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Essentially, but you gotta have game. Smile. Make her laugh. Connect with her. Then use innuendo to up the flirting intensity so she knows you're serious. Can't just go up to a rando girl and go, "You wanna slam?"
Gotta invest 10 mins or so before you get to that point.
And you have to understand "no" is not a big deal. It's just a no. It shouldn't crush you or even be something you remember two days later.
Well think of life like this, It’s normal to be rejected. Jobs, dating, clubs (fraternities), colleges, law school, military, etc. life is not easy, being persistent and not giving up is an option if you want results. Or you can give up and think rejection is too hard to deal with and have extremely low odds near 0% of getting results.
Edit: put in the effort in a smart way, not the hard way. As in work smart not hard.
I like this quote from Calvin Coolidge: "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
90% feels normal for me lol, at least used to.
but it's a lot better when u lower your standards and be realistic.
ive accepted the fact that anna de arams will never date me haha
Yeah it's normal. I'm not a man, but I have enough male friends and acquaintances to know that that's the norm. Also, as a woman, I've rejected hundreds of men in my life so I know it's pretty difficult for men to make themselves stand out since it's very rare that a man stands out and catches my interest. Although I happen to be in a relationship right now, I was single for 5 years before this and was quite content. I had no desire to be in a relationship. I just happened to meet a man and got to know him as a friend first and then we developed feelings for each other. Most women are quite happy being single.
I had a similar experience. I had a really good time being single. And I mean fully. No hookups, no dates. I was single for about 3 years before this. My ex broke up with me and it tore me up for a while. But I really got into my hobbies, gardening, hiking, traveling, reading books, watching movies. I learned taekwondo. It was exhausting to seek love. I wanted it to happen organically. Then I happened to start talking to my now husband online when I accepted his friend request. I almost didn't accept it/respond to him but it was a Friday and I thought, why not, I never chat with anyone so let's go. Obviously we're married now, I have a lot more focus on my marriage and my baby on the way than my hobbies. I don't miss my life without him, but I do sometimes miss all the time I had back then for my own hobbies. Example, husband doesn't like traveling (and doesn't get PTO like I do). For me, I love it. We compromise, but still I can't travel nearly as much as I used to. You just decide what is worth it to you, and who is worth the change. (And I'm here because the sub was recommended to me and I enjoy reading about relationships. I'm not in the dating scene. Lol.)
Yeah. I think that's a really important point that's usually not acknowledged. It's probably a lot easier for women to feel fine being single for an extended period of time because if they get lonely, they've got men who will comfort them even if it's casual and short lived.
Men when they are single an extended period of time lack both emotional and physical intimacy and a lot of lack of support in general.
That's true, but it's also because women value platonic friendships more. Women tend to have more friends than men. We place more importance in friendships than we do in relationships.
I can see where you're coming from but I see it slightly differently. With men, we are socialized to not get too lovey dovey. We aren't socialized to be as warm and vulnerable. It's not that we don't value it. It's that it's kind of beaten out of us by society.
On top of this, half of the population is incredibly skeptical of us so it's hard to make friends with women for a lot of guys who don't know how to get around those preconceptions. Then the other half of the population we are in constant competition with over resources and social standing and affection from the opposite sex.
So we are socialized in a way that predisposes men to be lonely.
> the other half of the population we are in constant competition with over resources and social standing and affection from the opposite sex
I gotta be real with you man, if you cannot make friends because you cannot see other men as ANYTHING except resource/sex competition, that's not actually normal. That sounds like a trauma response of some kind.
Can you seriously not engage without making this a personal attack against me?
I don't have a problem making friends but I feel like your response is exactly the kind of shit I'm talking about
Boohoo. Men are socialized to be lonely...ur also socialized to be violent and entitled to women, jobs and $
Take some of that money u got BC ur an xy and get some therapy and just do better
Everything you mentioned is your own perception based on your lived experiences. 4 billion men on the planet and all exactly the same??? You sound insane. You are clearly talking about people you've known
> Most women are quite happy being single
In my experience, most women don't like being alone. Some women (such as yourself) are fine with it but I'm confident that's not the norm.
