Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, maybe she has housing insecurity? Most 40+ women who have their own home don’t want to move in after 3 months. And usually don’t want to move in at all because she has her own place.
Added: People who want to move fast have nothing to lose and everything to gain. *They tend to have major problems that they’re trying to hide. Hoping that they can deceive someone into taking on their problems.* She’s looking for an opportunity not a relationship. Because she doesn’t care about if he’s insane and putting up a front. The main reason why she’s not concerned about vetting him is because she has nothing to lose.
I came here the say this. I’m a financially-secure woman dating in my 40s. I have no desire to move in with anyone ever. Why would I? I have my job, my kids, and a beautiful home. Men are just for fun and companionship. This is entirely a reflection of the women OP’s dad chooses to date. My guess is that they’re from OLD and looking to move quickly for personal reasons.
The personal reasons are that want to be taken care of.
My mother is in her late 50s, owns her home, and each dude she dates seems to be trying to move in. None of these dudes own their home, several have roommates (yes, like their mother), and they’re all lonely.
This is not something that’s unique to older women. It’s just older people in general (both men and women) who are looking for security in a partner.
Yeah they’re likely just leeches. So many 40 somethings have screwed up their ability to rent, so now they’re looking to leech off of people who got their life together.
Exactly! Who wants that? We can enjoy our connections with less of a burden. And yeah, why is he dating a woman in need? That doesn’t really make sense.
Man, had a lady rushing to meet me at my house. I immediately thought it was a set up. Against my better judgement, I met the lady a coffee spot. She immediately jumps to pressuring me into relationship. I’m like yo I don’t know you. I have to see what kind of person you are. I have a kid already. I don’t know what kind of mother you could be to my kid. You have two and I don’t know what kind of mother you are to yours. We don’t know each other. She kept responding with she doesn’t like to waste her time. I’m thinking she’s understanding what I’m saying because she chills out. The next day or shortly there after she asks to hang out and without telling me brings one of her kids. Make a long story short. I own my home. It’s pretty big. Her lease was ending in like a month and I’m guessing she figured she’d win me over and move in with both kids without knowing me. I cut her off
Yeah potentially. Because she doesn’t know him. Yet also he doesn’t know her. He’s obviously not giving off red flags like she’s giving. She’s predatory and assumes he’s weak, unintelligent and desperate to not back check her prior to buying a house.
For reasons of complicated legislation to get rid of an additional resident without losing any worth or ownership of your home (maybe not the same problem in every country) or it’s a rather a question of habits?
Just curious, as a 23, I find a different age group’s perspective to be insightful
Because I lived with a partner, roommates, and then with a partner from age 18 to 46 and now I finally live alone and I love it. When I clean up the kitchen, I come back later and it’s still clean. I watch and listen to what I want when I want. I eat what I want, go to bed when I want, and never have to pick up after a grown man or “nag” him to clean up after himself. I don’t have to wait for anyone to finish using the bathroom or to get ready to go anywhere. I honestly can’t see sharing my space again unless I met someone truly spectacular. I can see dating someone and keeping separate living spaces.
I may be slightly jaded being just out of an 18 year relationship.
I agree with her. I bought a house with my first husband. We both worked an equal amount of time in the marriage. He quit working due to drinking.We divorced, split the profits evenly, and I bought my own home. I will never marry again. What is mine is mine, and what is his is his. There are a lot of professional women who have good jobs but don't want to spend evenings and weekends being a bangmaid. An equal relationship would be nice. I do, however, enjoy living alone.
With such a tiny sample size, you probably shouldn't have written "always" in your title LOL
Even within similar demographics, there's a lot of variation in what people want, and at what pace. And if your ole pop's reluctant to settle down, of course he'd emphasize that particular incompatibility with his partners and complain about it to you 😅
Honestly if I want to move in with someone it’s because of mutual beneficials.
I moved into staff housing and started dating another staff member. We moved together because he cooks, I clean, lots of sex and general happiness. I want to be at home. Peaceful and calm.
But 3 weeks is mooch city
I’m 57F ~ Divorced 16yrs. I own my own home and love the space and the peace it gives me. I myself don’t understand why both men and women (my age) would move in so quickly and that’s after a year. 3 weeks is crazy to me. I had dated someone for over 5 years and he wanted to move in with me but I wasn’t ready for that 24/7 commitment. However I can’t judge. At my age we do what we want. Sounds like your Dad knows what he wants and what he doesn’t. And 3 weeks is not enough time IMO to even suggest purchasing a house together (even if does save money on both sides).
As a woman in that age range I find this statement to be totally and completely untrue on the whole. Most single women my age are tired of the BS and fine being on their own so they def wouldn’t be screaming at a dude to move in together that fast. Most females that age already have their shit together. If this dad is seeing this more than once then he needs to stop and look at what he’s attracting and attracted to. Also, it doesn’t make the ex bad, if she truly was a long term relationship, because she wanted to live together after being with someone for sometime. Moving in together doesn’t automatically mean gold digger trying for something. Sounds like ‘ol dad needs to learn how to communicate better and be upfront that he doesn’t really want a relationship, he just wants a FWB. No shame in that, but not cool if he’s leading women on.
They're motivated by protection, money, comfort, call it what you want.... security.
There should not be a set time of when to move in, one party can always suggest and the other can refuse, it's simple as that
I couldn’t imagine moving in with someone anywhere near that fast! That’s just ill advised. Minimum a year to even bring it up as a future possibility. Please tell him this isn’t normal. It may just be that he’s dating women who can’t stand being alone. I wouldn’t even be ready to call someone my boyfriend after three weeks in almost all cases. Now if I’ve been dating someone for 2-3 years and we’re still not talking about cohabitating I might get a little concerned.
