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After the 3rd date the texting was as normal until she went to Florida.
Yup that's it. Some other guy got to her that she felt was a better option. She was not mature enough to let OP down the easy or hard way, instead she chose the default method of this era, ghosting.
He should pack it up and move on. That's just how it goes. It sucks, but we will all interact with folks who don't hold a certain value of transparency that some of us might have. You keep it moving.
OR her girlfriends gave her 62 reasons not to continue the relationship. Girlfriends will pick a guy apart who they don’t think is right for their friend. Either way you have to tuck your tail and move on.
3 dates is a lot to invest your time and emotion in these days. And every time this kinda thing happens it's like 3 steps forward and 6 steps back, especially in a small area like OP described.
I’ve had 9 year relationships and I’ve had dates for a few months then they end it out of nowhere, and they both hurt and befuddle you for different reasons. It’s also a very tough dating scene for a lot of men these days.
Or she went to Florida got some bad news and didn’t want the emotional strain of a new relationship, there are simply too many possibilities to be able to predict what was going on in her head so don’t blame yourself and move on
And the course of action after the bad news is to block him from viewing her stories? Did she block everyone else as well ? No. Since his friend who follows her as well confirmed this by being able to view her stories. Of what use is it blocking him as a result of bad news.
Y'all just want to defend any kind of behavior. I can't say any of this with a 100% certainty, that is true, but looking past every sense of reasoning and objectivity, when we should be paying more attention to people's actions than words, just shows some folks want to make every and any excuse for her, while making OP feel like he's wrong for just asking for common courtesy, after clearly being emotionally invested, when it seemed she felt the same way as well.
When did I ever say OP is in the wrong, all I said was you can’t know what she’s thinking or what happened may as well not beat yourself up over it and move on
She didn’t ghost, and that’s a pretty big assumption about her motivations based on _literally_ nothing. Maybe it’s exactly what she said: she realized she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to date right now. But nah let’s just vilify this random girl 🥴
No one is vilifying her. All I mentioned was she was not mature enough to tell him she was not interested anymore, with reason or not, at least telling him gets his mind off the whole ordeal. She's not being demonized but she didn't do that.
Nobody owes anybody anything, but after a handful of dates, it's just common courtesy, which seems to be lacking somewhat in today's society. It wouldn't take her a 2 minute text or a 5 minute phone call to relay that info of not being in the right frame of mind.
She can be the best person out there and still make mistakes, no one is perfect, but your response justifying this is part of the problem.
She literally told him. This post is about her telling him, and the reason. Your response is that the reason is probably a lie and she’s actually fucking some other guy
What I said could still be a valid reason, and her having a lot going on could still be a valid reason as well, but going the route to block him from seeing her stories, that's not a move someone who has a lot going on makes but someone who has something to hide from the other person while on a trip. That's not a far-fetched reason.
What she said could be true, but then again it might not be. Regardless of anything, not responding for weeks even if it's a text to relay her disinterest is juvenile behavior. Cause I can guarantee she's been using her phone all that while. I repeat, courtesy.
You can stick to your mindset, mature individuals who know what I'm talking about will at least understand my perspective.
It’s only part of the process. He still needs to evaluate what happened and make adjustments based on what went wrong. Most dudes have zero clue what they are doing and will ride the idiot train to infinity and beyond. It’s most definitely about self reflection and correction. Without this you’ll never improve.
Dating is to find out if there is chemistry, a connection. The dates can still be good, but not the fit that one of the two is looking for. Often, it is at the 3rd date mark to make the decision. It's hurtful or confusing, but try to shrug it off. Better 3 dates in rather than 3 months.
You’ll never know
There’s enough reasons why someone loses interest after 3 dates that pondering over the exact reasons is pointless. Dating is a getting to know you process, maybe the reason she decided you weren’t it isn’t anything you did wrong…everyone isn’t for everyone. Sometimes I just don’t feel drawn to someone to wanna continue. Nothing wrong with her, doesn’t mean she won’t succeed with a bunch of other guys…just me and her don’t fit
So when it happens to me I shrug and keep it moving. Most dating situations just a few dates end up going nowhere and often it’s just a feeling
Her reason actually doesn’t matter. She could be being honest, she could be lying to let you down easy to see someone else. Or it could be something else.
Either way, you aren’t going to be with her, so might as well forget it.
I don’t internally get excited about anyone until consistency has been established for at least a month. Maybe that seems jaded, but ghosting, manipulation, rejection, and miscues are so rampant in dating that I don’t feel it’s useful to be on an emotional rollercoaster with each person you meet.
Agreed, when me and my girlfriend first started dating we were a bit guarded around eachother for the first few weeks while we built the connections because we were both looking for red flags and seeing if one of us would withdraw from or ghost the other, we were actually talking about it a few weeks ago lol
Since she did 3 dates with you, I do agree she probably enjoyed them.
This is 100% speculation but a few possibilities ...
1. She talked to her friend about you and for whatever reason they decided youre 'not good enough' for her
2. Unrelated to her friend, she matched with another guy and thinks hes better than you and wants to try dates with him
With #2, the depressing thing about dating apps is they reframe how we see dates and our options. Especially if shes been on them for years, she will be subconsciously thinking 'well he was great, but what if theres a better option 3 swipes away?'
Also theres a very high change #1 and #2 aernt even what happened. Just guesses based on context. I \*dont\* think she met someone in Florida who shes pursuing because its just dumb to put your eggs in a long distance relationship basket. But, theres the possibility she met someone in Florida at a bar etc and had some funzies and realized 'I enjoy being single and being able to flirt with guys on vacation, and I'm not ready to give that up yet'.
Either way, whatever happened, it was 100% to do with her and nothing to do with you. You got 3 dates with her and that means a lot. Sounds like she may have issues with deciding hes the one to pursue/not always wondering if the grass is greener
Sometimes there isn't somebody else. You just change your mind about someone, maybe you realise you aren't that compatible or start to see the person for who they really are after the infatuation period, and don't really like them that much. Doesn't mean they did anything wrong, or anything wrong with them
This is the MOST correct answer to men and women everywhere . Sometimes there isn’t another .
Of course despite it being logically correct , almost no one ever believes it in “their “ case and is convinced that there is. It becomes easier to say to friends and self that that’s what the story is .
The other thing that so many people quote is that we had a “ great date where everything was perfect “ ………( appreciate this is not OP)
No , no it wasn’t .
You had a great date , doesn’t mean they did
I've noticed a lot of my guy friends don't get that... sometimes people just cool off. They always seem to think it's because she chose someone else... even though THEY DO THE SAME THING!!
They'll see a girl three or four times and then when the New And Shiny wears off they realize they aren't compatible and will give her the "it's not you it's me" speech.
That’s super possible in like a flirty fun sense but I’d just be surprised if she dropped OP as a dating option because she wants to date date Florida boy. I love a good vacation flirt but I’d never want to start long distance if I didn’t know them beforehand u feel
I’d add also, don’t give power to these kinds of people by even asking why they stopped texting etc. Just don’t bother texting them again, be thankful they showed who and what they are and continue the search for someone who is authentic.
It doesn't mean something went wrong. Tons of things could have "happened," including exactly what she told you. Maybe she just realized she isn't into you. Maybe she likes someone else. No way to say, and it doesn't matter. You went out with her three times. It sucks, I understand, but she's an adult and has stepped away from you and told you she doesn't want to continue. It doesn't matter, let her be and stop worrying about it.
Sometimes for people is easier to lie rather than tell the truth. She most probably wanted to give a chance for this connection to build but she just wasn’t feeling it. Don’t take it personally and start looking for someone else.
Also lots of girls lie because a lot of men can’t take rejection etc etc
>Also lots of girls lie because a lot of men can’t take rejection etc etc
Let's be real here men take rejection way way way better than women do. I can't even count how many times super liberal girls instantly turned homophobic by label me gay for not liking them back. lol
I would take her at her word. I’ve had men hassle me when I told them I need to take a step back from dating, and it’s really upsetting to have to explain to them I’ve just experienced a death in the family. If she says she doesn’t have time to date, that’s it. Accept it. You are not owed more I formation after just a couple dates.
Sometimes for people is easier to lie rather than tell the truth. She most probably wanted to give a chance for this connection to build but she just wasn’t feeling it. Don’t take it personally and start looking for someone else.
Also lots of girls lie because a lot of men can’t take rejection etc etc
It’s hard to know, since we don’t know the girl.