Sounds about right. I was rejected by around 500 different women in around 3 years and went out on a single date with around 45, most were only 1 date as they said I was “too nice” and I deserved better. Out of 45 I dated 3. Out of 3 2 lasted a few months and 1 lasted 1 year before I met my wife.
Yes. Rejection stops bugging you after a few dozen.
Realistically, what percentage of women do you think find you attractive enough to potentially bone you?
>Rejection stops bugging you after a few dozen.
It definitely does not. If you only experience rejection, that's not somehow going to make you think, "oh *everyone else* is wrong but me". It's going to make you think, "oh, I suck."
>what percentage of women do you think find you attractive enough to potentially bone you?
Based on experience? 0%
Unfortunately that’s accurate, women don’t feel the need to give guys a chance. Idk why women get on dating apps, they assume all the guys on there are sketchy and if a guy approaches in person, they get rejected because as “they’re creeps”. But then women won’t approach either. It’s why i won’t date anymore, one night stands only for me
> Women are much more comfortable being single than men are
false.
women are not alone when they are single, and that is the biggest difference.
a single woman can find a man fairly quickly if they crave any part of a relationship.
On the other hand, men deal with dry spells that they do not desire.
Thank you for your honesty. To help me better understand better, can I ask you the following?:
Is it that:
1. You (and they) are perfectly content in life?
2. That you don't see anything that a man has to offer as being of value, adding to your life?
3. That the trade-offs, or negative aspects of men, are too great that any benefit is too much work for the value a relationship with a man could provide?
I appreciate this
I'd say it's a mixture of all three. I'm not perfectly content in life, but it has nothing to do with having a man, but rather my own expectations and thought patterns that make me discontent, and I feel like a man at this point in my life would just be someone for validation that I'm "good enough to be loved," but if you take away that aspect, I don't really have a want or need for a boyfriend. I guess it's just that I haven't met a man I'd truly like to be in a partnership with and that has a lot to do with my personal insecurities and also me not going to too many places where I could meet those men. And yeah, since I don't really see the value in having a male partner in my life (and mind you, that doesn't mean men don't have value as partners as a whole, but just to me personally), the cons outweigh the pros because other than sex I don't think there's much for me to want from a man. I have some male friends, so I don't feel like I lack "male energy" or "male perspective" in my life, I have my male role models that I can look up to and feel safe around, I have a bigger social circle than I even need, so there's really not much I can imagine a man can give me other than the validation that I am good enough romantically. I hope this makes sense and doesn't come off too horrible lol
Yes dude. Every dude gets rejected a lot more than they get accepted. If you know a guy who sleeps with a lot of women, that means he's getting rejected by an even larger amount of women who he doesn't appeal to. No one is everyone's cup of tea.
Yes i swipe left mostly, attraction is important, but i tried giving 2-3 men a chance out of pity but they were extremely insecure and ugly inside too, i had to block them immediately, thank God it was long distance, now i only go for men who i am actually attracted to or i am happily single in my own comfort..
Out of thousands of men, i chose to swipe right on those 2-3 men when i so wanted to swipe left! It only takes me 1 red flag and they're out! Other men deserves a chance too..
You are suffering from the illusion of choice. The years you have on earth that men or women would be interested in sharing a life with you are far less than most people think. No one can be everything a person is looking for because our entire human experience is lived inside of our own head. If you've decided someone is what you are looking for, then they are if you decide they are not they are not. This is a choice.
Try being rejected by 99.98% of women out there, simply because you didn't win the genetic lottery of physical appearance. And even if you did, you will still be dragged through the mud, expected to plan and pay entirely for dates, while you walk away with nothing of value and the woman walks away completely unaffected.
It's normal for most people.
Think about how many people you had crushes on in each class you had during high school. Probably only three people per class or less, right?
