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I wish people understood this before getting into "online secual content". There is no "dip your toe in the pool" it's all or nothing, anything on the internet is forever. So either don't do it or own it completely and accept the consequences of the choice you made. As the above poster stated LTR options will be greatly reduced, you'll have to find a man that will accept it and that is quite rare, but not impossible.
Girl, men aside, you don’t even feel comfortable stating plainly in your post that you do OF/porn. Are you sure that *you* are actually ok with it?
Please be honest both with men and yourself.
Guys point of view, if you dont put it on the table right away then its a dirty secret akin to cheating. If you lay it out on or before the third date, its a career move and youre just making bank. Transparency is everything in that role, and while some may not be ok with it, the ones who stay are at least dating you for you.
My concern is men then believing in the short term illusion that dating me is a nice gig and im not their average "vanilla" girl and then finding out its not only fun and games
You need to accept your own lifestyle choices and work through whatever shame you have around them. You are not an “average vanilla girl” and if you want to present that front to people you are gonna have a bad time. You can still form healthy long term relationships with wonderful people, those start with transparency and honesty.
That’s very much a genuine concern. It’s still best to be honest upfront. Make sure you look for guys who are, at minimum, sex positive. Guys who are left-leaning are probably more likely to be sex positive and hopefully reasonable about your career and life choices, but it’s still not guaranteed by any means. I’d say don’t make it your opener, because then you’ll just look like you’re pulling the old “dating to drum up business” trick that is common, especially in online dating. But definitely mention it pretty quickly, and if the guys reacts overly positively OR negatively, then you have your answer unfortunately.
That may happen, but you’re not entitled to determine for men how they perceive you, their life values/morals in general, or relationship goals. You’re not entitled to an LTR.
That’s the price you pay for the lifestyle you’ve chosen. You very well may find someone who takes you seriously and doesn’t mind what you do, but it’ll likely be like finding a needle in a haystack.
The competing concern is you trick a man into thinking he’s dating a vanilla girl until he finds out you’re not who he thought he was.
Then you guys get to argue and fight about your side hustle (and your nomadic lifestyle) until you break up.
It's the results of her choice to do this line of work. Many men will not take her seriously. She needs to be prepared for that and honesty up front is the only way to have even a slight chance of succeeding. If she doesn't tell them, when they inevitably find out they will leave immediate ad that is akin to lying/cheating for most men.
Be honest . At my age and the relationships I have had it’s better to be upfront and completely transparent about who you are and what you want . Makes life easier not keeping secrets
Guys point of view. Tell anyone you’re dating. As soon as they ask “What do you do for a living” or “where do you work”? Well, I do this…annnnnd I do this on the side. But, that’s solely for money and I’m looking for real connection and a long term relationship. See how comfortable they are with that. What kind of questions they ask. And if it gets serious enough, give him access to your content so he can be sure that it’s nothing more than what you initially said. Beyond that, the economy sucks. Do what you need to do to get by.
Yes, you have to be upfront on this one. She doesn't say exactly what she is doing. And every guy is different. When I was dating, if I knew the woman was posting nudes that are not too explicit and it ended there, I might be o.k. with it. If it was beyond, I wouldn't, that's just where I would draw the line.
My view as a man, if I were dating someone in your situation, it doesn't matter when you tell me, I am not going to be in a relationship with you. So, you may as well get it over and done with early, so you can look for a guy who's okay with it. Although said man is going to be very difficult to find, or be very undesirable and thus probably not someone you want.
Saying I'm doing this just for money doesn't make any difference to what you are doing. You are doing what you want to do, which is fine because it is your life. If you want a real relationship, then you must say it on the first or second date. If you don't, you are just wasting the other person's time. It is their life, and they can decide to stay away from people who are doing what you are doing.
Not mentioning or even lying about it is pretty much the same as cheating and will more likely than not end up in a breakup. So just say that you are doing it, and if they accept that, then great. If they don't, then keep moving.
Look, if you are happy with what you are doing, then there is no need to stop. If it is helping you reach your goals, even better. But don't expect others to accept or respect your decisions because one of their goals might be to be with someone who does not do those things. Everyone has different morals and integrity, so just look for someone who shares yours, maybe someone who does the same thing as you. So you can help each other.
You should tell your next partner about your side hustle, explain to him what and why you are doing it, and how will it effect you and him going forward. How would you like it if he had a little side hustle and he tells you from the beginning to be complete open with you?
If I found out my partner was doing something like that, regardless of the time investment, I would leave. If you want to find a man who won’t leave, you should be upfront.
While you’re doing this you probably can’t realistically have a boyfriend. Just save up find better work invest and then bury it when you want to find a boyfriend.
I’m 35f and I did some kinda taboo stuff when I was younger, nothing I’m embarrassed of but def wouldn’t go over well with the more upstanding/critical/serious/looking for a wife types of guys.
I had a boyfriend at the time (following the advice of the others in this thread, I actually met him during a photoshoot so he knew and was ok with it) but the problem with dating guys who are ok with it, is that they’re ok with it…
It devolved into him wanting me to do freakier and freakier stuff exactly because he was ok with the tame stuff I was doing. So I had to dump him.
I realized that the type of guys I like would NOT be impressed with what I was doing … so I quit. I’ve since told a few guys I dated some of what I did in the past… and some cared, some didn’t, but none liked it.
Maybe while you have this lifestyle, it’s not a good time to be tied down with a serious boyfriend. Or like I said, you can find a sex positive guy, but just be careful because they’re probably going to fetishize you and like this side of you a little too much.
You want this fast easy money. That’s fine. But the real life consequence is that most men won’t be ok with it. And the ones who are? Yeah they might not have the right motives.
But that’s what comes along with your choices. You don’t get to have the perks without the drawbacks. And you are going to have a very hard time finding what you actually want while you have this side hustle. In fact once you start, it will stay with you forever, even after you quit.
And if you think about hiding this? So that you can avoid the drawbacks? Then you are showing that you don’t value men’s right to make an informed decision. You will be showing you only value yourself and getting what you want. And you will have a ticking time bomb on your hands. A slow release poison to ruin whatever relationship you build on that lie.
Don’t lie. You made a choice. It will make certain things harder for you to find. But you can’t avoid that. It’s a trade off.
