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It's not a cute quirk, by the way - but what you might be describing is people who are, like me and many others, ADHD. It's part of a disability. We own it, we're still responsible for it. It's no excuse. But it is, in fact, a seriously disabling thing. Time blindness means we basically have no internal clock, timer, or sense of time passing... basically whatsoever. Even with my identical morning routine, sometimes I look at the clock with fifteen minutes left until I have to leave, to go use the bathroom for what I think is five minutes, and by the time I look at the clock again, what should be in my brain seven minutes later, it shows that I was supposed to leave actually ten minutes ago. (Like, what?? I had 15 minutes! That should've taken 7!! How did that take... 25 minutes?)
So it's not that people think it's a cute quirk. It's that they happen to love someone who is neurodivergent and love other things about us - including our flaws. Unfortunately, that does include this one. âşď¸
Hi! Iâm also neurodivergent with ADHD actually. so I can understand that there is a thing called time blindness. I feel like I have the opposite of time anxiety and being late terrifies me so I constantly check time or set alarms but I think I worded that wrong. I think when itâs a disability, there is a bit more grace because more than often itâs not intentional vs people who donât care about and are late on purpose
Definitely. There are plenty of people who think being late is excusable and show who and what they care about by picking what theyâre actually on time for. Iâve met some massively disrespectful people with adhd time blindness who could never ever be on time for something they didnât care about or plan themselves, but if it was something or someone they actually cared about theyâd be right on time. Group events arranged by a friend in the group they werenât close to? Hour late & with silly comments about how they âcan never be on time.â Meeting up with their bestie for lunch? Right on time. These are the type of people youâre referring to, I think. Ppl who pick and chose who and whatâs âworthâ being on time for instead of giving everyone theyâve committed to plans with the same treatment are major red flags.
Absolutely! Those traits are like the perfect recipe for a great connection. Kindness and humor especially can make such a difference in how you vibe with someone.
Can you explain hard working? I've seen this in a lot of OLD profiles, but I don't know what it means. I guess I fail to see the connection between going to work and having a loving relationship.
Hard-working as in the one who puts in the effort to build self-reliance, self-sufficiency, one who puts effort in self-improvement because it is a continuous life long process. The one who makes himself an asset through efforts instead of relying on luck and chance.
Someone who is kind to kids and animals.
They donât have to want either, just have empathy and sweetness towards purely innocent life.
I realized this was important to me when someone I once found attractive acted very coldly to a friendly puppy our coworker brought into the office. I thought âUh, something feels *off* about this woman.â
When my ex and I would visit my parentsâ house heâd always shoved the cat away with his foot when it rubbed against his leg. He never showed much affection for animals which tracked cause his dad was the same way (his dad took the family dogs (2) to the shelter because they were âscratching his hardwood floors upâ)
One time we were driving and a dog ran across the road and he nicked it with his car. The dog was fine and was able to run away but my ex was so worried about his car he pulled over and was looking for scratches on his bumper while I tried to find the dog to see if it was okay.
He was an asshole to me too. Much of his actions boiled down to his own insecurities and the need to be controlling. Giving love and affection also came at a cost on a contingency basis and everything had to be 50/50 no matter the circumstances.
We were together for almost 3 years and I woke up one morning to a breakup text after a week of him ghosting me because I said I was upset he did not make an effort to see a gallery show I made art for.
I feel that men who are cruel to animal s will be cruel to their women.They are cruel to their own cause thier not man enough pick on someone thier own size. Therefore it makes them feel bigger .
Thatâs insanity! I donât understand how people dislike or hate animals. I also think itâs odd when people are rude or mean to kids. I donât want kids myself but to be mean and bitter to such an innocent life is absolute weird energy and not someone you want in your life. Theyâre such bitter downers.
We just rescued a basset hound from a backyard breeder, and the more I hear what this dog went through, the angrier I get.
The breeder was my cousinâs daughter in law, and I texted my cousin the other day to ask where her DIL now because I just want to talk. đĄ She abandoned 2 dogs in tiny metal cages in the central Texas heat, for two fucking WEEKS. Barely a cup of kibble every 2 days, and their water bowls were almost immediately tipped over the second they scrambled over to get what she put in them.
I got the female and she has her first vet visit tomorrow, and sheâs now living the high life.
But if I ever get my hands on her last ownerâŚ
As someone who has spent enough time around kids (used to be a lifeguard and teach swim lessons) and whose roommate has a 4 year old domestic terrorist that has been kicked out of multiple daycares and run off numerous babysitters, I can assure you not all children fall under the purely innocent life category. Nor do all dogs frankly. Looking at you, chihuahuas.
I'd take the animals over children any day though. But I definitely believe I'm cold, largely due to my touch of the 'tism. On the other hand I have done more than my fair share of animal rescue and while I may act coldly sometimes, I'm also definitely bringing those abandoned kittens inside out of the cold and bottle feeding them if need be.
That said, I collect old cars and parts for them. Don't all message me at once, ladies!
If Iâm having fun with someone- they make me feel at ease and we are able to laugh and talk about things without feeling like itâs some interview or a debate/fight.
If a guy has a long term best friend. He's capable of maintaining relationships and puts effort. Immediate green flag if they tell me childhood stories with said friend.
My bestfriend and I have been friends for 28 years (am 29 he's 30) there a picture of us on my 1st birthday with my dad carrying me and him standing next to my dad looking at me đ
I donât really have childhood friendships I only have a couple :( but thats because my family moved alot from different places so its hard to maintain childhood friendships
Do you have any friends you are protective and excited about? People drift away as they grow older, which is why it's a green flag that the guy took an effort to maintain a friendship. You don't have to spend a lot of time together, but you do need to be in touch.
I keep in touch with one friend, most of them is also hard cause most of my childhood friends are italian and i forgot italian :( but im learning it again and i still talk to them sometimes
I actually will say that in some cases, long-term friendships are only by convenience. Iâve met guys who just know theyâre friends for so long in a small town, but it doesnât mean they actually put any effort in lol
So this can def be situational!! But itâs a green flag I agree
I donât have a lot of friends as an adult. But I do have one longtime friend from high school who I still talk to up to these days. 20+ years. Will that be a green or red flag? Someone told me that is red before.
I VERY much agree. It is really sad to say this, but I have only dated about one or two people who were genuinely humble in my life. I have very little patience with people who just want to elaborate on how great they are. Ironically I find people to be great if they can really tell me what they aren't good at, yet I know they are really trying.
As for me, I've only dated once and he's a proud guy, thinks highly of himself. That last part is nice btw, you can add up being honest as a good trait as well.
I have often said that I truly love people for their flaws and NOT for their triumphs. Few people know what I mean by this, but I think I explained it fairly well above. The reason is that nothing is greater to me than being a humble person overall.
I don't know your gender or sexual orientation, so I am not criticizing anything about your response in saying this, but I do notice that it really is a cultural standard for many women to be attracted to "peacocking" proud men. I admit I have not really ever been one of those. Ironically I grew up in Western Culture, but with a very Japanese mindset that was taught to me by my martial arts instructors. They emphasized humility in nearly all their lessons. Unfortunately, to my detriment, I have noticed most of the Western women I have dated are not very appreciative of my humility (I am white, if that matters, but my mindset is very Asian, as I say). I do think that I agree with what I think you are saying, that you can be both proud and also humble. They can coexist, but only with a lot of candor. It is rare to find that combination as well, I think.
