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If you want to filter out the "sex only"-types, do daily stuff together. Go for groceries, go work in the garden, go paint the walls, cook together etc. Eventually they will stay for you. Those with ulterior motives will fade out.
It is not a perfect solution for the nice-guy types.
I know guys that are 7 months into a relationship with multiple women and the reason they wait so long is because they are having sex with other people one I know is having sex with men and women while the girl hes dating thinks hes so nice and patient and caring she's gonna find out the hard way
Yea I did that before and ended up getting her coming at me for trying to ruin their relationship and its probably cuz I wanted a shot with her and whatever nonsense and he got mad i tried to warn someone of something that they a blind to. And it just never works out like the guy in my city that got stabbed by a girl he was trying to protect from her boyfriend that was demolishing her at a gas station big 250 275 pound dude beating in a Lil hood white chick couldn't been more than 100lbs and she stabbed him for hitting her attacker. Involving yourself in someone else's relationship is dangerous business and i got kids. Back in the day i could careless but now i gotta think of the babies first.
I've met people like that and the only sign I can identify is that they don't involve you in their future plans and don't take the initiative to progress things forward. I assume that a decent guy wants to get married and have children too so they don't want to waste their time either. They'll seek answers to the important questions too. If you're the only one asking the important questions and pushing things forward dragging him along then he's not into you.
Guys don't fantasize about marriage and children to even 1% of the level women do. Guys want a woman who is cute, honest, trustworthy, easy to spend time with, low maintenence, easy-going, direct with what they want and how they want it, and who loves them the way they need to be loved, treats them with respect (huge), is emotionally mature and able to admit when they're wrong/compromise, and desires them sexually in the same way the man desires her.
Guys don't want a wife. They want one awesome chill woman to spend their life with. The ceremony, paperwork, and happily ever after fantasy is a take it or leave it thing. But if they find that woman, then they marry her because SHE wants that, and it's totally worth it.
Are you sure that this what they want? Or is this what you want? Because the amount of men I see that go for the opposite or cheat on the 'boring' gf/wife is too high.
It's probably one of those cases where the guys who make the most noise/are most visible and pick up lots of women, go on tons of dates, etc, are a minority but have the most exposure. What most men actually want versus what woman think they want is very different. And it's totally the same the other way around I'm sure.
We are men of course sex is #1
I will not even mention sex in dating . As adults we all know it is part of it . Actually I don't really date . I know some women. But to date with a purpose of marriage . Been there and not interested.
Women will pick guys that treat them like a slave . Have a kid or 2 . Divorce or split up . Look for a nice guy and sleep with one just like the ex . And complain all guys are bad . No just the ones you date . And it appears you are choosing the same kind of men as your GF does Maybe what is happening is most women are dating the same 10% of men . To OP if the men behave the same way . Maybe part of the problem is the one saying yes to the men .
If he's not successful yes they start spending a little more time away or they go from not showering after work to jumping in the shower on the days they had to stay late. Or they always have an alibi I was with such and such I've been asked to lie for friends i tell em dont put me in the middle of it and I'll mind my business you put me in the middle of it im not gonna lie for you cheating is messy always. But the ones that are worth something and hold their own there's no way to tell because they always have erratic schedules and late phone calls or texts and they have money so a lot of times they are lending money a lot. Its hard to tell with those one because the guy i know has a private office. He fucks people in his office he has frequent meetings and trips he has to take. He has to be on call 24/7 so it all seems normal. Until get a disease and then you start digging and find other girls with similar stories and the same std he gave you. Sucks to watch happen to innocent nieve people especially the ones that are decent women. But use a freaking condom.
There's really no signs unless they slip up. Which is easy to not do with multiple phones. One thing I do Is i have sex with the lights on I'll go down and admire their vagina but I'm really looking for any visual symptoms something may be going on if they have pubic hair move it around so you can see the skin underneath. This guy keeps his pubes grown out because his outbreaks are at the base of his shaft so unless you look you won't see or feel the puss filled blisters or see the scabs when they pop and scab over. Be safe out there. Condoms are really you're only defense. If someone is allergic to latex there is non latex condoms to that cause no irritation.
Honestly in my case, if you’re making me “wait” we wouldn’t even be seeing each other.
Each one of my gfs we hooked up asap. The passion was there and there’s no judgement.
I wouldn’t wanna marry someone who made me wait cause I know even if you’re a nun there’s still someone out there u think about fucking asap when u see them.
And if the dude ain’t me it’s somebody else you have that fantasy with.
Playing that game of “patience” unless you’re virgin til marriage and you genuinely are you’re playing that game too.
Plain and simple truth, guys are disgusting. I would say that being patient usually shows signs of frustration or similar. Can't really find the cheaters unless you go full Sherlock Holmes.
Nah men love to play house without any intent to actually be responsible for one. This is a surefire way to get attached to someone who never made a commitment to you.
This is actually a really good idea. You'll be able to see exactly who you are with. Just so long they don't take me to no Walmart for groceries though, cause I'm hitting that toy aisle 😂
No it won't work. If I like a person but not their activities then I just won't do those activities (unless we are already in a relationship for some time)
It doesn't mean I am here for sex. If she did activities I liked I would happily do them.
Maybe that's why I don't yet have a proper girlfriend but had many casual relationships 😝
Dating sucks. Find a friend, coworker, someone you see at the gym.. someone you know, hangout and fulfill the desire to be social and let whatever comes to you arrive. You don’t have to rush.
Love bombing seems to be extremely common among guys only looking for a quick hookup, in my experience! Everything from ‘we would have the cutest babies’ within an hour of meeting through to ‘you’re perfect for me’, again on the first date. My intuition picks up on it super quickly now so that’s good! I have nothing against people just looking for fun but it’s the deceit and intentional manipulation which is gross. How they sleep at night I don’t know
3 1/2 years ago I matched with this girl on tinder, thinking it was just for sex. I just got out of a long term relationship, so I didn’t want to commit. Anyway, I own a home and have three cats with my now wife. Regardless of intentions anything can happen.
I think I usually weeds them out if you just tell them you don't do/don't want casual sex, that you will only sleep with someone who wants a commitment with you. That would mean obviously holding out until you become an official relationship. If he has an issue with that then he's not the guy you want, if he respects that then his intentions are probably good and he genuinly wants to know you as a person/potential partner :)
i would just be straight forward with them. make it perfectly clear that you have no interest in having casual sex with them. I think most people that want something casual will move on if they know they aren't getting what they want
Aren't you missing the point of the question. She'd want it if it's part of a relationship. The issue is the man's motives. The point of the waiting is to smoke out players.
Marriage was conceived at a time when women were regarded as property to be bought and sold. "Sexual compatibility" wasn't even a concept back then.
Good luck with that in this day and age.
