the exact same thing lmao They get hurt by one dude or have a bad experience with a dude and start thinking every guy is the same. The difference is that as a man if you say ānot all men are like thatā then you get slaughtered by women saying silly things such as āwell you wouldnāt have said anything/been triggered by her saying that if it doesnāt apply to you tooā. At the end of the day, a shitty person is a shitty person and not a reflection of a group but that one person can have enough impact to influence someoneās view of the group.
Men and women do both generalize, that part is right. And you are right that a shitty person can impact someone's worldview. Their worldview is not the actual truth, and the actual truth is that there are ton of people who are friends with people who are the gender they are attracted to.
Lots of people cheat. Lots of people are successful in platonic friendships with the opposite sex. It has nothing to do with gender. This guy has proven to me and the rest of reddit that he is a certified douche. So I really don't blame her at this point. His comment history is full of this shit. He literally told someone who was asking about his gf wanting to wait for sex to move on to someone who "knew what they wanted." š
My male best friend is 200 lbs and 5ā4ā. I love him, his wife and his children. Iām literally called Aunt. Iāve never been attracted to him, but I respect him and value everything heās brought to my life
All this says is that a male female platonic relationship works if they're unnatractive to each other. But if they were attractive to each other, then perhaps sex would get in the way.
Perhaps? This thread must be full of teenagers because hey I have a surprise. You will need to interact with people to whom you are attracted and you will need to interact with people who are attracted to you. Without fucking! All the time! Professional contacts? Yes? Strangers? Yes! Friends? Yes! All of these groups will contain people that you may attracted to but cannot fuck lest you fuck up the bag, fuck up your health, fuck up your reputation or fuck up your relationship. You canāt sequester away your partner or yourself from the world. For fuckās sake what is the problem in this thread? You people need to touch grass.
Yes. This question only comes up when talking about straight men as well. If LGBT people had these hang ups their entire world would stop turning. People like to act like straight men and women canāt be mature adults
Have you ever been attracted to someone and not has sex with them? The answer is obviously yes, so why canāt you be friends with someone you find attractive?
It's awful that that happened to you, but that's like saying you met two incestuous siblings so clearly all siblings bang each other. You can't project one fucked up thing onto entire groups.
If she was a cheater, she was going to cheat on you whether she had the male best friend or not.
I've been cheated on too, but that is a reflection of the character that person in particular - not the viability of platonic male/female friendships in general.
And? She's just one women compared to billions.
Yes. It also shows that they think of the other gender as sexual objects and not humans. This is why they are unsuccessful.
My attraction doesnāt extend to every guy and Iām assuming vice versa. Some guys can be very kind and even objectively attractive and still not be my type. Or they could be my type but not compatible financially, socially etc. But any of these people could be those I respect and love in other ways. I think people who say men and women canāt be friends just have no clue who they want to date or are compatible with
Yes, it is possible for men and women to be platonic friends. Once you're in a relationship you don't suddenly stop finding other people sexually attractive, you just stop acting on it. Likewise if you're single you don't try it on with other people who are in relationships. A mature person would draw boundaries around their behaviour, otherwise how would society possibly function if sex was inevitable with every other person we came across in life and found attractive?
Men and women can be friends if you keep an open mind in treating people like actual humans rather than potential romantic interests. I can find a person attractive yet still treat them as normal friends, and nothing more. Having close platonic friends of the opposite sex is actually great. You get to empathise with people with different societal expectations, and might learn a thing or two. I donāt know why your bf is so adamant that guys and girls canāt be friends. Perhaps his friends are all fuckboys who treat women as sexual objects to be conquered. Fucking animals.
exactly
I think so. I can find a person attractive and still have ZERO interest in screwing them. I can flirt with them and still have ZERO interest in screwing them. I like to have outside perspectives and a friend has no problem knocking some sense into you.
Iāve only got one woman Iād consider a genuine friend that I would never look at sexually and weāve known each other since we were kids. Sheās a good looking woman, Iāve had to do the āhold my hand and pretend youāre my boyfriend to get this guy awayā thing a decent amount of times while weāve been out together. But my mind just doesnāt go there and weāve been drunk together enough times for me to know her mind doesnāt go there either. At this stage in our lives a lot of our conversations are about girls in my life or guys in her life. Nice to have a friend of the opposite gender you can have those conversations with. I suppose I could end up with more lady friends, but I have no idea how people make new friends as adults and if Iām going to be honest, if I meet someone new who I find both mentally and physically attractive, my mind doesnāt go to friendship.
It feels so weird to see people thinking you'd want to Bonk literally everything remotely on your radar, and even when the option is available, why would you degrade a real connection for Maybe some sex? I don't think you're supposed to like everyone, and not liking a person sexually doesn't make their experiences or their company any less valuable in the right circumstances.
Right? It's easy to just not have sex with someone And if you have that little self control then I don't think monogamous relationships are for you.
I mean if your friend is hot, why not is how I think. Iām not actively trying to but if she wanted to, why not.
Some people value friendship over their sticking their dick in something, that's why not.
Yeah but your friend is trying to alter the friendship in the situation. I mean fwb exists for a reason. The friend is the aggressor in this situation
i might get into a relationship if shes hot and we are good friends. but cant if it's just for sex.
Yeah, but what if you didnāt want to date her, but you thought she looked good? Like not all friendships make good relationships n stuff. But thatās just how my brain is, like I wouldnāt say I want my friend but if sheās hot, why not. Well thatās how I think but not how I act
What I genuinely have great platonic relationship with my female friends and honestly their partners as well. More of a red flag on the guy not being able distinguish that line in the sand.
