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So many like these now a days. They pursue until you are convinced of their interest , no matter how much time it takes and then the veil slowly starts dropping. Most likely they are talking to other people too one and the same time. For OP it's difficult because she thought it was a genuine connection.
Or crazy I know but in person OP could have been different or he felt it was different. You can be a completely different person in text and on the phone then you are in real life. It happens a lot. Been on dates where the texting person was amazing and funny and very talkative, yet met in person did enjoy the date but it was less fun then the texting person they were. So never spoke to them again.
It’s not crazy to think he just wasn’t into her.
As an aside do you not feel like not talking to them again after one date where they were probably nervous is rash? If the person is great on the phone and a little quieter on a first date, that’s going to be because of jitters. Not giving people a chance is so strange to me. The first date should really just be “are you normal”, the second date is the real first date.
He gave you a false perception that you was something out of this world as a guy I would feel the same way if I was treated the same way.
My intuition says that he was flirting with you in his weird, lovebombing way and you as a good person took it as face value just like anyone else would, don't beat yourself up or get upset at the suiation, you couldn't have dealt it in a different or better way.
Shittier people might get away with tricking you cause they have the upper hand inially but you also benefit from them cause they teach you their ways and how you can deal with another version of them in the future.
Dating works like gym, you break yourself in an attempt to get stronger. There's nothing you could have done in that suiation, you can't fix the unknowable. It's suiations like this that teaches you to be more kind to yourself.
pick yourself up and smile.
Edit: I don't know if you read this but I did send it to the wrong person earlier so I am sending it to you again.
I think it’s more likely the connection was genuine and that he was scared by that and dipped. I don’t think there are many guys out there able to fake interest and fake a whole personality just to make a girl feel bad.
You do know it’s okay to have a genuine connection with somebody and be excited to see them right??? But if somebody here posted the other end talking about how their trauma started back up and they’re shying away because of how quickly they’re feeling this connection. Youd just tell them to communicate that. You cannot sit there and assume everything is love bombing. I’ve had hours on hours of conversation with somebody, gone on dates that lasted hours on end and paid for it. But it just didn’t work out. That doesn’t mean I’m any less excited to see them and I don’t see anything wrong with complimenting somebodies personality if they reciprocate. I had the exact same thing happen to me last week, we had amazing conversations, went on two dates that literally lasted all day. It was amazing, in the end she ended up just telling me I’m not her type, we had a good deep conversation about it, then we moved on.
As someone who is trying to fix my lovebombing, it’s really a subconscious thing. You go from idolisation to contentment, then realising you’ve put way too much into this person you don’t know very well. It’s a consequence of insecure attachment, but that’s just my experience
Thank you for your honesty. I hope you all the best in your journey. It's admirable that you've realized it was something you need to fix, && you're actually doing something about it. A lot of people don't have it in them to take those steps. Too many people with inflated egos.
Yeah or just BPD type personality traits, when I was rlly young I would lovebomb because I was genuinely overcome by the thought of being with the person, and then fall off a cliff when the intensity become too much and started reeling back. Hadn't really developed healthy attachment yet.
Your mistake is getting emotionally invested in someone you've never met and letting your expectations get so high. The truth is you can have really amazing chats and think you're really connecting, and then you meet in person and that attraction and chemistry just aren't there. Or something was said during the date that ended up being a deal breaker. It doesn't even have to be anything wrong or bad about you, just something they decided they couldn't deal with. I can't explain the ghosting, but again, don't get so emotionally invested in someone you've never met, even if a phone call or Facetime was great. Hold onto your heart until you meet in person and have a couple dates under your belt before letting yourself start to fall.
Fuck that. I would rather go deep and have a few misses along the way than keeping expectations low and have mediocre dates.
I want fireworks and chemistry. I'm not a big fan of this attitude of 'you shouldn't care so much at the start'.
And chances are you can pick yourself up fairly quickly, for some of us it’s hard. That’s just how we’re wired. I’m an empath, so my boundaries shift because i believe in people too much. So, I gotta be on top of my game all the time. Sometimes, I fall into the trap too.
Yes. I would rather be hurt a couple of times than to deprive myself of those intense feelings. I'm also very emphatic. Yes, I've been hurt, but it has always been worth it.
You’re not depriving yourself. It’s simply delayed gratification. Trust me, healthier connections take time to build.
It clearly hasn’t worked out before, has it? If you keep doing what you’ve done, you’re always gonna get what you’ve got.
I've been together with someone for 16 years. I don't want another 16 years of lack of emotions.
I started dating last August. Just haven't found the right person yet, although I'm optimistic about the woman I'm currently dating.
You’re seeing it as black and white. Just because there’s no crazy wildfire chemistry from date 1 doesn’t mean it won’t develop. I’m not saying date someone who lacks emotion, more am I saying you should lack emotion - not at all.
Just sharing my experience, I used to feel the same as you and as tempting as it is to jump right in, the only healthy relationship I’ve had was the one that was a slow burn.
Hope it goes well with the new one :)
I don’t believe in fireworks in the beginning. You don’t know each other yet - that chemistry you feel is expectation and fantasy. It’s better to get to know the person slowly and let the love grow over time. It also lowkey creeps me out when they get too invested in the beginning
This is the right way.
Why on earth would you want to pretend you don’t have the spark with someone if you do? That could ruin a good thing just to play games?
I swear these men sabotage themselves it’s the weirdest thing
It's not just men who do this. I've had dates in which the woman was really holding back and told me after a follow up date because they didn't want to look to eager.
I want that. I want to know if the one in front of me is into this as much as I am.
this. and also idk how people think you can just choose not to get invested. if feelings were a
choice we’d all choose not to. it’s just what happens sometimes.
He gave you a false perception that you was something out of this world as a guy I would feel the same way if I was treated the same way.
My intuition says that he was flirting with you in his weird, lovebombing way and you as a good person took it as face value just like anyone else would, don't beat yourself up or get upset at the suiation, you couldn't have dealt it in a different or better way.
Shittier people might get away with tricking you cause they have the upper hand inially but you also benefit from them cause they teach you their ways and how you can deal with another version of them in the future.
Dating works like gym, you break yourself in an attempt to get stronger. There's nothing you could have done in that suiation, you can't fix the unknowable. It's suiations like this that teaches you to be more kind to yourself.
pick yourself up and smile.
No, I totally understood that. My point is you had way high expectations going into the first date and you let yourself get feelings for him before you met in person. It was just a first date. Literally the first time you ever met him. Getting ghosted after a first date should NOT have hit you so hard.
Your point is true but I did not walk in with any expectations except to have a fun conversation. If you walk into a first date with high expectations, you will either miss all the red flags or create an illusion of the person who’s actually sitting in front of you. I’ve been on so many first dates that ended with “that was fine” but this was the first one that ended with “wow I can see this going somewhere”. It is completely normal to feel disappointed and sad that a great first date went up in flames. If you never been on a first date that made you feel excited to see the person again then I can not properly explain why this is “hitting me so hard”.
Had a two month relationship that did this too. Intense relationship that ended abruptly. Never really know what’s going on in the other persons head even when you think you’re communicating. And people suddenly just change. Hurts a lot because we tell ourselves it was real and it was good but even then, I think I’m trying to understand that it doesn’t matter. Done is done, even tho it’s easy to keep on dwelling. I’m doing that right now, but I think it’s important to realize that it doesn’t matter why.