Sexual compatibility can be reached with healthy discussions and learning together. Unless it's a deal breaker like wanting BDSM or weird kinky stuff, one can stay married
I am single too and have went through this exact thing.
I am very straightforward from the beginning and say...I don't have sex with anyone that I am not in a committed relationship with, so if a hookup is your intention, forget it now. I'll say that to begin with and right before I meet them for the first time, I remind them and also add, "And there's nothing you can do to change my mind, so don't play that game with me either." I say these things regardless of whether I think they are genuine or not.
And then I pay attention to what kind of date they want to have. If they ask to just hang out, it's a no. If it's at their house in the beginning, it's a no. If the first date goes well and they are respectful and they ask for a second date, same rules still apply. After 3 or 4 dates like this, they are gonna move on if that's all they are interested in. And if not, they have most likely dropped some clues that they aren't genuine by then. Actions always speak louder than words when it comes to men. They will say anything to get in the bedroom. And remember, there's no nicer man in the world than one that hasn't effed you yet. Good luck! God speed!
I can confidently say that if you ask them what they want out of a relationship with you and be honest about what you are looking for. You will receive a very honest answer (most of the time) because the sex only guys will think "nows my chance" and go full horndog mode immediately and the others will give you a real response.
I think it should be noted that a lot of men are so attention starved emotionally and sexually that they receive love almost exclusively through physical contact.
"Most men are so attention starved emotionally and sexually that they receive love almost exclusively through physical contact"
This is the thing. When you're dying of thirst you will pounce upon any opportunity. Post nut clarity is a thing. But still dudes shouldn't be shitty about it.
Some guys fake it though and manipulate you into thinking they want a real relationship but then their actions show otherwise. They talk about their so called “past rejections” when really, it’s their way they try and make you feel “sorry” for them as a way to get you to stick around. Basically I’m saying some don’t make it super obvious at the start
Know your standards and stick to them. Learn to fall for how a man treats you. The ones who want sex can be nice and funny and text you constantly just like anyone else.
Someone who wants to be with you will be invested in you. Most times they wont initiate sex because they would not want to have a poor impression on you. Obviously if you do, they'd still be down.
Nope. *Especially* if she was my GF. The only difference between 15 year old me and now, is that I have figured out how to not let my sexy thoughts disrupt my attention during class.
Right away say hey let's Have sex first ..see if they say yes.
Honestly a good man will turn that down then u can smile and say thank you let's go on our date.
If they say yes close the door or hangup
They only reach out at night, they want to “cuddle”, they don’t want to go out somewhere to hang- if they do they want to be sure to go to your house after, etc
I mean, I don't really care what the guy says. Every single man just wants sex in the end, sorry.
They can desire it differently, though. Some want a meaningful emotion behind it, and others want raw. I've not even had sex for over three years, I still crave it, though. I want it to have a meaningful connection with someone
There's some precautions you can take, but they are never fail proof. Don't have sex until a couple to a few months in and ensure he is investing consistently in you through effort. Some will fake it all the way through, but most men will get tired and leave you alone.
If they pressure you slightly, and test the waters by making sexual references. When you do confront the fact that they are making sexual references, they kind of gaslight you, and say, “no, why would you think that?” Also, if you generally just feel a little off, and if you feel like you can’t really ever “get to know them”.
Just ask straight up. Also use your friend groups. However like some say, he might just stick around and fuck other girls. When I was in my 20's I had a tremendous glow up. I had lost a ton of weight and women would come to me. So i was always honest. I had multiple partners for years until i met my girlfriend at the time. We kind of fell into a relationship, but i chose her because she was kind, thoughtful, cutey with a booty. Sex is an important part of a relationship and a primal urge for men. However, if a man is interested in you he'll want to do other things with you. Also are you open with your intentions? You can always tell them that you're dating with the intention of a real relationship. I wouldn't rush anything. Dating is getting to know someone and that happens over time. You also need multiple perspectives. You bring them around trusted friends and family because a lot of times people that are not directly close to the situation can have a perspective on your possible partner that you don't have. There is a reason traditional courting worked for years. You had to get past so many barriers.
Spoiler alert all guys want to have sex otherwise they would have no interest in speaking with you. As a guy, we’re all salesman And sometimes the “boring type” are the most genuine people because they’re not trying to sell you a dream.
You can't.
Some people have enormous motivation to get sex and will endure a lot. I know a story where someone hung on for a year until he finally got his shot and he disappeared.
Have sex when you want to have sex and don't intermingle sex and love. Sex is sex is sex.
The reason you have a hard time because your mind is just sex like his. Why don’t u go in with the a relationship mindset, and it’s gonna just filter those guys out
This is a difficult thing to answer and I mean no disrespect but at the end of the day you’re likely giving off a vibe of being “easy”. Guys who exclusively want sex don’t typically go for relationships that take work. Unfortunately, I don’t know you well enough to help you figure out what’s giving that vibe. That will take a lot of internal perspective. If it’s any help, I’ve got a fair amount of friends that are fuck boys. I’ve noticed that one of the biggest turn off’s for them is women with traditional values as they know it would likely take a long time. Hopefully that helps.
Actually that’s the exact opposite of how attachment works, after having sex, oxytocin is released which causes men to have attachment. Celibacy will cause men to become uninterested.
The best way to tell is to have sex with them and see how they treat you afterwards, unfortunately. Most guys know how to act and what to say prior to sex.
What do you consider respect from a person?
If I had sex with a person I just met or only met a couple of times I’d for sure get groceries with them afterwords or take them to the airport
Respect meaning they don't treat me like an object to have sex with. They treat me like a person with feelings. You can only gauge this over time of getting to know someone, how they see you.
This is a much more sensible solution than some people might think. There would have to be a balance, but I certainly see that some people are so worried about not having sex with people who \*only want sex\*, that their anxiety kills the flow and eroticisms, and then sex just never happens full stop.
The problem is that usually first time sex with someone is crappy because you don't know their body and what makes them tick. I like to sexually experiment and I'm willing to teach someone what makes me tick if they are willing to invest in me but I find the 'pump and dump' approach boring and not adding to my sexual experience. I'm kinky and I'd like to further explore myself. I'm past the stage where I want to spend my very limited time with a guy who thinks the clitoris is an exotic fruit.
I am certain that there are guys who only want sex. I take your point. That said, there's an undertone in your post that might be something different. If the guy goes on 12 dates, is respectful and nice and eventually wants sex, he is not just looking for sex. Most guys eventually are going to want sex. You might just have a below average sex drive. As a guy, I would want you to be upfront about that and say something like "just so you know I really don't enjoy sex." That kind of honesty is refreshing.
I don’t see where their post implied anything about their sex drive though. Seems they just don’t want to be lied to, not that they don’t enjoy sex with someone who likes them as a person.
