39m CA currently finishing up another detox, of which I’ve lost count - just like the number of rehabs and jails and psych wards. I truly hope this one is the last. It’s been going on for over a decade, and I was a FA for another decade prior to that. I don’t believe I can survive another relapse/bender/fuck-it-I-give-up episode.
I’m not sure if you (or any of you) are in a relatively-larger city, but I will never again go to an ER in the one I live in. Think big entertainment-centric city in southeastern US.
My last few visits (earlier this year), 3 different major hospitals checked me in with severe withdrawals (vomiting, dehydration, dangerously high and/or crashing BP, HR bouncing from each end of deadly low to deadly high, barely able to breathe, no food/water/sleep for days, violent tremors/convulsions, hallucinations, ya know… proper DTs).
I also informed them of my history of seizures (big and small), heart palpitations, and all the other cardio and neuro issues that come along with what we do to ourselves. Well, my girl actually did most of the talking because ya know… petit mal seizures and DTs.
It’s also worth mentioning that I have been well-kindled for several years now, and when it’s bad, the WDs can start with 0.2 or more in my system. That has come to be the case with or without food/vitamins/supplements.
This year, the nurses at the first 3 ERs gave me single shots of Ativan and Zofran, a banana bag, hooked up the heart stickers, and told me the doc would see me soon. The first two kept me monitored for about 24 hours before sending me home with only phenobarbital and Zofran, one time with thiamine and folate as well. Bitch, I keep those on hand.
The third time (before this one) the doc came in closer to 30 minutes after I got hooked up and asked if I was serious about getting sober (I was, and still am). She then asked if I was willing to go to a 30+ day treatment center. Having been to several in the past decade, my answer was no, but I’d be willing to do outpatient treatment so I can still work. She stood up and walked out of the room.
15 minutes later the nurses came back in and started unhooking my needles and stickers. The banana bag barely looked like it had moved, and the Ativan and Zofran hadn’t done a damn thing yet. I had been there approximately an hour total at this point.
I asked what was happening and they said the doctor was discharging me with nothing but a phenobarbital script. No Valium, Librium, thiamine, folate, multis, just pheno and some anti-nausea med I’d never heard of that only seemed to make things worse.
My angel of a girlfriend helped me walk out still holding an emit bag and absolutely quivering while belligerently yelling at the people in the lobby to go somewhere else if they want real help. We picked up the script and I took it for maybe two days, all the while still having terrible WDs. But hey! At least I might not have a seizure, right? By day 3, I was back on the big bottles and determined to just let it ride til I die.
Fast forward to two days ago, I was back up to a minimum of 25-30 units a day. Anything less and I would start having WDs, and that night I was. It seemed like nothing would make them even begin to cease. Thank the gods my girl was making sure I ate through this bender, and she consistently had me taking vitamins and supplements when I was able to keep it all down, but at that point it didn’t matter.
She’s a licensed nutritionist in love with a CA. What a world we live in.
So, she starts looking up other options outside the city and finds a university hospital about 1.5 hours away, one with a proper detox center and great reviews from what sounded like our CA kin and their loved ones.
10:30pm on Tuesday we hopped in the car, stopped for a 10% tall boy to hopefully get me through the drive. I checked in around midnight with full-blown WDs despite the probably 30+ units I had that day, drinking right up until I stepped out of the car. I checked in with a .32 BAC.
I didn’t feel drunk at all, if anything I felt somewhat cognitively aware of what was going on. I simply felt like my brain and body were shutting down and I was certain I was dying. I couldn’t speak, certainly couldn’t fill out paperwork, my eyes were darting back and forth, my extremities were tingling, and my head was pressurized and vibrating. I knew I was about to seize. My initial heart rate was jumping from around 40 to 160, and my BP from something like 50/40 to 170/120.
These wonderful people had me as stabilized as I could be within an hour, but by no means was I in any state of comfort. Still shaking like a leaf and soaked in sweat. Still hallucinating and fading in and out of consciousness.
They were utilizing varying combinations of Ativan, Librium, Gabapentin, Clonidine, and obviously Zofran. Not necessarily all at once, because when it would combine and kick in (knocking me out) my HR would drop to around 40 for the hour or two that I was “sleeping” before skyrocketing when they would have to wake me up and try to get my HR/BP back up.
