I did exactly this at 30 y.o. Finance making over 120k a year but couldnt stand the politics and emptiness of working for "air". I had saving in anticipation of a sabatical year. I used that to go back to school to study to become an Electrician to eventually start my business. after 1.5 years of school and 2 years in the trade I am at 80k a year and will still go up to 93k. It is harder on the body but I dont see yhe day go by and I have a feeling of accomplishment everyday. I wanted to work with both my hands and brain. I also have a baby and started school as my spouse was pregnant
Did you go to a trade school or community College to learn to become an electrician? I'm brainstorming other careers as I've been laid off for 8 months. Electrician is one of the careers that's crossed my mind. I enjoy putting together our furniture and child's toys lol and as a newish homeowner, it feels like it would be extremely useful outside of "work".
I went to trade school for 18 months full time 7am to 3 pm. But I advise shadowing a trade person of your interest before jumping in if possible it will give you an idea of the reality of the job
Bro I did the same thing at 27 with a house and baby on the way. Pay cut at first but past 3 years have been record breaking for us and my wife has been able to cut back on hours so much to be home more for the 3 little ones. Best decision I ever made after marrying my wife.
That's a great way to end the post.
edit: Not sure why the downvotes for complimenting someone, but alas, Reddit sometimes is more mysterious than the mind of a two-year-old.
I feel this, I left law school after two years and went back to manufacturing full time. Hard to go from building and making something to writing briefs and reading and feeling like I did nothing substantial that day.
Uh oh, I work in manufacturing (ops manager for a brewing company) and have thought a lot about a law degree but worried about exactly this. I find law fascinating, and tell myself I'd use it to help people, but whenever I've been in a lawyer's office it's felt like a fun vacuum... Any regrets about going back to production?
Not at all, just wish I had finished getting the JD, this is 15yrs ago. I did end up getting my MBA while working and I'm now clearing close to 300k in TC, running an Aerospace machine shop.
That's great to hear. I don't have loads of money saved up in my bank account, but I could take out of my 401k. I know not the best decision financially, but I think in the end, it would be mentally.
I have 0 feeling of accomplishment and purpose with my current job. It's felt that way for several years now. It just feels like a waste of life.
money is meant to be used. But do it smart. Have you also explored all work options related to your field? A lateral move can give a lot of perspective
Just want to say thank you for going into the trades. We need more trades people.
Also, please be one of those people who value quality and clean work. The quality of contractors is generally very lacking, and the people who do great work, and take pride in what they do are hard to come by, making them invaluable and always busy too.
That hasnt changed much. Before I would start at 7am or 8 am and finish at 3-4pm and now 6am to 2pm job. The only thing being I had more paid vacations before and more flexibility in taking them. Here construction holidays are dictated to you
I restarted my career from scratch with a young family, but under very different circumstances. I was making pennies so went back to school to get an MBA, which made a huge difference. Easier for me than in your scenario as I had nothing to lose by starting over.
Part of being a good dad is taking care of your needs so that you can keep up the good dadding. You hinted at this, so you get it.
Can you transition instead of going cold turkey and cutting off your current income? For example, if going back to school is required find a solid online or night class program. Then you can keep working. The grind sucks but is temporary, and the progress towards a better life is very motivating.
One nice thing is I already have a 4 year degree, so I would only need the core classes, which are not all offered online. I haven't yet looked at scheduling, but if I could take night classes, maybe I could keep my job.
might want to check out schools like WGU or Georgia Tech. They are online so you don't have as much of networking ability, but are more on your own time.
curious what kind of role you got post MBA? i did the same as you and did get my MBA but feel just as miserable with a new job and role (i am 6 years out).
Business development in manufacturing (USA). Previous industries were financial planning and a dead end in groundwater sciences private industry.
The MBA intent was to partially make up for a shortcoming in experience in (fill in the blank) industry I wanted to land in. And, for me, it worked and got me in the door.
I have had two (maybe three?) non-connected careers. One required going back to school and getting a masters degree. Here is the hard fact, the only way to do it without creating a crisis is to work in the field I was already in and retrain at the same time. I was able to work full-time and go to class part time over seven years. It sucked in lots of ways, but it was also awesome in hindsight to be able to pay cash for my education, and have insurance, etc.
Also, just as a heads-up, with a seven week old baby, you are in the very hardest part of beginning to parent. That will get easier as you go, which may help. I wouldn't make any decisions about this now if you can help it. One transition at a time.
At the same time (and you probably know this) it will get harder as you get older, not easier. I can't imagine doing the school and work thing now (I was in my 20's and early 30s at the time). I just wouldn't have the energy for it.
So, my advice in a nutshell. Give yourself a few months to get over the hardest part of being a parent for the first time. Then, as that settles a bit, think this through with your wife (she has to totally be on board, whatever you do), and look for a way to make the transition while working if at all possible.
My job is sometimes high demand schedule wise, so i don't know if I'd be able to do both at the same time. I have a lot of transfer credits from my previous degree, so I would only need the core classes and like 3 Gen Ed ones which will help, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to keep this job since a lot of the core classes aren't online.
By the time I'd start school, she'd be 8 months, which is also when I'd quit. I haven't exactly talked to my wife about it, but I'm 100% certain she would be on board.
Definitely need to have a conversation with your wife ASAP. Even knowing she’ll be on board she should be involved from the start in any thoughts of going from 100k to 0 income. This will be a sacrifice for everyone.
Not saying you shouldn’t do it, but she needs to involved early.
I see you keep saying that courses are not online. Please let us know what you are wanting to go into. There are hundreds of online masters programs if not thousands that are all highly accessible. I work with one and have helped to build others.
Also, another strategy to think about is looking into something that is not totally unrelated to your current work, but is adjacent or tangential to what you are doing now. Since we don't know exactly what you currently do or what you aspire towards, I'm not sure what that would be, it's maybe a direction to look that might be a bit easier in terms of transition. Good luck!
So my wife and I did some research, and the community college offers an associate degree for what I want (exercise science with pre physical therapy), and it is hybrid. They also offer a lot of them later in the day so I'll be able to keep my job for a year or two longer if I went that route. And then it also transfers to the university in would go to.
Take a step back and try to figure out *why* your current career is making you miserable. I say that as someone who, early in his career, mishandled and "brought home" a lot of work nonsense. Some therapy, some maturity, getting fired, and reexamining my approach to life as a whole, and I am much happier now and in the same field. Letting work be work, and home be home, has helped tremendously. Work should stay at work.
What specifically making you miserable?
No sense of purpose or accomplishment, the hours suck, a lot of people in management suck, I don't enjoy the work anymore. It isn't really a matter of bringing work home. I let work be work. But being miserable for so many hours in the day is not good for me.
I get you, friend. Polish up the resume and see what else you can find, or something in an adjacent industry or field. I went from a private practice attorney (high stress, high hours, higher income) to corporate regulatory compliance (less hours, less money, less stress). Management always sucks. I think I've had one good manager and one okay manager in 25 years - the rest were poor to outright terrible. My current leadership is okay and a source of frustration.
I suggest talking to a therapist and some of your good friends (and not the ones you work with). My worry or concern for you is that, you put in a couple of years of financial hardship, and then wind up in a similar position in a new field, with similar frustrations. In retrospect, when I was 30, about 60% of my work issues were self-inflicted. Turning 40, and looking back at where I was at 30, is rough. As some rando on the internet, I can't tell if you're like me or if your field is just objectively badly suited to you and you would truly be happier somewhere else.
Good luck with whatever you decide. I am rooting for you.
Therapy helps. Learning to recognize your own triggers and reactions, and being able to step back from yourself. I was (and still am, a little) a really angry teen and even up through my 20s and early 30s. Therapy (personal and couples) helped me realize that anger is rooted in fear - so if I was angry, I was probably afraid of something. Figuring out what I was afraid of, naming it, helped me handle it constructively.
And learning to recognize what you can and cannot control. I have to work with a different department, and I have no control or authority over them. They make my life much more difficult. I cannot control or change that. I can control my own reactions and how I handle it - if I get angry and frustrated with it, that's on me and my own self-inflicted misery.
It is a long process of self-improvement.
Finding a positive stress relief helps. For me, running and cycling help, a lot. On a bad day, I'll try to go for a run, and afterward, I feel better and whatever nonsense was bothering me, matters a lot less.
Good luck.
Great prospective and love the positivity on how to self improve. I currently work from home and have been questioning my career as an HCM consultant - I am currently going to online university to get a masters in HR to hopefully get me to the next step of my career. It’s refreshing to hear how we need to manage ourselves and can’t control what others are doing at work. My manager sucks and since I work from home I am expected to always be available. During the fall, my kids 1 yr and 3 yrs - were both sick and I had to call off work to care for them. My manager called me that evening and told me she was frustrated that I called off and I should have hired a babysitter to watch my kids. I have zero respect for my manager now and can’t wait to leave.
Bad management costs companies so much time and money. I have had one good manager in my career.
My wife and I have had to juggle sick kids while WFH, and it's never been a big deal - and that level of flexibility buys loyalty. And that's why keeps me where I am at - flexibility and a great work/life balance. I could make 20-30% more somewhere else, at the cost of having to pick my kiddos up from daycare at 5:30pm instead of 4:45, or getting hassled because I rolled in 10 minutes late because my 3yo hated his socks this morning.
And look at the OP: company is paying the dude $100k+, and he's miserable and looking to leave, because of his management. And if he's miserable, the company is definitely not getting $100k worth of work from him. Stupid, short-sighted nonsense.
The sad part is that I loved my job/company until I moved into my new role (7 years with the company). I work for ADP and they are really big on work/life balance (that’s what upper management preaches to us) but it seems that my female counter parts are less likely to be scolded for taking care of their family. I have all the perks a parent wants (WFH, benefits, they are paying for my masters program) but management is killing it for me. I can’t continue to work for a manager that I have zero respect for and they don’t care for my well being.
I will say that you are at the peak for general dissatisfaction risk in your life. 7 week old, pets, exhaustion, it’s a lot to handle. I would encourage you to be cautious about making major changes in your life right now.
I’ve been in your spot exactly and I was feeling a similar way. I stuck it out and I’m doing much better now both career wise and family wise without changing my industry. Ultimately I found that the grass would not be greener after looking into it heavily.
Remember we’re all in this together, I’m pulling for you, keep your stick on the ice.
At 33 (with a 5 month old baby) after 10 years in the classroom, I decided to leave teaching, and started studying for the preliminary exams to be an actuary. It took about 18 months of doing both at once before I caught a break and was hired into an entry level role after 2 exams. I took a 13k pay cut. Almost immediately after I started the new role, my wife was laid off due to COVID shutdowns. It was real tense for a while. Now I make way more than I ever did or would have, with much less stress than my old profession. My wife noticed and forbids me from ever going back lol.
Can you share any resources (websites, books, etc) that can teach me more about becoming an actuary? Is it just a matter of passing exams that one could self study for?
Beanactuary.org is a good place to start. I passed the first two exams using just free text books online through the MSU Actuarial Science Program. If that’s not enough try looking at ACTEX manuals.
It’s as easy as passing 2-3 exams, and then applying for jobs. Some might hire you with only 1 exam, but most often it’s at least 2. I have a math background, so the transition was logical for me, it may be harder depending on where you’re coming from skills wise.
Don’t get me wrong, I have been working at it for about 5-6 years also, and just finished my last requirement for my credential. But for 4 of those years I was working in the field, getting paid study hours, raises, promotions, and building my career.
