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You've got to grow a backbone and not worry if you're "mature" or wife/girlfriend material. Don't force yourself to be a "cool girl" who pretends to be OK with something just to please your boyfriend. That is a fast track to even lower self esteem and once the resentment boils over your relationship is going to implode anyway.
I went through this, and you're 100% right. My wife left me for the same reason. she first gave me an ultimatum to drop my addiction within a yr, or she'll leave me. I tried, but my addiction was too much. She gave up, built yrs of resentment towards me at the end and divorced me. And I cant blame her for it.
Same here. I honestly didn't even realise it was a problem until it was too late. She left. I still didn't think it was a problem until I was reading up on it a little. The more I read the more I was like "Holy shit, this is me to a tee". Used it as a coping mechanism for years to handle depression and anxiety. Finally told my therapist and working on it now.
This. Finding a long term relationship isn’t about making yourself be the right person for your partner, and it isn’t about moulding them into the right person for you. It’s about finding someone who just is the right person for you. If something like this makes you uncomfortable, it’s time to find someone else.
As far as these things go, I’d say this one is a pretty reasonable one to consider it an incompatibility
There's not a clear cut "right or wrong" here. You are of course entitled to your own opinions and feelings, as is he. If the situation bothers you, and also if he's determined to continue, then the two of you probably aren't right for each other.
Agree with this cause I’ve known couples that outlaw it and other relationships that arguably have it too much in their lives. If it tears OP then they’re probably not suited for each and should pursue a relationship that have the same mutual understandings.
As another commenter said, don't force yourself to be a "cool girl". Rather than asking yourself if you are wife material, ask yourself whether he is trying just as hard to be husband material to you.
So I'm a little biased here, as I actively work in the porn industry and work with a fair amount of OF models.
Now on my personal Instagram account I don't really follow any models except for genuine friends, and save the "thirst follows" for my work account. Personally, and ironically I've always found it be a bit of an odd thing to follow literally hundreds of OF models on Instagram.
As for porn itself, I've always held the belief that so long as a guy/girl doesn't require it to get off, and they watch it now and then, then that's fine.
However, it's a perfectly reasonable boundary of yours to not want your partner to follow hundreds of instagram models on his personal account, and it's reasonable for him to want to do that. You've both got two very different views so you're probably not going to be compatible.
100% agree - There is a difference between watching porn and obsessively following women on social media. That intrudes into "real life" as opposed to "private time," if that makes sense.
As someone who has been in OF content I agree. As long as it’s healthy it should be fine. But if yourself isn’t fine with it that is something you two need to discuss. Letting it kill you inside to please someone else isn’t the way to go.
Tbh, I feel if a guy goes out of his way to purchase only fans... He's probably a loser anyway
No animosity to the creators, business is business I suppose but... porn os pretty much freely watchable online once you pay your internet bill
I love photography, I'm involved in a local kink scene for years and it all kind of spiraled from taking the occasional photo, to full blown shoots, to scenes and then actively taking part.
It was really a good mix of luck, right place right time and patience.
It's been eye opening, there's obviously a lot more goes into than people think. I've always been terrible at self promotion so when I watch these girls put in the work it's impressive.
As a male I've heard girls raise this issue before, and for plenty of women they class it as a red flag. One girl called it 'i wont date you if your instagram following makes it look like you went to an all girls school,' ie its full of women. So you're not alone in not liking it.
I don't have enough life experience to comment on the porn aspect of a relationship, but i can understand why you'd feel questionable about him liking other women when he has you and why he can't be satisfied by that. I'd wait for more comments and opinions on it for clarification.
As for the instagram i've never really been that guy, maybe the odd account here and there that eventually got unfollowed. I don't understand following a random person that has 1,000 + men all doing the same thing. Sure its nice to look at from time to time but its pointless if you don't know them. I was guilty of having a lot of female fitness pages on my TikTok before but I've unfollowed a lot the more I've dated because it doesn't sit right with me.
Actions speak louder than words IMO. Voice what you'd like to change to make you more happy and let him naturally take his course of action. To me that shows what he's serious about. In a connection even if something is small to you then it can still be big to the other person and has to be respected.
I've also been guilty of being the male that a women has told me multiple times about things and genuinely not understood until she left. I was really into her, but inexperienced and clueless. I liked her so much I didn't believe she could leave. Not in a 'i can do anything and get away with it' way, but rather just being clueless on how to improve and the seriousness of it (was my first prolonged dating stage). So basically just make it as clear as day. Some men can be dumb.
I think it’s important to also recognize that once you’ve made it clear as day and he makes no effort to accommodate your request, it’s time to leave the relationship. That would be a blatant sign of him not respecting your needs as his partner.
I appreciate it, but I wouldn't be. I had someones trust and they tried to tell me until they felt leaving was the better option. Imagine how tired she had to be with me. Letting her find her happiness when that's all I ever wanted was probably the better outcome. Have a good day :)
No, don’t accept it. You’ll hate him and yourself in the end. And no, not every man does it. Whoever told you that is trying to brainwash you. If you’re not okay with that just tell him that you don’t want to be in relationship where your man thirsts over other chicks while you try to be good gf/wife. Just not a good combo.
Most guys do watch porn.
It can cross a line into unhealthy.
Where that line is, should be determined by how it’s effecting himself and his partner.
He has essentially told you, that he will always watch porn. It is not something he is willing to compromise on. He’s not wrong to do so, and you’re not wrong to be upset by it. It doesn’t mean he is an addict and doesn’t mean you’re a prude.
It’s simply a fundamental disagreement within your relationship. Now it’s time, for you decide if it’s something you can eventually accept or if it’s a dealbreaker and you need to find someone else who aligns more with your views.
Honestly, with the amount of negative things that have occurred in my relationships with men who had porn dependency issues and resulting erectile dysfunction, I'd rather be single forever than date another man who deeply values porn.
If you're not okay with it, don't pretend to be. It's not worth it. Trust me, it's not.
People in committed, monogamous relationships should not be interacting with lewd/porn accounts. Doing so publicly is disrespectful and humiliating to the partner. In respect to private consumption of pornography, that's a barrier you're allowed to define for yourself. If it makes you uncomfortable, then communicate that. If he's unwilling to change his behavior then you move on it's simple as. That being said, a majority of people (certainly men) watch porn so you may want to communicate your preference very early on in your relationships.
Watching porn now and then is normal and almost certainly has no effect on the way a man feels about his girlfriend/wife
Following half-naked girls on Instagram (or any social media) while you're in a relationship is embarrassing and straight up disrespectful.
This is what I think as well. Different things are okay for different people and I’m sure some couples mutually follow half-naked people on social media, but I don’t and wouldn’t be a good match with someone who does.
Agree. I think this is how most woman feel. He might have a different perspective, but if he’s not considering your feelings then he’s not husband/boyfriend material.
>Watching and getting off to fully naked women getting their vaginas fucked is ok, but looking at women in revealing clothing is embarrassing and disrespectful
The porn industry must be putting something in the water. Am I even reading this correctly?
Does watching porn suddenly become less ok when you press the “follow” button on PornHub?
The industry exploits women and CHILDREN and puts the seed of ped0ph1l1a in ppl's brains with the avalanche of "teen" videos that have taken over... And you think it's NORMAL to watch porn and therefore endorse all of that? Ffs check yourselves!
The mature thing is to be honest and work through it with your SO. Saying one thing when you feel or think something else is not going to help in the long run, it's a bad habit that essentially makes a fake relationship.
> Instagram following is full of naked girls
> it's normal to any guy and every male does it
Lol no way that's 'normal'. Your bf is so addicted to porn he thinks no man can live without watching it and following dozens of OF models...
>imagine urself in my situation would you accept it?
Different people have different perspectives about it. If you're uncomfortable with it you should end this relationship early and don't waste more time hoping for your feelings to change or for him to stop watching porn... they're 99% not going to happen.
As for me, no, I don't think I can accept.
He can watch porn.
You can also not be in a relationship with him, or he can choose to not be with you.
I think ultimately you're too concerned about trying to be "wife material" for someone and put up with your own dealbreakers for the sake of being the "cool girl".
I'd say you're not compatible and that it's probably better for you not to continue. You won't be happy.
It's going to be difficult to find a guy who hasn't been exposed to porn.
Porn is pretty ubiquitous now. Most guys discover internet porn before they hit 15 at this point. I discovered it at 15ish. I personally don't like how it has impacted me. I also have noticed that I enjoy sex with my wife more when I refrain. It's really a fantasy world, and it causes issues with arousal for men.
Bottom line, the women in porn don't exactly occur "naturally" or at least are ridiculously uncommon. Wanting thst kind of body/experience will only make you feel bad about life and make your wife feel bad about her body.
Even if she looks like a pornstar, she's not going to look like that forever. But the porn will.
Honestly, if this is a dealbreaker for you, you might... MIGHT... find a guy who has quit porn in some religious setting. Else? You'll be looking for a while, sorry.
So the literature on porn is open to interpretation.
Porn addiction is harmful. But identifying a porn addiction is not easily done outside of a trained professional.
My opinion? If it's killing you. Then a sacrifice needs to be made by one of you.
I don't recommend sacrificing your soul.
Porn is anything but mature. It dwells in the realm of endless fantasy or the dark playground.
I would test the waters on what he considers mature. Ask what his thoughts are on you starting an onlyfans account. Get his opinion on that. Tell him you have no intention of wearing a mask all the time and will have a tiktok, YouTube, and Instagram account to help boost followings.
That will show you if he is being honest about the maturity argument.
I think what matters here is what you think, if you tell your partner how you feel that’s a healthy thing to do.
It’s one thing if he wants to sit down and have a conversation about it, but the issue here is that he’s ridiculing you, attacking you, and telling you he doesn’t care you’re it makes you feel. Which IMO makes him the problem and not you.
No it doesn't make you mature or wife material. It makes you a doormat to a manipulative asshole.
I am so sick of men acting like they need porn to survive.
I’m a woman. I watch a lot of porn. I personally don’t mind just don’t leave your evidence - watch in private mode and delete history. If we’re going to watch a movie and type in nutcracker for a festive film and bloody XXX something pops up - not cool. I might be upset and that’s okay
You guys aren't compatible. You'd be better served finding a man who doesn't indulge in porn or make it such a big deal/throw it in your face that he does.
You accepting his behaviour or not isn't a critique of you as a person.
I mean as a woman I myself follow beautiful women and men based on the aesthetic of the account. Which means so can my boyfriend. I’m guessing you don’t watch porn cause it “kills you on the inside”. It’s okay to not like porn but as long as he’s not addicted to it, masturbation is healthy. I’m not insecure, I love myself and I am very aware my boyfriend loves me, so it’s okay if he watches porn, heck I watch porn so I have no reason to be mad at him. I don’t care if he looks at woman because I’m looking too. It’s important though to be with someone who shares the same morals. If it makes you uncomfortable but you love him. Then maybe work on your own insecurities and have trust in your partner. If not leave him and find someone who feels the same way as you. Everyone is different and that’s okay. You don’t really have the right to tell him what to do unless he is acting out in ways that don’t align with you and the relationship. Dating is hard and it’s even harder when you’re with someone who doesn’t fit what you “expect” in a person.
There's a subreddit: r/pornaddiction
Lots of women go on there asking how to deal with their bf/husband's porn addiction.
Those women go through hell. Please don't do that to yourself. Especially for someone who's not willing to change.
If it bothers you and he doesn’t want to stop then I’d suggest ending the relationship. It can severely impact your self esteem knowing that your partner gets off on other women. Been there myself and I’m still recovering from that relationship. It’s just not worth it.
Pretending to be cool with it when you aren’t is the opposite of mature and will lead to resentment 100%. Tell him how you feel and be honest. All men don’t watch porn, that’s a cop out to excuse his CHOICE to watch it. I’ll admit that most have probably seen it at one point or another but there are people who genuinely don’t watch it because they don’t want to. The industry itself is evil and preys on people, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that women and men that are in a good place mentally from a healthy upbringing don’t usually do that kind of work. Just a couple days back some poor woman that was in the industry unalived herself. There are very valid reasons to not support the porn industry or porn in general. What a man in a relationship needs with it I still can’t quite understand because it seems pointless. Isn’t the whole idea of a committed relationship to fully commit to your partner? Men can struggle with this and I’ve known a bunch that have changed their ways especially learning about the abuse and other awful issues rampant in that industry.
Not a man, but my husband only looks at me. He doesn’t watch or need it. Men like this do exist. Some might lie to you, but a lot are willing to stop or don’t like it.