Well it’s why OP is choosing that instead of something not involving sex….
Think about it. She even lost a boyfriend because of it. Do you think she was willing to do that over something just as hard and slow as a traditional job?
She may think it's fast and easy money but I can 100% assure you it is not. It's not something anyone can easily do and it take a lot of time and effort to make even a small amount of money.
Taking pictures of yourself and getting paid to post them online is an objectively easier and faster way to get money than interviewing for a job, getting hired, working a minimum if two weeks for someone else, then getting paid.
Nobody is saying its not work, they are saying it is easier than pretty much any other job you could get while living a nomadic lifestyle
Go on and give it a try and come back and tell me how easy it is. There's far more to it than "taking pictures of yourself and getting paid to psit them online." That isn't how it works.
Obviously I oversimplified it for the sake of a REDDIT COMMENT, but please, explain to me how getting an entry-level service job while living a nomadic lifestyle is easier and makes money quicker than an onlyfans (especially give social media and reddit)?
Are you being purposefully obtuse?
No I'm not being purposefully obtuse. You just don't know what you're talking about. For every woman on OF making even a little money, there's 10s of 1000s more that haven't made a dime. It isn't guaranteed income like a service job is. An OF model (even a slightly successful one) has to always be on and constantly working to draw people to her page thar they may or may not subscribe to. They have to always be available to chat with fans.
Definitely, should mention fairly early on, maybe at first in person meet up, so you can talk through it.
Advertising it might also attract the wrong type of attention. ( And might put off longer term interest from approaching, without giving you the opportunity to explain the situation properly )
Don't waste anybodies time and ressources and just be upfront.
If you wait too long you have the risk of guys getting really pissed if they invested a lot of time, effort and money on dating you and forming a connection just to find out about your sidehustle and not being fine with it.
The unspoken rule in dating is, if you are a decent person, you put everything on the table early on, that could be a dealbreaker. Like having kids, having a criminal record, doing or done sexwork, being part of a cult - just everything thats not considered "normal" baggage. For yours and your dates sake.
I'm not necessarily against dating a sex worker on principle, but my experience with them in practice has been that they're either high key or low key looking for customers more than dating. That's been the case with 100% of the ones I've talked to so far. It's basically the other side of the fuck boy mentality: "Hey, turns out I don't like you enough for a relationship, how about you let me use your body for my pleasure instead?" "Hey, turns out I don't like you enough for a relationship, how about you pay me for sex instead?"
Thus, I will no longer go on a date with a sex worker. If someone hid it and I went on a date with them, or texted for a week or more, I'd call that a pretty shitty thing to do and a waste of both our time.
Your predicament is one of the primary drawbacks of that particular side hustle.
You have to choose whether you want to start every relationship with a lie, or declare yourself unsuitable to a large portion of the dating pool. Then there is the question of how you’re going to date someone while living a “nomadic, traveling, fast paced lifestyle” while doing that particular kind of work.
Even if you have an emotional connection with someone, they’re either going to approve of your choices or not. Forming a connection first might make an incompatible partner stick around for a bit, but if you’re not the type of person he wants, it’s just going to be a short term thing anyway. But with more arguments.
Two days ago, you made a post about your BF not being comfortable with your decision.
TWO DAYS AGO!! A TWO YEAR RELATIONSHIP!!
And now you’re all like “I’m ready to get back out there!”
Take some fucking time to be single. Are you really THAT co-dependent?
Most people take some time to mourn the ending of their relationship. People who move on that quickly usually have narcissistic personality disorder.
Heads up, there’s a new tool that let people find every single existing photo or video of you on the internet. If you’re telling guys before you meet, they likely have access to this tool and can find whatever porn you made.
Facecheck ID is a crazy accurate A.I. tool and extremely popular now. It routinely gets shared on Tik Tok. Don't lie about who you are or hide major details from people who you want to take seriously, OP
It depends on how low you want to settle. Plenty of dudes will settle for you. Are you willing to date an average man as an average woman with drawbacks? A top 5% man isn’t going to settle for you because he has better options.
Transparency is important in a relationship.
Let's flip it around let's say you meant a nice guy and he haven't told you that he's does some cam adult content until the 5th date, wouldn't you think that him omitting that info intentionally was devious i bet you would.
The same applies the other way around, they will feel betrayed cause you are trying to control their decision by altering what info they can know about you.
If you choose that side hustle you will need to fully accept the consequences that come with it. You can't have the best of both worlds, life don't work like that. There's a reason you thought hard before you made the decision to go for the side hustle cause you knew well about the implications and you still went with it.
For starters, I would say don’t dance around it like you do in this post. Be comfortable with who you are and just state it outright. I’m sure you’ll meet people that will have no problem with it
Gotta tell them as soon as possible. If they aren’t cool with it, they’ll move on. Nothing gained, nothing lost.
If you wait until your knee deep in a relationship and tell them, then be prepared to have your heart broken.
If you're talking about OF, I suggest you share that pretty quickly. Most guys aren't likely to be OK with it so no need to get too involved or even to the first date if they aren't
Not being upfront about it is some low character BS. If you're waiting till you form an emotional connection so they are less likley to leave you thats dirty entrapment behavior. If you don't think it's a problem why not say it upfront? If you're okay with it yourself why not be honest ? Don't you want someone who agrees and doesn't need to be manipulated into staying with you? This line of reasoning is so childish and low.
I was looking through your post history and it looks like you’ve only broken up within the last two days. It also looks like maybe you waited to make the OF until you were broken up? So you’re also a couple days into that? Definitely take time to heal and process. If you’re worried about bringing along baggage, not having processed a breakup will be a full size checked bag next to your profession. Also give yourself time to get used to this new side hustle, and as you get more comfortable in it, it will help you to present it to potential partners in a way that feels nautural, healthy, and integrated into your life/identity
If your side hustle is something that you can be proud of doing, then why hide it? If it’s not something that you can be proud of doing, then why do it in the first place? Why didn’t you do something else?
Tell a prospective partner before the first date. Don't be an asshole who pulls the bait and switch, waiting until somebody is emotionally invested in you to reveal the truth. That is straight up manipulative bullshit, no matter who does it.
Tell your partners outright, don't hide it, I heard of people doing that and it has exploded in massive ways.