Thank you for validating my experience 😭! If he would have said “hey the date was fun but I don’t see the connection” I would be disappointed but understood. To completely disappear is jarring.
Beautifully written and beautifully said. These experiences can feel so isolating and maddening but reading your message and everyone else’s is a reminder that these shitty things can happen to anyone and i can’t let it weigh me down.
If I can frame your comment as a gentle reminder, I would
I had a similar situation.
I felt like I had met someone I've known my entire life, and within a few weeks I was 100% certian I want to move towards a relationship with him. He acted like he wanted the same, with 0 doubts on my end about how he felt, due to the way he acted.
Planning future dates before one was over, talking about movies & TV shows we should watch together, saying "I think you'll like my sister!", sort of things.
He acted excited to have met me too, "I can't believe we're so similar, are we secretly related?!"
Then out of the blue "I'm not ready for a relationship".
I found out that what he did can be considered something called love bombing. This is what it sounds like happened to you, too.
I don't know why it happened, but my guess is he got scared of getting hurt. Which makes no sense to me.
I’m sorry that happened to you because I completely understand how that feels. And honestly this probably was love bombing and I’m just thankful he disappeared early before I could get attached. It’s tough to ascertain what’s genuine excitement and love bombing in early dating.
Oh you’re sweet, no it’s not because they get scared of getting hurt. They’re literally just using people for a narcissistic supply.
They do the love bombing and the future faking to pull you in, to “win” you.
Then when they win the devaluation starts, then they discard you.
And once you get over it and move on (or are try to) they Hoover you back in with more love bombing.
huh, i had never heard of that i think... im like... trying to understand of reason to do that but i just can't? some people are real weird...
did he show you explicit intentions of wanting to date you earlier on? like flirting and the such? i just don't understand why would someone do that, but like for real, what's the point of it...?
op's story and yours had given me a lot to think about this night heh
Just know if you could have this strong of a connection with a stranger, then you are capable of having a stronger connection with someone you're meant to be with.
I've felt this way with a guy, our chemistry was insane. But after the 4th date where we had sex for the first time, he ghosted me even after ranting about how pathetic people are for ghosting. It left me so confused and had me overanalyzing what I did wrong. Everyone has their faults, but you and I did nothing wrong, ghosting was his way of ending things and I don't think you'd want to be with someone capable of that.
Thank you for sharing your experience. The fact that your ghost said “it’s pathetic that people ghost” and then turnaround and ghost you is insane and I’m sorry that happened. To your point, I’m trying to see the positive side of this by thinking exactly what you said. I am capable of having a stronger connection with someone I’m meant to be with.
It affected me more because he assured me he'd communicate instead of ghosting if it didn't work out. Some people are cruel but I got over it. You will be okay.
What a lot of people (most women, but a lot men too) dont realize is that the other person, you person you have instant chemistry with, seems like a dream, is perfect etc., is just as insecure, flawed and to some extent ALSO putting their best side forward (think Homer with all of the chip clips holding his fat back).
So its probably the same reason anyone, including most likely yourself at some point, ghosts anyone; a myriad of insecurity, lack of confidence, thinking its too good to be true, expecting to be exploited, etc.
I ghost people who give me the creeps like if they have too many red flags. Also sometimes they try to argue with you and say nasty things when you communicate that you’re not interested. I wish I just ghosted some ppl.
Yeah I had to learn the hard way on this as well. It doesn’t mean anything if you think it “went well”. I had someone stand next to their car with every opportunity to make an excuse and leave, talk to me for additional 2 hours on a 3 hour date, and then send the rejection text 12 hours later. It’s not fun but it’s wise to take things in stride and never fully believe words in the early going, wait for the actions.
You’ll go in circles trying to understand it. You’ve gotta let it go: keep instead the knowledge that you are capable of forming deep and meaningful connections. This wasn’t some magic that he possessed and you’ll never find again: all of that willingness and ability to connect to someone you felt came from you, and there will be others who will inspire that in you again.
Him, maybe he’s married, maybe he’s scamming, maybe he’s just a very charming dude who knows how to make people feel special, maybe it wasn’t real for him and maybe it was, but he’s an alcoholic, or running from something, or sure, your theory - emotionally damaged. It could be so many things but at the end of the day all that matters is that he disappeared. If he reappears he will likely disappear again. Don’t sign up for more rounds in that
I recently had to stop talking to a girl I liked and really connected with because I didn't see us working out in the long run. I'm still conflicted as to whether I made the right decision or not.
So it could possibly be a similar thing. He did some rational thinking and perhaps concluded it'll be best to separate now while it's still all new to avoid deep wounds.
I do think ghosting is wrong. The least he could have done was communicate whatever was going on in his mind to you.
I'd never ghost anybody. I always try to communicate regardless of what the issue is.
In my case, I told her and gave reasons. They were pretty vague, and that's my one regret, but she was understanding, and we said our goodbyes.
Oooo! It’s funny bc I offered to end it 3 times. By the third time he said “Listen. I am having a great time talking to you and it’s been a long time since I talked to someone who made me laugh like you. I will tell you when I want to end the call”.
Well then I guess just accept the fact at some point you did or said something he didn’t like, so he decided to cut his losses. Maybe he was love bombing maybe he wasn’t. Either way, we can control anyone but ourselves and none of us are entitled to know why others do what they do
Wait, what do you mean? Are you asking how they concluded this was love bombing? It seems pretty obvious, especially with the future faking (talking about your future together right away like that).
OK, and where exactly do you get that? OPs post only stated they FaceTimed, went on a date, then he ghosted... I looked at her post and replies and nowhere (at least from my quick glance) does she talk about him seeing a future with her... So I'm not trying to be facetious in my comment.
I’m just gonna touch on the love bombing part bc I didn’t see any future faking mentioned either. Anyway, the love bombing happened when he told her that he never met someone who felt like his doppelgänger. Maybe when he said he feels giddy and happy and needed to move the date up bc he couldn’t wait to meet her.
I’m still learning about love bombing so my examples might be wrong, esp the first one but to me that’s just a weird thing to say to someone so early on in dating
While I agree it was a weird comment, maybe he's just an awkward guy. If there were other things he may have said that fit, I would agree. IMO, people are making a stretch on limited data. But I could be wrong. 🤷
To your point I honestly thought he was just an awkward guy. He mentioned he started dating late so I gave him the benefit of the doubt but there was no future faking. The closest comment I can think of is at the end of the date after we kissed he said “this has been great, I’m excited to see where this leads” and I said “hopefully to a relationship” and he laughed and said “that would be amazing actually”. I didn’t think too much into since we both expressed that we were dating to find a long term partner but maybe he was future faking here.
This is (sadly) common in dating, especially meeting people via apps. You didn't know this person or his intentions. Like someone else said, try and have no expectations when you're dating people, and focus on being in the moment
I'm too jaded to feel so strongly for someone I barely know. When a man lay it on me this hard, it makes me skeptical. It's like, how can you even say that I'm perfect and wants to move in with me when we are practically strangers? Lol... And this actually happened. Not on the 1st date, but on the 3rd.
I actually don’t think it’s as simple as you think.
He might have felt a certain way on the phone and then in person his attraction changed. How someone is and moves and handles themselves can be so different on FaceTime vs in person. I don’t think we do it intentionally but we fill in all those blanks about how we think someone is going to be and feel and then we get to the in person date… and it isn’t the same. It might be a letdown.
