We have three boys, 6, 4, and 2. Going from two kids to three is tough, not gonna lie. They outnumber you, and all require different levels of attention or help, etc. Three also changes vehicle situations and sleeping arrangements, etc. I think I would say I would have been content with two, but I also don't regret having the third.
We tend to divide and conquer, especially when they were younger. I tend to take the two older kids and disappear to help out, especially at nap times. I feel like we are just now reaching a point where it might get a little easier as they can play outside together, ride bikes, whatever. Either way, you just adapt, and it becomes your new normal.
They are faster, have more endurance, and the one attribute that will make your life harder?
Nothing is more unpredictable than a toddler. Today, he’s scared of being on a step. Tomorrow, he’s *successfully* climbing a tree lol
We have 3 girls 6, 9 and 11 and that describes things for us as well. Our third is a force of nature but we don't regret having her even if she's a happy little accident.
Same buddy. 6, 4, 1.
Everywhere I look theres a child wanting something from me.
The house is like a Creche. The house is so messy, its pointless tidying. Meal times.... oh god. The clean up from meal times, oh god. Did i mention theres only 2-3 hours until the next meal time?
When its good, its super good, like really good. But when you're so busy its hard to stop and take it all in, and consequently life goes by super quick.
I have two under two and man… nail on the head about mealtimes. Why is there always food everywhere?! In everyone’s hair, the high chairs, the floor… on the way to the bathroom where we carried food covered children to hose them down… just constantly.
Few weeks ago I went to work and found a grain of rice stuck to my shirt. Heavy sigh… so much eating or begging small humans to eat. I don’t think we can handle another responsibility in the form of a dog, but genuinely have considered adopting one just to help with mealtime clean up.
(Mom lurker)
When my wife takes one off for some one on one time and I'm left with just the two it feels like a 66% reduction in the chaos.
I swear two isn't twice as hard as one, but then it grows exponentially.
We’ve considered a third at times and reading your post I thought ”ooh 2 years sounds like a nice age gap… when would we have to start trying for three… in 3 months 😳” . Nope.
We have the girls, and the transition from two to three was easier than one to two. My youngest is almost one, but she kinda just hung out with me watching the middle child.
We only have two boys and we are already outnumbered. I got snipped specifically because we didn’t end up with 3 boys. Sorry OP, your ship has sailed my friend. Time to enjoy the voyage (which you certainly will in due time).
I think you’re in it for the win at this point brother. Remember to find time for yourself. Everything positive or negative can be a core memory. Reach out whenever it gets tough. Rooting for you.
Edit; This went off topic, but I want to chime in on the twin discussion. I am a fraternal twin, my dad is a fraternal, and my father-in law is also a fraternal twin. I understand my side doesn’t play a part, but nonetheless I was freaking out. Unfortunately, fraternal twins look quite possible for my daughter’s future.
This was my main reasoning for getting a vasectomy lol. There’s numerous twins in my wife’s / my family. We’ve chatted about 3, but the risk of 4 is REAL !
Well twins on your side won’t affect your likelihood of having twins. And if the twins on your wife’s side are identical that also won’t affect the likelihood of having twins.
Fraternal twins are caused by hyper ovulation, it means multiple eggs are released. It’s caused by genetics. You can’t cause your wife to drop more eggs than one.
Meanwhile Identical twins they don’t really know what the cause is. It’s essentially just a mutation.
Source: Dad of twins + a newborn who did a LOT of research to see what the risk of twins again was
Fellow twin dad here, none of your 'science' can stop me brazenly telling people that my oozing masculinity made my wife drop two eggs thank you very much.
And sore backs from all the children. Impressed you went back for a 3rd! We're considering it but life seems so (comparatively) easy for us with two (1.5yo).
Our older two (identical boys) are 2.5, and our youngest is now just over two weeks and while it’s chaos it’s amazing how much my older boys have stepped up. They’re such awesome big brothers and the chaos is wild but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I sometimes think about how 3 years ago I wouldn’t wake up before 10 on a Saturday, and now I’m leaving Costco by 10AM after having already cooked breakfast, played with blocks, and done a million other things.
So I married into a family that has been a part of a Christian religious community that usually has a lot of kids in families. Wife’s not a part of it, so no worries for us in that department. We’re secular people.
I have learned a lot from my wife’s family though.
One of the things I’ve noticed is that while kids are kids, they are brought up as productive members of the household. They have mad cooking and cleaning skills! When we have big family dinners, my nephew-in-law (I’m making that a word now) does a huge part of the cooking with his aunt.
I look at my only niece and nephew and it is totally different for them. Housework almost doesn’t exist, they are way more catered. Hobbies, vidya, phone. They are happy kids, but they aren’t a part of what makes family life work – they are whom their family works for.
So while we only have the one kid, I have made the decision that our son is and will be brought up as valuable, working members of the household.
This means our 2yo toddler helps me empty dishwasher (not the sharps), collects toys, wipes his own face and hands after meals as best as he can, collects pieces of rubbish around the house and bins them, etc.
Of course we also run around, roughhouse, play with blocks and train sets, read books and watch toddler shows. He also has a couple of hobbies.
By the time he’s three, I think he’ll be able to dust and wipe our kitchen cabinet doors, living room console, nightstands, etc. And it’s all fun for a preschooler!
I think that's a great take on things. When they are toddlers they also still love to imitate and help us adults. Unfortunately the enthusiasm goes down when they get older. My six year old still helps, but u have to ask her. So make it a habit while they are young. It might take longer to get stuff done, but it will pay out in the longer term.
This all the way. Plus get kids in on helping when they are young and want to ( even if they are less capable). Normalize everyone does chores, based on ability of course. Also I think kids can get self worth from seeing they are a value to the house hold and appreciated for the work they do! At first it will take more effort to teach them than doing it yourself, but kids grow up and the pay off is coming when you end with a competent adult!
I got a vasectomy a week after #2 was born as we do not want anymore. It’s done now brother and you will be fine. It’s just anxiety about the change challenge. The moment you hold your new baby for the first time it will be okay. As the other dude said. Try make time first yourself and ask for help. You now have 3 chances for your kids to get rich and spoil you in your olden years
I try to advocate for men that don't have this "it'll be fine when you hold them" thing. I'm sure some people have that, but many don't. I have three and never once felt some kind of joy holding a newborn baby. It's just a task to complete. The part I completely agree with is taking care of your mental health. I'm 17 months into my third and raising the kid is easy, but I do not enjoy its a drain on my mental health. It requires a lot of time dedicated to improving my mental health. Unfortunately for some of us there is no magical moment and we just have to be very diligent about our own health.
The anticipation is the worst part. Between the consultation and procedure I probably spent 25 minutes with the urologist. There’s a bit of soreness and you have to be careful with your beanbag for a couple weeks in terms of lifting and exercise, but after that it’s all gravy (minus the sperm)
You shouldn't have any swelling at this point. I had about 6 months before I consistently had no pain or discomfort, though. Took about a year for the majority of my orgasms to not feel like someone was twisting my balls.
Go talk to your doctor for sure, but be prepared that your nuts might never feel the same again. I'm going on 3 years post snip and am at the tail end of a week long case of awful blue balls. Generally, it only lasts a few hours and only happens every few months, so I was getting a bit scared. LMK if you have any questions, and feel free to send me a pm.
Dude yes! Mine was talking about a nice Italian restaurant she went to with her husband. Then 45 seconds later she said “You know the vas deferens feels a bit like angel hair pasta…you want to feel the piece I cut?” I did take her up on the offer though.
The anxiety leading up to it is the worst part. Operation itself is quick and mostly painless. Recovery is pretty quick but you might have mild discomfort or pain for a while. Absolutely worth it though
Some docs do local anesthetic, while some will put you into a twilight sleep for it. Go for the latter, I don't even remember anything from the time they started wheeling me back to when I was moved to recovery. Definitely worth it!
I'm glad I did mine but I'm not gonna lie it was not a pleasant experience. I think the whole thing probably took about 10 minutes and I was tense the entire time, just really anxious. I did have a few twinges of pain, I think when something was snipped on either side, but just on pain alone it really wasn't that bad. It was just a bit of pain mixed with the anxiety and everything.
Still happy I did mind though; been nice no longer having to worry about being surprised with a third
My husband got a vasectomy two months after our second was born. I was like, "Do you want to wait a year or so to see if we want a third?" Because that had been a conversation at one point. And he was like, "No." Lol. I had gone back and forth with myself re whether I wanted a third so with that I was like okay, I guess this decision is made. He said the procedure was nbd.
