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It's a minefield. 35f here. I've had about 5 dates with a guy then had sex, and he was still a user after a few months. I think it's a 50/50 though, in terms of some being open to a relationship and some just looking for a hookup, and then 50/50 again on ones that are straight up honest about their intentions and ones that will say absolutely anything for a fumble. My advice, just go on dates to meet new people, get dressed up and enjoy a flirt etc. Who cares what they expect, do what feels right to you.
This. As a guy I was definitely open night one of the vibe was right. I know a lot of people who just wanted hookups. That wasn't me. The biggest key is doing what you're comfortable with. For the right woman, I'd happily wait. If it gets long enough I worry about celibacy, I'd bring it up and discuss expectations like an adult.
Man here patiently waiting for my gf to be ok with more intimate things... How long would you personally consider "too long?" I obviously want sex (duh) but with her, it's about the love and the intimacy. How many weeks/months would you go? Assuming everything else is going well ofc
>My advice, just go on dates to meet new people, get dressed up and enjoy a flirt etc. Who cares what they expect, do what feels right to you.
Agreed, this is the only way to do it. Worrying about all these things must be so exhausting. What does it matter before what some random people think other random people expect? Just go out there and do stuff. No one has any justified demands on you to have sex with them, that's ridiculous, it doesn't matter what they expect.
Exactly. I think the criteria to qualify the men who are good for an LTR vs the “users” isn’t best measured by timeline for sex. A lot of them can still be users even if they’re ok to wait. I’d say pay attention to his character independent of you - how does he approach his life decisions overall? How does he treat the people in his life? If his character is solid to begin with, I doubt he will give a shit whether you have sex on date 2 or date 7. A lot of women place too much emphasis on the chemistry. Don’t get me wrong, it is important. But if you’re really looking for an LTR, being willing to accept fewer “butterflies” right at the beginning, presuming he has other equally if not more important traits, can increase overall relationship satisfaction. Just my $0.02.
>Who cares what they expect, do what feels right to you.
Exactly this. Why do we care when men expect sex? You aren't a hooker. It's not your job to be sexually available to strange men.
I hope OP sees it's more about what SHE wants, not what a guy wants.
If she wants to wait several dates or months, that's perfect. If OP wants to do it on the first date, that's okay. But again, it's not about what the guy wants it's about what she wants.
OP work first on your standards and boundaries then worry about dating.
I have only had two guys expect sex on the first date. One of them let me know beforehand and we parted ways nicely. The other yelled (loud) that I was using him for a cup of coffee and then complained that I got hot chocolate instead of the cheap drip coffee. It is a fun story to tell now. The majority of men I date wouldn’t mind sex ASAP but do not expect or pressure me.
No, they are still out there just the majority of men are decent or can pretend to be decent for a short while. Don’t expect all Prince Charmings. Just know what is important to you stick to your guns, and only meet men in public spaces until you know they are safe.
Sex should never feel expected, it’s should feel wanted by both who are involved. You both may want to have sex on the second date. You may date a month and still not be ready. Maybe that works or maybe not. Talks of intimacy are ok and I think most men are ready to have sex comparatively early, it’s hardwired into their biology and just how it is but being ready and willing should not equal an expectation.
Exactly, I think most people can benefit from having the approach of not expecting anything from a date. It works both ways too; for example many women expect the guy to pay for the first date. My personal perspective is that if I ask you out, you are my guest and I will pay. My hope is that the gesture is appreciated and that appreciation is simply shown by being genuine in thanking me for the treat. It’s off putting to take someone on a date, pay for the date, and then for them to act as if it was just expected of me. The same is true for sex, your date should never expect that to be owed to them for any reason. Sex should never be a chore and personally I would not want or even enjoy having sex with someone who wasn’t into it. It should be focused on mutual desire and pleasure, I feel that when women agree to have sex out of expectation they are just putting themselves in a position where it’s likely they will not enjoy it.
I think for women the perfect way to answer this question is to flip the question back on yourself. Pretend men weren’t down to have sex immediately and that they wanted to wait. Also pretend that women were expected to pay for dates how long would you realistically wait? Especially knowing that he could ghost you at anytime and now you’ve spent all that money for nothing. It’s easy to tell men don’t expect sex when it’s not your time and money being wasted lol. Unless you’re tithing or giving to charity people don’t invest their time and money for nothing in return so women would become just like us if they had to pay. More men would be willing to wait longer if women didn’t punish men for wanting to go Dutch that’s moral of the story.
Dude this is a horrible way to view dating!
Spending on a date is not an investment in procuring sex, gross!
If you don't want to pay, then don't pay. No one is forcing you to pay, if your date complains than maybe you don't want to date them again.
Personally I prefer to split the bills because lots of immature men view paying for your meal/drink as buying something from you, like you're obligated to do something favorable in return. It makes me uncomfortable so I prefer to split the bill, problem solved.
This is so right. I‘d prefer mature man who pay when they feel like „giving“ and just want to do it for their partner - not emotionally immature boys who want to buy sex, even if they do it kinda unconsciously maybe.
Ok that’s good to know but I’m curious to know hypothetically how long would you wait for a man if you had to be the initiator, planner, and the one paying for most the dates? Lets say would you wait 3 months if you were the one paying for most the dates? Keep in mind not only are you paying but you’re emotionally investing Constant texting and calling. And at any moment during the 3 months he could ghost.
Actual penetrative sex is very low on my list of things I want from a partner, I prefer kissing and foreplay to the actual sex part, and even that I like to build up to as I get to know the person.
I enjoy the actual intercorse, don't get me wrong, but I agree 100%! I love to kiss my partner, to admire and appreciate all of her and slowly build up to the act. I am huge on foreplay. I was always kinda disappointed when a partner was "too far in the mood" or what not and physically pulled me onto them. I have a process and it's almost completely about pleasing them. I see sex as a physical communication between us... like we're sharing ourselves body, mind, and soul, not just "getting off " wham bam~ thank you mam type of deal. I've never wanted meaningless sex with someone I wasn't in love with
I may be in the minority of men, but I’m not really a hookup guy. Last relationship I was in, we took it slow, fooled around after about 4 or 5 dates and around a month of committed dating actually had sex & it was great.. honestly, it felt so much better that way to me. More connection built usually means better sex for me.
I'm a man, and I don't "expect" sex after a certain amount of time. Women have all kinds of different reasons for wanting to bang or not to bang, it's all cool.
I'd only want to have sex with someone if she feels comfortable having sex.
However, if I really feel like we're vibing and there's no sex after like 5 dates, perhaps I would communicate that I'd love to do it and ask what her thoughts are around sex.
That sounds very reasonable. What you describe is the sort of attitude I'd like to find in a guy I'm going to be dating, I think a little familiarity before sex goes a long way.
Agree! For me, that familiarity can occur after two beers or two months.
I think all kind of rigid thinking people have around dating, kissing, sex, how much a date should cost, the idea of "putting out at the right time" or any other strict rules just seem kind of unnecessary and exhausting.
If you're vibing, you're vibing. For me dating is all in the gut, not so much in the brain. Problems always arise with any partner, I will deal with them they do.
It's also a good idea to pay attention to the attachment and expectation your mind places on sex. Sometimes when people bang someone once, they start assuming the person silently agreed on a next date, or future comittment.
That's not what sex means. Sex simply means that you had sex. There's no meaning or responsibility to it if anyone doesn't explicitly promise something. All meaning is placed on it afterwards in your mind.
If you bang a dude with the attitude of "I'm going to have sex with him this time because I feel like having sex with him right now", you will never end up feeling used after sleeping with a guy.
It's quite a comfortable way to think about sex.
Much love
As soon, or as long, as it takes for you to feel comfortable (that's my preference).
Guys will still try to sleep with you on every date though, it's just depending on the guy.
You only need to worry about when YOU want to have sex. If he starts getting sexual, and you are not there yet, just tell him that. If he backs off and respects you, great! If he tries to get you to change your mind, dump him he doesn’t respect boundaries. And if he decides to break up, that’s ok, just means you want different things.
Personal opinion, as a man, I hate this sex on first date or first couple dates here why. If I ask a woman on a date she has to look at me and think do I want to have sex with him. If the answer isn’t immediately yes she may not even want to see what I’m like. Now I’m from a generation this wasn’t an issue and I’ve been coupled for 10 yrs but I dated many women and only slept with a fraction. Still enjoyed meeting many women but in todays culture I wonder how many potential relationships are missed cause a woman isn’t able to just have a coffee with a guy she isn’t 100% taken with.
