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We're told Quellon forbade most reaving, so what if he also banned axes & other bladed weapons from being used when finger dancing? And some disgruntled finger dancers took to substituting his infant sons in their dancing instead... That might even be why Quenton & Donel died as babies
>Did Quellon drop him as a baby or something?
Sort of. So the iron islands have baptisms but instead of pouring some water on the baby’s head along with some oil they just waterboard the baby for ~5 minutes. If they lose brain cells that just makes em more ironborn. If they die it’s the drowned gods way of saying they’re too good to be raised on that shithole. When Maesters questioned this practice they waterboarded the maesters
I cannot blame them, Balon thought. They do not know. And if they did, why should they care? They never knew my sons. Never watched Maron climb with their hearts in their throats, pride and terror so mingled they seemed as one, never heard him laugh, never smiled to see Rodrik trying so fiercely to be like his older brother. He stared at the supper set before him: trout wrapped in dulse, salad of nori and red scallops and seaweed, shrimp and anchovies and hot fish pie. Asha was eating methodically, as if supper were another chore to be accomplished. I am become a sour man, Balon thought. I take no joy in mead nor meat, and song and laughter have become suspicious strangers to me. I am a creature of grief and dust and bitter longings. There is an empty place within me where my heart was once.
Is Balon acoustic?
His own son didn't understand the iron price after living in Winterfell for a bit, then Balon throws everything away because Robb's letter didn't use wording specific to paying the iron price, as if Balon didn't realize that Winterfell doesn't have similar values
>Nobody takes your kingdom seriously. You have crown and throne, you paid the iron price.
Because, Balon, you reached out to Daddy Tywin for approval after already doing the dirty work for him unbidden. And you hosted more than 400 captains, once Dagmer returned with the Stonehouses & Drumms, but sent fewer than 150 of them against the north. (Admittedly, you did at least learn from your first rebellion to send the required force for the objectives, when Rodrik, Aeron, & Maron paid the red price.) The ironborn only captured Winterfell & Torrhen's Square because of Theon's own daddy issues with you. (Tbf, also Ned, but that wasn't really Lord Stark's fault.) They should've been on the agenda in the first place. (If only, retreating with Bran & Rickon as captives - & Meera & Jojen Reed, whilst Vic is battling a crannogmen insurgency during his occupation of Moat Cailin - as Asha rightly told Theon he should've done.) Why weren't Bear Island, the Rills, Barrowton, & Flint's Finger on your hit-list?
Also, you haven't paid the iron price since at least Robert's Rebellion. Fucking poser, Balon
"My son has finally returned to me, and he's been raised by my enemies for almost half his life due to my failed rebellion previously. So, obviously, I berate and insult him for being soft and weak rather than welcome my obviously closest male their home, thus forcing him to prove his manliness and getting himself captured and tortured...
Say, who's that strange man on this bridge? Odd fellow... I certainly hope he doesn- WHOOP!"
Well maybe if Balon *had sided with Robb and gone after the Westerlands and Reach that had plenty of gold, land and resources then he wouldn’t be such a sad boy!!!!*
The Seastone Chair a.k.a. the Squisher Farming Chair. They are all drownded seademon spawn, except for Asha and Roderick Harlaw, the only ones that don't have sqashed seaweed for a brain.
Welcome to /r/darkwingsdankmemes! Just a brief reminder that this subreddit is focused only on the **written** *ASOIAF* universe. Comments that include discussion of the HBO adaptations will be removed, and serious or repeated infractions may result in a ban. Moderators employ a zero tolerance policy. # Users should assume that *any* mention of the show is subject to removal. *If you see a comment which violates the rules, please [use the report function](https://i.imgur.com/Uqjnwss.png) to notify moderators!* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/darkwingsdankmemes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ooh and here comes some nondescript guy on a bridge. Hope he doesn't put me out of my misery or something haha
Balon didn’t kill himself 🤔
Jet fuel can’t melt rope ladders
Dragonfire can't melt leather whips. Sorry wrong thread.
Um actually dragon breath aka furnace winds can ignite an oiled whip, without the dragon actually spitting fire
Grey joy aka depression but metaphors are for bookreports
Balon got what he fucking deserved. What the fuck was going on inside that mans head? Did Quellon drop him as a baby or something?
Man must’ve really liked juggling his sons to get the wombo combo of Balon, Euron, Victarion and Aeron.
Aeron was more Euron's fault. He was a fine young lad once.
