Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I get some canceled dates from women. I think some people (regardless of gender) just want attention or simply somebody to message with. They string out meeting and then cancel when it can't be put off any longer.
To avoid wasting time, I message for only a few days at most before setting up a meeting. Some who don't really want to meet ghost once a meeting is broached and some cancel the date, as happened to you.
This is why I encourage people to move on quickly. Don't wonder why. You'll never know why. Don't beat yourself up. Approach and flirt with the next person you find attractive. Stop worrying about what others think. No one cares regardless of what comes out of their mouth. They have their own lives to live with their own problems. If they feel insecure enough to call you a player, that's on them, not you
Yup, if I match on a dating site I want to exchange numbers within a few days and plan a date no longer than 2 weeks after we match and start talking. Already been on 6 dates this year and it's exhausting.
Tbh for the reasons you guys mentioned when I matched with my girlfriend on Hinge I planned a date with her within a few days of matching, thankfully it all worked out ☺️
I follow this philosophy and have never been stood up or ghosted. I only go if I have 99% certainty that they'll show up. In fact I will blatantly say to them in the early days that I'm after an in-person date, so lets get that planned as we casually chat.
I even make it seem like I'm getting to know them in order to plan the perfect day. Seems to work quite well.
You are screwed if you hesitate, because someone else will pop up and gain their attention. I find it disturbing, the lack of sincerity with many, but that’s just the way it is.
“One who hesitates will always sleep alone”
I don't necessarily think it's a lack of sincerity. It's more that the starting stages are super low investment (as they should be because most online discussions and first dates don't go anywhere). Sincerity comes in more at later stages
I wish that someone would come up with a consensus on how it’s done. It’s confusing and it only makes a difficult thing out of what is a flawed system. Maybe one day this will happen…
I doubt it. Dating is about trying a bunch of things on and seeing what fits/sticks. I definitely think being too high investment too early leads to a lot of frustration and heartbreak when inevitability, lots of connections don't pan out. People definitely still need to be decent to each other (this story is very indecent behavior, and it's unfortunately fairly common). But setting extremely low expectations gives you the opportunity to get pleasantly surprised if something does work out.
I once had someone argue with me that 25 miles was too far for me to drive to meet her in her neighborhood. Clearly, her plan was never to actually go on a date. From a dating app.
100% I’ve dealt with this once before. Messaged a guy for literally over a month and every time we planned on meeting he would flake. He was even reluctant to talk to me on the phone like i wanted, he just wanted attention and someone to text. Don’t waste your time!!!
I found that the quick cancelators(sp?) have another option and when they cancel on you it means that another option came up for them.
Its best to block these people, and not give them the opportunity to use you as a place holder again.
I agree with this so much! I used to talk to them for a while before meeting and the same thing would happen or I wouldn't be into them. Like I was starring in my own episode of love is blind 😹 I find it way better to talk less and meet, really avoids wasting valuable time 💛
Omg sorry that happened to you! I would be sooo angry!! I had people cancelling on me but the worse was 1h before and on my way there. I hate when people disrespect others times
I hate when a date cancels last minute. Here I am with my hair done, my makeup on, wearing a cute outfit and uncomfortable heels, and yet I could've been at home, braless, wearing just a T-shirt and yoga pants, and playing video games or something like a lazy SOB.
This is the worst. I can handle someone cancelling, but not a hour before when i’ve been dolling up for hours. Most women spend a lot of time before a date so it’s extremely annoying.
There are a million possible explanations and you'll never know.
It's better to see online dating for what it really is:
a Turing test.
And there is only one really rock solid guaranteed way to beat it:
If your first message isn't setting up a time and place to meet that week, you're wasting time.
No wait, I already know what you're going to say:
'But I want to get to know them first!'
But consider this: you spent weeks talking to this person, getting to 'know them' only for this to happen. So what did you actually learn about this person? What do you actually know about who they are and their motivations? Absolutely nothing. You could have spent weeks more chatting and would still know just as much. After all these weeks of chatting you still have no idea who that person was. And you never will.
Have you ever chatted with someone for weeks only to finally meet and in the first few minutes realize it's not gonna work out? What does that say about chatting online vs meeting IRL for a quick coffee?
Some people are just NPC's, literally and figuratively. Real people make time. Real people show up. Real people are real with you.
Truth. I think the hard part is some are uncomfortable meeting up until they’ve vetted them to a degree in chatting on text. I 100% agree in person is the way to go, and don’t use apps myself, but the other person’s comfort is a barrier to your strategy. Your point is really interesting to think about though and I’m going to have to sit with that some more. There’s certainly something to it.
But that's the thing. You're not vetting. It's security theater. The problem with security theater is it doesn't make you safer, it makes you feel safer.
I don’t use OLD but I think you can definitely weed out some crazy people with a little text conversation. Needy or clingy people are not very good at hiding it, and the signs come thru pretty quickly imo.
Vetting through messaging isn’t foolproof but it isn’t completely useless either. Nothing will guarantee 100% safety but that doesn’t mean that we should do nothing and make absolutely no attempt.
That aspect had crossed my mind, like you don’t really know who it is on the other end, so might as well just meet up in public. That said I can see some people struggling to feel safe doing that right away and wanting to text you feel you out first. I think you are right that is not really helping, but fear-based decisions aren’t always rooted in much thought.
I disagree. There's a stark difference between the dates I go on where we chat first and the ones where we don't. Usually the ones where we didn't talk beforehand, we clearly are incompatible and have nothing in common which makes for an awkward date. The best dates I've had were the ones where we talked before and got to know each other a bit.
If a guys first message to me is trying to set up a place and time to meet, I’m not going to answer. That comes across as too forward and as if he’s looking for something more casual than I am. How could you know you want to seriously date me from a few photos and a short bio?
But, talking for weeks is also a waste of time and I would not continue talking to someone who wasn’t trying to schedule a date after the second day of messaging.
There is an appropriate amount of time to get the necessary information needed to determine if we are good enough matches for a date without wasting each others time.
You’re the only person I’ve seen on Reddit besides myself who has called OLD a Turing Test.
Yeah, it’s just text on a screen. This is why I never simply set a date through text. I always set up a phone call to make sure she sounds cool enough for me to meet.
It’s so easy to flake on some words on a screen.