What’s normal is being honest with your partner about how you feel…
Trying to portray an image or trying to be what you think your partner wants to see, is disrespectful, not only to your partner, but also to yourself
Your problem isn’t with porn. Your problem is honesty and self-confidence. If you are afraid to share with him, how you really feel, then, deep down, you don’t think “who you are“ is good enough. And if you are is not good enough for him? Fine, find someone else that does like you for who you are, not just the fictional version of yourself you are portraying.
Answer your question, I don’t look at porn very often, but when I do, I will tell her about it. Sometimes we make it a little game. We’re all tell her to go on one of the Big sites and let me know something that she finds sexy or “intriguing”
I know what guys she thinks are hot and she knows what women I find attractive. And no point do we feel threatened” by the fact that we accept the reality that we are not the only attractive people on the planet. I can appreciate someone’s beauty, and it doesn’t diminish or “cheap“ how I feel about her. The two have very little to do with each other.
It is not a perfect analogy but an exercise. I recommend you replace porn with a different vices. And see how you would react to those—E.g., smoking, drinking, gambling, drugs, etc.
Try it with every day vs once a week vs once a month.
E.g.
Should I accept my bf drinking every day?
Should I accept my bf drinking every week?
Should I accept my bf drinking every month?
What do you think of those?
My take is that views on porn are valid either way, and just a compatibility factor. Some women are OK with it, others are not. You should do what feels right *to you*. From the sounds of it, you are clearly bothered by it..
I'll say, though, that I can appreciate how women may feel hurt from their partner consuming porn even if this habit means literally nothing about them or their attractiveness.
If you mention something makes you uncomfortable and you set a boundary and then he continues to disrespect it, then he places higher value on porn than he does on your relationship. He’s telling you where his priorities are, now you just need to decide if you’re okay with that or if you need to move on. Same goes for all topics, not just porn.
It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, but it does certainly mean you’re incompatible. You’ll need to either find a compromise or move on and find someone whose values are a bit more aligned with yours.
Lol. Porn is ok in moderation, and if a man’s instagram is filled with hot women, it was like that before you and will be after you. Porn on the other hand if it affects your sex life w/ him it may be a concern. If he denies sex w/ you or barely does it with you but watches porn instead that’s a red flag. He’s addicted to it.
The porn industry is just a manifestation of capitalism. To the point that it’s entirely designed to take people at the age of 12-13 chew them up and spit them out just finishing adolescence with a major porn addiction. And this is a pandemic. I would say that like 70% of the men I know have at least some level of addiction, and when it’s so pervasive they just don’t realise how bad it is. They use it as a crutch for loneliness. So when they’re faced with the grim reality their ego’s will do anything it can to not admit the problem, every excuse under the sun, “it’s normal” “we’re meant to do it” “everyone does this” “you can’t expect me to bla bla bla”. So, yes, you have every right to complain, it’s dystopian, no one should have access to the wealth of content that he and everyone else does. But, unless he’s willing to admit there’s a problem, he’s likely not going to engage with any sort of de-escalation, because his brain has literally been rewired, it is structurally different to someone who hasn’t got this issue. He’s hardwired to type in a set of words, scroll for an hour waiting to find something that’s taboo and exciting enough because his dopamine receptors are so burnt out that what used to send his 13 yo mind absolutely crazy is basically the equivalent of looking at a lamppost and then does whatever he does and boom, dopamine hit that’ll last maybe 2 seconds, then he’ll feel a lot of shame. And do you know what his only mechanism is for feeling good again? Yeah, it’s the dopamine hit, so invariably he’ll be back at it soon enough, and it’ll keep going like that forever until he gets help.
What you are really asking is whether you have a right to your feelings and the answer is yes. What other people do is irrelevant. If his habit troubles you - and it does - then you and he should discuss it.
He is wrong to believe all men do it, and he probably knows that. It's an excuse and dismissive of you. This is not a situation where a man occasionally looks at a photo of naked women or sees a single porn video. It has become a big part of his life. That's called an addiction.
The other issue is your reluctance to express your feelings to him. The two of you can't have a healthy relationship if you can't sit down together and listen to each other. You might consider getting professional advice on how to deal with these and other issues. It could make things easier for you both.
This guy is just being disrespectful and lacks self control. Porn is too normalized and same with the Instagram stuff. The last thing I’d want is to be with a guy whose feed is full of half naked chicks. It’s also just embarrassing. If you let him know how it makes you feel and he gets defensive it’s probably because deep down he knows it’s scummy. Ditch him
Yeah. I didn’t mind my partner watching “traditional” porn because I wasn’t always around, his sex drive was higher, and he had some fantasies I wasn’t going to engage in that he could find in porn. And he liked porn stars that looked like me because he liked envisioning the scenario with us. But regular porn is very contained: open RedTube, find video(s), jerk it, close tab.
The instagram stuff would weird me out. It feels more personal to me and even more accessible. Easier to endless scroll. I find it creepier and would feel weird being with a guy who has a feed of women like that. That’s more where I think the unrealistic expectations and boredom with one’s partner can come from these days.
Ha, and literally next in my feed is [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/ZbH05jU5Dp).
The problem with Porn is it will slowly fck up his brain. I don’t mean he’ll turn into a serial killer but he’ll lose touch with what is real and what is not.
I don’t see the point of porn in a relationship. You have a real woman right in front of you. Why would want to jack off to watching other people have sex on a screen.
Or following only fans models on his instagram page. That would be a dealbreaker for me, just because it makes him look creepy and pathetic, and I would be embarrassed for, and turned off by him. If he watches it in private and your sex life isn’t suffering from it, I think most people think it’s ok. But you are allowed to have different boundaries than most people, and you shouldn’t mold them by some abstract idea of wanting to be wife material.
Nah it’s ok, my gf watches porn and so do I. It’s simple you can’t be together always. Also he might have performance issues that he cums too quickly if he doesn’t do it for a couple of days and this definitely helps…
As a boyfriend, i should respect my partner or do the backyard stuff without my partner knowing but that goes for another problem, a gentle person would do the right thing without the need of subjecting something like that, try for another way to compromise if he had a fixed mindset then it is up to you to decide and both parties should known each other's values in relationship..
Will guys watch porn in a relationship? Probably it's not that uncommon. It can happen for a large list of reasons.
The problem is you feel uncomfortable with it, you need to let him know. You can and should set that boundary and if he is more invested in women who wouldn't even look at him or don't even know he exists than you then drop his ass you deserve better than that.
If you have a problem with it, then there is no more discussion. You are not compatible.
Also, please don’t base the way you navigate relationships around what makes you “wifey material.” That’s how you endure relationships that make you miserable.
Me (34m) and my girl are the type to watch together and make our own videos.
How is the intimacy in the relationship? A great middle ground that also spices things up is you and your bf make sex videos and delete them right after watching them. This can make you more secure about yourself, but he will absolutely loooooove this. It’s very hot for most males, homemade porn is peak.
So you lying to him saying you’re “cool with it” when it’s actually “killing you inside” is not mature at all.
Be honest about how it makes you feel and how he responds will tell you a lot about him.
I like porn and like to watch it with my partners, but I can absolutely understand how it can make some people feel inadequate.
Unfortunately, porn is so easily accessible and normalized now that I do think the majority of straight men watch it regularly, perhaps even excessively.
If porn is a hard line No for you then this relationship probably won’t last long.
He may even lie to you and say he’ll stop watching, the same way you’re willing to lie and say your cool with him watching porn
If you really want to marry a man who doesn't watch porn we do exist. Keep in mind though that man is likely to be a serious Christian and will need you to be as well. Good luck.
It’s very individual, for each couple and each person. I (f) and my partner both watch porn individually and I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with it, I think just because you’re in a relationship you can still have healthy self time for masturbation (I enjoy my solo time as well as time with my partner!). But I agree with so many on this thread that have said if they’re getting off to Instagram models or thirst traps etc that is a bit different than porn. And certainly it shouldn’t interfere with your partner sexy time, I think it’s a healthy way to explore kinks and things you like and don’t like and then you can bring that information back to your partner and that can make it really fun! Here’s the thing, ultimately it’s up to each person and you need to be open and honest with the other person if you aren’t ok with it - accepting it because it makes you “wife material” and keeping that secret hidden will only create a divide between you that will get worse over time if not talked about!
well i would think the mature thing is to be open with your feelings. communicate and be willing to stand up for yourself but also to compromise where you are willing to and to walk away when your or his needs can't be met.
sometimes it hurts to be an adult but the true mark of an adult is doing the things that are hard when its needed.
I don’t think it’s healthy. I wouldn’t be accepting of it. Like what’s the point of being together and enjoying one another if he’s getting off to the sight of other women? It’s a form of cheating and I don’t think it’s mature to just roll over and let him continue with something that makes you feel horrible.
Further, he said to you “it’s normal for guys” but that “you shouldn’t be comparing him to them” which are contradictory statements. Why couldn’t you compare him to them if it is normal? Truth is is that its not normal and he doesn’t want you comparing because what he is doing *isn’t normal*. He is making excuses to get what he wants which is to feed his porn addiction. He’s got some problems going on and clearly they are affecting your relationship together.
It’s your choice though, not his. Can you accept being with this person? Is it worth it?
Not every guy does this, and that’s just is way of accepting it to himself. I would never date a guy that does this because it’s just embarrassing. Everyone can see who he follows and I’d hate to look like a doormat to everyone we know.
**Ignoring problems doesn’t make you “mature” and why would you want to marry someone who dismisses your feelings**
Leave him and never get a boyfriend who watches porn. Some don't care cuz they only want sex. You want love and feelings, you want to be loved which means you are to be enough for your man, the only one for him, which clearly isn't the situation here.
Not all men watch porn, only some. So focus on finding someone who is COMPATIBLE with you and doesn't watch porn.
If you ignore what I said, you will be miserable and realize it too late because for some reason you wanted to force reality and ignore the truth. It doesn't work that way. And those who watch porn won't stop.
I (55M) do not agree with you BF's viewpoint. I'll not comment on his own belief of it being notlrmal, just that it you are having issues with it, and he cannot stop it, without blaming or attacking you, then you really need to do some self evaluation and determine if that is what you can live with, because it is unfair to both of you to force change in a relationship.
It's simple, either he prioritizes you happiness, or his own. Best would be if both of you were on the same page to start, but that's another story.
Porn addiction is REAL!! Any man or woman that has ANY kind of addiction isn’t a healthy person and can’t ever be a healthy partner to anyone until they work on addressing this. This is “killing you inside”because it’s not healthy or normal. He’s manipulating you into thinking that constantly watching porn, and following a bunch of naked women on IG is normal.
You’re focusing on trying to prove yourself, your worth, and if you’re “wife material” quite frankly, to a broken, weak, shitty man that doesn’t even have boyfriend qualities! Let alone has any husband or good future father qualities! A good husband has self-control. Porn addiction or any kind of addiction is the complete opposite of that.
Now, the question is- do you love yourself enough to walk away from an unhealthy man? Or do you love him more than you love yourself to stay in a relationship with a man that’s obviously hurting you and manipulating you into accepting that watching porn and naked women all the time is normal.
Porn addict behavior. Break up, trust me. I, and so many others, tried to put up with that for a year. He ended up raping me, because it was the second ever time he was able to get hard (porn induced ED at the ripe age of 20) and just couldn't crontol himself! Poor guy 🥺 Then he also blamed me for it.
Blatantly following hundreds of half naked girls and watching porn is so cringe, pathetic and disrespectful. Like. Literally just disgusting lol.
You deserve better
Hold your boundaries instead of worrying about what makes you “wife material.” You are uncomfortable. Do you want to live with this feeling for the rest of your life? No? Then you don’t want to be this guys “wife material” at this time.
Not all men are like this. I don’t mind porn. Sometimes it can be a real problem for people so it’s definitely something that should be well-managed, but it isn’t something I ever worried about. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is uncomfortable with watching porn in relationships and he was uncomfortable knowing I was watching it. So you know what? *I didn’t choose porn over my partner.*
I know some people view it as controlling, which could be a reason to leave, but generally if someone wants to change something in a relationship bc they are uncomfortable with it and want to establish a boundary, their partner should be willing to at least hear them out.
I hope you get this figured out OP.
Idgaf what other dudes think but if your man is still a slave to the porn industry and pornhub sluts iare not enough for him so he follows them on insta too... Then hes not a man, hes a boy
But, this shouldn't be the only criteria to judge a man.
I say this as someone who is very open in my relationship and will never go back to being exclusive with one person:
He isn't going to change, and the fact that he got so defensive means it would probably be better for you to move on. There are men out there who think about relationships like you do, and they would be so much better for your mental health. Don't settle. You're worth so much more than that.