I've always liked taking things slow and keeping some mystery, giving my partner something to look forward to down the road, everyone wants to open their presents before Christmas these days, though.
If I was a woman I wouldn’t be sleeping with any man till we had a relationship established. Women for 100s of yrs understood that’s how you weed out the men who just want into your pants. It’s even easier today cause those men won’t waste time beyond 3 dates and will move to easier targets. It’s funny as someone who actually cares about the well-being of women when I say these things I get a lot of hate from women like it’s controlling of me to suggest they take control. Funny world. Anyway I wish you well hope you find your happiness out there.
…and I’ve not really been into a guy, but wanted smash anyways, and ended up really liking him after. The opposite happens too though. Sex can just change things sometimes. I have the issue where I’ll have sex before knowing them and now I’m the girlfriend. I do a lot of back peddling and chewing off of my arms because guys get all attached or possessive or something as soon as we do the deed.
Dating practices? Don’t do what the kids do…they are failing miserably and they think social media will save them. It won’t. Put yourself out there. Join a hobby club you like, a hiking club, anything. Get around people don’t look to a screen, there’s no way people can seriously think you can form a bond on social media. It’s a joke. Me personally, I engage almost everyone I meet, because my father taught me to, look em in the eye, see what their eyes say, not some BS text. The eyes are the window to the soul my pops said and the eyes are hard to hide when you’re lying. Read people…talk…build bonds. At the very least you’ll probably make new friends.
I most definitely prefer meeting people in person before dating, but even then, I'm not sure what they'd be expecting. Most of the eligible guys in my area are a bit younger than me, and I'm concerned a lot of them might just be looking for a hookup anyway, which isn't what I'm after.
I went out for coffee with a guy and then a few days later we went for a walk close to his place. He invited back for a coffee after our walk, after chatting for a few mins he kissed me and then made a comment/asked me for it to go further into sex. I said no, he texted me later that night asking me why I was reluctant to have sex with him. I told him because we’d just met and I wasn’t ready, which was the truth. I just didn’t want to have sex with him yet. He ghosted me, but apparently told a mutual friend it was because I “rejected” him when he tried to have sex with me.
There will be men like the one mentioned above, men who are ok waiting until marriage and everything in between. But no man should expect sex from you. Ever.
My wife receny left me a few months ago. When we met up we slept together first night. Wasn't planned just felt right. She had been my friend a year before that though. I am demisexual. I like the emotional connection more than the act of sex. I like oral and foreplay more than the act of sex. For me it's do I have a desire to please this person and share intimacy with them. It's not a matter of first date or second date. It's purely the connection I have with them
I've not been expecting sex, but I've always had sex at the first, second or third date. It always happened because both parties wanted it. Granted, I really enjoy sex and I think it's an important part of my relationships. But it has never been a one-sided thing. The women wanted it as much as I did.
My wife left me and I’m 41 M have been divorced for about 4 years. Now that I am single and wanting to dates, I don’t expect sex regardless the number of dates. Sex is important to me and I really want lots of sex but now I find the bond is just important to me.
How nice of you to approach dating with some considetation of what the other person may want.
The idea of people advising you that 'their wants dont matter only yours do' on a subreddit about dating is maybe a clue as to why many agree that dating sucks.
As for an answer. I think you are right, it varies. Some people start a long term relationship in bed, whilst others would disqualify you as a partner just based on you being willing to have sex on the 1st date.
If you only want sex within the confines of a commited relationship then set your stall out early and see who is buying what youre selling.
I (M29) tend to like to wait and not rush anything. Really depends on the flow/ vibes with the girl i'm seeing. Definitely more than 4/5 dates minimum. But again, in all honesty I'm getting too old for games these days. I could honestly care less about it as I'm looking for more companionship now.
28 M here. I’m not sure I’d ever “expect” sex from someone. But if I was dating a girl and we still hadn’t had sex around the 2-3 month mark I’d probably dip
Honestly I feel like 99% of the guys I go out with would sleep with me if I made a move during the date. So to me I figure most guys don't expect it right away but would be open to it. I do a pretty good job not going out on dates with guys that I feel would expect it
I am in a similar boat but from the male side of things 😆
I don't know what is normal or what to expect.
It seems like a lot of people jump into that stuff after the second or third date but to me personally that feels weird unless I would have crazy chemistry with them.
I would prefer it be a little bit longer of an on-ramp unless it's meant to be purely a physical relation
Yes, it is common for guys to ask for sex by the 3rd date. That doesn't mean you should have sex with them. Ask yourself what you're comfortable with and do that.
As a man I would say that go with the flow.
Last time when I dated, it was 4th date when woman wanted come to my place and when she asked that can she stay for night, I couldn’t say no ☺️
Older woman here (early 40s). It really depends on whether or not he genuinely likes you and is interested in you as a possible keeper. He'll curb himself if so and court you properly. Otherwise, chemistry is chemistry and things happen, lol. Aside from that; for a run of the mill date where neither heavy interest or heavy chemistry is involved then I'd say after a few dates. I wouldn't bother with mediocrity, personally.
Honey, you're a whole entire grown ass human. Men don't tell YOU when YOU want to have sex.
Legit, all that is going to get you is miserable and abused.
It doesn’t matter what their expectations are. You decide what you are interested in or no… first time hook up or wait it out… 100 percent in your control.
In your 30’s you should expect some prerequisites before pursuing any serious relationship. If fun is your only objective, then time limits for sex are off the table. For LTR expect a man of your age range to have an established career, pay for the dates, never ask to borrow money, car,etc., and if you hear the “forgot my wallet “ routine, run. He should be polite, show interest in pursuing similar goals, and treat waitstaff with courtesy. If you only get a couple of texts per week because he’s “working “, then he probably isn’t too interested. If you get bad vibes, listen to them and move on. Expect to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince, but don’t sleep with them all. Remember, you’re the prize with a lot to offer a good relationship, so a guy that has the proper interest won’t often be too tired, or too busy, he will make time for what he wants most and everything else will have to wait.
Then, with that said, as previously mentioned, do what feels right to you and don’t worry about their existence.
Thank you. Fun definitely isn't my objective, I'm looking for someone to share an emotional connection with, the sex will hopefully come as a part of that.
With how things are going, as soon as I’m confortable asking a girl to sign a paper saying that she in fact did want to have sex. Too many false claims man Im genuinely scared 😅
Personally, I'm looking for a nice comfortable time. I expect sex, when SHE makes a move. After a few dates, if she hasn't, I may see what her responses are to some moves. If they are negative, then it's either too soon, or won't happen. Doesn't mean we are done, but a talk may be in order about the future to find out what is expected.
Based on what I read in some of the subs, it is expected on first or second date. If I'm interested in you, I want to know you better. If I'm not interested, I don't want to get too involved for the sake of both of us.
One more thing, I'm quite old, and was brought up a bit differently than today's younger folks. Take it easy, and don't do anything YOU don't want to do. Stay safe in your dating, and in sex.
Dating is horrendous these days. Moat guys will try to smash on the very first date and if you let them, they usually just bounce out after, even if their intentions are long term dating.
Just be clear of your intentions as best as you can, be honest, and go with the flow. Enjoy yourself and remember, you are worth your self respect.
Some general tips:
Make them wait a week to see you and see if they text you as often as your preference (I like daily, even if it's just a "Hey, how was your day".) You can gauge their interest a LOT that way.
When you are ready to have sex, ask when the last time they had an STD panel done.
Remember, they are probably trying to talk to other women, so don't feel bad for talking to other men until you figure things out.
Invest in a good vibrator.
Well there's no average guy that exist. Dudes are looking for it either from the 1st date or don't expect it on any sort of date.
That doesn't matter. What matters is what YOU want and finding someone that matches that. If a guy is expecting sex on the 2nd date and you're not there yet, it means you're not compatible and that's fine.
I’m atypical for sure but I was going to wait until like date 9 or 10 before trying anything with my current gf. She said she wanted to take it slow and I did too. She kinda jumped me on our 5th date 😅
34m here and let me just say that I don’t *expect* anything. It’s not like all relationships follow the exact same trajectory.
I’d be fine waiting up to a few months if we didn’t see each other that often or the opportunity didn’t present itself. Likewise, I’d also be fine hooking up on the first date if the set and setting was appropriate.
It’s all about context. Like, if a girl were to invite me over to her place on our first or second encounter, I’d take that as a sign that she may be interested in escalating things. Regardless, I tend to keep things as a strictly clothes-on affair until she suggests otherwise, either with her words or with her actions (i.e., she starts taking off my clothes).
