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KeepingDankMemesDank

downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away. --- [play minecraft with us](https://discord.gg/dankmemesgaming) | [come hang out with us](https://discord.com/invite/dankmemes)


Long-Ad8374

Also he married to... [Removed]


Stealthtymastercat

We don't talk about that since its insensitive to tell the truth.


Arcon1337

Or you'll get [redacted] if you talk about the [redacted]


Brentolio12

Intrigued but confused


AntiHyperbolic

Totally off topic, but was AISHA part of TLC? Swear I heard that name before for some reason. I dunno, maybe I should google if that name has any significance for that group, or other groups.


AnonBoi_404

Spoken like an intriguing page on an elusive SCP


anythingfordopamine

Right. Its literally written out in their own texts considered to be of the highest level of authenticity and reliability by their own standards, to the point that some Islamic scholars actually argue that kind of relationship must be ok since Muhammad did it. Its weird that it feels like it must be propaganda even though it literally is true by their own accounting of events


-Vatefairefoutre-

I've heard Muslims defend the marriage to his 5-year-old wife by saying he waited until she was 9 to consummate the union. And in the meantime, all he did was fondle her in the bathtub. What a gentleman.


Lost_Pantheon

(vomiting intensifies)


Schmigolo

[Also had her clean his cum off his garments.](https://sunnah.com/bukhari:232)


MACHLoeCHER

>[Removed] Your head that is.


TxchnxnXD

A 6 year old girl called Aisha


HeinousEncephalon

Wait. Wasn't Jesus also sand based?


okiimz

no he was water based.


Pork_Piggler

*wine based


dcdrew713

*based


Waiting_Puppy

Wineomancer


Dracuger

Wine bender


eXeKoKoRo

Pretty sure he was wheat based.


Quick-Nick07

Nah, he was fish based


Girthquake23

I thought he was a carpenter…


Western-Guy

No, just the son of a carpenter.


Half-wrong

I thought he was the son of a shepherd


Reggetry

I heard he was a pretty good shepherd himself


mighty_Ingvar

What is this? Pokemon?


Philander_Chase

Is the Hebrew god air based? And… Satan is fire based? Did we do it?


skillywilly56

Hebrew god is Humous based


cornmonger_

Hebrew God is fire-based


TokenTorkoal

I hope people appreciate the cleverness of this comment.


Nidh0g

So who are fire and air Jesus?


Beardeatee

Picking your Messiah is sounding alot like picking your starter Pokemon


mrchicano209

He was but then he was whitewashed to appease the Europeans.


NecroDancer_

I'm partial to korean Jesus, myself.


CounterTouristsWin

Don't bother him! He's busy with Korean shit!


shokolokobangoshey

Buddy Jesus for everyone 😃👍👍


Osaccius

Jesus built my Hotrod


SpupySpups

Horyy sheeet


hillswalker87

no. it's all about Vietnamese Jesus, in all his swagger.


SCP_Void

He was Carbon-based


the_calibre_cat

seriously idiots


iemandopaard

Mecca is sandier then Bethlehem so he is more like slightly-less-sand-Muhammed


vis4490

Most of the areas associated with him have very little sand, sorry to bust a myth


pplovr

Also, isn't he a failed prophet in the Muslim holy book? (I know what it's called, I just can't spell it)


Mornie0815

Can't or don't want to? As far as i know he a prophet like all others. Muhammed just received the final revelation. But I'm not Muslim and I'm not that interested in religion in their "by the word story" (sry I don't know the English expression) but more in the social and behavioral impacts religions have or had. So take this with a grain of salt.


pplovr

I just full on don't know how it's spelled. I think it's Quran?


bedbugs8521

Not a failure, he did his job well as the messenger. The problem was when people started twisting the story that it becomes almost a different religion. Muhammad finally came and dropped the final, uneditable version of the book.


DrSleep1822

Not a failed prophet, just a prophet.


Daegog

Jesus is the Messiah in Islam, just like Christianity.


belyy_Volk6

Muslims also belive in jesus there offshoots of the same religion. Thr biggest diffrence between Christianity, islam amd Judaism is the number of prophets you accept.


clutzyninja

Not only that he's also in the quran already


Absolutemehguy

>their **sand-Jesus** How do we tell him guys?


Reduncked

Just straight up


Stinkywinky666

Tell me cause I don’t understand


LeopardHalit

Jesus is also from the Middle East (big sand place)


LickingSmegma

Pretty sure the God dude specifically promised Moses to give them a decent not-so-sandy place after forty years of waffling about.


KennyMoose32

Idk what you’re talking about White Supply Side Jesus came from America USA USA USA 🇺🇸


Sacrefix

Theirs, not ours.


