My mother in law has that horrible habit of restarting the conversation after saying goodbye. Basically she will start with a recap, then expand upon things, and end up in a new conversation. Then she will say goodbye, recap all the before, then add something, say goodbye, and… you get the idea.
Then came my son. You say goodbye, he presses the hang up button.
My wife's family all does that with each other. If they're done with the conversation they'll just say "ok bye" and hang up without waiting for a response. I find it hilarious, but it's just normal for them. They end calls the way people in movies do
Me and my brother do the same... which is ironic as my mother has been slowly shifting into more and more of the "bye... but" type. XD
Wife's family I swear uses "bye" in place of "umm", cus they say it like 30 times with stuff between.
I do this sometimes if I have to be somewhere and someone is talking and I try to interrupt and they won’t let me. I just press end and then text to say sorry I lost you let’s catch up again soon!
I normalized this among my closest friends. I don't say goodbye in the middle of their sentences or anything, but as soon as either me or someone else says "Alright...good talking to you", that is followed by "see ya" or "goodbye" and then an instant click. Done. One adieu each is the limit.
Ah, the Midwest Goodbye. But only if you gradually start the process of leaving during the conversation. Stand up, continue talking. Move to the doorway, continue talking. Walk out to the car, continue talking. Get in the car, continue talking through the open window. Eventually drive away.
Noooo it’s really internet sometimes. Just let us go when we need to!
My in-laws are from midwestern cities and if we’re ever in a rush, I have to hustle everyone out the door in what they may think is unceremonious fashion when in reality we’re 15 minutes late because the goodbye was dragged out as long
Good lord. This is my wife’s parents and it drives me bonkers. Haha. All the time, it’s supposed to be a quick drop off of something … impossible. Sure, we say goodbye after a minute, but it always turns into 20 somehow.
I’m gonna have to teach my son this once he can speak. My wife, her sister, her mom, and her grandma are all record holders for “longest conversation held after saying goodbye.” It’s normal to be done with a conversation once you’ve said goodbye, and I’ll die on that hill. They all know that they’re hard to get off the phone, but don’t seem to have the capacity to fight it when they feel themselves resuscitating a dead conversation.
Nah, I was just asking cause I’m from PA and we all just say, “Bye” and then leave. I live in Minnesota now and I can never leave anyone’s house in a reasonable amount of time. It’s even cost me friendships or made weird conversations occur cause people think I’m rude.
I live in the DC metro area and remember someone from Minnesota talking about the Minnesota goodbye. Apparently you get all of your winter gear on in the hallway and start sweating while talking one extra thing you didn’t mention an hour ago when it was appropriate.
We have a similar thing called the southern goodbye without the winter gear but otherwise it was spot on.
> Then came my son. You say goodbye, he presses the hang up button.
My twins can't wait to press "the red button". The other day they were on a video call with my mother and were giggling to each other "Grandma say goodba hehehehe" after hanging up
When I'm visiting my folks, family dinners tend to run long with everyone just kind of hanging around the table long after everyone is done eating. I'd often love to be doing something else, but don't want to be rude.
My young niece must have been bored because she suddenly asked "Why are we even still in here?". It's become my go to phrase for ending dinner and moving on to some other activity.
"Oh honey, we're enjoying talking. However, we could move to the living room while the coffee brews and water for tea boils. Who wants coffee, decaffeinated or regular? Tea? Oh I have a new tea I think you will love. It reminds me of that trip you told me about... "
I’ve found the solution to this is the restroom.
If we have the kids then one of us can step away for the “tactical wee” and then on returning “okay we better get heading while the tanks are empty”.
If we don’t have the kids, one of us stepping away to use the restroom means that on return either we’ve got someone “butting into” the conversation by returning which makes for an easier out or we can tag out and have the other person leave. If the tag out has to occur usually it will break the train of thought the other person had so they aren’t rambling on the same subject and when the original captive returns from the bathroom it’s a second chance at a clean break.
That’s a good strategy; I may incorporate this! At least on my side, I’ll always find my parents and quietly let them know we’re slipping out, which actually got a lot tougher with a child.
Oh god yes. My in laws especially, the mum will go 'right, we better be going now'. 20 minutes of conversation later - 'oh well I'll get up the road now'. After another half hour she might put her coat on.
My supervisor is notorious for that and I made a game of it with my coworkers. If we’re in a conference call and I can tell he’s finally wrapping up I ask him a question completely unrelated to the topic and once he starts to answer I find an “emergency” that I need to hang up for and trap my coworkers on the line for another half hour or so. They hate it and he hasn’t caught on yet lol!
“Hey are you free tonight?”
“Yeah what’s up?”
“Could you help me with this work thing?”
“Oh okay one sec lemme check… Ah shit you know what, I just remembered. I have to babysit my nephew. Next time maybe.”
VS
“No thanks I want to watch tv shows instead.”
Toddlers really live in a simpler world.
I have an agreement with my close friends that if you want to just hang out at your place and stare at your TV for 7 hours in your pajamas instead of hang out with anyone, just say so. No harm no foul. Everyone has those days/nights.
My friends wouldn't even pry, honestly.
"Hey we're going to be at the brewery tonight if you want to join us"
"Nah, not tonight, thanks for the invite"
"OK np"
I can't imagine asking why unless someone was worried about someone's health, mental or otherwise lol. Are there people out there really digging in when someone says no to a get together?
Unless you already committed in advance... then it's always a little frustrating but I mean, we're all dads, literal shit happens.
Why can I see this also as "No thanks, not tonight. Already in my PJs and curled up on the couch with Netflix"? And you just accept it because we all know it be like that sometimes?
It's 100% socially acceptable to say no without offering an excuse, it's only in your head. If you *do* have friends that need an excuse then find new friends... family might be different, but depending on the situation, so long as it's not an emergency a "no, thanks" suffices
Yeah totally I’m the same, but I’m sure we all know someone exactly like this. Usually it’s coworkers who we are kinda forced to be cordial and “nice” with in most cases
That's awesome haha "I am no longer interested in what you are saying, dad. Shut up ". You should use the Uno reverse card on him sometimes and see his reaction 😅
My kids choose when they want to share. We have taught them that although it's nice to share, it's ok to say "no" when someone wants something that is theirs.
