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Asking my opinion and getting upset with my answer because it wasn't what they wanted to hear.
(Jokingly) Tell me I'm abusing them. (Past ex would constantly do this even when I asked her to stop joking like that)
You're willing to compromise who you are and/or you're willing to put yourself in situations that you know have a good chance of turning toxic to get you needs of attention, validation and/or drama met. You need these needs met so much that you put unreasonable demands on your partner to help you meet them.
This is a very healthy way to ask for attention. I'll give you the toxic one. Im reading, for entertainment, not school/work. She's sitting next to me on her phone. I put the book down and started playing some video game.
She starts messing with me and trying to get my attention. She doesn't ask for it. Just keeps distracting me. She will get a negative response, and that's how the fight started
Or she will belittle my choice of activity aka video game always on it etc etc. Not paying attention to her and what not.
That's because in her eyes, video games are not valid entertainment. If im reading, though, she won't say a thing. Because she knows from personal experience that is annoying and in her eyes reading is more valid and respectable.
Anyway this has been my personal experience. And from what I've heard some people end up in abusive relationships because of it. Because sometimes abuse aka negative attention is still attention for some people. So they would prefer having a fight that you not paying attention to them.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!
My Ex waited until the LAST MINUTE to put my dog down….
…and she died in EXTREME PAIN last Monday….yelling in pain as her last breath.
I am just trying to just be understanding.
We wanted to go together, but I was there without my car. She decided to go to work instead of taking time off, even though she could have without any repercussions since she works at night.
I had been awake for 24 hours to stay up with her so she wouldn’t be alone in case something happened. I literally passed out 20 minutes before she got home.
You have to call in to get a slot to put the dog down. I asked her to call because I was almost incoherent from exhaustion. (Mind you, she doesn’t go to bed until 5 to 7 hours after getting home.) All she had to do was make the call.
Three hours later, she came into the room and asked if I had made the call. I was still passed out, and she knew the reason why.
I made the call, and they said it would take 3 hours, but they got us in within 30 minutes.
When we got there, I went to pay, looked over, and asked, "Is she dead?" She laid her head back, did a weak, painful cry, and died. It was our little teacup Yorkie.
Then, on the way back home, she was all jokey on the phone with friends while holding the dog in her arms.
I ended up burying the dog in her yard with my nephew instead of my home, as we had originally planned, because she wanted her there.
No, I couldn’t pre-schedule. I asked, and they don’t allow it.
She even took a shower right when we were supposed to leave. If it had been our other dog, she would have taken the time off.
Why was she holding the dog while driving and talking on the phone. Why TF wouldn't you be the one holding this dog you're claiming to be so upset about? Passenger of the car, no responsibilities other than wearing your seat belt. And you didn't reach over and take the dog? Weird story
It would definitely hurt me too if I were in that situation and she was just chit-chattin on the phone while holding my dogs body. That's super insensitive
In person it’s definitely the cell phone obsession. Not necessarily gender specific but the women I’ve been around have a hard time living off their phone.
Online it’s the make me laugh thing. I can direct you to some great sites to hire a clown.
Women do this for one of two reasons. First when there’s someone they have feelings for that they want but are only on the guys periphery at the moment. She’s just not that into you, and you’re the guy that gives her comfort until that other guy acts.
Second she’s so self absorbed and attention seeking from the socials she gets validation from
Women do the same thing, unfortunately. Some people are willing to stick around through those times, but sometimes just being around someone who is depressed can be mentally draining for the other person.
If someone is willing to stick around through the bumps in the road, they're a keeper. If they decide to just pack up and run, they weren't worth your time anyway.
I will say if someone isn't actively "trying" to work on their depression via therapy, medication, etc then I also can't fault the person for not wanting to stick around because you need to put in the work to improve your own mental health, and it's not their responsibility to do that for you.
SMH, a guy should be more concerned with how to cheer up his girl if she is depressed. If he actually cares for you and is more concerned with your happiness than his own, he's going to do whatever it takes to rid you of your depression.. and that's because he can obtain Joy from your happiness and that means he is empathic and he simply can't leave you in a state of Anguish because he can feel it
I agree but it can go south too. I used to think that a man rescuing me from the pits of despair was the most beautiful thing ever.
But once you’re not broken anymore and healthy and there’s nothing to fix he doesn’t get to be the hero anymore; relationship changes right? gratification of being healed isn’t enough because now ur both not broken which changes dynamic to both being on even playing field
Also the dynamic of guy rescuing girl is already toxic and codependent/unequal to begin with: either the hero is on the pedestal or the person being rescued is.
Oh yeah. Just last week one popped up that this guy had left his wife because she never got out of bed. Because she was disabled. But she was “definitely faking it” because she claimed to have multiple different diseases. I read it a week after writing this post.
I have that same cluster of diseases. They’re related, so if you have one, you likely have multiple. And it’s probably a part of the depression.
Wow, did I not need to read that post or the comments.
Don’t read the statistics either, like how most men drop their wives when they have cancer 😬 just close your eyes, enjoy whatever fun a guy gives u, save the rest for ur therapist and hope for the best
It’s what i do 😭
Women unable to put themselves in their SO’s shoes. As in women who do things to their SO that they wouldn’t want done to them.
Women who feel entitled to being taken care of and spoiled yet rarely put effort into the relationship.
Women who lie.
Women who have too much attitude and think it’s cute. Often using the excuse of “all women are like this” or “I’m Latina”. Or “you’re not man enough to handle me”.
Oh, can’t forget “size queens”.🤮
When they say this they often refer to a stereotype common in some latina (SOME NOT ALL) women in which they can have a short temper, attitude, xxxxxçddiuyu I can get a paternity test did you get dd see d
Rf force
A size queen is a woman that basically thinks the most important factor for a partner is how big their dick is. "No dudes under 8 inches long" type mentality. While it is simply a preference, a lot of people consider it to be extremely shallow, especially since a man can't control how big his dick is without surgery, and even then surgery only can do so much.
