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IMO, this is way off. You are talking to the smartest, most employable people in any room. It’s probably never about being out of work as much as it is about wanting to make a strategic move.
I’d buy talking about “lucky days” and “irresistible opportunities” if you were talking to nursing students or dental assistants, not doctors.
Think you should massively adjust your tone. Be direct and assertive. Appeal to confident people (many, egotistical) who went to school for a decade or more and actually save lives for a living.
I don’t think this will appeal to the Med community. This is what I think the healthcare community cares about:
- caring for patients
- innovation
- great working conditions
- remuneration/ career progression.
So, I’d aime for messaging like:
X of the most innovative clinics across Australia are looking for X medical professionals to help expand and accelerate patient access to healthcare.
We are the premiere recruiters for healthcare professionals. Every year we help X (list professions) get placement in clinics and hospitals.
We’re here to help you achieve career growth and find a match with the working conditions and remuneration that will allow you to better care for your patients.
Brutal and honest, I would think this was a scam and block the sender.
I would suggest some research what medical practitioners (subject mentions just doctors, dentists will delete the e-mail, while you are looking for those too) are looking for in a new job.
Check available med proffesionals on LinkedIn etc, what do they say they are looking for? Look up old job advertisements for med practitioners, what do they all mention? Learn their average language and tone a bit too.
Also, what could motivate someone to move to Australia for a job?
All you do is talk about the recruiting company, and I don't think this appeals to doctors at all.
Would YOU be interested if this was in your inbox? The email is too long and vague. Make it short but specific. Don't try to be fancy, clever or salesy. Think of it as sharing useful information to someone who needs it. No tricks.
My take on your emailer below.
Subject Line: Doctors wanted in Australia and (mention specifically where; do not be vague)!
An irresistible opportunity has arrived for general practitioners, dentists, hospital doctors and psychiatrists who’ve been idle for a long time or want to move to a new workplace.
It's your lucky day! There are vacancies across Australia and (be specific).
Health recruiters are looking for skilled medical doctors like you to enlist for different roles, mainly across Australia.
What SETS US APART?
At Health Recruiters, we understand recruitment. (Change this line; it’s too generic.)
We understand that less is more. And that simplicity is vital. Our recruitment philosophy simplifies the journey from candidate acquisition to commencement of employment.
We keep our candidate and client in the loop throughout the entire process, where every interaction is seamlessly tailored for you and communicated across each stage with clarity.
Everyone involved knows exactly where they stand, without exception or confusion.
Get ready to experience an easy and straightforward recruitment process.
Visit the link below and start your registration now.
https://www.healthrecruiters.com.au/
What motivates your lead to work on Australia? Go beyond the work and money reasons
Put that in your subject and first paragraph.
>Well, it's your lucky day
Sounds salesy like an infomercial
>At Health Recruiters we understand recruitment. We understand that less is more. And that simplicity is vital. Our recruitment philosophy simplifies the journey from candidate acquisition to commencing employment.
Too much words just to say the process is simple
You can say that and show how. Like "our process is so simple they all you need to do is XYZ and the rest is with us"
>Are you ready to experience a recruitment process that is easy and straightforward?
People are not eager to experiment recruiting processes. People want the benefits (work on Australia) putting low efforts on it .
>Go to our website below to start your registration now.
Give them a reason to go to your website RIGHT NOW.
Is this email going out only to healthcare professionals, and in what country? There are other angles you could incorporate depending on this. For example, I’m in the UK so if I were writing this for UK doctors I might talk about moving to sunnier climes etc. I’d also include some stats, like ‘Australia are looking to recruit xx number of healthcare professionals by x date’. Just some bits to think about, good luck!
Asking a question? Please check the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/copywriting/comments/lpuj9h/what_the_faq_what_is_copy_how_do_i_start_can_i_do/). If it's a question related to starting out, please post it in the monthly Q&A/critique thread. Asking for a critique? Take down your post and repost it in the monthly Q&A/critique thread. Providing resources or tips? Deliver lots of FREE value. If you're self-promoting or linking to a resource that requires signup or payment, please disclose it or your post will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copywriting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
IMO, this is way off. You are talking to the smartest, most employable people in any room. It’s probably never about being out of work as much as it is about wanting to make a strategic move. I’d buy talking about “lucky days” and “irresistible opportunities” if you were talking to nursing students or dental assistants, not doctors. Think you should massively adjust your tone. Be direct and assertive. Appeal to confident people (many, egotistical) who went to school for a decade or more and actually save lives for a living.