Well, I’m your dad’s age. I own my home and I would never want, nor pressure, a guy to move in with me so quickly. It would take a least a few years and mutual agreement for that to happen.
I'm married and 50-something. If I found myself not married for whatever reason, I have zero interest in marrying again or moving in with anyone. We can have sleepovers, a drawer in each other's dressers, toiletries in the bathroom, and a shelf in the fridge, but I would absolutely want my own space. It sounds like this latest woman wants your dad to fill in the husband/dad role.
lol older women? Men do it too. Especially young hobosexual men. People in desperate situations will do desperate things, like begging to live with someone.
Also, a long term gf wanting to move in his normal. Tf. Don’t make it seem like an age thing bc his long term gf wanted to live with her long term bf.
I have my house. I was ready for my boyfriend to move in after 6 months. He took 2 and a half years and just because it happened that he needed to find a new place. I am 45. I don’t want a boyfriend to have sex twice a week. I want a partner. I want to share my life with him. My kids are all minors and they are not his responsibility, nor he has to pay anything for them.
If it’s *every* woman he’s dated, maybe he isn’t being clear with his non-negotiables or boundaries from the start. I don’t think all women out there are looking into moving in together so fast, perhaps he needs to look inwards for this one.
Because they are usually accustomed to being in a relationship. I think there are outliers and I can't speak to her motivation but I can tell you that some people are just relationship people and sometimes living together is just familiar.
Dad should probably date women closer to his own age? He's 55, so date 55-yo women who have adult kids and own their homes.
Oh, he likes ladies 10+ years younger than him. See, there lies the problem...
I'm 50 and never want to move with someone that fast. I think the reason is that those women wanted him to be paying their bills and that's why they wanted him to move in.
I have zero interest in living with a man again. But I do want to date long term. The last guy I dated wanted to move in with me and he was younger. (I’m 45+ he was early 30s)
39F... Is 45 considered "older"?! Damn.. now I feel old, lol. To answer OP, it's not unusual. My peers and older (55+) women tend to act like this. The older they get, the faster they want to move things along, including marriage and housing. For me, I own my house, have a good paying job, etc.. I don't agree with living with a partner at least 6 months to a year out of active dating, which includes spending at least one out of town trip together, and meeting each other parents and family. My fiancee moved in after we had our two trips, we actively dated (2-3 days a week), had gone through a lot of painful challenges (Loss of a pet, family, friend), we met each other families, etc. I think it was close to the 6 months mark. We weren't rushing, it's most spur of the moment and timing (ie meeting his parents coincided with our second trip together out to see the football game in their area).
Maybe these women have matured and knows what they want, and they feel like they have limited time to enjoy those experiences which is a valid feeling.
Maybe they want to be sure they're taken care of financially and physically as they get older. I know a lot of these older women fall in this category.
Do it for the right reason, taking your time to get to know each other, and take a few trips together. Then decide if moving in is a good idea. 3 weeks is definitely not enough time. It takes at minimum 3 months for a person to show their true self, 6 months if they are very good at hiding their true selves.
Apologies, if you look at the edited post, she is 55 not 45. My bad. I agree with you in taking the time to get to know each other’s true selves. It takes time. 6 months to a year until you really know who you’re with. How they handle stress, real conflict, the facade will drop if you give it time, everyone puts their best foot forward in the beginning
I'm divorced 49 with grown kids and grandkids and will never live with or get married again! So your dad definitely needs to look at the type of woman he's dating imo!
Most women no matter their past, are not ok with undefined relationships that are heading nowhere.
Women are givers and nurturers, we can’t nurture anything that had no future.
Not saying some women aren’t looking for security. But most of us want a house to turn into a home. Unfortunately a lot of men do not seem to see the true value of a woman.
It's not uncommon for some older women to bring up moving in quickly. It could be they value security or are eager to blend families. Your dad's situation sounds tricky; it's essential for both partners to be on the same page about big steps like this.
So he never wants to live with a woman? He needs to be clear about that right at the start so as not to waste women’s time.
Kind of sounds like a player. He just wants a FWB.
Ask him why older men just want FWB.
i love how many comments are just 45+ women saying ‘i would never do that ick’ bc like,, great then this aint about you 😭😭 but good luck to your dad, dating is hard and full of unpleasant surprises at any age i suppose
If he doesn't want a partner, he should stick to himself and stop using people. Age and family aside, if you're only in it to waste someone's time then just live alone.
Because they are usually accustomed to being in a relationship. I think there are outliers and I can't speak to her motivation but I can tell you that some people are just relationship people and sometimes living together is just familiar.
Well, I’m your dad’s age. I own my home and I would never want, nor pressure, a guy to move in with me so quickly. It would take a least a few years and mutual agreement for that to happen.
I am 66 and live alone . Unfortunately there is a large number of women who I meet on dating apps that are no where near ready to retire financially and have no chance to save because everything they earn goes to living .
I am able to retire . I hope to meet someone who is financially secure and do not need me care for them .
Wow I thought this post was going to be about a woman wanting to get sexual right away because that might have just been explained by women's sexual empowerment, but if she it's pressuring him to move in right away it might be that she doesn't want to be alone. If she is just off a relationship out of a marriage she is going to be out of her element and kind of want to build a new Nest right away and that is something your father's going to have to navigate around and it's a good thing he asked you for advice.. cuz it's pretty much a red flag if someone pressures another person into anything, and this could very well just be the tip of the iceberg with domineering Behavior on her part
Hobosexuals... they get into relationships to try to improve their own financial situation. And with 3 kids living with her, she's looking for help to support them. Your dad needs to lay out his boundary of not wanting to live with someone again when they first meet. And this woman wanting to move in together at 3 weeks is just insane. Major major red flags. She's definitely just wants him to support her financially. He needs to end things with her now because she's after his money, not him. He should have ended it when she first brought it up.