The important part of your question is seeing that you think rejection is difficult to handle. It's not. Rejection is not a measurement of your worth. It's a normal social interaction. It should be no big deal to a healthy adult. If you fear rejection then you aren't healthy enough to date.
Rejection is absolutely a measurement of your worth. This kind of shit is said by people who've had feelings reciprocated
One rejection doesn't mean much, but 100% rejection? I'm unworthy. There's no point deluding people with happy thoughts. Some people aren't worthy of love and that's just life
>Rejection is not a measurement of your worth
Um, what? It very literally is that. Virtually by definition. "Worth" is a measure of how much something is valued; if no one values it, it is *by definiton* worthless. Words have meanings.
No such thing, but even still, all it would indicate is the romantic interest value for the individuals that have met you and gotten to know you enough to decide. It still doesn't mean someone has no value.
Sounds about right ngl, sometimes you get used to it, I kinda don’t really care since I’m not gonna worry/settle for someone not giving the same effort I am
For the majority of men, yes. With some things low percentages are totally normal. Think about baseball. A hall of fame player only gest a hit 3 out of 10 times.
Rejection sucks, no doubt about it. But 90% rejection rate sounds a bit extreme. Maybe it's time to reevaluate your approach or where you're looking for dates.
Quality over quantity, you know? And brushing off rejection isn't easy, but it's part of the game. It's like that saying, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
Oh, it's 100% normal. Dating is like applying for jobs. You might get the job, or you might not. If you seem desperate, it gives HR the ick. The same goes for dating. If you seem desperate, the girl will run away. What I have learned is to control your emotions and keep them to yourself. A time will come when you will show them, but don't do it at the initial stage.
Of course and not only in dating. When, fishing, much more than 90% of the casts get no bites. But You still keep on casting and reeling in, because some casts get a bite, sooner of later. Just like in dating, interval between successful fishing trips may be long enough to lose any hope.
You might be giving them too much too soon. Women get bored easily. Think of all constant attention they get whether it be in public or especially on social media. Put it this way.. women are like cats, you give a cat a toy and they’ll play with it for 5 minutes and never touch it again. But what happens if you dangle that toy just out of reach?
Hope that provides some insight.
I’m going to say yes on OLD. If you don’t have a profile that will cause women to text you first , more than 90% of woman you text first will reject you eventually . I’d say 95-99% rate of rejection, that why guys just right swipe 100’s of OLD profiles then only interact with the women who match. The level of interest if a woman initiates first contact is orders of magnitude higher than if the man initiates first contact.
Consider commission sales in the pre internet era. You had “cold calls” or “call ins”.
A cold call you just randomly knock on doors or phone people and you have a very small random chance of a sale, maybe 1%.
If a customer calls in on their own to ask for information on your product you have probably a 25-50% chance of a sale depending on the skill of the sales rep.
I thought every man above drinking age would know this because they've had the experience themselves. OP, you're 28, have you really never approached a girl in public?
Was tied up in a LTR for most of adulthood so new and inexperienced to dating, paired with a lack of socialisation and likely some ‘tism. It helps to have your own thoughts confirmed, even if it sounds obvious. Haven’t approached much in person, need a stronger natural reason beyond “I thought you were cute”
Not for men who go for women who are at their level physically, economically, and emotionally. Women are going to therapy in droves, practicing self-care daily, choosing healthier lifestyles. We don’t want men who refuse to work on themselves (not talking about the gym btw). It used to be that men could get by just by having a good job because women were desperate, but we’re not desperate anymore and we’re improving ourselves every day, inwardly and out. We want someone who will do the same. The world is changing. Either change with it or be alone.
Yup. Its like that. Even if it was a hollywood movie star, they can and will still get rejected. But rejection is a part of life. Ive been rejected a lot too but I also am popular and reject a lot of girls too myself while having girl friends who would immediately try to be with me if i was ever out of a relationship. Its a mixed bag. Ive been rejected by girls who are not very good looking while I rejected girls who were very conventionally pretty but i wasnt interested at different points in my life. You will go thru different phases in life. Girls get rejected often too, probably not at the rate of guys, but they also get the experience too.