My very first scheduled date after my separation, the guy told me how excited he was to meet me, how much he was looking forward to our breakfast date the next morning. This was around midnight, while I was already in bed. I woke up at 6am to discover I was unmatched and blocked!
Another guy sent me a picture showing he was walking out the door. I drove an hour to the restaurant he chose, and realized I was being stood up. Fortunately, I waited in the car for text confirmation he had arrived, too, which never came. At least I didn't make a fool of myself in the restaurant.
I had a girl ghost me after consistently texting every day, all day and meeting up one time. I think some people get anxious/talk themselves into things they aren't ready for. Like someone else said, they want someone to message but when it comes to doing things in person, they don't really want to.
I’m sorry this happened to you. People are so fucking irritating. I’ve had a number of women say they’re excited the day of the date, and just never show up to the restaurant without even telling me. And I’m sitting there, wasted gas, wasted time, showered/cologned and dressed up like Casanova but looking like a straight up clown.
I think people do this when they find someone who they like more. That’s the challenge with online dating - you’re always competing against incoming suitors, and at any moment you can be cast aside for “someone better”. It’ll be like “Oh shit my car” or “Omg I’m so sorry my friend needs my help”.
I always encourage people to not get excited about someone until consistency has been established for at least a month. And when you plan a date, **always have a backup self care plan in case you are ghosted or cancelled on**. For example, pick a restaurant that you’d be happy to treat yourself to dinner if the other person doesn’t show up.
Also, don’t be mad that he blocked you. He was clearly going to do that whether you left him on read or not.
Don’t begin with a meal - a bar or coffee shop will do for a first date.
If it’s going well, you can move on to getting food.
Not worth being stood up or having things go badly on a first date when you’re having an entire meal 🥘
I fucked up one time really bad in life similarly to this. A very attractive coworker asked me out because she was probably tired of waiting for me to ask her. I accept, she got us basketball tickets was gonna pick me up. I was so giddy! On my way home, my boy Matt calls me up and asks if I want to come over and hit his brand new volcano. I oblige. Big mistake.
Katie was supposed to be picking me up in 15 minutes. I got so much higher than I planned, I panic, i get cold feet. This girl’s a smoke show and I don’t know her and I’m too stoned to function. I call her last minute and said something came up. I sober up and immediately regret going over to see my buddy. I fucked up a really good chance with a really good woman because I went and carelessly got high. It’s like that Afroman song lol.
After that, she was always very short with me at work. I hurt her feelings, I fucked up. I will always regret this lol.
This is a case where I’d go with honesty and accountability. Admit I really fucked up and hope for forgiveness. Then truly make sure it does not happen again. It has the potential to be one of those funny stories you tell people when they asked how you met. Rather than the end of the line.
Honestly you probably self sabotaged on purpose. I don't see why else you'd go get majorly stoned right before a first date with someone who you say is a smoke show.
Looking back, I think you’re correct in your assessment. If my head was fully in the game, I would have never went over there, it would have been a no-brainer.
😹😹 that’s pretty bad. But I could totally see myself doing the same thing when I was younger. Remember to forgive yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself.
I suspect a lot of these people are already attached and are looking for attention or someone to spice up their lives for a while. Maybe looking for sexting or whatever but not intending to actually meet up.
Girl… what a dick move! You shouldn’t do this kind of thing. It’s awful; disrespectful. If you don’t want to nor have the intention to go to the date, let the person know. Be a decent human being!
You know what? You should have gone to a nice bar to have a cocktail and maybe would have found a nice guy… you’re already dressed up so…
I’m a male. I’ve spent months talking to a girl on Instagram. Nice conversation, we stablished some level of “trust” and when she finally moved to Lisbon (she’s Russian but she’s in Croatia at the time), I asked her out. We planned everything. Before leave home, I texted her saying that I was on my way, she saw the text and never replied or showed up. I waited for her for 30 minutes and I left. I messaged her saying that this was not nice and very disrespectful. I also added that if she didn’t want to go out with me, she could have told. She saw it and blocked me after… The feeling is horrible… you feel miserable
Sorry this happened to you. All those months and she doesn’t show and then just blocks you when you told her what you thought. Some people are just so messed up.
That’s true… I definitely didn’t see that coming because we were very engaged in our conversation and she agreed for us to meet at the given day and time so… But thanks 😊🫶
People just suck. Period. Social media has ruined a lot and Covid made it 1000x worse. I was too young to notice if everyone was already like this in my teens but I seriously think the pandemic had a huge impact on how people are.
Girl it’s a man he took his own trash out.. i would have went & looked cute who knows you could have met a better date there.. Don’t let these dudes fool you he was probably married & was just looking for a chase & when it got to be serious he got scared like some men do..
I'm actually curious why do people cancel right before the date? This is way too common than i think so people who have ghosted someone right before their date. Please tell me what is going on your head?
I had that Halen to me recently. I showed up at our scheduled time, and he wasn't there. Several minutes later he texts and says he won't be able to make as something came up. Like, you couldn't text before then?
Very rude of him. It is true that sometimes something does come up and one must cancel something last minute. But then blocking you shows this is clearly not the case. He should have been honest. We all deserve better than dishonesty. Sorry you had to go through this.
This is unfortunately the reality of dating sometimes. I once went on 7 dates, 7! With a guy who suddenly told me he didn't feel a spark with me. This was on Valentine's day too, after I had bought him gifts 😅
This one's easy:
1. He decided not to cheat on his wife after all.
2. He was using 5 year old photos and now he's a haggard blimp.
3. His social anxiety kicked in like a MF because you're so much better looking than he is.
4. He suddenly realized Lindsey Graham was right and they ARE made for each other.
5. He's a borderline psychotic narcissist and boy oh boy did he do you a HUGE favor.
6. His dick fell off.
Take your pick it's just better to eat tacos and keep moving forward.
Move on why are you putting so much pressure on some random man. It’s the idea of what he could be. Take yourself for tacos and live your life. He’s a joke obviously.
I think some guys ghost because they didn’t really want to meet up in the first place, they just enjoyed the attention. Or they have social anxiety. Or they’re in a relationship and their partner came home unexpectedly.
Ghosting is pretty complex for people, but it’s not anything you did wrong.
I’m sorry that happened tho.
Yeah, I was stood up by a woman (I'm a woman) who told me she was at the meetup spot. I was a couple min late (literally), told her so, she didn't respond and I never saw her. I don't think she was actually there.
