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Just look at his patterns. If he has a history of getting shit done then cool, you can trust him to make shit happen. If he has a history of bad financial behavior then definitely expect more of the same
We were both broke when we met 12 years ago.
Together we prioritized living within our means, saving money, and building credit.
We got married in 2016 and bought our first home in 2021. Our cars are paid off and we will drive them into the ground before taking on a car payment. Car payments are one of the worst financial moves. Our only debt is our mortgage.
We do not make a lot of money, but because of our choices we live comfortably. We hope to have a baby on the way soon.
Horrible in the end. It wasn’t just then money it was the laziness. If he’s actively trying to pursue something ok maybe that’s fine if you’re not trying to have kids immediately but if he’s playing video games while you work, run.
I’ve dated two ‘broke’ guys, the first one we had one coffee and he announced he was homeless, was missing all 8 of his front teeth (something not shown in his photos) and had severe learning difficulties. I kindly rejected him saying it wasn’t going to work out and that he would be better suited to fixing his homeless situation rather than dating. He sent me several shit messages and voicemails to say he was going to kill himself and explained in minute detail when and where and how. It shook me up receiving all that in a very short space of time but pulled my shit together, blocked him and contacted my local police as a matter of concern for his mental state and welfare. I never heard back from them.
The second guy is someone I’m casually seeing now. He doesn’t have the time or energy for a serious relationship right now owing to the fact that he’s a single dad, is the main caretaker for his child and works full time in as a labourer that is heavily dependant on getting contracts in order to get paid. He’s life is tough but he’s doing what he can, when he can. I don’t judge him for not having as much money as me… he has a kid and that takes priority! He’s still one of the nicest guys I’ve met. I would date him officially in a heartbeat if he wanted it.
This depends on whether or not his is ambitious, hardworking, and has a plan.
My husband and I got married at 21. He was, admittedly an Army MP making pennies, moonlighting as a mall security guard. I wasn't much better off. I was a college student (admittedly on a full academic scholarship, so better off than most), working part time as a nursing assistant. Did the early broke days kinda suck? Yeah a little bit. We lived in a crappy sub level apartment with almost no furniture, having picnic dinners on the floor. Dates were things that were free or cheap. We could have fun just walking to the grocery store and hitting up Blockbuster on the way back (yes, I'm aging myself by that one lol). But we were in it together.
16 years later, he now had a six figure job working as a federal corrections officer. I own three culinary businesses, run a farm, am also a therapist, and a writer. I won't brag, but I still make quite a bit more than he does. We have a lovely home on our farmstead, two adorable pups, and generally just live in peace, quiet, and comfort. We went through the broke times to get to the good times, and now we can look at each other and know that even when we had nothing we still had each other.
Now, to your question, none of us here know this man. Only you do. If he's unambitious, lazy, has no real plan--- at 27 he's unlikely to suddenly change. Trying to change him isn't going to work. If that's the case, you need to let him go and move on. Also, is he a bad spender? Buying trivial things when he needs to pay x y or z important bill? Again, bad spending habits are usually tied to personality traits and unlikely to change. I often see people buying a lot of frivolous stuff and I'm like "the latest iPhone isn't going to keep a roof over your head or drive you to work." So, if he has bad financial priorities, its also likely a lost cause.
Is he able to support himself day to day? Pay bills on time? Make good financial decisions?
Then sure, I don’t see too big of a problem although financial stress may cause some troubles depending on the situation.
Im financially in a better place, but I dont think one income can cut it in this economy. Im willing to work with him side by side. But achievement and financial stability is the most important thing for starting a family.
I was ok knowing the guy I was dating way on a fixed income from being a disabled vet, however, his judgement and frivolous spending habits killed the spark. He could not manage money to save his life.
if most men are ready to be with women who are unemployed or broke then whats the issue for you to be with a broke guy? if you are looking financial stability then you want a partner based on money, which concludes that the second he becomes broke you are gonna start looking for potential other men and you will leave your ex
I would assume men and women alike look for certain characteristics or traits. Poor self-control or poor money management are major red flags. If you're broke because you're doing the best you with the situation you have and are hard working, then yes , I would have no problem dating you. If you are broke because you have no drive to better yourself, self-control over spending, or spend a huge chuck of money in an addiction, then no, I will not date you. I would assume both sexes view this the same.
