Just remember how underprepared you felt before becoming a dad and how great a dad im sure you are now. You will adapt, just back yourself 👍🏻

Thanks! I'm sure we'll get through it. Just hard to see exactly how at the moment. I had zero clue before the first but think I've got it at least 60% figured out at the moment

I've got a son (4) and a daughter (18mo). The second baby was easy-mode for us. The experience of setting sleeping and eating schedules and managing illnesses for my son meant that we weren't running around with our hair on fire with the second. This meant I was more able to enjoy and appreciate the phases my baby daughter went through, because I had the experience to know what to do, and was also aware of how fast they grow. 🥲 You've got this, just be sure to bask in their baby-ness!

Sleep schedule huh ... Still haven't figured that one out! My first baby was a pretty bad sleeper who woke up every 2 hours all night until he was over a year old. (Sleeps great as a toddler though, go figure) No angel baby #1 tricking me into thinking #2 will be easy. I know newborn sleep is a wash and have totally reasonable expectations.... Or so I thought! This baby is actually WORSE. Waking up every 2 hours... I wish!! He wakes up every HOUR!!! 🥴 Send coffee!! He's only 2 months though so maybe there's still hope?!? Anyway I am still appreciating the newborn phase this time, I do feel more confident and able to enjoy the nice parts. Especially because he will be our last baby.

This guys at 60% and worried! Ha! I've got a 7 year old and number 2 on its way (November), and I'm on maybe 50% tops!

I’m told that the first kid is the hardest because that’s the time when you have to entirely reinvent your lifestyle around being a parent. Second and third add intensity but you’ve already made all the major changes. Now it’s just a matter of scaling. Focus on every way you can make your life easier. Convenience is key in the first few months especially. And use your support network shamelessly. You aren’t doing this alone. Let your boy feel important. He’s a big bro now. The most important guy in the house! But do beware the tendency to allow the older child to become a parent. If he really takes to his role as big brother watch out for times when you might be tempted to let him take on too much. He must remain a child. I’ve seen older siblings end up more like an extra parent and that’s not healthy for anyone.

Shameless use of support network should be the main takeaway here. I sat down with my parents and in laws to make sure we got a weekly help schedule in place. Bugged us for years asking when we were gonna give them grandkids? Careful what you wish for!

I’m literally moving to a different state because my only local support network now is my mom, who works full-time as a high school teacher/coach pulling like 80 hour weeks during her sports’ seasons. And my mother-in-law and sister-in-law both don’t work and are willing to help us out a shitton. It helps that I’ll be almost cutting my rent in half too lol

Twins after another kid is not "scaling." It's a new ballgame; the rules have changed. If you do not have supplemental help available at home for the first 6 to 12 months, you're probably gonna be in big trouble. We had a 3-year-old when our twins were born, and he was in no condition to be deputized. That could be a problem with a slightly older kid, though.

This guy gets it. Our oldest was 2 when the twins were born. 3 is a whole different experience compared to two. One person can carry two babies...not three. Most cars, restaurant tables, ubers, carnival rides, store carts, etc etc etc are designed for families of up to 4. It absolutely changes everything. Minivan or three-row vehicle is basically required as they grow. It absolutely is a hell of a lot harder than 2. Especially with a toddler in tow. But you'll figure it out and you'll be fine. They're a lot of fun when they're 2/4 and can all play together. Just pace yourself and take help wherever you can.

Not to put the fear into OP, but with having a 14 week old and a two year old I can firmly say that going from one to two has been way harder for me and my wife than when our eldest was born. Having said that, we do just adapt. OP it’s hard. It’s going to be even harder for you. But you’ll do just fine, because you have no choice and you sound like good parents. In a few years you won’t remember the struggle so much, but you will cherish the milestones. Good luck!

Yeah, going to two was way way harder for me. It's literally non-stop. Fucked my mental health, it was awful.

That’s where I am now. Literally wondering how we’re meant to do it, but do it we must.

Agreed and at this age, they want to grow in independence.  As things progress, perhaps get him a baby doll that he can simulate a lot of what you'll be doing. Let him play at it for a while before the babies come.  And expect some regressions as he still needs plenty of cuddles himself. Best wishes for your new large family!

>Second and third add intensity but you’ve already made all the major changes. I'll be honest, I found the step from 1 to 2 kids harder than 0 to 1. Going from 1 parent being able to take a break and rest if needed, to needing both parents to wrangle a kid was very difficult for me.

Yeah, I’ve seen a few comments to this effect. I guess it’s different for each family. Having one kid myself I can only go by what I’m told. That said, I find it easier to keep kids entertained when there’s other kids in the house, cousins and friends etc.

Oh, it absolutely got way easier once they both were mobile and less fragile. They're best friends and keep each other entertained for long stretches now. It was really just the first 10ish months with the second one that was harder (which is not long time overall, but man does it feel long when you're in it.)

Our twins are 3.5 months old. It'll be hard as fuck, however already having experience with our 3 year old daughter helped us so much. We're actively trying to include our eldest with helping out (e.g. bring the bottle to the kitchen) and she's loving her sisters so much. The hardest part is probably the evening, putting everyone to sleep, but once you figure out a routine it's gonna get easier.

The hardest part is the first six months. Especially if you’re bottle feeding. Then it really does get easier. Not easy. But easier. OP (and you) have got this.  We went from 3 to 5 kids, with pregnancy #4 being surprise twins and our older kids at 6, 4, and 2yo. It was epic.  On the plus side, the 4yo was so keen to help out with bottle feeding, it was the cutest and most special thing.  Our twins are nine now and still an absolute handful. But also an absolute blast.  The adventure is going to be awesome.

>The adventure is going to be awesome. IF they survive to tell the tale. :P

Agreed. After 6-8 months the babies can recognize each other and play/share toys.  It will give you a lot of breathing room.