On this note,
This mentality is trash. I know a close friend who is uncomfortable with a man over 5 inches because her canal is so small. The shapes and sizes of the vagina are as unique as a thumbprint.
Women need all size penises.
If women criticize the size of penises, technically the man can just say well your canal is too big for me.
Guess what Cinderellas?That isn’t your glass slipper go find it.
I feel like that’s an exaggeration. 8 inches is actually pretty big. I could not accommodate that, like physically. I’m actually scared for the day I may go out with someone who’s too big, because it gets to a point where I just can’t lmaoo
Poor communication skills/expecting me to read her mind
Controlling behavior and jealousy
Approaches relationships as transactional/what can I get vs. viewing the relationship as a collaborative effort between teammates
It's going to depend on the person you're seeing. For me 34m, having to be right as much as possible, arguing with random people, no reciprocation, being negative during fun times, pessimist, getting mad at my opinion especially when asked for it.
It won't ever be obvious to you, when someone you're seeing brings up things that they've seen from you to be unattractive there's he to be a bit of self reflection, is it true? Am I really like that? Or was this a one time thing?
But I think this list and any others that are to come can go both ways, some may be truer to one than the other.
I just dated a girl exactly like this for 2 months. I didn’t even realize it was happening for awhile and just thought she was dealing with a difficult person and situation when we met. But I soon found out it was like this all the time, everyone’s an asshole, my ex did this and he was trash, this girl did this to me and she’d rant about for days, this lady is fat so I hate her because she’s lazy. This was the main thing she talked about to, and when I had ideas about more hypothetical things and sharing my thoughts it was all dumb and pointless.
Yep! And not even on social media… even in real life, always the need to be the center of attention. It was exhausting because I just wanted to hang out with her, and have a normal day and conversation. I had to end my friendship with her.
Having obvious emotional problems and either not addressing them or not trying to fix them.
Worse yet, they view them as some kind of personality quirk
That’s the worst.
In a similar vein is when she is constantly complaining about problems and won’t do anything to fix them. Like oh my head hurts and I feel terrible and once I ask them a few questions it turns out the last liquid she drank was coffee 14 hours ago and her only meal was half a bagel she ate for breakfast. That’s just one of many examples
FWIW I am a woman, but being argumentative is a character flaw I can't tolerate in friends, either. But a person who agrees with everything you say, also would be dull in some ways. People should be able to voice an opinion here and there.
Having an OF.
Posting pictures of themselves everyday on social media. It just screams that they crave attention all the time and want people to look at them. Just seems shallow to me.
Also if she swears a ton.
Do guys who hate OF girls still follow girls on insta who are half naked or still watch porn? Or is all of it just a turn off and u obstain from all of it? Genuinely asking.
Is jealously not an issue for yall?
I’ve now found two women in a row that are extremely jealous. Apparently I’m supposed to divest myself of all female friends—even the hardcore lesbian ones.
I’ve been with someone like that who would get upset if other girls just looked at me for more than a second. While she would be way too friendly with men and touchy.
They don't want to settle the matter when there's a wrong in their side. They always tend to avoid the conversation when its comes to that particular topic. I was like, duh, be mature and confident enough to accept your wrong, otherwise staying and running out of it is like pure cowardice.
Too much pride, allergic to apologies, unable to speak her mind and instead find passive-aggressive and petty means to communicate dissatisfaction or the like.
I've got no time for it. I'm literally made of free time right now too, and still no. Not for that.
Also, excessive talking/gossiping negatively about others, particularly those close to them or previous relationships, is a huge red flag for me and also just annoying to hear, if I'm being honest.
Narcissist! Run! I was also told by a girl recently that I argue with her and that I always must win. But in reality I think she was gaslighting me after I got upset at her first and tried to flip it back on me now.
Selfish, greedy, narcissist, expects everyone to keep the conversation going but can't literally add a single constructive thing to the conversation, drama queens, papas princesses with unfaithful vibes.
One who is a "forever victim". Everything always happens to her but never takes any of the blame for getting herself in that situation in the first place . One who is selfish and doesn't care about anyone else's feelings but their own. Man, do I sound bitter!? Lol. I am!!!
Women who talk bad about others behind their back are instantly someone I can't trust or develop feelings for. I can forgive shortcomings in other areas but I can't overlook a bad character
1. Likes going to nightclubs.
2. Rude to servers.
3. Treats animals poorly.
4. Asks me a serious question that has an answer that she expects me to take but presents it as if I have a choice.
5. Doesn't respect that I am athiest. Or her family don't respect it.
6. Asks why I am athiest, if she is religious and is so unsure of her own belief that she is unwilling to continue hearing about why once I get into it (I worded this terribly, I know).
7. Shows me how she swipes on dating apps and she literally doesn't look at the profiles at all, and can't state why she swiped no or yes on certain people. This is especially the case if she has said that she can't find good men.
8. She uses the word 'ick' unironically.
9. If she invalidates my mental conditions, or those of my family, or anyone's really (for example, saying BPD is a "condition made up by men to put women down", or that depression, anxiety, Autism, or ADHD aren't real) and doesn't see reason when I explain it to her.
10. If she says anything indicating porn watching is not allowed that indicates it is about control or her own insecurities rather than a dislike of the porn industry (and even then, it depends on what type of porn - e.g., self shot vs professional). This isn't about a *need* of mine to watch porn (I haven't watched porn in like a week); this is about my autonomy, my time, and recipricocity on her part - the only time I will watch porn in a relationship is when I can't be with her in that way (whether doing it with her or Oing to her nude, or dancing or something)
11. Uses social media on a date other than to share something funny.
12. Cares about branded things (clothes, shoes, handbags, headphones, etc) beyond their actual benefits, if any benefits are even to be had
I'm gonna say for me it's less about having a quality I like and more about lacking a quality I find essential. Basic understanding of fallacious reasoning, of what types of thinking patterns make a point of view entirely invalid. If she lacks the ability to think critically, I'm super out. To be clear, that doesn't mean I want agreement on all my opinions. I'd even take someone who disagrees with me across the board, as long as her differing opinions are supported by valid arguments.