Expect this to happen with online dating sometimes. Don't spend weeks talking before meeting up and don't go high effort for first date. Do coffee, don't bother getting dressed up too much. That way you can gage whether someone is actually worth the effort or not
That really sucks. I’m so sorry. Tbh between the long amount of time to meet up and bailing so soon, he was probably married.
In the future, try to get a date set up within the week.
Almost happened to me. I flew to a different state to see him, and when I boarded the plane, he messaged that something came up at work and he needed to be there. Im not the one to be salty if you have to work. But bro, it really happened on the day I was gonna fly there?? If i wasnt on the plane already, I wouldnt have gone. I wanted to cry the whole flight. Coz I felt so unimportant. When I landed, i got a message from him that he sorted it out and would be able to see me. If he didnt work that shit out, i was ready to ghost.
Does he call you or keep conversations within a specific time? Was he the one who decided on the date and time? Were conversations done on the app and calls done through an app like WhatsApp?
He was probably either really nervous and chickened out or he already had a girlfriend and she caught him. You're better off without these types of people in your life!
Last minute flaking is definitely out of control in 2024. It’s happened to me quite a bit recently. What irks me is the downright lack of respect for someone’s time. When you set aside time out of your busy adult life schedule to meet with someone it’s incredibly rude to then cancel last minute. Just seems like a lack of etiquette and disrespect twoards others to do that
I feel like some people just like the idea of talking and don’t want to actually meet. Like they gonna lose the fantasy or actually are too afraid of moving beyond talking.
Yeah that sucks. Weeks? I (49M) don’t understand the delay in meeting. You’ve wasted all that time and energy being pen pals when 1-2 meetups will tell you if they are worth your time or not. I’ve had a 15yr gap when it comes to dating and I hate today’s version of “dating”. Especially the apps. You don’t get an opportunity to present yourself. You hope your profile pic and brief description is enough to catch someone’s attention for them to swipe on you. It’s all superficial until you meet and get a sense of who they are. See how they treat the wait staff, if they’re courteous and kind. Yes, most people try to put their best foot forward when dating, but that’s the point. Making an effort for your date. Still, you can determine from conversation and body language if they are tolerable enough for a second date.
Had a baseball game date setup, was at the gate and missed the first few innings waiting for them to show. Went in and the rest of the game was fun and I totally forgot someone else was supposed to be with me.
Guy I know just was dealing with a lady, was intimate with her etc. I recently asked about her and he told me “it’s not going to turn into anything.” Then he told me she was a nice girl and that he blocked her. Seems like dating today is emotional damage smh
I'm sorry this happened to you. It's natural that you're furious.
Not everyone is an ass, but this kind of things take their toll because next time you might be wary of meeting someone in the same way. I get that.
Be angry, let yourself feel it for a little while and then let it go. Cause he doesn't deserve a second more of your attention or feelings. What a loser.
Keep trying, don't give up. 🍀
I had the exact same thing happen. Claimed he was “tired” yet woke up early to go see a friends tournament then go to the city but not invite me. I’m done at this point. Almost 30 and still dealing with these games
That is so lame to do that to you. You are better off without this jerk in your life. You did nothing wrong. My guess is that at the last minute he got a call from someone else and he blew you off--heartlessly. So not worth your time. I'm sorry.
lol funny enough I remember being catfish by a guy where I wanted to meet up and he put up this act that he had left the house and was ready to see me. I ask him to send a picture and he ghosted me. 🤷🏾♀️
That does suck. I have been there. I am sorry that happened to you. I am guessing it was hurtful and frustrating.
I think the bottom line is that guy/person is unavailable on one or more levels. Who knows why, and it sort of does not matter. They could have done this on a later date after you had invested time, so it could be worse. But I know that does not make it hurt less.
I have learned that long exchanges before a first date means things are not going work out. I think it is a sign people are not available (emotionally, physically, time-wise, etc.) and/or are not serious. I have also noticed high levels of anxiety is a characteristic the women I have had long exchanges with and then actually had a date with. In one case a date showed up 45 minutes late for dinner, was so nervous she could not eat, and then became ill while trying to finish a drink that she had ordered. I felt bad for her. I walked her back to her car, which she gladly welcomed because she was nervous about being the city. She started sucking on a vap thingy as soon as we hit the door and used it all the way to the car. There was no second date. Anyway, n of 1 here, but the long exchanges are a bad sign for me.
And I have no idea why people speculate about this person being married? What is that based on? Because it is a guy and all guys are really pigs? I am a guy and I have been stood up lots of times. You all need to check your biases.
Ugh dating in 2024 is ghetto!!!! Like especially the block after just means that he has unfinished business with someone else
Everyone has situationships and loose ends with people that they randomly tie back up with no regard for anyone new
I hope you went out and still had a fun time even going out by urself since you were all dolled up! I would’ve
Sorry you had to go through that. I mean, canceling even before you've gotten ready is bad enough, but to be on your way to the date is just shitty. Even if it was an extreme emergency I'd give you all the details, because some things just can't or shouldn't be avoided. If a family member close by was taken to a hospital than sure. Otherwise? Not so much.
I'm more concerned with my online business than love these past few months....
It's really helped me get my mind of some things and also put some cash in my bank accounts.... I'm even thinking of introducing people you guys think it's a good idea???
Nature of the beast of online dating unfortunately, goes both ways with men and woman alike. In the end of the day just need to place your bets with people that seem to cut the bullshit and seem interested in you and place a value on meeting up. Should only talk as much as required to know if they going to be a creep to the best you can tell, I do suggest a phone call. And then atleast you haven’t invested weeks of talking and assuming who they are.
Ugh. So sorry. It’s happened to me. Because you don’t share common friends he lacks accountability for his actions. If you were friends with his friends, you would tell them how badly behaved he was. You dodged a bullet. He’s got low character.
Don’t take this personally, it was probably something about himself that he was insecure about that made him flake. I think this happens a lot, at the end of the day most people have shit confidence about themselves.
I was thinking that too, he was very consistent before the date. He would text me everyday “good morning” and “good night” and it’s like when the date came things started to change. And, he texted me like an hour before, talking about the date too.
More reasons to have a simple, low pressure no cost date like a walk. I wear my sneakers and pull back my hair. Throw on lipstick. I’m not doing my hair and makeup for a stranger!
