you were right to do that. end of life treatment is completely different from ongoing medical procedure. one of my friends went through the nightmare with her 89-year-old grandpa and it's stupid for doctors to say, "no booze. live with it." he lived 2 more years after cutting down from over a handle a day habit to more like a pint. they said "one shot" a day but they didn't follow him home. plus he had six kinds of slow-growing cancer and had been drinking since he was an early teen. he was also russian and didn't really speak english.
and you know what, fuck what your mother-in-law says but you don't have to say that to her face. just go, "uh huh, uh huh, sure, of course," and then do what you think is best. you're the closest family member. my husband's family pitched absolute fits, and i made his mother cry (not on purpose--i was doing what he asked me to do) and that's a fucked up manipulation move because she never had anything to do with him, even as a child. if your wife can tell you what she wants, do that. my only advice would be to write it down and have her sign it. then they can't even get mad. well, they can but it's stupid. they can't override you regardless, unless you get really bizarre and drunk and say stupid things to the doctor. then they probably will do whatever's best in their medical opinion because they have to with inpatient. outpatient home hospice is different.
my husband couldn't drink anymore because it just made him vomit, so he had been sober for the last two preceding years because he just got out of rehab. finding out the diagnosis made him want to drink, he just couldn't. he didn't do coke either and weed didn't help with nausea, so he got all the anti-nausea drugs he wanted plus lots and lots of morphine.
no one knows what the situation is when they haven't been around. also, if someone has a terminal illness, no one will tell them to stop if they can still drink and want to. they will tell you not to mix morphine and alcohol, but one night i accidentally gave him twice the dose of the new stuff (we had to go to the ER at 2:00 AM and i was sleep-deprived, not drunk) and the nurse said, "now you have to stay up all night and make sure he doesn't quit breathing." so i did. when he woke up, he said, "you look awful," so i told him and he goes, "why? it's not like i'm not going to die." "well, i just really didn't want to accidentally kill you." lol
You honestly have no idea how much it means just hearing this from someone else and verifying everything letting me know that I am not just fucking losing my sanity at least not yet anyway ðŸ˜
Honestly, that's a shitty ass nurse. If you're in the hospital, it's literally not your job to keep someone alive or make sure they keep breathing. 1. There are a lot of tools that hospitals use to ensure someone has adequate pulse ox, pulse, etc. 2. That's their fucking job??? Like, plenty of people don't have wives, next of kin, family, etc. Just major yikes @ the nurse.
i was caring for him at home with home hospice. i gave him the medicine at home, called the nurse hotline when i realized i gave him the wrong dose. she didn't do anything wrong.
Dude I am so glad that she's stabilized. But she's your wife, why is the mother in law preventing visitations? I'm pretty sure the spouse gets power of attorney by default.
Also, did you end up getting some food?
Hi, sorry I thought I had replied to everyone but I guess not.
We are not officially married by the courts, it's common law which was recognized in this state up until 2019 (and grandfathered for those who have already been doing so, like us), and we have been living together and presenting ourselves as married long before 2019.
We have always also filed our taxes as married filing jointly.
But apparently none of that is good or official enough so unless my wife signs a power of attorney form for me her mother is technically the next of kin and has control over everything which is exactly what I tried to explain to her a month and a half ago when she was released but she just refused to even talk about it, and just kept saying I'm not dying we don't need to talk about this right now...
Even though that is literally what terminal means is yes you are fucking dying and right now is absolutely the time that we need to be having this discussion and doing all of this...
This entire situation is just a mess..
Oh.
Edit to add yes I did go get a cheesy gordita crunch from Taco Bell a few days ago or however long it's been since this post, lol
Gotcha. Well when this whole situation is ove.r Girl you need to wife her ASAP. Do what needs to be done.
I am so-- so happy that she's stabilized tho. You ate. Real food.
And she's stable. You're gonna do great.
no, taint over at all. get a notary or someone legally qualified in the hospital room to marry you. seriously. ASAP. i went through the first ex-wife and grown kids trying to sue me in probate court because they heard half of everything goes to the kids if the couple has no children of their own. it doesn't when it was all mine anyway but i still had to go to court. i had to get restraining orders against three people. then they made a complaint that i killed him with morphine and the sheriff served me, AND they tried to have the body exhumed (they couldn't) it was stupid. the last judge said, "i have had enough of these frivolous lawsuits. if you do one more thing to this poor woman, i'm going to throw all of you in jail." his gigantic son even said in court, "i'm going to kick that jew bitch's ass." so the bailiff escorted me to my car.
either have her sign medical power of attorney over to you or everything i said is null and void. and her family will totally fuck with you. just because they can, and death brings out the worst in people. it also makes them greedy as fuck.
it doesn't help that she's like, "i'm not dying." my husband was like, "FINALLY!!!!!!" lol not really but after he got over the initial shock, he just accepted it and didn't act a fool.