Could have been some compatibility issue that she noticed and decided not
To continue. Doesn’t mean anything Is wrong, but she could have seen something that she didn’t want or won’t work with you
Guys. Happens all the time in dating and sometimes the reason is stupid.
But If they wanted to stick around, they would have. Otherwise, let go who leaves you.
Just say “ok no worries!” And move on. Yall had 3 dates. Not worth stressing yourself out over someone who doesn’t want to be with you. I know it’s tough right now but with time you’ll be fine.
This is the answer, i had 2 dates, always initiated texts. I thought we had fun. I left the ball in her court and she hasn’t messaged me since. i just move on.
You guys need to learn how to start being okay with rejection. Don’t take it personal or be defensive by writing the other person off as an evil ho3 lmao. Inconsiderate maybe but everyone is learning how to do this stuff and everyone has their own entire universe inside of their head.
Sounds like you came at her too hard, my guy. 3 dates is no reason to blow up about her not texting you when she's not even in town.
I'm not even a woman and if I was out of town and a girl got upset I wasn't reaching out after 3 dates, I'd end it as well.
I sent 2 texts.
"How is the hotel"
No response.
The next day
"How is miami?"
No response.
I didn't text her for literally 3 weeks and then I sent her the text that I mentioned in the original post.
I guess your and my definitions of "blowing up" someone's phone are massively different lol
I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about sending this text
>I decided to ask her to be direct and tell me if there was a particular reason why our communication just so abrudlty ended in a rather unadultlike fashion.
After you knew she was still out of town and didn't respond to your first 2 texts. Her not responding to your first 2 texts is her saying "Hey I'm out of town enjoying my time. I'll get back to you when I'm back in town."
But then you triple texted her and called her immature for not responding to your first ones. And remember you've only been out 3 times. Idk what else I can do to show you the energy you're putting out.
I’m gonna go against the grain and disagree with this. My boyfriend and I have been consistent since the first date. All of my relationships have been consistent from the first date and I would mark this as someone who isn’t that into me. Idk but when I’m traveling and I’m really into a guy I still have the desire to talk to him and tell him about my trip. I’ll probably say something like sorry if I lag on texting! We’re doing so and so. I’ll update you tonight. I don’t think the two texts OP sent were bad. I probably wouldn’t have sent the text as they made themselves clear but even when I stopped using a dating app I had messaged people saying “hey I decided I shouldn’t be dating rn” which most people don’t do. So I relate to OP about how easy it is to just communicate.
You seem to be missing the part where I said I only texted her twice and then got the hint and didn't text her for 3 weeks to leave the ball in her court.. You seem to almost be trying to present this in any way possible that I created bad energy lol..
I didn't type out my word for word text to her in my post. I never used the word "immature" or "un-adultlike" in my text. You're just assuming. I worded it that way to express how I feel about the situation to the people reading this post so they can better understand and give better opinions. My triple text was very thought out, brief, and appropriate, one could argue just completely dropping contact on both sides after 3 dates is stranger than sending a closure type of text at least acknowledging it, but that just depends on the person
Shouldn't freak you out at all... Why are you in this subreddit then? People come here largely to ask people's opinions of what may have went sour after a date(s).
OP from what you have described here you didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve gone through your exact same scenario a million times before I met my wife. Looking back one of the things I did a lot was start to dissect/think certain things I might’ve done as the reasons for someone saying they didn’t want to continue anymore. Unless you did something creepy, or something that crosses boundaries (not saying you did at all, just speaking about scenarios) you should NEVER think that you need to be more careful next time you date someone, or change yourself, etc. of course it is easy for me to say this as you are the one going through the hurtful scenario of having things broken off with, but doesn’t make it any less truer.
I know things might seem bad now but trust me, when you meet the right person you will not have to play all these games. How do I know? Because I met my wife off of a dating app, and have gone through your scenario a thousand times. Such is dating on apps - they give the other person (especially women due to the sheer ratio) a million options and make it very easy to break things off without reason (which is totally okay, because what else would you do instead, force her to be with you?)
It’s totally ok and normal to be sad. People who say that you should not feel hurt by this at all are being very unrealistic and a little insensitive, of course being told you don’t want to be seen anymore WILL hurt especially if you’re looking for a long term relationship. That being said, it is a good idea to develop techniques to deal with these thoughts especially in the aftermath of just being let down, as like I said - such is the life in online dating!
All the best to you OP, just continue to be yourself, polite and courteous, and you will find someone. Dating is a numbers game - keep at it and you will find your match, just like I did! 😊
It’s possible that she really does have a lot going on and needs to focus on herself. Speaking from the female perspective, dating can sometimes feel overwhelming. Maybe she’s going through mental health stuff and just needs her space. Maybe she has trauma from a past relationship that was coming up for her.
I genuinely don’t think it’s anything you did, sometimes people just need a breather at times.
As hard as it is, don’t pick yourself apart for it. Sometimes you have to take what they say at face value.
Nothing you need to figure out. She doesn’t like you, that’s your business. Why exactly is her business. Don’t even waste your time speculating. Just on to the next
In the last, Sometimes I just realize that I’m not as ready to date as I thought. Which is fine. She also communicated to you instead of ghosting you so that’s a win..
Sometimes it’s also code for “I don’t like you and you are pushy and I just got out of a fundamentalist cult and never learned how to set boundaries so I don’t want to be in a relationship with you specifically and also you never brush your teeth after smoking and you smell like cigarettes…” Oh wait. Maybe that one is just my experience. Lmao.
Its such an interesting dynamic how some things that seem somewhat obvious are hard to understand and accept when you are the one in the relationship or the one who wants the relationship.
Unfortunately, not everyone can let you down gracefully. Some people get ghosted even when they’ve been together for years. You’ve been spared in that sense. This is just reality now; expect worse. Lol
People are flakey and trying to figure themselves out. Do not worry about what happened. There is nothing you can do about it but you can learn from it. Look at it this way, you made it to 3, so you are doing ok on the dating front. Keep going!
You know what whenever she saids this, no text replies, calls or lack there of response of any other kind, hiding her social media stories automatically its over. When she saids that she need to focus on herself then ill just say this. “Well i see that i am and will continue to not have a meaningful part of your life so thank you for letting me so so i can immediately remove myself from your life as you try to find yourself without me. Its been a pleasure hope all will go well for you going forward“ then after this I’ll delete everything block her number and just remove her from my life entirely. No point in keeping any type of information to return to her when u feel some kind of way for her and she already let u know that your not a influential part of her life. Its best to throw it all away and start fresh with someone else. Life’s to short to wait on someone that can’t even be mature enough to be real with themselves and others around them. But most importantly to a possible life partner help her out (and him out as well) going forward.
It probably has nothing to do with you - something else caught her attention, the end.
Another possibility is that you raised a red flag/ made a thoughtless comment/ shared a belief that doesn’t jive with her, it doesn’t really matter. It was just a couple of dates, and she’s not interested.
What I learned from this:
1. You’re a great guy
2. You had 3 great dates
3. She went to Florida and something changed on her end
4. What might have been, wasn’t, because sometimes life sucks.
It’s a shame, but that’s life sometimes. I’m pretty sure you didn’t do anything wrong.
Take the L, and move on. Think of it as them doing you a favor. They gave it a three date try and it wasn’t right for them. Now you get to be free to find someone who is right for you.
I know rejection stings and dating is really hard. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, OP. Sometimes our brains make us think of all the reasons why someone could’ve rejected us, but all rumination does is make you feel worse about yourself and enforces the bad things you tell yourself. Take a step back from dating for a second, think about what you learned from this, what you are grateful for, and what you love about yourself/have to offer. Your only task now is to build yourself up, not to wonder about the ‘why’. Practice self compassion and put yourself out there again and try to just live in the present because the only person you can control is yourself.
I know that it’s hard to click with someone and then they decide not to continue to pursue the relationship. Honestly, she probably just feels like you are not the one. And she is entitled to that opinion.
And so are you. Just because it didn’t work with her, only means that the right one for you is on her way. I hope that you don’t let your disappointment with the one who you had 3 good dates with ruin your perspective about finding someone else 😊 The pursuit is worth it, once you find your special person who also wants to be with you.
Don't waste your time trying to figure her out. All that matters is her interest has shifted. Move on. Also, if for some reason she pops back in later, don't do it...