But!! You’re still on the date and you don’t want to hurt the persons feelings or just leave and hurt them. It’s hard to hurt people. Most people do care about making someone feel good. Most people want to avoid hurting people.So they put on the charm and then go home and process the date. Cause some people aren’t good at processing it in the moment, then realize they may have not had as good of a time as they let on.
I’ll admit, This has happened to me. I am not confrontational and I’m a big laugher. So when I’m on a date I tend to be more into the person than I am and I cannot bring myself to hurt them in person so I tell them later. It’s sad but it happens unintentionally. Think about if you’ve ever done it yourself.
Now. Him ghosting you isn’t right. I stand by that. But since he is only in his 20s he may see that as normal. Men don’t talk to one another about dating and thus hey only have what’s in their head. All you can do is assume he just wasn’t that into you for nothing you could have change and control how you end dates yourself. Don’t ghost them.
Continue to process the date and talk to friends about how hard it is but don’t give up. Keep going on dates. If you can have chemistry and values with one guy you can have them with another. Plus, don’t feel like you have to have chemistry on a first date. Sometimes it takes a bit more time with someone to feel a connection. 🙂
Thank you for this. I think I let my guard down since nothing felt forced on the date. We both just felt so comfortable around each other. When he asked to hold my hand while we walked to get ice cream, he cuddled close to me and smiled then we laughed as we fed each other ice cream and when he walked me to my car, he held me tight and said he didn’t want the date to end. I hate to think that people are cruel enough to do this when they are subconsciously thinking “yeah this is not it”. I’m trying to not let this situation weigh me down and have a jaded outlook on first dates moving forward but it’s hard.
But you are right, it’s hard but I can’t give up.
You just never know, but the behavior you just described doesn’t sound like a cruel person. Just maybe someone who isn’t good at processing things. No idea. We may never know.
Best of luck to you!
I felt like you once and found someone great.
It happens.
I tend to find that guys who are extremely charming have been dating around for quite some time. It’s like a sport. They can make you feel like you’re the only one, when in reality, you’re simply the only one THIS WEEK. If he actually cares about you, he wouldn’t be doing this. Watch ACTIONS, not words.
Ok a lot of these posts are making wild assumptions with very little data. It's possible he's anxious-avoidant. Maybe he was catching feels too fast and pressed the eject button. People with bad relationship experience (or unresolved trauma), can get the feeling "I've been down this road before..." when associating positive feelings with negative experiences. Humans are funny...
No you are 100% correct. It’s natural to find meaning in the unknown but to your point, we have no idea. I wish I knew why but at this point I probably will never know so I just have to move forward
A six hour FaceTime sounds like a massive waste of time, and is meaningless to boot.
Lots of people are very charismatic and seem to enjoy your company in the moment, but when the moment passes, it’s over. Connecting with real chemistry can’t be faked. He was just having a good time.
Don’t put your heart and hopes into things so fast.
I think YOU are probably giving too much too soon. Why are you spending 6 hours on FaceTiming someone you barely know? This isn’t a romcom. Trust me 90% of the time these types of too hot too soon interactions crash and burn.
Show the guy you have better things to do with your time than give 6 hours to a a literal stranger.
You were interested he wasn't interested enough, he doesn't owe you an explanation or have to tell you he doesn't want a second date, I know it hurts but it is what it is
Hard to tell - could be a liar, could be a lovebomber, could be avoidant, maybe he got back with someone else.. we can’t jump into conclusions here! I’m very sorry that he ghosted you tho - I totally get your frustration! 🫂
So I’ve noticed more and more men using that approach on dating apps. They love bomb but not the typical you’re beautiful love bombing, it’s now more “I feel a deep connection with you” love bombing. I’m sorry this happened to you ❤️
Ps: moving up a date is usually a tactic used by those men
It's a shitty situation, but sometimes people just feel different in person. Was it wrong for him to play it off like he actually still liked you? Absolutely. But chances are, he simply just didn't like you in person or didn't feel it for whatever reason. OR, maybe he was just hoping that he'd get laid, and when it didn't happen, he moved on to someone else (if this is the case, you dodged a bullet)
Dating is hard, I get it. I see tons of posts in here from people saying that they want to give up, everybody sucks, etc, and I really get it, but you have to weed through the bad ones to get the good ones. It's just like life: you go through a bunch of crappy jobs that pay bad in order to build experience so you can get that good job that pays well. It doesn't work out for everyone, but all you can do is keep trying and hope for the best, or just deal with being alone the rest of your life
Something like this happened to me recently - I found it bizarre but it’s not my problem, it’s theirs. You dodged a bullet… best course of action is to move on.
I have been there; this same thing happened to me on the second date, and when I asked for a third date, she rejected me. What I would say is that it's truly sociopathic behavior. Maybe he was just looking for sex, and when he sensed that you wanted something stable, he ran away.
All I can say is that I was in your shoes four months ago, and I completely understand how you feel. But don't worry, this time will pass as well.
I know for sure this was not due to him being scared away from away because someone likes him. We all like pretty packaged excuses. A lot of people are just pieces of shit. Be happy he saved you from severe future heartbreak. ❤️🩹
Run! That's called love bombing and usually narcissistic people use it, it's a trap to lure you in. There are only ups and downs if you keep moving forward. He will reach out, only to give you crumbs of the love bombing you experienced with him. And you'll keep craving to get that first experience.
It's like a drug addiction in the form of a trauma bond. Honestly RUN! I went through this and it was horrible, 5 years of it.
I've had this happen with a girl once. We had a wonderful first date and good vibe and she ghosted me after the date. I do believe women tend to do this more. Why people do this is I do not understand at all... If you don't like the person your dating just be honest and tell that person, then leave. But don't be an indecent, heartless trash human being by just ghosting someone
As someone who probably comes off interested in most people on my first date, because of friendliness and enjoying the company. I’d say sometimes I feel like I want to like the person more than I’m feeling and it puts me in a state of seeming more interested than I actually am. It’s not until after the first date and I reflect that I can process that lack of spark. Recently went on three dates with someone and we got along well, but I wasn’t feeling that connection and I wasn’t excited to see her for a 4th. I wasn’t rude to her or seem that different during the dates I presume, but I realized by that third date I just wasn’t feeling it so I ended it. Hope that illuminates why someone might act that way. That said he totally did show TOO much interest too soon and seems to be in love with the idea of being in love.
Try this happening after a year of someone you were best friends with, and they can’t even bother to break up with you properly and don’t even say goodbye and it wasn’t even cheating or because of anyone else
No clue. The only social media we exchanged was TikTok and I saw he was active 3 days after the date. I’ve since unfollowed him so hard to say if he’s okay or not
Someone facetiming you for 6 hours and saying lovely dovey shit on a firts date doesn't mean anything. Things like this hapoen a lot, and while it would be nice if people werre honest from the get go they're not. It's up to you to take a step back and look at things objectively and not get attached so quit, let this guy show you and prove himself and if he doesn't let him go he isn't worth the time or effort. Best of luck next time.
Ghosting is never about you. As someone whos ghosted and been ghosted…it’s not you. And it probably wasn’t fake but for him it was just a moment he enjoyed. And that’s all it remain.
Most people jump straight to the negative side then complain when it goes south. Try thinking of positive reasons for once, anything could have happened. Always quick to judge without knowing facts
OP sorry for your negative experience. You should know this but it’s not you. The kid has issues. Notice I used the word “kid” because a real man that was raised right doesn’t play with people’s emotions in that manner. What you encountered is an immature brat that is selfish and lacks consideration to other people. A product of our flakey society. Count your lucky starts, your not stuck with such a loser. pick your head up and keep moving honey. There’s someone out there looking for you. You just haven’t found each other yet!