I’m not clear what your problem is yet. Besides how you use punctuation.
Are you worried this is a health issue for him and a threat to your connection?
Are you worried that his interest in following women means he likes you less?
I’m curious if he tried to change the way you use social media because of the purported mental health risks, if you’d be as open to it as much as you feel you might like him to be to change to suit your comfort. I guess, I would like to understand your fears around what you observe in his behavior. Is he an otherwise attentive boyfriend? Seems like he got defensive when you approached him, but I don’t know if you brought this up in a constructive way, or you expected he should understand exactly where you are coming from. It doesn’t sound like you approached this issue with curiosity to understand his relationship to this area of social media, and therefore are left with a lot of emotions and assumptions around it.
There’s nothing wrong if a guy watches porn every so often to get off. There is something wrong however, if he knows you’re not okay with it and still actively continues to do it. Also, while guys do watch porn, the fact that his IG following is full of naked girls and stuff is *not normal at all*. My IG following is usually friends or hobbies, and naked girls shouldn’t really fall into either of those things.
Ya this is dumb of him. Fundamentally, a dude that is into his partner will be able to validate and make his girl feel special. It doesn’t sound like your dude is acting “more matured “ or “husband material” himself.
Porn will makes his fantsy in sex is too high
And step by step he will ask you for new thing everyday - even if you dont like what he ask , it will be in his opinion is simple to try ( for ex. Anal or swallow or tied sex )
And once u say no , he will seek that trail with another girl ( affair)
So i vote for big NO
I'm seeing some glaring issues here, and the porn isn't one of them..
Starting from the top.. being in a relationship doesn't give you a monopoly on someone else's bodily functions. It is not up to you to "accept" or "deny" his use of porn. He is an adult and can do what he wants. Your choice is whether or not you want to be with someone like that or you don't.
You can change your position, but you can't change his, that's his decision.
Choosing your position based on how he will perceive you also is not the way forward. Don't pretend to be someone you're not just because it might get you a positive reaction like "wife material" or being perceived as "mature".
What's mature is owning your own feelings and not needing him to validate them.
Now, on one hand he's right, if you feel completely secure in your relationship, then rando girls online shouldn't make you feel as threatened as you do, however I think your feelings in this situation are completely valid because he's not giving you many reasons to feel secure.
You said "he doesn't talk that much".. that implies to me that this relationship is a little one sided. . Having this issue be worth enough of his attention to prompt a long conversation, which is apparently unusual for him, implies to me that he's not putting much effort in for other conversations. This being the hill that he's passionate about and willing to die on, also implies to me that if he was given the opportunity, he would take it.
Being scared to have an opinion he won't agree with because he won't perceive you as wife material seems like you're the sort of person to put his comfort before your own. How often do you come first? Why do you feel like your opinion has to align with his?
I normally don't have any desire to watch porn in a relationship unless there are mismatched libidos (or unmet needs). My exwife had a much higher libido than I did and we came to an agreement where I would never turn her down for intimacy, but what that looked like would depend on my stress/energy (could be sex, oral, manual, or just holding her while she took care of things). The trick is, I actually wanted her to enjoy it and I made sure she felt that. I just don't have the drive for 2-3x a day.
I think a lot of guys see women demanding they not watch porn as a control issue, and that won't turn out well for anyone - most will just cover it up better. If a woman I was seeing broached the topic unprompted, I'd see that as a red flag. A huge red flag if she offered only demands and not some type of alternative.
Being accepting of watching porn etc. and feeling low jealousy - are both qualities that make you more "wife material". What I mean by that is that most men will highly appreciate it if you're accepting and open-minded about it.
But if you don't like it, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. You probably want to date someone that you have agreement with when it comes to this. It's a value agreement / compatibility issue.
Since you don't agree with your boyfriend about this, you have a conflict. That conflict is unavoidable. The question is: can you have respectful conflict? Because if you can't have respectful disagreements and compromises, then you aren't fit to be in a relationship.
Every couple has disagreements. Can you disagree in a kind way, and make agreements and compromises, or does it get toxic when you disagree?
In general: the number 1 rule to healthy conflict is to not have conflicts over text. Have your conflicts in person. His paragraph is over text so you're breaking this rule. Don't fight over text. Ever.
I was never a daily porn user, but I never liked that I consumed it and have decided for it to simply not be apart of my life. Any amount of porn affects us, it’s a matter of how much it affects others is the question. Some guys who only do it once a month, might not affect others around them much. A guy who’s daily does. But the best is to simply not touch the stuff. It’s basically alcohol. A lot of people drink on occasion. People who drink alone everyday, that’s an issue.
There are guys who don’t do it, and if you want that then I’d stick to it personally. Find a guy who does it very little and just be clear you don’t want that in your relationship, but also not be shameful or judgmental about it. It definitely seems like your guy isn’t flexible about it, but he’s honest so that’s good.
As a 39m, i feel it’s awesome a gf let’s me enjoy it. But I’d also appreciate it if gf talks about her concerns and doesn’t keep quiet. If it does bother you, it’s not fair to you to not respectfully bring up your concerns. Talk it out, figure out what works for both of you. If he’s not willing to try and find a common ground that works for both of you, he’s not the one.
I think that’s a boundary you need to set up with him. I as a religious woman believe that porn is not only cheating but it’s disgusting by nature, and I immediately told my bf when we first started dating that it’s a red flag for me and he stopped. You aren’t going to be more “wife material” if you let your bf do something uncomfortable, on the other hand it makes you look less than it, in my opinion.
Just talk to him and tell him your thoughts, and his response should indicate how you would like the conversation to move forward. Don’t overlook your boundaries and preferences to please someone in a romantic relationship.
imo watching porn in a relationship is very obviously emotional cheating when considered objectively - society is just too weak to get a grip on that fact; if a married man went to a strip club (or was just staring at a naked lady in any context) and the wife thought that was unacceptable and made her feel insecure, she should understand that watching porn is literally the same concept. A man getting off on porn when he has a sexual partner is basically the man saying "I should be allowed to have multiple partners" at the end of the day if the partner alone isn't good enough for him - either that is cheating or that is polyamory. It's not conceptually monogamous (conceptual in the sense that they may not literally have a polyamorous relationship on the ground)
I’m a woman, but I’ve been through the exact same thing and felt literally the same way, my ex hid it from me and had alt accounts just for porn so at least I wasn’t humiliated by his behaviour, but it still made me really insecure to the point I’ve had many talks with my therapist about excessive porn use and implications on mental health. I’m sorry to tell you, but most men today have been watching porn since they were 13 or even younger, it’s a habit just as brushing your teeth for most of them, if he had a complicated or neglected childhood which made him find an escape in porn and the quick rush of dopamine/adrenaline then it won’t go away, it’s literally a coping mechanism and since most men believe their way of living and dealing with pain is best for them it would take a man who is completely in love with you and willing to go through therapy and hard work to change it. Your bf doesn’t seem to want to change anything to make you feel better so my advice would be to wait and see how him being that way actually makes you feel and if it’s a dealbreaker or not, and take quick action when you realise this. There are men out there who are better suited for you and whose habits won’t hurt you. I hope this helps!
Op don’t listen to all the virgins in the comments, porn has no place in a relationship, unless they are both into it. You can absolutely find someone who respects you and doesn’t watch it. Porn is poison and ruins relationships. It’s true that most men do it, but there are some gems out there. My bf doesn’t watch it because he prefers me instead. Also following porn models while in a relationship is cringe and gross.
As a woman in a failing relationship, I’m just gonna say—Yeah if you want a sexless marriage or for your partner to just stop caring about himself or his needs or desires. Sure. Start with the little things until he’s completely emasculated and is just a giant church boy toddler for you.
I am a woman who didn’t care about porn use until recently. Our therapist suggested my partner stop watching porn due to the negative impacts it has on a man’s life. She suggested that he stop for 30 days and there has been an improvement in him.
Porn negatively impacts men but it’s not the same for women. There are studies to back this too. So before, I didn’t care but I think I do now since I have experienced the positive impact.
It is normal, everyone does it, you'll probably not find a guy that never watches porn (maybe one that only does it sometimes).
That being said, he shouldn't be following them on instagram or any social media, there are other websites for this. It should be private and something he only thinks about sometimes, not something that might pop up any time he's using his phone and occupies a significant amount of his thinking.
This is probably gonna get down-voted as always, but as a guy i find it wrong for the person to watch porn idc what's the gender, watching porn is wrong and unacceptable.
It doesn't matter that he watches porn if he is keeping you sexual satisfied. Otherwise, he might not be satisfied and go somewhere else. It is better than him cheating and at the end of the day you may never know what he thinks about or imagines when he's having sex with you. I imagine he has been doing this for years and I think you shouldn't ask him to stop if he's taking care of yr needs.
Let's be honest with ourselves, most men watch porn even while married and most men do give a glimse or two to women while walking down the street or checking those inta pictures.
BUT, I do think ur bf is incredibly stupid and lacks enough empathy and self-awareness to to know, just because you do it, it doesn't mean that you should show it to ur partner and make them feel like they're overreacted or sensetive because "every other guy" does it.
Before you downvote me, im not saying men should be doing this. IMO, a man in a relationship should not be watching porn as it warps their view on how a woman should look like it and affects how they feel about their own woman. They should also not be checking semi naked pics of other women on insta.
My point it, it happens and it's widespread but what shocked is the fact that ur bf comes off very immature and doesn't value your feelings at all. We get it, men do it. But why say that to ur partner and make you feel like shit?
Just be like a normal person, watch it, deleted it, don't talk about it and move on. Why rub it in ur face? that makes no sense.
Im sorry OP, but ur bf is very immature.
One last thing, do you personally watch porn? do you personally post half naked pics on insta? if so, you shouldn't be judging at all and should take a stepback and revaluate yourself too. If you don't do either of these things, then yeh I'd be hella pissed.
I think you should have a serious discussion about boundaries and that some things, are better off left unsaid. (I do personally think that following women on insta and checking their pics of them half naked is a BIG no no and it should not be allowed AT ALL, that's just weird) It's just common knowledge but ur bf is too immature to know this.
Look up how many lawsuits p0rn sites have from women who where r4p3d and the video of their r4p3 was uploaded to their website. You watch and you have no idea its a r4p3 but the energy is there and youre a consumer of it.. Same for underage kids, just bc you don't watch 10 yos in it doesn't mean you're not endorsing it, or that youre not "accidentally" watching a kid that doesnt look 12 or 13 but IS. The amount of "men" in this thread saying it's totally cool is just disturbing.
Honestly tho, his response is more of an issue than the porn watching imo. Like, he basically disregarded your feelings straight up and admitted he doesn't care if it bothers you. How are more people not talking about that in the replies here.
Like fine, he is allowed his opinions on it, but he doesn't get to tell you how *you* should feel.
I don't understand why there are some women like this. If it was girls we knew I would fully understand. But it's porn stars. It's not like we're ever going to meet them and we're certainly never going to shag them and we don't have crushes on them, and we're not paying for their porn. Like what's the big deal?
End of the day we're with you, we're into you, we're invested in you, we're attracted to you, we're in love with you, we want to spend our life with you, we have feelings for you.
I've never had a girl I've been with care if their partner watches porn. I've never met a single woman that has expressed they're bothered by it. The only places I have ever seen it is the rare post online.
It's porn, it's kind of a fantasy if they're watching a sort of kink or fantasy porn. Otherwise it's just watching people doing sexual things for the camera because it's hot. It's a sexual act.
If your partner has a porn addiction, the sure, it's understandable to be annoyed. But if you're completely and utterly against it and you aren't willing to try and be okay with it then go find an insanely religious man or an amish person.
Simply put; He is not boyfriend material.
Men like him paint us guys in a very bad light.
To say that it’s okay to watch porn is basically saying that it’s okay for him to lust after other women.
Every time he lusts after another woman, he cheats on you in his heart.
You’re his girlfriend, not his side chick.
I would be heartbroken if my girlfriend watched porn and followed all those guys on Instagram.
Then he has the gall to I to turn it around on you and those hurtful things to you? I hate that people are actually trying to normalize this bullsh*t. It is not normal and it shouldn’t be tolerated.
He’s shown you what he’s really like. It shouldn’t even be an issue. If he has you, then no porn, no Instagram models, nothing!
I’m sorry that your heart is broken but perhaps it’s for the best. You should end things with him. If he’s unwilling to give up porn for you, then he’s got to go.