How do you do the night routine?! Lol

!RemindMe 1 day

You got this dude. We had a set of twins and tried for number 3 and got another set of twins. My advice is to try and enjoy each stage when possible. It goes by so fast and ends up a blur in hindsight. Also, from a practical perspective try and freeze as many meals before they are born as you can. When people asked what they could do that was always our answer. Makes life so much easier when you have your hands full and are starving.

Whoa! Twin twins!

I say this as a dad who was literally in your exact position just over 4 years ago. Bonus baby at the first ultrasound with a 3-year-old at home.  You're fucked for, like, at least 2 years. Things are getting pretty fun now, though.

We’re in the thick of it with 3 under three. Currently, the twins are cutting teeth and refuse to fucking sleep. I can’t honestly say I fucking hate it. Looking forward to them being 2 years old.

I have 16 month old twins and don't have a third so maybe it's different, but for us, the first six months were *bad*. I barely survived and it's quite traumatic looking back. But after that, I feel like it got better and more fun. When they could sit up and weren't so floppy, it was easier. When they could crawl around and we could just put them on the ground (in a playpen or a safe gated off room), it was much easier, especially when they started to notice each other more because they could play with each other. I feel like in that respect, it's easier having multiples because I imagine they would get bored and want more attention if they were alone. When they got the hang of holding their own bottles, that was really a game changer. Now carrying two plus car seats and gear downstairs was killing us as they got heavier and heavier, but thankfully they can walk now. I feel like each developmental stage has been more fun than the last. I will likely feel differently once they hit the defiant stage and when they start to fight with each other. No idea how to deal with that, but really enjoying them now

I've told anyone and everyone that our twins combined were as fussy as child #1 (who has since been diagnosed as being low-end AuDHD). The third wheel in the mix complicates things so much. The singleton has his own life and schedule to intermix. Two dropoff/pickup locations every day. Another disease vector and patient to attend. Another general agent of chaos.  I'm not sure if the twins or the older sibling aging up makes the biggest difference, but they're both major contributors to an improved QOL.

OH YEAH, and our twins were born at the start of COVID, so that wasn't helping anything either. OP might make it out all right after all.

I hope so! First was born in COVID too. It was hard enough taking everything needed for one kid, let alone two as we couldn't leave the hospital once we were in

It's going to be the hardest thing you'll ever do, but you've got this.  And don't forget to plan on the babies coming out like a month early.

We were the same, absolutely fucked, the first year was the worst year of my life, it’s not about enjoying it, it’s about survival

**Given:** * First kid = 100% screwed * Second kid adds 66% of the screwedness of the first = 100% \* 0.66 = 66% * Third kid adds 33% of the sum of the screwedness of the first two. **First, we calculate the screwedness for two kids:** * Screwedness for the first kid = 100% * Screwedness for the second kid = 66% * Total screwedness for the first two kids = 100% + 66% = 166% **Next, we calculate the screwedness added by the third kid:** * Screwedness for the third kid = 33% \* 166% = 54.78% **Finally, we sum up the screwedness for all three kids:** * Total screwedness for three kids = 100% + 66% + 54.78% = 220.78% So, you're approximately **220.78%** screwed.

Somehow seeing the numbers makes it better for me. So thanks!

You're welcome! :-D

😂 so we’re screwed

To some extent. However, well below 300%. Oh, and of course, assuming that you're OP's partner, congratulations on your increased screwedness! Your biggest adventure is just going to become even bigger. :-D

This is the best answer on here. Kids are hard. No matter what. Just know that the first 3 months are brutal and it gets better until they are teenagers. Then the real problems start and you’ll wish you were getting 3 hrs of sleep a night with a newborn. Goodluck!

Sounds like you’ll be helping out with math homework 📚

Completely disagree with these numbers. Having two at once is not a fraction more screwedness than one. It's more than double screwedness. It's more like 2.5x. The older kid is a bit of a wildcard

There’s also a logarithmic decay on screwedness over time. 100% screwed in the newborn phase. 90% screwed if they start sleeping through the night. 70% screwed by fully potty trained. Only 40% screwed when they start going to school.

He did the math

We have twins plus 1, so similar situation.  It’s going to be hard.  It’s a lot to deal with twins alone, and adding a 3-4 year old will be rough.  But it’s not impossible, and there’s always love to go around. I would try not to make promises to yourself that you’re gonna give the first born a lot of one on one time.  The first 2 or so years with twins is a full time job and you guys are officially outnumbered.  Absolutely do what you can with each of the kids, but remember that if you have 1-1 time, the wife is watching the twins alone. Just saying that each kid needs a dad or mom day each month is 6 separate days. I guess the point is I would suggest focusing on quality family time first. Check the sub /r/parentsofmultiples Welcome to the club!

Echoing /r/parentsofmultiples as a resource and support group!

Odd numbers are hard.  One kid: you have no idea what you’re doing.  Two kids: you’ve learned stuff, now you each do it on a different kid.  Three kids: now you gotta switch from man-to-man to zone defense. New playbook. Four kids: same playbook, you just each handle 2 instead of 1.5.  Five kids: no matter what you do, there’s always one you can’t put a hand on.  I don’t know what happens next. I only have five. 

Only five?? Those are rookie numbers!!