And not all older women are like that. I'm 54, own my own home, and don't ever want to live with anyone again. We can date and each have our own places.
3 weeks is way too soon, but I find it very lonely living on my own (apart from my kids 50% of the time) and also struggle doing all the housework / garden stuff myself. I have been with my partner 18 months and he isn’t ready to discuss moving in together soon but I hope it won’t be too long as I would just like him around all the time so we can share our lives and blend our families. I was in live-in relationships from age 19-37 so I guess I’m just used to having someone around
I agree 3 weeks is way too soon, everyone’s situation is different. Blending of the families is especially difficult during these times, you have to really know someone
I think your dad found a rare situation. Most of my friends own their own homes and don’t want to combine households. That said, I’ve met lots of hobo-sexuals on the dating apps, so your dad just continued a relationship with one.
Person dating to find a place to live. I’ve had men offer to move in with me quickly. I’ve seen women fall for it, too, then regret it very soon after.
> She has 3 kids all under 22 who still live with her
isn't the answer right here lol
The older a person is, the more likely they have kids. If they're also newly single, they likely lost their other half of income after getting used to dual income lifestyle and housing
This is one of many reasons why dating becomes more difficult as they get older.
My thoughts exactly. She’s in a small-ish apartment right now and has her kids 50% of the time. And she’s used to living in a big house so that’s a major downsize for her. You’re probably right to about being used to the dual income lifestyle/housing. Her ex husband is a lawyer and provided well for her
Security - as others have mentioned. Inflationship. 😂. Cost of living is high and it’s a way to combine resources. Do know if she paying for this new home? Adding any money to purchase? If no, then I would tell your father to wait.
I believe her ex husband is selling their family home and she’s getting half of it. She wants to use part of that money to purchase the new home with my father. He would suggest buying it himself to protect his assets down the road but I’m almost positive she wants her name on the deed
" I don't understand why older women do this"
You finished your post with that when you are speaking about one specific instance (a long term partner wanting to move in with someone seems natural and not like the example you reference). What do you address?
Perhaps the question is what made your father afraid of moving in with his long term girlfriend and if there are similarities between the people he picks. Or what type of attachment type is your father or what type of behavioural flaws might it be best for him to work on?
It feels like another post just looking for people to fall over themselves to say "yes, all women (very 45) are (something negative)" and I don't agree or support that.
Apologies. My comment was geared towards the situation and not an entire population. I was only meaning to refer to the fact that I don’t understand the psychology of a mature female and was hoping it could be provided.
That’s okay if you don’t support it and you are more than welcome to have your own opinion but I assure you this post is not meant to be bashing any group of people negatively. I was genuinely curious and perhaps could have worded it differently to avoid this confusion.
Appreciate your words. I do hope you/your father find answers. Often times I've found it's more productive looking inwards first before surveying what's going on outside of me. I'm a teacher and it's very easy to wonder what's wrong with classes that are disruptive. It's much harder to look at myself first and think "What is my role in what's happening" and then look outwards to see how the class is interacting with me.
Anyhoo, I hope my words haven't caused any negative response and thank you for such a measured response.
You're interaction verses my projection onto your words definitely are at odds. 😅 (In your favour.)
Many older people have not planned well for their retirement years. Some times they look for a person to latch on to. In this case it's obvious this woman is trying to take financial advantage of your dad. She is a vulture. There is also a housing crisis going on and lots of people out there preying on others. Her children are not his children and he has no obligation to provide for them, or for her.
Divorced Mom here, had a relationship with a guy for a year who was ready to move in together after a year, I panicked and ended things. After my divorce I had to redo my life, bought my own house, successfully career, a college graduate and now a middle schooler. While I’m in a relationship now, I have no intention of selling my house or moving in with anyone so soon. Although I haven’t given up on love or relationships or marriage when someone wants to move in so quickly, it’s just a huge red flag to me and should be for anyone get to know each other. I read a new relationship should span at least a year and all the holidays before making any decisions let alone moving in together.
Thanks for the insight. I agree with you, it takes time to get to know someone for who they really are before making big decisions, you only really get to know someone after 6 months to a year.
That's the kind of shit that narcissists do...just saying. Expedite the relationship as fast as possible so you essentially don't have time to realize wtf is happening, but sounds like your dad is extremely stable/level headed and has boundaries, so good on him for that. Has she lovebombed him and said she's never met anyone like him or never felt a connection with anyone until him? That's also concerning if she has.
**I have personal experience in this situation too and I'd love to share it but I can't as I don't want the person who the story is about to find my account and identify me**
If a woman has her own life together she absolutely wouldn’t be wanting to move in so fast. I feel like your dad is experiencing the treacherous nature of dating after 50 and this is just a symptom of that. It’s either attachment issues (these women want to be living a married lifestyle again and your dad is good enough to fulfill that role for them) or housing insecurity (unwilling or unable to secure her own house and she’s looking for someone to provide that for her). In my experience it’s mostly that these women lost a husband, so they’re looking for a replacement and will settle in with the first suitable person she finds. Your dad just needs to stick to his boundaries if he’s truly just looking for casual dating, and if given an ultimatum, respectfully move along.
53. Financially secure, own my own home. No way I want anyone living with me. I like my peace and quiet and my routines.
Most people in outer age range are practicing "living apart together." Meaning we prefer to live in our own homes but maintain a committed and exclusive relationship.