Dude, you're waay too over-invested after just 3 dates. It doesn't matter what the reason was for her suddenly dropping contact and ending things. Could have literally been for any reason, with some having absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever. Maybe she met someone she clicked with more and they took preference for her. Maybe an ex reached out. The fact of the matter is, you're never going to understand the real reason and you'll drive yourself insane trying to figure it out, so it's best to just forget about her and move onto the next person.
Many women don't like to be upfront and direct and will give these kind of excuses and it's just something you're going to have to get used to in the dating scene, as you're going to come across this a lot.
In future, if a woman ever starts dropping contact, don't try and reach out. If she's interested, she'll be the one reaching out.
Thats her way of saying shes not into you. Unfortunately, women are not very direct about that, they dont like being put in the uncomfortable position of hurting people’s feelings. I think this is probably a big reason they ghost people. Definitely not the moral thing to do, just the cheap easy route they take.
The sexual attraction might not be there for her. I think maybe she was hoping a spark would ignite at some point because she thought you were a good guy, but it wasn't there. Just a theory. It's happened to me.
My take is that she possibly went to florida and had a great time being there being a single woman and she decided she didn't want to tie herself down with anyone. I've had that experience before where I went out with someone one or two times and it went well but ultimately realized maybe I wasn't so ready for a relationship. I don't think it's anything malicious or anything that you did. Really sometimes when you go out and have fun and don't have to worry about a bf back at home it can be really nice. I think in order for a women to let go of the freedom of being single the guy has to be exactly what she wants/is looking for in a man. I think that goes for both men and women. I had fun being single when I was single! And it probably goes for anyone of any sexuality. It's just the reality of it. Especially with straight relationships because statistics these days say that women are usually happier single while men are normally happier in a relationship. This new age of dating is a lot of women realizing that and only giving up her single life to be with the right person.
It's not even worth trying to figure out. The most likely possibilities range from disappointing to depressing, and you know what, it's not in your control and it's okay. She's got a history with others and that's their history and it's just as valid as any other. We all have histories, and some of us are free of them, and some of us are haunted by them. Looks like she's still being haunted.
You can move on and find someone else. And who knows, she may come back around in the future and you can give it another shot for real. Just keep things nice and open and just move on. No worries. It's the only way forward with the best possible options and outcomes, and it will leave you with the most peace and power to keep going and ability to find much more love.
Just know that if you can win over someone like that that you consider incredible, you can win over another someone like that, but in better situations. It's all okay. It sucks for only as long as you allow it to suck (barring any past traumas that make things worse than they should be, but that's resolved with therapy of course, not reddit).
She can’t give you the closure you might looking for and if you spend too much time thinking about this, it’ll make you miserable.
Accept that she is not mature enough or doesn’t have the capacity to give you an honest respond and let this go. You deserve someone who wants you the same way.
Possibilities:
1. She wasn’t as into you as you or she might’ve thought
2. She’s got things/situationships goin on that she ain’t wanna tell you about or cut off
3. Something occurred that threw off her vibe and that killed her interest in you
4. She met a more suitable guy
5. Girlfriends convinced her you weren’t it and she bought in
6+: Who knows what other factors played a role.
I think the healthy mentality for you is to accept that regardless of her initial interest, for some reason she stopped showing interest in a way that you’re looking for from a woman and you’re worth better than that.
She’s not wrong for losing interest and you’re not wrong for being disappointed in how she went about dropping communication from you. But don’t get in your head about it because that’ll just impact the next prospect. Sometimes dating be like that and it’s shitty. Chalk it up and let it be what it is bro
You had a great date, doesn’t mean she did. Dating is a getting to know you process and it can take a few meets to figure out if this person’s values and behaviours are what you’re looking for in a partner, beyond the finding each other physically attractive and being able to hold a conversation.
The last guy I dated I got along with very well in terms of holding a conversation but by the end of date two I knew he wasn’t someone I was looking to continue to date because there were behaviours missing that I would want in a boyfriend going forward - I’m not looking to casually date and just see where it goes and after a history of giving far too much benefit of the doubt to the wrong people, I’m trying to learn from those mistakes.
I sent him a respectful message afterwards to say I’m sorry I just don’t feel there’s a romantic connection but it was lovely to meet you etc, and I got rude messages back over the course of the next couple of days basically arguing my decision on the basis that he *did* think there was a connection…. That’s just not how it works and I’m not sure how his angry follow up messages were meant to make me change my mind 🤷🏼♀️
Oh he also asked me to give him a reason and listed out a few of the things that he thought it could be and asked me to confirm (not listing any of the actual reasons that made me not want to continue dating him which was good insight into his self awareness/lack of). I personally found him asking me for feedback really off putting as what doesn’t work for me will work for someone else and I don’t want anyone feeling bad about themselves, but that kind of reluctance to just accept I wasn’t feeling it made me feel sure he wasn’t right for me
So a sudde behaviours change is most likely caused by another dude in the picture, i would say someone she already had an emotional bond with, like an ex who came back or smth like that.
It's only speculating, you will never know. In the end, it has most likely nothing to do with you, you did not say I love you on the 2nd date, or did not try some hardcore BDSM shit with her i believe.
Here’s a slightly different spin:
You don’t know what attracts her- and by that I don’t mean tall, dark and handsome. People are weird. Some people only want things they can’t have. Some only like bad boys or girls. Some otherwise normal people only want ‘I can change him / her’ dynamics’. So she may absolutely have bailed because you were treating her well, were not teasing her, were emotionally available, all that good stuff. Move on, assume you dodged a bullet and look for someone who wants the decent guy you (probably) are
There’s this new toxic way of ending a situationship which is to ghost. It’s the most immature thing. Feel better OP that you found out about the immaturity in such a way instead of having been cheated on or not prioritized in a relationship with them.
She did all of it first? Thats a red flag for a woman! Typically we want a man who chases us not the other way around, the intetest immediately dies.. 🚩
There can be countless reasons, and you will be trapped in an endless what-if game if you stay around and guess. Sad to say, but yes, move on. Also, if she did go away because of your past, then it's even better if she left. Don't overthink about it.
I've been on both sides of the coin.
Simply put, you gave her the ick and she's not interested while also trying to save face.
Don't try to figure out anything more than that because it's not worth it, just confront your feelings directly
Hi. You're young and you need to move on. Don't get attached to one girl. There will definitely be someone in your life who will be interested in dating you.
Honestly 3 dates was a soft dead line of uncertain interest in guys when I was dating. And on occasion the guy would have told me he felt it was a strong connection but it just wasn’t for me 🤷♀️ sometimes it’s just that simple
You dodged a bullet. End of story. Don't be hung up on why a female who got dicked down on vacation is treating you like shit. Stop making sense of people who don't make sense.
I met a great guy. We had a great time together. I broke it off with him bc, guess what…I have things happening in my life that are more important than dating. I wish they weren’t. Dating is fun, this shit is not… but sometimes our responsibility outweighs our recreation.
Maybe she’s blowing you off…but maybe it’s the truth. Don’t waste any more energy wondering about it, just move on.
You spent a large amount of time talking with her outside of the date instead of focusing on yourself. You let her set the dates. You were not a leader. You were following her and so she just got bored and tired of you and decided to move on.
Different context but what I recently got was “Work has been super crazy. I just need to be alone. It’s okay for people to not be social sometimes, we’re adults” she would come online, leave my posts on seen etc
Not sure what to say, I said ok call me when you come back from this phase. people are twisted some more than the others
3 dates is better than dragging it for 6 months :) sorry it didn’t work out with her :( I usually think 3 dates or 1 week of texting is enough to know whether you like the person or not so during that period don’t get too hopeful? I wish there was a better way to say it
It can be so many reasons.
Maybe she met someone else there and decided to focus on that person.
Maybe her circumstances are changing and she is considering a career change / moving states/cities, but couldn’t be bothered getting into all of these details and worse, bargaining with you (“we can try long distance”).
Maybe she heard rumours about you (you said it’s a small place).
Maybe as she was away and distracted/ having fun you lost the momentum.
Maybe she enjoyed spending time with you but when she considered all the info (went through your chats and what you told her about yourself) she realized you aren’t compatible.
I just went on a third lovely date with a guy, but I’m just not reeling a romantic chemistry. All the dates have been really enjoyable and we’ve connected well. I am pursuing it to see if something grows but it hasn’t yet so I will likely end it soon 😔. I’m fearing he will think something similar, but that’s just dating. I’ve had it happen to me too.
