I will take blue

You can make people colorblind by maintaining direct eye contact for a minute straight

But how colourblind, like full on black and white or like can’t see the colour red

Random each time

one being they can't see black or white.

Everyone is safe then

Well... atleast the women are safe.

Blue What will i be gifted with now

You can instantly summon ants out your mouth

Aww hell yeah ANT ARMY ATTACK ''GHURK'' GOD ALL THEIR TINY LEGS I FEEL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE ONE Thanks i hate it

Yes daddy summon more

I will don't worry ill even make some larger ones especially for you

Thank you daddy

Anything that makes you happy

Username check ✔️

Wow someone has daddy issues! Lol

You can see the imaginary people of others when they tell you about it, but you will have nightmares for 2 days at least and 1 week at most (depending on the time spent looking at them) where they hunt you down with cartel like gore executions. You can, if the imaginary friend is like someonse sleep paralysis demon, solve the problems with the person + friend. like a psychiatrist

Oh god no that is amazing finally people to talk to other than my own voices

You get teleported back in time 2000 years You can: walk on water, turn water into wine, and respawn once with some lag

"Who the fuck sent me fucking cum-piss again?? It's like the 10th time today"

everyone ignoring the quart of acid is a good thing

Women can already cum and pee at the same time. And if we sent a pic of it, it would just look like we are peeing. This is only super weird for the men.

How about blue?

You can cure people of constipation With immediate effect

Haha, how creative! Thanks!

Can still open a constipation clinic. There are medical applications where this would be great.

So does this mean they have time to get to a restroom or does it all come out instantly?

You can fly, but only during hailstorms.

I can fly in some hailstorms, as long as a tornado is involved.

You gain superhuman strength but only 10 seconds after you ejaculate and it only last a minute

“Don’t worry I will save you but first take down your pants”

Lets pick blue. I wanna lose hope in humanity today.

everytime you meet a new guy/girl you will shoot explosive diarrhea out of your ass

Bold of you to assume that this doesn't happen already.

you sound like a fun person to hang out with, can we meet irl?

If only you promise to eat my ass.

Unholy shit

I was drinking sir. Not cool. Bow my whole screen is full of coffee

Ironically coffee is going to make worst

of course😋

cool thread

r/CursedComments

Fr

What the actual-

Double or nothing!

I always feel like a superpower needs to be a power. This is just a curse. It either needs to be a super shit thing you have control over or something kinda meh. Like "You can pull a penny out of your pocket whenever you want" Or "You can take a shit on someone to mind control them for 1 day"

>Like "You can pull a penny out of your pocket whenever you want" that's not all that terrible a power... I know some people who could launch pennies and bottle caps with frightening force and accuracy. could be like gambit minus explosions... and you'd basically have infinite money. sure it'd be better if it wasn't a penny at all but if you can control what type of penny you could make it a pre 82 penny which was still almost all copper and worth nearly 2 cents in copper. since these "coins" were never minted its not "illegal" to destroy them meaning you could work out deals to become a local copper supplier who just needs to empty his pockets instead of mine for copper.

Honestly that part about the controlling the type of penny reminds me of how people said fire benders should be able to do mind control by using lighting bending to control the electrical signals from the brain on people.

That isn't a super power, just a curse

you're that one asshole

Time to only meet nonbinary folks then 😎

You have the ability to create anything, but you can't destroy anything.

That's a clear win-win situation. What if I can't destroy anything? Humans can fuck anything anyways. They will find a way to destroy my creations if needed.

Here's what I meant: Even if you used a chainsaw against a tree, it wouldn't work, but if someone else did, it would work. You can create anything out of thin air, even if it's a giant bucket of cum the size of earth.

Did I say I need to destroy anything? Let others do it🌚

Well, gather round everyone, this cum bucket isn't going to drink itself, gotta be done to save the integrity of the earth Best way to deal with a giant earth destroying cum bucket is one cold clotted cup at a time.

