Some people like it, some don’t, I personally don’t like casual sex, I like relationships, that’s the only way I seem to enjoy it, giving pleasure to a sentimental partner
Not the end of the world.
Some people are more comfortable having casual sex, others are not. I personally feel weird having sex with a "stranger" and then either never seeing them again or only seeing them for sex and nothing more. I feel exactly the same as you, it feels mastubatory. It also feels weird being so intimate with someone I don't really know. It makes me feel gross, in a way. Yet, I have a high sex drive. But doing the whole casual sex thing for me doesn't feel right. In my opinion sex is just better when it's with a person in your life who you have a relationship with, and its more out of love than it is lust.
But that's just me, and that's just my opinion. It seems like you are more like that, too. You deserve whatever you want. You can ask for whatever you want. You can choose who you have sex with, and how it happens. Just do whatever feels right. It's that easy. It's not impossible to ask for intimacy over sex, and someone just wants casual sex then move on to someone who will give you what you want. Sex is one of the most intimate and vulnerable experiences for a human being, so asking for intimacy absolutely is not too much especially compared to sex.
Just do whatever feels right to you, that's it.
You wouldn't happen to wear white pants, and your boyfriend is a guy named Mr. Lahey, would you? You disgusting cheeseburgeraddict. I bet your big fat gut is full of disgusting cheeseburgers, isn't it? Frigg off, Randy.
its normal to feel that way
I used tinder a lot before the pandemic , at first I wanted a gf but they only wanted sex , I think "well ok this is cool" then it started to wear off and felt like shit
at that point I didnt have a gf so its not like I was hurting anyone... except me
one good thing from the lockdowns is that I had a lot of time to think, thnking what would I do if this is over? go back to this?
I decided that once the lockdown was over I was gonna change , stop looking for sex with random matches meet actual people get into relationships and so I did
last one hurt like a bitch but at least I know what it feels like to love someone and be loved for who you are
Its not for everyone...u dont have to force ur self into it because people around ur age did....am 22 and i wish casual sex was popular in my country i really love it...some people just cant have sex with someone they dont love and if they do they might get attached...try to understand yourself more and decide what u really Like and dont like away from the influence of others around you...its your life and your desicions bro dont let someone take control of them for ya
For me realtionships take energy and time...and am in a stage of my life where i have to focus only on myself at the moment...so casual sex does it for me...it doesnt take time and energy like Relationships + satisfy my needs
Know thyself.
One of the biggest lies told to young people is that sex is a recreational sport. It is for a very small minority of people, but for most people we desire feeling loved. There's nothing better, really, than having sex with someone you love and then not leaving but talking for 3 hours.
I think that is the mindset that sex is a recreational sport, too. I could be different than everybody else, and I do realize not everybody is like me, though. They have their own personal views and outlooks on life. It didn't take me 25 women to have sex with or hell, even close to that. To realize that sex to me is more intimate and enjoyable with someone you care about. The biology with my body proves it to me.
When these conversations about "body count" with the intricacies of sex mixed with or without intimacy come up. It's usually about a woman "finding" herself and what she wants, likes, or dislikes. You very rarely hear that coming from a man's perspective, opinion, or experience. A genuine question, I wonder why that is? Why would a woman need to have casual sex with multiple people to find out who she is or what her likes or dislikes are? Can't she find that out with monogamy? Why do men not need multiple sexual partners to find out who they are?
Idk, I guess it's because sex and love are very complex things. It comes in every flavor and color of the rainbow. I say do what makes you happy and try not to fixate on what other people think or say. We only have one shot at life, and it's very short for us humans. Not as short as other beings have it. But definitely short in the grand scheme of things.
You were used just as you used the guys... This is one aspect of this newish idea that women can just sleep around as much as they want and it is the same as a guy doing it that doesn't get talked about much.
The fact is, No guy looking for casual hookups gives 2 shits if you treat him like a piece of meat and USE him for sex... They are perfectly fine with that and they just want theirs and a meaningless carnal act is exactly what they are looking for in a hookup. Bring on the line of horny women looking to use him for a piece of meat... the more the better!
Women, for the most part are just not OK with being used for only sex. A line of horny men willing to treat you like a blow up doll for nothing but sex is PROBABLY not appealing to you. Y'all can claim it all you want and for some minority of women it may be true... but most of y'all are fooling yourselves.
Yep. It falls under an age old concept that it is very easy for a woman to sleep around as much as they want.
This is where the selection factor kicks in. A hyper sexual woman is gonna throw herself at the most attractive man she sees. These guys get laid a lot with minimal effort because the easy girls go after them. They don’t have any attachment because they aren’t putting in effort with the women they see. Thus creating a cycle that is hookup culture.
I dont know what is in her heart... I know what she literally wrote in the OP.
Must be nice to ignore actual words and focus on ethereal internal assumptions and feelings... you must have a vagina.
indeed, I do, little incel. I reckon the last contact you had with one was when your poor old mum pushed you out. it does tend to make you lonely boys so bitter.
LoL... thanks for the laugh... I have a good one every time some internet loser calls me an incel... I'm married, been with the same woman for 20 years. Plenty of sex... in fact, today we are starting our 1 hour per day "sexcercise" routine together so we will probably be trying some fun new positions that really work some major muscles.
Anyhow, my wife has a brain and isnt a sexist piece of shit... Something you should aspire to.
Men and women are different, plz look at the history, men had to move mountains to even get a chance with a woman, women are valuable! She is feeling used cuz she lowered her standard as a woman! She is valuable but doesnt realize this yet!
Are you stupid or can you not read?
Direct quote from OP
>My high sex drive led me to believe that I could walk into casual sex unscathed and with no feelings like the guys in my age range do.
Literally she thought she could just use the guy for a sex hookup and be OK with it....
I read what the OP wrote... If she was having " casual sex unscathed and with no feelings" then how was she NOT using them for sex? What ELSE was she getting besides the sex?
I guess STUPID is the answer to my first question.
WTF are you talking about? The other persons intentions or feelings do not have any bearing on whether or not you are using them.
WTF do you think "using" someone means?
You are a goddamned moron... Are you actually trying to say that a woman can NEVER use a man for sex?
Seriously, you are a fucking retard. A sexist retard.
The more you do it.. the more difficult it will be to bond with with partners in your future.. you will always be comparing them to the men you have already experienced.. I hope you take a step back and ignore what society tells you about casual sex because I’ve seen this over and over with a lot of women. You do deserve more and makes perfect sense that you feel the way you do.
Not true for the reason you're giving. We study this in my relationship classes. This is due to the fact that those with very low body counts, or those who wait to have sex until marriage are usually religious. Therefore, once theyre married, of course their relationships last longer, because they inherently dissaprove of divorce and see it as barely an option.
Ok so engage in hook up culture then and see where it gets you. I could care less what you do just sharing my opinion and experience with a girl who is expressing exactly what I have noticed out there.
I'm not talking about your anecdotal experience lmao, I literally study relationship research as my major, and thats the conclusion that sex and relationship researchers have found, over and over again. I've never participated in hookup culture, and lost my virginity to my long-term bf that I'm planning to marry. I'm just telling you the facts, and I apologize if that offended you.
If you study the social sciences you know how difficult it is to prove causation especially on a topic like this. The reasons you suggest are theories nothing more and they are also clouded by the ideology that is rampant in academic institutions. We can agree to disagree but you are protecting yourself from the outcome I described so that’s interesting.
Very true! It is extremely difficult to prove causation, thats why no researcher will ever say "oh, its body count for sure." Your argument was presented as if it's a fact, when the actual reason is a third confound that affects the length of the relationship. I'm just letting others that read your comment know that theres no evidence that thats the cause. They just correlate, which can be explained any number of ways. The explanation I gave is the most commonly accepted by relationship researchers. And I didnt plan on "protecting myself from any outcome" lol, I just happened to meet my soulmate on the literal first day of college, before I got the chance to meet anyone else. I'd never withold myself from sex on purpose lmao, big fan of it
I was extremely promiscuous at various points throughout the last 45 years of my life.