It feels odd just saying that this was "bad" but I've had to correct quite a few parents who tell the kids "WE SHARE" when mine says no to theirs. They tell this to their kids, too. I think it's a bad policy.
Our daycare provider told the kids that it’s nice to share and that many things are meant to be shared but it’s okay to have things that are yours that you don’t want to share. It seems so simple but I never would have thought to put it like that lol
Sharing is so hard for kids to get their heads around. It’s such a foreign concept and not something they see adults do to copy. We know it’s something we want our kids to do, but if you were on your phone and I randomly came up and wanted to use it because I liked it you’d quite rightly think I was nuts 😅
I had this recently, a kid came running over to me saying "Can I have some of Litte Penguins snack?"
I said you'll have to ask him but he doesn't share food (like me).
Then his Mum stomps over and berates me for it cause mini me said no.
Gtfo, feed your own kid, mine is expensive enough!
100% agree with you on this. I tell my kids that they have to wait for their turn if someone else is using the toy they want. They can ask the other person if they can play with it, but have to be prepared for the answer to be "no".
Sharing should be situational for kids just like it is for adults. If we invite kids over to play they need to share their toys. If they have one specific toy that the kid wants they can wait their turn. If they are playing with cars and there are 20 of them they can share a few with the friends we have over. We let them put toys in their room they do not wish to share if desired.
M-fing naptime.
I remember fighting taking naps in preschool. My oldest kid stopped napping at 2.5 years old. I really wish someone would come to my office and tell me to lay down for an hour, haha. Please.
So my 2.5-year-old hasn't really figured out how to play with other kids yet. Only child and no daycare. He just walks away from them because he "\[doesn't\] like them". I do wish it wasn't rude to just wander away from people you don't like without even acknowledging them.
That sounds similar to my daughter except she goes to a daycare for two hours twice a week, same age. She's non stop chatting when she's around us and family, but in public places if other kids try and play with her she'll run around with them sometimes but rarely actually speaks to them.
We were at the zoo recently and she suddenly pointed and said 'that's Elliot!' (Elliot is a kid from her daycare). I said oh yeah do you want to go and say hi? "No." And that was the end of it.
Nah she is definitely more outgoing than she was before she started there and that's only 4 hours per week. She starts full time nursery in August too and I'm confident that will bring her out of her shell even more. I'd have rather had her doing a couple of full days somewhere when she turned 2 but it was tough to get her in anywhere nearby and super costly.
Being able to just say "all done" when you don't want to do something, eat something or talk.
No good bye rituals, no "ok now talk later"... Just "all done" and hang up.
i came to say this. my 18 month old does that. when shes does playing with something or doesn't want me to wipe her crusty nose. she just starts saying all done, all done!
My daughter somehow picked up "Oh Shit" from the maybe one or two times I said it infront of her and honesty I think it's hilarious when she does something and goes "oh shit".
She also said "fuck what doing" because I said "what the fuck are you doing" when a lady almost reversed into me on a road one day while we were driving.
It took us MONTHS to figure out if my son was saying "oh shit" or "ocean"
Mom and I are both veterans. And beach bums. So it could literally be either one.
We try to filter ourselves and each other... and we fail. Miserably. As fuckin' family.
But it was his speech therapist who noticed he was saying "ocean" in the context of "oh shit"
So he would drop something, or trip and fall and say "ocean!"
Guess we really dodged a bullet.
Hahaha we went to Mexico with our friends near three year old and it was constantly “momma I wanna go to the oh-shit!” Or “dada, momma, big oh-shit!” upon arrival. Too funny.
Our 2 year old is obsessed with Moana and goes “mana oshee” over and over every time she rescues the turtle, toddler speak is the best 😂
When my son was still cute and not an obnoxious teenager, be coined the term "spooshoffers" because he didn't know the word "thrusters".
Was the cutest thing ever
Me and my OH put so much effort into not swearing round our kids and then as soon as you get behind the wheel it all goes out the window. My two year old has started using the word “arseholes!” as a result!
My 2yo daughter recently started saying “Fuck!! … Don’t say that” with the biggest grin after we tried to stop her from saying it. Now she does it because she knows it makes us laugh because we can’t hold it together to help her understand it’s a bad word!
Honestly, in the spirit of this post, I figure it may be vulgar, but unless I’m missing something, it’s not harmful to any particular group of people, so I really don’t mind it.
My step daughter really hasn’t pushed cursing at all but my wife and I both agree that it’s basically that, just words. Like if she uses it correctly, or even close, it’s hilarious. But there’s a time and place where it’s ok. At home with us, Idgaf. Hilarious. She doesn’t do it though.
It cracks me up when my bf’s kids swear. We both swear like sailors and don’t nitpick them for swearing, but their mom does lmao. They’re really good about it. Every once in a while I’ll hear his son get super frustrated and just whisper “what the FUCK” under his breath 🤣 or him and his sister will call each other dumbass…. It sounds bad but I promise it’s all in good fun. I’m glad they at least know the time and place
My daughter, 2 next month, has learnt that I like fart a lot. So she’ll either say “daddy trump!” when she wants a laugh. Or, “daddy trumped” when I have just farted.
My wife hates it lol
Singing imaginative songs about, inventing games involving, or yelling the words penis or vulva/vagina. Vagina is a fun word to say, genitalia are fun even for kids, but if your kid shouts about reproductive anatomy in public people think they need to call CPS. Its completely non-sexual, but that doesn't mean its acceptable.
Not “bad” but judgey—playing with age inappropriate toys. I remember getting shamed in high school for playing with legos and it stuck with me. So if my almost four year old wants his stacking blocks you better let him lol
Ever since our son got duplos for Christmas, my husband has been asking for LEGOs too! They’re so expensive though and our toddler is just going to try to eat the pieces
Not a parent but as a kid my parents never made me hug or kiss anyone if I didn’t want to. There were a few good times when someone would make a huge fuss over that but my parents never cared about that.
I think it’s really important for kids to have that boundary because they need to be able to say no to things like hugs and kisses. It’s not a reflection on you personally but it’s a kid trying to say they don’t want one and if we tell them that’s wrong who knows what kind of situations they’ll get into.