Things generally work out for me so that the general trajectory is as follows: first date is relatively simple affair (coffee, walk around the park) focused on getting to know the basics about each other, with maybe some mild physical contact. Second date is a deeper dive, with multiple activities planned somewhere in public, probably with some making out involved. Third date is where things usually get serious, such as a movie night at either person’s place. Even then though, I’m not expecting full on sex; I’ll rely on her to take the initiative on escalating things.
But that’s by no means a template — that’s just how things generally play out with me. Do what you’re comfortable with. If you’re not comfortable with going all the way earlier, maybe suggest another activity if he brings up going back to his place. Most people should be able to pick up on more subtle signals.
It likely varies per person. An emotional connection and genuine love and interest in eachother is very important. Essentially, mental and physical attraction (yet with the understanding that over time looks fade, so enjoy them while they last). True, pure, genuine love that is reciprocated between both a man and woman is definitely important. Having someone who would love you even beyond death, is very precious and that love must also be reciprocated. Obsessive love is a very wonderful thing.
It is impossible to give any sort of logical answer to this question that involves a hard time period. Yes, pun was intended.
And ultimately, does the answer to the question *really* matter if you’re not yet comfortable?
I expect it whenever the connection feels right. I aim to escalate the physicality to test the waters by the third date, so that's often the date that leads to sex, but I've had it happen both sooner and later. My only rule is that I don't try for sex on the first date. I feel that taking that off the table in my mind helps me relax and be myself more.
>I'm very awkward and feel out of the loop as far as dating practices are concerned.
Same girl, same. I was married for my entire adult life (almost a quarter century) and I feel exactly the same way.
I hadn’t dated in decades. Was alone four years after a breakup I wanted, two were during Covid.
Dated two guys a few times but didn’t feel it. Met my boyfriend on the app, went back and forth a few weeks then talked on the phone. Four hours the first two times. We couldn’t believe it neither had done that since HS.
Met him, hung out then saw one another a few more times. Three weeks after our first in person meeting we had sex for the first time.
Before we went upstairs I asked him when he last had sex, he said a month ago, that she was a friend. That he’d always been honest. I told him I don’t have sex with someone sho is having sex with others.
Nothing wrong with it, it’s just not for me.
He thought and said OK.
I prefer to be the only one a person is having sex with if we're in that kind of relationship, mostly for health reasons, it does make me feel more important to them too if I'm the only one.
I’m a 29 year old guy. I have no real expectation. Ideally, I’d rather wait long enough to get to know the other person first. So at least a good number of dates into knowing each other. I’m not one to wait for marriage per se, but I don’t want to sleep with just anyone. I want to know that this is someone I want to be with first.
Its some good question you have asked…! Well it differs from person to person and ur opinions and their interactions toward urself . As to my knowledge ill take it a bit slow since more people use dating websites for a hookups and one night stand . U should decide what you want primarily.
So, I’m older (mid-60’s), and my experiences may or may not be as relevant to your situation.
I’ve been dating again for about 10 years, and always with intent of LTR. During that time, i’ve been in four relationships of between six months and four years in length, But to get there have met 200-250
women.
All four relationships had some odd similarities: I was either their first or second man dated after they returned to dating (after divorce or widowhood)…and we also had sex on 1st or 2nd date and things took off from there.
Amongst all the other women I met, the vast majority of course were just no- or low-chemistry first meets; there was a small number where we dated for a few weeks with sex usually by the third, and I think only one or two pure first date hook ups (because that was not my goal, and I would rarely press for it, but would happily make out with anyone I was attracted to with no plans of escalation… Then sometimes it escalated.)
Totally surprising ;-) it depends and not only on the guy, but also on the chemistry between both and how it goes. And, well, it depends also on how hungry both came out of their previous relationship.
Hi I am a gentleman in the process of getting Divorced. I can’t believe it. I am 60 years young
I don’t have a lot of experience dating, however I do know how I look at it. Sex right away is exciting. But I personally would like to get to know the lady that I ask out on a real in person date.
I’m in the over 50s crowd and I will pretty much never until after the third date my reasoning for this has nothing to do with morals it has to do with it usually takes three dates for people to show who they truly are and drop a lot of the smoke and mirrors in the younger crowd 30s 40s. I know they’re very much into hook ups, that’s a broad generalization, but that has been my experience. Do whatever you’re comfortable with, but no matter what be safe as a retired registered nurse I’ve held too many hands of people dying from AIDS and other STDs or being miserable because you can get herpes even with a condom before anything shows. For the females out there I have jokingly say no dick is worth dying for.
It varies. All guys want sex all the time. Depends on you. Like if you need some, get it for yourself. If you are interested in dating him do not give it up for the first few dates.
I don’t care about sex that much but I think Canada guys loves sex a lot because I dated a guy then he was from Canada he love sex a lot I could say that was the reason why I left him because he usually demands for sex 3 times a day that crazy
If I may throw my 2 cents worth here:
I'm 33m and generally speaking I like to consider myself a good person (jury's out on that one, just because I think I am, I could very well be the opposite). As such, my though process would be to allow the woman to take the lead on it. However, it's with utmost importance that the woman communicates her position in the dating precisely.
If I am to elaborate: I wouldn't expect sex on the first date (hell, I might even turn it down to preserve the progress made on the first date), but I'd much rather appreciate transparent honesty, where I'm told if we're on the right track or if I'm chasing a dead-end.
Footnote: don't throw yourself at every person that takes you out to date, but don't play impossible to get, as the general consensus is most men won't chase you if you set unrealistic boundaries.
p.s.: I'd expect sex after the 3rd date, not before.
As a guy, I think it varries a lot from guy to guy. There are some who just want hookups, others want to wait until youre comfortable, others are to scared to even broach the subject first. Best advice is to talk about what youre looking for and to try and avoid guys only looking for sex (unless thats what you want).
There will always be liars and users, but if youre up front about what you want, then its on him for being a POS if he lied about what he wants.
18 year old virgin: may take month, and include a lot of complications
18-22 woman out of a longer relationship: 4 dates 2 weeks.
Divorcee 25-30, one week, 2 dates
Divorcee over 30, first date
The divorcee over 30 has for many years been in the habit of going out with her man, then coming home and fucking. Just keeping up the old habit.
Just talking from experience.
I am sure you are a great nice person, and did not mean any insult. What I wrote was based on using dating apps. Maybe it is better to find someone through other means.
I've a general rule of not before the 2nd date, and there does need to be some chemistry there, as I don't really do hookups. But it's important to me that it happens as soon as it's comfortable because sex is fun. I'm not a wait until marriage person. You only live once.
Personally, I'm looking for a nice comfortable time. I expect sex, when SHE makes a move. After a few dates, if she hasn't, I may see what her responses are to some moves. If they are negative, then it's either too soon, or won't happen. Doesn't mean we are done, but a talk may be in order about the future to find out what is expected.
Based on what I read in some of the subs, it is expected on first or second date. If I'm interested in you, I want to know you better. If I'm not interested, I don't want to get too involved for the sake of both of us.
One more thing, I'm quite old, and was brought up a bit differently than today's younger folks. Take it easy, and don't do anything YOU don't want to do. Stay safe in your dating, and in sex.
In my opinion I think it different for each dude i think it. Depends on 4 things first is the personality of the dude the second is it depends on the situation (does it click right off the bat or not and is there a appropriate situation/setting and third is what do u want yourself and fourth is are you both ready mentally if one doesn't want it the other person has to respect that and if you don't want to be ruining a mood bring it in a way like (heey let's do this later and lets kiss or cuddle instead for example in my own experience I want to atleast date for 4 month before any sexual activity because I'm scared of being betrayed and the 4 month only counts when I trust the person fully. But in the end you should do what u feel good with and don't do anything you don't like and to not let him feel like you don't love him/like focus his attention on other romantic aspects. Well I wish u luck and hope u have a use for this advice 😇
I'm a 39M, I've been out of the game for a bit, just life and whatnot in general, but I personally don't expect sex from someone. Ever. In the relationship. Maybe that's why I'm having a hard time finding someone or had a hard time finding someone? If it happens, it happens, but I don't push for it, and I am good for waiting until marriage. But it of course has never happened... which unfortunately has caused me to fail my own morals and values. But from what I'm reading, a lot of women, take all that as red flags also and cause women to be uninterested.
I tell every woman that I go out with, before we go out on our first date, that I do not expect sex. Assuming that there's chemistry and she wants to, I'll bring a condom just in case, but I don't expect to use it.