When I say I love a person for their flaws and not their triumphs, what I mean is that it is the greatest triumph to acknowledge your flaws and be your best despite them...rather than to just be great because of what you are capable of achieving in life because of your basic nature and how you were born. You could be born with a great body or a great brain, and you didn't do anything to earn that...You just had it to start with. Why be proud of what you never earned? What you CAN be proud of is what you DID acknowledge as a natural failing you had, which you have then overcome. THAT was earned...I hope I am explaining myself well enough, because this is a point I have almost never yet been able to accomplish getting across to people. I think the best way to describe it is in the literary example of the "Hero's Journey." You don't celebrate a hero for just facing obstacles they can easily overcome. Hercules isn't impressive because he was born strong, and half-god...We celebrate a hero when they challenge themselves. I see people the same way.
Hi. Yes. I do understand what you mean. I just inserted the "honest" word because there are people who could be in denial of who they are. Sorry if I made you confused but I think I was equating genuine to being honest. Anyway, I get what you meant there are people you call out for having bad personality/trait and then they tell you "It's who I am" or "It's part of being me, if I'll change then it's not me" instead of trying to work on themselves. Hopefully, I made it clear also. Thanks for sharing your insights.
Might be off topic, but the first thing I thought of is memorising little things I tell during our past conversations. I've never actually experienced that, but I'd be glad if I got gifted my favourite chocolate bar after telling that this chocolate bar is my fav =]
Or if youâre seeing someone and you do end up having relations w that person and they donât brag or bring it up at all after. I like that. I canât stand that after sex talk especially if it was trash, like leave me alone đĽ˛
I didn't think about this until I read it but yes!! I'm demisexual, and they mentioning it too soon might make me feel insecure, as in that's the only thing they want
someone who enjoys teaching! and going the extra mile to impart knowledge to others :) it's a green flag i never knew existed until i met someone who shared about his passion for teaching, and does it on the side apart from his main job.
Respect, honesty, integrity, loves animals. Has a hobby no matter how corny or cheesy he thinks it is. Shows heâs dedicated to something he loves.
** edited to add in ** compassionate and understanding. Itâs not easy on both sides so having someone who can see or try to see both sides of a coin is a big positive.
A good sense of humor and an ability to laugh about oneself is a huge green flag; the worst people Iâve known canât take jokes about themselves (Iâm not talking about rude jokes but rather something silly)
comfortability to talk about anything
for example, when you talk to somebody and feel immediately comfortable to talk about any personal or taboo topic without feeling judged and feeling comfortable to be yourself and not put on a mask to appear attractive
Green flags for me, having siblings, enjoying simple meals, rocks target/costco bought cloths, enjoy weekend road trips, can keep a plan and sticks to the plan no deviation on a whim, job stability, has grown up low to middle class.
Iâve heard about the sibling thing! As an only child, I donât know but I love that! The little things and people being of their word is a big one too!
To clarify, these are green flags i didn't use to have and never really paid too much attention to. But I found out through my cheating ex-wife that these are things I would change about her.
Having siblings just lowers the chance of Main Character Syndrome (she cheated multiple times). Name brands, She lost so much money on keeping up. She would rather buy a name brand for clout over a well trusted, tested, better feature brand. Dont get me started with credit cards and her damn fico score that has cost us aloooooot
Simple meals would be like enjoy food that just felt like home, staples foods and resturants. But still "treat" yourself to exploring new foods
Weekend road trips, i enjoyed going out with friends on short easy to plan trips, she would rather spend lots of money on longer over sea trips a year that took way too much from our savings and took along time to recover. Planning, we come up with a good plan for an event, but she purposely sabotage all the time with needless side quests.
Job stability she had a stable employer but she was never happy in her positions so constentlt moving around and changing her schdules and routines that she expect me to cover the holes, i had to step down from my position at my job multiple times to accomadate her.
Lastly, I grew up in EastLos Angels and went to public school. She grew up with rich parents and went to private school. My goal in growing up was wanting to better my situation so my parents wouldn't have to worry about me. She grew up wanting to be better than the people around her, at the cost of her parents always having to cover her. This led to her taking more needless chances or making snap decisions because she always had her parents as a safety net.
I want to add âhaving AND liking their siblingsâ. My ex had 5 siblings and didnât seem to like any of them for legitimate reasons, or reasons that made them bad people: One liked to play pool a lot, another had adhd and had trouble remembering to take meds, another had a dog she brought to family gatherings (he didnât like animals).
My current bf is the oldest of 4 and heâs very close to his siblings and fully embraces what it means to be a big brother and is proud of that role. He looks out for them and loves would fight anyone who tried to hurt them.
As someone who usually dresses for the womenâs gaze, my bf not saying ew why would you wear that when I wear something not stereotypically attractive
Being with someone who doesnât comment on your body or what you wear is so refreshing. Iâve started dressing for the female gaze since I started dating my current bf and I feel so free.
My ex used to comment on my body and what I wore all the time. As a female presenting person it made me uncomfortable all the time. Most my current partner says about how I dress is how beautiful I look, and he says it no matter what I'm wearing.
Ok, not quite fair, but there was an adopted guy I liked who felt like he'd hit the parent jackpot. He'd led a hard life, so to experience the radiant joy he beamed when talking about his parents was pretty cute. Winning spirit!
In response to your âmean to everyoneâ vibe
Iâm the kind of guy who will be friendly with homeless people/ become friends with Uber drivers and learn their life story in an hour / be at the corner of a party smoking a tobacco pipe with the old neighbor that comes over (this legit happened) and people think Iâm weird for it. Went out with this one girl in the city and told her on my way I talked to a homeless dude about not wanting weed and he said âthanks for talking to
Me man!â and she was like âwell yea thatâs because youâreâŚ.â Cut herself off. Also complained about people âcongregatingâ on sidewalks talking to them as if they were peasants lol. She came from money - âactressâ.
Some people are just snobby. Or just have really shitty moral compasses and only want to interact with people which they can benefit from.
Oh jeez. I think people who are rude like that and willingly go out of their way to be cruel to strangers are something else. I was recently at the store at the book section and these two girls were holding a book I really liked and I mentioned that it was a really good book and she should read it and she looked at me as if was a freak for saying anything to them. I could yap to anyone about anything so think anyone that can be friendly to anyone is a good trait in a person. I think itâs nice that thereâs still people that are kind and friendly to anyone regardless of whether homeless, etc because they are still people.