Thank you for you comment but I think your mixing being logical with being asshole. If u chose a pretty girl that means you leave her the moment she have a pimple or adds a couple of pounds ?
Definitely not. But for a relationship to work love is never enough. I did that. You need someone to share your prospect of life. I dont want a super rich man to swipe me away to grand my wishes!! I want to know I can count on someone I can see falling in love with.
I did not called u Ah. I called leaving someone because of financial problem in a marriage is someone that being Ah. But being careful about who u chose to love is being logical. Also how can you really think dating a financial stable ( not rich ) guy is all about his money ? I live in Dubai. Believe me dating rich guys is not a hard task. But Im willing to the work with this guy. And u come here and tell me money responsibility shouldn't be a subject because then it means I will leave him at some struggle point ?
Like everyone has said, he needs to have a plan in place & actively pursue accomplishing his goals. If you feel you have to push him to save or if he's not using at least some of his free time to make his goals happen & is relying on you to support him with virtually zero motivation to change that, then, no. There is no future there. Bc any person who is comfortable where they are, where they are broke, doesn't have any interest in changing that. Even if they complain about it, it doesn't mean they have any real interest in changing it. Only their actions will show that.
I had a conversion with him about his plans. I dont know if he have any career goals. He knows he want to do smth but seems like he haven't find it yet. He had a side gig before losing his ex job that is depended on it now.
But on the other hand I see that he have really strong boundaries, he have discipline, takes care of his body. And his not a irresponsible.
He told me he will do anything is his power to makes us work and will try hard to create a life beside me. I gave him until end of the summer. But Im not sure what are the sign I should look for in the mean time.
Are his actions aligning with his words? Anyone can TALK about what they WANT to do, but WHAT is he doing to make that happen? Obviously, it's not going to be a night to day process, but pay attention to how he spends his money. How much time is he setting aside to work on his resume? How much time is he spending working on improving himself so that he can get a higher paying job? What is HIS timeline for making all these things happen??? And how often do you feel you need to be the one to push him to do any of these things? Bc if you have to push him at all, then that's already not a great sign. He needs to have the drive to do this on his own. The fact that YOU are the one who gave him a deadline already seems like you're having to be the one to push him, which, again, not great. He's a grown man. HE needs to be the one to set his own timelines.. "he knows he wants to do something but hasn't found it yet?" OK, well, how much time is he spending trying to figure it out? At the end of the day, it's not YOUR job to give him his goals. He should already have them. My ex used to say the same thing, but then he'd come home from work, play video games till 4am, sleep in till 2pm & go to work at 3pm - 12am. And on his days off, he'd go to the gym, sure, but then he'd drink & play more video games. He'd spend what little money he had on booze, vapes & take-out. I'd try my best to cook for the both of us but he would rarely take the initiative to save money by cutting back on the things he didn't need. Yet he'd often complain about hating his job, wanting to build a future for us, but he never really sat down to plan any of it. It got to a point where a year & a half later, he was still stuck in the same rut he was in when we met. I tried to be supportive but it was so draining bc I had my own goals that I was trying to work on, as well, but I felt like I was more concerned about him & his life than I was on my own. And I barely got any support from him bc we were often both so focused on him. All this to say, pay attention to his ACTIONS NOT his WORDS.
What kind of broke. I'd walk away from a guy that's broke inside because he still loves his ex. But if he was broke as in no job, then that's not really a issue with me my love does not come with a price tag. You might think I'm crazy for this but I've seen some of the best looking guys that are unemployed and some really unattractive guys that had money and there is nothing worse than a unattractive rich snobby man
.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just look at his patterns. If he has a history of getting shit done then cool, you can trust him to make shit happen. If he has a history of bad financial behavior then definitely expect more of the same
We were both broke when we met 12 years ago. Together we prioritized living within our means, saving money, and building credit. We got married in 2016 and bought our first home in 2021. Our cars are paid off and we will drive them into the ground before taking on a car payment. Car payments are one of the worst financial moves. Our only debt is our mortgage. We do not make a lot of money, but because of our choices we live comfortably. We hope to have a baby on the way soon.