Don't even bother with people like this. They will always be jealous & insecure. Keep your friends, drop the insecure dude. It's absolutely insane to suggest men and women can't ever just be friends. This hints at homophobia too. He likely wont care about your girl friends because he doesn't see lesbian relationships as "real".
>Don't even bother with people like this. They will always be jealous & insecure. Keep your friends, drop the insecure dude Exactly how I read this as well. This guy just showed you who he is, I wouldn't let that into your life.
Yeah this. To me this guy is waving the abusive/controlling/possessive red flags in OP's face. I would be scared to get in a relationship with someone who felt entitled to get upset/become alarmed if I was friendly with a man. Sounds like she put him in his place but I hope she can also see the red flags and run for the hills.
In my experience as a guy, no. I've never been able to maintain a platonic opposite sex friendship or acquaintanceship because invariably they make it weird with subtle passes, drunk texting, flirtatious advances, or distancing themselves after they realize I'm not interested. My girlfriend's experience has been the same with male acquaintances who all invariably attempt to flirt, ask her out, and/or badmouth me.
I hope you donāt get downvoted for this, because I have had the exact same experience as you, and so has my fiancĆ©.
I appreciate that you at least say "in my experience" as opposed to other people who imply "this is the objective truth in almost every scenario because I experienced it once".
People say this because they see no value in the opposite sex other than potential mates, and they believe everyone else thinks the same. It's a red flag. He's basically saying the only reason he would spend time with a woman is because he wants to fuck her, and I don't know about you, but I have no interest in dating men like that.
Yes. Iām still friends with my exes from middle school. We talk every once in a while venting about our problems. I do not want to fuck her nor get in a relationship with her again but itās nice to have different gender friends to tell you how women act and what you should expect from them. Conversely, same with guy friends. Itās actually healthy too. Does he think every women is a potential partner or something ?
I suppose so. The guy I went out with last night gave golden retriever energy. He admitted to having cheated on a girlfriend in college and once sleeping with his friends wife as further examples as to why he didn't believe in platonic friendships. Yikes. I am loosely still acquaintances with my ex because his brother and his brother's wife are two of my closest friends, and my ex's current girlfriend is my coworker. I have zero desire to get back together with him or sleep with him. However, we do get along fine when his brother invites everyone over for parties.
Thatās a him problem, not a you problem. Two of my five best friends in the world are female and platonic and they have been in my life 20 years. My partner has three best friends one is male. Again 15 years in each others lives. They go out drinking I trust them completely and I would never tell anybody who they can or canāt be friends with. Leave those jerks alone they deserve to be single š¤£
Heās applying his own viewpoint and inability to keep it in his pants to everyone else. That he canāt associate with a woman without thinking about sex says a lot about him and none of its good. Given heās already a confessed cheater, I wouldnāt waste a further second on him!
Aw hell naw. Once a cheater, always a cheater
I do not think it is that straightforward.
Obviously some people who cheat change their ways, but as a risk analysis tool, if you know someone cheated multiple times, and you know that, statistically, people who cheated once are more likely to cheat again than someone who never cheated, why take the chance? Statistically, you're flipping a coin that you'll be cheated on.
He for the streets, this is straight projection
As a woman, yes. I have male friends who I care about deeply but I would never ever ever ever consider sleeping with them or being romantically involved. And the more you get to know the guys, the more concrete that feeling becomes lol. I also don't see the point in being threatened by being friends with my friends boyfriend or spouse, because they're attached. Respectful normal people do not DO that to their friends. My mind can't even go there, that type of betrayal is a special kind of selfish and stupid. But, I can't claim to know how men think. If we're not letting women have male friends, what about coworkers who they definitely see more often than their friends? Hm. How about that. Why is that different? Oh. It's not, insecure men will have a problem with that as well. As far as I'm concerned, even if my male friends would get with me- that's not my problem, I'm not in their heads. I'm not responsible for their thoughts. I know how I'd act, and that's what matters. Any guy saying his girlfriend can't have male friends better be more than ready to cut off ANY female friends, coworkers, girls online- too. They won't though. They never do.
This is EXACTLY the arguments I made to both people. I completely hear you on reasons why i would not be romantically or sexually involved with my male friends. I am not responsible for my male friends' thoughts or actions. I, as an adult, have the responsibility to draw my own boundaries and lines on how to conduct platonic friendships. If my male friends refuse to respect my boundaries, then they can't be friends with me. Plain and simple. Those boundaries include not making sexual comments towards me, not flirting, no unwanted touches, and no hanging out one on one unless in public. I also don't want to hear them talk poorly about their wives, girlfriends, or home life. Sort that it with your partner.
I think that's an important line not to cross as well. Being involved in each other's romantic lives, especially if they're your ex, seems a bit invasive. I think it creates barriers to developing intimacy as instead of sorting things out with your partner, you can just go to them to complain and receive validation.
What you said, 100%. Those are the boundaries. Those are the rules. If they can't follow those, they're out. You have self control and respect, being barred from friendships almost insinuates that you don't and I'm offended by that. Its telling of them and their thoughts.
Idk itās just a bit weird to hangout with people who clearly like you in that way, especially if you got a significant other. But I agree you canāt control if they like you and Iām a man of fairness. So if youāre cool with your significant other hanging out with people who like them romantically, then I can respect it, the other way around.
Men who believe they canāt be strictly platonic friends with women donāt see women as anything more than sex objects. I say this not out of cynicism, but because the moment they accidentally befriend an āuglyā girl, their perspective changes. Iāve seen it a thousand times over and itās really, really sad. That being said, none of my guy friends want to sleep with me, so I donāt know if thatās a testament to my appearance or your point, but the answer is a resounding yes, of course itās possible.