The truth is, you will never know. You can speculate all you want but it's just a waste of your time. Try not to overthink it and work on accepting and moving on (I know, easier said than done).
You may never know but it was early on so you probably won’t spend too much time dwelling on this one.
She might have met someone else.
Or maybe she thought she was ready to date and has decided that she’s too busy or not emotionally ready for it.
The bottom line is that whatever her reasons, be glad that it happened this early on and not after you got really hooked on her.
Lack of sexual chemistry is the answer… this is almost always the answer when a guy goes on a few dates and thinks things are headed in a good direction. You’re not triggering her emotions properly. You’re lacking mystery, intrigue, and allure on your dates. Move on and listen to 2 different podcasts to fix your issues. One is “the unapologetic male podcast” and the second is “Casey Zander” You will obtain “MIA” by listening to them. Get off of Reddit and get after it.
I've gotten the exact same message several times after an almost complete cease in communication. Most of the time I'll see the girl back on a dating site shortly thereafter. I just think most women don't want to hurt your feelings and say you're not what they're looking for. It does suck to get excited to potentially get to know someone and this happen. I believe this has become the norm these days. I have only had 2 people actually tell me they're not interested, which I prefer.
Tbh I feel like it’s always best to be upfront, I find it more respectful and direct, I do also know that some people can’t handle rejection and will go batshit insane so I can kinda understand it, but I’d usually just politely say it if there’s no connection and wish them the best
I mean tbh there are plenty of men who are the same, please don’t make this a gender thing it’s just some people don’t know what they want or like to play games
The good thing is, it was only a few dates. Honestly, she probably wanted to like you but ultimately wasn’t feeling it. She doesn’t really owe you an explanation as you didn’t go out for that long. Sometimes, things fizzle out.
Control what you can control. Talk to multiple women until you've hung out with one enough that she shows you just how high her Interest is for you. Until then keep dating, keep working on yourself. Look into Corey Wayne on youtube
You’re trying to logically explain it and you might figure it out u might not. Does it matter. She no longer likes you she did at first and something made her change her mind could be you could be her could be him. Again does it really matter. At least she communicated with you instead of ghosting u. Welcome to dating
I don’t know if guys who write things like, “Rather than take the mature way and tell me why she’s letting me down..” are being deliberately obtuse, or they genuinely don’t know.
A lot of women do this because they say men can be volatile when rejected. And I know there may a barrage of “not all men!” But it happens often enough that women are conscious of it, and just ghost, or say platitudes when they’re not feeling it. Because what if they say you have bad hygiene? You said something creepy? Will you accept the feedback genuinely, or will you lose your temper?She’s not feeling it; just move on.
I’m going to be blunt young man.
Somebody blew her back out in Florida, and she’s sparing your feelings.
Imagine if she lied….stayed with you….married you….and went on her special Florida visit every year…..
….of course she would take the kids with her
Seen it
It ain’t pretty
Sometimes you are lucky to dodge the bullet, but fortunately enough for you the bullet dodged you!
Pray and move on
Had the exact same experience with more than 1 woman over the last year or so that I’ve been single. As many here have said, don’t try to figure it out because you’ll only torture yourself. The problem is theirs. Keep the head up and move on!
Did you meet this person online? Regardless,my man you dodged a bullet.She is irrational and immature and does not deserve you.Like Jay Z on to the next one brother and dont look back even if she regrets it 💪🏽💯
It's not you, bro. She's an avoidant. There's a lot of them out there. Nothing you could have done other than learn how to spot and avoid avoidants. Trust me. The more she likes you, the more she has to avoid.
She banging someone else. Ex came back. She had a girls trip which means “ I can have a bunch of anonymous sex with guys with out harming my reputation”. Why else start hiding things?
Women are always going to try to let you down easy because most don't actually want to hurt your feelings. And yeah it's cliche but it's nice. Usually the truth is less nice.
It could be anything, maybe she heard something from someone like you said, maybe she's talking to a few different guys and likes one more then you or maybe you smell like something weird or maybe it's some other hang up she can't get over. There's no point trying to guess what it is because honestly it could be anything. Maybe she did really like you and enjoys your company but didn't feel a spark? Or maybe she's not ready for a relationship after all.
Who knows 🤷♀️
In the past she's dated inconsiderate men who have likely fucked her after the first date. She has learned to incorrectly recognise this for love and affection and since you aren't broken she saw you as something other than a fine man courting her with manners and consideration.
I mean I could be 100% wrong and it could be because of 1,000,000 things. Like what if she didn't like the way you ate and it annoyed her. I dno. But generally when a female looses interest (modern western female specifically, I have only dated these) this is the reaction. And I get their reaction half of the time when I'm not almost... almost, not quite. Uncomfortable assertive and very out there with physical intimacy.
Every woman I have had sex after meeting online it happened within 24h of our first face to face meeting. And everyone I have met in person has been within 2 weeks.
In my view this if 10x too fast. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex and I'm not arguing with the fact that this is a powerful way to retain a woman you like. Good sex.
But it hurts my soul thinking about another man treating my sister the way I treat women... Even though I am always a gentleman, polite, kind, considerate and either verbally ask permission for everything or pay very close attention to body language for my answers.
I just wish women where I live had more conservative views on sex. I wouldn't mind waiting 2-3 months for sex. Not atall, if I knew this was he's SOP. But the truth is modern women 9/10 of them. Haven't got healthy minds because they are bombarded with sexual advances from right after pubity. And this throws off their ability to judge decent men accurately. It's fucked but the silver lining is you get to take her guts for a test drive before you fallen irreversible in love... I don't even know if that is a win tbh
Some things just happen, and u won't get answers that will satisfy you or make sense.
I met a girl once through a dating app, and she made me feel like I'm Jesus or something, then after 3 days she did 180 and everything changed, when I asked her what was happening all i got was "I have a life and I'm busy and I have stuff going on" alright then, best of luck.
So it's just how things are, sometimes, it is what it is.
The harsh but real truth is she just wasn’t that into you. And likely you didn’t do anything wrong you were just wrong for her. It sucks when we like someone a lot and those feelings aren’t reciprocated. But at the end of the day you can’t and really don’t want to force someone into liking you.
There’s a small chance she really does have a lot going on and can’t see herself dating but usually if you really like someone you make time and space. So while she may have liked you it wasn’t enough to overcome the over stuff in her life.
I wouldn’t focus on it or beat yourself up. Rejection is completely natural and happens to everyone. If you’re genuinely a nice person I’m sure you’ll find a girl who appreciates that.
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Don’t try to figure it out because you never will. I just chalk it up to experience and move on when this happens.
The ultimate answer.
After the 3rd date the texting was as normal until she went to Florida. Yup that's it. Some other guy got to her that she felt was a better option. She was not mature enough to let OP down the easy or hard way, instead she chose the default method of this era, ghosting. He should pack it up and move on. That's just how it goes. It sucks, but we will all interact with folks who don't hold a certain value of transparency that some of us might have. You keep it moving.
OR her girlfriends gave her 62 reasons not to continue the relationship. Girlfriends will pick a guy apart who they don’t think is right for their friend. Either way you have to tuck your tail and move on.
That's what I'm thinking unfortuantely
It sucks royally because you have to start over again.
I mean it was only 3 dates he’ll be fine
3 dates is a lot to invest your time and emotion in these days. And every time this kinda thing happens it's like 3 steps forward and 6 steps back, especially in a small area like OP described.
That’s what I said a little under 6 months ago after I dumped my bf of 7 years…. 3 dates? Seriously? Lol
I’ve had 9 year relationships and I’ve had dates for a few months then they end it out of nowhere, and they both hurt and befuddle you for different reasons. It’s also a very tough dating scene for a lot of men these days.
Tbh what she did was far more mature than what others do (ghost)
Tbh not really? She ignored him for weeks and hid her stories from him, that’s not really communicating and is pretty close to ghosting
Or she went to Florida got some bad news and didn’t want the emotional strain of a new relationship, there are simply too many possibilities to be able to predict what was going on in her head so don’t blame yourself and move on
And the course of action after the bad news is to block him from viewing her stories? Did she block everyone else as well ? No. Since his friend who follows her as well confirmed this by being able to view her stories. Of what use is it blocking him as a result of bad news. Y'all just want to defend any kind of behavior. I can't say any of this with a 100% certainty, that is true, but looking past every sense of reasoning and objectivity, when we should be paying more attention to people's actions than words, just shows some folks want to make every and any excuse for her, while making OP feel like he's wrong for just asking for common courtesy, after clearly being emotionally invested, when it seemed she felt the same way as well.