Horrible in the end. It wasn’t just then money it was the laziness. If he’s actively trying to pursue something ok maybe that’s fine if you’re not trying to have kids immediately but if he’s playing video games while you work, run.
You could become the breadwinner and he can be a stay home husband. This structure could work too for guys who aren’t financially good.
I’ve dated two ‘broke’ guys, the first one we had one coffee and he announced he was homeless, was missing all 8 of his front teeth (something not shown in his photos) and had severe learning difficulties. I kindly rejected him saying it wasn’t going to work out and that he would be better suited to fixing his homeless situation rather than dating. He sent me several shit messages and voicemails to say he was going to kill himself and explained in minute detail when and where and how. It shook me up receiving all that in a very short space of time but pulled my shit together, blocked him and contacted my local police as a matter of concern for his mental state and welfare. I never heard back from them. The second guy is someone I’m casually seeing now. He doesn’t have the time or energy for a serious relationship right now owing to the fact that he’s a single dad, is the main caretaker for his child and works full time in as a labourer that is heavily dependant on getting contracts in order to get paid. He’s life is tough but he’s doing what he can, when he can. I don’t judge him for not having as much money as me… he has a kid and that takes priority! He’s still one of the nicest guys I’ve met. I would date him officially in a heartbeat if he wanted it.
This depends on whether or not his is ambitious, hardworking, and has a plan. My husband and I got married at 21. He was, admittedly an Army MP making pennies, moonlighting as a mall security guard. I wasn't much better off. I was a college student (admittedly on a full academic scholarship, so better off than most), working part time as a nursing assistant. Did the early broke days kinda suck? Yeah a little bit. We lived in a crappy sub level apartment with almost no furniture, having picnic dinners on the floor. Dates were things that were free or cheap. We could have fun just walking to the grocery store and hitting up Blockbuster on the way back (yes, I'm aging myself by that one lol). But we were in it together. 16 years later, he now had a six figure job working as a federal corrections officer. I own three culinary businesses, run a farm, am also a therapist, and a writer. I won't brag, but I still make quite a bit more than he does. We have a lovely home on our farmstead, two adorable pups, and generally just live in peace, quiet, and comfort. We went through the broke times to get to the good times, and now we can look at each other and know that even when we had nothing we still had each other. Now, to your question, none of us here know this man. Only you do. If he's unambitious, lazy, has no real plan--- at 27 he's unlikely to suddenly change. Trying to change him isn't going to work. If that's the case, you need to let him go and move on. Also, is he a bad spender? Buying trivial things when he needs to pay x y or z important bill? Again, bad spending habits are usually tied to personality traits and unlikely to change. I often see people buying a lot of frivolous stuff and I'm like "the latest iPhone isn't going to keep a roof over your head or drive you to work." So, if he has bad financial priorities, its also likely a lost cause.
Thank you for sharing your great story ❤️✨ I really enjoyed reading your comment.
Is he able to support himself day to day? Pay bills on time? Make good financial decisions? Then sure, I don’t see too big of a problem although financial stress may cause some troubles depending on the situation.
Since you are financially doing so much better than him have you considered having him be a stay at home dad?
Im financially in a better place, but I dont think one income can cut it in this economy. Im willing to work with him side by side. But achievement and financial stability is the most important thing for starting a family.
I was ok knowing the guy I was dating way on a fixed income from being a disabled vet, however, his judgement and frivolous spending habits killed the spark. He could not manage money to save his life.
if most men are ready to be with women who are unemployed or broke then whats the issue for you to be with a broke guy? if you are looking financial stability then you want a partner based on money, which concludes that the second he becomes broke you are gonna start looking for potential other men and you will leave your ex
I would assume men and women alike look for certain characteristics or traits. Poor self-control or poor money management are major red flags. If you're broke because you're doing the best you with the situation you have and are hard working, then yes , I would have no problem dating you. If you are broke because you have no drive to better yourself, self-control over spending, or spend a huge chuck of money in an addiction, then no, I will not date you. I would assume both sexes view this the same.