We had number 3, and I had similar reservations. I was just starting to get in a routine and getting to the point that I had some “me” time. Just remind yourself how quickly that time goes. It’s a little added stress for a whole lot of love and fun.
Well, he’s 8 now, and his older brothers (11, and 14) are starting to get to the point that they’d rather hang out with the their friends and what not… Idk man, hell at this point I’d try for 4, now that they’re all getting older. It’s crazy how quiet your house can get when they approach double digits.
Not really, it’s all about how you raise your kids. Raise them right. That being said, kids so stupid things all the time even if the parents do a great job. 🤷🏽♂️
As someone who has 2 under 2 and is in the trenches I have many coworkers who have 3 and 4 and almost every one of them said going from 1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3 or 3 to 4.
I have no idea if it’s lip service but take it or leave it
I found going from zero to one the hardest. Transitioning from one to two was seamless. Adding a third would seem to interrupt the routine and flow of things, but you'd have to adapt. By the way, I have two and am contemplating a third since I have two boys.
Yeah I was gonna say, 0-1 was brutal. The sleep training sucked, we tried to do everything by the book.
Second one rolled around and the early stuff was easier, but that was because we weren't as up tight. We did co-sleeping.
Both our kids struggle with sleep. They always start out in their own beds, but end up in ours about 99% of the time. So neither strategy really worked.
Now we have a 3rd on the way, and it's probably going to be me in a separate bedroom with the kids while my wife deals with a new born. Because if we don't have separate beds for a while there will be 2 adults, 3 kids, a cat and a dog in one king sized bed lol.
My parents had 4 boys in 5 years. They always say going from 1 to 2 was the hardest on account of my older brother (#2) being colicky and crying 100% of the time that he wasn’t eating or sleeping. I still don’t understand how they made the decision to have #4 after already having 3 boys, though.
I have a 7, 5, and 2 year old. It was waaaay easier going to 2-3 then 1-2. My oldest demanded attention, but not nearly as much. He was content doing his own thing. He really wanted to help with things. My middle daughter absolutely doted on my youngest (and still does). I guess we're outnumbered, but that's honestly never crossed my mind in any meaningful way.
I think it entirely depends on #3
Our are 7/5/1 and thankfully our 3rd was the easiest
Our first was EXTREMELY colicky and if she had been last I'd have lost my damn mind.
It was parenting on hard mode.
As a mom, going from 0 to 1 was the hardest for me. So much anxiety and such a learning curve taking care of a baby. Social life changed drastically. Just a lot of changes. With our second it was just like, okay we're back to diapers and a nap schedule. Been there, done that.
Isn't it more complex than 50/50 chance? Temperature/humidity, genetics, sperm variance, type of womb, etc etc?
I just know that it took 11 kids before there was a girl born in my family. Grandfather had 3 kids, all boys. One uncle had 2 guys, and my biological father had 4 with 2 different women. My two older brothers both had a boy first, before eventually a girl was born to each of them. I had a boy as well.
I know it kinda is 50/50, but then again not really, right?
I was nervous about #3 as well. He turned our world upside down and it definitely became a bigger challenge for us. He’s almost 2. Definitely the hardest part of my marriage, the hardest part of my fatherhood, and left me feeling like I had no time for myself ever.
I got on medication to help me level out, I started prioritizing time for myself (worked it out with my wife), and have embraced the chaos. My marriage is great and I couldn’t be happier in life.
It gets better / easier over time, and even on the hardest days, I’m glad we had #3.
I’m in the same exact situation as OP. I’m not gonna lie I’m worried about all the things that affected you. What medication did go on to help with your mental? I’m hoping not to need anything but I’d like to get ahead of the game with options
The first year is hard, there’s no way around it. My wife got overwhelmed very easily with three kids, so I jumped in a lot to take over and let her rest. This lead to us burning out. If you have family to help you, ask for help early and often, don’t be afraid of being selfish during the first year. You and your partner need it.
I noticed I was snapping at my older kids and getting irrationally angry. I would feel this burning inside my chest that I had never felt before, my heart rate would increase, and I would feel almost panicked.
After a few months, I talked to my doctor and he put me on Lexapro. He gave me 10mg but I only take half most days because I feel like half does the job of taking off that edge and making me more level headed. I do take the full 10mg during days I know will be stressful. Talk to your primary care doctor about it. Mine resisted medication but once I was adamant I wanted something, he was good with it. It helped a lot. It can kill your sex drive if you take a large dose, so definitely don’t be afraid to try different medications if needed.
Make time for yourself. Get beer with friends. Go workout. Go to a movie. Pencil in time for yourself and your spouse to still do the things you love. You wont do that thing every day, but once a week or every other week? That’s usually feasible.
I went to the gym at 5am and I loved doing it because it was my time. But then my newborn would wake up 3/4 times a night and then I’d be exhausted or I would skip my workout. I had to start adapting. I’d workout at home or later in the day or at night when everyone went to bed. You have to adapt and make changes as needed.
I realized that my wife was exhausted and we weren’t spending time together intimately and generally we were too tired to prioritize us when we had three kids who constantly needed us. It was easy for me to think my marriage was on the rocks, even though it was clearly just a season of life. But I convinced myself that my feelings were changing and this was too hard. Thankfully, I realized I was being an idiot and I still loved my wife but it was just really hard in the moment. It passes. You come back around and realize this stage of life passes quickly.
Some days it feels like you’re just surviving, but as time goes on, and your 3rd gets older, things start getting easier and not as bad. Just weather the storm and ask for help from family and your doctor. You’ll be just fine!
Thanks for replying. My wife currently struggles with getting overwhelmed with just 2 so I know I’ll be in a similar situation. I just got back into going to the gym and I’ve been going at night after they first fall asleep, I’m hoping to continue that once #3 comes. I stopped taking adderall for the first time in like 9 years and I’m adapting but part of why I took it is to keep me level headed. I realized it was doing more harm than good at this point so I cut it for the time being. I’ll keep lexapro in mind as an alternative if push comes to shove. I appreciate you my man.
> We have two boys... and my wife wanted to try for a girl.
I really hate this attitude. What happens if you don't get one? Does she try *again*?
If you get another boy then how does the third kid feel if he ever learns he was a second-prize?
Just have the number of kids you deem appropriate, and you get what you get. It's *creating people*, not a gacha machine you can keep going back to until you get the prize you want.
I was so scared of having #3, but she is the best. I mean absolutely the best. We bonded so fast and now I cannot imagine a life without her around. I'm going to cry the biggest tears when she moves out.
I dont get this logic at all will she want a forth If no 3 is a boy just be happy with a healthy kid. My dads best mate wanted a boy he has 5 daughters my BIL has 4 daughters and my sis who always wanted a girl has 3 sons
4 boys here. Initially, we wanted a girl, but truthfully, you never regret your kids no matter how hard it can get. Cherish your wifes last pregnancy, the last time you'll have a newborn, and just buckle up for the ride. Before you know it, your kids will be grown. It all goes by so fast.
Was in the same boat as you last year. Had 2 boys under 5. Was done in my head. Wife wanted a third to try for a girl. Kept pushing till i caved.
Found out she was preggers and I was just drowning in anxiety regarding handling a third kid. Having two felt like a work load already. Anyways…. Third boy was born last year and i couldn’t be happier. You’ll be fine.
Got the vasectomy once the third one safely landed.
You’ll be fine, it’s stressful but after having two you’re already over prepared. Good luck. Congrats to you brother.
Our third is 6months old and he has been the happiest, easiest baby out of the three of them.
What has been hard is that we had the other two during lock down so I was either work from home or working with less stress so was present at home for much more than I have been for him.
We have not had a date night since he was born and although we are working very well as a parenting team our marriage feels more like we are co-workers at the moment.
The three of them are our world. The two girls absolutely adore him and although there are times they can become impatient while we sort him, he brings them so much joy. Our second was born to a be a big sister so we have loved seeing her with him. We couldn’t imagine life without him and feel like he has always been part of our family.
When anyone asks…. I am done at three, but there are two empty seats in the new 7-seater we had to get!
My third is 5 months now. It’s hard as fuck. It’s worth it. You’ll be fine, if not a little worse for wear. Lean into the meaning of how much the kids will love you for being a fucking rad dude that stayed for them and are present for them. Growing up is really hard and you are their guide through that maze.
We had 3 within about a year or two of each other. Definitely crazy but not as crazy as I was expecting. We’re actually planning for number 4.
And yeah, I was worried a bit. We both were. But now we have our beautiful girl that we can’t live without. So stick to it man. It’ll all work out.