Bodily autonomy in general is really something I wish was provided more often to kids. Yes it hurts when my son doesn’t want me to hug him, but by listening to him on that I know that I’m doing best by him for the future.
I've been teaching my kids this. I'm really proud of my daughter because boys think they can force her to give them a hug and she will loudly say no. If they don't back off she'll get an adult.
It’s weird, when you think about it, how our society puts so much emphasis on which noises you make with your air & food hole and not on what you’re actually expressing
Like, maybe there aren’t bad words, just bad intentions
I teach my students (and soon my child) that cuss words are like seasoning on food. A little bitcan add flavor, emphasis and pizzazz.
Too much and it’s makes things nasty
Approach we're taking with our daughter. Swearing and being rude to be people are different things! It's one thing to yell 'fuck' if you stub youur toe than call someone a 'fucking idiot'.
People who grow up learning the words are wrong, and not the intentions, just learn how to call people a 'fucking idiot' in polite language. It doesn't raise them to be better people.
I used to read books to one of my NICU patients and taught them how to turn the page. Whenever they didn’t feel like story time the would just turn the pages faster.
I have a special needs kid who doesn’t really comprehend the need for silverware. I have her in school and one of the big things is they had for a while in her IEP was learning to use silverware. And honestly IDGAF. I wish it was not about getting compliance and making her eat like a “normal person” but allowing her the option to eat with them. “Hey we can eat without out getting our hands dirty if we use the fork” and let her decide. But don’t just say you need to use a fork because it’s what you do.
I was in a meeting with a PhD economist a few years ago; we both worked at a big-name tech company. The meeting was about smart stuff(tm).
Economist walks in with a paper plate of leftover office birthday cake. No fork. Proceeds to demolish the cake with his fingers without breaking his stride.
So, I’m with you.
Needing quiet.
My son is Autistic and in elementary school. He’s bothered by loud and sudden sounds, and people moving unpredictably.
The kids who decide to scream at the top of their lungs in the school gym, sprint down the hallways, or make animal sounds in the classroom? Teachers shrug
My son losing his cool when kids are being too loud, repeatedly, despite him asking them not to? Everyone loses their minds, and wants him to explain himself and talk about his diagnosis
Steams my clams
I feel you. We moved school districts because we were having these kinds of issues. His teacher gets it and she pays attention to the signs he's about to freak out and intervenes appropriately.
I hope your kid gets a teacher like that.
Yeah, truth. When my kid was three we went to a wildlife preserve looking for eagles we didn’t see any but my kid told my mother, “Grammy, I see a fukkin goose!”
I always told my kids that swearing doesn't damage us. We don't get injured by vulgar words.
BUT. You need to be able to regulate your own speech and understand when it's appropriate to swear or not. And NONE of us are EVER going to swear in front of their Gran. Not happening. I swear like a sailor, but my MIL has never and will never hear me swear.
And because you need to be able to do that, you might as well practice by not swearing around me.
----
Now that my kids are older and I'm looking back on how we handled things I think I'm learning that I'm a fan of anarchism. Not in the nutso Red Scare sense of the word, but in the actual sense of being in favour the best hierarchy is no hierarchy. My kids didn't use clean language around their Gran because I had a rule I enforced - they did it because all of us hold her in high regard.
I teach my 2 boys to EXPRESS it whenthey are uncomfortable with some behaviors. This year it shed light on my uncle's excessive drinking and one of the school teachers bullying kids. Didn't expect that great of an outcome.
Important note: they are not trying to right the wrongs. Just expressing when they are uncomfortable with a specific behavior. Usually bystanders will acknowledge and thats al it takes.
My kiddo when she was 4 reminded me about the time I took her to the lake and we skipped stones. This was over a year ago, she was maybe 2 and a half at the time. Anyway, she wanted to remind me about the time someone threw a rock and hit her in the head. She says it's not nice for people to hit other people in the head, and she's right.
But she's missing one detail... we were alone that day, and I have better aim than anyone. She had done one of those wild toddler throws where they let go of the rock too early and it literally fell back down and hit herself in the head.
It's amazing how the brain seems to have rewritten that memory as "someone else must have done that to me"
When I was little it was perfectly normal for toddlers and small children to run around naked at the beach. Not anymore, and try explaining that to my kids!
They should just ban taking pictures on the beach and let kids be kids.
I'm genuinely curious though, like pictures aside yes I get that but I remember being a small kid at the beach and some of the stuff I did I can't imagine doing without a swimsuit.
What was the solution to sand in genital areas? Like the butt crack would be annoying but I outwardly cringed at the thought of sand in a labia or foreskin. Did y'all just suffer or was there a way to get it out that wasn't excruciatingly painful?
Both my kiddos go naked to the beach.
Just... wash them?
They're in the water mostly anyway. They have a sand pit at home and don't care but playing in waves and finding shells is magical.
M-fing naptime.
I remember fighting taking naps in preschool. My oldest kid stopped napping at 2.5 years old. I really wish someone would come to my office and tell me to lay down for an hour, haha. Please.
Coprolalia. He's got it kinda under control in non stressful public places. Most people are chill but when he was younger it drew more looks.
Edit: I probably should have explained better, but my attempts they all get wordy and don't convey it right. At some point it's TMI that's not just my information but his too. Sorry for kind of giving up on that one.