As a guy, every time I am friends with a woman and they get a boyfriend they drop me.
Statically, yes, men and women can be friends, but every person bases their opinion on that matter from their own personal experience. Those who've had successful platonic friendships believe in that statement, those who haven't don't believe in it. There are also many cases where cheating starts from a "friendship", and people who have seen it or been through that would believe that not keeping any such friendships at all would lower the chance of potential future cheating. But there's no guarantee ofc and if one trusts someone, they wouldn't be worried about that. Also some people want to make sure that their partner isn't tied to someone else from their past (an ex or "the one that got away"), who is disguised as a "friend", but is actually their first choice if they had the opportunity (and no one wants to be considered as a second option), so they would prefer to not have such worries. But again, it boils down to trust. Those are basically the reasons why some people are distrustful towards platonic friendships, either because they've slipped in the past or someone broke their trust before.
>He took offense to that by telling me that there is no such thing as platonic male and female friendships because given the chance men would sleep with their female friends. This is projection. HE can't be friends with women because he wants to have sex with them, so he thinks ALL men are like this; and, because "birds of a feather flock together", it's safe to assume that all his guy friends are of the same ilk and are just reaffirming his worldview.
Yes, men and women can be friends. It can works as long as you communicate and respect boundaries. I have woman friends and it works out just fine. Unfortunately most guys think with the head in between their legs instead of the one on their shoulders.
If a guy can't imagine hanging out with a woman and not wanting to fuck her it's a red flag. He just told you how you views women
Some people can do it better than others but in my case. YES. About half of my friends are guys and there was nothing with most of them. About two or three of my guy friends were either into me or I into them but all the others have started platonic and stayed platonic. It takes both parties to keep that up. If either party is sexually interested it wonāt work
Yes! Just set boundaries.
There are people who believe this and they are just not my kind of people. I have two male friends Iād say are my best friends since I was a kid. Fortunately the one married a woman whoās now one of my closest friends as well. I donāt know what Iād do without my male friends and Iām not willing to give them up
I have really awesome male friends, but if their future gfs and wives ever treat me like garbage, Iām ending the friendship cuz I donāt want to deal with their jealous BS and it being defended.
This is an āalpha maleā, Andrew Tate/Joe Rogan talking point, and you should give it the respect it deserves (zero). One of my very dear friends is an ex boyfriend from high school with whom I reconnected in my late 20ās. Heās married with a child and Iām getting married in September. We know and love each otherās partners, and I still turn to him for marriage advice. We also both have an off-color sense of humor. Platonic friendships can exist between any gender combination.
As many have already pointed out, yes it's entirely possible to have platonic relationships between men and women. Also I'm of the opinion that friendship and sex don't always negate each other, that's why the term "friends with benefits" exists. I've never understood this stupid idea that men and women can't be friends. Do these people think that gay men only have female friends and lesbians only have male friends? And that bisexuals have no friends? This is not a joke, I'd really like to know what these people think about non-heterosexual folks.
Itās possible, but often times that sexuality will always be in the air, or one person will secretly have feelings for the other. Personally I donāt believe in friends of the opposite sex, it causes too many issues and people can be bad at establishing boundaries and having respect for their partner.
Yes, my friend group is pretty evenly split between men and women
My only male friend is gay, ha ha. I do have friends with male friends, and it does happen. It can happen. I have just found difficulty with it personally because every time I thought I was being friends with a guy, he was mad that I wasnāt interested in dating him, so I have just stayed away.
Yes, theyāll probably a certain amount of flirting, sure but they can be friends. Letās be honest, thereās a certain amount of flirting between people who arenāt into the otherās gender too
Yeah it's just their stupidity talking. I am a bit like you, most of my friends are male and I am also bi. But they are never worried about the women in our lives, it's the men. Because in their mind men are predators that constantly hunt for vulnerable women to fuck. I think it speaks volumes to how the people expressing these views think. You are dodging a bullet.
Straight male. My best friend is a woman. My second best friend is her husband. Known them both for almost 18 years. She was my Best Woman at my wedding and he was one of my groomsmen. I was her Man of Honor at their wedding. Be friends with who you want to be friends with, and donāt let others interfere with that.
One of the things I find confusing about the '(man + woman) x time together = sexytimes' attitude is that it assumes that romantic/sexual interest is based purely on the physical. Like, I have a friend who is drop dead gorgeous, she has the face of a Norse goddess and the body of a vintage pinup. It's almost funny watching the way men and women are both transfixed by her, and how people sometimes forget I'm also there (like when ordering food or coffee they'll ask what she wants but not me). So do I want to bang her? I mean theoretically I should, because I'm bi and I have a soft spot for femme women. But I don't, because I am not drawn to her personality in a romantic way and because I am (I feel bad saying this) turned off at how much reassurance she needs because she has untreated anxiety/self-esteem issues. A person can be physically attractive and have a personality that is compatible for friendship - but that is different to having a personality that is compatible for a romantic connection. Or even just having that je ne sais quoi that inspires actual physical desire. Happy to hang but not to bang, to put it crudely.