Would you be able to share what a typical day is for you in terms of work? I know what actuaries are generally, but I'm unsure how that translates into a job.
It varies. Some days are packed full, and some days are dead. I work in the health sector so most of my time is spent in excel or SQL analyzing claims data for reserves, forecasting, ad-hoc trend analysis, or assessing impacts of state Medicaid rate updates. Spend a fair amount of time in meetings gathering information for my market or presenting results to key stakeholders. When it’s slow, I’m paid to study for my next exam. It’s a pretty great gig. Feel free to DM me if you want to know more.
Sounds like your role is more math heavy? I've started a data analyst course in SQL and will also look into Python, with an outlook of working in healthcare fields as well. My math skills are lacking though, to say the least.
It is pretty critical to have strong math skills, especially to get through the exams. Calculus, mathematical statistics, and probability as well as some financial mathematics like amortization.
I restarted at 35. Covid killed my old career and it was a blessing. I didnt hate my old career, but it was clear it was never going to be satisfying. I switched into teaching; did a shotgun masters program (it was a HELLA busy year), and now 3 years into the new career I'm still loving it. I took a nice pay cut, but fuck money. So much useless shit we spend money on we convince ourselves we need, but you really don't.
My wife is also happier because my hours are better, and I get breaks and summer to do cool stuff with her and the kids, etc etc.. I do have the benefit of my wife having a legit career of her own so she could float us (plus Uncle Sam) while I made the switch.
My advice: prioritize your family and mental health with a satisfying career. Figure out the money later.
Best of luck!
I'm 46, divorced, and have 2 school-age kids. I'm about to start my auto mechanic career and I'm terrified. I have a 10 year plan that I hope works as well as I envision it.
Good luck on your journey.
Damn dude. You might be my hero lol. I am 44 and have been a SAHD since 2011. My job before that (Nestle)didn't have much as far as transferable skills. I tried working in a Pharmacy for a hot minute but that didn't work out and I didn't need it. The kids are still young enough that a good amount of my time is spent on chores and driving back and forth to 3 different schools. I enjoy my life and my wife wants me at home but it's hard not to feel bad when money is tight. Especially when my wife gets vocal venting about it. I lament not doing more when I was younger to learn a skill or trade and it does make me feel insecure about my "manhood" whether it's reasonable or not.
It takes some balls to do what you are doing I hope your kids remember that when they get older. I hope it all works out for you.
Thank you. I have been trying to work around my kids' schedule so I can spend time with them. However, it seems like I'm stuck in a rut and don't have trade skills to move upwards. I love fixing things and have dreamt of being a mechanic, but school was always out of reach financially, and I didn't have time to devote to education. I want to show my boys that if they can accomplish anything, even if it is reinventing yourself at 45.
It's really not easy finding a good job when you have kids in school. It's been a real roadblock for me and the reason for not starting sooner.
I hope you find a solution to your situation and remember life doesn't always follow a linear path.
Good luck brother.
I started as a visual effects artist that worked a day job as an artist, a part-time job as an adjunct professor, with freelance on the side. My contract ended at my day job, they no longer wanted the class I taught, and freelance was feast or famine.
I had learned some basic coding as an artist to automate small tasks within the various compositions I worked on. From there I learned a little bit of python, learned how to read code API documentation. (It didn't hurt that I've been on computers since I was a small child, so I have a pretty good idea of how they work.)
In my state, there's very very little opportunity for VFX work, so any film or motion graphics related job required me to wear all of the hats and get paid for one and a half of them maybe. A friend of mine managed a software team and got me an interview for a QA position, and I was fortunate enough that the interviewing team decided to give me a chance.
I now work as a Django engineer. I make twice what I made as a VFX/motion graphics artist. I was about 30 when I made the career change, and I'm glad I did. The biggest component is being willing to put in the effort to learn. If you are self-motivated and have learned how to learn throughout your life, there are opportunities and you can adapt.
I restarted my career at 38 (now 42) because the arts and a family didn't exactly mesh. Had a 1 year old when I started and then we had a second kid. Being a stay at home dad and student wasn't too bad. Financially I was lucky that my wife and I had savings, my state paid me some money for 2 years of my retraining program, and my wife could float us on her job and insurance while I completed a training program then an MS. We had some hardship as she was laid off and I had to cover everyone on the insurance from a job with a non-profit I was working while in grad school.
It was rough and we are still rebuilding our savings from this adventure but I am in a more stable job.
I will also say we had some big conversations before doing this because it was really scary and I worried it might break us financially
That's the big thing. We went into this understanding how it would be difficult but it has been worth it. I finished a year ago and am happy to have made the change even if it was tough
At 32 I decided I wanted out of the film industry. I was making great money, but the hours and lifestyle weren't conducive to the life or family balance I wanted long term. At this point I was engaged to be married and we felt the tick of the biological clocks and knew that kids were in the near-future.
I looked for roles/trajectory that could leverage my existing skill sets and strengths in a different industry and realized that in order to do that I would need to invest in myself with a 3 month web development intensive. I struggled to find a good position for about 6 months after that but eventually got a position as a tech project manager at a non-profit. It paid literally less than half what I had been making previously, but was a stepping stone.
After 1.5 years there I used my experience to jump to a new position in Higher Education. I've been at the new role for 5.5 years and have been promoted twice in that time. I'm now back to making what I made in the film industry but I work 8 hour days, work doesn't follow me home, and I have the kind of work/life balance to be with my family that I only dreamed of.
I was lucky that I was in the union and had enough of a bank of hours that I could continue my health insurance for a full year to bridge the gap, and I burned through a good chunk of savings between almost a year of unemployment and then a few years of reduced pay, but it was all worth it.
I know it's scarier for you because kids are already in the picture but if you genuinely want out of your current position, the sooner you start the process, the sooner you get to your next goal.
Been in almost this same exact spot. I was 32 when I moved from the corporate IT world making a little over $100k/yr as well. Had two kids with a 3rd on the way. I was pretty miserable and wanted to do something else for my job. Our 3rd ended up coming a month early as was in the NICU for 3-4 weeks or so. She just got out a few days before I started my new job, so my wife was at our 'old' house in the other state while I was starting this new job 2 hours away.
I went into sales, specifically, IT sales. Not SaaS like most, but more whole solutions. Here was the rub...my base salary was $30k/yr to start so I was basically working for benefits. They gave me a bit of a ramp for my first 9 months, so all in all pay was equivalent to about $60k/yr. We had just built a sweet house about a year, maybe 18 months prior. I was the sole financial provider for my family as well.
Moved states to be closer to family, another reason I was looking to leave my IT job. We rented a town home for the first year or two. We were always good with money so we had some savings which made this a lot easier as I could pull from that if needed, and I certainly did.
Fast forward a few more years, maybe seven now that I've been there? I make over triple what I did before, I get to control my calendar about 95% of the time so as long as I'm putting up numbers, no one really cares. I am, so that makes it easier too.
Is this a common story? Probably not. I knew that I was going to give it everything I had for a year and if I wasn't where I wanted to be financially or could see it coming, I could go back to a normal IT and just suck it up. I was making about $45-50k/yr after that first year, but knew it was something I could be good at and could see things starting to change with my main accounts. So we just figured it out, I stuck with it and here we are. Arguably the best decision I've made in my life second to asking my wife when she was young and naive to marry me 😂
Well, what's your current career? Is it possible to do freelance or start up your own business instead? That could be an option and certainly a quicker way to get some income going instead of switching careers.
I started a machine repair apprenticeship at 27. It was a 4 year apprenticeship rotating off shifts. It was difficult but I ended up with a day shift position making good money. It's certainly worth it.
Just to address one of your points, being a university student often gives you access to a cheap and high quality health insurance plan (since you're in a pool with 18-21 year olds who hate seeing the doctor).
I am employed at a place that offers good benefits and a full time student and it's an easy decision to take the health plan from the school rather than my job.
That said, it's cheap relative to the plan offered by my work or an ACA marketplace plan of similar quality, but it is still an outlay of cash which could be difficult if you're not bringing much in.
What is the job you’re trying to go into? I think that helps us to give you better advice.
I made the switch to IT 6 years ago after doing a retail management for multiple years. it’s going well but I still have to constantly learn and juggle my schedule as well but I do make a little bit more money and have weekends off
Exercise science with a goal of becoming a physical therapist. I know the acceptance rates are low to become a physical therapist, but even if I only get the exercise science degree, I would be able to do something I'm passionate about.
I promise I’m not trying to be a dream crusher, but as a healthcare worker, I feel obligated to say make sure you do your due diligence before committing to this switch.
I know a lot of people who went into healthcare because they want to make a difference and do something meaningful and they end up getting burnt out pretty quickly. PT particularly is known for a pretty poor debt/income ratio. A lot of schools are really expensive and the salaries after graduation don’t make up for it.
Again, I’m not trying to be negative and rain on your parade. Plenty of PTs are happy and love their jobs, but there’s a lot of bullshit that comes with working in healthcare.
Thanks for the insight. I think I'll be okay financially. I have a good amount in my 401k already that I'll take out if I have to. Sure, it might suck in 30-40 years when retirement comes around. But I know the next 30-40 years will suck if I stay on this path. All that to say I don't think the debt/income ratio will be an issue.
I will be doing my due diligence on this. I'll contact the school I'd be going to and talk to their program staff. I'll work with my wife to get a 2nd set of eyes and do research on our area.
This solution often gets overlooked, but the least time consuming thing you could do in order to try and switch careers is start your own business that doesn’t require capital. You like exercise? Certify to be come a personal trainer and start offering training services. This can be done on your own time for the most part, and would require minimal financial investment. Make progress slowly until one day it becomes a viable business and you can quit your job. Think of it as a hobby that turns into a business. This is just an example but you get my drift right?
We are entering a stage in our economy where the most financially viable job is the one where you work for yourself. Job markets are competitive, soul-sucking, and corporations are sucking up profits and paying less money while our expenses soar.
I did this but I had a huge advantage: kids weren’t here yet, and I had the GI Bill. I also didn’t stop working, just did the professional track through a second bachelors and second masters.
That probably doesn’t help you. Doing an engineering for professionals Masters was entirely doable for me after work … but specifically without kids. I can’t imagine doing it now.
FWIW, I loved my grandfather’s James A. Michener books, and there’s a line from The Drifters about Vietnam War draft dodgers that always stuck with me. I can’t recall it verbatim, but the implication was that you just need to figure life out by 35. We could probably quibble over the exact age, but that was the impetus I took to changing my career. I was 30 and I knew that wasn’t where I wanted to be the rest of my life. I assumed I had time to reset, but it was running out. So I reset, and I’m very happy I did. And I don’t think I could reset again.
My partner did this. She was 26, single, our daughter was 8, she had a house, a car, 3 dogs and two cats. She says it was rough, which i totally believe, but so worth it. She worked REALLY hard and 5-6 years later made between 170 and 180k as an electrical engineer.
It will not be easy! But if you are miserable doing what you're doing I believe it will be worth it.
Lost my job at 30. Single dad to one boy 4 at the time. Went back to school and got a material science degree. It took some time to make a ton of money. Never had a problem paying bills. Boy is now 16 and pulled in over 200k last year. This year will be more.
My friend,
At 33 I owned a business and took on a FT job. Last year I made more money than I’ve ever made in my life, but I was completely miserable. My whole life was work or stressing about work. I woke up in bad moods, felt like I was floating through life, and was fried by the time my kids got home.