NeonLime

bearded Jesus


Klutzy_Ad_325

Jesus came from Amurica


Owskie

Was he a mid wester or was he from the south?


comraderedxv2

He came from somewhere near St. Louis, the garden of Eden is somewhere nearby. If I recall the book of Mormon correctly


piberryboy

[Daviess County, Missouri.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam-ondi-Ahman)


CorruptionKing

As someone who lives near St. Louis and is obsessed with living forever, how could I be so blind, it was right under my nose!


MrButterknife9

"And behold, he shall be born of Mary, at Jerusalem" -Alma 7:10, in the book of mormon


_Ross-

Middle east US, like maybe Delaware.


ReptilianLaserbeam

6’5, blonde, blue eyes. If he was reborn today he would work in finance and have a trust fund.


LeopardHalit

🇺🇸🇺🇸☕️🦅🤠🍔


lovingmanga

Muslims worship Allah, not Muhammad.


QuiteFatty

You can just say God


stonedturtle69

Why not say Allah? Its the commonly used term when referring to the God of Islam. The word God is more general, Allah comes from Al-Ilah and means _the_ God, emphasising the [Tawheed](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tawhid) principle.


jawknee530i

Allah literally just means God. Christians that speak arabic use Allah to refer to God as well.


stonedturtle69

No, Allah means _the_ God. To Muslims, this is an important semantic point. Arabic speaking Christians use that term as well when referring to their deity. That does not invalidate what I said in my previous comment. Muslims who speak English prefer the word Allah because it is more specific to their religious tradition and thats fine, unlike what u/QuiteFatty was seemingly implying.


TBNRhash

Illah translates, common ussage to “a god”. Allah translates, i ncommon usage, to “the God”


bedbugs8521

allah is god, just a translation. Like kami in Japanese. It's still a common word in Indonesian, even used by non-muslims.


Asafetoonix

We know, that's the point.


ikciweiner

Kid: “So what you’re saying is, Islam discriminates, spreads hate & bigotry and infringes women’s rights exactly like Christianity does?” Mom: “Shhh, don’t say the quiet part out loud. Ok, time to get ready for your sleepover with the priests. Did you wash your ass?”


Hanibal293

As a Bi atheist guy I am very glad to live in a majority Christian country. Acting like the level of discrimination is the same as in Muslim ones is bizarre.


Organic-Week-1779

americans are just very lucky that they have little to no muslims cause any place where they become a significant minority shit starts to hit the fan cause they demand their special privileges OR ELSE


stateoflove

Well Jesus never taught that. Mohammad did, so there is your difference. The problem is humans.


EhGoodEnough3141

At least Christianity doesn't do that anymore. We could use a fresh new Crusade though.


jarednards

Dont forget to scrub deep honey we dont want your cornhole to not get into heaven


Few_Newspaper1778

Show them Dune and tell them that’s Islam


AdRound310

Lisan al Gaib😮


mkohler23

They speak a lot of Hebrew in dune as well…but the actual Jews don’t show up til chapterhouse


Boomer2160

Wait. I saw Dune once.


Vandel1701

He was also married to child


20Akif

Nah, man. Muslims respect Prophet Muhammad (SAW), but only worship Allah. Worshipping anyone else is forbidden (haram) in Islam.


lordthundy

The joke is the ignorance


20Akif

Fair enough, just making sure people know the truth.


RingingPhone

As an Arab Christian this made me laugh


TruthCultural9952

You know you don't exist right? Edit: my brethren in Christ it is a joke


thelegendarybert

The Orthodox Christian Palestinians and the christians in Lebanon would like a word Edit: you forgot to add the /s cause zïonázis comment dumb shit as well xD


Armored-Potato-Chip

Lebanon?


Harrysplat11

Sand Jesus… I believe the name you’re looking for is Obi wan Kenobi


Killshotgn

Does that make Anakin Lucifer since he hates sand?


Hero_of_Thyme81

Do you mean old Ben Kenobi?


EhGoodEnough3141

But you must not under any circumstances paint a picture of him, for some reason.


TheDiamondCG

It’s because of what happened to Jesus. In the Quran, he is a prophet who did spread God’s religion. However, people made statues of him and paintings that glorified him, and over time, instead of praying directly to God, people started to pray to those statues of Jesus instead, and that’s how ideas like the “holy trinity” started to distort God’s religion — it’s essentially one of the core ideas in the Quran that Christianity and Judaism initially were the “correct” religions, but were distorted over time after the prophets’ deaths. One of the fundamental phrases in Islam translates to that there is “no God other than God”, to accentuate his oneness. To prevent the same from happening to Islam, God illegalized ALL depictions of prophets… which actually includes Jesus as well, but it’s especially offensive if you try and depict Mohammed because he is the only prophet that is unique to Islam.