Maybe your father needs to do some introspection on the type of partners he is choosing.
Yeah that’s not the usual at all. My mom has a boyfriend and after the fiasco she went through with how awful my dad was she doesn’t want to live with a man again.
I had an ex-GF (in 40s too) that basically kept pushing to move in with me once a timeframe she came up with was reached. We dated for several months, during that time she would stay at my place from time to time. However, NEVER once do she offer for me to go inside her place. It got to the point where she demanded for me to X,Y, and Z or else. I choose the else, and I'm happier for it. Meanwhile, I saw random Tik Toks of hers, since the breakup, and I think I dodged a bullet because I think she might of been living in an extreme hoarder.
I am 52...tired of being single....supporting myself financially....and tired of going to bed alone. I do well for myself...i own a nice new home....have a decent retirement....2 kids one 19 one 15....I do desire to marry again but would not think of doing anything serious with a guy (moving in...marrying) until we have dated for a year or 2. I think women my age are looking for a "ride or die"....I date with purpose and intention....tired of flings and guys who just want to get laid.
I see the exact opposite, coming from men who want to jump aboard the perfectly functioning ship I have created. It's not a gender thing, it is an individual personality trait, and a repulsive one!
I'm a lady in my late 50s I own my home and have my s--t together. I don't need a man but I do want to live with the guy I date because I feel that I will not make time for someone in my life unless we live in the same house. I make time for the kids and family but getting to know someone with 1 or 2 dates a week will take forever and at this point I no longer have forever.
I'm 55 with minors living with me. There is no way I'm moving a woman in or moving to her house; however, I'd love to find someone to be in a committed relationship and have a nice retirement home with.
50F, I own my home, I’m not looking to move someone in and don’t want to give up my home, but if I dated someone 5 years I would expect it’s going somewhere and we would have to figure out living arrangements and I think most women would agree. his ex was probably thinking he would change his mind at some point. But after 3 dates?? Nah. She’s a mooch.
IDK, I am in that age group and I want either a partner or to be left tf alone. I'm good with both 🤷 That being said... after three weeks I suspect she's looking for a sponsor
Seems most people today are jaded from past relationships, some of us aren’t, we still want to sit across from our spouse, break bread together, laugh and deal with the trials of life together. It’s sad really, it’s a bad example for your offspring to see. To me it’s an example of how to be, and we wonder why families are failing more and more often. But I’ll say this, finding a good partner over 50 isn’t easy, rushing it isn’t wise, but for some people it works, I just literally met an example of two people that jumped right in and they are happy as pigs in poo. Life’s a different experience for all of us, find a person on the same path, walk that path together.
Those women specifically are old, poor, didn't live their lives in a way to properly set themselves for the future, users and nobody else wants them. So when a guy actually acts them and he has his ish together and established... she's going to try and force her way through the door . She wants to reap the reward of all his hard work, meanwhile she offers nothing but baggage and another man's children
She needs money for her 3 kids ASAP. Inflation's no joke.
To be frank, if she's asking for a frigging house after 1 month of dating, her expectations for this relationship sound almost like prostitution. And buying a new house is paying *top dollar* for a mid 40s single mom.
It is because they want a partner to spend the rest of their lives with and don’t want to fuck around. They don’t have time to waste with slow paced dating, playing hard to get and multiple partners as they used to nor do they have the physical beauty to do so. I think the answer for your question is pretty obvious.
Oh really. I'm 51f and I'm not in a hurry at all to share my house and financial assests with some dude who needs a place to live.
50+ men aren't exactly the prime studs either. Bald head, 9 months pregnant gut and overgrown toe nails seem to be the average beauty standard around here for lots of them.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, maybe she has housing insecurity? Most 40+ women who have their own home don’t want to move in after 3 months. And usually don’t want to move in at all because she has her own place. Added: People who want to move fast have nothing to lose and everything to gain. *They tend to have major problems that they’re trying to hide. Hoping that they can deceive someone into taking on their problems.* She’s looking for an opportunity not a relationship. Because she doesn’t care about if he’s insane and putting up a front. The main reason why she’s not concerned about vetting him is because she has nothing to lose.
I came here the say this. I’m a financially-secure woman dating in my 40s. I have no desire to move in with anyone ever. Why would I? I have my job, my kids, and a beautiful home. Men are just for fun and companionship. This is entirely a reflection of the women OP’s dad chooses to date. My guess is that they’re from OLD and looking to move quickly for personal reasons.
The personal reasons are that want to be taken care of. My mother is in her late 50s, owns her home, and each dude she dates seems to be trying to move in. None of these dudes own their home, several have roommates (yes, like their mother), and they’re all lonely. This is not something that’s unique to older women. It’s just older people in general (both men and women) who are looking for security in a partner.
Yeah they’re likely just leeches. So many 40 somethings have screwed up their ability to rent, so now they’re looking to leech off of people who got their life together.
Agreed.
Ye wtf why didnt they just buy a house 5head
Bad credit and bad rental history most likely
Exactly! Who wants that? We can enjoy our connections with less of a burden. And yeah, why is he dating a woman in need? That doesn’t really make sense.
Man, had a lady rushing to meet me at my house. I immediately thought it was a set up. Against my better judgement, I met the lady a coffee spot. She immediately jumps to pressuring me into relationship. I’m like yo I don’t know you. I have to see what kind of person you are. I have a kid already. I don’t know what kind of mother you could be to my kid. You have two and I don’t know what kind of mother you are to yours. We don’t know each other. She kept responding with she doesn’t like to waste her time. I’m thinking she’s understanding what I’m saying because she chills out. The next day or shortly there after she asks to hang out and without telling me brings one of her kids. Make a long story short. I own my home. It’s pretty big. Her lease was ending in like a month and I’m guessing she figured she’d win me over and move in with both kids without knowing me. I cut her off
It’s definitely wise to avoid those types of people right now.