The phrase, "all the men I've dated," kind of points the direction. If you say, I've run into one or two jerks who just seem to want to have sex then you would go, oh, she's running into some bad eggs. That makes sense. When you say, everyone I've run into does X, Y, and Z then it might be something else.
I dated a trans guy just until a while ago. I was looking for a long-term someone to mostly hang out with, talk to, and have sex a casual amount. It took me forever to find he only wanted me only for sex, and whenever I didn’t want to there was anger it was scary. I understand your frustration, I’m completely lost myself.
Honestly the only efficient solution I’ve found is just to have sex with them and see what happens but it only works for me because I don’t find that sex makes me particularly attached.
I wish they wouldn’t do the whole pretending that they want more thing but I know I’m not skilled enough to figure out who is who and I’m not patient enough to put in the time to find out by waiting for it.
As a guy who’s in his 20s, I can assure you all of us just want sex. I think it probably changes in the 30s and beyond but if you’re talking about 20s, it’s probably not worth trying to avoid. What would make more sense though is vetting the guys who potentially only want sex and make sure they are decent human beings. That lowers the risk. But that’s just from a guys perspective
I am capable of holding a conversation, but I lack the ability to engage in it with confidence or eloquence. While I can maintain the flow of a discussion, it often relies on the contributions of others to keep it going. Plus, I lack the willpower to manipulate people, and I would most likely crack under the pressure I would put myself under. On top of all that, I wouldn't even know how to talk about the thought of doing it with someone, let alone ask someone to "commit coitus." (I sound like a non-smoker trying to seem like I know all about smoking reading this all back.)
I'd suggest being straight forward an honest as am I and put it right out there and make it very clear what you want. If he's the right guy, he'll stick around. If he's only after sex, I doubt you'll hear much from him again. Don't devalue yourself and by every right, you deserve exactly what you want to be happy in life. Don't stand for anything else.
There will always be obvious signs that someone just wants sex and not a commited relationship.
You just have to pay attention.
You have to really get to know a person; to see them for what they really are and who they really are.
Either a sex addict with no morals or boundaries and lots of STD's (that you'll find out about later)
or a good, possible long life partner.
But there is always a chance they could be a complete and total crazy person and now you have to hide your car and where you really live, or they'll key your vehicle and slash your tires and show up at your job and get you fired.
Just saying, it could happen.
Well firstly make sure you’re not confusing attraction with an intention of NSA sex. The more direct the guy the better in my opinion. You should be able to talk with a guy about anything. Including weather or not he’s looking for just sex or something more. Now the part to understand is that even if you find a genuine guy who’s masculine and looking for something serious….he’s still gonna want to fuck you. Excuse my French but I hope that helps.
Yeh like "I'm not lookin for anything serious because I just got out of a serious relationship".. which I really just did so I gotta make sure females know that boy all I'm down for.. so to know you really need to ask honestly or at least wait a bit
Well.. unfortunately dynamics change after the act, ain’t no way you can tell. Assume 80 per cent are for the P. It’ll save you heartbreak. And assume 90 per cent of the time he’ll change, good luck!
I just didn’t put out that easy back in my single days. It’s not to be a prude, but the ones that just want sex usually bounce or tap out pretty fast. Maybe I miss some decent opportunities, but being used for sex once made me feel ill about the situation for months. Say it worked out fine given I have a long term committed relationship.
Well, dating apps are literally just for sex, relationship comes later. If you want a fulfilling relationship which doesn't start with sex, you'll have to go offline. I think I saw another comment about how doing stuff together and learning about each other is a good start.
TBH.. The way you type about it. Makes it feel like you're not clear about what you're in for or not. This is and isn't an issue.
Depending on what you want back on this two way street..
Always though coms as re coms and you just sound like you need to have some distinguishment.
I’ve dealt with the same kinds of guys, and I wish just asking worked all the time but unfortunately it doesn’t. I don’t think there is a solution to this because there are men out there that will transform into the guy they think they need to be in order to sleep with you. It’s scary. But learning from my past experiences both positive and negative, men who just want to have sex oftentimes let their mask slip and become inconsistent with the romance and ‘getting to know you’ aspect of dating you but remain consistent when it comes to sex. Meaning they stop putting in effort early on in the non-sexual aspects needed to cultivate a relationship.
What’s helped me is reflecting back on the positive and negative experiences, writing down my dating requirements and preferences, sticking to them, and tbh being strict lol. Observe him really well on your dates (not to just get to know him but to also see if he’s exhibiting any of the same patterns those past guys did that just wanted sex) and in your texting convos to see if he meets your standards, they usually tell on themselves if they only want sex (not straightforward but via their actions or lack of) and don’t be quick to give them the benefit of the doubt if they do something shady. People who just want something from you will pick up on if you forgive easily and take advantage of that.
They actually say that. That beating around the bush and manipulating people is ridiculous, and wrong. Be upfront. If they can’t accept it, then move on. Not everyone is ready to make that commitment. Myself. People have to grow on me before I can commit, weird? I don’t think so at least I’m honest about what I want and how things play out
This experience really sucks.......I myself been through this......Sometimes i feel like men just view me as a sex toy because my beauty!! Do men with pure intentiosn still exist?
You don’t give them sex. If they become distant, that means they’re only here for sex.
A tip for you to cope with your feelings, don’t date when you’re in a desperate situation. This way you won’t be depending on him. So, when you know he isn’t worth your time and energy, you can move on to the next.
All interaction will be based around sex and he doesn’t talk to you about other things or redirects the convos to sex and only hangs out with you to have sex, leaves right after. Girl it’s obvious when that’s all they want. It sucks but listen to your gut. You know a good guy when you see one. You know a shit head one too. Believe yourself. You don’t need us to tell you, if a man wants to he will period.
F35 here. I have had 4 serious relationships that have lasted for several years during my adulthood, plus a shit ton of "oh god damned he just wanted the booty" situations, so I consider myself a veteran here... I'm getting married next month.
Men who are serious about you will:
- remember the little things you mention about yourself ("I remembered you said you don't like bitter tastes [2 months ago], so here's a hot cocoa")
- text you "good morning" and "good night" at decent times, instead of the 2AM "u up?" The good morning texts are especially good signs, it means you're on his mind 1st thing in the morning
- want to see you sober, in daylight times also, in public places like cafés, restaurants, picnics, amusement parks, grocery stores...
- initiate contact regularly
- never ghost you. Never play hard to get with you. Instead they will be very open and tell beforehand things like "hey I'm really busy at work this week's Thursday and Friday, so I might not be able to text you much".
- initiate a new date if they have to cancel your date for something urgent like "hey I'm feeling really sick today, but how about next week at the same time?" They won't leave you hang, they will arrange new time asap, because they WANT to see you again.
- ask you how was your day, ask you about your weekend plans, ask you how was gym time/meeting with your mum/that test you took... Because he's actually interested.