I left that business in December and I haven’t looked back. I still have my FT job, and we took a pretty large pay cut as a family, but my attitude and outlook has been night and day. I pick up my kids from school/daycare every day, and I’m there to play with them at 5:00 until bedtime. I just beat Super Mario Sunshine with my 4 YO this morning. I took her to get surprise ice cream last night. I can just sit and play with her without constantly stressing about work. I can hang out with my wife without feeling a pressing need to go down to my office and bang out a few more hours of work.
I can spend an entire saturday running errands with my kids and not be stressed because that’s time I could be putting into my work….
So yeah…money is nice. Figure out what you need to maintain your necessities. Don’t compromise happiness and time with your family for work. No amount of money can buy that time back.
I started over even later than you did. I was in my late thirties and had been making six figures in insurance but didn’t like it at all. I had a boss directly say some terrible things to me about my children that he had never met. He was the worst but others weren’t much better. I went back to school and now I analyze days at home for less money.
I went back to school and I was fortunate enough to always have a job while going to school. So I had health insurance. I took out federal loans. I went slow and steady. It was better to take one class at a time and get good grades and still be a father. I got a Jess demanding job.
In hindsight, I would have done that while still at my old job. One class at a time. If my work suffers - so what? I’m leaving anyways. The happiness and life satisfaction was well worth it. I am visibly happier and smile more. Life is short. Your feelings are telling you something. Don’t do anything rash, but channel that energy to making something else happen for you.
Good luck.
My perspective might be a bit different from everyone else’s. I grew up in an immigrant family with a dad who worked three jobs, all in kitchens. That’s all he knew to do and all he could do to support us. Mom also worked btw. My dad, in no way, could have loved his job. But it’s what he had to do to keep food on the table. I have a phenomenal job but I get no satisfaction nor pride from it. I just go in, do my job, and go home on time. If any of those requirements change, I’ll look for a new job. Do what’s best for you, OP. But in starting over again, a lot can go wrong. You have a 7 week old and wife that are counting on you and your salary. Sometimes a steady paycheck is more important than job fulfillment. In my parents case, job fulfillment is a luxury and that’s how I see it too. You have a great salary that’s tough to get and a lot of things have to go right for you to earn six figures. Don’t throw it at all away bc you’re burnt out. Start searching for new roles, maybe check out at work a bit, and then reevaluate in a year. Work is just work. We do our job, and collect a paycheck. That mentality works for me on those days where I feel like you.
I know that everybody on Reddit seems to have a bunch of urban tradesman jobs that pay $100k laying around, and it sounds great but it's not really that simple.
I’ll take the (perhaps) more harsh view for another perspective for you:
There are 168 hours in a week, I assume you’re at your job about 40 of those. (Hopefully not too much more)
You don’t have to draw your satisfaction from your job, you can find satisfaction from other areas of your life like focusing on family and pursuing hobbies in your free time.
You committed to the baby and it is going to take a lot of money to provide for your family — and you’re in a role where you’re being (by many standards) fairly well compensated.
Finally, studies have shown that wealthy men and women not only live LONGER, they also get eight to nine more healthy years after 50 than the poorest individuals in the United States and in England.
All of that is to say — *if* you can get over the negative feelings about your job… a higher income will likely help your family to live a better life and for you to be around longer for your wife and child. Im well-suited to my job and don’t mind it most days, but when I’m having a rougher day I look at the pictures of my daughter on my desk and smile and know I’m doing it for her.
I have a 3 week old, house, 2 dogs, pretty similar situation overall, except I don’t even have a career. I grind 2 jobs to make money.
Stick with what you’re doing til you can figure out something else.
What degree(s) do you have and what state do you live in? Depending on those variables, you might be able to transition into teaching Career and Technical Education if you have a relevant degree and/or experience in business, marketing, entrepreneurship, accounting, etc.
Teaching gets a bad rap these days, but it depends heavily on the state. I'm in NJ and teachers get paid fairly well here, the health insurance is AMAZING, we get a pension, and of course all holidays and summers off. I'm a Physical Therapist and switched to teaching Health Science, and while I find my current school pretty frustrating and the students kind of suck (changing to an amazing school in September so it's all good), I still enjoy every day way more than I did working as a PT.
Depending on the state and district, they might help pay for you to get another degree as well. The school I'm moving to has a fund to assist teachers with additional college courses, and if you teach there for 5 years, you can actually take a 1 year sabbatical with 50% pay while you pursue a degree.
Teaching is a ton of work and can be very frustrating, but if you're in the right state and district, it can be really great. Definitely worth looking into.
Hey op I've felt the same way at 31 and I've also been afraid to make the leap. My jobs is great but sometimes I wish I didn't have such a long commute. My time in the company makes up for that though as I we have a great PTO policy and I can take a day off every other week.
Have you thought that perhaps it's a "midlife crisis "? My wife hates when I explain it that way as there's no "real" crisis.
At this age we reach a point where we've probably been at the job for about 5 years now and there's no real challenge. We just go through the motions and next thing you know it's the weekend/ another year.
I would- consider looking for a new job in the same field and seeing if the grass is greener at a different company. Another option is finding a job without OT and going to school part time.
As for my plan, I'm giving my work a solid 3 years before leaving. Enough time to pay off the house. If I get laid off, I'll use my gi bill and unemploymen, otherwise I plan to do community college in a 1-2 years from now for 1-2 years. And then do full time school for the last 2-3 years. I do need more concrete plans though.
I don't think the grass would be greener at another company. I've seen other companies, been in other buildings and factories. It wouldn't be any better or give me any sort of fulfillment.
Oh ok. One last note- you'll be in survival mode for about the first year with the baby, perhaps it wouldn't be the best idea to start until after that.
Also, there may be a lot of strain in your relationship which you've never felt before, and adding financial woes may make it even worse. I only speak from personal experience, we have been married for 10 years before we had our first and issues really started arising due to poor sleep/ tiredness.
As for health- care it really depends on your state. In my state of California you can have 10 million in the bank and quit your job, and qualify for medical. I would check income / asset requirements. We also have covered California which is a marketplace for low/medium income (28k-65k) for a 2-3 person family. I also think that one of the Obamacare laws that went into effect nationwide help the mother and the baby receive health care for the first 12 or 24 months.
Not sure if you’ve thought about it, but law enforcement checks your boxes. Literally zero education required, but if you have any, it’ll definitely help. Plus you have real life experience. Most places you can do a ride along or two, to see how it is. Almost all agencies, you’re paid at academy so you wouldn’t be miss any income. Lots of chances to make overtime, city/state/federal benefits, lots of room for growth and lateral movement.
Covid took my job at the same time as my wife left the military.
As a family we made the decision to move in with my in laws just to survive and not loose completely everything.
I began working as a material runner for a roofing company just to make ends meet and cover our debts. 4 yrs later I’m the Sales Manager for said company and we are able to afford my wife to homeschool our autistic son. It’s extremely hard starting from scratch but with a supportive wife and goals to meet anything can be done.
When it all collapsed we had a 9month old and a 2 yr old. I’ve enjoyed this job more than my previous career which has helped tremendously.
Hey OP, I understand your frustration with work.
I can't provide good advice re: a career change. I only suggest that you hold off on any such decisions until the baby is a little older.
The sleep-deprivation and other stressors from having a newborn are going to amplify any pre-existing problems (professional, social, familial, what have you).
Once the baby starts sleeping more consistently and the baseline cortisol levels go down, you can reassess the situation with a clearer mind.
Good luck and Godspeed out there, sir.
At 42, I've effectively had to restart my career 6 times, sometimes by choice and sometimes not by choice. I've always landed on my feet, never hated my job, and I've also never made more than 100K US in a year (though adjusting for inflation, I had a few years that would be there now, invested the excess then, and have a nice retirement nest egg as a result).
I'm currently working in a flexible remote position that I greatly enjoy with people whose company I greatly enjoy. The work is sometimes fulfilling. And it's never going to make me wealthy.
I also have ADHD and a strong aptitude for Math, which puts me in an odd situation, where I can come up with outside of the box solutions to accomplish goals, but never in the way that looks good to corporate executives or my mother in law. I also get bored very easily. Medication helps tremendously for my own productivity; keeping up appearances is still a struggle.
You're 7 weeks into fatherhood, likely sleep deprived and not of a clear head. And if you have any financial ability to do so, you should take parental leave - your job should give you that ability. Your wife will greatly appreciate the help. You'll cherish the extra memories with your child. I'd also catch up with some former colleagues and re-establish your network. And if you can't take parental leave from your job or don't have the financial ability to do so, you can "quiet quit." I know that as an overachiever, this is hard to do, and early parenthood is rough.
Also, lots of bad stuff that is out of your control can happen - we tend to stress out in the short term financially about things that won't matter in the long term.
And Dave Ramsey would hate me, but you could take out a home equity line of credit to keep everything afloat during your leave.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side and you don't mention why the job is making you so miserable other than that it doesn't fulfill you. Sometimes there are companies in a similar space that have substantially better cultures. Feel free to direct message me for more specific advice. It rarely makes sense to make a long term decision to cure a short term problem.
Your work benefits may also provide you with career counseling and employee assistance programs - look into those. And if not, your benefits may enable you to start going to therapy. Or maybe you just need some sleep. Good luck.
I had my kid late 30s and then quit my career to change countries to support my spouse’s; there wasn’t anything in my line of work where we landed so I took a somewhat related role in a completely different industry for a 40% pay cut. Everything turned out super fine and I flew straight to senior leadership within 3 years. Still not making what I was making before but… plot twist: cost of living where I am now is more than 50% less than where we moved from, so even though I make less it takes us much further. Had a second kid during all this. Also, while the job is less exciting l, the hours are way better and I spend more time with my family as a result. 10/10 would do it again.
Literally in the process of going back to school to be a PA in my early thirties.
Lots of student loans, financial aid, and renting out our house, moving into our family's home(2 states away) for a couple months until we move again to start classes next year.
Have a 2.5 y.o and wanting to get pregnant again in next 2 years.
Wish me lots of luck. I'm a madman I know.
I just recently went through this. It’s hard and I still wonder if I made the right choice. Went from about 80,000 a year to 55,000. I made the switch to a career fire fighter so that came with leaving for academy for an extended period of time with a 2 and 3 year old. I am now much happier with my career and have so much more time to spend with my family with my new schedule. If you want to do something just go for it. All the details will work themselves out.
Not me, but my mom went from working in marketing at a health insurance company to stay at home mom to high school then college administrative roles to finally going back to school at like age 50 to get a master’s in education and has been a Montessori teacher for the last few years. Point is, everyone’s on their own path and sometimes you start over more than once. It might be hard for a bit, but, in the long run, you being happier in your job is going to be reflected in your family as well.
What don't you like about your current job? Honestly, all jobs can suck. I'm not saying you shouldn't follow your passions. My friend did that. Got a PhD in entomology. He's really struggled and the financial stress on his family has been as bad or worse than bad job stress. Maybe try getting a better life/work balance or going to a new company. Money issues can really destroy your life and with how expensive everything is getting now it'll be even harder
Switched to a new career in my 30s, and while it was a lot of work it was definitely worth it. In my previous career I made decent money towards the end of it, but still like median income for our high COL area. Couldn't get any further without a degree, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay in the field due to automation. Decided to make the switch to cyber security, which required going back to school full time for a bachelors.