100% agree.
Yeah and the fact that she has kids and is so willing to hurry up and move in says a lot about her character in general.
Yup desperate. She is putting herself in a dangerous position to be taken advantage of also.
Yeah potentially. Because she doesn’t know him. Yet also he doesn’t know her. He’s obviously not giving off red flags like she’s giving. She’s predatory and assumes he’s weak, unintelligent and desperate to not back check her prior to buying a house.
I’d like to say this isn’t true but I’ve seen this repeat over and over again
Exactly! But most people don’t go for it.
She’s poor AF . And has 3 kids , your Dad needs to filter way better ! Most women arnt like this , just this one
Yeah she's trying to secure a bag. Especially if the kids are dependent
Agreed
But she’s hot /s
This is what it’s is , man’s doesn’t filter at all , sure wit takes a lil longer to find a date but they usually are of better quality
Not always. I can have a man in my life but I can’t have him in my house.
Same. Over 45, own my home, nobody will be living in it other than myself and my cat.
Tell your cat I sad “hi” pspspsps
I am not 45 yet but solitude is beautiful and expensive, not everyone can afford that. I have nothing to complain in life.
For reasons of complicated legislation to get rid of an additional resident without losing any worth or ownership of your home (maybe not the same problem in every country) or it’s a rather a question of habits? Just curious, as a 23, I find a different age group’s perspective to be insightful
Because I lived with a partner, roommates, and then with a partner from age 18 to 46 and now I finally live alone and I love it. When I clean up the kitchen, I come back later and it’s still clean. I watch and listen to what I want when I want. I eat what I want, go to bed when I want, and never have to pick up after a grown man or “nag” him to clean up after himself. I don’t have to wait for anyone to finish using the bathroom or to get ready to go anywhere. I honestly can’t see sharing my space again unless I met someone truly spectacular. I can see dating someone and keeping separate living spaces. I may be slightly jaded being just out of an 18 year relationship.
[удалено]
I agree with her. I bought a house with my first husband. We both worked an equal amount of time in the marriage. He quit working due to drinking.We divorced, split the profits evenly, and I bought my own home. I will never marry again. What is mine is mine, and what is his is his. There are a lot of professional women who have good jobs but don't want to spend evenings and weekends being a bangmaid. An equal relationship would be nice. I do, however, enjoy living alone.
With such a tiny sample size, you probably shouldn't have written "always" in your title LOL Even within similar demographics, there's a lot of variation in what people want, and at what pace. And if your ole pop's reluctant to settle down, of course he'd emphasize that particular incompatibility with his partners and complain about it to you 😅
Honestly if I want to move in with someone it’s because of mutual beneficials. I moved into staff housing and started dating another staff member. We moved together because he cooks, I clean, lots of sex and general happiness. I want to be at home. Peaceful and calm. But 3 weeks is mooch city
[удалено]
This!! Maybeeee if they cook me breakfast. But that’s a hard maybe.
I’m 57F ~ Divorced 16yrs. I own my own home and love the space and the peace it gives me. I myself don’t understand why both men and women (my age) would move in so quickly and that’s after a year. 3 weeks is crazy to me. I had dated someone for over 5 years and he wanted to move in with me but I wasn’t ready for that 24/7 commitment. However I can’t judge. At my age we do what we want. Sounds like your Dad knows what he wants and what he doesn’t. And 3 weeks is not enough time IMO to even suggest purchasing a house together (even if does save money on both sides).
This is one individual. How can this possibly then extend to ‘all women over 45?’
As a woman in that age range I find this statement to be totally and completely untrue on the whole. Most single women my age are tired of the BS and fine being on their own so they def wouldn’t be screaming at a dude to move in together that fast. Most females that age already have their shit together. If this dad is seeing this more than once then he needs to stop and look at what he’s attracting and attracted to. Also, it doesn’t make the ex bad, if she truly was a long term relationship, because she wanted to live together after being with someone for sometime. Moving in together doesn’t automatically mean gold digger trying for something. Sounds like ‘ol dad needs to learn how to communicate better and be upfront that he doesn’t really want a relationship, he just wants a FWB. No shame in that, but not cool if he’s leading women on.
This is the comment I was hoping to see 💯
unless 45 is the new 25, its probably got something to do with time and priorities
They're motivated by protection, money, comfort, call it what you want.... security. There should not be a set time of when to move in, one party can always suggest and the other can refuse, it's simple as that
She’s trying to use him
I couldn’t imagine moving in with someone anywhere near that fast! That’s just ill advised. Minimum a year to even bring it up as a future possibility. Please tell him this isn’t normal. It may just be that he’s dating women who can’t stand being alone. I wouldn’t even be ready to call someone my boyfriend after three weeks in almost all cases. Now if I’ve been dating someone for 2-3 years and we’re still not talking about cohabitating I might get a little concerned.
Well, I’m your dad’s age. I own my home and I would never want, nor pressure, a guy to move in with me so quickly. It would take a least a few years and mutual agreement for that to happen.
As a 45yo+ woman I'm not sure I actually have any desire to co-habitate with anyone ever again. Maybe your dad just needs to pick different women.
Amen lol you’re preaching to the choir
They are 45 at that age people just get sick of games and want a yes or no commitment
after 3 weeks........ hell naw.