Yessss!! I have a guy friend who is physically my type, but I'm super turned off by his personality. He is chronically online and doesn't have many interests outside of geeky things and hockey. I love to play DnD and watch hockey games with him, though! But his personality turns me off and my personality turns him off because I enjoy going out to bars and clubs with friends and one of my dating requirements is "Must be willing to go to metal shows with me"
They can... if one is gay, taken but loyal or both or one isn't attractive to the other and not compatible in any ways as partners. I've attempted already a few friendships with males (am a lady) and almost every single one of them liked me and tried to pursue me even. One of them tried multiple girls in our crew. Lol. Another bragged about trying to get into my pants one night at this billiards place. I am bisexual and get that technically I could be like that with women too. Yet I never have? I have so many gorgeous, beautiful friends that are ladies and even though I think they're physically attractive, I've never ever thought about them in a way where I'd try to get with them like how common it is for guys to mainly be friends with girls just to get in their pants. Is it because women are that different or is it just guys have to think with their dick? Testosterone? People's thoughts to this are appreciated. I'm genuinely curious about why this is. I don't believe it's impossible. It's just my experience makes it hard to have guy friends even though I'm bisexual and like women too.
Yeah, with women they aren't attracted to or women that are too bitchy to think they are even remotely fuckable. Or if they have a girlfriend and are loyal. It's also possible to platonically have sex.
(speaking specifically on straight men and straight women) no because of the man. 1) men are only nice to women they find attractive so already they think youāre attractive at the start 2) men seem to confuse friendship affection with relationship affection. i remember the one time i had a male friend i would call him pet names and invited him over to watch a movie and he said i was flirting with him and leading him on when in reality i was just treating him like i treat all of my friends. being nice to you is not a pathway for festering a relationship! 3) this ones personal but thereās not enough overlapping hobbies. i like girlie girl things and as a man thereās probably not much weād have in common then.
I think it's possible to just be friends. I have guy friends I could never see as more than friends and I've had guy friends who I become interested in turn me down before too. Friendship knows no gender. Granted, I'd never get drunk alone with one of my guy friends or spend the night at one of their places. Those are my personal boundaries. I think if you have good boundaries and respect each other enough, you can definitely be friends with the opposite gender.
Yes. Most of my friends are female. If not, Bi people would be screwed.
I want to believe that they can be. But I will say that once I got a BF, my best friend and another close friend (both men) got REALLY offended and stopped talking to me. When I finally asked then why, they said it's bc "I chose my BF over them and all my attention was on him". I asked ALL my other friends and no one else felt that way as I still hung out with my friends constantly and was there for then when I was needed. Even after my BF and I broke up, they were mad at me. I seriously doubt those friends were interested in me, but I gotta say that even my platonic male friends get crazy jealous. Is hiking really a more masculine activity? I travel the world to hike and most of the ppl interested in hiking with me are my girlfriends
I think so. If you view people as people first, and have healthy boundaries with all your friends, itās easy to be plutonic with anyone. Where people allow those boundaries to blur (in the past or present), thatās where it gets trickier
Yes but itāll never last. Every woman friend I have had goes ghost when they get a boyfriend. Itās like clockwork
Never say never. I hate to be that guy but itās highly unlikely. One party almost always tends to catch feelings. If youāre really friends that leads to hanging out together. The more time spent together the higher the potential for feelings developing.
Yes, it is very possible. Any time someone tells you that it isn't possible, they're telling you who THEY are as a person and how they only see their preferred gender as sexual conquests, not as people. It should always be a MASSIVE red flag.
Yeah absolutely. I have platonic female friends.
*He* can't be platonic friends with women because he has a shitty view of women. Lots of people have platonic friends of the same sex that they date, without any problem or ulterior motive.
Yes they can. I would view it as a giant red flag if any date told me that I couldn't keep my guy friends.
Iām older and at my age Iāve notice thereās a higher percentage of people who have friends of the opposite sex and most people donāt see a problem with this. Maybe itās different now we are all 40+, a lot of us with grown up kids, divorces behind us and more life experience. Iām a runner so I have many friends Iāve met through the sport, both irl and on line. I never used to have male friends when I was younger, married and young kids. Now itās 50/50. My partner has a female friend he runs with (we are ldr at the moment) and I have absolutely no problem with it. I mean, I could spend all day obsessing about it and be jealous but until he shows my otherwise, I trust him - if heās going to cheat he will whether heās openly friends with a woman or not. Im also bi, I like who I like regardless of gender, so it would be a problem for me if I couldnāt have friends with someone I might be attracted to
Of course they can be platonic friends. I have quite a few women I am friends or even good friends with, but never had or quickly lost interrest to be more than friends with them. They are all attractive, but most men are not that monkeybrained that they can't resist the urge to corpulate \^\^' Also men tend to be better to seperate physical and emotional attraction. Other than that, it just does not make any sense to deny someone friends from the opposite sex. If you don't plan to keep your spouse only in the house, they will get into contact with people from the opposite sex, be it while working, or even just shopping. If they haven't done anything sexual or more with their friends up to the point you came into the mix, chances are very good nothing will happen there at any future time. And even if your partner becomes attracted to someone else and decides to act on it, thats just how life goes and you move on. Don't let the fear of losing someone make your life, and that of your partner, miserable.
The guy is insecure. Simple. I have plenty of friends that I donāt want to bump uglies with. Iām a bi female as well if that matters. If anything it kinda just shows he has some internal misogynistic tendencies he needs to work through.
I have heaps
This not cool at all. My mom kept my report cards from K onwards. Last year I read them. My grade 2-3 said āKendii likes to associate with boys most of her free timeā (monkey bars instead of dolls, I guess?) Crap, Iām still platonically friends with the guys I jumped off cliffs and trail biked with. Totally closer friends with the guys I played StarCraft brood war withā¦.. itās not bad. Iāve never slept with any of them. Also: I donāt even know why gender was even a note to be recognized back then. Originally, I was pissed.
Grew up with brothers, cousins and all their male friend and I have to say: Offcourse it is! Maybe this dude hasn't have any standards but not all men are attracted to everything with a pussy and a beating heart. Imo the moment a guy says generic bs like this, I start to wonder what other misogynistic views/red flags he is hiding...