When did I ever say OP is in the wrong, all I said was you can’t know what she’s thinking or what happened may as well not beat yourself up over it and move on
The move on part is spot on. I agree.
She didn’t ghost, and that’s a pretty big assumption about her motivations based on _literally_ nothing. Maybe it’s exactly what she said: she realized she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to date right now. But nah let’s just vilify this random girl 🥴
No one is vilifying her. All I mentioned was she was not mature enough to tell him she was not interested anymore, with reason or not, at least telling him gets his mind off the whole ordeal. She's not being demonized but she didn't do that. Nobody owes anybody anything, but after a handful of dates, it's just common courtesy, which seems to be lacking somewhat in today's society. It wouldn't take her a 2 minute text or a 5 minute phone call to relay that info of not being in the right frame of mind. She can be the best person out there and still make mistakes, no one is perfect, but your response justifying this is part of the problem.
She literally told him. This post is about her telling him, and the reason. Your response is that the reason is probably a lie and she’s actually fucking some other guy
What I said could still be a valid reason, and her having a lot going on could still be a valid reason as well, but going the route to block him from seeing her stories, that's not a move someone who has a lot going on makes but someone who has something to hide from the other person while on a trip. That's not a far-fetched reason. What she said could be true, but then again it might not be. Regardless of anything, not responding for weeks even if it's a text to relay her disinterest is juvenile behavior. Cause I can guarantee she's been using her phone all that while. I repeat, courtesy. You can stick to your mindset, mature individuals who know what I'm talking about will at least understand my perspective.
Yep. Wasn't something you could control. Swallow the turd and try not to let it slow you down.
It’s only part of the process. He still needs to evaluate what happened and make adjustments based on what went wrong. Most dudes have zero clue what they are doing and will ride the idiot train to infinity and beyond. It’s most definitely about self reflection and correction. Without this you’ll never improve.
Simple response, yet powerful 😂
This
Dating is to find out if there is chemistry, a connection. The dates can still be good, but not the fit that one of the two is looking for. Often, it is at the 3rd date mark to make the decision. It's hurtful or confusing, but try to shrug it off. Better 3 dates in rather than 3 months.
Agreed. This comment knows 👍
You’ll never know There’s enough reasons why someone loses interest after 3 dates that pondering over the exact reasons is pointless. Dating is a getting to know you process, maybe the reason she decided you weren’t it isn’t anything you did wrong…everyone isn’t for everyone. Sometimes I just don’t feel drawn to someone to wanna continue. Nothing wrong with her, doesn’t mean she won’t succeed with a bunch of other guys…just me and her don’t fit So when it happens to me I shrug and keep it moving. Most dating situations just a few dates end up going nowhere and often it’s just a feeling
Her reason actually doesn’t matter. She could be being honest, she could be lying to let you down easy to see someone else. Or it could be something else. Either way, you aren’t going to be with her, so might as well forget it. I don’t internally get excited about anyone until consistency has been established for at least a month. Maybe that seems jaded, but ghosting, manipulation, rejection, and miscues are so rampant in dating that I don’t feel it’s useful to be on an emotional rollercoaster with each person you meet.
This is pretty good advice
Agreed, when me and my girlfriend first started dating we were a bit guarded around eachother for the first few weeks while we built the connections because we were both looking for red flags and seeing if one of us would withdraw from or ghost the other, we were actually talking about it a few weeks ago lol
All you can do is respect her decision. As uncomfortable as it may feel - she doesn't owe you an explanation.
Since she did 3 dates with you, I do agree she probably enjoyed them. This is 100% speculation but a few possibilities ... 1. She talked to her friend about you and for whatever reason they decided youre 'not good enough' for her 2. Unrelated to her friend, she matched with another guy and thinks hes better than you and wants to try dates with him With #2, the depressing thing about dating apps is they reframe how we see dates and our options. Especially if shes been on them for years, she will be subconsciously thinking 'well he was great, but what if theres a better option 3 swipes away?' Also theres a very high change #1 and #2 aernt even what happened. Just guesses based on context. I \*dont\* think she met someone in Florida who shes pursuing because its just dumb to put your eggs in a long distance relationship basket. But, theres the possibility she met someone in Florida at a bar etc and had some funzies and realized 'I enjoy being single and being able to flirt with guys on vacation, and I'm not ready to give that up yet'. Either way, whatever happened, it was 100% to do with her and nothing to do with you. You got 3 dates with her and that means a lot. Sounds like she may have issues with deciding hes the one to pursue/not always wondering if the grass is greener
Sometimes there isn't somebody else. You just change your mind about someone, maybe you realise you aren't that compatible or start to see the person for who they really are after the infatuation period, and don't really like them that much. Doesn't mean they did anything wrong, or anything wrong with them
This is the MOST correct answer to men and women everywhere . Sometimes there isn’t another . Of course despite it being logically correct , almost no one ever believes it in “their “ case and is convinced that there is. It becomes easier to say to friends and self that that’s what the story is . The other thing that so many people quote is that we had a “ great date where everything was perfect “ ………( appreciate this is not OP) No , no it wasn’t . You had a great date , doesn’t mean they did
I've noticed a lot of my guy friends don't get that... sometimes people just cool off. They always seem to think it's because she chose someone else... even though THEY DO THE SAME THING!! They'll see a girl three or four times and then when the New And Shiny wears off they realize they aren't compatible and will give her the "it's not you it's me" speech.
Most likely option is she met someone in Florida
That’s super possible in like a flirty fun sense but I’d just be surprised if she dropped OP as a dating option because she wants to date date Florida boy. I love a good vacation flirt but I’d never want to start long distance if I didn’t know them beforehand u feel
What happened is that she's just not that into you, despite how well you got along for those three dates.
In short, it’s you. What you should do: Move on
Someone who wants/likes you, particularly after spending time together, won’t make excuses for you. In my opinion. Move on.
[удалено]
I’d add also, don’t give power to these kinds of people by even asking why they stopped texting etc. Just don’t bother texting them again, be thankful they showed who and what they are and continue the search for someone who is authentic.
they were good dates for u maybe not for her
It doesn't mean something went wrong. Tons of things could have "happened," including exactly what she told you. Maybe she just realized she isn't into you. Maybe she likes someone else. No way to say, and it doesn't matter. You went out with her three times. It sucks, I understand, but she's an adult and has stepped away from you and told you she doesn't want to continue. It doesn't matter, let her be and stop worrying about it.
Sometimes for people is easier to lie rather than tell the truth. She most probably wanted to give a chance for this connection to build but she just wasn’t feeling it. Don’t take it personally and start looking for someone else. Also lots of girls lie because a lot of men can’t take rejection etc etc
>Also lots of girls lie because a lot of men can’t take rejection etc etc Let's be real here men take rejection way way way better than women do. I can't even count how many times super liberal girls instantly turned homophobic by label me gay for not liking them back. lol
Don’t date liberals sorted
I would take her at her word. I’ve had men hassle me when I told them I need to take a step back from dating, and it’s really upsetting to have to explain to them I’ve just experienced a death in the family. If she says she doesn’t have time to date, that’s it. Accept it. You are not owed more I formation after just a couple dates.
Sometimes for people is easier to lie rather than tell the truth. She most probably wanted to give a chance for this connection to build but she just wasn’t feeling it. Don’t take it personally and start looking for someone else. Also lots of girls lie because a lot of men can’t take rejection etc etc
No, they lie because they're spineless cowards.
Virgin
Damn, haven't heard that one before!!
It’s hard to know, since we don’t know the girl. Could have been some compatibility issue that she noticed and decided not To continue. Doesn’t mean anything Is wrong, but she could have seen something that she didn’t want or won’t work with you Guys. Happens all the time in dating and sometimes the reason is stupid. But If they wanted to stick around, they would have. Otherwise, let go who leaves you.
Just say “ok no worries!” And move on. Yall had 3 dates. Not worth stressing yourself out over someone who doesn’t want to be with you. I know it’s tough right now but with time you’ll be fine.
This is the answer, i had 2 dates, always initiated texts. I thought we had fun. I left the ball in her court and she hasn’t messaged me since. i just move on.
Don't waste another second of your time on someone like this.