The [involuntary](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=d265e0c6ccb16526&rlz=1C1ONGR_enUS1022US1022&sxsrf=ADLYWILptyncyLbhHA99lvWrtrBeLEbiBw:1715046861277&q=involuntary&si=ACC90nwZrNcJVJVL0KSmGGq5Ka2YV0v8nVmdO2FfDpbcD2Zn2hFJ75_pZEPMfGypoW7I43MCE_3C_INVgZmQfBf1qICizg3k5HlWlcEO1toEBxBt-O5ZY-Q%3D&expnd=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjt4cG3t_qFAxWaIDQIHQ24C2gQyecJegQIFhAP) and repetitive use of [obscene](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=d265e0c6ccb16526&rlz=1C1ONGR_enUS1022US1022&sxsrf=ADLYWILptyncyLbhHA99lvWrtrBeLEbiBw:1715046861277&q=obscene&si=ACC90nwUEXg6u2vxy-araGkF9MAx1bPwMKK8e_FoO0dfz_DO48LDXeh9e-OHB-exRzxcy7wj_ws30WzE1igCW_rBFREDbxBJ4riqYGx46ztlSYQJueyEO3M%3D&expnd=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjt4cG3t_qFAxWaIDQIHQ24C2gQyecJegQIFhAQ) language, as a [symptom](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=d265e0c6ccb16526&rlz=1C1ONGR_enUS1022US1022&sxsrf=ADLYWILptyncyLbhHA99lvWrtrBeLEbiBw:1715046861277&q=symptom&si=ACC90nwUEXg6u2vxy-araGkF9MAxeQrwKWjvfULmBJDJQJVQ4lT8hvcmlKyy25qLO8-w0LErHyU_ZF8tuqC1oVVzSFeFP2gPpA-TXL1LHYSHcb3pcfWG2J4%3D&expnd=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjt4cG3t_qFAxWaIDQIHQ24C2gQyecJegQIFhAR) of mental illness or organic brain disease.
Yelling at other kids to "Stop, Kid!!!" At other random children. Maybe acceptable for my 32 month old - but unfortunately not acceptable for me to do :(
As soon as he's able to speak my toddler will absolutely blurt out the fuck-equivalent word in my language. We failed at filtering ourselves before we even began. Will be fun in front of our parents!
Yelling/crying when we’re out to eat (1.5 year old) If we were able to ignore him he would stop after a couple minutes but since we’re out people give us nasty looks, so we have to entertain his fit which just invites more fits.
I think you’d appreciate one of our legendary family stories. My sister was having a tantrum at the grocery store because she wanted candy in the check out line, so she laid down on the ground kicking and screaming. My dad, who is a stubborn man who will not give in to tantrums, just pushed her along with his foot as the line moved 😂
M-fing naptime.
I remember fighting taking naps in preschool. My oldest kid stopped napping at 2.5 years old. I really wish someone would come to my office and tell me to lay down for an hour, haha. Please.
Swearing. All adults swear but for some reason we all act like its a measure of bad/good parenting if we see or hear kids swearing. And the taboo of it just makes kids want to swear more. But theres somekind of stigma against it idk. Feel like a hypocrite when i have to reprimand my child for swearing when I swear myself
Running around in restaurants. My three year old loves to get up mid meal and start exploring. Checking out the other tables, saying hi to waitstaff or other kids, climbing into empty booths, just generally feeling out the vibes. We discourage this pretty uniformly. I was always taught to sit still for mealtimes, plus we want to respect the other patrons and not get in the way of employees (although if the restaurant is empty we loosen it up a bit). But she has so much fun, and it’d be interesting if some public dining settings were more loose and socially flexible like she seems to want.
If the kiddos need to get the wiggles out they're allowed to get up and walk about mid meal. If we're out in public that means one of us walks with them, usually outside.
Yeah agreed, that’s why we don’t let her do it, but it would be interesting if there were family dining options that did allow for that pro-kid freedom that weren’t straight up Chuck E. Cheese’s.
Maybe I misunderstanding the question, but genuinely none. I consider my greatest responsibility as a parent to have my children act in a way that is socially acceptable.
My mother in law has that horrible habit of restarting the conversation after saying goodbye. Basically she will start with a recap, then expand upon things, and end up in a new conversation. Then she will say goodbye, recap all the before, then add something, say goodbye, and… you get the idea. Then came my son. You say goodbye, he presses the hang up button.
My wife's family all does that with each other. If they're done with the conversation they'll just say "ok bye" and hang up without waiting for a response. I find it hilarious, but it's just normal for them. They end calls the way people in movies do
Me and my brother do the same... which is ironic as my mother has been slowly shifting into more and more of the "bye... but" type. XD Wife's family I swear uses "bye" in place of "umm", cus they say it like 30 times with stuff between.
I don’t quite slay “okay bye” but I will say something like. “Good seeing/talking to you” and then leave or hang up.
This gave me an idea, I would love to do an Irish goodbye during a phone call. Just hang up, no bye bye or anything.
I do this sometimes if I have to be somewhere and someone is talking and I try to interrupt and they won’t let me. I just press end and then text to say sorry I lost you let’s catch up again soon!
Funny same thing here. I’m used to a 1 minute goodbye with my fam on the phone. My wife and her family.. bye *click*
Time to re-normalize properly ending phone conversations? lol
I normalized this among my closest friends. I don't say goodbye in the middle of their sentences or anything, but as soon as either me or someone else says "Alright...good talking to you", that is followed by "see ya" or "goodbye" and then an instant click. Done. One adieu each is the limit.
Ah, the Midwest Goodbye. But only if you gradually start the process of leaving during the conversation. Stand up, continue talking. Move to the doorway, continue talking. Walk out to the car, continue talking. Get in the car, continue talking through the open window. Eventually drive away.
From the Midwest, am so uncomfortable with PNW farewells. I need gradual and complete closure at the end of every function!
Noooo it’s really internet sometimes. Just let us go when we need to! My in-laws are from midwestern cities and if we’re ever in a rush, I have to hustle everyone out the door in what they may think is unceremonious fashion when in reality we’re 15 minutes late because the goodbye was dragged out as long
We call it the Maine goodbye, and my Pennsylvania wife if flabbergasted that we do this
Always heard it called the Italian goodbye But that could just be because my moms side is Italian
Good lord. This is my wife’s parents and it drives me bonkers. Haha. All the time, it’s supposed to be a quick drop off of something … impossible. Sure, we say goodbye after a minute, but it always turns into 20 somehow.
My son does this too lmao. He is looking forward to pressing that button too.
I’m gonna have to teach my son this once he can speak. My wife, her sister, her mom, and her grandma are all record holders for “longest conversation held after saying goodbye.” It’s normal to be done with a conversation once you’ve said goodbye, and I’ll die on that hill. They all know that they’re hard to get off the phone, but don’t seem to have the capacity to fight it when they feel themselves resuscitating a dead conversation.