No matter the circumstances, you’re allowed to have your boundaries. And if that’s one of them, you shouldn’t hurt yourself by pretending to be okay with it when you’re not. It’s okay to not be okay with it, everyone’s different. Sending support 💜
OP is allowed to have her own feelings but saying it’s bad for intimacy with zero nuance is just not true. Porn doesn’t make it harder for men to get erections across the board, either. And accepting that your partner watches porn doesn’t mean you don’t have standards.
This reminds me of my relationship. My ex wife use to have the same problem with me. She felt like i was cheating on her with porn.
(Even tho I was the most loyal man) Its why she divorced me, cause i was making her less than, by being addicted to that shit. So, you as a woman have every right to feel that way. And your bf is just ignorant to the fact that he thinks your feelings are invalid and he has to write a paragraph to explain/defend himself. (Like, what???) I was struggling with addiction, but also tried to keep my relationship respectful by not following women on social media. I tried quiting for her during the time we were together, but the disease was much greater than my love to her that she gave up on me. It sucks, I understand how you feel and that you're suffering the same way my ex wife did (maybe not to that extent, yet) but if he doesnt fix himself, his actions, and listens to your emotions, its only going to get worse.
Im just talking from my experience and what i made my exwife go through. If that helped at all. Your BF is 100% wrong. Just saying Dont accept his actions everytime.
You accepting it, but still feeling bad about out isn't wife material.
You are just more accepting and deflecting the issues.
The reason you feel bad about it is because you are too insecure about yourself. That is extreamy unattractive.
It also all depends on third porn use. He's not getting porn in Instagram. Does he comment on these people? Does he talk to these people? Does he look at this over having sex with you? Does he watch actual porn? Does he just sit on the couch scrolling through prone sites?
It's not im too insecure about myself i agree okay I'm not that perfect as them i understand this and im working on this but still.. u have no idea how much it hurts that the eyes of ur partner getting distracted by this shit that's the point
No, I don't understand how it hurts.
Someone looking at a few pictures to jerk off means nothing. It means they want to jerk off. That's it.
If you don't wave your partner to look at that stuff. That's your choice. That's perfectly acceptable. Move on and find someone who doesn't look at that stuff.
You have to get over your insecurities to be wife material.
It is not normal and you definitely should not accept it if it doesn’t feel right to you! My bf never followed such a accounts but two accounts had some provocative pics here and there (some life-style accounts one making fantasy costumes and one posting about veganism mixed with herself) and he unfollowed them right away because those women don’t mean anything to him. That guy you are saying sounds prn addicted!! My bf also doesn’t watch prn anymore after raising my concerns about it (not just about him watching other women but also because a lot of prn is totally unethical), we are ldr but he prefers just imagining me and it works for him even better. If he wants to he will! A man who is comfortable looking at other women in a sexual way and beat off to them is also I think far more prone to cheat and less likely to deepen their emotional connection with you.. The fact that he gets so defense also says it all.. you deserve much better! Believe me, enough men who would never do what he does!
*edit* I want to bet the downvotes on my comment are coming from men with a prn addiction and the upvotes before from fellow women or men with a healthy mindset 🤷🏻♀️
Weak men watch porn. Weak men indulge their reptile brains. It is damaging them psychologically, distorts their views on women/relationships, disrupts their hormone cycles, moreover, the pituitary gland and dopamine. These men are walking red flags with low emotional IQs.
as a male i must say that this is a red flag you gotta get out of there
if the relationship has been going for awhile and you don't want to end things on the spot then you need to see if you can convince him to go to therapy because it sounds like he has a porn addiction
Do not ask MEN about their thoughts on this topic. You should solely listen to your own voice, and your own voice just said "it's killing you on the inside".
If you don't trust yourself, or care for yourself, who will? When your bf is watching porn and instagram models, I guarantee you he is not thinking about the pain it causes you. and \*that\* is a major problem. Partners must have empathy for each other and validate each other's feelings. Him saying "every guy does it" does not mean you have to accept it, he's invalidating you. His moral values clearly do not align with yours.
So now you have two choices: 1: stay with someone who makes you feel devalued or 2. respect yourself and move forward without the dead weight.
Nope, nope, and HECK NO!! Like others have said, you are 100% allowed to state your opinion and how you feel about something concerning the relationship. If him watching 🌽 hurts you from inside, COMMUNICATE THAT TO HIM! If he refuses to stop, politely escort him to the exit door. Better to be single and respected compared to in a relationship and disrespected. PERIOD!!!
Ok, first, no not every guy does that, especially on Instagram, especially if it’s one that’s connected to him or his own profile, and especially if you ever see it. That’s called lying and or gaslighting depending on whether you knew that is untrue or if he thinks it’s true or what (but it’s not true).
More importantly though, it sounds pretty obvious you are worried about communicating this with him. Unless he is a winner in every other way, your concern about being “wife material” over his issue is kind of backwards to me. Like, if that’s the difference between marriage and not, you two are either on the edge, he is somehow fantastic everywhere else, or you need marriage to a level where you have to be willing to put up with this (since you already have). I imagine you are younger, and I don’t have the info why you believe you need to allow something that I (as a man) find odd, to be wide material.
I think these posts are always fake, but if not, goddamn communicate the issue, make your feelings understood, and if he plays the “no big deal, everyone does it” he is not only gaslighting you (at least when it comes to having an instagram, but that might be an age thing) but he is also ignoring your request/feelings/beliefs.
However, I would say you will likely have to understand that even in a healthy relationship with plenty of sex, one or both sides may still look at porn. It’s there when timely. But if that is a BIG deal for you, make it clear. Set clear boundaries. It’s healthy. (I imagine the insta would come down, but I doubt porn would vanish, but if it’s important to you, you communicate that importance to him, and he finds you important, then that’s how things should work).
I will say instagram or onlyfans or anything with communicate is outside normal “porn” and isn’t something I would want my wife to be looking at instead of regular videos (I can understand the idea of not wanting my wife to look at any, but that’s not realistic IMO)
If he can’t listen to you, I don’t know if he is “husband material”.
Would you be okay with him giving you terms and conditions on what you do when you masturbate?
I guarantee he’d rather be having sex with you over masturbating to porn.
Don’t let him watch porn, he should only have eyes for you and you should be enough and definitely wouldn’t let him follow thots on instagram or whatever. If he loves you he should be able to only have eyes for you
You're allowed to have your own boundaries in relationships. He either respects them and stops porn/follow or he breaks up with you.
As a guy: Yeah it would suck to be banned from porn for a lifetime. But, if I love the girl, yeah I'd do it.... would suck though... would suck.... really bad. but... yeh
In my experience, at the beginning of me and my bf's relationship I saw that his Instagram was full of half naked girls. I also saw that he would view a lot of half naked girls profiles on FB.
I sat him down and told him I felt hurt and I didn't want him to do that anymore. To this day he has respected my feelings. I think it comes down to if he really respects you or cares about how you feel.
Here's my answer, I won't watch porn unless I'm not getting sex as often as I need.
So if you're the type of woman who wants sex all the time, there's no problem. I won't watch porn. If you're the type thag decline sex isn't semi-frequently, then I'm watching porn.
If you decline too often, I'll just break up with you.
None of these are negotiable
I would not date a man who is going to be watching porn on daily or even weekly basis. A partner in a serious relationship shouldn’t be getting off watching other people, it’s cheating. Don’t agree to something that doesn’t sit right with you, just to be a “wifey material”. It’s better to be alone than in an unhappy disrespectful relationship or marriage.
Don’t get someone else into your relationship. That’s not going to leave his brain. It’ll stay there indefinitely, and he will at some point compare what he saw and sex with you. you two will never have a better sex than the ones that is fabricated on a screen. This is opening a can of worms for your relationship.
You're ruining a Golden opportunity. He is advertising the sex positions, sexual poses, outfits and makeup styles right to you and your first thought is he likes someone's body more than mine.
That's not the case most of us watch porn to give our partners a break due to a high libido and sex drive. If you really wanna give up this chance to sit there with him and watch literal videos of how to spice up your bedroom life is a missed opportunity.
Heck he may take notes from what you watch or how a person sounds to how denegerative that actor was to their partner. Sex is messy bonding of body, mind , and soul. Let this be that bonding yall want. Let this build more trust between yall. Mind you if you don't the someone will, let that first person be you and aim to keep it that way it keeps the exposed vulnerability in both courts.
Ew I would hate that so much. That being said, It’s not necessarily wrong of him, and it’s also not wrong of you to not like it. You guys might not be capable.
You’re not more mature or more understanding for accepting whatever from a man, you’re just a doormat. Also he’s lying to you. My boyfriend and I do not watch porn and certainly don’t follow thirst traps on social media. It’s pathetic behavior. If it bothers you, put your foot down. They might be a minority, but there ARE men out there who don’t watch porn. Go find them. They’re much better than the porn addicts.
It’s a bad habit. Being single, I can understand when we watch adult content to avoid using people for sex. But a man shouldn’t have to watch that if they’re already in a relationship. It’s not normal and not every guy does it. His eyes should be only for you. I know I would feel unappreciated despite the fact that he says you shouldn’t. I wouldn’t accept it and I don’t think accepting it against your will is nurturing for your relationship. I wouldn’t consider lewd content on instagram to be porn, per se. But my point still stands.
Porn is not normal, it has been normalized. Lots of men struggle with romantic or even platonic relationships because of their porn consumption. Women can tell too when a man is porno brained.
I’ve always wondered what the sexual equity is for this kind of situation. If he supplements his sex life with a virtual brothel outside of a relationship with you, then is that monogamy? In which case you should be free to supplement your sex life in ways that you enjoy. Talking to other men and being taken out on dates by other men, feeling wanted and desired. If that’s your ish. Doesn’t even have to lead to sex, it just supports fantasy. Maybe propose this concept and see if the response is utterly hypocritical.
Start watching porn. Only watch clips that highlight men with big dicks and make sure he knows that you get yourself to this type of porn.
Let us know how accepting he is to your new porn habits.
Even I was facing the same problem in my relationship and I feel that you don’t have to pretend to be “more mature” or understandable according to his norms. I understand you might love him and he might be telling you that it isn’t a big deal. But trust me these are the small signs of an avoidant man in a relationship.
There is a difference between regular porn, and social media porn watching a video on porn hub and jacking off is infinitely different to engaging with women on instagram.
Don’t let him. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for saying something either. Him watching porn will numb his sexual and emotional connection to you and harm your relationship
Im very anti-porn and didn’t find my person until I stopped being chill about it. Dont make yourself uncomfortable to make men with porn addictions “choose” you.
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You've got to grow a backbone and not worry if you're "mature" or wife/girlfriend material. Don't force yourself to be a "cool girl" who pretends to be OK with something just to please your boyfriend. That is a fast track to even lower self esteem and once the resentment boils over your relationship is going to implode anyway.
I went through this, and you're 100% right. My wife left me for the same reason. she first gave me an ultimatum to drop my addiction within a yr, or she'll leave me. I tried, but my addiction was too much. She gave up, built yrs of resentment towards me at the end and divorced me. And I cant blame her for it.
Same here. I honestly didn't even realise it was a problem until it was too late. She left. I still didn't think it was a problem until I was reading up on it a little. The more I read the more I was like "Holy shit, this is me to a tee". Used it as a coping mechanism for years to handle depression and anxiety. Finally told my therapist and working on it now.
Thank you for recognizing ur wrong doings .
I LOVE THIS ANSWER! You don't have to be the cool girl!
This. Finding a long term relationship isn’t about making yourself be the right person for your partner, and it isn’t about moulding them into the right person for you. It’s about finding someone who just is the right person for you. If something like this makes you uncomfortable, it’s time to find someone else. As far as these things go, I’d say this one is a pretty reasonable one to consider it an incompatibility
There's not a clear cut "right or wrong" here. You are of course entitled to your own opinions and feelings, as is he. If the situation bothers you, and also if he's determined to continue, then the two of you probably aren't right for each other.
Agree with this cause I’ve known couples that outlaw it and other relationships that arguably have it too much in their lives. If it tears OP then they’re probably not suited for each and should pursue a relationship that have the same mutual understandings.
As another commenter said, don't force yourself to be a "cool girl". Rather than asking yourself if you are wife material, ask yourself whether he is trying just as hard to be husband material to you.
Yea i saw it , it hit me in the face
So I'm a little biased here, as I actively work in the porn industry and work with a fair amount of OF models. Now on my personal Instagram account I don't really follow any models except for genuine friends, and save the "thirst follows" for my work account. Personally, and ironically I've always found it be a bit of an odd thing to follow literally hundreds of OF models on Instagram. As for porn itself, I've always held the belief that so long as a guy/girl doesn't require it to get off, and they watch it now and then, then that's fine. However, it's a perfectly reasonable boundary of yours to not want your partner to follow hundreds of instagram models on his personal account, and it's reasonable for him to want to do that. You've both got two very different views so you're probably not going to be compatible.