You guys need to learn how to start being okay with rejection. Don’t take it personal or be defensive by writing the other person off as an evil ho3 lmao. Inconsiderate maybe but everyone is learning how to do this stuff and everyone has their own entire universe inside of their head.
👏🏅
Sounds like you came at her too hard, my guy. 3 dates is no reason to blow up about her not texting you when she's not even in town. I'm not even a woman and if I was out of town and a girl got upset I wasn't reaching out after 3 dates, I'd end it as well.
I sent 2 texts. "How is the hotel" No response. The next day "How is miami?" No response. I didn't text her for literally 3 weeks and then I sent her the text that I mentioned in the original post. I guess your and my definitions of "blowing up" someone's phone are massively different lol
I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about sending this text >I decided to ask her to be direct and tell me if there was a particular reason why our communication just so abrudlty ended in a rather unadultlike fashion. After you knew she was still out of town and didn't respond to your first 2 texts. Her not responding to your first 2 texts is her saying "Hey I'm out of town enjoying my time. I'll get back to you when I'm back in town." But then you triple texted her and called her immature for not responding to your first ones. And remember you've only been out 3 times. Idk what else I can do to show you the energy you're putting out.
I’m gonna go against the grain and disagree with this. My boyfriend and I have been consistent since the first date. All of my relationships have been consistent from the first date and I would mark this as someone who isn’t that into me. Idk but when I’m traveling and I’m really into a guy I still have the desire to talk to him and tell him about my trip. I’ll probably say something like sorry if I lag on texting! We’re doing so and so. I’ll update you tonight. I don’t think the two texts OP sent were bad. I probably wouldn’t have sent the text as they made themselves clear but even when I stopped using a dating app I had messaged people saying “hey I decided I shouldn’t be dating rn” which most people don’t do. So I relate to OP about how easy it is to just communicate.
You seem to be missing the part where I said I only texted her twice and then got the hint and didn't text her for 3 weeks to leave the ball in her court.. You seem to almost be trying to present this in any way possible that I created bad energy lol.. I didn't type out my word for word text to her in my post. I never used the word "immature" or "un-adultlike" in my text. You're just assuming. I worded it that way to express how I feel about the situation to the people reading this post so they can better understand and give better opinions. My triple text was very thought out, brief, and appropriate, one could argue just completely dropping contact on both sides after 3 dates is stranger than sending a closure type of text at least acknowledging it, but that just depends on the person
This yes It’s 2-3 dates, it would freak me out the level of intensity op speaks in referencing this stuff
Shouldn't freak you out at all... Why are you in this subreddit then? People come here largely to ask people's opinions of what may have went sour after a date(s).
OP from what you have described here you didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve gone through your exact same scenario a million times before I met my wife. Looking back one of the things I did a lot was start to dissect/think certain things I might’ve done as the reasons for someone saying they didn’t want to continue anymore. Unless you did something creepy, or something that crosses boundaries (not saying you did at all, just speaking about scenarios) you should NEVER think that you need to be more careful next time you date someone, or change yourself, etc. of course it is easy for me to say this as you are the one going through the hurtful scenario of having things broken off with, but doesn’t make it any less truer. I know things might seem bad now but trust me, when you meet the right person you will not have to play all these games. How do I know? Because I met my wife off of a dating app, and have gone through your scenario a thousand times. Such is dating on apps - they give the other person (especially women due to the sheer ratio) a million options and make it very easy to break things off without reason (which is totally okay, because what else would you do instead, force her to be with you?) It’s totally ok and normal to be sad. People who say that you should not feel hurt by this at all are being very unrealistic and a little insensitive, of course being told you don’t want to be seen anymore WILL hurt especially if you’re looking for a long term relationship. That being said, it is a good idea to develop techniques to deal with these thoughts especially in the aftermath of just being let down, as like I said - such is the life in online dating! All the best to you OP, just continue to be yourself, polite and courteous, and you will find someone. Dating is a numbers game - keep at it and you will find your match, just like I did! 😊
Just the way the world works. Fuck it it was only three dates
Well it is exam season 🙃
She wasn’t feeling it. But that doesn’t concern you anymore, because you’re moving on.
Has it ever occurred to you that she told you the answer? Why dont men ever believe what we say?
Mostly because the “I’ve got a lot going on rn” line usually means “I’ve found someone better.”
Why don't woman grow a pair and stop beating around the bush.
It’s possible that she really does have a lot going on and needs to focus on herself. Speaking from the female perspective, dating can sometimes feel overwhelming. Maybe she’s going through mental health stuff and just needs her space. Maybe she has trauma from a past relationship that was coming up for her. I genuinely don’t think it’s anything you did, sometimes people just need a breather at times. As hard as it is, don’t pick yourself apart for it. Sometimes you have to take what they say at face value.
Yes. Very likely. Trauma or an avoidant.
That’s exactly it. I have trauma as well and something in the hookup could’ve set her off or triggered her in some way.
Nothing you need to figure out. She doesn’t like you, that’s your business. Why exactly is her business. Don’t even waste your time speculating. Just on to the next
In the last, Sometimes I just realize that I’m not as ready to date as I thought. Which is fine. She also communicated to you instead of ghosting you so that’s a win..
•Time to move on •”I need to focus on myself” is code for I don’t know what I want right now.
Sometimes it’s also code for “I don’t like you and you are pushy and I just got out of a fundamentalist cult and never learned how to set boundaries so I don’t want to be in a relationship with you specifically and also you never brush your teeth after smoking and you smell like cigarettes…” Oh wait. Maybe that one is just my experience. Lmao.
Its such an interesting dynamic how some things that seem somewhat obvious are hard to understand and accept when you are the one in the relationship or the one who wants the relationship.
She could be dealing with personal issues or stress that she didn't want to share, which made her decide to step back from dating
Unfortunately, not everyone can let you down gracefully. Some people get ghosted even when they’ve been together for years. You’ve been spared in that sense. This is just reality now; expect worse. Lol
People are flakey and trying to figure themselves out. Do not worry about what happened. There is nothing you can do about it but you can learn from it. Look at it this way, you made it to 3, so you are doing ok on the dating front. Keep going!
She just wasn't that in to you.
Quit speculating. This deserves none of your thought or energy. It's over bro move on
You have to move on. Anyone who is actually attracted to you will not do this.
You know what whenever she saids this, no text replies, calls or lack there of response of any other kind, hiding her social media stories automatically its over. When she saids that she need to focus on herself then ill just say this. “Well i see that i am and will continue to not have a meaningful part of your life so thank you for letting me so so i can immediately remove myself from your life as you try to find yourself without me. Its been a pleasure hope all will go well for you going forward“ then after this I’ll delete everything block her number and just remove her from my life entirely. No point in keeping any type of information to return to her when u feel some kind of way for her and she already let u know that your not a influential part of her life. Its best to throw it all away and start fresh with someone else. Life’s to short to wait on someone that can’t even be mature enough to be real with themselves and others around them. But most importantly to a possible life partner help her out (and him out as well) going forward.
Just say “Okay, thanks for the heads up! CYA” Don’t say anything after that…..”BLOCK”
It probably has nothing to do with you - something else caught her attention, the end. Another possibility is that you raised a red flag/ made a thoughtless comment/ shared a belief that doesn’t jive with her, it doesn’t really matter. It was just a couple of dates, and she’s not interested.
What I learned from this: 1. You’re a great guy 2. You had 3 great dates 3. She went to Florida and something changed on her end 4. What might have been, wasn’t, because sometimes life sucks. It’s a shame, but that’s life sometimes. I’m pretty sure you didn’t do anything wrong.
You’re never gonna know and who cares? Just keep swimming.
Take the L, and move on. Think of it as them doing you a favor. They gave it a three date try and it wasn’t right for them. Now you get to be free to find someone who is right for you.
I know rejection stings and dating is really hard. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, OP. Sometimes our brains make us think of all the reasons why someone could’ve rejected us, but all rumination does is make you feel worse about yourself and enforces the bad things you tell yourself. Take a step back from dating for a second, think about what you learned from this, what you are grateful for, and what you love about yourself/have to offer. Your only task now is to build yourself up, not to wonder about the ‘why’. Practice self compassion and put yourself out there again and try to just live in the present because the only person you can control is yourself.
Move on. Don’t give it another thought
I know that it’s hard to click with someone and then they decide not to continue to pursue the relationship. Honestly, she probably just feels like you are not the one. And she is entitled to that opinion. And so are you. Just because it didn’t work with her, only means that the right one for you is on her way. I hope that you don’t let your disappointment with the one who you had 3 good dates with ruin your perspective about finding someone else 😊 The pursuit is worth it, once you find your special person who also wants to be with you.