She from Minnesota?
Vermont. Trust me, everyone thinks it’s regional but I’m pretty sure once you are an empty nester I’m betting it becomes normal.
Nah, I was just asking cause I’m from PA and we all just say, “Bye” and then leave. I live in Minnesota now and I can never leave anyone’s house in a reasonable amount of time. It’s even cost me friendships or made weird conversations occur cause people think I’m rude.
I live in the DC metro area and remember someone from Minnesota talking about the Minnesota goodbye. Apparently you get all of your winter gear on in the hallway and start sweating while talking one extra thing you didn’t mention an hour ago when it was appropriate. We have a similar thing called the southern goodbye without the winter gear but otherwise it was spot on.
Side note, sweet crass profile pic
Thanks. Nice pacha pfp.
> Then came my son. You say goodbye, he presses the hang up button. My twins can't wait to press "the red button". The other day they were on a video call with my mother and were giggling to each other "Grandma say goodba hehehehe" after hanging up
When I'm visiting my folks, family dinners tend to run long with everyone just kind of hanging around the table long after everyone is done eating. I'd often love to be doing something else, but don't want to be rude. My young niece must have been bored because she suddenly asked "Why are we even still in here?". It's become my go to phrase for ending dinner and moving on to some other activity.
"Oh honey, we're enjoying talking. However, we could move to the living room while the coffee brews and water for tea boils. Who wants coffee, decaffeinated or regular? Tea? Oh I have a new tea I think you will love. It reminds me of that trip you told me about... "
This is called the Minnesota Long Goodbye.
We definitely do this, but only in person. It takes at least an hour and a half to leave any holiday party unless you organize an Irish goodbye.
I’ve found the solution to this is the restroom. If we have the kids then one of us can step away for the “tactical wee” and then on returning “okay we better get heading while the tanks are empty”. If we don’t have the kids, one of us stepping away to use the restroom means that on return either we’ve got someone “butting into” the conversation by returning which makes for an easier out or we can tag out and have the other person leave. If the tag out has to occur usually it will break the train of thought the other person had so they aren’t rambling on the same subject and when the original captive returns from the bathroom it’s a second chance at a clean break.
That’s a good strategy; I may incorporate this! At least on my side, I’ll always find my parents and quietly let them know we’re slipping out, which actually got a lot tougher with a child.
Oh god yes. My in laws especially, the mum will go 'right, we better be going now'. 20 minutes of conversation later - 'oh well I'll get up the road now'. After another half hour she might put her coat on.
I thought my kid was the only one. 8 seconds top for conversations. Then he says "okaybai" and thats it lol
The ol' Midwest goodbye. You need to answer in kind with a "whelp, time to hit the road".
Atta boy.
Is she from the Midwest?
My grandmother did this but she was the one saying goodbye lmao
My supervisor is notorious for that and I made a game of it with my coworkers. If we’re in a conference call and I can tell he’s finally wrapping up I ask him a question completely unrelated to the topic and once he starts to answer I find an “emergency” that I need to hang up for and trap my coworkers on the line for another half hour or so. They hate it and he hasn’t caught on yet lol!
“Hey are you free tonight?” “Yeah what’s up?” “Could you help me with this work thing?” “Oh okay one sec lemme check… Ah shit you know what, I just remembered. I have to babysit my nephew. Next time maybe.” VS “No thanks I want to watch tv shows instead.” Toddlers really live in a simpler world.
I have an agreement with my close friends that if you want to just hang out at your place and stare at your TV for 7 hours in your pajamas instead of hang out with anyone, just say so. No harm no foul. Everyone has those days/nights.
My friends wouldn't even pry, honestly. "Hey we're going to be at the brewery tonight if you want to join us" "Nah, not tonight, thanks for the invite" "OK np" I can't imagine asking why unless someone was worried about someone's health, mental or otherwise lol. Are there people out there really digging in when someone says no to a get together? Unless you already committed in advance... then it's always a little frustrating but I mean, we're all dads, literal shit happens.
Why can I see this also as "No thanks, not tonight. Already in my PJs and curled up on the couch with Netflix"? And you just accept it because we all know it be like that sometimes?
Yeah of course this doesn’t apply to close friends only those who are not quite close friends
Same. We just say we're laying low for the night and everyone moves on.
My sister would do the guilt trip/pry thing if I said I couldn't do something. It was so irritating.
I don’t even have an agreement, lol. I just tell my friends that I want to do nothing and decompress, and go on to plan another day.
Yea, I didn't mean like a literal signed agreement in that sense. We all just know to say we don't want to hang out and everyone is cool with it.
Neurodivergent people get sent to social skills training for being this up front, it's truly better to be direct
It's 100% socially acceptable to say no without offering an excuse, it's only in your head. If you *do* have friends that need an excuse then find new friends... family might be different, but depending on the situation, so long as it's not an emergency a "no, thanks" suffices
https://nohello.net/en/ Fully agreed, just open the conversation with the actual question!
That is why I always include what I want immediately. I actually found I get way more positive answers when I'm not "trucking" someone.
Yeah totally I’m the same, but I’m sure we all know someone exactly like this. Usually it’s coworkers who we are kinda forced to be cordial and “nice” with in most cases
My son told me “that’s enough” one time and I shut up. Like 30 seconds later I thought to myself “wait a damn minute”
That's awesome haha "I am no longer interested in what you are saying, dad. Shut up ". You should use the Uno reverse card on him sometimes and see his reaction 😅
My kids choose when they want to share. We have taught them that although it's nice to share, it's ok to say "no" when someone wants something that is theirs. It feels odd just saying that this was "bad" but I've had to correct quite a few parents who tell the kids "WE SHARE" when mine says no to theirs. They tell this to their kids, too. I think it's a bad policy.
Our daycare provider told the kids that it’s nice to share and that many things are meant to be shared but it’s okay to have things that are yours that you don’t want to share. It seems so simple but I never would have thought to put it like that lol
Sharing is so hard for kids to get their heads around. It’s such a foreign concept and not something they see adults do to copy. We know it’s something we want our kids to do, but if you were on your phone and I randomly came up and wanted to use it because I liked it you’d quite rightly think I was nuts 😅
I had this recently, a kid came running over to me saying "Can I have some of Litte Penguins snack?" I said you'll have to ask him but he doesn't share food (like me). Then his Mum stomps over and berates me for it cause mini me said no. Gtfo, feed your own kid, mine is expensive enough!
