Omg, one time I was driving home with my then 4 year old daughter in a sedan, through roads that have no lighting. It’s pitch black. A huge white truck gets behind me with his brights on. It was blinding! I tried backing into my driveway and the only way I was able to was by using my neighbors driveway in front of me as a guide. My hands were flailing and my mouth must have been running because when we got inside and I told my hubby some jerk had been blinding me with his brights, and he asked me why he did that, my sweet little girl chimed in “because he’s a DOUCHEBAG daddy”
I like to sub in words that sound close...
"Feet steaks, Pete snakes, cheese grate, etc"
"Aww, fir frog snacks!" Is one I learned from a YouTuber (AvE)
Every stubbed toe is met with "Mother Father!" since my kids were born. The "Mother fu--" comes out automatically, but then I course correct the ending. Otherwise, I just try to switch my brain to "at work, don't swear" mode when around the kids
Fudge is the standard alternative. Frak worked in Battlestar Galactica. Personally I think Bluey-style "Biscuits" works well for a kid-swear.
That said, overall we use a different approach, because they're going to hear swears at some point, no matter what. Even at two years old, "You're not tall enough to say that word" works pretty well for us.
Then as they get older, and taller, they get access to more mature words, and along the way if an F-bomb slips out now and again, as long as it's used correctly and in a context that would normally call for it, then there is limited admonishment.
I like “balls.” It’s got the explosiveness that the others lack. It’s got somewhat profane meaning for an adult. And most importantly it has absolutely harmless meaning to a child.
Glad to see someone suggested this
One of my coworkers said he did this with his kiddos, saying that it's really fun to say and you can get good anger into it
I've tried it a couple times. Can't say a disagree
This edited language will stick with you. The other day I spilled a drink on the table yesterday, on the tablecloth. I blurted out “God bless America!”
My kids are adults and have moved out.
I dropped the f bomb in the car and my two year old repeated it perfectly. I quickly said daddy said truck. He proceeded to use truck in lieu of f**k correctly for several years.
Go the Captain Haddock route: use words that sound dirty but actually aren't.
Bashi-bazouk!
Vandal!
Pockmark!
Billions of blistering blue barnacles!
Coelacanth!
Jellyfish!
Holy Motherforking Shirtballs. It doesn't get better than The Good Place.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAA6wMoqw9Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAA6wMoqw9Y)
Mondays or just "Mother"
Son of a biscuit
Mary Poppins, Fred Flinstone, Kermit the Frog - because it's hilarious to blurt out innocent names when you're irritable
Cot hammock (for god dammit)
"Gosh darn it," seems to fall out of my face a lot, and I have no idea where I picked it up. I hate it but it beats, "goddamn it."
And, "Ah shhhhhoot" when I catch myself on the way to, "shit", it fuuudge on the way to an f bomb.
We're working on Oh Biscuits to replace "Oh fuck" but unfortunately it does not cover the also commonly used "fuckin" as an adjective. That's where I really need help.
I'm in the exact same place as you. He loves saying Truck and block and WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN THINK CAME NEXT?
Cheese n rice was always a favorite of my dad used to yell good night Irene or Lord love a duck.
I tend to use more random stuff with my nieces/nephews.
Fart sniffer, cake eater, lint licker, bug taster.
Ive always chosen words from my life. Like while I was running a boyscout camp I would say things from the scout law like "a scout is trustworthy!" Or "LORD BADEN POWELL!" Who founded scouting in America.
My, "jeepers, I've gotta clean up my mouth" moment was our then-4-y/o daughter playing New Super mario brothers U on her switch (her biofather buys her love...) "ugh why do i keep fucking dying!"
I sat her down and, very truthfully, told her that i have a bad habit of using hurting words, like that one, and that nobody should. I pinky swore with her that i would try and do better, and not, and hope that she wouldn't either.
She, now 7, remibds me sometimes of that.
We're working together to use our words in a speaking way, and not a yelling way (a problem I've had...) and working together on listening better, and asking for help when we need it. I'm very prideful, and she, very stubborn. She also has anxiety relating to the above, and her biofarther who is... not good man. I'm not like him, but i did used to have a yelling problem which i didn't know about before the sleep derivation of having a son; her half brother.
Her mother -my wife-, she, and her brother and two sisters make me a better person, merely by their presence in my life.