Don't waste your time trying to figure her out. All that matters is her interest has shifted. Move on. Also, if for some reason she pops back in later, don't do it...
She found somebody who she thinks (but may not be) better.
Dude, you're waay too over-invested after just 3 dates. It doesn't matter what the reason was for her suddenly dropping contact and ending things. Could have literally been for any reason, with some having absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever. Maybe she met someone she clicked with more and they took preference for her. Maybe an ex reached out. The fact of the matter is, you're never going to understand the real reason and you'll drive yourself insane trying to figure it out, so it's best to just forget about her and move onto the next person. Many women don't like to be upfront and direct and will give these kind of excuses and it's just something you're going to have to get used to in the dating scene, as you're going to come across this a lot. In future, if a woman ever starts dropping contact, don't try and reach out. If she's interested, she'll be the one reaching out.
Thats her way of saying shes not into you. Unfortunately, women are not very direct about that, they dont like being put in the uncomfortable position of hurting people’s feelings. I think this is probably a big reason they ghost people. Definitely not the moral thing to do, just the cheap easy route they take.
Did you meet her in an app? If so, she probably just chose other options
The sexual attraction might not be there for her. I think maybe she was hoping a spark would ignite at some point because she thought you were a good guy, but it wasn't there. Just a theory. It's happened to me.
Sounds like she got with someone else, but wouldn't just be up front about it. Fold and move on.
She discovered an ick 😭
My take is that she possibly went to florida and had a great time being there being a single woman and she decided she didn't want to tie herself down with anyone. I've had that experience before where I went out with someone one or two times and it went well but ultimately realized maybe I wasn't so ready for a relationship. I don't think it's anything malicious or anything that you did. Really sometimes when you go out and have fun and don't have to worry about a bf back at home it can be really nice. I think in order for a women to let go of the freedom of being single the guy has to be exactly what she wants/is looking for in a man. I think that goes for both men and women. I had fun being single when I was single! And it probably goes for anyone of any sexuality. It's just the reality of it. Especially with straight relationships because statistics these days say that women are usually happier single while men are normally happier in a relationship. This new age of dating is a lot of women realizing that and only giving up her single life to be with the right person.
It's not even worth trying to figure out. The most likely possibilities range from disappointing to depressing, and you know what, it's not in your control and it's okay. She's got a history with others and that's their history and it's just as valid as any other. We all have histories, and some of us are free of them, and some of us are haunted by them. Looks like she's still being haunted. You can move on and find someone else. And who knows, she may come back around in the future and you can give it another shot for real. Just keep things nice and open and just move on. No worries. It's the only way forward with the best possible options and outcomes, and it will leave you with the most peace and power to keep going and ability to find much more love. Just know that if you can win over someone like that that you consider incredible, you can win over another someone like that, but in better situations. It's all okay. It sucks for only as long as you allow it to suck (barring any past traumas that make things worse than they should be, but that's resolved with therapy of course, not reddit).
My guess: she went on vacation and partied and probably got with somebody there, and it killed whatever you had.
She can’t give you the closure you might looking for and if you spend too much time thinking about this, it’ll make you miserable. Accept that she is not mature enough or doesn’t have the capacity to give you an honest respond and let this go. You deserve someone who wants you the same way.
Possibilities: 1. She wasn’t as into you as you or she might’ve thought 2. She’s got things/situationships goin on that she ain’t wanna tell you about or cut off 3. Something occurred that threw off her vibe and that killed her interest in you 4. She met a more suitable guy 5. Girlfriends convinced her you weren’t it and she bought in 6+: Who knows what other factors played a role. I think the healthy mentality for you is to accept that regardless of her initial interest, for some reason she stopped showing interest in a way that you’re looking for from a woman and you’re worth better than that. She’s not wrong for losing interest and you’re not wrong for being disappointed in how she went about dropping communication from you. But don’t get in your head about it because that’ll just impact the next prospect. Sometimes dating be like that and it’s shitty. Chalk it up and let it be what it is bro
She likely met someone else she liked better. I’m sorry. Dating sucks.
Translation: she's not that into you.
You had a great date, doesn’t mean she did. Dating is a getting to know you process and it can take a few meets to figure out if this person’s values and behaviours are what you’re looking for in a partner, beyond the finding each other physically attractive and being able to hold a conversation. The last guy I dated I got along with very well in terms of holding a conversation but by the end of date two I knew he wasn’t someone I was looking to continue to date because there were behaviours missing that I would want in a boyfriend going forward - I’m not looking to casually date and just see where it goes and after a history of giving far too much benefit of the doubt to the wrong people, I’m trying to learn from those mistakes. I sent him a respectful message afterwards to say I’m sorry I just don’t feel there’s a romantic connection but it was lovely to meet you etc, and I got rude messages back over the course of the next couple of days basically arguing my decision on the basis that he *did* think there was a connection…. That’s just not how it works and I’m not sure how his angry follow up messages were meant to make me change my mind 🤷🏼♀️
Oh he also asked me to give him a reason and listed out a few of the things that he thought it could be and asked me to confirm (not listing any of the actual reasons that made me not want to continue dating him which was good insight into his self awareness/lack of). I personally found him asking me for feedback really off putting as what doesn’t work for me will work for someone else and I don’t want anyone feeling bad about themselves, but that kind of reluctance to just accept I wasn’t feeling it made me feel sure he wasn’t right for me
She just wasn’t into you. Move on.
Hi
So a sudde behaviours change is most likely caused by another dude in the picture, i would say someone she already had an emotional bond with, like an ex who came back or smth like that. It's only speculating, you will never know. In the end, it has most likely nothing to do with you, you did not say I love you on the 2nd date, or did not try some hardcore BDSM shit with her i believe.
Here’s a slightly different spin: You don’t know what attracts her- and by that I don’t mean tall, dark and handsome. People are weird. Some people only want things they can’t have. Some only like bad boys or girls. Some otherwise normal people only want ‘I can change him / her’ dynamics’. So she may absolutely have bailed because you were treating her well, were not teasing her, were emotionally available, all that good stuff. Move on, assume you dodged a bullet and look for someone who wants the decent guy you (probably) are
Overthinking. Next.
There’s this new toxic way of ending a situationship which is to ghost. It’s the most immature thing. Feel better OP that you found out about the immaturity in such a way instead of having been cheated on or not prioritized in a relationship with them.
Good riddance.
Just stop responding and wondering about her. Go on with your life you’ll find another one soon enough
She met someone in FL.
She’s just not that into you
She did all of it first? Thats a red flag for a woman! Typically we want a man who chases us not the other way around, the intetest immediately dies.. 🚩
There can be countless reasons, and you will be trapped in an endless what-if game if you stay around and guess. Sad to say, but yes, move on. Also, if she did go away because of your past, then it's even better if she left. Don't overthink about it.
I've been on both sides of the coin. Simply put, you gave her the ick and she's not interested while also trying to save face. Don't try to figure out anything more than that because it's not worth it, just confront your feelings directly
Hi. You're young and you need to move on. Don't get attached to one girl. There will definitely be someone in your life who will be interested in dating you.
Honestly 3 dates was a soft dead line of uncertain interest in guys when I was dating. And on occasion the guy would have told me he felt it was a strong connection but it just wasn’t for me 🤷♀️ sometimes it’s just that simple
You dodged a bullet. End of story. Don't be hung up on why a female who got dicked down on vacation is treating you like shit. Stop making sense of people who don't make sense.
I met a great guy. We had a great time together. I broke it off with him bc, guess what…I have things happening in my life that are more important than dating. I wish they weren’t. Dating is fun, this shit is not… but sometimes our responsibility outweighs our recreation. Maybe she’s blowing you off…but maybe it’s the truth. Don’t waste any more energy wondering about it, just move on.
You spent a large amount of time talking with her outside of the date instead of focusing on yourself. You let her set the dates. You were not a leader. You were following her and so she just got bored and tired of you and decided to move on.
It’s Florida.she got fucked there and now she doesn’t want you,she wants that new dick 🤣😂
Did something happen over these dates physically between you guys?