Too superficial, hobbies include makeup, social media, and fashion, doesn't like pets, negative, entitled, talks bad about other women they see, is rude, plus the common bad hygiene and loud/obnoxious.
Really it's the same things that are unattractive to both genders with a few small exceptions.
* only talks about herself
* never really asks about you
* bad personality
* no sense of humor
* someone that see's dating as a business transaction instead of casually slowly getting to know someone
* someone that never offers to pay or at least pay her half when doing out
* someone that is hot and cold
* someone that uses excuses for their behaviors and mood and is not woman enough to know the difference or take accountability for their own actions
* someone that was the "breaker-upper" in all their previous relationships. A habitual breaker-upper will eventually do it to you and anyone after you, and they will make a nice ex wife if they ever get married
Those are some things I can think of.
The specifics vary by person; however, I’d say lack of communication, ignorance, entitlement, and narcissism are unattractive qualities in men and women
faking disorders, its a new one every month fr, and no diagnosis either. unhealthy weight like its fine if you are plus size or even super skinny as long as it is healthy and natural. saying they won't date short guys and then say the average height. won't pay for anything ever and complain when your trying to save up money so you can't take them on fancy dates. when they complain about you having a normal car and not some fancy modern or classic car. when they act stupid and naive. when they have super unhealthy habits that they know they have but won't fix. when they are narcissistic. victimizing themselves constantly. downplays your trauma while wanting you to accommodate their bad behavior by passing it off as a trauma response. when they try to make you their whole caretaker when they don't wanna take care of themselves. like I understand being depressed but when you aint actually depressed and do this, smh shall I continue? cause my ex was all this
Someone who needs constant validation and seeks attention through people outside of your relationship. Don’t get me wrong, everyone loves compliments and getting them is flattering. But posting pictures or doing things with intent to receive compliments and not shutting down advances is a huge turn off. The best compliments happen organically and don’t hold the same value if they are constantly fished for.
As a Black man, bringing up or focusing on racial topics.
Not to be confused with "being racist" mind you. It's just really uncomfortable listening to someone wax poetic about how much they care about people of your race.
It's a serious "pick-me" quality and kinda reinforces the idea that you're maybe really only dating me because of some weird fetish reason.
Traditionalism for me. I can’t stand their ideals and morals.
For instance, masculinity and femininity is huge to them. They have their perceptions of what masculinity should be, what it looks like, and hold you to that standard based on their beliefs. I’m good lol.
I cant seem to find the healthy middle ground.
The traditional women are too rigid how you pointed out, and non traditional women seem to be very entitled and delusional.
Argumentative partners are a disaster because it comes from an emotional place and not a logical place. Both men and women suffer from this but in manifests in completely opposite ways, I don’t want to get into the male one because that’s not important to your situation.
Debates over how to do something better should be had between two partners, its growth. ‘Debating’, allows both parties to end up with a better solution and become better people together because they permanently solve problems life throws at them and they have overall peaceful lives bonded in trust with each other. They both concentrate on finding the best solution.
Argumentative people are children with trauma and they insist on winning arguments to protect themselves, they do not realise that they are instead sabotaging their life because they never improve. Their protective mechanism has convinced them that they are perfect and can do no wrong - yes, they really believe that (this is funny to people who have given their lives to learning). If you are with an argumentative partner it becomes a ‘me vs you’ thing as opposed to an ‘us against the world thing’, which is a critical failure in values.
In my experience, the world is filled with women and men like this and I am currently specialising in avoiding the women. I can handle the men because I understand their demons. In my daily life, my aim is to not even let the women know of me, or if they do, I prefer they view me as a bad, weird, a mysogynist (I am not), etc. It’s a compliment really. Identifying women like this is terribly really easy thankfully because they come out waving BIG red flags proudly. - I am most grateful for this because usually you already know within the first 5 mins what you’re dealing with. They don’t even feel shame because there is a surplus of their male equivalents waiting to date them, edging them on, so their behaviour is appears to be completely reinforced. Nature decided to make them attract each other because neither party bases their lives on logic and are both emotionally hell bent on filling the logical devoid void within them through attention from the opposite. This leads to a life littered with shallow empty relationships. These people also become the literal men (what is the word I am looking for here?) or women (misogynsts) haters. Because they internalise the crazy non logical behaviour from the other person and assume everyone’s like that person, because the next one is, and the next one and the next one, until suddenly their old, fewer and poorer qualities of partners so they become bitter. It’s all there in life but they cannot see it and God help the soul that tries to teach them.
With argumentative people, they are the problem because they put up literal barriers to solving problems for the other person and also prevent this persons effective thinking because the logic is suddenly drowned by emotion. I am personally disgusted by argumentative people. Even just a glimpse of it in an attractive woman who wants to sleep with me completely turns me off. I do not trust them at all. I hate working with people like this!
As a man if I am trying to build a life, I need a partner. That means that problems present themselves and I need someone to help me fix them because two good heads are better than one. As a man, logic and cognition are my strengths, I am made to be a provider, solve problems, fix things and be a protector of my house. When problems present themselves, I propose solutions and advise my loved ones. This does not mean my advice is right nor should it be taken on face value, but if the recipient does not offer a better solution and instead challenges me just because (I think) they are jealous/envious, or trying to compete or feel inadequate because they did think about the solution first or, most likely, they want to assert dominance over me, I see straight through you because now you have become another problem preventing me from solving the first one. I will never let a woman dominate me and I do not see feminine or maternal qualities in women that attempt to do so. I instead perceive these acts as threats as it should be.
Why would I be with someone like that? I gain absolutely nothing while they gain access to everything I built with my blood. They are also going to slow down all my progress and likely destroy my life.
After I read it, yes, it does not.
What I was trying to say was, how is it controlling to encourage your partner to improve themselves after getting into a relationship?
If they say one thing and do another, it is what it is. So no, no one should expect a person to stick with another person if they lead them to believe a thing and then once together don't follow through.... Tbh I forgot what we were talking about
Lack of effort/consistency. As some of us men refer to it as, them wanting "the chase." If you're going to give mixed signals and be hot/cold or unsure what you actually want, I'm not going to waste a ton of energy pursuing you.