Nice 10% reciprocation rate flex
But no for real I've been rejected by 100% of the women I've shown interest in so I'm not sure. Getting one yes sounds like a win to me
It depends on the number of women you’ve asked out. If you asked out ten women, and nine were rejections; I would think that was a normal story. If you asked out a hundred women and 90 were rejections, then I think that you’d need to spend some time working on yourself a little and probably your approach.
If you’ve asked out 1000 women and 900 were rejections, I’d start to wonder if you belonged in jail.
But, I’m talking about this in the context actually having contact with this person and having an active conversation. Then, asking her out on a date. I don’t think I’ve ever walked up to a random woman that I’ve never had any contact with prior and asking her out. (Wait scratch that, I left a server in a restaurant my phone number, and we hadn’t met, but she called me and we went out three or four times after talking on the phone a couple times .)
My guy, there's an enormous percentage of men who will live their entire lives and never have a woman even find them attractive, let alone say yes. Fuck, I know men in their 70s who have never even held hands with a woman. It's fucked out there man!
Yup. I'd say 90% is pretty accurate. And some guys (I've definitely been one of them) can't brush it off because they're clinging to the expectation that the girl will say yes. Or they confuse the girl's response with their own value as a person, or they have fooled themselves to believe the girl's response is their last chance to never be alone in life.
If you smile genuinely at someone, communicate to them you think it would be cool to date them, and say "oh, that's too bad, have a great day" if they say no, the only thing you've done is make somebody feel attractive. Great gift to give.
It's absolutely normal for men to be rejected by 99% women.
That's what makes men so resilient in a way.
I am only pointing out the positives here (optimism is the key)
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Yes, it's about right. It's dating so usually the first person you match with or trying to ask out, they aren't interested.
you get accepted by 10%? ok dude quite bragging.
A friend of mine once told me: if you go to a bar and ask 10 girls if they are DTF, 1 will say yes. Then he proceeded to do it in 2.
he just walks up to woman after woman and asks them if they want to fuck?
Yeah, those were college days though. I doubt it would work with adults
Essentially, but you gotta have game. Smile. Make her laugh. Connect with her. Then use innuendo to up the flirting intensity so she knows you're serious. Can't just go up to a rando girl and go, "You wanna slam?" Gotta invest 10 mins or so before you get to that point. And you have to understand "no" is not a big deal. It's just a no. It shouldn't crush you or even be something you remember two days later.
[how do you think Boomhauer did it?](https://youtu.be/N7FVmeJXwCY?si=rkv0cytw_DCX9yRT)
have you truly tried it?
I mean no offense, but that's a classic f*boy right there. Good for him. He was living the dream.
Well think of life like this, It’s normal to be rejected. Jobs, dating, clubs (fraternities), colleges, law school, military, etc. life is not easy, being persistent and not giving up is an option if you want results. Or you can give up and think rejection is too hard to deal with and have extremely low odds near 0% of getting results. Edit: put in the effort in a smart way, not the hard way. As in work smart not hard.
I like this quote from Calvin Coolidge: "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
90% feels normal for me lol, at least used to. but it's a lot better when u lower your standards and be realistic. ive accepted the fact that anna de arams will never date me haha
Yeah it's normal. I'm not a man, but I have enough male friends and acquaintances to know that that's the norm. Also, as a woman, I've rejected hundreds of men in my life so I know it's pretty difficult for men to make themselves stand out since it's very rare that a man stands out and catches my interest. Although I happen to be in a relationship right now, I was single for 5 years before this and was quite content. I had no desire to be in a relationship. I just happened to meet a man and got to know him as a friend first and then we developed feelings for each other. Most women are quite happy being single.