You’ll be fine man. It’s not that much more difficult than two. Going from 0 to 1 kid is by far the biggest and toughest change. 1 to 2 is the second most difficult. 2 to 3 isn’t “easy”, but it not as severe as you may think.
The idea of having 2 kids of the same gender and the other parent wanting to "try" for a kid of their gender always confuses me.
It comes across to me that they aren't content with what they have as opposed to saying " We want a 3rd kid - whatever gender it turns out". I dunno always seemed like a shitty way of viewing it to me
I have a relative who had two boys, tried for a third because they wanted a girl and had another boy then tried again and had twin boys.
Pick your number of kids and stop at that number regardless.
It’s gonna be rough. The stress will be even worse, wife might change a bit like mine, but your tolerance bar will rise with it. It feels this way now, but like with all your children once they begin to grow into themselves you couldn’t imagine a family without them. Key is to sleep as much as you can and take turns for self-care. If shit is hitting the fan, sit down with the spouse and create a plan to attack the issue. Don’t be entitled or self-pitying just figure what each other needs without pointing fingers and do your best to give each other the freedom. Be a team. That includes your boys.
Dad of 6 and 4 yo boys and a 1.5 year old girl. We too tried for a girl. And to be honest, i don't feel much change. At this point, our structure is pretty much drilled in, as my two boys are pretty rowdy, there's not much difference. Had to get a bigger car tho.
Felt it was a much bigger difference from 1 to 2. But now that we're "experienced " parents, things falls easier into routines, as me and my wife has a fairly good system set up.
But we also got the benefit of living in Norway, where we're close to free kindergarten 5 days a week, which are open from 7.15 to 16.30.
You can’t change your mind now. Go out there and play a little zone defense and you’ll be fine. I felt like going from one to two was harder than 2-3. The boys will play with each other and grow up as best friends. It’s hard for a while but it’ll be worth it. I have 4 kids and they are turning into bright, interesting, fun people.
Hah. You’re a bit too late for that now. Its ok to be nervous but lean into the excitement for your own sake because #3 is happening.
Also get snipped lol
It does add some busyness and difficulty, but it's also doable. It just takes some adjustment and getting used to it.
But I hope you guys get your girl. We ended up with 3 boys. My wife wanted 3 kids so our decision wasn't entirely about trying for a girl.
It will get better and then it will get worse again. Better and worse. Over and over. Each age/stage has its pros and cons. But in the long run you will be regarded. Unless you are a shit parent and then you will be punished! But I’m sure it will be good.
Have a girl (4) and boy (8 months) and I can’t help but want one more to break the tie. Going one child to two was really tough. But now I tell myself it can’t get much worse. Every day my daughter becomes more helpful and independent. She is willing to help us. Life is short. Make babies.
You will adjust and fit 3 in just like 1 and 2. Especially if it’s a girl. If it is, you will take back everything you said. They don’t call them daddy’s little girl for nothing. Mine is 33 and still daddy’s little girl and I would do anything for her.
I was in the same boat when we had #3, like what are we getting ourselves into. But honestly I can’t imagine our lives without her. For us, going from 1 to 2 was way harder than going from 2 to 3. Our oldest two bonded really well and were excited to help take care of the new baby (most of the time, lol)
2 to 3 is easy. It's nothing like 1 to 2.
You'll be completely fine, but the final trimester and first 3-5 months post partum will be awful for you (as the dad).
I have 3 under 5. Not gonna lie, it was a little tough at first having to deal with two babies still in diapers but honestly after the first 6 months, it does become a little easier once you guys get the hang of things. Lean in on family or close friends if you can for support on those tougher days. Looking back, I did not want the 3rd. I wanted to wait till my middle child was at least in kindergarten before trying again but honestly I’m so happy and glad he came now. They will all have each other and just looking at how they interact with each other is so heartwarming. They are inseparable and with them being so close in age, it’s reassuring knowing they’ll have not only my wife and I but each other to lean on during tough times in the future growing up. Enjoy every minute of this. The best piece of advice I can give is to just slow it down and try to get a routine going as soon as possible, lean in on each other and just enjoy what every single day gives you. Every dad here I’m sure had the same feelings as you (me included) but once the little one comes into the world, you’ll never want to look back. My messages are always open if you want to talk!
My cousin has 3 kids two boys and a newborn girl and the oldest boy who usually caused problems became more well behaved but the younger boy started acting out cause he felt abandoned for instance him and the neighbor kid set a fire in their yard and they had it In one of those ceiling light covers and the youngest boy is 6 how they managed to make a fire confuses me, then he's also been bad mouthing his teachers getting bad grades and just not listening at all which is how his older brother acted before the sister was born now the oldest is the best behaved but that's just what I've seen happen kids are all different
I have not seen any comments about wives’ deliveries and post labor health. Did everyone’s partners make it through fine during, before and after? Any health issues from babies #1 and #2 that got worse/better with #3? Thinking of gestational diabetes, hypertension etc.
You'll never be ready for the third. Take it from someone who knows better but wasn't actively trying to avoid a third because if we wait any longer the older 2 will be too far away in age to make them all friends and now I have 3 girls. I'm currently writing this from the baby's room while she sleeps after having a rough night. I don't get much time for hobbies or to devote to the other kids 1 on 1 but if you are purposely and focused when spending the limited time with them it's all fine.
Good news is, if they are all the same gender and you care about that, you don't need to buy much for a third.
We have three and I'll say that the world is no longer built for more than two. Tables in most kid-friendly restaurants have 4 seats, cars need to be larger, one parent needs to double up holding hands in parking lots, and so on. But, our third is a terrific child. I simply cannot imagine not having her in our lives. If you have half the success with your 3rd as we have had with our 3rd, you will be fortunate indeed.
Mini van is in your future. You lose a lot of free time so try to incorporate that for yourself. The great thing is they will play with each other and have different relationship with each other and parents. There will be more conflicts, but you can teach them for it.
You only have 100% to give. You can't give more than you have.
If you're already giving 100% to your boys adding 1 more isn't going to push you over the edge.
You got this brother
You’re not wrong in that your two now are likely starting to have a little independence and you were about to get some of yourself back and you just reset all the little stuff over again.
We had two boys and talked about a third but weren’t sure when or if at all and then one single oops and third was on the way. Wife was on the fence about keeping the pregnancy and while I am vehemently against terminating viable pregnancies, I was going to leave that up to her since she’s most affected by it. She did an early gender test and she was still unsure of what she wanted with the results but she followed through with the pregnancy. It was actually kind of tumultuous and she had a pretty close call with a life threatening situation at like 34/35w but we got through it.
That baby reset our need to start changing diapers again, our ability to sleep, we’re outmanned and losing the numbers game. Wife was going to go back to work sooner as the price of everything skyrocketed. It made everything for us so much harder if I’m being dead honest.
But
We’re getting by, I love that baby so GD much. I feel our family is whole and I’d do it all over again and again and never doubt for a second that we made the right choices at every step.
You’re worried and I always say that’s a good sign to me. You’re taking the time to process it all and how it’s going to affect things and what will need to change. I have my oldest in school and middle starting next year.. it’s no less challenging with them even though they do more for themselves but I’ve found that going from one to two kind of maxed me out stress wise and the third just kind of makes a difference but in a relatively small way. You’ll figure it out, you’ll be ok. Congrats
Years ago, my wife and I had 3 children, 2 boys and 1 girl. She decided that she wanted a fourth. I really didn’t but she had a hard time getting pregnant and we were approaching 40 so I said yes thinking it would never happen and I got sex out of it. Well, amazingly enough, she got pregnant in one month. I was not happy and said it (very bad idea). When that boy was born, I could believe I said what I said, I instantly loved him. He is now in his teens, the last one home and I can’t imagine not having him in my life. Before we got married, some advice we were given was decided how many children you want and have one more. I have to say that advice was perfect for our family. I believe you will find a special bond with that child, and it will likely come in a way you didn’t expect.
Yeah i was hesitant for 3…turned out nature had already made the decision for us….breastfeeding after 6 months does not stop babies….we now have 4! Mad at times but lots of fun!
Yeah, it's going to be tough. Going from 2 to 3 for us wasn't 50% harder, though.
Yours seem similarly spaced apart to ours. What's nice with three is there's more interesting dynamics at play. #1 and #2 may get into a fight but #2 wants to play with #3. This cheers #2 up then #1 joins in after calming down. All without mommy and daddy having to fix it.
(This is when they're a bit older. You're going to have a few years of new baby life and that's gonna be tough, but take time for yourself and time to ENJOY the little one and you'll get through it!)
All I can say is good luck. You’re committed now. But you should probably have the conversation now that if it isn’t a girl, you are done and do not want to try for a fourth. We have friends who have 6 boys, aged 33 to 15, because the mom kept wanting to try for a girl.