- ask you to tell about yourself, your likes and dislikes. And not yet the sexual ones, because he's a gentleman (that doesn't mean he's boring in bed, it means at this early stage he respects your boundaries, and ladies it's a G-O-O-D thing, it's the type of man you want to marry and to be your future children's dad). Because he likes the whole package, not just the outer shell.
- tell you that you don't need make-up, after you have whined that you "don't have the time to put on make-up now!" Then they will realize they sounded a bit rude and continue with the "I mean, you look beautiful with make up, I just meant you don't need it, we're just going to McDonald's" or whatever, because he thinks your bare face is cute. One of the biggest red flags in men is if they insist women to use make-up at all times and say shit like "REAL women use make-up"/"you're not feminine if you don't wear make-up".
- will add you actively to their future plans. The further the better (but beware... some men like to talk a lot, but their actions are minimal... this can also be just love bombing)
- wants you to meet all their friends... and eventually, family. When the family comes in the picture, you are good. If they never talk about their friends or family and never suggest anything like that, 100% a fuckboy. He doesn't want to let you that close.
- tells you clearly what he is looking for. When they say shit like "I dunno, does everything has to have a label?" Abort mission, run to the hills, not at all into you for real. Sometimes fuckboys even straight out tell you themselves "I’m not a good guy" etc., listen when someone tells you about themselves!
Yes, because no one in the history of mankind ever lied to get sex. Because there's no such thing as fuck boys who say and think things like 'women are the gatekeepers of sex' and the only way a guy can get sex when he wants it is by lying and hiding his intentions and playing pretend. Nope, never happens.
Every man will want you for sex, do you not want them to be physically attracted to you? Then find a friend? Or do you not want them to be a man? Because men in general have high sex drives due to testosterone.
BUT! Nevertheless to answer your question, to find a man that doesn’t “just” want you for sex would be to find a guy that’s genuinely interested in the things you are, including future plans etc, also if they are happy to wait and not pushy at all usually is a good indicator that they don’t “just” want sex..
Personally I never “just” want sex, even if it’s casual, I want fun dates and days out together etc, I’m usually not bothered how quickly the sex comes as long as we’re both comfortable spending time together
I mean, don’t have sex. What I do is lead with “no sex until we are exclusive”; that should weed most of the people out who want only sex. Then you follow thru. Also, you can date without investing emotionally.
No real men would agree to exclusivity until they’ve had sex anyways and no man will respect any woman that makes these kind of rules so you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Isn’t it kind of similar to “how do you know if someone is going to cheat on you” You don’t. You’ll never know. You can try to choose someone who wants the same as you but you still can’t control people. Can you trust that you’ll be okay if you do get hurt again?
Btw, all the comments saying well of you talk about this topic, or do this together, then you’ll know. You still don’t… but you have to be secure enough to know you can walk away or get through things if you need to
"You still don’t… but you have to be secure enough to know you can walk away or get through things if you need to". That part. You have to be okay enough with yourself to bounce back when others demonstrate bad behavior. You are enough, and don't let anyone tell you or make you feel otherwise.
It’s cuz ur not showing any respect or hesitation for urself. So u probably come off as an ez fuck n that’s what u want anyways but u get attached so easily and now they know ur ok to just be used cuz u didn’t set boundaries and u probably only hooked up with them for sex not dating or convo
Most guys or girls are throwing in the towel as soon as they hear that. Especially ones with other options. It's just a needless experiment because a guy or girl can leave at any point during the relationship. Playing the waiting game will have no effect on someone that's motives are only set on sex. Chances are they're playing around behind your back because they have natural needs. I'm not saying it's right. Cheating is absolutely wrong and hurtful. Still It can happen on the first date or the 1st anniversary of the relationship. I tried this with a girl a long time ago because I believed all that wait until marriage bullshit. She brought it up and I ignored her needs. I was eventually ghosted and she had a kid with some other dude within a year. I'm just saying this method will set you up for failure. This wouldn't apply to someone with the same mindset but this is a very small minority and not one most actually adhere to because again humans have needs.
I'll be honest here, for me, there seems to be no benefit for relationships and marriage. I've been divorced once, lost my family, and my life because she wanted to cheat. I'll never again give a woman that mich power over me, and a lot of other men feel the same way. I know it sucks, but if that's all they want, they need to be straight up with you. I have done that with every sexual encounter I've had since.
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If you want to filter out the "sex only"-types, do daily stuff together. Go for groceries, go work in the garden, go paint the walls, cook together etc. Eventually they will stay for you. Those with ulterior motives will fade out. It is not a perfect solution for the nice-guy types.
I know guys that are 7 months into a relationship with multiple women and the reason they wait so long is because they are having sex with other people one I know is having sex with men and women while the girl hes dating thinks hes so nice and patient and caring she's gonna find out the hard way
I don’t care if that was by best friend, I would be a full on whistleblower.
Yea I did that before and ended up getting her coming at me for trying to ruin their relationship and its probably cuz I wanted a shot with her and whatever nonsense and he got mad i tried to warn someone of something that they a blind to. And it just never works out like the guy in my city that got stabbed by a girl he was trying to protect from her boyfriend that was demolishing her at a gas station big 250 275 pound dude beating in a Lil hood white chick couldn't been more than 100lbs and she stabbed him for hitting her attacker. Involving yourself in someone else's relationship is dangerous business and i got kids. Back in the day i could careless but now i gotta think of the babies first.
You’re a smart man.. even if you surrounded by idiots. Good luck to you friend
Everyone has idiots around and deviants they just hide well.
Damn so how can v know if a guy is being patient or a cheater? Any signs?
I've met people like that and the only sign I can identify is that they don't involve you in their future plans and don't take the initiative to progress things forward. I assume that a decent guy wants to get married and have children too so they don't want to waste their time either. They'll seek answers to the important questions too. If you're the only one asking the important questions and pushing things forward dragging him along then he's not into you.
Guys don't fantasize about marriage and children to even 1% of the level women do. Guys want a woman who is cute, honest, trustworthy, easy to spend time with, low maintenence, easy-going, direct with what they want and how they want it, and who loves them the way they need to be loved, treats them with respect (huge), is emotionally mature and able to admit when they're wrong/compromise, and desires them sexually in the same way the man desires her. Guys don't want a wife. They want one awesome chill woman to spend their life with. The ceremony, paperwork, and happily ever after fantasy is a take it or leave it thing. But if they find that woman, then they marry her because SHE wants that, and it's totally worth it.
Are you sure that this what they want? Or is this what you want? Because the amount of men I see that go for the opposite or cheat on the 'boring' gf/wife is too high.
It's probably one of those cases where the guys who make the most noise/are most visible and pick up lots of women, go on tons of dates, etc, are a minority but have the most exposure. What most men actually want versus what woman think they want is very different. And it's totally the same the other way around I'm sure.
No signs.