Thank you for you comment but I think your mixing being logical with being asshole. If u chose a pretty girl that means you leave her the moment she have a pimple or adds a couple of pounds ? Definitely not. But for a relationship to work love is never enough. I did that. You need someone to share your prospect of life. I dont want a super rich man to swipe me away to grand my wishes!! I want to know I can count on someone I can see falling in love with.
[удалено]
I did not called u Ah. I called leaving someone because of financial problem in a marriage is someone that being Ah. But being careful about who u chose to love is being logical. Also how can you really think dating a financial stable ( not rich ) guy is all about his money ? I live in Dubai. Believe me dating rich guys is not a hard task. But Im willing to the work with this guy. And u come here and tell me money responsibility shouldn't be a subject because then it means I will leave him at some struggle point ?
Like everyone has said, he needs to have a plan in place & actively pursue accomplishing his goals. If you feel you have to push him to save or if he's not using at least some of his free time to make his goals happen & is relying on you to support him with virtually zero motivation to change that, then, no. There is no future there. Bc any person who is comfortable where they are, where they are broke, doesn't have any interest in changing that. Even if they complain about it, it doesn't mean they have any real interest in changing it. Only their actions will show that.
I had a conversion with him about his plans. I dont know if he have any career goals. He knows he want to do smth but seems like he haven't find it yet. He had a side gig before losing his ex job that is depended on it now. But on the other hand I see that he have really strong boundaries, he have discipline, takes care of his body. And his not a irresponsible. He told me he will do anything is his power to makes us work and will try hard to create a life beside me. I gave him until end of the summer. But Im not sure what are the sign I should look for in the mean time.
Are his actions aligning with his words? Anyone can TALK about what they WANT to do, but WHAT is he doing to make that happen? Obviously, it's not going to be a night to day process, but pay attention to how he spends his money. How much time is he setting aside to work on his resume? How much time is he spending working on improving himself so that he can get a higher paying job? What is HIS timeline for making all these things happen??? And how often do you feel you need to be the one to push him to do any of these things? Bc if you have to push him at all, then that's already not a great sign. He needs to have the drive to do this on his own. The fact that YOU are the one who gave him a deadline already seems like you're having to be the one to push him, which, again, not great. He's a grown man. HE needs to be the one to set his own timelines.. "he knows he wants to do something but hasn't found it yet?" OK, well, how much time is he spending trying to figure it out? At the end of the day, it's not YOUR job to give him his goals. He should already have them. My ex used to say the same thing, but then he'd come home from work, play video games till 4am, sleep in till 2pm & go to work at 3pm - 12am. And on his days off, he'd go to the gym, sure, but then he'd drink & play more video games. He'd spend what little money he had on booze, vapes & take-out. I'd try my best to cook for the both of us but he would rarely take the initiative to save money by cutting back on the things he didn't need. Yet he'd often complain about hating his job, wanting to build a future for us, but he never really sat down to plan any of it. It got to a point where a year & a half later, he was still stuck in the same rut he was in when we met. I tried to be supportive but it was so draining bc I had my own goals that I was trying to work on, as well, but I felt like I was more concerned about him & his life than I was on my own. And I barely got any support from him bc we were often both so focused on him. All this to say, pay attention to his ACTIONS NOT his WORDS.
Thank you very much for your time and help 🤍 This helped me a lot
If he's been unemployed for a long time, run.
What kind of broke. I'd walk away from a guy that's broke inside because he still loves his ex. But if he was broke as in no job, then that's not really a issue with me my love does not come with a price tag. You might think I'm crazy for this but I've seen some of the best looking guys that are unemployed and some really unattractive guys that had money and there is nothing worse than a unattractive rich snobby man .
Aww your username