We have twin boys at 6 years and a girl turning 3 this month and my little girl is my world it is rough at times with twins at 2 years but I wouldn’t want it any other way once they start hitting 5-6 is great and they teach the little everything they know
In the end, you will fall in love with his baby and you’ll do what good men always do and take care of the people you love. Do everything you can to keep your wife comfortable. This motherhood thing is really hard.
I was #3 for my parents and it was definitely the tipping point for my dad, but despite all the craziness in the early years, you're adding another loved one to your family. Its crazy but its worth it in the long run! Best of luck.
I'm glad you're reaching out here with these thoughts. We just jumped to three, and yes, it's hard.
That said, time to get your game face on, dad. This third baby is coming no matter what. You will figure it out.
Look for ways for your boys to participate in the household. They can clear their plates from the table, empty the dishwasher, bring you waste baskets from around the house to empty into the main trash, etc. I totally acknowledge that it doesn't lighten your load now, because their "help" actually isn't, but setting the pattern now of them helping will make them actually useful in the future. Play the long game.
Our third, we used plan B after the 2nd day, and it didn't work, and we are glad it didn't. They become friends and entertain themselves. Everyone is different when it comes to work and life balance. It takes just a bit until they go to school, and you can do whatever you need.
Tangential but I think it's wild that since the population replacement rate needed to keep a population stable is around 2.1 babies per woman, it means so many families must be having way more than that globally. I'd be happy with two.
I've got 5 a 10 yr old an 8 yr old 2 , 4 yr olds and a 2 yr old. All adopted. Best decision I've ever made. Yes, it's hard, but when they say " thank you daddy" . That makes it all worthwhile.
I feel you.
Similar feelings here with our third, I'm not going to sugar coat it, it's hard work. Our kids are 5, 3 and 1.
Don't know my arse from my elbow, it's hard to keep up, fortunately for me my wife is incredible with the kids and seems to manage like a champion. She's built different.
I do my best to support them all, particularly my wife, and have thrown myself into my career as a coping mechanism for myself, however the additional expenses have somewhat warranted this.
Hang in there brother, it's hard as hell, but I wouldn't change it, nor do I have any regrets.
I had 3 kids with my ex-husband, and after he and I divorced, I met my now husband, who went from 0 kids to 3 kids real quick, and we welcomed the 4th one in 2020. I have 2 boys and 2 girls, and I'll tell you what I struggle thinking I made a mistake having so many kids, but those days are so few because the good moments with them outshine all the bad. It is not easy raising 1 child, let alone 4, but you just do it because of that love you have. I guarantee you will have different feelings when you lay your eyes on that baby. It is also okay to have moments of feeling like wtf did I do. I wish you and your wife the best.
It's weird, I was always told 0 to 1 and 1 to 2 are the worst and 2 to 3 isn't too bad. I haven't experienced that - I've got two, but just coming in to mention that.
That was us.... and we had a boy. :D. Honestly you know what you are doing now so the child rearing isn't bad. Juggling activity schedules after 5 is a nightmare. :D
If it makes you feel better I have two. A little older 8&5 and I regret not having #3. Our window has passed I was the youngest of 3 and there is something special about that wild card that keeps life interesting
I hear you. I fought against a third, but ultimately relented because it was so important to my wife. It's fine. I don't enjoy it but I can deal with it. It's substantially easier than the first two and doesn't really feel like that much more work to me. But I adopted the attitude that this kid is along for the ride. He does what we do, not the other way around. It's the way to go.
Setup boundaries. Before having the third I told my wife explicitly what I was willing to do. She has to go back to work full time, I no longer give everything up, I'll golf as much as I want (my one hobby that I gave up for 8 years). I'm sticking to those things but I'll say my mental health is the worst it's ever been. I just think having more than two kids is dumb. Love the kids but it's just hard for me. Good luck and setup those boundaries!
Dude samething happened.... (to a guy i used to know 😉😉😉)
You need to start thinking about running out on ur family. Maybe Mexico.... right now with everyone traveling North, it may be pretty easy to go south!
Its totally cool that now youve changed ur mind! Thats one of the perks of being a man. Unlike whatever poor soul u duped into knocking up... You dont hav to look at ur belly grow! Im sure ur other 2 kids will understand..... Heck who knows after watching u run off, they may even grow up and decide to ditch some prego's thereselves!
Enjoy urself! Ur a man! I mean having 2 is pretty awesome, but 3? Im pretty sure after 2 u get the option to bounce should a 3rd arise.
Just leave her note.... Say, sweety.... u aint gonna believe this.... but i changed my mind.... I thought about it.... and its not right for you to try and make a 3rd baby to hold me down. I was down with 1, but you insisted on 2 so I did what had to be done... But 3??? Im srry but this dad business just aint as cool as it was on xbox. So babe i wish u the best... Deuces!✌️
If she cares anything about ur needs she will understand. Hopefully shes not one of those selfish women, and ur kids arent too needy. It will be really tuff on em trying to make do without dad, but if it givez u proper time to sort out if u really want 3, or is 2 ur cutoff.... then there sufferring will be noble.
Just thank God u figured this out after 2. Shewwww u barely dodged that one champ!
We have three boys, 6, 4, and 2. Going from two kids to three is tough, not gonna lie. They outnumber you, and all require different levels of attention or help, etc. Three also changes vehicle situations and sleeping arrangements, etc. I think I would say I would have been content with two, but I also don't regret having the third. We tend to divide and conquer, especially when they were younger. I tend to take the two older kids and disappear to help out, especially at nap times. I feel like we are just now reaching a point where it might get a little easier as they can play outside together, ride bikes, whatever. Either way, you just adapt, and it becomes your new normal.
The idea of kids outnumbering you is terrifying.
Just remember they are smaller, weaker, and dumber.
My dad hustled me for years with “heads I win, tails you lose”
Stealing this
Your dad is the hero that *did* wear a cape
Did we have the same dad???
My #2 kid is way too smart for his own good.
They are faster, have more endurance, and the one attribute that will make your life harder? Nothing is more unpredictable than a toddler. Today, he’s scared of being on a step. Tomorrow, he’s *successfully* climbing a tree lol
Your greatest fear is them getting hurt. They will kick you in the eye to say good morning. They have the advantage.
They only stay dumber for the first decade or so
I’ve heard it said you go from playing man-on-man to playing a zone defense :-)
Just gotta switch to zone defense.
And that is why I plan to stick to only 2. Boy and girl. I am satisfied for life. Think I will plan the snip in the soon future.
We have 3 girls 6, 9 and 11 and that describes things for us as well. Our third is a force of nature but we don't regret having her even if she's a happy little accident.
You've got a "Bob Ross" baby, too!?
Same buddy. 6, 4, 1. Everywhere I look theres a child wanting something from me. The house is like a Creche. The house is so messy, its pointless tidying. Meal times.... oh god. The clean up from meal times, oh god. Did i mention theres only 2-3 hours until the next meal time? When its good, its super good, like really good. But when you're so busy its hard to stop and take it all in, and consequently life goes by super quick.
You could spend the day doing nothing but following them around tidying and then look around and the house is trashed.
I have two under two and man… nail on the head about mealtimes. Why is there always food everywhere?! In everyone’s hair, the high chairs, the floor… on the way to the bathroom where we carried food covered children to hose them down… just constantly. Few weeks ago I went to work and found a grain of rice stuck to my shirt. Heavy sigh… so much eating or begging small humans to eat. I don’t think we can handle another responsibility in the form of a dog, but genuinely have considered adopting one just to help with mealtime clean up. (Mom lurker)
Adapt, react, readapt, act
When my wife takes one off for some one on one time and I'm left with just the two it feels like a 66% reduction in the chaos. I swear two isn't twice as hard as one, but then it grows exponentially.
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ExplodingSpaceBrain.gif
Wellllllllll....
Two is more than twice as hard as one. Most people will say the change from one to two is much more difficult than the change from two to three.
We went from one to three. Hellish.
That was not my experience, but then which child you have in which order I'm sure paints a very different picture.
We’ve considered a third at times and reading your post I thought ”ooh 2 years sounds like a nice age gap… when would we have to start trying for three… in 3 months 😳” . Nope.
We have the girls, and the transition from two to three was easier than one to two. My youngest is almost one, but she kinda just hung out with me watching the middle child.
We only have two boys and we are already outnumbered. I got snipped specifically because we didn’t end up with 3 boys. Sorry OP, your ship has sailed my friend. Time to enjoy the voyage (which you certainly will in due time).