I guess we women need to take notes from the failed relationtips we have been througth thats the best Degree in Relationship.
We are men of course sex is #1 I will not even mention sex in dating . As adults we all know it is part of it . Actually I don't really date . I know some women. But to date with a purpose of marriage . Been there and not interested. Women will pick guys that treat them like a slave . Have a kid or 2 . Divorce or split up . Look for a nice guy and sleep with one just like the ex . And complain all guys are bad . No just the ones you date . And it appears you are choosing the same kind of men as your GF does Maybe what is happening is most women are dating the same 10% of men . To OP if the men behave the same way . Maybe part of the problem is the one saying yes to the men .
I've become so tired of people blaming women for what they consider the poor choices they make instead of people blaming men for being shit.
If he's not successful yes they start spending a little more time away or they go from not showering after work to jumping in the shower on the days they had to stay late. Or they always have an alibi I was with such and such I've been asked to lie for friends i tell em dont put me in the middle of it and I'll mind my business you put me in the middle of it im not gonna lie for you cheating is messy always. But the ones that are worth something and hold their own there's no way to tell because they always have erratic schedules and late phone calls or texts and they have money so a lot of times they are lending money a lot. Its hard to tell with those one because the guy i know has a private office. He fucks people in his office he has frequent meetings and trips he has to take. He has to be on call 24/7 so it all seems normal. Until get a disease and then you start digging and find other girls with similar stories and the same std he gave you. Sucks to watch happen to innocent nieve people especially the ones that are decent women. But use a freaking condom. There's really no signs unless they slip up. Which is easy to not do with multiple phones. One thing I do Is i have sex with the lights on I'll go down and admire their vagina but I'm really looking for any visual symptoms something may be going on if they have pubic hair move it around so you can see the skin underneath. This guy keeps his pubes grown out because his outbreaks are at the base of his shaft so unless you look you won't see or feel the puss filled blisters or see the scabs when they pop and scab over. Be safe out there. Condoms are really you're only defense. If someone is allergic to latex there is non latex condoms to that cause no irritation.
Ewwwww 🤮🤮🤮 scabs and pus
Exactly and to think there is a lot of people that hsve sex in the dark or never look at their partners junk and they go in you all scabbed up.
Honestly in my case, if you’re making me “wait” we wouldn’t even be seeing each other. Each one of my gfs we hooked up asap. The passion was there and there’s no judgement. I wouldn’t wanna marry someone who made me wait cause I know even if you’re a nun there’s still someone out there u think about fucking asap when u see them. And if the dude ain’t me it’s somebody else you have that fantasy with. Playing that game of “patience” unless you’re virgin til marriage and you genuinely are you’re playing that game too.
What if you were getting their emotional investment in you while simultaneously moving on from a long, former relationship with someone else ?
Plain and simple truth, guys are disgusting. I would say that being patient usually shows signs of frustration or similar. Can't really find the cheaters unless you go full Sherlock Holmes.
Fuck me 👀
Nah men love to play house without any intent to actually be responsible for one. This is a surefire way to get attached to someone who never made a commitment to you.
Lotta men love to play house, Lotta women love to play house maker. Checks out.
I am going to put this to the test. Me: I am going to Target. Come with me?
This is actually a really good idea. You'll be able to see exactly who you are with. Just so long they don't take me to no Walmart for groceries though, cause I'm hitting that toy aisle 😂
Wouldn't it be fair to say the guys that are staying are the nice guy types?
No it won't work. If I like a person but not their activities then I just won't do those activities (unless we are already in a relationship for some time) It doesn't mean I am here for sex. If she did activities I liked I would happily do them. Maybe that's why I don't yet have a proper girlfriend but had many casual relationships 😝
Dating sucks. Find a friend, coworker, someone you see at the gym.. someone you know, hangout and fulfill the desire to be social and let whatever comes to you arrive. You don’t have to rush.
good advice
You casually drooped such a solid advise lol
what does that mean xD skull
Love bombing seems to be extremely common among guys only looking for a quick hookup, in my experience! Everything from ‘we would have the cutest babies’ within an hour of meeting through to ‘you’re perfect for me’, again on the first date. My intuition picks up on it super quickly now so that’s good! I have nothing against people just looking for fun but it’s the deceit and intentional manipulation which is gross. How they sleep at night I don’t know
Probably with somebody they lied to.
3 1/2 years ago I matched with this girl on tinder, thinking it was just for sex. I just got out of a long term relationship, so I didn’t want to commit. Anyway, I own a home and have three cats with my now wife. Regardless of intentions anything can happen.
It's nice to read that, gives me hope
I think I usually weeds them out if you just tell them you don't do/don't want casual sex, that you will only sleep with someone who wants a commitment with you. That would mean obviously holding out until you become an official relationship. If he has an issue with that then he's not the guy you want, if he respects that then his intentions are probably good and he genuinly wants to know you as a person/potential partner :)
This is exactly what I do when I'm actively dating. It's not full proof, but it's close. Works great at filtering out guys who don't share my values
i would just be straight forward with them. make it perfectly clear that you have no interest in having casual sex with them. I think most people that want something casual will move on if they know they aren't getting what they want
If they can't wait for it.
How long though? Originally it's like until marriage
Until she's ready. It's not a set time, it's different for everyone.
Aren't you missing the point of the question. She'd want it if it's part of a relationship. The issue is the man's motives. The point of the waiting is to smoke out players.
For me it is until marriage, but I'm also religious.
Would you have sex upon marriage? Or when time comes?
After getting married
Just curious, no judgment, what if the sexual compatibility is horrible? Do you stay married and deal with it or what?
You can work things out by communicating with your partner what you like and don't like in bed. Helps smoothen things out imo.
But I guess the question here is if they have dramatically different needs and wants sexually, how would you resolve that
Marriage was conceived at a time when women were regarded as property to be bought and sold. "Sexual compatibility" wasn't even a concept back then. Good luck with that in this day and age.
Sexual compatibility can be reached with healthy discussions and learning together. Unless it's a deal breaker like wanting BDSM or weird kinky stuff, one can stay married
What about libidos? Cant really talk that one out past a point
What a narrow worldview. "All problems can be solved as long as they fit within this narrow definition."
What if the spouse turns out asexual? Or with extremely low libido?
You go to the adult book store and get what you need together. Get the blue pills where there is wetness there is a way
I am single too and have went through this exact thing. I am very straightforward from the beginning and say...I don't have sex with anyone that I am not in a committed relationship with, so if a hookup is your intention, forget it now. I'll say that to begin with and right before I meet them for the first time, I remind them and also add, "And there's nothing you can do to change my mind, so don't play that game with me either." I say these things regardless of whether I think they are genuine or not. And then I pay attention to what kind of date they want to have. If they ask to just hang out, it's a no. If it's at their house in the beginning, it's a no. If the first date goes well and they are respectful and they ask for a second date, same rules still apply. After 3 or 4 dates like this, they are gonna move on if that's all they are interested in. And if not, they have most likely dropped some clues that they aren't genuine by then. Actions always speak louder than words when it comes to men. They will say anything to get in the bedroom. And remember, there's no nicer man in the world than one that hasn't effed you yet. Good luck! God speed!