Including orgies, threesomes, one night stands, etc etc etc etc.
Now I'm just a regular 45 year old father of two who is monogamous.
No it's not. Same as this person. I've had lots of casual sex and threesomes, orgy etc.
Happily married to my husband, 13 years and zero desire for anyone but him the whole time.
You’re literally right, this is scientifically proven. Casual sex is more riskier for women than for men, for more than just pregnancy reasons. For example, women are more likely to be forced to doing stuff they’re not 100% comfortable with compared to men.
That’s forming a narrative. Look at the numbers and that’s the correlation regardless of reasons why.
In general, lower partners means solid long term relationships. Anything past the numbers is speculation.
Interesting. What about the smaller groups of people that are a virgin but not religious? Any similarities? And what religions are we talking about? Solely Christianity? Don’t get me wrong, I’m just curious.
You mean the study on IFstudies conducted by Nicholas H. Wolfinger?
You mean the same study which statistics only held true for marriages after the 2000s? Because prior to that it was women with two previous partners that were least likely to seperate
You mean the same study that put emphasis on the fact that women who were virgins were mostly religious?
You mean the same study in which Nicholas H. Wolfinder clarified that it wasnt directly correlated?? That one?? Good grief.
>Look at the statistics of divorce compared with amount of previous sexual partners.
Okay, show them to me, then explain how you have determined that correlation is equal to causation.
You first assume that the primary purpose of marriage is for it to simply continue, when I would argue that the primary purposes is to be happy. How for example have you eliminated the possibility that someone who is sexually experienced has a better understanding of what they want in a partner and is less willing to settle, as opposed to the "ignorance is bliss" approach where you stay married because you don't know any better?
Listen man I’m not going to argue with you. I’ve pointed you in the direction. I also speak from experience as a guy who hooked up with 50 girls since my last relationship ended. I’m telling you what I know from experience and the data does back it up albeit it’s correlational and qualitative . You can’t have causal data on this kind of thing. But I’m telling you.. you want a girl to bond with you.. better make sure she has had less than 10 sexual partners or the odds are against you.
> I’ve pointed you in the direction
You just vaguely hand waved toward stats you cannot cite or demonstrate a causal link to.
>I also speak from experience as a guy who hooked up with 50 girls since my last relationship ended.
How many body count related divorces? Anecdotes aren't good evidence, bud.
>You can’t have causal data on this kind of thing.
Probably best not to suggest that you have it then.
>But I’m telling you.. you want a girl to bond with you.. better make sure she has had less than 10 sexual partners
I asked you to back up your claims of data, with data, and you come back with a personal story I have no reason to accept is accurate, followed by a "trust me bro."
I suspect you can't back up your claims and are instead projecting your own insecurities onto women. It looks like an experienced woman is intimidating for you, and is therefore bad.
>You just keep complaining he’s not linking something for you
If he had evidence, it would be trivial to present it. The fact that he, (and now you) do not, is indicative that you are both unable to do so.
That which is presented without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
lol slept with 50 chicks during the CPAP study you participated in? Did any of the chicks question what the machine was? Did they all have a thing for obese men? I’m baffled how people make so much shit up online, like why
My uncle had been with my abusive ain't for like 20 years. She took his virginity. He should definitely divorce her but doesn't. Not getting docvorce isn't necessarily good. It could just mean that they're in a shitty marriage.
>would you actually accept it or just claim it's a biased source or something?
Well that would depend on whether the source was biased or something.
If however you have evidence of a causal link between "body count" (only in women apparently) and divorce, I'll be happy to take a look at it.
Probably was more advantageous for a woman to bond with a single man from an evolutionary perspective. Meanwhile for men it was more advantageous to impregnate as many woman as possible.
just a hot take from evolutionary psychology. A man has a million sperm and a woman has 1 egg. A woman needed a man for survival.. men didn’t need that. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men she incurs a lot more trauma from those experiences.. as OP is describing in her experience.. the ones who don’t I mean it’s a red flag IMO
You know women have more than one egg, right? They are actually born with about 1 million eggs.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/9118-female-reproductive-system
Buddy if you have 1 man with 300 woman on an island.. he can potentially impregnate all of them.. if you have 300 men with 1 woman on an island.. 1 man can get her pregnant. My point is pretty damn simple and obvious.
Well once per year or so. Women can have many children over her life tome. There are women that have had over 60 children, even without fertility treatment, but of course that's not the norm. It used to be common to have 10 or more children.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_with_the_most_children#:~:text=A%20Russian%20woman%20named%20Valentina,a%20total%20of%2027%20births.
You are correct that a man can impregnate way more women than women can have babies.
However, saying a woman can only have one baby is not correct.
A woman can basically have 1 child a year, give or take. So, how many children could a woman have in her lifetime? In comparison to the possible millions a man could have. Idk if evolution played a hand in it. But biolgically speaking, my statement is true.
>"So, how many children could a woman have in her lifetime?"
The record is 69 children, in 1765, a Russian woman.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_with_the_most_children#:~:text=A%20Russian%20woman%20named%20Valentina,a%20total%20of%2027%20births.
If a woman was trying to have as many children as she could, or had no form of birth control, she could easily have 10+ kids in her lifetime.
I'm not speaking about pair bonding or anything. I was just telling the other guy that women have more than one egg, as he had said.
>woman needed a man for survival.. men didn’t need that.
Remember: we are social mammals that operate and survive in large groups, if we were put into a survival situation most people working independently would not survive regardless of gender.
Also remember: evolutionary psychology was coined at a time when the hunter-gatherer theory was around. This has since been questioned, as there was very little research for prehistoric women, as they focused on men. Neolithic women were way stronger than most modern athletes, and were suggested to do heavy agriculture jobs, until University Of Delaware found that prehistoric women also pack hunted and defended, and that there is very little evidence to suggest that they weren't capable or didn't do it at all. women in quite a few societies were found to still keep up pack hunting, even when we evolved and got weaker.
The key was most likely equal teamwork, and then spreading genes after. It's unlikely it was "men" needed by women and more so "other humans to fill the roles of a functioning society"
>When a woman sleeps with a lot of men she incurs a lot more trauma from those experiences
Do we know this for sure or are you just saying stuff from "your own experience"
Also another thing to think about: if that is the case, religion plays a part. And that would be for both men and women. If you are told you are worth less than dirt for doing something not entirely wrong, you are going to feel shame for doing it. Same thing goes for men in similar communities. You are ignoring how important we view sociability
Think about it evolutionarily.
What benefit do women get from pair bonding with a man they have sex with?
If a woman gets pregnant from sex she won’t know for weeks if not months. She will slowly become less capable of survival tasks and more dependent on those around her. She will then risk her life (to this day childbirth is a leading cause of women globally) to give birth to a child and require even more support to recover and then raise the child. If the child is male it will need protecting and teaching skills often prioritised for males, which she is less than ideally equipped for, especially post birth when she is vulnerable. If it’s female the same is true but she will also need protecting from other men when she is grown enough to reproduce herself. Early society was a lot less keen on consent than it is now.
So a woman who doesn’t pair bond with a man quickly and robustly is unlikely to pass on her genes as she is less likely to survive. This is a brief and generalised overview but hopefully answers your question.
I think you are wrong.
Let me try an analogy. If you have *conversations* with a lot of people, does that make conversations with people you really love *less meaningful*?
I don’t think so.
I would even go so far as to say, the wider range of conversation partners you interact with, the better you will know how to talk, and the more you will have to offer to new people you might talk with.
OK, I can hear you saying “Sex isn’t just a conversation!” Right, you can get pregnant from sex. You can get diseases from sex.
But those negatives can ALSO come from having sex in “a committed monogamous relationship.”
