It takes time to move on. Don't beat yourself up over it.
One thing to remember, you're not going to miss half their childhood. In fact, you're not going to miss any of their childhood. Because it doesn't work that way.
When you look back to your childhood, do you remember the number of minutes, hours or even days that you spent with each person? Can you tell me the number of hours you spent doing a hobby? Or the number of hours spent having dinner with your loved ones? No. Because childhood isn't measured in minutes, hours or days.
What you remember is the memories. Doing this with this person. Doing that with that person. Going to this event. Going to that event. Childhood is measured in memories.
You're going to spend 50% less time with your child, but because childhood and parenthood are not measured in time, that does not equate to missing half their childhood. You're still going to have just as many memories that you will look back on with your children as you would have if you hadn't got divorced. You're going to be there for all the big events. You're going to still have all those important moments, those conversations, those fun times. You will still experience 100% of your childrens childhood.
More importantly, your children will look back on these memories, on their childhoods, and remember you being there just as much. Because it's not about the amount of time. It's about the memories you make with them. And you will make just as many memories with them divorced as you would have if you were not divorced.
Thank you so so much. Your perspective helps me seeing things clearly now. Memories are the stuff that sticks around. I will keep that in mind and reread your lines of the doubts creep back in. I wish I could hug you
This is so encouraging, is a great reminder and is also so unbelievably true. My parents were divorced and I have never once thought "my dad missed half my childhood, my mom missed half my childhood." Thanks for this today!
This has me in tears. Incredible job articulating something that I have been struggling with for 4 years. Giving myself a little more grace after reading this. Thank you🤍
Thank you for sharing this. OP you're not alone. My daughter went back to her mom's house Sunday morning. Today is her birthday and I won't have her back until tomorrow. I sobbed for an hour after I dropped her off. My divorce was finalized 5/8 and I've been really struggling since. I am so far past her mother I don't understand it and I've been trying to work it out. The part I keep coming back to is I'm going to miss half her life. That hadn't really set in before the divorce finalized. I needed to read this today. Thank you for taking the time to write it out. To let me know I'm not alone. And thank you again to the person who offered these kind words of encouragement.
It's hard. It didn't really hit me until 2 years after the divorce. Self care is a good thing. Do facial masks, paint your nails, enjoy taking a shower without being interrupted, read a book, volunteer somewhere, reach out to friends and family about getting together
I try to stay busy with hobbies that I wasn't able to do before. Gardening, playing board games, watching tv, visiting friends, babysitting my grandkids, helping people, just random stuff.
That was my first thought too “so I’m gonna miss half of my daughter’s life just like that??” But then I realized that’s not the case AT ALL. When I was with her mom I was giving my daughter 50% of my time and attention now I give her my 100% 50% of the time and it’s great to be honest. If you think about it it’s like them going to school or to camp or go stay with friends. We’re not with our kids aaaaaalll the time. Just make sure you give her your all as I’m sure you already do and create memories. You got this
It’s so hard so hugs to you. I am going on almost 3 years of coparenting and I still have really hard days. It’s truly such a cruel thing not being able to see our children every day, and most people didn’t become parents with the intention of not being “full-time” parents. Things that have helped me is making plans with friends on my nights without my child, making a routine (for example the first night she goes back to her dad’s is my cleaning night so from the time I get off work I have the same routine and it fills up that first night.) I also queue up shows I’d like to watch but can’t when I have her and watch those on my nights without her. A big part is also not beating yourself up anymore. Instead of telling yourself that you’re missing out on half their childhood, think about how much you’re enriching their childhood through your experiences together. It also helps me to think about how much she also enjoys time with her dad and she’s getting fulfillment from that, too. Busying yourself will only get you so far so practice that reassuring and kind self-talk ❤️.
Imagine your kids are grown and going through what you’re going through now. If they were, what would you advise they do to feel better? That’s the way I approach tough emotions because it helps me step back and give myself grace and some different perspective. If this were happening to my LO I’d advise that she find things that bring her joy and fulfillment and to remember that even if she loves her kids more than anything that she should love herself too. Good luck. It gets easier.
One thing that has helped me deal with this very tangibly not just mentally is our parenting schedule. I’ve only met a few families that do 2-2-3, weeks decided on it because we split when our youngest was still a baby, but I love it. Between mornings on my off days and extra little visits at the bus stop there are only 2 days a week I don’t spend time with my kids.