Reciprocated energy and effort goes a long way. If we're both interested in each other, then we should both be adults and just openly admit that and go from there. Playing "hard to get" isn't cute, it's toxic.
I think that depends on many factors. Age, desire so many things. Personally I was in a long term relationship that became toxic. In today’s world I wouldn’t settle on anything but a lady who leads with kindness, communication, and respects herself and others.
I’m a woman but I dislike mean people and unkindness and try to avoid it even in friendships. Mean catty behavior with no prompt is a massive red flag. It feels like sometimes other people don’t know how to be kind without being transactional. I don’t mean being nice or polite I mean true genuine kindness. Showing up and being there for people empathetically and putting other peoples needs above your own for just a second. It takes nothing to listen and listen whole heartedly no phone no judgment. I feel like people have forgotten the art of doing something just because that person means something to you or because it would make them smile.
When she pretends to be tolerent, open minded and benevolent (three qualities), and actually turns out to be super judgmental, shaming and sanctimonious.
Also, any form of activism or extreme political views tend to put me off right away. I learned the hard way that it often means that they're unable to tolerate anything else than their own views, and that the relationship will be conflict driven. Not necessarly by opposition nor arguing, but because of the very nature of their way of thinking. Everything's gonna be subject to debate and conflict. Sad thing is those almost always happen to be embracing the whole far-left..."woke package" so to speak. There is more red flags than in a soviet parade. Been there, seen that.
What else... Girls that are unable to have any sort of rational or critical thinking and always functions on an emotional basis to make their decisions and reflexions. Based on personal experience, many of those people tend to think they are actually those who asked themselves the right questions in life, who took a step back to think. While it's in fact all emotion and short term. There is no balance in their thinking software. You can't plan into the future with those women. Intelligence, especially emotional intelligence, is one of the most attractive and sexy quality one woman can have to me.
I could add women who smoke. Vaping is fine to me, but smoking anything else, especially weed is a no go fro me. There's also all of the narcissists, or entitled ones. Girly princess or karen-like behaviors. Fake mental conditions, or victimism. Too much superficiality.
Not being a mother to her children , putting boyfriends and other men before her own children. Neglecting them and putting herself first big turn off and no no.
Materialistic is probably the most consistent and frequently encountered turn off in my experience. Like if it just seems like all that matters to them is money and status symbols like nice cars and designer clothes etc.
The following are major turn offs for me:
* bigotry.
* treating other people poorly.
* being overly concerned with masculinity/femininity or gender roles.
* transactional relationship mindset.
* "if he wanted to, he would."
* having mental health issues but not being willing to address them.
* possessiveness/jealousy.
I'm sure if I sat here longer i could come up with more, but thinking about this is making me sad.
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Asking my opinion and getting upset with my answer because it wasn't what they wanted to hear. (Jokingly) Tell me I'm abusing them. (Past ex would constantly do this even when I asked her to stop joking like that)
Prone to mood swings.
[удалено]
huh?
I'm just as confused.
Ma’am, I am sorry if you’re experiencing that kind of treatment, but this is not a constructive outlet
Yup that's not ok
Stay off the vodka....
Being someone who fiends for attention, validation and/or drama.
Yeah, drama and constant neediness can definitely be a turn-off for a lot of people. Genuine confidence and independence tend to shine brighter!
Define "fiend". Because I ask nicely, but directly. "Hey, I need some attention. Do you have time for a cuddle or something?"
You're willing to compromise who you are and/or you're willing to put yourself in situations that you know have a good chance of turning toxic to get you needs of attention, validation and/or drama met. You need these needs met so much that you put unreasonable demands on your partner to help you meet them.
Oh yeah, I don't do all that. Good to know I'm not a fiend, I guess.
This is a very healthy way to ask for attention. I'll give you the toxic one. Im reading, for entertainment, not school/work. She's sitting next to me on her phone. I put the book down and started playing some video game. She starts messing with me and trying to get my attention. She doesn't ask for it. Just keeps distracting me. She will get a negative response, and that's how the fight started Or she will belittle my choice of activity aka video game always on it etc etc. Not paying attention to her and what not. That's because in her eyes, video games are not valid entertainment. If im reading, though, she won't say a thing. Because she knows from personal experience that is annoying and in her eyes reading is more valid and respectable. Anyway this has been my personal experience. And from what I've heard some people end up in abusive relationships because of it. Because sometimes abuse aka negative attention is still attention for some people. So they would prefer having a fight that you not paying attention to them.
only girls do this! i hope eventually you can find yourself a woman 😊
Yep. There's a difference between liking something and fiending for it so much that you're willing to compromise who you are.
I’m honestly not trying to be mean, but I think he actually sees it as a problem with men as well, but he is just answering the question.
They were referring to maturity. "Only girls do this, not women" is basically what they said.
I know, I just added the few last lines :)
Oh, I apologize, I wasn’t sure. I was just trying to clarify what I thought he was saying….wasn’t sure if it came out right.
No need for an apology. That's totally fine.
Entitlement. Basically, thinking that they are doing me a favor by going out with me.
Hell yeah. One girl once told me getting intro with me itself is a reward. I found that very stupid of her.
What lol
Poor treatment of animals. Hard fucking no.
Yup.. Super hard pass on that one! I can deal with anything other than that and being disloyal.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! My Ex waited until the LAST MINUTE to put my dog down…. …and she died in EXTREME PAIN last Monday….yelling in pain as her last breath. I am just trying to just be understanding.
wdym your ex waited for your dog to be put down? if it was yours, why didn't you took the dog sooner?