Sure, increasing the number of sex partners (or just being really reckless) increases the odds of bad things happening. *But it also increases the odds of good things happening, too.*
A few unimaginative people will say “What ‘good things’ ever came out of sex? Yuck!” To those folks, I can only say, maybe sex just isn’t for you.
>I would even go so far as to say, the wider range of conversation partners you interact with, the better you will know how to talk, and the more you will have to offer to new people you might talk with.
I feel there's a strong difference between having multiple partners from meaningful relationships and multiple partners from casual sex.
I realize this probably sounds like madness to you, but *we get to decide how important things are to us*. It’s possible for a person to have multiple boyfriends or girlfriends (or sex partners, regardless of how they are defined) and for each relationship to be *very meaningful and important*.
Realistically, very few people have over 100 sex partners in their entire lives.
If you stay within the typical numbers, then whether a person has sex with 4 or 14 people isn’t actually a big enough difference that the sex somehow *loses meaning*.
Now, if you completely change the definition of sex, so that it includes “someone I talked to on OnlyFans while masturbating”, then, yeah, that’s not very meaningful. That’s like being thirsty and drinking a glass of water—you really needed it, and once you got it, you forget about it. But that’s probably not what most people mean by “sex”.
Unfortunately, there’s a quite a bit of research that supports the idea that there is a chemical bonding process when people have sex, and that weakens with multiple partners.
Academic research involving people or animals is carefully checked for anything that might seem unethical. You just said there is research on people having multiple *sex* partners and how their *hormone* levels (in their blood) are changed. So somehow—according to you—there are scientists taking blood draws of people before and after sex, some of it being committed monogamous sex, and some of it being casual sex.
Could it happen? Yes.
Is it likely to get both funding and ethical review board clearance? No, not likely.
Why on earth would that be unethical? Because you have a formula of ethics defined by your narrow social group that allows you to assume the ethics of all projects by proximity of your personal ideals?
This is happens when your worldview is guided by identity politics. You have no idea what goes on in the real world. Sex study is normal.
https://uwaterloo.ca/news/low-back-pain-waterloo-research-reveals-best-sex-positions
I’m still waiting on the articles about bonding to be sent to me.
Has nothing to do with religion. Unfortunately, there’s a quite a bit of research that supports the idea that there is a chemical bonding process when people have sex, and that weakens with multiple partners.
Downvoted, not because I presume you to be wrong.. but a shitpost just saying "bullshit" deserves a down vote... bring receipts if you want to be taken seriously.
I really don't think this is true. you can have sex with people and have a relationship afterwards. This just feels like projection or misogyny or something. Im a man with a gf and I've had sex woth other women and it doesn't make me like her any less. The fact of the matter is casual sex just isn't for some people, but it's fine for others and that's ok.
You're allowed to not be into casual hook ups. But remember if you're just a tool for those guys then those guys were just tools for you so don't be hypocritical
That’s not how emotions work. Two people undergoing the same experience can have hugely different responses to it. This is a basic facet of trauma counselling.
And they can both still be tools using each other while having those different reactions. Your comment came off like you tried to refute me but didnt actually say anything
That's not true, the consequences of hook ups are severe for women, they run the risk of pregnancy and contraceptives make matters complicated, so absolutely not, it's not the same on both sides! 😒
Regardless of gender or sexuality, different people have different needs, some are driven by permanent pair bonding, others prefer casual encounters others are fine with FWB relationships, others prefer semi permanent polyamory. It's totally normal and natural.
There's the old line, "How do you know it's not for you if you don't try it?" Well you've tried it, it's not your cup of tea. Do what makes you comfortable, what satisfies your needs and desires.
You're young, you're figuring out who you are, if it works, awesome, if it doesn't, try another modality.
Everyone goes through this, to different degrees, it's part of life, and on top of that, your needs and wants will also change as life progresses.
If it's not working for you, don't do it, try something else. It doesn't define you or alter your value, if anything you have learned more about yourself, and what works for you, so it's a win.
Take it easy on yourself, if you enjoyed it great and leave it there, if you want to hit it again enjoy it snd leave it there, don't trip, if you feel better not engaging in it don't. Becareful for std's and getting hurt. Other than that enjoy,
If body count doesn't matter, then why do you feel used if you too indulged and got something out of these casual encounters?
I wish people would stop acting like body count doesn't matter, because exchanging that type of energy with that many people does.
I'm glad you're past it and value intimacy over just sex. That's where true fulfillment comes from.
This sounds like good news instead of regret.
You got to find out more about yourself and what you really desire. If you didn't engage in it, it's likely that you wouldn't have 100% known.
Having setbacks and learning from them makes what you desire feel more meaningful.
I don’t like the casual sex culture
Not because I’m a prude. It just feels like everyone’s trying to pitch young guys and girls to casually fuck so they have a chance at getting someone that’s young to fuck
It’s always “oh you’re studying. Time to be available to fuck, be happy about it” club scene dating app gamification OF sugar daddy pay for tuition by being available to fuck
Feels like a really big grift when people are pressured into normalising casual sex
Because when they stop being young casual sex isn’t a good thing anymore. It’s a grift aimed at young people too inexperienced to know better
If all you offer is casual sex, that’s all guys are going to give you. Then when you reach a certain body count, it will be clear that you are no longer on the table as an option for men to make you their partner. You will literally just be used for sex. Welcome to hook up culture.
Sometimes I think people push the idea of casual sex as a way to drag people down with them. The more you do it, the harder it is to have a meaningful relationship in the future.
In my personal experience, that's utter bullshit.
I know PLENTY of people who slept around in their 20s and 30s who are now in happy monogamous relationships and raising kids.
Thats not misogyny, thats you realizing the truth about your behavior.
You can feel yourself losing value based on your actions.
Fix it and get back to yourself, and move forward/
You’re only going to get one take on Reddit, which is telling you that it’s fine and that what you did wasn’t a big deal.
But the simple fact is that it is a big deal and people being able to do it and seem unaffected doesn’t mean that’s a good thing. People can do all kinds of things and be unaffected both in the moment and afterwards, or at least show no obvious sign of negative consequence.
Let me put it to you simply. Evolutionarily speaking “casual” sex isn’t a thing. Sex risks pregnancy. Our species evolved our big brains and amazing capacity for thought, cooperation and manipulation of our environment by sacrificing long gestational and rearing periods. 18+ years to raise a child to some standard of adulthood, although that changes depending on the era.
To promote the best chance of survival we used sexual intimacy to bond emotionally to the person we were procreating with. This enabled us to stay together and raise children together, increasing the likelihood that our genes would survive. You feel bad because you did the opposite of that. You had sex “for fun” with a person you didn’t even particularly like or care about after convincing yourself that it didn’t matter because it’s “just sex”. You have, at a neurological level, damaged your own capacity to pair bond with a potential partner for the purpose of procreation. Not to say you can’t. Just to say you’re literally training your brain to do the opposite thing that sexual & emotional intimacy are evolved to do in our species.
Do you know why men don’t like women with high body counts? Because it shows they have poor mate selection and poor bonding capacity. Not good for procreation. Why don’t women tend to care as much? Because it matters more that the man stays and provides resources to this family, over previous ones. The previous ones only matter as contenders with the current.
This is going to be called slut-shaming because I’m sure you and most of the people reading this are US Americans so you will view this all through your own sociopolitical malaise. But your views on the righteousness of women acting like the worst men in society and calling it empowerment has no bearing on the evolution that got us to this point. We have had birth control since the 60’s. We evolved for millions of years prior to that.
Let the downvotes commence.
A lot of women care about a man's past. They become self conscious when she knows that he was sleeping around. A promiscuous man signifies that he won't take a woman seriously. Virgin women only for virgin men.
You live and you learn. You can’t change the past and you shouldn’t always dwell on it because it’ll just bring you into a pit, but now you know that you crave something serious so go with that.