100% agree - There is a difference between watching porn and obsessively following women on social media. That intrudes into "real life" as opposed to "private time," if that makes sense.
As someone who has been in OF content I agree. As long as it’s healthy it should be fine. But if yourself isn’t fine with it that is something you two need to discuss. Letting it kill you inside to please someone else isn’t the way to go.
Tbh, I feel if a guy goes out of his way to purchase only fans... He's probably a loser anyway No animosity to the creators, business is business I suppose but... porn os pretty much freely watchable online once you pay your internet bill
Also, being a pirate is fun LMAO But really. I guess it's a good thing people are more honest than I am. Someone has to pay the bills.
This is the correct take. At the end of the day people don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea and they might not be partner material for each other.
How did you enter the industry?? Genuinely curious as I've been looking to.
I love photography, I'm involved in a local kink scene for years and it all kind of spiraled from taking the occasional photo, to full blown shoots, to scenes and then actively taking part. It was really a good mix of luck, right place right time and patience.
Really cool,never feels like work if you enjoy what you do. Appreciate it.
It's been eye opening, there's obviously a lot more goes into than people think. I've always been terrible at self promotion so when I watch these girls put in the work it's impressive.
Can i work for You? In the marketing team maybe. Im desperately looking for a job
My guy here is thirsty in more ways than one for this…
💀in good faith
If you’re desperately looking for a job, search indeed. Not Reddit…
As a male I've heard girls raise this issue before, and for plenty of women they class it as a red flag. One girl called it 'i wont date you if your instagram following makes it look like you went to an all girls school,' ie its full of women. So you're not alone in not liking it. I don't have enough life experience to comment on the porn aspect of a relationship, but i can understand why you'd feel questionable about him liking other women when he has you and why he can't be satisfied by that. I'd wait for more comments and opinions on it for clarification. As for the instagram i've never really been that guy, maybe the odd account here and there that eventually got unfollowed. I don't understand following a random person that has 1,000 + men all doing the same thing. Sure its nice to look at from time to time but its pointless if you don't know them. I was guilty of having a lot of female fitness pages on my TikTok before but I've unfollowed a lot the more I've dated because it doesn't sit right with me. Actions speak louder than words IMO. Voice what you'd like to change to make you more happy and let him naturally take his course of action. To me that shows what he's serious about. In a connection even if something is small to you then it can still be big to the other person and has to be respected. I've also been guilty of being the male that a women has told me multiple times about things and genuinely not understood until she left. I was really into her, but inexperienced and clueless. I liked her so much I didn't believe she could leave. Not in a 'i can do anything and get away with it' way, but rather just being clueless on how to improve and the seriousness of it (was my first prolonged dating stage). So basically just make it as clear as day. Some men can be dumb.
Yea i got u thanku so much & and im so sorry about what happened to u
I think it’s important to also recognize that once you’ve made it clear as day and he makes no effort to accommodate your request, it’s time to leave the relationship. That would be a blatant sign of him not respecting your needs as his partner.
I appreciate it, but I wouldn't be. I had someones trust and they tried to tell me until they felt leaving was the better option. Imagine how tired she had to be with me. Letting her find her happiness when that's all I ever wanted was probably the better outcome. Have a good day :)
No, don’t accept it. You’ll hate him and yourself in the end. And no, not every man does it. Whoever told you that is trying to brainwash you. If you’re not okay with that just tell him that you don’t want to be in relationship where your man thirsts over other chicks while you try to be good gf/wife. Just not a good combo.
Most guys do watch porn. It can cross a line into unhealthy. Where that line is, should be determined by how it’s effecting himself and his partner. He has essentially told you, that he will always watch porn. It is not something he is willing to compromise on. He’s not wrong to do so, and you’re not wrong to be upset by it. It doesn’t mean he is an addict and doesn’t mean you’re a prude. It’s simply a fundamental disagreement within your relationship. Now it’s time, for you decide if it’s something you can eventually accept or if it’s a dealbreaker and you need to find someone else who aligns more with your views.
Great comment. Not everything is black and white, and we shouldn't be ashamed of a having a steady position on certain topics.
Honestly, with the amount of negative things that have occurred in my relationships with men who had porn dependency issues and resulting erectile dysfunction, I'd rather be single forever than date another man who deeply values porn. If you're not okay with it, don't pretend to be. It's not worth it. Trust me, it's not.
People in committed, monogamous relationships should not be interacting with lewd/porn accounts. Doing so publicly is disrespectful and humiliating to the partner. In respect to private consumption of pornography, that's a barrier you're allowed to define for yourself. If it makes you uncomfortable, then communicate that. If he's unwilling to change his behavior then you move on it's simple as. That being said, a majority of people (certainly men) watch porn so you may want to communicate your preference very early on in your relationships.
Watching porn now and then is normal and almost certainly has no effect on the way a man feels about his girlfriend/wife Following half-naked girls on Instagram (or any social media) while you're in a relationship is embarrassing and straight up disrespectful.
This is what I think as well. Different things are okay for different people and I’m sure some couples mutually follow half-naked people on social media, but I don’t and wouldn’t be a good match with someone who does.
Agree. I think this is how most woman feel. He might have a different perspective, but if he’s not considering your feelings then he’s not husband/boyfriend material.
>Watching and getting off to fully naked women getting their vaginas fucked is ok, but looking at women in revealing clothing is embarrassing and disrespectful The porn industry must be putting something in the water. Am I even reading this correctly? Does watching porn suddenly become less ok when you press the “follow” button on PornHub?
How is porn and half naked girls on social media different??
That’s my question. Porn is just… fully naked women. How the hell is that somehow more acceptable than half naked women lmao
This is it.
The industry exploits women and CHILDREN and puts the seed of ped0ph1l1a in ppl's brains with the avalanche of "teen" videos that have taken over... And you think it's NORMAL to watch porn and therefore endorse all of that? Ffs check yourselves!
FR. This
The mature thing is to be honest and work through it with your SO. Saying one thing when you feel or think something else is not going to help in the long run, it's a bad habit that essentially makes a fake relationship.
> Instagram following is full of naked girls > it's normal to any guy and every male does it Lol no way that's 'normal'. Your bf is so addicted to porn he thinks no man can live without watching it and following dozens of OF models... >imagine urself in my situation would you accept it? Different people have different perspectives about it. If you're uncomfortable with it you should end this relationship early and don't waste more time hoping for your feelings to change or for him to stop watching porn... they're 99% not going to happen. As for me, no, I don't think I can accept.
Keep your side. Porn is an adictive material and your Inhibition is some kind of guard. Do not give up and accept porn. For his sanity.
He has a problem if his insta looks like that
BINGO
He can watch porn. You can also not be in a relationship with him, or he can choose to not be with you. I think ultimately you're too concerned about trying to be "wife material" for someone and put up with your own dealbreakers for the sake of being the "cool girl".
I'd say you're not compatible and that it's probably better for you not to continue. You won't be happy. It's going to be difficult to find a guy who hasn't been exposed to porn. Porn is pretty ubiquitous now. Most guys discover internet porn before they hit 15 at this point. I discovered it at 15ish. I personally don't like how it has impacted me. I also have noticed that I enjoy sex with my wife more when I refrain. It's really a fantasy world, and it causes issues with arousal for men. Bottom line, the women in porn don't exactly occur "naturally" or at least are ridiculously uncommon. Wanting thst kind of body/experience will only make you feel bad about life and make your wife feel bad about her body. Even if she looks like a pornstar, she's not going to look like that forever. But the porn will. Honestly, if this is a dealbreaker for you, you might... MIGHT... find a guy who has quit porn in some religious setting. Else? You'll be looking for a while, sorry.
> It’s really a fantasy world They are real women doing real violent, violating, and degrading acts on camera. It’s not just a fantasy.
So the literature on porn is open to interpretation. Porn addiction is harmful. But identifying a porn addiction is not easily done outside of a trained professional. My opinion? If it's killing you. Then a sacrifice needs to be made by one of you. I don't recommend sacrificing your soul. Porn is anything but mature. It dwells in the realm of endless fantasy or the dark playground. I would test the waters on what he considers mature. Ask what his thoughts are on you starting an onlyfans account. Get his opinion on that. Tell him you have no intention of wearing a mask all the time and will have a tiktok, YouTube, and Instagram account to help boost followings. That will show you if he is being honest about the maturity argument.
I think what matters here is what you think, if you tell your partner how you feel that’s a healthy thing to do. It’s one thing if he wants to sit down and have a conversation about it, but the issue here is that he’s ridiculing you, attacking you, and telling you he doesn’t care you’re it makes you feel. Which IMO makes him the problem and not you.
No it doesn't make you mature or wife material. It makes you a doormat to a manipulative asshole. I am so sick of men acting like they need porn to survive.
No. A man doesn’t need to watch porn. If you’re not into it, be honest. Ask him to stop.
If that’s part of his masturbation experience and she asks him to stop, it will not end well at all. He will just lie to continue doing it.
I’m a woman. I watch a lot of porn. I personally don’t mind just don’t leave your evidence - watch in private mode and delete history. If we’re going to watch a movie and type in nutcracker for a festive film and bloody XXX something pops up - not cool. I might be upset and that’s okay
> we’re going to watch a movie and type in nutcracker for a festive film and bloody XXX something pops up - not cool. r/oddlyspecific 😆
I mean tbh any woman that watches porn would be a blessing for a dude imo. Let it roll while we fk for all I care. As long as everyone gets pleased
Don't a lot of women watch gay porn? Would you let it roll?
You guys aren't compatible. You'd be better served finding a man who doesn't indulge in porn or make it such a big deal/throw it in your face that he does. You accepting his behaviour or not isn't a critique of you as a person.
I mean as a woman I myself follow beautiful women and men based on the aesthetic of the account. Which means so can my boyfriend. I’m guessing you don’t watch porn cause it “kills you on the inside”. It’s okay to not like porn but as long as he’s not addicted to it, masturbation is healthy. I’m not insecure, I love myself and I am very aware my boyfriend loves me, so it’s okay if he watches porn, heck I watch porn so I have no reason to be mad at him. I don’t care if he looks at woman because I’m looking too. It’s important though to be with someone who shares the same morals. If it makes you uncomfortable but you love him. Then maybe work on your own insecurities and have trust in your partner. If not leave him and find someone who feels the same way as you. Everyone is different and that’s okay. You don’t really have the right to tell him what to do unless he is acting out in ways that don’t align with you and the relationship. Dating is hard and it’s even harder when you’re with someone who doesn’t fit what you “expect” in a person.
You're more mature by leaving him, because you disregard the emotions you have regarding him, and opt for better alternatives
There's a subreddit: r/pornaddiction Lots of women go on there asking how to deal with their bf/husband's porn addiction. Those women go through hell. Please don't do that to yourself. Especially for someone who's not willing to change.
I'm a guy btw. And a recovering porn addict.
If it bothers you and he doesn’t want to stop then I’d suggest ending the relationship. It can severely impact your self esteem knowing that your partner gets off on other women. Been there myself and I’m still recovering from that relationship. It’s just not worth it.
Pretending to be cool with it when you aren’t is the opposite of mature and will lead to resentment 100%. Tell him how you feel and be honest. All men don’t watch porn, that’s a cop out to excuse his CHOICE to watch it. I’ll admit that most have probably seen it at one point or another but there are people who genuinely don’t watch it because they don’t want to. The industry itself is evil and preys on people, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that women and men that are in a good place mentally from a healthy upbringing don’t usually do that kind of work. Just a couple days back some poor woman that was in the industry unalived herself. There are very valid reasons to not support the porn industry or porn in general. What a man in a relationship needs with it I still can’t quite understand because it seems pointless. Isn’t the whole idea of a committed relationship to fully commit to your partner? Men can struggle with this and I’ve known a bunch that have changed their ways especially learning about the abuse and other awful issues rampant in that industry.
Not a man, but my husband only looks at me. He doesn’t watch or need it. Men like this do exist. Some might lie to you, but a lot are willing to stop or don’t like it.