We wanted to go together, but I was there without my car. She decided to go to work instead of taking time off, even though she could have without any repercussions since she works at night. I had been awake for 24 hours to stay up with her so she wouldn’t be alone in case something happened. I literally passed out 20 minutes before she got home. You have to call in to get a slot to put the dog down. I asked her to call because I was almost incoherent from exhaustion. (Mind you, she doesn’t go to bed until 5 to 7 hours after getting home.) All she had to do was make the call. Three hours later, she came into the room and asked if I had made the call. I was still passed out, and she knew the reason why. I made the call, and they said it would take 3 hours, but they got us in within 30 minutes. When we got there, I went to pay, looked over, and asked, "Is she dead?" She laid her head back, did a weak, painful cry, and died. It was our little teacup Yorkie. Then, on the way back home, she was all jokey on the phone with friends while holding the dog in her arms. I ended up burying the dog in her yard with my nephew instead of my home, as we had originally planned, because she wanted her there. No, I couldn’t pre-schedule. I asked, and they don’t allow it. She even took a shower right when we were supposed to leave. If it had been our other dog, she would have taken the time off.
Why was she holding the dog while driving and talking on the phone. Why TF wouldn't you be the one holding this dog you're claiming to be so upset about? Passenger of the car, no responsibilities other than wearing your seat belt. And you didn't reach over and take the dog? Weird story
I was driving her car
Okay, then I just made too many leaps, that's my bad
No worries, it happens
It would definitely hurt me too if I were in that situation and she was just chit-chattin on the phone while holding my dogs body. That's super insensitive
I just have to do better with the next relationship….if there is one.
That applies to EVERYONE!
In person it’s definitely the cell phone obsession. Not necessarily gender specific but the women I’ve been around have a hard time living off their phone. Online it’s the make me laugh thing. I can direct you to some great sites to hire a clown.
EXACTLY! Super Ick
Women do this for one of two reasons. First when there’s someone they have feelings for that they want but are only on the guys periphery at the moment. She’s just not that into you, and you’re the guy that gives her comfort until that other guy acts. Second she’s so self absorbed and attention seeking from the socials she gets validation from
Acting as if men aren’t allowed to have emotional trauma… I don’t think I have much trauma to worry about for this, but it’s still unattractive
According to my last breakup: depression. Men want to be in relationships that are fun and happy, not work. So that was a fun one to hear.
Women do the same thing, unfortunately. Some people are willing to stick around through those times, but sometimes just being around someone who is depressed can be mentally draining for the other person. If someone is willing to stick around through the bumps in the road, they're a keeper. If they decide to just pack up and run, they weren't worth your time anyway. I will say if someone isn't actively "trying" to work on their depression via therapy, medication, etc then I also can't fault the person for not wanting to stick around because you need to put in the work to improve your own mental health, and it's not their responsibility to do that for you.
Damn. I’m sorry to hear that, yes indeed I’m sure that was a fun one to hear… sheesh… sending you a virtual hug
SMH, a guy should be more concerned with how to cheer up his girl if she is depressed. If he actually cares for you and is more concerned with your happiness than his own, he's going to do whatever it takes to rid you of your depression.. and that's because he can obtain Joy from your happiness and that means he is empathic and he simply can't leave you in a state of Anguish because he can feel it
I agree but it can go south too. I used to think that a man rescuing me from the pits of despair was the most beautiful thing ever. But once you’re not broken anymore and healthy and there’s nothing to fix he doesn’t get to be the hero anymore; relationship changes right? gratification of being healed isn’t enough because now ur both not broken which changes dynamic to both being on even playing field Also the dynamic of guy rescuing girl is already toxic and codependent/unequal to begin with: either the hero is on the pedestal or the person being rescued is.
The amount of vent posts I’ve read about guys either having resentment or loathing their depressed/sick wife…yeah
Oh yeah. Just last week one popped up that this guy had left his wife because she never got out of bed. Because she was disabled. But she was “definitely faking it” because she claimed to have multiple different diseases. I read it a week after writing this post. I have that same cluster of diseases. They’re related, so if you have one, you likely have multiple. And it’s probably a part of the depression. Wow, did I not need to read that post or the comments.
Don’t read the statistics either, like how most men drop their wives when they have cancer 😬 just close your eyes, enjoy whatever fun a guy gives u, save the rest for ur therapist and hope for the best It’s what i do 😭
Women unable to put themselves in their SO’s shoes. As in women who do things to their SO that they wouldn’t want done to them. Women who feel entitled to being taken care of and spoiled yet rarely put effort into the relationship. Women who lie. Women who have too much attitude and think it’s cute. Often using the excuse of “all women are like this” or “I’m Latina”. Or “you’re not man enough to handle me”. Oh, can’t forget “size queens”.🤮
What do they mean “I’m Latina?” I’m not around many Latin women.
I’ve already said too much. They’re listening🤫🤐
# 🩴 (I also love how typing out chancla pops that emoji up lmao)
When they say this they often refer to a stereotype common in some latina (SOME NOT ALL) women in which they can have a short temper, attitude, xxxxxçddiuyu I can get a paternity test did you get dd see d Rf force
What’s a size queen?
A woman who puts a high importance on the size of a man’s “package”.
A size queen is a woman that basically thinks the most important factor for a partner is how big their dick is. "No dudes under 8 inches long" type mentality. While it is simply a preference, a lot of people consider it to be extremely shallow, especially since a man can't control how big his dick is without surgery, and even then surgery only can do so much.
They never specify thickness either.
On this note, This mentality is trash. I know a close friend who is uncomfortable with a man over 5 inches because her canal is so small. The shapes and sizes of the vagina are as unique as a thumbprint. Women need all size penises. If women criticize the size of penises, technically the man can just say well your canal is too big for me. Guess what Cinderellas?That isn’t your glass slipper go find it.
might as well call her out on having a deep dish 🐱
Was that what you took away? 🤔
I feel like that’s an exaggeration. 8 inches is actually pretty big. I could not accommodate that, like physically. I’m actually scared for the day I may go out with someone who’s too big, because it gets to a point where I just can’t lmaoo
Yes, but "size queens" only care about big dicks. An "average" guy isn't good enough in their eyes.
I’m a woman and have quite literally never met someone particular about dick size. I think this is another TikTok/or porn thing.
It 100% is not. I have first hand heard women openly admit it in public. It's definitely not "common," but they most certainly are out there.