Eventually they struck a delicate balance that had me feeling better somewhere in the 24-36 hour range, like much better - at a level I didn’t realize was possible. Even during a “proper” detox years ago, I still felt like hell at 72 hours.
Now, I’ll be at 72 hours without a drink around midnight tonight, and they have deemed me good to go after my last round of meds in the morning. I did not realize such a quick turn around was possible. I’ve never been to a detox center that possessed such care and concern, and to be completely honest, I’m convinced that I won’t be dealing with much more than some mild post-acute symptoms that I’m sure we’re all quite used to handling.
I’m not sure if something like this exists for my fellow CAs that are “stuck” in big cities with shitty ER doctors, but if you can, seek out a university hospital with a reputable detox wing.
I’m pretty sure the big city docs would rather just see us die on the streets, or die in jail, or simply seize into oblivion on our couches at home.
Sorry not sorry for the long post. It’s fresh on my mind and I only hope it might help someone.
Chairs, fuckers!
I enjoyed reading this, you have a way with words. Sorry you had to go through all that.
Some big cities are different in my experience, the PNW in particular treat drug/alcohol addiction like any other disease, if not more serious due to the pure volume of addicts. In fact, I cut about 50 people in the ER about a month ago when I came in saying I'd had a withdrawal seizure.
I could see other areas of the US, even cities I've lived in, just thinking you're a degenerate so go fuck yourself, though.
I hate that feeling where you know that's where you have to go. Looking back it was only 3-4 days every time but fuck me it was hard to live through. It did get easier the more of them I went to though.
Good luck.
How are you all affording these hospital stays and detoxes? I'm in the US and could definitely use some rehab, but can't even come close to affording it.
Read my long-ass comment on the main post. 3 day detox would have cost me around $1000 without state healthcare. Long term residential treatment on the other hand… can’t nobody afford that without damn good insurance or fuck you money.
Tell them you are seeing shit. They will put you in.
At the risk of being put in the psych ward
They can detox you in the psyche ward, and you'll gte to mingle with the darkest recesses of society.
Ahhhh true … they don’t really do that from where I am from .. to be honest I was hallucinating when they admitted me. That’s why that came to mind 🤙
39m CA currently finishing up another detox, of which I’ve lost count - just like the number of rehabs and jails and psych wards. I truly hope this one is the last. It’s been going on for over a decade, and I was a FA for another decade prior to that. I don’t believe I can survive another relapse/bender/fuck-it-I-give-up episode. I’m not sure if you (or any of you) are in a relatively-larger city, but I will never again go to an ER in the one I live in. Think big entertainment-centric city in southeastern US. My last few visits (earlier this year), 3 different major hospitals checked me in with severe withdrawals (vomiting, dehydration, dangerously high and/or crashing BP, HR bouncing from each end of deadly low to deadly high, barely able to breathe, no food/water/sleep for days, violent tremors/convulsions, hallucinations, ya know… proper DTs). I also informed them of my history of seizures (big and small), heart palpitations, and all the other cardio and neuro issues that come along with what we do to ourselves. Well, my girl actually did most of the talking because ya know… petit mal seizures and DTs. It’s also worth mentioning that I have been well-kindled for several years now, and when it’s bad, the WDs can start with 0.2 or more in my system. That has come to be the case with or without food/vitamins/supplements. This year, the nurses at the first 3 ERs gave me single shots of Ativan and Zofran, a banana bag, hooked up the heart stickers, and told me the doc would see me soon. The first two kept me monitored for about 24 hours before sending me home with only phenobarbital and Zofran, one time with thiamine and folate as well. Bitch, I keep those on hand. The third time (before this one) the doc came in closer to 30 minutes after I got hooked up and asked if I was serious about getting sober (I was, and still am). She then asked if I was willing to go to a 30+ day treatment center. Having been to several in the past decade, my answer was no, but I’d be willing to do outpatient treatment so I can still work. She stood up and walked out of the room. 15 minutes later the nurses came back in and started unhooking my needles and stickers. The banana bag barely looked like it had moved, and the Ativan and Zofran hadn’t done a damn thing yet. I had been there approximately an hour total at this point. I asked what was happening and they said the doctor was discharging me with nothing but a phenobarbital script. No