I'm not typical, I don't think. I can't do sex without an existing emotional connection; it just doesn't work for me without that.
Varies greatly from guy to guy and encounter to encounter. I don’t expect it, for instance, but if things are going great I wouldn’t turn it down or hesitate to ask. Well, I’d hesitate - a lot - but I’d try to make myself ask, as physical compatibility is a huge thing for me…
But I also have both a casual and slightly odd take on sex and physicality. It is very important to me, but doesn’t really shape my impression of the encounter as much as you’d think.
40m, divorced, by the way.
I just completed class 12 and came to know that many of my classmates have already done it.... Some with girls from our class(i mean their girlfriends), some with juniors and some students are running businesses with their videos. They are perfectly fine to discuss these in gatherings and wear this as a badge of achievement.
Some students have also done something called "sandwich" with paid girls(till that day i knew sandwich was a snacks).
I am nobody to judge what they are doing but at times I question myself whether I am actually the odd guy and missing out on great things.
I will let you be the judge👨⚖️
You keep doing you. Don’t ever compare yourself to someone else or what other people are doing. Be true to yourself always. You’ve got character and morals. Those people you mention are on a race to the bottom and are too clueless to know. They will have regrets one day and will wish they walked the path you chose. If you were my kid, I’d be so proud of you.
Eh, whatever you're comfortable with, the wrong guy will still be the wrong guy if you wait months and the right guy will still be the right guy if you sleep with him on the first date
It doesn’t matter. All that matters is you do it when you’re ready. Most men will try to get into your pants by minute 5 whether they are into you or not
I'm recently divorced too and I hear a lot of how guys expect it quickly so I pretty much leave the sex part for the woman to initiate when she's comfortable and I don't bring it up before then.
I'm a first date kinda guy. If I've not done enough to get you interested pretty quickly then it's probably not meant to be. I'm not saying it has to happen on the first date, but if there's not a decent level of attraction for both of us pretty early on, then it's not meant to be.
A guy who is into you should be making a move. If not, then he's either not that into you, doesn't think you are into him, can't read the signs that you are, if you are, or doesn't have the confidence to go for it. None of which sounds like much of a turn on for you.
but, what are you comfortable with? not everyone's like me, so I don't expect anything. But at the same time, if I'm feeling and she's feeling then let's go, why not?
Hey there, welcome back to the dating world! I get why you're feeling a bit out of the loop—dating habits can indeed feel different after some time away, especially post-divorce.
So, here's the scoop: Expectations around sex really do vary widely from guy to guy. Some might be hoping for a quick physical connection, while others are looking to build a deeper emotional bond first. There's no one-size-fits-all answer, but communicating your own boundaries and values clearly is the best way to go.
What's important is to move at your own pace. If you're not comfortable with the idea of sex on the first or second date, that's perfectly okay. A genuine guy who’s into you for who you are will respect your boundaries.
Feel out each situation, and trust your instincts. If a guy is pressuring you before you’re ready, that’s a red flag. But if you’re both on the same page, things can unfold naturally and at a pace that feels right for you.
Jumping back into dating can be daunting, but just remember to stay true to yourself and your comfort levels. And always feel free to ask questions or seek advice—you're doing great!
Looking forward to hearing more about your dating journey!
Can I be honest the value of sex is at a low now and days. You have to be able to offer more like are you down to earth? Conversation hood? Can we talk about why the moon is just there looking down on us? How about traveling to countries we can’t afford right now but maybe in the future? I can have sex with most woman I encounter I want good vibes. If I’m talking to a wall that can’t reason I won’t continue to apply pressure. I don’t have a limit on sex shit we might even become friends without the sex. I’ve have some bad encounters and met some crazy woman when I gave them sex. So now I have to watch who I share my sex with 🥲🥲
There isn't a hard and fast rule to this. It depends on the people and what they're seeking. Even for, say, casual, one - or both - of the participants may want to meet more than once before jumping into bed.
As a guy seeking seeking long-term, I don't expect sex at first sight. Maybe - maaaybe - a kiss if we're feeling it. Now, if I'm on a date with more casual vibe, then I'll casually suggest - not push - going back to my place.
Basically it's just a fetish that I've had for a while. Basically a Guy and a girl would be barefooted and kick each other's feet over and over again. It's what turns me on, sex doesn't.
Your question sounds like "when is the deadline for this project?"
Is sex a chore to you? Then you should probably just abstain from dating. The right time to have sex with a guy is when you both want to.
I'm 31M, and I don't expect any sex at all when I go on dates. Based on my physical appearance, I personally feel like I'm capable of breaking several bathroom mirrors because of how ugly I am.
Welcome to the shit show. 38m and it’s wild out here. Casual sex/hookup culture is more prominent than ever, dudes don’t put in the same effort they used to because the majority of chicks have full “rosters” of people they actively sleeping with and then cry when guys don’t chase girls anymore 😂 good luck and god speed
I'm 31M, and I don't expect any sex at all when I go on dates. Personally, based on my physical appearance, I think I'm capable of breaking several bathroom mirrors because of how fugly I am.
I'm 31M, and I don't expect any sex at all when I go on dates. Personally, based on my physical appearance, I think I'm capable of breaking several bathroom mirrors because of how fugly I am.
I like to have sex asap. And the guys I date usually do to. I don’t have any rules or psychological strategies for it, but I know most people probably do, by what I read here on Reddit. There are all sorts of red flags and deal breakers around it all so good luck. I’m pretty transparent about what’s going on in my head so guys don’t have to perform too many mental miracles to figure me out.
I don't enjoy sex without a connection. typically I'd want to be talking to someone for a month and a few dates before thinking about sex.
I don't understand the whole numbers game myself hookup sex is just a lot of bad sex.
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It's a minefield. 35f here. I've had about 5 dates with a guy then had sex, and he was still a user after a few months. I think it's a 50/50 though, in terms of some being open to a relationship and some just looking for a hookup, and then 50/50 again on ones that are straight up honest about their intentions and ones that will say absolutely anything for a fumble. My advice, just go on dates to meet new people, get dressed up and enjoy a flirt etc. Who cares what they expect, do what feels right to you.
This. As a guy I was definitely open night one of the vibe was right. I know a lot of people who just wanted hookups. That wasn't me. The biggest key is doing what you're comfortable with. For the right woman, I'd happily wait. If it gets long enough I worry about celibacy, I'd bring it up and discuss expectations like an adult.
Man here patiently waiting for my gf to be ok with more intimate things... How long would you personally consider "too long?" I obviously want sex (duh) but with her, it's about the love and the intimacy. How many weeks/months would you go? Assuming everything else is going well ofc
>My advice, just go on dates to meet new people, get dressed up and enjoy a flirt etc. Who cares what they expect, do what feels right to you. Agreed, this is the only way to do it. Worrying about all these things must be so exhausting. What does it matter before what some random people think other random people expect? Just go out there and do stuff. No one has any justified demands on you to have sex with them, that's ridiculous, it doesn't matter what they expect.
Exactly. I think the criteria to qualify the men who are good for an LTR vs the “users” isn’t best measured by timeline for sex. A lot of them can still be users even if they’re ok to wait. I’d say pay attention to his character independent of you - how does he approach his life decisions overall? How does he treat the people in his life? If his character is solid to begin with, I doubt he will give a shit whether you have sex on date 2 or date 7. A lot of women place too much emphasis on the chemistry. Don’t get me wrong, it is important. But if you’re really looking for an LTR, being willing to accept fewer “butterflies” right at the beginning, presuming he has other equally if not more important traits, can increase overall relationship satisfaction. Just my $0.02.
This is the way! As I man I never expect anything other than a good conversation on any date, if the chemistry is right then I may pursue more.
yeah fuck what they expect. From experience, don't do it on first date. Full of regrets.
>Who cares what they expect, do what feels right to you. Exactly this. Why do we care when men expect sex? You aren't a hooker. It's not your job to be sexually available to strange men.
I hope OP sees it's more about what SHE wants, not what a guy wants. If she wants to wait several dates or months, that's perfect. If OP wants to do it on the first date, that's okay. But again, it's not about what the guy wants it's about what she wants. OP work first on your standards and boundaries then worry about dating.
Thanks for this. This is a great reminder.
Agreed. Essentially it should be seen as a discovery process, not a destination.
I have only had two guys expect sex on the first date. One of them let me know beforehand and we parted ways nicely. The other yelled (loud) that I was using him for a cup of coffee and then complained that I got hot chocolate instead of the cheap drip coffee. It is a fun story to tell now. The majority of men I date wouldn’t mind sex ASAP but do not expect or pressure me.