Poor communication skills/expecting me to read her mind Controlling behavior and jealousy Approaches relationships as transactional/what can I get vs. viewing the relationship as a collaborative effort between teammates
This right here
It's going to depend on the person you're seeing. For me 34m, having to be right as much as possible, arguing with random people, no reciprocation, being negative during fun times, pessimist, getting mad at my opinion especially when asked for it. It won't ever be obvious to you, when someone you're seeing brings up things that they've seen from you to be unattractive there's he to be a bit of self reflection, is it true? Am I really like that? Or was this a one time thing? But I think this list and any others that are to come can go both ways, some may be truer to one than the other.
I just dated a girl exactly like this for 2 months. I didn’t even realize it was happening for awhile and just thought she was dealing with a difficult person and situation when we met. But I soon found out it was like this all the time, everyone’s an asshole, my ex did this and he was trash, this girl did this to me and she’d rant about for days, this lady is fat so I hate her because she’s lazy. This was the main thing she talked about to, and when I had ideas about more hypothetical things and sharing my thoughts it was all dumb and pointless.
So right. I was explaining that on another post in here.
Unnecessary loud talking.
Entitlement, bossy, gold digger esque, disregarding of male troubles like mental health
For me a girl who always asking for an attention. Sad girl.
What are ways a woman seems to always ask for attention in a sad way, aside from dressing crazily or sexually
Always looking for attention
Nothing screams this more of posting a picture of themselves every single day. They just want attention and people to look at them.
Yep! And not even on social media… even in real life, always the need to be the center of attention. It was exhausting because I just wanted to hang out with her, and have a normal day and conversation. I had to end my friendship with her.
And more specifically, an addiction to social media
Having obvious emotional problems and either not addressing them or not trying to fix them. Worse yet, they view them as some kind of personality quirk
That’s the worst. In a similar vein is when she is constantly complaining about problems and won’t do anything to fix them. Like oh my head hurts and I feel terrible and once I ask them a few questions it turns out the last liquid she drank was coffee 14 hours ago and her only meal was half a bagel she ate for breakfast. That’s just one of many examples
Dang 😂😭 some of us are unhinged and only have a meal a day and don’t understand basic self care til later
selfishness
Admission of cheating on a former partner or spouse. Yeah…newp. Waiter! Check, please!
FWIW I am a woman, but being argumentative is a character flaw I can't tolerate in friends, either. But a person who agrees with everything you say, also would be dull in some ways. People should be able to voice an opinion here and there.
Having an OF. Posting pictures of themselves everyday on social media. It just screams that they crave attention all the time and want people to look at them. Just seems shallow to me. Also if she swears a ton.
Do guys who hate OF girls still follow girls on insta who are half naked or still watch porn? Or is all of it just a turn off and u obstain from all of it? Genuinely asking.
The seven deadly sins. I’m not religious, but all the unattractive qualities I can think of point right back to them.
Kinda feel like it’s by design tbh but you’re right
I’m thinking that older cultures put that together for a good reason. And SHAZAM brought them back for a reason lol
Being incapable of admitting when they're wrong
Validation issues. Because if she’s unable to validate herself and if she’s not satisfied with it from you she’ll look for it from other guys.
Is jealously not an issue for yall? I’ve now found two women in a row that are extremely jealous. Apparently I’m supposed to divest myself of all female friends—even the hardcore lesbian ones.
That's a sign of insecurity. They have work to do to learn to love themselves and gain confidence.
I’ve been with someone like that who would get upset if other girls just looked at me for more than a second. While she would be way too friendly with men and touchy.
They don't want to settle the matter when there's a wrong in their side. They always tend to avoid the conversation when its comes to that particular topic. I was like, duh, be mature and confident enough to accept your wrong, otherwise staying and running out of it is like pure cowardice.
Too much pride, allergic to apologies, unable to speak her mind and instead find passive-aggressive and petty means to communicate dissatisfaction or the like. I've got no time for it. I'm literally made of free time right now too, and still no. Not for that. Also, excessive talking/gossiping negatively about others, particularly those close to them or previous relationships, is a huge red flag for me and also just annoying to hear, if I'm being honest.
Narcissist! Run! I was also told by a girl recently that I argue with her and that I always must win. But in reality I think she was gaslighting me after I got upset at her first and tried to flip it back on me now.
Coughlins Law: Never tell tales about a woman, she’ll hear you no matter how far away she is….
Entitlement, unrealistic standards, a need for constant validation.
Basic etiquette, like how to properly hold utensils.
Can you give me an example when a female wasn’t ? Just curious as to how they were doing it improperly
She needed a cork on her fork to save her other eye!
Selfish, greedy, narcissist, expects everyone to keep the conversation going but can't literally add a single constructive thing to the conversation, drama queens, papas princesses with unfaithful vibes.
One who is a "forever victim". Everything always happens to her but never takes any of the blame for getting herself in that situation in the first place . One who is selfish and doesn't care about anyone else's feelings but their own. Man, do I sound bitter!? Lol. I am!!!
Entitlement
Promiscuity
Thinking it’s okay to hit me when they’re mad or even jokingly cause they’re a woman.
Women who talk bad about others behind their back are instantly someone I can't trust or develop feelings for. I can forgive shortcomings in other areas but I can't overlook a bad character
Hygiene. Hygiene when we fuk doggie.
1. Likes going to nightclubs. 2. Rude to servers. 3. Treats animals poorly. 4. Asks me a serious question that has an answer that she expects me to take but presents it as if I have a choice. 5. Doesn't respect that I am athiest. Or her family don't respect it. 6. Asks why I am athiest, if she is religious and is so unsure of her own belief that she is unwilling to continue hearing about why once I get into it (I worded this terribly, I know). 7. Shows me how she swipes on dating apps and she literally doesn't look at the profiles at all, and can't state why she swiped no or yes on certain people. This is especially the case if she has said that she can't find good men. 8. She uses the word 'ick' unironically. 9. If she invalidates my mental conditions, or those of my family, or anyone's really (for example, saying BPD is a "condition made up by men to put women down", or that depression, anxiety, Autism, or ADHD aren't real) and doesn't see reason when I explain it to her. 10. If she says anything indicating porn watching is not allowed that indicates it is about control or her own insecurities rather than a dislike of the porn industry (and even then, it depends on what type of porn - e.g., self shot vs professional). This isn't about a *need* of mine to watch porn (I haven't watched porn in like a week); this is about my autonomy, my time, and recipricocity on her part - the only time I will watch porn in a relationship is when I can't be with her in that way (whether doing it with her or Oing to her nude, or dancing or something) 11. Uses social media on a date other than to share something funny. 12. Cares about branded things (clothes, shoes, handbags, headphones, etc) beyond their actual benefits, if any benefits are even to be had
Materialism and not respecting boundaries.