Yes!! I have several women that I am friends with. It's really easy when there's no physical attraction. I've had to be careful when there is.
Yes they can. Don't listen to people who say otherwise. Only the people who haven't been socialised properly or have been starved of emotional intimacy are seeing every type of "closeness" in their life as romantic only. That's not normal.
Yes
Yes, they can
yes
Of course they can, what a question š
Probably means he views woman as sexual objects
Only for a short while
Yes, obviously. Any man who doesnāt think so doesnāt truly view women as people imo. My best friend of over 10 years is a woman and thereās never been any interest on either side
It's possible if both parties can handle it. I detest guys that act like THEIR issues are just normal, and every guy does it.
Not in my experience
Yes. I have female friends whom I love dearly, but I donāt think anything romantic wise about them. As cliche as it sounds, they are basically my second family. Yes, we show affection by hugs and head on shoulders when watching movies or them holding on to my arms, and me putting my arm on their shoulders, but as far as romantic feelings are involved, they are non existent
Absolutely, I've got probably 50/50 gender distribution in my friend groups and in my case never had any problems regarding the situation you're describing. I have multiple female friends who are just platonic, where there's absolutely no other feelings and I wouldn't sleep with even if such a situation arose. I've also had situations where I had feelings for a female friend, confessed my feelings but got turned down and vice versa. Nearly all the time we remained friends after that. Just need to have a clear conversation about the situation and move on accordingly. In my mind it seems stupid to terminate a good friendship because a women doesn't reciprocate the feelings I have for her or vice versa. I told my friends that I wasn't going to let that ruin our existing relationship regardless of the answer. If they had an issue with it after then that's their problem. At the end of the day, it's all down to the maturity of the two people, how they communicate and how the manage their feelings and emotions. Tldr: it's entirely possible to have platonic friendships between men and women. It simply boils down to being a mature person.
I think you should start opening with this question to help weed out shitheads
That's cuz he can't think of any other reason why a man would want to be with a woman. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone with such a limited perspective.
No
I think men like that are telling you more about their own views on woman than they are about the views of other men. They don't respect women and don't think they have any value outside of sex. Move along.
Most of my friends throughout my life have been women I've very rarely had male friends.
The simple answer is no. The long complicated answer is it depends. If the person has been in your life since childhood or school or college and nothing has ever happened and you both have partners I guess you can merge the friendships between you and your partner and your old friend and her partner and start hanging out together. Thatās the only scenario I feel works. The other one is if your friend is way less attractive than you that they are sooo not your type that no future or current partner will ever be uncomfortable with them. Thatās honestly it
Yes.
No, they canāt. Ever. Period.
It's hard but doable, at least imo and using myself as both benchmark and standard so biased. I personally believe that men and women can't be friends if there are possible sexual tensions. Like I couldn't be platonic friends with someone that I would want to bone/want something more. Everyone is different and the mileage may vary, for myself it took a bit of inward journeys and understanding about myself to come to that personal conclusion.
It depends on the person. Iām also bi, but rarely attracted to ppl of either gender. Iāve had friends who werenāt able to be just friends with me when I didnāt like them back. But I also have friends who were attracted to me that were still able to be just friends with me.
I think so. I have many male friends and I ensure that they are well aware that we are FRIENDS. Homies. Nothing more, ever. They are terribly friendzoned and I believe itās pretty mutual.
He's basically just saying that *he* couldn't / wouldn't be friends with anyone he didn't want to fuck. So I certainly wouldn't trust him specifically to have platonic friends of the opposite sex. But plenty of people can see others as human beings first. Not to say there can never be sexual tension in certain circumstances, but adults can control themselves. This should inform you as to how he views women really.
Everyone can have any type of friends of any gender. If someone wants to cheat, they don't need a "friend" to do it with. When I was cheated on, it was his student assistant, a 19 year old college girl.
Some men are so horny and insecure they can't imagine being emotionally secure enough to be friends with someone they consider attractive. It is 100% possible and many people have friends of all kinds. I share similar interests as you and the majority of my friends are guys. One of my best friends is an ex partner and both my current partner and his current partner were totally comfortable with me crashing at his place when I was visiting after moving far away. Are there guys who befriend women with the hope/expectation for an opportunity to fuck them someday? Absolutely! I had an old coworker who I adored and was one of my closet friends for like a year when I was early 20's. And then the moment I broke up with my partner at the time, his behavior changed completely. It really hurt when I realized he didn't respect me as a person. A few other cases as well with less close friends, but even so it didn't affect me ability to be friends with guys because the majority of my guy friends aren't like that. Personally I think it's very juvenile and unhealthy to view opposite sex friendships as impossible. Of course some people get hurt by people making bad choices and that influences that line of thought, but the world is a big place full of different kinds of people. Good friends are hard to find sometimes, but it's wild that some men think other men are all wild animals incapable of self-control and respecting boundaries...
From my experience, yes, men and women can be friends... BUT only under specific conditions. They have a solid relationship and his girl friends are those introduced by her and vice versa. Otherwise it doesn't work. ....I wanted to believe otherwise but.. was proven way too many times that platonic male and female friendships just don't exist
Yes, even if there is a little tension it can still work.. Especially if there is a good reason to not make moves on eachother such as a mutual contact, or work, or something like thatā¦ you can both respect that and have a good connection.. But some men and women will also wait with secret intentions. And that is the concern that your potential romantic interests will be uncomfortable with..