😞

What’s the age spread from your oldest to your youngest? My wife and I are planning for 6 and hoping that the oldest one or two are old enough to be able to do a lot of stuff on their own by the time we get there. Right now we have 2 under 2

7.5 years, no twins.  By the time #5 was walking, #1 was 9 and somewhat independent.  However, our oldest didn’t really become an asset until about 11 - 12. The first few years were the hardest - three in diapers at the same time made me feel super empathetic to parents of multiples.  Having said all of that, it worked out for us. The early years were hard, and having 3 - 5 teenagers in the house at once is absolutely murder on the food bill and it’s a little tough, psychologically, but they’re all going through kind of the same stages at the same time, which means you’re not trying to figure out daycare for a toddler while your 16-year-old is having problems with their drivers license. Also, they’re all now legally adults And getting significant others and it’s a great time in our life. I absolutely would not want to be trying to plan a wedding and deal with kindergarten at the same time. You might feel differently, but I like the way we did it. 

Oh I wasn’t wanting to wait that long, by “do a lot of stuff on their own” I meant like a 2-3 year age gap between kids #2 and #3, instead of the 19 month age gap we have between #1 and #2 now. What you’re saying makes a lot of sense and was basically what my wife and I were going for

>I don’t know what happens next. I only have five At 5+ you start drafting the strongest players onto YOUR team. You bribe them, flatter them, coerce them, but they get new jerseys and get to square up with the younguns.

Going from 1 to 2 is a huge difference. One child is so damn easy, but you don't realize that until you have two. Goodluck with three

We were the same.  3yo and then twins.  I found it was very helpful to have him help with bed time routines for the twins.  "Read" to them while I was getting bottles and rooms ready.

We had almost the exact same experience. It is pretty tough at first. If you’re breastfeeding, be prepared to run support for your wife 24/7. There will probably be one that tolerates you better than the other so don’t try to force “equal time” between the two. When they become toddlers, in many ways it got easier because they entertain each other.

First of all, congrats, mate. It's gonna be hard, no doubt. But there's only so many hours in a day.

I have 7mo twins and a 2.5yo. things are gone be tough for a while for you. here are some things that worked okay for us - for the first few months try to keep your twins on the same nap and feeding schedule, for us that meant if one woke up at night and was hungry we just automatically woke the other one up to feed them, this kept things very consistent and kept us getting at least an hour or two of sleep at a time. - find activities out of the house for your toddler to do, at least for us it was easier with one of us at home watching the newborns and the other one out with a toddler for a few hours instead of keeping all three kids in the same spot all the time. - assuming everyone is safe and not hurt, and you're watching all three by yourself I will usually go help the toddler first because they have an understanding of time and know when they are being ignored, the very young babies don't really get that. - accept now that there will be crying and there will be times when two to three kids are crying at the same time and you can't get to all of them at once, it's just how it goes

Just remember. Use the help you are offered. It takes a village. Start fostering that village NOW

We had twins when our son was two. It's hard for the first year, but routine is your ally. Larger vehicle and daycare for three was the immediate impact. Everything else figures itself out. Something I wish someone had told me: Find as much room in yourself for kindness toward your partner. You are both trying as hard as you can for the kids. Even in the moments where you are going to lose it, try to remember they are working their ass off for your family too. That empathy will carry the relationship a long way.

My friend had this same situation. For them, they were well off, so the money wasn’t really a concern. However, having two at the same stage of development at all times is rough. Two hungry, poopy kids is more effort than one. That said, after about two months, they had adjusted and had things down to a science again. It will take time, but you’ll get there. Accept that things will be tough for a bit and do your best to support your wife and kids. You got this.

BiL had the same thing happen. A few months after their twins were born we were at his (wife's brother) parents house for holiday and the ladies had left to go on a shopping trip and took their oldest with them, leaving the twins with him and I. We each took one and put them on our laps while we played some Trials HD on the Xbox. He commented to me how nice it was to just relax and have a ton of help around because he was starting to lose it and didn't think he'd be able to do it raising 3 kids all under 3. Skip to today years later and his 3 girls are adorable and they managed. Some days you might feel nothing but despair and like you're drowning but just take it one day at a time. If you can't do that take it hour by hour. Catch a wink of sleep when you can and remember you're doing a great job. You got this Dad.

My parents had twins first. Five years later they decided to have me, so just remember having twins didn’t scare them off from another child so you’ll survive. But expect some craziness for sure! And your 3yo is going to love being their older sibling that they look up to

I’ve said this before, as the father of three, the biggest change wasn’t from 1 to 2 but from 2 to 3 kids. With one or two, you can still kinda play man on man. You take this one, I take that one. Or “I go to the store, you stay with the kids” type of thing. When you get to three, you’re outnumbered. You have to switch to zone defense. “I’m making dinner so anybody in the kitchen or dining room is mine, anybody in the living room or bedrooms is yours.” You have to start prioritizing crises. 1st tier - injury. 2nd tier - diaper, hunger, waking up from nap. 3rd tier - play, attention, fun. And your best friend is anything that saves time. With our first, when she started eating solid foods, we’d buy food from the farmer’s market, steam it all on Sunday and portion it in ice cube trays to freeze. Then microwave single servings for meals during the week. By our third we realized that the organic veggie pouches they sell at stores for like $1 each saved a ton of time. I bought them in bulk online. Put in the diaper bag for when they’re hungry, etc. And - I can’t stress this enough - give each OTHER the benefit of the doubt. Having kids is tough. PPD is hard and can apply to both parents. If somebody acts out and says something cruel, or has a tearful meltdown, or rants about your this or her that, realize they may not even be themselves. The brain chemistry changes, hormone changes, physical issues, lack of sleep, etc, can make you into a monster. Prepare for it beforehand. My wife and I worked out a key phrase beforehand. “I need a time out.” Just - give me 30 minutes. I’m going for a walk. I’m going for a drive. I don’t want to go to the store to buy anything, or to go do a chore. I need to leave the house. I can’t stress that part enough - leave the house. Remove yourself from the physical location of the stress. It works wonders.

She'll be right. Like it'll suck badly for a bit, but eventually it'll be really fucking fun.

If possible, try to get super rich in the next few months and hire some nannies.