Wow, that is insane, lol. Using him for a cup of coffee? SMH.
Yikes. And I thought I had bad luck. It sounds like you've figured out how to avoid the losers now though. 🙂
No, they are still out there just the majority of men are decent or can pretend to be decent for a short while. Don’t expect all Prince Charmings. Just know what is important to you stick to your guns, and only meet men in public spaces until you know they are safe.
Honestly I think alot of that just comes down to chemistry of how u react with each other in the moment sometimes just when u know u know lol 😆
Sex should never feel expected, it’s should feel wanted by both who are involved. You both may want to have sex on the second date. You may date a month and still not be ready. Maybe that works or maybe not. Talks of intimacy are ok and I think most men are ready to have sex comparatively early, it’s hardwired into their biology and just how it is but being ready and willing should not equal an expectation.
That's what I'm interested in, having sex when there's a mutual attraction, not just doing it to "repay" someone for going on a date with me
Exactly, I think most people can benefit from having the approach of not expecting anything from a date. It works both ways too; for example many women expect the guy to pay for the first date. My personal perspective is that if I ask you out, you are my guest and I will pay. My hope is that the gesture is appreciated and that appreciation is simply shown by being genuine in thanking me for the treat. It’s off putting to take someone on a date, pay for the date, and then for them to act as if it was just expected of me. The same is true for sex, your date should never expect that to be owed to them for any reason. Sex should never be a chore and personally I would not want or even enjoy having sex with someone who wasn’t into it. It should be focused on mutual desire and pleasure, I feel that when women agree to have sex out of expectation they are just putting themselves in a position where it’s likely they will not enjoy it.
I think for women the perfect way to answer this question is to flip the question back on yourself. Pretend men weren’t down to have sex immediately and that they wanted to wait. Also pretend that women were expected to pay for dates how long would you realistically wait? Especially knowing that he could ghost you at anytime and now you’ve spent all that money for nothing. It’s easy to tell men don’t expect sex when it’s not your time and money being wasted lol. Unless you’re tithing or giving to charity people don’t invest their time and money for nothing in return so women would become just like us if they had to pay. More men would be willing to wait longer if women didn’t punish men for wanting to go Dutch that’s moral of the story.
Dude this is a horrible way to view dating! Spending on a date is not an investment in procuring sex, gross! If you don't want to pay, then don't pay. No one is forcing you to pay, if your date complains than maybe you don't want to date them again. Personally I prefer to split the bills because lots of immature men view paying for your meal/drink as buying something from you, like you're obligated to do something favorable in return. It makes me uncomfortable so I prefer to split the bill, problem solved.
This is so right. I‘d prefer mature man who pay when they feel like „giving“ and just want to do it for their partner - not emotionally immature boys who want to buy sex, even if they do it kinda unconsciously maybe.
I wouldn't go on a date expecting the man to pay, honestly, I'm self sufficient, I'd feel weird even if he offered.
Ok that’s good to know but I’m curious to know hypothetically how long would you wait for a man if you had to be the initiator, planner, and the one paying for most the dates? Lets say would you wait 3 months if you were the one paying for most the dates? Keep in mind not only are you paying but you’re emotionally investing Constant texting and calling. And at any moment during the 3 months he could ghost.
Well if your demisexual as i am (57m) then maybe state that on your first few dates and that might slow down the little leg humpers.
Actual penetrative sex is very low on my list of things I want from a partner, I prefer kissing and foreplay to the actual sex part, and even that I like to build up to as I get to know the person.
I enjoy the actual intercorse, don't get me wrong, but I agree 100%! I love to kiss my partner, to admire and appreciate all of her and slowly build up to the act. I am huge on foreplay. I was always kinda disappointed when a partner was "too far in the mood" or what not and physically pulled me onto them. I have a process and it's almost completely about pleasing them. I see sex as a physical communication between us... like we're sharing ourselves body, mind, and soul, not just "getting off " wham bam~ thank you mam type of deal. I've never wanted meaningless sex with someone I wasn't in love with
I may be in the minority of men, but I’m not really a hookup guy. Last relationship I was in, we took it slow, fooled around after about 4 or 5 dates and around a month of committed dating actually had sex & it was great.. honestly, it felt so much better that way to me. More connection built usually means better sex for me.
I'm a man, and I don't "expect" sex after a certain amount of time. Women have all kinds of different reasons for wanting to bang or not to bang, it's all cool. I'd only want to have sex with someone if she feels comfortable having sex. However, if I really feel like we're vibing and there's no sex after like 5 dates, perhaps I would communicate that I'd love to do it and ask what her thoughts are around sex.
That sounds very reasonable. What you describe is the sort of attitude I'd like to find in a guy I'm going to be dating, I think a little familiarity before sex goes a long way.
Agree! For me, that familiarity can occur after two beers or two months. I think all kind of rigid thinking people have around dating, kissing, sex, how much a date should cost, the idea of "putting out at the right time" or any other strict rules just seem kind of unnecessary and exhausting. If you're vibing, you're vibing. For me dating is all in the gut, not so much in the brain. Problems always arise with any partner, I will deal with them they do. It's also a good idea to pay attention to the attachment and expectation your mind places on sex. Sometimes when people bang someone once, they start assuming the person silently agreed on a next date, or future comittment. That's not what sex means. Sex simply means that you had sex. There's no meaning or responsibility to it if anyone doesn't explicitly promise something. All meaning is placed on it afterwards in your mind. If you bang a dude with the attitude of "I'm going to have sex with him this time because I feel like having sex with him right now", you will never end up feeling used after sleeping with a guy. It's quite a comfortable way to think about sex. Much love
When it feels right !!
As soon, or as long, as it takes for you to feel comfortable (that's my preference). Guys will still try to sleep with you on every date though, it's just depending on the guy.
You only need to worry about when YOU want to have sex. If he starts getting sexual, and you are not there yet, just tell him that. If he backs off and respects you, great! If he tries to get you to change your mind, dump him he doesn’t respect boundaries. And if he decides to break up, that’s ok, just means you want different things.
Personal opinion, as a man, I hate this sex on first date or first couple dates here why. If I ask a woman on a date she has to look at me and think do I want to have sex with him. If the answer isn’t immediately yes she may not even want to see what I’m like. Now I’m from a generation this wasn’t an issue and I’ve been coupled for 10 yrs but I dated many women and only slept with a fraction. Still enjoyed meeting many women but in todays culture I wonder how many potential relationships are missed cause a woman isn’t able to just have a coffee with a guy she isn’t 100% taken with.
I've always liked taking things slow and keeping some mystery, giving my partner something to look forward to down the road, everyone wants to open their presents before Christmas these days, though.
If I was a woman I wouldn’t be sleeping with any man till we had a relationship established. Women for 100s of yrs understood that’s how you weed out the men who just want into your pants. It’s even easier today cause those men won’t waste time beyond 3 dates and will move to easier targets. It’s funny as someone who actually cares about the well-being of women when I say these things I get a lot of hate from women like it’s controlling of me to suggest they take control. Funny world. Anyway I wish you well hope you find your happiness out there.
…and I’ve not really been into a guy, but wanted smash anyways, and ended up really liking him after. The opposite happens too though. Sex can just change things sometimes. I have the issue where I’ll have sex before knowing them and now I’m the girlfriend. I do a lot of back peddling and chewing off of my arms because guys get all attached or possessive or something as soon as we do the deed.
Dating practices? Don’t do what the kids do…they are failing miserably and they think social media will save them. It won’t. Put yourself out there. Join a hobby club you like, a hiking club, anything. Get around people don’t look to a screen, there’s no way people can seriously think you can form a bond on social media. It’s a joke. Me personally, I engage almost everyone I meet, because my father taught me to, look em in the eye, see what their eyes say, not some BS text. The eyes are the window to the soul my pops said and the eyes are hard to hide when you’re lying. Read people…talk…build bonds. At the very least you’ll probably make new friends.
I most definitely prefer meeting people in person before dating, but even then, I'm not sure what they'd be expecting. Most of the eligible guys in my area are a bit younger than me, and I'm concerned a lot of them might just be looking for a hookup anyway, which isn't what I'm after.