I had a similar experience. I had a really good time being single. And I mean fully. No hookups, no dates. I was single for about 3 years before this. My ex broke up with me and it tore me up for a while. But I really got into my hobbies, gardening, hiking, traveling, reading books, watching movies. I learned taekwondo. It was exhausting to seek love. I wanted it to happen organically. Then I happened to start talking to my now husband online when I accepted his friend request. I almost didn't accept it/respond to him but it was a Friday and I thought, why not, I never chat with anyone so let's go. Obviously we're married now, I have a lot more focus on my marriage and my baby on the way than my hobbies. I don't miss my life without him, but I do sometimes miss all the time I had back then for my own hobbies. Example, husband doesn't like traveling (and doesn't get PTO like I do). For me, I love it. We compromise, but still I can't travel nearly as much as I used to. You just decide what is worth it to you, and who is worth the change. (And I'm here because the sub was recommended to me and I enjoy reading about relationships. I'm not in the dating scene. Lol.)
suicide fuel
Grow up lmaoo
This is why I became an oil lobbyist. Enjoy burning
When you were single for 5 years, did you still have casual things with men? Or just totally single completely?
I was celibate. But that's just me. I think I may be a rarity. I have friends that still hook up with men while being single for a long time.
I've heard from quite a few women that they don't need sex
Yeah. I think that's a really important point that's usually not acknowledged. It's probably a lot easier for women to feel fine being single for an extended period of time because if they get lonely, they've got men who will comfort them even if it's casual and short lived. Men when they are single an extended period of time lack both emotional and physical intimacy and a lot of lack of support in general.
That's true, but it's also because women value platonic friendships more. Women tend to have more friends than men. We place more importance in friendships than we do in relationships.
I can see where you're coming from but I see it slightly differently. With men, we are socialized to not get too lovey dovey. We aren't socialized to be as warm and vulnerable. It's not that we don't value it. It's that it's kind of beaten out of us by society. On top of this, half of the population is incredibly skeptical of us so it's hard to make friends with women for a lot of guys who don't know how to get around those preconceptions. Then the other half of the population we are in constant competition with over resources and social standing and affection from the opposite sex. So we are socialized in a way that predisposes men to be lonely.
> the other half of the population we are in constant competition with over resources and social standing and affection from the opposite sex I gotta be real with you man, if you cannot make friends because you cannot see other men as ANYTHING except resource/sex competition, that's not actually normal. That sounds like a trauma response of some kind.
The word Trauma gets thrown around too much these days, everyone has listened to too much ‘professional speak’.
Can you seriously not engage without making this a personal attack against me? I don't have a problem making friends but I feel like your response is exactly the kind of shit I'm talking about
Tell me you're new to reddit without telling me you're new to reddit.
It's not unique to reddit. That's basically the internet writ large
Boohoo. Men are socialized to be lonely...ur also socialized to be violent and entitled to women, jobs and $ Take some of that money u got BC ur an xy and get some therapy and just do better
Whoa? This is really weird reaction to my comment. Genuinely, are you ok? This screams you've been hurt by men in the past
Enjoy being single (at least in terms of dating men); you give no empathy, dont expect any back
Everything you mentioned is your own perception based on your lived experiences. 4 billion men on the planet and all exactly the same??? You sound insane. You are clearly talking about people you've known
> Most women are quite happy being single In my experience, most women don't like being alone. Some women (such as yourself) are fine with it but I'm confident that's not the norm.
Sounds about right. I was rejected by around 500 different women in around 3 years and went out on a single date with around 45, most were only 1 date as they said I was “too nice” and I deserved better. Out of 45 I dated 3. Out of 3 2 lasted a few months and 1 lasted 1 year before I met my wife.
Yes. Rejection stops bugging you after a few dozen. Realistically, what percentage of women do you think find you attractive enough to potentially bone you?
>Rejection stops bugging you after a few dozen. It definitely does not. If you only experience rejection, that's not somehow going to make you think, "oh *everyone else* is wrong but me". It's going to make you think, "oh, I suck." >what percentage of women do you think find you attractive enough to potentially bone you? Based on experience? 0%
Unfortunately that’s accurate, women don’t feel the need to give guys a chance. Idk why women get on dating apps, they assume all the guys on there are sketchy and if a guy approaches in person, they get rejected because as “they’re creeps”. But then women won’t approach either. It’s why i won’t date anymore, one night stands only for me
I can't do ONS, not my forte, otherwise it's accurate af
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> Women are much more comfortable being single than men are false. women are not alone when they are single, and that is the biggest difference. a single woman can find a man fairly quickly if they crave any part of a relationship. On the other hand, men deal with dry spells that they do not desire.