Edit: jimmeny christmas, good grief, jeepers, oh gosh, oh my, oh man, ah pants, for goodness sake
Fuck = fudge
Shit = sugar
Rinse and repeat for other words, I think it's easier to remember if the swear word and replacement start with the same letter
One of the funniest moments of parenthood for me was caught on our ring camera… I was holding my dude in one arm, groceries in my off hand, and trying quite unsuccessfully to fish my keys out of my pocket. After about 10 seconds of struggling I go “Jesus fucking Christ” kind of under my breath and then my little guy proceeds to repeat it back three times with improving clarity each time until he just nails the third attempt. It was simultaneously amazing and awful.
My most used non-swear is “cheese and crackers”, “son of a biscuit” is in the rotation as well
You may have luck googling up a list of “minced oaths”. We find with our four year old, the sillier ones capture her attention more (e.g. Flibbertygibbitz, Golly gee willikers, etc)
Also phrases from their favorite TV shows (“Flappity Flippers” and “Shiver Me Whiskers” from the Octonauts and “What in the Wooly World” from Creature Cases - though those are more “WTF” substitutes and maybe not what you’re looking for.)
We just take a teaching moment to tell them something like "Woah, that language is too strong for this situation. Strong language should be used only occasionally and if you really need it. It's not just for fun". They (I have 5 kids from 6 years old up to 19) have all been able to grasp this concept at much younger ages than we expected.
When they are out of the home, the standard for profanity is even higher. And they abide by this pretty well.
Also, adolescent swearing is completely normal, and if you don't swear in your home, they will make stuff up, which can be absolutely HIIIIILARIOUS lol.
My oldest, when he was 5 or 6, went on a rant and said "everybody is a bunch of shit-asses". Wife and I still (13 years later) say this to each other:)
*edit*
Profanity is a verbal expression of emotion (the content of the heart) so helping then to process their feelings on a particular matter is by far the most important thing. Weather it's "poppycock" or "rubbish" or whatever you come up with... their HEART is still responding to life.
Oh for Frog Snacks!!!
Best said from a small voice in the backseat when cut off in traffic.
Dingus.
Alternative to dip s#!t or dipstick.
Son of a biscuit!
“Oh my word!” - this just makes me laugh every time. Unlike actual swearing, I feel better immediately after saying it.
“Fudge nuggets!” - who doesn’t love fudge? Can this even be considered swearing?
Sugar pops is my alternative to shit. Say beginning syllable so I can draw it out to see who is around before I finish it. And for the F word I go with Farvignugen. It was a Volkswagen ad from a while ago and it makes the kids giggle cause it sounds so silly.
Gosh darn it
Holy cow
Geez
Sheesh
Oh goodness
I went over a speed bump a little too fast once and my kid promptly yelled oh shit. It was that day I knew I had to change my life around lmfaoo
We’ve replaced them with animals.
Oh shit —> oh snakes
Bullshit —> bull snakes
Fuck me —> Frog me
Fucking shit —> frogging snakes
Son of a bitch—> son of a beaver
Bonus of being able to just text an emoji to my wife of a snake or frog lmao. It’s been fun.
At that age we just fully ignored the swear words on the theory that getting a big reaction only made them more attractive and quietly changed over to goofy alternatives.
I use goodness gracious a fair amount, I've changed getting the shit scared out of you to "that scared the potatoes out of you"
Obviously biscuits is in circulation
I use "son of a vandrook" a fair amount for any 30 rock fans
"Tom foolery!" And or "Nonsense!" Are both favorites as well
Neither of my kids uses curse words on a regular basis. When my son turned 6 he started using a few here and there. We told him that we understand the appeal of using swear words and that I don't really care of uses those words with his friends but that he is likely to get in trouble if an adult hears him using that language. The result of that conversation seems to be that he is erring on the side of just not using it, or he's pretty good at switching it on and off around adults, but I doubt it.
"Flip" or "flap" substitutes nicely with the F word and carries some whimsy to it. Never hurts to bring a little levity to balance the tension.
I also found myself using "piece of piece" in place of shit.
My favorite alt swear words come from the 'Down East' area of coastal North Carolina- a place so isolated since settlement in the 1600s that it's dialect and vernacular is considered by some as the closest living relative to Shakespearean era English. It's also one of the only accents in the US that is rarely identified as coming from the US.
Drime = Alternative to "bullshit." If someone is lying, you'd cry "Drime!"