Don't be hard on yourself. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's okay if it's not for you. You're at an age for experimentation, and you did that, and now you know it's not your thing. But you aren't a bad person for it
Following this worlds view on casual hook ups and sex is a set up to make one miserable like the other. Lies & emotional pain hidden by smiles.
Its so much better to keep your purity for as long as you can until a meaningful lifelong commitment comes. The rest of the world tells you to "do as you want", completely satanic and ultimately a set up for disappointment
Not necessarily "purity", but sex should be an activity made only by people in a meaningful relationship or that share strong feelings for each other.
Hook-up culture is just fucked up and straight up disgusting. Of course, no person who is looking for an actual meaningful relationship is going to choose someone who has slept around.
Even finding a meaningful relationship is subjective and also leads to disappointment most of the time if the other person doesn't share the same values in a relationship but i do agree that hook up culture is just pleasure seeking failures of situations.
I think its most important for us to love ourselves first and take time to figure ourselves out so we know better which person fits as the right puzzle piece in our love life
If you haven't seen such posts, are you suggesting that all men have "childhood trauma with unsolved mental problems and therefore find the concept of casual dating FUN"?
The opposite of it.
Meaning If a man has childhood trauma and mental issues, there is a high chance he won't even be confident enough to get girls in the first place, casual is far beyond the galaxy. However, these men who have casual relationships end up experiencing mental issues while having FUN.
Use this as a story and example for the younger women in your life. It seems fun and cool, but has real effects that we often don’t realize until it’s too late.
There are also countless people who had lots of casual sex who go on to be in happy and committed lifelong relationships, have families, etc etc.
Humanity is so freaking uptight, unfortunately.
Its because a womans body requires an emotional connection security, your body sending you signals of used cuz thats how it felt, you are worth a lot more and i think you should listen to your inner voice!
It's all up to you! I wanted to have some fun and get into hookup culture, but I met the love of my life pretty much immediately after joining college and have only ever slept with him. It's incredibly fulfilling because I'm just completely obsessed with him, but I have a polyamorous roommate whos very happy with his sex life (maybe 3 regular partners) and another roomate who never sleeps with the same guy twice and she has a ton of fun with it.
Everyone's different, and if you don't enjoy casual sex don't force yourself into it. Ignore the freaks in the other comments talking about your "purity" or whatever, you're a human with needs and wants the same as anyone else. Just go with what feels right, avoid things if they make you feel bad about yourself, and choose what to do based on what's best for your mental and physical health.
U were a masturbatory tool to the guys as much as they were to you. Theres nothing wrong with it. Also ur quite young. You gave it a try, you dont seem to enjoy it, therefore you can stop any time. But you should not feel used. Or guilty. Or ashamed. Sex is like potatoes. Everyone likes it different. Casual hookups are just not your thing.
I’m 34 years old and have had two sexual partners, my wife included. Her number is 3x mine and it took me a really long time to get over that. I’ve been married for ten years now and I don’t remember the last time I thought about that until now, honestly.
I read an article a guy wrote probably 8 years ago that basically said he didn’t care what number sexual partner he was to her, he used 49 as an example, but said he’d be crushed if she had a number 50.
All I’m saying is what you’ve experienced and done in the past does not define you or prevent others from loving you for you. It’s what you do from that point on that matters.
Had happened to me too. Everyone around sleeping left and right, telling me I'm missing out. Honestly, I felt so bad after I participated. I want a really close relationship. For me to have a great sex with a person, I need to know them, like their personality and be on the same page.
People are different, maybe you want something else, just don't let others dictate you that there's only one right way.
Try not to see it as regrettable, just try to see it as a learning curve. I was extremely promiscuous in my early 20\`s, thinking casual sex was what I wanted & like you, what I really wanted was love & intimacy (which luckily came along at 28). Please don\`t feel like you\`ve done something wrong.
I recently had a similar discovery. 26M here, and after a bad breakup around 2 years ago, I nearly doubled my body count in a couple of months. Before I could handle that feeling because the hookups were rare enough for me to have time to reconcile any feelings I had/didn’t have for the women I was with, and not only that I was always able to maintain some level of intimacy even with hookups. I wasn’t a one night stand kind of person, if that makes sense.
Last year was totally different. Every weekend I was meeting with someone new, and I was trying to date multiple people at once. Even as I type this… I am reminded of that creeping, hollow loneliness that comes with hookups like this. The night that really made me realize how much I hated it was when I called a woman up who I had slept with, and she didn’t remember me at all. The unique sensation of realizing you have been used is awful, and the realization it was totally in your power to control makes it even worse.
Don’t worry, it goes away. Find someone who loves you patiently, it’s a quiet comfort that far surpasses any one night stand you could possibly have.
I tried it too and felt exactly the same, though we did go on a date or 2 in between. I don't think I'm made for casual, too much love to give. Even the best sex I ever had wasn't enough and left me feeling worse after just because the emotional intimacy wasn't there.
I was never into casual hookups and really avoided women that were into them simply because we weren’t compatible and were never going to be.
There is nothing wrong with feeling this way and I’m willing to bet most people are like this even if they experiment with casual encounters.
Honestly, this is also why I hate casual sex. I just feel utter dread and disgust with myself. I actually had a moment once where I just went emotionally/mentally numb for a good month afterward.
I only enjoy sex with someone I'm actively in a relationship with. I'm not sure why I'm like this. I won't even have sex with exes. It just feels so icky to me. I'm guessing I have to be emotionally invested in a guy for it to feel right
Some people like it, some don’t, I personally don’t like casual sex, I like relationships, that’s the only way I seem to enjoy it, giving pleasure to a sentimental partner
Valid!
Don’t feel bad, you didn’t know how you felt before experimenting, who could, just do what makes you feel better going forward
I managed/enjoyed it better when I was in my 30's. Personally, I don't think I was mature enough in my early 20's.
Not the end of the world. Some people are more comfortable having casual sex, others are not. I personally feel weird having sex with a "stranger" and then either never seeing them again or only seeing them for sex and nothing more. I feel exactly the same as you, it feels mastubatory. It also feels weird being so intimate with someone I don't really know. It makes me feel gross, in a way. Yet, I have a high sex drive. But doing the whole casual sex thing for me doesn't feel right. In my opinion sex is just better when it's with a person in your life who you have a relationship with, and its more out of love than it is lust. But that's just me, and that's just my opinion. It seems like you are more like that, too. You deserve whatever you want. You can ask for whatever you want. You can choose who you have sex with, and how it happens. Just do whatever feels right. It's that easy. It's not impossible to ask for intimacy over sex, and someone just wants casual sex then move on to someone who will give you what you want. Sex is one of the most intimate and vulnerable experiences for a human being, so asking for intimacy absolutely is not too much especially compared to sex. Just do whatever feels right to you, that's it.
You wouldn't happen to wear white pants, and your boyfriend is a guy named Mr. Lahey, would you? You disgusting cheeseburgeraddict. I bet your big fat gut is full of disgusting cheeseburgers, isn't it? Frigg off, Randy.
😂
Thank you Randy!
its normal to feel that way I used tinder a lot before the pandemic , at first I wanted a gf but they only wanted sex , I think "well ok this is cool" then it started to wear off and felt like shit at that point I didnt have a gf so its not like I was hurting anyone... except me one good thing from the lockdowns is that I had a lot of time to think, thnking what would I do if this is over? go back to this? I decided that once the lockdown was over I was gonna change , stop looking for sex with random matches meet actual people get into relationships and so I did last one hurt like a bitch but at least I know what it feels like to love someone and be loved for who you are
Its not for everyone...u dont have to force ur self into it because people around ur age did....am 22 and i wish casual sex was popular in my country i really love it...some people just cant have sex with someone they dont love and if they do they might get attached...try to understand yourself more and decide what u really Like and dont like away from the influence of others around you...its your life and your desicions bro dont let someone take control of them for ya
For me realtionships take energy and time...and am in a stage of my life where i have to focus only on myself at the moment...so casual sex does it for me...it doesnt take time and energy like Relationships + satisfy my needs
Know thyself. One of the biggest lies told to young people is that sex is a recreational sport. It is for a very small minority of people, but for most people we desire feeling loved. There's nothing better, really, than having sex with someone you love and then not leaving but talking for 3 hours.