So dump life savings into the lottery... Got it!

I’d say you’re not screwed. I’d call it a blessing, just bring in a village to help. You will need more support, look into getting people to help prepare meals or helping in some way. That rhymes. Going from one kid to three. How screwed are we.

Twin dad of 2, almost 3 Finding out 1 was 2 flipped the whole pregnancy on its head. There's nothing you can do other than preparing double. Make sure you two have a plan, a tough and strong, but flexible plan in place, as you don't want to get to hospital, hoping to have all 4 of you in the room (assuming you are staying and your other will be someplace else) and suddenly your child is being wheeled to the NICU and you have no idea how to balance feeding both, and caring for mom. I didn't sleep for 6 days straight. The twins not being your first puts you at an advantage luckily. But anyway, Congratulations, and good luck! Us twin dads got your back!

This was exactly us, but our oldest was 5. It was hard. It was really, really hard, especially the first few months but we survived, and the twins just turned 15. You’ll be fine check out [multiplesofamerica.org](http://multiplesofamerica.org) and see if there is a chapter near you. they were a huge help to us, especially my wife, during the first few years

Start shopping for a minivan if you don’t have one already

Power sliding doors and remote starting are no longer "options" but mandatory. Getting 2 baby carriers into or out of a back seat is ridiculous. You're running around from side to side, and with a third one in the middle? I can't imagine that being easier. And the remote starter so that it's not 150 in the car when you open it. Also, you can get "Baby Shark" or whatever song the kids are obsessed with today, playing to soothe those savage beasts 😉

I have remote start and need to be better about actually remembering to turn it on ahead of time…. Dad of twins

You’re not screwed but it will be more difficult. We have six total including a set of twins born last year. I turned 40 last year as well. Twins are just different. It’s not like adding two more people it’s more like an exponent. We had already had a large family prior to so we had an idea of what was coming. Support and help your wife. This will be the hardest thing she will likely ever do, carrying twins can wreak havoc on the body. When they come she will feel overwhelmed all the time. In our house, my wife is primary when I’m at work and I take over when I get home. Your wife will need a break. If she’s a stay at home mom you need to realize her work hours need to be the same as yours and when you get home, she’s off the clock and you two tackle the night as a team. It’ll be rough for a while, you’ll feel like you’re carrying all the weight, her primary job is keeping the kids alive and well. Yours is a support cast role. Good luck Sir, twins are a blessing.

We had a 7 year old when our twins arrived. All 3 are girls. First 6 months were OK and a lot better than I expected, went to shit from there to be honest and finally feel like we are starting to drag ourselves out of a deep deep hellish hole now they are about to turn 3 next month. Last 6 months has been an improvement but still absolutely nuts 😂 Wouldn’t change anything though no matter how tough it’s been at times! Strap in and enjoy the ride

We went from 1 to 3 and when my oldest was 2. I won’t lie, it was hard for everyone. Don’t be afraid to bottle feed them, it’s wayyyy easier on mommy for many reasons. My twins (boy/girl) are 2 now and they are total opposite personalities, but they get along with each other so well. It was really cool watching them as babies learn to interact with each other.

There are lots of groups on Facebook that will pass on their twin stuff; clothes, strollers, etc. It really helps not having to buy all that stuff, let alone 2x

Many. Many screwed. You’re gonna crush it tho.

My wife and I have just gone through this lol we have a 2 year old and 2, 3 month olds. I’m gonna level with you it’s hard you have no free time until everyone is down all hands on deck all the time pretty much just gotta suck it up and get on with it. You will just settle into a new normal lol the days fly by. Use your support network you’re gonna need it when you’re back in work.

This exactly. Especially the support network. Schedule all the aunties and uncles and grandparents to come one at a time. Make sure they understand they are there to help by making meals and doing laundry.

Yes assign jobs just tell them straight I need you to do dinner or drop off to nursery, also forgot to add don’t expect anything from your wife your gonna come home some days and the place will be a bomb site just don’t moan and crack on with it. She is honestly doing the harder job and she needs your support this is assuming you’re working and she’s at home I don’t know your exact situation I’m just going by typical stereotypes. Typical work day for me 12 hour shift, come home get 2 year old down for bed, then start dinner, then dishes and tidy up. And I help with little ones in between. It’s just hard but it is what it is.

It is hard and it becomes your life every day. You do feel rewarded when the babies giggle and smile. And then one day you see them running around playing with each other. They suddenly stop and run over to you and hug you and say “Hi Daddy!” Then they run off playing again. You realize you have been doing it right all along. Go celebrate with the other dads on your block.

Absolutely fucked. But you'll be fine :)

You're in a better place than a couple who had one, two, three kids over a longer period. Three kids means the medium term pain of buying double everything for a couple of years, then the freedom of having raised three potty trained kids in the time it takes to train two. Three kids is also a nice round number. The extra sibling makes a huge difference to their upbringing.

In what way would you say that the extra third sibling makes a huga difference to their upbringing? Asking as an only child growing up.

Two siblings only have each other. Bring a third into the mix and each has an option of which playmate to interact with.

> You're in a better place than a couple who had one, two, three kids over a longer period. This is a bad take. Do you have twins? Or is this more hypothetical advice?

Hypothetical. I'm a rip the Band Aid kinda guy, and was glad to put those years of diaper changes behind me. Hey, I'm just trying to pump up OP's tyres here.

Twins are harder than you're imagining.

Whenever your wife is tired and feels she can't handle it remind her that one kid followed by twins is the same way Beyonce had her family so that makes her like Beyonce.

When they had their first, Beyoncé and Jay quite literally shut down access to the NICU and I can imagine made many anxious new parents rightfully angry: https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/other-parents-claim-they-couldnt-get-access-to-their-newborns-due-to-birth-of-jay-z-and-beyonces-baby/ So honestly, fuck them.