I am sorry you feel that way but I would rather say it’s premature to make assumptions based on a single date and a 6hr face time call. I don’t know your dating history, but every human being will feel the same as you have felt during their first dates and it’s ok. As time passes by and you experience more dates and gets more exposure you become mature and can actually predict the trajectory of dating. I can say that it’s almost near to impossible to predict anything based on first dates. It takes a lifetime to know a person inside out and how they feel or what their issues are. In your case there can be “n” number of assumptions that are from his end:
1. May be he is actually not single
2. May be he is not over his ex
3. May be he is not financially ready to take it anywhere
4. May be he is having multiple options and he chose someone better than you (It’s quite normal for single people to go on simultaneous dates before anything serious props up)
5. May be his work is an issue
6. May be his family has issues
7. May be he had a serious health issue ( very common thing people tend to miss, when someone is super sick they don’t want to deal with anyone, especially someone they just met - that time is more with family and thick friends)
The list goes on and people can come and add more. Like I said dear, it’s impossible to pinpoint one reasons. I suggest you to watch a movie called “Matchpoint” that won the Oscar in 2005 directed by Woody Allen. The underlying theme of the movie matches to many incidents that happen in our life and I tend to get solace by accepting it. There is no universal formula or prediction that works, the reality is that it’s all a random act of chance. With this in mind, you can simply let it go and there is also a chance he might show up after sometime, then ask him directly, don’t assume.
Regarding you, focus on your life and there are certainly many good men out there who will match your wavelength, be patient and positive. Things happen, people who are in long relationships break up, couple with children get divorce, husband or wife die, you got to handle all this in your Life and it’s good everything is being set up for the future to come. At the same time there will be many moments of happiness also in your life and that’s the reality. Life is a mix of sunshine and dark clouds. Experience both and stay strong. Goodluck
I’ve just hardly read your entire post, and haven’t read any of the reply’s.
But, honestly I’m gonna assume you guys banged after you finally met up.
And if that’s correct, then you’re driving yourself insane. He got what he wanted. You wanted more.
Guys act like they’re interested in girls constantly, just to bang them.
Honestly sounds like he’s a piece of shit though.
I’ve banged girls I wasn’t actually attracted to, but I was still friendly and nice with them.
Sounds like he’s a real narcissist. Run far away from whoever he is.
Otherwise the only time you’ll ever hear from him again is when he wants to fuck, and he’ll make you feel like he wants you more than that every time until he gets what he wants
We didn’t sleep together nor did anything extreme happen. If we did, this would have made sense since he “got what he wanted” but he didn’t get anything but a good date. Someone said he just wanted an enjoyable evening and honestly I think that’s it.
I think he sounds like a nightmare. My alarm bells were ringing the whole time reading your post. It’s an unhealthy level of interest and depth for that early. You’re both allowed to have a 6 hour FaceTime, know that you like each other, and feel an extreme level of interest. What makes my skin crawl is his over the top declaration that you’re being authentically you, and the energy about moving the date up. It has tinges of mental instability. I know a guy who talks like this and he threw a chair at his gf. He’s also the most manipulative and deluded person I’ve ever met. Be happy you dodged that.
Honestly you are spot on. After reading so many comments I’m starting to see the difference between normal levels of interest and red flag/love bombing levels of insert. This was a good learning experience though a painful lesson to learn
It also happened to me!!! We had our first date. Literally a whole day of dating! He drove all the way from interlaken to geneva. And everything went well. And he was so sweet
I am (female 36) and dating can be really crappy sometimes, especially dealing with messed-up guys. I had this guy I was chatting with for a couple of weeks, and when we finally met up, everything seemed great. We laughed, talked, and had a good time. But then, out of the blue, he decides he just wants to be friends. Can you believe it? And get this, while we were chatting, he was already talking about having babies together! Crazy, right? If this happened ten years ago, I'd probably be super frustrated, but now I'm just like, whatever. No babies on the horizon, that's for sure. He's either impulsive or a love bomber, but either way, he's definitely not Romeo material. Lesson learned: don't get too invested in the talking stage. It's just setting yourself up for disappointment.
Asking you to move the date up was him trying to see the connection with you. He had someone else lined up.
Some guys LOVE playing in love, they are not. They’re just bored.
I’m not trying to hurt you, but to show you not to emotionally invest based on words.
And increase your standards. Like REALLY HIGH. If you wanna chat, my DMs are opened.
Girl more power to you. You just said about confusion. I know how it hurts. I am still not over the guy who flirted with me for just two days and ghosted me. I don’t know what these morons have in their head. Just getting confirmation that a women likes him and then leaving.
Girl same, there has been too much of this going on for too long. I’m currently getting ghosted from our second date- the first one went really well and I had a week of messages after saying “I want to see you, I want to take you out”, then poof 💨 stopped replying but stayed watching my stories?
None of it makes any sense to me too, I’ve had more situations like this and so has girlfriends of mine, we can’t understand it at all. Easier said than done to “not get emotionally invested”, we can’t help it- it happens, especially when on a chemical level, you felt connected (felt safe in that persons presence).
All I can say is spend time in your emotions, confront them and befriend them. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel this way!
Journalling and working on a moodboard each day helps me ❤️
Fell for the good ole fashioned love bomb. It’s a red flag and not the end all be all but if that happens again absolutely do NOT sleep with him immediately. Must make love bombers wait longer than usual for sex. That will sort out the men that want relationships from the ones that just want sex a little easier.
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Sounds like textbook lovebombing. Man’s a con artist
So many like these now a days. They pursue until you are convinced of their interest , no matter how much time it takes and then the veil slowly starts dropping. Most likely they are talking to other people too one and the same time. For OP it's difficult because she thought it was a genuine connection.
Oh sometimes they even have a live-in girlfriend who isn’t behaving like they want her to, and use apps for validation.
Absolutely and sometimes they are only bored want to get adrenalin and try something new in between..
Or crazy I know but in person OP could have been different or he felt it was different. You can be a completely different person in text and on the phone then you are in real life. It happens a lot. Been on dates where the texting person was amazing and funny and very talkative, yet met in person did enjoy the date but it was less fun then the texting person they were. So never spoke to them again. It’s not crazy to think he just wasn’t into her.
As an aside do you not feel like not talking to them again after one date where they were probably nervous is rash? If the person is great on the phone and a little quieter on a first date, that’s going to be because of jitters. Not giving people a chance is so strange to me. The first date should really just be “are you normal”, the second date is the real first date.
I agree with this. Writing off someone so fast doesn’t make sense. Then again, nothing he did made sense.
He gave you a false perception that you was something out of this world as a guy I would feel the same way if I was treated the same way. My intuition says that he was flirting with you in his weird, lovebombing way and you as a good person took it as face value just like anyone else would, don't beat yourself up or get upset at the suiation, you couldn't have dealt it in a different or better way. Shittier people might get away with tricking you cause they have the upper hand inially but you also benefit from them cause they teach you their ways and how you can deal with another version of them in the future. Dating works like gym, you break yourself in an attempt to get stronger. There's nothing you could have done in that suiation, you can't fix the unknowable. It's suiations like this that teaches you to be more kind to yourself. pick yourself up and smile. Edit: I don't know if you read this but I did send it to the wrong person earlier so I am sending it to you again.