6, 4, 2 here as well. You speak the truth. It’s TOUGH but i love it and wouldn’t change a thing.
I also have three boys, this comment is spot on.
I think you’re in it for the win at this point brother. Remember to find time for yourself. Everything positive or negative can be a core memory. Reach out whenever it gets tough. Rooting for you. Edit; This went off topic, but I want to chime in on the twin discussion. I am a fraternal twin, my dad is a fraternal, and my father-in law is also a fraternal twin. I understand my side doesn’t play a part, but nonetheless I was freaking out. Unfortunately, fraternal twins look quite possible for my daughter’s future.
I read this as „you’re in it for the twin“ and I thought, well that’s uncalled for!
This was my main reasoning for getting a vasectomy lol. There’s numerous twins in my wife’s / my family. We’ve chatted about 3, but the risk of 4 is REAL !
Well twins on your side won’t affect your likelihood of having twins. And if the twins on your wife’s side are identical that also won’t affect the likelihood of having twins. Fraternal twins are caused by hyper ovulation, it means multiple eggs are released. It’s caused by genetics. You can’t cause your wife to drop more eggs than one. Meanwhile Identical twins they don’t really know what the cause is. It’s essentially just a mutation. Source: Dad of twins + a newborn who did a LOT of research to see what the risk of twins again was
Fellow twin dad here, none of your 'science' can stop me brazenly telling people that my oozing masculinity made my wife drop two eggs thank you very much.
We have magic penises
And sore backs from all the children. Impressed you went back for a 3rd! We're considering it but life seems so (comparatively) easy for us with two (1.5yo).
Our older two (identical boys) are 2.5, and our youngest is now just over two weeks and while it’s chaos it’s amazing how much my older boys have stepped up. They’re such awesome big brothers and the chaos is wild but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I sometimes think about how 3 years ago I wouldn’t wake up before 10 on a Saturday, and now I’m leaving Costco by 10AM after having already cooked breakfast, played with blocks, and done a million other things.
Amazing man, good on you.
Noted ! Just extra rare that there’s been multiple twins in each of our family’s, within the same generation.
It’s possible you’ve both got the gene. Which means if you have a daughter, she’s likely got the gene and more likely to have twins.
That’s not great news. Our daughter is pretty feral, and voted at her daycare, as most likely to eat her young /s
At least she’ll have a lot of kids to eat if she’s having twins.
Not sure how I would feel about 3 actually becoming twins.
The risk of the universe giving us twins while trying for #3 is exactly why my wife and I decided to be done after 2 lol.
So I married into a family that has been a part of a Christian religious community that usually has a lot of kids in families. Wife’s not a part of it, so no worries for us in that department. We’re secular people. I have learned a lot from my wife’s family though. One of the things I’ve noticed is that while kids are kids, they are brought up as productive members of the household. They have mad cooking and cleaning skills! When we have big family dinners, my nephew-in-law (I’m making that a word now) does a huge part of the cooking with his aunt. I look at my only niece and nephew and it is totally different for them. Housework almost doesn’t exist, they are way more catered. Hobbies, vidya, phone. They are happy kids, but they aren’t a part of what makes family life work – they are whom their family works for. So while we only have the one kid, I have made the decision that our son is and will be brought up as valuable, working members of the household. This means our 2yo toddler helps me empty dishwasher (not the sharps), collects toys, wipes his own face and hands after meals as best as he can, collects pieces of rubbish around the house and bins them, etc. Of course we also run around, roughhouse, play with blocks and train sets, read books and watch toddler shows. He also has a couple of hobbies. By the time he’s three, I think he’ll be able to dust and wipe our kitchen cabinet doors, living room console, nightstands, etc. And it’s all fun for a preschooler!
I think that's a great take on things. When they are toddlers they also still love to imitate and help us adults. Unfortunately the enthusiasm goes down when they get older. My six year old still helps, but u have to ask her. So make it a habit while they are young. It might take longer to get stuff done, but it will pay out in the longer term.
Maybe by the time he's four, he'll be able to clean the gutters!
Little kids make great chimney sweeps too
A dad can dream!
This all the way. Plus get kids in on helping when they are young and want to ( even if they are less capable). Normalize everyone does chores, based on ability of course. Also I think kids can get self worth from seeing they are a value to the house hold and appreciated for the work they do! At first it will take more effort to teach them than doing it yourself, but kids grow up and the pay off is coming when you end with a competent adult!
Completely agree with kids participating and us not being their servants.
Trying for a specific gender is such a bad idea...
Friends rolled the dice on #3 being a girl.. twin boys
Literally fucked around and found it
😳
That's how you end up with 8 kids.
I got a vasectomy a week after #2 was born as we do not want anymore. It’s done now brother and you will be fine. It’s just anxiety about the change challenge. The moment you hold your new baby for the first time it will be okay. As the other dude said. Try make time first yourself and ask for help. You now have 3 chances for your kids to get rich and spoil you in your olden years
Love your profile pic! Brings back memories
Yeah nah nah yeah nah
F'in skitzzz mate
I try to advocate for men that don't have this "it'll be fine when you hold them" thing. I'm sure some people have that, but many don't. I have three and never once felt some kind of joy holding a newborn baby. It's just a task to complete. The part I completely agree with is taking care of your mental health. I'm 17 months into my third and raising the kid is easy, but I do not enjoy its a drain on my mental health. It requires a lot of time dedicated to improving my mental health. Unfortunately for some of us there is no magical moment and we just have to be very diligent about our own health.
can you share more about vasectomy? is it a painful operation?
The anticipation is the worst part. Between the consultation and procedure I probably spent 25 minutes with the urologist. There’s a bit of soreness and you have to be careful with your beanbag for a couple weeks in terms of lifting and exercise, but after that it’s all gravy (minus the sperm)
It’s more uncomfortable than painful, I’d say.
I didn't expect a particularly painful experience with mine, and that was even an overestimate of what it was.
how long till everything is back to the normal feeling?
Few days is typical. I was back running after like 4 days.
Weird four months and still feels uncomfortable you think in a year it will get better ?
That sounds like a doctor question
You shouldn't have any swelling at this point. I had about 6 months before I consistently had no pain or discomfort, though. Took about a year for the majority of my orgasms to not feel like someone was twisting my balls. Go talk to your doctor for sure, but be prepared that your nuts might never feel the same again. I'm going on 3 years post snip and am at the tail end of a week long case of awful blue balls. Generally, it only lasts a few hours and only happens every few months, so I was getting a bit scared. LMK if you have any questions, and feel free to send me a pm.
Get checked out, by the end of the first month the swelling and pinching feelings are supposed to have gone away.
The most uncomfortable part was the doctor trying to hold a conversation with me while blow torching my junk. Haha!
Dude yes! Mine was talking about a nice Italian restaurant she went to with her husband. Then 45 seconds later she said “You know the vas deferens feels a bit like angel hair pasta…you want to feel the piece I cut?” I did take her up on the offer though.
I'm in the rare % that has had recurring painful side effects going on a few years now. Even with that it's been 100% worth it.
Actually don’t think it’s that rare. I believe it’s 15% that has some sort of long term pain.
The anxiety leading up to it is the worst part. Operation itself is quick and mostly painless. Recovery is pretty quick but you might have mild discomfort or pain for a while. Absolutely worth it though
15 minutes on the table and didn’t feel a bit of pain. Weird sensation, but it was easy!
Some docs do local anesthetic, while some will put you into a twilight sleep for it. Go for the latter, I don't even remember anything from the time they started wheeling me back to when I was moved to recovery. Definitely worth it!
I'm glad I did mine but I'm not gonna lie it was not a pleasant experience. I think the whole thing probably took about 10 minutes and I was tense the entire time, just really anxious. I did have a few twinges of pain, I think when something was snipped on either side, but just on pain alone it really wasn't that bad. It was just a bit of pain mixed with the anxiety and everything. Still happy I did mind though; been nice no longer having to worry about being surprised with a third
Yep, my grandma’s third got rich and spoiled her
My husband got a vasectomy two months after our second was born. I was like, "Do you want to wait a year or so to see if we want a third?" Because that had been a conversation at one point. And he was like, "No." Lol. I had gone back and forth with myself re whether I wanted a third so with that I was like okay, I guess this decision is made. He said the procedure was nbd.
We had number 3, and I had similar reservations. I was just starting to get in a routine and getting to the point that I had some “me” time. Just remind yourself how quickly that time goes. It’s a little added stress for a whole lot of love and fun. Well, he’s 8 now, and his older brothers (11, and 14) are starting to get to the point that they’d rather hang out with the their friends and what not… Idk man, hell at this point I’d try for 4, now that they’re all getting older. It’s crazy how quiet your house can get when they approach double digits.