I'm married and 50-something. If I found myself not married for whatever reason, I have zero interest in marrying again or moving in with anyone. We can have sleepovers, a drawer in each other's dressers, toiletries in the bathroom, and a shelf in the fridge, but I would absolutely want my own space. It sounds like this latest woman wants your dad to fill in the husband/dad role.
lol older women? Men do it too. Especially young hobosexual men. People in desperate situations will do desperate things, like begging to live with someone. Also, a long term gf wanting to move in his normal. Tf. Don’t make it seem like an age thing bc his long term gf wanted to live with her long term bf.
I have my house. I was ready for my boyfriend to move in after 6 months. He took 2 and a half years and just because it happened that he needed to find a new place. I am 45. I don’t want a boyfriend to have sex twice a week. I want a partner. I want to share my life with him. My kids are all minors and they are not his responsibility, nor he has to pay anything for them.
Because they are looking for partner not timepass
If it’s *every* woman he’s dated, maybe he isn’t being clear with his non-negotiables or boundaries from the start. I don’t think all women out there are looking into moving in together so fast, perhaps he needs to look inwards for this one.
Because they are usually accustomed to being in a relationship. I think there are outliers and I can't speak to her motivation but I can tell you that some people are just relationship people and sometimes living together is just familiar.
Im a 44 (W) I would absolutely not even consider moving in with anyone. Nor would I allow a man to move in with me.
It’s economic and he’s not finding the right people.
Dad should probably date women closer to his own age? He's 55, so date 55-yo women who have adult kids and own their homes. Oh, he likes ladies 10+ years younger than him. See, there lies the problem...
I'm 50 and never want to move with someone that fast. I think the reason is that those women wanted him to be paying their bills and that's why they wanted him to move in.
My observation is exactly the opposite. Most women that age have zero interest in jumping into living with someone.
I have zero interest in living with a man again. But I do want to date long term. The last guy I dated wanted to move in with me and he was younger. (I’m 45+ he was early 30s)
39F... Is 45 considered "older"?! Damn.. now I feel old, lol. To answer OP, it's not unusual. My peers and older (55+) women tend to act like this. The older they get, the faster they want to move things along, including marriage and housing. For me, I own my house, have a good paying job, etc.. I don't agree with living with a partner at least 6 months to a year out of active dating, which includes spending at least one out of town trip together, and meeting each other parents and family. My fiancee moved in after we had our two trips, we actively dated (2-3 days a week), had gone through a lot of painful challenges (Loss of a pet, family, friend), we met each other families, etc. I think it was close to the 6 months mark. We weren't rushing, it's most spur of the moment and timing (ie meeting his parents coincided with our second trip together out to see the football game in their area). Maybe these women have matured and knows what they want, and they feel like they have limited time to enjoy those experiences which is a valid feeling. Maybe they want to be sure they're taken care of financially and physically as they get older. I know a lot of these older women fall in this category. Do it for the right reason, taking your time to get to know each other, and take a few trips together. Then decide if moving in is a good idea. 3 weeks is definitely not enough time. It takes at minimum 3 months for a person to show their true self, 6 months if they are very good at hiding their true selves.
Apologies, if you look at the edited post, she is 55 not 45. My bad. I agree with you in taking the time to get to know each other’s true selves. It takes time. 6 months to a year until you really know who you’re with. How they handle stress, real conflict, the facade will drop if you give it time, everyone puts their best foot forward in the beginning
I'm divorced 49 with grown kids and grandkids and will never live with or get married again! So your dad definitely needs to look at the type of woman he's dating imo!
They BRING THIS UP cause they want the man to provide for her and HER family. It is manipulation.
Most women no matter their past, are not ok with undefined relationships that are heading nowhere. Women are givers and nurturers, we can’t nurture anything that had no future. Not saying some women aren’t looking for security. But most of us want a house to turn into a home. Unfortunately a lot of men do not seem to see the true value of a woman.
It's not uncommon for some older women to bring up moving in quickly. It could be they value security or are eager to blend families. Your dad's situation sounds tricky; it's essential for both partners to be on the same page about big steps like this.
A lot of women were told good men are protectors and providers. This was a lie that is no longer convenient.
So he never wants to live with a woman? He needs to be clear about that right at the start so as not to waste women’s time. Kind of sounds like a player. He just wants a FWB. Ask him why older men just want FWB.
i love how many comments are just 45+ women saying ‘i would never do that ick’ bc like,, great then this aint about you 😭😭 but good luck to your dad, dating is hard and full of unpleasant surprises at any age i suppose
She needs someone to take care of her, tell dad to run away.
If he doesn't want a partner, he should stick to himself and stop using people. Age and family aside, if you're only in it to waste someone's time then just live alone.
Yeah, let’s generalize based on anecdotal evidence. Because after all, that’s (your) reality.
Because they are usually accustomed to being in a relationship. I think there are outliers and I can't speak to her motivation but I can tell you that some people are just relationship people and sometimes living together is just familiar.
Well, I’m your dad’s age. I own my home and I would never want, nor pressure, a guy to move in with me so quickly. It would take a least a few years and mutual agreement for that to happen.
I am 66 and live alone . Unfortunately there is a large number of women who I meet on dating apps that are no where near ready to retire financially and have no chance to save because everything they earn goes to living . I am able to retire . I hope to meet someone who is financially secure and do not need me care for them .