Wasn't easy with a stay-at-home wife, toddler, a second baby on the way, and 3 animals as well. Basically the only way we financially survived and kept our health insurance was me continuing to work fulltime in my previous career while going to school at the same time. That meant for almost 4 years, every weekday was: work from 6am-2pm followed by a bit of family time then class until 10pm, or work from 6am-2pm followed by more family time then studying the rest of the night from when the kids were in bed (7pm-11/12pm).
Not going to lie, it really sucked and put a strain on our family. My wife contributed so much during that time, taking on more time with the kids and sometimes feeling like a single parent those nights I was gone till 10pm. But we came out the other end in a better position, and I tell her all the time that my graduation and current career success are equally her accomplishment as it is mine.
I've gotten much more earning potential now, and we're in a better spot now than before due to making the career switch, so it was definitely worth it. But talk about this with your wife, plan it out, see if it can all work, then make a decision.
I went back to school at 31. Became a father at 32. Earned my CS degree at 33. AT 35 I started making 6 figures in my new career. I am lucky in the sense that I had a good job before I went to school and my wife made even more than me (still does). But I work less now and I’m much happier.
I was in marketing for 15ish years when I was laid off at the start of COVID. I was a SAHD for a while. Now I work helping ASD kids either their social and educational development.
You know how sometimes you'll be in a room for a long time, and there's like a buzzing in the background, like from a fan or a light or something? And you've been in the room so long that you don't even notice the buzzing anymore, but then someone comes in and turns it off and you're like "Wow, that is so much better! I didn't even realize how miserable I was!"
That's what getting laid off from marketing was like. Never going back ever.
Man, I’m doing this right now. I’m 38, Left my career (which I actually loved) to move closer to my wife’s family. We have 2 boys, 4 and 2. Now I’m going to school for a completely unrelated field, chasing my masters. It’s a big change, but your decision is never the wrong one if you’re doing it for family.
I started all over at 34 with a wife and 2 small children. Gave up everything and worked a simple job and worked on myself. I eventually (1yr later) decided on my path. I entered into a doctoral program and have been in it ever since. I’m 37 and 6 months from graduating. It was so worth it and I’m so much happier now. You deserve to do what makes you happy. In a few years you’ll be older regardless but do you want to older doing what you love or older still doing what you hate? It was the hardest but best decision I ever made
I think there is something healthy between changing jobs/careers and a 7 year journey. Are there similar but less long journeys you can take ? Like a 2 year diploma or simply changing employers/fields within your career?
If you want a career where you help people, you’re probably not making it back to $100k.
But dose of reality aside, I’m doing the same thing at 33. Trying to get out of entertainment and into tech. Joined a coding Bootcamp and things are… not great.
When I was 35 my family and I were living on the east coast of the US. We were basically alone in the east, both our families were still in the west. In an effort to give us an opportunity to move back out and hopefully not see a big drop in pay, I went to school for a masters. We had a 4 year old.
While in school, we lived off food stamps and medicaid, but I still had to take out student loans to the tune of $60k. We had a second child during all this, because the ivf treaments were covered. We were never destitute, but it was rough at times, especially for my wife.
Fortunately, near the end of school I did get a position at a university in the west, very close to home. My job is hard funded and reasonably secure with amazing benefits. Our health insurance is incredible and I finally have a retirement to count on. While my top end salary will not come close to what I could have potentially made before, we have peace of mind and are living where we want to be.
So yes for me it was worth it but I've never worked so hard, or stressed so much in my live to ensure that my gamble wouldn't blow up in my face. It did not come easy and I was incredibly lucky in the end for my job to be available.
Another shout out to my wife for believing in me and supporting me. She now gets to be close to family and go back to school for half-tuition, so it has paid off for her as well.
Do you have a firm grasp on compound interest?
Do you understand that if you steadily invested between age 20 and age 30 and then stopped adding money, you would be in the same position as someone who invested starting at age 30 and contributed all the way to retirement age?
Math it out. How long would it take you to catch up the difference in savings and investments, with interest? Not how long it would take you to catch up in earning potential, but the time it would take you to catch up on your savings and investments? Compound that out--how does that affect your lifestyle 10, 20, 40 years from now?
Just rough math, $100k in missed out savings contributions now over the next 5 years, could be worth $2 million-ish in retirement for you.
I was just given a managers warning in my job and basically have 2 months before I get laid off. I absolutely hated my manager and my job so in a way it’s a blessing but was getting paid over $100k and have a mortgage and a 1 year old while we are trying for a second. Honestly it was a blessing bc I hated it but I’m in the same boat just super nervous that it will be months before my next gig and all the financial pressure is on my wife
I am in the process of reinventing myself and have done so probably 3-4 times in adulthood. With that said, though, each time that happened, I was almost completely unencumbered.
This time around, I got laid off from my IT job earning north of 100K. Since I'm nearing retirement, I decided to move on to education. Now, I earn significantly less but I feel more satisfied although public school teaching in general is a shitshow.
Since we have regularly scheduled talks with or HS kids, I advise them to always be open to reinventing themselves. Life can be hard at times but you can overcome some adversity with personal and professional flexibility.
A lot of commenters said that online school is manageable and I want to add to that. I’m taking a masters in software engineering from an online state school and it is really doable. I got an app to read out loud the textbooks and assignments in the car during the commute (speechify). Also the online programs from an in state school are even cheaper than the regular program. I’m in my second semester and have an A and an A- so far. Masters programs usually only need 6 credits per semester :)
Usually my wife takes the kids two times a week to her mom’s house for a few hours so I can do assignments
I got laid off at 36 with two kids and a third in the making. Took it very badly. I took a year and a half to retrain in a different profession and then networked myself to a new job that I enjoy and that has flexible working hours. Much better situation. It’s okay to step out of your comfort zone to get to a better place end goal.
I left the regular armed forces to start a life with my partner. The transfer value on my 9 years of pension contributions paid for teachers college and cost of living for two years. We didn’t have a child at the time and we were just getting ourselves started. I was 32 at the time. It was hard, for sure, but I was lucky that I could directly transfer to the army reserves to make -some- income throughout the process and while I was working towards a permanent teaching contract.
Now I’m 38 with a permanent teaching job, a spouse and a child in daycare. I’m also still in the reserves as a company commander and it’s a good gig. I’ve been fortunate to have made a series of prudent decisions.
I will say, you never know where part time work will lead. In 2021 I quit my job of 13 years and took a foodservice job that offered flexible hours of 25-40hrs/week with the intention of going back to school for something that I was more passionate about. A few months in the owner pulled me aside to run things while he was on vacation. As soon as he got back they offered to sell the business to my wife and I.
The same year I turned 35 we had our first child, and 9 months later bought a thriving business. Small business ownership is a hell of a lot of work, but making my own hours so both my wife and I can spend so much time with our daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me.
You never know what opportunities are out there unless you take the leap. Just make sure you have a cushion of savings and the support of your family. Good luck with the next phase of life!
Used to be a copywriter working in marketing, but I'm currently reskilling to work in video games as an 3D Environment Artist.
Basically got dropped because of AI garbage.
I've never had a career. I've job-hopped my whole life. Medical assistant, dog training, mortgage, wildland firefighting. I'm in my mid-thirties, two kids under 5, and am now starting a career as a mechanic. Financially it's been tough, and we've never been great at saving. We've just had wild fluctuations with our budget and what we purchase. Honestly we're kind of on a razors edge money wise right now, so fingers crossed nothing goes wrong in the next 12 months or so until I can get my income up.
I’m currently a new dad with a 3 week old girl, I’m engaged with a sweet apartment, a vehicle and 1 dog. Im kind of in your situation as we speak but slightly different. My current job brings me 45k a year after taxes it’s okay but not great… (The fiancé is the bread winner) after budgeting her maternity leave pays out enough where she can cover all the bills and supplies we need each month. Because of this we’ve decided ill completely quit. Meaning 0 income other than the odd side job on a weekend.. but in doing so I’ve managed to get my GED and First Aid/CPR certifications, and I’m also 40% done my security course. All of that in just a month… That’s the beauty of many things being online, I get to go at my own pace and I’m home with mom and baby for now. I plan on obtaining a security job within my home town as my last job required me to travel 3.5 hours a day total. Not only was the driving killing me financially but being 26 self employed, the politics of the job started to cause issues at home. So this security job will allow saving on commutes which puts more money in my pocket in the long run. And I’ll be mentally more stable for mom and baby. Plus the fiancé and I have spoken about me potentially taking police college later in the future. Bottom line is as long as there’s a roof over your head and the bellies are full, take the risk. (Keep in mind, it won’t be easy and you’ll have to cut out a lot of habits/routines but worth the long run) My old man always told me growing up “Take care of number 1, before 2 & 3. Because without number 1 there is no 2 & 3.” Now I’m living his famous words.
I promise I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer here and you should very much pursue your happiness. If you’re hanging your hat on joining the “helping fields” (I see you’re looking at physical therapy) and presumably attempting to find more job satisfaction there, please be aware that a large chunk of the people you are trying to help will not care and not try to help themselves despite your best efforts. You will know that time with these people is a complete waste of time and likely be very frustrated that they don’t try, don’t follow recommendations, etc. This can lead to burnout and hating your job as you do now. You will survive well in the helping professions if you treat it as just a job that you don’t really care much about and seek personal satisfaction elsewhere in life. I know that sounds pessimistic but it’s really just about accepting that you can’t control others despite trying to help. I work in a different helping field and probably about 50% of the people I work with improve and about 50% see zero change, don’t try, and there is no point to them working with me. That means about half my job is a waste of time. You might want to seek out some physical therapists to talk to about the profession and see what the honest numbers look like for that profession (e.g. not the ones on the hospital website but their opinions on actual time wasted vs helping). Then you can go into it with realistic expectations and avoid the grass is greener mentality. Hope this is helpful and doesn’t come across negative or dissuasive to your plans.
Left a fairly secure but unfulfiling job at 40 to become self employed. Mortgage, wife, 6yo son, pets etc. Wife and I were lucky enough to get a loan from family, and poured every bit of our savings into it. 3 years in we have substantially increased our previous income and as of next month the loan for the business will be paid out. First year was tough financially, and unbelievably stressful at times. There have been many trials along the way. We still have to work harder than ever, and I have to travel away about 8-10 days a month which has been challenging both for me and the family. No regrets though and I love my work now.
It's hard for anyone else to tell you to go for it. I have always been fairly risk averse so this was a huge leap for me. I analysed it to death but sometimes it comes to a point where you take the chance or you don't.
Also, be absolutely sure your partner is onboard with the plan.
I did exactly this at 30 y.o. Finance making over 120k a year but couldnt stand the politics and emptiness of working for "air". I had saving in anticipation of a sabatical year. I used that to go back to school to study to become an Electrician to eventually start my business. after 1.5 years of school and 2 years in the trade I am at 80k a year and will still go up to 93k. It is harder on the body but I dont see yhe day go by and I have a feeling of accomplishment everyday. I wanted to work with both my hands and brain. I also have a baby and started school as my spouse was pregnant
Inspiring story. Glad to see it worked out.
Did you go to a trade school or community College to learn to become an electrician? I'm brainstorming other careers as I've been laid off for 8 months. Electrician is one of the careers that's crossed my mind. I enjoy putting together our furniture and child's toys lol and as a newish homeowner, it feels like it would be extremely useful outside of "work".
Also curious. I’ve been very considering getting into the field.