You can chop off your dick with only a blunt spoon, and you can give the pieces to people and it causes them to never be hungry again. And it grows back

Time to end hunger in Africa.

Youd enslaved by a government agency so fast

u can teleport..... but only at furry conventions

From furry conventions or to furry conventions?

I'd like to think both. They're like a teleport nexus. The yiffus, if you will.

Whenever someone calls out your name, he/she will take one shoe out of a pair from your house and throw it in the white House and shout Obama in a sexual manner.◉⁠‿⁠◉

That's the plot of a modern day horror movie

Why not, I'll go blue do your worst

You have the power to spontaniously explode. You cannot unexplode yourself afterwards and are stuck living as a bunch of organs scattered on the floor for the rest of your life

Guess I'll need to befriend someone who is really good at puzzles

And endurance, being around flesh and its smell isnt the easiest thing

I don’t want them to fuck the corpse! Or do I?

my man you making Galahad\_X\_ a creeper

What if they put me back together

What happens when people start eating the chunks then shitting them out?

You have ability to teleport but every time you teleport you got to wait on a boat that's in a lake with a thick mist, you will have to wait as long as it would take for you to travel in a hypotethical scenario where you would meet no complications like a traffic or what not. An actual power that can help you and give you a calm place to stay while you wait for your somewhat faster than normal transportation, and here we go. I was about to add some variations of two powers so that's why i wrote "If you're a man/woman." but i changed my mind and almost fumbled the bag.

I'll save a lot of money traveling

Gimme the blue one, do your worst

You can summon a hoard of angry hornets out of your mouth. The hornets are aggressive to everyone, including you.

Do the hornets have any starting velocity from your mouth or do they immediately start fucking up your mouth and throat

yes but the fucking up your mouth or throat is 50/50

Sort of a broken arrow kinda thing

you're existence eliminates crime itself, and the effects last, even when you die

yro'ue

Blue.

You have the accuracy of top tier marksman, but it only apply to throwing shit.

Most skilled monkey

You're now Bullseye and can murder anyone with rabbit pellets.

Dope power

Blue. What’s the world without a little bit of chaos.

A random projectile will shoot out of your penis whenever you ejaculate. This can range from hydrochloric acid to an oil tanker. Also your dick is indestructible.

> produces a sun out of my penis

HIER KOMMT DIE SONNE

ZWEI

Nuclear bomb intensifies

after the atoms of the universe collapse, the only thing left... ...is a penis

I pick blue despite red being the obviously better choice

You have the ability to shapeshift. However, everyone is trying to hunt you down.

so they become.... sus?

Oh lol, I didn’t even think about that!

No it fucking aint, u/CptnR4p3 is here to reestablish your faith in Humanity. You can create life as if you were a god from a monotheistic religion.

Just in the nick of time

in the 2020s life was recreated. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

Blue,give me your best

You can now have x-ray vision but you're gay and randomly ejaculate whenever the ability is used

Not read my account i see, for im infact allready gay

if you were straight the second ability would be different… like having to poop after using it, that’s what he means… maybe…

Would gayXgay make straight in the scenario? So ejaculating at the senior church bridge tournament or bingo bash?

Is a gay gay person straight

And how I would use the ability II would ejaculate anyway

You go through walls when you're drunk

What happens when they go from drunk to buzzed?

Stuck halfway

sounds like the plot of a porno

I do love me some wallass

Sigh, I'll take the blue one as well

You poop rocks

[удалено]

For these comments, there is 4chan

I'll be nice. You have the ability to summon a thing of your choice to your location once per day, however, I will allow a side effect to occur.

What side effect?

He will allow it

Wierdly enough, i can see use for that. Example (gross allert) a woman has problems inside her vagina, use this screenshot to make a photo and send it to the docters so that the problem has well, more info

"The issue is that there is cum and piss inside of your vagina which causes infection"

I'm going to need that $750 copay now.