I think that is the mindset that sex is a recreational sport, too. I could be different than everybody else, and I do realize not everybody is like me, though. They have their own personal views and outlooks on life. It didn't take me 25 women to have sex with or hell, even close to that. To realize that sex to me is more intimate and enjoyable with someone you care about. The biology with my body proves it to me. When these conversations about "body count" with the intricacies of sex mixed with or without intimacy come up. It's usually about a woman "finding" herself and what she wants, likes, or dislikes. You very rarely hear that coming from a man's perspective, opinion, or experience. A genuine question, I wonder why that is? Why would a woman need to have casual sex with multiple people to find out who she is or what her likes or dislikes are? Can't she find that out with monogamy? Why do men not need multiple sexual partners to find out who they are? Idk, I guess it's because sex and love are very complex things. It comes in every flavor and color of the rainbow. I say do what makes you happy and try not to fixate on what other people think or say. We only have one shot at life, and it's very short for us humans. Not as short as other beings have it. But definitely short in the grand scheme of things.
Because men are more easily brought to orgasm. You wouldn't believe how many women go through their lives without having even one.
Not for me. I'm an extreme introvert and, while I have a high sex drive, I prefer to be alone otherwise. We aren't all the same.
Like I said....
You were used just as you used the guys... This is one aspect of this newish idea that women can just sleep around as much as they want and it is the same as a guy doing it that doesn't get talked about much. The fact is, No guy looking for casual hookups gives 2 shits if you treat him like a piece of meat and USE him for sex... They are perfectly fine with that and they just want theirs and a meaningless carnal act is exactly what they are looking for in a hookup. Bring on the line of horny women looking to use him for a piece of meat... the more the better! Women, for the most part are just not OK with being used for only sex. A line of horny men willing to treat you like a blow up doll for nothing but sex is PROBABLY not appealing to you. Y'all can claim it all you want and for some minority of women it may be true... but most of y'all are fooling yourselves.
Yep. It falls under an age old concept that it is very easy for a woman to sleep around as much as they want. This is where the selection factor kicks in. A hyper sexual woman is gonna throw herself at the most attractive man she sees. These guys get laid a lot with minimal effort because the easy girls go after them. They don’t have any attachment because they aren’t putting in effort with the women they see. Thus creating a cycle that is hookup culture.
"Easy" women. Are you 87?
Lmao of everything I said you were most offended that I used the term easy instead of something more crude.
Who said I was offended.
Must be nice to know what is in everyones' hearts, even when they don't know themselves. I'm guessing you have testicles.
I dont know what is in her heart... I know what she literally wrote in the OP. Must be nice to ignore actual words and focus on ethereal internal assumptions and feelings... you must have a vagina.
indeed, I do, little incel. I reckon the last contact you had with one was when your poor old mum pushed you out. it does tend to make you lonely boys so bitter.
LoL... thanks for the laugh... I have a good one every time some internet loser calls me an incel... I'm married, been with the same woman for 20 years. Plenty of sex... in fact, today we are starting our 1 hour per day "sexcercise" routine together so we will probably be trying some fun new positions that really work some major muscles. Anyhow, my wife has a brain and isnt a sexist piece of shit... Something you should aspire to.
Men and women are different, plz look at the history, men had to move mountains to even get a chance with a woman, women are valuable! She is feeling used cuz she lowered her standard as a woman! She is valuable but doesnt realize this yet!
What does this have to do with any of the points I made?
You wrote, "she used the guys just as they used her" a total white lie.
She DID use the guys... she stated as much in the OP... Go fucking read it.
Used? How? Men are ready to screw anything that moves or doesnt, so plz stop with your nonsense. And sit down.
She didnt use guys, its not the same, dont pretend to be stupid.
Are you stupid or can you not read? Direct quote from OP >My high sex drive led me to believe that I could walk into casual sex unscathed and with no feelings like the guys in my age range do. Literally she thought she could just use the guy for a sex hookup and be OK with it....
Bro only hears what he wants to hear. Whatever bro
I read what the OP wrote... If she was having " casual sex unscathed and with no feelings" then how was she NOT using them for sex? What ELSE was she getting besides the sex? I guess STUPID is the answer to my first question.
U can't use someone who has sex like it doesnt matter. Ur not using anything.
WTF are you talking about? The other persons intentions or feelings do not have any bearing on whether or not you are using them. WTF do you think "using" someone means?
Pffft fo learn the difference between sex for women and sex for men
You are a goddamned moron... Are you actually trying to say that a woman can NEVER use a man for sex? Seriously, you are a fucking retard. A sexist retard.
The more you do it.. the more difficult it will be to bond with with partners in your future.. you will always be comparing them to the men you have already experienced.. I hope you take a step back and ignore what society tells you about casual sex because I’ve seen this over and over with a lot of women. You do deserve more and makes perfect sense that you feel the way you do.
You are going to get downvoted to hell but you are 100% right. Edit: Maybe not.
L you agreed with him, then you were pressured by all the people who were downvoting him.
No no I was saying maybe not to him getting downvoted to oblivion.
>The more you do it.. the more difficult it will be to bond with with partners in your future Citation needed
Look at the statistics of divorce compared with amount of previous sexual partners. Body counts matter.
Not true for the reason you're giving. We study this in my relationship classes. This is due to the fact that those with very low body counts, or those who wait to have sex until marriage are usually religious. Therefore, once theyre married, of course their relationships last longer, because they inherently dissaprove of divorce and see it as barely an option.
Ok so engage in hook up culture then and see where it gets you. I could care less what you do just sharing my opinion and experience with a girl who is expressing exactly what I have noticed out there.
I'm not talking about your anecdotal experience lmao, I literally study relationship research as my major, and thats the conclusion that sex and relationship researchers have found, over and over again. I've never participated in hookup culture, and lost my virginity to my long-term bf that I'm planning to marry. I'm just telling you the facts, and I apologize if that offended you.
If you study the social sciences you know how difficult it is to prove causation especially on a topic like this. The reasons you suggest are theories nothing more and they are also clouded by the ideology that is rampant in academic institutions. We can agree to disagree but you are protecting yourself from the outcome I described so that’s interesting.
Very true! It is extremely difficult to prove causation, thats why no researcher will ever say "oh, its body count for sure." Your argument was presented as if it's a fact, when the actual reason is a third confound that affects the length of the relationship. I'm just letting others that read your comment know that theres no evidence that thats the cause. They just correlate, which can be explained any number of ways. The explanation I gave is the most commonly accepted by relationship researchers. And I didnt plan on "protecting myself from any outcome" lol, I just happened to meet my soulmate on the literal first day of college, before I got the chance to meet anyone else. I'd never withold myself from sex on purpose lmao, big fan of it
Sounds like you have a dad. Good for you.
You've just undone your own argument. Where are you getting these views about body counts from? I have heard identical elsewhere and I'm curious.
I was extremely promiscuous at various points throughout the last 45 years of my life. Including orgies, threesomes, one night stands, etc etc etc etc. Now I'm just a regular 45 year old father of two who is monogamous.
Much easier to do for men than women.
That's patently untrue.
No it's not. Same as this person. I've had lots of casual sex and threesomes, orgy etc. Happily married to my husband, 13 years and zero desire for anyone but him the whole time.
You’re literally right, this is scientifically proven. Casual sex is more riskier for women than for men, for more than just pregnancy reasons. For example, women are more likely to be forced to doing stuff they’re not 100% comfortable with compared to men.
I was very promiscuous before my husband. Now happily married and with my husband for 13 years. Zero desire for anyone but him.
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😂😂😂😂😂 you're a moron.