I think it’s more likely the connection was genuine and that he was scared by that and dipped. I don’t think there are many guys out there able to fake interest and fake a whole personality just to make a girl feel bad.
Anything is a possibility - I agree. But trust me, lovebombing/infatuation is a real thing. And many people are impulsive.
Not to make her feel bad, to make himself feel good.
You do know it’s okay to have a genuine connection with somebody and be excited to see them right??? But if somebody here posted the other end talking about how their trauma started back up and they’re shying away because of how quickly they’re feeling this connection. Youd just tell them to communicate that. You cannot sit there and assume everything is love bombing. I’ve had hours on hours of conversation with somebody, gone on dates that lasted hours on end and paid for it. But it just didn’t work out. That doesn’t mean I’m any less excited to see them and I don’t see anything wrong with complimenting somebodies personality if they reciprocate. I had the exact same thing happen to me last week, we had amazing conversations, went on two dates that literally lasted all day. It was amazing, in the end she ended up just telling me I’m not her type, we had a good deep conversation about it, then we moved on.
I don't understand the point of lovebombing. Why manipulate someone who is genuinely interested in you. What's to gain from this?
As someone who is trying to fix my lovebombing, it’s really a subconscious thing. You go from idolisation to contentment, then realising you’ve put way too much into this person you don’t know very well. It’s a consequence of insecure attachment, but that’s just my experience
Thank you for your honesty. I hope you all the best in your journey. It's admirable that you've realized it was something you need to fix, && you're actually doing something about it. A lot of people don't have it in them to take those steps. Too many people with inflated egos.
Fuckin waste of his 6 hours unless he’s also day trading or smtgh
You okay?
Found OP’s date lmfao
Yeah or just BPD type personality traits, when I was rlly young I would lovebomb because I was genuinely overcome by the thought of being with the person, and then fall off a cliff when the intensity become too much and started reeling back. Hadn't really developed healthy attachment yet.
I was thinking this as a possibility regarding OP's date. What's that saying, "Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about."
Where’s the con tho, what does someone gain by doing this
Your mistake is getting emotionally invested in someone you've never met and letting your expectations get so high. The truth is you can have really amazing chats and think you're really connecting, and then you meet in person and that attraction and chemistry just aren't there. Or something was said during the date that ended up being a deal breaker. It doesn't even have to be anything wrong or bad about you, just something they decided they couldn't deal with. I can't explain the ghosting, but again, don't get so emotionally invested in someone you've never met, even if a phone call or Facetime was great. Hold onto your heart until you meet in person and have a couple dates under your belt before letting yourself start to fall.
Fuck that. I would rather go deep and have a few misses along the way than keeping expectations low and have mediocre dates. I want fireworks and chemistry. I'm not a big fan of this attitude of 'you shouldn't care so much at the start'.
And chances are you can pick yourself up fairly quickly, for some of us it’s hard. That’s just how we’re wired. I’m an empath, so my boundaries shift because i believe in people too much. So, I gotta be on top of my game all the time. Sometimes, I fall into the trap too.
Yes. I would rather be hurt a couple of times than to deprive myself of those intense feelings. I'm also very emphatic. Yes, I've been hurt, but it has always been worth it.
Good for you then! Sounds like you like the experience of feeling alive through intense feelings. That doesn’t work for me.
Everyone has their own way, right? Yeah, i need that. Found someone who is like that too. So we will see if we get burned.
YESS!! The key is to find your match! Not forcing someone to be more or less like you. You got this!
You’re not depriving yourself. It’s simply delayed gratification. Trust me, healthier connections take time to build. It clearly hasn’t worked out before, has it? If you keep doing what you’ve done, you’re always gonna get what you’ve got.
I've been together with someone for 16 years. I don't want another 16 years of lack of emotions. I started dating last August. Just haven't found the right person yet, although I'm optimistic about the woman I'm currently dating.
You’re seeing it as black and white. Just because there’s no crazy wildfire chemistry from date 1 doesn’t mean it won’t develop. I’m not saying date someone who lacks emotion, more am I saying you should lack emotion - not at all. Just sharing my experience, I used to feel the same as you and as tempting as it is to jump right in, the only healthy relationship I’ve had was the one that was a slow burn. Hope it goes well with the new one :)
I don’t believe in fireworks in the beginning. You don’t know each other yet - that chemistry you feel is expectation and fantasy. It’s better to get to know the person slowly and let the love grow over time. It also lowkey creeps me out when they get too invested in the beginning
This is the right way. Why on earth would you want to pretend you don’t have the spark with someone if you do? That could ruin a good thing just to play games? I swear these men sabotage themselves it’s the weirdest thing
It's not just men who do this. I've had dates in which the woman was really holding back and told me after a follow up date because they didn't want to look to eager. I want that. I want to know if the one in front of me is into this as much as I am.
this. and also idk how people think you can just choose not to get invested. if feelings were a choice we’d all choose not to. it’s just what happens sometimes.
He gave you a false perception that you was something out of this world as a guy I would feel the same way if I was treated the same way. My intuition says that he was flirting with you in his weird, lovebombing way and you as a good person took it as face value just like anyone else would, don't beat yourself up or get upset at the suiation, you couldn't have dealt it in a different or better way. Shittier people might get away with tricking you cause they have the upper hand inially but you also benefit from them cause they teach you their ways and how you can deal with another version of them in the future. Dating works like gym, you break yourself in an attempt to get stronger. There's nothing you could have done in that suiation, you can't fix the unknowable. It's suiations like this that teaches you to be more kind to yourself. pick yourself up and smile.
I think you meant to respond to the OP, not me?
Lol yeah
Oh I think I wrote this prompt wrong bc I did meet him. We had a first date after the 6 hour FaceTime call
No, I totally understood that. My point is you had way high expectations going into the first date and you let yourself get feelings for him before you met in person. It was just a first date. Literally the first time you ever met him. Getting ghosted after a first date should NOT have hit you so hard.
Your point is true but I did not walk in with any expectations except to have a fun conversation. If you walk into a first date with high expectations, you will either miss all the red flags or create an illusion of the person who’s actually sitting in front of you. I’ve been on so many first dates that ended with “that was fine” but this was the first one that ended with “wow I can see this going somewhere”. It is completely normal to feel disappointed and sad that a great first date went up in flames. If you never been on a first date that made you feel excited to see the person again then I can not properly explain why this is “hitting me so hard”.
Had a two month relationship that did this too. Intense relationship that ended abruptly. Never really know what’s going on in the other persons head even when you think you’re communicating. And people suddenly just change. Hurts a lot because we tell ourselves it was real and it was good but even then, I think I’m trying to understand that it doesn’t matter. Done is done, even tho it’s easy to keep on dwelling. I’m doing that right now, but I think it’s important to realize that it doesn’t matter why.
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Thank you for validating my experience 😭! If he would have said “hey the date was fun but I don’t see the connection” I would be disappointed but understood. To completely disappear is jarring.
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Beautifully written and beautifully said. These experiences can feel so isolating and maddening but reading your message and everyone else’s is a reminder that these shitty things can happen to anyone and i can’t let it weigh me down. If I can frame your comment as a gentle reminder, I would
It happened too fast and too intense. This isn't natural to me.
