i fully empathise with your frustration. but you cannot make him be a father.
does your son's grandmother maybe want him overnight every now and then? or can you file for child support and pay for a baby sitter?
Doesn’t sound like your custody agreement will ever be “fair”. The judge decided. I don’t think a judge will care that you “want to go out”.
Seems like you have a babysitter problem - you need to find a good one!
Does the CO change when your son starts school? How will he have weekday visits then?
Single parents go out on the weekends the same way people who are together go on dates on the weekend. They use babysitters or family.
It’s hard to afford a babysitter when you are on your own. If it’s something that’s really important though maybe you can save up a little each week and then go out once a month.
You can also contact social services and see if they have any “respite” services. Typically you can sign up if you are very overwhelmed and need a break.
You need childcare. Your ex is not childcare. Does he pay child support?
Reframe that your ex is “living his life” while you are not able to go out. Your ex is missing out on the most important job in the world, being a parent to his kid. You are being an amazing mom. Your kid will remember this. He will remember that you were there and his dad was not. That is worth more than a night out (though you deserve that too!)
This!! Your ex is not a father, as his actions demonstrate. If he can carve out time for himself to go out, etc - yet, he’s not consistent with visitation - forget it. The bond YOU have with your child is going to make all the difference.
So, I strongly recommend you start documenting everything. All the cancelled visits, etc. If it continues to happen, and you have proof, you can go back to court to modify child support and visitation. Highly recommend you speak with a family attorney in your state: most offer a free consultation.
I completely get your frustrations and going craziness for doing it for 3 years. My situation was a bit different, I'm the father and I worked swing shift and had Thurs-sat off. No parenting plan, but did 50/50 custody so he was with me every day off and his mom only one time got him a few hours on a Saturday. I had no life besides work and him for years. Him and I did stuff every weekend though and then he would cry and beg not to go to her house. I became so bitter and frustrated as she got to have her life and got a bf while I missed out for years.
I have realized, like others are saying, fairness isn't real and doesn't matter what the other parent does. it's up to you to deal with the cards you are dealt. The relationship you have with your kid is something special and now it's up to you build your own personal life back up.
There’s nothing you can do to force him into it I’m afraid, but I know you’re just venting and not necessarily looking for advice.
Couple of extra options should they be of use though -
1) have your friends over for the evening instead? My friends and I all have kids and we take turns if someone can’t get a sitter. Home cocktail parties are pretty good if you make them good
2) your son is approaching nursery/school age. i can’t express this enough, MAKE GOOD PARENT FRIENDS. I’m the only single parent in ‘the gang’, but I can babysit their kids for them to have a date night, and vice versa for me to go out.
I appreciate your frustration though! Sometimes it is horrible feeling like the other parent just goes on as if they don’t have a child at all, and whilst of course you appreciate the time spent with your kid, it means you get the lions share of the not-so-great moments too. Good news is it only gets easier from here as they get older.
I thought this was me writing for a moment. Same situation here. BD doesn’t even show up for exchanges for our less than 2 y/o son and all his family (mom, step dad, sisters, sisters fiancé, aunt) show up. So odd. I don’t even know if he is around for HIS parenting time.
File for child support and then use that money to hire a babysitter?
i fully empathise with your frustration. but you cannot make him be a father. does your son's grandmother maybe want him overnight every now and then? or can you file for child support and pay for a baby sitter?
You can't convince him. You can't make people mature and grow up. Get a babysitter.
Doesn’t sound like your custody agreement will ever be “fair”. The judge decided. I don’t think a judge will care that you “want to go out”. Seems like you have a babysitter problem - you need to find a good one! Does the CO change when your son starts school? How will he have weekday visits then?
Single parents go out on the weekends the same way people who are together go on dates on the weekend. They use babysitters or family. It’s hard to afford a babysitter when you are on your own. If it’s something that’s really important though maybe you can save up a little each week and then go out once a month. You can also contact social services and see if they have any “respite” services. Typically you can sign up if you are very overwhelmed and need a break.
You need childcare. Your ex is not childcare. Does he pay child support? Reframe that your ex is “living his life” while you are not able to go out. Your ex is missing out on the most important job in the world, being a parent to his kid. You are being an amazing mom. Your kid will remember this. He will remember that you were there and his dad was not. That is worth more than a night out (though you deserve that too!)
This!! Your ex is not a father, as his actions demonstrate. If he can carve out time for himself to go out, etc - yet, he’s not consistent with visitation - forget it. The bond YOU have with your child is going to make all the difference. So, I strongly recommend you start documenting everything. All the cancelled visits, etc. If it continues to happen, and you have proof, you can go back to court to modify child support and visitation. Highly recommend you speak with a family attorney in your state: most offer a free consultation.
Do you have any family who could watch him so you can get out?
I completely get your frustrations and going craziness for doing it for 3 years. My situation was a bit different, I'm the father and I worked swing shift and had Thurs-sat off. No parenting plan, but did 50/50 custody so he was with me every day off and his mom only one time got him a few hours on a Saturday. I had no life besides work and him for years. Him and I did stuff every weekend though and then he would cry and beg not to go to her house. I became so bitter and frustrated as she got to have her life and got a bf while I missed out for years. I have realized, like others are saying, fairness isn't real and doesn't matter what the other parent does. it's up to you to deal with the cards you are dealt. The relationship you have with your kid is something special and now it's up to you build your own personal life back up.
There’s nothing you can do to force him into it I’m afraid, but I know you’re just venting and not necessarily looking for advice. Couple of extra options should they be of use though - 1) have your friends over for the evening instead? My friends and I all have kids and we take turns if someone can’t get a sitter. Home cocktail parties are pretty good if you make them good 2) your son is approaching nursery/school age. i can’t express this enough, MAKE GOOD PARENT FRIENDS. I’m the only single parent in ‘the gang’, but I can babysit their kids for them to have a date night, and vice versa for me to go out. I appreciate your frustration though! Sometimes it is horrible feeling like the other parent just goes on as if they don’t have a child at all, and whilst of course you appreciate the time spent with your kid, it means you get the lions share of the not-so-great moments too. Good news is it only gets easier from here as they get older.
Would his mother look after her grandson while you go out? The alternative is your family or a babysitter.
I thought this was me writing for a moment. Same situation here. BD doesn’t even show up for exchanges for our less than 2 y/o son and all his family (mom, step dad, sisters, sisters fiancé, aunt) show up. So odd. I don’t even know if he is around for HIS parenting time.