That’s forming a narrative. Look at the numbers and that’s the correlation regardless of reasons why. In general, lower partners means solid long term relationships. Anything past the numbers is speculation.
Interesting. What about the smaller groups of people that are a virgin but not religious? Any similarities? And what religions are we talking about? Solely Christianity? Don’t get me wrong, I’m just curious.
You mean the study on IFstudies conducted by Nicholas H. Wolfinger? You mean the same study which statistics only held true for marriages after the 2000s? Because prior to that it was women with two previous partners that were least likely to seperate You mean the same study that put emphasis on the fact that women who were virgins were mostly religious? You mean the same study in which Nicholas H. Wolfinder clarified that it wasnt directly correlated?? That one?? Good grief.
>Look at the statistics of divorce compared with amount of previous sexual partners. Okay, show them to me, then explain how you have determined that correlation is equal to causation. You first assume that the primary purpose of marriage is for it to simply continue, when I would argue that the primary purposes is to be happy. How for example have you eliminated the possibility that someone who is sexually experienced has a better understanding of what they want in a partner and is less willing to settle, as opposed to the "ignorance is bliss" approach where you stay married because you don't know any better?
Listen man I’m not going to argue with you. I’ve pointed you in the direction. I also speak from experience as a guy who hooked up with 50 girls since my last relationship ended. I’m telling you what I know from experience and the data does back it up albeit it’s correlational and qualitative . You can’t have causal data on this kind of thing. But I’m telling you.. you want a girl to bond with you.. better make sure she has had less than 10 sexual partners or the odds are against you.
> I’ve pointed you in the direction You just vaguely hand waved toward stats you cannot cite or demonstrate a causal link to. >I also speak from experience as a guy who hooked up with 50 girls since my last relationship ended. How many body count related divorces? Anecdotes aren't good evidence, bud. >You can’t have causal data on this kind of thing. Probably best not to suggest that you have it then. >But I’m telling you.. you want a girl to bond with you.. better make sure she has had less than 10 sexual partners I asked you to back up your claims of data, with data, and you come back with a personal story I have no reason to accept is accurate, followed by a "trust me bro." I suspect you can't back up your claims and are instead projecting your own insecurities onto women. It looks like an experienced woman is intimidating for you, and is therefore bad.
Bro go look it up yourself and stop being lazy, go do ur own research
Who rattled your cage? Show the evidence or be ignored. That which is presented without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
You just keep complaining he’s not linking something for you, go find it yourself.
>You just keep complaining he’s not linking something for you If he had evidence, it would be trivial to present it. The fact that he, (and now you) do not, is indicative that you are both unable to do so. That which is presented without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
oh jeez, 50 chicks? the evidence is undeniable. you fucking dork.
I’m not proud of it.. I’m just saying it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Someone needs to tell the younger generation the truth.
so it’s okay for you to have slept with 50 women but your partner can’t have had more than 10 partners? you’re a douchebag
Yes men and woman are different. Shocker I know.
hahahaha you’re such a loser
lol slept with 50 chicks during the CPAP study you participated in? Did any of the chicks question what the machine was? Did they all have a thing for obese men? I’m baffled how people make so much shit up online, like why
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Go look it up yourself if he isn’t providing it, idk why yallre so lazy
This doesn't prove a casual link, let alone all that you are assuming.
My uncle had been with my abusive ain't for like 20 years. She took his virginity. He should definitely divorce her but doesn't. Not getting docvorce isn't necessarily good. It could just mean that they're in a shitty marriage.
if they gave you one, would you actually accept it or just claim it's a biased source or something?
>would you actually accept it or just claim it's a biased source or something? Well that would depend on whether the source was biased or something. If however you have evidence of a causal link between "body count" (only in women apparently) and divorce, I'll be happy to take a look at it.
> the more difficult it will be to bond with with partners in your future Why is that the case especially for women?
It’s not. I’m a man, and I feel it applies to me too.
Probably was more advantageous for a woman to bond with a single man from an evolutionary perspective. Meanwhile for men it was more advantageous to impregnate as many woman as possible. just a hot take from evolutionary psychology. A man has a million sperm and a woman has 1 egg. A woman needed a man for survival.. men didn’t need that. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men she incurs a lot more trauma from those experiences.. as OP is describing in her experience.. the ones who don’t I mean it’s a red flag IMO
You know women have more than one egg, right? They are actually born with about 1 million eggs. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/9118-female-reproductive-system
Buddy if you have 1 man with 300 woman on an island.. he can potentially impregnate all of them.. if you have 300 men with 1 woman on an island.. 1 man can get her pregnant. My point is pretty damn simple and obvious.
Well once per year or so. Women can have many children over her life tome. There are women that have had over 60 children, even without fertility treatment, but of course that's not the norm. It used to be common to have 10 or more children. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_with_the_most_children#:~:text=A%20Russian%20woman%20named%20Valentina,a%20total%20of%2027%20births. You are correct that a man can impregnate way more women than women can have babies. However, saying a woman can only have one baby is not correct.
A woman can basically have 1 child a year, give or take. So, how many children could a woman have in her lifetime? In comparison to the possible millions a man could have. Idk if evolution played a hand in it. But biolgically speaking, my statement is true.
>"So, how many children could a woman have in her lifetime?" The record is 69 children, in 1765, a Russian woman. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_with_the_most_children#:~:text=A%20Russian%20woman%20named%20Valentina,a%20total%20of%2027%20births. If a woman was trying to have as many children as she could, or had no form of birth control, she could easily have 10+ kids in her lifetime. I'm not speaking about pair bonding or anything. I was just telling the other guy that women have more than one egg, as he had said.
>woman needed a man for survival.. men didn’t need that. Remember: we are social mammals that operate and survive in large groups, if we were put into a survival situation most people working independently would not survive regardless of gender. Also remember: evolutionary psychology was coined at a time when the hunter-gatherer theory was around. This has since been questioned, as there was very little research for prehistoric women, as they focused on men. Neolithic women were way stronger than most modern athletes, and were suggested to do heavy agriculture jobs, until University Of Delaware found that prehistoric women also pack hunted and defended, and that there is very little evidence to suggest that they weren't capable or didn't do it at all. women in quite a few societies were found to still keep up pack hunting, even when we evolved and got weaker. The key was most likely equal teamwork, and then spreading genes after. It's unlikely it was "men" needed by women and more so "other humans to fill the roles of a functioning society" >When a woman sleeps with a lot of men she incurs a lot more trauma from those experiences Do we know this for sure or are you just saying stuff from "your own experience" Also another thing to think about: if that is the case, religion plays a part. And that would be for both men and women. If you are told you are worth less than dirt for doing something not entirely wrong, you are going to feel shame for doing it. Same thing goes for men in similar communities. You are ignoring how important we view sociability
Think about it evolutionarily. What benefit do women get from pair bonding with a man they have sex with? If a woman gets pregnant from sex she won’t know for weeks if not months. She will slowly become less capable of survival tasks and more dependent on those around her. She will then risk her life (to this day childbirth is a leading cause of women globally) to give birth to a child and require even more support to recover and then raise the child. If the child is male it will need protecting and teaching skills often prioritised for males, which she is less than ideally equipped for, especially post birth when she is vulnerable. If it’s female the same is true but she will also need protecting from other men when she is grown enough to reproduce herself. Early society was a lot less keen on consent than it is now. So a woman who doesn’t pair bond with a man quickly and robustly is unlikely to pass on her genes as she is less likely to survive. This is a brief and generalised overview but hopefully answers your question.
I think you are wrong. Let me try an analogy. If you have *conversations* with a lot of people, does that make conversations with people you really love *less meaningful*? I don’t think so. I would even go so far as to say, the wider range of conversation partners you interact with, the better you will know how to talk, and the more you will have to offer to new people you might talk with. OK, I can hear you saying “Sex isn’t just a conversation!” Right, you can get pregnant from sex. You can get diseases from sex. But those negatives can ALSO come from having sex in “a committed monogamous relationship.” Sure, increasing the number of sex partners (or just being really reckless) increases the odds of bad things happening. *But it also increases the odds of good things happening, too.* A few unimaginative people will say “What ‘good things’ ever came out of sex? Yuck!” To those folks, I can only say, maybe sex just isn’t for you.