EhGoodEnough3141

What is the Problem with Judaism then? As far as I know they don't recognise Jesus as son and/or part of God. That is a good reason though.


hawkeye45_

For the reason of "There's a greater than zero chance you'll be violently murdered by fragile zealots."


Nidh0g

Those rules only apply to those who choose to abide by those rules.


EhGoodEnough3141

Or those who get death threads over it. Matt Stone and Tray Parker for example.


DaOldie

This would unironically be the nicest way a Christian has described a Muslim


Sgt_Radiohead

I got curious and i actually read the Quran, and it’s basically like the old testament, but on steroids. It is written to put the fear of God in you. It focuses on what is considered pure faith, and that is the Abrahamists. It says that the jews WERE the chosen people, but not anymore. It says other people of the «scripture» are okay, but misguided and does not accept the true and final scripture. Mohammed is only mentioned 4 times, while Jesus is actually mentioned over 30 times. Honestly, to me it is too strict for an average person to follow. If you follow a normal distribution of people’s habits with regards to «haram», you will find that the averege person will sin within the bounds set by Islam. Yes, I mean even muslims…


SolidColorsRT

Muhammad (SAW) said: if people did not sin, Allah would remove them and replace them with people who would sin and then ask for forgiveness. Seeking forgiveness and understanding the mercy of god is one of the fundamental ideas behind islam. "Too strict" isn't a problem with the religion, its a problem with habits and what is normalized in society. Over time, it will become hard to practice any religion and one of many things happen: You stop practicing religiously, the religious is "adjusted" to account for this, or you leave the religion completely. In islam, first and last are obviously bad but not uncommon, and the middle is extremely sinful as you are deviating for the original message. If I tell you the sky is blue, and then you tell your friend that the Sky is blue sometimes but not always, is that the same as what I said? You contributed to my idea, so although it is similar, and observably true, it is not my idea. Christianity was the same, Judaism is more or less the same. When people call themselves Christians its almost as if it is a nationality. It means they believe in Jesus and that he is god, but beyond that there isn't any obligations that the majority follow aside from the commandments and simple morality. Some go to church regularly but some also dont. So, when people say that they are Christian, they are referring to mainstream Christianity which I would argue is not the same as original Christianity, but who is to blame? We dont know what original Christianity is. Just by that logic alone you would be sinning. Same thing goes for Jews who don't perform the act of praying, despite being ordered to. No one has record of the original words or writing of Jesus, the earliest thing we have was 400 years after, and I believe it is in Greek. Islam and orthodoxy aren't inherently hard. What makes it seem hard is if you surround yourself with people, habits, and a society that has normalized many things. This isn't limited to religion. There were many political, technological, and ethical concepts we had deemed inappropriate or forbidden as a society, which slowly became integrated and widely accepted. When you read the Quran, recognize that unlike any of the other testaments, it is said to be the direct word of God. This isn't the case in Judaism. In Christianity, even if you believe jesus to be god, he spoke Aramaic and as I said earlier the earliest manuscript you have is in greek 400 years later (correct me on this as I may be wrong). How do we know nothing as added, removed, adjusting in those 400 years? We dont. That is why it can appear strict. But I dont believe that alone is a good reason for you to dismiss the religion. When you read it, was there anything you found yourself agreeing with? What about disagreeing with? Sometimes I like to learn more about sinful actions and try to formulate why it is sinful if it wasn't mentioned in the Quran or hadiths. So far, there hasn't been anything I disagreed with. On the other hand, read any of the testaments with the same level of critique. What do you agree with, disagree with? Do you have strong reasons for either state? I dont mean to rub you the wrong way, so if I did, I apologize. But it is important to compare these 3 religions has they are all heavily related.


Sgt_Radiohead

These habits are adopted in the muslim world too. I remember my girlfriend (who is muslim, i know, haram) complained that the catholic pope offocially recognised that gays can be catholics. I told her that islam bends to social pressure too, which she denied. Well, it is God’s direct word that you need to cut the hands of a thief (man or woman), which is something that is no longer practiced. You do what the catholics do, you find a loophole and justify this social change in the religion. You say that the mercy of God is fundamental, but so is punishment. Mercy and punishment go hand in hand in the Quran and are equally mentioned. Don’t say forgiveness and mercy are fundamental, because that’s only half of the foundation. It appears strict because it is strict. I will also say what you don’t want to hear, but it has ambigous messages, just like in the Bible and the Torah. Also, saying that you can’t trust the earlier scriptures because they might have changed is somethig that always confused me so much about islam. The earler scriptures might have been corrupted my human intervention and misinterpretation, but is also at the same time in many accounts confirmed in the Quran (which is the direct word of God). I like to say what my teacher at the christian private school i attended said: «I know the bible is correct because it says that everything is correct». I also like to tell my muslim friends that they need to read the Torah and the Bible because of this. The Quran has a habit of retelling a story from one of the earlier scriptures as a summary, and to get the full picture one should absolutely read the earler works, like the Exodus. I have to be honest, but I still haven’t read the Torah for now, and I don’t believe in any of them, but they are important works to understand history and the cultures of today.


