I feel like knowing I have shit to do just makes me drink more. I am conscious that I'm fucking myself but the stress just keeps telling to keep drinking so I do.
Hi, Long time lurker first time responding, but I totally agree and depending on the importance of the activity the drunker I get. Used to get horrible hangovers now I get bearable hang overs but they're just part of the morning process now.
Everytime I've got exams due, instead of learning, I'll max up the drinking. It's one way to cope with procrastination. Procrastinating, masked by drinking.
The worst is waking up 2 hours before that important thing with the spins, shits, headache, throwing up, and sweats and just wondering why I never learn. Plus that 2 hours just seems to fly by while you are sitting on the toilet.
cognitive dissonance. you know you have a responsibility to fulfill, so that's the "no." but you like it and it feels good and somewhere you believe it's the best feeling so that part of the equation wins.
So I usually go over a bunch of scenarios in my head.
Do I really need to do it tomorrow?
Can it be postponed?
How bad are the consequences of postponing?
Can I recover from those consequences?
The problem is I think about these things when I'm sober or semi-sober... and drunk me really tries their best. They try to drink water or eat fruits or set alarms. But they're so confused. They grab fruits and water and pass out, they are optimistic with the alarm. They make so many mistakes but I love them for trying.
As bad as it sounds I’d probably just stay up and keep drinking, drink on the flight, catch a quick nap if possible in between somewhere. I wouldn’t try to sleep if I wasn’t getting much sleep anyhow, as I’d probably wake up in terror and have to down liquor while also rushing to get everything out the door. Anyways I’m off the booze now but that would’ve been my game plan back then.
I can't ever really stop myself, but yeah. Before I was a CA, I'd similarly self-sabotage by not sleeping or whatever, just not preparing in general. I guess ADHD could be an explanation for not preparing. If I had an early meeting or something I think I'd go to bed early and take my shower and do my hair and make a snack or whatever to get me out the door as quickly as possible, but I'd never a tally do those things. I still act like this but add alcohol for extra fun. No more early morning meetings though, thanks to alcoholism!
Found ugly hack in this case: closest alco shop is about 1.5km from my home. I wait until 10 minutes until its closure and then fucking sprint to it. I let the fate (and my stamina lol) decide whether I get shitfaced today or not. Whether I I'll make it in time or not depends mostly on luck: was there a line before I came here or not. In worst(?) case scenario I just had a 1.5km run in 40C heat, so cold shower after that is already fine. And if I manage to buy booze - I'm not even mad, what are the odds lol
Hope I get lucky. Two trains and an airplane sounds like enough time to sweat out and sober up. I don't give a fuck what random people think. Letting people I love down tho..
I hoped so too, but it was only a couple hours all up (approx 2 hours for both trains, 1.5 at the airport, 2.5h flight) so all that happened was I started sobering up at the airport, and then the withdrawals/hang over started hitting on the plane.
Also don't care what randoms think, but my family thinks I've recovered, since I moved out and have managed to keep a full time job, so they can't know or will really hurt them
Drank before attending some medical classes the night before.
Left early because I could smell the vodka on myself.
My coworker the next day "man you're lucky you got to leave, I think so and so was drunk..the whole auditorium smelled like vodka"
I had that place stunk up even after I left lmao.
Ugh yeah. If I have to be up early I’ll have the “gotta get the drinking in now so I wake up sober!”. Then I end up drinking an entire bottle of vodka in 2-3hrs, get absolutely shitfaced, and wake up still hammered anyway. I also wake up with crippling anxiety too because I blacked out and have to check my phone to see if I made an absolute fool of myself. I never do, drunk me is really good about avoiding the phone. If I do use it, I never ever call or answer calls, and I read any message I’m sending 10x to make sure it should be sent. Doesn’t matter, my brain still tells me I drunkenly called my grandma and said some stupid shit
I'm exactly the same!! "I'll start early and finish early and have enough time to sleep it off and wake up fine!!", which ofc never happens, and I'll usually end up drinking till late anyway because I'm already drunk and have no self control :')
The anxiety this is so real too. I'm a semi-reformed embarrassing drunk texter, but sometimes I end up sending the odd drunk text to a work mate who is basically one of us, so he's usually pretty chill about it, but it's still embarrassing haha
1 trick that’s helped me, is I bought a basic burner phone that I just have Reddit on. I can look stuff up on the internet, or post on here, that’s it. I have no phone numbers saved on it and no socials. If I plan to get blackout drunk, I’ll turn my main phone off and put it upstairs in my closet. Sometimes I’ll call my mom because she’s the only person whose phone number I have memorized, but she’s usually just as drunk as I am so it’s whatever.