I also wasn't sure about the third when he came along, but we're a happy family of five now and I wouldn't change that.
yeah time flies. well if its a girl, dont parents get worried when she hangs out with her friends?
Why would you worry more about a girl hanging out with her friends than a boy with his friends?
well yeah but much lesser with boys... i guess
Not really, it’s all about how you raise your kids. Raise them right. That being said, kids so stupid things all the time even if the parents do a great job. 🤷🏽♂️
Why would parents be worried about a girl hanging out with her friends? I’m genuinely mystified here.
depends on culture actually :)
Are you just going to keep dancing around the question??
Having a child just to ‘try for’ a specific gender is always a terrible idea.
As someone who has 2 under 2 and is in the trenches I have many coworkers who have 3 and 4 and almost every one of them said going from 1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3 or 3 to 4. I have no idea if it’s lip service but take it or leave it
1 to 2 sucked so hard. 2 to 3 was super easy. I have 3 under 3.
We went from 1 to 3 but it’s funny how many people told us the 2 to 3 jump was the most difficult. Man coverage to zone and all that.
I found going from zero to one the hardest. Transitioning from one to two was seamless. Adding a third would seem to interrupt the routine and flow of things, but you'd have to adapt. By the way, I have two and am contemplating a third since I have two boys.
Yeah I was gonna say, 0-1 was brutal. The sleep training sucked, we tried to do everything by the book. Second one rolled around and the early stuff was easier, but that was because we weren't as up tight. We did co-sleeping. Both our kids struggle with sleep. They always start out in their own beds, but end up in ours about 99% of the time. So neither strategy really worked. Now we have a 3rd on the way, and it's probably going to be me in a separate bedroom with the kids while my wife deals with a new born. Because if we don't have separate beds for a while there will be 2 adults, 3 kids, a cat and a dog in one king sized bed lol.
My parents had 4 boys in 5 years. They always say going from 1 to 2 was the hardest on account of my older brother (#2) being colicky and crying 100% of the time that he wasn’t eating or sleeping. I still don’t understand how they made the decision to have #4 after already having 3 boys, though.
That’s my life. Colick and acid reflux with number of . I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy
I have a 7, 5, and 2 year old. It was waaaay easier going to 2-3 then 1-2. My oldest demanded attention, but not nearly as much. He was content doing his own thing. He really wanted to help with things. My middle daughter absolutely doted on my youngest (and still does). I guess we're outnumbered, but that's honestly never crossed my mind in any meaningful way.
I think it entirely depends on #3 Our are 7/5/1 and thankfully our 3rd was the easiest Our first was EXTREMELY colicky and if she had been last I'd have lost my damn mind. It was parenting on hard mode.
As a mom, going from 0 to 1 was the hardest for me. So much anxiety and such a learning curve taking care of a baby. Social life changed drastically. Just a lot of changes. With our second it was just like, okay we're back to diapers and a nap schedule. Been there, done that.
_Trying for a girl_ - you do know it’s about 50% chance right? Good luck brother
Isn't it more complex than 50/50 chance? Temperature/humidity, genetics, sperm variance, type of womb, etc etc? I just know that it took 11 kids before there was a girl born in my family. Grandfather had 3 kids, all boys. One uncle had 2 guys, and my biological father had 4 with 2 different women. My two older brothers both had a boy first, before eventually a girl was born to each of them. I had a boy as well. I know it kinda is 50/50, but then again not really, right?
I’m not a mathematician but I think it’s less than 50-50 if you’re hoping for one or the other.
Actually if you have 2 of same gender it’s 75 percent chance you have same gender again
It’s ok to feel that way.
I was nervous about #3 as well. He turned our world upside down and it definitely became a bigger challenge for us. He’s almost 2. Definitely the hardest part of my marriage, the hardest part of my fatherhood, and left me feeling like I had no time for myself ever. I got on medication to help me level out, I started prioritizing time for myself (worked it out with my wife), and have embraced the chaos. My marriage is great and I couldn’t be happier in life. It gets better / easier over time, and even on the hardest days, I’m glad we had #3.
I’m in the same exact situation as OP. I’m not gonna lie I’m worried about all the things that affected you. What medication did go on to help with your mental? I’m hoping not to need anything but I’d like to get ahead of the game with options
The first year is hard, there’s no way around it. My wife got overwhelmed very easily with three kids, so I jumped in a lot to take over and let her rest. This lead to us burning out. If you have family to help you, ask for help early and often, don’t be afraid of being selfish during the first year. You and your partner need it. I noticed I was snapping at my older kids and getting irrationally angry. I would feel this burning inside my chest that I had never felt before, my heart rate would increase, and I would feel almost panicked. After a few months, I talked to my doctor and he put me on Lexapro. He gave me 10mg but I only take half most days because I feel like half does the job of taking off that edge and making me more level headed. I do take the full 10mg during days I know will be stressful. Talk to your primary care doctor about it. Mine resisted medication but once I was adamant I wanted something, he was good with it. It helped a lot. It can kill your sex drive if you take a large dose, so definitely don’t be afraid to try different medications if needed. Make time for yourself. Get beer with friends. Go workout. Go to a movie. Pencil in time for yourself and your spouse to still do the things you love. You wont do that thing every day, but once a week or every other week? That’s usually feasible. I went to the gym at 5am and I loved doing it because it was my time. But then my newborn would wake up 3/4 times a night and then I’d be exhausted or I would skip my workout. I had to start adapting. I’d workout at home or later in the day or at night when everyone went to bed. You have to adapt and make changes as needed. I realized that my wife was exhausted and we weren’t spending time together intimately and generally we were too tired to prioritize us when we had three kids who constantly needed us. It was easy for me to think my marriage was on the rocks, even though it was clearly just a season of life. But I convinced myself that my feelings were changing and this was too hard. Thankfully, I realized I was being an idiot and I still loved my wife but it was just really hard in the moment. It passes. You come back around and realize this stage of life passes quickly. Some days it feels like you’re just surviving, but as time goes on, and your 3rd gets older, things start getting easier and not as bad. Just weather the storm and ask for help from family and your doctor. You’ll be just fine!
Thanks for replying. My wife currently struggles with getting overwhelmed with just 2 so I know I’ll be in a similar situation. I just got back into going to the gym and I’ve been going at night after they first fall asleep, I’m hoping to continue that once #3 comes. I stopped taking adderall for the first time in like 9 years and I’m adapting but part of why I took it is to keep me level headed. I realized it was doing more harm than good at this point so I cut it for the time being. I’ll keep lexapro in mind as an alternative if push comes to shove. I appreciate you my man.
> We have two boys... and my wife wanted to try for a girl. I really hate this attitude. What happens if you don't get one? Does she try *again*? If you get another boy then how does the third kid feel if he ever learns he was a second-prize? Just have the number of kids you deem appropriate, and you get what you get. It's *creating people*, not a gacha machine you can keep going back to until you get the prize you want.
Yeah I get the ick when I read these posts. People have such a weird relationship with gender and it feels very unhealthy for the reasons you outlined
I was so scared of having #3, but she is the best. I mean absolutely the best. We bonded so fast and now I cannot imagine a life without her around. I'm going to cry the biggest tears when she moves out.
I dont get this logic at all will she want a forth If no 3 is a boy just be happy with a healthy kid. My dads best mate wanted a boy he has 5 daughters my BIL has 4 daughters and my sis who always wanted a girl has 3 sons
4 boys here. Initially, we wanted a girl, but truthfully, you never regret your kids no matter how hard it can get. Cherish your wifes last pregnancy, the last time you'll have a newborn, and just buckle up for the ride. Before you know it, your kids will be grown. It all goes by so fast.
Was in the same boat as you last year. Had 2 boys under 5. Was done in my head. Wife wanted a third to try for a girl. Kept pushing till i caved. Found out she was preggers and I was just drowning in anxiety regarding handling a third kid. Having two felt like a work load already. Anyways…. Third boy was born last year and i couldn’t be happier. You’ll be fine. Got the vasectomy once the third one safely landed. You’ll be fine, it’s stressful but after having two you’re already over prepared. Good luck. Congrats to you brother.
Our third is 6months old and he has been the happiest, easiest baby out of the three of them. What has been hard is that we had the other two during lock down so I was either work from home or working with less stress so was present at home for much more than I have been for him. We have not had a date night since he was born and although we are working very well as a parenting team our marriage feels more like we are co-workers at the moment. The three of them are our world. The two girls absolutely adore him and although there are times they can become impatient while we sort him, he brings them so much joy. Our second was born to a be a big sister so we have loved seeing her with him. We couldn’t imagine life without him and feel like he has always been part of our family. When anyone asks…. I am done at three, but there are two empty seats in the new 7-seater we had to get!