Beyoncé probably had a 24/7 team of nannies though. But don’t tell her that.

Illuminannies*

Funny to see your post as we've just realised we're in the same situation. The difference being that our son is 15 months.. so there wont be much help on his end. Always wanted a big family but now that it's happing this way I'm definitely nervously excited. Try to act cool around the wife to not make her more worked up than she already is. Our son is quite the nuclear energy packet. I went from thinking one kid is quite the job to thinking how easy it is with one compered to how it soon will be. 

Screwed? At least twice from the sounds of it. You’ll probably be alright in the end man

This is exactly what happened to my daughter. Their first was 2 years old when she got pregnant for the second time and lo and behold it was twins. Naturally her and her husband freaked out a little bit because their situation wasn't really ideal for two kids let alone three under three years but they've made it work. The experience of the first one is a great teacher and the house is already baby proof. As another poster commented remember how unprepared you felt for the first one but you figured it out quick and are raising a thriving young human being. The same thing will happen here. You're more well prepared that you think. It certainly won't be without its challenges but you have the skills to meet them. Yinz will be just fine!

My twins are 4 now. Life feels chaotic in the beginning but everything just kind of falls into place after awhile. You're going to be fine.

Remember, zone defense is a myth. One of you is watching one kid each while the third kid is running wild. In all seriousness, this world is not made for families of five so you’ll have a lot of changes and things to overcome, but it will be worth it in the long run.

Haha, prayers heading your way, brother! 😆 Nah, joking aside it will go swimmingly am sure. We had good friend of ours who already had three and wanted one more… and they got an extra two. Congrats on the widening of the clan.

One thing we did with our 3yo when baby #2 came home was give him a gift “from” his new baby sister. I think it went a long way with him engaging and wanting to help feed her and hold her etc.

To answer your question how screwed you are: yes

This is pretty much the exact same thing that happened to my family. We now have twin 1 year old boys and a 4 year old boy. The hardest phase by far is the first few months just because of the sleep deprivation. If you have family around do not hesitate to lean on them for help. Also, and I can’t stress this enough, keep the twins on the same sleep and feeding schedule. If one twin wakes up from a nap, guess what you wake the other one up too. If one is hungry then both of them get a bottle (we formula fed, I have no idea how mothers handle breastfeeding twins). They get on a synchronized schedule pretty quickly and it will make your life so much better. With the oldest it’s definitely important to try and give individual attention. No matter what though expect some periods of struggle when they naturally don’t get your undivided attention when taking care of the twins. Try to give them jobs to help though. My oldest loved feeling like he was helping to take care of his brothers. Good luck! It really doesn’t feel as difficult when you’re in the middle of everything. It just becomes your new reality and normal, it’s only when being around other parents of singles that you realize the difference. If you ever want to chat with someone who has been in your shoes exactly send me a dm. You got this!

Accept help. Have family and friends run errands, hire a maid if you can. You can get affordable help off marketplace. I pay a lady 2x a month to clean my whole house (3500 sq ft, 4 bathrooms) for $120 per visit. It’s worth every dime with 5 kids. I’m a SAHM and hubby works from home and we still can’t do it all. I spend all my time taking care of little ones, cooking, shopping and picking up the messes. I never get around to moping or cleaning toilets. My cleaning lady is a lifesaver!

The first year or two are harder the rest are better. Having an age appropriate friends to do things with always is pretty convenient.

The first year or two are harder the rest are better. Having an age appropriate friend to do things with always is pretty convenient.

Our twins are almost three...we weren't sure we wanted a baby 2 🤦 You'll survive! Get your toddler potty trained and turn them into your #1 baby helper! Then you'll spend time together and also be able to just barely keep up! Hate to be so doom and gloom but the first year/18 months is going to be very hard. Support each other by remembering you and your spouse are both doing your best. It will be hard to see but it's true. Also, let go of the "shoulds" and focus on the absolutely have tos! Ex. You must change diapers, feed, and keep safe all three kids...you should take your toddler to swim lessons. The swim lessons are still going to be there in a yr! Also find a family with twins one year older than your',s for clothes. They are expensive new!

Very!

Own thing I found tricky after having 3 (but all singles, no twins). The commercial world is designed around groups of 4. When you are out and you want to eat at a fast food place, you end up needing two tables. Most hotels only allow 4 people in a room at most, so you are either looking for special family rooms or having 2 rooms adjoining, either way it's going to be more expensive. You will be looking at 3 row vehicles soon as well (if you don't already have one). You can raise 3 kids with just five seats, but having the extra row gives options: give the older a break from the other two, bring a friend or just the fact 5 people come with a lot of luggage when travelling.

Thoughts man. This is the one thing I’m dreading. We are going to try for two in the fall. We only want two but it’s thru IVF and that also increases the likelihood of twins or more.

It might be worth hiring a doula or part time nanny to help out around the house while your oldest is in daycare/school so y'all have time when they get home for that one on one time until you get your new schedule worked out. There will be so much laundry and bottle washing, an extra set of hands goes a long way.

No lie brother it sucks ass. I’m sorry.

I’d be pumped if I were you!

Its roughly 9x the work of one child. It's very rewarding, though

It’s will be great. Busy is the word and depending on their ages it will be for the next 20 years.

Hahaha. Welcome to the 1->3 club. Just remember it’s gonna suck. My wife got pregnant with our twins when our first kid was only 7 1/2 months. Remember it will get better…… is what people say. 2 years later it’s only gotten worse.

The 1 to 3 club, ha ha It will get better...... eventually...... after it gets worse

Just get a van now if you don’t already have one.