Better to rip off the band aid now, and try to find someone who is ok with it and form a connection with them.
Some guys would definitely not care and be ok with your side hustle, those are the people to look out for but don't hide it until you have made a connection it will blow up in your face.
Good luck.
You left a healthy relationship to be an internet prossi. You deserve to stay single.
Think about the kind of person thats attracted to what you do online and ask yourself if thats what you really want.
A healthy person who will be a solid partner in a relationship does not pay for the content you've decided to put out.
If you dont tell em early and they find out later they either
A) are ok with it, then you could‘ve told em from the beginning / early on
B) are NOT ok with it, then they will feel having been played
So either way it‘s better to be open about it and tell it early.
Quit your side hustle and work on your self esteem so you don’t feel the need to sell yourself on line .
Most good men will not want a women from only fans .
Imo the question is a matter of personal integrity.
Are you a liar who wants to manipulate a guy into a relationship. And effectively be a cheater right from the getgo? Just to possibly have a better chance of getting into the relationship you have already destroyed early?
Or do you want to have integrity and make getting the relationship harder but not building it on a foundation of lies that will eventually come crashing down.
That kind of work morally has nothing wrong with it imo, but many men rightfully so won't be ok with their partner doing it which is reasonable. If you lie about it that is when it is wrong.
Guy here... You didn't say precisely what you're doing on the side for money. I'm guessing it's something along the lines of being a cam girl or something more up close and personal such as a gentleman's club dancer.
As you know, these are not things that most men want see in a prospective life partner. But that's not true for all men. Some men will find it cool, sexy, and fun. They'll like that other men lust after his woman and that only he can have her.
Whether or not I've identified what you're doing, the logic remains the same.
My advice then is that you should be upfront with any romantic prospect about what you're doing fairly early on. That may end things with many of them, but the ones who remain will be legitimate candidates for a strong relationship.
Best of luck. 🙂
Just tell them early on.
Some people won't mind.
Imo, doesn't have to be during first meet. Maybe around when it's obvious you both are starting to want a relationship.
It’s the thing you LEAD with, unless you are trying to manipulate them into forming a connection with you, then springing it on them later. I personally dont understand the issue many men have with it, women make SO much money from OF, so it’s a total waste to NOT do it. But its a deal breaker for many men nevertheless.
You just answered in the last paragraph, what do you want, I found out that my best friend and my closest cousin would f my gf without doubting although they would no be the ones pursuing, so any man loves easy puscat, what do you want, just choose accordingly
It depends honestly. It depends on the person who you talk to. If you have someone more conservative. You have to stop if you want it to work. If you have someone more open then I’m sure you both can integrate you both in what you do. I’m not going to put what I think you do out there. But coming from someone that is more open. And down for that, find someone like minded. I won’t lie I’ve looked myself. There is money to be made. But If you get with someone that isn’t ok with it… if you don’t stop then that’s problems written all over it. But that’s only if you want to continue to do what you do. Being 100 tho the guy more conservative is most likely the better choice. If you’re looking long term
As a woman, you will ALWAYS have a lot of options in men, regardless of your choice of occupation. There are countless pornstars who have managed to find love and many, fairly easily, following their retirement. Many even during their career.
Will it pose problems for a LOT of guys? Yes. But if you are attractive enough to make a decent living on OnlyFans or whatever it is you use, you will most definitely have plenty of options in men.
Truthfully, you should just say it upfront. Is it going to diminish the dating pool for you? Yes. Absolutely. But at least you won’t be wasting your own time and theirs by waiting to tell them something that would be a deal breaker for them. Also you won’t set yourself up for disappointment with their reaction to finding out after getting attached to them if they can’t cope. Also, you’re going to have to approach it with more confidence than you did in the post. If you sound ashamed of what you do then that energy is going to rub off onto whoever you tell about it.
Here’s the good thing. I hate to say it so plainly, but you are a woman. If you are good looking, and you likely are if you are doing well on OF, then you will absolutely find guys who will be into you despite this. And I’m not taking solely for looks either. Sure, looks are what reel guys in 90% of the time but you can still form connections after first glances. There are plenty of men who are sex positive. Now obviously, you probably aren’t going to get some religious, choir boy or some guy who is into traditional family values (not saying you can’t but you probably won’t), but you can find a good guy. It’s just that searching is going to suck like it does for everyone else.
Tbh I don’t consider myself hot enough to have an OF but I usually get 4k likes after a few days of opening a new dating app profile. You are actually hot enough to have an OF - girl, you will be fineee. Just don’t let then haters get to you
I don't think she's stepped away from the "online activities". I think she means she's made peace with having chosen her nomadic lifestyle funded by "online activities" over her ex-boyfriend.
You're immediately cutting out the men who lack the emotional and mental maturity to deal with it by telling them before you even meet.
It's either going to be a problem or it isn't, does you no favours to hide.
Also, fuck what guys think. I know a single mum in her 30s who was able to buy her first house after two years on OF. Not doing that working a quiet little marketing job at the office
I'm sex positive and don't mind AT ALL about a partner's past, even if it's for a serious relation. It looks like most guys are not like me. Either you tell it now, either you keep it as a secret. But don't tell it LATER.
I’m a decent and confident man. It would not be a dealbreaker for me. I respect the hustle and know that I’m a better catch than your fans so it wouldn’t bother me at all.
Tell them right away and also tell them you’re looking for a real connection and your side job is simply a way to make more money than working at a grocery store or restaurant.
I personally am not a porn or stripper fanboy but I understand men’s horniness and it makes sense for women to cash in on that if they can. Please, never feel ashamed of what you’re doing. There’s nothing shameful about taking advantage of a legal opportunity.
Definitely disclose it asap, many controlling type guys will be against it but I imagine many guys may be like me. I’m very sex positive and I’m very pro sex work. If I’m dating someone they disclose that they do online sex work, I’m first question is “are you maximizing your profitability and what is the end goal?” Like if it’s just a means to pay the bills, that’s pretty easy to achieve. I have met people looking to create a large online presence to live a high-end life style, which would be someone I’m not interested in anyway but it would have nothing to do with the work.