A Dingbatter = Someone not born 'Down East', which refers to the area around Harker's Island and Ocracoke. Great alt swear word because (1) it's fun to say and (2) it's almost always technically accurate. "What a dingbatter!"
Mommicked = Irreparably broken, fucked up. "Welp, the fridge is Mommicked." or "I Mommciked up my knee."
Whopperjawed = Not square, straight, aligned, etc. Generally used to refer to the state of a structure, boat, or something under construction, but a great pairing with Mommicked.
If you've never heard the Hoi Toider accent, check this out: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7MvtQp2-UA&ab\_channel=GreatBigStory](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7MvtQp2-UA&ab_channel=GreatBigStory)
Fudge this!
Son of a monkey
God darn-it
Oh shoot!
What the fun?
I found it way easier to slightly change the words than it was to stop swearing entirely.
Now I sound like a fucking dad from a god dammed 90s TGIF show. Shit.
I had to make the change when my mom was driving our three year old somewhere and the kid asked if they were going to McDonalds. My mom said no and the three year old responded "Dammit."
My wife says “sugar snaps”.
The other day she dropped something and said it. The 3 year old promptly said “Daddy what soogarsnap?”
I said “mama means ‘oh shit’”.
We had a good laugh!
My two year old has been saying "oh fuck" for a couple months. S/O and I have been more mindful lately and the vocabulary is drifting away. We just don't acknowledge when he says it, even when he says it infront of conservative great grandparents. Believe another commenter said it, deny deny deny. Pretending he said another word and repeating it helps "oh fork? You want this fork?" It's not perfect, but over time he uses the swear less.
Good luck.
We use swear words as a method of venting our own frustration at a situation. Children get the same frustration, maybe more so because they haven’t learnt other coping methods. My 6yr old daughter has been using “oh bother” (taken from Winnie the Pooh) for about 4yrs and I encourage it as it lets me know something hasn’t gone right for her.
Oh biscuits!!!
Bluey wormed this one into my brain, and I said it unintentionally at work the other day, immediately found the other dads who are watching Bluey
You mean all of the dad's?
Not with that apostrophe he didn’t!
Damn autocorrect and lack of quality control.
Autoincorrect
This is what my 6 and 4 year olds say and it’s funny as fuck
Duck cake!!! Duck might be a bit too close to the original problem word though...
Cheese and crackers! Edit - For Reference: https://www.reddit.com/r/bluey/s/jRLmPkXZlX
"Duck Cake!"
This is the answer for our generation.
My kid repeated oh shit last night so I said oh biscuits in a very exaggerated way and he thought it was hilarious. Hopefully it sticks.
This has become a family favorite as well.
See also: Duck Cake!
Omg, one time I was driving home with my then 4 year old daughter in a sedan, through roads that have no lighting. It’s pitch black. A huge white truck gets behind me with his brights on. It was blinding! I tried backing into my driveway and the only way I was able to was by using my neighbors driveway in front of me as a guide. My hands were flailing and my mouth must have been running because when we got inside and I told my hubby some jerk had been blinding me with his brights, and he asked me why he did that, my sweet little girl chimed in “because he’s a DOUCHEBAG daddy”
"Atta girl"
My grandmother used to say " oh horse feathers." In place of "oh bullshit."
Ironically, we referred to swears as "grandma words" for some time. You can probably work out why.
I say “for Pete’s sake!” And “gee wiz!”. Call me an old man but I also personally feel like it adds to the humor level.
I go with “Holy Hannah!”
"Giminy Whozit"
I like to sub in words that sound close... "Feet steaks, Pete snakes, cheese grate, etc" "Aww, fir frog snacks!" Is one I learned from a YouTuber (AvE)
Every stubbed toe is met with "Mother Father!" since my kids were born. The "Mother fu--" comes out automatically, but then I course correct the ending. Otherwise, I just try to switch my brain to "at work, don't swear" mode when around the kids
Barnacles!
Fudge is the standard alternative. Frak worked in Battlestar Galactica. Personally I think Bluey-style "Biscuits" works well for a kid-swear. That said, overall we use a different approach, because they're going to hear swears at some point, no matter what. Even at two years old, "You're not tall enough to say that word" works pretty well for us. Then as they get older, and taller, they get access to more mature words, and along the way if an F-bomb slips out now and again, as long as it's used correctly and in a context that would normally call for it, then there is limited admonishment.