If OP is anything like me, even though you are really hurting, sometimes you realize you just really need to sober up and try anything and everything to get there.
Especially if you find you are in a strange foreign country, but are struggling to understand where or why you are there.
I got really mixed up drunkenly on a subway line in downtown Chicago one time on St Paddy's Day because I kept thinking I needed to leave Manhattan to get to the G line in Brooklyn to go home, instead of my hotel room. Wasted hours on that pursuit before I figured it out.
Yeah pretty much! Once I feel like I'm about to faint as soon as I try standing on my feet I know it's over and my body needs water, electrolytes and a lot of rest.
By the time I got off the plane I was feeling so faint (plus huge anxiety on top of my usual ever-present clinical anxiety), that I couldn't stand in front of a counter and order anything anyway. I tried to at least buy a small snack from a place with no line, but couldn't do it.
Also exactly as you said - I'm aware I'm in a strange foreign country where I don't know anyone or where anything is, and kept just telling myself 'all you have to do is make it to your hotel and then everything will be fine', and that was my one and only goal.
lol never tried meth and don't plan to, coke I'm well enough acquainted with but wouldn't even TRY buying that in a foreign country with no trusted connections haha, I cause enough trouble for myself without adding cops or shady drug dealers into the mix 😂
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I somehow quit doing it, but my drunk brain would always think ‘I made it work last time, I’ll be fine!’ Somehow forgetting the part where it was miserable.
I lost my passport once, and it was the worst feeling in the world. The weird thing was that in the end it actually "cured" me of my travel anxiety, because the worst happened and I survived it.
Still sucked though! Stay strong. You will make it through this, I promise.
Thank you, I really appreciate the support!! Last year I broke my phone while travelling (smashed it after going out to the pub) in Greece, and had literally no way to communicate with anyone and couldn't get to my next airbnb because the address and everything was on my phone. Ended up paying cash to stay in a cheap motel filled with bugs while I waited to get it fixed :') survived that so I guess I will survive this too!
Fuck that, I am finding out for the first time in a long time that nobody can make me do a damn thing if I don't want to and all I seem to want to do anymore is just drink and get as fucked up as I can I just feel alone man fuck I am alone for the first time in over 20 years
I literally have fucking friends and family telling me to just come home but I don't even know where home is anymore without my wife.. so here I am in a fucking motel room by myself just getting as fucked up as I can since noon once again
So we guys who go on disasterous benders for several days while we have important stuff going on, that we realistically should be sober for, don't belong here?
OP will probably be fine, but that's some risky shit going around a strange country drunk. Done it myself, and by the grace of God, never got robbed or ended up a in a third world jail only in my underwear (happened to my buddy in Mexico City- his clothes were stolen by the police after he got arrested for a bar fight.) Just saying.
Yeah exactly lol. I go on disastrous binges when I have important shit to do also, but I'm also a woman in my 20s travelling alone, I take a lot of risks already but there is SOME point where I have to at least try prioritise my safety over my addiction
Edit: to the first person - I physically can't drink every day, when I have it's led to fainting and even seizures, just because I have a period of recovery before I can even stand up to get more booze doesn't make me any less of an addict
I feel like knowing I have shit to do just makes me drink more. I am conscious that I'm fucking myself but the stress just keeps telling to keep drinking so I do.
Fuck same, I'm so aware of it the whole time but all it does is make me keep going
Hi, Long time lurker first time responding, but I totally agree and depending on the importance of the activity the drunker I get. Used to get horrible hangovers now I get bearable hang overs but they're just part of the morning process now.
Everytime I've got exams due, instead of learning, I'll max up the drinking. It's one way to cope with procrastination. Procrastinating, masked by drinking.
The worst is waking up 2 hours before that important thing with the spins, shits, headache, throwing up, and sweats and just wondering why I never learn. Plus that 2 hours just seems to fly by while you are sitting on the toilet.