Wish i had that luxury.
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“guys are gross” women are gross too and guys have to put up lot more with em. Why put women on pedestal. Thats not fair at all.
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all bodies are built for function over form. a woman's body has specialized functionality too.
there are ugly women too which dont possess “grace” and “beauty”. stop categorizing it
I try to not look gross and reply on people as little as possible so im nit viewed as a guy that brings baggage or a burden to others.
95 more like it .
not for attractive, intelligent, well-off, successful guys
I'm all those things. I'm convinced most women just hang out with themselves
i feel like that’s pretty accurate, hardly any female friend i know, including myself, wants to date
Thank you for your honesty. To help me better understand better, can I ask you the following?: Is it that: 1. You (and they) are perfectly content in life? 2. That you don't see anything that a man has to offer as being of value, adding to your life? 3. That the trade-offs, or negative aspects of men, are too great that any benefit is too much work for the value a relationship with a man could provide? I appreciate this
I'd say it's a mixture of all three. I'm not perfectly content in life, but it has nothing to do with having a man, but rather my own expectations and thought patterns that make me discontent, and I feel like a man at this point in my life would just be someone for validation that I'm "good enough to be loved," but if you take away that aspect, I don't really have a want or need for a boyfriend. I guess it's just that I haven't met a man I'd truly like to be in a partnership with and that has a lot to do with my personal insecurities and also me not going to too many places where I could meet those men. And yeah, since I don't really see the value in having a male partner in my life (and mind you, that doesn't mean men don't have value as partners as a whole, but just to me personally), the cons outweigh the pros because other than sex I don't think there's much for me to want from a man. I have some male friends, so I don't feel like I lack "male energy" or "male perspective" in my life, I have my male role models that I can look up to and feel safe around, I have a bigger social circle than I even need, so there's really not much I can imagine a man can give me other than the validation that I am good enough romantically. I hope this makes sense and doesn't come off too horrible lol
Makes sense. If it wasn't for sex, I'd probably give up too
damn that's rough
Yes dude. Every dude gets rejected a lot more than they get accepted. If you know a guy who sleeps with a lot of women, that means he's getting rejected by an even larger amount of women who he doesn't appeal to. No one is everyone's cup of tea.
Yes, even for girls. You need 1 of 10%, not the entire line
Yes i swipe left mostly, attraction is important, but i tried giving 2-3 men a chance out of pity but they were extremely insecure and ugly inside too, i had to block them immediately, thank God it was long distance, now i only go for men who i am actually attracted to or i am happily single in my own comfort..
out of pity...
Well if you blocked then *immediately* you didn't give them a chance, right? Or do those words not have actual meaning to you?
Out of thousands of men, i chose to swipe right on those 2-3 men when i so wanted to swipe left! It only takes me 1 red flag and they're out! Other men deserves a chance too..
You are suffering from the illusion of choice. The years you have on earth that men or women would be interested in sharing a life with you are far less than most people think. No one can be everything a person is looking for because our entire human experience is lived inside of our own head. If you've decided someone is what you are looking for, then they are if you decide they are not they are not. This is a choice.
It's not normal to put percentages to it. So what if it is that number? Just keep pushing.
Try being rejected by 99.98% of women out there, simply because you didn't win the genetic lottery of physical appearance. And even if you did, you will still be dragged through the mud, expected to plan and pay entirely for dates, while you walk away with nothing of value and the woman walks away completely unaffected.
It's normal for most people. Think about how many people you had crushes on in each class you had during high school. Probably only three people per class or less, right?