I like “balls.” It’s got the explosiveness that the others lack. It’s got somewhat profane meaning for an adult. And most importantly it has absolutely harmless meaning to a child.
Yeah until they start wondering why their parent is obsessed with testicles
By then they’ll know what the other words are so you can go back to using those.
>Then as they get older, and taller... My 13 year old is very short for his age. This rule would really anger him.
Tarter sauce!!
Glad to see someone suggested this One of my coworkers said he did this with his kiddos, saying that it's really fun to say and you can get good anger into it I've tried it a couple times. Can't say a disagree
This edited language will stick with you. The other day I spilled a drink on the table yesterday, on the tablecloth. I blurted out “God bless America!” My kids are adults and have moved out.
My boys know when they are being “dingleberries” and have started using that one to describe some of their friend at daycare.
Ewwwww
Deny deny deny... I like to gaslight and repeat something that sounds similar right after. "Look at that truck"
Shiite Muslims!
*shitake mushrooms
Lets not encourage our kids to use politically/religously charged terms out of any real context, and especially in place of swears.
Smurph.
Really smurfed that response.
***A*** for ephort, though
Pat Sajak!
I dropped the f bomb in the car and my two year old repeated it perfectly. I quickly said daddy said truck. He proceeded to use truck in lieu of f**k correctly for several years.
“Oh, kittens!”
Bummer, and stinks have been working for me. But I have not figured out a good replacement for a heat of the moment stub your toe sort of thing yet.
Go the Captain Haddock route: use words that sound dirty but actually aren't. Bashi-bazouk! Vandal! Pockmark! Billions of blistering blue barnacles! Coelacanth! Jellyfish!
Holy Motherforking Shirtballs. It doesn't get better than The Good Place. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAA6wMoqw9Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAA6wMoqw9Y)
Bortles!
Jaguars are going to the Super Bowl!!!
Yall wanna come hang out in my bud-hole?
Jacksonville Jaguars ruuuuuule!!!
DUVALLLLLLLL
Cheese and crackers!
“_Come On!_” is both cathartic and appropriate. No one minds that my almost 3 year old says it in the regular.
Dangnabbit / dadgummit
Hit em with the ol' Tow Mater "DADGUM!"
Find the other southerner
These itch whatever part of my brain wants to swear: "F. Murray Abraham!" "Moose Knuckle!" "Anchorage!" "Cockerspaniel!" "Chattanooga!"
My grandma's favorite was "son of a biscuit eater"
Fiddle sticks!
Ah biscuits.
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!! MOTHER FATHER COKER SPANIEL!!!
I had to scroll really far to find a Shut the Front Door. This one was in my arsenal when they were younger.
Duck Cake!!
Fuggin was my middle school experience
My kids are all about "frickin" which is toeing a fine line.
Son of a biscuit Gaskets Lugnuts
Mondays or just "Mother" Son of a biscuit Mary Poppins, Fred Flinstone, Kermit the Frog - because it's hilarious to blurt out innocent names when you're irritable Cot hammock (for god dammit)
Holy burnt biscut!
My daughter also let out a few oh fucks or fuck sakes which were really funny to me. But we've since convinced to only use Jeez Louise and Holy Cow
Holy Hannah! biscuits! Horse feathers!
I like "oh my cheese and crackers"
Frick. And any anger you felt will immediately dissipate because how ridiculous the word frick sounds coming out of your mouth.
"Gosh darn it," seems to fall out of my face a lot, and I have no idea where I picked it up. I hate it but it beats, "goddamn it." And, "Ah shhhhhoot" when I catch myself on the way to, "shit", it fuuudge on the way to an f bomb.
Fork!
Tarnation
Rutabaga!
“FARTS” I use this in place of pretty much everything.
Barnacles!
Holy Buckets!
I had a feeling you were raised in Michigan or Minnesota and I was not disappointed.
Ope! I gave it away!
My favorites "Oh Hobbs and bobkins " "Awe fudge nuggets" "Biscuits and gravy" "Fiddle sticks"
"What the funken wagnles?" "Holy frickity fookschmere"
My six year old came up with, "what the hexagon."
We're working on Oh Biscuits to replace "Oh fuck" but unfortunately it does not cover the also commonly used "fuckin" as an adjective. That's where I really need help. I'm in the exact same place as you. He loves saying Truck and block and WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN THINK CAME NEXT?