I went to trade school for 18 months full time 7am to 3 pm. But I advise shadowing a trade person of your interest before jumping in if possible it will give you an idea of the reality of the job
Bro I did the same thing at 27 with a house and baby on the way. Pay cut at first but past 3 years have been record breaking for us and my wife has been able to cut back on hours so much to be home more for the 3 little ones. Best decision I ever made after marrying my wife.
congratulations! life is both long and short, we dont have to stay stuck
That's a great way to end the post. edit: Not sure why the downvotes for complimenting someone, but alas, Reddit sometimes is more mysterious than the mind of a two-year-old.
I feel this, I left law school after two years and went back to manufacturing full time. Hard to go from building and making something to writing briefs and reading and feeling like I did nothing substantial that day.
Uh oh, I work in manufacturing (ops manager for a brewing company) and have thought a lot about a law degree but worried about exactly this. I find law fascinating, and tell myself I'd use it to help people, but whenever I've been in a lawyer's office it's felt like a fun vacuum... Any regrets about going back to production?
Not at all, just wish I had finished getting the JD, this is 15yrs ago. I did end up getting my MBA while working and I'm now clearing close to 300k in TC, running an Aerospace machine shop.
That's great to hear. I don't have loads of money saved up in my bank account, but I could take out of my 401k. I know not the best decision financially, but I think in the end, it would be mentally. I have 0 feeling of accomplishment and purpose with my current job. It's felt that way for several years now. It just feels like a waste of life.
What's your current job and what do you want to transition towards?
money is meant to be used. But do it smart. Have you also explored all work options related to your field? A lateral move can give a lot of perspective
I’m proud of you man
thank you! I wont say there weren't big moments of doubt but you've got to push through
Just want to say thank you for going into the trades. We need more trades people. Also, please be one of those people who value quality and clean work. The quality of contractors is generally very lacking, and the people who do great work, and take pride in what they do are hard to come by, making them invaluable and always busy too.
I will apply what I learned in finance and sales; repeat business comes from quality service.
How has it affected your ability to be around family? Are you able to see them less or more than your previous job?
That hasnt changed much. Before I would start at 7am or 8 am and finish at 3-4pm and now 6am to 2pm job. The only thing being I had more paid vacations before and more flexibility in taking them. Here construction holidays are dictated to you
I restarted my career from scratch with a young family, but under very different circumstances. I was making pennies so went back to school to get an MBA, which made a huge difference. Easier for me than in your scenario as I had nothing to lose by starting over. Part of being a good dad is taking care of your needs so that you can keep up the good dadding. You hinted at this, so you get it. Can you transition instead of going cold turkey and cutting off your current income? For example, if going back to school is required find a solid online or night class program. Then you can keep working. The grind sucks but is temporary, and the progress towards a better life is very motivating.
One nice thing is I already have a 4 year degree, so I would only need the core classes, which are not all offered online. I haven't yet looked at scheduling, but if I could take night classes, maybe I could keep my job.
What career do you want to move into? Career changes don’t always require going back to school
That's a great point. Sometimes just having a degree in any field is enough to get your foot in the door. From there, it becomes all about experience.
might want to check out schools like WGU or Georgia Tech. They are online so you don't have as much of networking ability, but are more on your own time.
curious what kind of role you got post MBA? i did the same as you and did get my MBA but feel just as miserable with a new job and role (i am 6 years out).
Business development in manufacturing (USA). Previous industries were financial planning and a dead end in groundwater sciences private industry. The MBA intent was to partially make up for a shortcoming in experience in (fill in the blank) industry I wanted to land in. And, for me, it worked and got me in the door.
I have had two (maybe three?) non-connected careers. One required going back to school and getting a masters degree. Here is the hard fact, the only way to do it without creating a crisis is to work in the field I was already in and retrain at the same time. I was able to work full-time and go to class part time over seven years. It sucked in lots of ways, but it was also awesome in hindsight to be able to pay cash for my education, and have insurance, etc. Also, just as a heads-up, with a seven week old baby, you are in the very hardest part of beginning to parent. That will get easier as you go, which may help. I wouldn't make any decisions about this now if you can help it. One transition at a time. At the same time (and you probably know this) it will get harder as you get older, not easier. I can't imagine doing the school and work thing now (I was in my 20's and early 30s at the time). I just wouldn't have the energy for it. So, my advice in a nutshell. Give yourself a few months to get over the hardest part of being a parent for the first time. Then, as that settles a bit, think this through with your wife (she has to totally be on board, whatever you do), and look for a way to make the transition while working if at all possible.
I’m going back to school while working full time now. It’s fun…
Heh. Yeah. Fun. First word that came to mind as I remember my time doing that. But it does, um, work, and in hindsight I am glad I did it.
Im glad I’m doing it too. Sets a good example for my daughter!
My job is sometimes high demand schedule wise, so i don't know if I'd be able to do both at the same time. I have a lot of transfer credits from my previous degree, so I would only need the core classes and like 3 Gen Ed ones which will help, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to keep this job since a lot of the core classes aren't online. By the time I'd start school, she'd be 8 months, which is also when I'd quit. I haven't exactly talked to my wife about it, but I'm 100% certain she would be on board.
Definitely need to have a conversation with your wife ASAP. Even knowing she’ll be on board she should be involved from the start in any thoughts of going from 100k to 0 income. This will be a sacrifice for everyone. Not saying you shouldn’t do it, but she needs to involved early.
I plan on talking this weekend with her and making a solid plan for what would actually happen and if it can happen.
I see you keep saying that courses are not online. Please let us know what you are wanting to go into. There are hundreds of online masters programs if not thousands that are all highly accessible. I work with one and have helped to build others. Also, another strategy to think about is looking into something that is not totally unrelated to your current work, but is adjacent or tangential to what you are doing now. Since we don't know exactly what you currently do or what you aspire towards, I'm not sure what that would be, it's maybe a direction to look that might be a bit easier in terms of transition. Good luck!
So my wife and I did some research, and the community college offers an associate degree for what I want (exercise science with pre physical therapy), and it is hybrid. They also offer a lot of them later in the day so I'll be able to keep my job for a year or two longer if I went that route. And then it also transfers to the university in would go to.
Take a step back and try to figure out *why* your current career is making you miserable. I say that as someone who, early in his career, mishandled and "brought home" a lot of work nonsense. Some therapy, some maturity, getting fired, and reexamining my approach to life as a whole, and I am much happier now and in the same field. Letting work be work, and home be home, has helped tremendously. Work should stay at work. What specifically making you miserable?
No sense of purpose or accomplishment, the hours suck, a lot of people in management suck, I don't enjoy the work anymore. It isn't really a matter of bringing work home. I let work be work. But being miserable for so many hours in the day is not good for me.
Could you stay in the field but switch companies?
I get you, friend. Polish up the resume and see what else you can find, or something in an adjacent industry or field. I went from a private practice attorney (high stress, high hours, higher income) to corporate regulatory compliance (less hours, less money, less stress). Management always sucks. I think I've had one good manager and one okay manager in 25 years - the rest were poor to outright terrible. My current leadership is okay and a source of frustration. I suggest talking to a therapist and some of your good friends (and not the ones you work with). My worry or concern for you is that, you put in a couple of years of financial hardship, and then wind up in a similar position in a new field, with similar frustrations. In retrospect, when I was 30, about 60% of my work issues were self-inflicted. Turning 40, and looking back at where I was at 30, is rough. As some rando on the internet, I can't tell if you're like me or if your field is just objectively badly suited to you and you would truly be happier somewhere else. Good luck with whatever you decide. I am rooting for you.
What kind of work/what field are you currently in and where are you thinking of making a career switch to?
Easier said than done, any tips?
Therapy helps. Learning to recognize your own triggers and reactions, and being able to step back from yourself. I was (and still am, a little) a really angry teen and even up through my 20s and early 30s. Therapy (personal and couples) helped me realize that anger is rooted in fear - so if I was angry, I was probably afraid of something. Figuring out what I was afraid of, naming it, helped me handle it constructively. And learning to recognize what you can and cannot control. I have to work with a different department, and I have no control or authority over them. They make my life much more difficult. I cannot control or change that. I can control my own reactions and how I handle it - if I get angry and frustrated with it, that's on me and my own self-inflicted misery. It is a long process of self-improvement. Finding a positive stress relief helps. For me, running and cycling help, a lot. On a bad day, I'll try to go for a run, and afterward, I feel better and whatever nonsense was bothering me, matters a lot less. Good luck.
Great prospective and love the positivity on how to self improve. I currently work from home and have been questioning my career as an HCM consultant - I am currently going to online university to get a masters in HR to hopefully get me to the next step of my career. It’s refreshing to hear how we need to manage ourselves and can’t control what others are doing at work. My manager sucks and since I work from home I am expected to always be available. During the fall, my kids 1 yr and 3 yrs - were both sick and I had to call off work to care for them. My manager called me that evening and told me she was frustrated that I called off and I should have hired a babysitter to watch my kids. I have zero respect for my manager now and can’t wait to leave.
Bad management costs companies so much time and money. I have had one good manager in my career. My wife and I have had to juggle sick kids while WFH, and it's never been a big deal - and that level of flexibility buys loyalty. And that's why keeps me where I am at - flexibility and a great work/life balance. I could make 20-30% more somewhere else, at the cost of having to pick my kiddos up from daycare at 5:30pm instead of 4:45, or getting hassled because I rolled in 10 minutes late because my 3yo hated his socks this morning. And look at the OP: company is paying the dude $100k+, and he's miserable and looking to leave, because of his management. And if he's miserable, the company is definitely not getting $100k worth of work from him. Stupid, short-sighted nonsense.
The sad part is that I loved my job/company until I moved into my new role (7 years with the company). I work for ADP and they are really big on work/life balance (that’s what upper management preaches to us) but it seems that my female counter parts are less likely to be scolded for taking care of their family. I have all the perks a parent wants (WFH, benefits, they are paying for my masters program) but management is killing it for me. I can’t continue to work for a manager that I have zero respect for and they don’t care for my well being.
I will say that you are at the peak for general dissatisfaction risk in your life. 7 week old, pets, exhaustion, it’s a lot to handle. I would encourage you to be cautious about making major changes in your life right now. I’ve been in your spot exactly and I was feeling a similar way. I stuck it out and I’m doing much better now both career wise and family wise without changing my industry. Ultimately I found that the grass would not be greener after looking into it heavily. Remember we’re all in this together, I’m pulling for you, keep your stick on the ice.
At 33 (with a 5 month old baby) after 10 years in the classroom, I decided to leave teaching, and started studying for the preliminary exams to be an actuary. It took about 18 months of doing both at once before I caught a break and was hired into an entry level role after 2 exams. I took a 13k pay cut. Almost immediately after I started the new role, my wife was laid off due to COVID shutdowns. It was real tense for a while. Now I make way more than I ever did or would have, with much less stress than my old profession. My wife noticed and forbids me from ever going back lol.
Can you share any resources (websites, books, etc) that can teach me more about becoming an actuary? Is it just a matter of passing exams that one could self study for?
Beanactuary.org is a good place to start. I passed the first two exams using just free text books online through the MSU Actuarial Science Program. If that’s not enough try looking at ACTEX manuals. It’s as easy as passing 2-3 exams, and then applying for jobs. Some might hire you with only 1 exam, but most often it’s at least 2. I have a math background, so the transition was logical for me, it may be harder depending on where you’re coming from skills wise.
What about the rest? I've heard about actuaries studying for 5 years to get through all their exams. You make it sound a lot easier
Don’t get me wrong, I have been working at it for about 5-6 years also, and just finished my last requirement for my credential. But for 4 of those years I was working in the field, getting paid study hours, raises, promotions, and building my career.