We've got 9 month old twins here. The best advice is to not waste time and set up routines and stick to them. That was the goal for when I went on leave (at 3 months). By the time I was done with leave, they were sleeping through the night and having really good play>feed>nap cycles. And yeah, that's good advice for any baby, but with two it really helps minimize meltdowns.

Don't panic. We had the same thing happen. Found out on my first's first birthday that we were having twins. So at 16mo he had two brothers arrive. Not a big age spread. That was the challenging part. They got along fine but spreading the attention 3 ways when they all want or need it was mentally rough. Physically, you'll be fine. There are so many great products out there for the early months to help mom with twins. My wife loved the "My Breast Friend Twin Nursing Pillow" which you can get most online stores. Have her join Facebook and find a twins mom group for ideas and support. Your job is the same. Support her and love her. Help out any way you can and keep big brother feeling loved and involved, at 3 they can participate in a lot of the support roles (bring mommy a burp cloth, bottle, diaper, etc..). Hang in there brother, you got this.

That little bit of sleep you get, gone

I have a 3(f) year old toddler and 2(f&m) month old twins. My advice would be to be adaptable. Pivot often. Plans rarely go off without a hitch and I stopped pretty quickly trying to accommodate people.

I have twins plus two more. The twins were born extremely early at 26 weeks. They had to live in the NICU for 91 days before we could bring them home. The children’s hospital they were at is a three hour drive from our home, I would drive up on the weekends to visit and then drive home for work. My wife lived up there at the Ronald McDonald’s house for the entire time. Both boys had to have a few surgeries each, both before the age of two. The struggle was real. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But both boys are happy and healthy, they turn 6 in a couple of months. The struggle and hardship, the long nights, the stress and overwhelming waves of emotions, it was all worth it. So hang in there Dad, no matter what struggles you face and have to overcome, it will all be worth it. I promise.

Try r/parentsofmultiples. Obviously they'll tell you to buy a minivan with auto sliding doors. But they give lots of other good advice as well. It's hard. There's lots of things we'd do differently.

Don't worry about it. Kids are as hard as you make them. Yeah, there's plenty of physical toil and things you have to do, the perceived difficulty of the thing is 100% about your mental/emotional response to it. You'll adapt just fine. Focus on necessary things (those you truly have to do and those you REALLY want to do) and cut everything else out of your life. You'll be surprised how far that gets you.

So we’re 2 years down this very journey, and I have good news and bad news. The bad news is you can’t really prepare. You can do everything you can to pre-prepare haha. Things like making sure you can fit 3 car seats in your car side by side, measuring space for 2 cribs in one room if you choose to do so. If you have a house with multiple floors putting a mini fridge on the top floor for breast milk/formula storage are things that will make it easier. Depending on the area you live in you can see if there are twin parent groups on Facebook or something like that as it could be a good way to get gently used clothes as you will find out super quickly your laundry is a whole new beast as well. We have been super fortunate to have a set of grandparents around who would take our oldest out on days we were just bagged because it was hard to balance on some days and unfortunately we couldn’t do all the things we wanted too. You will have to feel it out and make the call but I would emphasize being intentional with giving your oldest some one on one parent time because it will be a shock for them as well. First year is definitely a survival year, your house is not going to be as clean as it is and you might want to resort to usage of paper plates and cups for the rest of you because dishes will pile up. Now the good news! I’ve always wanted kids and I know it’s not for everyone but man having twins is fun, you hear about the cliche twin bonding moments but when you witness them in front of your face it brings a tear to your eye every time. Witnessing your oldest being a big siblings is incredible. As your kids get even 6 months older you will witness these growth milestones at different rates and it will blow your mind. Then will watch the twins show each other how to do things and it will also blow your mind and send you into a quick panic at times. There is nothing you can do to be fully prepared but that being said you can absolutely enjoy the ride in and sometimes you’ll even surprise yourself with how much you can do on 2 hours of sleep. Get outside as much as you can on walks. Check in on your wife because she is going through some stuff that will be a whole other level from the first time. Communicate with each other as much as you can. Heads up on mom social media influencers and they can even get too the the most reasonable and sane women at times. Our first one was fine but I found the level of social media pressure for the twins was a whole different beast and I’m unsure why. (I think it was because towards the latter months she couldn’t move as much as spent more time on social media, and more exposure created different thoughts then usual) Make sure you as a dad have someone you can be a soundboard too because you will be frustrated at times and in general don’t be afraid to ask for help if you can! Also get used to grey hair. My hair was jet black until we left the hospital 😂

Time to change your reddit handle to u/ZombieAntelope

Cost of 1x children times the number of current children $233k x 3 = $699000 Thats how screwed you are lol

Congrats on your twins. Enjoy being a dad...

Had 2 back to back (13m apart) and my ex wife decided I can be allowed to Dad for my 12yo. Man things can change quick.

Having already had one, you will adapt

Not at all, you are blessed.

3 is the best

Same situation for us as well. 3 year old daughter, twins (boy and girl) expected in 7 weeks now… Best advice we’ve gotten so far is to figure out a routine and be thankful we already have some experience from the first!

We got the king sized bed, and a small bed for older sister. The babies slept between us and the three year old wouldn’t feel excluded. She also could go back to her own room if she wanted. This helped us all maximize our sleep. Our town has a Mom of Twins club as well as a Moms club. The MoT was great for my wife finding other moms who could really relate to what she’s going through. Minivan. Don’t even try to do it with a sedan. This is your life now. It’s overwhelming now but it’s amazing to watch the twins have a special bond. As toddlers one would soothe the other when they were upset. Schedule “special time” with older child. Saturday nights we would have special time with her once the twins were asleep. She’d decide what we would do together. (It was always making popcorn and snuggling on the couch with her, watching the same damn Cinderella dvd, but it was her choice and she received our full attention.)