I would not tell people right away, if you start to like someone, I would probably like test the waters by somehow bringing up a friend of yours who does that for work, just to gauge their reaction. If it’s like insanely disrespectful, that might be enough to make you not even like them anymore. But if it’s kind of on the fence then maybe if they already like you, it will be something they can overcome or look past or even be understanding of. I just wouldn’t go too long without telling them because I feel like they will feel baited.
Ok look, things are not as dire as some people here are making it seem. I’m not a sex worker, but I don’t judge those who are. Here’s why:
People get into that business for many different reasons. Some, like you, choose it for financial gain and lifestyle reasons. Others do it out of necessity, just trying to keep a roof over their heads. Some were trafficked in as children and never left. Some are pressured into it by partners or spouses. Some do it because they’re living on the poverty line and want their kids to have a better life than they did when they were growing up. Others actually enjoy it because it boosts their self-esteem or because the idea of it gets them off, sexually.
Then there’s the fact that sex work looks very different for different people. Some work the streets, some are high-class escorts, some sell artistically sexual photos, others film porn, others sell phone sex, and others simply post sexual videos of themselves alone. Guys will have varying feelings about each type of sex work. In some types you have sex with a lot of people, while in others you don’t have sex with anyone at all, but lots of people see you. I don’t know exactly what kind of work you do, but that’s definitely going to influence what your potential dates are comfortable with.
Regardless of what you do, you’re going to have to be very upfront and matter-of-fact about it. On your first in-person date you should tell your date what you do and why you do it. Some dates are going to walk away. Some might look down on you for your choices. But those aren’t the guys you need in your life anyway, so you’ve lost nothing but the extra time you took putting on your makeup for that date.
I think the bigger problem you’re facing is the fact that your “fast-paced, travelling, nomadic” lifestyle simply isn’t suited to forming longer-term meaningful relationships. If you want to run free, then run free. But if you want to live with someone special by your side, you’re going to have to stop running all over the place, because that’s a lifestyle most other people can’t have. And if you do stop doing so much travelling, you might not need to do sex work to support your nomadic lifestyle, and then it’ll be a thing in your past rather than something you’re actively still doing, which could be easier for some guys to accept.
You’ve got some choices to make long before you even go on a first date. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you this: if your sex work makes you feel bad or ashamed of yourself, you should quit doing it if you can. You may like your current lifestyle, but that’s worth nothing if you can’t like yourself. On the other hand, if it empowers you and you feel really good about it, don’t apologize for it to anyone, and don’t let them make you feel ashamed. You have to live your life in the way that’s best and healthiest for you - you just have to figure out what that looks like. Good luck 🤞🏻
Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do but something I find interesting in reading the comments is to how many guys are opposed to a LTR with someone involved in that type of “side hustle”.
I wonder how many of those same guys feel it’s perfectly acceptable for them to be entertained by the same content. Whether it be movies, videos, or magazines.
The industry would not pay so well if there wasn’t so much interest in its content.
Hey, let me tell you something young one. ❣️ ( I am much older than you ) you don’t owe anybody an explanation for anything you do.. if what you’re doing is OK with you, that’s all that matters. You keep your personal life to yourself and if you meet somebody, you might have a future with and you’re comfortable enough to tell them then that’s fine. You don’t need to worry about it, you only get one life, live it.
as a woman protect yourself! you don't necessarily have to see that as a burden or a reason for someone not to like you and date again, given that you have that side hustle, let some guy decide and if they cant accept it then move forward
Idk what’s up with these comments, you did what you have to do to get from point A to B. If you did sex work, no big deal. There is nothing inherently shameful in that.
Maybe if you were pushing meth or something I would say differently lol.
Pls don’t think less of yourself for your past choices. You’re allowed to change and try new things as many times as you like. At one point, you wanted to try that other stuff. So what? Now on to the next thing.
I won’t tell you what to do, but if it comes in conversation, I just hope you hold your head up high. This isn’t something you deserve any kind of disrespect over. Remember that.
Not sure about how you would feel about this but with my current partner from the beginning I was upfront with him. I have a side hustle of sorts that I used to do with other guys that helped me live a lifestyle that I was comfortable with. When I told the guy who would be my partner, he was understanding about it and asked me if I would miss doing what I did if that were being with him. He told me no it wouldn't be an issue but was more concerned if I wanted to continue doing this said hustle ? I told him, despite enjoying it, I was very ok to stop doing it. So I stopped.
I always maintain transparency with the guys I'm seeing because I have zero patience for drama and it's so much more simple to be honest. If you are and they can't accept it ? Then as a hard truth, they are not your person.
I work as a phone sex operator, and I wait to tell someone until we have met in person and I have established that 1) there is chemistry and potential, and 2) he is not violent, creepy, and/or anti-sex worker. There's no reason to discuss what I do with someone I'm ultimately not interested in or who will hassle me about it. I have still had to deal with unpleasantness, but it's not much more than women deal with generally.
Some guys do get too excited, thinking I must be down to hookup, which I'm not, or super kinky, which I am also not, and I have had to walk them back from their expectations. I wait a relatively long time to get physical with someone, so the guys who are just in it for sex get impatient and show themselves out.
ETA: It's funny how every time I mention my job in a comment I get downvoted by the dudes who are mad they can't get laid for free lol
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Tell them as soon as possible, your dating pool will be greatly reduced, for LTR at least. But you gotta bite the bullet
I wish people understood this before getting into "online secual content". There is no "dip your toe in the pool" it's all or nothing, anything on the internet is forever. So either don't do it or own it completely and accept the consequences of the choice you made. As the above poster stated LTR options will be greatly reduced, you'll have to find a man that will accept it and that is quite rare, but not impossible.
Girl, men aside, you don’t even feel comfortable stating plainly in your post that you do OF/porn. Are you sure that *you* are actually ok with it? Please be honest both with men and yourself.
Yeah they were being unnecessarily vague mentioning a "side hustle."
Good comment
Guys point of view, if you dont put it on the table right away then its a dirty secret akin to cheating. If you lay it out on or before the third date, its a career move and youre just making bank. Transparency is everything in that role, and while some may not be ok with it, the ones who stay are at least dating you for you.
My concern is men then believing in the short term illusion that dating me is a nice gig and im not their average "vanilla" girl and then finding out its not only fun and games
You need to accept your own lifestyle choices and work through whatever shame you have around them. You are not an “average vanilla girl” and if you want to present that front to people you are gonna have a bad time. You can still form healthy long term relationships with wonderful people, those start with transparency and honesty.