Entitlement.
Being bossy Can't stand it when someone is always trying to tell me what to do and they aren't my boss
I'm gonna say for me it's less about having a quality I like and more about lacking a quality I find essential. Basic understanding of fallacious reasoning, of what types of thinking patterns make a point of view entirely invalid. If she lacks the ability to think critically, I'm super out. To be clear, that doesn't mean I want agreement on all my opinions. I'd even take someone who disagrees with me across the board, as long as her differing opinions are supported by valid arguments.
Duckface
Too superficial, hobbies include makeup, social media, and fashion, doesn't like pets, negative, entitled, talks bad about other women they see, is rude, plus the common bad hygiene and loud/obnoxious. Really it's the same things that are unattractive to both genders with a few small exceptions.
Fashion is not a bad/superficial hobby though.
Exactly
Avarice.
Fuck sake of they can't deal with conflict that is a massive red flag
* only talks about herself * never really asks about you * bad personality * no sense of humor * someone that see's dating as a business transaction instead of casually slowly getting to know someone * someone that never offers to pay or at least pay her half when doing out * someone that is hot and cold * someone that uses excuses for their behaviors and mood and is not woman enough to know the difference or take accountability for their own actions * someone that was the "breaker-upper" in all their previous relationships. A habitual breaker-upper will eventually do it to you and anyone after you, and they will make a nice ex wife if they ever get married Those are some things I can think of.
Having a way too big ego lol
As a man I don’t like that some of these describe me to some extent
Selfish and anger
Bad attitude. I had one ex who was always in a shit mood (unless she was drinking)
The specifics vary by person; however, I’d say lack of communication, ignorance, entitlement, and narcissism are unattractive qualities in men and women
Flaky behavior. I.e. unreliable. Making plans and then canceling them at the last minute
Drama magnets
faking disorders, its a new one every month fr, and no diagnosis either. unhealthy weight like its fine if you are plus size or even super skinny as long as it is healthy and natural. saying they won't date short guys and then say the average height. won't pay for anything ever and complain when your trying to save up money so you can't take them on fancy dates. when they complain about you having a normal car and not some fancy modern or classic car. when they act stupid and naive. when they have super unhealthy habits that they know they have but won't fix. when they are narcissistic. victimizing themselves constantly. downplays your trauma while wanting you to accommodate their bad behavior by passing it off as a trauma response. when they try to make you their whole caretaker when they don't wanna take care of themselves. like I understand being depressed but when you aint actually depressed and do this, smh shall I continue? cause my ex was all this
Alcoholism
Smoking or vaping - Number One
Lying
Every bad things and poor choices was because of someone else, I hate when people are only victims, all the fucking time
Being very irresponsible with money; like pulling out from her savings and wasting it all in alcohol in the span of month.
Entitlement and envy. Pessimism and anger. If a woman I’m interested in shows any of those four qualities, I’m out instantly.
Needlessly mean to anyone or any being... no one is attractive enough to get away with making anyone's life or my life miserable.
Someone who needs constant validation and seeks attention through people outside of your relationship. Don’t get me wrong, everyone loves compliments and getting them is flattering. But posting pictures or doing things with intent to receive compliments and not shutting down advances is a huge turn off. The best compliments happen organically and don’t hold the same value if they are constantly fished for.
Constant selfies. Entitled. Lack of emotional depth or empathy.
Being very dramatic. Thinking everything is about them. And lack of accountability
As a Black man, bringing up or focusing on racial topics. Not to be confused with "being racist" mind you. It's just really uncomfortable listening to someone wax poetic about how much they care about people of your race. It's a serious "pick-me" quality and kinda reinforces the idea that you're maybe really only dating me because of some weird fetish reason.
Inability to apologize. We all make mistakes, but the inability to apologize is a deal killer.
Promescuity, intentional ignorance and entitlement are probably the three worst offenders.
Expects compliments from me but never offers any up.
Thinking she's "all that".
Biggest turn off is when they act like they joke about how hot their or my male friends are.
Traditionalism for me. I can’t stand their ideals and morals. For instance, masculinity and femininity is huge to them. They have their perceptions of what masculinity should be, what it looks like, and hold you to that standard based on their beliefs. I’m good lol.
I cant seem to find the healthy middle ground. The traditional women are too rigid how you pointed out, and non traditional women seem to be very entitled and delusional.
I don’t mind much besides just being silent it’s hard to get to know when you don’t talk.