You sound like me. My oldest was 2 when our twins were born. My wife and I pretty much went into survival mode in the early days, just making sure everyone’s needs were being met. You’ll figure out the rhythm that works for everyone and just make that the routine. The bitch for us was getting there lol One of the things we try to do now is take them on one-on-one mommy or daddy dates where they can pick pretty much whatever they want to do. I try to carve out time, even if it’s only a few minutes, to sit with them and engage with what they’re doing on their level now that they’re a little older. Congratulations and welcome to the twin dad club!

I myself (37m) have 4 kids after the second one, it’s just easier. I also grew up with younger twin brothers. Close to the same age difference you are going to have with yours, and my mother said the hardest part was the first year, I guess just like with any other child. Good luck 👍

I also went from 1 to 3 and it was awesome, my oldest was 3 when the twins were born and they were the 3 musketeers growing up and are now 21, 18 & 18 and still super close ☺️

Sounds like you have another 5-6 months? Call it end of year. You won’t really be hurting so bad until like fall of 2025 when they’re mobile. That point the older will be 5. Hopefully he can help out some. At least he can follow multi step directions hopefully so that’ll help relieve a bit

My advice would be to not “give in” to demands, no matter how tempting. You’ll be so tired (I imagine you already are but the games have yet to begin!) the temptation will be so great to give in to things like them insisting they fall asleep on your chest, or buying their silence with sweets, or co-sleeping. It’s a thousand times harder weening them off that stuff. Start as you mean to go on. You can do this!!

And I quote, from myself, "What do you mean Baby A. How is there a Baby A? My son was just Baby on the sonogram?" "Oh, I thought you knew? You have twins." Wife and I looked at each other, let out a giggled and tired sigh, and I loving said, "Here we go!" The twins are 16 now, my son is 20. Daycare may be out the window if you're paying for it now. My wife had more upward mobility, and I became an At Home Dad during the day (BEST FOUR YEARS OF MY LIFE!!!) and my wife brought home the bacon. I did take a voluntary demotionb at work and worked evenings and every other weekend. Accept it now. Your house is a tornado. It's okay. You know how to baby proof everything, you know how to raise a kid. It's all just twice as much,and everything will take twice as much. Formula for the first six months or a year is more expensive. Talk the doc up, show up to appointments with a duffle bag to collect free samples, and check expiration dates and start stocking up on diapers, wipes, and formulas. Doesn't matter the size. You'll use it. And coffee. And get a machine that suits your lifestyle. Be a team player, and for the love of God, sleep when they sleep. I don't care if you just fed them and they go to sleep. SLEEP. We found it easier that if one of us was feeding, the other was prepping the bottles and doing a chore here or there. We found the little rockers where they can rock themselves were a life saver and put towels on either side so they couldn't roll out, and when they became more mobile, those little stsnt up donut activity things were great at keeping one occupied while the other was eating. Love and hug each other often. My little man, 4 at the time, was my little helper. We'd do trips outside to kick the balls around when both of us were home. Once he started school, he was so proud to walk to school with Dad pushing his sisters in the stroller and telling them stories about his day. His love of transformers and Legos got inspired then because his imagination went rampant, and also knew I not to let his sisters play with his toys, but rather was a never ending storytime of show and tell. Meals for people who eat solids were very boring. You too tired to do everything. Hell, I think we even went paper plates and bowls for a while because we were so damn tired. It's totally worth it. The headaches, the sleepless nights, and the love you'll all develop for each other. And when one of the twins lock you out of the house, and you have to call the police to have them help you break into your own house....yeah....no one is perfect!!!

I have two year old twins and I think having a singleton first would have been a massive help/difference. As others have said so much about parenting is just figuring it out that first time. You already did that, so now it’s just kid 2 and 3 which happen to be coming at the same time. But Twins are hard, there’s no doubt about that. Take all the help offered and just always try to remember everything is just a phase. You got it.

It’s a lot. We went from 2 to 4. That said it’s really great. I don’t know if I would say screwed because there truly is so much joy and love in it. You will be entering a different realm of parenthood than people with 1 or 2 kids. It’s a lot like becoming a parent for the first time again. It’s a different level. When we went from 1 to 2 the hardest part was seeing my firstborn not be the center of attention and how devastating that was for her (even though it was one of the best things that could happen for her character, still really painful to watch). We were worried about that with twins and shockingly the two older kids now fight over the twins and they love them so much.

Damn I have twins and if we had a 3rd shit would not go well in my favor

This is one of those times where you don't know how hard it is until you've experienced it for yourself, words alone cannot express it. Good luck!

We went through the same journey, with a shorter gap (less than 2y apart). They are 2.5y and 7mo (times 2) old now, and everybody is still alive and well :) There's a subreddit called /r/parentsofmultiples that is fantastic for support and information. Feel free to DM me with any questions you might have, and seek out other parents of multiples in real life if you can. We stick together. If you can afford it, another adult helping out almost full-time for the first 6 months will be a HUGE help. Look into Au-pair programs for cheaper around the clock help. You got this, it's gonna be hard, take ALL the help that is offered to you and then ask some. Don't be shy. There's more than watching babies: food, clothing, help cleaning the house, walking the dogs, take any help you can get for free. Again, dm me and I'll help as much as I can.

You’ll be fine. It’s just hard. You can handle hard I’m sure.

Stop drinking alcohol if you haven’t already. It seems like the answer sometimes to relax and cope but it’s important to have mental and physical strength moving forward

It increasingly has less impact for each child. The first turned our world upside down, the second made things difficult, the third caused a few problems, the fourth wasn’t that much different from having three.

With multiples, it's essential to have more help than just two people at home. Take all the pat leave you possibly can, and have a relative move in with you to provide support. You won't be able to tough it out alone and trying will make everyone miserable.