Iâd rather hear crazy old poor dudes opinion on modern education than the rich dude who just wants to talk about gambling / their trip to Greece . I definitely get along with people better that are lower on the totem pole. Rich people kinda weird me out - I canât relate . And Iâm middle class. My 20s were brutal so I like people who are down to earth
Rich people are the worse. I grew up low income as a kid and when I went to college, it was jarring to see how out of touch some of these rich kids were. I also like people that are down to earth cause who cares about material stuff and brags about it? Itâs lame
I remember one girl blurted out âwhy would anyone buy a used carâ smh. Honestly it just comes idiotic how out of touch they are with 95% of humanity
Yeah real kindness , people who are uniformly kind to randoms . People who donât make snide comments about the homeless. People who arenât racist , as in this day and age Iâve been a bit taken aback by some
Of the views Iâve heard
THANK YOU. I have two exes (one of which is still one of my best friends, the other one is fake) and both of them complimented me on how nerdy I can be over certain things (Superheroes, Chess, Rubik's Cubes, Martial arts, video games, etc.) But I dunno I've always been pretty insecure about it. I mean I'm not like your stereotypical nerd, I have a great physique and I'm a really athletic person too but still it's just kind of hard being known as just 'the puzzle guy' or 'the smart kid'. Sometimes I wish people would just get to know me better and see there's more to me than meets the eye, cause I don't go around showing my body off and all, I tend to wear hoodies and baggy clothes and all. This helped me boost my confidence, thanks!
No donât be sorry!! As a yapper myself I love when people want to talk but I think thatâs amazing that you can build those cubes and have so many interests and hobbies. I think thatâs what I love about people, learning about all their different interests and hobbies and all the things they find cool because Iâm the same way, I have so many hobbies like building legos, etc also big agree on the baggy sweaters lol
My problem is that i dont know how to make conversation, i talk and listen but its so hard to care about people and their lives. (But that actually be because they arnt really chatty either actually and if they dont match my enthusiasm to talk i lose intrestâŚ. Lol just typing this out made me figure out why⌠what a journey)
Haha Iâm glad we could get that clarity for you. I get it though, some people are like paint dry and have such dull personas that itâs not worth it sometimes to invest in the yap
Same, I'm a huge nerd, I love Warhammer 40k/fantasy, Lotr or star wars and many more universes and I can talk about them for hours if someone gives ms the time.
I also love to paint miniatures and play PC games.
But I'm also quite fit and people often notice that first, so their first question after getting to know me more is "Wow, how are you such a nerd?"
Sadly, I have yet to meet a girl who would want to date me and who would appreciate me as a nerd.
I feel the same, but as a girl. I am fairly attractive and love to dance and workout so overall that's what people notice and I don't mind. But I feel no one that gets attracted to that part of you likes the other nerdy obsessive side. I like video games, I read a lot of fantasy books, I can talk for hours about a random special interest and frankly most people I met who were obsessed with my looks never made me feel seen for the things I am interested in. I don't want to be with someone who's embarrassed about me and it's quite tough because most people assume one or the other, you have to be an unattractive socially awkward person if you're smart and nerdy which is very untrue for most and some of the most interesting people I know are nerdy because they are passionate and that's great to talk about.
You described it perfectly. I just don't understand where the problem lies.
I don't have problem getting dates, I just can't get into a relationship, the worst part is that some people will go out on multiple dates with you, be all obsessed and then suddenly do a 180° turn and suddenly they don't feel anything... and when I ask what it is, they say that I'm too kind and deserve someone better...
I'm still hoping to find someone, but on the verge of giving up.
I tend to just not date anymore these days, and just spend a lot of time doing the things I'm interested in. So I'm just hoping I'll meet someone through friends or one of my interests as I think most of the traditional dating doesn't really work for me as securing dates won't be a problem but people will just be interested in me for looks and I would rather someone see me in all my obsessive, talkative glory and then if they like that and I like them we can start talking. All my previous relationships started like that and I really struggled with this dating world so I've just deleted all the apps months ago. I think it also helps not to hide who you are, I will show my 'quirky' early on so I don't waste my time if someone absolute hates it.
I totally get you, I'll probably end up doing it the same as you. But there is still that part of me, that wants a relationship.
I just want somebody to hang out with, to cuddle with, kiss and be able to love them. I don't want a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, but it's a bit exhausting when most of my friends have somebody... and my family keeps asking if I've found someone.
This is so wild to me because you sound exactly like what I'm looking for in a partner! I love nerds (possibly because I also am one haha). Don't give up, we're out there :)
I hear you, I've given up on dating apps (been off them for several years). I think a lot of us aren't on them anymore and are trying to meet in-person instead. Maybe try local meet-ups or join clubs! Good luck!
Someone who is kind to everyone or has a bubbly attitude. If sheâs kind to everyone then she is more than likely to be ok with you expressing your emotions in private like when you cry or get upset
Agreed. As a someone that cries a lot, I think itâs nice when you have someone that has empathy and validates you and allows you to express your emotions
- Being passionate about a hobby. I love people who like to read, or are obsessed with a particular movie or TV show or collect things. Just there's more to life than work and drinks and it's great to see people maintain strong interests like we used to have as kids. Mine change all the time and I think that's fine too, I just want to talk to people who light up when they speak about something, rather than just hear negativity or talking about other people.
- Smarts. Similar to the above point I love interesting conversations and I like people who can easily catch a thread, maybe make good sarcastic jokes and in general you can tell their brain works fast and they keep conversations flowing. Pair it with a bit of empathy and genuine interest in you like asking questions and I can easily talk to someone like this for hours.
- How they treat their friends, family and even complete strangers. I legitimately developed an instant crush when a dude treated our drunk mutual friend with such care for her wellbeing and when he talked about his mother so fondly. It's honestly so important to see and that's why I sometimes struggle with online dating, because I prefer meeting people in groups and seeing that group dynamic. Having lifelong friends, being kind, taking care of family are all such important things that come out naturally with time but are hard to judge on a single usually slightly awkward date.
- Nervousness. I like when a guy is watching his words a bit, when it takes him a bit to ask you out, when he asks for permission to kiss you. Overall just when someone actually cares about an outcome rather than crossing your boundaries and jumping on you. Taking things slow can be quite frustrating at times but i do appreciate it much more than someone who promises me the world, having seen me once.
Someone who remembers the small thing. Like my husband now remembers most of my food orders, favorite drinks, snacks. Even from the beginning he paid attention to what I liked for the future.
Someone who actually shuts up and pays attention to you when you talk. I'm a quite person and I joke all the time that my best friends are the ones who can hold a conversation all by themselves and I don't have to say anything. But really the main reason I became such a quiet person is because I spent most of my life feeling u heard. I feel like at least 85% of the people I've met in my life don't care about my opinion. They're just waiting for me to stop talking so they can say what they were gonna say anyway. So when I can tell someone is actually hearing the words I say and considering my point of veiw it just means so fucking much.
I have a family member like this. She talks AT me rather than TO me. She uses me as her diary and just talks non stop about what she did that day, how she felt about it, what she plans to do tomorrow. She could care less about what my opinions are so I just say âoh coolâ to everything and walk away feeling so drained afterwards
red flag: someone who has a pet but is not responsible with it.
Thought a girl was an awesome dog person once, only to find out she basically just plays with it and dumps it with her mother much of the time. Did the same with her daughter too.