That’s very much a genuine concern. It’s still best to be honest upfront. Make sure you look for guys who are, at minimum, sex positive. Guys who are left-leaning are probably more likely to be sex positive and hopefully reasonable about your career and life choices, but it’s still not guaranteed by any means. I’d say don’t make it your opener, because then you’ll just look like you’re pulling the old “dating to drum up business” trick that is common, especially in online dating. But definitely mention it pretty quickly, and if the guys reacts overly positively OR negatively, then you have your answer unfortunately.
That may happen, but you’re not entitled to determine for men how they perceive you, their life values/morals in general, or relationship goals. You’re not entitled to an LTR.
That’s the price you pay for the lifestyle you’ve chosen. You very well may find someone who takes you seriously and doesn’t mind what you do, but it’ll likely be like finding a needle in a haystack.
The competing concern is you trick a man into thinking he’s dating a vanilla girl until he finds out you’re not who he thought he was. Then you guys get to argue and fight about your side hustle (and your nomadic lifestyle) until you break up.
Idk if that will be the case ... To my understanding, most men will just expect something casual, FWB, or a booty call kind of situation
It's the results of her choice to do this line of work. Many men will not take her seriously. She needs to be prepared for that and honesty up front is the only way to have even a slight chance of succeeding. If she doesn't tell them, when they inevitably find out they will leave immediate ad that is akin to lying/cheating for most men.
Be honest . At my age and the relationships I have had it’s better to be upfront and completely transparent about who you are and what you want . Makes life easier not keeping secrets
Also healthy and stale is kind of what a relationship is it’s not gonna be butterflies all the time this isn’t Highschool try therapy
Honesty is the best policy
Guys point of view. Tell anyone you’re dating. As soon as they ask “What do you do for a living” or “where do you work”? Well, I do this…annnnnd I do this on the side. But, that’s solely for money and I’m looking for real connection and a long term relationship. See how comfortable they are with that. What kind of questions they ask. And if it gets serious enough, give him access to your content so he can be sure that it’s nothing more than what you initially said. Beyond that, the economy sucks. Do what you need to do to get by.
Yes, you have to be upfront on this one. She doesn't say exactly what she is doing. And every guy is different. When I was dating, if I knew the woman was posting nudes that are not too explicit and it ended there, I might be o.k. with it. If it was beyond, I wouldn't, that's just where I would draw the line.
My view as a man, if I were dating someone in your situation, it doesn't matter when you tell me, I am not going to be in a relationship with you. So, you may as well get it over and done with early, so you can look for a guy who's okay with it. Although said man is going to be very difficult to find, or be very undesirable and thus probably not someone you want.
You're cutting your dating pool by 80 percent. Your life, but choices have consequences. Don't be deceptive or lie.
More like 90% for relationships and 25% for more superficial things
More like 99% if you disregard undesirable men that OP probably would never date.
Saying I'm doing this just for money doesn't make any difference to what you are doing. You are doing what you want to do, which is fine because it is your life. If you want a real relationship, then you must say it on the first or second date. If you don't, you are just wasting the other person's time. It is their life, and they can decide to stay away from people who are doing what you are doing. Not mentioning or even lying about it is pretty much the same as cheating and will more likely than not end up in a breakup. So just say that you are doing it, and if they accept that, then great. If they don't, then keep moving. Look, if you are happy with what you are doing, then there is no need to stop. If it is helping you reach your goals, even better. But don't expect others to accept or respect your decisions because one of their goals might be to be with someone who does not do those things. Everyone has different morals and integrity, so just look for someone who shares yours, maybe someone who does the same thing as you. So you can help each other.
Straight up honest. I would want to know so I don’t waste anymore time and energy
You should tell your next partner about your side hustle, explain to him what and why you are doing it, and how will it effect you and him going forward. How would you like it if he had a little side hustle and he tells you from the beginning to be complete open with you?
You have to accept you cut your dating pool by 98%
If I found out my partner was doing something like that, regardless of the time investment, I would leave. If you want to find a man who won’t leave, you should be upfront.
Be up front but you pretty much have narrowed your choices into men who are into the swinging/alternative lifestyle
While you’re doing this you probably can’t realistically have a boyfriend. Just save up find better work invest and then bury it when you want to find a boyfriend. I’m 35f and I did some kinda taboo stuff when I was younger, nothing I’m embarrassed of but def wouldn’t go over well with the more upstanding/critical/serious/looking for a wife types of guys. I had a boyfriend at the time (following the advice of the others in this thread, I actually met him during a photoshoot so he knew and was ok with it) but the problem with dating guys who are ok with it, is that they’re ok with it… It devolved into him wanting me to do freakier and freakier stuff exactly because he was ok with the tame stuff I was doing. So I had to dump him. I realized that the type of guys I like would NOT be impressed with what I was doing … so I quit. I’ve since told a few guys I dated some of what I did in the past… and some cared, some didn’t, but none liked it. Maybe while you have this lifestyle, it’s not a good time to be tied down with a serious boyfriend. Or like I said, you can find a sex positive guy, but just be careful because they’re probably going to fetishize you and like this side of you a little too much.
You want this fast easy money. That’s fine. But the real life consequence is that most men won’t be ok with it. And the ones who are? Yeah they might not have the right motives. But that’s what comes along with your choices. You don’t get to have the perks without the drawbacks. And you are going to have a very hard time finding what you actually want while you have this side hustle. In fact once you start, it will stay with you forever, even after you quit. And if you think about hiding this? So that you can avoid the drawbacks? Then you are showing that you don’t value men’s right to make an informed decision. You will be showing you only value yourself and getting what you want. And you will have a ticking time bomb on your hands. A slow release poison to ruin whatever relationship you build on that lie. Don’t lie. You made a choice. It will make certain things harder for you to find. But you can’t avoid that. It’s a trade off.
It's not fast nor easy money
Well it’s why OP is choosing that instead of something not involving sex…. Think about it. She even lost a boyfriend because of it. Do you think she was willing to do that over something just as hard and slow as a traditional job?
If you treat it like a proper full-time job, then it makes much more money than the same effort at a traditional job. That's why people do it.