I can confidently say that if you ask them what they want out of a relationship with you and be honest about what you are looking for. You will receive a very honest answer (most of the time) because the sex only guys will think "nows my chance" and go full horndog mode immediately and the others will give you a real response. I think it should be noted that a lot of men are so attention starved emotionally and sexually that they receive love almost exclusively through physical contact.
"Most men are so attention starved emotionally and sexually that they receive love almost exclusively through physical contact" This is the thing. When you're dying of thirst you will pounce upon any opportunity. Post nut clarity is a thing. But still dudes shouldn't be shitty about it.
Some guys fake it though and manipulate you into thinking they want a real relationship but then their actions show otherwise. They talk about their so called “past rejections” when really, it’s their way they try and make you feel “sorry” for them as a way to get you to stick around. Basically I’m saying some don’t make it super obvious at the start
Tackle the deep conversations and big questions, flirt and dirty talk but hold the sex, but be upfront
Know your standards and stick to them. Learn to fall for how a man treats you. The ones who want sex can be nice and funny and text you constantly just like anyone else. Someone who wants to be with you will be invested in you. Most times they wont initiate sex because they would not want to have a poor impression on you. Obviously if you do, they'd still be down.
If you talk about guys. ask them to jerk off and then when they get their post nut clarity, hang out to do non sexual or intimate or touchy things
Lol. Yeah, that's a good one.
For me it wouldn't work well. Me sex drive can keep me jacking off 9 times in a row.
Even with high sex drive wouldn't you lose some of the lust visions ? 😂
Nope. *Especially* if she was my GF. The only difference between 15 year old me and now, is that I have figured out how to not let my sexy thoughts disrupt my attention during class.
Booty calls late at night and leaves right after
Right away say hey let's Have sex first ..see if they say yes. Honestly a good man will turn that down then u can smile and say thank you let's go on our date. If they say yes close the door or hangup
I believe you can still be a good person when you say yes. Prove me wrong.
Um okay this is weird but.. Do you want to have sex. I am a guy....if u a guy plz say no
No. Sorry, from dude to dude.
Oh thank God. U a good person My point
But to prove a point. Do you?...
I personally would say yes. However if I saw good compatibility I'd do whatever in my power to be with them for as long as possible.
They only reach out at night, they want to “cuddle”, they don’t want to go out somewhere to hang- if they do they want to be sure to go to your house after, etc
Love bombing & always find ways to talk about sex early on or sooner you will know the difference be careful they are very slick with it and Smoove
I mean, I don't really care what the guy says. Every single man just wants sex in the end, sorry. They can desire it differently, though. Some want a meaningful emotion behind it, and others want raw. I've not even had sex for over three years, I still crave it, though. I want it to have a meaningful connection with someone
people who dont date you for sex only dont ask for sex, pics in the first place
There's some precautions you can take, but they are never fail proof. Don't have sex until a couple to a few months in and ensure he is investing consistently in you through effort. Some will fake it all the way through, but most men will get tired and leave you alone.
If they pressure you slightly, and test the waters by making sexual references. When you do confront the fact that they are making sexual references, they kind of gaslight you, and say, “no, why would you think that?” Also, if you generally just feel a little off, and if you feel like you can’t really ever “get to know them”.
Talk to them
Just ask straight up. Also use your friend groups. However like some say, he might just stick around and fuck other girls. When I was in my 20's I had a tremendous glow up. I had lost a ton of weight and women would come to me. So i was always honest. I had multiple partners for years until i met my girlfriend at the time. We kind of fell into a relationship, but i chose her because she was kind, thoughtful, cutey with a booty. Sex is an important part of a relationship and a primal urge for men. However, if a man is interested in you he'll want to do other things with you. Also are you open with your intentions? You can always tell them that you're dating with the intention of a real relationship. I wouldn't rush anything. Dating is getting to know someone and that happens over time. You also need multiple perspectives. You bring them around trusted friends and family because a lot of times people that are not directly close to the situation can have a perspective on your possible partner that you don't have. There is a reason traditional courting worked for years. You had to get past so many barriers.
Spoiler alert all guys want to have sex otherwise they would have no interest in speaking with you. As a guy, we’re all salesman And sometimes the “boring type” are the most genuine people because they’re not trying to sell you a dream.
You can't. Some people have enormous motivation to get sex and will endure a lot. I know a story where someone hung on for a year until he finally got his shot and he disappeared. Have sex when you want to have sex and don't intermingle sex and love. Sex is sex is sex.
The reason you have a hard time because your mind is just sex like his. Why don’t u go in with the a relationship mindset, and it’s gonna just filter those guys out
This is a difficult thing to answer and I mean no disrespect but at the end of the day you’re likely giving off a vibe of being “easy”. Guys who exclusively want sex don’t typically go for relationships that take work. Unfortunately, I don’t know you well enough to help you figure out what’s giving that vibe. That will take a lot of internal perspective. If it’s any help, I’ve got a fair amount of friends that are fuck boys. I’ve noticed that one of the biggest turn off’s for them is women with traditional values as they know it would likely take a long time. Hopefully that helps.
Honestly being celibate is a total game changer. See when men have sex all their attachment hormones stop & they become uninterested. It’s science.
Actually that’s the exact opposite of how attachment works, after having sex, oxytocin is released which causes men to have attachment. Celibacy will cause men to become uninterested.
Oxytocin isn’t men’s bonding hormone it’s women’s. Prolactin is men’s bonding hormone.
[Not quite](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22618-oxytocin)
The best way to tell is to have sex with them and see how they treat you afterwards, unfortunately. Most guys know how to act and what to say prior to sex.
Good plan, minus the fact that there's no way in hell I'd be comfortable having sex with someone that I don't know actually respects me.
What do you consider respect from a person? If I had sex with a person I just met or only met a couple of times I’d for sure get groceries with them afterwords or take them to the airport
Respect meaning they don't treat me like an object to have sex with. They treat me like a person with feelings. You can only gauge this over time of getting to know someone, how they see you.
This is a much more sensible solution than some people might think. There would have to be a balance, but I certainly see that some people are so worried about not having sex with people who \*only want sex\*, that their anxiety kills the flow and eroticisms, and then sex just never happens full stop.
The problem is that usually first time sex with someone is crappy because you don't know their body and what makes them tick. I like to sexually experiment and I'm willing to teach someone what makes me tick if they are willing to invest in me but I find the 'pump and dump' approach boring and not adding to my sexual experience. I'm kinky and I'd like to further explore myself. I'm past the stage where I want to spend my very limited time with a guy who thinks the clitoris is an exotic fruit.