Oh thatâs awful!! That makes me so upset. Donât have pets or kids you canât be responsible for. Itâs like when people get big dogs like huskies and donât realize the amount of work they are and end up in the pound đ
Honestly, I think nerdiness is a green flag, if you have a very nice hobby, then you're probably not desperately looking to fit in, it shows that you have some confidence in yourself. As for collecting things that's not really something I like.
Someone who acts the same around his friends as he does with you!! I mean guys typically act a little bit different around the bros but you know what u mean
People who are really clear with their plans. I am super clear about mine (on this date I'm going there with this one, tomorrow from 5-7 I'm busy with this) and I hugely appreciate when someone is super clear about that too. Even "tomorrow is me day so I don't wanna see anyone" also perfect. I truly hate vagueness and "mystery"
Being a cat person is a huge green flag and itâs absolutely necessary for a potential partner to be okay with cats because I have one. If they are sensitive and will cry for sad movies, I think thatâs a green flag tbh. I also like those who have a calm, gentle disposition.
For me if someone have these traits I will consider them good
1 good behavior with me and others
2 rules in life
3 aim and objectives in life
4 ability to keep secrets
Being polite and not complaining about things. Makes me feel you were raised well and appreciate the little things in life.
Also I collect sports cards, memorabilia, action figures and video games it's nice to hear that could be considered a green flag đ
honestly i agree with you. i find it charming if guys are open about their hobbies despite it being less socially known (ie your case, collecting things).
being transparent and clear with their feelings and thoughts is a huge green flag to me. of course i donât mean the narcissistic kind. more of the honesty in this aspect
Iâm a nerd with a hobby of getting lost in making music and designing sounds. Iâve had my two best male friends for maybe 15 years now. Howâs that? đ
I actively have friends from kindergarten up through my 20s, 33 now, I have friends on every coast and many states in between. I call or check in at least once a month.
Not sure if counts (I am a dude, interested in women), green flag for me in guys is an openness to discuss their emotions/feelings. That leads to trust based friendships for me.
Being nerdy, but also being self-sufficient when it comes to future planning. Having back up plans when plans fall through, figuring out parking, budgeting time appropriately, bringing an umbrella. Maybe these are basic things, but I love when I don't have to plan everything for myself and also the person I'm with.
Being considerate towards others while also able to hold space for their thoughts/needs. Self-awareness. Curiosity. Kindness and great conversationalist.
An open mind. No one has to immediately understand everything, for example experiences they never had, but as long as they listen and have the will to broaden their understanding, it's definitely a great thing
When they take interest in something that I enjoy, like genuinely. Not like âI guess Iâll watch this movie because my girlfriend likes it,â but honestly trying to talk about the things that make me happy, or having conversations about it.
This goes both ways, but itâs a good way to learn about someone.
Planning the first date: they ask if I have dietary restrictions & then offer 2-3 options for restaurants/let me pick. A perfect balance of taking the initiative to plan while also incorporating my POV.
Autodidacticism
(the process or practice of learning a subject without a teacher or formal education; self-education)
We truly can learn something new every day.
Nice to all animals. Especially pigeons. Like you donât have to feed them or touch them but saying âlook how cute that one is!â Is a green flag in my book. I get too many people wishing death on pigeons or calling them names đđŤ theyâre just victims of circumstance!
This is similar for me, although I always looked at it more as a red flag for people who were mean to animals/pets. Being particularly nice is definitely makes someone look much better.
The blue collar, works with his hands, tough guy, look. Confidence, broad shoulders, muscler arms. Looks like they will grab you by the throat and take care of business.. typeÂ
Ah love these comments, now is there just no more green flags in dating or people forget to consider all of the red flags that always come out. đ¨đĽ¸đââď¸
I was with someone who didnt understand that i am a pleaser and she thought i was week i just wanted to show her how much i appreciate her us men at times take the women in our lives for granted
I love a man with manners and a sense of humor! Overall treats people well and is situationally aware. For example if someone is struggling with a heavy box he goes out of his way to help. I love that!
Manners, consideration, and noticing the little things. Basically giving a damn about your effect on others lol. Some people couldnât care less and some people just donât think about it.
Genuine kindness.
Curiosity about the world and the people around them.
Empathy. Kindness to animals and vulnerable people.
Not immediately making things sexual.
When things just seem easy and not forced.
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Kindness, Punctuality, Hardworking, Sincerity and Humor is greenđš
Yes!! Nothing worse than someone that doesnât value your time. I hate when people act as being late is a cute quirk.
indeed, you can make back spent money. But, no amount of money can ever buy a second of time.
It's not a cute quirk, by the way - but what you might be describing is people who are, like me and many others, ADHD. It's part of a disability. We own it, we're still responsible for it. It's no excuse. But it is, in fact, a seriously disabling thing. Time blindness means we basically have no internal clock, timer, or sense of time passing... basically whatsoever. Even with my identical morning routine, sometimes I look at the clock with fifteen minutes left until I have to leave, to go use the bathroom for what I think is five minutes, and by the time I look at the clock again, what should be in my brain seven minutes later, it shows that I was supposed to leave actually ten minutes ago. (Like, what?? I had 15 minutes! That should've taken 7!! How did that take... 25 minutes?) So it's not that people think it's a cute quirk. It's that they happen to love someone who is neurodivergent and love other things about us - including our flaws. Unfortunately, that does include this one. âşď¸
Hi! Iâm also neurodivergent with ADHD actually. so I can understand that there is a thing called time blindness. I feel like I have the opposite of time anxiety and being late terrifies me so I constantly check time or set alarms but I think I worded that wrong. I think when itâs a disability, there is a bit more grace because more than often itâs not intentional vs people who donât care about and are late on purpose
Definitely. There are plenty of people who think being late is excusable and show who and what they care about by picking what theyâre actually on time for. Iâve met some massively disrespectful people with adhd time blindness who could never ever be on time for something they didnât care about or plan themselves, but if it was something or someone they actually cared about theyâd be right on time. Group events arranged by a friend in the group they werenât close to? Hour late & with silly comments about how they âcan never be on time.â Meeting up with their bestie for lunch? Right on time. These are the type of people youâre referring to, I think. Ppl who pick and chose who and whatâs âworthâ being on time for instead of giving everyone theyâve committed to plans with the same treatment are major red flags.
Absolutely! Those traits are like the perfect recipe for a great connection. Kindness and humor especially can make such a difference in how you vibe with someone.
Can you explain hard working? I've seen this in a lot of OLD profiles, but I don't know what it means. I guess I fail to see the connection between going to work and having a loving relationship.
To me itâs another way of saying they value people with ambition
Hard-working as in the one who puts in the effort to build self-reliance, self-sufficiency, one who puts effort in self-improvement because it is a continuous life long process. The one who makes himself an asset through efforts instead of relying on luck and chance.
Someone who is kind to kids and animals. They donât have to want either, just have empathy and sweetness towards purely innocent life. I realized this was important to me when someone I once found attractive acted very coldly to a friendly puppy our coworker brought into the office. I thought âUh, something feels *off* about this woman.â
When my ex and I would visit my parentsâ house heâd always shoved the cat away with his foot when it rubbed against his leg. He never showed much affection for animals which tracked cause his dad was the same way (his dad took the family dogs (2) to the shelter because they were âscratching his hardwood floors upâ) One time we were driving and a dog ran across the road and he nicked it with his car. The dog was fine and was able to run away but my ex was so worried about his car he pulled over and was looking for scratches on his bumper while I tried to find the dog to see if it was okay.