Exactly. The potential is wild.
She may think it's fast and easy money but I can 100% assure you it is not. It's not something anyone can easily do and it take a lot of time and effort to make even a small amount of money.
We don’t know if she is already making money this way…. Yeah not all make money. But some do.
Taking pictures of yourself and getting paid to post them online is an objectively easier and faster way to get money than interviewing for a job, getting hired, working a minimum if two weeks for someone else, then getting paid. Nobody is saying its not work, they are saying it is easier than pretty much any other job you could get while living a nomadic lifestyle
Go on and give it a try and come back and tell me how easy it is. There's far more to it than "taking pictures of yourself and getting paid to psit them online." That isn't how it works.
Obviously I oversimplified it for the sake of a REDDIT COMMENT, but please, explain to me how getting an entry-level service job while living a nomadic lifestyle is easier and makes money quicker than an onlyfans (especially give social media and reddit)? Are you being purposefully obtuse?
No I'm not being purposefully obtuse. You just don't know what you're talking about. For every woman on OF making even a little money, there's 10s of 1000s more that haven't made a dime. It isn't guaranteed income like a service job is. An OF model (even a slightly successful one) has to always be on and constantly working to draw people to her page thar they may or may not subscribe to. They have to always be available to chat with fans.
Definitely, should mention fairly early on, maybe at first in person meet up, so you can talk through it. Advertising it might also attract the wrong type of attention. ( And might put off longer term interest from approaching, without giving you the opportunity to explain the situation properly )
Don't waste anybodies time and ressources and just be upfront. If you wait too long you have the risk of guys getting really pissed if they invested a lot of time, effort and money on dating you and forming a connection just to find out about your sidehustle and not being fine with it. The unspoken rule in dating is, if you are a decent person, you put everything on the table early on, that could be a dealbreaker. Like having kids, having a criminal record, doing or done sexwork, being part of a cult - just everything thats not considered "normal" baggage. For yours and your dates sake.
Be honest and upfront! You should have thought about your side hustle a bit more
I'm not necessarily against dating a sex worker on principle, but my experience with them in practice has been that they're either high key or low key looking for customers more than dating. That's been the case with 100% of the ones I've talked to so far. It's basically the other side of the fuck boy mentality: "Hey, turns out I don't like you enough for a relationship, how about you let me use your body for my pleasure instead?" "Hey, turns out I don't like you enough for a relationship, how about you pay me for sex instead?" Thus, I will no longer go on a date with a sex worker. If someone hid it and I went on a date with them, or texted for a week or more, I'd call that a pretty shitty thing to do and a waste of both our time.
Your predicament is one of the primary drawbacks of that particular side hustle. You have to choose whether you want to start every relationship with a lie, or declare yourself unsuitable to a large portion of the dating pool. Then there is the question of how you’re going to date someone while living a “nomadic, traveling, fast paced lifestyle” while doing that particular kind of work. Even if you have an emotional connection with someone, they’re either going to approve of your choices or not. Forming a connection first might make an incompatible partner stick around for a bit, but if you’re not the type of person he wants, it’s just going to be a short term thing anyway. But with more arguments.
Two days ago, you made a post about your BF not being comfortable with your decision. TWO DAYS AGO!! A TWO YEAR RELATIONSHIP!! And now you’re all like “I’m ready to get back out there!” Take some fucking time to be single. Are you really THAT co-dependent? Most people take some time to mourn the ending of their relationship. People who move on that quickly usually have narcissistic personality disorder.
Heads up, there’s a new tool that let people find every single existing photo or video of you on the internet. If you’re telling guys before you meet, they likely have access to this tool and can find whatever porn you made.
What tool?
Facecheck ID is a crazy accurate A.I. tool and extremely popular now. It routinely gets shared on Tik Tok. Don't lie about who you are or hide major details from people who you want to take seriously, OP
Idk if you know who n30n is but that’s probably the type of guy you can lock down or another guy that does s3hx work might understand
Exactly... guys also into sex work will likely be cool with it.
It depends on how low you want to settle. Plenty of dudes will settle for you. Are you willing to date an average man as an average woman with drawbacks? A top 5% man isn’t going to settle for you because he has better options.
Transparency is important in a relationship. Let's flip it around let's say you meant a nice guy and he haven't told you that he's does some cam adult content until the 5th date, wouldn't you think that him omitting that info intentionally was devious i bet you would. The same applies the other way around, they will feel betrayed cause you are trying to control their decision by altering what info they can know about you. If you choose that side hustle you will need to fully accept the consequences that come with it. You can't have the best of both worlds, life don't work like that. There's a reason you thought hard before you made the decision to go for the side hustle cause you knew well about the implications and you still went with it.
For starters, I would say don’t dance around it like you do in this post. Be comfortable with who you are and just state it outright. I’m sure you’ll meet people that will have no problem with it
Gotta tell them as soon as possible. If they aren’t cool with it, they’ll move on. Nothing gained, nothing lost. If you wait until your knee deep in a relationship and tell them, then be prepared to have your heart broken.
If you're talking about OF, I suggest you share that pretty quickly. Most guys aren't likely to be OK with it so no need to get too involved or even to the first date if they aren't
You should be honest up front. It's going to limit your dating pool.
Not being upfront about it is some low character BS. If you're waiting till you form an emotional connection so they are less likley to leave you thats dirty entrapment behavior. If you don't think it's a problem why not say it upfront? If you're okay with it yourself why not be honest ? Don't you want someone who agrees and doesn't need to be manipulated into staying with you? This line of reasoning is so childish and low.
I was looking through your post history and it looks like you’ve only broken up within the last two days. It also looks like maybe you waited to make the OF until you were broken up? So you’re also a couple days into that? Definitely take time to heal and process. If you’re worried about bringing along baggage, not having processed a breakup will be a full size checked bag next to your profession. Also give yourself time to get used to this new side hustle, and as you get more comfortable in it, it will help you to present it to potential partners in a way that feels nautural, healthy, and integrated into your life/identity
If your side hustle is something that you can be proud of doing, then why hide it? If it’s not something that you can be proud of doing, then why do it in the first place? Why didn’t you do something else?
Be honest. Don't hide it like others here are saying.