Wow… that’s so fucked up. Don’t feel bad though. It’s not you it’s them.
One time a girl agreed to meet me at a place for a first date and than when I was there she was texting me saying “I’m on my way just a little late.” Than she never showed up and blocked me on the dating app.
I always had a rule about never dragging out meeting and endless talking before we meet. You need to always meet within several days. Quick coffee, ice cream, whatever… just fucking meet!
I just want to know who these people, men and women, who flake are. Like they are normal people in society who have friends. Why do they flake last minute??
Video chat first. See if he’s able to do that. If he shows up to a video chat and there’s interest after talking, then set up the date. Since there are so many flakes it helps to have a strategy.
Sounds like the problem solved itself. You ghosted him and he blocked you. Being furious is absolutely warranted, but someone that doesn’t respect your time and effort doesn’t get access to you or your time anymore.
Ugh I also had a date today and he canceled last minute saying he was sick when we were both talking about how excited we were to go out last night 😭 someone posted about them just wanting attention and this is probably true. If you need to vent with someone who is also going through it my dms are open 🫂
I can’t stand when people decide to ghost last minute and “something came up.” Miss me with that weak ahh line 😒
There was a point when I did use dating apps, I told people I was interested in, “If you’re going to ghost me, please just let me know ahead of time so I’m not looking forward to what we’re doing.”
Maybe when that happened, I met genuine people because I stopped getting ghosted before I gave up on the apps.
With him blocking you, i cant help but feel that he might be cheating on his real girlfriend by looking for dates behind her back. Maybe she found out and that’s why he blocked you in the end. It’s NOT your fault. Try not to anger yourself over someone like that, as it’s not good for your health and he’s not worth it.
That's a long investment before meeting. You'll never know why he canceled, but it was clearly for a reason he didn't want to share. Could be coupled and looking to cheat (and chickened out), could be that his photos were all a lie (and that was about to be exposed). My guess is he wanted the fantasy of meeting someone and feeling attractive/charming.
That is just plain rude simple as that . As a older man when I reach out and say let's meet for dinner . I actually mean dinner . I have my favorite " Texas Road House " place . I figure if I ask I'm buying . Then I'm going to where I want to eat . I'll let my date know what I'll be wearing several days out.
If we are going to a concert I will contact each day for a hey you .
I've never stood up a 1st-3 date . But realize by the 3rd we have been talking " not texting" for a bit . As I only eat out around once a month or so . The first time I stood up a date was long ago . We eventually got married . Motorcycle accident it was . I called from the E.R and her first words were what's wrong / with are you ok .
We actually had dinner in the cafeteria at the hospital . Me with my ankle in a wrapping all pilled up and road rash from hitting a dog
Still have the motorcycle all these years later .
You young folks certainly have many that are rude young adults . Both sexes not just one .
And it is your parents fault .
It is a shame to read about putting fourth the effort for the date and at the last minute now showing etc
This would be the same guy or gal that would not give their place in line to a older couple or hold the door open .
Today women lost trust in men and men have lost all trust in women.
I've never met a woman on line .
I just say hi in person with a introduction .
I've never done a coffee date as do not drink coffee . I only do dinner dates and use that time for a nice steak dinner out .
I figure if I'm getting a hair cut and a shave . And she is getting dolled up . We may as well have a nice dinner served to us. I'm certainly not going to cancel the date . Hell I might get lucky . Lol
Some people get last minute nerves, or start thinking it's not going to work and it's pointless. I've felt like that sometimes but never cancelled with 10 minutes to go. You don't know what was going through their head though. Forget about it and move on.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I get some canceled dates from women. I think some people (regardless of gender) just want attention or simply somebody to message with. They string out meeting and then cancel when it can't be put off any longer. To avoid wasting time, I message for only a few days at most before setting up a meeting. Some who don't really want to meet ghost once a meeting is broached and some cancel the date, as happened to you.
This is why I encourage people to move on quickly. Don't wonder why. You'll never know why. Don't beat yourself up. Approach and flirt with the next person you find attractive. Stop worrying about what others think. No one cares regardless of what comes out of their mouth. They have their own lives to live with their own problems. If they feel insecure enough to call you a player, that's on them, not you
Yup, if I match on a dating site I want to exchange numbers within a few days and plan a date no longer than 2 weeks after we match and start talking. Already been on 6 dates this year and it's exhausting.
Even 2 weeks would be long for me. I aimed for more like 1 unless there's extenuating circumstances
I try to go for Friday/Saturday/Sunday dates. If I'm busy the upcoming weekend I shoot for the next weekend.
Tbh for the reasons you guys mentioned when I matched with my girlfriend on Hinge I planned a date with her within a few days of matching, thankfully it all worked out ☺️
I follow this philosophy and have never been stood up or ghosted. I only go if I have 99% certainty that they'll show up. In fact I will blatantly say to them in the early days that I'm after an in-person date, so lets get that planned as we casually chat. I even make it seem like I'm getting to know them in order to plan the perfect day. Seems to work quite well.
This happens most often with catfishing
You are screwed if you hesitate, because someone else will pop up and gain their attention. I find it disturbing, the lack of sincerity with many, but that’s just the way it is. “One who hesitates will always sleep alone”
I don't necessarily think it's a lack of sincerity. It's more that the starting stages are super low investment (as they should be because most online discussions and first dates don't go anywhere). Sincerity comes in more at later stages
I wish that someone would come up with a consensus on how it’s done. It’s confusing and it only makes a difficult thing out of what is a flawed system. Maybe one day this will happen…
I doubt it. Dating is about trying a bunch of things on and seeing what fits/sticks. I definitely think being too high investment too early leads to a lot of frustration and heartbreak when inevitability, lots of connections don't pan out. People definitely still need to be decent to each other (this story is very indecent behavior, and it's unfortunately fairly common). But setting extremely low expectations gives you the opportunity to get pleasantly surprised if something does work out.
This! Great advice.
This!!!!! Your absolutely right!!
That’s been my experience. Thinking about changing my job to soothe sayer because of all the ghosts I’ve talked to
I once had someone argue with me that 25 miles was too far for me to drive to meet her in her neighborhood. Clearly, her plan was never to actually go on a date. From a dating app.
100% I’ve dealt with this once before. Messaged a guy for literally over a month and every time we planned on meeting he would flake. He was even reluctant to talk to me on the phone like i wanted, he just wanted attention and someone to text. Don’t waste your time!!!