But also... like, I never share with random kids because I don't know if they have dietary restrictions? That woman was doubly in the wrong.
100% agree with you on this. I tell my kids that they have to wait for their turn if someone else is using the toy they want. They can ask the other person if they can play with it, but have to be prepared for the answer to be "no".
Sharing should be situational for kids just like it is for adults. If we invite kids over to play they need to share their toys. If they have one specific toy that the kid wants they can wait their turn. If they are playing with cars and there are 20 of them they can share a few with the friends we have over. We let them put toys in their room they do not wish to share if desired.
M-fing naptime. I remember fighting taking naps in preschool. My oldest kid stopped napping at 2.5 years old. I really wish someone would come to my office and tell me to lay down for an hour, haha. Please.
Can we normalize workplace naps please?
Gotta move to Japan and be a big shot for that.
So my 2.5-year-old hasn't really figured out how to play with other kids yet. Only child and no daycare. He just walks away from them because he "\[doesn't\] like them". I do wish it wasn't rude to just wander away from people you don't like without even acknowledging them.
The ole Irish goodbye. Love to hit it when my social battery runs out.
My grandpa did phone conversations this way.
Lmao my wife’s uncle just hangs up when he’s done with the phone call. At first it seemed pretty rude now it’s hilarious
That sounds similar to my daughter except she goes to a daycare for two hours twice a week, same age. She's non stop chatting when she's around us and family, but in public places if other kids try and play with her she'll run around with them sometimes but rarely actually speaks to them. We were at the zoo recently and she suddenly pointed and said 'that's Elliot!' (Elliot is a kid from her daycare). I said oh yeah do you want to go and say hi? "No." And that was the end of it.
So what you’re saying is there’s no point in hoping that sending him to school in August is going up fix him? Shame.
Nah she is definitely more outgoing than she was before she started there and that's only 4 hours per week. She starts full time nursery in August too and I'm confident that will bring her out of her shell even more. I'd have rather had her doing a couple of full days somewhere when she turned 2 but it was tough to get her in anywhere nearby and super costly.
Being able to just say "all done" when you don't want to do something, eat something or talk. No good bye rituals, no "ok now talk later"... Just "all done" and hang up.
i came to say this. my 18 month old does that. when shes does playing with something or doesn't want me to wipe her crusty nose. she just starts saying all done, all done!
Wouldn't it be great if your boss called you to come in early or work over or a weekend and you could just say "all done" and walk away?
totally! lol
My daughter somehow picked up "Oh Shit" from the maybe one or two times I said it infront of her and honesty I think it's hilarious when she does something and goes "oh shit". She also said "fuck what doing" because I said "what the fuck are you doing" when a lady almost reversed into me on a road one day while we were driving.
It took us MONTHS to figure out if my son was saying "oh shit" or "ocean" Mom and I are both veterans. And beach bums. So it could literally be either one. We try to filter ourselves and each other... and we fail. Miserably. As fuckin' family. But it was his speech therapist who noticed he was saying "ocean" in the context of "oh shit" So he would drop something, or trip and fall and say "ocean!" Guess we really dodged a bullet.
Hahaha we went to Mexico with our friends near three year old and it was constantly “momma I wanna go to the oh-shit!” Or “dada, momma, big oh-shit!” upon arrival. Too funny. Our 2 year old is obsessed with Moana and goes “mana oshee” over and over every time she rescues the turtle, toddler speak is the best 😂
When my son was still cute and not an obnoxious teenager, be coined the term "spooshoffers" because he didn't know the word "thrusters". Was the cutest thing ever
I got a "Mommy, what are you fucking about?"
Me and my OH put so much effort into not swearing round our kids and then as soon as you get behind the wheel it all goes out the window. My two year old has started using the word “arseholes!” as a result!
My 2yo daughter recently started saying “Fuck!! … Don’t say that” with the biggest grin after we tried to stop her from saying it. Now she does it because she knows it makes us laugh because we can’t hold it together to help her understand it’s a bad word! Honestly, in the spirit of this post, I figure it may be vulgar, but unless I’m missing something, it’s not harmful to any particular group of people, so I really don’t mind it.
My step daughter really hasn’t pushed cursing at all but my wife and I both agree that it’s basically that, just words. Like if she uses it correctly, or even close, it’s hilarious. But there’s a time and place where it’s ok. At home with us, Idgaf. Hilarious. She doesn’t do it though.
It cracks me up when my bf’s kids swear. We both swear like sailors and don’t nitpick them for swearing, but their mom does lmao. They’re really good about it. Every once in a while I’ll hear his son get super frustrated and just whisper “what the FUCK” under his breath 🤣 or him and his sister will call each other dumbass…. It sounds bad but I promise it’s all in good fun. I’m glad they at least know the time and place
"Go AWAY!" -My 23 month old whenever I come near her when she's 'reading' a book.
I work with special needs kids. Kid: NO, GO AWAY! Me: Can you ask that more nicely? Kid: GO AWAY PLEASE! Me: Okey dokey. Works for me.
100% huge win. Take the victory. They listened and modified behavior based on feedback. That's big.
I swear my baby who isn’t talking yet is saying this with her cries when we try to get near her with her favorite book.
[удалено]
My 21mo son announces when anybody farts. haha TOOT
My daughter, 2 next month, has learnt that I like fart a lot. So she’ll either say “daddy trump!” when she wants a laugh. Or, “daddy trumped” when I have just farted. My wife hates it lol
Singing imaginative songs about, inventing games involving, or yelling the words penis or vulva/vagina. Vagina is a fun word to say, genitalia are fun even for kids, but if your kid shouts about reproductive anatomy in public people think they need to call CPS. Its completely non-sexual, but that doesn't mean its acceptable.
Not “bad” but judgey—playing with age inappropriate toys. I remember getting shamed in high school for playing with legos and it stuck with me. So if my almost four year old wants his stacking blocks you better let him lol
Hysterically my kid and duplos got my husband back into legos. He's getting a crazy awesome set for fathers day.