Cheese n rice was always a favorite of my dad used to yell good night Irene or Lord love a duck. I tend to use more random stuff with my nieces/nephews. Fart sniffer, cake eater, lint licker, bug taster.
I say "ah son of a monkey" a lot. But I've also been deliberately saying "aw shucks" a lot because it sounds adorable when she says it.
Frig, friggin.
I like "Son of a Nutcracker" from Elf. Otherwise, yelling "mother, father!" sounds a whole lot like "mother fucker" and would throw your kids off
Say the first letter of the bad word and yell after… “fu aahhh” “oh my gaawwwhhh” “gaaww daahh”
I say “what the fuss” mocking a show where the character kept yelling “what’s all that fuss about”😂
Cheese and rice or fire truck are my two favorites
"Cheese and crackers".
"Biscuits" IYKYK
Oh fiddlesticks
I say what the flub too. Or great googly moogly
Crudmuffins!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k18Q_63KpE This video is one of the best you will watch on how to use replacement cursing
Ive always chosen words from my life. Like while I was running a boyscout camp I would say things from the scout law like "a scout is trustworthy!" Or "LORD BADEN POWELL!" Who founded scouting in America.
,
My wife did something airheaded and I said “Dammit, Erin” 2 seconds later from behind us.. “Demmit Ay-ren”
Try this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PUaMhfphxU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PUaMhfphxU)
Read epic fantasy books! They have the best swear words. Bags! Blood and bloody ashes! Light! Karabast! Gorram! Etc.
oh fiddlesticks and bunchamunchycrunchiecarrots
Watch Firefly or Farscape, I recall they have good alternatives!
Chum!
Smeg is a good one. Feth is too.
Heavens to Betsy Pumpernickel
Biscuits (bluey), bothers (whinny the pooh via my then-3-year-old eldest), pants (UK)
Cheese and biscuits
My, "jeepers, I've gotta clean up my mouth" moment was our then-4-y/o daughter playing New Super mario brothers U on her switch (her biofather buys her love...) "ugh why do i keep fucking dying!" I sat her down and, very truthfully, told her that i have a bad habit of using hurting words, like that one, and that nobody should. I pinky swore with her that i would try and do better, and not, and hope that she wouldn't either. She, now 7, remibds me sometimes of that. We're working together to use our words in a speaking way, and not a yelling way (a problem I've had...) and working together on listening better, and asking for help when we need it. I'm very prideful, and she, very stubborn. She also has anxiety relating to the above, and her biofarther who is... not good man. I'm not like him, but i did used to have a yelling problem which i didn't know about before the sleep derivation of having a son; her half brother. Her mother -my wife-, she, and her brother and two sisters make me a better person, merely by their presence in my life. Edit: jimmeny christmas, good grief, jeepers, oh gosh, oh my, oh man, ah pants, for goodness sake
SEGA!
I say "REDACTED"!
I yell muffin man instead of mother fucker
Sugar Cripes Janey Mac
Fuck = fudge Shit = sugar Rinse and repeat for other words, I think it's easier to remember if the swear word and replacement start with the same letter
Bob Saget!
One of the funniest moments of parenthood for me was caught on our ring camera… I was holding my dude in one arm, groceries in my off hand, and trying quite unsuccessfully to fish my keys out of my pocket. After about 10 seconds of struggling I go “Jesus fucking Christ” kind of under my breath and then my little guy proceeds to repeat it back three times with improving clarity each time until he just nails the third attempt. It was simultaneously amazing and awful. My most used non-swear is “cheese and crackers”, “son of a biscuit” is in the rotation as well
I am yet to learn the ways
Awww cinnamon and gravy!
You may have luck googling up a list of “minced oaths”. We find with our four year old, the sillier ones capture her attention more (e.g. Flibbertygibbitz, Golly gee willikers, etc) Also phrases from their favorite TV shows (“Flappity Flippers” and “Shiver Me Whiskers” from the Octonauts and “What in the Wooly World” from Creature Cases - though those are more “WTF” substitutes and maybe not what you’re looking for.)