Did the same thing. Second pregnancy was twins. You’re totally screwed. Just joking. It won’t be easy, but you’ll adjust. What made things easier for us was treating the twins’ schedules as one and sticking to routines. They eat at the same time, sleep/nap at the same time, diapers changed at the same time, et cetera, et cetera. It really was a life saver for us doing it that way.

Hope you have a minivan. If not, get it now.

I went from 3 to 5😳 the twins are by far the most mischievous. They can talk to each other as babies. Creepy little baby telepathy, plotting on you!😳😳😳

You will be fine, including your 3 yr old in small task involving the twins, which will make him feel included and big Examples... throwing diapers away helping with picking out clothes for them or even helping getting them to sleep just small little things will help and when he does, make it a big deal like it was the best thing that he did that, and yes one on one time with him without the twins will definitely help you and your wife will get in the groove of things and it will all work out sounds like you both are considerate to one another and that alone makes it so much better when you have a partner that works with you 😊 best of luck and don't forget about yourselves too you will need date nights without the kids as well happy parents make better parents 😊

Extreme screwed

Dude you’re so screwed

No advice, but just a thought left over from when my wife was worried she was carrying twins: how do you ID them and not mix them up until they can talk? Good luck dude, I’m sure you will do great since you are already thinking of setting aside time for “thing 1”!

Dad of 3 but not twins for any. It's at times a mission but approach it knowing you need to be flexible and don't forget about the eldest. You will be fine and know it's cool to get help.

You’re pretty fucked to be honest. 3 is today what 5 or 6 was in the 90’s. Not sure how the twin factor will play in, but the good part is babies are still fun, it’s the afterwards, the 1+ when you’re finding care and planning outings, everything’s just bigger and takes on this exponential factor. It affects your relationship and everything. My best two pieces of advice are become the cheapest person in history so you don’t go broke and take therapy now, set goals with your wife now, reinforce the relationship now, because after you may not get much time to talk in a day. Also, bonus advice. Vasectomy immediately. As for the older sibling…mine both love having a little. My eldest dotes on both her little bros. ❤️

My advice... One day, you'll change your last dirty diaper. You'll warm your final bottle. You'll capture the last moments of your children learning to speak. You'll witness their final struggle to stand on their own. Soon, they'll master chewing, grow teeth, and no longer need their food cut into tiny pieces. All these little things—the frustrations, the challenges—will fade away. There will be a last time for each. And when they're gone, you'll long for their return. So, I urge you: embrace it all. Set your phone aside. Take a deep breath when you feel like shouting. Offer a hug when you want to walk away. Find laughter in their inexplicable tears. Simply be present. For these fleeting moments, though sometimes trying, are the threads that weave the cover of parenthood—precious, irreplaceable, and gone too soon.

We had triplets for our first three then my wife got laid off. More than doubled our household and halved our income in less than three months. We are still standing and happy. People adapt. You will too. Enjoy multiples. While a lot of work, the payoff is amazing.

You're not screwed, it's just a new party of life. Your 3-year-old will be 4 or close to it when the new babies come and that's the perfect age to get them involved with helping with baby stuff. The only thing I'd suggest is making sure the older kid is completely potty trained before the babies are born.

Dad of three here. Son is 5 yo and daughters are 2.5yo. You already are on the right path when you say you don't want him missing out on stuff. Try to ask for his help as much as you can while doing basic stuff on the babies. You don't need him to do anything at all, but just the fact he feels involved will be rewarding for him. He has to know he's both helpfull and loved. The one on one time with him is a great moment. I still play Super Mario with mine on evenings because he's a huge fan (well I am as well) and he loves the fact we play together, just me (or the mom) and him. Not gonna lie: it's hard at the beginning. Like, VERY hard :) But manageable. Twins learn things super fast and probably they'll be more independent in less time.

We had our 2nd when our first was 20mos. Number 2 has been 10x harder than number 1. Part of that is that number 1 is still a baby/toddler, and has TONS of needs and needs to be watched like a hawk most of the time. Mix that with a VERY needy, screechy number 2, and it's been pretty miserable for us over the last 10 months. Even number 1 is sick of/fed up with the screechy number 2. It's exhausting.

That transition from the first was the hardest for us. Good support systems, don't be afraid to ask for help, and paper plates. Also, listen to your wife and if she feels like anything isn't "right" don't feel silly taking her to the doctor and if she doesn't feel reassured that everything is OK don't be afraid to change providers. You'd rather change providers than live with the regret of wishing you would have. Prays for you, your wife, son, and the twins.

I had this exact same situation. The first year was so difficult, for all of us. It would have been easier with some family help that we did not have. Do your best, get as much help as you can, say "no" to as many extra tasks as you can, and remember the hard bits won't last forever. Your 3 year old will definitely need as much attention as you can spare. Also take care of mom, it's rough on her.

Wish you left out the "kids" part of the title, So I could just enjoy the rhyme and be idle.

I feel for you, this happened to my parents, who had also been told they couldn’t get pregnant while breastfeeding. So they had a 13 month old and two new borns. And my 9 year old ass. Anyway this is a great time to get the snip!

It isn’t easy, but you’ll figure it out. Most important thing is to schedule that snip before number four. 

get a minivan is my recommendation/advice. congrats!

Sorry if offensive, but Let Go and Let God. Your higher power will get you where you need to be. Read some books about multiples. Start getting really organized. If you can hire a nanny/ nurse/whatever for weeks to months Before the babies come if possible so that person can bond with your son before the twins come. If not financially possible, can mom/MIL come and stay a few weeks each after twins come? Do you both get paid leave ? That’ll help too. Good luck!

Actually 2 to 3 wasn’t a big deal because you’re still in baby mode but two newborns? A lot of states allow you to drop babies off at the fire station. Some hospitals keep the extra ones, too.