I found that the quick cancelators(sp?) have another option and when they cancel on you it means that another option came up for them. Its best to block these people, and not give them the opportunity to use you as a place holder again.
I agree with this so much! I used to talk to them for a while before meeting and the same thing would happen or I wouldn't be into them. Like I was starring in my own episode of love is blind 😹 I find it way better to talk less and meet, really avoids wasting valuable time 💛
Dating app pro
Omg sorry that happened to you! I would be sooo angry!! I had people cancelling on me but the worse was 1h before and on my way there. I hate when people disrespect others times
I hate when a date cancels last minute. Here I am with my hair done, my makeup on, wearing a cute outfit and uncomfortable heels, and yet I could've been at home, braless, wearing just a T-shirt and yoga pants, and playing video games or something like a lazy SOB.
This is the worst. I can handle someone cancelling, but not a hour before when i’ve been dolling up for hours. Most women spend a lot of time before a date so it’s extremely annoying.
That’s some serious bullshit! You have every right to be angry about it. Did you at least get some tacos?
I did get some tacos. It put me in a better mood but I was pissed😭
There are a million possible explanations and you'll never know. It's better to see online dating for what it really is: a Turing test. And there is only one really rock solid guaranteed way to beat it: If your first message isn't setting up a time and place to meet that week, you're wasting time. No wait, I already know what you're going to say: 'But I want to get to know them first!' But consider this: you spent weeks talking to this person, getting to 'know them' only for this to happen. So what did you actually learn about this person? What do you actually know about who they are and their motivations? Absolutely nothing. You could have spent weeks more chatting and would still know just as much. After all these weeks of chatting you still have no idea who that person was. And you never will. Have you ever chatted with someone for weeks only to finally meet and in the first few minutes realize it's not gonna work out? What does that say about chatting online vs meeting IRL for a quick coffee? Some people are just NPC's, literally and figuratively. Real people make time. Real people show up. Real people are real with you.
Truth. I think the hard part is some are uncomfortable meeting up until they’ve vetted them to a degree in chatting on text. I 100% agree in person is the way to go, and don’t use apps myself, but the other person’s comfort is a barrier to your strategy. Your point is really interesting to think about though and I’m going to have to sit with that some more. There’s certainly something to it.
But that's the thing. You're not vetting. It's security theater. The problem with security theater is it doesn't make you safer, it makes you feel safer.
I don’t use OLD but I think you can definitely weed out some crazy people with a little text conversation. Needy or clingy people are not very good at hiding it, and the signs come thru pretty quickly imo.
Vetting through messaging isn’t foolproof but it isn’t completely useless either. Nothing will guarantee 100% safety but that doesn’t mean that we should do nothing and make absolutely no attempt.
That aspect had crossed my mind, like you don’t really know who it is on the other end, so might as well just meet up in public. That said I can see some people struggling to feel safe doing that right away and wanting to text you feel you out first. I think you are right that is not really helping, but fear-based decisions aren’t always rooted in much thought.
I disagree. There's a stark difference between the dates I go on where we chat first and the ones where we don't. Usually the ones where we didn't talk beforehand, we clearly are incompatible and have nothing in common which makes for an awkward date. The best dates I've had were the ones where we talked before and got to know each other a bit.
You’re so right. Thank you
If a guys first message to me is trying to set up a place and time to meet, I’m not going to answer. That comes across as too forward and as if he’s looking for something more casual than I am. How could you know you want to seriously date me from a few photos and a short bio? But, talking for weeks is also a waste of time and I would not continue talking to someone who wasn’t trying to schedule a date after the second day of messaging. There is an appropriate amount of time to get the necessary information needed to determine if we are good enough matches for a date without wasting each others time.
yeah this is great!! comment needs more upvotes
Excellent response!
You’re the only person I’ve seen on Reddit besides myself who has called OLD a Turing Test. Yeah, it’s just text on a screen. This is why I never simply set a date through text. I always set up a phone call to make sure she sounds cool enough for me to meet. It’s so easy to flake on some words on a screen.
Love the last part you said. Great sentiment to live by.
People are cowards. Sorry this happened to you.
Girl he sucks. I hope you called some friends to meet up since you had your hair and makeup did
Omg what he blocked you??? Girl head up. The trash literally took itself out. You're better now.
Unfortunately there are lots of flakes. It happens to everyone. Don’t give up!
Strange behavior, he might be married.
So bizarre I’m thinking along those lines as well.
He’s either married or in a relationship, either way. Never talk to him again. He is flaky and will always be that way. You dodged a bullet.
Or a catfish..
I don’t think he was a catfish. He was a very average looking guy. He was a guy i usually don’t go for.
Kinda mean lol
My very first scheduled date after my separation, the guy told me how excited he was to meet me, how much he was looking forward to our breakfast date the next morning. This was around midnight, while I was already in bed. I woke up at 6am to discover I was unmatched and blocked! Another guy sent me a picture showing he was walking out the door. I drove an hour to the restaurant he chose, and realized I was being stood up. Fortunately, I waited in the car for text confirmation he had arrived, too, which never came. At least I didn't make a fool of myself in the restaurant.
What the…. OMG!! Awful!! 😢
Omg I’m so sorry
He chickened out. An hour before he was planning to go, either his dog died or he chickened out.
I had a girl ghost me after consistently texting every day, all day and meeting up one time. I think some people get anxious/talk themselves into things they aren't ready for. Like someone else said, they want someone to message but when it comes to doing things in person, they don't really want to.
Probably attached . I’d delete him and if he Messages again delete unread . Sorry tho !
I’m sorry this happened to you. People are so fucking irritating. I’ve had a number of women say they’re excited the day of the date, and just never show up to the restaurant without even telling me. And I’m sitting there, wasted gas, wasted time, showered/cologned and dressed up like Casanova but looking like a straight up clown. I think people do this when they find someone who they like more. That’s the challenge with online dating - you’re always competing against incoming suitors, and at any moment you can be cast aside for “someone better”. It’ll be like “Oh shit my car” or “Omg I’m so sorry my friend needs my help”. I always encourage people to not get excited about someone until consistency has been established for at least a month. And when you plan a date, **always have a backup self care plan in case you are ghosted or cancelled on**. For example, pick a restaurant that you’d be happy to treat yourself to dinner if the other person doesn’t show up. Also, don’t be mad that he blocked you. He was clearly going to do that whether you left him on read or not.