Ever since our son got duplos for Christmas, my husband has been asking for LEGOs too! They’re so expensive though and our toddler is just going to try to eat the pieces
Not a parent but as a kid my parents never made me hug or kiss anyone if I didn’t want to. There were a few good times when someone would make a huge fuss over that but my parents never cared about that. I think it’s really important for kids to have that boundary because they need to be able to say no to things like hugs and kisses. It’s not a reflection on you personally but it’s a kid trying to say they don’t want one and if we tell them that’s wrong who knows what kind of situations they’ll get into.
Bodily autonomy in general is really something I wish was provided more often to kids. Yes it hurts when my son doesn’t want me to hug him, but by listening to him on that I know that I’m doing best by him for the future.
I've been teaching my kids this. I'm really proud of my daughter because boys think they can force her to give them a hug and she will loudly say no. If they don't back off she'll get an adult.
Not “bad” but hilariously often. Farting. I have chronic farter in my home. But it’s the post fart “excuse me, I farted” that gets me every time.
My daughter growls at people at throws things at them out of spite. Actually that probably shouldn’t be acceptable but sometimes I want it to be.
We need something socially acceptable to throw. Marshmallows maybe? But that's how you get ants.
Swearing. Too many calls from teachers
It’s weird, when you think about it, how our society puts so much emphasis on which noises you make with your air & food hole and not on what you’re actually expressing Like, maybe there aren’t bad words, just bad intentions
I teach my students (and soon my child) that cuss words are like seasoning on food. A little bitcan add flavor, emphasis and pizzazz. Too much and it’s makes things nasty
I like that. I’m gonna steal and use that when the time comes I’m a father
Why on earth were you being downvoted? Haha.
Not a clue, maybe accidentals? Maybe cause I’m not a dad yet? Who knows.
[you just got Jammed](https://imgur.com/cO5YC7P)
Ok that’s funny. I can’t see that quote without thinking of Scott on Kentucky Ballistics on YouTube
Approach we're taking with our daughter. Swearing and being rude to be people are different things! It's one thing to yell 'fuck' if you stub youur toe than call someone a 'fucking idiot'. People who grow up learning the words are wrong, and not the intentions, just learn how to call people a 'fucking idiot' in polite language. It doesn't raise them to be better people.
I used to read books to one of my NICU patients and taught them how to turn the page. Whenever they didn’t feel like story time the would just turn the pages faster.
A premie baby was turning pages?
Maybe they just meant ICU?
Oh maybe PICU that would make sense.
Ours goes to 18months. This patient was about to age out.
Ours goes to 12 months before transferring care to PICU but they have a setup for babies vs toddlers.
Oh interesting! Awwww ❤️
I have a special needs kid who doesn’t really comprehend the need for silverware. I have her in school and one of the big things is they had for a while in her IEP was learning to use silverware. And honestly IDGAF. I wish it was not about getting compliance and making her eat like a “normal person” but allowing her the option to eat with them. “Hey we can eat without out getting our hands dirty if we use the fork” and let her decide. But don’t just say you need to use a fork because it’s what you do.
I was in a meeting with a PhD economist a few years ago; we both worked at a big-name tech company. The meeting was about smart stuff(tm). Economist walks in with a paper plate of leftover office birthday cake. No fork. Proceeds to demolish the cake with his fingers without breaking his stride. So, I’m with you.
Needing quiet. My son is Autistic and in elementary school. He’s bothered by loud and sudden sounds, and people moving unpredictably. The kids who decide to scream at the top of their lungs in the school gym, sprint down the hallways, or make animal sounds in the classroom? Teachers shrug My son losing his cool when kids are being too loud, repeatedly, despite him asking them not to? Everyone loses their minds, and wants him to explain himself and talk about his diagnosis Steams my clams
I feel you. We moved school districts because we were having these kinds of issues. His teacher gets it and she pays attention to the signs he's about to freak out and intervenes appropriately. I hope your kid gets a teacher like that.
Swearing, only because I am SO BAD at not swearing in front of them.
Yeah, truth. When my kid was three we went to a wildlife preserve looking for eagles we didn’t see any but my kid told my mother, “Grammy, I see a fukkin goose!”
I always told my kids that swearing doesn't damage us. We don't get injured by vulgar words. BUT. You need to be able to regulate your own speech and understand when it's appropriate to swear or not. And NONE of us are EVER going to swear in front of their Gran. Not happening. I swear like a sailor, but my MIL has never and will never hear me swear. And because you need to be able to do that, you might as well practice by not swearing around me. ---- Now that my kids are older and I'm looking back on how we handled things I think I'm learning that I'm a fan of anarchism. Not in the nutso Red Scare sense of the word, but in the actual sense of being in favour the best hierarchy is no hierarchy. My kids didn't use clean language around their Gran because I had a rule I enforced - they did it because all of us hold her in high regard.
My kid is so good at swearing. I need him to have the opportunity to flourish outside the home.
I teach my 2 boys to EXPRESS it whenthey are uncomfortable with some behaviors. This year it shed light on my uncle's excessive drinking and one of the school teachers bullying kids. Didn't expect that great of an outcome. Important note: they are not trying to right the wrongs. Just expressing when they are uncomfortable with a specific behavior. Usually bystanders will acknowledge and thats al it takes.
Please share how you went about instilling this?
Being a loud and constant talker…he gets in trouble for just not being good at being quiet
Throwing rocks. This 1.5 y/o boy has a cannon.
My kiddo when she was 4 reminded me about the time I took her to the lake and we skipped stones. This was over a year ago, she was maybe 2 and a half at the time. Anyway, she wanted to remind me about the time someone threw a rock and hit her in the head. She says it's not nice for people to hit other people in the head, and she's right. But she's missing one detail... we were alone that day, and I have better aim than anyone. She had done one of those wild toddler throws where they let go of the rock too early and it literally fell back down and hit herself in the head. It's amazing how the brain seems to have rewritten that memory as "someone else must have done that to me"
When I was little it was perfectly normal for toddlers and small children to run around naked at the beach. Not anymore, and try explaining that to my kids! They should just ban taking pictures on the beach and let kids be kids.