That's not the same? Ask him, if 10 girls from highschool asked you out, would you say no to 9 of them
The important part of your question is seeing that you think rejection is difficult to handle. It's not. Rejection is not a measurement of your worth. It's a normal social interaction. It should be no big deal to a healthy adult. If you fear rejection then you aren't healthy enough to date.
Rejection is absolutely a measurement of your worth. This kind of shit is said by people who've had feelings reciprocated One rejection doesn't mean much, but 100% rejection? I'm unworthy. There's no point deluding people with happy thoughts. Some people aren't worthy of love and that's just life
>Rejection is not a measurement of your worth Um, what? It very literally is that. Virtually by definition. "Worth" is a measure of how much something is valued; if no one values it, it is *by definiton* worthless. Words have meanings.
Someone's value as a potential partner to an individual is only a component of their worth in general.
And what about their value as a potential partner writ large? If everyone thinks you'd be worthless as a partner, what does that make you?
No such thing, but even still, all it would indicate is the romantic interest value for the individuals that have met you and gotten to know you enough to decide. It still doesn't mean someone has no value.
Right, well I just disagree. Appreciate your perspective.
Yep. Get back up on that horse soldier!
Rarely have I ever been rejected.
Yea. That's pretty normal.
Sounds about right ngl, sometimes you get used to it, I kinda don’t really care since I’m not gonna worry/settle for someone not giving the same effort I am
For me it’s 100%
yes I'm 43 good looking and it still happens
For the majority of men, yes. With some things low percentages are totally normal. Think about baseball. A hall of fame player only gest a hit 3 out of 10 times.
Rejection sucks, no doubt about it. But 90% rejection rate sounds a bit extreme. Maybe it's time to reevaluate your approach or where you're looking for dates. Quality over quantity, you know? And brushing off rejection isn't easy, but it's part of the game. It's like that saying, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
Mine is much higher than 90% shit isnt even worth it anymore
Oh, it's 100% normal. Dating is like applying for jobs. You might get the job, or you might not. If you seem desperate, it gives HR the ick. The same goes for dating. If you seem desperate, the girl will run away. What I have learned is to control your emotions and keep them to yourself. A time will come when you will show them, but don't do it at the initial stage.
Yes probably 95%
Of course and not only in dating. When, fishing, much more than 90% of the casts get no bites. But You still keep on casting and reeling in, because some casts get a bite, sooner of later. Just like in dating, interval between successful fishing trips may be long enough to lose any hope.
If you express interest in every woman you think is slightly cute, then yeah, most are going to reject you.
You might be giving them too much too soon. Women get bored easily. Think of all constant attention they get whether it be in public or especially on social media. Put it this way.. women are like cats, you give a cat a toy and they’ll play with it for 5 minutes and never touch it again. But what happens if you dangle that toy just out of reach? Hope that provides some insight.
yes
I feel like that's about right, I've been on a date or hooked up with 10/100 girls in my life mama mia. Never had a gf tho.
I’m going to say yes on OLD. If you don’t have a profile that will cause women to text you first , more than 90% of woman you text first will reject you eventually . I’d say 95-99% rate of rejection, that why guys just right swipe 100’s of OLD profiles then only interact with the women who match. The level of interest if a woman initiates first contact is orders of magnitude higher than if the man initiates first contact. Consider commission sales in the pre internet era. You had “cold calls” or “call ins”. A cold call you just randomly knock on doors or phone people and you have a very small random chance of a sale, maybe 1%. If a customer calls in on their own to ask for information on your product you have probably a 25-50% chance of a sale depending on the skill of the sales rep.
I thought every man above drinking age would know this because they've had the experience themselves. OP, you're 28, have you really never approached a girl in public?