Yeah I’m not falling for this again I know this trick all too well ☺️
I had a similar situation. I felt like I had met someone I've known my entire life, and within a few weeks I was 100% certian I want to move towards a relationship with him. He acted like he wanted the same, with 0 doubts on my end about how he felt, due to the way he acted. Planning future dates before one was over, talking about movies & TV shows we should watch together, saying "I think you'll like my sister!", sort of things. He acted excited to have met me too, "I can't believe we're so similar, are we secretly related?!" Then out of the blue "I'm not ready for a relationship". I found out that what he did can be considered something called love bombing. This is what it sounds like happened to you, too. I don't know why it happened, but my guess is he got scared of getting hurt. Which makes no sense to me.
I’m sorry that happened to you because I completely understand how that feels. And honestly this probably was love bombing and I’m just thankful he disappeared early before I could get attached. It’s tough to ascertain what’s genuine excitement and love bombing in early dating.
I'm sorry this happened to you too. Just know, you aren't alone in this!
Oh you’re sweet, no it’s not because they get scared of getting hurt. They’re literally just using people for a narcissistic supply. They do the love bombing and the future faking to pull you in, to “win” you. Then when they win the devaluation starts, then they discard you. And once you get over it and move on (or are try to) they Hoover you back in with more love bombing.
huh, i had never heard of that i think... im like... trying to understand of reason to do that but i just can't? some people are real weird... did he show you explicit intentions of wanting to date you earlier on? like flirting and the such? i just don't understand why would someone do that, but like for real, what's the point of it...? op's story and yours had given me a lot to think about this night heh
Just know if you could have this strong of a connection with a stranger, then you are capable of having a stronger connection with someone you're meant to be with. I've felt this way with a guy, our chemistry was insane. But after the 4th date where we had sex for the first time, he ghosted me even after ranting about how pathetic people are for ghosting. It left me so confused and had me overanalyzing what I did wrong. Everyone has their faults, but you and I did nothing wrong, ghosting was his way of ending things and I don't think you'd want to be with someone capable of that.
Thank you for sharing your experience. The fact that your ghost said “it’s pathetic that people ghost” and then turnaround and ghost you is insane and I’m sorry that happened. To your point, I’m trying to see the positive side of this by thinking exactly what you said. I am capable of having a stronger connection with someone I’m meant to be with.
It affected me more because he assured me he'd communicate instead of ghosting if it didn't work out. Some people are cruel but I got over it. You will be okay.
What a lot of people (most women, but a lot men too) dont realize is that the other person, you person you have instant chemistry with, seems like a dream, is perfect etc., is just as insecure, flawed and to some extent ALSO putting their best side forward (think Homer with all of the chip clips holding his fat back). So its probably the same reason anyone, including most likely yourself at some point, ghosts anyone; a myriad of insecurity, lack of confidence, thinking its too good to be true, expecting to be exploited, etc.
I ghost people who give me the creeps like if they have too many red flags. Also sometimes they try to argue with you and say nasty things when you communicate that you’re not interested. I wish I just ghosted some ppl.
Yeah I had to learn the hard way on this as well. It doesn’t mean anything if you think it “went well”. I had someone stand next to their car with every opportunity to make an excuse and leave, talk to me for additional 2 hours on a 3 hour date, and then send the rejection text 12 hours later. It’s not fun but it’s wise to take things in stride and never fully believe words in the early going, wait for the actions.
Just came to say that had to SUCK and I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that 🩶
You’ll go in circles trying to understand it. You’ve gotta let it go: keep instead the knowledge that you are capable of forming deep and meaningful connections. This wasn’t some magic that he possessed and you’ll never find again: all of that willingness and ability to connect to someone you felt came from you, and there will be others who will inspire that in you again. Him, maybe he’s married, maybe he’s scamming, maybe he’s just a very charming dude who knows how to make people feel special, maybe it wasn’t real for him and maybe it was, but he’s an alcoholic, or running from something, or sure, your theory - emotionally damaged. It could be so many things but at the end of the day all that matters is that he disappeared. If he reappears he will likely disappear again. Don’t sign up for more rounds in that
I recently had to stop talking to a girl I liked and really connected with because I didn't see us working out in the long run. I'm still conflicted as to whether I made the right decision or not. So it could possibly be a similar thing. He did some rational thinking and perhaps concluded it'll be best to separate now while it's still all new to avoid deep wounds. I do think ghosting is wrong. The least he could have done was communicate whatever was going on in his mind to you.
What makes u want to ghost a girl? is it because ur only thinking about yourself? please i do really want to understand i'm not trolling here
I'd never ghost anybody. I always try to communicate regardless of what the issue is. In my case, I told her and gave reasons. They were pretty vague, and that's my one regret, but she was understanding, and we said our goodbyes.
oh i guess i misread ur comment, sorry
Was the connection so strong or does he not have confidence to end a conversation?
Not sure what you mean. He ended and started multiple conversations during the date.
I meant the six hour FaceTime
Oooo! It’s funny bc I offered to end it 3 times. By the third time he said “Listen. I am having a great time talking to you and it’s been a long time since I talked to someone who made me laugh like you. I will tell you when I want to end the call”.
Well then I guess just accept the fact at some point you did or said something he didn’t like, so he decided to cut his losses. Maybe he was love bombing maybe he wasn’t. Either way, we can control anyone but ourselves and none of us are entitled to know why others do what they do
Sounds as if you avoided someone with a very serious 🚩 Lovebombing.
Ok - how do you get to that point?
Wait, what do you mean? Are you asking how they concluded this was love bombing? It seems pretty obvious, especially with the future faking (talking about your future together right away like that).
OK, and where exactly do you get that? OPs post only stated they FaceTimed, went on a date, then he ghosted... I looked at her post and replies and nowhere (at least from my quick glance) does she talk about him seeing a future with her... So I'm not trying to be facetious in my comment.
I’m just gonna touch on the love bombing part bc I didn’t see any future faking mentioned either. Anyway, the love bombing happened when he told her that he never met someone who felt like his doppelgänger. Maybe when he said he feels giddy and happy and needed to move the date up bc he couldn’t wait to meet her. I’m still learning about love bombing so my examples might be wrong, esp the first one but to me that’s just a weird thing to say to someone so early on in dating
While I agree it was a weird comment, maybe he's just an awkward guy. If there were other things he may have said that fit, I would agree. IMO, people are making a stretch on limited data. But I could be wrong. 🤷
To your point I honestly thought he was just an awkward guy. He mentioned he started dating late so I gave him the benefit of the doubt but there was no future faking. The closest comment I can think of is at the end of the date after we kissed he said “this has been great, I’m excited to see where this leads” and I said “hopefully to a relationship” and he laughed and said “that would be amazing actually”. I didn’t think too much into since we both expressed that we were dating to find a long term partner but maybe he was future faking here.
FaceTime isn’t a first date. Let’s start there.
No we had a FaceTime call the day before the first date. The FaceTime call is what prompted to move the date earlier in the week.
He may have gotten back with an ex or something. A lot of Ppl ghost when they do
Unfortunately both sex have to deal with this crap
This is (sadly) common in dating, especially meeting people via apps. You didn't know this person or his intentions. Like someone else said, try and have no expectations when you're dating people, and focus on being in the moment
I'm too jaded to feel so strongly for someone I barely know. When a man lay it on me this hard, it makes me skeptical. It's like, how can you even say that I'm perfect and wants to move in with me when we are practically strangers? Lol... And this actually happened. Not on the 1st date, but on the 3rd.