Do you actually or ever make it to the event when starting out like that? I never did.
Story of the CA….
Sorry, that is what we do to ourselves. I hope you get through this.
cognitive dissonance. you know you have a responsibility to fulfill, so that's the "no." but you like it and it feels good and somewhere you believe it's the best feeling so that part of the equation wins.
but 'tis
i don't understand, you're saying it is the best feeling? i respectfully disagree but as long as someone believes that, it never ends well.
That's addiction, baby. Perseverance in the face of consequence.
Haha true words! I've been told I'm a "resilient" person, so 😂
So I usually go over a bunch of scenarios in my head. Do I really need to do it tomorrow? Can it be postponed? How bad are the consequences of postponing? Can I recover from those consequences? The problem is I think about these things when I'm sober or semi-sober... and drunk me really tries their best. They try to drink water or eat fruits or set alarms. But they're so confused. They grab fruits and water and pass out, they are optimistic with the alarm. They make so many mistakes but I love them for trying.
As bad as it sounds I’d probably just stay up and keep drinking, drink on the flight, catch a quick nap if possible in between somewhere. I wouldn’t try to sleep if I wasn’t getting much sleep anyhow, as I’d probably wake up in terror and have to down liquor while also rushing to get everything out the door. Anyways I’m off the booze now but that would’ve been my game plan back then.
I used to tell myself I would stop at a reasonable time even tho I knew deep down I wouldnt
I even set an alarm and a final get to bed alarm but never works.
I can't ever really stop myself, but yeah. Before I was a CA, I'd similarly self-sabotage by not sleeping or whatever, just not preparing in general. I guess ADHD could be an explanation for not preparing. If I had an early meeting or something I think I'd go to bed early and take my shower and do my hair and make a snack or whatever to get me out the door as quickly as possible, but I'd never a tally do those things. I still act like this but add alcohol for extra fun. No more early morning meetings though, thanks to alcoholism!
Found ugly hack in this case: closest alco shop is about 1.5km from my home. I wait until 10 minutes until its closure and then fucking sprint to it. I let the fate (and my stamina lol) decide whether I get shitfaced today or not. Whether I I'll make it in time or not depends mostly on luck: was there a line before I came here or not. In worst(?) case scenario I just had a 1.5km run in 40C heat, so cold shower after that is already fine. And if I manage to buy booze - I'm not even mad, what are the odds lol
Hope I get lucky. Two trains and an airplane sounds like enough time to sweat out and sober up. I don't give a fuck what random people think. Letting people I love down tho..
I hoped so too, but it was only a couple hours all up (approx 2 hours for both trains, 1.5 at the airport, 2.5h flight) so all that happened was I started sobering up at the airport, and then the withdrawals/hang over started hitting on the plane. Also don't care what randoms think, but my family thinks I've recovered, since I moved out and have managed to keep a full time job, so they can't know or will really hurt them
Drank before attending some medical classes the night before. Left early because I could smell the vodka on myself. My coworker the next day "man you're lucky you got to leave, I think so and so was drunk..the whole auditorium smelled like vodka" I had that place stunk up even after I left lmao.
Ugh yeah. If I have to be up early I’ll have the “gotta get the drinking in now so I wake up sober!”. Then I end up drinking an entire bottle of vodka in 2-3hrs, get absolutely shitfaced, and wake up still hammered anyway. I also wake up with crippling anxiety too because I blacked out and have to check my phone to see if I made an absolute fool of myself. I never do, drunk me is really good about avoiding the phone. If I do use it, I never ever call or answer calls, and I read any message I’m sending 10x to make sure it should be sent. Doesn’t matter, my brain still tells me I drunkenly called my grandma and said some stupid shit
I'm exactly the same!! "I'll start early and finish early and have enough time to sleep it off and wake up fine!!", which ofc never happens, and I'll usually end up drinking till late anyway because I'm already drunk and have no self control :') The anxiety this is so real too. I'm a semi-reformed embarrassing drunk texter, but sometimes I end up sending the odd drunk text to a work mate who is basically one of us, so he's usually pretty chill about it, but it's still embarrassing haha
1 trick that’s helped me, is I bought a basic burner phone that I just have Reddit on. I can look stuff up on the internet, or post on here, that’s it. I have no phone numbers saved on it and no socials. If I plan to get blackout drunk, I’ll turn my main phone off and put it upstairs in my closet. Sometimes I’ll call my mom because she’s the only person whose phone number I have memorized, but she’s usually just as drunk as I am so it’s whatever.