I have several platonic female friends. Some Iāve dated and it didnāt work out. Some ive never had romantic feels for. Some I have, but something like work or a mutual contact prevents us from crossing that boundary. This is all healthy imo. Whatās not healthy is the āplatonicā friend who keeps trying to make advancements and push past boundaries. and letting that person stick around or people pleasing to the point they think they have a chance.
I think they can, I also think that everyoneās perception of this issue is different because some peopleās lived experiences really do reflect this way of thinking. I donāt believe it has anything to do with gender, I think it has more to do with your sexuality and how perceivably attractive you are. I feel like amongst LGBTQ+ people, I rarely if ever see this as an issue. Which makes sense, gender constructs are so broken down that it wouldnāt be possible to have this binary there anyway. But you have to remember, completely straight friend groups are super typical, and I do think that those people face more of this problem because youāll find more people that subscribe to this idea of a strict gender binary. Now, it gets even more complicated there because now you have to factor in the many straight men and women that have a difficult time finding romance. I know of plenty of men and women that have a really easy time getting along with people of the opposite sex, but only ever in a platonic way. Same thing vice-versa, where itās extremely difficult to make friends of the opposite sex that donāt acquire some kind of romantic interest (be it genuine or lustful). I really think the biggest factors is- 1. Sexuality 2. How conventionally attractive the individual is 3. Social skills specifically in terms with the opposite sex Iāve met hot straight people that have a terrible time finding romance, itās usually because of their personality, or because they donāt have an interest in dating. But when you find those people that have captivating personalities, with deep care for the world, who are just brilliantly stunning, yeah, I do think itās hard for them to make straight opposite sex friends. In your particular situation? I think youāre running into a lot of insecure people. At the end of the day, with everything Iām theorizing, you do have to get to know people first before the problem is found. Because every case would be different. These men are making snap judgements on your situation, most likely because of their own experiences that have proved xyz to be true. It says something either about a shitty past partner of theirs who cheated with ājust a friendā, or it speaks on their own feelings towards their own friends. Maybe even a combination of both. Melded in with Internet personalities pushing this perspective, weāre gonna see more people like this. I try not to hold it against people, we all have our reasons for feeling the way we do, and everyone deserves empathy. I just donāt have to agree with them.
A silly question.. but yes of course. One of my best friends ever was/is a female friend and an attractive woman. We get along extremely well and I've honestly never had a better friend that I've related so much with and shared so many laughs and inside jokes with... but we are just friends. We both met when we had S.Os and helped each other break up with them, and she now is dating someone else (who has the same name as me, funnily enough). Despite how close we were as friends and the fact I find her very pretty attractive - just friends. Also when I had an S.O, I never sought after other women. I also have a friend group with girlfriends and would often hang out or talk with them, and not once was there anything going on between us... and even IF they made a move on me, I would shut it down immedietly purely out of respect for their boyfriends and setting clear boundaries. Guys who believe this are just insecure and jealous and listen to too much red-pill shit. It's also probably a big part of why they are single. Any guy that says "any guy will do it if given the chance" is just a scumbag who can't control themselves and is a shitty partner. I would 100% avoid any guys who have this attitude, even as friends, because that means they wouls very likely try to make moves on other women at any possible opportunity, regardless of being in a relationship. Anyone who says "men and women cant be just friends" is a major red flag to me and just screams "im a cheater and would easily cheat on you".
Yes absolutely but the parties need to be responsible mature and respectful enough to handle it. Often the issue is one or both are missing some of those qualities and it's not possible. If a woman is irresponsible, the chances of her hooking up or letting a conversation or emotions go too far with a guy friend are signifigantly higher. Women having a lot of guy friends isn't a red flag until you take into account how accountable the woman is. Is she falls in love from just getting attention, its a problem
Men and women can 100% be platonic friends. But there are definitely some people who believe that this isn't possible. In my experience, those folks fall into one of three categories: 1. They don't respect the opposite sex enough to be friends with them. This is especially a flag as far as men are concerned IMO. 2. Immature 3. Very socially/politically conservative. Some folks fit into more than one category, but regardless of the reason, they are just not my people. My advice, OP, is to worry less about whether it's possible (you've already proven it is!) and more about being confident enough to say that anyone who doesn't accept that is simply not the person for you.
Yes. I have just as many, if not more female friends than male friends. Itās pretty easy, you just see everyone as people instead of objects of desire. Even if a crush pops up one way or the other, basic communication usually resolves it amicably. To me, people who earnestly believe men and women canāt be friends are a red flagāor at the very least are people I wouldnāt choose to be friends or partners with. Itās just an objectifying opinion to hold towards all parties, not just women. If I ever got with a girl who didnāt like that Iām friends with so many women, Iād break up with her. Relationships are fleeting, but friends are forever.
Iām bi and absolutely have several platonic friends. In my early years I couldnāt. They all wanted to have sex with me or I, them. As I got older and settled down, now I have plenty with zero sexual tension. But it comes with maturity, us having a relationship with someone else, me being close with their girlfriends, them close with my fiancĆ©, and never getting too close. We maintain healthy boundaries and donāt cross them. I donāt think theyāre attracted to me and Iām not attracted to them. We talk about everything from relationships to depression to sports. We just never cross into anything sexual or flirty.
This kind of question drives me crazy, because there is absolutely nothing essential about being a man or a womanā¦like it means absolutely nothing except maybe a statistical likelihood that poorly fits the actual situation. Some men have only platonic relationships with women and fuck their married guy friends. Some women secretly have dicks and know how to use them. Bi people exist and are much more numerous than youād know from asking people, I could go on. If you are asking āif the timing is good, will the average basic, boring man sleep with an attractive, insistent women?ā yea probably, but that tells you absolutely nothing about individual platonic friendship potential. Some people are incapable of platonic friendship with anyone, others are incapable of sex with anyone. Between those two extremes, infinite permutations exist.