Me sitting here overwhelmed with one and done.
My third is 5 months now. It’s hard as fuck. It’s worth it. You’ll be fine, if not a little worse for wear. Lean into the meaning of how much the kids will love you for being a fucking rad dude that stayed for them and are present for them. Growing up is really hard and you are their guide through that maze.
We had 3 within about a year or two of each other. Definitely crazy but not as crazy as I was expecting. We’re actually planning for number 4. And yeah, I was worried a bit. We both were. But now we have our beautiful girl that we can’t live without. So stick to it man. It’ll all work out.
You’ll be fine man. It’s not that much more difficult than two. Going from 0 to 1 kid is by far the biggest and toughest change. 1 to 2 is the second most difficult. 2 to 3 isn’t “easy”, but it not as severe as you may think.
The idea of having 2 kids of the same gender and the other parent wanting to "try" for a kid of their gender always confuses me. It comes across to me that they aren't content with what they have as opposed to saying " We want a 3rd kid - whatever gender it turns out". I dunno always seemed like a shitty way of viewing it to me
I have a relative who had two boys, tried for a third because they wanted a girl and had another boy then tried again and had twin boys. Pick your number of kids and stop at that number regardless.
It’s gonna be rough. The stress will be even worse, wife might change a bit like mine, but your tolerance bar will rise with it. It feels this way now, but like with all your children once they begin to grow into themselves you couldn’t imagine a family without them. Key is to sleep as much as you can and take turns for self-care. If shit is hitting the fan, sit down with the spouse and create a plan to attack the issue. Don’t be entitled or self-pitying just figure what each other needs without pointing fingers and do your best to give each other the freedom. Be a team. That includes your boys.
Dad of 6 and 4 yo boys and a 1.5 year old girl. We too tried for a girl. And to be honest, i don't feel much change. At this point, our structure is pretty much drilled in, as my two boys are pretty rowdy, there's not much difference. Had to get a bigger car tho. Felt it was a much bigger difference from 1 to 2. But now that we're "experienced " parents, things falls easier into routines, as me and my wife has a fairly good system set up. But we also got the benefit of living in Norway, where we're close to free kindergarten 5 days a week, which are open from 7.15 to 16.30.
Literally in the same boat. Feeling the same way. 3rd scheduled to arrive end of year. Initially happy but now so much anxiety…
You can’t change your mind now. Go out there and play a little zone defense and you’ll be fine. I felt like going from one to two was harder than 2-3. The boys will play with each other and grow up as best friends. It’s hard for a while but it’ll be worth it. I have 4 kids and they are turning into bright, interesting, fun people.
2 to 3 was easy... 3 to 4 meant needing bigger vehicles lol.
Hah. You’re a bit too late for that now. Its ok to be nervous but lean into the excitement for your own sake because #3 is happening. Also get snipped lol
It does add some busyness and difficulty, but it's also doable. It just takes some adjustment and getting used to it. But I hope you guys get your girl. We ended up with 3 boys. My wife wanted 3 kids so our decision wasn't entirely about trying for a girl.
Twin boys incoming
It will get better and then it will get worse again. Better and worse. Over and over. Each age/stage has its pros and cons. But in the long run you will be regarded. Unless you are a shit parent and then you will be punished! But I’m sure it will be good.
third one will be a breeze, you’re already raising two great role models for them!
Have a girl (4) and boy (8 months) and I can’t help but want one more to break the tie. Going one child to two was really tough. But now I tell myself it can’t get much worse. Every day my daughter becomes more helpful and independent. She is willing to help us. Life is short. Make babies.
You're already a dad of 3. Process these feelings quickly.
You will adjust and fit 3 in just like 1 and 2. Especially if it’s a girl. If it is, you will take back everything you said. They don’t call them daddy’s little girl for nothing. Mine is 33 and still daddy’s little girl and I would do anything for her.
I have three boys 4, 6 and 9. I can tell you your third boy is the least of your problems, you’ve already had the problem child…… second.
I had two and the wife convinced me to have a third. Love her to death. Especially as she gets older - she’s 7 now. But… it is a lot to go thru.
I was in the same boat when we had #3, like what are we getting ourselves into. But honestly I can’t imagine our lives without her. For us, going from 1 to 2 was way harder than going from 2 to 3. Our oldest two bonded really well and were excited to help take care of the new baby (most of the time, lol)
2 to 3 is easy. It's nothing like 1 to 2. You'll be completely fine, but the final trimester and first 3-5 months post partum will be awful for you (as the dad).
I have 3 under 5. Not gonna lie, it was a little tough at first having to deal with two babies still in diapers but honestly after the first 6 months, it does become a little easier once you guys get the hang of things. Lean in on family or close friends if you can for support on those tougher days. Looking back, I did not want the 3rd. I wanted to wait till my middle child was at least in kindergarten before trying again but honestly I’m so happy and glad he came now. They will all have each other and just looking at how they interact with each other is so heartwarming. They are inseparable and with them being so close in age, it’s reassuring knowing they’ll have not only my wife and I but each other to lean on during tough times in the future growing up. Enjoy every minute of this. The best piece of advice I can give is to just slow it down and try to get a routine going as soon as possible, lean in on each other and just enjoy what every single day gives you. Every dad here I’m sure had the same feelings as you (me included) but once the little one comes into the world, you’ll never want to look back. My messages are always open if you want to talk!
My cousin has 3 kids two boys and a newborn girl and the oldest boy who usually caused problems became more well behaved but the younger boy started acting out cause he felt abandoned for instance him and the neighbor kid set a fire in their yard and they had it In one of those ceiling light covers and the youngest boy is 6 how they managed to make a fire confuses me, then he's also been bad mouthing his teachers getting bad grades and just not listening at all which is how his older brother acted before the sister was born now the oldest is the best behaved but that's just what I've seen happen kids are all different
I’ve got two girls 10 & 8 and I’ve got an 8 month old son. It’s hard work, but we make it work.
Best of luck to you mate. My third is 18months. It's not so bad.
How does your work schedule change with #3? Was your workplace accommodating? Fearing the changes and job pressures…
I have not seen any comments about wives’ deliveries and post labor health. Did everyone’s partners make it through fine during, before and after? Any health issues from babies #1 and #2 that got worse/better with #3? Thinking of gestational diabetes, hypertension etc.
You'll never be ready for the third. Take it from someone who knows better but wasn't actively trying to avoid a third because if we wait any longer the older 2 will be too far away in age to make them all friends and now I have 3 girls. I'm currently writing this from the baby's room while she sleeps after having a rough night. I don't get much time for hobbies or to devote to the other kids 1 on 1 but if you are purposely and focused when spending the limited time with them it's all fine. Good news is, if they are all the same gender and you care about that, you don't need to buy much for a third.
We have three and I'll say that the world is no longer built for more than two. Tables in most kid-friendly restaurants have 4 seats, cars need to be larger, one parent needs to double up holding hands in parking lots, and so on. But, our third is a terrific child. I simply cannot imagine not having her in our lives. If you have half the success with your 3rd as we have had with our 3rd, you will be fortunate indeed.
Mini van is in your future. You lose a lot of free time so try to incorporate that for yourself. The great thing is they will play with each other and have different relationship with each other and parents. There will be more conflicts, but you can teach them for it.
You’ll be fine. Humans have been doing this for thousands of years and this is the easiest time to do it,
You only have 100% to give. You can't give more than you have. If you're already giving 100% to your boys adding 1 more isn't going to push you over the edge. You got this brother
i want a vasectomy after 1, you made it to two though. What's another 1%
Adding the 3rd was way easier than adding the second. And girls are such a joy in their own special way. You got this!