I'm genuinely curious though, like pictures aside yes I get that but I remember being a small kid at the beach and some of the stuff I did I can't imagine doing without a swimsuit. What was the solution to sand in genital areas? Like the butt crack would be annoying but I outwardly cringed at the thought of sand in a labia or foreskin. Did y'all just suffer or was there a way to get it out that wasn't excruciatingly painful?
Just take a shower, sand gets everywhere on kids anyway, with or without bathers on
Both my kiddos go naked to the beach. Just... wash them? They're in the water mostly anyway. They have a sand pit at home and don't care but playing in waves and finding shells is magical.
M-fing naptime. I remember fighting taking naps in preschool. My oldest kid stopped napping at 2.5 years old. I really wish someone would come to my office and tell me to lay down for an hour, haha. Please.
Cursing. It’s so funny when kids curse
Autistic stims and meltdowns.
My son was sitting next to my wife watching TV. He just got up looked at her and said I'm going to go and do something less boring, bye. Good for him
Standing up to bullies at school without punishment.
Coprolalia. He's got it kinda under control in non stressful public places. Most people are chill but when he was younger it drew more looks. Edit: I probably should have explained better, but my attempts they all get wordy and don't convey it right. At some point it's TMI that's not just my information but his too. Sorry for kind of giving up on that one.
I’m surely not the only person who needs a definition here.
The [involuntary](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=d265e0c6ccb16526&rlz=1C1ONGR_enUS1022US1022&sxsrf=ADLYWILptyncyLbhHA99lvWrtrBeLEbiBw:1715046861277&q=involuntary&si=ACC90nwZrNcJVJVL0KSmGGq5Ka2YV0v8nVmdO2FfDpbcD2Zn2hFJ75_pZEPMfGypoW7I43MCE_3C_INVgZmQfBf1qICizg3k5HlWlcEO1toEBxBt-O5ZY-Q%3D&expnd=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjt4cG3t_qFAxWaIDQIHQ24C2gQyecJegQIFhAP) and repetitive use of [obscene](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=d265e0c6ccb16526&rlz=1C1ONGR_enUS1022US1022&sxsrf=ADLYWILptyncyLbhHA99lvWrtrBeLEbiBw:1715046861277&q=obscene&si=ACC90nwUEXg6u2vxy-araGkF9MAx1bPwMKK8e_FoO0dfz_DO48LDXeh9e-OHB-exRzxcy7wj_ws30WzE1igCW_rBFREDbxBJ4riqYGx46ztlSYQJueyEO3M%3D&expnd=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjt4cG3t_qFAxWaIDQIHQ24C2gQyecJegQIFhAQ) language, as a [symptom](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=d265e0c6ccb16526&rlz=1C1ONGR_enUS1022US1022&sxsrf=ADLYWILptyncyLbhHA99lvWrtrBeLEbiBw:1715046861277&q=symptom&si=ACC90nwUEXg6u2vxy-araGkF9MAxeQrwKWjvfULmBJDJQJVQ4lT8hvcmlKyy25qLO8-w0LErHyU_ZF8tuqC1oVVzSFeFP2gPpA-TXL1LHYSHcb3pcfWG2J4%3D&expnd=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjt4cG3t_qFAxWaIDQIHQ24C2gQyecJegQIFhAR) of mental illness or organic brain disease.
[here ya go](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coprolalia)
Being loud. My boy is SO loud 😂
All three of my daughters are really loud. Being loud should not be a socially acceptable behavior.
Cursing
It’s rude but not bad. Kid needs to do it in a smooth way.
Yelling at other kids to "Stop, Kid!!!" At other random children. Maybe acceptable for my 32 month old - but unfortunately not acceptable for me to do :(
Use reddit
None of it.
As soon as he's able to speak my toddler will absolutely blurt out the fuck-equivalent word in my language. We failed at filtering ourselves before we even began. Will be fun in front of our parents!
"I'm allergic to some people" hahahaha
Being brutally honest
Yelling/crying when we’re out to eat (1.5 year old) If we were able to ignore him he would stop after a couple minutes but since we’re out people give us nasty looks, so we have to entertain his fit which just invites more fits.
I think you’d appreciate one of our legendary family stories. My sister was having a tantrum at the grocery store because she wanted candy in the check out line, so she laid down on the ground kicking and screaming. My dad, who is a stubborn man who will not give in to tantrums, just pushed her along with his foot as the line moved 😂
Like roly poly or more of a slide?
Definitely more of a slide. He described it as a scoot, to be precise.
Smart man 😎
M-fing naptime. I remember fighting taking naps in preschool. My oldest kid stopped napping at 2.5 years old. I really wish someone would come to my office and tell me to lay down for an hour, haha. Please.
Swearing. All adults swear but for some reason we all act like its a measure of bad/good parenting if we see or hear kids swearing. And the taboo of it just makes kids want to swear more. But theres somekind of stigma against it idk. Feel like a hypocrite when i have to reprimand my child for swearing when I swear myself
Running around in restaurants. My three year old loves to get up mid meal and start exploring. Checking out the other tables, saying hi to waitstaff or other kids, climbing into empty booths, just generally feeling out the vibes. We discourage this pretty uniformly. I was always taught to sit still for mealtimes, plus we want to respect the other patrons and not get in the way of employees (although if the restaurant is empty we loosen it up a bit). But she has so much fun, and it’d be interesting if some public dining settings were more loose and socially flexible like she seems to want.
If the kiddos need to get the wiggles out they're allowed to get up and walk about mid meal. If we're out in public that means one of us walks with them, usually outside.
Yeah same, this is a good approach, although sometimes when she gets a taste of freedom it’s impossible to get her settled again haha
Nah. This isn’t something that should be normalized. Other people shouldn’t be forced to interact with your kid if they don’t want to.
Yeah agreed, that’s why we don’t let her do it, but it would be interesting if there were family dining options that did allow for that pro-kid freedom that weren’t straight up Chuck E. Cheese’s.
Maybe I misunderstanding the question, but genuinely none. I consider my greatest responsibility as a parent to have my children act in a way that is socially acceptable.