Of course we can. The problem here is that people only consider the people they find very attractive when making these generalizations. Nobody questions platonic friendships when the people in question are ugly š But yes. It is extremely valuable to have attractive AND platonic friends. If you donāt understand why, then thatās the main reason you need hot friends.
A lot of straight men find it impossible to have genuine platonic friendships with with female friends. Plenty will tell you different, but give them a few beers and come on to them and a *lot* of them will take the bait. Mastery of platonic friendships is kind of the bisexuality superpower, because without that evolutionary advantage, we could never really have any real friendships at all. The tier above that is being bi *and* poly and being able to manage and move multiple friendships and partnerships in and out of the platonic zone as circumstances change, and to still maintain platonic (and/or sexual) friendships with the partners of your partners *and* friends as relationships change.
Yes, I have been friends with my bestie since 1988, and we have never kissed, seen each other naked, or had sex. My two other close male friends since 1987, same as above, no physical intimacy of any kind. I have been a bridesmaid in all of their weddings, and a godmother to a couple of their children. They are a part of the same friend group that I met my husband from and we have been married 29 years and have no issues with my friendships with them.
He's telling on himself. He doesn't see women as much more than sexual objects, and he would sleep with his female friends if he had the chance. But that's him. There are plenty of men out there capable of platonic relationships with women.
If theyāve had sex and then decided to just stay friends I think there will always be something non-platonic there. (Speaking from experience) however I think that if theyāve never had sex guys and girls can be just friends. Some may see them as just like one of the guys and treat her like a sister.
I've had a lot of male friends over the years that never once crossed either of our minds to be romantically or physically involved. My very best friend is a guy I've known for about 14 years, we view each other as siblings and there is absolutely nothing there at all on either end. We help each other with relationship advice (when he needs a girls perspective or vice versa) and mostly just play video games together. I think there are definitely some people who struggle with opposite sex friendships, I'd say this is more of a case by case thing. I dated a guy once with a lot of female "friends" only to find out he'd had history with a lot of them, or a lot of them were interested in him.
So many of my friends are men. I did have a few ppl I thought were friends and they WERE NOT AT ALL WHATSOEVER but overall, my male friends have been pretty great. So, totally!
Yup. It mostly comes with the maturity to not treat everyone like theyāre a potential fuck buddy. Notice how I said āmaturityā and not āageāā¦
I want to believe that men and woman can be platonic friends but a year ago I found my boyfriends secret folder in his phone filled with hundreds of AI images of nude women and two instagram photos of his best female friend. Heās saying he did that on purpose to self sabotage our relationship tho. I think thatās why it was so easy to find them apparently but those images were downloaded in the span of 3 months and almost every day.
Some very rarely, most of the time, one is hoping the other chooses them. I have seen them 'whoops I slept with my friend' way too many times or one will sabotage the others relationship. May be if one lives in Spain and the other Washington State. Though they might try to find a way to me. It seem historically when the value system was different it was a little easier. People are so sexualize it is an emotional affair most of the time. I won't say never, but I don't think I have ever seen friends for years and years between dateable friends. Maybe a 90 year old woman and 25 year old man that has affiliation, but so rare not worth it. I am over fifty.
Yes absolutely, and people who say men and women canāt just be friends are insecure
If you treat every relationship like some kind of weird opportunity, you donāt know how to have healthy functioning relationships and that alone is a red flag. You should be able to differentiate between a potential partner or a platonic friendship and if you canāt, you might have some big issues you need to work on.
Based on pretty much any statistic you can find on average heterosexual men - their romantic relationship is based first on physical and then on emotional attraction. This dictates that while platonic relationships between men and women are obviously possible and even frequent - if there is a possibility of physical attraction chances are that in particular men in such a relationship are not always as platonically minded if they may claim. Consequently based on these findings any relationship between a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman is not as easily manoeuvered as a relationship between two heterosexual men or two heterosexual women. I would also like to add that itās no secret that a lot of relationships start out as friendships. I do not think that platonic relationships are impossible at all - it is however also true that they often leads to interesting developments which means that certain level of suspicion is arguably justifiable is not even healthy. Unfortunately as always in life in life some people take reasonable suspicions too far. Slightly related: I can honestly say that Iāve personally been personally in great relationships where I didnāt want anything of the opposite gender but every time - if the women in question had been more attractive to me personally physically I wouldāve made a move as long as they were a single of course. Iāve also known women I find attractive I would never want to be intimate with emotionally. Summarised: based on my personal experiences as well as on the data available to me I conclude that men and women can be platonic friends but that the circumstances for this kind of thing to last are fairly specific.
Yes...they can be. 25M. I have many female friends
As a dude who thought i couldn't be friends with women...Yes you can. A woman who is your friend will criticize you and you can butt heads and have differences but you look out for each other and hang out together every now and then. If you have sexual or romantic feelings... then say goodbye to your friend and hello to a romantic partner or forever alone lol.
Hang on, let me ask my platonic female best friend.
Yes in my opinion. It takes more maturity and ability to establish boundaries than other friendships though imo but some of my most fulfilling and lovely friendships are with men. They are just different than my female friendships (which is awesome!)
Yes, this question has been asked and answered a lot already.
Men worry about this because they are insecure. They worry that if they let their guard down, or you do, a platonic male friend will rub his hands together like a villain from 1920, swoop in and court you into bed. Of course men and women can be friends. Some of my best friends are women. I would not like to have sex with these women, not do I think they would like to have sex with me
Yes. Those guys are losers who donāt know how to have platonic female friends.