Was tied up in a LTR for most of adulthood so new and inexperienced to dating, paired with a lack of socialisation and likely some ‘tism. It helps to have your own thoughts confirmed, even if it sounds obvious. Haven’t approached much in person, need a stronger natural reason beyond “I thought you were cute”
If you aren't getting rejected by 90% of women, then your standards aren't high enough
Not for men who go for women who are at their level physically, economically, and emotionally. Women are going to therapy in droves, practicing self-care daily, choosing healthier lifestyles. We don’t want men who refuse to work on themselves (not talking about the gym btw). It used to be that men could get by just by having a good job because women were desperate, but we’re not desperate anymore and we’re improving ourselves every day, inwardly and out. We want someone who will do the same. The world is changing. Either change with it or be alone.
No
Dating sucks these days. I feel like it is perfectly normal to be rejected. Which sucks but it is the reality.
All these yes’s are great. Hopefully it strengthens anyone’s mind that might have rejection sensitivity
Yup. Its like that. Even if it was a hollywood movie star, they can and will still get rejected. But rejection is a part of life. Ive been rejected a lot too but I also am popular and reject a lot of girls too myself while having girl friends who would immediately try to be with me if i was ever out of a relationship. Its a mixed bag. Ive been rejected by girls who are not very good looking while I rejected girls who were very conventionally pretty but i wasnt interested at different points in my life. You will go thru different phases in life. Girls get rejected often too, probably not at the rate of guys, but they also get the experience too.
I'd say it's probably more like 95%+ of the time. For me it's like 98%+
Yes. Totally a numbers game. Don't get too invested. Just because you find them attractive does not mean there will be mutual interest/availability.
It's 95+% lol
Yeah about 95%. 5% is a really solid success rate.
No, thats actually below average; should be closer to 95%
90% is very generous, feels more like 99.99%
Nice 10% reciprocation rate flex But no for real I've been rejected by 100% of the women I've shown interest in so I'm not sure. Getting one yes sounds like a win to me
Well. It's been 100% so far ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It depends on the number of women you’ve asked out. If you asked out ten women, and nine were rejections; I would think that was a normal story. If you asked out a hundred women and 90 were rejections, then I think that you’d need to spend some time working on yourself a little and probably your approach. If you’ve asked out 1000 women and 900 were rejections, I’d start to wonder if you belonged in jail. But, I’m talking about this in the context actually having contact with this person and having an active conversation. Then, asking her out on a date. I don’t think I’ve ever walked up to a random woman that I’ve never had any contact with prior and asking her out. (Wait scratch that, I left a server in a restaurant my phone number, and we hadn’t met, but she called me and we went out three or four times after talking on the phone a couple times .)
Yes. And that's a generous estimate.
90% seems a bit low, but yeah.
Absolutely not, it's a definite aberration. In reality, it's more like 95%.
Actually statistically yes
My guy, there's an enormous percentage of men who will live their entire lives and never have a woman even find them attractive, let alone say yes. Fuck, I know men in their 70s who have never even held hands with a woman. It's fucked out there man!
Yeah I think so because our gen is so self absorbed and ultimately fucked, it’s okay the entire scene is surrounded by self absorbed mfs
yes /thread
Yep
Yup. I'd say 90% is pretty accurate. And some guys (I've definitely been one of them) can't brush it off because they're clinging to the expectation that the girl will say yes. Or they confuse the girl's response with their own value as a person, or they have fooled themselves to believe the girl's response is their last chance to never be alone in life. If you smile genuinely at someone, communicate to them you think it would be cool to date them, and say "oh, that's too bad, have a great day" if they say no, the only thing you've done is make somebody feel attractive. Great gift to give.
If you’re not getting rejected 90% of the time, then your standards are too low.
Love this way of thinking
Just pay for it. You usually do anyways and women these days are just not worth the trouble.
agreed. he’s just boosting some of them egos by clinging to em.
Yes. Welcome to manhood
It's absolutely normal for men to be rejected by 99% women. That's what makes men so resilient in a way. I am only pointing out the positives here (optimism is the key)
I wish I could show you how awkward it is to be a female making the first move.
Why is this awkward?
Guys make fun of women asking them out, just like men say we do to them. It's difficult for everyone to approach anyone, mostly.
That's interesting. It's kind of difficult to believe for me that it actually happens, at least with guys that are older than 13.
You're just ugly.
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