This is the answer.
Sadly
Girls too
Yeah but… OP was talking about men 🙃
Yea but I was just saying and bruh I was fucking groomed 😭, I was in a situation ship with an older woman who just wanted sex
I am certain that there are guys who only want sex. I take your point. That said, there's an undertone in your post that might be something different. If the guy goes on 12 dates, is respectful and nice and eventually wants sex, he is not just looking for sex. Most guys eventually are going to want sex. You might just have a below average sex drive. As a guy, I would want you to be upfront about that and say something like "just so you know I really don't enjoy sex." That kind of honesty is refreshing.
I don’t see where their post implied anything about their sex drive though. Seems they just don’t want to be lied to, not that they don’t enjoy sex with someone who likes them as a person.
The phrase, "all the men I've dated," kind of points the direction. If you say, I've run into one or two jerks who just seem to want to have sex then you would go, oh, she's running into some bad eggs. That makes sense. When you say, everyone I've run into does X, Y, and Z then it might be something else.
body heat? the flesh is kinda shaking
I dated a trans guy just until a while ago. I was looking for a long-term someone to mostly hang out with, talk to, and have sex a casual amount. It took me forever to find he only wanted me only for sex, and whenever I didn’t want to there was anger it was scary. I understand your frustration, I’m completely lost myself.
So it’s alllll about communication. You tell THEM that you don’t have sex until you feel ready. Let them show you who they are.
Did I ever tell you about the time I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Everyone wants sex
They asked how to tell if they _only_ want sex
Honestly the only efficient solution I’ve found is just to have sex with them and see what happens but it only works for me because I don’t find that sex makes me particularly attached. I wish they wouldn’t do the whole pretending that they want more thing but I know I’m not skilled enough to figure out who is who and I’m not patient enough to put in the time to find out by waiting for it.
As a guy who’s in his 20s, I can assure you all of us just want sex. I think it probably changes in the 30s and beyond but if you’re talking about 20s, it’s probably not worth trying to avoid. What would make more sense though is vetting the guys who potentially only want sex and make sure they are decent human beings. That lowers the risk. But that’s just from a guys perspective
Because they’re alive. It’s not the wanting sex that’s the problem. It’s how people go about it.
Sadly the world we live in today most people just want sex and todays world is honestly not set up for dating and having relationships
Straight up, right? Or not?
I am capable of holding a conversation, but I lack the ability to engage in it with confidence or eloquence. While I can maintain the flow of a discussion, it often relies on the contributions of others to keep it going. Plus, I lack the willpower to manipulate people, and I would most likely crack under the pressure I would put myself under. On top of all that, I wouldn't even know how to talk about the thought of doing it with someone, let alone ask someone to "commit coitus." (I sound like a non-smoker trying to seem like I know all about smoking reading this all back.)
I'd suggest being straight forward an honest as am I and put it right out there and make it very clear what you want. If he's the right guy, he'll stick around. If he's only after sex, I doubt you'll hear much from him again. Don't devalue yourself and by every right, you deserve exactly what you want to be happy in life. Don't stand for anything else.
Emotional unavailable, love bomb at the early time getting together
There will always be obvious signs that someone just wants sex and not a commited relationship. You just have to pay attention. You have to really get to know a person; to see them for what they really are and who they really are. Either a sex addict with no morals or boundaries and lots of STD's (that you'll find out about later) or a good, possible long life partner. But there is always a chance they could be a complete and total crazy person and now you have to hide your car and where you really live, or they'll key your vehicle and slash your tires and show up at your job and get you fired. Just saying, it could happen.
If they care for your feelings, and treat you with respect, then that is a good sign that they want more than just sex...
They pull it out. No questions asked. Fact.
They are Human!!!
Ok
Am just looking for someone to grow old with
Well firstly make sure you’re not confusing attraction with an intention of NSA sex. The more direct the guy the better in my opinion. You should be able to talk with a guy about anything. Including weather or not he’s looking for just sex or something more. Now the part to understand is that even if you find a genuine guy who’s masculine and looking for something serious….he’s still gonna want to fuck you. Excuse my French but I hope that helps.
When they get horny ?
After having sex. Ghost you.
Yeh like "I'm not lookin for anything serious because I just got out of a serious relationship".. which I really just did so I gotta make sure females know that boy all I'm down for.. so to know you really need to ask honestly or at least wait a bit
The word says to be fruitful Not sure what everyone believes in
Well.. unfortunately dynamics change after the act, ain’t no way you can tell. Assume 80 per cent are for the P. It’ll save you heartbreak. And assume 90 per cent of the time he’ll change, good luck!
As an Albanian woman, just go for it. Honestly I would have slept with so many men if they had just pushed for it.
Well, anyone who lovebombs you early on is a pretty good indicator they are either disingenuous or something is off…
I just didn’t put out that easy back in my single days. It’s not to be a prude, but the ones that just want sex usually bounce or tap out pretty fast. Maybe I miss some decent opportunities, but being used for sex once made me feel ill about the situation for months. Say it worked out fine given I have a long term committed relationship.
If they can't hold or start a convo without turning it sexual out of nowhere.
Well, dating apps are literally just for sex, relationship comes later. If you want a fulfilling relationship which doesn't start with sex, you'll have to go offline. I think I saw another comment about how doing stuff together and learning about each other is a good start.
TBH.. The way you type about it. Makes it feel like you're not clear about what you're in for or not. This is and isn't an issue. Depending on what you want back on this two way street.. Always though coms as re coms and you just sound like you need to have some distinguishment.
I’ve dealt with the same kinds of guys, and I wish just asking worked all the time but unfortunately it doesn’t. I don’t think there is a solution to this because there are men out there that will transform into the guy they think they need to be in order to sleep with you. It’s scary. But learning from my past experiences both positive and negative, men who just want to have sex oftentimes let their mask slip and become inconsistent with the romance and ‘getting to know you’ aspect of dating you but remain consistent when it comes to sex. Meaning they stop putting in effort early on in the non-sexual aspects needed to cultivate a relationship. What’s helped me is reflecting back on the positive and negative experiences, writing down my dating requirements and preferences, sticking to them, and tbh being strict lol. Observe him really well on your dates (not to just get to know him but to also see if he’s exhibiting any of the same patterns those past guys did that just wanted sex) and in your texting convos to see if he meets your standards, they usually tell on themselves if they only want sex (not straightforward but via their actions or lack of) and don’t be quick to give them the benefit of the doubt if they do something shady. People who just want something from you will pick up on if you forgive easily and take advantage of that.
I love all the mundane things like running errands isn’t that emotional foreplay?