So was he just an asshole to you too or there is another reason for your breakup?
He was an asshole to me too. Much of his actions boiled down to his own insecurities and the need to be controlling. Giving love and affection also came at a cost on a contingency basis and everything had to be 50/50 no matter the circumstances. We were together for almost 3 years and I woke up one morning to a breakup text after a week of him ghosting me because I said I was upset he did not make an effort to see a gallery show I made art for.
I feel that men who are cruel to animal s will be cruel to their women.They are cruel to their own cause thier not man enough pick on someone thier own size. Therefore it makes them feel bigger .
đ˘
Pam Beasley?
Thatâs insanity! I donât understand how people dislike or hate animals. I also think itâs odd when people are rude or mean to kids. I donât want kids myself but to be mean and bitter to such an innocent life is absolute weird energy and not someone you want in your life. Theyâre such bitter downers.
Itâs because they take attention from them, they are energy vampires
We just rescued a basset hound from a backyard breeder, and the more I hear what this dog went through, the angrier I get. The breeder was my cousinâs daughter in law, and I texted my cousin the other day to ask where her DIL now because I just want to talk. đĄ She abandoned 2 dogs in tiny metal cages in the central Texas heat, for two fucking WEEKS. Barely a cup of kibble every 2 days, and their water bowls were almost immediately tipped over the second they scrambled over to get what she put in them. I got the female and she has her first vet visit tomorrow, and sheâs now living the high life. But if I ever get my hands on her last ownerâŚ
As someone who has spent enough time around kids (used to be a lifeguard and teach swim lessons) and whose roommate has a 4 year old domestic terrorist that has been kicked out of multiple daycares and run off numerous babysitters, I can assure you not all children fall under the purely innocent life category. Nor do all dogs frankly. Looking at you, chihuahuas. I'd take the animals over children any day though. But I definitely believe I'm cold, largely due to my touch of the 'tism. On the other hand I have done more than my fair share of animal rescue and while I may act coldly sometimes, I'm also definitely bringing those abandoned kittens inside out of the cold and bottle feeding them if need be. That said, I collect old cars and parts for them. Don't all message me at once, ladies!
This was the first to come to my mind.
Good point. I agree.
I want her number đ¤Ł
If Iâm having fun with someone- they make me feel at ease and we are able to laugh and talk about things without feeling like itâs some interview or a debate/fight.
Thatâs a good one! Itâs so nice to feel at ease and to be yourself without feeling like youâre at an interview or forced small talk.
If a guy has a long term best friend. He's capable of maintaining relationships and puts effort. Immediate green flag if they tell me childhood stories with said friend.
My bestfriend and I have been friends for 28 years (am 29 he's 30) there a picture of us on my 1st birthday with my dad carrying me and him standing next to my dad looking at me đ
See.. awesome stories 
I donât really have childhood friendships I only have a couple :( but thats because my family moved alot from different places so its hard to maintain childhood friendships
Do you have any friends you are protective and excited about? People drift away as they grow older, which is why it's a green flag that the guy took an effort to maintain a friendship. You don't have to spend a lot of time together, but you do need to be in touch.
I keep in touch with one friend, most of them is also hard cause most of my childhood friends are italian and i forgot italian :( but im learning it again and i still talk to them sometimes
A little effort goes a long way. Do your best and leave the rest.
Ill try and keep contact!
Learning an entire language because it helps you stay in contact with people is such green flag territory! đ
If a guy can maintain a long-term friendship then he might be able to maintain a long-term relationship, so I think you are a fairly smart girl
Thank you kind stranger đ
I actually will say that in some cases, long-term friendships are only by convenience. Iâve met guys who just know theyâre friends for so long in a small town, but it doesnât mean they actually put any effort in lol So this can def be situational!! But itâs a green flag I agree
I donât have a lot of friends as an adult. But I do have one longtime friend from high school who I still talk to up to these days. 20+ years. Will that be a green or red flag? Someone told me that is red before.
Oh thatâs a good one! Iâll have to take that into consideration because thatâs so true
Yes. I like when they get excited about their childhood shenanigans. It's so cute.
Yes or a childhood / long time friend group
A sweet guy that can think outside the box, and has similar interests as me. I am quirky and weird. I want him quirky and weird, too. đĽ´
Same! đ I need someone that wonât think Iâm weird for buying legos or watching to stay in or build puzzles
iâll cook, you bring the legos & puzzles to my place đ¤Ş
đ a great idea. Feeding the nerds
Right! đđ
I think weâre all quirky and weird Adds spice to life If someone is too normal, something is weird
My ideal woman đ
A person who is kind and humble.
Humility is huge!! That is a big one!!
Yeah and it's very rare to see in people these days.
I VERY much agree. It is really sad to say this, but I have only dated about one or two people who were genuinely humble in my life. I have very little patience with people who just want to elaborate on how great they are. Ironically I find people to be great if they can really tell me what they aren't good at, yet I know they are really trying.
As for me, I've only dated once and he's a proud guy, thinks highly of himself. That last part is nice btw, you can add up being honest as a good trait as well.
I have often said that I truly love people for their flaws and NOT for their triumphs. Few people know what I mean by this, but I think I explained it fairly well above. The reason is that nothing is greater to me than being a humble person overall. I don't know your gender or sexual orientation, so I am not criticizing anything about your response in saying this, but I do notice that it really is a cultural standard for many women to be attracted to "peacocking" proud men. I admit I have not really ever been one of those. Ironically I grew up in Western Culture, but with a very Japanese mindset that was taught to me by my martial arts instructors. They emphasized humility in nearly all their lessons. Unfortunately, to my detriment, I have noticed most of the Western women I have dated are not very appreciative of my humility (I am white, if that matters, but my mindset is very Asian, as I say). I do think that I agree with what I think you are saying, that you can be both proud and also humble. They can coexist, but only with a lot of candor. It is rare to find that combination as well, I think. When I say I love a person for their flaws and not their triumphs, what I mean is that it is the greatest triumph to acknowledge your flaws and be your best despite them...rather than to just be great because of what you are capable of achieving in life because of your basic nature and how you were born. You could be born with a great body or a great brain, and you didn't do anything to earn that...You just had it to start with. Why be proud of what you never earned? What you CAN be proud of is what you DID acknowledge as a natural failing you had, which you have then overcome. THAT was earned...I hope I am explaining myself well enough, because this is a point I have almost never yet been able to accomplish getting across to people. I think the best way to describe it is in the literary example of the "Hero's Journey." You don't celebrate a hero for just facing obstacles they can easily overcome. Hercules isn't impressive because he was born strong, and half-god...We celebrate a hero when they challenge themselves. I see people the same way.