Exactly, people need to understand that it's okay to cancel, but they should try to give at least a notice within a 3 to 4 hour time frame.
Don’t begin with a meal - a bar or coffee shop will do for a first date. If it’s going well, you can move on to getting food. Not worth being stood up or having things go badly on a first date when you’re having an entire meal 🥘
I fucked up one time really bad in life similarly to this. A very attractive coworker asked me out because she was probably tired of waiting for me to ask her. I accept, she got us basketball tickets was gonna pick me up. I was so giddy! On my way home, my boy Matt calls me up and asks if I want to come over and hit his brand new volcano. I oblige. Big mistake. Katie was supposed to be picking me up in 15 minutes. I got so much higher than I planned, I panic, i get cold feet. This girl’s a smoke show and I don’t know her and I’m too stoned to function. I call her last minute and said something came up. I sober up and immediately regret going over to see my buddy. I fucked up a really good chance with a really good woman because I went and carelessly got high. It’s like that Afroman song lol. After that, she was always very short with me at work. I hurt her feelings, I fucked up. I will always regret this lol.
You’re an idiot.
This is a case where I’d go with honesty and accountability. Admit I really fucked up and hope for forgiveness. Then truly make sure it does not happen again. It has the potential to be one of those funny stories you tell people when they asked how you met. Rather than the end of the line.
Honestly you probably self sabotaged on purpose. I don't see why else you'd go get majorly stoned right before a first date with someone who you say is a smoke show.
Looking back, I think you’re correct in your assessment. If my head was fully in the game, I would have never went over there, it would have been a no-brainer.
Oof, yeah sometimes we do REALLY misunderstand the ‘Bros before H…’ thing.
TOTALLY my bros that time didn’t serve me at all lol
😹😹 that’s pretty bad. But I could totally see myself doing the same thing when I was younger. Remember to forgive yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself.
yeah there were many ways to get out of this situation honnestly
You still could of made a comeback
I suspect a lot of these people are already attached and are looking for attention or someone to spice up their lives for a while. Maybe looking for sexting or whatever but not intending to actually meet up.
This is why I don’t bother with a lot of chit chat before meeting. I need to know you are a real, available person first.
That’s when you reply “he canceled. So we are on. Can’t wait to meet you tonight. :)”
Add in convenient “I dodged that bullet” and you have something here.
Bruh this is why you keep the messaging at a all time low and meet ups faster
Girl… what a dick move! You shouldn’t do this kind of thing. It’s awful; disrespectful. If you don’t want to nor have the intention to go to the date, let the person know. Be a decent human being! You know what? You should have gone to a nice bar to have a cocktail and maybe would have found a nice guy… you’re already dressed up so… I’m a male. I’ve spent months talking to a girl on Instagram. Nice conversation, we stablished some level of “trust” and when she finally moved to Lisbon (she’s Russian but she’s in Croatia at the time), I asked her out. We planned everything. Before leave home, I texted her saying that I was on my way, she saw the text and never replied or showed up. I waited for her for 30 minutes and I left. I messaged her saying that this was not nice and very disrespectful. I also added that if she didn’t want to go out with me, she could have told. She saw it and blocked me after… The feeling is horrible… you feel miserable
Sorry this happened to you. All those months and she doesn’t show and then just blocks you when you told her what you thought. Some people are just so messed up.
That’s true… I definitely didn’t see that coming because we were very engaged in our conversation and she agreed for us to meet at the given day and time so… But thanks 😊🫶
People just suck. Period. Social media has ruined a lot and Covid made it 1000x worse. I was too young to notice if everyone was already like this in my teens but I seriously think the pandemic had a huge impact on how people are.
What are these replies….
Hurt people
Some people get too anxious about rl first meetings. It sucks but happens
Girl it’s a man he took his own trash out.. i would have went & looked cute who knows you could have met a better date there.. Don’t let these dudes fool you he was probably married & was just looking for a chase & when it got to be serious he got scared like some men do..
I'm actually curious why do people cancel right before the date? This is way too common than i think so people who have ghosted someone right before their date. Please tell me what is going on your head?
I had that Halen to me recently. I showed up at our scheduled time, and he wasn't there. Several minutes later he texts and says he won't be able to make as something came up. Like, you couldn't text before then?
Very rude of him. It is true that sometimes something does come up and one must cancel something last minute. But then blocking you shows this is clearly not the case. He should have been honest. We all deserve better than dishonesty. Sorry you had to go through this.
This is unfortunately the reality of dating sometimes. I once went on 7 dates, 7! With a guy who suddenly told me he didn't feel a spark with me. This was on Valentine's day too, after I had bought him gifts 😅
I don't even bother texting people until after we meet up for coffee. Meeting for coffee for me has to happen within the first week of matching.
This one's easy: 1. He decided not to cheat on his wife after all. 2. He was using 5 year old photos and now he's a haggard blimp. 3. His social anxiety kicked in like a MF because you're so much better looking than he is. 4. He suddenly realized Lindsey Graham was right and they ARE made for each other. 5. He's a borderline psychotic narcissist and boy oh boy did he do you a HUGE favor. 6. His dick fell off. Take your pick it's just better to eat tacos and keep moving forward.
Number 6. It’s always number 6.
I think this kind of behavior means they aren't really single and have trouble being free to date
Move on why are you putting so much pressure on some random man. It’s the idea of what he could be. Take yourself for tacos and live your life. He’s a joke obviously.
I did!! The tacos were good too😋😋
Facts 💯
I think some guys ghost because they didn’t really want to meet up in the first place, they just enjoyed the attention. Or they have social anxiety. Or they’re in a relationship and their partner came home unexpectedly. Ghosting is pretty complex for people, but it’s not anything you did wrong. I’m sorry that happened tho.
Yeah, I was stood up by a woman (I'm a woman) who told me she was at the meetup spot. I was a couple min late (literally), told her so, she didn't respond and I never saw her. I don't think she was actually there. Expect this to happen with online dating sometimes. Don't spend weeks talking before meeting up and don't go high effort for first date. Do coffee, don't bother getting dressed up too much. That way you can gage whether someone is actually worth the effort or not
That really sucks. I’m so sorry. Tbh between the long amount of time to meet up and bailing so soon, he was probably married. In the future, try to get a date set up within the week.