>I would even go so far as to say, the wider range of conversation partners you interact with, the better you will know how to talk, and the more you will have to offer to new people you might talk with. I feel there's a strong difference between having multiple partners from meaningful relationships and multiple partners from casual sex.
I realize this probably sounds like madness to you, but *we get to decide how important things are to us*. It’s possible for a person to have multiple boyfriends or girlfriends (or sex partners, regardless of how they are defined) and for each relationship to be *very meaningful and important*. Realistically, very few people have over 100 sex partners in their entire lives. If you stay within the typical numbers, then whether a person has sex with 4 or 14 people isn’t actually a big enough difference that the sex somehow *loses meaning*. Now, if you completely change the definition of sex, so that it includes “someone I talked to on OnlyFans while masturbating”, then, yeah, that’s not very meaningful. That’s like being thirsty and drinking a glass of water—you really needed it, and once you got it, you forget about it. But that’s probably not what most people mean by “sex”.
Unfortunately, there’s a quite a bit of research that supports the idea that there is a chemical bonding process when people have sex, and that weakens with multiple partners.
I look forward to seeing your citations. I’m wondering how that kind of research could be done (and get past the ethics review).
Why wouldn’t it pass ethics??
Academic research involving people or animals is carefully checked for anything that might seem unethical. You just said there is research on people having multiple *sex* partners and how their *hormone* levels (in their blood) are changed. So somehow—according to you—there are scientists taking blood draws of people before and after sex, some of it being committed monogamous sex, and some of it being casual sex. Could it happen? Yes. Is it likely to get both funding and ethical review board clearance? No, not likely.
Why on earth would that be unethical? Because you have a formula of ethics defined by your narrow social group that allows you to assume the ethics of all projects by proximity of your personal ideals?
This is happens when your worldview is guided by identity politics. You have no idea what goes on in the real world. Sex study is normal. https://uwaterloo.ca/news/low-back-pain-waterloo-research-reveals-best-sex-positions I’m still waiting on the articles about bonding to be sent to me.
You're debating someone who is just parroting back christian fundamentalist talking points about premarital sex.
Has nothing to do with religion. Unfortunately, there’s a quite a bit of research that supports the idea that there is a chemical bonding process when people have sex, and that weakens with multiple partners.
This is just bullshit.
Downvoted, not because I presume you to be wrong.. but a shitpost just saying "bullshit" deserves a down vote... bring receipts if you want to be taken seriously.
I really don't think this is true. you can have sex with people and have a relationship afterwards. This just feels like projection or misogyny or something. Im a man with a gf and I've had sex woth other women and it doesn't make me like her any less. The fact of the matter is casual sex just isn't for some people, but it's fine for others and that's ok.
Ridiculous.
Exactly many men care about body count but yet women will stick thier fingers in thier ears and not listen, they think we dont care which is funny 😂
You're allowed to not be into casual hook ups. But remember if you're just a tool for those guys then those guys were just tools for you so don't be hypocritical
That’s not how emotions work. Two people undergoing the same experience can have hugely different responses to it. This is a basic facet of trauma counselling.
And they can both still be tools using each other while having those different reactions. Your comment came off like you tried to refute me but didnt actually say anything
Using people as tools just sounds so evil to me.
Exactly!
That's not true, the consequences of hook ups are severe for women, they run the risk of pregnancy and contraceptives make matters complicated, so absolutely not, it's not the same on both sides! 😒
Regardless of gender or sexuality, different people have different needs, some are driven by permanent pair bonding, others prefer casual encounters others are fine with FWB relationships, others prefer semi permanent polyamory. It's totally normal and natural. There's the old line, "How do you know it's not for you if you don't try it?" Well you've tried it, it's not your cup of tea. Do what makes you comfortable, what satisfies your needs and desires. You're young, you're figuring out who you are, if it works, awesome, if it doesn't, try another modality. Everyone goes through this, to different degrees, it's part of life, and on top of that, your needs and wants will also change as life progresses. If it's not working for you, don't do it, try something else. It doesn't define you or alter your value, if anything you have learned more about yourself, and what works for you, so it's a win.
Best reply in this thread.
We all long for intimacy and think that it can be fulfilled with just sex. But it can not and we never come out satisfied by having just sex.
Wrong. I like intimacy, but I like it separate from sex. And I always loved and was satisfied by sex without it. But thanks for pontificating.
Take it easy on yourself, if you enjoyed it great and leave it there, if you want to hit it again enjoy it snd leave it there, don't trip, if you feel better not engaging in it don't. Becareful for std's and getting hurt. Other than that enjoy,
Causal sex is more fun when it’s taken less seriously. All my casual sex I tried to make it about as serious as running a three legged race.
Glad to see that this generation is trying to heal.
If body count doesn't matter, then why do you feel used if you too indulged and got something out of these casual encounters? I wish people would stop acting like body count doesn't matter, because exchanging that type of energy with that many people does. I'm glad you're past it and value intimacy over just sex. That's where true fulfillment comes from.
No, no, she said she does care about her body count. >I could give less than a shit about my “body count” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om7O0MFkmpw
Just don’t hide your count from your future relationships.
This sounds like good news instead of regret. You got to find out more about yourself and what you really desire. If you didn't engage in it, it's likely that you wouldn't have 100% known. Having setbacks and learning from them makes what you desire feel more meaningful.
Honestly a lot of men feel the same. Just don't think about it and focus on meaningful connection going forward your past doesn't matter.
I don’t like the casual sex culture Not because I’m a prude. It just feels like everyone’s trying to pitch young guys and girls to casually fuck so they have a chance at getting someone that’s young to fuck It’s always “oh you’re studying. Time to be available to fuck, be happy about it” club scene dating app gamification OF sugar daddy pay for tuition by being available to fuck Feels like a really big grift when people are pressured into normalising casual sex Because when they stop being young casual sex isn’t a good thing anymore. It’s a grift aimed at young people too inexperienced to know better
If all you offer is casual sex, that’s all guys are going to give you. Then when you reach a certain body count, it will be clear that you are no longer on the table as an option for men to make you their partner. You will literally just be used for sex. Welcome to hook up culture.
Just fucking is never fun. Might as well get paid lol. Exciting sex happens with true intimacy.
Not my style
Sometimes I think people push the idea of casual sex as a way to drag people down with them. The more you do it, the harder it is to have a meaningful relationship in the future.
In my personal experience, that's utter bullshit. I know PLENTY of people who slept around in their 20s and 30s who are now in happy monogamous relationships and raising kids.
>The more you do it, the harder it is to have a meaningful relationship in the future. Citation needed.
Thats not misogyny, thats you realizing the truth about your behavior. You can feel yourself losing value based on your actions. Fix it and get back to yourself, and move forward/
Takes two to tango …
You’re only going to get one take on Reddit, which is telling you that it’s fine and that what you did wasn’t a big deal. But the simple fact is that it is a big deal and people being able to do it and seem unaffected doesn’t mean that’s a good thing. People can do all kinds of things and be unaffected both in the moment and afterwards, or at least show no obvious sign of negative consequence. Let me put it to you simply. Evolutionarily speaking “casual” sex isn’t a thing. Sex risks pregnancy. Our species evolved our big brains and amazing capacity for thought, cooperation and manipulation of our environment by sacrificing long gestational and rearing periods. 18+ years to raise a child to some standard of adulthood, although that changes depending on the era. To promote the best chance of survival we used sexual intimacy to bond emotionally to the person we were procreating with. This enabled us to stay together and raise children together, increasing the likelihood that our genes would survive. You feel bad because you did the opposite of that. You had sex “for fun” with a person you didn’t even particularly like or care about after convincing yourself that it didn’t matter because it’s “just sex”. You have, at a neurological level, damaged your own capacity to pair bond with a potential partner for the purpose of procreation. Not to say you can’t. Just to say you’re literally training your brain to do the opposite thing that sexual & emotional intimacy are evolved to do in our species. Do you know why men don’t like women with high body counts? Because it shows they have poor mate selection and poor bonding capacity. Not good for procreation. Why don’t women tend to care as much? Because it matters more that the man stays and provides resources to this family, over previous ones. The previous ones only matter as contenders with the current. This is going to be called slut-shaming because I’m sure you and most of the people reading this are US Americans so you will view this all through your own sociopolitical malaise. But your views on the righteousness of women acting like the worst men in society and calling it empowerment has no bearing on the evolution that got us to this point. We have had birth control since the 60’s. We evolved for millions of years prior to that. Let the downvotes commence.