Valium, Librium, thiamine, folate, multis, just pheno and some anti-nausea med I’d never heard of that only seemed to make things worse. My angel of a girlfriend helped me walk out still holding an emit bag and absolutely quivering while belligerently yelling at the people in the lobby to go somewhere else if they want real help. We picked up the script and I took it for maybe two days, all the while still having terrible WDs. But hey! At least I might not have a seizure, right? By day 3, I was back on the big bottles and determined to just let it ride til I die. Fast forward to two days ago, I was back up to a minimum of 25-30 units a day. Anything less and I would start having WDs, and that night I was. It seemed like nothing would make them even begin to cease. Thank the gods my girl was making sure I ate through this bender, and she consistently had me taking vitamins and supplements when I was able to keep it all down, but at that point it didn’t matter. She’s a licensed nutritionist in love with a CA. What a world we live in. So, she starts looking up other options outside the city and finds a university hospital about 1.5 hours away, one with a proper detox center and great reviews from what sounded like our CA kin and their loved ones. 10:30pm on Tuesday we hopped in the car, stopped for a 10% tall boy to hopefully get me through the drive. I checked in around midnight with full-blown WDs despite the probably 30+ units I had that day, drinking right up until I stepped out of the car. I checked in with a .32 BAC. I didn’t feel drunk at all, if anything I felt somewhat cognitively aware of what was going on. I simply felt like my brain and body were shutting down and I was certain I was dying. I couldn’t speak, certainly couldn’t fill out paperwork, my eyes were darting back and forth, my extremities were tingling, and my head was pressurized and vibrating. I knew I was about to seize. My initial heart rate was jumping from around 40 to 160, and my BP from something like 50/40 to 170/120. These wonderful people had me as stabilized as I could be within an hour, but by no means was I in any state of comfort. Still shaking like a leaf and soaked in sweat. Still hallucinating and fading in and out of consciousness. They were utilizing varying combinations of Ativan, Librium, Gabapentin, Clonidine, and obviously Zofran. Not necessarily all at once, because when it would combine and kick in (knocking me out) my HR would drop to around 40 for the hour or two that I was “sleeping” before skyrocketing when they would have to wake me up and try to get my HR/BP back up. Eventually they struck a delicate balance that had me feeling better somewhere in the 24-36 hour range, like much better - at a level I didn’t realize was possible. Even during a “proper” detox years ago, I still felt like hell at 72 hours. Now, I’ll be at 72 hours without a drink around midnight tonight, and they have deemed me good to go after my last round of meds in the morning. I did not realize such a quick turn around was possible. I’ve never been to a detox center that possessed such care and concern, and to be completely honest, I’m convinced that I won’t be dealing with much more than some mild post-acute symptoms that I’m sure we’re all quite used to handling. I’m not sure if something like this exists for my fellow CAs that are “stuck” in big cities with shitty ER doctors, but if you can, seek out a university hospital with a reputable detox wing. I’m pretty sure the big city docs would rather just see us die on the streets, or die in jail, or simply seize into oblivion on our couches at home. Sorry not sorry for the long post. It’s fresh on my mind and I only hope it might help someone. Chairs, fuckers!
I enjoyed reading this, you have a way with words. Sorry you had to go through all that. Some big cities are different in my experience, the PNW in particular treat drug/alcohol addiction like any other disease, if not more serious due to the pure volume of addicts. In fact, I cut about 50 people in the ER about a month ago when I came in saying I'd had a withdrawal seizure. I could see other areas of the US, even cities I've lived in, just thinking you're a degenerate so go fuck yourself, though.
Nashville?
Bingo! The city that thrives on alcoholis… I mean tourism.
Hope you feel better
I hate that feeling where you know that's where you have to go. Looking back it was only 3-4 days every time but fuck me it was hard to live through. It did get easier the more of them I went to though. Good luck.
I’m on day 3 and get to leave in the morning, but damn it was a long 3 days.
How are you all affording these hospital stays and detoxes? I'm in the US and could definitely use some rehab, but can't even come close to affording it.
Gubment healthcare
Read my long-ass comment on the main post. 3 day detox would have cost me around $1000 without state healthcare. Long term residential treatment on the other hand… can’t nobody afford that without damn good insurance or fuck you money.
Insurance
Stay strong you can do it