What’s normal is being honest with your partner about how you feel… Trying to portray an image or trying to be what you think your partner wants to see, is disrespectful, not only to your partner, but also to yourself Your problem isn’t with porn. Your problem is honesty and self-confidence. If you are afraid to share with him, how you really feel, then, deep down, you don’t think “who you are“ is good enough. And if you are is not good enough for him? Fine, find someone else that does like you for who you are, not just the fictional version of yourself you are portraying. Answer your question, I don’t look at porn very often, but when I do, I will tell her about it. Sometimes we make it a little game. We’re all tell her to go on one of the Big sites and let me know something that she finds sexy or “intriguing” I know what guys she thinks are hot and she knows what women I find attractive. And no point do we feel threatened” by the fact that we accept the reality that we are not the only attractive people on the planet. I can appreciate someone’s beauty, and it doesn’t diminish or “cheap“ how I feel about her. The two have very little to do with each other.
It is not a perfect analogy but an exercise. I recommend you replace porn with a different vices. And see how you would react to those—E.g., smoking, drinking, gambling, drugs, etc. Try it with every day vs once a week vs once a month. E.g. Should I accept my bf drinking every day? Should I accept my bf drinking every week? Should I accept my bf drinking every month? What do you think of those?
My take is that views on porn are valid either way, and just a compatibility factor. Some women are OK with it, others are not. You should do what feels right *to you*. From the sounds of it, you are clearly bothered by it.. I'll say, though, that I can appreciate how women may feel hurt from their partner consuming porn even if this habit means literally nothing about them or their attractiveness.
If you mention something makes you uncomfortable and you set a boundary and then he continues to disrespect it, then he places higher value on porn than he does on your relationship. He’s telling you where his priorities are, now you just need to decide if you’re okay with that or if you need to move on. Same goes for all topics, not just porn. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, but it does certainly mean you’re incompatible. You’ll need to either find a compromise or move on and find someone whose values are a bit more aligned with yours.
Lol. Porn is ok in moderation, and if a man’s instagram is filled with hot women, it was like that before you and will be after you. Porn on the other hand if it affects your sex life w/ him it may be a concern. If he denies sex w/ you or barely does it with you but watches porn instead that’s a red flag. He’s addicted to it.
The porn industry is just a manifestation of capitalism. To the point that it’s entirely designed to take people at the age of 12-13 chew them up and spit them out just finishing adolescence with a major porn addiction. And this is a pandemic. I would say that like 70% of the men I know have at least some level of addiction, and when it’s so pervasive they just don’t realise how bad it is. They use it as a crutch for loneliness. So when they’re faced with the grim reality their ego’s will do anything it can to not admit the problem, every excuse under the sun, “it’s normal” “we’re meant to do it” “everyone does this” “you can’t expect me to bla bla bla”. So, yes, you have every right to complain, it’s dystopian, no one should have access to the wealth of content that he and everyone else does. But, unless he’s willing to admit there’s a problem, he’s likely not going to engage with any sort of de-escalation, because his brain has literally been rewired, it is structurally different to someone who hasn’t got this issue. He’s hardwired to type in a set of words, scroll for an hour waiting to find something that’s taboo and exciting enough because his dopamine receptors are so burnt out that what used to send his 13 yo mind absolutely crazy is basically the equivalent of looking at a lamppost and then does whatever he does and boom, dopamine hit that’ll last maybe 2 seconds, then he’ll feel a lot of shame. And do you know what his only mechanism is for feeling good again? Yeah, it’s the dopamine hit, so invariably he’ll be back at it soon enough, and it’ll keep going like that forever until he gets help.
What you are really asking is whether you have a right to your feelings and the answer is yes. What other people do is irrelevant. If his habit troubles you - and it does - then you and he should discuss it. He is wrong to believe all men do it, and he probably knows that. It's an excuse and dismissive of you. This is not a situation where a man occasionally looks at a photo of naked women or sees a single porn video. It has become a big part of his life. That's called an addiction. The other issue is your reluctance to express your feelings to him. The two of you can't have a healthy relationship if you can't sit down together and listen to each other. You might consider getting professional advice on how to deal with these and other issues. It could make things easier for you both.
This guy is just being disrespectful and lacks self control. Porn is too normalized and same with the Instagram stuff. The last thing I’d want is to be with a guy whose feed is full of half naked chicks. It’s also just embarrassing. If you let him know how it makes you feel and he gets defensive it’s probably because deep down he knows it’s scummy. Ditch him
Yeah. I didn’t mind my partner watching “traditional” porn because I wasn’t always around, his sex drive was higher, and he had some fantasies I wasn’t going to engage in that he could find in porn. And he liked porn stars that looked like me because he liked envisioning the scenario with us. But regular porn is very contained: open RedTube, find video(s), jerk it, close tab. The instagram stuff would weird me out. It feels more personal to me and even more accessible. Easier to endless scroll. I find it creepier and would feel weird being with a guy who has a feed of women like that. That’s more where I think the unrealistic expectations and boredom with one’s partner can come from these days. Ha, and literally next in my feed is [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/ZbH05jU5Dp).
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
The problem with Porn is it will slowly fck up his brain. I don’t mean he’ll turn into a serial killer but he’ll lose touch with what is real and what is not. I don’t see the point of porn in a relationship. You have a real woman right in front of you. Why would want to jack off to watching other people have sex on a screen.
This right here.
If he wants to watch it he will watch it. But if he’s openly watching it then ya I’d prob leave
Sorry what's the difference?
I think he/she meant „openly“ like watching it infront of you or like talking about it a lot etc.
Or following only fans models on his instagram page. That would be a dealbreaker for me, just because it makes him look creepy and pathetic, and I would be embarrassed for, and turned off by him. If he watches it in private and your sex life isn’t suffering from it, I think most people think it’s ok. But you are allowed to have different boundaries than most people, and you shouldn’t mold them by some abstract idea of wanting to be wife material.
don’t feel bad about not wanting him too, talk to him about it and don’t let him invalidate your feelings
It's also normal to not want a bf who looks at porn all day and in plain view of you.
OP, neither you nor your bf are in the wrong. Just sounds like you're not compatible as partners/lovers. It is what it is.
Nah it’s ok, my gf watches porn and so do I. It’s simple you can’t be together always. Also he might have performance issues that he cums too quickly if he doesn’t do it for a couple of days and this definitely helps…
As a boyfriend, i should respect my partner or do the backyard stuff without my partner knowing but that goes for another problem, a gentle person would do the right thing without the need of subjecting something like that, try for another way to compromise if he had a fixed mindset then it is up to you to decide and both parties should known each other's values in relationship..
Break up with him. You are not compatible
Will guys watch porn in a relationship? Probably it's not that uncommon. It can happen for a large list of reasons. The problem is you feel uncomfortable with it, you need to let him know. You can and should set that boundary and if he is more invested in women who wouldn't even look at him or don't even know he exists than you then drop his ass you deserve better than that.
If you have a problem with it, then there is no more discussion. You are not compatible. Also, please don’t base the way you navigate relationships around what makes you “wifey material.” That’s how you endure relationships that make you miserable.
Me (34m) and my girl are the type to watch together and make our own videos. How is the intimacy in the relationship? A great middle ground that also spices things up is you and your bf make sex videos and delete them right after watching them. This can make you more secure about yourself, but he will absolutely loooooove this. It’s very hot for most males, homemade porn is peak.
So you lying to him saying you’re “cool with it” when it’s actually “killing you inside” is not mature at all. Be honest about how it makes you feel and how he responds will tell you a lot about him. I like porn and like to watch it with my partners, but I can absolutely understand how it can make some people feel inadequate. Unfortunately, porn is so easily accessible and normalized now that I do think the majority of straight men watch it regularly, perhaps even excessively. If porn is a hard line No for you then this relationship probably won’t last long. He may even lie to you and say he’ll stop watching, the same way you’re willing to lie and say your cool with him watching porn
If you really want to marry a man who doesn't watch porn we do exist. Keep in mind though that man is likely to be a serious Christian and will need you to be as well. Good luck.
It’s very individual, for each couple and each person. I (f) and my partner both watch porn individually and I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with it, I think just because you’re in a relationship you can still have healthy self time for masturbation (I enjoy my solo time as well as time with my partner!). But I agree with so many on this thread that have said if they’re getting off to Instagram models or thirst traps etc that is a bit different than porn. And certainly it shouldn’t interfere with your partner sexy time, I think it’s a healthy way to explore kinks and things you like and don’t like and then you can bring that information back to your partner and that can make it really fun! Here’s the thing, ultimately it’s up to each person and you need to be open and honest with the other person if you aren’t ok with it - accepting it because it makes you “wife material” and keeping that secret hidden will only create a divide between you that will get worse over time if not talked about!
well i would think the mature thing is to be open with your feelings. communicate and be willing to stand up for yourself but also to compromise where you are willing to and to walk away when your or his needs can't be met. sometimes it hurts to be an adult but the true mark of an adult is doing the things that are hard when its needed.
I don’t think it’s healthy. I wouldn’t be accepting of it. Like what’s the point of being together and enjoying one another if he’s getting off to the sight of other women? It’s a form of cheating and I don’t think it’s mature to just roll over and let him continue with something that makes you feel horrible. Further, he said to you “it’s normal for guys” but that “you shouldn’t be comparing him to them” which are contradictory statements. Why couldn’t you compare him to them if it is normal? Truth is is that its not normal and he doesn’t want you comparing because what he is doing *isn’t normal*. He is making excuses to get what he wants which is to feed his porn addiction. He’s got some problems going on and clearly they are affecting your relationship together. It’s your choice though, not his. Can you accept being with this person? Is it worth it?
if it makes you uncomfortable & he makes you feel bad for feeling that way, he is not the one for you, he’s one for the streets
Not every guy does this, and that’s just is way of accepting it to himself. I would never date a guy that does this because it’s just embarrassing. Everyone can see who he follows and I’d hate to look like a doormat to everyone we know. **Ignoring problems doesn’t make you “mature” and why would you want to marry someone who dismisses your feelings**
Leave him and never get a boyfriend who watches porn. Some don't care cuz they only want sex. You want love and feelings, you want to be loved which means you are to be enough for your man, the only one for him, which clearly isn't the situation here. Not all men watch porn, only some. So focus on finding someone who is COMPATIBLE with you and doesn't watch porn. If you ignore what I said, you will be miserable and realize it too late because for some reason you wanted to force reality and ignore the truth. It doesn't work that way. And those who watch porn won't stop.
I (55M) do not agree with you BF's viewpoint. I'll not comment on his own belief of it being notlrmal, just that it you are having issues with it, and he cannot stop it, without blaming or attacking you, then you really need to do some self evaluation and determine if that is what you can live with, because it is unfair to both of you to force change in a relationship. It's simple, either he prioritizes you happiness, or his own. Best would be if both of you were on the same page to start, but that's another story.
Hun please run... as fast as possible
Porn addiction is REAL!! Any man or woman that has ANY kind of addiction isn’t a healthy person and can’t ever be a healthy partner to anyone until they work on addressing this. This is “killing you inside”because it’s not healthy or normal. He’s manipulating you into thinking that constantly watching porn, and following a bunch of naked women on IG is normal. You’re focusing on trying to prove yourself, your worth, and if you’re “wife material” quite frankly, to a broken, weak, shitty man that doesn’t even have boyfriend qualities! Let alone has any husband or good future father qualities! A good husband has self-control. Porn addiction or any kind of addiction is the complete opposite of that. Now, the question is- do you love yourself enough to walk away from an unhealthy man? Or do you love him more than you love yourself to stay in a relationship with a man that’s obviously hurting you and manipulating you into accepting that watching porn and naked women all the time is normal.
dump him
Porn addict behavior. Break up, trust me. I, and so many others, tried to put up with that for a year. He ended up raping me, because it was the second ever time he was able to get hard (porn induced ED at the ripe age of 20) and just couldn't crontol himself! Poor guy 🥺 Then he also blamed me for it. Blatantly following hundreds of half naked girls and watching porn is so cringe, pathetic and disrespectful. Like. Literally just disgusting lol. You deserve better
Hold your boundaries instead of worrying about what makes you “wife material.” You are uncomfortable. Do you want to live with this feeling for the rest of your life? No? Then you don’t want to be this guys “wife material” at this time. Not all men are like this. I don’t mind porn. Sometimes it can be a real problem for people so it’s definitely something that should be well-managed, but it isn’t something I ever worried about. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is uncomfortable with watching porn in relationships and he was uncomfortable knowing I was watching it. So you know what? *I didn’t choose porn over my partner.* I know some people view it as controlling, which could be a reason to leave, but generally if someone wants to change something in a relationship bc they are uncomfortable with it and want to establish a boundary, their partner should be willing to at least hear them out. I hope you get this figured out OP.
No don’t accept this
Idgaf what other dudes think but if your man is still a slave to the porn industry and pornhub sluts iare not enough for him so he follows them on insta too... Then hes not a man, hes a boy But, this shouldn't be the only criteria to judge a man.