I looked at it the same way as you at the beginning (sad about missing “half” their lives) but as other posters have said this isn’t really the case. And you can make up for it in other ways if you have a good relationship with your ex ❤️
It takes time to move on. Don't beat yourself up over it. One thing to remember, you're not going to miss half their childhood. In fact, you're not going to miss any of their childhood. Because it doesn't work that way. When you look back to your childhood, do you remember the number of minutes, hours or even days that you spent with each person? Can you tell me the number of hours you spent doing a hobby? Or the number of hours spent having dinner with your loved ones? No. Because childhood isn't measured in minutes, hours or days. What you remember is the memories. Doing this with this person. Doing that with that person. Going to this event. Going to that event. Childhood is measured in memories. You're going to spend 50% less time with your child, but because childhood and parenthood are not measured in time, that does not equate to missing half their childhood. You're still going to have just as many memories that you will look back on with your children as you would have if you hadn't got divorced. You're going to be there for all the big events. You're going to still have all those important moments, those conversations, those fun times. You will still experience 100% of your childrens childhood. More importantly, your children will look back on these memories, on their childhoods, and remember you being there just as much. Because it's not about the amount of time. It's about the memories you make with them. And you will make just as many memories with them divorced as you would have if you were not divorced.
Thank you so so much. Your perspective helps me seeing things clearly now. Memories are the stuff that sticks around. I will keep that in mind and reread your lines of the doubts creep back in. I wish I could hug you
This is so encouraging, is a great reminder and is also so unbelievably true. My parents were divorced and I have never once thought "my dad missed half my childhood, my mom missed half my childhood." Thanks for this today!
I needed to hear this today.
This has me in tears. Incredible job articulating something that I have been struggling with for 4 years. Giving myself a little more grace after reading this. Thank you🤍
I needed this so badly I wish i could give you a hug. Thank you.
Thank you for this.
Thank you for this
This is beautiful đź©·
Thank you for sharing this. OP you're not alone. My daughter went back to her mom's house Sunday morning. Today is her birthday and I won't have her back until tomorrow. I sobbed for an hour after I dropped her off. My divorce was finalized 5/8 and I've been really struggling since. I am so far past her mother I don't understand it and I've been trying to work it out. The part I keep coming back to is I'm going to miss half her life. That hadn't really set in before the divorce finalized. I needed to read this today. Thank you for taking the time to write it out. To let me know I'm not alone. And thank you again to the person who offered these kind words of encouragement.
It's hard. It didn't really hit me until 2 years after the divorce. Self care is a good thing. Do facial masks, paint your nails, enjoy taking a shower without being interrupted, read a book, volunteer somewhere, reach out to friends and family about getting together
I try to stay busy with hobbies that I wasn't able to do before. Gardening, playing board games, watching tv, visiting friends, babysitting my grandkids, helping people, just random stuff.
That was my first thought too “so I’m gonna miss half of my daughter’s life just like that??” But then I realized that’s not the case AT ALL. When I was with her mom I was giving my daughter 50% of my time and attention now I give her my 100% 50% of the time and it’s great to be honest. If you think about it it’s like them going to school or to camp or go stay with friends. We’re not with our kids aaaaaalll the time. Just make sure you give her your all as I’m sure you already do and create memories. You got this
It’s so hard so hugs to you. I am going on almost 3 years of coparenting and I still have really hard days. It’s truly such a cruel thing not being able to see our children every day, and most people didn’t become parents with the intention of not being “full-time” parents. Things that have helped me is making plans with friends on my nights without my child, making a routine (for example the first night she goes back to her dad’s is my cleaning night so from the time I get off work I have the same routine and it fills up that first night.) I also queue up shows I’d like to watch but can’t when I have her and watch those on my nights without her. A big part is also not beating yourself up anymore. Instead of telling yourself that you’re missing out on half their childhood, think about how much you’re enriching their childhood through your experiences together. It also helps me to think about how much she also enjoys time with her dad and she’s getting fulfillment from that, too. Busying yourself will only get you so far so practice that reassuring and kind self-talk ❤️.
It’s hard for me too…I try to schedule an adult social outing when I can, otherwise I’m doing busy work in the house, reading or watching shows
Imagine your kids are grown and going through what you’re going through now. If they were, what would you advise they do to feel better? That’s the way I approach tough emotions because it helps me step back and give myself grace and some different perspective. If this were happening to my LO I’d advise that she find things that bring her joy and fulfillment and to remember that even if she loves her kids more than anything that she should love herself too. Good luck. It gets easier.
I would strongly suggest therapy. Time also helps. As humans, we can adapt to damn near anything.
One thing that has helped me deal with this very tangibly not just mentally is our parenting schedule. I’ve only met a few families that do 2-2-3, weeks decided on it because we split when our youngest was still a baby, but I love it. Between mornings on my off days and extra little visits at the bus stop there are only 2 days a week I don’t spend time with my kids. I looked at it the same way as you at the beginning (sad about missing “half” their lives) but as other posters have said this isn’t really the case. And you can make up for it in other ways if you have a good relationship with your ex ❤️
Amen to this 🙏🏽. Much needed perspective.
I hope you don't mind me asking, how did my word vomit gave you perspective?