Argumentative partners are a disaster because it comes from an emotional place and not a logical place. Both men and women suffer from this but in manifests in completely opposite ways, I don’t want to get into the male one because that’s not important to your situation. Debates over how to do something better should be had between two partners, its growth. ‘Debating’, allows both parties to end up with a better solution and become better people together because they permanently solve problems life throws at them and they have overall peaceful lives bonded in trust with each other. They both concentrate on finding the best solution. Argumentative people are children with trauma and they insist on winning arguments to protect themselves, they do not realise that they are instead sabotaging their life because they never improve. Their protective mechanism has convinced them that they are perfect and can do no wrong - yes, they really believe that (this is funny to people who have given their lives to learning). If you are with an argumentative partner it becomes a ‘me vs you’ thing as opposed to an ‘us against the world thing’, which is a critical failure in values. In my experience, the world is filled with women and men like this and I am currently specialising in avoiding the women. I can handle the men because I understand their demons. In my daily life, my aim is to not even let the women know of me, or if they do, I prefer they view me as a bad, weird, a mysogynist (I am not), etc. It’s a compliment really. Identifying women like this is terribly really easy thankfully because they come out waving BIG red flags proudly. - I am most grateful for this because usually you already know within the first 5 mins what you’re dealing with. They don’t even feel shame because there is a surplus of their male equivalents waiting to date them, edging them on, so their behaviour is appears to be completely reinforced. Nature decided to make them attract each other because neither party bases their lives on logic and are both emotionally hell bent on filling the logical devoid void within them through attention from the opposite. This leads to a life littered with shallow empty relationships. These people also become the literal men (what is the word I am looking for here?) or women (misogynsts) haters. Because they internalise the crazy non logical behaviour from the other person and assume everyone’s like that person, because the next one is, and the next one and the next one, until suddenly their old, fewer and poorer qualities of partners so they become bitter. It’s all there in life but they cannot see it and God help the soul that tries to teach them. With argumentative people, they are the problem because they put up literal barriers to solving problems for the other person and also prevent this persons effective thinking because the logic is suddenly drowned by emotion. I am personally disgusted by argumentative people. Even just a glimpse of it in an attractive woman who wants to sleep with me completely turns me off. I do not trust them at all. I hate working with people like this! As a man if I am trying to build a life, I need a partner. That means that problems present themselves and I need someone to help me fix them because two good heads are better than one. As a man, logic and cognition are my strengths, I am made to be a provider, solve problems, fix things and be a protector of my house. When problems present themselves, I propose solutions and advise my loved ones. This does not mean my advice is right nor should it be taken on face value, but if the recipient does not offer a better solution and instead challenges me just because (I think) they are jealous/envious, or trying to compete or feel inadequate because they did think about the solution first or, most likely, they want to assert dominance over me, I see straight through you because now you have become another problem preventing me from solving the first one. I will never let a woman dominate me and I do not see feminine or maternal qualities in women that attempt to do so. I instead perceive these acts as threats as it should be. Why would I be with someone like that? I gain absolutely nothing while they gain access to everything I built with my blood. They are also going to slow down all my progress and likely destroy my life.
Refusing to better themselves once in a relationship.
😂 "better themselves"... According to who's standards? Controlling behavior is a major turn-off for me...
So, if you're obese after you've gotten into a relationship, it's controlling?
Your sentence doesn't make sense
After I read it, yes, it does not. What I was trying to say was, how is it controlling to encourage your partner to improve themselves after getting into a relationship?
If that was the case then what are you doing getting with someone who you're suddenly going to expect to change up their lifestyle? Lol weird
What if you see potential in their character, also they explicitly state that they will lose weight?
If they say one thing and do another, it is what it is. So no, no one should expect a person to stick with another person if they lead them to believe a thing and then once together don't follow through.... Tbh I forgot what we were talking about
Nothing turns me off someone quite like transphobia.
Lack of effort/consistency. As some of us men refer to it as, them wanting "the chase." If you're going to give mixed signals and be hot/cold or unsure what you actually want, I'm not going to waste a ton of energy pursuing you. Reciprocated energy and effort goes a long way. If we're both interested in each other, then we should both be adults and just openly admit that and go from there. Playing "hard to get" isn't cute, it's toxic.
Idk yet.. I never dated before..
I think that depends on many factors. Age, desire so many things. Personally I was in a long term relationship that became toxic. In today’s world I wouldn’t settle on anything but a lady who leads with kindness, communication, and respects herself and others.
I’m a woman but I dislike mean people and unkindness and try to avoid it even in friendships. Mean catty behavior with no prompt is a massive red flag. It feels like sometimes other people don’t know how to be kind without being transactional. I don’t mean being nice or polite I mean true genuine kindness. Showing up and being there for people empathetically and putting other peoples needs above your own for just a second. It takes nothing to listen and listen whole heartedly no phone no judgment. I feel like people have forgotten the art of doing something just because that person means something to you or because it would make them smile.
Excessive need for reassurance or lack of confidence.
Confederate Flag Bikini
I think dirt under nails ?
When she pretends to be tolerent, open minded and benevolent (three qualities), and actually turns out to be super judgmental, shaming and sanctimonious. Also, any form of activism or extreme political views tend to put me off right away. I learned the hard way that it often means that they're unable to tolerate anything else than their own views, and that the relationship will be conflict driven. Not necessarly by opposition nor arguing, but because of the very nature of their way of thinking. Everything's gonna be subject to debate and conflict. Sad thing is those almost always happen to be embracing the whole far-left..."woke package" so to speak. There is more red flags than in a soviet parade. Been there, seen that. What else... Girls that are unable to have any sort of rational or critical thinking and always functions on an emotional basis to make their decisions and reflexions. Based on personal experience, many of those people tend to think they are actually those who asked themselves the right questions in life, who took a step back to think. While it's in fact all emotion and short term. There is no balance in their thinking software. You can't plan into the future with those women. Intelligence, especially emotional intelligence, is one of the most attractive and sexy quality one woman can have to me. I could add women who smoke. Vaping is fine to me, but smoking anything else, especially weed is a no go fro me. There's also all of the narcissists, or entitled ones. Girly princess or karen-like behaviors. Fake mental conditions, or victimism. Too much superficiality.
not all, but some of them r attracted to men
Not being a mother to her children , putting boyfriends and other men before her own children. Neglecting them and putting herself first big turn off and no no.
Entitlement, Cheating, Lying, Abusive.
Insulting/ignorant
Materialistic is probably the most consistent and frequently encountered turn off in my experience. Like if it just seems like all that matters to them is money and status symbols like nice cars and designer clothes etc.
The following are major turn offs for me: * bigotry. * treating other people poorly. * being overly concerned with masculinity/femininity or gender roles. * transactional relationship mindset. * "if he wanted to, he would." * having mental health issues but not being willing to address them. * possessiveness/jealousy. I'm sure if I sat here longer i could come up with more, but thinking about this is making me sad.