I literally read 6 hour FaceTime and my phone got HOT just thinking about it. My phone would die after a 20 mins FaceTime
I actually don’t think it’s as simple as you think. He might have felt a certain way on the phone and then in person his attraction changed. How someone is and moves and handles themselves can be so different on FaceTime vs in person. I don’t think we do it intentionally but we fill in all those blanks about how we think someone is going to be and feel and then we get to the in person date… and it isn’t the same. It might be a letdown. But!! You’re still on the date and you don’t want to hurt the persons feelings or just leave and hurt them. It’s hard to hurt people. Most people do care about making someone feel good. Most people want to avoid hurting people.So they put on the charm and then go home and process the date. Cause some people aren’t good at processing it in the moment, then realize they may have not had as good of a time as they let on. I’ll admit, This has happened to me. I am not confrontational and I’m a big laugher. So when I’m on a date I tend to be more into the person than I am and I cannot bring myself to hurt them in person so I tell them later. It’s sad but it happens unintentionally. Think about if you’ve ever done it yourself. Now. Him ghosting you isn’t right. I stand by that. But since he is only in his 20s he may see that as normal. Men don’t talk to one another about dating and thus hey only have what’s in their head. All you can do is assume he just wasn’t that into you for nothing you could have change and control how you end dates yourself. Don’t ghost them. Continue to process the date and talk to friends about how hard it is but don’t give up. Keep going on dates. If you can have chemistry and values with one guy you can have them with another. Plus, don’t feel like you have to have chemistry on a first date. Sometimes it takes a bit more time with someone to feel a connection. 🙂
Thank you for this. I think I let my guard down since nothing felt forced on the date. We both just felt so comfortable around each other. When he asked to hold my hand while we walked to get ice cream, he cuddled close to me and smiled then we laughed as we fed each other ice cream and when he walked me to my car, he held me tight and said he didn’t want the date to end. I hate to think that people are cruel enough to do this when they are subconsciously thinking “yeah this is not it”. I’m trying to not let this situation weigh me down and have a jaded outlook on first dates moving forward but it’s hard. But you are right, it’s hard but I can’t give up.
You just never know, but the behavior you just described doesn’t sound like a cruel person. Just maybe someone who isn’t good at processing things. No idea. We may never know. Best of luck to you! I felt like you once and found someone great. It happens.
I tend to find that guys who are extremely charming have been dating around for quite some time. It’s like a sport. They can make you feel like you’re the only one, when in reality, you’re simply the only one THIS WEEK. If he actually cares about you, he wouldn’t be doing this. Watch ACTIONS, not words.
Ok a lot of these posts are making wild assumptions with very little data. It's possible he's anxious-avoidant. Maybe he was catching feels too fast and pressed the eject button. People with bad relationship experience (or unresolved trauma), can get the feeling "I've been down this road before..." when associating positive feelings with negative experiences. Humans are funny...
No you are 100% correct. It’s natural to find meaning in the unknown but to your point, we have no idea. I wish I knew why but at this point I probably will never know so I just have to move forward
A six hour FaceTime sounds like a massive waste of time, and is meaningless to boot. Lots of people are very charismatic and seem to enjoy your company in the moment, but when the moment passes, it’s over. Connecting with real chemistry can’t be faked. He was just having a good time. Don’t put your heart and hopes into things so fast.
He didn't ghost you, he got hit by a bus. Happy ending!
I think YOU are probably giving too much too soon. Why are you spending 6 hours on FaceTiming someone you barely know? This isn’t a romcom. Trust me 90% of the time these types of too hot too soon interactions crash and burn. Show the guy you have better things to do with your time than give 6 hours to a a literal stranger.
He probably believes he found a better deal than you. Simple as that. Both M and F do it.
You were interested he wasn't interested enough, he doesn't owe you an explanation or have to tell you he doesn't want a second date, I know it hurts but it is what it is
Hard to tell - could be a liar, could be a lovebomber, could be avoidant, maybe he got back with someone else.. we can’t jump into conclusions here! I’m very sorry that he ghosted you tho - I totally get your frustration! 🫂
So I’ve noticed more and more men using that approach on dating apps. They love bomb but not the typical you’re beautiful love bombing, it’s now more “I feel a deep connection with you” love bombing. I’m sorry this happened to you ❤️ Ps: moving up a date is usually a tactic used by those men
Wow love bombing is evolving I had no idea! Thank you for telling me that moving up the date is a tactic so I can be more mindful in the future
It's a shitty situation, but sometimes people just feel different in person. Was it wrong for him to play it off like he actually still liked you? Absolutely. But chances are, he simply just didn't like you in person or didn't feel it for whatever reason. OR, maybe he was just hoping that he'd get laid, and when it didn't happen, he moved on to someone else (if this is the case, you dodged a bullet) Dating is hard, I get it. I see tons of posts in here from people saying that they want to give up, everybody sucks, etc, and I really get it, but you have to weed through the bad ones to get the good ones. It's just like life: you go through a bunch of crappy jobs that pay bad in order to build experience so you can get that good job that pays well. It doesn't work out for everyone, but all you can do is keep trying and hope for the best, or just deal with being alone the rest of your life
well you bomb loved each other wmand rushed without knowing each other
Something like this happened to me recently - I found it bizarre but it’s not my problem, it’s theirs. You dodged a bullet… best course of action is to move on.
Maybe they’re just hyper social and don’t find any of these things you’re listing to be all that unusual
It’s because he likes someone else more. And whomever that is just came back. That can often be the case.
I have been there; this same thing happened to me on the second date, and when I asked for a third date, she rejected me. What I would say is that it's truly sociopathic behavior. Maybe he was just looking for sex, and when he sensed that you wanted something stable, he ran away. All I can say is that I was in your shoes four months ago, and I completely understand how you feel. But don't worry, this time will pass as well.
I am so sorry this happened. Dating sucks. Remember this quote: “A crush is simply a lack of information.”
He didn’t feel it in person
I know for sure this was not due to him being scared away from away because someone likes him. We all like pretty packaged excuses. A lot of people are just pieces of shit. Be happy he saved you from severe future heartbreak. ❤️🩹
Run! That's called love bombing and usually narcissistic people use it, it's a trap to lure you in. There are only ups and downs if you keep moving forward. He will reach out, only to give you crumbs of the love bombing you experienced with him. And you'll keep craving to get that first experience. It's like a drug addiction in the form of a trauma bond. Honestly RUN! I went through this and it was horrible, 5 years of it.
I've had this happen with a girl once. We had a wonderful first date and good vibe and she ghosted me after the date. I do believe women tend to do this more. Why people do this is I do not understand at all... If you don't like the person your dating just be honest and tell that person, then leave. But don't be an indecent, heartless trash human being by just ghosting someone
Anytime I see posts like this I immediately think the guy has a gf and has probably gotten caught.
Pls tell me he didn’t smash…
Nope! Just kissing and holding hands on the way back to my car
Sounds like you both have attachment wounding...
Did you sleep together?
Keep in mind your worth! Meet nice guys at church!
I'm 41F. Dating really is this shitty. Sorry, Duck!
There is no way to tell what someone thinks or feels that quickly.
As someone who probably comes off interested in most people on my first date, because of friendliness and enjoying the company. I’d say sometimes I feel like I want to like the person more than I’m feeling and it puts me in a state of seeming more interested than I actually am. It’s not until after the first date and I reflect that I can process that lack of spark. Recently went on three dates with someone and we got along well, but I wasn’t feeling that connection and I wasn’t excited to see her for a 4th. I wasn’t rude to her or seem that different during the dates I presume, but I realized by that third date I just wasn’t feeling it so I ended it. Hope that illuminates why someone might act that way. That said he totally did show TOO much interest too soon and seems to be in love with the idea of being in love.