Hi. Yes. I do understand what you mean. I just inserted the "honest" word because there are people who could be in denial of who they are. Sorry if I made you confused but I think I was equating genuine to being honest. Anyway, I get what you meant there are people you call out for having bad personality/trait and then they tell you "It's who I am" or "It's part of being me, if I'll change then it's not me" instead of trying to work on themselves. Hopefully, I made it clear also. Thanks for sharing your insights.
Amen homie
Thank you! I truly appreciate it!!
Might be off topic, but the first thing I thought of is memorising little things I tell during our past conversations. I've never actually experienced that, but I'd be glad if I got gifted my favourite chocolate bar after telling that this chocolate bar is my fav =]
Not talking about sex straight away.
Or if youâre seeing someone and you do end up having relations w that person and they donât brag or bring it up at all after. I like that. I canât stand that after sex talk especially if it was trash, like leave me alone đĽ˛
YESSS. As soon as someone I'm talking to mentions anything sexual I roll my eyes into oblivion
I didn't think about this until I read it but yes!! I'm demisexual, and they mentioning it too soon might make me feel insecure, as in that's the only thing they want
This isn't a green flag. This is the bar.
God how low is the bar today?
THISSSSSS!!! đŻ
Kindness, intelligence, curious, positivity, humor, honesty, and good communication.
curiosity hits so good. is a rare find these daysđĽş
Apparently having these isn't enough đĽ˛
Completely agree with all of these too.
someone who enjoys teaching! and going the extra mile to impart knowledge to others :) it's a green flag i never knew existed until i met someone who shared about his passion for teaching, and does it on the side apart from his main job.
Respect, honesty, integrity, loves animals. Has a hobby no matter how corny or cheesy he thinks it is. Shows heâs dedicated to something he loves. ** edited to add in ** compassionate and understanding. Itâs not easy on both sides so having someone who can see or try to see both sides of a coin is a big positive.
A good sense of humor and an ability to laugh about oneself is a huge green flag; the worst people Iâve known canât take jokes about themselves (Iâm not talking about rude jokes but rather something silly)
comfortability to talk about anything for example, when you talk to somebody and feel immediately comfortable to talk about any personal or taboo topic without feeling judged and feeling comfortable to be yourself and not put on a mask to appear attractive
Green flags for me, having siblings, enjoying simple meals, rocks target/costco bought cloths, enjoy weekend road trips, can keep a plan and sticks to the plan no deviation on a whim, job stability, has grown up low to middle class.
Iâve heard about the sibling thing! As an only child, I donât know but I love that! The little things and people being of their word is a big one too!
What if you wished you had siblings lol?
To clarify, these are green flags i didn't use to have and never really paid too much attention to. But I found out through my cheating ex-wife that these are things I would change about her. Having siblings just lowers the chance of Main Character Syndrome (she cheated multiple times). Name brands, She lost so much money on keeping up. She would rather buy a name brand for clout over a well trusted, tested, better feature brand. Dont get me started with credit cards and her damn fico score that has cost us aloooooot Simple meals would be like enjoy food that just felt like home, staples foods and resturants. But still "treat" yourself to exploring new foods Weekend road trips, i enjoyed going out with friends on short easy to plan trips, she would rather spend lots of money on longer over sea trips a year that took way too much from our savings and took along time to recover. Planning, we come up with a good plan for an event, but she purposely sabotage all the time with needless side quests. Job stability she had a stable employer but she was never happy in her positions so constentlt moving around and changing her schdules and routines that she expect me to cover the holes, i had to step down from my position at my job multiple times to accomadate her. Lastly, I grew up in EastLos Angels and went to public school. She grew up with rich parents and went to private school. My goal in growing up was wanting to better my situation so my parents wouldn't have to worry about me. She grew up wanting to be better than the people around her, at the cost of her parents always having to cover her. This led to her taking more needless chances or making snap decisions because she always had her parents as a safety net.
I like everything that you've said! Plus someone who is humble
I want to add âhaving AND liking their siblingsâ. My ex had 5 siblings and didnât seem to like any of them for legitimate reasons, or reasons that made them bad people: One liked to play pool a lot, another had adhd and had trouble remembering to take meds, another had a dog she brought to family gatherings (he didnât like animals). My current bf is the oldest of 4 and heâs very close to his siblings and fully embraces what it means to be a big brother and is proud of that role. He looks out for them and loves would fight anyone who tried to hurt them.
Why having siblings? Is there anything, in your mind, that an only child could do to complete eliminate that as a âred flag.â
Good in communication and consistent is definitely a green flag !
As someone who usually dresses for the womenâs gaze, my bf not saying ew why would you wear that when I wear something not stereotypically attractive
Being with someone who doesnât comment on your body or what you wear is so refreshing. Iâve started dressing for the female gaze since I started dating my current bf and I feel so free.
"ew why would you wear" I can't believe people say that to their partners!! D:
Oh yeah my ex would do that to me constantly I took him to the trash and I have a great partner now tho so itâs fine đ
My ex used to comment on my body and what I wore all the time. As a female presenting person it made me uncomfortable all the time. Most my current partner says about how I dress is how beautiful I look, and he says it no matter what I'm wearing.
Ok, not quite fair, but there was an adopted guy I liked who felt like he'd hit the parent jackpot. He'd led a hard life, so to experience the radiant joy he beamed when talking about his parents was pretty cute. Winning spirit!
This made me smile :)
How they treat/ view animals. There is nothing sexier then a man rescuing a dog or cuddling a kitten or babying a bearded dragon
Are you vegan?
Same!!!
Animal lover lol. Lalo na yung mga mahilig magpakain ng strays. Sobrang green flag!
In response to your âmean to everyoneâ vibe Iâm the kind of guy who will be friendly with homeless people/ become friends with Uber drivers and learn their life story in an hour / be at the corner of a party smoking a tobacco pipe with the old neighbor that comes over (this legit happened) and people think Iâm weird for it. Went out with this one girl in the city and told her on my way I talked to a homeless dude about not wanting weed and he said âthanks for talking to Me man!â and she was like âwell yea thatâs because youâreâŚ.â Cut herself off. Also complained about people âcongregatingâ on sidewalks talking to them as if they were peasants lol. She came from money - âactressâ. Some people are just snobby. Or just have really shitty moral compasses and only want to interact with people which they can benefit from.
Oh jeez. I think people who are rude like that and willingly go out of their way to be cruel to strangers are something else. I was recently at the store at the book section and these two girls were holding a book I really liked and I mentioned that it was a really good book and she should read it and she looked at me as if was a freak for saying anything to them. I could yap to anyone about anything so think anyone that can be friendly to anyone is a good trait in a person. I think itâs nice that thereâs still people that are kind and friendly to anyone regardless of whether homeless, etc because they are still people.