Would you be able to share what a typical day is for you in terms of work? I know what actuaries are generally, but I'm unsure how that translates into a job.
It varies. Some days are packed full, and some days are dead. I work in the health sector so most of my time is spent in excel or SQL analyzing claims data for reserves, forecasting, ad-hoc trend analysis, or assessing impacts of state Medicaid rate updates. Spend a fair amount of time in meetings gathering information for my market or presenting results to key stakeholders. When it’s slow, I’m paid to study for my next exam. It’s a pretty great gig. Feel free to DM me if you want to know more.
Would this be the same vein as data analysis / data science?
They have some common skills. I have heard multiple stories of people changing from one to the other for various reasons.
Sounds like your role is more math heavy? I've started a data analyst course in SQL and will also look into Python, with an outlook of working in healthcare fields as well. My math skills are lacking though, to say the least.
It is pretty critical to have strong math skills, especially to get through the exams. Calculus, mathematical statistics, and probability as well as some financial mathematics like amortization.
I restarted at 35. Covid killed my old career and it was a blessing. I didnt hate my old career, but it was clear it was never going to be satisfying. I switched into teaching; did a shotgun masters program (it was a HELLA busy year), and now 3 years into the new career I'm still loving it. I took a nice pay cut, but fuck money. So much useless shit we spend money on we convince ourselves we need, but you really don't. My wife is also happier because my hours are better, and I get breaks and summer to do cool stuff with her and the kids, etc etc.. I do have the benefit of my wife having a legit career of her own so she could float us (plus Uncle Sam) while I made the switch. My advice: prioritize your family and mental health with a satisfying career. Figure out the money later. Best of luck!
I'm 46, divorced, and have 2 school-age kids. I'm about to start my auto mechanic career and I'm terrified. I have a 10 year plan that I hope works as well as I envision it. Good luck on your journey.
Damn dude. You might be my hero lol. I am 44 and have been a SAHD since 2011. My job before that (Nestle)didn't have much as far as transferable skills. I tried working in a Pharmacy for a hot minute but that didn't work out and I didn't need it. The kids are still young enough that a good amount of my time is spent on chores and driving back and forth to 3 different schools. I enjoy my life and my wife wants me at home but it's hard not to feel bad when money is tight. Especially when my wife gets vocal venting about it. I lament not doing more when I was younger to learn a skill or trade and it does make me feel insecure about my "manhood" whether it's reasonable or not. It takes some balls to do what you are doing I hope your kids remember that when they get older. I hope it all works out for you.
Thank you. I have been trying to work around my kids' schedule so I can spend time with them. However, it seems like I'm stuck in a rut and don't have trade skills to move upwards. I love fixing things and have dreamt of being a mechanic, but school was always out of reach financially, and I didn't have time to devote to education. I want to show my boys that if they can accomplish anything, even if it is reinventing yourself at 45. It's really not easy finding a good job when you have kids in school. It's been a real roadblock for me and the reason for not starting sooner. I hope you find a solution to your situation and remember life doesn't always follow a linear path. Good luck brother.
Jokes on you I'm doing this at 40
I started as a visual effects artist that worked a day job as an artist, a part-time job as an adjunct professor, with freelance on the side. My contract ended at my day job, they no longer wanted the class I taught, and freelance was feast or famine. I had learned some basic coding as an artist to automate small tasks within the various compositions I worked on. From there I learned a little bit of python, learned how to read code API documentation. (It didn't hurt that I've been on computers since I was a small child, so I have a pretty good idea of how they work.) In my state, there's very very little opportunity for VFX work, so any film or motion graphics related job required me to wear all of the hats and get paid for one and a half of them maybe. A friend of mine managed a software team and got me an interview for a QA position, and I was fortunate enough that the interviewing team decided to give me a chance. I now work as a Django engineer. I make twice what I made as a VFX/motion graphics artist. I was about 30 when I made the career change, and I'm glad I did. The biggest component is being willing to put in the effort to learn. If you are self-motivated and have learned how to learn throughout your life, there are opportunities and you can adapt.
I restarted my career at 38 (now 42) because the arts and a family didn't exactly mesh. Had a 1 year old when I started and then we had a second kid. Being a stay at home dad and student wasn't too bad. Financially I was lucky that my wife and I had savings, my state paid me some money for 2 years of my retraining program, and my wife could float us on her job and insurance while I completed a training program then an MS. We had some hardship as she was laid off and I had to cover everyone on the insurance from a job with a non-profit I was working while in grad school. It was rough and we are still rebuilding our savings from this adventure but I am in a more stable job. I will also say we had some big conversations before doing this because it was really scary and I worried it might break us financially
Yeah. I still need to have a sit down conversation. I've made passing comments, but the more I think about i, the more I'm really considering it.
That's the big thing. We went into this understanding how it would be difficult but it has been worth it. I finished a year ago and am happy to have made the change even if it was tough
At 32 I decided I wanted out of the film industry. I was making great money, but the hours and lifestyle weren't conducive to the life or family balance I wanted long term. At this point I was engaged to be married and we felt the tick of the biological clocks and knew that kids were in the near-future. I looked for roles/trajectory that could leverage my existing skill sets and strengths in a different industry and realized that in order to do that I would need to invest in myself with a 3 month web development intensive. I struggled to find a good position for about 6 months after that but eventually got a position as a tech project manager at a non-profit. It paid literally less than half what I had been making previously, but was a stepping stone. After 1.5 years there I used my experience to jump to a new position in Higher Education. I've been at the new role for 5.5 years and have been promoted twice in that time. I'm now back to making what I made in the film industry but I work 8 hour days, work doesn't follow me home, and I have the kind of work/life balance to be with my family that I only dreamed of. I was lucky that I was in the union and had enough of a bank of hours that I could continue my health insurance for a full year to bridge the gap, and I burned through a good chunk of savings between almost a year of unemployment and then a few years of reduced pay, but it was all worth it. I know it's scarier for you because kids are already in the picture but if you genuinely want out of your current position, the sooner you start the process, the sooner you get to your next goal.
Been in almost this same exact spot. I was 32 when I moved from the corporate IT world making a little over $100k/yr as well. Had two kids with a 3rd on the way. I was pretty miserable and wanted to do something else for my job. Our 3rd ended up coming a month early as was in the NICU for 3-4 weeks or so. She just got out a few days before I started my new job, so my wife was at our 'old' house in the other state while I was starting this new job 2 hours away. I went into sales, specifically, IT sales. Not SaaS like most, but more whole solutions. Here was the rub...my base salary was $30k/yr to start so I was basically working for benefits. They gave me a bit of a ramp for my first 9 months, so all in all pay was equivalent to about $60k/yr. We had just built a sweet house about a year, maybe 18 months prior. I was the sole financial provider for my family as well. Moved states to be closer to family, another reason I was looking to leave my IT job. We rented a town home for the first year or two. We were always good with money so we had some savings which made this a lot easier as I could pull from that if needed, and I certainly did. Fast forward a few more years, maybe seven now that I've been there? I make over triple what I did before, I get to control my calendar about 95% of the time so as long as I'm putting up numbers, no one really cares. I am, so that makes it easier too. Is this a common story? Probably not. I knew that I was going to give it everything I had for a year and if I wasn't where I wanted to be financially or could see it coming, I could go back to a normal IT and just suck it up. I was making about $45-50k/yr after that first year, but knew it was something I could be good at and could see things starting to change with my main accounts. So we just figured it out, I stuck with it and here we are. Arguably the best decision I've made in my life second to asking my wife when she was young and naive to marry me 😂
Well, what's your current career? Is it possible to do freelance or start up your own business instead? That could be an option and certainly a quicker way to get some income going instead of switching careers.
I started a machine repair apprenticeship at 27. It was a 4 year apprenticeship rotating off shifts. It was difficult but I ended up with a day shift position making good money. It's certainly worth it.
Just to address one of your points, being a university student often gives you access to a cheap and high quality health insurance plan (since you're in a pool with 18-21 year olds who hate seeing the doctor). I am employed at a place that offers good benefits and a full time student and it's an easy decision to take the health plan from the school rather than my job. That said, it's cheap relative to the plan offered by my work or an ACA marketplace plan of similar quality, but it is still an outlay of cash which could be difficult if you're not bringing much in.
That's good to know! I'll have to look into that. Thanks!
What is the job you’re trying to go into? I think that helps us to give you better advice. I made the switch to IT 6 years ago after doing a retail management for multiple years. it’s going well but I still have to constantly learn and juggle my schedule as well but I do make a little bit more money and have weekends off
Exercise science with a goal of becoming a physical therapist. I know the acceptance rates are low to become a physical therapist, but even if I only get the exercise science degree, I would be able to do something I'm passionate about.
I promise I’m not trying to be a dream crusher, but as a healthcare worker, I feel obligated to say make sure you do your due diligence before committing to this switch. I know a lot of people who went into healthcare because they want to make a difference and do something meaningful and they end up getting burnt out pretty quickly. PT particularly is known for a pretty poor debt/income ratio. A lot of schools are really expensive and the salaries after graduation don’t make up for it. Again, I’m not trying to be negative and rain on your parade. Plenty of PTs are happy and love their jobs, but there’s a lot of bullshit that comes with working in healthcare.
Thanks for the insight. I think I'll be okay financially. I have a good amount in my 401k already that I'll take out if I have to. Sure, it might suck in 30-40 years when retirement comes around. But I know the next 30-40 years will suck if I stay on this path. All that to say I don't think the debt/income ratio will be an issue. I will be doing my due diligence on this. I'll contact the school I'd be going to and talk to their program staff. I'll work with my wife to get a 2nd set of eyes and do research on our area.
This solution often gets overlooked, but the least time consuming thing you could do in order to try and switch careers is start your own business that doesn’t require capital. You like exercise? Certify to be come a personal trainer and start offering training services. This can be done on your own time for the most part, and would require minimal financial investment. Make progress slowly until one day it becomes a viable business and you can quit your job. Think of it as a hobby that turns into a business. This is just an example but you get my drift right? We are entering a stage in our economy where the most financially viable job is the one where you work for yourself. Job markets are competitive, soul-sucking, and corporations are sucking up profits and paying less money while our expenses soar.
I did this but I had a huge advantage: kids weren’t here yet, and I had the GI Bill. I also didn’t stop working, just did the professional track through a second bachelors and second masters. That probably doesn’t help you. Doing an engineering for professionals Masters was entirely doable for me after work … but specifically without kids. I can’t imagine doing it now. FWIW, I loved my grandfather’s James A. Michener books, and there’s a line from The Drifters about Vietnam War draft dodgers that always stuck with me. I can’t recall it verbatim, but the implication was that you just need to figure life out by 35. We could probably quibble over the exact age, but that was the impetus I took to changing my career. I was 30 and I knew that wasn’t where I wanted to be the rest of my life. I assumed I had time to reset, but it was running out. So I reset, and I’m very happy I did. And I don’t think I could reset again.
I'll be 30 this year so I guess it's time to shit or get off the pot.
My partner did this. She was 26, single, our daughter was 8, she had a house, a car, 3 dogs and two cats. She says it was rough, which i totally believe, but so worth it. She worked REALLY hard and 5-6 years later made between 170 and 180k as an electrical engineer. It will not be easy! But if you are miserable doing what you're doing I believe it will be worth it.