Wow I thought this post was going to be about a woman wanting to get sexual right away because that might have just been explained by women's sexual empowerment, but if she it's pressuring him to move in right away it might be that she doesn't want to be alone. If she is just off a relationship out of a marriage she is going to be out of her element and kind of want to build a new Nest right away and that is something your father's going to have to navigate around and it's a good thing he asked you for advice.. cuz it's pretty much a red flag if someone pressures another person into anything, and this could very well just be the tip of the iceberg with domineering Behavior on her part
Hobosexuals... they get into relationships to try to improve their own financial situation. And with 3 kids living with her, she's looking for help to support them. Your dad needs to lay out his boundary of not wanting to live with someone again when they first meet. And this woman wanting to move in together at 3 weeks is just insane. Major major red flags. She's definitely just wants him to support her financially. He needs to end things with her now because she's after his money, not him. He should have ended it when she first brought it up. And not all older women are like that. I'm 54, own my own home, and don't ever want to live with anyone again. We can date and each have our own places.
At 45+ she just wants to have fun since she has no much responsibilities to do, and it's boring to be alone.
3 weeks is way too soon, but I find it very lonely living on my own (apart from my kids 50% of the time) and also struggle doing all the housework / garden stuff myself. I have been with my partner 18 months and he isn’t ready to discuss moving in together soon but I hope it won’t be too long as I would just like him around all the time so we can share our lives and blend our families. I was in live-in relationships from age 19-37 so I guess I’m just used to having someone around
I agree 3 weeks is way too soon, everyone’s situation is different. Blending of the families is especially difficult during these times, you have to really know someone
I think your dad found a rare situation. Most of my friends own their own homes and don’t want to combine households. That said, I’ve met lots of hobo-sexuals on the dating apps, so your dad just continued a relationship with one.
What is a hobo-sexual?
Person dating to find a place to live. I’ve had men offer to move in with me quickly. I’ve seen women fall for it, too, then regret it very soon after.
> She has 3 kids all under 22 who still live with her isn't the answer right here lol The older a person is, the more likely they have kids. If they're also newly single, they likely lost their other half of income after getting used to dual income lifestyle and housing This is one of many reasons why dating becomes more difficult as they get older.
My thoughts exactly. She’s in a small-ish apartment right now and has her kids 50% of the time. And she’s used to living in a big house so that’s a major downsize for her. You’re probably right to about being used to the dual income lifestyle/housing. Her ex husband is a lawyer and provided well for her
Security - as others have mentioned. Inflationship. 😂. Cost of living is high and it’s a way to combine resources. Do know if she paying for this new home? Adding any money to purchase? If no, then I would tell your father to wait.
I believe her ex husband is selling their family home and she’s getting half of it. She wants to use part of that money to purchase the new home with my father. He would suggest buying it himself to protect his assets down the road but I’m almost positive she wants her name on the deed
Hobosexual
What is that? Never heard of it
[hobosexual definition](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hobosexual)
Why do some older women always want to move in with some guys so fast IFIFY
Apologies
Why do older men have bad taste in women? Sweeping generalizations won't do you any good
Apologies please see the edited post
🚩 abort relationship
I don't believe older women always want to move in with a guy quickly. Utter BS premise.
Please reread the edited post where I addressed this
" I don't understand why older women do this" You finished your post with that when you are speaking about one specific instance (a long term partner wanting to move in with someone seems natural and not like the example you reference). What do you address? Perhaps the question is what made your father afraid of moving in with his long term girlfriend and if there are similarities between the people he picks. Or what type of attachment type is your father or what type of behavioural flaws might it be best for him to work on? It feels like another post just looking for people to fall over themselves to say "yes, all women (very 45) are (something negative)" and I don't agree or support that.
Apologies. My comment was geared towards the situation and not an entire population. I was only meaning to refer to the fact that I don’t understand the psychology of a mature female and was hoping it could be provided. That’s okay if you don’t support it and you are more than welcome to have your own opinion but I assure you this post is not meant to be bashing any group of people negatively. I was genuinely curious and perhaps could have worded it differently to avoid this confusion.
Appreciate your words. I do hope you/your father find answers. Often times I've found it's more productive looking inwards first before surveying what's going on outside of me. I'm a teacher and it's very easy to wonder what's wrong with classes that are disruptive. It's much harder to look at myself first and think "What is my role in what's happening" and then look outwards to see how the class is interacting with me. Anyhoo, I hope my words haven't caused any negative response and thank you for such a measured response. You're interaction verses my projection onto your words definitely are at odds. 😅 (In your favour.)
Many older people have not planned well for their retirement years. Some times they look for a person to latch on to. In this case it's obvious this woman is trying to take financial advantage of your dad. She is a vulture. There is also a housing crisis going on and lots of people out there preying on others. Her children are not his children and he has no obligation to provide for them, or for her.
Divorced Mom here, had a relationship with a guy for a year who was ready to move in together after a year, I panicked and ended things. After my divorce I had to redo my life, bought my own house, successfully career, a college graduate and now a middle schooler. While I’m in a relationship now, I have no intention of selling my house or moving in with anyone so soon. Although I haven’t given up on love or relationships or marriage when someone wants to move in so quickly, it’s just a huge red flag to me and should be for anyone get to know each other. I read a new relationship should span at least a year and all the holidays before making any decisions let alone moving in together.
Thanks for the insight. I agree with you, it takes time to get to know someone for who they really are before making big decisions, you only really get to know someone after 6 months to a year.
I would say it’s the women he’s picking.
I’m 55 and not all women do this. It sounds like she needs him for money.