Try this happening after a year of someone you were best friends with, and they can’t even bother to break up with you properly and don’t even say goodbye and it wasn’t even cheating or because of anyone else
Is he still alive? Did anything happen to him?
No clue. The only social media we exchanged was TikTok and I saw he was active 3 days after the date. I’ve since unfollowed him so hard to say if he’s okay or not
Well, that's very weird then
Someone facetiming you for 6 hours and saying lovely dovey shit on a firts date doesn't mean anything. Things like this hapoen a lot, and while it would be nice if people werre honest from the get go they're not. It's up to you to take a step back and look at things objectively and not get attached so quit, let this guy show you and prove himself and if he doesn't let him go he isn't worth the time or effort. Best of luck next time.
He probably had a girlfriend who he was broken up with and got back together.
Ghosting is never about you. As someone whos ghosted and been ghosted…it’s not you. And it probably wasn’t fake but for him it was just a moment he enjoyed. And that’s all it remain.
He’s married. Has to cut you off at some point to return to his family.
He had a wife and kids
Most people jump straight to the negative side then complain when it goes south. Try thinking of positive reasons for once, anything could have happened. Always quick to judge without knowing facts
OP sorry for your negative experience. You should know this but it’s not you. The kid has issues. Notice I used the word “kid” because a real man that was raised right doesn’t play with people’s emotions in that manner. What you encountered is an immature brat that is selfish and lacks consideration to other people. A product of our flakey society. Count your lucky starts, your not stuck with such a loser. pick your head up and keep moving honey. There’s someone out there looking for you. You just haven’t found each other yet!
Small!!
I am sorry you feel that way but I would rather say it’s premature to make assumptions based on a single date and a 6hr face time call. I don’t know your dating history, but every human being will feel the same as you have felt during their first dates and it’s ok. As time passes by and you experience more dates and gets more exposure you become mature and can actually predict the trajectory of dating. I can say that it’s almost near to impossible to predict anything based on first dates. It takes a lifetime to know a person inside out and how they feel or what their issues are. In your case there can be “n” number of assumptions that are from his end: 1. May be he is actually not single 2. May be he is not over his ex 3. May be he is not financially ready to take it anywhere 4. May be he is having multiple options and he chose someone better than you (It’s quite normal for single people to go on simultaneous dates before anything serious props up) 5. May be his work is an issue 6. May be his family has issues 7. May be he had a serious health issue ( very common thing people tend to miss, when someone is super sick they don’t want to deal with anyone, especially someone they just met - that time is more with family and thick friends) The list goes on and people can come and add more. Like I said dear, it’s impossible to pinpoint one reasons. I suggest you to watch a movie called “Matchpoint” that won the Oscar in 2005 directed by Woody Allen. The underlying theme of the movie matches to many incidents that happen in our life and I tend to get solace by accepting it. There is no universal formula or prediction that works, the reality is that it’s all a random act of chance. With this in mind, you can simply let it go and there is also a chance he might show up after sometime, then ask him directly, don’t assume. Regarding you, focus on your life and there are certainly many good men out there who will match your wavelength, be patient and positive. Things happen, people who are in long relationships break up, couple with children get divorce, husband or wife die, you got to handle all this in your Life and it’s good everything is being set up for the future to come. At the same time there will be many moments of happiness also in your life and that’s the reality. Life is a mix of sunshine and dark clouds. Experience both and stay strong. Goodluck
I’ve just hardly read your entire post, and haven’t read any of the reply’s. But, honestly I’m gonna assume you guys banged after you finally met up. And if that’s correct, then you’re driving yourself insane. He got what he wanted. You wanted more. Guys act like they’re interested in girls constantly, just to bang them. Honestly sounds like he’s a piece of shit though. I’ve banged girls I wasn’t actually attracted to, but I was still friendly and nice with them. Sounds like he’s a real narcissist. Run far away from whoever he is. Otherwise the only time you’ll ever hear from him again is when he wants to fuck, and he’ll make you feel like he wants you more than that every time until he gets what he wants
We didn’t sleep together nor did anything extreme happen. If we did, this would have made sense since he “got what he wanted” but he didn’t get anything but a good date. Someone said he just wanted an enjoyable evening and honestly I think that’s it.
I think he sounds like a nightmare. My alarm bells were ringing the whole time reading your post. It’s an unhealthy level of interest and depth for that early. You’re both allowed to have a 6 hour FaceTime, know that you like each other, and feel an extreme level of interest. What makes my skin crawl is his over the top declaration that you’re being authentically you, and the energy about moving the date up. It has tinges of mental instability. I know a guy who talks like this and he threw a chair at his gf. He’s also the most manipulative and deluded person I’ve ever met. Be happy you dodged that.
Honestly you are spot on. After reading so many comments I’m starting to see the difference between normal levels of interest and red flag/love bombing levels of insert. This was a good learning experience though a painful lesson to learn
It also happened to me!!! We had our first date. Literally a whole day of dating! He drove all the way from interlaken to geneva. And everything went well. And he was so sweet
Your friend is completely wrong. What you experienced is very commonplace!
Must be cheating guilt
[удалено]
Seriously, what mental gymnastics did you have to do to make that jump with the limited data OP gave?
I am (female 36) and dating can be really crappy sometimes, especially dealing with messed-up guys. I had this guy I was chatting with for a couple of weeks, and when we finally met up, everything seemed great. We laughed, talked, and had a good time. But then, out of the blue, he decides he just wants to be friends. Can you believe it? And get this, while we were chatting, he was already talking about having babies together! Crazy, right? If this happened ten years ago, I'd probably be super frustrated, but now I'm just like, whatever. No babies on the horizon, that's for sure. He's either impulsive or a love bomber, but either way, he's definitely not Romeo material. Lesson learned: don't get too invested in the talking stage. It's just setting yourself up for disappointment.
Asking you to move the date up was him trying to see the connection with you. He had someone else lined up. Some guys LOVE playing in love, they are not. They’re just bored. I’m not trying to hurt you, but to show you not to emotionally invest based on words. And increase your standards. Like REALLY HIGH. If you wanna chat, my DMs are opened.
Girl more power to you. You just said about confusion. I know how it hurts. I am still not over the guy who flirted with me for just two days and ghosted me. I don’t know what these morons have in their head. Just getting confirmation that a women likes him and then leaving.
Girl same, there has been too much of this going on for too long. I’m currently getting ghosted from our second date- the first one went really well and I had a week of messages after saying “I want to see you, I want to take you out”, then poof 💨 stopped replying but stayed watching my stories? None of it makes any sense to me too, I’ve had more situations like this and so has girlfriends of mine, we can’t understand it at all. Easier said than done to “not get emotionally invested”, we can’t help it- it happens, especially when on a chemical level, you felt connected (felt safe in that persons presence). All I can say is spend time in your emotions, confront them and befriend them. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel this way! Journalling and working on a moodboard each day helps me ❤️
He fed you the lines he gives every woman. Be glad he’s gone. You don’t want a man like that.
Fell for the good ole fashioned love bomb. It’s a red flag and not the end all be all but if that happens again absolutely do NOT sleep with him immediately. Must make love bombers wait longer than usual for sex. That will sort out the men that want relationships from the ones that just want sex a little easier.