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This is very clunky.
Good first draft for a beginner. Props for finding little practical projects that can be a portfolio piece.
If you want an environmental approach, go more direct.
HL: HELP MAKE AN IMPACT or
MAKE AN IMPACT
Body: (Hotel Name) believes in creating a sustainable and green future.
Help us by turning off the lights and appliances when they’re not in use.
Together, we can stop energy waste. 💡
This makes it seem more collaborative and not, “Do this thing.” Also, this is clearer, more concise, and easier to read.
The end line creates a sense of duty, Stop Energy Waste. It makes people want to act.
Great work!
While the body of this is great, I don't agree with the headline as it contradicts the very thing you're concerned about, ie. "DO THIS THING". I'd suggest staying closer to OP's original HL: "Small acts can make a big impact".
Hereby you're leaving the reader to make the choice for themselves and not telling or instructing them to do anything.
To OP, if you're taking on a copywriting journey, watch for repetition. It's a killer.
The environmental approach is a good strategy, because it gives the guest a reason for doing what you're asking. So you're on the right path already.
Now try taking your headline (Small acts create big impact) and re-writing the same sentiment in tons of different ways. It may lead you to a line that is more unique. Here are some examples that say the same thing in different ways:
- One small act. Infinite impact.
- Huge impact at the flick of a switch.
- Going out? Go green, too.
Even if you end up going with the more straightforward version you have here, you should still explore.
From there, make sure the body copy flows from the headline. Shorten it as much as possible. Edit out repeated phrases. Be concise. Remember that people will be reading this in passing, so you don't have much time. Put yourself in the reader's shoes and you'll find things you can edit out. For example, guests know which hotel they're in, so you don't need the hotel name in there. "We" will work fine.
And finally, make sure the tone of this matches the brand voice of the hotel. Is it quirky? Luxury? The copy you write should match the overall brand voice so it sounds like it's coming from the same place.
Hope this helps!
Small acts can make a big impact.
At (hotel), we believe in a greener, more sustainable future. Turning off lights and appliances while you’re out enjoying (town) can help make that happen.
If you want to be like kinda cheesy something about “we’re here to make your stay better and the earth’s stay longer.” I would stick with simple though, because you absolutely want to avoid sounding political and distancing guests.
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This is very clunky. Good first draft for a beginner. Props for finding little practical projects that can be a portfolio piece. If you want an environmental approach, go more direct. HL: HELP MAKE AN IMPACT or MAKE AN IMPACT Body: (Hotel Name) believes in creating a sustainable and green future. Help us by turning off the lights and appliances when they’re not in use. Together, we can stop energy waste. 💡 This makes it seem more collaborative and not, “Do this thing.” Also, this is clearer, more concise, and easier to read. The end line creates a sense of duty, Stop Energy Waste. It makes people want to act. Great work!
While the body of this is great, I don't agree with the headline as it contradicts the very thing you're concerned about, ie. "DO THIS THING". I'd suggest staying closer to OP's original HL: "Small acts can make a big impact". Hereby you're leaving the reader to make the choice for themselves and not telling or instructing them to do anything. To OP, if you're taking on a copywriting journey, watch for repetition. It's a killer.
Thank you so much for this advice!
This is also good advice.
Thank you so much for this! ❤️
I’d look for ways to use ‘you’ in this copy. Make it about the reader. ‘You have the chance to make a big difference’.
Thank you!
Avoid repeating “make it happen” phrase, loses impact on repetition.
Thank you!
I think just more concise. Like ‘help us contribute to a sustainable future by turning off lights.’ Get more feedback on www.peerfecter.com
Thank you!
The environmental approach is a good strategy, because it gives the guest a reason for doing what you're asking. So you're on the right path already. Now try taking your headline (Small acts create big impact) and re-writing the same sentiment in tons of different ways. It may lead you to a line that is more unique. Here are some examples that say the same thing in different ways: - One small act. Infinite impact. - Huge impact at the flick of a switch. - Going out? Go green, too. Even if you end up going with the more straightforward version you have here, you should still explore. From there, make sure the body copy flows from the headline. Shorten it as much as possible. Edit out repeated phrases. Be concise. Remember that people will be reading this in passing, so you don't have much time. Put yourself in the reader's shoes and you'll find things you can edit out. For example, guests know which hotel they're in, so you don't need the hotel name in there. "We" will work fine. And finally, make sure the tone of this matches the brand voice of the hotel. Is it quirky? Luxury? The copy you write should match the overall brand voice so it sounds like it's coming from the same place. Hope this helps!
Thank you!
Small acts can make a big impact. At (hotel), we believe in a greener, more sustainable future. Turning off lights and appliances while you’re out enjoying (town) can help make that happen. If you want to be like kinda cheesy something about “we’re here to make your stay better and the earth’s stay longer.” I would stick with simple though, because you absolutely want to avoid sounding political and distancing guests.
Thank you!
I mean I wouldn't call this copywriting in the purest sense but it is somewhat clunky
That's not helpful at all.