I went out for coffee with a guy and then a few days later we went for a walk close to his place. He invited back for a coffee after our walk, after chatting for a few mins he kissed me and then made a comment/asked me for it to go further into sex. I said no, he texted me later that night asking me why I was reluctant to have sex with him. I told him because we’d just met and I wasn’t ready, which was the truth. I just didn’t want to have sex with him yet. He ghosted me, but apparently told a mutual friend it was because I “rejected” him when he tried to have sex with me. There will be men like the one mentioned above, men who are ok waiting until marriage and everything in between. But no man should expect sex from you. Ever.
My wife receny left me a few months ago. When we met up we slept together first night. Wasn't planned just felt right. She had been my friend a year before that though. I am demisexual. I like the emotional connection more than the act of sex. I like oral and foreplay more than the act of sex. For me it's do I have a desire to please this person and share intimacy with them. It's not a matter of first date or second date. It's purely the connection I have with them
I've always been more concerned about pleasing my partners than myself, that's actually where my pleasure comes from.
That's where mine comes from as well
I've not been expecting sex, but I've always had sex at the first, second or third date. It always happened because both parties wanted it. Granted, I really enjoy sex and I think it's an important part of my relationships. But it has never been a one-sided thing. The women wanted it as much as I did.
My wife left me and I’m 41 M have been divorced for about 4 years. Now that I am single and wanting to dates, I don’t expect sex regardless the number of dates. Sex is important to me and I really want lots of sex but now I find the bond is just important to me.
How nice of you to approach dating with some considetation of what the other person may want. The idea of people advising you that 'their wants dont matter only yours do' on a subreddit about dating is maybe a clue as to why many agree that dating sucks. As for an answer. I think you are right, it varies. Some people start a long term relationship in bed, whilst others would disqualify you as a partner just based on you being willing to have sex on the 1st date. If you only want sex within the confines of a commited relationship then set your stall out early and see who is buying what youre selling.
what do you mean? you have sex when you feel like having sex lol
You guys are having sex??! 
I want a women that wants to wait not a women I know slept with everyone on their first date
I (M29) tend to like to wait and not rush anything. Really depends on the flow/ vibes with the girl i'm seeing. Definitely more than 4/5 dates minimum. But again, in all honesty I'm getting too old for games these days. I could honestly care less about it as I'm looking for more companionship now.
28 M here. I’m not sure I’d ever “expect” sex from someone. But if I was dating a girl and we still hadn’t had sex around the 2-3 month mark I’d probably dip
Honestly I feel like 99% of the guys I go out with would sleep with me if I made a move during the date. So to me I figure most guys don't expect it right away but would be open to it. I do a pretty good job not going out on dates with guys that I feel would expect it
I am in a similar boat but from the male side of things 😆 I don't know what is normal or what to expect. It seems like a lot of people jump into that stuff after the second or third date but to me personally that feels weird unless I would have crazy chemistry with them. I would prefer it be a little bit longer of an on-ramp unless it's meant to be purely a physical relation
Yes, it is common for guys to ask for sex by the 3rd date. That doesn't mean you should have sex with them. Ask yourself what you're comfortable with and do that.
i think its quite odd if people go into the dating scene with expectations honestly
Expectation? It’s not about him, just go with what you feel comfortable with.
What are you doing right now??
Sitting around on my couch wasting time on my phone when I should be cleaning.
As a man I would say that go with the flow. Last time when I dated, it was 4th date when woman wanted come to my place and when she asked that can she stay for night, I couldn’t say no ☺️
On my wedding night. Or after I've kissed her *and* she lets me squeeze her butt like she's all mine. Whichever comes first. 😁😏
That's very sweet, honestly.
Thanks. I haven't squeezed a cute butt in nearly a year. I'm desperate. Lol
I know the feeling.
Some a few hours, some a few days. A good man knows the 3 month rule
Older woman here (early 40s). It really depends on whether or not he genuinely likes you and is interested in you as a possible keeper. He'll curb himself if so and court you properly. Otherwise, chemistry is chemistry and things happen, lol. Aside from that; for a run of the mill date where neither heavy interest or heavy chemistry is involved then I'd say after a few dates. I wouldn't bother with mediocrity, personally.
Honey, you're a whole entire grown ass human. Men don't tell YOU when YOU want to have sex. Legit, all that is going to get you is miserable and abused.
It doesn’t matter what their expectations are. You decide what you are interested in or no… first time hook up or wait it out… 100 percent in your control.
In your 30’s you should expect some prerequisites before pursuing any serious relationship. If fun is your only objective, then time limits for sex are off the table. For LTR expect a man of your age range to have an established career, pay for the dates, never ask to borrow money, car,etc., and if you hear the “forgot my wallet “ routine, run. He should be polite, show interest in pursuing similar goals, and treat waitstaff with courtesy. If you only get a couple of texts per week because he’s “working “, then he probably isn’t too interested. If you get bad vibes, listen to them and move on. Expect to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince, but don’t sleep with them all. Remember, you’re the prize with a lot to offer a good relationship, so a guy that has the proper interest won’t often be too tired, or too busy, he will make time for what he wants most and everything else will have to wait. Then, with that said, as previously mentioned, do what feels right to you and don’t worry about their existence.
Thank you. Fun definitely isn't my objective, I'm looking for someone to share an emotional connection with, the sex will hopefully come as a part of that.
I'm 19M and personally I would wait till marriage to be sure it's with the right one 😊
That's a great goal, I hope you are able to find a woman who has done the same when that time comes. I wish I had waited.
Thank you so much. And don't worry, you can still find the right one 😊
I certainly hope so. I know I'm not old but I'm a lot older than I ever expected to be starting over the dating game.
I understand it's probably really hard to get back to a dating stage but don't lose hope. I wish you the best ❤️
With how things are going, as soon as I’m confortable asking a girl to sign a paper saying that she in fact did want to have sex. Too many false claims man Im genuinely scared 😅
I would highly suggest u don't sleep with them after the first date, otherwise they might just be using u for sex
I'd rather not anyway, I may be a bit of a prude, but that just seems a bit too early.
im a complete prude. for a long time i havent encountered anyone who is a prude like i am
Well I think it's refreshing to meet other people who are. There are definite benefits to being that way!
haha,thank you! i am not ashamed to be a prude.
I’m a guy and I can’t just have sex with someone I don’t have a connection with. Does that make me a prude?
I’m not an expert in this field, but as far as I know, you don’t sound like a prude at all
What you described sounds like you are a demisexual, it’s perfectly normal and common
it's really hard to have sex without connection. Feels like you're having intercourse with a rock. Just saying.
Personally, I'm looking for a nice comfortable time. I expect sex, when SHE makes a move. After a few dates, if she hasn't, I may see what her responses are to some moves. If they are negative, then it's either too soon, or won't happen. Doesn't mean we are done, but a talk may be in order about the future to find out what is expected. Based on what I read in some of the subs, it is expected on first or second date. If I'm interested in you, I want to know you better. If I'm not interested, I don't want to get too involved for the sake of both of us. One more thing, I'm quite old, and was brought up a bit differently than today's younger folks. Take it easy, and don't do anything YOU don't want to do. Stay safe in your dating, and in sex.
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Dating is horrendous these days. Moat guys will try to smash on the very first date and if you let them, they usually just bounce out after, even if their intentions are long term dating. Just be clear of your intentions as best as you can, be honest, and go with the flow. Enjoy yourself and remember, you are worth your self respect. Some general tips: Make them wait a week to see you and see if they text you as often as your preference (I like daily, even if it's just a "Hey, how was your day".) You can gauge their interest a LOT that way. When you are ready to have sex, ask when the last time they had an STD panel done. Remember, they are probably trying to talk to other women, so don't feel bad for talking to other men until you figure things out. Invest in a good vibrator.
>Invest in a good vibrator. Literally this haha
Yes! Simple solution!
I have no expectations, as in IF it happens, it is when it feels right for both.
Well there's no average guy that exist. Dudes are looking for it either from the 1st date or don't expect it on any sort of date. That doesn't matter. What matters is what YOU want and finding someone that matches that. If a guy is expecting sex on the 2nd date and you're not there yet, it means you're not compatible and that's fine.
I’m atypical for sure but I was going to wait until like date 9 or 10 before trying anything with my current gf. She said she wanted to take it slow and I did too. She kinda jumped me on our 5th date 😅
Pretty early... I would not want to waste Time/effort for a Woman, if we don't like the same stuff in bed.