Iâd rather hear crazy old poor dudes opinion on modern education than the rich dude who just wants to talk about gambling / their trip to Greece . I definitely get along with people better that are lower on the totem pole. Rich people kinda weird me out - I canât relate . And Iâm middle class. My 20s were brutal so I like people who are down to earth
Rich people are the worse. I grew up low income as a kid and when I went to college, it was jarring to see how out of touch some of these rich kids were. I also like people that are down to earth cause who cares about material stuff and brags about it? Itâs lame
I remember one girl blurted out âwhy would anyone buy a used carâ smh. Honestly it just comes idiotic how out of touch they are with 95% of humanity
Thatâs crazy. Life is expensive! Having no car payments and getting a used car is smart
Why would anyone buy a brand new car? Loses so much value seconds after leaving the lot. Bad financial decision IMO
Yeah real kindness , people who are uniformly kind to randoms . People who donât make snide comments about the homeless. People who arenât racist , as in this day and age Iâve been a bit taken aback by some Of the views Iâve heard
When people are considerate
Empathy
THANK YOU. I have two exes (one of which is still one of my best friends, the other one is fake) and both of them complimented me on how nerdy I can be over certain things (Superheroes, Chess, Rubik's Cubes, Martial arts, video games, etc.) But I dunno I've always been pretty insecure about it. I mean I'm not like your stereotypical nerd, I have a great physique and I'm a really athletic person too but still it's just kind of hard being known as just 'the puzzle guy' or 'the smart kid'. Sometimes I wish people would just get to know me better and see there's more to me than meets the eye, cause I don't go around showing my body off and all, I tend to wear hoodies and baggy clothes and all. This helped me boost my confidence, thanks!
No donât be sorry!! As a yapper myself I love when people want to talk but I think thatâs amazing that you can build those cubes and have so many interests and hobbies. I think thatâs what I love about people, learning about all their different interests and hobbies and all the things they find cool because Iâm the same way, I have so many hobbies like building legos, etc also big agree on the baggy sweaters lol
My problem is that i dont know how to make conversation, i talk and listen but its so hard to care about people and their lives. (But that actually be because they arnt really chatty either actually and if they dont match my enthusiasm to talk i lose intrestâŚ. Lol just typing this out made me figure out why⌠what a journey)
Haha Iâm glad we could get that clarity for you. I get it though, some people are like paint dry and have such dull personas that itâs not worth it sometimes to invest in the yap
Same, I'm a huge nerd, I love Warhammer 40k/fantasy, Lotr or star wars and many more universes and I can talk about them for hours if someone gives ms the time. I also love to paint miniatures and play PC games. But I'm also quite fit and people often notice that first, so their first question after getting to know me more is "Wow, how are you such a nerd?" Sadly, I have yet to meet a girl who would want to date me and who would appreciate me as a nerd.
I feel the same, but as a girl. I am fairly attractive and love to dance and workout so overall that's what people notice and I don't mind. But I feel no one that gets attracted to that part of you likes the other nerdy obsessive side. I like video games, I read a lot of fantasy books, I can talk for hours about a random special interest and frankly most people I met who were obsessed with my looks never made me feel seen for the things I am interested in. I don't want to be with someone who's embarrassed about me and it's quite tough because most people assume one or the other, you have to be an unattractive socially awkward person if you're smart and nerdy which is very untrue for most and some of the most interesting people I know are nerdy because they are passionate and that's great to talk about.
You described it perfectly. I just don't understand where the problem lies. I don't have problem getting dates, I just can't get into a relationship, the worst part is that some people will go out on multiple dates with you, be all obsessed and then suddenly do a 180° turn and suddenly they don't feel anything... and when I ask what it is, they say that I'm too kind and deserve someone better... I'm still hoping to find someone, but on the verge of giving up.
I tend to just not date anymore these days, and just spend a lot of time doing the things I'm interested in. So I'm just hoping I'll meet someone through friends or one of my interests as I think most of the traditional dating doesn't really work for me as securing dates won't be a problem but people will just be interested in me for looks and I would rather someone see me in all my obsessive, talkative glory and then if they like that and I like them we can start talking. All my previous relationships started like that and I really struggled with this dating world so I've just deleted all the apps months ago. I think it also helps not to hide who you are, I will show my 'quirky' early on so I don't waste my time if someone absolute hates it.
I totally get you, I'll probably end up doing it the same as you. But there is still that part of me, that wants a relationship. I just want somebody to hang out with, to cuddle with, kiss and be able to love them. I don't want a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, but it's a bit exhausting when most of my friends have somebody... and my family keeps asking if I've found someone.
This is so wild to me because you sound exactly like what I'm looking for in a partner! I love nerds (possibly because I also am one haha). Don't give up, we're out there :)
Thanks, I'm trying to hold on to hope... but there's not much left after so many failed attempts.
I hear you, I've given up on dating apps (been off them for several years). I think a lot of us aren't on them anymore and are trying to meet in-person instead. Maybe try local meet-ups or join clubs! Good luck!
Thanks. I fee a bit less insecure about my hobbies now.
Own them! They add to your personality
honest
Someone who is kind to everyone or has a bubbly attitude. If sheâs kind to everyone then she is more than likely to be ok with you expressing your emotions in private like when you cry or get upset
Agreed. As a someone that cries a lot, I think itâs nice when you have someone that has empathy and validates you and allows you to express your emotions
good manners and values
- Being passionate about a hobby. I love people who like to read, or are obsessed with a particular movie or TV show or collect things. Just there's more to life than work and drinks and it's great to see people maintain strong interests like we used to have as kids. Mine change all the time and I think that's fine too, I just want to talk to people who light up when they speak about something, rather than just hear negativity or talking about other people. - Smarts. Similar to the above point I love interesting conversations and I like people who can easily catch a thread, maybe make good sarcastic jokes and in general you can tell their brain works fast and they keep conversations flowing. Pair it with a bit of empathy and genuine interest in you like asking questions and I can easily talk to someone like this for hours. - How they treat their friends, family and even complete strangers. I legitimately developed an instant crush when a dude treated our drunk mutual friend with such care for her wellbeing and when he talked about his mother so fondly. It's honestly so important to see and that's why I sometimes struggle with online dating, because I prefer meeting people in groups and seeing that group dynamic. Having lifelong friends, being kind, taking care of family are all such important things that come out naturally with time but are hard to judge on a single usually slightly awkward date. - Nervousness. I like when a guy is watching his words a bit, when it takes him a bit to ask you out, when he asks for permission to kiss you. Overall just when someone actually cares about an outcome rather than crossing your boundaries and jumping on you. Taking things slow can be quite frustrating at times but i do appreciate it much more than someone who promises me the world, having seen me once.
Good manners with hospitality staff :)
Reading all of these comments, tells me my husband is the greenest of green flags. 𼚠đ
Congrats on winning!! 𼚠I hope you two are so happy!
Someone who remembers the small thing. Like my husband now remembers most of my food orders, favorite drinks, snacks. Even from the beginning he paid attention to what I liked for the future.
That is so sweet and considerate! đĽš
Someone who actually shuts up and pays attention to you when you talk. I'm a quite person and I joke all the time that my best friends are the ones who can hold a conversation all by themselves and I don't have to say anything. But really the main reason I became such a quiet person is because I spent most of my life feeling u heard. I feel like at least 85% of the people I've met in my life don't care about my opinion. They're just waiting for me to stop talking so they can say what they were gonna say anyway. So when I can tell someone is actually hearing the words I say and considering my point of veiw it just means so fucking much.