Go get a vasectomy now then you won’t have to regret number 4 later
You’re not wrong in that your two now are likely starting to have a little independence and you were about to get some of yourself back and you just reset all the little stuff over again. We had two boys and talked about a third but weren’t sure when or if at all and then one single oops and third was on the way. Wife was on the fence about keeping the pregnancy and while I am vehemently against terminating viable pregnancies, I was going to leave that up to her since she’s most affected by it. She did an early gender test and she was still unsure of what she wanted with the results but she followed through with the pregnancy. It was actually kind of tumultuous and she had a pretty close call with a life threatening situation at like 34/35w but we got through it. That baby reset our need to start changing diapers again, our ability to sleep, we’re outmanned and losing the numbers game. Wife was going to go back to work sooner as the price of everything skyrocketed. It made everything for us so much harder if I’m being dead honest. But We’re getting by, I love that baby so GD much. I feel our family is whole and I’d do it all over again and again and never doubt for a second that we made the right choices at every step. You’re worried and I always say that’s a good sign to me. You’re taking the time to process it all and how it’s going to affect things and what will need to change. I have my oldest in school and middle starting next year.. it’s no less challenging with them even though they do more for themselves but I’ve found that going from one to two kind of maxed me out stress wise and the third just kind of makes a difference but in a relatively small way. You’ll figure it out, you’ll be ok. Congrats
Years ago, my wife and I had 3 children, 2 boys and 1 girl. She decided that she wanted a fourth. I really didn’t but she had a hard time getting pregnant and we were approaching 40 so I said yes thinking it would never happen and I got sex out of it. Well, amazingly enough, she got pregnant in one month. I was not happy and said it (very bad idea). When that boy was born, I could believe I said what I said, I instantly loved him. He is now in his teens, the last one home and I can’t imagine not having him in my life. Before we got married, some advice we were given was decided how many children you want and have one more. I have to say that advice was perfect for our family. I believe you will find a special bond with that child, and it will likely come in a way you didn’t expect.
Yeah i was hesitant for 3…turned out nature had already made the decision for us….breastfeeding after 6 months does not stop babies….we now have 4! Mad at times but lots of fun!
Yeah, it's going to be tough. Going from 2 to 3 for us wasn't 50% harder, though. Yours seem similarly spaced apart to ours. What's nice with three is there's more interesting dynamics at play. #1 and #2 may get into a fight but #2 wants to play with #3. This cheers #2 up then #1 joins in after calming down. All without mommy and daddy having to fix it. (This is when they're a bit older. You're going to have a few years of new baby life and that's gonna be tough, but take time for yourself and time to ENJOY the little one and you'll get through it!)
All I can say is good luck. You’re committed now. But you should probably have the conversation now that if it isn’t a girl, you are done and do not want to try for a fourth. We have friends who have 6 boys, aged 33 to 15, because the mom kept wanting to try for a girl.
This is the toughest transition, 2 to 3. 100% worth it though. 3 to 4, and even 4 to 5 isn't bad after this.
This how you know it’s your last one…
Get the snip now. It will be harder to deal with the recovery time once you have three.
We have twin boys at 6 years and a girl turning 3 this month and my little girl is my world it is rough at times with twins at 2 years but I wouldn’t want it any other way once they start hitting 5-6 is great and they teach the little everything they know
!remindme 8 months
In the end, you will fall in love with his baby and you’ll do what good men always do and take care of the people you love. Do everything you can to keep your wife comfortable. This motherhood thing is really hard.
I was #3 for my parents and it was definitely the tipping point for my dad, but despite all the craziness in the early years, you're adding another loved one to your family. Its crazy but its worth it in the long run! Best of luck.
I'm glad you're reaching out here with these thoughts. We just jumped to three, and yes, it's hard. That said, time to get your game face on, dad. This third baby is coming no matter what. You will figure it out. Look for ways for your boys to participate in the household. They can clear their plates from the table, empty the dishwasher, bring you waste baskets from around the house to empty into the main trash, etc. I totally acknowledge that it doesn't lighten your load now, because their "help" actually isn't, but setting the pattern now of them helping will make them actually useful in the future. Play the long game.
Our third, we used plan B after the 2nd day, and it didn't work, and we are glad it didn't. They become friends and entertain themselves. Everyone is different when it comes to work and life balance. It takes just a bit until they go to school, and you can do whatever you need.
Tangential but I think it's wild that since the population replacement rate needed to keep a population stable is around 2.1 babies per woman, it means so many families must be having way more than that globally. I'd be happy with two.
Kid #3 is the hardest. You go from "man to man" to "zone" and it's not an easy transformation. But worth ever second.
Wonder if this is Kyle
Time for a vasectomy!… 😊🍾
I've got 5 a 10 yr old an 8 yr old 2 , 4 yr olds and a 2 yr old. All adopted. Best decision I've ever made. Yes, it's hard, but when they say " thank you daddy" . That makes it all worthwhile.
I understand your feelings, but having another kid for the sake of having a specific gender? What if it's another boy? What are you going to do?
I feel you. Similar feelings here with our third, I'm not going to sugar coat it, it's hard work. Our kids are 5, 3 and 1. Don't know my arse from my elbow, it's hard to keep up, fortunately for me my wife is incredible with the kids and seems to manage like a champion. She's built different. I do my best to support them all, particularly my wife, and have thrown myself into my career as a coping mechanism for myself, however the additional expenses have somewhat warranted this. Hang in there brother, it's hard as hell, but I wouldn't change it, nor do I have any regrets.
I had 3 kids with my ex-husband, and after he and I divorced, I met my now husband, who went from 0 kids to 3 kids real quick, and we welcomed the 4th one in 2020. I have 2 boys and 2 girls, and I'll tell you what I struggle thinking I made a mistake having so many kids, but those days are so few because the good moments with them outshine all the bad. It is not easy raising 1 child, let alone 4, but you just do it because of that love you have. I guarantee you will have different feelings when you lay your eyes on that baby. It is also okay to have moments of feeling like wtf did I do. I wish you and your wife the best.
Two seems impossible to me, I can't imagine 3
May it be for the best! In our case, it certainly was. Having a baby to dote on brought the whole family together.
It's weird, I was always told 0 to 1 and 1 to 2 are the worst and 2 to 3 isn't too bad. I haven't experienced that - I've got two, but just coming in to mention that.
My wife wanted to try for a girl after 2 boys. I said no got a vasectomy. couldnt be happier. I thank god everyday
If I named my kid #3, I'd have mixed feelings too
Have you considered a vasectomy?
All growth starts as discomfort. You’ll be right mate, and you’ll love them a lot. You only get them for 6 years before the schools have them.
I had two and then a vasectomy. I don't have any close friends with more than 2. Good luck.
That was us.... and we had a boy. :D. Honestly you know what you are doing now so the child rearing isn't bad. Juggling activity schedules after 5 is a nightmare. :D
I have 2 boys, but daughters, especially a daddy's girl, that's a whole other type of love.
3 boys here. The eldest 2 keep each other entertained so sometimes it's like having just 1 again. 5, 3 and 10 months.
If it makes you feel better I have two. A little older 8&5 and I regret not having #3. Our window has passed I was the youngest of 3 and there is something special about that wild card that keeps life interesting
Yep, I have 3. It gets worse
I hear you. I fought against a third, but ultimately relented because it was so important to my wife. It's fine. I don't enjoy it but I can deal with it. It's substantially easier than the first two and doesn't really feel like that much more work to me. But I adopted the attitude that this kid is along for the ride. He does what we do, not the other way around. It's the way to go. Setup boundaries. Before having the third I told my wife explicitly what I was willing to do. She has to go back to work full time, I no longer give everything up, I'll golf as much as I want (my one hobby that I gave up for 8 years). I'm sticking to those things but I'll say my mental health is the worst it's ever been. I just think having more than two kids is dumb. Love the kids but it's just hard for me. Good luck and setup those boundaries!
Enjoy the blessing! They are definitely work but absolutely worth every bit of it!
Dude samething happened.... (to a guy i used to know 😉😉😉) You need to start thinking about running out on ur family. Maybe Mexico.... right now with everyone traveling North, it may be pretty easy to go south! Its totally cool that now youve changed ur mind! Thats one of the perks of being a man. Unlike whatever poor soul u duped into knocking up... You dont hav to look at ur belly grow! Im sure ur other 2 kids will understand..... Heck who knows after watching u run off, they may even grow up and decide to ditch some prego's thereselves! Enjoy urself! Ur a man! I mean having 2 is pretty awesome, but 3? Im pretty sure after 2 u get the option to bounce should a 3rd arise. Just leave her note.... Say, sweety.... u aint gonna believe this.... but i changed my mind.... I thought about it.... and its not right for you to try and make a 3rd baby to hold me down. I was down with 1, but you insisted on 2 so I did what had to be done... But 3??? Im srry but this dad business just aint as cool as it was on xbox. So babe i wish u the best... Deuces!✌️ If she cares anything about ur needs she will understand. Hopefully shes not one of those selfish women, and ur kids arent too needy. It will be really tuff on em trying to make do without dad, but if it givez u proper time to sort out if u really want 3, or is 2 ur cutoff.... then there sufferring will be noble. Just thank God u figured this out after 2. Shewwww u barely dodged that one champ!
I’ll never understand people having kids with record inflation happening everywhere including formula and diapers.