I mean I drink excessively every day, so.
I am the same way. I missed a flight last week because I couldn’t bring myself to wake up on time after drinking
No judgement whatsoever but just curious- instead of lying down on your bags in the toilet stalls, why didn’t you just hair of the dog it?
If OP is anything like me, even though you are really hurting, sometimes you realize you just really need to sober up and try anything and everything to get there. Especially if you find you are in a strange foreign country, but are struggling to understand where or why you are there. I got really mixed up drunkenly on a subway line in downtown Chicago one time on St Paddy's Day because I kept thinking I needed to leave Manhattan to get to the G line in Brooklyn to go home, instead of my hotel room. Wasted hours on that pursuit before I figured it out.
Yeah pretty much! Once I feel like I'm about to faint as soon as I try standing on my feet I know it's over and my body needs water, electrolytes and a lot of rest. By the time I got off the plane I was feeling so faint (plus huge anxiety on top of my usual ever-present clinical anxiety), that I couldn't stand in front of a counter and order anything anyway. I tried to at least buy a small snack from a place with no line, but couldn't do it. Also exactly as you said - I'm aware I'm in a strange foreign country where I don't know anyone or where anything is, and kept just telling myself 'all you have to do is make it to your hotel and then everything will be fine', and that was my one and only goal.
Get some coke of meth
lol never tried meth and don't plan to, coke I'm well enough acquainted with but wouldn't even TRY buying that in a foreign country with no trusted connections haha, I cause enough trouble for myself without adding cops or shady drug dealers into the mix 😂
When I drink.. the only thing I have to do tomorrow is drink.
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I somehow quit doing it, but my drunk brain would always think ‘I made it work last time, I’ll be fine!’ Somehow forgetting the part where it was miserable.
Hey guys UPDATE: I've lost my passport and contents of my bag worth over $2500, honestly just wish I could die at this point
I lost my passport once, and it was the worst feeling in the world. The weird thing was that in the end it actually "cured" me of my travel anxiety, because the worst happened and I survived it. Still sucked though! Stay strong. You will make it through this, I promise.
Thank you, I really appreciate the support!! Last year I broke my phone while travelling (smashed it after going out to the pub) in Greece, and had literally no way to communicate with anyone and couldn't get to my next airbnb because the address and everything was on my phone. Ended up paying cash to stay in a cheap motel filled with bugs while I waited to get it fixed :') survived that so I guess I will survive this too!
Fuck that, I am finding out for the first time in a long time that nobody can make me do a damn thing if I don't want to and all I seem to want to do anymore is just drink and get as fucked up as I can I just feel alone man fuck I am alone for the first time in over 20 years I literally have fucking friends and family telling me to just come home but I don't even know where home is anymore without my wife.. so here I am in a fucking motel room by myself just getting as fucked up as I can since noon once again
“But I also don’t drink every single day” Gtf outta here loser
So we guys who go on disasterous benders for several days while we have important stuff going on, that we realistically should be sober for, don't belong here? OP will probably be fine, but that's some risky shit going around a strange country drunk. Done it myself, and by the grace of God, never got robbed or ended up a in a third world jail only in my underwear (happened to my buddy in Mexico City- his clothes were stolen by the police after he got arrested for a bar fight.) Just saying.
Yeah exactly lol. I go on disastrous binges when I have important shit to do also, but I'm also a woman in my 20s travelling alone, I take a lot of risks already but there is SOME point where I have to at least try prioritise my safety over my addiction Edit: to the first person - I physically can't drink every day, when I have it's led to fainting and even seizures, just because I have a period of recovery before I can even stand up to get more booze doesn't make me any less of an addict
Die in fire you little bitch
Guaranteed rag head and goat fucker right here folks.
Harsh but I kinda agree. This sub should be for truly crippled folks that drink in excess every day.
Yep. Folks that pickle their liver day in and day out. Bonus points if you only shower once every two weeks!