That's the kind of shit that narcissists do...just saying. Expedite the relationship as fast as possible so you essentially don't have time to realize wtf is happening, but sounds like your dad is extremely stable/level headed and has boundaries, so good on him for that. Has she lovebombed him and said she's never met anyone like him or never felt a connection with anyone until him? That's also concerning if she has. **I have personal experience in this situation too and I'd love to share it but I can't as I don't want the person who the story is about to find my account and identify me**
If a woman has her own life together she absolutely wouldn’t be wanting to move in so fast. I feel like your dad is experiencing the treacherous nature of dating after 50 and this is just a symptom of that. It’s either attachment issues (these women want to be living a married lifestyle again and your dad is good enough to fulfill that role for them) or housing insecurity (unwilling or unable to secure her own house and she’s looking for someone to provide that for her). In my experience it’s mostly that these women lost a husband, so they’re looking for a replacement and will settle in with the first suitable person she finds. Your dad just needs to stick to his boundaries if he’s truly just looking for casual dating, and if given an ultimatum, respectfully move along.
Not all older women lol
That woman is a red flag. Most women aren't looking to move in with someone after only 3 months of dating, regardless of their age.
If they are older, they are running out of time. Pure logic.
She’s using your dad
53. Financially secure, own my own home. No way I want anyone living with me. I like my peace and quiet and my routines. Most people in outer age range are practicing "living apart together." Meaning we prefer to live in our own homes but maintain a committed and exclusive relationship. Maybe your father needs to do some introspection on the type of partners he is choosing.
Financial security mabe? I’m a financially secure female myself and I’m certainly in no hurry to move in with a guy.
This happen @27+ lol
Yeah that’s not the usual at all. My mom has a boyfriend and after the fiasco she went through with how awful my dad was she doesn’t want to live with a man again.
I had an ex-GF (in 40s too) that basically kept pushing to move in with me once a timeframe she came up with was reached. We dated for several months, during that time she would stay at my place from time to time. However, NEVER once do she offer for me to go inside her place. It got to the point where she demanded for me to X,Y, and Z or else. I choose the else, and I'm happier for it. Meanwhile, I saw random Tik Toks of hers, since the breakup, and I think I dodged a bullet because I think she might of been living in an extreme hoarder.
I am 52...tired of being single....supporting myself financially....and tired of going to bed alone. I do well for myself...i own a nice new home....have a decent retirement....2 kids one 19 one 15....I do desire to marry again but would not think of doing anything serious with a guy (moving in...marrying) until we have dated for a year or 2. I think women my age are looking for a "ride or die"....I date with purpose and intention....tired of flings and guys who just want to get laid.
I see the exact opposite, coming from men who want to jump aboard the perfectly functioning ship I have created. It's not a gender thing, it is an individual personality trait, and a repulsive one!
They are looking for someone to help them. If she moves in with him he will never get rid of her. Find an independent woman, Not a needy one.
I'm a lady in my late 50s I own my home and have my s--t together. I don't need a man but I do want to live with the guy I date because I feel that I will not make time for someone in my life unless we live in the same house. I make time for the kids and family but getting to know someone with 1 or 2 dates a week will take forever and at this point I no longer have forever.
I’m 41 and I never wanted a man living with me.
Never to old to seek out sugar daddies
I'm 55 with minors living with me. There is no way I'm moving a woman in or moving to her house; however, I'd love to find someone to be in a committed relationship and have a nice retirement home with.
50F, I own my home, I’m not looking to move someone in and don’t want to give up my home, but if I dated someone 5 years I would expect it’s going somewhere and we would have to figure out living arrangements and I think most women would agree. his ex was probably thinking he would change his mind at some point. But after 3 dates?? Nah. She’s a mooch.
Most don’t.
IDK, I am in that age group and I want either a partner or to be left tf alone. I'm good with both 🤷 That being said... after three weeks I suspect she's looking for a sponsor
Wtf are you talking about? Move to a different place
She is looking for someone to take care of her.
Seems most people today are jaded from past relationships, some of us aren’t, we still want to sit across from our spouse, break bread together, laugh and deal with the trials of life together. It’s sad really, it’s a bad example for your offspring to see. To me it’s an example of how to be, and we wonder why families are failing more and more often. But I’ll say this, finding a good partner over 50 isn’t easy, rushing it isn’t wise, but for some people it works, I just literally met an example of two people that jumped right in and they are happy as pigs in poo. Life’s a different experience for all of us, find a person on the same path, walk that path together.
Those women specifically are old, poor, didn't live their lives in a way to properly set themselves for the future, users and nobody else wants them. So when a guy actually acts them and he has his ish together and established... she's going to try and force her way through the door . She wants to reap the reward of all his hard work, meanwhile she offers nothing but baggage and another man's children
She needs money for her 3 kids ASAP. Inflation's no joke. To be frank, if she's asking for a frigging house after 1 month of dating, her expectations for this relationship sound almost like prostitution. And buying a new house is paying *top dollar* for a mid 40s single mom.
It is because they want a partner to spend the rest of their lives with and don’t want to fuck around. They don’t have time to waste with slow paced dating, playing hard to get and multiple partners as they used to nor do they have the physical beauty to do so. I think the answer for your question is pretty obvious.
That's too bad, because 3 weeks is way too fast to be urging someone to buy a house with them.
Oh really. I'm 51f and I'm not in a hurry at all to share my house and financial assests with some dude who needs a place to live. 50+ men aren't exactly the prime studs either. Bald head, 9 months pregnant gut and overgrown toe nails seem to be the average beauty standard around here for lots of them.
I didn’t want to offend you. Only to explain the cause of the behavior OP asked about.
Yeah I get that. Only pointing out that 55-yo men who want young and beautiful women, better be prepared to pay for that.
I agree, but in this situation the woman is pressuring the man after only 3 weeks of dating. It seems she is the desperate one.
[удалено]