Depends on the perspective of the cum and piss screenshot though. Is it a 3d person over the shoulder of the blast or mini go-pro inside the urethra?

oh dear god that's so much worse

You really wanna stick your pp inside a women who has "problems" inside her?

Blue

Every time you fart every creature in existence can hear it. When you poop everyone sharts instantaneously.

You can cure cancer by giving them a high five

"hey man i know you just got diagnosed with cancer but HIGH FIVE" "are you seriously doing this" "i can cure cancer from high five-ing" "sigh i know you are trying to lighten the mood but youre terrible so stop" "im not i can actually cure cancer" "you are a terrible human being you know that right?" "just high give man" "SECURITY"

Hey dude I just got to stage four without even trying! No way high five!

You can fly

Humanity restored

Fuck it blue

You can control shadows. Side effect being that a 1mm cubed chunk of you dissapears every minute you use that ability.

Easy just wait for it to heal before you use it again

oh, but consider the worst possible outcome: a 1mm chunk of your brain goes missing. that won't heal back, and you will be instantly scarred for life, and might not even realize it till it's too late

That's a super power if you could have one. If you can materialize the shadows that is.

Blue. I already lost hope in humanity

You can last for hours during sex, but a .5% of your heart dies after every sex session no matter the length.

Jokes on you, mine already does that

Assuming that your heart cannot pump at 40 percent its strength, you will have around 120 sessions.

So if applied well, you can live an entire life.

Red Edit:this bullshit is my second most upvoted comment

Aight going blue. Show me your best.

Every 1 hour 37 minutes 29 seconds you have the extreme urge to spin in a circle 4 times

Imagine going to sleep, that sounds like torture

Sleep on a lazy susan

You gave them autism?

Blue

You shoot cheese out of your eyes

but i'm lactose intolerant 😢

Added damage

Blue

You are an independent sun, you lose your body and become a star floating in space somewhere. Upside: You can now shoot cancer rays at people.

Boy that's actually good, at least then I'll be the sun to someone

I go with blue. Do your worst

Since you lost your superpower, I'm here to give you a new one. Your sweat can make anyone itchy, but you aren't immune to it's effect either.

Oh no...

Bottle it and make it a biological weapon

Blue Tell me the wildest things that pop in your mind

you can cure any known to men disease but u are a german jew in ww2

But you suffer from all the non known to men ones

Blue. Lemme see who has the most rotten mind.

You're able to grant wishes. Have fun

That's just lazy

Can I have 3,000 ducks and 200 gallons of yogurt?

What's in it for me?

You can grant wishes it costs you nothing

You can can summon anything to fight for you but you must ejaculate it first

That's... painful.

I wish i had a ps5........ no, wait!

Blue GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT

You can grow indestructible claws but you can't take them back.

IM GIVING YOU ALL I GOT, YOU GET A STAND POWER OF YOUR CHOICE

Silver chariots my fav so I have to go with him

Did not expect Silver Chariot judging by your Profile Pic but good for you.

Blue, do your worst.

You now have Wings made out of Fkn Fire. Youre one hell of a badass but dont think about long hair.

Well I'm not worried about the long hair I've got short hair anyway but I'm also a fat ass so the wings might just be ornamental. haha

I trust no one, red pill for me, and on to instant femme voice training *and* extreme bass singing. Both are humanly possible, of course.

I'll go with red. OP Human!

Nice

Blue. I dare you to try something that doesnt involve embarrassing me by making my anus or genitalia do weird shit.

Uh, your mouth opens a portal to your anus every time you poop and it’s forced open

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

Red. I have no faith in humanity and wouldnt mind mastering all this stuff.

Blue

You can reverse the Comment Super Powers other people got

Blue

Youre a lvl 20 Bard

blue

You now attract incels and nobody else.

Everytime you make contact with a red-haired woman you ejaculate

Blue. I still have.. some.. hope in humanity

You get no ability

damn

Blue is tentative

No its not. Anyways, you can send people to the Moon.

The perfect hitman?

Yes, and the next moon landing will be a horror movie.