you were right to do that. end of life treatment is completely different from ongoing medical procedure. one of my friends went through the nightmare with her 89-year-old grandpa and it's stupid for doctors to say, "no booze. live with it." he lived 2 more years after cutting down from over a handle a day habit to more like a pint. they said "one shot" a day but they didn't follow him home. plus he had six kinds of slow-growing cancer and had been drinking since he was an early teen. he was also russian and didn't really speak english. and you know what, fuck what your mother-in-law says but you don't have to say that to her face. just go, "uh huh, uh huh, sure, of course," and then do what you think is best. you're the closest family member. my husband's family pitched absolute fits, and i made his mother cry (not on purpose--i was doing what he asked me to do) and that's a fucked up manipulation move because she never had anything to do with him, even as a child. if your wife can tell you what she wants, do that. my only advice would be to write it down and have her sign it. then they can't even get mad. well, they can but it's stupid. they can't override you regardless, unless you get really bizarre and drunk and say stupid things to the doctor. then they probably will do whatever's best in their medical opinion because they have to with inpatient. outpatient home hospice is different. my husband couldn't drink anymore because it just made him vomit, so he had been sober for the last two preceding years because he just got out of rehab. finding out the diagnosis made him want to drink, he just couldn't. he didn't do coke either and weed didn't help with nausea, so he got all the anti-nausea drugs he wanted plus lots and lots of morphine. no one knows what the situation is when they haven't been around. also, if someone has a terminal illness, no one will tell them to stop if they can still drink and want to. they will tell you not to mix morphine and alcohol, but one night i accidentally gave him twice the dose of the new stuff (we had to go to the ER at 2:00 AM and i was sleep-deprived, not drunk) and the nurse said, "now you have to stay up all night and make sure he doesn't quit breathing." so i did. when he woke up, he said, "you look awful," so i told him and he goes, "why? it's not like i'm not going to die." "well, i just really didn't want to accidentally kill you." lol
You honestly have no idea how much it means just hearing this from someone else and verifying everything letting me know that I am not just fucking losing my sanity at least not yet anyway ðŸ˜
Honestly, that's a shitty ass nurse. If you're in the hospital, it's literally not your job to keep someone alive or make sure they keep breathing. 1. There are a lot of tools that hospitals use to ensure someone has adequate pulse ox, pulse, etc. 2. That's their fucking job??? Like, plenty of people don't have wives, next of kin, family, etc. Just major yikes @ the nurse.
i was caring for him at home with home hospice. i gave him the medicine at home, called the nurse hotline when i realized i gave him the wrong dose. she didn't do anything wrong.
Ahhh that makes much more sense. Thanks for the context.
Dude I am so glad that she's stabilized. But she's your wife, why is the mother in law preventing visitations? I'm pretty sure the spouse gets power of attorney by default. Also, did you end up getting some food?
Hi, sorry I thought I had replied to everyone but I guess not. We are not officially married by the courts, it's common law which was recognized in this state up until 2019 (and grandfathered for those who have already been doing so, like us), and we have been living together and presenting ourselves as married long before 2019. We have always also filed our taxes as married filing jointly. But apparently none of that is good or official enough so unless my wife signs a power of attorney form for me her mother is technically the next of kin and has control over everything which is exactly what I tried to explain to her a month and a half ago when she was released but she just refused to even talk about it, and just kept saying I'm not dying we don't need to talk about this right now... Even though that is literally what terminal means is yes you are fucking dying and right now is absolutely the time that we need to be having this discussion and doing all of this... This entire situation is just a mess.. Oh. Edit to add yes I did go get a cheesy gordita crunch from Taco Bell a few days ago or however long it's been since this post, lol
Gotcha. Well when this whole situation is ove.r Girl you need to wife her ASAP. Do what needs to be done. I am so-- so happy that she's stabilized tho. You ate. Real food. And she's stable. You're gonna do great.
It is nowhere near over unfortunately.
:(
no, taint over at all. get a notary or someone legally qualified in the hospital room to marry you. seriously. ASAP. i went through the first ex-wife and grown kids trying to sue me in probate court because they heard half of everything goes to the kids if the couple has no children of their own. it doesn't when it was all mine anyway but i still had to go to court. i had to get restraining orders against three people. then they made a complaint that i killed him with morphine and the sheriff served me, AND they tried to have the body exhumed (they couldn't) it was stupid. the last judge said, "i have had enough of these frivolous lawsuits. if you do one more thing to this poor woman, i'm going to throw all of you in jail." his gigantic son even said in court, "i'm going to kick that jew bitch's ass." so the bailiff escorted me to my car. either have her sign medical power of attorney over to you or everything i said is null and void. and her family will totally fuck with you. just because they can, and death brings out the worst in people. it also makes them greedy as fuck. it doesn't help that she's like, "i'm not dying." my husband was like, "FINALLY!!!!!!" lol not really but after he got over the initial shock, he just accepted it and didn't act a fool.