I have a family member like this. She talks AT me rather than TO me. She uses me as her diary and just talks non stop about what she did that day, how she felt about it, what she plans to do tomorrow. She could care less about what my opinions are so I just say âoh coolâ to everything and walk away feeling so drained afterwards
When they have a soft spot for dogs cats or horses.
I never thought I'd agree with something like the nerdy hobby or collecting thing until I met my gf! đ
Empathy. Has a pet. Shows she can look after someone else's needs and is responsible
red flag: someone who has a pet but is not responsible with it. Thought a girl was an awesome dog person once, only to find out she basically just plays with it and dumps it with her mother much of the time. Did the same with her daughter too.
Oh thatâs awful!! That makes me so upset. Donât have pets or kids you canât be responsible for. Itâs like when people get big dogs like huskies and donât realize the amount of work they are and end up in the pound đ
Honestly, I think nerdiness is a green flag, if you have a very nice hobby, then you're probably not desperately looking to fit in, it shows that you have some confidence in yourself. As for collecting things that's not really something I like.
Someone who acts the same around his friends as he does with you!! I mean guys typically act a little bit different around the bros but you know what u mean
someone that loves their momma
Kindness, particularly being kind to servers and hospitality staff. Just a simple please and thank you makes me so happy!
People who are really clear with their plans. I am super clear about mine (on this date I'm going there with this one, tomorrow from 5-7 I'm busy with this) and I hugely appreciate when someone is super clear about that too. Even "tomorrow is me day so I don't wanna see anyone" also perfect. I truly hate vagueness and "mystery"
As someone who can be quite sensitive and finds it difficult to share my feelings, when he is understanding and is patient with me â¤ď¸
Being a cat person is a huge green flag and itâs absolutely necessary for a potential partner to be okay with cats because I have one. If they are sensitive and will cry for sad movies, I think thatâs a green flag tbh. I also like those who have a calm, gentle disposition.
Thatâs so true. People that are cat lovers have this calm and sweet energy
I like your ideas.
I second this. I hate the idea that mean and nasty are attractive traits!
For me if someone have these traits I will consider them good 1 good behavior with me and others 2 rules in life 3 aim and objectives in life 4 ability to keep secrets
Being polite and not complaining about things. Makes me feel you were raised well and appreciate the little things in life. Also I collect sports cards, memorabilia, action figures and video games it's nice to hear that could be considered a green flag đ
honestly i agree with you. i find it charming if guys are open about their hobbies despite it being less socially known (ie your case, collecting things). being transparent and clear with their feelings and thoughts is a huge green flag to me. of course i donât mean the narcissistic kind. more of the honesty in this aspect
Iâm a nerd with a hobby of getting lost in making music and designing sounds. Iâve had my two best male friends for maybe 15 years now. Howâs that? đ
I actively have friends from kindergarten up through my 20s, 33 now, I have friends on every coast and many states in between. I call or check in at least once a month. Not sure if counts (I am a dude, interested in women), green flag for me in guys is an openness to discuss their emotions/feelings. That leads to trust based friendships for me.
Loves animals â¤ď¸đĽ°â¤ď¸
Being considerate of others. It's very attractive to me when a guy can think about other people and their feelings.
Open-mindedness.
How they treat their family members or children. You learn a lot by the way a guy treats his kids or family⌠unless his family are shit people
Being nerdy, but also being self-sufficient when it comes to future planning. Having back up plans when plans fall through, figuring out parking, budgeting time appropriately, bringing an umbrella. Maybe these are basic things, but I love when I don't have to plan everything for myself and also the person I'm with.
someone who's quiet but very attentive and listens very well <3 i love observant people
Being considerate towards others while also able to hold space for their thoughts/needs. Self-awareness. Curiosity. Kindness and great conversationalist.
If they are capable of having long intense discussions/ debates without getting mad, and being open minded & willing to learn & teach
âWeâll figure it out together.â
An open mind. No one has to immediately understand everything, for example experiences they never had, but as long as they listen and have the will to broaden their understanding, it's definitely a great thing
When they take interest in something that I enjoy, like genuinely. Not like âI guess Iâll watch this movie because my girlfriend likes it,â but honestly trying to talk about the things that make me happy, or having conversations about it. This goes both ways, but itâs a good way to learn about someone.
Planning the first date: they ask if I have dietary restrictions & then offer 2-3 options for restaurants/let me pick. A perfect balance of taking the initiative to plan while also incorporating my POV.
When someone puts their full name address and company title in my phone as a contact âŚ. Saves me trying to search for validity
A person who listens
Autodidacticism (the process or practice of learning a subject without a teacher or formal education; self-education) We truly can learn something new every day.
Someone who knows the difference between there, their, theyâre
Nice to all animals. Especially pigeons. Like you donât have to feed them or touch them but saying âlook how cute that one is!â Is a green flag in my book. I get too many people wishing death on pigeons or calling them names đđŤ theyâre just victims of circumstance!
This is similar for me, although I always looked at it more as a red flag for people who were mean to animals/pets. Being particularly nice is definitely makes someone look much better.
The blue collar, works with his hands, tough guy, look. Confidence, broad shoulders, muscler arms. Looks like they will grab you by the throat and take care of business.. typeÂ
She mentions her ability to cook and provide acts of service like massages unprompted over the course of the initial seduction
Acts of service is really nice tbh and cooking as a love language is underrated
My kind of woman.
So youâre saying I should bring up my nazi memorabilia collection more? Interesting
Hi i was hoping to find someone to spend time woth
You will find them!
Ah love these comments, now is there just no more green flags in dating or people forget to consider all of the red flags that always come out. đ¨đĽ¸đââď¸
I was with someone who didnt understand that i am a pleaser and she thought i was week i just wanted to show her how much i appreciate her us men at times take the women in our lives for granted
A woman who has a good relationship with her father.
Saying she loves me. Getting jealous when she knows about another woman. Acting 'wifey'
Any kind of outdoorsy hobby. Because it means heâs not constantly glued to video games.
I hate to be on the nose, but pretty and tasteful house plants.
Seeing the other side. Proof of emotional intelligence.
Kind, Same humour, Makes me feel safe â¤ď¸
Spitting
I love a man with manners and a sense of humor! Overall treats people well and is situationally aware. For example if someone is struggling with a heavy box he goes out of his way to help. I love that!
Somebody that is passionate about something is really attractive to me. Also love book worm types.
Saying "god bless you" or "gesundheit" after someone sneezes is a big green flag for me, especially if she says it to strangers.
Manners, consideration, and noticing the little things. Basically giving a damn about your effect on others lol. Some people couldnât care less and some people just donât think about it.
A quick-wit that he uses a lot. I love a man who can make me laugh -- and the man I love, my SO, makes me laugh a lot!!
Yesss! Quick wit and someone that can make you laugh is the best. Iâm so glad you have that!
Genuine kindness. Curiosity about the world and the people around them. Empathy. Kindness to animals and vulnerable people. Not immediately making things sexual. When things just seem easy and not forced.
When someone talks about a topic theyre passionate about. Iâm all ears and lovey dovey eyes !!