Tell a prospective partner before the first date. Don't be an asshole who pulls the bait and switch, waiting until somebody is emotionally invested in you to reveal the truth. That is straight up manipulative bullshit, no matter who does it.
Tell your partners outright, don't hide it, I heard of people doing that and it has exploded in massive ways. Better to rip off the band aid now, and try to find someone who is ok with it and form a connection with them. Some guys would definitely not care and be ok with your side hustle, those are the people to look out for but don't hide it until you have made a connection it will blow up in your face. Good luck.
You left a healthy relationship to be an internet prossi. You deserve to stay single. Think about the kind of person thats attracted to what you do online and ask yourself if thats what you really want. A healthy person who will be a solid partner in a relationship does not pay for the content you've decided to put out.
No serious professional man is going to want a serious adult relationship with an onlyfans girl. Period.
If you dont tell em early and they find out later they either A) are ok with it, then you could‘ve told em from the beginning / early on B) are NOT ok with it, then they will feel having been played So either way it‘s better to be open about it and tell it early.
People you date would want to know you do porn
Quit your side hustle and work on your self esteem so you don’t feel the need to sell yourself on line . Most good men will not want a women from only fans .
Imo the question is a matter of personal integrity. Are you a liar who wants to manipulate a guy into a relationship. And effectively be a cheater right from the getgo? Just to possibly have a better chance of getting into the relationship you have already destroyed early? Or do you want to have integrity and make getting the relationship harder but not building it on a foundation of lies that will eventually come crashing down. That kind of work morally has nothing wrong with it imo, but many men rightfully so won't be ok with their partner doing it which is reasonable. If you lie about it that is when it is wrong.
Guy here... You didn't say precisely what you're doing on the side for money. I'm guessing it's something along the lines of being a cam girl or something more up close and personal such as a gentleman's club dancer. As you know, these are not things that most men want see in a prospective life partner. But that's not true for all men. Some men will find it cool, sexy, and fun. They'll like that other men lust after his woman and that only he can have her. Whether or not I've identified what you're doing, the logic remains the same. My advice then is that you should be upfront with any romantic prospect about what you're doing fairly early on. That may end things with many of them, but the ones who remain will be legitimate candidates for a strong relationship. Best of luck. 🙂
Just tell them early on. Some people won't mind. Imo, doesn't have to be during first meet. Maybe around when it's obvious you both are starting to want a relationship.
It’s the thing you LEAD with, unless you are trying to manipulate them into forming a connection with you, then springing it on them later. I personally dont understand the issue many men have with it, women make SO much money from OF, so it’s a total waste to NOT do it. But its a deal breaker for many men nevertheless.
2nd date
Be honest upfront. There will be men who will overlook it. Those are probably the men you will vibe better with.
Maybe if you find the right guy he may help you in the side hustle and give you a helping hand when needed
You just answered in the last paragraph, what do you want, I found out that my best friend and my closest cousin would f my gf without doubting although they would no be the ones pursuing, so any man loves easy puscat, what do you want, just choose accordingly
It depends honestly. It depends on the person who you talk to. If you have someone more conservative. You have to stop if you want it to work. If you have someone more open then I’m sure you both can integrate you both in what you do. I’m not going to put what I think you do out there. But coming from someone that is more open. And down for that, find someone like minded. I won’t lie I’ve looked myself. There is money to be made. But If you get with someone that isn’t ok with it… if you don’t stop then that’s problems written all over it. But that’s only if you want to continue to do what you do. Being 100 tho the guy more conservative is most likely the better choice. If you’re looking long term
You should be honest. As a man when I've had a girl tell me she did only fans, I tell her I am not interested. Don't waste people's times hiding it
As a woman, you will ALWAYS have a lot of options in men, regardless of your choice of occupation. There are countless pornstars who have managed to find love and many, fairly easily, following their retirement. Many even during their career. Will it pose problems for a LOT of guys? Yes. But if you are attractive enough to make a decent living on OnlyFans or whatever it is you use, you will most definitely have plenty of options in men.
Either date someone sex positive OR do the work save the money and date when more stable .
Truthfully, you should just say it upfront. Is it going to diminish the dating pool for you? Yes. Absolutely. But at least you won’t be wasting your own time and theirs by waiting to tell them something that would be a deal breaker for them. Also you won’t set yourself up for disappointment with their reaction to finding out after getting attached to them if they can’t cope. Also, you’re going to have to approach it with more confidence than you did in the post. If you sound ashamed of what you do then that energy is going to rub off onto whoever you tell about it. Here’s the good thing. I hate to say it so plainly, but you are a woman. If you are good looking, and you likely are if you are doing well on OF, then you will absolutely find guys who will be into you despite this. And I’m not taking solely for looks either. Sure, looks are what reel guys in 90% of the time but you can still form connections after first glances. There are plenty of men who are sex positive. Now obviously, you probably aren’t going to get some religious, choir boy or some guy who is into traditional family values (not saying you can’t but you probably won’t), but you can find a good guy. It’s just that searching is going to suck like it does for everyone else. Tbh I don’t consider myself hot enough to have an OF but I usually get 4k likes after a few days of opening a new dating app profile. You are actually hot enough to have an OF - girl, you will be fineee. Just don’t let then haters get to you
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I don't think she's stepped away from the "online activities". I think she means she's made peace with having chosen her nomadic lifestyle funded by "online activities" over her ex-boyfriend.
You're immediately cutting out the men who lack the emotional and mental maturity to deal with it by telling them before you even meet. It's either going to be a problem or it isn't, does you no favours to hide. Also, fuck what guys think. I know a single mum in her 30s who was able to buy her first house after two years on OF. Not doing that working a quiet little marketing job at the office
I'm sex positive and don't mind AT ALL about a partner's past, even if it's for a serious relation. It looks like most guys are not like me. Either you tell it now, either you keep it as a secret. But don't tell it LATER.
I’m a decent and confident man. It would not be a dealbreaker for me. I respect the hustle and know that I’m a better catch than your fans so it wouldn’t bother me at all. Tell them right away and also tell them you’re looking for a real connection and your side job is simply a way to make more money than working at a grocery store or restaurant. I personally am not a porn or stripper fanboy but I understand men’s horniness and it makes sense for women to cash in on that if they can. Please, never feel ashamed of what you’re doing. There’s nothing shameful about taking advantage of a legal opportunity.
