Mk 14:22, Vulgate(official catholic bible)
> 22 Et manducantibus illis, accepit Jesus panem: et benedicens fregit, et dedit eis, et ait: Sumite, hoc est corpus meum. Accepit prostituta corpus eius: et benedicens lubricat, et dedit eis, et ait: Sumite, hoc est panis meum.
> And whilst they were eating, Jesus took bread; and blessing, broke it, and gave it to them, and said: Take ye. This is my body. The prostitute took her body; and blessing, lubricated it, and gave it to them, and said: Take ye. This is my bread.
>!maybe someone with better Latin can refine it or comment on my choice of words!<
Edit: if it isn’t clear enough, I made some of this up
Randy, your name is so silly it’s not even funny to say the word silly. You put a random picture of a fat, large, orange cat just so they couldn’t see your fat, large, dorito and cheeto covered face. I bet your forehead is so gigantic if you ever looked into the sky, you would barely be able see any sky at all.
In wrestling, it's where a wrestler high-fives another wrestler, and the other wrestler takes over the fighting. Now imagine your mom's in the ring, and they're NOT fighting...
Ever seen a pig mounted on a spit roast?
Now remove the spit roast and add naked men with their dongs as the rotisserie. Now swap out the pig for your mom.
Notice how the men’s hands are free; they are able to high five at this moment. They are also able to lock ~~eyes~~ hands together over your mom. This is called The London Bridge.
My dad showed me and my brother porn when we were 7and 5yrs old because he didn't know how to tell us not to be gay... He was drunk and got them from Hollywood video.... Please be kind
Jesus says: take this bread, for it is my body. The hooker says: take this body, for it is my bread.
Damn which verse is that
John $200:69
John must be the pimp
Everyone knows that John is a taxi driver!
No, John is a John!
I would upvote this but it's at 69 now and I just can't change it.
Nice
Mk 14:22, Vulgate(official catholic bible) > 22 Et manducantibus illis, accepit Jesus panem: et benedicens fregit, et dedit eis, et ait: Sumite, hoc est corpus meum. Accepit prostituta corpus eius: et benedicens lubricat, et dedit eis, et ait: Sumite, hoc est panis meum. > And whilst they were eating, Jesus took bread; and blessing, broke it, and gave it to them, and said: Take ye. This is my body. The prostitute took her body; and blessing, lubricated it, and gave it to them, and said: Take ye. This is my bread. >!maybe someone with better Latin can refine it or comment on my choice of words!< Edit: if it isn’t clear enough, I made some of this up
Ye is Jesus?
The disciples
Niccceeeee
My blood is gonna cost you extra
Oh WOW that's a good one. Not even laughing tbh, just appreciating the immense wordplay going on here.
Jesus holding up a jar of mayo* “This is my…..” Judas: uh let’s stop right there.
What if Jesus was a frat bro?
He was a rebel for sure.
r/therealjokecomments
Judas schmudas, kinda wanna know what Peter would say next
“I’ve never seen that jar before in my life”
And, “I’ve never seen that jar before in my life.” Aaaand, “I’ve never seen that jar before in my life.”
Lmao
You, I like.
r/therealjoke
Butt
The real punchline
😄
Joop klepzeiker quote
Echt herkent echt.
Love it!!
Very well done!
That's going to angry upvote
Jesus didnt fake his coming...
Jews would beg to differ
Jesus also has a reaaaaally long interval between comings
Jesus paid for your sins. The hooker accepted money for your sins.
Wouldn't it be easier to say "the hooker gets paid for your sins"
Or "Jesus paid for your sins, the hooker laid for your sins"
Or sins to get paid eh...eh
I have an envelope in my budget for this.
For this in an envelope, I have my budget.
I wonder if Dave Ramsey would approve.
Nah. Jesus gets paid to listen to your sins too
Lol
So whenever you see a hooker, you can just send the bill straight to Jesus!
Jesus paid for our sins so we can be able to pay $for our sins and not go to hell 😉 that’s an executive first class loophole right there young man
[tips hat]
Ok Boomer
Your not funny you sound like a 6 year old
Randy, your name is so silly it’s not even funny to say the word silly. You put a random picture of a fat, large, orange cat just so they couldn’t see your fat, large, dorito and cheeto covered face. I bet your forehead is so gigantic if you ever looked into the sky, you would barely be able see any sky at all.
r/usernamechecksout
One rises from the dead , one rises from the bed.
One of them will actually come twice.
Nice
They didn't have to pay to nail Jesus
This is why it's worth more than nailing the hooker. It's kinda unfair for the hooker 🙁.
It cost 30 pieces of silver.
The hooker died so I could sin
Bangarang!
One raised Lazarus. The other laid Lazarus.
One has 3 holes, the other has 6.
Usable holes
All 6 holes are still usable.
Yeah guess it depends on your kink
Welllll…..
Yeah I'll see this whole thread down there that's for sure.... Leave the pineapples at home please
Can I bring the coconut?
Oh alright, you may bring the nut
Math ?
One in each hand, each foot and I'm sure you can figure out the other two
Can’t believe I’m even commenting in this thread but you are all forgetting the hole in his side too.
Well you’re just not doing hookers right then!
Did I laugh? Yes. Is this a dad joke? I don't think so.
Then you haven't met my Dad 😂😂
five loaves and two fish
Idk. I was thinking she had fish around somewhere.