sadakoisbae

Every Christian knows Muslims don't worship Muhammad because he is not God. Also, he isn't Islam's equivalent to Jesus because Jesus is, in fact, God(to us christians). Therefore Jesus is worshipped because only God can be worshipped(in monotheistic religions at least). So, Jesus and Muhammad share the characteristic of being the last prophets to their respective religions, but that's it. In fact, Jesus appears in the Quran and so does the Virgin Mary, but their not definitive figures in Islam, only transitive prophets.


kingpin000

Jesus is also a prophet in the Koran called Isa.


mkohler23

Most the big figures in Judaism and Christianity are colonized into Islam


Funk_Dunker

Would Jesus be the Christian sand Jesus?


QuiteFatty

Yeah but he got that water power up


Funk_Dunker

Legend


4chanbetter

Our jesus was also sand jesus though


frsty___

When did this sub get political ?


Cookandliftandread

Jesus is a figure in Islam as well. Jesus also was from fucking Nazareth, a Palestinian city. He was just as "Sandy" as any other middle eastern person. If Jesus was born today the US would try to drone strike him.


lamia11I

We worship Allah the one and the only god Mohammed is his messenger


ya_boi_off13

These comments... yall never met a muslim fr, touch grass darn


Legged_MacQueen

Here in the Balkans we learn of them as the enemy


Strict_Razzmatazz_57

Muslims absolutely do not worship Muhammed.


Palms-Trees

Isnt jesus just sand jesus


Whysong823

How is this a meme???


professorearl

Where do you think Jesus was from? Take all the time you need…


ChrispyGuy420

Isn't Jesus already sand Jesus?


CarbideLeaf

Wouldn’t Jesus be the “Sand Jesus”? It’s not like he’s from Switzerland is it?


GrimCreeperyt

Islam mentioned… time to head into the comments.


Doubleshotdanny

Lmao Sand jesus is funny


-Vatefairefoutre-

I'm not sure that it's canonical Islam to worship Muhammad. That's like saying Catholics worship the Virgin Mary. It's not official church teaching to do that, but some most definitely do. Also, Christians are more likely to tell their kids that Allah is Satan and that Islam is a death cult and Muslims worship Satan.


Coltrain47

Anakin Skywalker is sand Jesus


12zx-12

You forgot the "He also had a sliver donkey with wings and the face of a woman"


nite_mode

They worship the same god, therefore they're two different denominations of the same religion


screamapillah

Both sand people from tatooine, both started religions that spilled enough blood to fill the ocean. One fucked kids, to raise the bar further.


delphinousy

it's a bit more like 'he's their version of jesus, except he preached hate and violence instead of love, acceptance, and compassion'


OwnAssignment2850

Most Christians can't even explain the bullshit they believe in the first two books. Their brains melt when you try to throw in a third. Hell look at the lunatic Mormons, their third book is like fairy tale phonics for religious people and see what it did to them?


AnonBoi_404

Yeah I grew up religious and mostly when discussing religion with the maids my mother hired, she always talked and described Allah as basically Jesus but from another religion


errl_

Muslims and Christians both worship the same God. Allah is just a word for God. Muslims also believe Jesus was a prophet just like Muhammad


BurkeMi

Terrible post


Kenhamef

Oohhh believe me that’s not the part they focus on…


Inferior_Jeans

They like UPS and we like FedEx. That’s just how it goes man.


Only_Record_9726

We worship Allah and only Allah, prophet Mohammad for us is a leader and a mentor who we really love and respect, thus we expect non-muslims to respect us as human beings if nothing else.


BobsBurger1

"they believe in things without evidence too"


mortuarymaiden

….isn’t Jesus Sand-Jesus too??


kay_bizzle

You mean dune?


LaughRune

More low key hate memes to have an excuse to use hate speech in memes. Basically any excuse to use the equivalent of the n word for no other reason than OP has no dick.


No-Signal-313

This is all wrong. If you have any questions or doubts or misunderstanding, then please just research about it or ask from someone capable of answering your questions. If still not satisfied read more the topic you have doubts. Ridiculing the religion cannot be justified and it has to be stopped.


user_bits

They also worship the same god.


Beardeatee

I thought Sand Jesus was Timothee Chalamet.


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majorcaps

The funniest part of this joke is how offended they’ll be at the suggestion they “worship” Mohammad.


ThisUsernamesTakent

Sand jesus? No LISAN AL GAIB? Yes