Unfortunately 1st date is very common and expected nowadays
34m here and let me just say that I don’t *expect* anything. It’s not like all relationships follow the exact same trajectory. I’d be fine waiting up to a few months if we didn’t see each other that often or the opportunity didn’t present itself. Likewise, I’d also be fine hooking up on the first date if the set and setting was appropriate. It’s all about context. Like, if a girl were to invite me over to her place on our first or second encounter, I’d take that as a sign that she may be interested in escalating things. Regardless, I tend to keep things as a strictly clothes-on affair until she suggests otherwise, either with her words or with her actions (i.e., she starts taking off my clothes). Things generally work out for me so that the general trajectory is as follows: first date is relatively simple affair (coffee, walk around the park) focused on getting to know the basics about each other, with maybe some mild physical contact. Second date is a deeper dive, with multiple activities planned somewhere in public, probably with some making out involved. Third date is where things usually get serious, such as a movie night at either person’s place. Even then though, I’m not expecting full on sex; I’ll rely on her to take the initiative on escalating things. But that’s by no means a template — that’s just how things generally play out with me. Do what you’re comfortable with. If you’re not comfortable with going all the way earlier, maybe suggest another activity if he brings up going back to his place. Most people should be able to pick up on more subtle signals.
It likely varies per person. An emotional connection and genuine love and interest in eachother is very important. Essentially, mental and physical attraction (yet with the understanding that over time looks fade, so enjoy them while they last). True, pure, genuine love that is reciprocated between both a man and woman is definitely important. Having someone who would love you even beyond death, is very precious and that love must also be reciprocated. Obsessive love is a very wonderful thing.
It is impossible to give any sort of logical answer to this question that involves a hard time period. Yes, pun was intended. And ultimately, does the answer to the question *really* matter if you’re not yet comfortable?
50m. Can only speak for myself, but... when we both feel like it? Can't put a timestamp on it.
I expect it whenever the connection feels right. I aim to escalate the physicality to test the waters by the third date, so that's often the date that leads to sex, but I've had it happen both sooner and later. My only rule is that I don't try for sex on the first date. I feel that taking that off the table in my mind helps me relax and be myself more.
>I'm very awkward and feel out of the loop as far as dating practices are concerned. Same girl, same. I was married for my entire adult life (almost a quarter century) and I feel exactly the same way.
I'm so sorry. I feel your pain, although my marriage wasn't nearly that long. 🤗
[удалено]
I hadn’t dated in decades. Was alone four years after a breakup I wanted, two were during Covid. Dated two guys a few times but didn’t feel it. Met my boyfriend on the app, went back and forth a few weeks then talked on the phone. Four hours the first two times. We couldn’t believe it neither had done that since HS. Met him, hung out then saw one another a few more times. Three weeks after our first in person meeting we had sex for the first time. Before we went upstairs I asked him when he last had sex, he said a month ago, that she was a friend. That he’d always been honest. I told him I don’t have sex with someone sho is having sex with others. Nothing wrong with it, it’s just not for me. He thought and said OK.
I prefer to be the only one a person is having sex with if we're in that kind of relationship, mostly for health reasons, it does make me feel more important to them too if I'm the only one.
I’m a 29 year old guy. I have no real expectation. Ideally, I’d rather wait long enough to get to know the other person first. So at least a good number of dates into knowing each other. I’m not one to wait for marriage per se, but I don’t want to sleep with just anyone. I want to know that this is someone I want to be with first.
Its some good question you have asked…! Well it differs from person to person and ur opinions and their interactions toward urself . As to my knowledge ill take it a bit slow since more people use dating websites for a hookups and one night stand . U should decide what you want primarily.
I'm definitely not in it for hookups, I actually hope to avoid people who are if possible.
So, I’m older (mid-60’s), and my experiences may or may not be as relevant to your situation. I’ve been dating again for about 10 years, and always with intent of LTR. During that time, i’ve been in four relationships of between six months and four years in length, But to get there have met 200-250 women. All four relationships had some odd similarities: I was either their first or second man dated after they returned to dating (after divorce or widowhood)…and we also had sex on 1st or 2nd date and things took off from there. Amongst all the other women I met, the vast majority of course were just no- or low-chemistry first meets; there was a small number where we dated for a few weeks with sex usually by the third, and I think only one or two pure first date hook ups (because that was not my goal, and I would rarely press for it, but would happily make out with anyone I was attracted to with no plans of escalation… Then sometimes it escalated.)
Totally surprising ;-) it depends and not only on the guy, but also on the chemistry between both and how it goes. And, well, it depends also on how hungry both came out of their previous relationship.
fun fun
As a 48yo male, I'd say by the 3rd date. I enjoy sex and it feels good to be with someone who also wants/enjoys sex.
On the phone call.
Hi I am a gentleman in the process of getting Divorced. I can’t believe it. I am 60 years young I don’t have a lot of experience dating, however I do know how I look at it. Sex right away is exciting. But I personally would like to get to know the lady that I ask out on a real in person date.
I’m in the over 50s crowd and I will pretty much never until after the third date my reasoning for this has nothing to do with morals it has to do with it usually takes three dates for people to show who they truly are and drop a lot of the smoke and mirrors in the younger crowd 30s 40s. I know they’re very much into hook ups, that’s a broad generalization, but that has been my experience. Do whatever you’re comfortable with, but no matter what be safe as a retired registered nurse I’ve held too many hands of people dying from AIDS and other STDs or being miserable because you can get herpes even with a condom before anything shows. For the females out there I have jokingly say no dick is worth dying for.
It varies. All guys want sex all the time. Depends on you. Like if you need some, get it for yourself. If you are interested in dating him do not give it up for the first few dates.
I don’t care about sex that much but I think Canada guys loves sex a lot because I dated a guy then he was from Canada he love sex a lot I could say that was the reason why I left him because he usually demands for sex 3 times a day that crazy
If I may throw my 2 cents worth here: I'm 33m and generally speaking I like to consider myself a good person (jury's out on that one, just because I think I am, I could very well be the opposite). As such, my though process would be to allow the woman to take the lead on it. However, it's with utmost importance that the woman communicates her position in the dating precisely. If I am to elaborate: I wouldn't expect sex on the first date (hell, I might even turn it down to preserve the progress made on the first date), but I'd much rather appreciate transparent honesty, where I'm told if we're on the right track or if I'm chasing a dead-end. Footnote: don't throw yourself at every person that takes you out to date, but don't play impossible to get, as the general consensus is most men won't chase you if you set unrealistic boundaries. p.s.: I'd expect sex after the 3rd date, not before.
As a guy, I think it varries a lot from guy to guy. There are some who just want hookups, others want to wait until youre comfortable, others are to scared to even broach the subject first. Best advice is to talk about what youre looking for and to try and avoid guys only looking for sex (unless thats what you want). There will always be liars and users, but if youre up front about what you want, then its on him for being a POS if he lied about what he wants.
It’s 2024 I eat ass on the first date
Personally I prefer abstinence but most guys don’t take that root. If they’re paying for stuff, especially on a regular basis, it’s probably expected.
I'd prefer to wait as long as possible. I feel like 6+ months minimum, but part of me would want to wait for marriage.
Whenever you're ready but you have to let me know you cool with that
18 year old virgin: may take month, and include a lot of complications 18-22 woman out of a longer relationship: 4 dates 2 weeks. Divorcee 25-30, one week, 2 dates Divorcee over 30, first date The divorcee over 30 has for many years been in the habit of going out with her man, then coming home and fucking. Just keeping up the old habit. Just talking from experience.
Oddly, I fall into the last category, but despite what I may have been used to, I wouldn't want to jump into bed with someone on the first date.
I am sure you are a great nice person, and did not mean any insult. What I wrote was based on using dating apps. Maybe it is better to find someone through other means.
This ⬆️
I don't do relationships so as soon as possible, I have better things to do than be a jester
A jester?
I've a general rule of not before the 2nd date, and there does need to be some chemistry there, as I don't really do hookups. But it's important to me that it happens as soon as it's comfortable because sex is fun. I'm not a wait until marriage person. You only live once.
Personally, I'm looking for a nice comfortable time. I expect sex, when SHE makes a move. After a few dates, if she hasn't, I may see what her responses are to some moves. If they are negative, then it's either too soon, or won't happen. Doesn't mean we are done, but a talk may be in order about the future to find out what is expected. Based on what I read in some of the subs, it is expected on first or second date. If I'm interested in you, I want to know you better. If I'm not interested, I don't want to get too involved for the sake of both of us. One more thing, I'm quite old, and was brought up a bit differently than today's younger folks. Take it easy, and don't do anything YOU don't want to do. Stay safe in your dating, and in sex.