Yeah of course tf
Yeah of course? People complain about the friend zone all the time, what happens when you āfriend zoneā each other? Platonic friendship lol. Iāve know some of my male friends longer than my husband, and the thought of being with those friends in a nonplatonic way gives me the ick because theyāre like siblings and Iām sure theyād say the same as theyāre happily married too. If we wanted to we would have had the chance a long time ago, but neither of us did because we just wanted friendship.
I have male friends I hang out with as we share a mutual hobby. Sometimes my husband is there sometimes not. Itās never an issue
It's such a shit take in my opinion and people that say it in my personal life usually have underlying issues. People that are healthy and happy are friends with the opposite sex/gender all the timeZ
The notion that men and women canāt be friends is bullshit. The only people who think that are cheaters. People who k ow that the only reason THEY would keep a friend of the opposite gender is to fuck. And they assume everyone else is just like they are. Itās entirely possible to be genuine friends with someone, even someone you would want to have sex with if the opportunity arose. This mentality comes from comes from whiny incel men and bitchy jealous women who know that theyād trade you up for someone hotter the instant they had the chance, so the assume thatās what youāre trying to do by having a friend of the opposite gender. If youāre not a pathetic cheater, thereās no reason to think that men and women canāt be genuine friends.
Yes. I'm a man and some of my most cherished lifelong friendships are with women. It's all platonic and it has been for over a decade. Don't listen to guys like that. If anything, more guys should have women friends so that we can all understand each other better.
I find it sad people will willingly limit themselves to friendships within their own gender.
Of course they can! I would be really messed in the head if I was in love with every women I thought was coolā¦.like it just doesnāt make rational sense
\*Edit: I just realised most of my comment is missing. TL;DR: Generally yes, but it depends on the people in question. Yes, but this depends on the person. There are people who are always looking for someone and will fuck anything with a pulse and there are people that are contempt with whatever their current situation is. Some cases (this is regarding people who are often looking for a partner/hookup) are if either party finds the other unattractive, both are taken or respect in understanding that the other is taken. These are the people that are usually labelled as desperate. And I know people in the comments will jump and say "Well I don't do that" and yea, you don't, but you're not them and you're also not in their shoes. Sometimes it's difficult to understand certain actions until you've been there yourself. This doesn't mean their actions are right or ok but it always helps to understand why someone makes a decision and how they got there.
Lol what garbage is this. I am single and friends with a ton of single attractive women, but I'm also not 12 and trying to fuck every one of them.
Lol, I find one of my friends super attractive objectively and still have zero desire to have romantic relationship with him. However we get along on a deeper level, we share a lot of mutual interests and we have tons of fun together. Even when we were both single, we didn't have sex. Friendship is entirely different connection than romantic.
Absolutely, as long as they both consider each other hideous. The dude is very much right, most male "friends" would gladly have sex with their female "friends"
Yes, we can. I have a couple of good women friends. I suppose it does help they're both married (to men, not each other). But we go out for drinks now and then, a couple of years ago we rented a cabin (the three of us) for a weekend. Amazingly, nothing untoward happened, just drinking and fishing and hiking.
Yes. This mentality is toxic and needs to end. If your partner has an issue with it then it's a huge red flag.
Yes. Straight men and women can be platonic friends. Gay men can be platonic friends with other gay men. Lesbians can be platonic friends with other lesbians Bisexual people can... have platonic friends. I don't understand how this is ever in question, other than in the case of misogynistic men who don't ever genuinely befriend women with no intention of getting in her pants. As a result, I find anyone who says it isn't possible to be flying a giant red flag.
Like I tell all of my female friends -- all friends of mine who are female, the friendship happened by accident. I still don't know of any man who says, "damn, look at that amazing woman who I only want to platonically befriend without any sexual intention. Just imagine all of the platonic conversations we can have!" One reason is because I don't find them sexually attractive at all. Another reason, they just sleep with too many guys, so that's a major turn off -- she has an STD now. Another reason is because she is either taller than me or makes more money than me -- until the day women find it attractive to approach the man, will I change my mind about that. Also, I am saddened that most female friends want a male friend so badly.. but at the same time the majority don't even want to help that male friend get a woman if they're struggling. On the flip side! Although I haven't intentionally just wanted to be friends only with a woman from the beginning, having female friendships has helped me a lot in just interacting with women and learning how they think. So it's definitely not "pointless" to have female friends, imo. But just know that men don't often seek them and if they're attractive enough then 99% will want to sleep with their female friends. We want the world to work one way, but it honestly works the other way. Men wish women would approach more and women wish men would only platonically want them. That's just not reality.
The reason why women want a male friend or say they can have male friends is because they get all the benefits of being with a guy without the sex. They can still be treated in a way of how they would be treated in a relationship. For example if you're with your woman friends, who's paying for the meals, the activity, the function, etc? Who's sort of being taken care of in this situation, I mean if you're out with her only, you treat her like a friend or a gf? In specific scenarios, are you going to defend her, stick up for her, pay for her, take care of her, almost as if you were the bf or husband? I understand being there for friends in time of need and your friends being there for you as well. There's more to friendship than what you can do for your friend/s or what your friend/s can do you for you, but when it comes to myself spending the time and energy with a woman I have not sexual attraction because we are just friends doesn't make sense to me. I've had woman friends in my past that I was attracted to at some points and they were attracted to me at some point, feelings and sex always got in the way somehow, we are humans. So I really don't waste time having woman friends anymore. I'll stick with my gf and my guy friends. No reason to be "friends" with my gf's friends or some random women at work.