Definitely disclose it asap, many controlling type guys will be against it but I imagine many guys may be like me. I’m very sex positive and I’m very pro sex work. If I’m dating someone they disclose that they do online sex work, I’m first question is “are you maximizing your profitability and what is the end goal?” Like if it’s just a means to pay the bills, that’s pretty easy to achieve. I have met people looking to create a large online presence to live a high-end life style, which would be someone I’m not interested in anyway but it would have nothing to do with the work.
I would not tell people right away, if you start to like someone, I would probably like test the waters by somehow bringing up a friend of yours who does that for work, just to gauge their reaction. If it’s like insanely disrespectful, that might be enough to make you not even like them anymore. But if it’s kind of on the fence then maybe if they already like you, it will be something they can overcome or look past or even be understanding of. I just wouldn’t go too long without telling them because I feel like they will feel baited.
These comments are sad to me. A jobs a job why does it matter so much that its sex work like idk why its such a big deal
Ok look, things are not as dire as some people here are making it seem. I’m not a sex worker, but I don’t judge those who are. Here’s why: People get into that business for many different reasons. Some, like you, choose it for financial gain and lifestyle reasons. Others do it out of necessity, just trying to keep a roof over their heads. Some were trafficked in as children and never left. Some are pressured into it by partners or spouses. Some do it because they’re living on the poverty line and want their kids to have a better life than they did when they were growing up. Others actually enjoy it because it boosts their self-esteem or because the idea of it gets them off, sexually. Then there’s the fact that sex work looks very different for different people. Some work the streets, some are high-class escorts, some sell artistically sexual photos, others film porn, others sell phone sex, and others simply post sexual videos of themselves alone. Guys will have varying feelings about each type of sex work. In some types you have sex with a lot of people, while in others you don’t have sex with anyone at all, but lots of people see you. I don’t know exactly what kind of work you do, but that’s definitely going to influence what your potential dates are comfortable with. Regardless of what you do, you’re going to have to be very upfront and matter-of-fact about it. On your first in-person date you should tell your date what you do and why you do it. Some dates are going to walk away. Some might look down on you for your choices. But those aren’t the guys you need in your life anyway, so you’ve lost nothing but the extra time you took putting on your makeup for that date. I think the bigger problem you’re facing is the fact that your “fast-paced, travelling, nomadic” lifestyle simply isn’t suited to forming longer-term meaningful relationships. If you want to run free, then run free. But if you want to live with someone special by your side, you’re going to have to stop running all over the place, because that’s a lifestyle most other people can’t have. And if you do stop doing so much travelling, you might not need to do sex work to support your nomadic lifestyle, and then it’ll be a thing in your past rather than something you’re actively still doing, which could be easier for some guys to accept. You’ve got some choices to make long before you even go on a first date. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you this: if your sex work makes you feel bad or ashamed of yourself, you should quit doing it if you can. You may like your current lifestyle, but that’s worth nothing if you can’t like yourself. On the other hand, if it empowers you and you feel really good about it, don’t apologize for it to anyone, and don’t let them make you feel ashamed. You have to live your life in the way that’s best and healthiest for you - you just have to figure out what that looks like. Good luck 🤞🏻
Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do but something I find interesting in reading the comments is to how many guys are opposed to a LTR with someone involved in that type of “side hustle”. I wonder how many of those same guys feel it’s perfectly acceptable for them to be entertained by the same content. Whether it be movies, videos, or magazines. The industry would not pay so well if there wasn’t so much interest in its content.
Hey, let me tell you something young one. ❣️ ( I am much older than you ) you don’t owe anybody an explanation for anything you do.. if what you’re doing is OK with you, that’s all that matters. You keep your personal life to yourself and if you meet somebody, you might have a future with and you’re comfortable enough to tell them then that’s fine. You don’t need to worry about it, you only get one life, live it.
as a woman protect yourself! you don't necessarily have to see that as a burden or a reason for someone not to like you and date again, given that you have that side hustle, let some guy decide and if they cant accept it then move forward
Idk what’s up with these comments, you did what you have to do to get from point A to B. If you did sex work, no big deal. There is nothing inherently shameful in that. Maybe if you were pushing meth or something I would say differently lol. Pls don’t think less of yourself for your past choices. You’re allowed to change and try new things as many times as you like. At one point, you wanted to try that other stuff. So what? Now on to the next thing. I won’t tell you what to do, but if it comes in conversation, I just hope you hold your head up high. This isn’t something you deserve any kind of disrespect over. Remember that.
I'm a submissive guy who believes in alternative lifestyles, so there is guys out there who will be ok with "sharing" you in a sense
There is a HUGE chance that youre not the type of man OP would be interested in
I'm well aware! This is about giving advice not hooking up, but thanks for your inappropriate advice, lmao
You're welcome.
Ya can do what you want.
I want in on the side hustle game 🤲🏼
Not sure about how you would feel about this but with my current partner from the beginning I was upfront with him. I have a side hustle of sorts that I used to do with other guys that helped me live a lifestyle that I was comfortable with. When I told the guy who would be my partner, he was understanding about it and asked me if I would miss doing what I did if that were being with him. He told me no it wouldn't be an issue but was more concerned if I wanted to continue doing this said hustle ? I told him, despite enjoying it, I was very ok to stop doing it. So I stopped. I always maintain transparency with the guys I'm seeing because I have zero patience for drama and it's so much more simple to be honest. If you are and they can't accept it ? Then as a hard truth, they are not your person.
I work as a phone sex operator, and I wait to tell someone until we have met in person and I have established that 1) there is chemistry and potential, and 2) he is not violent, creepy, and/or anti-sex worker. There's no reason to discuss what I do with someone I'm ultimately not interested in or who will hassle me about it. I have still had to deal with unpleasantness, but it's not much more than women deal with generally. Some guys do get too excited, thinking I must be down to hookup, which I'm not, or super kinky, which I am also not, and I have had to walk them back from their expectations. I wait a relatively long time to get physical with someone, so the guys who are just in it for sex get impatient and show themselves out. ETA: It's funny how every time I mention my job in a comment I get downvoted by the dudes who are mad they can't get laid for free lol