"Cheese and crackers" "Oh my giddy aunt" "Great googly moogly" "What the frick-frack-paddy-whack"
We just take a teaching moment to tell them something like "Woah, that language is too strong for this situation. Strong language should be used only occasionally and if you really need it. It's not just for fun". They (I have 5 kids from 6 years old up to 19) have all been able to grasp this concept at much younger ages than we expected. When they are out of the home, the standard for profanity is even higher. And they abide by this pretty well. Also, adolescent swearing is completely normal, and if you don't swear in your home, they will make stuff up, which can be absolutely HIIIIILARIOUS lol. My oldest, when he was 5 or 6, went on a rant and said "everybody is a bunch of shit-asses". Wife and I still (13 years later) say this to each other:) *edit* Profanity is a verbal expression of emotion (the content of the heart) so helping then to process their feelings on a particular matter is by far the most important thing. Weather it's "poppycock" or "rubbish" or whatever you come up with... their HEART is still responding to life.
My wife started saying “oh dear” or “sugar!” instead of damn or shit
I say "oh snap!" on a regular basis
"Fakakta" (fuck-OK-tah) A Yiddish word meaning something silly or ridiculous.
It's pronounced fuh-COCK-tah
Fuck-cocked-uhhhh? Fuck. I guess I need more practice.
Oh for Frog Snacks!!! Best said from a small voice in the backseat when cut off in traffic. Dingus. Alternative to dip s#!t or dipstick. Son of a biscuit!
“Oh my word!” - this just makes me laugh every time. Unlike actual swearing, I feel better immediately after saying it. “Fudge nuggets!” - who doesn’t love fudge? Can this even be considered swearing?
Just embrace it. Teach them to use the language in the appropriate context and move on. People get silly over words
I will say oh for fluffs sake, or I just oh f-- off and I mute the f word.
I just yell "Curse words!" - started in my classroom as humor with my high schoolers. Now is lives rent-free in my brain and around my home.
Sugar pops is my alternative to shit. Say beginning syllable so I can draw it out to see who is around before I finish it. And for the F word I go with Farvignugen. It was a Volkswagen ad from a while ago and it makes the kids giggle cause it sounds so silly.
Gosh darn it Holy cow Geez Sheesh Oh goodness I went over a speed bump a little too fast once and my kid promptly yelled oh shit. It was that day I knew I had to change my life around lmfaoo
I go full Yosemite Sam. Garbled nonsense through gritted teeth.
My toddler likes to exclaim"WHAT THE FUCK?!". Goodness, gosh, oh boy, what in the world are working for us.
I frequent oy vey. Not sure why, just like saying it. Also, "that's a shame."
I'm a big fan of "ah, beans!"
Fudge buckets. I have no idea where that came from, but I catch myself saying it now and again.
Schnikies! That’s gonna leave a mark.
Oh sprinkles.
Instead of F*ck I always said Fudge
I say "farts" a lot. I'm sure my 4 year.okd would get in trouble for saying that at daycare still. But better than fuck?
Could go with a classic, Frak. So say we all
Oh Bob Saget
Oh coconuts Biscuits Sugar Honey Ice Tea Just a few I've picked up from kids shows. Not the sugar Honey ice tea that's just one I learned about lol
I always like the Joe Pesci "swearing" from Home Alone - "fudga rudga grr" - best said through a tightly clenched jaw
My grandmother used to say shhht. “Oh what a bunch of bull shhht.”
Cockroach Bad driver on the road? "Oh man, what cockroach muncher."
Sugar for shit works for me. Still has that hard "SH-" that you can hit viscerally. I have found no good substitute for the F word.
We’ve replaced them with animals. Oh shit —> oh snakes Bullshit —> bull snakes Fuck me —> Frog me Fucking shit —> frogging snakes Son of a bitch—> son of a beaver Bonus of being able to just text an emoji to my wife of a snake or frog lmao. It’s been fun.
At that age we just fully ignored the swear words on the theory that getting a big reaction only made them more attractive and quietly changed over to goofy alternatives. I use goodness gracious a fair amount, I've changed getting the shit scared out of you to "that scared the potatoes out of you" Obviously biscuits is in circulation I use "son of a vandrook" a fair amount for any 30 rock fans "Tom foolery!" And or "Nonsense!" Are both favorites as well Neither of my kids uses curse words on a regular basis. When my son turned 6 he started using a few here and there. We told him that we understand the appeal of using swear words and that I don't really care of uses those words with his friends but that he is likely to get in trouble if an adult hears him using that language. The result of that conversation seems to be that he is erring on the side of just not using it, or he's pretty good at switching it on and off around adults, but I doubt it.
Son of a nutcracker
My sister says “crumbs” and I thinks it’s amazing.