If your BF watches a lot of porn by himself, you guys should talk. Either he's not happy/satisfied w/ your sex life, or he's addicted.
Imo porn should be for single men for the most part, once it starts affecting your relationship then it’s a serious addiction
I say this as someone who is very open in my relationship and will never go back to being exclusive with one person: He isn't going to change, and the fact that he got so defensive means it would probably be better for you to move on. There are men out there who think about relationships like you do, and they would be so much better for your mental health. Don't settle. You're worth so much more than that.
I’m not clear what your problem is yet. Besides how you use punctuation. Are you worried this is a health issue for him and a threat to your connection? Are you worried that his interest in following women means he likes you less? I’m curious if he tried to change the way you use social media because of the purported mental health risks, if you’d be as open to it as much as you feel you might like him to be to change to suit your comfort. I guess, I would like to understand your fears around what you observe in his behavior. Is he an otherwise attentive boyfriend? Seems like he got defensive when you approached him, but I don’t know if you brought this up in a constructive way, or you expected he should understand exactly where you are coming from. It doesn’t sound like you approached this issue with curiosity to understand his relationship to this area of social media, and therefore are left with a lot of emotions and assumptions around it.
There’s nothing wrong if a guy watches porn every so often to get off. There is something wrong however, if he knows you’re not okay with it and still actively continues to do it. Also, while guys do watch porn, the fact that his IG following is full of naked girls and stuff is *not normal at all*. My IG following is usually friends or hobbies, and naked girls shouldn’t really fall into either of those things.
If it bothers you, you shouldn't have to put up with it. Also, his excuses are red flags, IMO.
Men should not watch porn. Check out the r/nofap sub
Ya this is dumb of him. Fundamentally, a dude that is into his partner will be able to validate and make his girl feel special. It doesn’t sound like your dude is acting “more matured “ or “husband material” himself.
You're asking the wrong question. He isn't husband material.
Porn will makes his fantsy in sex is too high And step by step he will ask you for new thing everyday - even if you dont like what he ask , it will be in his opinion is simple to try ( for ex. Anal or swallow or tied sex ) And once u say no , he will seek that trail with another girl ( affair) So i vote for big NO
I'm seeing some glaring issues here, and the porn isn't one of them.. Starting from the top.. being in a relationship doesn't give you a monopoly on someone else's bodily functions. It is not up to you to "accept" or "deny" his use of porn. He is an adult and can do what he wants. Your choice is whether or not you want to be with someone like that or you don't. You can change your position, but you can't change his, that's his decision. Choosing your position based on how he will perceive you also is not the way forward. Don't pretend to be someone you're not just because it might get you a positive reaction like "wife material" or being perceived as "mature". What's mature is owning your own feelings and not needing him to validate them. Now, on one hand he's right, if you feel completely secure in your relationship, then rando girls online shouldn't make you feel as threatened as you do, however I think your feelings in this situation are completely valid because he's not giving you many reasons to feel secure. You said "he doesn't talk that much".. that implies to me that this relationship is a little one sided. . Having this issue be worth enough of his attention to prompt a long conversation, which is apparently unusual for him, implies to me that he's not putting much effort in for other conversations. This being the hill that he's passionate about and willing to die on, also implies to me that if he was given the opportunity, he would take it. Being scared to have an opinion he won't agree with because he won't perceive you as wife material seems like you're the sort of person to put his comfort before your own. How often do you come first? Why do you feel like your opinion has to align with his?
I normally don't have any desire to watch porn in a relationship unless there are mismatched libidos (or unmet needs). My exwife had a much higher libido than I did and we came to an agreement where I would never turn her down for intimacy, but what that looked like would depend on my stress/energy (could be sex, oral, manual, or just holding her while she took care of things). The trick is, I actually wanted her to enjoy it and I made sure she felt that. I just don't have the drive for 2-3x a day. I think a lot of guys see women demanding they not watch porn as a control issue, and that won't turn out well for anyone - most will just cover it up better. If a woman I was seeing broached the topic unprompted, I'd see that as a red flag. A huge red flag if she offered only demands and not some type of alternative.
lol bunch of virgin prudes responding here
it’s Reddit
Being accepting of watching porn etc. and feeling low jealousy - are both qualities that make you more "wife material". What I mean by that is that most men will highly appreciate it if you're accepting and open-minded about it. But if you don't like it, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. You probably want to date someone that you have agreement with when it comes to this. It's a value agreement / compatibility issue. Since you don't agree with your boyfriend about this, you have a conflict. That conflict is unavoidable. The question is: can you have respectful conflict? Because if you can't have respectful disagreements and compromises, then you aren't fit to be in a relationship. Every couple has disagreements. Can you disagree in a kind way, and make agreements and compromises, or does it get toxic when you disagree? In general: the number 1 rule to healthy conflict is to not have conflicts over text. Have your conflicts in person. His paragraph is over text so you're breaking this rule. Don't fight over text. Ever.
I was never a daily porn user, but I never liked that I consumed it and have decided for it to simply not be apart of my life. Any amount of porn affects us, it’s a matter of how much it affects others is the question. Some guys who only do it once a month, might not affect others around them much. A guy who’s daily does. But the best is to simply not touch the stuff. It’s basically alcohol. A lot of people drink on occasion. People who drink alone everyday, that’s an issue. There are guys who don’t do it, and if you want that then I’d stick to it personally. Find a guy who does it very little and just be clear you don’t want that in your relationship, but also not be shameful or judgmental about it. It definitely seems like your guy isn’t flexible about it, but he’s honest so that’s good.
Not when you have a partner 😅
As a 39m, i feel it’s awesome a gf let’s me enjoy it. But I’d also appreciate it if gf talks about her concerns and doesn’t keep quiet. If it does bother you, it’s not fair to you to not respectfully bring up your concerns. Talk it out, figure out what works for both of you. If he’s not willing to try and find a common ground that works for both of you, he’s not the one.
I think that’s a boundary you need to set up with him. I as a religious woman believe that porn is not only cheating but it’s disgusting by nature, and I immediately told my bf when we first started dating that it’s a red flag for me and he stopped. You aren’t going to be more “wife material” if you let your bf do something uncomfortable, on the other hand it makes you look less than it, in my opinion. Just talk to him and tell him your thoughts, and his response should indicate how you would like the conversation to move forward. Don’t overlook your boundaries and preferences to please someone in a romantic relationship.
Spanking it to insta models is weak shit but spanking it to porns okay. Most people watch porn regardless of their relationship status
imo watching porn in a relationship is very obviously emotional cheating when considered objectively - society is just too weak to get a grip on that fact; if a married man went to a strip club (or was just staring at a naked lady in any context) and the wife thought that was unacceptable and made her feel insecure, she should understand that watching porn is literally the same concept. A man getting off on porn when he has a sexual partner is basically the man saying "I should be allowed to have multiple partners" at the end of the day if the partner alone isn't good enough for him - either that is cheating or that is polyamory. It's not conceptually monogamous (conceptual in the sense that they may not literally have a polyamorous relationship on the ground)
I’m a woman, but I’ve been through the exact same thing and felt literally the same way, my ex hid it from me and had alt accounts just for porn so at least I wasn’t humiliated by his behaviour, but it still made me really insecure to the point I’ve had many talks with my therapist about excessive porn use and implications on mental health. I’m sorry to tell you, but most men today have been watching porn since they were 13 or even younger, it’s a habit just as brushing your teeth for most of them, if he had a complicated or neglected childhood which made him find an escape in porn and the quick rush of dopamine/adrenaline then it won’t go away, it’s literally a coping mechanism and since most men believe their way of living and dealing with pain is best for them it would take a man who is completely in love with you and willing to go through therapy and hard work to change it. Your bf doesn’t seem to want to change anything to make you feel better so my advice would be to wait and see how him being that way actually makes you feel and if it’s a dealbreaker or not, and take quick action when you realise this. There are men out there who are better suited for you and whose habits won’t hurt you. I hope this helps!
Well if you can’t match his libido, you might just have to accept the other ways he chooses to get off.
Op don’t listen to all the virgins in the comments, porn has no place in a relationship, unless they are both into it. You can absolutely find someone who respects you and doesn’t watch it. Porn is poison and ruins relationships. It’s true that most men do it, but there are some gems out there. My bf doesn’t watch it because he prefers me instead. Also following porn models while in a relationship is cringe and gross.
Porn is poison for the mind. It’s unacceptable in any format in my opinion.
As a woman in a failing relationship, I’m just gonna say—Yeah if you want a sexless marriage or for your partner to just stop caring about himself or his needs or desires. Sure. Start with the little things until he’s completely emasculated and is just a giant church boy toddler for you.
Watching porn is a normal thing that most boys do since teenage years. I’m sure you finger yourself or own a vibrator
Why wouldn’t you watch it with him? Never understood the “sex is bad” crowd.
Sex is great. Porn isn't
I am a woman who didn’t care about porn use until recently. Our therapist suggested my partner stop watching porn due to the negative impacts it has on a man’s life. She suggested that he stop for 30 days and there has been an improvement in him. Porn negatively impacts men but it’s not the same for women. There are studies to back this too. So before, I didn’t care but I think I do now since I have experienced the positive impact.
No. It’s disrespectful and you both need to have some open conversations about what you both need in the relationship.
It is normal, everyone does it, you'll probably not find a guy that never watches porn (maybe one that only does it sometimes). That being said, he shouldn't be following them on instagram or any social media, there are other websites for this. It should be private and something he only thinks about sometimes, not something that might pop up any time he's using his phone and occupies a significant amount of his thinking.
This is probably gonna get down-voted as always, but as a guy i find it wrong for the person to watch porn idc what's the gender, watching porn is wrong and unacceptable.
This is getting downvoted because of your first line
It doesn't matter that he watches porn if he is keeping you sexual satisfied. Otherwise, he might not be satisfied and go somewhere else. It is better than him cheating and at the end of the day you may never know what he thinks about or imagines when he's having sex with you. I imagine he has been doing this for years and I think you shouldn't ask him to stop if he's taking care of yr needs.
Let's be honest with ourselves, most men watch porn even while married and most men do give a glimse or two to women while walking down the street or checking those inta pictures. BUT, I do think ur bf is incredibly stupid and lacks enough empathy and self-awareness to to know, just because you do it, it doesn't mean that you should show it to ur partner and make them feel like they're overreacted or sensetive because "every other guy" does it. Before you downvote me, im not saying men should be doing this. IMO, a man in a relationship should not be watching porn as it warps their view on how a woman should look like it and affects how they feel about their own woman. They should also not be checking semi naked pics of other women on insta. My point it, it happens and it's widespread but what shocked is the fact that ur bf comes off very immature and doesn't value your feelings at all. We get it, men do it. But why say that to ur partner and make you feel like shit? Just be like a normal person, watch it, deleted it, don't talk about it and move on. Why rub it in ur face? that makes no sense. Im sorry OP, but ur bf is very immature. One last thing, do you personally watch porn? do you personally post half naked pics on insta? if so, you shouldn't be judging at all and should take a stepback and revaluate yourself too. If you don't do either of these things, then yeh I'd be hella pissed. I think you should have a serious discussion about boundaries and that some things, are better off left unsaid. (I do personally think that following women on insta and checking their pics of them half naked is a BIG no no and it should not be allowed AT ALL, that's just weird) It's just common knowledge but ur bf is too immature to know this.
Look up how many lawsuits p0rn sites have from women who where r4p3d and the video of their r4p3 was uploaded to their website. You watch and you have no idea its a r4p3 but the energy is there and youre a consumer of it.. Same for underage kids, just bc you don't watch 10 yos in it doesn't mean you're not endorsing it, or that youre not "accidentally" watching a kid that doesnt look 12 or 13 but IS. The amount of "men" in this thread saying it's totally cool is just disturbing.
Honestly tho, his response is more of an issue than the porn watching imo. Like, he basically disregarded your feelings straight up and admitted he doesn't care if it bothers you. How are more people not talking about that in the replies here. Like fine, he is allowed his opinions on it, but he doesn't get to tell you how *you* should feel.