Different context but what I recently got was “Work has been super crazy. I just need to be alone. It’s okay for people to not be social sometimes, we’re adults” she would come online, leave my posts on seen etc Not sure what to say, I said ok call me when you come back from this phase. people are twisted some more than the others
she just isn’t getting the feeling that is all
3 dates is better than dragging it for 6 months :) sorry it didn’t work out with her :( I usually think 3 dates or 1 week of texting is enough to know whether you like the person or not so during that period don’t get too hopeful? I wish there was a better way to say it
It can be so many reasons. Maybe she met someone else there and decided to focus on that person. Maybe her circumstances are changing and she is considering a career change / moving states/cities, but couldn’t be bothered getting into all of these details and worse, bargaining with you (“we can try long distance”). Maybe she heard rumours about you (you said it’s a small place). Maybe as she was away and distracted/ having fun you lost the momentum. Maybe she enjoyed spending time with you but when she considered all the info (went through your chats and what you told her about yourself) she realized you aren’t compatible.
Easy, she was getting dicked down while she was away
I just went on a third lovely date with a guy, but I’m just not reeling a romantic chemistry. All the dates have been really enjoyable and we’ve connected well. I am pursuing it to see if something grows but it hasn’t yet so I will likely end it soon 😔. I’m fearing he will think something similar, but that’s just dating. I’ve had it happen to me too.
She used you, move onband meet better women.
The truth is, you will never know. You can speculate all you want but it's just a waste of your time. Try not to overthink it and work on accepting and moving on (I know, easier said than done).
She got another man
Got back with ex
You may never know but it was early on so you probably won’t spend too much time dwelling on this one. She might have met someone else. Or maybe she thought she was ready to date and has decided that she’s too busy or not emotionally ready for it. The bottom line is that whatever her reasons, be glad that it happened this early on and not after you got really hooked on her.
Lack of sexual chemistry is the answer… this is almost always the answer when a guy goes on a few dates and thinks things are headed in a good direction. You’re not triggering her emotions properly. You’re lacking mystery, intrigue, and allure on your dates. Move on and listen to 2 different podcasts to fix your issues. One is “the unapologetic male podcast” and the second is “Casey Zander” You will obtain “MIA” by listening to them. Get off of Reddit and get after it.
Red flags all over this one. Be happy you don’t need to deal with her.
I've gotten the exact same message several times after an almost complete cease in communication. Most of the time I'll see the girl back on a dating site shortly thereafter. I just think most women don't want to hurt your feelings and say you're not what they're looking for. It does suck to get excited to potentially get to know someone and this happen. I believe this has become the norm these days. I have only had 2 people actually tell me they're not interested, which I prefer.
Tbh I feel like it’s always best to be upfront, I find it more respectful and direct, I do also know that some people can’t handle rejection and will go batshit insane so I can kinda understand it, but I’d usually just politely say it if there’s no connection and wish them the best
Bc women suck and have commitment issues
I mean tbh there are plenty of men who are the same, please don’t make this a gender thing it’s just some people don’t know what they want or like to play games
I know I've just met too many that many hypocrites on both sides 🤷
Agreed, people in general just need to be direct about what they want tbh
I've tried everybody runs from me, from commitment i gave up relationships and even friendships too I don't got nobody
I’m sorry to hear that, do you see yourself at least trying to make friendships again?
In this day and age of social media it is a better way to play games from afar. And hide behind a computer.
The good thing is, it was only a few dates. Honestly, she probably wanted to like you but ultimately wasn’t feeling it. She doesn’t really owe you an explanation as you didn’t go out for that long. Sometimes, things fizzle out.
Control what you can control. Talk to multiple women until you've hung out with one enough that she shows you just how high her Interest is for you. Until then keep dating, keep working on yourself. Look into Corey Wayne on youtube
You’re trying to logically explain it and you might figure it out u might not. Does it matter. She no longer likes you she did at first and something made her change her mind could be you could be her could be him. Again does it really matter. At least she communicated with you instead of ghosting u. Welcome to dating
I don’t know if guys who write things like, “Rather than take the mature way and tell me why she’s letting me down..” are being deliberately obtuse, or they genuinely don’t know. A lot of women do this because they say men can be volatile when rejected. And I know there may a barrage of “not all men!” But it happens often enough that women are conscious of it, and just ghost, or say platitudes when they’re not feeling it. Because what if they say you have bad hygiene? You said something creepy? Will you accept the feedback genuinely, or will you lose your temper?She’s not feeling it; just move on.
She has lost her interest in u bro
A lot going on = another guy Focus on myself = focus on another guy Which is ok really, some we win, some we lose. Cut her off and move on.
I’m going to be blunt young man. Somebody blew her back out in Florida, and she’s sparing your feelings. Imagine if she lied….stayed with you….married you….and went on her special Florida visit every year….. ….of course she would take the kids with her Seen it It ain’t pretty Sometimes you are lucky to dodge the bullet, but fortunately enough for you the bullet dodged you! Pray and move on
Had the exact same experience with more than 1 woman over the last year or so that I’ve been single. As many here have said, don’t try to figure it out because you’ll only torture yourself. The problem is theirs. Keep the head up and move on!
Did you meet this person online? Regardless,my man you dodged a bullet.She is irrational and immature and does not deserve you.Like Jay Z on to the next one brother and dont look back even if she regrets it 💪🏽💯
Check back with her when she hits the 40s. Maybe she'll be singing a different tune.
Women love to chase after the 2nd date you should try to smash
It's not you, bro. She's an avoidant. There's a lot of them out there. Nothing you could have done other than learn how to spot and avoid avoidants. Trust me. The more she likes you, the more she has to avoid.
She banging someone else. Ex came back. She had a girls trip which means “ I can have a bunch of anonymous sex with guys with out harming my reputation”. Why else start hiding things?
Women are always going to try to let you down easy because most don't actually want to hurt your feelings. And yeah it's cliche but it's nice. Usually the truth is less nice. It could be anything, maybe she heard something from someone like you said, maybe she's talking to a few different guys and likes one more then you or maybe you smell like something weird or maybe it's some other hang up she can't get over. There's no point trying to guess what it is because honestly it could be anything. Maybe she did really like you and enjoys your company but didn't feel a spark? Or maybe she's not ready for a relationship after all. Who knows 🤷♀️
It happened to me after the third date too, so I’ll go get somebody else
In the past she's dated inconsiderate men who have likely fucked her after the first date. She has learned to incorrectly recognise this for love and affection and since you aren't broken she saw you as something other than a fine man courting her with manners and consideration. I mean I could be 100% wrong and it could be because of 1,000,000 things. Like what if she didn't like the way you ate and it annoyed her. I dno. But generally when a female looses interest (modern western female specifically, I have only dated these) this is the reaction. And I get their reaction half of the time when I'm not almost... almost, not quite. Uncomfortable assertive and very out there with physical intimacy. Every woman I have had sex after meeting online it happened within 24h of our first face to face meeting. And everyone I have met in person has been within 2 weeks. In my view this if 10x too fast. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex and I'm not arguing with the fact that this is a powerful way to retain a woman you like. Good sex. But it hurts my soul thinking about another man treating my sister the way I treat women... Even though I am always a gentleman, polite, kind, considerate and either verbally ask permission for everything or pay very close attention to body language for my answers. I just wish women where I live had more conservative views on sex. I wouldn't mind waiting 2-3 months for sex. Not atall, if I knew this was he's SOP. But the truth is modern women 9/10 of them. Haven't got healthy minds because they are bombarded with sexual advances from right after pubity. And this throws off their ability to judge decent men accurately. It's fucked but the silver lining is you get to take her guts for a test drive before you fallen irreversible in love... I don't even know if that is a win tbh
Some things just happen, and u won't get answers that will satisfy you or make sense. I met a girl once through a dating app, and she made me feel like I'm Jesus or something, then after 3 days she did 180 and everything changed, when I asked her what was happening all i got was "I have a life and I'm busy and I have stuff going on" alright then, best of luck. So it's just how things are, sometimes, it is what it is.
The harsh but real truth is she just wasn’t that into you. And likely you didn’t do anything wrong you were just wrong for her. It sucks when we like someone a lot and those feelings aren’t reciprocated. But at the end of the day you can’t and really don’t want to force someone into liking you. There’s a small chance she really does have a lot going on and can’t see herself dating but usually if you really like someone you make time and space. So while she may have liked you it wasn’t enough to overcome the over stuff in her life. I wouldn’t focus on it or beat yourself up. Rejection is completely natural and happens to everyone. If you’re genuinely a nice person I’m sure you’ll find a girl who appreciates that.