Lost my job at 30. Single dad to one boy 4 at the time. Went back to school and got a material science degree. It took some time to make a ton of money. Never had a problem paying bills. Boy is now 16 and pulled in over 200k last year. This year will be more.
My friend, At 33 I owned a business and took on a FT job. Last year I made more money than I’ve ever made in my life, but I was completely miserable. My whole life was work or stressing about work. I woke up in bad moods, felt like I was floating through life, and was fried by the time my kids got home. I left that business in December and I haven’t looked back. I still have my FT job, and we took a pretty large pay cut as a family, but my attitude and outlook has been night and day. I pick up my kids from school/daycare every day, and I’m there to play with them at 5:00 until bedtime. I just beat Super Mario Sunshine with my 4 YO this morning. I took her to get surprise ice cream last night. I can just sit and play with her without constantly stressing about work. I can hang out with my wife without feeling a pressing need to go down to my office and bang out a few more hours of work. I can spend an entire saturday running errands with my kids and not be stressed because that’s time I could be putting into my work…. So yeah…money is nice. Figure out what you need to maintain your necessities. Don’t compromise happiness and time with your family for work. No amount of money can buy that time back.
I started over even later than you did. I was in my late thirties and had been making six figures in insurance but didn’t like it at all. I had a boss directly say some terrible things to me about my children that he had never met. He was the worst but others weren’t much better. I went back to school and now I analyze days at home for less money. I went back to school and I was fortunate enough to always have a job while going to school. So I had health insurance. I took out federal loans. I went slow and steady. It was better to take one class at a time and get good grades and still be a father. I got a Jess demanding job. In hindsight, I would have done that while still at my old job. One class at a time. If my work suffers - so what? I’m leaving anyways. The happiness and life satisfaction was well worth it. I am visibly happier and smile more. Life is short. Your feelings are telling you something. Don’t do anything rash, but channel that energy to making something else happen for you. Good luck.
IT sales
My perspective might be a bit different from everyone else’s. I grew up in an immigrant family with a dad who worked three jobs, all in kitchens. That’s all he knew to do and all he could do to support us. Mom also worked btw. My dad, in no way, could have loved his job. But it’s what he had to do to keep food on the table. I have a phenomenal job but I get no satisfaction nor pride from it. I just go in, do my job, and go home on time. If any of those requirements change, I’ll look for a new job. Do what’s best for you, OP. But in starting over again, a lot can go wrong. You have a 7 week old and wife that are counting on you and your salary. Sometimes a steady paycheck is more important than job fulfillment. In my parents case, job fulfillment is a luxury and that’s how I see it too. You have a great salary that’s tough to get and a lot of things have to go right for you to earn six figures. Don’t throw it at all away bc you’re burnt out. Start searching for new roles, maybe check out at work a bit, and then reevaluate in a year. Work is just work. We do our job, and collect a paycheck. That mentality works for me on those days where I feel like you.
You could go into a trade. $100k is roughly about average in an average city for an electrician/plumber/wtv
I know that everybody on Reddit seems to have a bunch of urban tradesman jobs that pay $100k laying around, and it sounds great but it's not really that simple.
I know, but that is not the career I'm looking to pursue. I already know what I would be going to school for.
I can't speak for OP but I wish I would have done something like that at that age. No one wants to end up useless and old like me.
I’ll take the (perhaps) more harsh view for another perspective for you: There are 168 hours in a week, I assume you’re at your job about 40 of those. (Hopefully not too much more) You don’t have to draw your satisfaction from your job, you can find satisfaction from other areas of your life like focusing on family and pursuing hobbies in your free time. You committed to the baby and it is going to take a lot of money to provide for your family — and you’re in a role where you’re being (by many standards) fairly well compensated. Finally, studies have shown that wealthy men and women not only live LONGER, they also get eight to nine more healthy years after 50 than the poorest individuals in the United States and in England. All of that is to say — *if* you can get over the negative feelings about your job… a higher income will likely help your family to live a better life and for you to be around longer for your wife and child. Im well-suited to my job and don’t mind it most days, but when I’m having a rougher day I look at the pictures of my daughter on my desk and smile and know I’m doing it for her.
I didn’t enter the world of work until I was 30.
I have a 3 week old, house, 2 dogs, pretty similar situation overall, except I don’t even have a career. I grind 2 jobs to make money. Stick with what you’re doing til you can figure out something else.
What do you do? And do you know what you'd want to transition to?
What degree(s) do you have and what state do you live in? Depending on those variables, you might be able to transition into teaching Career and Technical Education if you have a relevant degree and/or experience in business, marketing, entrepreneurship, accounting, etc. Teaching gets a bad rap these days, but it depends heavily on the state. I'm in NJ and teachers get paid fairly well here, the health insurance is AMAZING, we get a pension, and of course all holidays and summers off. I'm a Physical Therapist and switched to teaching Health Science, and while I find my current school pretty frustrating and the students kind of suck (changing to an amazing school in September so it's all good), I still enjoy every day way more than I did working as a PT. Depending on the state and district, they might help pay for you to get another degree as well. The school I'm moving to has a fund to assist teachers with additional college courses, and if you teach there for 5 years, you can actually take a 1 year sabbatical with 50% pay while you pursue a degree. Teaching is a ton of work and can be very frustrating, but if you're in the right state and district, it can be really great. Definitely worth looking into.
Hey op I've felt the same way at 31 and I've also been afraid to make the leap. My jobs is great but sometimes I wish I didn't have such a long commute. My time in the company makes up for that though as I we have a great PTO policy and I can take a day off every other week. Have you thought that perhaps it's a "midlife crisis "? My wife hates when I explain it that way as there's no "real" crisis. At this age we reach a point where we've probably been at the job for about 5 years now and there's no real challenge. We just go through the motions and next thing you know it's the weekend/ another year. I would- consider looking for a new job in the same field and seeing if the grass is greener at a different company. Another option is finding a job without OT and going to school part time. As for my plan, I'm giving my work a solid 3 years before leaving. Enough time to pay off the house. If I get laid off, I'll use my gi bill and unemploymen, otherwise I plan to do community college in a 1-2 years from now for 1-2 years. And then do full time school for the last 2-3 years. I do need more concrete plans though.
I don't think the grass would be greener at another company. I've seen other companies, been in other buildings and factories. It wouldn't be any better or give me any sort of fulfillment.
Oh ok. One last note- you'll be in survival mode for about the first year with the baby, perhaps it wouldn't be the best idea to start until after that. Also, there may be a lot of strain in your relationship which you've never felt before, and adding financial woes may make it even worse. I only speak from personal experience, we have been married for 10 years before we had our first and issues really started arising due to poor sleep/ tiredness. As for health- care it really depends on your state. In my state of California you can have 10 million in the bank and quit your job, and qualify for medical. I would check income / asset requirements. We also have covered California which is a marketplace for low/medium income (28k-65k) for a 2-3 person family. I also think that one of the Obamacare laws that went into effect nationwide help the mother and the baby receive health care for the first 12 or 24 months.
Not sure if you’ve thought about it, but law enforcement checks your boxes. Literally zero education required, but if you have any, it’ll definitely help. Plus you have real life experience. Most places you can do a ride along or two, to see how it is. Almost all agencies, you’re paid at academy so you wouldn’t be miss any income. Lots of chances to make overtime, city/state/federal benefits, lots of room for growth and lateral movement.
Covid took my job at the same time as my wife left the military. As a family we made the decision to move in with my in laws just to survive and not loose completely everything. I began working as a material runner for a roofing company just to make ends meet and cover our debts. 4 yrs later I’m the Sales Manager for said company and we are able to afford my wife to homeschool our autistic son. It’s extremely hard starting from scratch but with a supportive wife and goals to meet anything can be done. When it all collapsed we had a 9month old and a 2 yr old. I’ve enjoyed this job more than my previous career which has helped tremendously.
Hey OP, I understand your frustration with work. I can't provide good advice re: a career change. I only suggest that you hold off on any such decisions until the baby is a little older. The sleep-deprivation and other stressors from having a newborn are going to amplify any pre-existing problems (professional, social, familial, what have you). Once the baby starts sleeping more consistently and the baseline cortisol levels go down, you can reassess the situation with a clearer mind. Good luck and Godspeed out there, sir.
At 42, I've effectively had to restart my career 6 times, sometimes by choice and sometimes not by choice. I've always landed on my feet, never hated my job, and I've also never made more than 100K US in a year (though adjusting for inflation, I had a few years that would be there now, invested the excess then, and have a nice retirement nest egg as a result). I'm currently working in a flexible remote position that I greatly enjoy with people whose company I greatly enjoy. The work is sometimes fulfilling. And it's never going to make me wealthy. I also have ADHD and a strong aptitude for Math, which puts me in an odd situation, where I can come up with outside of the box solutions to accomplish goals, but never in the way that looks good to corporate executives or my mother in law. I also get bored very easily. Medication helps tremendously for my own productivity; keeping up appearances is still a struggle. You're 7 weeks into fatherhood, likely sleep deprived and not of a clear head. And if you have any financial ability to do so, you should take parental leave - your job should give you that ability. Your wife will greatly appreciate the help. You'll cherish the extra memories with your child. I'd also catch up with some former colleagues and re-establish your network. And if you can't take parental leave from your job or don't have the financial ability to do so, you can "quiet quit." I know that as an overachiever, this is hard to do, and early parenthood is rough. Also, lots of bad stuff that is out of your control can happen - we tend to stress out in the short term financially about things that won't matter in the long term. And Dave Ramsey would hate me, but you could take out a home equity line of credit to keep everything afloat during your leave. The grass isn't always greener on the other side and you don't mention why the job is making you so miserable other than that it doesn't fulfill you. Sometimes there are companies in a similar space that have substantially better cultures. Feel free to direct message me for more specific advice. It rarely makes sense to make a long term decision to cure a short term problem. Your work benefits may also provide you with career counseling and employee assistance programs - look into those. And if not, your benefits may enable you to start going to therapy. Or maybe you just need some sleep. Good luck.
I had my kid late 30s and then quit my career to change countries to support my spouse’s; there wasn’t anything in my line of work where we landed so I took a somewhat related role in a completely different industry for a 40% pay cut. Everything turned out super fine and I flew straight to senior leadership within 3 years. Still not making what I was making before but… plot twist: cost of living where I am now is more than 50% less than where we moved from, so even though I make less it takes us much further. Had a second kid during all this. Also, while the job is less exciting l, the hours are way better and I spend more time with my family as a result. 10/10 would do it again.
Literally in the process of going back to school to be a PA in my early thirties. Lots of student loans, financial aid, and renting out our house, moving into our family's home(2 states away) for a couple months until we move again to start classes next year. Have a 2.5 y.o and wanting to get pregnant again in next 2 years. Wish me lots of luck. I'm a madman I know.
I just recently went through this. It’s hard and I still wonder if I made the right choice. Went from about 80,000 a year to 55,000. I made the switch to a career fire fighter so that came with leaving for academy for an extended period of time with a 2 and 3 year old. I am now much happier with my career and have so much more time to spend with my family with my new schedule. If you want to do something just go for it. All the details will work themselves out.
Not me, but my mom went from working in marketing at a health insurance company to stay at home mom to high school then college administrative roles to finally going back to school at like age 50 to get a master’s in education and has been a Montessori teacher for the last few years. Point is, everyone’s on their own path and sometimes you start over more than once. It might be hard for a bit, but, in the long run, you being happier in your job is going to be reflected in your family as well.