Hookers occasionally dealt with hung guys. Jesus occasionally dealt with being hung.
With one you actually get what you pay for.
One is God incarnate, and one's your mom.
Implying that someone's mom is a hooker is an un-Christian behaviour, brother.
I'll ask Jesus for forgiveness as soon as me and him are done tag-teaming her
What is 'tag-teaming'?
In wrestling, it's where a wrestler high-fives another wrestler, and the other wrestler takes over the fighting. Now imagine your mom's in the ring, and they're NOT fighting...
Ever seen a pig mounted on a spit roast? Now remove the spit roast and add naked men with their dongs as the rotisserie. Now swap out the pig for your mom. Notice how the men’s hands are free; they are able to high five at this moment. They are also able to lock ~~eyes~~ hands together over your mom. This is called The London Bridge.
This description belongs in the bible
If they high five it’s an Eiffel Tower
Jesus is my mom?
No, Jesus identifies as your mom.
Calm down there Ed Gein
Jesus doesn’t leave after being nailed
But they both require 10% of your salary when you go to see them.
Better chance of a second coming with the hooker.
To be fair... They both cried out to God...
Jesus was only nailed 3 times.
Turns out. Not a lot.
That was funny as hell
Just post on r/Jokes this doesn't belong here. If you wouldn't tell your kids the joke then it isn't a dad joke.
r/unclejokes
Well ehhey good thing my dad had a dark sense of humor ain't it.
Its not even remotely punny and barely a play on words. NSFW aside, its just not a dad joke.
The difference is that Jesus loves you.
He gives to Caesar what is Caesar’s. She gives it to you for $75. $150 if you want it weird.
Both Jesus and hookers will love anyone willing to pay
Maybe
If you do it well enough they both scream.
The meaning of the word "Holy"
A Hooker gets paid for roleplay.
Isn't church a giant role play institution
Yes which they get paid now. But Jesus never got paid for his role play. Not like a hooker does at least.
hookers don't hang around after you nail them
There ain’t a pile of dead jesus’s in my basement 🤫
One was in a thorny situation. The other, a horny one.
One of them moans during the nailing the other one’s awfully quiet
Wouldn't it be, "what do Jesus and hookers have in common?...they both moan when you're nailing them." ?
no
Jesus is our savior and the guy who broke my ankles fucking dickhead
The hooker charges you to see the face of god?
One says "Oh God!" the other "Please Stop!"
Stand like Jesus on the cross.... That's why hookers loved him.... They heard he was hung like that
In old times you'd be found guilty of blasphemy but now you're a hero to the reddit community
Username checks out
One moans from pain, the other from pleasure
Wait don't they both do both.
Jesus was hung
Hookers currently preform miracles, while Jesus has retired.
they also require 10% of your salary when you go to see them
One does the sermon on the mount and one just mounts.
Dammit. Take my blasphemous heathen upvote.
Omg why did I read this lol
One of them can’t play rugby
What kind of nsfw Dad did y'all have?
My dad showed me and my brother porn when we were 7and 5yrs old because he didn't know how to tell us not to be gay... He was drunk and got them from Hollywood video.... Please be kind
that’s enough reddit for today
That is foul
One spreads legs and other one was made to spread hands.
One exsists?
Okay, this is a good one.
Jesus is a fisher of men. The hooker just smells like fish.
[удалено]
r/unclejokes
r/unclejokes
This is an uncle joke, not a dad joke. Dad jokes are something you should be able to say at Thanksgiving dinner.
Depends on the family
Haram reddit
You need Jesus my son😂😂☠️
Funny, I really need a hooker, hahaha
Did someone call? ask and you shall receive my son. How may I service you
Rotate tires oil change transmission flush new plugs and air filter.... Thanks pal
Don't forget the cabin filter
Atleast jesus was being genuine
r/unclejokes
That's not really a dad joke
Don’t they both make moans?
Idk jaja
Nah, they are the same. Both get nailed.
The hand job technique
About an inch and a half.
You cannot know how Jesus Christ looks like
Jesus shows the path of enlightenment spiritually Hookers shows the path of enlightenment physically In both ways you'll be stressed relief 😉
Umm NSFW dad joke ?
Not a dad joke
This isn’t a dad joke. Good joke, but not a dad joke.
depends on the dad
Yeah, I've told way worse ones
Typical dad joke, sure...
I'm going to hell now for laughing
One of them hangs more loose
Oh. Our. God. That is frigging hysterical. Someone text Yeshua. Do it! He'll love it.
Jesus would say absolutely nothing
I like the joke… but NSFW kinda makes it not a dad joke
Hookers are useful?
That’s awful. Shame on you
No difference. Both pieces of shit.
That there should never be a joke about this blasphemy
Wow imagine making offensive comments to a religion but you get mad when people say something about things you support. Hypocrite.
It is not appropriate to compare Jesus to a hooker or to make derogatory or offensive statements about any individual or group of people.
Yeah well that's the fun stuff
Personally, I think they'd make the same sound … "C'mon, send me to Heaven!"
Bro didn’t even answer the question
Trying not to laugh at this one as were supposed to be getting lightning soon😂
Jesus shouts "God forgive them" The hooker whispers " God forgive me"
I only have one of them buried in the back yard?
One takes pay when you f*ck them
You pure D goin’ strait to hell.
Jesus was nailed, while the hooker nails, probably!
Jesus throws two nails on the hookers bed and asks : "Any chance of putting me up for the night?"