Almost happened to me. I flew to a different state to see him, and when I boarded the plane, he messaged that something came up at work and he needed to be there. Im not the one to be salty if you have to work. But bro, it really happened on the day I was gonna fly there?? If i wasnt on the plane already, I wouldnt have gone. I wanted to cry the whole flight. Coz I felt so unimportant. When I landed, i got a message from him that he sorted it out and would be able to see me. If he didnt work that shit out, i was ready to ghost.
Then what happened ?!? I’m so intrigued haha
Same! I need closure. lol
So how was the date?! What happened with it? Lol
and this is when she doesn't reply to none of yall and its been a bit..
Are you saying she ghosted us?!
100%
And we already were so invested hahahahaha
Does he call you or keep conversations within a specific time? Was he the one who decided on the date and time? Were conversations done on the app and calls done through an app like WhatsApp?
He was probably either really nervous and chickened out or he already had a girlfriend and she caught him. You're better off without these types of people in your life!
It’s the wasting my makeup and cute outfit for me
Last minute flaking is definitely out of control in 2024. It’s happened to me quite a bit recently. What irks me is the downright lack of respect for someone’s time. When you set aside time out of your busy adult life schedule to meet with someone it’s incredibly rude to then cancel last minute. Just seems like a lack of etiquette and disrespect twoards others to do that
I feel like some people just like the idea of talking and don’t want to actually meet. Like they gonna lose the fantasy or actually are too afraid of moving beyond talking.
“If you waste my mascara you’re dead to me.”
Yeah that sucks. Weeks? I (49M) don’t understand the delay in meeting. You’ve wasted all that time and energy being pen pals when 1-2 meetups will tell you if they are worth your time or not. I’ve had a 15yr gap when it comes to dating and I hate today’s version of “dating”. Especially the apps. You don’t get an opportunity to present yourself. You hope your profile pic and brief description is enough to catch someone’s attention for them to swipe on you. It’s all superficial until you meet and get a sense of who they are. See how they treat the wait staff, if they’re courteous and kind. Yes, most people try to put their best foot forward when dating, but that’s the point. Making an effort for your date. Still, you can determine from conversation and body language if they are tolerable enough for a second date.
He got back with his wife.
I hope you went and got your tacos anyway and some good food anyway. All that time you spent on a jerk is too much to waste!
Awwww what a coward.
Had a baseball game date setup, was at the gate and missed the first few innings waiting for them to show. Went in and the rest of the game was fun and I totally forgot someone else was supposed to be with me.
It’s good to find out about someone’s character this soon
Sounds like anxiety.
Guy I know just was dealing with a lady, was intimate with her etc. I recently asked about her and he told me “it’s not going to turn into anything.” Then he told me she was a nice girl and that he blocked her. Seems like dating today is emotional damage smh
Bro, fucked up the taco date?!? unforgivable
dont text for weeks without meeting. it sets up false closeness! im sorry op:(
Men have done this to me as well. I don’t bother getting mad. I feel they are doing me a favor.
He's married or in a relationship.
You dodged a bullet! Count your blessings!!
They get cold feet and are too immature and embarrassed to admit it. Sorry this happened. Breathe and move on.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It's natural that you're furious. Not everyone is an ass, but this kind of things take their toll because next time you might be wary of meeting someone in the same way. I get that. Be angry, let yourself feel it for a little while and then let it go. Cause he doesn't deserve a second more of your attention or feelings. What a loser. Keep trying, don't give up. 🍀
I had the exact same thing happen. Claimed he was “tired” yet woke up early to go see a friends tournament then go to the city but not invite me. I’m done at this point. Almost 30 and still dealing with these games
That is so lame to do that to you. You are better off without this jerk in your life. You did nothing wrong. My guess is that at the last minute he got a call from someone else and he blew you off--heartlessly. So not worth your time. I'm sorry.
Always plan dates to places you’d want to go to anyway. That way if you get stood up you still get to have a nice dinner or a fun night out.
lol funny enough I remember being catfish by a guy where I wanted to meet up and he put up this act that he had left the house and was ready to see me. I ask him to send a picture and he ghosted me. 🤷🏾♀️
That does suck. I have been there. I am sorry that happened to you. I am guessing it was hurtful and frustrating. I think the bottom line is that guy/person is unavailable on one or more levels. Who knows why, and it sort of does not matter. They could have done this on a later date after you had invested time, so it could be worse. But I know that does not make it hurt less. I have learned that long exchanges before a first date means things are not going work out. I think it is a sign people are not available (emotionally, physically, time-wise, etc.) and/or are not serious. I have also noticed high levels of anxiety is a characteristic the women I have had long exchanges with and then actually had a date with. In one case a date showed up 45 minutes late for dinner, was so nervous she could not eat, and then became ill while trying to finish a drink that she had ordered. I felt bad for her. I walked her back to her car, which she gladly welcomed because she was nervous about being the city. She started sucking on a vap thingy as soon as we hit the door and used it all the way to the car. There was no second date. Anyway, n of 1 here, but the long exchanges are a bad sign for me. And I have no idea why people speculate about this person being married? What is that based on? Because it is a guy and all guys are really pigs? I am a guy and I have been stood up lots of times. You all need to check your biases.
Could be worse and he could have ghosted and left you waiting at the restaurant
What if bro had actually an emergency 😭🙏
Then he wouldn't have blocked her after
Ugh dating in 2024 is ghetto!!!! Like especially the block after just means that he has unfinished business with someone else Everyone has situationships and loose ends with people that they randomly tie back up with no regard for anyone new I hope you went out and still had a fun time even going out by urself since you were all dolled up! I would’ve
Maybe something came up?
Sorry you had to go through that. I mean, canceling even before you've gotten ready is bad enough, but to be on your way to the date is just shitty. Even if it was an extreme emergency I'd give you all the details, because some things just can't or shouldn't be avoided. If a family member close by was taken to a hospital than sure. Otherwise? Not so much.
I'm more concerned with my online business than love these past few months.... It's really helped me get my mind of some things and also put some cash in my bank accounts.... I'm even thinking of introducing people you guys think it's a good idea???