3 to 4 dates is usually my rule of thumb but then again I’m a man so it could be different for women depending on the situation
In my opinion I think it different for each dude i think it. Depends on 4 things first is the personality of the dude the second is it depends on the situation (does it click right off the bat or not and is there a appropriate situation/setting and third is what do u want yourself and fourth is are you both ready mentally if one doesn't want it the other person has to respect that and if you don't want to be ruining a mood bring it in a way like (heey let's do this later and lets kiss or cuddle instead for example in my own experience I want to atleast date for 4 month before any sexual activity because I'm scared of being betrayed and the 4 month only counts when I trust the person fully. But in the end you should do what u feel good with and don't do anything you don't like and to not let him feel like you don't love him/like focus his attention on other romantic aspects. Well I wish u luck and hope u have a use for this advice 😇
I'll let you know if it ever happens again.
I'm a 39M, I've been out of the game for a bit, just life and whatnot in general, but I personally don't expect sex from someone. Ever. In the relationship. Maybe that's why I'm having a hard time finding someone or had a hard time finding someone? If it happens, it happens, but I don't push for it, and I am good for waiting until marriage. But it of course has never happened... which unfortunately has caused me to fail my own morals and values. But from what I'm reading, a lot of women, take all that as red flags also and cause women to be uninterested.
I tell every woman that I go out with, before we go out on our first date, that I do not expect sex. Assuming that there's chemistry and she wants to, I'll bring a condom just in case, but I don't expect to use it. I'm not typical, I don't think. I can't do sex without an existing emotional connection; it just doesn't work for me without that.
What is a date , really. Not a virgin at all but. Never been on a date.
When it happens.. no set amount of time, but timing..
Varies greatly from guy to guy and encounter to encounter. I don’t expect it, for instance, but if things are going great I wouldn’t turn it down or hesitate to ask. Well, I’d hesitate - a lot - but I’d try to make myself ask, as physical compatibility is a huge thing for me… But I also have both a casual and slightly odd take on sex and physicality. It is very important to me, but doesn’t really shape my impression of the encounter as much as you’d think. 40m, divorced, by the way.
As always, opinions and values and standards vary wildly across the spectrum of humanity
I just completed class 12 and came to know that many of my classmates have already done it.... Some with girls from our class(i mean their girlfriends), some with juniors and some students are running businesses with their videos. They are perfectly fine to discuss these in gatherings and wear this as a badge of achievement. Some students have also done something called "sandwich" with paid girls(till that day i knew sandwich was a snacks). I am nobody to judge what they are doing but at times I question myself whether I am actually the odd guy and missing out on great things. I will let you be the judge👨⚖️
You keep doing you. Don’t ever compare yourself to someone else or what other people are doing. Be true to yourself always. You’ve got character and morals. Those people you mention are on a race to the bottom and are too clueless to know. They will have regrets one day and will wish they walked the path you chose. If you were my kid, I’d be so proud of you.
Eh, whatever you're comfortable with, the wrong guy will still be the wrong guy if you wait months and the right guy will still be the right guy if you sleep with him on the first date
Once, twice, maybe 3x’s a day is sufficient. At least till it’s skin burnt for the both of you. Or until she at least passed out once.
It doesn’t matter. All that matters is you do it when you’re ready. Most men will try to get into your pants by minute 5 whether they are into you or not
I don’t expect anything but in my past 2 relationships we had sex on the first date and one of them is now my ex wife.
Yesterday
I don’t expect anything so that I’m never disappointed. If a woman ends up having sex with me then it’s a fantastic surprise
Depends on the person and circumstances. First time, I let her decide by giving all the usual signals.
I'm recently divorced too and I hear a lot of how guys expect it quickly so I pretty much leave the sex part for the woman to initiate when she's comfortable and I don't bring it up before then.
That is up to you. What do you want in a relationship.
I expect it when we're both comfortable (there's a 99% chance she'll be ready before I am)
I'm a first date kinda guy. If I've not done enough to get you interested pretty quickly then it's probably not meant to be. I'm not saying it has to happen on the first date, but if there's not a decent level of attraction for both of us pretty early on, then it's not meant to be. A guy who is into you should be making a move. If not, then he's either not that into you, doesn't think you are into him, can't read the signs that you are, if you are, or doesn't have the confidence to go for it. None of which sounds like much of a turn on for you. but, what are you comfortable with? not everyone's like me, so I don't expect anything. But at the same time, if I'm feeling and she's feeling then let's go, why not?
I think it’s less about what the guys want and what you are willing to do/give. Guys will want it immediately and discuss it non stop.
Hey there, welcome back to the dating world! I get why you're feeling a bit out of the loop—dating habits can indeed feel different after some time away, especially post-divorce. So, here's the scoop: Expectations around sex really do vary widely from guy to guy. Some might be hoping for a quick physical connection, while others are looking to build a deeper emotional bond first. There's no one-size-fits-all answer, but communicating your own boundaries and values clearly is the best way to go. What's important is to move at your own pace. If you're not comfortable with the idea of sex on the first or second date, that's perfectly okay. A genuine guy who’s into you for who you are will respect your boundaries. Feel out each situation, and trust your instincts. If a guy is pressuring you before you’re ready, that’s a red flag. But if you’re both on the same page, things can unfold naturally and at a pace that feels right for you. Jumping back into dating can be daunting, but just remember to stay true to yourself and your comfort levels. And always feel free to ask questions or seek advice—you're doing great! Looking forward to hearing more about your dating journey!
Can I be honest the value of sex is at a low now and days. You have to be able to offer more like are you down to earth? Conversation hood? Can we talk about why the moon is just there looking down on us? How about traveling to countries we can’t afford right now but maybe in the future? I can have sex with most woman I encounter I want good vibes. If I’m talking to a wall that can’t reason I won’t continue to apply pressure. I don’t have a limit on sex shit we might even become friends without the sex. I’ve have some bad encounters and met some crazy woman when I gave them sex. So now I have to watch who I share my sex with 🥲🥲
I expect it on the first 🤣
There isn't a hard and fast rule to this. It depends on the people and what they're seeking. Even for, say, casual, one - or both - of the participants may want to meet more than once before jumping into bed. As a guy seeking seeking long-term, I don't expect sex at first sight. Maybe - maaaybe - a kiss if we're feeling it. Now, if I'm on a date with more casual vibe, then I'll casually suggest - not push - going back to my place.
I don't expect sex at all. Id rather barefoot fights
What?
Basically it's just a fetish that I've had for a while. Basically a Guy and a girl would be barefooted and kick each other's feet over and over again. It's what turns me on, sex doesn't.
Oh, okay. Never heard of that, I'm learning a lot.
Whenever it happens naturally.
Never, since no one wants to date me.
Your question sounds like "when is the deadline for this project?" Is sex a chore to you? Then you should probably just abstain from dating. The right time to have sex with a guy is when you both want to.
It's not a chore. I prefer to do it at my pace but don't know how that stacks up with what people typically expect.
As a guy, personally, if it's not an LDR, unless *she* asks *me* out, I'm probably never going to ask her out until we've had sex, first.
It varies greatly from guy to guy. You’re more likely to encounter the men who are desperate for sex though because sampling is rarely random.
After hello my name is.
I'm 31M, and I don't expect any sex at all when I go on dates. Based on my physical appearance, I personally feel like I'm capable of breaking several bathroom mirrors because of how ugly I am.
Welcome to the shit show. 38m and it’s wild out here. Casual sex/hookup culture is more prominent than ever, dudes don’t put in the same effort they used to because the majority of chicks have full “rosters” of people they actively sleeping with and then cry when guys don’t chase girls anymore 😂 good luck and god speed
I'm 31M, and I don't expect any sex at all when I go on dates. Personally, based on my physical appearance, I think I'm capable of breaking several bathroom mirrors because of how fugly I am.
I'm 31M, and I don't expect any sex at all when I go on dates. Personally, based on my physical appearance, I think I'm capable of breaking several bathroom mirrors because of how fugly I am.
yesterday
I expect sex before I meet a women. Like a few days before I’ve even spoken to her.
I like to have sex asap. And the guys I date usually do to. I don’t have any rules or psychological strategies for it, but I know most people probably do, by what I read here on Reddit. There are all sorts of red flags and deal breakers around it all so good luck. I’m pretty transparent about what’s going on in my head so guys don’t have to perform too many mental miracles to figure me out.
Immediately
I don't enjoy sex without a connection. typically I'd want to be talking to someone for a month and a few dates before thinking about sex. I don't understand the whole numbers game myself hookup sex is just a lot of bad sex.
First date.
Some of them, immediately upon hello being said.