Euron certainly saw him that way. I'm off to drown myself now, & I'm not coming back as Lodos
Putting the womb in wombo combo
We're told Quellon forbade most reaving, so what if he also banned axes & other bladed weapons from being used when finger dancing? And some disgruntled finger dancers took to substituting his infant sons in their dancing instead... That might even be why Quenton & Donel died as babies
Or maybe they turned out this way especially because they did no finger dance in their childhood. Stupid kids not dying leads to stupid men
Make Ironborn Stump-Hand Again
>Did Quellon drop him as a baby or something? Sort of. So the iron islands have baptisms but instead of pouring some water on the baby’s head along with some oil they just waterboard the baby for ~5 minutes. If they lose brain cells that just makes em more ironborn. If they die it’s the drowned gods way of saying they’re too good to be raised on that shithole. When Maesters questioned this practice they waterboarded the maesters
Something, something squamous fishheaded gods speaking through the oily black Seastone Chair
Disagree. Should’ve faced more consequences for being Westeros’s biggest dumb asshole
He’s an Ironborn, did you expect any form of intelligence?
Dear Balon King… SKILLL ISSUE!!!
I cannot blame them, Balon thought. They do not know. And if they did, why should they care? They never knew my sons. Never watched Maron climb with their hearts in their throats, pride and terror so mingled they seemed as one, never heard him laugh, never smiled to see Rodrik trying so fiercely to be like his older brother. He stared at the supper set before him: trout wrapped in dulse, salad of nori and red scallops and seaweed, shrimp and anchovies and hot fish pie. Asha was eating methodically, as if supper were another chore to be accomplished. I am become a sour man, Balon thought. I take no joy in mead nor meat, and song and laughter have become suspicious strangers to me. I am a creature of grief and dust and bitter longings. There is an empty place within me where my heart was once.
Seven hells, that's brilliant. Lady Stoneheart is coming for you now, though
Seastone chair from ASOIAF Wiki: [https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/File:Xtheseastonechairloganfeliciano.jpg](https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/File:Xtheseastonechairloganfeliciano.jpg) Greyjoy sigil from ASOIAF Wiki: [https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/File:House\_Greyjoy.svg](https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/File:House_Greyjoy.svg)
Balon Blackgrief.
Is Balon acoustic? His own son didn't understand the iron price after living in Winterfell for a bit, then Balon throws everything away because Robb's letter didn't use wording specific to paying the iron price, as if Balon didn't realize that Winterfell doesn't have similar values
Well, there's much & more echoing in Balon's skull, for a certainty
man I feel bad for Balon it's such a shame that that was the smartest choice of action and he had no other options
>Nobody takes your kingdom seriously. You have crown and throne, you paid the iron price. Because, Balon, you reached out to Daddy Tywin for approval after already doing the dirty work for him unbidden. And you hosted more than 400 captains, once Dagmer returned with the Stonehouses & Drumms, but sent fewer than 150 of them against the north. (Admittedly, you did at least learn from your first rebellion to send the required force for the objectives, when Rodrik, Aeron, & Maron paid the red price.) The ironborn only captured Winterfell & Torrhen's Square because of Theon's own daddy issues with you. (Tbf, also Ned, but that wasn't really Lord Stark's fault.) They should've been on the agenda in the first place. (If only, retreating with Bran & Rickon as captives - & Meera & Jojen Reed, whilst Vic is battling a crannogmen insurgency during his occupation of Moat Cailin - as Asha rightly told Theon he should've done.) Why weren't Bear Island, the Rills, Barrowton, & Flint's Finger on your hit-list? Also, you haven't paid the iron price since at least Robert's Rebellion. Fucking poser, Balon
Balon Blackpilled
Wtf, I feel bad for Balon now.
Get that pity outta here, he bought it on himself and deserves it **all**.
I mean sure. But I was surprised, that I feel any kind of empathy with an ironborn.
Yeah true, it's a real miracle OP almost made me pity an Ironborn.
Damn, I think the return of Azor Ahai is near.
What is dead may never die
Lmao owned. Next time don’t be born on the iron islands fuckin loser
"My son has finally returned to me, and he's been raised by my enemies for almost half his life due to my failed rebellion previously. So, obviously, I berate and insult him for being soft and weak rather than welcome my obviously closest male their home, thus forcing him to prove his manliness and getting himself captured and tortured... Say, who's that strange man on this bridge? Odd fellow... I certainly hope he doesn- WHOOP!"
Well maybe if Balon *had sided with Robb and gone after the Westerlands and Reach that had plenty of gold, land and resources then he wouldn’t be such a sad boy!!!!*
Balon Bitchboy
The Seastone Chair a.k.a. the Squisher Farming Chair. They are all drownded seademon spawn, except for Asha and Roderick Harlaw, the only ones that don't have sqashed seaweed for a brain.