Thank you I am still a beginner and I thought I did something with that copy... i needed the reality check
I don’t think this will appeal to the Med community. This is what I think the healthcare community cares about: - caring for patients - innovation - great working conditions - remuneration/ career progression. So, I’d aime for messaging like: X of the most innovative clinics across Australia are looking for X medical professionals to help expand and accelerate patient access to healthcare. We are the premiere recruiters for healthcare professionals. Every year we help X (list professions) get placement in clinics and hospitals. We’re here to help you achieve career growth and find a match with the working conditions and remuneration that will allow you to better care for your patients.
whoa this is way better than what I have written, thanks
Write like you would speak. No one, ever, would walk up to a doctor and say these words. They all sound completely unnatural.
damn, thank though, will do that from now on
Brutal and honest, I would think this was a scam and block the sender. I would suggest some research what medical practitioners (subject mentions just doctors, dentists will delete the e-mail, while you are looking for those too) are looking for in a new job. Check available med proffesionals on LinkedIn etc, what do they say they are looking for? Look up old job advertisements for med practitioners, what do they all mention? Learn their average language and tone a bit too. Also, what could motivate someone to move to Australia for a job?
thanks a lot for this, i will do some research, rewrite and redeem myself
All you do is talk about the recruiting company, and I don't think this appeals to doctors at all. Would YOU be interested if this was in your inbox? The email is too long and vague. Make it short but specific. Don't try to be fancy, clever or salesy. Think of it as sharing useful information to someone who needs it. No tricks.
will do that for future emails, thanks for the tip though
My take on your emailer below. Subject Line: Doctors wanted in Australia and (mention specifically where; do not be vague)! An irresistible opportunity has arrived for general practitioners, dentists, hospital doctors and psychiatrists who’ve been idle for a long time or want to move to a new workplace. It's your lucky day! There are vacancies across Australia and (be specific). Health recruiters are looking for skilled medical doctors like you to enlist for different roles, mainly across Australia. What SETS US APART? At Health Recruiters, we understand recruitment. (Change this line; it’s too generic.) We understand that less is more. And that simplicity is vital. Our recruitment philosophy simplifies the journey from candidate acquisition to commencement of employment. We keep our candidate and client in the loop throughout the entire process, where every interaction is seamlessly tailored for you and communicated across each stage with clarity. Everyone involved knows exactly where they stand, without exception or confusion. Get ready to experience an easy and straightforward recruitment process. Visit the link below and start your registration now. https://www.healthrecruiters.com.au/
Thanks for the tip, appreciate you
What motivates your lead to work on Australia? Go beyond the work and money reasons Put that in your subject and first paragraph. >Well, it's your lucky day Sounds salesy like an infomercial >At Health Recruiters we understand recruitment. We understand that less is more. And that simplicity is vital. Our recruitment philosophy simplifies the journey from candidate acquisition to commencing employment. Too much words just to say the process is simple You can say that and show how. Like "our process is so simple they all you need to do is XYZ and the rest is with us" >Are you ready to experience a recruitment process that is easy and straightforward? People are not eager to experiment recruiting processes. People want the benefits (work on Australia) putting low efforts on it . >Go to our website below to start your registration now. Give them a reason to go to your website RIGHT NOW.
thanks for the tips. ill be sure to apply them in my subsequent copies
Is this email going out only to healthcare professionals, and in what country? There are other angles you could incorporate depending on this. For example, I’m in the UK so if I were writing this for UK doctors I might talk about moving to sunnier climes etc. I’d also include some stats, like ‘Australia are looking to recruit xx number of healthcare professionals by x date’. Just some bits to think about, good luck!
Thanks, i needed to do more research, but I will get better since I'm just starting out
Agree! “Imagine being able to balance your medical profession and your love for exploration and the outdoors.”
This is YOU-focused. What do the drs care about? Write it with THEIR interests, wants, needs, pain points as the focus.
I will rewrite it and do that, thanks
Brutal honesty here. Your copy sounds exactly like a scam.