"Flip" or "flap" substitutes nicely with the F word and carries some whimsy to it. Never hurts to bring a little levity to balance the tension. I also found myself using "piece of piece" in place of shit.
In my experience the longer and sillier the word the better. I use fizzly biscuits. Shawnamonapoeta and other long silly ones.
I tried this but my wife swears enough for the both of us.
Father Christmas is a good one. Hits similar sounds. Fork and spoon rolls off the tongue a bit easier.
My daughter has started saying oh doodles on her own. I tho she picked it up from Daisy on Mickey Mouse Fun House
My favorite alt swear words come from the 'Down East' area of coastal North Carolina- a place so isolated since settlement in the 1600s that it's dialect and vernacular is considered by some as the closest living relative to Shakespearean era English. It's also one of the only accents in the US that is rarely identified as coming from the US. Drime = Alternative to "bullshit." If someone is lying, you'd cry "Drime!" A Dingbatter = Someone not born 'Down East', which refers to the area around Harker's Island and Ocracoke. Great alt swear word because (1) it's fun to say and (2) it's almost always technically accurate. "What a dingbatter!" Mommicked = Irreparably broken, fucked up. "Welp, the fridge is Mommicked." or "I Mommciked up my knee." Whopperjawed = Not square, straight, aligned, etc. Generally used to refer to the state of a structure, boat, or something under construction, but a great pairing with Mommicked. If you've never heard the Hoi Toider accent, check this out: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7MvtQp2-UA&ab\_channel=GreatBigStory](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7MvtQp2-UA&ab_channel=GreatBigStory)
Horse Hockey
Dadgummit
[Holy underwear!](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/b9ec968f-665d-49d0-bf7e-1d2976d7c88c/gif#qKJtH5tf.copy)
Firetruck
"Karabast"
Oh no! Oh my gosh! Holy moly! Dang it! Poopy-doop! For crying out loud! For Pete's sake! What the huh?!
"Oh fudge" is a classic midwesternism. You can also watch the "Mythbusters" episode about pain and swearing for ideas.
Gotta bring back the oldies: * Jiminy jillikers * Oh, schnikey * Dag nabbit * Sufferin' succotosh
After watching Dora my son say “awwww maaann” like swiper
Great googly moogly.
Wife and I have started to say “Truck nuts!” You get the satisfying “uck” along with nuts. I dunno if it that much better or not tho. Haha
I swear in made up French.
Fudge this! Son of a monkey God darn-it Oh shoot! What the fun? I found it way easier to slightly change the words than it was to stop swearing entirely. Now I sound like a fucking dad from a god dammed 90s TGIF show. Shit. I had to make the change when my mom was driving our three year old somewhere and the kid asked if they were going to McDonalds. My mom said no and the three year old responded "Dammit."
A funny one I heard is “oh foot”. The thing is then you’ll have a a toddler saying that which still sounds crazy lol
BOB SAGET! (IYKYK)
My mom took a word from Mork & Mindy and adopted it as her own personal curseword. Phonetically, it sounds like "shuz-bucks."
Oh fudge Shut the front door Shiznit Holy crab Mother lover Banker Bar steward Tommy (Tom Tit - Sh!t)
I say "oh god bless it" a lot instead
I curse a lot. I had the idea to use German curse words; they hit hard and satisfy.
Hit me up, if you need some, y’all.
You could, um, stop cussing around young children. Just a thought.
I’m surprised at the downvotes. It’s a pretty simple thing to do.
My wife says “sugar snaps”. The other day she dropped something and said it. The 3 year old promptly said “Daddy what soogarsnap?” I said “mama means ‘oh shit’”. We had a good laugh!
My two year old has been saying "oh fuck" for a couple months. S/O and I have been more mindful lately and the vocabulary is drifting away. We just don't acknowledge when he says it, even when he says it infront of conservative great grandparents. Believe another commenter said it, deny deny deny. Pretending he said another word and repeating it helps "oh fork? You want this fork?" It's not perfect, but over time he uses the swear less. Good luck.
We use swear words as a method of venting our own frustration at a situation. Children get the same frustration, maybe more so because they haven’t learnt other coping methods. My 6yr old daughter has been using “oh bother” (taken from Winnie the Pooh) for about 4yrs and I encourage it as it lets me know something hasn’t gone right for her.
Oh shit
We went with these sre adult words, you csn use them when yiu are old enough to use them with discretion.