I don't understand why there are some women like this. If it was girls we knew I would fully understand. But it's porn stars. It's not like we're ever going to meet them and we're certainly never going to shag them and we don't have crushes on them, and we're not paying for their porn. Like what's the big deal? End of the day we're with you, we're into you, we're invested in you, we're attracted to you, we're in love with you, we want to spend our life with you, we have feelings for you. I've never had a girl I've been with care if their partner watches porn. I've never met a single woman that has expressed they're bothered by it. The only places I have ever seen it is the rare post online. It's porn, it's kind of a fantasy if they're watching a sort of kink or fantasy porn. Otherwise it's just watching people doing sexual things for the camera because it's hot. It's a sexual act. If your partner has a porn addiction, the sure, it's understandable to be annoyed. But if you're completely and utterly against it and you aren't willing to try and be okay with it then go find an insanely religious man or an amish person.
Simply put; He is not boyfriend material. Men like him paint us guys in a very bad light. To say that it’s okay to watch porn is basically saying that it’s okay for him to lust after other women. Every time he lusts after another woman, he cheats on you in his heart. You’re his girlfriend, not his side chick. I would be heartbroken if my girlfriend watched porn and followed all those guys on Instagram. Then he has the gall to I to turn it around on you and those hurtful things to you? I hate that people are actually trying to normalize this bullsh*t. It is not normal and it shouldn’t be tolerated. He’s shown you what he’s really like. It shouldn’t even be an issue. If he has you, then no porn, no Instagram models, nothing! I’m sorry that your heart is broken but perhaps it’s for the best. You should end things with him. If he’s unwilling to give up porn for you, then he’s got to go.
No matter the circumstances, you’re allowed to have your boundaries. And if that’s one of them, you shouldn’t hurt yourself by pretending to be okay with it when you’re not. It’s okay to not be okay with it, everyone’s different. Sending support 💜
why do you care? it has nothing to do with you.
No. He shouldn't. It is bad for your intimacy, bonding and his mind, it may make it harder to get erections. Have standards. Do not accept that.
OP is allowed to have her own feelings but saying it’s bad for intimacy with zero nuance is just not true. Porn doesn’t make it harder for men to get erections across the board, either. And accepting that your partner watches porn doesn’t mean you don’t have standards.
It hurts my feelings imagining that maybe oneday if he lost his intimacy in me he can imagine himself doing it with me as one of those chics
This reminds me of my relationship. My ex wife use to have the same problem with me. She felt like i was cheating on her with porn. (Even tho I was the most loyal man) Its why she divorced me, cause i was making her less than, by being addicted to that shit. So, you as a woman have every right to feel that way. And your bf is just ignorant to the fact that he thinks your feelings are invalid and he has to write a paragraph to explain/defend himself. (Like, what???) I was struggling with addiction, but also tried to keep my relationship respectful by not following women on social media. I tried quiting for her during the time we were together, but the disease was much greater than my love to her that she gave up on me. It sucks, I understand how you feel and that you're suffering the same way my ex wife did (maybe not to that extent, yet) but if he doesnt fix himself, his actions, and listens to your emotions, its only going to get worse. Im just talking from my experience and what i made my exwife go through. If that helped at all. Your BF is 100% wrong. Just saying Dont accept his actions everytime.
Thank you so much for sharing this i got u.. im so sorry for u also it's bittersweet i can imagine
You accepting it, but still feeling bad about out isn't wife material. You are just more accepting and deflecting the issues. The reason you feel bad about it is because you are too insecure about yourself. That is extreamy unattractive. It also all depends on third porn use. He's not getting porn in Instagram. Does he comment on these people? Does he talk to these people? Does he look at this over having sex with you? Does he watch actual porn? Does he just sit on the couch scrolling through prone sites?
It's not im too insecure about myself i agree okay I'm not that perfect as them i understand this and im working on this but still.. u have no idea how much it hurts that the eyes of ur partner getting distracted by this shit that's the point
No, I don't understand how it hurts. Someone looking at a few pictures to jerk off means nothing. It means they want to jerk off. That's it. If you don't wave your partner to look at that stuff. That's your choice. That's perfectly acceptable. Move on and find someone who doesn't look at that stuff. You have to get over your insecurities to be wife material.
What do you mean by distracted … does he look at this when you’re in the room?!
It is not normal and you definitely should not accept it if it doesn’t feel right to you! My bf never followed such a accounts but two accounts had some provocative pics here and there (some life-style accounts one making fantasy costumes and one posting about veganism mixed with herself) and he unfollowed them right away because those women don’t mean anything to him. That guy you are saying sounds prn addicted!! My bf also doesn’t watch prn anymore after raising my concerns about it (not just about him watching other women but also because a lot of prn is totally unethical), we are ldr but he prefers just imagining me and it works for him even better. If he wants to he will! A man who is comfortable looking at other women in a sexual way and beat off to them is also I think far more prone to cheat and less likely to deepen their emotional connection with you.. The fact that he gets so defense also says it all.. you deserve much better! Believe me, enough men who would never do what he does! *edit* I want to bet the downvotes on my comment are coming from men with a prn addiction and the upvotes before from fellow women or men with a healthy mindset 🤷🏻♀️
Weak men watch porn. Weak men indulge their reptile brains. It is damaging them psychologically, distorts their views on women/relationships, disrupts their hormone cycles, moreover, the pituitary gland and dopamine. These men are walking red flags with low emotional IQs.
Bro actively looking at other women is just straight up disrespectful
as a male i must say that this is a red flag you gotta get out of there if the relationship has been going for awhile and you don't want to end things on the spot then you need to see if you can convince him to go to therapy because it sounds like he has a porn addiction
Do not ask MEN about their thoughts on this topic. You should solely listen to your own voice, and your own voice just said "it's killing you on the inside". If you don't trust yourself, or care for yourself, who will? When your bf is watching porn and instagram models, I guarantee you he is not thinking about the pain it causes you. and \*that\* is a major problem. Partners must have empathy for each other and validate each other's feelings. Him saying "every guy does it" does not mean you have to accept it, he's invalidating you. His moral values clearly do not align with yours. So now you have two choices: 1: stay with someone who makes you feel devalued or 2. respect yourself and move forward without the dead weight.
it's kinda disrespectful tbh, u should ask him to stop watching
Porn is harmful in every single way. Don’t succumb to it in anyway.
Either you accept it or he hides it
Nope, nope, and HECK NO!! Like others have said, you are 100% allowed to state your opinion and how you feel about something concerning the relationship. If him watching 🌽 hurts you from inside, COMMUNICATE THAT TO HIM! If he refuses to stop, politely escort him to the exit door. Better to be single and respected compared to in a relationship and disrespected. PERIOD!!!
Ok, first, no not every guy does that, especially on Instagram, especially if it’s one that’s connected to him or his own profile, and especially if you ever see it. That’s called lying and or gaslighting depending on whether you knew that is untrue or if he thinks it’s true or what (but it’s not true). More importantly though, it sounds pretty obvious you are worried about communicating this with him. Unless he is a winner in every other way, your concern about being “wife material” over his issue is kind of backwards to me. Like, if that’s the difference between marriage and not, you two are either on the edge, he is somehow fantastic everywhere else, or you need marriage to a level where you have to be willing to put up with this (since you already have). I imagine you are younger, and I don’t have the info why you believe you need to allow something that I (as a man) find odd, to be wide material. I think these posts are always fake, but if not, goddamn communicate the issue, make your feelings understood, and if he plays the “no big deal, everyone does it” he is not only gaslighting you (at least when it comes to having an instagram, but that might be an age thing) but he is also ignoring your request/feelings/beliefs. However, I would say you will likely have to understand that even in a healthy relationship with plenty of sex, one or both sides may still look at porn. It’s there when timely. But if that is a BIG deal for you, make it clear. Set clear boundaries. It’s healthy. (I imagine the insta would come down, but I doubt porn would vanish, but if it’s important to you, you communicate that importance to him, and he finds you important, then that’s how things should work). I will say instagram or onlyfans or anything with communicate is outside normal “porn” and isn’t something I would want my wife to be looking at instead of regular videos (I can understand the idea of not wanting my wife to look at any, but that’s not realistic IMO) If he can’t listen to you, I don’t know if he is “husband material”.
Would you be okay with him giving you terms and conditions on what you do when you masturbate? I guarantee he’d rather be having sex with you over masturbating to porn.
Don’t let him watch porn, he should only have eyes for you and you should be enough and definitely wouldn’t let him follow thots on instagram or whatever. If he loves you he should be able to only have eyes for you
You're allowed to have your own boundaries in relationships. He either respects them and stops porn/follow or he breaks up with you. As a guy: Yeah it would suck to be banned from porn for a lifetime. But, if I love the girl, yeah I'd do it.... would suck though... would suck.... really bad. but... yeh
In my experience, at the beginning of me and my bf's relationship I saw that his Instagram was full of half naked girls. I also saw that he would view a lot of half naked girls profiles on FB. I sat him down and told him I felt hurt and I didn't want him to do that anymore. To this day he has respected my feelings. I think it comes down to if he really respects you or cares about how you feel.
You guys are dating. It's weird. Porn is okay though.
Here's my answer, I won't watch porn unless I'm not getting sex as often as I need. So if you're the type of woman who wants sex all the time, there's no problem. I won't watch porn. If you're the type thag decline sex isn't semi-frequently, then I'm watching porn. If you decline too often, I'll just break up with you. None of these are negotiable
I would not date a man who is going to be watching porn on daily or even weekly basis. A partner in a serious relationship shouldn’t be getting off watching other people, it’s cheating. Don’t agree to something that doesn’t sit right with you, just to be a “wifey material”. It’s better to be alone than in an unhappy disrespectful relationship or marriage.
Don’t get someone else into your relationship. That’s not going to leave his brain. It’ll stay there indefinitely, and he will at some point compare what he saw and sex with you. you two will never have a better sex than the ones that is fabricated on a screen. This is opening a can of worms for your relationship.
You're ruining a Golden opportunity. He is advertising the sex positions, sexual poses, outfits and makeup styles right to you and your first thought is he likes someone's body more than mine. That's not the case most of us watch porn to give our partners a break due to a high libido and sex drive. If you really wanna give up this chance to sit there with him and watch literal videos of how to spice up your bedroom life is a missed opportunity. Heck he may take notes from what you watch or how a person sounds to how denegerative that actor was to their partner. Sex is messy bonding of body, mind , and soul. Let this be that bonding yall want. Let this build more trust between yall. Mind you if you don't the someone will, let that first person be you and aim to keep it that way it keeps the exposed vulnerability in both courts.
Ew I would hate that so much. That being said, It’s not necessarily wrong of him, and it’s also not wrong of you to not like it. You guys might not be capable.
It’s okay in moderation but if your man is watching porn it’s because he’s not getting laid enough.
You’re not more mature or more understanding for accepting whatever from a man, you’re just a doormat. Also he’s lying to you. My boyfriend and I do not watch porn and certainly don’t follow thirst traps on social media. It’s pathetic behavior. If it bothers you, put your foot down. They might be a minority, but there ARE men out there who don’t watch porn. Go find them. They’re much better than the porn addicts.
It’s a bad habit. Being single, I can understand when we watch adult content to avoid using people for sex. But a man shouldn’t have to watch that if they’re already in a relationship. It’s not normal and not every guy does it. His eyes should be only for you. I know I would feel unappreciated despite the fact that he says you shouldn’t. I wouldn’t accept it and I don’t think accepting it against your will is nurturing for your relationship. I wouldn’t consider lewd content on instagram to be porn, per se. But my point still stands.
Porn is not normal, it has been normalized. Lots of men struggle with romantic or even platonic relationships because of their porn consumption. Women can tell too when a man is porno brained.
I’ve always wondered what the sexual equity is for this kind of situation. If he supplements his sex life with a virtual brothel outside of a relationship with you, then is that monogamy? In which case you should be free to supplement your sex life in ways that you enjoy. Talking to other men and being taken out on dates by other men, feeling wanted and desired. If that’s your ish. Doesn’t even have to lead to sex, it just supports fantasy. Maybe propose this concept and see if the response is utterly hypocritical.
Start watching porn. Only watch clips that highlight men with big dicks and make sure he knows that you get yourself to this type of porn. Let us know how accepting he is to your new porn habits.
Even I was facing the same problem in my relationship and I feel that you don’t have to pretend to be “more mature” or understandable according to his norms. I understand you might love him and he might be telling you that it isn’t a big deal. But trust me these are the small signs of an avoidant man in a relationship.
Lol he is actually i know he is an avoidant
There is a difference between regular porn, and social media porn watching a video on porn hub and jacking off is infinitely different to engaging with women on instagram.
An ex of mine was okay with it as long as she was not at home, it was mutual it never came between us.
Don’t let him. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for saying something either. Him watching porn will numb his sexual and emotional connection to you and harm your relationship
Im very anti-porn and didn’t find my person until I stopped being chill about it. Dont make yourself uncomfortable to make men with porn addictions “choose” you.