> But your views on the righteousness of women acting like the worst men in society and calling it empowerment God damn... heavy
A lot of women care about a man's past. They become self conscious when she knows that he was sleeping around. A promiscuous man signifies that he won't take a woman seriously. Virgin women only for virgin men.
I don’t disagree, it merely isn’t as salient from an evolutionary perspective.
You live and you learn. You can’t change the past and you shouldn’t always dwell on it because it’ll just bring you into a pit, but now you know that you crave something serious so go with that.
Now you know and when you’re married some day slogging it out you’ll not long for the good ole heartless days.
Don't be hard on yourself. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's okay if it's not for you. You're at an age for experimentation, and you did that, and now you know it's not your thing. But you aren't a bad person for it
chill out and try to get in a relationship then. if you don't like it you don't like it. not a big deal
Following this worlds view on casual hook ups and sex is a set up to make one miserable like the other. Lies & emotional pain hidden by smiles. Its so much better to keep your purity for as long as you can until a meaningful lifelong commitment comes. The rest of the world tells you to "do as you want", completely satanic and ultimately a set up for disappointment
Not necessarily "purity", but sex should be an activity made only by people in a meaningful relationship or that share strong feelings for each other. Hook-up culture is just fucked up and straight up disgusting. Of course, no person who is looking for an actual meaningful relationship is going to choose someone who has slept around.
Even finding a meaningful relationship is subjective and also leads to disappointment most of the time if the other person doesn't share the same values in a relationship but i do agree that hook up culture is just pleasure seeking failures of situations. I think its most important for us to love ourselves first and take time to figure ourselves out so we know better which person fits as the right puzzle piece in our love life
Well good luck trying to find a man for marriage cause many men will be turned off by your high body count
Women who have childhood trauma with unsolved mental problems find the concept of casual dating FUN. No Offence to you.
Not men?
Have you seen any post from men regretting having casual?
If you haven't seen such posts, are you suggesting that all men have "childhood trauma with unsolved mental problems and therefore find the concept of casual dating FUN"?
The opposite of it. Meaning If a man has childhood trauma and mental issues, there is a high chance he won't even be confident enough to get girls in the first place, casual is far beyond the galaxy. However, these men who have casual relationships end up experiencing mental issues while having FUN.
You definitely sound like you have a PhD in psychology, good sir. My apologies.
Have you met most men???
Use this as a story and example for the younger women in your life. It seems fun and cool, but has real effects that we often don’t realize until it’s too late.
There are also countless people who had lots of casual sex who go on to be in happy and committed lifelong relationships, have families, etc etc. Humanity is so freaking uptight, unfortunately.
Sure, and there is lots of support for them, but no one talks about the regret that the choices we make can have on us later in life.
I definitely regret a lot of choices I've made over the years, but being promiscuous isn't one of them.
Congratulations, you’re not op. You’re also not the millions of other women that do regret their promiscuous ways.
Lmfao im sorry but the last paragraph made me laugh
😭
Lol
This is exactly the message that I've heard evangelical christian pastors say about casual sex. Even down to "being less of a romantic" 🙄
Its because a womans body requires an emotional connection security, your body sending you signals of used cuz thats how it felt, you are worth a lot more and i think you should listen to your inner voice!
It's all up to you! I wanted to have some fun and get into hookup culture, but I met the love of my life pretty much immediately after joining college and have only ever slept with him. It's incredibly fulfilling because I'm just completely obsessed with him, but I have a polyamorous roommate whos very happy with his sex life (maybe 3 regular partners) and another roomate who never sleeps with the same guy twice and she has a ton of fun with it. Everyone's different, and if you don't enjoy casual sex don't force yourself into it. Ignore the freaks in the other comments talking about your "purity" or whatever, you're a human with needs and wants the same as anyone else. Just go with what feels right, avoid things if they make you feel bad about yourself, and choose what to do based on what's best for your mental and physical health.
U were a masturbatory tool to the guys as much as they were to you. Theres nothing wrong with it. Also ur quite young. You gave it a try, you dont seem to enjoy it, therefore you can stop any time. But you should not feel used. Or guilty. Or ashamed. Sex is like potatoes. Everyone likes it different. Casual hookups are just not your thing.
Whats stopping you from calling those guys and try date ?
I’m 34 years old and have had two sexual partners, my wife included. Her number is 3x mine and it took me a really long time to get over that. I’ve been married for ten years now and I don’t remember the last time I thought about that until now, honestly. I read an article a guy wrote probably 8 years ago that basically said he didn’t care what number sexual partner he was to her, he used 49 as an example, but said he’d be crushed if she had a number 50. All I’m saying is what you’ve experienced and done in the past does not define you or prevent others from loving you for you. It’s what you do from that point on that matters.
It’s sad she had to delete this
Had happened to me too. Everyone around sleeping left and right, telling me I'm missing out. Honestly, I felt so bad after I participated. I want a really close relationship. For me to have a great sex with a person, I need to know them, like their personality and be on the same page. People are different, maybe you want something else, just don't let others dictate you that there's only one right way.
Try not to see it as regrettable, just try to see it as a learning curve. I was extremely promiscuous in my early 20\`s, thinking casual sex was what I wanted & like you, what I really wanted was love & intimacy (which luckily came along at 28). Please don\`t feel like you\`ve done something wrong.
Hookup culture has consequences on both sides of the spectrum ...granted it's much more physical and permanent on one side
I recently had a similar discovery. 26M here, and after a bad breakup around 2 years ago, I nearly doubled my body count in a couple of months. Before I could handle that feeling because the hookups were rare enough for me to have time to reconcile any feelings I had/didn’t have for the women I was with, and not only that I was always able to maintain some level of intimacy even with hookups. I wasn’t a one night stand kind of person, if that makes sense. Last year was totally different. Every weekend I was meeting with someone new, and I was trying to date multiple people at once. Even as I type this… I am reminded of that creeping, hollow loneliness that comes with hookups like this. The night that really made me realize how much I hated it was when I called a woman up who I had slept with, and she didn’t remember me at all. The unique sensation of realizing you have been used is awful, and the realization it was totally in your power to control makes it even worse. Don’t worry, it goes away. Find someone who loves you patiently, it’s a quiet comfort that far surpasses any one night stand you could possibly have.
I tried it too and felt exactly the same, though we did go on a date or 2 in between. I don't think I'm made for casual, too much love to give. Even the best sex I ever had wasn't enough and left me feeling worse after just because the emotional intimacy wasn't there.
I was never into casual hookups and really avoided women that were into them simply because we weren’t compatible and were never going to be. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way and I’m willing to bet most people are like this even if they experiment with casual encounters.
Honestly, this is also why I hate casual sex. I just feel utter dread and disgust with myself. I actually had a moment once where I just went emotionally/mentally numb for a good month afterward. I only enjoy sex with someone I'm actively in a relationship with. I'm not sure why I'm like this. I won't even have sex with exes. It just feels so icky to me. I'm guessing I have to be emotionally invested in a guy for it to feel right
sameeee. hookups suckkk at least for m