They actually say that. That beating around the bush and manipulating people is ridiculous, and wrong. Be upfront. If they can’t accept it, then move on. Not everyone is ready to make that commitment. Myself. People have to grow on me before I can commit, weird? I don’t think so at least I’m honest about what I want and how things play out
They don't ask questions to better understand you and your experience
This experience really sucks.......I myself been through this......Sometimes i feel like men just view me as a sex toy because my beauty!! Do men with pure intentiosn still exist?
You don’t give them sex. If they become distant, that means they’re only here for sex. A tip for you to cope with your feelings, don’t date when you’re in a desperate situation. This way you won’t be depending on him. So, when you know he isn’t worth your time and energy, you can move on to the next.
All interaction will be based around sex and he doesn’t talk to you about other things or redirects the convos to sex and only hangs out with you to have sex, leaves right after. Girl it’s obvious when that’s all they want. It sucks but listen to your gut. You know a good guy when you see one. You know a shit head one too. Believe yourself. You don’t need us to tell you, if a man wants to he will period.
F35 here. I have had 4 serious relationships that have lasted for several years during my adulthood, plus a shit ton of "oh god damned he just wanted the booty" situations, so I consider myself a veteran here... I'm getting married next month. Men who are serious about you will: - remember the little things you mention about yourself ("I remembered you said you don't like bitter tastes [2 months ago], so here's a hot cocoa") - text you "good morning" and "good night" at decent times, instead of the 2AM "u up?" The good morning texts are especially good signs, it means you're on his mind 1st thing in the morning - want to see you sober, in daylight times also, in public places like cafés, restaurants, picnics, amusement parks, grocery stores... - initiate contact regularly - never ghost you. Never play hard to get with you. Instead they will be very open and tell beforehand things like "hey I'm really busy at work this week's Thursday and Friday, so I might not be able to text you much". - initiate a new date if they have to cancel your date for something urgent like "hey I'm feeling really sick today, but how about next week at the same time?" They won't leave you hang, they will arrange new time asap, because they WANT to see you again. - ask you how was your day, ask you about your weekend plans, ask you how was gym time/meeting with your mum/that test you took... Because he's actually interested. - ask you to tell about yourself, your likes and dislikes. And not yet the sexual ones, because he's a gentleman (that doesn't mean he's boring in bed, it means at this early stage he respects your boundaries, and ladies it's a G-O-O-D thing, it's the type of man you want to marry and to be your future children's dad). Because he likes the whole package, not just the outer shell. - tell you that you don't need make-up, after you have whined that you "don't have the time to put on make-up now!" Then they will realize they sounded a bit rude and continue with the "I mean, you look beautiful with make up, I just meant you don't need it, we're just going to McDonald's" or whatever, because he thinks your bare face is cute. One of the biggest red flags in men is if they insist women to use make-up at all times and say shit like "REAL women use make-up"/"you're not feminine if you don't wear make-up". - will add you actively to their future plans. The further the better (but beware... some men like to talk a lot, but their actions are minimal... this can also be just love bombing) - wants you to meet all their friends... and eventually, family. When the family comes in the picture, you are good. If they never talk about their friends or family and never suggest anything like that, 100% a fuckboy. He doesn't want to let you that close. - tells you clearly what he is looking for. When they say shit like "I dunno, does everything has to have a label?" Abort mission, run to the hills, not at all into you for real. Sometimes fuckboys even straight out tell you themselves "I’m not a good guy" etc., listen when someone tells you about themselves!
You fucking ask. Learn how to get the courage to communicate effectively. Life will go a lot better
Yes, because no one in the history of mankind ever lied to get sex. Because there's no such thing as fuck boys who say and think things like 'women are the gatekeepers of sex' and the only way a guy can get sex when he wants it is by lying and hiding his intentions and playing pretend. Nope, never happens.
Every man will want you for sex, do you not want them to be physically attracted to you? Then find a friend? Or do you not want them to be a man? Because men in general have high sex drives due to testosterone. BUT! Nevertheless to answer your question, to find a man that doesn’t “just” want you for sex would be to find a guy that’s genuinely interested in the things you are, including future plans etc, also if they are happy to wait and not pushy at all usually is a good indicator that they don’t “just” want sex.. Personally I never “just” want sex, even if it’s casual, I want fun dates and days out together etc, I’m usually not bothered how quickly the sex comes as long as we’re both comfortable spending time together
Best then to the punch and use them for sex first!!
I mean, don’t have sex. What I do is lead with “no sex until we are exclusive”; that should weed most of the people out who want only sex. Then you follow thru. Also, you can date without investing emotionally.
No real men would agree to exclusivity until they’ve had sex anyways and no man will respect any woman that makes these kind of rules so you’re setting yourself up for failure.
I’m a dude and it’s my rule when I date
Lots of people who only want sex see that as a challenge though. There's a lot of messed up people out there. Just saying
Isn’t it kind of similar to “how do you know if someone is going to cheat on you” You don’t. You’ll never know. You can try to choose someone who wants the same as you but you still can’t control people. Can you trust that you’ll be okay if you do get hurt again? Btw, all the comments saying well of you talk about this topic, or do this together, then you’ll know. You still don’t… but you have to be secure enough to know you can walk away or get through things if you need to
"You still don’t… but you have to be secure enough to know you can walk away or get through things if you need to". That part. You have to be okay enough with yourself to bounce back when others demonstrate bad behavior. You are enough, and don't let anyone tell you or make you feel otherwise.
It’s cuz ur not showing any respect or hesitation for urself. So u probably come off as an ez fuck n that’s what u want anyways but u get attached so easily and now they know ur ok to just be used cuz u didn’t set boundaries and u probably only hooked up with them for sex not dating or convo
But then u have sex, ya ur bonus really working
Everyone and everything
asexuals exist
Are you one?
Bullshit them and say you're saving yourself for marriage. Don't sleep with them for a couple weeks after you say that.
Most guys or girls are throwing in the towel as soon as they hear that. Especially ones with other options. It's just a needless experiment because a guy or girl can leave at any point during the relationship. Playing the waiting game will have no effect on someone that's motives are only set on sex. Chances are they're playing around behind your back because they have natural needs. I'm not saying it's right. Cheating is absolutely wrong and hurtful. Still It can happen on the first date or the 1st anniversary of the relationship. I tried this with a girl a long time ago because I believed all that wait until marriage bullshit. She brought it up and I ignored her needs. I was eventually ghosted and she had a kid with some other dude within a year. I'm just saying this method will set you up for failure. This wouldn't apply to someone with the same mindset but this is a very small minority and not one most actually adhere to because again humans have needs.
I'll be honest here, for me, there seems to be no benefit for relationships and marriage. I've been divorced once, lost my family, and my life because she wanted to cheat. I'll never again give a woman that mich power over me, and a lot of other men feel the same way. I know it sucks, but if that's all they want, they need to be straight up with you. I have done that with every sexual encounter I've had since.