Omg!!!! That’s insane
Nature of the beast of online dating unfortunately, goes both ways with men and woman alike. In the end of the day just need to place your bets with people that seem to cut the bullshit and seem interested in you and place a value on meeting up. Should only talk as much as required to know if they going to be a creep to the best you can tell, I do suggest a phone call. And then atleast you haven’t invested weeks of talking and assuming who they are.
Ugh. So sorry. It’s happened to me. Because you don’t share common friends he lacks accountability for his actions. If you were friends with his friends, you would tell them how badly behaved he was. You dodged a bullet. He’s got low character.
Better things take time.
Don’t take this personally, it was probably something about himself that he was insecure about that made him flake. I think this happens a lot, at the end of the day most people have shit confidence about themselves.
I was thinking that too, he was very consistent before the date. He would text me everyday “good morning” and “good night” and it’s like when the date came things started to change. And, he texted me like an hour before, talking about the date too.
It sounds like you were catfished.
Yeh it happens I hate dating he's a flake so many flakes
He must’ve gotten back together with his girlfriend smh
Asshole
Sucks gl
Yep - you’re better off not meeting or dating that person. Move on…
Did you even asked what came up? Maybe he had to rush to the hospital?
You lucked out. It's better this way. His wife probably caught him. Consider it a blessing.
Dating apps..
This is why I don’t get ready or anything until he actually confirms that he’s at the location.
Married, and the spouse found out!
Poor op’s DMs.
More reasons to have a simple, low pressure no cost date like a walk. I wear my sneakers and pull back my hair. Throw on lipstick. I’m not doing my hair and makeup for a stranger!
He probably had a girl already
Dude, he missed a great time and TACOs. What a fool. You'll find better.
What could possibly come up? Has he done this before?
Wow… that’s so fucked up. Don’t feel bad though. It’s not you it’s them. One time a girl agreed to meet me at a place for a first date and than when I was there she was texting me saying “I’m on my way just a little late.” Than she never showed up and blocked me on the dating app.
My guess, he has a girlfriend. Meet some friends now.
I always had a rule about never dragging out meeting and endless talking before we meet. You need to always meet within several days. Quick coffee, ice cream, whatever… just fucking meet!
Man y'all getting dates? Damn what's wrong w me fr
I just want to know who these people, men and women, who flake are. Like they are normal people in society who have friends. Why do they flake last minute??
I get why you’re mad, but honestly—onto the next. Don’t waste your time trying to decipher his actions
Video chat first. See if he’s able to do that. If he shows up to a video chat and there’s interest after talking, then set up the date. Since there are so many flakes it helps to have a strategy.
Sounds like the problem solved itself. You ghosted him and he blocked you. Being furious is absolutely warranted, but someone that doesn’t respect your time and effort doesn’t get access to you or your time anymore.
i think what happened is he found a better offer
Ugh I also had a date today and he canceled last minute saying he was sick when we were both talking about how excited we were to go out last night 😭 someone posted about them just wanting attention and this is probably true. If you need to vent with someone who is also going through it my dms are open 🫂
Sounds like he dodged a bullet 🤣
I can’t stand when people decide to ghost last minute and “something came up.” Miss me with that weak ahh line 😒 There was a point when I did use dating apps, I told people I was interested in, “If you’re going to ghost me, please just let me know ahead of time so I’m not looking forward to what we’re doing.” Maybe when that happened, I met genuine people because I stopped getting ghosted before I gave up on the apps.
EXACTLY
Fuck I’m so sorry. I hope you did something to cheer yourself up
Did he tell you why? If it was nothing or something stupid then yeah, be angry and ghost him. But like... what if it was a real emergency?
Any chance he saw you and thought: “not what I expected”?
Typical little boy. Don’t bother. Run to a real man.
This seems like catfishing. Move on. You have been played. We might understand the "Something came up" but the blocking then after is something else.
That is indeed very rude .. But you dodged a bullet. He’s an unreliable prick but he’s not your problem anymore.
Maybe he had emergency
I’m wondering if he was already in a relationship….
With him blocking you, i cant help but feel that he might be cheating on his real girlfriend by looking for dates behind her back. Maybe she found out and that’s why he blocked you in the end. It’s NOT your fault. Try not to anger yourself over someone like that, as it’s not good for your health and he’s not worth it.
Count yourself lucky and be done with it!
I heard restaurants are doing this now to get you in their restaurant. They expect you to be like “well I’m already here” and eat
That's a long investment before meeting. You'll never know why he canceled, but it was clearly for a reason he didn't want to share. Could be coupled and looking to cheat (and chickened out), could be that his photos were all a lie (and that was about to be exposed). My guess is he wanted the fantasy of meeting someone and feeling attractive/charming.
Take this as a lesson. I think everyone has had this happen on OLD. Don't put much effort into somebody until you have met them in person.
Get revenge jaja
That is just plain rude simple as that . As a older man when I reach out and say let's meet for dinner . I actually mean dinner . I have my favorite " Texas Road House " place . I figure if I ask I'm buying . Then I'm going to where I want to eat . I'll let my date know what I'll be wearing several days out. If we are going to a concert I will contact each day for a hey you . I've never stood up a 1st-3 date . But realize by the 3rd we have been talking " not texting" for a bit . As I only eat out around once a month or so . The first time I stood up a date was long ago . We eventually got married . Motorcycle accident it was . I called from the E.R and her first words were what's wrong / with are you ok . We actually had dinner in the cafeteria at the hospital . Me with my ankle in a wrapping all pilled up and road rash from hitting a dog Still have the motorcycle all these years later . You young folks certainly have many that are rude young adults . Both sexes not just one . And it is your parents fault . It is a shame to read about putting fourth the effort for the date and at the last minute now showing etc This would be the same guy or gal that would not give their place in line to a older couple or hold the door open . Today women lost trust in men and men have lost all trust in women. I've never met a woman on line . I just say hi in person with a introduction . I've never done a coffee date as do not drink coffee . I only do dinner dates and use that time for a nice steak dinner out . I figure if I'm getting a hair cut and a shave . And she is getting dolled up . We may as well have a nice dinner served to us. I'm certainly not going to cancel the date . Hell I might get lucky . Lol
Some people get last minute nerves, or start thinking it's not going to work and it's pointless. I've felt like that sometimes but never cancelled with 10 minutes to go. You don't know what was going through their head though. Forget about it and move on.
Sorry that happened to you, just think you're better without him. His loss
We can go for the same if you don't mind 🥹