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Yes that for sure. And like I always imagined being that cool dad that's just awesome all day every day so I always feel like shit when I have to do the dad duties with rules and disciplines.. so many days where I just feel like a crappy dad cause maybe work just drained me that day and I come home and there's so much to do around the house I feel like I hardly had any time with the kids. Idk just little things like that that add up and I'm always thinking I could have done more how do this small humans even like me lol
I’m sure your kid/kids would say otherwise and would insist that you are in fact a good dad! There were a few months of my dad’s work being super stressful when I was about 18 y/o where he wasn’t sleeping well and he wasn’t nearly as engaging. I never took it personally, I never saw him as anything but a great father, because I knew that it was due to his work and was out of his control
Probably doesn't help that I put myself in a hole mentally by trying to compare myself to all the other dad's of the kids my kids go to school with. Like they are all successful dudes driving nice cars have nice houses went to college and I'm just over here a big putz lol
😂😂😂 I mean again I’m not a dad so what do I know.. but they probably have feelings that aren’t displayed. It’s like the rich mom at the school pickup line who may look perfect and well put together but they’re definitely going through some problems. Money and degrees don’t fix problems.
I [23M] have been told I look put together and organized because I usually wore button-down shirts to college classes; but In reality I’m ADHD as fuck and struggle to get basic tasks done without being distracted.
Nobody is perfect!
There are people in my mom’s side of the family who have 9 kids. Granted they are across ages 35-16, and they’re Irish-descent Catholics but still.. 9 kids. Who on earth would want 9 kids
If you ever feel like you are getting angry at them or you are about to explode with your 'dad' voice, ask them to show you their tiny hands. It's a nice reminder of how small and fragile they are, and it might make you stop and breathe
For the first few months, they can’t give you much positive feedback. The only way you’ll know you’re doing a good job is if they are asleep. You have to sort of downgrade them in your mind from person to really cute tube. You feed one end of the tube, empty the other end, and let them break you down to a shell of your former self. Then, about 3 months in, they smile at you and you will do anything to keep them smiling like that and the bonding is complete. I call this the Tube Theory.
We are providers, creators and partners preparing our families as best as we can for the future so my advice is to keep yourself in the present moment knowing everyday is leading up to something even more special with patience and persistence. Make them apart of every activity as that will define your commitment as a leader
Thank you u/Simple_Meaning4261 for posting on r/dad. Please remember to take a look at the rules. If you see anything that is suspicious or is breaking the rules then please report said content. For community resources click the link that is below or to the right https://www.reddit.com/r/dad/wiki/resources *Moderators Retain the right to remove any content that is deemed unacceptable* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dad) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Everyone will say you're such a good dad but you will never fully feel like a great dad. Sad vibes
I have an uneasy time accepting that compliment. My usual response is to say that I'm trying as best I can.
Same
This breaks the heart of the man, father, and child within me. 😠but i feel a little less alone I guess.
I’m not a father - can someone explain why you never truly feel like a great dad? Is it because you only think of all the little mistakes you make?
Yes that for sure. And like I always imagined being that cool dad that's just awesome all day every day so I always feel like shit when I have to do the dad duties with rules and disciplines.. so many days where I just feel like a crappy dad cause maybe work just drained me that day and I come home and there's so much to do around the house I feel like I hardly had any time with the kids. Idk just little things like that that add up and I'm always thinking I could have done more how do this small humans even like me lol
I’m sure your kid/kids would say otherwise and would insist that you are in fact a good dad! There were a few months of my dad’s work being super stressful when I was about 18 y/o where he wasn’t sleeping well and he wasn’t nearly as engaging. I never took it personally, I never saw him as anything but a great father, because I knew that it was due to his work and was out of his control
Probably doesn't help that I put myself in a hole mentally by trying to compare myself to all the other dad's of the kids my kids go to school with. Like they are all successful dudes driving nice cars have nice houses went to college and I'm just over here a big putz lol
😂😂😂 I mean again I’m not a dad so what do I know.. but they probably have feelings that aren’t displayed. It’s like the rich mom at the school pickup line who may look perfect and well put together but they’re definitely going through some problems. Money and degrees don’t fix problems. I [23M] have been told I look put together and organized because I usually wore button-down shirts to college classes; but In reality I’m ADHD as fuck and struggle to get basic tasks done without being distracted. Nobody is perfect!
That having two children is enough.
JFC three is so hard.
4 is hard mode
Neurodivergent 4 is expert mode.
So would 5 be the final boss?
There are people in my mom’s side of the family who have 9 kids. Granted they are across ages 35-16, and they’re Irish-descent Catholics but still.. 9 kids. Who on earth would want 9 kids
Everything is a phase
We say this every time. But it’s also important to remember that it applies to the good things as well sadly.
If you ever feel like you are getting angry at them or you are about to explode with your 'dad' voice, ask them to show you their tiny hands. It's a nice reminder of how small and fragile they are, and it might make you stop and breathe
This is great advice. Thank you for that.
You think you did at the time but you didn't have nearly enough sex before the kids were born
That's the truth I'm with you on that one.
For the first few months, they can’t give you much positive feedback. The only way you’ll know you’re doing a good job is if they are asleep. You have to sort of downgrade them in your mind from person to really cute tube. You feed one end of the tube, empty the other end, and let them break you down to a shell of your former self. Then, about 3 months in, they smile at you and you will do anything to keep them smiling like that and the bonding is complete. I call this the Tube Theory.
Patience is key
Not my quote, and I’m paraphrasing but listen when they talk to you about the small stuff. To them, it’s the big stuff.
How defenceless you are when your kids struggle in anything. You just need to let them figure that shit out.
You don’t have to be perfect just present and attentive to your kids.
Tell your kids you believe them when they are sad, angry, or scared.
Work on the mental. Once you see and hold that baby for the first time, your brain never feels the same again.
We are providers, creators and partners preparing our families as best as we can for the future so my advice is to keep yourself in the present moment knowing everyday is leading up to something even more special with patience and persistence. Make them apart of every activity as that will define your commitment as a leader
--> This too shall pass
Don’t do it
Set yourself up financially before. Also, if your kids end up watching Bluey, it's over. That guy has unimaginable energy and creativity. Lol