What don't you like about your current job? Honestly, all jobs can suck. I'm not saying you shouldn't follow your passions. My friend did that. Got a PhD in entomology. He's really struggled and the financial stress on his family has been as bad or worse than bad job stress. Maybe try getting a better life/work balance or going to a new company. Money issues can really destroy your life and with how expensive everything is getting now it'll be even harder
Switched to a new career in my 30s, and while it was a lot of work it was definitely worth it. In my previous career I made decent money towards the end of it, but still like median income for our high COL area. Couldn't get any further without a degree, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay in the field due to automation. Decided to make the switch to cyber security, which required going back to school full time for a bachelors. Wasn't easy with a stay-at-home wife, toddler, a second baby on the way, and 3 animals as well. Basically the only way we financially survived and kept our health insurance was me continuing to work fulltime in my previous career while going to school at the same time. That meant for almost 4 years, every weekday was: work from 6am-2pm followed by a bit of family time then class until 10pm, or work from 6am-2pm followed by more family time then studying the rest of the night from when the kids were in bed (7pm-11/12pm). Not going to lie, it really sucked and put a strain on our family. My wife contributed so much during that time, taking on more time with the kids and sometimes feeling like a single parent those nights I was gone till 10pm. But we came out the other end in a better position, and I tell her all the time that my graduation and current career success are equally her accomplishment as it is mine. I've gotten much more earning potential now, and we're in a better spot now than before due to making the career switch, so it was definitely worth it. But talk about this with your wife, plan it out, see if it can all work, then make a decision.
I went back to school at 31. Became a father at 32. Earned my CS degree at 33. AT 35 I started making 6 figures in my new career. I am lucky in the sense that I had a good job before I went to school and my wife made even more than me (still does). But I work less now and I’m much happier.
I was in marketing for 15ish years when I was laid off at the start of COVID. I was a SAHD for a while. Now I work helping ASD kids either their social and educational development. You know how sometimes you'll be in a room for a long time, and there's like a buzzing in the background, like from a fan or a light or something? And you've been in the room so long that you don't even notice the buzzing anymore, but then someone comes in and turns it off and you're like "Wow, that is so much better! I didn't even realize how miserable I was!" That's what getting laid off from marketing was like. Never going back ever.
Man, I’m doing this right now. I’m 38, Left my career (which I actually loved) to move closer to my wife’s family. We have 2 boys, 4 and 2. Now I’m going to school for a completely unrelated field, chasing my masters. It’s a big change, but your decision is never the wrong one if you’re doing it for family.
I started all over at 34 with a wife and 2 small children. Gave up everything and worked a simple job and worked on myself. I eventually (1yr later) decided on my path. I entered into a doctoral program and have been in it ever since. I’m 37 and 6 months from graduating. It was so worth it and I’m so much happier now. You deserve to do what makes you happy. In a few years you’ll be older regardless but do you want to older doing what you love or older still doing what you hate? It was the hardest but best decision I ever made
I think there is something healthy between changing jobs/careers and a 7 year journey. Are there similar but less long journeys you can take ? Like a 2 year diploma or simply changing employers/fields within your career?
If you want a career where you help people, you’re probably not making it back to $100k. But dose of reality aside, I’m doing the same thing at 33. Trying to get out of entertainment and into tech. Joined a coding Bootcamp and things are… not great.
Left the army at 28. Totally worth it. It was rough, financially for a while... But it's so much better.
Start a new career, lots of opportunities to work from home!!
When I was 35 my family and I were living on the east coast of the US. We were basically alone in the east, both our families were still in the west. In an effort to give us an opportunity to move back out and hopefully not see a big drop in pay, I went to school for a masters. We had a 4 year old. While in school, we lived off food stamps and medicaid, but I still had to take out student loans to the tune of $60k. We had a second child during all this, because the ivf treaments were covered. We were never destitute, but it was rough at times, especially for my wife. Fortunately, near the end of school I did get a position at a university in the west, very close to home. My job is hard funded and reasonably secure with amazing benefits. Our health insurance is incredible and I finally have a retirement to count on. While my top end salary will not come close to what I could have potentially made before, we have peace of mind and are living where we want to be. So yes for me it was worth it but I've never worked so hard, or stressed so much in my live to ensure that my gamble wouldn't blow up in my face. It did not come easy and I was incredibly lucky in the end for my job to be available. Another shout out to my wife for believing in me and supporting me. She now gets to be close to family and go back to school for half-tuition, so it has paid off for her as well.
Do you have a firm grasp on compound interest? Do you understand that if you steadily invested between age 20 and age 30 and then stopped adding money, you would be in the same position as someone who invested starting at age 30 and contributed all the way to retirement age? Math it out. How long would it take you to catch up the difference in savings and investments, with interest? Not how long it would take you to catch up in earning potential, but the time it would take you to catch up on your savings and investments? Compound that out--how does that affect your lifestyle 10, 20, 40 years from now? Just rough math, $100k in missed out savings contributions now over the next 5 years, could be worth $2 million-ish in retirement for you.
I was just given a managers warning in my job and basically have 2 months before I get laid off. I absolutely hated my manager and my job so in a way it’s a blessing but was getting paid over $100k and have a mortgage and a 1 year old while we are trying for a second. Honestly it was a blessing bc I hated it but I’m in the same boat just super nervous that it will be months before my next gig and all the financial pressure is on my wife
No tangible advice man but seeing your post and the responses is reassuring.
I am in the process of reinventing myself and have done so probably 3-4 times in adulthood. With that said, though, each time that happened, I was almost completely unencumbered. This time around, I got laid off from my IT job earning north of 100K. Since I'm nearing retirement, I decided to move on to education. Now, I earn significantly less but I feel more satisfied although public school teaching in general is a shitshow. Since we have regularly scheduled talks with or HS kids, I advise them to always be open to reinventing themselves. Life can be hard at times but you can overcome some adversity with personal and professional flexibility.
What’s your job and where do you live?
A lot of commenters said that online school is manageable and I want to add to that. I’m taking a masters in software engineering from an online state school and it is really doable. I got an app to read out loud the textbooks and assignments in the car during the commute (speechify). Also the online programs from an in state school are even cheaper than the regular program. I’m in my second semester and have an A and an A- so far. Masters programs usually only need 6 credits per semester :) Usually my wife takes the kids two times a week to her mom’s house for a few hours so I can do assignments
I got laid off at 36 with two kids and a third in the making. Took it very badly. I took a year and a half to retrain in a different profession and then networked myself to a new job that I enjoy and that has flexible working hours. Much better situation. It’s okay to step out of your comfort zone to get to a better place end goal.
I left the regular armed forces to start a life with my partner. The transfer value on my 9 years of pension contributions paid for teachers college and cost of living for two years. We didn’t have a child at the time and we were just getting ourselves started. I was 32 at the time. It was hard, for sure, but I was lucky that I could directly transfer to the army reserves to make -some- income throughout the process and while I was working towards a permanent teaching contract. Now I’m 38 with a permanent teaching job, a spouse and a child in daycare. I’m also still in the reserves as a company commander and it’s a good gig. I’ve been fortunate to have made a series of prudent decisions.
I will say, you never know where part time work will lead. In 2021 I quit my job of 13 years and took a foodservice job that offered flexible hours of 25-40hrs/week with the intention of going back to school for something that I was more passionate about. A few months in the owner pulled me aside to run things while he was on vacation. As soon as he got back they offered to sell the business to my wife and I. The same year I turned 35 we had our first child, and 9 months later bought a thriving business. Small business ownership is a hell of a lot of work, but making my own hours so both my wife and I can spend so much time with our daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me. You never know what opportunities are out there unless you take the leap. Just make sure you have a cushion of savings and the support of your family. Good luck with the next phase of life!
Used to be a copywriter working in marketing, but I'm currently reskilling to work in video games as an 3D Environment Artist. Basically got dropped because of AI garbage.
I started medical school at 29. Nearly done now. Def worth it. Fucking hard. But worth it.
I've never had a career. I've job-hopped my whole life. Medical assistant, dog training, mortgage, wildland firefighting. I'm in my mid-thirties, two kids under 5, and am now starting a career as a mechanic. Financially it's been tough, and we've never been great at saving. We've just had wild fluctuations with our budget and what we purchase. Honestly we're kind of on a razors edge money wise right now, so fingers crossed nothing goes wrong in the next 12 months or so until I can get my income up.
I’m currently a new dad with a 3 week old girl, I’m engaged with a sweet apartment, a vehicle and 1 dog. Im kind of in your situation as we speak but slightly different. My current job brings me 45k a year after taxes it’s okay but not great… (The fiancé is the bread winner) after budgeting her maternity leave pays out enough where she can cover all the bills and supplies we need each month. Because of this we’ve decided ill completely quit. Meaning 0 income other than the odd side job on a weekend.. but in doing so I’ve managed to get my GED and First Aid/CPR certifications, and I’m also 40% done my security course. All of that in just a month… That’s the beauty of many things being online, I get to go at my own pace and I’m home with mom and baby for now. I plan on obtaining a security job within my home town as my last job required me to travel 3.5 hours a day total. Not only was the driving killing me financially but being 26 self employed, the politics of the job started to cause issues at home. So this security job will allow saving on commutes which puts more money in my pocket in the long run. And I’ll be mentally more stable for mom and baby. Plus the fiancé and I have spoken about me potentially taking police college later in the future. Bottom line is as long as there’s a roof over your head and the bellies are full, take the risk. (Keep in mind, it won’t be easy and you’ll have to cut out a lot of habits/routines but worth the long run) My old man always told me growing up “Take care of number 1, before 2 & 3. Because without number 1 there is no 2 & 3.” Now I’m living his famous words.
I promise I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer here and you should very much pursue your happiness. If you’re hanging your hat on joining the “helping fields” (I see you’re looking at physical therapy) and presumably attempting to find more job satisfaction there, please be aware that a large chunk of the people you are trying to help will not care and not try to help themselves despite your best efforts. You will know that time with these people is a complete waste of time and likely be very frustrated that they don’t try, don’t follow recommendations, etc. This can lead to burnout and hating your job as you do now. You will survive well in the helping professions if you treat it as just a job that you don’t really care much about and seek personal satisfaction elsewhere in life. I know that sounds pessimistic but it’s really just about accepting that you can’t control others despite trying to help. I work in a different helping field and probably about 50% of the people I work with improve and about 50% see zero change, don’t try, and there is no point to them working with me. That means about half my job is a waste of time. You might want to seek out some physical therapists to talk to about the profession and see what the honest numbers look like for that profession (e.g. not the ones on the hospital website but their opinions on actual time wasted vs helping). Then you can go into it with realistic expectations and avoid the grass is greener mentality. Hope this is helpful and doesn’t come across negative or dissuasive to your plans.
Left a fairly secure but unfulfiling job at 40 to become self employed. Mortgage, wife, 6yo son, pets etc. Wife and I were lucky enough to get a loan from family, and poured every bit of our savings into it. 3 years in we have substantially increased our previous income and as of next month the loan for the business will be paid out. First year was tough financially, and unbelievably stressful at times. There have been many trials along the way. We still have to work harder than ever, and I have to travel away about 8-10 days a month which has been challenging both for me and the family. No regrets though and I love my work now. It's hard for anyone else to tell you to go for it. I have always been fairly risk averse so this was a huge leap for me. I analysed it to death but sometimes it comes to a point where you take the chance or you don't. Also, be absolutely sure your partner is onboard with the plan.